I ' ve been had by a burrito ! This past Saturday night I was soooo close to snagging Mr. July , but he picked a burrito over me . Basically I chatted / flirted with this one guy the entire night and at 2:00 am he says he is going to grab a burrito . Our flirtation was mutual so I was a little confused by the burrito . I think to combat this problem in the future I am going to carry frozen burrito 's with me . This way the guy has no excuse to get away . Just four more days left in July . I am getting a little nervous ... 
O - U - C - H ! So , last night at my Second City class I found out that Guy 's Girl ( G . G . for short ) and Mr. Northface are and have been dating for months . They kept their romance a secret , so as not to disturb the flow of the class . Ridiculous ! If any of you would like to see / harass G . G . my class is performing a show on Sunday , July 30 th at 4:30 p.m. on the Second City mainstage . The next part is more about the fact that I have to share this gem of a story with someone and less about the cat calendar challenge . Last night at class another person shared something with us ( sometimes class feels like therapy without the comfy couch ) . One of my classmates told us that he missed last week 's class because he had just broken up with his girlfriend and he couldn't bare the thought of trying to be funny . HELLO , ever heard of a sad clown ? They are hysterical . I should know , my grandfather was one for Halloween last year and he won the costume contest at his nursing home . The man is 85 years old , has to wear booties instead of shoes and has diabetes , but you don't see him saying , " I can't dress up today , I couldn't possibly be festive on this holiday . " But I digress . Anyway , my classmate told us that the reason he broke up with his girlfriend is because she was cheating on him . With this confession , my teacher told us about how being cheated on is worse than having to ( and these are his exact examples ) bury a cat , dog , friend or parent . SIDENOTE : Think about that group for a second . Is he really saying you feel the same sense of loss and sorrow from burying Fluffy as you would your Mother ? He told us that one time when he had found out that his girlfriend had cheated on him , he was so upset and crying so loud that his neighbors called the police because the noises that he was making sounding like a woman being beaten . WHAT ! ? When the police came to his door to see about the domestic violence call they received they were shocked to find my teacher alone in his apartment . The cops didn't believe him because they too had heard his crying from the hallway and they were convinced that there was a woman being beaten in the apartment and that my teacher was hiding her , so they searched the place . After they searched the place and didn't find anyone they suggested that he cry into a pillow so not to make to much noise . And with that we began our class . So if anybody is looking for a REALLY sensitive guy in his early 40 's let me know and I will hook you up with my teacher . 
I have kind of had a tough weekend / week and I am beginning to think I may just be a cat calendar person . In numerical order here are my reasons why : 1 ) At a party on Sunday night a black cat ( the hosts of the party do not own a cat ) invaded the backyard where we were all standing and talking . Someone pointed the cat out and how it didn't belong to the hosts . I scared myself with how fast I reacted and removed the cat from the premises . Could this mean something ? 2 ) When making flight arrangements I purposely picked the seat in a double row rather than a triple in the hope that a single guy would sit next to me . Anyone seen Singles ? 3 ) I was celebrating a co - workers birthday and when I went to get a second piece of cake ( the first piece was VERY small ) another co - worker asked me if I really wanted to have that second piece and then did this look that said " you really don't need / shouldn't have that second piece . " Fortunately I went to Ravinia on Sunday night and saw Tom Jones perform . When he sang " What 's New Pussycat ? " I was up and dancing . I felt liberated . The concert really helped me turn a corner . ( Also if you ever get a chance to see Tom Jones I highly recommend it . He puts on a great show . ) Now for the roster : 1 ) Phenry - I play on a kickball team and of the six or so men on the team Phenry might be my best chance . Phenry is actually two people , Phillip and Henry , they are identical twins ( see photo above , they are in the back row with the red t - shirt on ) . I call them Phenry because I cannot for the life of me tell them apart . I am not sure of their age , but they are from the south and I think are very good prospects for this challenge .2 ) Random bar / barbeque - I am trying to close out July with this strategy . I am thinking / hoping that something happens this weekend . Its a short roster , but I have been in a rut ever since the Lt . If you have any ideas or men , please send them my way . 
Ladies , While I did not seal the deal for July this past holiday weekend , I do have a good feeling about July . There is something about the bevy of barbeque 's and Cub games that make me hopeful that Mr. July is lurking on the surface . I plan to use this short work week to recharge myself for the weekend . I will have more next week ... 
I have finally put up a blog . I hope you ladies enjoy it and find it easier than the email chain I have been doing . July is just around the corner , so I am starting to look for Mr. July . Through the grapevine I found out that Mr. June ( see picture ) has asked for my contact information , although I haven't heard from him yet . I am hoping that the holiday weekend will bring me some prospects . Look for an update next week . I am also going to post the old emails so everything is in one place . Its so much more efficient that way . 
Mon , 5 Jun 2006 Ladies , Its been a couple months , but I have emerged from my hibernation ... victorious . Please let me explain . This past weekend I was in Philadelphia for the wedding of a college friend . My friend married a Lieutenant in the Coast Guard . On the wedding invitation there was a line that said " full uniform invited . " So as you can imagine At the church I quickly realized my first problem . Full uniform attire includes white gloves . This means I couldn't see if any of the men in uniform were wearing wedding rings . The bride had told me that many of the officers attending the wedding were there without their spouses , so I couldn't tell their status ( available vs . not available ) by who they were sitting with . What 's a gal to do but improvise . After the ceremony , when everyone was standing outside the church I started chatting with one of the officers . At the end of the conversation he went to go shake my hand but stopped himself because he realized he still had his white gloves on . He then removed his right glove and shook my hand . Apparently it is improper for a officer to shake a lady 's hand with his glove on . So now I realized how I could get the information I needed . Back at the hotel where the wedding was I quickly put my plan into action . I went around chatting up the various officers if they didn't reveal their status during the course of our conversation , when I went to leave the conversation if a hand was extended to me I would pretend my right hand was " full " with my purse / drink / pashmina . Hence I forced the officer to extend his left hand so I could see his status . My little survey helped me because before the cocktail portion of the evening had ended I discovered that out of the 10 officers present only two were single and one had a date with him . So that left one " marked " Lieutenant . My mission had officially been declared ! I ' m not sure Lieutenant Paul knew what hit him or me for that matter . I fell off the wagon of sobriety , which made for an interesting time . I thought it was quite comical that an officer in the coast guard is given a sword to wear with his uniform . I mean what is the sword for ? To fend off Captain Hook and his crew when they try to storm New York harbor ? After a couple drinks and dances I asked Lt . Paul if he wouldn't mind getting his sword from his hotel room so I could play with it . Um , paging Dr. Freud anyone ! ? ! ? Like a good officer Lt . Paul got his sword and gave it to me . Big mistake . I promptly began knighting people as if I were Queen Elizabeth . Some of the titles I distributed were as follows : - Sir Drink A Lot - Lady Stoli Ras - And just for fun , Captain Morgan Next up was my request to reenact the scene from the film " Officer and a Gentleman . " You know the one where Richard Gere picks up Debra Winger and carries her out of the factory . This request was denied or I think so . I have to say at this point in the evening things were looking blurry . I do know that I was picked up by Lt . Paul , but that it was done out of frustration on Lt . Paul 's part . Now here is where the gentleman part comes in . Yesterday morning I was hanging out in another friends room discussing the prior evenings events when the phone rang . It was a call for me . I was totally confused by a call for me considering the room I was in was not even my hotel room . It was Lt . Paul . He was offering me a ride to the airport . I resisted taking it but then I gave in . I was too hung over to talk much in the car , but he was very nice and respectful of the fact that I needed him to speak in a whisper because my head was throbbing so much . I said goodbye to him at curb and that was that . So Mr. June ... mission accomplished . 
Tue , 18 Apr 2006 Ladies , As some of you may know I moved into my own apartment over the holiday weekend . And some of you may also know I have little to no furniture so I am basically living in a empty apartment . I have one couch , one bed and one chair . I have also discovered that it is a tad bit lonely living alone . However for the purposes of the cat calendar challenge this alone time has been good . It has allowed me time to strategize free of any distractions like furniture or lights . So this is what I have done with my free time . Last night I called a certain Mr. Floating Holiday and invited him over for dinner on Thursday evening . My lack of furniture should work in my favor because the only place we will be able to sit down is on my bed or couch ( I plan on hiding the only chair I have ) . So we will be forced to be next to each other . Since I don't have my gas turned on yet , I was thinking of serving something hassle free that doesn't involve a stove or oven . Something like oysters and chocolate perhaps ? In all seriousness my plan is to eat pizza on my bed or couch and then attack like a cobra . So if all goes according to plan I should be down one for the month of April by Friday morning . Stay tuned ... 
Tue , 11 Apr 2006 Ladies , As some of you already know Mr. March was a wash . That is right I didn't " get " my man for the month of March . I attribute this to many things , the most cruel of all being that I had to cat sit for my parents while they were on vacation for a week and a half . I was hypnotized by my parents 18 year old cat Gorbachev , affectionately nicknamed Gorbie . This hypnosis sucked me of all energy and desire to go out and find Mr. March . So as penance for the lack of Mr. March I have been given two options . Double down in April ( meaning I snag two men ) or post myself on a dating website . I haven't decided what to do . But I am open to suggestions , strategies and offers of men . Any thoughts out there ? 
Photo of me and Mr. NF at Second City . He is the one with the tie on . Mon , 13 Mar 2006 Good afternoon ladies , March suffered a unforeseen set - back this past weekend . I have to admit that this set - back kind of took the wind out of my sails . But I am back in the game after a long weekend of self reflection . Before I explain what happened on Friday night , let me tell you who the players are to help set the scene . Characters : Mr. North Face / Cute Guy from my Second City class : I think Mr. NF needs no introduction to this email list , but for those you who need a refresher here it is . He works at the North Face store in the John Hancock building ( for those of you in Chicago , please feel free to go check him out . ) I think he is adorable and I was hoping he would be Mr. March . Stats : Age - 28 Height - about 6 ' 1 Birthplace - Minnesota Tim Toothbrush : This gem is also in my Second City class . He is called Tim Toothbrush because one day in class he was asked to do a action . So he pumped his fist from his mouth out and back . Do you have the visual yet ? When our teacher asked what exactly that action was he replied , " I am brushing my teeth . " If you asked me it did not look like he was brushing his teeth . Tim Toothbrush was once qualified as a " floating holiday " for this challenge , but his creep factor got too high and he was booted off the roster . Stats : Age - I think in his 40 's but others say in his 30 's Height - 5 ' 7 ( with heels ) Birthplace - Oak Lawn Katie aka Guys Girl : This is a girl from my Second City class and I would argue my biggest threat when it comes to sealing the deal with Mr. North Face . You all know a girl like this . She is tiny but eats like a horse , knows all about sports , can drink like a fish , swears and tells very dirty jokes and is a pro at being one of the guys . Oh and she also has a southern accent - double whammy ! Stats : Age - 25 Height - 5 ' 4 Weight : 105 lbs . Birthplace : Texas So on Friday night I go see she the improv show called Improvidate with Katie , Tim Toothbrush and Mr. NF . The show was fine . Afterward we went out for drinks . I thought everything was going great , until Katie started to sing along to every song that the DJ played . Since Mr. NF used to be a DJ himself he loved that Katie knew the words to every song . It was terrible because all I could do was sit there and watch her belt out every tune and just hope and pray that a song from the Wicked soundtrack or something by Bing Crosby would come on so I could show Mr. NF that I knew music too . Unfortunately , that never happened . So I was forced to watch Katie sing and dance to EVERY SINGLE SONG ! Mr. NF loved that Katie not only knew sport stats but words to every rap / pop / rock song ever created . Now comes the doozy . As if Guys Girl wasn't a big enough problem , I find out that Mr. NF has gone celibate for Lent . Yes that 's right no nothing for 40 days and 40 nights . I inquire further to see if this includes kissing someone else . Yes , it does . Shoot ! So Mr. March just became Mr. Late April or Mr. May . Guys Girl continued her " dirty dancing " with Mr. NF . I just stood there stunned and saddened by the realization that Mr. NF would not be Mr. March . To make the situation even worse Tim Toothbrush comes out of the woodwork and tries to dance with me . I say try because his interpretation of dancing is something along the lines of a person swinging / stretching from side to side . Think aerobics . I left the bar with Guys Girl rapping and dancing with Mr. NF . I hope they didn't hook up , but she was putting up a good fight . I will try and find out more details tomorrow in class . So now it is back to the drawing board . Does anybody have suggestions for Mr. March ? 
Sun , 19 Feb 2006 Ladies , I have some happy news to announce . February is now officially closed for business . That 's right last night around 2:30 am central standard time , on the dance floor at Carol 's Pub , I closed the books of February . Here is the story in its entirety . I went out Saturday night to Wise Fool 's Pub to see a band play . I had a good feeling about the evening considering the last time I went to see live music I met Mr. January . When we got to Wise Fool 's I discovered a bevy of potential marks . However my mark was not at Wise Fool 'sPub. I only stayed there for an hour or so before moving onto Carol 'sPub. One important thing that did happen at Wise Fool 's was we implemented a " shot clock " system wherein by if after talking to a guy for five minutes nothing happens or we discover he is married , I have to move onto another prospect . So we arrive at Carol 'sPub. I was just hanging out with the group I arrived with when low and behold a normal looking guy comes over to me and asks me if I would like to dance . I want to stress that he was normal . He was not one of the southern locals you sometimes see at Carol 's . What happens next all transpires over one dance on the dance floor . I discovered that when I am pushed to my limit I can move very fast . My dance partners name was Matt and he was from Austin , Texas . He told me that he learned to dance when he went to five cotillions when he was a child . His dancing resembled a little girl jumping from side to side and then grabbing / groping me into a dip . Matt even tried a Dirty Dancing move , like from the movie . He attempted to life me up and have me slide down the front of his body . As you can imagine I was uncomfortable with this and my 100 % wool sweater from Brooks Brothers is just not the right top for this move . Matt also showed me his belt buckle which I could not see very well so I leaned in to get a better picture . I would like each of you to imagine me on the dance floor of Carol 's sober in my Brooks Brothers sweater squinting me eyes in this guys crotch region to see his belt buckle that says ' Chevrolet ' on it . Quite a picture . So at the end of our dance I decided to make my move . I thanked Matt for the dance and then forced myself on him . The hardest part of this encounter was hearing two girls scream " Look at that girl making out with that guy ! " I mean I AM THE GIRL who screams those type of things . It was hard to realize what I was doing would normally disgust me . So , back to the make out . Matt told me he liked me and asked if I would like to dance for another song . He was probably hoping that with each song we danced to I would treat him at the end of the song . I told Matt that I had to go to the bathroom . I did go to the bathroom but not before I did a victory lap of sorts . I walked to the bathroom with my hands above my head like I had just won Olympic gold . And now ladies it is time for some March Madness . I am taking next weekend off but I plan to continue laying groundwork with the various prospects from the target list . So you will hear from me in March . Cat Calendar Tally January - Dan February - Matt from Austin , Texas March - ? 
Educational System . I spent tuesday with my cousins from France who are visiting the United States for the first time . One of them is 18 and she just passed her baccalaureat with success . On our way back to their uncle 's , we discussed the French educational system . Having only stayed until junior high , I was still unfamiliar with the rules and the complicated French system . I remember learning it in my french and american cultural values class but I will never truly know how difficult and harsh this institution can be . For instance , after eight grade , you take an exam called " brevet " and depending on your score and your academic status in junior high , you are either allowed to go to high school or must go to a lycee professionel ( or professional high school ) where you will learn different trades but will not be allowed to go to college . It is a different route that stops you from achieving a high diploma . Further on , in eleventh grade , the professors place you in one of the three different branches according to your scores . The highest one is called " S " for scientifique . It opens the doors to practically any careers you aspire to . My cousin for example was placed in " ES " which forbids her from applying to medical schools and other scientific background studies . Lastly , if you fail the baccalaureat at the end of twelfth grade , you must wait an entire year in order to pass it again . Harsher than the American system , isn't it ? On a positive note , the tuition costs barely anything . Even for medical and law schools . The price of colleges is nothing but in order to get there , it 's a different story . The road is paved with obstacles . 
Following Lisa 's Advice . I started this new journal for no reason in particular . The internet is a strange place and after awhile , I would rather store memories away in a computer folder than expose them online for stalkers to find . Lisa asked me to share my thoughts . I ' m thinking of expenses nowadays after I added up my personal ones , such as rent , electricity , cable , car insurance and the likes . It is making me worry about finding a job with a good salary . But this kind of talk is futile for the moment since I am about to start graduate school and I don't need to pile up worries of the future . I finally found Rita 's presents and they are now wrapped up and sitting in her room . Birthdays are exciting to me . The idea of buying and wrapping gifts for friends and family is a very entertaining thought and I amuse myself every year thinking of what to get for so and so . Next birthdays on my calendar consist of the September birthdays . Many to celebrate during this month . 
Friendships . My apartment is filled with boxes and luggages . Next weekend , I will say goodbye to this place and help Rita move out . I haven't spend much time looking back at the past and at the memories that were created here in this one location . Instead , I have been thinking about friends and the inevitable new start at the end of August . I find myself reluctant to make new friends at every beginning . I cannot explain why . I will eventually look forward to meeting new people but for the time being , I wish that I could also take my close friends with me . It has been a few years now that I haven't lived close to any of them and the more time passes by , the more I fear that the distance will grow . 
Vintage Button Swap Update and Incoming Mail . Well , I fully intended to update before today but life has been going non - stop . I ' ve even been busy in my late evenings doing some handwork while I catching up on some of my Tivoed shows . But , if I had updated before today , I might have posted this picture to make you wonder what I was up to . I ' ve finished that particular project but you 're still going to wonder for a little bit . I ' ll post pictures when the time is right . I ' m having some issues with the macro setting on my camera . When I attempt to take a closeup , the lense whirrrrrs and whirrrrs in an attempt to focus . When it seems focused , I ' ll press the button part of the way down and frzzzt , it goes out of focus just before the picture gets taken . Blah . I should really talk to the hubby about using his camera . Anyway , until I get my camera issue worked out , I hope you ' ll forgive my terrible photo - taking skills . A few weeks ago , I won something from Amy at Posy Press . She told me she ' d email me when she ' d popped it into the post so I ' d be expecting it . Then she left for a vacation here in my very own state . Last week I ' d just stepped outside to take the young Mr. Center - of - the - Universe for spin around the driveway in his Little Tykes police car when the postman drove up and handed me a package . It was a complete surprise because I hadn't heard from her yet . Like the good little blogger than I ' m striving to be , I took photos ! It all reminds me of springtime and summer . Thank you so much Amy ! Then a couple of weeks ago , Valerie over at Being Crafty was cleaning out her craftroom and was looking for willing recepients for her castoffs . I sent her an email telling her that if she had any stickers , I ' d love to take them off her hands . I casually commented that I ' m a postcarder and would use them to stick on cards I send out . Imagine my total delight when the package arrived and she had included a bunch of postcards ! I spent some time looking into the Magic Eye cards trying to see the hidden pictures . Thank you for the surprise package , Valerie ! I ' m happy to report that I ' ve posted my vintage button swap package . I got it into the post nearly a week early for a few reasons : 1 ) almost every package I ' ve ever sent to Canada has taken a minimum of two weeks to arrive . Granted , I ' ve only ever posted stuff to my friends in SK , but still .. It 's like the package makes it to the US border in a day and comes to a screeching halt . So , I didn't want my partner having to wait too long for it , and 2 ) I have a couple of jewelry orders that need finishing and 3 ) the rest of my week and weekend are completely booked . Anyway , it 's naptime so I ' m going to get cracking on those jewelry things while I have an hour or so to myself . They 're fairly simple bracelets and if I can manage a decent photograph , I ' ll see about posting pictures . Oh , and let me just say how grateful I am for central air conditioning . 
More Totes ! Saturday I made a tote for Pam 's birthday . I hope she likes the colors I chose for her . They 're kind of retro - ish in color and pattern . Anyway , I tucked a little gift inside all of the pockets and filled the main compartment with all sorts of goodies for her . I got it packed up and shipped yesterday . Hopefully it will get there in time for her birthday ( tomorrow ) . It 's a six hour drive , but you never know how the post office will handle it . Maybe I should have sent it Priority , though , it 's just going to the other side of the state .. I experimented with taking some photos outside , but I think they turned out a bit bright . On Sunday afternoon , I made a bag for my mom . She wanted it to be a bit big , so I accomodated her . I made the straps a bit wider than usual because if she loads it up , it could be heavy and I didn't want them to dig into her shoulders . It seems too big for her though , as she 's only 4 ' 9 " tall but it 's what she wanted . Last week , I made a mid - sized diaper bag with the leftover fabric that I used to make the portacrib - quilt . Sadly , it 's blurry . I ' ll try to get a better photo later . I might try using the hubby 's camera to take photos . His is more of a point and shoot thing so I might have better luck . Then again , maybe I ' m just not destined to be a very good photographer : ) I am finishing one more Very Small Tote today for a sweet niece who 's recently joined the Air Force reserves . It 's made of very girly girly fabric and when the peapod goes down for a nap this morning , I should be able to finish it . I ' ll post pictures of it later . I ' ve really been unwell lately but I ' ve been trying stay busy in an attempt to keep my mind off how I ' m feeling . Does anyone else ever do that ? 
Vintage Button Swap . I signed up for my first swap . It 's the Vintage Button swap organized by Shim Sons , who , btw , has a couple of the cutest children I ' ve ever seen . * I ' m pretty excited about it since I ' ve been collecting buttons for ( practically ) my entire life . I ' ve never done an actual / official count , but I ' m sure I have well over 10,000 . As a matter of fact , when I was trying to think of a name for this blog , I almost called it 10000 Buttons and Beads , but it just didn't flow as well . So , I ' m working on a special way to " present " them to my swap partner . Not too terribly fancy , but not just thrown in an envelope either . Stay tuned .. * aside from my little peapod , that is . 
post - WIP Friday . Well , I can't really claim these two things as WIP because they 're finished . I didn't finish them until after midnight last night though , so they almost count . : ) Apparently , I can't take photos with my camera ! Hopefully , I ' ll get better with practice . This is a porta - crib quilt that I made for a yet - to - be - born baby . We don't know if it 's a wee baby girl or boy yet , hence the yellow / green color choices . I ' ve never been very fond of the colors in yellow / green ( orange / brown / etc ) part of the color spectrum , but I ' ve been opening my mind to them . This is a closeup of the fabric from Windham Fabrics . Because I had plenty of fabric left over , I made a Diaper / Wipey Holder . I think I ' m going to make another bag ( for another friend 's birthday ) , a pair of slippers for myself then I ' m going to put away the sewing machine for a bit so that I can focus on some of my other crafts : glass fusion and jewelry - making . I ' m hoping ( in the not too distant future ) that someone will be interested in doing a swap of some sort with me . I ' ve got some vintage quilt " squares " ( they 're not square ) that my mother or grandmother hand pieced ( my mom can't remember if she did them or not , but there 's japanese - looking cottons in there , so it 's a possiblity ) and I ' m never going to use them . It would be nice to trade for something that I WOULD use . By the way , for those of you who have visted my modest ( and unfancy ) blog , thank you for your sweet comments . It 's encouraging and helps me stay motivated to create . I ' m going to do my best to post regular updates and when I reach my 50 th post , I ' m going to have a drawing . Woo ! 
Happy Independence Day ! ( warning - image heavy ) . Happy Independence Day ! I ' m in between cooking and preparation activities right now , so I thought I ' d take the time to update my blog . Anyway , below is a photo of SOME of the small tinned mints and lip balms that I have gathered into one spot ( no , it 's not all of them , I still have more around my house ) . I think I need help ! I ' ve made a vow to myself that I will NOT buy another tin of mints or another lip balm until this pile has been whittled down to a reasonable size . It could take me years , but I ' m determined . Maybe you can tell that a lot of the balms have never even been opened . Same goes with the mints . The funny thing is that I ' m not really that " in " to mints and I always forget to have some in my bag so , when I think I might want one ( when I ' m away from home ) , I never have one . Over the past week or so , I ' ve been pretty busy with sewing projects . I finished a bag and some sewing tools that I sent to my girlfriend for her birthday . Sadly , I got it into the mail late , but the USPS shocked me by delivering it less than 48 hours after I sent it . I apologize for the blurry photo ; I didn't realize until today , when I downloaded photos from my camera and since I ' ve already sent the gifts away , I can't retake them . I really love that brown fabric with the teal polkadots . I never used to like brown before , but I ' m really warming up to new colors these days . Below is another blurry picture of the sewing tool things I made for her . I got the needlecase pattern from Patternbee , the idea of the covered measuring tape from somewhere on the net ( if I could remember , I ' d give credit ) and the pincushion pattern from an Inspirations magazine I got some months ago . I photocopied the pattern from my magazine ( I wouldn't dream of cutting up the actual magazine ) and I stashed it with my craft felt . I unearthed it again when I was making all those felt baby shoes . After I made the tote for my girlfriend , I used the leftover fabric to make another , only inside - out , compared to the first one . It ended up not being a very good idea because the fabric seemed to attract all the cat hair in my house so , when my mom asked me to make a bag for her , I asked her if she ' d want this one if we turned it inside - out . She said she didn't mind the pocket being on the outside of the bag - it 's just too bad I didn't put another one on the former outside because there 's no pocket inside now . I don't know about you , but I rarely ever make anything to keep for myself , however , after making these two other bags , I decided I needed / wanted a new summer tote so I bought some black and white fabrics and whipped one ( a bit bigger ) up for myself . I finished it around 2 am the same morning we were going to drive down to the Royal Gorge . Needless to say , at the end of the day , I was pretty tired ! I shouldn't have been sewing so late into the night because I made a construction mistake ( that I ' m not going to fix ) . No one else would ever know , but I know what my intent was and neglected to remember until after it was finished . I still like how it turned out . It 's got a lot of pockets on it and is big enough to carry a couple of magazines and my camera . What do you think of the fabric ? I don't usually think of black and white being summery , but these really seem that way to me . Anyway , I think the BBQ chef is finished working his magic ( with the mopping sauce and BBQ sauces I made earlier this morning ) and I ' ve been waiting all day to feast on our Fourth of July meal ! I hope you have a safe holiday . 
I won a drawing ! The coolest thing happened today . I won a blog drawing . I ' m just tickled about it . If you 're wondering , it was for the hundredth post of posy press design . Quick , go look at her blog . When my treasure arrives , I ' ll take pictures and post them for you to see . Meanwhile , here is ( a blurry view ) of a pair of those booties in pink leather . I don't think they 're as cute as the brown ones , but they 're bigger so that 's part of the cuteness factor right there . Plus , I think I forgot to use the macro setting . Sadly , I can't retake the pictures because I ' ve already given them away ! And here is one more in blue felt , complete with polka dots . I think I ' ve gone a bit silly with the baby shoes lately because I bought a pair of doll shoes from Michaels the other day ( on clearance ) and took them apart to make a pattern from them . I also bought a vintage pattern a while back ( and have only just cut a pattern for them ) . I don't know what it is about them that makes me feel so good . Maybe it 's the idea of those diddy baby feet . I also made a felt - covered tape measure and needle case , but I ' m completely dissatisfied with my embroidery so I ' ll probably rip it all apart and start new . I should post a before and after picture : ) The really sad thing is that it 's impossible to find heavy felt locally . If I want any decent weight felt , I ' ll have to buy it mailorder . Mailorder isn't any fun for someone who likes instant gratification . 
Shoe and Pincushion Photo Links . The baby shoes in leather : The baby shoes in green polka dotted felt : And , my ( never submitted ) entry for the Pincushion Challenge of May ( fruit ) : I finished it in time , but I don't didn't have a Flickr account so , I didn't enter it . I made and attached a little emery too . 
First year at NZ ... Morris Dancing , a kind of traditional English folkdance performed by the people from the Moor . Hence Moorish evolved into Morris . I think . Just a theory . I think that 's Abby standing to me . Heee ... watashi wa chotto nihonjinpoi mitaina ... 
More Welly pics from Shadow . Thought i ' d post it up so that my half - friends there . ( man ... I ' m mean as I am in denial , bwahahaha !!! Just kidding , I come in peace . ) Was I that tiny ? Should have had more second helpings of lemon meringue pie while I was homestaying with Tom and Anne Lumb . Oh did I ever tell anyone that the breakfast down at this cafe ( Bordeux ?? ) on Brandon Street ( Or was it Panama Street ... ? ) was absolutely DELISH !!! Love the spinach ... they dont do spinach here like they do them there at Welly . 
Lets play dress up ! You could probably tell that i literally enjoy dressing up in costumes and crap . Just dont have the resources nor the skills to make a good costume . Darn . But I ' m a resource for outlandish ideas . I remember shocking my host dad when i told him that i kinda enjoy dressing up like that . Well he was referring to a picture in the newspapers . It was a picture of two Japanese girls dressed up as french maids and posing in typical kawaii style in front of the Cure Maid Cafe , an icon of Akihabara . " I dont mind . Its cute . " i remembered saying that . " Really ? You ' d be attracting unwanted attention from the guys ! " he exclaimed half fuming in disgust . " Its not really for that . But its cute . You know ... I enjoy dressing up in something that reflects the .. the ... " i added . " Dark hidden side of Rei ? " he continued darkly . " Does that look dark to you ? " I laughed . " Well it certainly does send out the wrong messages to the public !! " " But its all harmless fun ! That 's what cosplay is all about and Japan 's big on that ! . " i squealed . " So you like to dress up as a French maid ? " he asked . " Well , one day , yeah . But I really wanna be a GT Queen . " I think the conversation kinda stopped from that point . Does anyone out there see the connection between Ana 's fashion sense , and physical appearences with that of a GT Queen now ? ; ) One of my greatest fantasies is to dress up in a really provocative manner ... you know .. thighs , belly , shoulders , back ... yeahyeah i know , might as well walk around naked in public eh ? Mind you , i say FANTASIES . I dont know . This is a matter of opinion of course , but i believe that in every girl lies a hidden desire to really dress up and show the world what they really really are . Either that or its just me . I think its NOT just me . Those cosplayers !!! There were some moments back in NZ where i did wore rather provocatively . Took place during a 21 st birthday party in Halloween . I really wanted to go as a playboy bunny girl ... i had this shocking pink tube top ( not a boob tube though ) and had really short black tights to go with it . I spruce it up with white netstockings and then i realized that I ' ve forgotten to get myself a pair of fluffy bunny ears ... so I got myself cat ears instead . But they were so byaddy big , it didnt look like cat ears at all but those " ears " you get on Persocom robots . For those whose watched Clamps ' Chobits , you will get what i mean by those " ears " . Still with the black lipstick , black Persocom ears ... I looked ... ( leaves that to imagination . ) No I ' ve got no photographs to prove . But I did went as a fusion of goth , cat girl and persocom . Talk about confusion . Signing out . 
And for the grand finale , that 's ME versus Master Chief from Halo ! This took place during my very last Wellington Armageddon in 2005 . I came dressed as some random nameless unknown unheard of fighter from some game that 's yet to be release on any gaming system . 
This is my very first incredibly lame and downright pathetic attempt at cosplaying during NZ 's biggest pulp and science fiction expo , Armageddon . This also took place during my first year at uni , hence i was incredibly fat thanks to the sudden change in diet from rice and curry to spuds and more spuds at the Weir House dorm . I didnt win a thing because i cheated by wearing a local designer brand " cheongsam " . Anyone heard of Eto ? There 's one at Suria KLCC . A combination of malay batik on a chinese dress . But this isnt Cultural Night lah Rei ... nice dress for the wrong function . Didnt they teach you that in Pendidikan Moral ... ? Nice gun ... wonder where i got it from . 
Good times , fond memories of what could have been , if fate didnt interfere . Boy , do I sound bitter . This picture was taken during my 22 nd birthday party at Miramar where Weta Workshop is . There were anime geeks , doujin freaks , pretty boy fanatics , gamers , gays and Asians . Still , it was fun . 
Spring at Wellington ! Or was it summer ?? Oh who cares ... summer felt like winter the last time around especially when things ahem ... didnt quite worked out as planned . ( Grr ) Taken during the Tulip Week that took place 2 years ago . They were huge , gorgeous and colourful . Spring is in the air !!! Ah ~ ureshiikatta ze ! 
Revenge of the Ice Cream Waffle . Wince ... Who did ever thought that waffles can be as lethal and dangerous as napalm bombs ... Ok ... maybe not so lethal ... but still , who did ever thought that waffles can be lethal as nuclear missiles .... Wince ... barf ... I swear to the universe that I ' m never ever gonna give in to my temptations ever again to savour another waffle ... * Barf * I swear ... i didnt eat much ... like ... i dont know not even a quarter of a quarter ... i just want to taste it and we left it sitting there staring at us . We look at the waffle and the waffle look back at us . And we scrunched up our tissues or lay them to rest on the melting ice creams . I ' m glad instincts and conscious self - control took over ... or ... i ' d leave that to imagination Happy Tree Friends style ... nyanyanyanyanyanyanya NYAA ~ ! Wince ... Man... that was embarassing . Like I ' m some kind of a pig . Wait ... i am a pig ... born in the year of the piggy ... im a piggy lady and we are known to be gourmet eaters ... getting wasted over waffles .... ooof ... that 's really sick and embarassing .... wah . From now on Ana eats tiramisu and macha ice cream . Forget the taiyakis which are like waffles ... made using the same sort of batter . Signing out ... wasted . Never wanna look at another waffle for the next 10 decades or so ... 
Attribution . " Who knows ... you will be able to catch Yott - chan 's attention that way . Deshou na Nachin ? " beamed Naka - san at his daughter . " To - san urusai na . Senoue - san to isshoni utau no ni jubun darou na ?? " snapped Ana as she grabbed her guitar . " Jyoudan naa Nachin . " smiled Naka - san at Ana looking all embarassed . " Besides , he 's moved on . I ' ve moved on . " said Ana softly tuning her guitar . Despite saying that she couldnt hide her crestfallen expression . " Junbi ka ? Hajimaru yo . " said Senoue - san all ready to go . " Ah ... HAI . Sumimasen . " " Issho .. ich , ni , san ... ! " Anata no hitomi no chikara de , Watashi wa kawatte yukou ... I ' m trying to " master " the drum rhythm for this particular anime ending theme . Hitomi no Chikara from the anime Hikaru no Go . Me and my wild imaginations of Ana singing to this particular buzz rock anime theme . Its good . Well , i like it at least . I wasnt feeling at all sleepy last night . Either I was feeling all gooey and mushy inside after the last phone call i made or Tini 's nasi lemak punya sambal ikan bilis had literally set my insides on fire . Probably both . I did the unthinkable and unexpected that night . Found my old set of anime music notes . Turned on my old old electronic organ that has been sitting there eversince I left for New Zealand and sis got her body and soul sold off to her hub . After all these years , i could still remember how to tinker around with the buttons and programming on this then - very - sophisticated respected piece of modern electronic musical instrument . I set the upper and lower keyboard to grand piano . Still sounds convincing , i thought to myself . Set the sustain level to 5 and started to play , not the scales haha , but Sen no Kotoba or 1000 Words from FFX - 2 . I was rather rusty . Been a while since i practised ... and the last time i did was in Wellington when my host dad / surrogate dad / adopted european grand dad > ( Right Tom , i mean this in a very nice way !! ) owned a piano and i will do my worse on it when my folks were out . The sensation and feel on the e - organ keyboards are a lot more softer than its immediate big brother the piano . Hence it was easier to play on ... hmm ... just need more practise . I keep striking the wrong notes of course and my weakening eyesight didnt do too much justice either . And there i was , trying my very best to play as smoothly as possible Koda Kumi 's Sen no Kotaba , piano version . I managed to complete the first half of the piece , will leave the rest to later . Next , I tried Ayumi Hamasaki 's Dearest which sounded really melancholy yet subtle and beautiful . I recalled the intention to perform this particular piece for my sister 's wedding that took place last year which of course , didnt happen . Instead , my parents literally made me sing Thank You Love from the hit anime You Are Under Arrest / Taiho Shichau Zo . Oh well ... everything happens for a reason . Maybe im really meant to play the banjo and not the piano for my sis 's wedding . I also took the liberty to play Ayashi no Ceres 's Scarlet piano solo and FF ??? Melodies of Life . I dont know my FFs , so sue me . I ' m a Sonic Girl . Up north , it was cool meeting with my rellies again especially my uncle from Singapore . He 's a medium sized , jolly fellow with 3 kids , ( 2 girls 1 boy ) and did his degree Massey University of Palmerston North , New Zealand . According to him its he was responsible for ropping my other uncles into NZ to do their degrees . " Then there was a long pause and no one went back to NZ until you came into the picture . " Oh gosh ... how nice . Dad always bragged that him and his little bro , ( younger by one year ) have always been best friends . And he would add , " You should be nice to your elder sister . " But I am . I thought to myself . You just didnt notice mah ... Aiya ... have to go to KLIA pick mom up . signing out ! 
If I were ... to have some kind of food to represent me , I ' d be a Roti Bakar with kaya . If I were to be a bird , I ' d be a Falcon , a predator . If I were to be a rockstar , I ' d be an internationally acclaimed one from Japan named ANA , If I were to be have a magic wand like Harry Potter , I ' d make Stu barf out slugs 24 hours a day , If I were to be happily married I... hmm ... have to sit and think this one out . If I were to be a sea creature , I ' d be a female seahorse , ~ Back to work . 
Thanking the men of my life ... Thanks Dad for fixing my broadband connection ... my griping finally got through to you . ^ _ ^ Thanks Shadow for coming into my life and fulfilling my deepest need at the right time .. ^ _ - Thanks Tom for telling me to knock it off and remind myself that there 's nothing wrong with me and for being a gentlemen to me for the past 2 years 3 months in Wellington . Thanks Parn for continuing to be my support 10 flight hours away and filling me on news of the latest Sonic game . Who else am i forgetting ? Thanks to the rockers Yoda and Roche for educating me about the world of rock . Thanks to Lee for rescuing me in this coming Sunday 's event . To the rest , i got bad memory , but a huge thanks to you anyway ... oh and Thank God , presumebly he 's a man too lol . Arigatouna kimochiiiii ~ ~ ~ . 
Arigatouna kimochi . Hen da naa ... demo arigatou o - chikyuu . Is chikyuu the universe or is that Earth ?? Aozora is Space ... so .. er ... never mind . While going through this ordeal , at least i have an old friend to distract me for the time being . I hope things goes well . 
I should be so not - so - lucky , notsoluckynotsoluckynotsoluckynotsolucky ... ! Right . In the name of positive thinking , i shall NOT talk more about THAT . GAAAAARRGHHH !!!!! Bring it on universe !!! KAMATE , KAMATE ~ !!!! Whew ... that feels a lot better . Just comes to show how much this all means to me ... or at least , how much HE means to me . Been a while since I felt like this ... less my Virgoan instincts kick in and put a curb on my emos before it all spills out uncheck . Anyway , the coolest thing about my dad is , you get to dabble around with technology like a JVC HDD / mini dv / dvd recorder that costs a bomb . Strangely enough , he doesnt own an Ipod . What excites me the most is , if we manage to win this project deal , i will be getting my hands dirty planning and designing systems ... thats what system integrators do i guess but the not - so - fun part comes in when ya gotta figure out all those technical configurations and do the drawings etc. I remembered asking Dad , " Wahh .. you can just come up with a plan and layout , offhand ... how you do that ?? " " 20 years of electronic engineering experience . " came the answer . " Oh . " I said looking a bit lost . " But I suk in math . " I added . " So what ? Just a matter of hands - on learning . On the job . So you better pray with me that we get the project . " Noted . He started me off by teaching me how to set up my own basic mini sound studio . So that 's work . Now I ' m gonna have to spend my entire morning cutting paper in time for this coming Sunday 's children 's group at the centre .... and then im gonna have to mourn in grief for this weekend not just for the death of one my Dad 's closest rellies but for other obvious , more personally related reasons ... never mind . I ' m going about it again . Bad Raylit , bad Raylit ! Go eat ice cream !!! That 's all for the day . Ana - chan is feeling a little down as well . She 's wondering why Yotts have to leave Sonnican ( I KNOW its a byaddy downright WEIRD name for a rock band but it will have to do until i come up with something better ... GEEEZ !!!! ) " Atashi no sei kana ? " sighed Ana looking out of the window . It was drizzling slightly . ( Ah .. the typical melancholy walking in the rain scene ... haha ) " Yot - chan no garufurendo no sei naaa . Kanajo wa itsumo yakimochi da mon ? Onna no kimochi ga wakarahen ne ... " chipped in Chiaki , trying her best to console a very distressed Ana . " I got a job at 10 down at Anzzaki Nite so you better go . " said Ana as she stood up and stretched herself . " Oh . " went Chiaki , a little lost for words due to the abrubt change in conversation . " Want me to walk ya there ? " offered Chiaki . " Nah ... i think i just want to be alone . If you dont mind . " " Cant skate . Its raining . Put on your hoody . Wait ... I think Shun 's coming to pick me up " " Oh ... is he coming soon ? I can wait up for ya . Dad 's gonna be late and he will grumble at me if i dont lock the door . " said Ana . " He should be .... oh there he is !!! " cried Chiaki in glee . And sure enough , there was Shun walking his bicycle . He stopped in front of the house as he normally does and rang the bell . Then he looked up expecantly at the window and waited . " Ii na Cha - chan . Shinsetsu kareshii na . " sighed Ana . " He just does it . I dont expect him to . Mata ne Na - chan . Ganbarou na . " said Chiaki putting on her hoody . Ana nodded and smiled . " Ganbarimasu . " Chiaki left shortly leaving Ana to ponder at the sight of the serene couple disappearing into the crowd . " A - ra ... i will be late ! " That 's all for now . Tabun , kinou , watashi wa chigau no koto to iita shimaimashita . Hontou ni gomen nasai . 
Frame by Frame . In my attempt to demonstrate the automatic in - betweening animation function in this Tabby software , I created this ... this ... cursed abomination of a crossbreed between an elephant - half , rudabagaa - half , alien - half , ankylosauraus - half creature . Mother Nature will be so proud . Sometimes I wonder what really IS going on in that head of mine ... i shall publish a Jpeg image of this cute little freak should i ever figure out HOW TO CONVERT . tab files to Jpeg ! ARRRGH !!!! The frustrations on learning a new sofuto ... 
Retro Sonic craze . First impressions are hard to die especially when it hits you at the age of 7 . The day I was seduced by the speedy spunky lil rodent who oozes of coolness at every pore to the tip of his sleek blue quils . I knew my entire world has changed . I knew that I was at a turning point of my life . Its was the most magical moment I have ever encountered during my tender childhood years . My fantasies went rampant and completely out of control . The mere mention of his name , will send shivers up my spine . It became a must for me to tape down on the then popular VHS , every episode of his 30 minutes adventures with his orange furry sidekick . I will them again and again and ... again . I love them all . Until the day , my wishes and dreams were finally fulfilled . The day , heaven smiled upon me . The sun beamed upon an innocent young child squeaking with glee upon receiving her well - deserved , well waited upon , Sega Megadrive complete with a Sonic the Hedgehog 2 game cartridge . Original , from Japan . Ok ... back to normal " kaichap " English . i was on " high " mode yesterday ... dont ask me why . Instead of opting to calm myself down , i started listening to the old retro sonic games soundtracks ... from the original Sonic the Hedgehog to Sonic and Knuckles . I had a hey of a great time reliving the soundtrack masterpieces of Masato Nakamura - san from the golden Japanese trio group , Dreams Come True , Howard Drossin and now - still - in - existence , Jun Senoue - san . I have too many favourites as far the world of Sonic music goes . But my all time favourite will always be Lava Reefs 1 and 2 from Sonic and Knuckles . A lot of fanatics preferred the techno / dance inspired Icecap Zone which i am kinda fond of as well . But i love them all waaah !!!! From my perspective , I always thought that Sonic went through some sort of an identity crisis as far as music is concern . With his punky sort of hairstyle , the creators thought punk / grunge rock will go well with the image . It took me quite a while to appreciate the works of Jun Senoue - san , Keinichi Tokoi - san rock genre compositions . But being a Pig lady , I ' m very VERY adaptable . Until the Nintendo DS came in and Sega decided to have Sonic leaving his footprints in it , Sonic 's true music identity finally emerged in the form of Hideki Naganuma - san 's radical urban - inspired compositions . Naganuma - san was on par with the great game music composers with his debut in Jet Set Radio , an inline skating / rollerblading adrenaline pumping game which i never get to finish . Dem it . I hope Naganuma - san continues to compose music for Sonic . True to its retro original with a more urban upbeat twist to it . No happy , bouncy , cute stuff from Naganuma - san , no sirrreeee ... On the personal side , I ' m getting the hang on this little Tabby software I got . My mood improved a little with Sonic 's upbeat tracks playing in the background and i had some more time to reflect on what has been happening to me so far . Haru ga kuru ka ? . . . I learnt that its good to know what you want but expressing it to someone whose not ready to receive it , isnt . And this little tragedy happened to me , oddly enough just 3 months ago , when the moon was bright and beautiful , the night skies were clear and the night was still . As it always has been in a dead ghost town like Karori . Thanks to the support of friends , family and a rapidly " happening " environment , these painful memories were easily replaced by good ones . Gotta thank Ana - chan to for being the tangible " vessel " to siphon away my poisonous thoughts of the past and painful " what - ifs " . I ' m more happy than I ' ve ever experienced ... its been like that for a while ever since i returned from the land of the sheeps and dinosaur plantation . I want it to just get better not just for me but for him as well . 
Shiawase souuuuu yooo ~ ^ ____ ^ ~ . " Kimi no tame ni shineru saaa !! " Yotts cried to Ana . Of course , this dialogue will only take place during the much , much , MUCH later episodes . Unfortunately , I ' m not quite feeling myself right now , so i will just have to blegxpress ... ohohohoho ! ( Blegxpress = Blog + Express ) Sounds like belching doesnt it ? I dont know ... it just came in naturally . No awkwardness whatsoever ... it just did . I certainly wasnt expecting it as well . Ureshii sou to kanji suru shi ... kare mo onaji kimochi o kanjiru to negaimasu . Ganbarimashou ... 
Okay , okay , I ' m back ... ... assuming anyone 's still out there after my extremely long posting hiatus . I have a good story about my neighbor . But that 's the next post . In saving it , I have a reason to come back . Because honestly , I haven't had a lot to say lately . Or maybe I ' ve had a lot and , therefore , said nothing . Spoiler : Sadness to come . Sorry . The fact is , I ' ve been kind of emotional the last week . ( Yes , I do hear those of you out there saying , " Just the last week ? Seriously . " ) When I decided to leave Florida , I knew I wanted to come back to Texas , I just didn't know where in Texas . I was leaning towards Austin because I think deep down , out of all of Texas , I ' m probably really an Austin girl . Definitely not a Dallas girl . I prefer flip - flops to heels , jeans to skirts , and don't really need some label stamped across my purse 5,001 times in order to carry it out of the house . I get pedicures at Super Wal - Mart . Okay , I guess that makes me an Odessa girl . : ) But I chose Dallas for one very important reason : My sister lives here . My sister has long been my best friend . The one person in the entire world I can count on . Before I moved here , we hadn't lived in the same town for almost 20 years . In fact , before I moved here , I hadn't lived anywhere near family in that same amount of time unless you count summers during college . The last year and a half , I ' ve finally had that . People I know I can rely on when my house is broken into or my car dies or I ' m just feeling terrible and don't want to be alone . It 's been an extremely bumpy ride since I moved here , but having them here has made it all infinitely better . Tomorrow , that ends . Because tomorrow , my sister moves to Austin . My brother - in - law took a job there a couple of months ago and has been living there since , coming back to Dallas on the weekends . It 's been excruciating on my sister at home all week with a 5 - year - old , a 3 - year - old , and a 1 - year - old . I haven't been able to let her know how hard it is on me that she 's leaving because she 's so upset that she 's leaving . So I ' ve been strong and told her it will be okay , etc. Last night I went to dinner with her and the kids , then over to the house to help her pack some things that the movers won't take . Because we were in get - it - done mode , she didn't cry at all , even when we said goodbye for the night . But I got in my car knowing it was the last time I would leave that house . Tonight her husband is in town helping her pack . I ' ve avoided calling her all night , even though I know I should be there helping as well . I just can't do it . Finally , a few minutes ago , I called . She was crying when she answered the phone . I asked if I could come help pack ( even though I didn't want to ) . She said I didn't need to . " Unless you want to . " I paused . " No , " I said . " I really don't . " She said she knew I was probably tired . And then , for the first time since I saw the For Sale sign in their yard , I started crying too . I told her I didn't want to come because last night it was like we were just hanging out like we always do , and I left like I always would . But tonight ... tonight it would be really leaving and I just didn't want to . But I would if she needed me to . Then , of course , we 're both crying . Because , face it , not - even - a - little - deep - down , we 're both ridiculously sensitive . We can only stay strong when we know the other needs us to . I know it 's probably not my best move , but I don't have it in me to be strong for both of us tonight and , if I go , I ' ll likely just upset us both more leaving her husband to pack while we clear out the Kleenex . So I ' m going to bed instead , with the knowledge that if something happens tonight , I can call on them for help . And if something happens tomorrow , I ' m on my own . Now aren't you all glad you asked me to post ??? Upcoming : Naked Neighbors . It will be funny . I promise . 
I have a confession to make . I use emoticons . Frequently . : ) ; ) : ( : D : PI am a writer and yet I use emoticons . Embarassing . If I still taught college English and one of my students were to use an emoticon , I would tell them it 's just like adverbs : If you need one , you probably haven't expressed your thought in the best way possible . I know people who don't use them ... but still kind of do . Let 's all remember to be on our best behavior while the clients are here ! ( smiling ! ) Say that again and I ' ll have to take you outside . ( wink ) I think that 's worse . But still . I ' m making a pact : From now on , I will not use emoticons . I won't write them on Post - Its . I won't use them in emails . I won't click on the plethora of options on Messenger . Not even the yawning face . Or the crying one . Or the goat . Okay , maybe just the goat . A goat emoticon ? Way too awesome to be ignored . Yeah , I know . I ignore the blog forever and then I come back with emoticons . Get over it . ( wink ! smiling ! ) . 
complaint from a spelling geek . I just saw a Frosted Mini - Wheats commercial set at a Spelling Bee . The girl at the microphone is asked to spell " aardvark . " She starts out , " A - R ... " Then a little frosted mini - wheat tells her to concentrate . She knows this one . It 's the first word in the dictionary . She takes a breath and begins again , " A - A - R - D - V - A - R - K . " Anyone who has ever even seen a Spelling Bee knows that once the letters leave your lips , there 's no taking them back . No matter who comes over and encourages you . No matter if you ' ve already been to the National Spelling Bee but get too cocky the following year at the silly school - level Bee and , thus , begin to spell the embarrasingly easy word " scribble " by starting with a " c . " No matter . The letters are out . I can just hear them : Come on , no one will notice we 're changing the rules a bit . Or if they do , they won't care . Frosted Mini - Wheats , I care . And that kid who passed out , stood up , and spelled " alopecoid " correctly and took 2 nd at the National Bee definitely cares . 
where everybody knows your name . I like being a regular . I like that when I go into Chipotle in my building , they know they need to change their gloves before they make my food to avoid flour contamination . I like that when I walk into two different Starbucks , they know my name and my order without my having to say anything . And I have a complicated order ( Venti non - fat , no - foam , 140 degree vanilla latte . Yeah . Really . ) . It 's nice to be a regular . There 's something comforting about it . Welcoming . But sometimes I don't want to be . And sometimes the familiarity becomes a little too , well , familiar . Sometimes I don't want to be a regular because I actually want to order something else , but they ' ve already started making my usual . And I don't want to hurt their feelings by saying I want something else . ( Yes , I do know that that 's ridiculous . I am an overly sensitive person who is overly sensitive for others as well . ) But then there 's the level of familiarity . I go to the pharmacy by work with some frequency because I am a super unhealthy person . The pharmacist there knows me by name . He does me favors like give me a dose of whatever it is before it 's filled if it 's going to take a while . He even gives me a cup of water to take it . I am a regular at the pharmacy . He 's a sweet guy - kind of grandfatherly - which is nice given how much he knows about me just from filling my prescriptions . Last week when I went in to fill a prescription , I said , " I bet I ' m your least healthy customer . " And he said , " No , but you are my prettiest customer . " Okay , kind of sweet . So I go back the next day - yes , the next day - and he asks how I am . It was about a million degrees outside , so I said , " I ' m really hot , " and he said , " Well , that 's not always a bad thing , now , is it ? " with , you know , that look on his face . He got my drugs then said , " I always like it when you come in . " And now I ' m a little uncomfortable , so I sign the privacy thing and leave . This past week , I got sick for the millionth time this year . One of my many doctors was kind enough to call in some anti - nausea medication for me . I went to fill it . He took one look at my greenish pale face and handed me over my pre - dose . He told me when to come back , then said , " I ' ll look forward to seeing you again . " I went to work . And a couple of hours later , I left again . I wanted the rest of those anti - nausea pills . But a ) I wanted to take as few steps as possible and the drugstore is past the parking lot , and b ) I didn't feel like seeing the pharmacist again . I called in a refill for something else the next day . I didn't want to pick it up . My drugs were just sitting there in their little bin with the pharmacist waiting for me to come in . I finally went at the end of the day yesterday because I had no other choice . They 're closed on the weekends and it 's downtown . As he 's getting my prescriptions , I commented on how nice it was outside , and he said , " Yeah , I ' ve been watching out the little portal window . It looks beautiful . " He hands me my prescriptions then says , again , " I always like it when you come in . " I say , " Thanks . That 's nice . " I sign the privacy thing . I swipe my card ; sign the electronic panel . As I ' m about to leave , he says , " You always brighten my day when you come in . " I said , " Thanks . That 's nice , " again , and " Have a good weekend , " and left . I walked outside and told my friend who was waiting for me how the pharmacist creeped me out . But then I started thinking about it . He said some things that made me uncomfortable . But , really , how bad can it be to brighten someone 's day ? He stands behind that counter all day , every day , dealing with people , with insurance , with doctors , and yet I ' ve never seen him without a smile on his face . There are people in my life who brighten my days . It doesn't generally occur to me to tell them . I should . I am a regular at Chipotle . I am a regular at Starbucks . And I am a regular at the pharmacy . I like being a regular . Most of the time . 
an interesting little fact . On Wednesday of this week , at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning , the time and date will be : 01:02:03 04 / 05 / 06 . That won't ever happen again . 
Bizarre Sighting . This morning , on my way to church - church , mind you - I saw a youngish girl standing just slightly in the road . A few guys were scattered about in front of her , next to a parked car . As I got closer , she spread her legs , lifted her black dress over her head , bent over , and grabbed her ankles . She had absolutely nothing on underneath . 
I ' m so not a grown - up . I just called my mom because I was so proud that I cooked dinner for myself . Like cooked - cooked . Not heated up a microwave dinner cooked . Okay , the green beans almondine just needed heating up , but my George Foreman Grill went to town on my sirloin steak . And those pre - cut apples with caramel sauce - delish . It 's still cooking . Right ? Yeah . I ' m totally not a grown - up . 
A Fat Free Cinnamon - Charged Candy . Get Fired Up ! Hot Tamales make my face sweat . Just my face . And yet , I can't stop eating them . Wait . I just found a good deterrent : Go here and watch the loading page . Mmm ... I bet an image that looks like someone 's insides will make people want to eat Hot Tamales ! 
American Idol . [ I ' m on a reality TV kick this week . Sorry . ] My thoughts on tonight 's results show , should anyone care : No Gedeon in the Top 12 ? But KEVIN is ? A crime . You should be able to vote against people , not just for people . I think it 's cruel and unusual punishment to make people sing right after their hopes and dreams have been dashed . Is it bad that I ' m only glad Ace made the top 12 because he 's so hot ? Is it strange that I have a little crush on Elliot Yamin ? 
Daniel V. is my winner . If you don't watch Project Runway , feel free to move on . I ' ve never been a Santino fan . But I would have accepted his winning . He 's got passion . He 's got talent . He 's got confidence . And he 's become suddenly human in the last two episodes . I ' m not a Chloe fan . She flies by the seat of her pants in a way that seems like not caring , not like she 's struck by inspiration at the oddest moments . But Daniel Vosovic ... I love Daniel V. Love . Really , what 's not to love about Daniel ? That floppy hair , those soulful eyes , that smooth voice ... but I digress . I didn't love his collection , except for the 13 th look and that one sexy top . But I almost cried actual tears when he didn't win . Daniel V. You ' ll never be out in my book . Make that call to Michael Kors . 
thoughts on the oscars so far : . jon stewart : funnyben stiller in green unitard : not funnygm commercial : terrificdiet coke " encore " commercial : awesome ( in a totally girly kind of way ) playing music throughout the acceptance speeches : bad ideaowen wilson 's voice : gratingjennifer aniston : stunning . 
overheard at the cingular store , sunday , 2:34 pm , CST . Princess - y Teenage Girl checks out the RAZR . Picks it up . Holds it to her nose . PRINCESS - Y TEENAGE GIRL : It smells like church . Puts it back . Gets the Nokia . 
" Help , I need somebody ... not just anybody ... " . A few weeks ago , one of my best friends became violently ill with food poisoning . I went to her apartment , got her medicine , held her hair , went for more medicine - whatever she needed . And I learned a valuable lesson from her : It 's good to ask for help . She wasn't shy about asking for what she needed . She was too sick to worry about it . She ' d ask me to hold her hand . To rub her back . To bring her more Pedialyte . And I was glad to be able to do it for her . This past Tuesday , I had surgery ( I ' m fine ) . One of the things I was dreading the most was waking up from the surgery and being helpless . You can't walk on your own . You can't dress yourself . You can't do much at all until the anesthesia wears off . And even then , I haven't been able to do much . My parents came to stay with me for a few days and it was hard for me to even ask them to do things . But I had no choice . Accepting help is not something I ' m good at . I like to be in control ; I hate feeling helpless . And there are times in the past when I have broken down and asked people for help and gotten the opposite - which teaches you not to ask . The trick , I think , comes in asking the right people for help . Or at least being able to accept help when it 's offered . Because , really , when we care about someone , we want to help them . It makes us feel as good as the person we 're helping . When my parents left on Thursday , my girlfriends ( including the friend above ) showed up with food and love . I still tried to do things on my own - cut cake ; make ice packs ; look for the cat who had wandered outside . They wouldn't let me . I had to sit back and let them take care of me . And it was nice . 
A Fatally Magnetic Attraction . It follows me . I can't help it . A couple of weeks ago , I went out of town . I left work too late , but going 85 all the way to the airport ensured my timely - enough arrival . Made it through security without a glitch . Had some time to kill , so I went the opposite of my gate ( B 5 ) to Starbucks at B 15 . Priorities . Stopped off at the newsstand for some magazines and water . Bathroom break . It was a few minutes to boarding , so I headed for my gate . I get as far as B 6 and see only a sign and an arrow : B 1 - B 5 . Sh * t . I start booking . I am focused . I am carefully balancing my coffee . I go on endless moving sidewalk after endless moving sidewalk . Seriously , miles of moving sidewalks . I reach the end . Another sign : Terminals A leave ; it continues to pop out . I go back to Cingular . I get another phone . We reprogram it . Chrissie ( my Cingular salesperson and I are on a first - name basis now ) says , " If I knew you better , I ' d say you have bad luck . " " Chrissie , " I say , " you don't need to know me better to know this . " I go to my sister 's so we can finally take our planned trip to IKEA . My car won't move . Maybe 2 mph with the accelerator completely depressed . Speaking of depressed . AAA tows my car to the dealer . Monday , I find out that my car simply needs a new battery & it 's under warranty . This is good news . I pick it up and hit the tollway to go meet my family for dinner . I have Daniel Powter 's " Bad Day " cranked up in my car ( I think it might be a super - cheesy song , but I really like it ) , so I don't notice the flashing lights in my rear view mirror for some time . I pull off the tollway . I wait for the ticket I certainly deserve , as I was doing my regular 85 . I think perhaps I shouldn't listen to songs entitled " Bad Day . " I ' m just asking my old friend to show up . Mr. Highway Patrol Man comes to my window . " I ' m stopping you tonight because I clocked you going over 55 . " Yes , a lot over 55 . I almost want to laugh , because , seriously . He goes back to his car . He comes back . He gives me a warning . Welcome , Good Luck . Welcome . It 's lovely to see you . I hope you ' ll stay a while . 
This Has To Be Sad ~ I ' m Sorry I Made You Said ! 	 So ... we ' ll try for the opposite today . Okay ? ! Let me speak of my FAMILY . Then . That usually does the opposite of said . When I was growing up , my whole huge extended family would gather at my Grandparents ' house for Christmas Eve . It was our tradition to have a HUGE DRUNK . And ... other things . It was customary to make a personal toast , or write a little poem , song ... yada blah . To express feelings which were not allowed or encouraged to be expressed at any other time of the year . Heh heh . Positive feelings . That is . Capish ? It was also customary to eat too much , break glasses , complain about your life and job , the government , the pathetic looking Christmas tree ... and , also , for my older cousins to strip me down to my underwear and throw me out the door into the six feet of Northern Ontario snow . We also had chips and dip . ANYWHO ... the following is my Christmas 1983 offering : A Very Merry Christmas to You Our family picture On Granny 's wall One little push It 's sure to fall Stupid faces Awkward grins Look at Grampa ... seven chins ! Greasy hair Goofy stare Good looks in this family ... rare ! Mom 's Christmas pin My pimply skin Look at Dad ... he 's really thin ! It wasn't me That pushed it down Was cousin George That stupid clown The End . My parents were thrilled . Again . Heh heh . Growing up my forehead sign didn't read " Pick Me ! " yet . More like : " Screw You ! " To tell the truth . Back to the family . Though . My Uncle Dan was my great uncle . He lived with my Grandparents . Never married . He was my Grandfather 's brother . He was fun . We used to play cards . All the time . Watch wrestling . Together . He ' d give me money to go down the street to the store . He ' d tease me unrelentingly . Until my level of rage insisted upon revenge . I ' d think of ways to get him . A lot . One time he fell asleep in his Lazyboy chair after the wrestling was over . It was exhausting . I guess . I snuck into the fridge and got myself this tiny chunk of blue cheese . About the size of a pea . And jammed it far up his left nostril . But carefully . He flinched and sort of woke up . I ran . But ... apparently ... he went back to sleep . For a brief period . Then he really woke up ! The next six hours were amongst the best of my life . As he snorted , coughed and blew his nose a hundred times . While complaining of a terrible smell . And headache . Ahhhhhhhhhh ! I miss him . Another funny little tale is The Dogfight . My Dad and I were at my Grandparents . Up North . Walking our dog Boots along the railway tracks . I was about 10 or so . The railway tracks were elevated and there were deep ditches on either side of it . Filled with big chunks of rock , limestone and the like . It 's very rocky in the North . FYI . Anywho ... we were walking along when suddenly these two big nasty mutts come tearing up the tracks to us . And attacked my poor dog Boots . It was vicious and sudden . My Dad and I looked at each other and then we each jumped on top of a dog . We ended up rolling down the side of the tracks into the ditch . The dogs took off . Boots was Ok . My Dad and I were scratched , bleeding and bruised . Dirty and ripped up . His glasses were scratched and the frames were bent . His leg got bitten . By one dog . My hand . By the other . We limped home . To face The General . Who wanted to know what the HELL happened . Again ... we looked at each other . And said : " Nothing " . At the same time . Jinx . The General couldn't pry it out of us . To this day she has no idea what happened . She was furious ! Freakin ' ! Freakin ' furious ! Ahhhhhhh ! More good times . Cheers , Mel . Moped P . S . I ' m gonna post in a second . Again . In the comment part . Here . I want to respond to everyone from yesterday 's post . But I ' ll do it here . Just to be difficult . Hi ZZUB ! 
Try As I Might ... I don't GET this . I ' m SAID . There . I SAD it . 	 Our three children are involved in several activites . They all take swimming lessons . Because that is our rule . Even if they never want to do anything else ... they are taking the swimming lessons . All the way through . To Lifeguard . Level . No argument . No whining . It is not negotiable . Because we do too many things around water . They have to know how to swim . Well . They do by now . Even Tommy . Actually , that boy is a fish . By nature . He ' ll stay in the pool for six hours straight if you ' d let him . Anywho ... swimming is the one activity they MUST do . All others are encouraged by Mellyman and I. But up to them . Beth dances . Swims . Does Track and Field . Skis . And plays Softball . In the summer . Calvin plays hockey . Takes power - skating . Swims . Chess club . And plays baseball . In the summer . Tommy takes swimming . Skating lessons . And ballet . We 're busy . Either Mellyman or myself are always running around dropping them at one lesson or another . We try to set things up so that all their swimming is at the same time ... for example . But some times we have conflicts . Like the Softball and Baseball schedules . For this summer . Last night we had both their games . At the same time . Different parks . And this is the problem : Some of their lessons and activities , parents are not welcomed at . To view . But , the ones where we are ALLOWED ... we feel that we SHOULD go . Be there . For support . So the child knows that we 're interested . Excited by their activity . You know ? We try to be at a game as a group of five . All the happyhaunts . Go to watch . Cheer on our team . And all that . So when their games overlap ... we have to split up . Mellyman went to watch Beth play last night . It was his turn . To see her . And Tommy and I headed to Calvin 's game . They lost . Calvin threw his bat . Twice . And was called out . For it . He got a double . A couple ribbies . Played pretty well . Apart from the bat - throwing . The thing I ' ve been noticing is this : Very few parents ... let alone families ... get out and go watch their kids play . These days . Apart from Tommy and I there were only three other kids represented . By one or both parents . A couple of siblings . There were 13 kids playing last night . On his team . Mellyman said Beth 's game was the same . Hardly anyone watching . I don't get it . Maybe I ' m missing something . Maybe our life is just less busy . Because I stay at home . Then other people 's . I don't know . But ... I know this : My parents ALWAYS attended my sporting events . ALWAYS . It was never a question . One or both , usually , would be there . Every softball game I had . And I played for , like , more than 10 years . My Mom would follow the school bus to OFSAA competitions . All over the place . To watch cross country , track and field , badminton or tennis . She ' d be there . Every time . Even the summer I spent at Ridley College ... on tennis scholarship ... my Dad would pop in every couple of days to watch me play . Or drill . Or whatever . He worked about 10 minutes away . From Ridley . So he could just come down . Whenever . He wanted . Once he surprised me . I was making out with one of the coaches . There . That didn't go over so big . Let me tell ya . Anywho ... The above is the FAUX topic . For today . I think that everyone should WANT to ... and ENJOY ... watching their kids participate in sport . Or whatever . Floats their boat . It should float your boat . Too . The REAL topic is this : I took that tennis coach to prom . In grade 12 . He was handsome . And charming . My friends were impressed . He had a sweet ride . He could buy us booze . ' Cause he was older than most of the waiters . At the hotel . My parents were thrilled . Again . Heh heh . Mel happyhaunt Moped Hi Haley !!!! 
Weekend at Bernie 's ... 	 So . I took The General up to our camp aka cottage this past weekend . And Beth . She decided she wanted to come at the last minute . It 's a four hour drive with NO stops . We usually go straight through now or just have a quick bathroom break and grab a muffin somewhere on Highway 69 . When the kids were smaller and I was breastfeeding it used to take us , like , 6 1 / 2 hours to get there . It was a LONG drive . Let me just say . Now the four hours seem like nothing . To Me ( l ) . Usually . This time the drive seemed to take decades . It was like we started when the Titanic went down . And had been driving since . It made me wish I were ON the Titanic . Well ... at least it made me wish The General had been . Or that I could get that stupid " My Heart Will Go On " song out of my head . Anyhow ... long drive . Beth slept . The whole way . Survival technique . I think . That little girl is pretty smart . I tried to sleep too . Not so smart . We were going for my Auntie 's 80 th birthday party . The whole happyhaunt gang could not come along because Mellyman had to work on Monday . Couldn't get out of it . And I felt that it would be too much to pack everyone up and head up one day ... stay one ... and head back the next . Big party though . For the first time there was a ( shudder ) Kids ' Bar . There . My cousin George 's oldest daughter just turned 19 years old the weekend before . She had about 20 of her university friends up to the party . They had their own little " bar " set up . For all the newbies . Strawberry coolers , strawberry vodka , creamy shooters . Yuk . This is the reason it turned into " Weekend at Bernie 's " . I will explain further . But now I have to run . Into the Big Smoke . I have a job . Today . There . The above is the FAUX topic . The REAL topic is this : What the h - e - double double L happened to TLinden ? I ' m worried . Who Shot J . R . ? Too . The other thing is this : I CANNOT STAND CELINE DION . It has nothing to do with her being French ( ish ) . She 's not really French , FYI . Quebec is not really French . I love all things French . Except poodles . And the French Horn . French cuffs are pretty dumb looking too . I oppose French Kissing . But just in Disney . And for my children . In the future . I support French Kissing ... but without the tongue part . Whew . Cheers , Mel . Oppose Blogs Mopeds who oppose hate . 
Why ... oh why ... can I not stay out of Trouble . With a capital T ? 	 I don't have time for this today . Gotta splitsville . As they say . BUT ... I gotta say that I just had a post deleted from the COMMUNITY BOARD . You know where . And a message from the Web Mistress telling me that it was off topic . I was OFF TOPIC on the Community Board . Geez . It was ZZUB 's thread . The boring one about old Disney Commercials . I was just tryin ' to help him jazz up that dog . A little . Jeepers . Creepers . Anywho ... HI to everyone . I ' ll reply to the comments here from the last couple of days when I return from UP NORTH . OH ... to the Steaksauce Guy . Sorry that I have offended you on the TR Board . I just thought it was funny that you posted pig latin under Lil ' G 's post . Who I love ! Sorry that La 2 has offended you on the TR Board . Please take it as intended . We don't tease people we don't really like . Except for ZZUB . So ... we LIKE you . Don't take off , eh . Just do what the rest of us do : PUT LA LA ON IGNORE . She 's difficult . And a little bit grumpy . And a great lawyer . I hate lawyers . FYI . Geez . I ' ve offended you . Again . HOSER . The above is the REAL TOPIC . No time for a FAUX topic . Today . I ' m outta here . I ' m off to see the BEAST aka my loving Mother . Cheers all . Have a superb weekend . Except for ZZUB . I hope it rains all weekend . Wherever the heck you live . That your dog bites you . Again . Instead of me . For a change . Try blowing up his nose real hard so his lips flutter . That 's fun . I also hope you are afflicted with Beaver Fever . And gout . La 2 ~ BAD BAD LA 2 . Who loves ya ? Me ( l ) . Bye , outta here . Once more . Mel FHOAM times 1 / 2 . 
The Biggest Test of a Marriage . 	 Is this : Putting up a tent in the dark . In the rain . At 11:00 pm at night . Three whining kids . In the rain . Lil ' Grumpy was no where to be seen . Either . So what did we do ? I held a flashlight and Mellyman started to put it up . But first he made me sweep the ground so there would be NO STICKS or ROCKS underneath us . Geez . We tried to motor through it . It was PITCH black out . I could have been standing three feet from an angry , hungry bear with nostrils flaring and I wouldn't have known it . Or Captain and Tennille . I had three shots of El Jimador in me by then so I couldn't have cared less . Okay . I lie . I ' d prefer the bear . To Muskrat Love . Ick . But by the end of our trip ... I was SO hungry that I would have welcomed both Sam and Susie . For lunch . DAMN RACCOONS !!!!! While we struggled in the rain with our tent . Which is a breeze to put up in the daylight . But NOT in the dark . Without a Guide Dog . I felt the urge to punch my best friend Himmler in the mouth . Because he was whipping up their tent with the help of his trusty headlamp . On . I think it 's called a Petzl . A light he wears strapped to his head . He looks foolish . Like a lighthouse . In fact , I called him The Lighthouse . But . The truth is this : I was mighty jealous of that pretzel , or pickle or crystal . As I referred to it . To drive Him ( mler ) crazy . Heh heh . It was a hands - free light and lit up the area in front of him like daylight . LOVE THE PRETZEL !!!! HATE THE RACCOONS !!!! The above is the FAUX topic for today . The REAL topic is this : The BEST part of our trip . There were many . Many bad parts too . I will share them all with you . But this is the BEST of the BEST ... Beth , my reserved , cautious , and somewhat fearful baby girl ... DOVE OFF A CLIFF !!! Yes ! YES !!!! I was in shock and awe . She jumped feet first holding hands first . Then again . Then she went for it !!! Full run and twenty feet down . Into cold dark northern Ontario water . By herself . And then again . BRAVO BETH !!! It was something I thought I ' d never see . EVER . And I was so proud of her my eyes got all teary and I felt that lump in my throat . That I get . That was the best moment of the trip . And one of the best of my life . Truth be told . She is wonderous . To me . She is amazing . She sits quietly there . Growing all the time . Growing brave . Growing up . I ' m happy . I ' m proud . I ' m sad , too . Go figure . Mel happyhaunt Back from the Northwoods . Still a friend to mopeds . P . S . FHOAM times two . 
Concurso de Fotografia . Lonely Planet - June Photo Competition The theme of the June photo competition is Africa or Asia . Yep , it s pretty broad - note that Asia includes the Middle East ! We re looking for photographs that say something about a country in one of those continents . Your pic can be of people , wildlife , landscapes , architecture , whatever , but if you want to be in with a chance to win it s got to be a striking and unusual shot . Your photo must be accompanied by a brief paragraph ( 50 - 100 words ) telling the story behind the image . The prize is a copy of The Cities Book and a free guidebook of your choice for the winner and a free guidebook of your choice for the 24 runners up . Plus , for every entrant there s the possibility of having your photograph commissioned for publication in one of the upcoming Lonely Planet titles The Africa Book and The Asia Book ! ( If your photo is commissioned for the books , you ' ll need to have a copy of it that is at least 300 dpi at print size approx 297 mm x 210 mm . You can post a smaller version for this competition - in fact , we prefer you do ! ) . We will contact entrants regarding commissioning their images after the close of the competition . Entries close 1 st July 2006 . About the books : The Africa Book and The Asia Book are the new titles in Lonely Planet s best - selling series featuring The Travel Book and The Cities Book . These large , hardback coffee - table books will delve into every country on the continent in depth with evocative and arresting images and imaginative text , and will also include thematic chapters about the continent as a whole . If your photo is commissioned for the books , you ' ll need to have a copy of it that is at least 300 dpi at print size approx 297 mm x 210 mm . We will contact entrants regarding commissioning their images after the close of the competition . Competition guidelines : Welcome to the Lonely Planet Thorn Tree photo competition ! The competition commences midday on 1 st June ( AEST ) and closes at midday on 1 st July 2006 ( AEST ) . To enter , you must post a link to your photo entry in the photo competition thread on the Lonely Planet Thorn Tree Forum . Entry is free , but you can only enter one image in the competition . One winner , and 24 runners - up will be selected by a panel of judges , comprising Thorn Tree moderators and Lonely Planet staff . The winner will receive one copy of Lonely Planet 's The Cities Book and a Lonely Planet guide book of their choice . Each runner - up will receive a Lonely Planet guide book of their choice . Prize winners will be notified by private message to their Thorn Tree account , and winning images will feature in an online image gallery on Lonely Planet . com. All photos submitted must be the entrant 's own work and must not infringe on any rights of third parties . Lonely Planet respects the privacy of others , and your personal information will only be used to tell you if you ' ve won . See our privacy policy at www . lonelyplanet . com / privacy / Para mais informa oes : http : // thorntree . lonelyplanet . com / categories . cfm ? catid = 55 startpage = 1 # 1112381 . 
Momentos irrepet veis e inesquec veis ! Charlotte : " Let 's never come here again because it will never be as much fun . " in Lost in Translation Quem nunca o disse ? Ou pelo menos quem nunca o pensou ou sentiu ? 
Chove ... E se chove ? Water kisses ! ** : ) KISS THE RAINKiss the rain Whenever you need me Kiss the rain Whenever I ' m gone , too long . If your lips Feel lonely and thirsty Kiss the rain And wait for the dawn . Keep in mind We 're under the same skies And the nights As empty for me , as for you If ya feel You can't wait till mornin ' Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Billie Myers . 
Adios ! I was going to write a really great post to say goodbye and make you miss me . . . but I ' m leaving for the airport in 30 minutes so I don't think it is going to happen . Besides , I ' m still mad at my computer for dumping the post I wrote the other day about the mosquito incident at 4 am that now the world will never know about because I am not capable of recreating it . One last thought : packing . I hate it . I always fear overpacking or just packing the wrong things . It is especially difficult in this situation since I have no idea what to expect . My backpack is pretty stuffed and I kept clothes to a minimum but with a sleeping bag , sleeping pad , towel , toiletries , snacks and the other miscellaneous items it is jammed . But I am proud of myself for keeping my carry - on limited to my small camelback pack - even though I had to omit one of the snacks , no ginger snaps in Guatemala ! Maybe we ' ll chat again soon from an internet cafe from the wild jungles of Guatemala . . . 
Countdown to GUA . I only have three more days of work left before my vacation to Guatemala . I don't think I ' ve written about this trip yet . It is a humanitarian / eco trip through this organization my friend has been working with for about 9 years . My friend is leading the expedition which is how I heard about it and why I talked my sister into going . We will be there 9 days , 4 of which will be spent in a village helping the people build a water system . The remaining time we will be traveling through the jungle and to other tourist attractions for the eco - adventure portion . Words cannot express how anxious and distracted I am . This morning I had a filing deadline which kept me busy most of yesterday and ate up the morning . But now , even though I should be working late to get my hours in , I just can't get in the groove . I have a project I should make a significant dent in before Friday for which I have zero motivation to complete . Here is what has been on my mind : Concerns about Guatemalaheatdisease carrying mosquitosdengue fever : an infectious disease of the tropics transmitted by mosquitoes and characterized by rash and aching head and joints ( a friend got a " mild " case while on his mission there , nice of him to share that with me ) guilt when face to face with extreme povertywater - we will be building a water system but we aren't supposed to drink the water . I believe we are backpacking into this place so I ' m somewhat limited in the amount of water I can carry but I drink a lot of water ........ latrines - I am assuming the worst on this point , probably some sort of hole in the ground or just the grounddiarrhea - no need to elaborate other than to say that the information packet " warns " you are more likely than not to have it at some point on the trip ! eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww ! malaria squattingbeing too out of shape to build a water systemvery long plane ridescracked heels , even in the humidity with frequent pedicures my heels crack , I am trying to quickly heal one that opened up after the boardwalk incident but I ' m running out of time What I ' m Looking Forward to . . . NO WORK !!! meeting up with my sister in the Dallas airportadventurehelping people and having a meaningful vacationbonding with my sistergetting tanlosing weight due to having too much fun to think about eating , a potential aversion to local food or possibly a tape worm ( this really could be a pro or a con ) exploring the Mayan ruinsfloat trip that has a promised spectacular ending in the Carribeanhowler monkeys - sound scary but are really fascinating , I first heard them in Costa Rica and was very afraid until I saw how cute they aremaybe I ' ll see a slothdid I mention NO WORK ? and relatedly , no blackberry or cell phone service - seriously , this is a prolots of time to ponder and reflect , maybe writepleasure readingno meddlesome questions from ward members about TWno worrying about why TW hasn't asked me outplus a big surprise at the end ! Oh , and once again , in case you didn't catch it before . . . NO WORK for 12 days !!!!!! Seriously , how can I be expected to work when I have all of that to think about PLUS I still need to pack and complete my to - do list of errands before Friday . 
summer storms . Emerging from the revolving doors exiting my office building last night the contrast between the cool chill of a refrigerated marble lobby and the hot night air dripping with moisture was stark . It was like walking out of a meat locker and into a steam bath . I watched a nearly full orange moon rise over the City , its edges smudged by the haze that blurred the skyline . This morning I could feel the moisture in the air even before I made the transition from indoor air conditioning to the oppressive , damp blanket that draped itself over me as soon as I stepped outside . From my living room window I could see the film from the night before had grown thicker . The smell was not New York , instead I experienced a series of aromatic reminiscences - I was walking across the back deck that connected my bedroom to the family 's home I was living with in Sydney , Australia , the exotic birds called in the distance as I admired the fog that had settled just below the deck in the early morning ; I was in North Queensland , Australia , up early to meet my group on a hazy , humid morning walking through the tropical trees ; I was in Costa Rica in February driving through the rain forest - all in a flash . The aroma is like nothing else and it is delightful . It not only promises rain but a summer thunderstorm . This afternoon the clouds could no longer hold back their heavy burden of moisture - a shock of light followed quickly by a blast of thunder shook my window and I spun around in my chair to observe the storm . The sun was all but extinguished by thick , black clouds weighed down by the rain that was pouring out all at once . I felt each discharge in my stomach and tried to focus on work . But mother nature was calling , she demanded my attention . I faced the window for a moment then pressed forward in shuffling more paper around my desk . The next explosion reverberated off the buildings and rolled down Fifth Avenue , sirens sounded and all was chaos for a few moments . I imagined children clinging to parents and dogs home alone hiding in closets and under beds . Ideally , I could have shut my office door , turned out the lights and observed the display . I love summer thunder storms . I love the contrasting relief of rain falling on hot cement . All senses are awakened and delighted . Torrents of rain spilling from the heavens as lightening dances across the sky and low , rumbling thunder shocks then fades as it bounces off into the distance . Thunderstorms in the City remind me nature still exists here . I am reminded of other storms where the thunder rolls over mountains and through valleys rather than tall buildings and through streets . The show has ended for now , but the darkness remains hinting that another rumbling , flashing , pealing display could follow before long . It makes me anxious for my vacation in 10 short days where I have been warned it will briefly rain daily in hot sheets . 
insecurities . I have to believe everyone has them , some are just better than others at shoving them below the surface . There are times I am so good at this I forget I even have insecurities . At other times they paralyze me and I feel as if each criticism of myself is being flashed on a neon sign above my head for all to assess and contemplate . I once explained to a friend of mine that I was not surprised that his attractive , ambitious and successful fiancee had a lot of insecurities . He was shocked , he was tired of insecure girls and thought he had found one with confidence . He had no idea that women often fake confidence to get them through a party , a date , a job interview , first day anywhere you are the " new girl " . New York is a tough place to keep your confidence - so is Utah , but in a different way . Everywhere you turn there is always a woman who is thinner , taller , more exotic , cuter , more stylish , more successful , more articulate , funnier , shorter , more flirtatious , more confident , prettier , better dressed , more accepted , younger , more popular , more approachable , less stressed and seemingly less insecure than the woman standing in the poorly selected shoes on your own feet . How do you turn off the voice in your head that whispers all the things you are not and find the voice that exudes confidence and reminds you of your strengths ? Why is the confident voice so tied - up with a three digit number on a scale and a one or ( god forbid ) two digit number on the tag inside your pants ? Why is confidence so tied to external stimuli and yet compliments received fade so quickly when left standing alone in a room full of the women who seem to have you beat on every count recited above ? A couple of week ago I met a boy . He paid me a very good compliment and I have yet to see him again . Earlier today I received an email inviting me to a party tonight , at the end of the email there was a note to one of the other addressees to forward the invite to this same boy . The voice in my head reminds me how bloated I am today , how when I got dressed I purposely pulled out my most comfortable , worn - in work pants so they would still be comfortable when I ' m sitting at my desk at 9:00 tonight . The voice reminds me that I have needed a haircut for months and barely managed to blow dry it today and the party is at my former stylist 's apartment . The voice goes on to remind me of how thin and fashionable and flirtatious all the girls will be at this particular gathering and that I snoozed through my morning workout for the second time this week ( after not even attempting to work out in the last 3 weeks ) . The voice continues on about how I rarely do much with this set and when I do I often feel like an outsider awkwardly peering in from the fringe , remembering when some of these people were my friends and wondering what changed to shift me so far to the edge . I have to remind myself that I wouldn't be invited if I wasn't wanted and I do not know if he will even show up . For now , I need to focus on work and assess at 9 whether I have the energy to fake some confidence . . . 
Day fifteen - winner ! 	 I got it ! I got the job ! Holy crap the wage is unbelievably low , 5 quid an hour , which means I have to work ( hang on , maths , this may take some time ) fuck 28 hours just to pay my rent , that s not even eating or bill paying or anything . But forgetting that slightly worrying thought for a moment , I got the job !!! Hooray for me I win all the prizes !!! And I beat out some stiff competition too . Well at least one girl . She was doing a trial straight after me . I sized her up in manner of Britain s Next Top Model and decided I had a better walk than her and a bigger smile too . Also being tall , I could hold more glasses and I threw in the taking out the meals trick . I didn t tell her about that , why pass on your secrets of success to the competition ? And it worked ! I am officially employed again . Tonight I do two hours of Till training - with my maths that should be interesting , then 7 hours on Friday night and same again on Saturday night . Cripes , I wonder how my feet will be after that , better hit Boots to get some blister away stuff this afternoon . Am still hoping that the other swanky bar will give me a trial too , he mentioned early next week so cross fingers he calls . I d say cos it s a posher restaurant that the tips would be better there , this way I ll have Friday and Saturday at this bar to get some practise in so that I can wow swanky barman with my brilliance and steal yet another job from my evil competition ! Ooh its all new and exciting , I m less into the being as poor as a church mouse bit , but money doesn t solve all your problems , even if it does work very nicely as a cashmere blanket of denial at times . Onwards and upwards , wish me luck . 
Day fourteen - Committed a crime ... Did my time ... 	 Not a proper crime , well not really . Not a proper Bonnie and Clyde type event , not like garrotting the she devil or anything . Although it could of course be argued that that wouldn t be a crime either , more a service to the community . Anyway , enough of her No I was doing research for this half baked idea and all , only the book that I particularly wanted to read at Borders just happened to be covered in cling film but there was this little tear and suddenly ( my nails have got very sharp recently , must be all the milk I drink ) the tear got bigger and bigger , till the cling film was barely on anymore and so I thought it wouldn t do any harm to pull the last bit off and open the book Yeah yeah not much of a crime I know , but I was brought up Catholic ( remember the Dad in the seminary ? ) and I have plenty of Catholic guilt to be going on with . I remember my confession sessions actually , I went to a convent school for a while , and we had to do confession every two weeks , but it was at this time when church was getting all touchy feely and so you could choose whether to do confession in the old way in the anonymous dark box thing , or go into this little room and sit on a chair opposite the priest . Well of course everyone opted for the chair , not cos we wanted to , but cos it was through a different door , so everyone knew if you d opted for the box and assumed you d done some terrible deed that meant you couldn t look the priest in the eyes . And then if would go round the school that you were a proper criminal and you d never live it down . The other way of telling how bad people were was what they came out with . I generally got a couple of Hail Mary s for my penance , for bollocks stuff like not helping with the dishes and swearing at my brother who always deserved it but it was best not to argue the point in confession . But if someone came out with more than two Our Father s they d clearly done something major . It was quite exciting actually , I used to plan the crime that would finally gain me proper notoriety . Me and my mate Clare were going to rob a bank , but it never came off , though we did once hold a bogus raffle , made quite a bit of money but someone realised the charity was fake and dobbed us in to the nuns . I think I got the strap for that . Ah school days Anyway , that was my crime , and as for the time I did two hours trial shift at the dodgy pub round the corner tonight . And it was quite fun . All I had to do was pick up glasses and wash them in this big dishwasher , but I managed to take out a few meals ( can t do three plates , but didn t drop any ) . Home now and think I made a decent impression , who knows . But Christ my feet hurt ! They feel like I ve just flown to New Zea Land and back non stop . Bloody hell this real working business is harder than I realised . Oh , two hours in a bar , and still no booze . That almost deserves a toast . 
Day thirteen - my lucky day ? 	 Sun is still shining , pelting its unseasonable heat down on me as I try to unscramble my brain . Why is it that now that I don t have hangovers , my other physical ailments can t bugger off and leave me to my sparkling good health as well ? It s not fair , that s what I say . I m talking sinuses , somehow the lack of room for the air to move around in my head makes me fog ridden and stupid . And this is not a time for me to be stupid . I got an email today you see . Ages ago I had a meeting with a production company and mentioned an idea that had been buzzing around in my head . A half baked idea , but I pretended that it was close to being cooked . This is fairly par for the course in these meetings , a whole pile of shit gets talked cos nothing ever comes of them . Basically the people who are meeting you don t have the power to do anything with your ideas , they just get you in to prove that they re listening to what s out there , and you go along to prove to them that you are a person with ideas , so that one day if they get some power they might remember you and get you back in to give them some proper ideas . Except today . Today someone got back to me about my half baked idea , and said she d passed it on to a person with actual power , who liked it in principle and had a whole lot of questions , which they d very much like answers to . Oh holy fuck . This of course has rendered me a dribbling idiot . I m blaming the sinuses , and also the fact that my confidence is in one or two tatters not actually just from the sacking , it had been heading floorwards for some time in the attempt to survive working for the she - devil . How can I pick it up ? How can I give my confidence the mouth to mouth it needs and then slap it across the face and tell it to get cracking ? This is one of the things that really gets me about life , I know it s all swings and roundabouts and what have you , but what happens when the roundabout comes round and you ve got a chance to get on but that day you just happen to be wearing that stupid long pencil skirt which means you can t lift your leg higher than your ankle ? That s me now , but bollocks I m just gonna pull the damn skirt up , expose my knickers and leap on regardless .... somehow . 
Day twelve - Onwards and Upwards ... 	 Massive apologies to my worldwide readership for failing to post a post yesterday . No , I wasn t face down in a gutter , nor did I have my mates in a headlock assuring them yet again how much I love them . It was just that not much happened . And as I sat in front of the telly on saturday ( still in my jarmies at four o clock ) and contemplated what ready meal to heat up I figured , this is not a day for the history books . Sorry if anyone panicked although I must admit it was exceedingly gratifying to be phoned by my brother who lives in LA this morning it was nothing to worry about , just my natural laziness coming to the fore , and best I felt not to establish too strongly a proper work ethic of daily on time blogging and all , that just wouldn t be me . And given that I am determined to make it successfully through my 100 days , I need to find other outlets for my natural flakiness . Mind you , there was some excitement on Sunday . Oh yes , indeed . Although the day started as a slowmo repeat with me wearing my jarmies and flicking through the TV channels , it rocketed into the social stratosphere when we elected to go to Greenwich park and watch an outdoor screening of Ferris Bueller s Day Off . This is a quintessentially great movie from my teenhood , which has now been picked up by a whole new generation of teens . This makes me feel eighty . I m not . Just . Before the screening they had a DJ playing eighties hits , or songs with words as we like to call them . Before I knew it and despite giving the sponsors product a swerve , I found myself up and dancing with all the other Stella Artois fuelled punters . Well you have to , don t you , really , when they re playing the theme tune to Top Gun followed by Dolly Parton singing 9 to 5 . It was great . I packed my inhibitions into my bag , along with C s ( he s happier in a nightclub with house at 3 am but he managed valiantly ) and leapt around and leapt around until Ferris came on to howls of enthusiasm from the audience ( who were as familiar as I am with the sheer brilliance of the young Matthew Broderick ) . Ah , lovely . I can honestly say I didn t miss the beer at all , especially next morning when I woke to embark on finding A JOB . The day dawned bright and sunny . I was shitting myself . One thing I do not like to do is ask people for jobs , especially ones I m highly underqualified for . I ve decided you see , that following the recent debacle , I m going to stay away from writing scripts for other people for a wee bit , lick my wounds and get myself a job that s low stress , hopefully fun and that leaves me free to work on my own still unfinished masterpieces . Consequently , I found myself trawling bars in the middle of the day . Oh yes , working in a bar , the irony is not lost on me . I gave myself five bars to start off with , fully expecting five rejections . But amazingly I struck in with my first attempt , which if you d heard my stuttering attempt to pose the question is particularly cool . By the end of my trawling I d had a lemonade , a chat with a foreign barman who had almost no English and definitely no idea what I wanted , and scored two trial sessions . These apparently are where I go in for a couple of hours and work for free , and they watch to see if I drop a glass or throw wine on a customer etc before they make their decision . I can t wait . I have no idea what they pay of course , chickened out way before I got to those questions , but all in good time . And things will happen from this , surely , it s the ripple effect , the fate fairies will be very impressed and they will rain down goodies on me from above oops there I go again . But nevertheless - two trials and Ferris Bueller , a very good two days . 
Day ten - Double figures ! 	 Ohmigod Ohmigod Ohmigod ! No don t worry I haven t lapsed , its just the overwhelming excitement of being in double figures Yeah I wasn t exactly blown away either . But I do feel quite the little sense of achievement , cos I went to a party last night . A proper one , in a bar and everything . It was MC s leaving do , she s off on maternity leave , just as well too , for a skinny girl she s got a hell of a lot of tummy going on . And I had fun . Lots of fun . Drinking lemonade . Lots of lemonade too as I was kept in constant supply by C and M. These two , ever since my dreadful sacking news , have turned into my personal drink guards , which is lovely but as the evening progressed became kind of like having two giggling Labrador puppies determined to take charge . I did start to wonder whether I was going to drown in lemonade at one stage , as they bought me one for every vodka they drank , but then they started getting confused as to which was their vodka and my lemonade , and a lot of tasting had to go on to find out which was safe for me to drink , which meant the glass was quite manageable by the time I got it . I even chatted to a couple of complete strangers , managing to approximate that easy blather that usually only comes with the second glass of wine . S and I used to ponder on that ( usually while finishing our second glass of wine ) , cos that s the point where you feel best , if you could continue to feel like that for the rest of the night it would be great , but somehow there s always the third glass of wine . Why not alternate with water I hear you say , apparently reasonably . Well , I ve tried that as it happens , and it does work , but only for about half an hour until the second glass of wine feeling starts to ebb away and you feel the need to get it back by having a third glass , and then because of the third glass ( which is after all still a third glass even thought you re thinking of it now as another second glass ) you forget the water in between and move onto the fourth glass , and then swiftly onto the fifth and so on to the gutter or a long visit to the ladies loos . Ooh , but forgot the big excitement of the evening ! I didn t get home till , drum roll half past midnight ! I know ! Clearly am still devil may care party girl with full and vibrant social life . So ninety days to go . 
Day nine - hmmm . 	 Still mulling over this Kicker thing or more specifically ( and egotistically ) the me as the central character in the movie of my life thing . Well 100 days of it anyway . Wondered about genres , will it be an action movie ? I could go and blow up the building where the she devil works and then go on the run from the law Not really tempting - am total wuss re prison and police because of too much telly watching , also quite like my home comforts and look crap in overalls . Maybe I could go the dark art house route ? Turn to drugs and end up on the street where forced to confront my own fears and deficiencies again , home comforts thing rears its head and also seems a bit pointless to do 100 days of no alcohol but loads of narcotics instead . Thriller ? I stalk the she devil day and night , leave bunnies boiling on her stove and rats in her bed , mercilessly wreaking my revenge until her life unravels and she is on her knees pleading for mercy as I stand over her wielding a huge knife and laughing maniacally Oops got bit carried away with that one best not , partly cos I rather like bunnies ( rats not so much , but still I wouldn t like to kill one ) and partly cos have feeling she would turn into heroine of this story and I would be the foaming mental shoved into the cop car at the end . And we cannot have that ! How bout a romantic comedy ? Rom coms are my favourite after all appealing hugely to the fantasy section which occupies the majority of my brain . So I turn up to my first job interview and the staggeringly handsome boss takes one look at me and sweeps me off my feet to Oh bollocks , just remembered that all these bloody genres require the heroine to overcome a whole pile of obstacles before she gets her prize . And the prize never turns out to be the thing she was after in the first place , its some other much more existential thing that she didn t even know she wanted but deep down needed oh so badly . All of which means , more crap before happy ending . Bugger . And another thing , after the Kicker , the heroine is meant to pick themselves up , shake themselves off and set off down the yellow brick road . Heroines are proactive , not something that has ever really been my strong point . Oh well , bit more wallowing , then I m going to have to find myself a job . 
Day eight - The Kicker . 	 Bit of a whammy happened post posting my post yesterday ( sorry , couldn t help myself , three different meanings to the one word though , how can you let that pass ? ) I got fired . As it happened I hated my job quite a lot , and had done for a while , though strangely this didn t seem to take the sting out of actually getting sacked from it . Prior to being fired , I wrote scripts for a company run by a women I like to call the she - devil . I see her as an emotional vampire and bully who makes Cruella de Ville look like Mother Theresa , yet she likes to imagine that she is the head of a slightly mad but loving family . Why did I get fired ? They said I had an attitude problem . And it is true that I hated them and thought the show was shite , so perhaps they have a point . Anyway , I got fired . And then I cried . A lot . And I rang the mother in New Zealand at 1.45 am her time . I felt bad about that , but rationalised that its her fault for being the best mother in the world . She said all the right things ; that they were a bunch of mentals ( she may have phrased that differently ) and it had nothing to do with my talent and that for the past year she s hated me working for them and how much it was wearing me down - all of which made me feel better , but seemed to make the tears flow even more . She said it was the best thing that could have happened , as I clearly was never going to leave the job . This inability to quit anything I blame on my Dad , who is basically fantastic but spent four years in the seminary training to be a catholic priest . This was before he left and had us . Afterwards , presumably missing it a bit , he used to practise mini sermons on us and one of his favourites went along the lines of finish the job . ( I m not actually a big proponent of blaming your parents for every piece of baggage you have , but I do bow to the Freudian temptation when it suits me . ) But back to the point that the mother made , exceedingly well and with a brevity I could never manage - I was better off out of the place . And 24 hours later , I do indeed feel much better . Relief is lurking offshore a bit , but the tide is turning now , and very soon I will feel it lapping round my ankles . Financially I m still shitting myself , but I ve never been specially good at money , the keeping it part , the spending part I could hold seminars on . And most and very importantly - I DIDN T DROWN MY SORROWS ! Quite proud of that , actually . Mind you , with my hatred of the dreaded hangovers and the fact that there would be no having just the one after news like that , I could pretty much predict the hideous panic that would spread like poison through me after my brief bout of escapism , which would very likely only end in tears and inappropriate leching after terrified men anyway . So not a drop did I drink . But C - who as mentioned earlier , would ordinarily prescribe champagne - brought me many cream cakes to coat my nerve endings with sugar for the pain . I take back everything I said about him being trouble , he is a paragon of support , but if I end up fat it will be his fault . Post sugar high , I find myself struck mostly by the massive irony of the thing . You see I was starting to wonder where this 100 days might take me . I think pretty much constantly in story terms you see , a product of an over - active imagination and an ability ( up till yesterday at any rate ) to make a wage out of not living in the real world . And if this were a story or a film , there would be an event within the first 8 - 12 pages . This event ( often called The Kicker ) is something that happens to the hero ( or heroine ) , something that turns their world upside down and sets them on a totally new path . Like when the tornado hits in Wizard of Oz , or the aliens strike in War of the Worlds . So this getting fired business must be my Kicker . It certainly packs a punch . Wonder what s next . 
i know i know ... it 's been 12 days and i apologize . i write this on my last night in new orleans ... and i really don't have much more to say than it 's been a hard and good week . its amazing to think about the people that the Lord places in your life to help you learn and to help you grow ... as i think about those people that i have encountered this week , it makes it a little easier to leave because i am able to recognize that the Lord placed them in my life for such a time as this was ... but that good and balanced thinking only lasts so long ... haha and then you just start planning when your coming back to visit ( and when they are coming to visit you ; ) . how much is a plane ticket to NOLA ? sailing this ship up on outtah here tomorrow . 
what hope we have ! ... that is very like the problem of all of us : to dress our souls not for the electric lights of the present world but for the daylight of the next . The good dress is the one that will face that light . For that light will last longer . - C . S . Lewissome of you read awhile ago about a man in our church who suffered from a heart attack . he is with the Lord now , and we are honoring his service to Him today at BBC . 
YUM ! a few more good places . today : some new orleans ' originals . new coffee shop , Mojo Coffee Shop .. .. soooo good . and not at all sketchy . ( no herb store next door ) . also have bubble tea . Bud 's Broiler insanely good hot dog . on a hamburger bun . yes . too bad it 's all the way in marerro . a chili - cheese dog , and a big diet coke in a souvineer plastic cup . all for 3.97 . sweet . 
monday and tuesday . i ' m not going to mention this again ... but my time here is dwindling . and while i look forward to being home with my fam , a very exciting school year , a women 's nccaa soccer championship , a new apartment and more , leaving here in the next three weeks makes me a little ... i don't even know . but the cool thing is ... the expeiences that the Lord is allowing me to have , even as my time in NOLA comes to a conclusion , continue to effect who i am and how i am . monday and tuesday of this week i worked at alice harte charter elementary school as i usually do . it is interesting to just go there , say put me to work , and see what happens . monday i just ended up running registration , tuesday we moved an entire office . it is so cool to be used where you are needed . conversations with various people included how teachers were effected by the storm , experiences changing , lives being vastly altered , the lack of hope for the entire public school system in new orleans for any type of betterment , and career paths taking sudden drastic turns . i ' ve learned so much just by being there ... doing menial tasks , but filling a huge void . tuesday was the last day of summer school at harte . all of the kids in summer school are the ones who were retained and needed more instructional time before they moved on to the next grade level . noon time fell and it was time for the awarding of medals to those who had earned promotion . as i stood in the outdoor courtyard watching all the kids gathered around a 8 x 8 outdoor stage , i welled up ( was brutsin ' ) as the little scholars strutted up on stage with such pride in what they had accomplished . i don't have any type of relationship with anyone of them , but their sense of accomplishment , their self - satisfaction , and how happy they were was SO neat . it was so confirming that this -- teaching -- is what i want to do , and what the Lord has given me a heart for . i walked through the halls of this inner - city school , that is believed to be hopeless , pushing a SAV - A - CENTER shopping cart full of computer equipment , and i thought , i belong in a school - like this . my time at harte has resulted in an immense amount of anticipation to see the places that the Lord will take me in this field ... there 's a song that says something to the effect of where does a teacher go ... wherever people need the things she knows . i know the hope that is in the Lord and everyone needs to know about that ... so it looks like i ' ll always be employed . tried a new coffee shop this morn . NOLA Java . good coffee , a little sketchy atmosphere . right next to an " HERB " shop ; ) interesting . ( i don't think i mentioned that i ' m on a pursuit to try all the cool coffee places in the city of New Orleans ... ) . 
birthday wishes ... THIS IS AN OFFICIAL BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT to Grandpa Moyer ! ( I know you check this ... so Happy Birthday from me ! ) Have a good one ... depending on how many PBU women 's soccer games you come to in your next year will determine whether you get birthday wishes next year ! just kidding , happy birthdays are unconditional . 
over the weekend . the weekend brought good times ... a concert at tipitina 's on friday night with JEEEEEnie , a delightful morning with my boys on saturday , 90 peeps out , 50 more in , and a little nap along the way . sunday brought a grand time with a little world cup soccer party at the house and some grillage ! hmmmm nothing like a hamburger with zuchinni relish ... well except for a hot dog with zuchinni relish . here 's a little photo documentation of the fesitivities ... well my morning with my boyzzzzzzzzzzzzz : big man walking ... pre - meditation of the water gun crime ... recovering from the heat ... just a smidge before nap time ! good times . i can't believe there are only 3 more weeks of these times ! 
a few things here and there ... and everywhere . i decided i ' m writing a book about new orleans so if you 're tired of reading my blog , you can buy my masterpiece when it comes out ; ) - monday was possibly the most rediculous day ever . i have to drive across the river twice to replace my cell phone ... twice . BUT the highlight of the day was a little old place called VOO DOO BAR - B - QUE ! located on st . charles street , where the trees and power lines are still drapped with beads that were unreachable by the masses during mardi gras , there it sits invited you to come in and indulge . accompanied by thecla , we drowned our ( well my ) frustrations in brisket . - tuesday , the fourth of july , was sprinkled with work throughout the day ... and then ... i watched a fireworks show over the mississippi river that ... according the the AMERICAN PYROTECHNICS ASSOCIATION is in the top 5 in the world ... woa . then on to bigger and better things , our own personal fireworks show in the driveway since i happen to live in the only town in nola that allows them ; ) we grilled hot dogs at 11 at night ( with zuchinni relish complements of some people from down home lancaster ; ) and the holiday was complete . good times . - worked in the elementary school yesterday , i love it there . they seem to think that i am some variation of manna from heaven ... i just like that i can do little job that mean a lot to people . [ ie all those little things that are so important in administrative organization that no one likes to do : filing , paperwork , running around , you know the drill ] - i work with two ladies there who are great ... vickie and debbie ... they both have such a heart for public education and teaching ... in city school systems no less . anyway in chatting with debbie , we got to talking about BBC and my job here , and the gutting ministry . she mentioned her son needed his garage gutted and asked if he could get on the list . i had to tell her that the church had stopped taking names , but to check with me at the end of July . i continued to work on a few things but was interupted by my new cell phone 's annoying ring . i answered it to find out that one of the houses that was being gutted fell through , and the family could no longer make it into the city to meet our team . they needed other work . i looked at debbie , " can your son meet the team at the garage this afternoon ? " she was blown away . for that matter , so was i . - had dinner reservations at the Daspits last night ... joyful times as usual . sam reminded us that carrots are orange and that you have to scream your favorite flavor ice cream when you eat it and flail your arms in the air in a wing flapping type motion . don't forget next time you partake . 
the last few days ... the last few days have been crazy ... in a good way : all four groups have arrived , two from PA ( chock - full - o - PBU ' ers ) , one from california , and the surprise group from boston , mass . equalling a grand total of 89 people here this week to serve God . there are people everywhere , a full parking lot , and enough shoes laying around to outfit the entire population of delaware ... but that 's what makes it so fun . so far -- keeping in mind that it is only tuesday -- the groups have gutted 4 houses , planted a garder , power - washed the church , and put together over 30 pieces of furniture ! this ministry does illustrate that many hands make the burden light . [ is that even the correct expression ? ] divine arrangement seems to be taking place this week ... thursday night of last week we were sitting at small group and one of the ladies mentioned that a friend of her 's who came to know the Lord since the storm ( that the small group had long prayed for ) , was in need of having her house gutted . well , consequently , we had stopped adding more names to the list last week ! that can't be right ... we ' ve been praying for this chick to come to know that Lord , she had since become a believer ... and now we don't have time to gut her house . well , as often is the case , the Lord had other plans ; ahhhhh the surprise group from boston ! remember the ones that called on friday because they couldn't go to paraguay ? THEY COULD GUT THIS LADY ' S HOUSE ! We had already scheduled work for all of the other groups ... this group was unexpected and needed a place to go work ! well , long story short , i tried desperately to get ahold of her last night through the lady in our small group , and she finally called me back at 10 pm to let me know she would be there ready to work with the group at 9 am ! the best part of the entire deal ... i got to meet the lady this morning , as the group needed hand - trucks delievered to the work - site . the lady saw me , asked me if i was emily , and thanked me . i was able to share with her this story of how the Lord provided these high schoolers from downtown boston to gut her home . as i drove back across the river to the church , it was hard to conceptualize the futility of our plans as mere men , compared to the sovereign plans of our GOD . 
So that 's why we bought brand new . The warranty . Likely overpriced , but well worth the peace of mind . The van has been running like a piece of shit for the last few days . It began to chug - no better way to describe it - on Sunday . Every now and then . By Monday night , it was happening regularly . After my doctor 's appointment on Tuesday morning , the Check Engine light was on . Nonstop . And the chugging was bad . So bad I didn't want to drive the van . And I lurve to drive the van . D called the dealership , and they slid us into today 's schedule . Turns out there was some kind of bulletin about the chugging - they called it something far more technical , misfiring blah blah - and they knew what to do . New spark plugs , some new wires , and some bushing whatchamacallits replaced , and the van is purring again . Good thing , too . I have to drive to the other office on Friday . For more goddamn training . Gah . 
Update from GBC . So . It was officially something . And nothing . Talk about covering your doctorly ass , eh ? It was endometrial tissue . Nothing in there showing up as a baby or a molar pregnancy . Nothing terribly abnormal , tissue - wise ( ie . no obvious cancer , blah blah blah ) . Me likes the word NOTHING . He did say it 's possible that I wasn't ovulating regularly , and my uterus was doing it 's thing , building a nice leech incubator place to grow a baby , and then it realized no such thing was happening and decided to evict It quite rudely . Or something like that . However . My doctor agrees with the ER doc in that I should drive an hour north to have a full ultrasound . And , just for fun calm in GBC - ok , if you pointedly ignore the whole It issue - and I ' d like that general calmness to prevail for a while . The pill is working well . I resisted , but it 's hormoney ( new word ! ) goodness has won me over . My next task is to convince D that he does need to do the whole give a sample to the pretty plastic cup thing and make sure the swimmers have been cut off at the pass . I even got a new specimen cup for him . Now that 's Lurve . 
Grey hairs and laughter . I think that 's what I ' d call my parenting memoirs . Each parent likely needs their own title , and this one is mine . This morning ? Someone who shall shortly be named stuck a Cheer ! o up his nose . A honey - nut Cheer ! o , to be exact . Why he would do this is anyone 's guess . This is what I heard at 8:15 this morning , while lolling about in bed , reading : Jack screaming . ( I automatically assume someone 's hitting someone , and they ' ll just work it out ) Jack : I ' m telling mommy !! Austin : What did you DO ? ! Jack : ( running upstairs , crying hysterically ) Me : Wha ? Jack : I stuck a Cheer ! o up my nose . And it HURTTTTTTTTTSSSSS !!! Me : You did what ? Jack : I stuck a Cheer ! o up my nose . And it HURTTTTTTTTTSSSSS !!! Me : Well . ( I did laugh a little ) I suppose we should get dressed & go to the hospital . Jack : No !! I don't wanna go to the hostable !! Me : We can't leave the damn thing in there ! Go get a shirt on . Jack : No ! Me : NOW . Get a shirt on . NOW ! Jack : Ok , ok . ( still crying , getting more upset ) Me : Sigh . The first nurse didn't know what to put on the intake form , so she noted it exactly as I ' d described : 4 year old with Cheer ! o in nose . The ER nurse was laughing when she opened the door and called us in . The paramedics were laughing as we walked by them . Hell , I was laughing . The doctor came in a few minutes later and after poking around in his nose , declared that she couldn't see the offending Cheer ! o . It 's possible it dissolved , and he 's already blown it out or it 's gone down the back of his throat . Between the hospital visit and me asking him if he ' ll ever do this again , I think he 's got the message . NO Cheer ! os up the nose . Or anything else , for that matter . This one is going in the Stories To Tell at Their Weddings file , that 's for damn sure . 
Things grown men should not wear . Ever . There was a guy in our office yesterday , wearing something that I wouldn't put my kids in . And it had to be geared towards kids . Either that or it was some fucked - up type of sleepwear . Just imagine it : light cotton baseball - style shirt . White . With Elm 0 on it . Elm 0 . And not just one Elmo . Oh , no . There were a couple of largish Elmos on the front , and a veritable herd of Elm 0 s cavorting around the bottom 2 / 3 of the shirt . All the way around . Front , sides , back . It looked like someone vomited Elm 0 all over the damn thing . Don't get me wrong , I like the little red dude . My kids have dragged around the Tickle Me version for some time now , and we even have a backpack shaped like Elm 0 . The Elm 0 phone was " lost " some time ago - it was possibly the most annoying toy known to mankind , but we sucked it up and suffered through hours of Elm 0 talking to the kids . I ' m thinking this guy doesn't have a wife . Or else she 's blind . Or drunk . Or laughing her ass off at how stupid her husband looks . 
It 's only Wednesday ? Thanks for the nice comments on my previous post . BTW , Candy - I think you ' ve had it worse . I mean , I can still blog ! ( laugh with me , ok ? ) Things have been quiet in GBC . The pill has been restarted - may have to look into staying on it , at this rate - and the hormones are regaining control . I have an appointment with my doctor next Tuesday , and I hope to find out the identity of It . Fun stuff ! Work is busy , as usual . The paper monster is being difficult right now , but I think I can beat him back . I ' m out of the office on Friday , though , which he ' ll see as an advantage . Austin 's been attending a bible camp thing with some kids from the daycare . None of them are particularly religious , as far as I can tell , but it 's free and it 's something to do . He usually goes to another bible camp for a week in August ( days only ) , but we haven't gotten the call about that one yet . D lovey when I go in to feed visit him , and he 's quickly wised up to my escape efforts . Only another 8 days to go and he should be ok to be out amongst the other animals . I ' m boring . I really am . My brain hurts , and I ' m going walking at 7 , so my mind is elsewhere . Gotta go review an adoption application now . Someone wants a puppy . 
Crush . Hello my loveys ! Another day , another many many adventures ! Haha : ) Only this time , this is an adventure that somewhat scares me . I do believe that I ' m developing what is right now in the baby stages of a crush on a guy I work with . Now , this can't be possible as .... I just don't get crushes ! At least not very easily . But this guy ... somehow he manages to always make me smile , laughs at a lot of the things I say , and for the first time ever , I ' ve met someone who can outwit me with the sarcasm , who can carry on an intelligent conversation , and is 100 % a certified dork like I am ! But like I said , this could all be because I spend 8 hours a day around him . Things can change pretty easily . All I know is that him and I are defintely going to become friends as we are two little peas in a pod , but beyond that has yet to be defined . I cant ' believe I even feel so giddy about things . LOL I hardly know him at all .... Anyway , so that 's my random ramble for the night . LOL I ' m off to bed . Night everyone ! Love , Kristy : ) . 
Changes ... Hey Hey My Loveys ! " Well I ' m terrified of these four walls . These iron bars can't hold me , and all I need is you . And all I scream is for you . I ' m falling ... Show me what it 's like , and teach me wrong from right ... say it for me ... say it to me and I ' ll leave this life . No Heaven 's gate won't open up for me ... so say it to me . " Save me - Nickleback . : ) Long time no write I know ! Wowzers ! So much to say and so little time in which to say it ! So many changes and new and exciting things all at once over here .... First up , I ' ve got a new job ! Whoop ! Shizzle my Nizzle . : ) I ' ve given my 2 week notice over at the Cheese place . : ) This new job , is EXACTLY what I ' ve dreamed of . : ) I work for a firm who deals in what would be equilavent to an online newspaper . They take the news that happens everyday and put into an attractive form , so that their clients will buy it . So basically it 's like a newspaper , but we sell the stories one storie at a time instead of in a package . So right now , I ' m on the bottom on the totem poll , and I listen to the news for 8 hours a night ( It starts at 3 pm and goes until 11 pm ) , and I make headlines to attract people to the story . LOL That 's my job ! Quite the change from what I have been doing all this time , but I love it ! The people at my old work cried when I gave in my two week notice , and now half the staff is already looking for a new job because they don't wanna be there if I ' m not . I wasn't expecting that at all ! I will miss some parts of my old job but the new one is VERY exciting ! On that note , I ' ve been working 14 hours days , in an effort to appease both of my bosses . So yes , I haven't had much of a life lately ! What else to say .. I should tell of the wonderful things God has done lately ! Or just a couple of them in particular . So I was trying to find the building for my new job that I was suppose to be at . And I had just finished working 8 1 / 2 hours at my old job . Anyway , so I go to the building I THINK is the right one . And for whatever reason I ' m walking all cocky like across the parking lot , and I decide to do this victory dance ... so I do it . And I get to the doors only to discover that they are locked . At this point I look up and see I ' m at the wrong building ... so I continue my dancing back to the car . Just as I ' m putting the car into gear , I look up and read the sign above me that says .. " This parking lot is monitored by survallance cameras ... " LOL I just about died laughing ! THEN to top things off ( now this is what proves further that God has a sense of humor ) , I drive literally ONE building over and find the right building . As I ' m getting out of my car ( literally still crying and laughing about the above incident ) , I realize that someday these people are going to see my car sitting outside of work and go .. " Oooooh so THAT ' S the idiot who was dancing in our parking lot . " LOL ! And for a more serious story , I was at work today . And I wasn't the happiest camper ... but anyway , this guy comes in with his son . And I was playing with the kid for a while , and then just as they were leaving his dad turns to me and goes .. " do you go to Emmauel ? " And I was like , " Yes I do . " ( Keep in mind I haven't been to church in many months due to my job ) . So he goes , " I thought so , I thought I recognized you from there ! " And I was so incredibly shocked as the only person I know that goes there , happens to be my best friend . It was so totally a God thing ! Anyway , I ' m beyond tired and should get to bed . But take care and I look forward to hearing from you all soon ! Love you muches ! * hugs and kisses * Kristy : ) . 
Adventure # 1 . There is so many Adventures with God I could get into , but instead , we ' ll just start at the most recent events and go back from there . : ) People often ask me why it is that I believe in God . How I can believe in God when the world seems so not Godly . Well my answer is simply this , " If it wasn't God that brought me through the crazy times that I have been through , who was it ? " And to clarify my answer , there is often a story of some bizarre but still true , nature that follows . One that probably goes something like this ... On Tuesday I was flying home from Kelowna . I was on flight # 1 from Kelowna to Calgary , when what can only be described as a death - defying experience occured . I was seated to an 8 yr old who 's parents were in the back of the plane ( I ' m still not quite sure WHY they weren't together , but anyway .... ) , and we were starting our descent into Calgary , when I could tell that we were going a lot faster than we should be for a descennt ( I ' ve flown countless times ) . So I look over at the wing ( which I was seated over ) , and noticed that they were changing gears all over the place . Then I see the flight attendants pretty much make a run for their seats . Just as it 's occuring to me that something is definetly NOT OKAY , the captain comes on and goes , " Well Ladies and Gentlemen , we will be unable to land today , as the landing gears don't want to seem to want to work , the alternate landing gears also won't work , and the one engine won't power down enough for landing , so we are going to circle under the airport until ground gives us an alternate landing plan . " Now , I wasn't panicked at this point quite yet , not comfortable but not panicked either . The little girl beside me looks at me with wide eyes and starts screaming and crying , " I dont ' wanna die ! I don't wanna die !!!!! " I was half in shock , when pandimonium swept through the cabin . It was like because of that one little voice , other 's suddenly realized that they too might possibly die . So people started crying , yelling at the Flight Attendants for some kind of answers ( who couldn't help them , as we were all strapped in our seats ) , and finally I was like , Well SOMEONE ' S gotta do SOMETHING about this . So I said a quick prayer to God and said , " God if you want me to die today , I understand . But I ' m asking you with all my heart to spare the lives of those who don't know you . " So after I had said that , I asked the little girl if she likes Green Eggs and Ham . When I got a nod , I proceeded to recite the book by heart to her . Pretty soon , there was not a sound in the cabin but a few little sniffles , and my voice with the little girl 's going ... " I DO NOT LIKE THEM SAM I AM !!! " 45 mins into our circling around the airport , the captain gets on , and informs us that we are indeed going to try landing . I looked out the window and said another prayer to God for saftey , and right when I was finishing up , the little girl slips her hand into mine and goes , " I do not like Green Eggs and Ham , I do not like them SAM I AM ! " We broke out laughing , and by the time we ' d calmed down , we noticed that we were indeed safely on the ground ! I don't think there has EVER been a more thankful crew of people to be on solid ground . : ) But nothing was fixed ... so that is how I know , it was indeed a miracle that was performed that day . : ) By logic , we all should ' ve been dead ... as the plane should ' ve ran out of gas LONG before we landed . : ) We were in the air for a total of 3 hours , and it was only suppose to take 30 minutes for us to get to Calgary . There is no way the plane was big enough to hold enough gas for THAT long of a journey when it wasn't suppose to go that far in the first place . : ) Anyway , I do have to run off and shower and get to work . So I ' ll write more God stories later . : ) Take care and love you all to bits ! Love , Me : ) . 
A New Phase in a Brand New Life : ) . Hello My Friends ! Yes , it tis me and I have returned from vacation ! I ' ve also returned with a brand new outlook on life and everything in it . You ' ll be hearing more about it when I get the time . For now I just wanted to stop by say hi , and say that I ' m back in action ! 2 black eyes , one death - defying experience , and several steps closer to God , I ' m here in my cozy little apartment , working my tail off once again . : ) But happy just to be alive ! Take care , and I ' ll write more tonight when I don't have to rush off to work like I do now . : ) Love you all lots and lots ! Love , Punked Out Kristy : ) " I know I should get some sleep . I ' m at the beginning of another long week , but I don't want you to go . No , I don't want you to go ... " . 
I don't what to say but feel like I should say SOMETHING . Hey Hey everyone ! I don't know that I have all that much to say today . I ' ve overslept and thus most things I have to get done today , won't be accomplished anytime soon . LOL Thank goodness I have the next 2 days off ! It 's going to be a jam packed week ! Just let me go make myself some coffee , then maybe my mind will work better than it is right now . ; ) My Mug * see above picture * has been brought back by popular request ! LOL For any of you that know me , you know I don't care much for how I look , and I don't particularily like having my picture taken either . But since discovering that my cam can take black and white pictures ... the above product was born ! LOL I ' ll take some cooler pictures ... it 's times like this when I wish I had a digital cam ! So I ' ve got the coffee now and I ' m craddling it like a baby . LOL ! As for what I ' ve been up to lately , is a whole lot of nothing and everything at once ! I think these last 2 weeks have been the busiest in my life ! I ' ve been reconnected to some old friends , and been connecting even stronger with the friends I already did have . As well as working 8 1 / 2 hours or more a day . So between spending a minimum of 8.5 hours at work , spending 2 hours with friend , and somewhere 's in there trying to eat , and sleep , the house work has gone to hell in a hand basket . LOL So guess what I get to do today , even though I really don't want to ! As for my plans coming up , it goes something like this .... Monday / Tuesday : Shopping for baby things for the sis , finding a new job , cleaning house , doing house related chores , going to Divine Brown ( hopefully ! ) , doing laundry , and packing ! Wednesday : Working nights ... Thursday : Working Days Friday : Working Days , then going to The Leanne Rhymes concert with a 74 yr old friend of mine ! Sat . - Working all day , then getting to see one of my best friends who 's coming into town with her hunny bunny ! ( They are engaged , and I STILL haven't met him !!! LOL ! ) Sunday - Working again ... ( noticing a pattern yet ? ) Monday - Working again , then heading home to the farm . Tuesday - At 4 in the morning my parents and I are leaving to travel 14 hours in a car together to go see my sister for a full week ! LOL Now you can understand why I said I have a jam packed week , and sleeping in definetly hasn't helped things ! Now for the enjoyment of those that I KNOW are going to be annoyed with my whinings from now on , I have to say this to get it off my chest . : ) Yesterday , for the first time in over 4 months it occured to me that I do indeed miss certain things about having a boyfriend . Don't get me wrong , I don't miss my ex himself , and nor am I even desperate in any way shape or form . There is just certain things in life that friends and family can't fill . See when I date people it 's because they feel more like a best friend than an actual boyfriend to me . They are people whom will pick me up and swing me around if they feel like it . They are people that will swing on swings , jump around , run through toy aisles and push all the buttons with me ... things like that . I look around me and all of my friends have boyfriends who will do that somewhat with them . Not that I care , becaues I ' ve never wanted to be like everyone else anyway . But the truth is , I do miss having that . I miss having someone of the opposite sex that isn't afraid to be themselves and to make me laugh if i have a bad day ... to share a cup of coffee with ... to laugh at the silly things in life with ... All that stuff . I know God 's got someone out there , and I ' m not desperate don't get me wrong . It 's just different for me . I guess it 's simply another adjustment I ' ll have to make . Anyway , enough about all that sad stuff ! You all take care and I love you all to bits ! Have a wonderful day / week and know that God loves you , and that He 's shining through each and every one of you in everything you do . : ) Whether you know it or not ! Love , Punked Out K : ) . 
Bob . He got moved back to Olympia yesterday to start rehab . he started having seizures ... small ones at first , then ended up , before the night was over , having 3 grand mal seizures . scaring the crap out of my mom and i . he 's on medication now and is only occasionally having some smaller ones ... we were there ( the hospital , not rehab any mroe ) for about 8 or 9 hours today and we probably saw ... 12 . A lot better than last night , when he was having one every 10 minutes or so and was hallucenating during them . he 's having an MRI tomorrow , had an EEG today . Please pray that this is only temporary and will go away . Please pray for mom and I and my siblings to hold up . 
Good evening . I ' ve been told ( by the one or two people who read this thing ) that an update is in order . This may be long , but I ' ll try to group it in what 's been going on . BABIESCongratulations go out to Jann and Chris who have just had their first daughter , Anna , on Saturday . Congratulations to Tammi and EJ who just had their first daughter , Tori , in the middle of June . Congratulations to Brittany and Marty who just had their first daughter , Abby , in the beginning of June . Congratulations to Mandy and Kenton who are expecting their first daughter , Jillian , in August . Whew ! That 's a lot of babies ! BOBOK , here 's the story for those of you who missed it . Saturday , July 8 , we were having a family BBQ at my parents house at the ocean . Family meaning aunts , uncles , cousins -- almost everyone was there . Bob ( my step - dad ) wasn't feeling well all day . Finally , we ended up calling the paramedics and he got a 45 minute ambulance ride to the hospital in Aberdeen . His body was retaining water and it was filling his lungs and putting pressure on his heart -- he could barely breathe . That was the 8 th . Today is the 20 th and he 's still there -- not even in the hospital here in Olympia . he 's an hour away from us , 2 - 3 hours away from everyone else . He now has an infection in his leg that they 're working on healing . the plan is to get him moved either tomorrow or Saturday to the hospital or nursing home ( temporarily ) in Olympia / Lacey . ( Of course , the original plan was for this to happen LAST Sunday ... ) Once he gets here , he ' ll start rehab -- hopefully coming out of this thing better than he has been in a long time . Mom 's slowly cracking from the pressure , and she has yet to cry . With the financial strain it 's putting on them ... it 's difficult . Please pray that rehab " takes " , that Bob learns from this and changes his lifestyle , and that mom finds some relief in her Savior . SLPIAt work I ' m planning for a workshop in 2 weeks . We 're hosting a Sign Language Proficiency Interview workshop - and I ' m in charge of planning it and get to attend . I ' m kind of nervous . BLOGGINGI haven't been in the mood to do this lately . It 's weird . Just don't feel like typing everything out I guess ... REUNIONMy 10 - year reunion is next month . I have yet to RSVP . Kind of waiting to see who all is coming for sure ... The planners probably hate me , but ... I don't want to go and be totally alone there . It 's at a local bar ( they ' ve reserved the top floor ) , but I don't drink ... and I hate drunk people . Not sure what to do about that . We ' ll see . OK , that 's enough for tonight . good night ! 
Happy Independence Day : ) . OK , soo ... Today is July 3 rd . June is officially behind us , PTL . Don't get me wrong , there were some GREAT things in June . It 's just ... it was overwhelming , at times depressing , 100 % stressful , and just drug me down . Perhaps that 's why I ' ve sucked at updating this thing . Sorry . July has a happier outlook , though . It 's been toasty around here . 90 s , 80 s , finally down into the 70 s ( I heard it was getting up to 79 today ) . My kitty is grumpy and I ' m wondering if she 's just hot . Poor girl can't even go outside and lay in the sun anymore ... ( I don't have a yard -- just a back deck . and she runs away to the neighbors if I let her out . punk cat . ) She just came to me quacking ( she 's old -- 15 -- and doesn't " mew " anymore ... it 's more ... " mraaack " ) . I have nicknamed her " quacker " because of that ! she 's now sitting in my lap purring -- hopefully I ' ll have relief from the quacking for a few minutes ! I think I ' m supposed to be teaching a little bit of ASL at church ... for worship and whatnot . It 's hard because ... well , partly I don't feel competent ( only a hearing person who already knows ASL can comment on that -- the rest of you must be quiet -- just because it looks pretty does NOT mean it 's right ! ) , and partly I don't want to . God told me from the beginning , however , that I ' m not allowed to take it as mine -- or He ' d take it from me . We ' ll see what happens . 
Updates . Yes , I should write more . You have no idea . Here 's the update : * My baby sister is a grown up . She 's all graduated . And I ' m very proud of her ! : ) * Glilly is married . ( If you don't know Glen and Lilly , I ' m sorry - you should . Check out John 's blog for a wedding pic of them . ) * I ' m having a housewarming on Saturday . Yes , you 're all invited . * Jann 's having a baby . Mandy 's having a baby . Yes we all knew that , but I ' d reiterate . * Brittany had her baby . Tammi had her baby . Yes , we knew THAT , too , but ... again . * I don't want to go to work these days . It might have something to do with the dryness of my spiritual life ? Who knows . Whatever . * I have to reiterate the one above . work = blech . I have to fix that somehow , but don't really want to . * My office is CLEAN . VERY clean . And I ' ve framed and HUNG my two college diplomas and my License to Preach . VERY exciting . I should buy another frame for the day I get my masters . Do you think that ' ll ever happen ? Do you think I could ever be a DOCTOR ? it would be so sweet to have a Ph . D . I would love that . we ' ll see . lots of time , lots of money . * I miss my CWU friends . I ' m very excited you guys are coming here next weekend . I hope Jer ( i . e . FRED ) can make it . * That 's about it . Night . 
Hi all . I ' m at the ocean right now . Just wanted to send out a quick book recommendation . I started this book around 11 last night and just finished it . " Island of Saints " by Andy Andrews Its about a german u - boat officer who was in the gulf of mexico ( yeah - i had no idea the germans were on US soil and in US water ... This is a true story . ) . Its the story of what happens to him when , injured , he makes it to land . Very good . 
Novo Dicion rio da P ngua Lortuguesa 5 . GUSTAVa que o realizador do filme KLIMT fosse torturado at loucura com o pr prio filme . Novo Dicion rio da P ngua Lortuguesa 1 Novo Dicion rio da P ngua Lortuguesa 2 Novo Dicion rio da P ngua Lortuguesa 3 Novo Dicion rio da P ngua Lortuguesa 4 . 
Novo Dicion rio da P ngua Lortuguesa 4 . este blogue est fuckado . noutros afazeres . Novo Dicion rio da P ngua Lortuguesa 1 Novo Dicion rio da P ngua Lortuguesa 2 Novo Dicion rio da P ngua Lortuguesa 3 . 
Whats Your Blogging Personality ? Your Blogging Type is Commanding and Larger Than Life In blogging circles , you tend to rise to the top with your take charge personality . You are driven to solve problems , connect bloggers , and be an influential force . You are also motivated to keep your blog fresh and high quality . Your hard work has paid off - you set a high standard for other bloggers to aspire to . What 's Your Blogging Personality ? 
A Message from ' Top Blogs ' Author . I ' ve recieved a few emails over the past two weeks from fellow Bloggers . I want to thank all of you for your positive feedbacks ; including the owners of the Blogs I ' ve featured on ' Top Blogs ' . I always ask permission when I use photos and copies of paintings on my Blog . I know many Bloggers have copyrighted material on their Blogs and Websites and it would be wrong for me to use any materal without Permission . I respect my fellow Bloggers and want them to respect me too . As you can see , I write my Blog on a weekly basis . I actually find many Blogs that I would love to write about ; but many of the Owners have no way for me or anyone to contact them . Many Bloggers have an email address but the email account no longer exists . Another is the Owners won't answer their email messages ! Etc . , Etc . , I could go on for days . I ' ve been working on my new template this week . It 's trying to drive me insane ! I want it to be like my old template . I wanted three columnes instead . Now that this has been accomplished ; I ' m finding new challenges . Why did I think I was computer savvy enough to think I could do this by myself ? I don't know ! For one I can't seem to get the Permanent Links to work ! Or the Title of the Post to Highlight and be able to go to the Permanent Links when their clicked on like my old template did . Well another week on My Journey to find more Top Blogs . Will your Blog be next ? 
Realistic Paintings , Wine Paintings by Emily Zasada . If you like Art Blogs , Realistic Paintings , Wine Paintings by Award winning Virginia Artist : Emily Zasada , Is a must see ! Realistic Paintings , Wine Paintings by Emily Zasada features completed paintings as well as photos of paintings in progress . Emily is a self taught Artist ; she has been painting for over 3 years . Her paintings and commissioned works have been purchased by customers all over the U.S. , as well as Asia , the UK , and Australia . Emily was Awarded First place in the category " Best Rendering " in an art contest voted on by other e Bay artists and also won awards in " Best Realism " and " Best Still Lifes " . Emily has sold paintings and prints through local stores in the Virginia area , and her painting are displayed at local shows . One of her wine paintings was chosen as the cover art for the spring , 2005 edition of the " Virginia Wine Gazette " . Why realism ? " I ' m not sure . I ' m not a patient person , so even I don't always understand why I ' ve chosen to focus on this type of art. But the details of objects fill our lives ; they 're background players and constant companions , even though they 're largely unnoticed . Consider the faint curve of the keys of the computer keyboard under your fingers , for example , or the pale translucent light that lightly brushes the rim of your coffee cup . All of these tiny things give our life texture and beauty , if we stop just for a moment to examine them and pause in the middle of an enormously rushed day " . Visit Realistic Paintings , Wine Paintings by Emily Zasada and let Emily know that ' Top Blogs ' recommended her Art Blog to you ! 
Archaeological Digs . Take a look at a Blog called Archaeological Digs . Owned by : Paul Mc Lerran . Paul is an Archeology Enthusiast and Dig volunteer of 10 years . He has participated in excavations at George Washington 's Mount Vernon in Virginia and the Bethsaida Excavations Project in Israel . Archaeological Digs has become one of my favorite Blogs on the Net for everything about Archaeological digs worldwide . Did you know there are Archaeological Digs and Research activities being conducted all over the world ; and those of us with no experience can volunteer to take part in . Archaeological Digs has the most comprehensive and up - to - date information about current Archaeological Digs , Dinosaur Digs , and Archaeological Travel Tours throughout the world . It also features Special Postings highlighting specific Archaeological Digs , the Latest Discoveries , and other Articles related to Archaeology and Archaeological Digs . 
Art Muses . One of the Best Blogs about Art has to be a site called Art Muses . Owned by : Alexa Brett Location : United States Alexa is an Artist who has lived in France , Brazil and U.S.A. Art Musesfeatures many of her own Art . Well known works of Art are also featured and she expresses her opinions of them perfectly . She makes you feel as if you are at the museum with her . " I made this Collage a while back it is one of my favorites . Flamenco dancers are intense and so expressive . They seem to feel emotions in a grand scale . Sadness seems to ooze out of their every move . I saw my first Flamenco dance when I was nine years old in Spain and it made a lasting impression " . Art Muses includes techniques , opinions on the world , reviews and commentaries . I like the way this Blog keeps the viewer interested and it all flowed together nicely . It 's about Art and all things Art related . Much unlike other Blogs that start off about one Topic and than strays on to something so unrelated that it loses ones interest . 
I Like Blogs . One of my Favorite things to do on my journey to surf the Web and find the Best ' Top Blogs ' , is to look out for Free and Unique ways to Promote my Blog . That 's when I found out about I Like Blogs . Owned By : Steven Hartley . It 's a Picture Directory and Gallery for Bloggers . Bloggers can set up Links to their own Blogs to increase visits to their Blogs or browse the Picture Links to other Blogs in the Directory . Simply move your mouse over the pictures and click to go to other Blogger sites . You can choose your own Picture or Logo , or just choose a Smiley . Not many Bloggers know about this Free Picture Directory Service , So go to I Like Blogs today and get Free Advertising for your Blog Now ! 
Reason # 5 - It 's too hot to exercise ! I ' ve been hearing this excuse so much that it 's become an earworm . Here are some basic tips and tricks for training during the hot summer months : 1 ) Train in the early morning hours or late evening hours when temperatures are cooler 2 ) Train in an air conditioned home or gym 3 ) Go for a swim 4 ) Play tag with your kids while the sprinklers are on 5 ) If you are office - bound , get up from your desk 4 - 5 times a day and do 5 - 10 squats Do you have a great idea for training during the hot summer months ? Leave a comment and share with the rest us ! 
Reason # 4 - It 's My Birthday . One of the most classic excuses for missing a training session is , " It 's my birthday on Saturday , so I can't train that day . " WRONG ! While you may not be in town on your birthday to train at your favorite studio or gym , you don't have to miss a training session . Talk with your trainer about a training program you can do on the road . Your trainer should be able to put together a quick session of exercises you can do in the privacy of your hotel room or in the hotel gym facilities . If you give your trainer enough notice they can even put together a training program that incorporates some of the sites and adventures of your vacation city . Remember training doesn't always have to involve weights or a gym ! What are some of your favorite " on the road " training exercises or activities ? 
On A Serious Note : Eating Disorder Resources . Lately I ' ve noticed the rise of eating disorders not just among women but men too . What frightens me is the number of people that are either on the verge of an eating disorder or those who don't recognize they may have an eating disorder . This is no shame in this disease . It is just a terrible disease and there is help . Internet Resources : National Eating Disorders Association U.S. National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders , Inc. Kristen Watt Foundation A great inspirational story and blog about how weight training ( specifically powerlifting ) helps one woman battle bulimia . The Story Her website . 
This Summer 's New Candy ... Frozen Fruit ! " I scream ... you scream ... we all scream for ... FROZEN FRUIT ? ! " Yes , FROZEN FRUIT ! Yesterday , my sister - in - law was telling my husband and I that her 5 - year - old son prefers frozen blueberries over cookies for dessert . In fact one day they ran out of frozen blueberries so dad says , " Well , you can just have two cookies instead . " My nephew screams , " No , I don't want cookies , I want frozen blueberries ! " That 's excellent advice ! If you haven't tried frozen fruit for dessert , you are missing out ! My godkids come running across the street on hot days to raid my freezer for frozen grapes . If I happen to be out , they look at me like I stole candy from them . Some of my favorite frozen fruit treats : grapes , strawberries , blueberries , raspberries , sliced oranges , sliced pineapple , sliced watermellon , sliced cantaloupe , ( I think you get the picture ) . It 's simple . Clean the fruit , slice it if you have to , put it in a bowl , put it in the freezer , and wait until frozen . It 's a great snack and dessert you can have on hand all of the time especially on those hot summer days ! 
Read Labels : Know What You Are Eating ! I could lecture on this topic for days , but I don't think I could say it more succinctly than this ... We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons . Alfred E . Newman Yes , Alfred E . Newman the " spokescharacter " for Mad Magazine . If you don't know how to read a nutrition facts label , please take the next 5 minutes and learn . You take the time to find bottled or filtered water why not take the time to know what you are eating ! 
I Found The Magic Pill ! Everyone is looking for the magic weight loss pill or the Fountain of Youth . Did you know it 's right in front of you ? There is a reason you may not have found it yet . It goes by many names . Some people call it movement , exercise , sports , training , or playing . Not the answer you were looking for ? Why not ? It doesn't have to cost any money , you can do it anytime of the day , and it doesn't have to be a drag ! There isn't anything else like exercise ! The benefits to regular exercise grow exponentially every day . Here is just a short list of thingsthat can be prevented with a regular exercise routine : heart disease and stroke , high blood pressure , diabetes , back pain , osteoporosis , dementia , and Alzheimer 's disease . It reduces the risk of developing colon and breast cancer , builds and maintains healthy bones , muscles and joints , reduces depression and anxiety and promotes psychological well - being . Are you going to be the person that tells me they don't have 30 - minutes today . You don't have 30 minutes today , but you ' ll have 1 - 2 months of free time later when you can recover from a heart attack or stroke ? Don't think it could happen to you ? The US Dept. of Health and Human Services , June 2002 says otherwise : * 12.6 million people have coronary heart disease * 1.1 million people suffer from a heart attack in a given year * 17 million people have diabetes , about 90 - 95 % of cases are type 2 diabetes , which is associated with obesity and physical inactivity * Another 16 million people ( approximately ) have " pre - diabetes " * 50 million people have high blood pressure In a 1993 study , 14 percent of all deaths in the United States were attributed to activity patterns and diet . Another study linked sedentary lifestyles to 23 percent of deaths from major chronic diseases . For example , physical activity has been shown to reduce the risk of developing or dying from heart disease , diabetes , colon cancer , and high blood pressure . On average , people who are physically active outlive those who are inactive . The US Dept. of Health and Human Services , June 2002 You can prevent major life - altering diseases with just an ounce of prevention everyday ! 30 - minutes a day of exercise ( walking , swimming , weight - training , sports , playing with your kids , etc ) everyday , that 's all you need to do ! 
Diet Tip : Chew Your Food ! Do you remember your mother saying , " Chew your food 20 times ! " Turns out she wasn't just being a nag ; she was helping with your digestion . 30 % of the digestive process starts in your mouth . It 's no wonder with the " hurry , hurry , faster , faster " mentality today that more people suffer from irritable bowel syndrome and other gastro - intestinal problems and diseases . Just chew your food . It 's better for your body 's digestion system and you will eat less . 
Don't eat anything that comes in through your car window ! I ' m climbing on my soapbox now ! Hear me loud and clear , " You shouldn't eat anything if it comes in through your car window ! " This morning I was enjoying some coffee and Uncle Sam cereal with fresh berries when the local morning news program " Good Day @ Nine " on UPN 31 , began a 3 minute + news segment named " Fast Food Accuracy - Part 2 " about the accuracy of your drive - thru order . ( You mean there was a " Part 1 ? " ) A reporter was " on the scene " at Flag City ( near Lodi ) reporting on his drive - thru experience at Mc Donald 's , Wendy 's and Taco Bell . Did they offer him ketchup ? Did they remember to hold the cheese ? Did they remember to include a straw ? Now , cut to the anchor team back in the studio where they begin reading emails from viewers about their drive - thru experiences . The Taco Bell in Folsom is great , but El Dorado Hills always mixes up their order . I was amazed that this topic was important enough to the public for an entire news segment and viewer comments ! I lost my appetite when they started showing the " treasures " that came from the drive - thru ! I can't believe anyone eats that ! I know , I know , " I don't have time to make breakfast in the morning . " But you have enough time to go through a drive - thru ? You can make a healthy breakfast in less than 2 minutes and take it with you ! Just throw some non - fat plain yogurt in a blender , a little oj , some frozen berries , banana , quick - oat oatmeal , a bit of honey , etc. ( you get the point ) . Blend for 30 seconds , pour into a cup , run out the door " Mc Donald 's / Wendy 's / Taco Bell tastes so good ! " Really ? How can you taste anything over the glistening grease ? I can go on and on with all of the excuses about why people continue to eat 4 - 5 fast food meals on average a week . I ' m not saying you should never , ever , ever , ever eat fast food . You should ask yourself why you are eating fast food and is it a habit ? If it 's a habit , then it 's time to break it ! At the very least , " Don't eat anything that comes in through your car window ! " . 
Equal Doesn't Mean Equal Portions . My last blog , " Reason # 3 " has caused a lot of conversation with clients and non - clients regarding different mindsets around eating . Last year , I started to dig into my own mindset regarding eating . Even though I know my portion of a meal should be smaller than my husband 's portion , I was still putting the same amount of food on my plate . Why was I doing that ? I consciously knew I should be eating less because I don't burn the same amount of calories as he does . It took me about a week to figure it out , but when I finally did I was stunned and it has changed the way I look at food . It came down to this revelation . In our relationship we view each other as equals , so then why would he get more food than me ? Some of you might say , well because he is a man and he needs more calories . STOP and really read that sentence again , " in my mind and in our relationship I view us as equals ( a good thing ) , so why does he get more food than me ? ( why should he have more of something if we are equal , don't I deserve the same amount of steak as my husband ? " I also caught myself having ice cream ( even though I didn't want any ) just because he was having ice cream . I wanted to make sure I got my share of ice cream . How many of you find yourself full from dinner and have dessert just because your spouse is having dessert ? Ask yourself this , do you really want dessert or do you just want it because you want your share ? I know I ' m not alone in this thinking . I ' ve spoken to atleast dozen women about my revelation and they have agreed with me . So how do you fix this ? I started by serving my dinner on a salad plate and my husband 's on a dinner plate . Not only did it control my portions , but it also gave me the feeling that I too had a full plate of food . Today , I don't have this mindset , but it brings up an important issue . You need to continually ask yourself questions to figure out what drives you to continue with bad eating habits . Remember you only need to tackle one bad eating habit at time , but you need to target the cause or you will fight it forever . Here are 23 more tips for healthier eating . 
Reason # 3 - I ' m Overweight Because My Parents Are Overweight . While there is some proof to show a genetic link to obesity , it 's not an excuse to be overweight . The question is , " Is it really genetics or is it the eating habits we inherit from our parents ? " Think about this , from the moment you were born you began to mimic your parents every move , accent , word , habit , etc. Maybe you don't eat a certain food today because you were never exposed to it as a child , thus you never learned to like it . Maybe you don't eat breakfast because when you were growing up it was never an important meal . Maybe you only consider breakfast to consist of bacon and eggs . Maybe you don't consider dinner finished until you have dessert . Habits are hard to change , but first you must identify what needs to change . I encourage you to take a minute and make a list of the good and bad eating habits . How many of them come from your childhood ? Now that you have a list , make today the day you start changing your dietary habits ! Tackle one bad eating habit a week and introduce one new good eating habit . Here is small sample of some bad eating habits : 1 ) Dinner isn't over until dessert is served 2 ) Skipping meals or only having one meal a day 3 ) Drowning vegetables in butter or salad dressing Here is a sample of some good eating habits : 1 ) Eating breakfast every morning 2 ) Eat small meals 5 - 6 times a day 3 ) Incorporate more water into your diet and less soda ( yes , even diet soda ) And for those of you that need a visual of this concept you should watch the new reality program on the TLC network , " Honey We 're Killing The Kids ! " . Using computer imaging , it shows parents what their children will look like at age 40 if they continue with their bad eating habits and lack of exercise . 
Get An Attitude ! ( towards a healthier diet ) . The key to a successful and ongoing healthy diet is attitude ! Decide you are going to do it & just do it ! Just like you decide to get up in the morning and go to work . Need more ? Get 5 more tips on maintaining a healthy diet . 
Start Changing Today ! " Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person 's physical , emotional , and mental states . " Carol Welch Go find some stairs and run them , twice ! Right Now ! No stairs nearby ? Stand up out of that seat and squat until your butt hits the chair , then stand up again . Repeat 10 times . Congratulations ! You just made a change ! 
Reason # 2 - Because I just can't have it all ... If you can't think big , you will never get there . Be , Do , Have While my husband and I were enjoying the beautiful Lake Tahoe scenery , we came across this boat , the Sierra Rose ! Look closely ! Yes , it 's a boat with a boat , oh and a helicopter ! 
We All Make Choices . We all make choices , everyday . Those small decisions made consciously and unconsciously have a direct , snowball - like , effect on your future . My husband and I were at the mall yesterday doing some shopping , when we decided to grab a quick lunch at Rubio s . Sure , I wanted the cheesy chicken enchilada , but I made a conscious choice to eat something healthier , a Healthmex Chicken Salad . For those of you keeping score , that 's 260 calories , 2 g of fat , 6 g of fiber , and 27 g of protein . We started people watching as we were enjoying our tasty lunch . Oh come on now , you all do it ! Across the mall , I noticed a mother with two young children . She struggled putting on her child 's shoe . She struggled to put her other child in the stroller . She was noticeably out of breath just from walking . It was obvious that her weight was taking the fun out of her life . Everything was such a tremendous amount of effort . Just when I started to feel sorry for her , my fitness guru husband says in a calm voice , " we all make choices . " His comment caught me off - guard , but just as he finished the word " choices " she walks over to the coffee bar and orders a super - grande mocha - latta - death - in - a - cup frappe drink . Again , for those of you keeping score , that 's roughly about 530 calories , 18 g of fat , 0 g of fiber , and 8 g of protein . I say " roughly " because if she would have ordered the strawberries and creme frappe , then the numbers would have been much higher , 770 calories , 19 g of fat , still no fiber , and 18 g of protein . Could I have had that cheesy chicken enchilada for lunch , sure , but my choice today of a healthier lunch has allowed the " future - me " to hike in the mountains without gasping for air . My choice today has enabled the " future - me " to run through the DFW airport and catch a connecting flight for a vacation . My choice today has enabled the " future - me " the chance to fully participate in my life . We all make choices , let 's be more conscious of those small everyday decisions . They will change your life . 
You Graduate On Friday , June 9 th ! This time of year is always an important and interesting time period for many people . Maybe it goes back to our school days ... that sense of finishing something long term and starting a new chapter or perhaps sub - chapter in your life . You know this time of year ! Think back with me . You just finished all the big exams and papers ; you are cleaning out your locker , going to all the graduation parties and getting ready for the summer break ... ahhhh ! For some former colleagues , they received new business cards , letterhead , email addresses , etc. as they were consumed by a competitor this week . It 's a whole new world , again . For a friend , she consciously made the decision to eliminate some of the stress in her life . She is taking a permanent leave of absence from one of her businesses to focus on the other business , her family , and her fitness training . How exciting ! For an employee of mine , he is graduating college on Saturday . What a feeling of accomplishment ! For me , I started expanding and re - defining our corporate mission statement . Allowing for our future growth and demand starts TODAY , not tomorrow or next week ! In school that day is called " graduation day . " We don't get to miss final exams and report deadlines and graduate " sometime in June . " Imagine if every Friday was a graduation day ! Where are you on your list of to - dos ? You better hurry up ! You graduate on Friday , June 9 th , so all of your to - dos better be " to - done " , no excuses ! 
Reason # 1 - I ' ll start next week ... it 's better timing . " Do not wait ; the time will never be ' just right ' . Start where you stand , and work with whatever tools you may have at your command , and better tools will be found as you go along . " - Napoleon Hill . 
You can do anything you set your mind on ! This past weekend , I attended my sister 's college graduation ceremony . It was complete with the march of graduates , Canon in D Minor , a host of local officials , and of course a valedictorian . I started to fall into a daze about an hour into the 2.5 hour ceremony , when the valedictorian came up to the podium to give her speech . I ' ve seen many graduation ceremonies and rarely does the valedictorian speech cause me to shake off the daze and really listen . It seemed too perfect ! Fresh after starting this bloc last Thursday and sharing my frustration with the world about people 's lack of faith in themselves , this valedictorian inspired the graduates to have faith . I ' m not talking about the type " God - type " of faith , although it can definitely be a part of it . I ' m talking about the faith in yourself ! The valedictorian spoke about a man , Glenn Cunningham , who beat all odds to become of the greatest runners in history . Cunningham had accumulated 13 Big Six Conference Championships , two NCAA titles in the mile , the Sullivan Award as the nation 's top amateur athlete , multiple world records , and an Olympic silver medal . By now you are probably thinking , " So what , he was a great athlete , I could be a great athlete too if only I could ( insert challenge here ) . " Let me guess , " lose weight , " " find time to train , " " become independently weathly , " yada , yada , yada . I ' ve heard it all before . So why am I telling you about Glenn Cunningham ? He was a tremendously successful athlete despite the fact that he was almost an amputee . When he was 8 years old , an explosion took the life of his older brother and left Glenn in critical condition for six weeks . His legs were so badly burned that the doctors wanted his parent 's permission to amputate both of them . His parents knew that his chances of walking again with his legs were very slim , but with no legs his chances would be worse . His parents said no to the amputation . Over the years , Glenn forced himself to walk a little more everyday . At age 12 , after winning a foot race against schoolmates , he pursued competitive running . Remember the ol ' motto your parents would tell you as a kid , " You can do anything that you set your mind on . " Just stop and think about that for a minute . What an incredibly powerful tool we have between the ears ! I can do anything I set my mind on ! Here was an 8 year - old boy that doctor 's said would never walk again , running at age 12 , just 4 years later . Has someone told you in the last month that you can't do something or to do ( insert challenge here ) would be too crazy ? What would you have done if you were Glenn 's parents ? Would you have amputated his legs because that 's what the doctor 's told you to do ? Would you have told the doctor 's no and gone against the norm ? In the end it all comes down to you ... your mindset ... your determination ... your life ! 
Welcome ! What 's in this for you ! Thanks for taking the time to stop by my new blog . This blog started as a result of talking with a few clients last week , but wait I ' m getting ahead of myself . You might be asking yourself , who is Lisa and what exactly does she do for a living ? I ' d like to think that my current career is a constant vacation , a vacation from the maddening world of corporate America . After 10 + years in marketing for a variety of different markets including : television , public relations , technology outsourcing , education , and software I decided to leave the chaos and begin a new chapter in my life as a fitness professional . In 2005 , I decided to leave the safety of the corporate world and join my husband 's company , Evolution Fitness Coaching . ( Look for an upcoming post about the true " safety " of the corporate world . ) While my husband has been in fitness for over 15 years first as a trainer , then an equipment manufacturing consultant , and now an author and business developer , I still had to get my feet wet . I started digging into the fitness world and became a NASM certified personal trainer in May 2005 . In October 2005 , we opened our first 1:1 personal fitness training studio . We have two more scheduled for 2006 and the development of a new fitness training system in early 2007 . That gives you a brief history on me , but why should you bookmark this blog and continue reading ? Because I ' ve been there ! I ' ve heard all of the reasons why I shouldn't leave the corporate world , how owning your own business is scary , why working with your husband is crazy , etc. I ' ve also heard all the excuses from clients ; why they can't lose weight , or find time to train , or had to eat Taco Bell for lunch , etc. I think I have heard all of the excuses and reasons on why I ( or someone else ) can't do something . I ' m here to tell you it 's all crap ! Sure you can come up with 101 Reasons why you can't ( insert challenge here ) , that 's easy ! This blog will bring you all the reasons why you can and should embrace challenges and change . 
The Crucifixion . The Crucifixion Artist , Harry Anderson Children have such a sweet spirit about them . They sometimes grasp things you think they don t know and show you that they do . I was flipping through my Gospel Art Kit the other day looking for an image of the earth . My 3 year old son came up to see what I was doing . When he saw all the pictures he got excited . He wanted me to explain the pictures to him . We went through several pictures and then stopped on this one of the Crucifixion . I told him the story so that a 3 year old would understand . At one point I looked into his eyes and I could see his eyes brimming with tears . He had a sad look on his face . I asked him Are you sad ? And he nodded his head . I quickly turned the page and explained how Jesus was laid in the tomb and then quickly flipped the page again to show him that Jesus had risen again . He seemed a little more relieved . He asked me several more questions about the crucifixion picture after we had finished going through the rest of the kit . I even caught him looking through the book for that picture a couple days later . He sat just looking at it quietly . His exposure to the church is only what we have shown him and what he has seen and learned in his 3 years at church . Yet here I was floored by his reaction . He had never seen this picture before . I even asked him . He was able to tell me where he had seen other some of the other pictures in the book but his one he hadn t seen . He seemed to know the sadness and sorrow behind the story . I didn t tell it with any particular emotion involved . Yet he just knew . How thin the veil how true and simple the gospel that even a child can understand . That a fourteen year old boy could see the father and the son is of no surprise to me . 
Blueberry Buckle Coffe Cake . Blueberries Anyone ? In 1990 my mom bought me a Betty Crocker 's Old - Fashioned Cookbook . I haven't used it much and at one point almost gave it away . I ' m so glad I didn't . At a Fourth of July party at a friends house I discovered that my son loves blueberries . I had never bought the fruit since Mike and I are not big blueberry eaters . Plus the berries were always too expensive . I noticed some on sale the other day 4 cups for $ 5 . I figured I ' d buy them with the idea that I ' d give them to the kid to suck down like he does grapes . Soon I found I was in love with the berries too . Back to the cookbook ..... wanting to try something new with the blueberries I flipped through my many cookbooks and came to the Betty Crocker one my mom gave me . I came across this recipe for Blueberry Buckle Coffee Cake and decided to give it a try . It was AWESOME ! The three of us scarfed it down right away . It was even good left over for breakfast the next morning . We are now blueberry fans . Here 's the recipe . It was so easy to do and it looked like I took all day on it . Betty Crocker 's Blueberry Buckle Coffee Cake Cake Ingredients : 2 cups all - purpose flour cup sugar 2 teaspoons baking powder teaspoons salt cup shortening cup milk 1 egg 2 cups fresh or frozen ( thawed and drained ) blueberries Crumb topping ( below ) Glaze ( below ) Cooking Instructions : Preheat oven to 375 degrees . Grease square pan , 9 x 9 x 2 inches or round pan , 9 x 1 inches . Blend flour , sugar , baking powder , salt , shortening , milk and egg ; beat 30 seconds . Carefully stir in blueberries . Spread batter in pan ; sprinkle with Crumb Topping . Bake 45 to 50 minutes or until wooden toothpick inserted in center comes out clean . Drizzle with glaze . Serve warm . Crumb Topping Ingredients : cup sugar 1 / 3 cup all - purpose flour teaspoon ground cinnamon cup butter or margarine , softened Mix all ingredients until crumbly . Glaze Ingredients : cup powdered sugar teaspoon vanilla 1 to 2 teaspoons hot water Mix all ingredients until drizzling consistency . 
California Real Estate . California Fixer Upper 3 Bedroom , 2 baths , mature landscaping , great neighborhood , roof needs work . YOURSas is for $ 999,995.00 ! Mike found this postcard today at Walgreens . I had to get it since it is the awful truth . 
Swap LO . CKMB Friendship Swap Here is the layout I did about myself for the CKMB Friendship Swap . I love the paper and the emebellishments but I ' m not too happy with the final product . It feels like it 's missing something . 
Xterra . Nissan Xterra 2003 SE Mike couldn't get his Nissan Pickup to pass smog inspection this year . We decided that with a 1995 Ford Taurus and the 92 Nissan we were about due to get a better car . So we traded in the 92 Nissan Pickup and got a used 2003 Nissan Xterra . Since I drive around alot more than Mike does I have reasoned with him that I should be the one driving this . It 's a dream . I love the comfortable ride , the awesome sound system and the great pickup that it has . I feel like I have alot of power . I keep looking at it and thinking " Wow , I drive this ? No way ! " Gabe is just as excited but doesn't get it that dad 's old pickup is not coming home anymore . He keeps asking me why we got this car . Try explaining smog checks to a 3 year old . 
My Angel Boy . My Boy ! We had an impromptu photo shoot this morning . My husband took this one while the boy was laughing at me . I just love his little face . I can't wait to scrapbook this one ! 
Yummy ! Mmmm .... I have found a new favorite snack ! I found these Pretzel Crisps at Safeway the other day . They are basically baked flat pretzels . They come in several different bagel type flavors . My favorite is the everything flavored ones . I spread some Nuefchatel cream cheese on them . They are also good with Trader Joes Hummus . No fat , no transfat , no cholesterol ..... they have about 96 crisps in a bag for about $ 2.99 ... try some ! 
Zen boogie . In the heat wave we ve been having lately , I ve often gone to the ocean to cool off and enjoy one of my favorite childhood pastimes riding waves . As a kid , I body surfed , and occasionally used a kick board or inflatable raft to catch a wave . A few years ago , in Hawaii , I discovered the added power of a boogie board . Then , 2 years ago , I finally bought a wet suit , so I can play in the surf in northern California . As I was floating in the ocean the other day , I reflected on a few things it has taught me : * You can t hurry a wave . All you can do is enjoy the wait . And if you don t enjoy the wait , get out of the ocean . Life is like that , too . You can get in position , like you do waiting for a wave , but you can t make everything happen . You might as well enjoy life while you re waiting for the wave enjoy the rocking of the ocean , the sun on your head , the taste of salt on your lips . If you re waiting for a life wave , enjoy your family , your friends , the sun on your face , good food , a comfortable bed . * Some things are worth waiting for . There is nothing like catching the perfect wave just right the rush when it catches you ( or you catch it ? ) and the loooooong ride , really being part of the wave , feeling it flow through you . Some things in life are worth waiting for , too the right partner , your life s work . * Some things are worth working for . It takes a lot to get into that ocean I have to get the wet suit , booties , boogie board , and towels into the car , drive 11 minutes to the beach , find parking ( quite difficult on a warm day ! ) , tug on the wetsuit , which is like pulling stiff casing on a bologna , and wearing this stiff thing , tug on the booties , find a place to hide my car key , creak in the wetsuit down to the ocean , dragging the board , and endure the leaking of icy water into the wet suit . But that first ride is so worth all of it ! * We are connected to all of life , no matter how protected or separate -- we think we are . That wet suit insulates me a bit from the cold , but it doesn t protect me from sharks . And it s a wet suit because the sea does get inside it . As I m there in the sea , I m always reminded that we , as humans , are mostly water , with a proportion of salts something similar to the ocean . * Being part of something is magical . When you body surf , and you catch a wave just right , you are part of the wave , in a way that language can t capture . And it is amazing , magical , cosmic everyone should have the experience at least once . Being part of a positive group s energy is magical , too , though in a less physical way , and everyone should have that experience at least once , too . * Life is a series of tradeoffs . I can ride a wave with a boogie board , in which case I get more , and longer , rides , but the board keeps me a bit separate from the wave , or without a boogie board , in which case I m more part of the wave , but I get fewer rides , and they re shorter . Both are terrific , just in different ways . And I can choose differently at different times . * You don t control the waves , you only control your response . I can choose where to wait in the ocean , when to push off , how hard to paddle and kick , where my body weight is on the board , and my equipment . But the waves come when they come , break where they break . Period . Such is life . 
Why willpower won't work ... and what will . Have you ever started a diet , or an exercise program , or a substance elimination program ( like cigarettes , alcohol , coffee ) , and quit after a while ? And then blamed yourself , saying , if only I had more will power ? Well , maybe it isn t that you don t have enough will power , it s that will power simply isn t the answer . Webster s defines will power as strength of will , mind or determination ; self - control . That last bit , self - control gives a clue as to the problem . If you have to control yourself , then it implies that one part of you has to control another , that 2 parts of you want different things , that 2 parts of you are fighting . Did war ever create anything good ? Did war ever create anything besides destruction ? So why are you having two parts of yourself at war ? Another issue is that the part of you which decided to start the diet ( or whatever ) is your conscious mind which is maybe 10 % of your entire mind - body system . So what does the other 90 % want ? It wants what it has now , or it wouldn t have created it . The answer is in alignment . All of your body - mind has to be aligned , has to want the same thing , and then change is easy . How do you get there ? There are many paths , including hypnotherapy , neurolinguistics , energy healing , emotional freedom technique . So first , thank the part ( or parts ) of you that created unconsciously what you have now . They re awesome ! Could you really have created what is consciously ? Could you even go a minute creating your body consciously ? Think of it breathing , moving the blood around , creating new cells , having all those cells function properly , digestion . It s awesome ! Now ask those parts of you what they wanted for you that was good , which created the way things are now . Then work with those parts of you , peacefully , to agree on what you want instead , and to begin to create that gently , in appreciation for all they do . You may be amazed at how easily you change ! If you d like some free help with this , call me now , on - air at 831 - 427 - 3772 . 
If you 're feeling stuck ... Over the years , I have really come to believe that ( as Jane Roberts wrote in the 1970 s ) you create your reality through your beliefs . So many times , I have seen that by changing a belief , my reality immediately showed up differently . And I have seen that for my friends and clients as well . We are each in charge of our own beliefs . If something is going wrong in your life , there is probably a belief , in fact , probably an unconscious belief , that would benefit from a change . I have lots of tools to help you change your beliefs , and I learned some new linguistic ones last weekend , at an NLP workshop called Sleight of Mouth . Although this is a major oversimplification , Sleight of Mouth is basically asking very good questions to loosen the belief , that is , to make you question whether or not it is really true . Here are a few of those questions , using as an example the belief that If people knew who I really am , they wouldn t like me : * What is the effect of that in your life ? ( You feel doomed to living a lie , and are shutting down parts of yourself . ) * Your belief implies a certain value . Aren t there other values that are more important to you ? Given the importance of these other values , how are you going to maintain this belief ? ( Isn t it more important to be true to yourself than to be liked ? ) * Can you think of a counterexample ? A time , a place , or a person for whom this wasn t true ? ( Can you think of a time you got what you wanted by telling the truth , by just being who you were ? ) * How do you know this is true ? What evidence do you have ? ( If you ve never been genuine , how do you know that people won t like the real you ? ) Next time you feel stuck , try asking yourself what you would have to believe for that to be true , and then try asking these questions . It might just shift you off the path you ve been on . 
What I learned from spring fever . I don t know about you , but there is always a week in spring where I just don t want to do anything , except sit around and enjoy the weather . I want to be out in it to enjoy it , and the rest of the time , I mostly want to sleep . Perhaps read a bit , but mostly just drift in and out of waking consciousness ... into meditation ... into sleep ... back to meditation .... You get the picture . This is that week . It s amazing I m even managing to write this email . Anyway , today I was lying about in the middle of the afternoon , feeling guilty . Why was I feeling guilty ? I mean , there wasn t anything I had to do that wasn t getting done . Yes , of course , there s always more I could do when I m not with clients , between promotion and bookkeeping , but no one was going to be hurt if I didn t do it then . So what was that guilt ? I think guilt happens when a part of you accepts someone else s rules as your own . You know , all those shoulds , oughts and musts . As in , you should be working , which is definitely family programming for me . Obviously if all of you bought into the rule , you d be working , instead of feeling guilty ! So part of you is buying in and part of you isn t . The part of you that isn t buying in is obviously stronger at that point . And the positive intention of the guilt is to remind you of the rule , or maybe to tie you to the person who gave you the rule . Although in general I agree with the you should be working rule , I don t agree that it has to be in force 24 / 7 , and especially not on a perfect afternoon in May , not when I work for myself . And though the rule is my Dad s and I do like that it connects me to him , hey , not today ! So the next time you feel guilty , ask yourself these questions : - What am I feeling guilty about ? What am I doing or not doing that is triggering the guilt ? - What s the rule I m violating ? Try to formulate it with a should , must or ought . - Whose rule is that , anyway ? - Do I agree with the rule , or am I just using it to stay connected in some way to that person ? - Even if I agree with the rule , does the rule apply now ? If the answer to either of the last 2 questions is no , then let go of the guilt and enjoy what you re choosing instead ! Hollis PS I went back to sleep for another hour , guilt - free ! : ) . 
If you 're lonely , or know someone who is ... You are not alone in more ways than one . First , according to the NY Times : A recent study by sociologists at Duke and the University of Arizona found that , on average , most adults only have two people they can talk to about the most important subjects in their lives serious health problems , for example , or issues like who will care for their children should they die . And about one - quarter have no close confidants at all . [ emphasis mine ] So there are lots of lonely people out there . Second , each of us is surrounded by a number of discarnate beings , most of whom ( I believe ) are there to help us , whether we call them guides or angels , and who may include friends and family who have left their bodies while we are still in ours . Our job is to understand our connection to them , to hear what they are saying , and to feel their presence in our lives . You are never really alone , even if it feels that way at times . What to do to have good friends here in the physical plane ? First off , you don t make new old friends so connect with the old ones ! Second , make new friends -- meet new people in ways that you enjoy . If that isn t possible through your work , maybe it is possible through volunteer work , or a church or community group , or groups of people who are interested in things you like to do . If you like to hike , try the Sierra Club . If you like to play bridge , find people who do that . But here is my favorite way to make new friends : Learn skills to help your self - development , in particular , learn to become a practitioner of whatever method appeals to you . Why ? First , these classes foster openness , and draw to them the type of people who are also willing to be open . These are the people you are most likely to be able to confide in . After all , after Chris has helped you conquer your dread of long car trips , without laughter or ridicule , and you ve helped Chris eliminate a cat allergy , you can probably trust each other with an awful lot . And both you and Chris will have some skills to help each other with whatever comes up . Second , these classes are not one shot you usually show up for several weekends , over several months , so there are lots of opportunities to interact , both in these deeper exercises and in informal ways , like having lunch . Yes , it s a commitment , but that s what learning , and self - development , and true friendship all take . 
Manifestation is easy ! I manage some rental apartments , which are a good distance from my home , so when I have a vacancy , I go there and camp in the vacant apartment until it is cleaned up and rented . So I have a kit composed of everything I need to live indefinitely ( except groceries ) , which fits in my trunk and part of the back seat . Part of this kit is 2 folding beach chairs . The one I prefer has a higher back and is blue , but the fabric is starting to rip in a way that is not reparable . Bummer ! I want a replacement . Anyway , it s not desperate , but I hate to buy a new one I hate to waste the planet s resources on something as silly as this , and I d rather spend my money on something else . You have to buy beach chairs in the summer , because they aren t available in the winter . Will my chair last another year ? I have gone so far as to try out chairs in the drug store , but nothing is so perfect that I can t pass ( they re too high , or an ugly pattern or color ) . And really , I d prefer a slightly used one . I could get on freecycle . org , but it s not important enough to me to keep looking . The house 3 doors down is being sold , and they ve started to put stuff out in the driveway that they are just getting rid of . Free ! but no sign , or anything , I think they are eventually going to call the scavengers to pick it up . And wouldn t you know that the PERFECT beach chair , high back and blue , great condition , even wooden arms , is there in the pile ! So I took it saves it going into the dump and me about $ 20 . And more resources didn t have to go into making a new one . So : manifestation can be easy be clear about what you want , put it out in the universe , and then wait for it to show up ! 
Stay positive -- stay focused . It seems I ve been having , or hearing , the same discussion over and over in the last week , whether with friends , or clients , or on a worldpuja . org webcast about peace , or by Michael Murphy , talking about what happens after your physical body dies . So I figure this must be up for a lot of us . Yes , there s a lot of awful stuff going on in the world right now , whether it s war , or climate change ( do go see An Inconvenient Truth about global warming ) , or losing our civil rights , or the theft of elections . But we can NOT give in to the thought of how awful this is . We must keep our hearts and minds on what we intend to create . How do we do this ? First , we take vows . There are lifetime vows , perhaps to do with life purpose , or spiritual purpose . There are periodic vows , perhaps about attaining a goal , or living in a different way . Then there are daily vows , sometimes called affirmations , which may include either of the above . Second , and much less obviously , we have to avoid , or push away from us , disempowering thoughts . This is much trickier , because these thoughts show up in a myriad of ways , have come from many sources , and sneak in when we re not paying attention . Any time you doubt your abilities , any time you think a task is too big , any time something inside says , Who do you think you are to do this ? So you think you re all that ... You aren t . You ll never make it , you have to say , thanks for sharing , but I CAN DO this , and I AM all that , and I WILL make it . Let me give you an example . My friend , Kit , is an awesome healer , a massage therapist who is a talented channel as well . Lately , she has been prompted by her guides to do some writing about how she heals , which is apparently something new . Every time she sits down to write , very energized by the prospect of the work , she hears an internal voice , which says , You ll never make it you think you re so great -- you ll never be able to take care of yourself . This , quite understandably , takes the wind out of her sails , she gets bummed out and doesn t do the writing . As she talked about it with me , she realized it was the voice of her father , when she was about 16 . He wanted her to need him as she had when she was younger , to depend on him for money , and thereby to control her , so he was actively scaring her about her job prospects . He was also genuinely concerned for her well - being , since he thought of the world as a dangerous and deceitful place . For her to succeed would have meant that he was wrong about the world , and could not control her . It was not particularly helpful to her then , and as an adult , it s unbelievably disempowering . She must remember that she can succeed on her own terms , and still be connected to him . Yes , it would mean that he was wrong about her and about the world , but that s his problem , not hers . And she doesn t have to bring it up with him , ever . So when those thoughts pop up , spend a little time to discover from where they arise , and then let them go or give them the boot ! Those negative thoughts don t serve you and they don t serve the world . We are the ones we ve been waiting for , so turn off the negative thoughts , and follow the positive ones . 
Denial ain't just a river ... What do you do when there s a big test coming up tomorrow and you re not prepared ? Do you study really hard with every spare minute , or do you just give up and go party ? Or maybe you get depressed and hide in bed ? Or maybe you just get the flu , you somaticize it , store it , or process it in your body , which buys you time without you ever having to be conscious of it . What do you do when you hear that someone you re close to was killed in a car accident ? Do you slow down , feel the grief and anger , express your sorrow , be with others who are feeling the same ? Or do you pretend it didn t happen ? Or do you pretend it s okay , it doesn t matter ? Do you drink , or take a drug , to take the edge off ? Do you stay really busy so you don t have to think about it ? Do you exercise even more than usual ? Do you binge on chocolate ? What about when someone treats you badly maybe they never listen to you . Do you avoid the situation ? What if you can t avoid the person ? Do you make excuses for him or her ? Most of these things are ways of denying what s going on around us . Life isn t all pretty . In fact , a lot of things suck . Notice how you cope . Notice the patterns in your personal life . Because you are using these same patterns in response to things in the wider world . When you find yourself in bed , bummed out for no reason , or staying ridiculously busy , or drinking , or taking drugs , or overexercising , or overeating , or avoiding the news ask yourself : What am I denying ? What am I ignoring ? Is it in my personal life , or in the wider world ? What don t I want to see ? Or know ? Maybe I don t want to see how the country was lied into a war , in which people are dying every day ... Maybe I don t want to see the deaths . Or maybe I don t want to see that the earth is changing , and the way I live is making it worse ... Or maybe I don t want to see how our civil liberties are being eroded . And when you re clear about what you re denying , and you admit it , then you can begin to deal with it in a healthy way . Then you can take action ! 
Feeling bored ? According to researchers at the University of Waterloo in Canada , time really does pass more slowly for people who are prone to boredom . They are less accurate at estimating the duration of short intervals of time ( 2 seconds to 1 minute ) than are those not prone to boredom . ( For more info , please see http : // bps - research - digest . blogspot . com / 2005 / 12 / people - prone - to - boredom - less - able - to . html . ) But unless you re in solitary confinement , I think boredom is a result of being disconnected from the world and / or yourself . It is a result of believing that there is nothing new or interesting in or around you . The world is so vast and complex that that is not possible ! The antidote is curiosity . I know , because I was one of the most easily bored children you can imagine . Here are some questions I ask myself when there s nothing to do , like standing in line at the post office : What is that person thinking ? Can I see his / her aura ? How is that thing made ? How does that plant grow ? What would it be like to be that tree ? Animal ? What the birds are saying to each other ? What is the emotional feeling tone of this place ? Why ? How does the light affect the appearance of what I m seeing ? Any one of these can lead off into many directions . And that s without even asking myself questions about what s going on inside me ! 
Channeled info interview . Check out Conscious Media Network ! It s at http : // www . consciousmedianetwork . com , and they have terrific video interviews of all sorts of people , ranging from Bruce Lipton on the biology of belief , to Dannion Brinkley on life after death , to Stan Grof on LSD . You can stream all this , or download it to a video i Pod . There is so much there that I ve only seen a little bit so far , and it s all really interesting . And it s all stuff you ll never see anywhere else . I m there , too ! I was interviewed , talking about my recent channeling on our economic future . On the home page , I m in the last month category ( I just found out I was up after I wrote last week s email ) . I want to publicly thank Regina and Scott , the proprietors of the Conscious Media Network , who were terrific to work with , for making me as comfortable as possible on my first foray into video . ( Now I know why people get coaching before being on camera ! ) It s weird watching myself , so I don t know what to think , and I d love to hear what people think of the interview . 
Patience , impatience , dread and time travel . Lately my guides have been giving my information about the structure and / or meaning of various emotions . For example , impatience is really about projecting yourself into the future , when you expect something good to happen . People often say to themselves , " I ' m being patient , I ' m being patient " while practically vibrating with it , meaning that they are still focusing on the future , just accepting that it 's not here yet . And for those of us who are psychic / highly intuitive , it is practically an occupational hazard . Dread is really the same thing as impatience , except that you are expecting something bad . True patience is really being in the present . So here 's what i haven't figured out yet : If I see something bad coming , I know that I can prepare for it . And I can certainly change myself in the present , which will often change that future . But can I project part of myself into the future to change it ? ( Kind of like Marty in " Back to the Future " ? ) And if so , how ? I mean , if reality is really an infinite present , an infinite now , shouldn't that be possible ? 
The ' P ' Words . A few days ago , a client , Beth , called about issues in her business , mostly wanting it to grow faster . ( I can relate , can t you ? ) Beth is a music teacher in a private school by day , teaches private clients in voice and piano , and is also starting a life coaching practice . Like many of us , she is highly intuitive , and so she literally sees what her business is going to look like . Like all intuitives , she sees in the present , and couldn t quite understand why what she sees clairvoyantly isn t happening in the physical world right now . Here is what my guides told me to tell her : Peace ( be centered , balanced , grounded , letting go of attachment to outcomes ) + Patience ( be focused in the present , because that is where all power is ) + Positive attitude ( know that what you want is possible , and is coming ) + Persistence ( keep taking action , keep holding the vision ) = Power to draw things to you Magnetize what you want ! I thought this was so good that I had to pass it on ! 
Can money make you happy ? We all want to be happy . Happiness feels good and it improves your health lowers your blood pressure , lowers your heart rate , and strengthens your immune system , so you re sick less . And not only do you enjoy your life more , you actually live longer ! And most of us want to be wealthier . But here s the question : Can money make you happy ? Well , yes and no . It s true that richer people are , on average , happier than poorer people . 45 % of richest quarter of Americans are happy , compared with 33 % of the poorest quarter . But one extra dollar of income will make you happier if you are poorer than if you are wealthier the poorer you are , the more that extra dollar of income increases your happiness . That makes sense , because if you re hungry , a dollar buys food , where if you re already fed and clothed and housed , you might not even notice that dollar . In countries with per capita incomes of less than $ 20 k / year , there is a strong association between income and happiness . e . g . people in Moldova ( average income under $ 2 k / yr ) are significantly less happy than those in Hungary with average income around $ 10,000 / year . But in countries with per capita incomes over $ 20 k / yr ( Italy , Japan , Norway , Netherlands , US , the average percentage of people who report themselves as happy or satisfied clusters between 80 % and 95 % . People in the Netherlands , Ireland , Denmark , and Canada all report being happier than those in the US , despite slightly lower per capita incomes . Also , happiness in the US and Britain haven t increased since 1950 , despite very real increases in real income per person . Why ? Well , it depends on whom you compare yourself to : Yes , money makes you happy if you are richer than those to whom you are comparing yourself . No , money doesn t make you happy , if you are poorer than those to whom you are comparing yourself . The rich compare themselves to a group which generally includes people less well - off than they are , because most people are less well - off . while the poor will generally compare themselves to a group which includes people better off , because there are so many better off . A study done at Harvard asked people , would you prefer to live in Word 1 or World 2 , where in World 1 : you get 50 k / yr , others get $ 25 k World 2 : you get 100 k / yr , others get $ 200 k A majority preferred World 1 . According to Richard Layard , in his book , Happiness , People care greatly about their relative income , and they would be willing to accept a significant fall in living standards if they could move up compared with other people ... A rise in other people s income , relative to yours , hurts your happiness . One study suggests that if everyone else earns another 1 % , your happiness falls by one - third as much as it would rise if you yourself earned an extra 1 % . So if everybody s income rose in step , your happiness would rise , but only 2 / 3 as much as it would if only your income was rising ... Income is much more than a means to buy things . We also use our income , compared to others , as a measure of how we are valued by society and ( if we re not careful ) a measure of how we value ourselves . So if you want to be happy , compare yourself to those who are doing worse than you . Your mother was right think of the starving children in Africa . 
Shift your emotional state -- fast ! Did you ever feel crummy , and you didn t quite know why , much less what to do about it ? Well , here s what to do , in a few quick steps : Be aware of your body . Notice your breathing is it shallow or deep , high or in your belly ? Is your heart pounding ? Is there pain or tension anywhere ? If so , where exactly is that ? 2 . What would you describe as the emotion related to the feelings in your body ? 3 . What caused that ? Whatever pops into your head is the answer , no matter how little sense it makes . Is this a present time issue , or one concerning the future or the past ? -- If it s a present time issue , then you can do something about it now . -- if it s something about the future , you can affect it now . -- If it s something about the past , there are things you can do , but they re a subject for a future email ! 4 . Ask yourself , What can I do about that ? -- If it s a present time issue , then you can do something about it now . Either do it immediately , or write it down so you remember it for a time when you can do it ! -- if it s something about the future , you can affect it now . -- If it s something about the past , let it go . 5 . Get to neutral immediately . Here are some good , quick techniques for that : -- Take 5 long , slow , deep breaths , feeling your body relax with each exhalation . -- Imagine a grounding cord , a cord growing down from the base of your spine into the very center of the earth . Watch it in your mind as it wends its way down through the earth . Feel your feet rooting into the earth . -- Spend 5 minutes in a comfortable position , focusing on your heart , imagining some positive image there , perhaps white light . All of this can be done in just a few minutes . And each step gets faster the more you do it . 
My first podcast ! Thanks to a wonderful listener , Joseph Pinnock , I have a place to podcast . You CAN hear me now ! at http : // 20 - 248 - b . onlinestoragesolution . com / ztux / Hollis % 20 n % 20 Dale . mp 3 Have a listen to this 5 minute coaching session -- and with any luck , I ' ll be posting more soon ! Hollis . 
Lies , LIes , Damned Lies . I typically avoid the political , but sometimes , public life offers lessons for each of us in private life . So this is NOT meant as a political commentary . I don t know about you , but I m really tired of all the whoppers out there . I m outraged . And , unlike our President , I m willing to take responsibility for the lying . The buck stops with me . Always . If you believe we re all one , then you have to say , how did I do this ? Or at least , how did I let this happen ? We live in a culture where lies and lying are the norm , have become the norm . Where it s okay to lie to people to save your own face , to not hurt people s feelings . And then we say we re telling the truth and become hypocrites on top of the lies . My favorite lies lately have been the lies of George W . Bush : I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees . Now , by the way , any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap , it requires -- a wiretap requires a court order . Nothing has changed , by the way . When we 're talking about chasing down terrorists , we 're talking about getting a court order before we do so . Iraq . . . continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised . There is a theory that leaders of an organization embody the culture of the people they lead . So when we see these outrages , we need to look at ourselves . Where do we lie ? Where do we accept lies from others ? Where do we lie to ourselves ? What do we teach our children ? Ask yourself , Where do I lie ? Where do I accept lies from others ? When do I accept lies from others ? About certain subjects ? At certain times ? From certain people ? Do I speak up when I know someone is lying ? Why not ? How am I lying to myself ? When do I lie to myself ? Why do I lie to myself ? When do I lie to others ? Why do I lie to others ? Under what circumstances do I lie to others ? When we let all these lies pass , we stop being able to tell the difference between lies and truth , and we begin to live in a fairy tale . Remember little red riding hood ? Remember the wolf said he was grandma and almost ate little red riding hood ? Well , our government has said there were WMDs , and it has eaten almost 2300 of our troops , not to mention over 200 others of the so - called coalition of the willing , and the tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis . Because how hypocritical is it to hold the government accountable for something you won t hold yourself accountable for ? Or something you won t hold your friends , your coworkers , your family , accountable for ? We have to change the culture , and the culture is US . It means starting with ourselves . So pay attention to when you lie , ask yourself , why did I lie ? Or better yet , why do I want to lie ? Is it because you re afraid of the consequences ? Usually it is . So when you notice you are lying , ask yourself , what am I afraid of ? then face that , and tell the truth . You ll feel better , even if you have to accept the consequences , because you ll know you did the right thing . And often , if you look at the consequences , they re not all that bad . Or you can manage them , or you can tell the truth in a way that will minimize them , by emphasizing that you did the right thing by telling the truth . Ghandi said , be the change you wish to see in the world . So if you want your government to stop lying to you , you HAVE to stop lying . You HAVE to stop accepting lies . That means personally , professionally and as a citizen . If you know your government is lying to you , complain . Be aware . Write a letter to the editor of your local paper . Call your Congressional representative . Call your Senator . Call the White House . 
Home of the Day . I have selected a " Home of the Day " to tell you about . The home was built in 1919 . I chose it because I ' m feeling a bit nostalgic today as I wonder how we survived so many wars and conflicts throughout my lifetime and those of my ancestors . I recall my days in school ... reciting the " Pledge of Allegiance ... " and not really understanding what those words meant back then . This morning , I can barely say the pledge without choking through the words . If you haven't said it in a while ( in my case , over 15 years ) , say it outloud and you ' ll see what I ' m talking about . What an incredible country we live in ! Back to the " Home of the Day " . Located in beautiful Clearwater , Florida , this home has History . It has been modernly refreshed and is a definite MUST SEE ! http : // www .10 realty . com / detail . asp ? id = 1575 . 
Server issues ... I apologize to all of our site visitors . We have had some server issues off and on for the past couple of days . Steve , our server manager , is all over the situation and I am confident he will have this issue resolved shortly . 
Yeah ! We 're blogging . I ' ve been intending to set this up for a long time ... a place where we can chat freely ... a place where we can feed off each other 's ideas . I got a call from Paul , owner of forsellbyowner . com today . He 's a nice guy . He had good things to say about 10 Realty and wants to create a partnership . Sounds great to me ! What a great day to be an FSBO website . By partnering with another FSBO site , we can further promote our own sites and get more traffic and more $$$$$$$ . 
Cookout for Ryan 's Birthday . Christine hosted the Mc Evoy crew at her parent 's beautiful home in Cole Valley for a Sunday evening soiree . This is Leslie ( in the hammock ) , Christine and Ryan sitting under the fruit trees in the backyard . After Ryan 's beautiful hamachi salad , we grilled pizzas and topped them with a few of our favorite things from the farmer 's market ... squash blossoms , baby corn , tarragon , chanterelles ... And a special thanks to Keith for keeping our martini glasses full all night with his " thoroughbread " cocktails . 
Tis the Season ( for Basil and Heirloom tomatoes ) . At last Thursday 's night market , we featured fresh , organically grown basil from Mc Evoy Ranch on half moon 's of sweet baguette with tangy burrata cheese , sea salt and a generous drizzle of Mc Evoy 's 2006 Traditional Release . And Saturday , the farmer 's market was filled with the first of this year 's heirloom tomato crop . I made off with nearly five pounds of colorful ugly girls , copias and green zebras .... yumm ! 
Playlist for 7 / 25 / 06 . " Chicky " - Oojami " Samba Da Minha Terra " - Bossacuaonova " A Summer in Saint - Valery " - Ye - Ye " Ein Kompliment " - Sportfreunde Stiller " You " - Jun Hyun Lee " El profe " - Miranda ! " " - RHYMESTER Feat . F . O . H . " Hip Hop 2000 " - Soul Scream feat . Rino " Janejana Janejana " - Krodh " Dilruba " - Niyaz " Tuva Groove ( Thievery Corp. Remix ) " - Ondar " Blind Ulof ' - Hoven Droven " Changuich A La Chichona " - Molotov " Dragostea Din Tei ( Mandarin Version ) " - Furusato " Istanboogie " - Oojami " Jogando Capoeria " - Beatfanatic " Aya Benzer ( 2003 Midnight Mix ) " - Mustafa Sandal feat . Guelcan " Dinnertime ( Multi - Bait Remix ) " - Spiderbait " Jump in the Line " - Harry Belafonte " Kliener Dicker Junge " - Electrocute " Bongos and Burgers " - Bikini Machine " Billo " - Mika " Parisien du Nord ( remix ) " - Cheb Mami & K - Mel " Track 2 " - DJ Mix Nation " Rashiku Ikimasho " - Pretty Cast " Minor Swing : To Django " - Children of the Revolution . 
Artist of the Week : Oojami . This week 's artist of the week is UK / Turkish group , Oojami . I first learned about Oojami when I first started taking bellydance and heard the techno turkish beats calling me . I fell in love with their album " Bellydance Breakbeats " with the song ' Chicky ' . I have yet to preform to the fast - paced , hip - shaking tune , but I will eventually . It is still hard to get concrete information about the band and they are bit in the underground of music in the US but I expect great things from Oojami . " Oojami fuses Turkish elements with a myriad of cultural traditions , providing a whirling dervish cyclone of sound with an uncompromising attitude towards musical freedom of expression . The success of Oojamis last album Bellydancing Breakbeats culminated in sexy French actress Audrey Tatou gyrating her hips to Oojamis Fantasy in the cult film Dirty Pretty Things . As if life couldnt get any better , new release Urban Dervish has upped the musical stakes considerably . The freshness and childlike enthusiasm of previous albums remain , but production quality and composition just keep getting better and better , leaving no doubt that Necmi Cavli is of the most exciting , innovative and groundbreaking producers in todays vibrant global beat scene . In its live incarnation Oojami combines male and female belly dancers with mesmerising Sufi dancing , providing a vivid musical experience for the eyes . Therefore it is no wonder that the band is building up a strong fan base of open - minded music fans eager to appreciate new and exciting global sounds . Oojami once again provide the definitive soundtrack for this multicultural generation . " - Oojami Website . 
Playlist for 7 / 18 / 06 . " Sundance Kid " - Kent " Kapathi ( Dhol n ' Tumbi Mix ) " - D / I / P " Happy Together " - The Lenigrad Cowboys feat . the Alexandrov Red Army Ensemble " Mit Viel Gl ck " - 2 raumwohnung " Take Me I ' m Yours " - Glenn Tilbrook and Chris Difford ( formerly of UK Squeeze ) and Lafita " Shushan ( feat . Shushan ) " - Balkan Beat Box " You Must Learn All Night Long ( SWAMP Mix ) " - Fantastic Plastic Machine " Pavaroty " - MC Jack E Chocolate " Tabatha " - Toma " ( There 's Not Enough Songs About ) Squash " - Darren Hanlon " ( The Robot ) " - t . A . t . Y ( t . A . t . U . ) " Astahel " - Nabiha Yazbeck " Brimful of Asha ( Norman Cook Original Radio Edit Remix ) " - Cornershop " Dimdanana " - Jasmon " Come Together ( Venir Juntos ) " - Tito Puente , Celia Cruz & Familia RMM " King is Dead " - Kent " Bed and Breakfast " - Peppermoon " A Beauty " - Jung Hyun Shin " Turkish Delight " - Harem " Rhythm ( Funky Bomb ) " - Nicoromano feat . Sunflower " Tew Ante Sew " - Gigi " Cranberry Classic " - The Emeralds " Electronica " - Galactica " Kunst Und Wahnsinn ( Art and Insanity ) " - Pankow " Modern Art " - Art Brut " Take Me Back to Piaui " - Juca Chaves " Nessuna Razza " - Caparezza " FF " - Kent . 
Artist of the week : Kent . This week 's artist of the week is Swedish rock group , Kent . I first learned about Kent through a discussion about Scandinavian music with my friends while we were having dinner at the posh French resturant , Le Central , in Denver . At this point in Scandinavian music I loved the group Hedningarna and most bands on the North Side label . So I tended towards folk / pop / rock and didn't know that bands like Kent exsisted . Not sure when she ' d see me again , my friend gave me ' Vaspen Giftet ( Jones & the Poison ) , and Havs nglar ( Angel sharks , lit . Sea angels ) . The band 's logo is distinctive , using a lowercase " k " and the ITC Avant Garde Gothic Book typeface . Kent have had several big Swedish radio hits since the breakthrough single Kr m ( s n ra f r ingen g ) . As of 2005 , they are probably the most popular rock band in Sweden , but are more or less unknown outside Scandinavia . They have tried an international career with English versions of the albums Isola and Hagnesta Hill with accompanying US tours for the former , but gave up after not reaching the breakthrough they had hoped for . " - From Wilkipedia Official Website for Kent ( in Swedish ) Video for " Vinter Noll 2 " on You Tube . com Video of Kent live on You Tube . com. 
Playlist for 7 / 11 / 06 . " Sueno Latino ( 1991 Remix ) " - Sueno Latino " ST - N ANT " - Fran ois P russe " Magia ( Faze Action Horny Mix ) " - Banda Black Rio " Bamba Cha Cha 2005 " - Burt Latino " Odo Hankerchief " - Okyerema Asante " Tag Am Meer " - Die Fantastischen Vier " Git It Up " - H . O . T . " The Tide is High ( Spanish Pop Version ) " - Angelina " Heavensent " - Killing Heidi " Umeboshi Plums - Big Seeds " - Tsu Shi Ma Mi Re " Banano 's Bar " - Plastilina Mosh " Footprints " - OST " SUD " " Staffansvisa from Orust " - Triakel " Foto Viva " - Mo ' Horizons " Baile Funk Medley " - Iva Meirelles Cameron " Sous le Soleil ( Cuba Mix ) " - Major Boys feat . Aur lia " Rain " - TY " Postales " - Federico Aubele " Fanfare Local For ... " - a Qua " When the Trickster Starts a Poking " - Gogol Bordello " Mango " - Los Mojinos Escoz os " Venus Nebelera " - Mau Mau . 
Artist of the Week : The World Cup . Artist of the Week : The World Cup 2006 In honor of the final game of the World Cup on Sunday , I decided to go with a World Cup theme . Playing music from the countries represented in the World Cup , with special attention to the top 8 and of course the winner , Italy . I secretly wanted the final game to be Germany and Australia , and at the very least seen Spain or Ghana get up there a bit more . Country loyalties aside , it seems everyone around the world was watching the World Cup . NPR : World Cup Information Official Site of the FIFA World Cup . 
Playlist for 7 / 4 / 06 . " Introduction " - Se or Coconut " Mambo Numerique / Simoon " - Se or Coconut " Santa Maria " - Gotan Project " Attention " - Rouge Rouge " Track 5 " - The Jadu 3 " Abantwana Basethempeleni " - Ladysmith Black Mambazo " Black Night " - Badar Ali Khan ( DJ Baba G & Dan the Automator Remix ) " El Estuche " - Aterciopelados " Nogo " - Issa Bagayoyo " Schlacht mich Baby , noch ein mal " - Wise Guys " Pop Muzik " - Ex - girl " Ces bottes sont faites pour marcher " - Eileen " Smoke on the Water ( Cha Cha Cha ) - Se or Coconut " Agua De Beber " - Montefiori Cocktail " Hou ons niet tegen " - X ! nk " Chali Ayee " - Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon Soundtrack " Sreet Music " - Dr. Didg " Together With Us " - People Crew " Compositor Confundido " - Ibrahim Fetter " Golbel ngdr mmar / Tapestry Dreams " - Groupa " Chereko " - Nyota Ndogo " Instintive Traveler ( Funked Up Mix ) " - Dissidenten " One Thousand & One Nights ( Alf Leyla We Layla ) [ Club Version ] " - Said Mrad " Dance with You " - Willie & Lobo " Supertropical " - Se or Coconut . 
Artist of the Week : Se or Coconut . This week 's artist of the week is German DJ / Producer , Se or Coconut I first heard about Se or Coconut when his album " El Baile Alem n " was released in 2000 and it featured Kraftwerk covers to a calypso beat . I was hooked . For a long while , I couldn't find much on Se or Coconut other than he was a German DJ that had moved to Chilie . It wasn't until another 1190 DJ told me about his projects under the name ' LB ' that I wa able to listen to his older work . I decided to pick Se or Coconut , aka Atom Heart , aka LB , aka Uwe Schmidt , as the artist of the week because his newest album " Yellow Fever ! " will be realeased later this week . Happy 4 th of July , Culture Clash style . " German DJ and producer Uwe Schmidt ( aka Atom Heart ) had released dance music in his homeland under a number of different aliases during the first half of the 1990 s . But he ' d become bored with the European music scene and in 1996 transferred his base of operations to Chile in order to begin exploring the possibilities of Latin music , which was , he said , " a pretty much undiscovered planet to me . It unveils lots of interesting musical worlds to me . " Adopting the ridiculous Se or Coconut moniker , he first cooked up El Gran Baile , a distinctly Latin - flavored groove - a - thon , and did a remix for former Deee - Lite turntablist Towa Tei . Then he began to ponder the possibilities of a German - Latin fusion , and found his material in the unlikeliest of places -- the greatest hits of man - machine band Kraftwerk , best - known for their very inhuman , unemotional approach to music -- the very opposite of Latin passion . The result was El Baile Alem n . Although credited to Se or Coconut y Su Conjunto , it was purely the work of Schmidt and three vocalists , who took the Kraftwerk machine ideal and tipped it on its head , putting in programmed cumbia , merengue , and salsa rhythms to flavor the Teutonic stew . Released as a one - off in 2000 , it received a fair amount of critical acclaim in the U.S. , more than Schmidt had received for any of his other work . In March 2001 , Se or Coconut -- now a real eight - piece band -- was set to undertake a short headlining tour in North America , but visa problems for some of the Chilean musicians forced a cancellation . Two years later , however , the band released Fiesta Songs , which was followed up in 2005 with Coconut FM , a collection of Latin club tunes . Their next album , Yellow Fever , which not only covered songs by Yellow Magic Orchestra but included all three members as well as other guest artists , came out in 2006 . " - Billboard . com Video for " Showroom Dummies " on You Tube . com Video for " Tour de France " on You Tube . com. 
Playlist for 6 / 20 / 06 . " Foxy Lady " - " Take Me Back to Piaui " - Juca Chaves " Dankbar " - DJ Tomekk feat . Tatwaffe G - Style Teri Jhanjar " - A . S . Kang " " - Coltemonikha " Street Signs " - Ozomatli " Romantica " - Robertino " Amareen Dyab " - DJ Nader " Teenie Weenie Boppie " - France Gall " Ich bin von Kopf bis Fuss auf Liebe eingestellt ( Falling in Love Again ) - Marlene Dietrich " What else is there ? ( Thin White Duke Remix ) " - R yksopp " , ( Remix ) " - " Skin " - Ratcat " Tokyo I ' m On My Way " - Puffy Ami Yumi " Anna ( El Negro Zumbon ) ( Paco Rivaz Mix ) " - Parada " Xamanh / Fiz ' n " - 3 Mustaphas 3 " Dance of Eagle " - Sainkho Namtchylak " Heroes / Helden " - David Bowie " Dilbar " - Die Hard 5 " Go Down Emanuel Road " - Harry Belafonte " Vostok 6 " - Swinghammer " Shab el baroud " - Cheba Zahouania " Electronica " - Galactica " Drum ' n Boogaloo ( Full Vocal Mix ) " - Mo ' Horizon " Ich zieh ' mich vor dir aus " - Etwas " " - . 
Artist of the Week : . This week 's artist artist of the week is transgender Korean actress / singer , or Harisu . I went to Har Mart in Denver a few years back to check it out . Har Mart is a big Korean grocery store that has not only food but also clothing , DVDs , VHS , and music . After wandering around for a bit , I made my way to the CDs and started looking . Not finding any of the Korean artists I knew , I asked an employee what he recommended . He looked through the CDs and pulled one out and handed it to me , " This one . Was man , now woman . VERY popular in Korea . " I looked at the beautiful woman on the cover , " huh ? " . He tried to explain , " Harisu very popular . Was man , got operation and all that , now woman . " I had to buy the CD . When I got home , I listened to it and did a bit of internet research . He was right , Harisu is VERY popular in Korea . She is the first openly transgender Korean artist . Starting out doing commercials , she got into singing but still acts and models . Harisu was in a popular Korean soap opera and most recently she was in a Korean film , Toh Sik ( 2004 ) . She developed the name Harisu from an english adaptation of the phrase " hot issue " . " Harisu is the first transgender who debuted in the local pop music world . A man - turned - woman , Harisu first appeared before the Korean public through a television commercial for a local cosmetics company . As soon as she got herself familiar to the general public by appearing on various television shows , she released her debut album entitled Temptation introducing a new genre of dance called the trans - dance . She also made her debut as an actress in July , 2001 by acting the leading role in the movie I Wanted to Become the Moon . In October 2002 , Harisu released her 2 nd album entitled Liar focused on dance and R & B music . The next year , Harisu announced her master plan on advancing into overseas entertainment market and entered the showbiz markets in Hong Kong , Taiwan and Japan . Meanwhile , Harisu legally changed her name from Lee Kyung - yeop to Lee Kyung - eun and officially re - registered as a female on her family registry documents . " - From KRS World Radio Harisu 's Video for " Foxy Lady " on You Tube . com Sock Stop commercial on You Tube . com. 
Playlist for 6 / 13 / 06 . " Bible " - Gogol Bordello " Rocket Hanabi " - Tujiko Noriko " Semos Unos Mostruos " - Los Mojinos Escoz os " Ch Ching ( Cheque 1 - 2 Remix ) " - Lady Sovereign " Mari Ni a Swing " - Triton " Alles klar " - Truckstop " Bat Macumba " - Gilberto Gil " Infinite Collapse Pt . One : I Blew It ( Infinite Undo ) " - Y 0 ko Solo " Dierpmesb kti - The Rock Of The Thunder God " - Wimme " Alkher Illa Doffor : The Nectar Remix " - Cheb i Sabbah " Chunari Chunari " - Mychael Danna " American Wedding " - Gogol Bordello " Oxygene 7 " - Jean Michel Jarre " Introduction ( Remix ) " - Sun Electric " Done Dem Career " - Junior Kelly " Forever ( Japanese ) " - Fantasy Twins " Take It Easy " - Sajada Al Ubaid " Azzurro ( Radio Edit ) " - Fiorello " Mon Manege A Moi " - Edith Piaf " Mal Sehen ( Live in Helsinki , Feat . Bo ) - Fettes Brot " Carolina " - Bucovina Club Vs . Taraf De Haidouks " Lulu Visa " - Sondre Lerche " Kvasa Kvasa " - Markscheider Kunst " Yala Habibi " - Sabu & Arabian Fantasy " Not a Crime " - Gogol Bordello . 
Artist of the Week : Gogol Bordello . This week 's artist of the week is Ukranian punk rock group , Gogol Bordello Live at the Bluebird theatre I first heard about Gogol Bordello from a fellow DJ , Kathy , who used to do the Americana show Skip Pop Scratch . She told me one day , " There is this band you might like , we have one of thier CDs here . Give it a listen . And if you ever get the chance , you MUST see them live . " I picked up their album Multikontra Culti vs . Irony and was hooked with the first song " When a Trickster Starts a Poking " . I ' ve seen them live three times and each show is amazing . I did see the movie " Everything is Illuminated " and Eugene does a great acting job , plus the band makes a cameo . They came to 1190 and did a in - studio session back in April . It was great meeting them and hearing brand new music from them . " Gogol Bordello is led by their charismatic singer , Ukrainian immigrant Eugene H tz ( DJ H tz ) , who plays the role of a translator in the movie version of Everything is Illuminated . The band formed in 1996 , when H tz moved to New York City . Their first single was released in 1999 , and several full - length albums have followed since then , as well as a European tour . According to the New York Times , " Gogol Bordello has become an underground phenomenon in New York with its brand of contrarian globalism . Their sound is raucous , sweaty , tuneful and recklessly vibrant , like the punk and Gypsy music that inspired them . Iggy Pop meets Kafka . A weird blend of the Dead Kennedys , Flogging Molly , and the Decemberists ( only the instrumental sound can be related to the Decemberists . ) " In an interview with NPR , H tz cites Jimi Hendrix and Parliament - Funkadelic as among the band 's musical influences , and Nikolai Gogol , the band 's namesake , as an ideological influence . Their song " My Strange Uncles From Abroad " is representative of their folksy Eastern European sound . The band also had a song , " Occurrence on the Border " , on the 4 th Punk Rock Strike compilation . Some of the band members also take part in a side project entitled J . U . F . ( Jewish - Ukranian Freundschaft ) , whose sound is similar to that of Gogol Bordello . They have more recenty been announced as one of the many bands playing at the Reading and Leeds music festivals in the UK . ' Start wearing purple ' being the song that has pioneered their UK success . " - From Wilkpedia Links : Gogol Bordello 's Offical Website Music and videos of Gogol Bordello on Myspace . com Gogol Bordello at Radio 1190 on 4 - 3 - 06 . 
it 's a beautiful day in the neighborhood ... hi friends ! wow , it really is a gorgeous day today . I ' m psyched I can enjoy it , after being a little sick for the last few days . I didn't get slowed down too much , though .... let me catch you up to speed : on saturday , I went to the local columbian association 's annual picnic . I was invited by Xi - nando ( Ximena & Fernando ) , who are columbian and who decided to bring with them a little united nations party . we had 3 columbians , 2 indians , a cuban and 2 gringas . we stood for the columbian national anthem , listened to columbian music , talked and .... ate . and ate . but I didn't mind ! we had tamales , stuffed potatoes , grilled chicken , yummy fruit drinks .... it was heavenly ! then we all went to the lake in the park , rented some boats , and paddled around . it was probably the most beautiful day ever ..... thanks , Xi - nando !!! I also did a bunch of cooking over the weekend and went to the movies ( " my super ex - gf " - very cute and fun ) . then last night , Olga and I did another push towards getting the apartment set up . we hung a lot of art and a cool clock from Olga 's childhood that actually says " made in the USSR " ( but in russian , of course ) and then we worked on the cabinet ! it is now completely assembled except for the support pieces . then it ' ll just be the finishing / painting . I can't wait to get home and work on it some more ! only 6 hours and 6 minutes to go ! UPDATE : 4 hours and 1 minute UPDATE : 3 hours and 9 minutes . 
Olga drills ! so Olga drilled for the first time last night ! ( gee Olga , that sounds kinda dirty ... shame on you ! ) actually , we decided to hang all our gorgeous handbags together in an artful arrangement by the front door . Olga drilled and drilled and drilled ( erm . ) .... then we ran out of hooks because we have so many many beautiful handbags . I ' ll post a pic of our oeuvre when it 's all done . that project was precipitated by the cabinet project , which is well under way . our backyard neighbors Mike & Micki took a break from their one - year anniversary celebrations ( which seemed to consist of yardwork ... weird , but whatever turns you on , I guess ...... ) to saw some planks for us . we ' ve begun to put together the frame so far , but then we had to stop because it was time to watch " the Office . " Ricky Gervais is a frickin genius ......... Olga also took a pic of me with my new haircut : so what do you think ? yeah , more mascara and tilt my head down on photos , right ? ************************ gratuitous drill shot : **************************************** . 
super - post ! THA LORIDER GOES TO THE CINEMA : SUPERMAN RETURNSrecap : so Superman 's been away for 5 years and does he have some surprises waiting for him !!! sorry it has taken me a couple weeks to post about this movie , but it was such a life - altering event ( * SARCASM ALERT * ) that it took me a while to gather my thoughts . upon reflection , I decided that people probably go to this movie through different motivations ( yeah , I ' m deep like that ) , so I ' m splitting up my review for the different camps . * SPOILER ALERT * just highlight if you want to read the spoilers ...... Superman " freaks " : definitely go see this movie - I thought it rocked !!! sorry , it didn't alter my life , but I ' m sure it will for you . you plan to play the Superman theme at your wedding ???? !! actually , me too . and also the Death Star theme . " analytical " somewhat cheap - no comments pls , anon ) however , the formulaic - ness and going nowhere - after - all - ness of the plot was rather soothing to my media - blitzed american brain , so I wouldn't discount this movie just on account of that . nerds : the CGI was absolutely great ( unlike other movies I could mention * cough - LOTR - cough * ) . the f - X ( as we say in tha " biz " ) and camerawork made the action parts of the movie truly fantastic - I was literally on the edge of my seat a few times , and certainly didn't notice the movie was 17 hrs long till I left the theater . poncy - actory concerns : kevin spacey and parker posey were super ! ( haha - get it ? ) people - who - just - watch - movies - for - the - plot : SUPERMAN HAS A KID !!!!!!! but Lois is still going to stay with her husband ( not Clark / Superman - long story . omg did I just give away that CLARK KENT IS ACTUALLY SUPERMAN ?????? my bad . ) people - who - just - think - Superman - is - hot : the new superman guy is pretty hot ( also , he vaguely reminded me of jebus , I don't know if that was a coincidence or a " subtle " theme that was repeately pounded into my head , through imagery , visuals , dialogue , etc , over overokay Bryan I get it jeez I ' m not retarded !!!!! ) : so go see it ! ************************* NERD ALERT ! * after the movie ........ plain - old nerds will want to read this as a follow - up : link ... science nerds will want to read this : link ... psychology nerds will want to read this : link ... nerds who think Superman is sexy will want to read this : link **************************************** . 
quick update . - I got a tent over the weekend . I ' m going camping !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - I had Indian buffet for lunch ! yum . I had all four food groups and several animals : mmmmm veggies , mmmm carbies , mmmmm animals , mmmmmm indian desserts ...... - only 15 min to go at work - hurray ! 
haircut !! well , I got my hair chopped last week , about 5 inches taken off . it falls to just above my shoulders now - no more long pony , although I can pull it back . I was tired already of being mistaken for a high - school student and getting carded for ordering a flippin ' shandy ! I ' m going to post a pic and get your opinions - I ' m not sure exactly how long or what shape it should be , in the end . this weekend it was my downstairs neighbors ' moving sale , so I cleaned up on some art supplies and stuff from mama artiste . I got a bunch of mostly full tubes of acrylic paint , plus some mini - canvases . now .... to create !!!!! ************************ ps - forgot to wish you frenchies a happy bastille day last week ; ) **************************************** . 
Bastone - y Tuesday , Little Tree Wednesday . God , I ' m popular !! you all have heard about Bastone , but I don't think I ' ve ever mentioned yummy Little Tree . I went there last night , it 's also in Royal Oak . They have a Japanese , Filipino Thai menu , plus a great sushi bar . I went with my friend Susan , a fellow teacher . she 's an art teacher who I used to substitute for , and the person who convinced me to go into teaching ..... thanks , Susan ! we sat outside and it was lovely , afterwards we walked around Royal Oak . ( btw , we are def going to check out that Paris antique shop , so britew , let me know if you 're in ) Tuesday at Bastone was super - fun , as always . ( shoutout to brainon , indie barkeep , and forestiere pizza ! ) the only fly in the ointment was that the damn pregame show for the All Star game was like 3 hours , so we actually left during the top of the first inning - lame , I know ! 
We ' ve been back from our trip a few days now . Our trip to Hawaii was great !! Here 's Naomi floating away into the ocean . We didn't start swimming until about 8 pm because we had so much to do . Here 's a picture of the beach we were at . The sand there is really fine and soft . I really enjoyed my time at the beach . The water was so warm . I haven't done any swimming for a few years now , so it was nice to be back in the water . And yet another picture of scenic Hawaii . There weren't too many people around . Just a few seagulls here and there . Here is the volcano in Hawaii , Mount Kiki . Well , i sure had a good trip !! Hello to Mary W , Pam , Holly , Vanessa and to anyone else who happens to stumble upon my homepage !! ( OK !! OK !! OK !! I LIED . I DIDN ' T GO TO HAWAII ... HEE HEE HEE . THE MOUNTAIN PIC IS BANFF ) . 
I found some pics of some relatives on the net .... knet actually . Since they were already posted somewhere else .... i thought it would be okay to post them up here . I don't really have much else to say right now . OH YAH ...... Germany Vs . Portugal tomorrow for third placeand France VS . Italy on Sunday - Championship game . 
Tomorrow 's games include ( ITALY ) VS . ( UKRAINE ) I ' m not for any particular team on that game .. but Argentina plays germany tomorrow morning . I ' m cheering for Argentina to win but i kinda think that the home team will win . That should be a good game ! ( ARGENTINA ) VS . ( GERMANY ) . 
We went to the Ex . on Wednesday . I didn't get to take too many pictures cause my battery died . So this is the only picture i took . We went with Holly and her boy . I think they had a good time . We took them to the kiddie rides first .. but i think they were bored with them . They had more fun on the bigger rides . I went on one ride with them ..... the crazy mouse .. i think it was called . There were 2 drops ... the first one wasn't as steep as the second one . On the first drop .... i just screamed my head off .... the second one didnt seem so bad after that !! I think I screamed louder than the kids !! This is the only pic i took .. they were on the Niagra Falls ride ...... crazy kids !! In other news , Brazil played today against Japan . Half time was just a few minutes away and the score was 1 - 0 for Japan ... and I was getting worried . But in that last couple minutes before halftime , Brazil scored , tying the game . I just wanted to post a pic of one of the players that scored . The ending score was 4 - 1 for Brazil ! 
campfire in a bag . I have had this idea for quite some time , and finally got around to completing it ! All the pieces are cut from sheets of felt , sewed and stuffed . There are 8 stones , 6 sticks , and 2 fire flames . Then I knitted a bag to keep all the pieces in using my green KK loom . The girls are constantly pretending to camp out , and thought they might enjoy this . 
baby pumpkin . Please use for personal use onlybody : ( starting at the bottom / worked in rounds ) ch 2 , 6 in second from hook 3 sc in each ( 18 ) 2 sc in each ( 36 ) 5 hdc , 2 hdc in next stitch , repeat around ( 42 ) 6 hdc , 2 hdc in next stitch , repeat around ( 48 ) 12 rows 6 hdc , decrease the next 2 stitches , repeat around ( 42 ) 5 hdc , decrease the next 2 stitches , repeat around ( 36 ) 4 hdc , decrease the next 2 stitches , repeat around ( 30 ) cut strand a bit long , weave it through each of the remaining stitches and pull tight to closefinish off ( don't worry if you can't close it completely , the stem will cover the hole ) legs : ( make 2 ) ch 7 , turn and skip 1 2 hdc in first ch ( after skipping 1 ) , ch 2 and turn 1 row , ch 2 and turndecrease the first 2 stitches , hdc in rest of stitches , ch 2 and turnhdc in only first 4 stitches for 12 rowsfinish off and stitch on the body in appropriate placearms : ( make 2 ) ch 2 , turn and skip the first chhdc in each stitch for 10 rowson the end of the 10 th row , ch 3 stitchesturn and skip the first ch , hdc in 2 ch remaining , and the 4 stitches across , ch 2 and turn 1 row with hdc in only the first 4 stitches , ch 2 and turndecrease the the 3 stitches remaining ( combine all 3 into 1 hdc ) finish off and stitch arms in appropriate placesstem : ( made in rounds ) ch 2 , 6 in second from hook 3 sc in first stitch , 2 sc in next stitch , repeat across ( 15 ) 3 rows using hdc in each stitchfold in half and slipstitch up the sidefinish off and stitch to the top of the pumpkin bodyleaf : ch 3 , ch 1 and turn 2 hdc in first and last stitch , ch 2 and turn 2 hdc in first and last stitch , ch 2 and turn 1 row , ch 2 and turndecrease the first two and last two stitches , ch 2 and turndecrease the first two and last two stitches , ch 2 and turndecrease the last 3 stitches ( combine all 3 stitches into 1 hdc ) finish off and stitch onto the stem and pumpkineye : ( make 2 ) ch 6 , turnskip the first ch and hdc in each stitch across for 2 rows , ch 2 and turndecrease over first two and last two stitches , ch 2 and turndecrease over last 3 stitches ( combine all 3 stitches into 1 hdc ) finish off and stitch onto the pumpkin in the appropriate placemouth : ch 20 , turnskip the first ch , hdc in stitches , occationally decreasing 2 stitches every now and then - the more decrease , the bigger the smilefinish off and stitch onto the pumpkin in the appropriate place . 
bratz pillow . I decided to do something with my fat jeans ! I cut them all up and made several throw pillows . I used those iron on transfer sheets and printed out pictures from online that the girls would like , sewed them up and added a crocheted ruffle and flower to this one . It has a bratz picture on it , to go with Sariah 's bratz doll on her birthday . She accidentally peeked and saw it already , but she still has to wait !!! At least I already know she likes it . 
princess dress . Well , I finally caved in and got the girls each a Bratz doll . Sariah has been wanting one forever . Her birthday is coming up , and I came across some that were in pajamas that actually covered their bodies ! So I got those , and decided I would crochet some extra clothes for them . I started with a princess dress for Sariah 's , so she can be sure to have it with her doll on her birthday . I think I like these clothes better than what they normally come with : ) . 
pink hat . Here is my first hat ! I think it turned out a lot better than what I was expecting it to . Although , it was made for Allyssa , to go with the mittens below , but as you can see I made it too big for her . However , it fits Sariah perfectly ! I was planning to crochet Sariah 's winter gear in a different pink , so I will have to alter my plans a bit and figure out how I am going to tie this hat in with that color . Sariah loves the hat though ! 
mittens . Here is my first pair of mittens ! They are for Allyssa , so I didn't bother with the thumb holes . I am in the middle of finishing up a hat for her , too . We will see how that comes out ! Then it will be on to some winter gear for Sariah ... 
Taking Five . After three weeks of meticulously slaving over my project , I am totally relieved to say that I m finally done . I thought I was done three days ago , but it took me all that time to revise my draft , and now well I ve decided that , for the moment , there is nothing else I can possibly do to improve on what I ve done . ( In other words , I don t want to go through the draft again because I m exhausted and sure that I m going to find something else to revise ; besides , I m getting vampire - pale from staying indoors for too long , and carpal tunnel from overdoing it on the laptop . ) So it s time to lay back and catch up on sleep that my work has selfishly deprived me of for the past weeks . Time to catch up on the rest of the world too ! Suddenly , I discover that the world isn t quite the way it was since I turned into some kind of a recluse . Of course , there s the war between Israel and Lebanon , where the war should have been between Israel and the Hezbollah if the Lebanese government only knew on which side its bread is buttered . There goes the peace in the Middle East ! It s hard to get to the facts because it varies according to what side of the war you re looking at . Besides , it s an entirely different culture . But if there s something I know for sure , it s that I m certainly against violence of any kind . Just think of all the lives of innocent people remorselessly extinguished by the crossfire ; think of the anguish of the family they left behind . Words are inadequate to describe the pointless carnage and displacement of lives brought about by these acts of aggression . And speaking of extinguished lives , I just can t believe the gall of this woman ! The Woman Who Claims to Be This Country s President just put a military officer who s suspected of committing a multitude of human rights violations up on a pedestal . What s she honoring him for ? Mercilessly killing dissenters of her government ? Taking away the lives of many fathers , mothers , sons and daughters ? She s a public figure : she can t afford to be overly sensitive to criticism . In her State of the Nation address , she droned off a litany of promises to improve the country one local government at a time . ( Or should I say one local government official at a time . ) It was strange because she sounded like she was smugly campaigning for herself all over again , over - anticipating the elections still four years away . She s vain : she s not concerned , not for the country s welfare , but with how she looks . She 's just another political Barbie . Grrrr . Don t get me started on fraud and government corruption because I m supposed to be taking a break . 
HITTING THE TARGET WITHOUT MEANING TO . Since I was very small , I have always wanted to be someone who writes what people read in the news . You see , before I started schooling , I would chance upon my parents both demanding some quiet time from me and my sister after breakfast just so they could read the papers . It was impressed upon me at an early age that it was possible to know everything that went on in the world from just reading the morning papers . When people would call on the phone , I would often hear my mother say , Yes , I know . I read it in the news . And it was their daily habit of reading that led me to believe that if I could know the things they read from the news , if I could only understand how the whole world works , if I could just learn to read , then I would be at par with them . I harbored the illusion that they would see me as their equals and we would have wise , grown - up conversations over dinner , instead of the silly kiddy arguments I get with my sisters over who s better at jackstones or whatever . So when I did learn to read , I was exhilarated ; this is real life , I thought . This is one step toward becoming what I have always ambitioned to be : a journalist . Of course I didn t know then what news writers were called , but it was very clear to me that I fervently desired to write in newspapers . No matter if it was only an obituary , or a classified ad : I just wanted to be in it , without being the topic of news . I was making magazines and newspapers from materials in my dad s office , and I sold them to my sisters for 25 centavos . My magazine was named More Magazine . This prompted my older sister to bring out her newspaper Happenings Today . ( We have a lot of fun recalling those days now . ) But for me then , it wasn t play at all . I realize now that it was an early serious pursuit of a skill that I knew would serve me well in the future . I felt then that I could not write anything substantial if I don t read or interact with others or live a real full life , so I tried to do all these . At home , my parents christened me The Bookworm . In school , I was jokingly called a nerd . I welcomed all these names felt flattered even since I believed it wasn t really a bad reflection of the state of my mind . All that changed in high school , when an aunt I always looked up to mentioned that she was retiring soon and that she hoped I would take her place in the company she has worked in since she began her career as a topnotch chemist . ( She was one of the first Chemistry graduates in the country s premier university . ) So when I was fortunate enough to get into the same course and the same university my aunt came from , I was in nirvana . However , I knew the first day I attended classes that I had made the wrong choice . I was mathematically helpless . And pathetically bored from being mathematically helpless . I felt like Icarus plunging to the cold Aegean Sea . It didn t really matter if I got a 99 % in my History exam , or if I perfected my Communications paper : I was a Chemistry major who sucked at Chemistry and Math . I was not allowed to enroll after a year as a Chemistry major , not unless I saw the peer counselor . They gave me a test to recognize my inclinations and to assess if I had the skills to pursue it in the university . My test results said I was better suited to Mass Communications , majoring in Journalism , than Chemistry . Well , how I didn t end up there is another looong story , for another time . But I just find it rather quite amusing to know that in spite of all the hurdles , diversions and little misadventures I still ended up finding my passions , and being the person that I ve wanted to be . 
A World Refracted . It rained again . I must have stared a bit too much at the mad , foreboding sky : I didn t realize how much time had passed until the heavens flung a million tiny shards of clean fluid glass and sent them crashing on my little humble piece of the world . Here I go again , jolted into regular reality and wasting precious unrecoverable Minutes . Minutes I could have wisely and lucratively spent finishing my latest project . Most of my neighbors shut their windows , but I swung mine open to welcome the happy prancing force that cooled my skin and played with my hair , tempting me to succumb to its frivolous irresistible coldness . I love the cold and all the wonderful things it kept in my mind s secret treasure chest : coffee - flavored ice cream , pure clean snow at the top of Grouse Mountain , all my childhood Christmases , cold beer at a bar in Baguio City , feeling quietly , deeply loved amid the silky downpour . It sure feels like it s a different world when it rains . 
Of Secret Passwords Long Forgotten To the right is one of the Philippines magnificent hideaways longing to be discovered : the paradise of Bolinao in Pangasinan . I must have been stricken with selective amnesia or a rare type of Alzheimer 's . For several months , I could not remember my password to this blog , nor to my email account . In my overwhelming desire to secure sensitive private information from sensitive prying people , I think I may have overdone it a bit by changing passwords too often -- so often that my memory could not keep up with the rest of my brain ( that is , of course , assuming that I do have a brain ) . It therefore comes as a wonder to me how I could have possibly recovered my precious password after several frustrating months of frantic guessing . You can say it just came out like , as the clich goes , ' a bolt from the blue ' . One moment I lost it , and now it s back ; my password is just as prodigal as I am . And although I ' m glad to be back , I still can t say that I m fully happy about recovering the password , as I still am in that frustrated state , pathetically trying to remember my email password . The thought of creating a new blog did cross my mind during those hapless days when I desperately wanted a controlled conversation with an imaginary someone who , to my mind , could hear me out no matter how crazy I may sound , understand what I mean to say , not necessarily agreeing with me ( for I would never expect that from anyone when there are times I could not even agree with my self ! ) but just validating what I feel . I could have made a new blog but I m the type of cyber - creature who makes a home out of a place to which I ve grown accustomed . I may habitually drift off to other virtual places of interest , but I will always retreat to my virtual territory . I once ran away from home , became a student activist , quit school and drove my parents mad . But I had to turn back , eventually transforming into the prodigal daughter , having been finally enlightened of the inevitability of belonging to a family . Now you know why I m 123 prodigalme . Another reason I m returning is that , the last time I wrote , I regretfully spewed out so much venom ( directed at someone who truly is a good person buried deep deep deep inside him oops , there I go again ) , that I could not possibly leave matters to stand as is without ample reparation . Not that I hurt his feelings or anything , for he should not even know this blog exists . But knowing his guarded , prying ways , I will not be surprised if he did stumble upon the last entry of my blog : you know , the agonizing one about hating him . So , B , if you are indeed reading this behind my back , please know that I really meant you no distress . I wrote that piece as an emotional outlet for me , to keep me sane and to spare me from turning apoplectic over certain things you claim to be innocently doing that completely fills me with stark rage . And while I m at it , B you insensitive , thoughtless bastard just think of all the things I had to put up with to be at peace with you ! You made me change my passwords . You made me lose those passwords . Now I m utterly miserable . Everytime I feel this way , I want to escape from us , but can t . Why ? Because I m strongly drawn to you , your charming impudence and your disgustingly funny ways . The kids and I we re drawn to you like unthinking lemmings to our doom . You made me suffer , yet you made me smile . In the times I cannot face you smiling , I turn to this blog as a disposal a sewer of sorts of whatever evil sentiments I harbor . So I hope you will indulge me this extravagance and allow me to write in private . Or in some semblance of privacy , at least . So here I am again , prodigal as ever . 
I just recovered from an ankle sprain . And I may have prematurely had my ankle cast taken off because my left ankle still hurts a lot . Although the pain is like 50 % less than what I felt when I sprained my ankle during a game of badminton more than a month ago , I still feel like I shouldn't have gone against my doctor 's wishes . My well - meaning doctor wanted me to let the cast stay for another week , but I just couldn't explain it , but somehow the thought of liberating my foot from its cast was the result of the rage that was welling up in me for the past days . My foot was having sores ; but I could handle that . IT was itchy and the thought of not bathing my foot for a month and a half is a bit too much for an OC clean - freak like me . ( TOuch my face and I already feel a wart growing . ) But what pained me most aabout being in a cast was the freedom to move . I ' ve become less mobile since I had the cast . So I had them take it off . Now , I ' m free as a bird . 
OH HOW I ENVY YOU ! I hate giving you your peace of mind when you cannot even give me mine . I hate being made to feel paranoid , when I know I ' m not . I hate being the only one who believes that people who are in an exclusive and committed relationship should not turn outside the relationship for their emotional needs . I hate being left alone while you gallivant in places I would have loved to be in , if only had the resources to be there . I hate being left alone while you do stuff I would have loved to do with you . I hate having thought that this marriage was supposed to be fun and hard work , when I ' m being robbed of part of the fun . I hate being the only one in the marriage thinking we have the same hopes , the same dreams and the same strategy for reaching them . I hate it when a marriage is shattered by other people who think they know you better than I do . I hate it when you can decide and do things at the spur of the moment , while I have to plan out my hours and my days -- worrying how to take care of what precious things we have if I take a few hours off . I hate to see you flirting at your age . I hate the horrid company you keep -- horrid because you allow them to make fun of me and demean me as your partner . I hate to be the only one taking this marriage seriously . I don't know if I can still take any more . You have no idea how much I long to be like you ! 
The Vortex Always Stands Still One thing about living in a high - rise during the Yuletide season is that you really feel the mad swirl of activity around you . Just today , I have been taking call after call from people I consider practically family . They tell me about the million and one things they have to do , parties they have to attend , gifts they have to buy and wrap . ( Well , my mom -- who IS family -- called earlier to consult me about a malfunctioning TV remote control and I spent what seemed like an hour comforting her over it . ) Spouse was upbeat and seemed busy with work at the grocery . An old high school friend was telling me about chatting with old friends , about food she was going to cook and cakes she was getting from pupils who were trying to get into her good graces . A friend even dropped by to check on the newsletter I m doing . She was all dolled up , ready to attend her crew s Christmas party . I was wearing the same clothes I woke up with this morning and , because I left our helper to look after my injured mom in Malabon , there were tell - tale signs all around me of a boy who swept the house like a tornado and a man who has always thought that it takes tremendous herculean effort and willpower ( of which he has none ) to put things back where they should be . My well - meaning friend was telling me how hectic her schedule was and how she found time to check on the newsletter while she was waiting for her driver . She looked at me with eyes that asked me , Don t YOU have anywhere to go to today ? Like them , I have a million and one things I have to do and would like to do . But , for one reason or the other , I can t . I feel numb , like I was taken by surprise and robbed of Christmas mojo . So I end up sitting still the whole day , in front of the computer , trying to make sense of what I m feeling , while the rest of the world around me goes through its wild bacchanalian holiday frenzy . It s not the lack of vital moolah , because I ve been there before and I can manage to feel Christmas , even with the lack of it and even when it s not even Christmas . I m guessing it s because I m supposed to be busy wrapping gifts and going around giving them already . Somehow , the gifts are piled beneath the tree , ready to be wrapped , but I just don t have the energy to do it anymore . And it feels so odd , because you feel the volatile world twirling but somehow I m not moved by it . Maybe it s the cast . I should have this cast on my left foot split open so I can be a bit more mobile ? That way I would probably be more encouraged to move . I wonder what my foot looks like now ? Haven t seen it in a month . It s due to come off in less than two weeks . Spouse calls . He feels like watching KING KONG with the kids . I like that : it s the promise of an eventful night at least . My son s kidding me : he says my foot would be moldy and crawling with maggots by the time they open the cast . That s my boy . 
Shaded and Cool Did I mention that I prefer my days windy , cloudy and cold ? I know that every day can't possibly be that gray and cold all the time , so in warm humid weather , it 's either I beg someone to take me up to some elevated mountaintop where I can freeze and relish the icy fog , or I seek some place cool with thick verdant foliage and estivate like some reptile beneath the shade of a huge tree . I just love the weather right now . IF there 's just one thing about my country that I really like , it would be its December weather . 
Bright Be The Day I speak for myself when I say that the weather has a lot to do with my mood for the day . Like today a Sunday I woke up without the usual harsh , sickeningly yellow - bright rays of the sun . Instead , the light was diffused and softened by the presence of heavy white clouds that forebode of light rain . We left our windows wide open , so I felt the pleasantly cool , strong sway of the wind on the skin of my neck . Our neighbor s coconut trees were violently dancing to the push of the wind . Gone are the hot sticky humid days when the slightest touch of sunlight scorches the skin . It s definitely a pleasant day to lounge outdoors . No need to hurry . I m taking my own sweet time getting ready for the rest of the day . It s a nice day to meet old college friends today in Eastwood . I haven t seen them for ages . I don t usually see or talk to them much because I m not that mobile anymore , ever since I sprained my ankle , ever since my driver s license expired , ever since I left my parents house ( ergo , I can no longer borrow the family car with ease ) in other words , ever since the Jurassic era . But that s not going to get me down . Not today . The kids and I are going over to my parents house today . This reminds me ... I m really curious about Laos . I heard that it s a very interesting country to visit . The experience of being there is said to be like visiting my hometown 30 years ago . My sister - in - law is now based there and just came home for Christmas . She s going back there after the holidays to work , whilst I can only dream of seeing the unspoiled beauty of one of the most politically backward countries in Southeast Asia . I wouldn t dream of living there though . I d be bored to tears ! Imagine , no movies or malls , none of my favorite TV shows , no nightlife at all ! Thoughts of these whet my eagerness to see old friends later . They re all really very different from me . And if you re really conservative and quiet , you might probably hate them . Although I AM a bit conservative and quiet , I relish their company because deep down inside I wish I were as outspoken , as frank and as shy - less as they are . I enjoy their company because they re quite ahead of me in terms of experiences and their dark stories make me wonder what I would ve done if I were in such a situation . I am conservative and quiet and that s just the way I am . I do have a strong sense of who I am and I guess that s why we get along despite my being different from them . Just like them , I never try to be anyone else other than my self . It 's just a wonderful day . I just hope it stays that way . 
In Absolute Stillness Lifetimes Pass Sometimes it is difficult to imagine the significance of life when you see it in terms of one s short cycle of experience . But I believe that once you see the task of living in terms of your place in the spectrum of generations that came before you , there lies the significance of one s life . Family history has a way of putting your life in perspective , it seems . Although I was born in 1969 , when the world was exploding with anti - establishmentarianism , the Cold War and sexual liberation , I consider myself as a child of the excessive 80 s . But , there will be more on that on future posts . I was raised by the typically conservative 1950 s parents : my mother used to be a researcher with a Master s degree in Political Science before she married my father , who used to be a banker , an accountant and a corporate lawyer . Now that they re in their late 70 s and their faculties are beginning to weaken , it began to dawn on me that , once they re gone , not only will I lose good people who I became attached to in this life , I also stand to lose a vital link to their families past . Since then , I have had to excavate the family history from the musty attics of my parents minds . I have antiquated newspaper clippings and photographs threatening to crumble with age , giving me more reason to embark on the task of painstakingly preserving these items in digital form . The earliest ancestor we could trace back was a Spanish migrant to the Philippines by the name of Hugo A . He was said to be descended from the early nomadic dark - skinned Moors who came to Spain and were ordered by King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain to convert to Christianity , or face expulsion from the country . The father of my maternal grandmother was a man named Gregorio , whose handwriting was said to be so exquisite that he was tapped to pen the official copy of the country s Constitution during his time . His brother was Pedro , who became editor of the Spanish - language newspaper popular at that time : La Vanguardia . An old newspaper clipping I found declared him as the Father of Philippine Journalism . My maternal grandfather , Saturnino , used to be Undersecretary of Commerce during the late 40 s and the Secretary of Commerce during the 50 s . I haven t found out as much with my father s side , mainly because he can hardly recall a lot of things since he sadly had a couple of mini - strokes back in 2003 . I intend to find out more about the paternal family background this holiday season , when I hope to meet my relatives . They are somewhat of a recluse though , which makes them eccentric in the eyes of extroverted people , but I fully understand the persistence for wanting to be alone and hating to be judged , though I know unwarranted judgment by other people is really inevitable . There is some comfort in knowing that there are others that have gone through the same things you 're going through . Misery loves company indeed , whether they are decades -- even centuries apart ! 
The garden is my parents and the boy is my son . I took this picture on a sweltering summer s day : April Fools Day of 2003 , to be exact . It just struck me how my usually energetic son could just suddenly stop playing , and quietly sit and marvel at the greenery around him . I silently wonder what he thinks of it all . Despite appearances , he is actually a deep thinker , spiritually profound at times . There are nights when he asks me baffling questions from out of the blue , like where does the soul go when the body dies , will it hurt when I die , or where was I before I became a baby in your womb ? For someone who has lived for only 8 years , all these existential questions are astounding . It reveals a state of mind that does not only concern itself with things of this world . I let him sit awhile to himself , for it is only when one is alone that one would notice and realize certain truths , consequential or not , about things in and beyond the world that one might think he already knows . While there may be truth to the adage that idle minds are the playground of the devil , I believe that there are just some minds where true virtue , or utter wickedness for that matter , would be prone to take root and breed . Upbringing is a strong determinant of the quality of a person s " idle mind " sometimes ; but of course , like every rule , there are exceptions . I don t know whether my mind would be inclined towards virtue or vice . I sometimes wonder what good will come of writing my personal ruminations solely for my own indulgence . It seems like an imprudent squander of time , effort and precious bandwidth . But isolation generates thoughts that cultivate a perspective of the world that enriches you in a way that nothing else can . And it is this sense of isolation that fosters the world within what is to my belief my honest mind . 
All About Nothing . 	 See ... I have so much time in my hands ... I ' m almost god - like ! Let me just list " pop " stuff randomly . No pattern ... no rules ... no order . Warning : I am of the opinion that I should be respected for my opinions ! Disclaimer : My opinions may change tomorrow ! Best band in the world : U 2 ( handsdown ) Best vocalists : Freddie Mercury ( he can put me in a trance even when he shouts ) , Russel Watson , Enya , Mariah Carey Best Asian Artist : Jay Chou ( his songs RULE ! ) Music Haven : Ireland Most beautiful Faces : Gwyneth Paltrow , Zhou Wei , Audrey Hepburn Cheezzziest song : King and Queen of Hearts ( yuck ! ) Songs that give me headache when I hear them : Unbreak My Heart , Superman Songs I can't listen to without squirming : Ocean Deep , Knife Most romantic songs : Passenger Seat , Iris Movie I will not be watching again , not even if you pay me : Waterworld Hottest Actors : Gael Garcia Bernal , Collin Farrel , Leonardo Di Caprio , Brad Pitt , Jay Manalo , Bae Yong Joon Most overrated foreign artist : Britney Spears Most overrated local artist : Angel Locsin Writers the great part of the world could not have lived without : JRR Tolkien and William Shakespeare Most goodlooking couple : Brad and Angelina ( need I say more ? ) . 
Edgewise . 	 I have been going through a lot of anxieties lately . This has got to be due to me just staying here in Alabang . It 's not the pathetic kind but the rebellious one . I don't know . I just feel like doing some stupid stuff . Ho Hum Ho Hum ! ; ) . 
Christina Aguilera 's new video . 	 I ' m not really a fan of Christina Aguilera because I ' m not really into pop music . However , I ' ve got to admit that she is the only one from the Britney Spears era who really has what it takes to be a great singer and entertainer . I just saw her new video , Ain't No Other Man. It 's got the vibe of Lady Marmalade . All I can say is WOW ! I really like the concept and the music . I may even check out her CD ... knowing she usually comes out with a good selection of songs . And for all we know ... might even become a fan . : ) . 
Finally found my peace . : ) . 	 Okay ... don't let the title freak you out . It just hit me that I have adjusted to a life here alone and away from home . I ' m out of that depressed stage in my life . I ' m just so relieved because for the longest time I have been feeling dejected to be without familiar faces . I guess , having new friends who seem like family and finding new things to do help a lot . The only thing that is worrying me is the phone bill . Being in touch with family and friends does burn hole in my pockets . But that 's ok . It 's all worth it . Right now , what I ' m trying to do is to make myself more at home in this place far from home ... which means going home less and less . It 's a stage ... and it 's a moment of trial ... and I ' m going to pass with flying colors ! 
Things To Do Before I Die . 	 I just got this from Nicholas Sparks ... I think everyone should have a list to do before they leave this beautiful essence called LIFE . Mine goes like this ...1 . Cross the Great Wall of China 2 . Go to Rome 3 . Live in another country for at least a year 4 . Learn to play the piano 5 . Publish a book 6 . Learn to ride a bike 7 . Work an odd job 8 . Take a month long seaside vacation 9 . Eat balut 10 . Meet any one of my favorite singers / musicians . 
just posting some of my own verses ... ehem . 	 The Optimistmy eyes cast away the sorrowmy heart casts away the paini ' ll wake again tomorrowknowing there 's a world to gain Moonshinemoonshine spells troublejust as the cliche goesbut moonshine is all the bettermy true heart cannot showmoonshine stays with memoonshine does not burnand all the images i dare dreammere illusions in the darkness yearnedlove i cannot utterlove i cannot swearno , better keep this feelingall unto myselfa hundred times i woke upand just as many i have criedbecause the love i long forbelongs to a bride , not i . 
Poems by Sara Teasdale . 	 But Not To Me The April night is still and sweet With flowers on every tree ; Peace comes to them on quiet feet , But not to me . My peace is hidden in his breast Where I shall never be , Love comes to - night to all the rest , But not to me . The Flight Look back with longing eyes and know that I will follow , Lift me up in your love as a light wind lifts a swallow , Let our flight be far in sun or windy rain -- But what if I heard my first love calling me again ? Hold me on your heart as the brave sea holds the foam , Take me far away to the hills that hide your home ; Peace shall thatch the roof and love shall latch the door -- But what if I heard my first love calling me once more ? A Maiden Oh if I were the velvet rose Upon the red rose vine , I ' d climb to touch his window And make his casement fine . And if I were the little bird That twitters on the tree , All day I ' d sing my love for him Till he should harken me . But since I am a maiden I go with downcast eyes , And he will never hear the songs That he has turned to sighs . And since I am a maiden My love will never know That I could kiss him with a mouth More red than roses blow . Leaves One by one , like leaves from a tree All my faiths have forsaken me ; But the stars above my head Burn in white and delicate red , And beneath my feet the earth Brings the sturdy grass to birth . I who was content to be But a silken - singing tree , But a rustle of delight In the wistful heart of night -- I have lost the leaves that knew Touch of rain and weight of dew . Blinded by a leafy crown I looked neither up nor down -- But the little leaves that die Have left me room to see the sky ; Now for the first time I know Stars above and earth below . 
On the Everest climb . 	 Just to put on record ... I envy the Pinoys who made it to the summit of Everest ! How I wish I was one of them ... hahaha ... in my wildest dreams ! I miss the days when I used to go out and trek a lot . The experience is just incomparable . 
The Da Vinci Code at ATC . 	 Today Quelly and I spent the day at ATC . Yeah , you guessed it right ... it was to see the most controversial movie this summer , The Da Vinci Code ( R 18 rating by MTRCB ) . Tickets were selling so fast that although we arrived at 12:30 pm , the earliest tickets we were able to lay hands on were for the 3:40 pm show . FYI , ATC had 3 cinemas showing TDVC . Since we were early for the movie , Quelly and I went shopping for shirts they have started letting people in before we got there . Since the seats were not reserved , we got to sit on the left side of the theater , 3 rd row . It wasn't that bad but , ofcourse , we were hoping to get much better seats . The movie was not at all disappointing . I ' m a fan of the book and I would just like to put on record that Ron Howard is a genius ( the girls sitting beside us said so as well ) . The movie lived up to my expectations and more . I have always said that Dan Brown 's novel , TDVC , had a great plot with a bad ending ... well , ending in the sense that the last 3 - 5 pages of the book suck ! Well , I guess the writers of the movie figured it out and polished the ending which makes me want to tell Dan Brown that he should re - write his ending exactly the way the scriptwriters decided to end the movie . Well , in my dreams ! All in all , I was impressed with the the whole thing ... writing , acting and directing . By the way , I ' m sleeping over at Quelly 's today . Great food here , no kidding ! Bummer that I have to go to work tomorrow . At least , I get to spend the weekend in Marikina . Can't wait to go home this Saturday . 
Infernal Affairs remake . 	 Oh no ! I finally found the confirmation of what I have been dreading . Hollywood is really doing a remake of my favorite Asian movie , Infernal Affairs . The title will be The Departed . Apparently , Martin Scorsese will be directing it , and it will be starred by Leonardo Dicaprio , Matt Damon , Jack Nicholson , Martin Sheen and Alec Baldwin among others . I just hope they do justice to this drama or I will never forgive Hollywood for doing this movie ! I ' m sure all the fans of the Infernal Affairs series share this sentiment ! 
Wikipedia : An Internet Wonder . 	 I don't know why I just have to write about it but I really am amazed with the way wikipedia works . Not only does it feature a gamut of articles , it also allows discussion about the contents . And , yes , as it has an anticredentialist spirit to it which makes it different from all other encyclopedia , it may be written and re - written by blokes like you and me . For those of you who , just like me , can spend hours reading trivial stuff ... better make sure you add this site to your Favorites : http : // en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Main _ Page . 
After A While by Veronica A Shoffstall . 	 This is one of my favorite poems ... After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul And you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't always promises And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead With the grace of a woman , not the grief of a child . And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow 's ground is too uncertain for plans And futures have a way of falling down in mid - flight After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers And you learn that you really can endure , That you really are strong And you really do have worth And you learn And you learn With every good - bye you learn . 
Storm Caloy . 	 Another storm has hit the Philippines . It was Caloy over the weekend . No news there . And , yes , we ' ve come to accept winds and rain as part and parcel of our lives as filipinos . What is frustrating to me , however , is the death toll . 41 and counting . Why is it that we cannot resolve the issue of safety year after year , one disaster after another . A lot of times now , I just hate watching the news . 
Andriy Shevchenko . 	 Okay ... I love David Beckham . I can't get enough of the guy . And although I root for Barcelona ( yey , Ronaldinho ! ) in the Spanish Primier League , I so look forward to Real Madrid playing just to have a glimpse of my dearest Becks . However , the new apple of my eyes is AC Milan 's striker Andriy Shevchenko . Yeah , I could barely pronounce his surname but who cares , right ? Right now , I really think he is one of the best players in Europe . And , though Ukraine is not really a threat ( just my opinion ! ) in this year 's World Cup ( can't wait for that one ) , my TV will be following this player 's performance . Whenever I watch the show Captain Tsubasa ( my all time fave anime ) ... I am reminded of this guys gutts and talent . English Premier League 's 2006 champion Chelsea , which has recently taken German superstar Michael Ballack , is aggressively pursuing Andriy as well . That , ofcourse , will be a great combination to watch ... but Andriy outside Milan ... hmmm ... For the sake of his fans , I hope he decides what 's best . However it turns out , here 's praying for more goals , and hopefully some of those will be in Germany when he captains Ukraine . And , yeah ... since I ' m a fan ... I LOVE YOU , ANDRIY ! Profile : Name : Andriy Shevchenko Nationality : Ukrainian Place and Date of Birth : Dvirkivshchyna , Kiev , Ukraine . 29 th September 1976 Playing Position : Forward Current Club : AC Milan . Italy Serie A . Signed from Dynamo Kiev 01 July 1999 for a fee of $ 29 million US . Squad Number : 7 Height : 183 cm Weight : 74 kg . Ukraine International : Yes. Previous Clubs : 1994 - 1999 : Dynamo Kiev ( Ukraine ) Honors with AC Milan : December 2004 : European Footballer of The Year ( Ballon d ' Or ) 2004 : Italian Supercup Winner 2003 - 2004 : Champion of Italy 2003 : European Supercup Winner 2002 - 2003 : Italian Cup Winner 2002 - 2003 : European Champions League Winner . 
Ellen Johnson - Sirleaf . 	 I don't know if you have heard of her but she is Africa 's first woman president . She 's from Liberia . A line I read written by Laura Bush in Time says " Johnson - Sirleaf is an example of what can happen when girls are educated . " Knowing the conditions in Africa and the rough time she had growing up , it is such an inspiration to see a woman who once spent time in prison lead her own state to freedom and become its sovereign leader . I hope Bono writes a song about her ... the way he did for Aung San Suu Kyi . 
La - la . Am sleepy , can read that I slept late last nite from my postings . Took a while to get into dreamland . Did I have any dreams ? I think I did but can't remember already . I knew I smsed Colin to do something for me then and he replied me at 3 am . Ha . Singaporeans sleep late . 
Mudpie . Had an awful dinner at Far East Plaza and a sweet fattening dessert at Wheelock Place this evening with JY . Have known him since 1999 . He 's a radio DJ and it was through him that I got to do a little of copywriting , and also to know his friend R . Some stories were spun and well , past is past . Coincidentally got to meet up with R also a month back . In it all , one thing struck was how time really zooms past each and everyone of us . 7 years . OMG . THE PAST seemed to have visited me today . Bumped into The Giver of The 12 Seashells and had a good time catching up in the span of 10 minutes . Very glad to know that he 's been married for a month and still looking quite cute . LOL . Shups beg to differ I know . Haaa . He still holds his radical and anti - norm ideas and I am really glad that we are still on talking terms in a certain sense . You know ... no hard feelings , hoping the best for each other and he still remembers what I told him a year ago . I really respect and appreciate the " distance " that we have with each other which possibly would not be achievable given someone else . This week is a bit messy , with schedules to keep , people to meet , that my gastric overworked itself again . Think I lost some FAT . Hmm , I believe the rest of the week should be more leisurely and things should be looking brighter . I dunno lah . Can't always post sad songs on my blog right ? Think you all will get bored reading them . And anyway the depth of issues can't always be written in words so well , let you read my happy posts ... haa ... 
Subjectless . Beings are so paradoxical . For most , love at first sight is questionable . Then , when you get to know someone longer , you ask if it 's out of habit or of sincere liking . Very hard to decipher leh . I think we need to think and live more simply . 
Still want to meet Bugs Bunny . My gastric 's complaining . Couldn't really sleep well last night . Then now it 's gnawing again . Trying hard to concentrate on my book cos taking the exam on wed . Thus far , progress is peanuts . Actually I don't aim to clear the paper , cos is so difficult !!! And there is no urgency now cos my boss is quitting very soon . Then again , have always asked Ah Qing to give his best in his studies , so I also cannot have such a lazy attitude right ? ! The 2.45 pm thing was alrite , well I am not losing hairs over it . God 's will and hands it be . Couple of issues cropped up over the past week , thought I could handle them well by exerting self - control but some just caught me off - guard . Was wilful , didn't react appropriately . Along the way God pops some little surprises , anyway I think I was really too wilful . Hope can appease my gastric at dinnertime later . Is really painz . Eww . 
Calendar . It 's Saturday again ! Then it will be Sunday ... then Monday ... then soon enough another Saturday ! Time just flies ... then it 's Christmas very soon . Shall start dreaming of my birthday presents thereafter . Have always admire guys for their focus and tenacity with regards to their goals . Can never outbid them on this aspect . My mid - year resolution would be to be more like them . I hear someone laughed . Haa . A new month to me is akin to changing the page of my desk calendar , throwing my monthly contact lenses into the dustbin , seeing the reduction of my savings account and the refreshing of my sales target . Don't you get numb ? I do , at times . It 's just a number that 's tagged to each day , but the degree of fruitfulness varies from person to person yah . I do try to log down the significant events in my life in my nokia but with the switch recently , the entries weren't saved . I guess it 's for the better . Can't always dwell in the past glories , sweetness and unforgiveness right ? 
Forgetful . NO real adventures today except that was teaching Ms Strawberry Pocky Gal how to do a google search ha which made her real engrossed over it . I was trying out myself then realised that my memory has failed me . Time really erases a lot of stuff and details . 
Windows to thy soul are blocked . Yesterday wrote too much already , today it 's back to one - liner already . The headache 's real bad you see ... anyway let 's see visual then . Pictures speak a thousand words haha . BB says I look kuku haaa . I didn't object . That 's supposed to be the feel mah right . Anyway it 's in deep brown and plastic . Cos I ' m allergic to silver . Gonna collect it next tuesday and I paid $ 60 for it only ! With the lenses ! Cheeep right ! Ms Strawberry Pocky Gal 's recommendation . For home - wear only . I won't be caught with my glasses on except when I go camps . Got image to maintain one leh . Haaa . In time to wear it for my retreat to Muar in August . Ha . Maybe Mich will see me in this then . I ' m going to disable my comments option . Haaaa . Then you all can't write that I dun look nice in this . Ha no lah kidding lah . Everybody knows how pretty the gal is under that grandma glasses . To justify my statement I post my non - spectacled look . Ha . Self - deception leh . Actually only send this glasses pic to selected few , but well , to reward loyal readers , I post here . Haa . 
Spirituality and Religion . Spirituality is what happens on the inside . Religion is what happens on the outside . I can live without religion ( although I might choose not to ) . I can't live without spirituality . 
Just how doomed am I ? Do I really have bad luck ? I ' m all of us do at some point in time and some of us experience episodes more than others . While I wouldn't call myself superstitious , I ' m definitely getting more paranoid and take care that I don't do anything to make my life worse . Don't get me wrong , I ' m not homeless or jobless , but I have seen better days . I ' ve pretty much done a 180 in my life and started my life over again . You could say I ' m almost like a 20 - yr old . I ' ve had about one year of college , got a new job , living by myself for the first time , paying for my own car ... all normal things but at 30 years old , I never did this stuff before . To make matters worse , I ' m on the brink of bankruptcy ( again ) but it 's still 2 years too soon for me to try . I filed once before 6 years ago because there was a mountain of credit card debt on accounts my father and I shared but he passed away and his nursing home tried to sue me for his care expenses 2 years after he passed . So , at just under 24 years old , I filed Chapter 7 bankrupcty and all debts got discharged . Then how did I get back into this mess , you say ? .................... to be continued . 
i ' ve got a little secret , to tell a special boy . well what has occured this " partial " weekend , as i refer to it for now [ until tomorrow of course ] , has been quite eventful , it was lovely . to start off , yesterday i spent the day waiting for about 5 o ' clock to come around because i was going to see lady in th water at 8:05 , but i was planning to go to my best friends house prior to this and arriving to the mall extra early so we may porouse the stores . unfortunately , i was running late [ i ' m not usually very punctual , only when it comes to my modeling castings and even then , it can be quite rare ] , back to the story ... so i arrived at my sister 's house [ we call each other adopted sisters ] and i was not at all ready , i took a shower , got dressed , you know , the whole kit and kabudal sister , he couldn't stay because no guys allowed ] and her and i stayed up until 5 ' o clock this morning , talking . we had so much fun and took crazy pictures and videos . this part of my weekend was fabulous , great times and memories . tomorrow i have a baptism to attend , including the luchoen immediately following , that should be quite eventful as well and my other friend decided he would like to take me to the movies afterward , i agreed . now , it 's just a matter of my parents allowing it . we believe so . and many actually believe us as well and , of course , that is most definitely the best part of it all . 
i ' m bringing sexy back . thank - you all mighty justin timberlake ... i am in love with his newest single " Sexy Back " , listen to it ! it 's got a sick techno beat and at first listen , you may not even realize it 's justin , i really like it , sick joint ! anywho , i took senior pictures saturday and that was fun . the lasted a matter of maybe thirty - five to forty minutes , when i prepared for them for about , three days ? yeah , that 's just about right ... nails [ thursday ] dentist appontiment [ friday ] eyebrow wax [ friday ] hair [ saturday morning ] it was quite eventful . yesterday i went to the beach and improved my farmer 's tan , it sill exists , but MUCH better than before and i got a nice overall body tan too . today i accompanied my mom and brother to the doctor [ brother was in need of shots ] and we ran a few errands as well . i believe that concludes my day . 
the first of many ? well ... i have decided to get a blog ... actually , i have one on my my space , but it 's just not the same idea , similar , but not quite there ... hopefully i will continue to utilize this blog , i think i will , as long as i have people ready . if ya ' ll want to learn more about me or care to add me , check out my my space and enjoy ... i have yet to change out of my pajamas , yesterday was a hectic day ... i had work ( summer camp counselor ) and i choreagraphed the end - of - the - year show for my kids with another counselor , it 's coming out sick ! it 's this whole mix , i love it , but yesterday was really stressful , like showing them the remaining dances was tough , but hopefully it ' ll all be worth it . i guess that 's about it for today . what more can i say ? 
missing me . HELLO DEAR ALL ! hahaha . this is by faaaar the longest i ' ve gone without posting a new entry . lol . damn pooped lah . have been for the past few hectic days . i ' m pretty sleepy now , so i ain't gonna type much , but i will still type . fret not ! anyway today me n the girls from dmc 03 , me n hmmm ..7 others went to the youth park after school to snap some pics for the dtp ca 3 . you DON ' T KNOW how strangely out of place we looked ( well , all except XQ , YL n R ) wearing formal attire , walking around orchard snapping photos , espacially of all places at the youth park ! so after like 1 / 2 hr of rigourous photo taking , i started taking some random shots of unsuspecting people . hehehe . but most of them managed to pose for my shots - _ - " ... and the entry starts off with my feet . ( notice the nice sandals ? n gina 's KPO feet ) gina looks sneaky - . - " i tell you . this grace is persistent ! she was sooo determined to get me to take a photo of herself ! n of course i gave in .. i bet the person in this pic * ahem * raudhah * ahem * didn't know THIS photo was taken ... and she turns around and flashes her MEGAWATTTT smile : ) the look gina n rau are giving is really disturbing . let 's focus on the back of the picture instead -- artistic shot : me taking a photo of gina taking a photo of the group . SUPER XQ to the rescue ~~~ * poses * grace and TCB ( TCB acting cute as usual !! ) ( ignores gina ) FINALLY i ' m featured somewhere . behold my apparently clear skin ! * dont fling your chairs at me now ! * a camwhore in action . whoooo aren't we all ?? let 's play a game : can you spot the gina ? apparently nobody knew i was in the photo , taking my own shot , except grace of course . freaky . nightmares . shudders . tries taking an artistic shot . FAILS . an illegal gathering of more than 5 people . liable to be caught by police you know .. ( weiling looks happy about getting caught though ) and finally . my final artistic shot . NICE ! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA = ) alright . so that 's pretty much what i ' ve intended to say . gonna end off soon . will update more ! ( esp since i ' m meeting benpiiig 2 mr whooo ! ) i ' m soo sleepy . so yeap that 's all . till we meet again . HUGS ! - Nad . p . s : i saw " alex " today . wheeee . ( insider 's joke ) . 
multitasking is a part of life . i ' m juggling 3 things while trying to publish this post . yes firstly type the content of this entry . secondly craning my neck over , trying to watch ' ghost whisperer ' on channel 5 . and lastly , that EVIIIIIIL cat of mine is gonna pounce any minute . annnnnny minuteeeee , annnnny seconnnnnnd . * gets paranoid * i remember back when she use to be cute and perfectly harmless . and now she 's evil and harmful . siiigh those were the days ... ( continues watching tv ) nothing much has happened since my last post . let 's see what happened in the span of 5 days : the world cup has effectively ended . italy won , but 4 clubs are in deep crap . ac milan stays in serie a but won't be in the champ 's league next season ( booo ! i miss kaka ! ) and florentia , lazio and JUVENTUS are relegated . RELEGATED ! omg omg omg . it 's like telling me arsenal has been relegated to the championship ( CHOY ! ) . poor cannavaro . what 's the chances that arsenal are gonna splurge just a little more and get him as a central defender ? i mean sol campbell is gone and all .. * according to newpaper * 1 2 3 ..... HAIZ . it 's been a rather stressful week . soooo many things done in such a short span of period . icp report was a horror . thank god it 's over and done with . hallelujah . fom was due ( thank you sooo much eu , i ' ll get u more milkpans ) . school 's been a drag and i positively hate life now . booo . i ' m getting tired ; so here are some random pictures : some superman preview somewhere . i KNOW i ' m not the only one that thinks these 2 look like real - life living Barbie & Ken . bull - fighting in spain . soo inhumane . YECH . but speaking of spain , benpiiiggg is coming home soon . HOLA ! ^ _ ^ veven pretty people are imperfect . * points at eyes * " even all the gods are crazy , even all the stars are blind .. " and lastly , did you know that there 's such a thing as a clown convention ? ! ? ! ? ! SEE ! i wasn't lying . HAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA : ) okay , so i ' m going to end off here . i want to watch the end of the show . but my last gift to you guys before i end off : keh - uuuute . hawttttttness . it 's such a sin . * spots cannavaro , faints * yes i know you girls with good taste like XQ and myself will appreciate it . LMAO . HUGS ! - Nad . p . s : i wonder what tomorrow 's cip will be like ... ? 
the blues . * takes a moment , scratches head , and wonders what to write about this time * hmmm . since the world cup just ended approximately almost give - and - take just about plus minus ( takes a breather ) 24 hours ago , i guess i better start blogging and posting some pictures on the finals . and off we go .. : ) ... and this is the beginning of the celebrations ... is it just me or does the trophy look like a human with the hat on it ?? ( ignores the apparent girly girl totti on the right ) - ________ - " cpt cannavaro * sounds like a superhero no ? * ( WHOOO ) lifts the trophy up : did you know the " lifting - the - trophy " up part came about some time ago when a team won the cup and the press couldn't see the trophy so their asked the cpt to hoist it over his head . and a tradition was born .. everyone 's getting touchy - feely with the bling bling .. ( the fella at the back looks like sven goran eriksson ) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA . totti : and ladies & gentlmen . here we have a 18 karat gold bling bling trophy up for grabs . available at the low , low price of only $ 119827339397262537391816 . it 's a first come first served basis , so hurry and get your own one today ! is it just me or do they look like lost sheep running in all directions ? LMAO ~ cpt cannavaro ( WHOOO ) and gang . cpt cannavaro ( WHOOO ) rises above his gang .. cpt cannavaro ( WHOOO ) one more time for the laydiesss = pbuffon lifts the trophy high . fella at the back : eh not too high ! i ' m afraid of heights !! ( doesn't his expression say it all ? ) i sense a new romance blossoming . don't you ? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA . cpt cannavaro ( WHOOO ) one more time for the crowd , namely myself hehehhee . * shys away * and lastly .. not forgetting the italian fans : oh my gosh ! scary lah T _____ Talrighty then . i guess that 's all i have for now . the seriiiiiiiiious lack of sleep from last night ( i only managed to squeeze in 2 hr 's worth ) is supah wearing off . till we meet again amigos ! * that wasn't italian was it ? booo . * HUGS ! - Nad . p . s : cannavaro is hawtt , i know you agree . lol ! 
blah dee dah * . ( like you ' d actually care what my entry title says ) HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHE don't whack me with a broom now ! so on to business , i didn't do much today [ except go to my mom 's friend 's son 's wedding at fort canning park ] erm so yeah that 's about all i did for today .. anyway i was youtubing and found some cute rock - your - socks ads . so i decided to just post a video or two for tonight 's entry . yeap enjoy . * hums * DA DA DAAA .. = D ( you KNOW you wanna sing along too ! ) hahaha ! the first one i got was in chinese . now this is spanish / portugese ? LOL it still rawks nonetheless . ZOMGWTFBBQ ! i especially loved the part the chinese chef was soo engrossed in football , the wok behind was on fire ! whoooo . n the old fella tipping over the bicycle - ____ - " OMG OMG OMG !!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA BRILLIANT ! dies from excessive laughterhehehehehhee yeap that should be all for now . the 3 th / 4 th placing 's gonna start soon . wheeee .. see ya tomorrow ! HUGS ! - Nad . 
A Peak in the Past ... 	 Yes , there we are . Two naive individuals clueless to what the next 24 years held for us . I was 19 and my Knight was 21 in this picture . My aunt recently gave me this picture and I noticed one thing in it that I have come to know about myself , I am the weaker vessel . Alright , God says it in His Word , but why do we women squirm when it is said ? Could it be that we are letting that same spirit that was in Eve rise up in us ? Or can we relax and come to realize that it is God 's design . I love working hard and actually exercising strength in many things I do around the home and beyond . Proverbs even talks about the Virtuous women having this strength and it should be a part of us . But as I looked at this picture I noticed that even back then , I was depending on this man 's strength and not my own . You see , I was saying good - bye to my dad on this day in the picture . It was a get together for him as he was moving to Colorado and leaving Michigan . I was weakened by his move , and yet God was placing in my life a man who was going to be there for me in those difficult times with his strength . Please notice my hand in the above picture ; it 's placed on my knight 's arm . I have done this many times in my life with him and didn't realize I was doing this very action . Through all my childbirths , through the death of our baby Mia Grace , seeing my son in a car accident , my brother 's early death , during financial hard times , through many prayer times together when we would pray for our loved ones that were hurting or going the wrong way , when I get overwhelmed and blubber on my Knight 's shoulder ... I always reach for his arm ( the strongest part of his being ) . I ' m reaching to the one God has placed in my life to be that earthly strength I need . I ' m weak , and blessed for it . The Lord is so wonderful when He designed this thing called marriage and I love reaching for that arm of strength on my Knight as he reaches for his strength too , and that in the Lord . 
In Honor of my Mommy .... 	 Happy Retirement Mom !! Pictured here with two of my blessings is my mom . She has been a faithful hard working mother of 5 children . She recently retired after working at the same place for about 30 years !!! Being a single parent wasn't easy , but she worked hard at giving her children a nice place to live and looked to our needs before her own . She never lavished herself with meaningless things , but seen to it that we were taken care of . I can't imagine being in her shoes back then or even now . I just hope now that she can enjoy some of those things she had to give up during those difficult years raising us wild and crazy children . I love you mom and pray that God richly blesses you ! 
Mommy of Many 's Reflections # 2 . 	 My God is faithful to me and mine . After all this family of 16 has been through , God has always been Faithful to us . He provides . He protects . He proves what is not of Him and strengthens what is . He leads us to refreshing times , and puts the fiery trials behind us . He chastens , disciplines and corrects us only to show that we are His . May my lips be found always praising Him and my heart always found rejoicing in Him . If your facing harsh situations that are beyond your control , burdens of wayward children who have chosen the world 's worst , lost family members that seem more hopeless as time goes on , bend the knees of your heart to His Majesty and see His Faithfulness and how great it is . Psalms 55:1 Evening and morning and at noon will I pray and cry out aloud , and He shall hear my voice . Psalms 34:4 I sought the Lord and He heard me , and delivered me from all my fears . 
The long awaited Mommy of Many Paintings Gallery ( I love to smear this stuff ) . 	 This is a shadow box that was my grandma 's . I accented it with the vines on my living room wall . I cherish this . ... Another corner in my living room .... And yet another corner with the clock in the middle . And our famous blanket box . This is chocked full of quilts and afghans for cuddling with in the winter time ; for the living room only ! 
And a quick tour through the kitchen ... 	 This is my apple hallway . I used to have an apple themed kitchen , but recently changed it , so instead of getting rid of all the apple things , I saved some things and placed them together in the hallway . Apple bench which gets used in the apple hallway for the ' Next ' in line to the bathroom . Serving tray for the new colors of the kitchen now . Having a bit of fun with an old chair . I hope to do more of these and get more creative with them . " Lord , bless all who sit here " . 
Missing Moth ... 	 It 's been a year now since we said good - bye to Moth . She was my dear mother - in - law . She always made me feel just as loved as one of her own children . I often refer to her as my biggest cheerleader because every time we found out that we were having another baby , we would tell her and she would give a big " Yeah ! " when we did , and then she would give my husband and I a big kiss of congratulations . She definetly knew the value of another baby being added to the family . Oh how I miss her sweet smile , big squeeze hugs , loving encouragement , thoughtful notes and all those cheerleading performances she gave . Heaven got sweeter sounding after her passing and I look forward to her embrace again . 
Who can find a virtuous women ? ... My son did ! 	 A week after he graduated from college , my son took his girlfriend , of 19 months , to one of their favorite places , the beach . After watching the sunset and walking down the beach my son knelt before this wonderful godly girl and asked her to marry him ! Praise the Lord she said " Yes ! " . So it is with great joy that Mommy of Many announces the engagement of her son Jeff to Deborah . We couldn't be happier with our son 's choice ! 
Birthday Tea Time . 	 This past week was Betsy 's birthday , so I surprised her with an early morning tea party complete with eggs , bagels and hash browns , oh , and of course Peppermint and Lemon tea too . We enjoyed the sunrise and the early morning chatter of the back yard birds . We giggled together and clanged our tea cups as we stirred them . Betsy is now 6 ! I wore this scarf and brooch . I told them the story of where this brooch came from . It was my grandma Corrine 's . I always remember her at the holidays wearing a special pin on her sweater or blouse . After she died my aunt gave some of her jewelry to me and I now display it in my own bedroom . Looking for something quick and special to wear while the eggs were cooking for this tea party , this pin popped off my shelf at me and I pinned it on and away I went . 
Mommy pops in at the local grocery store .... 	 This mommy is trying to hold on to as many memories as possible . So recently I visited our local grocery store to take a shot or two of a very unusual group . Not only are these girls working at the same place , they are also sisters ! But wait there 's more ... they are also my BABIES . They are the best employees this company 's got . And have it be known , you always get service with a smile . Right girls ? 
My right hand rose maker . 	 Betsy has been at my side for many a cake making sessions . I know she was always hoping for me to have left overs for her own practice . To my amazement she took the icing bag one day and with the rose tip made a pretty good rose . So from then on I always let her do what ever she wants with the left overs . This particular rose she made with playdough , again next to me while I did things in the kitchen . God has many talents inside of her to bring out ! 
Finally , the Cake Gallery ( I hope your looking Kate ! ) . 	 This is my son 's wedding cake . It traveled 95 miles in 90 degree weather , out lasted several movings and is my first attempt at a wedding cake . God was on my side this day as I had to get 10 girls ready for the wedding , deliver corsages that I made , tend to a sick hubby and all while 7 and 1 / 2 months pregnant . This was done for one of my best friend 's daughter . I call it my only leaning tower of Pisa . The bride loved it . I ' m thankful the room was darkened during the reception . This has been one of my hardest . I had to built this one on the spot not knowing the full design until I got there . The mother of the bride had tried to explain it to me but it truly takes the cake for being my most difficult . The bride was very happy ( of course , she was only thinking about her dress and make - up ) . Oh yes , that is cake winding around up to the top with fresh flowers poking out everywhere . They later placed a topper on it . This was done for a dear girl who actually was born the same day Jim and I were married , just two hours before I was walking down the aisle . The trellis actually has lights flowing thru it and looked great when the lights went down low at the reception . 
More cakes !!! 	 This was a very enjoyable cake to make . This was the wedding cake I did for my brother Scott and his new bride Shari a couple of years ago . The wedding took place in Holland and the reception was on the beautiful shore of Lake Macatawa . It was a glorious time ! The antique glass platter , which the cake is on , was given to me by my grandma and made the cake look even more gorgeous . Of course fresh Hydrangea flowers brought out summer 's best . A big sheet cake for a 90 year old grandma ! 
Did you see the front page of the GR Press Friday ? 	 Yes , that is my husband 's dad on the far left . He was the oldest to enter this year and has been running the River Run for years . This is what the Press had to say about him ... Clark was a sprinter and a hurdler at Randoul ( Ill. ) High School and Antioch ( Ohio ) College . The Kentwood resident has been on the go ever since , averaging about 10 5 K runs a year . He is the oldest person to enter any of the River Run 's three foot races - 5 K and 25 K runs and 5 Kwalk - and still works part - time as a liability investigator for insurances companies . " If you keep in condition all the time , what difference does age make ? " Clark said . ' I may still be running at the age of 100 " . " I was married 62 years to my late wife ( Olive ) . I have six children and , I think , 37 grandchildren and 18 great grandchildren . Running the 5 K 's is the easy part . " Clark 's goal is to finish the 3.1 mile race in less than 50 minutes . I ' ll add that we are very proud of him . He is definetly an example to us all . He is a WWII vet also , serving as a navigator in the B 24 bomber in Europe . 
From the recipe book ; Pepperoni Bread . 	 When asking Sarah what she wanted for her special dinner for her birthday recently , she request a family favorite , Pepperoni Bread . So I said , " If I make it for you , will you take pictures so I can post it on my blog ? " . She consented . I served it with warmed spaghetti sauce , salad and her special requested desert , fresh strawberry pie . And the recipe is as follows : Pepperoni Bread Crust ; 2 1 / 2 cups warm water 2 T . yeast 2 t . sugar 4 t . olive oil 3 t . salt 6 - 6 1 / 2 cups of flour Filling ; dried basilpepperoni 4 cups mozzarella Cheese Mix water and yeast , dissolve . Add oil , sugar and whisk together . Let sit for 5 mins . to proof the yeast . Add rest and mix . Knead for 7 mins . ( less time with mixer and dough hook ) . Place in oiled ( olive ) bowl . Let rise 1 hour . Divide in two . Roll out to 12 x 14 . Brush with water , sprinkle basil over dough . Layer pepperoni , then cheese and roll up and close . Place on greased pan sprinkled with cornmeal . Let rise 1 hour . Bake 375 * for 35 mins . Slice and serve with marinara . 
Confession . " Yes , your honor I ' m guilty ! " It 's hard to admit that I have fallen for someone I didn't expect to fall in love with . I can't imagine myself typing that four - letter word . L - O - V - E - It 's been months that I ' ve been denying , avoiding and escaping the thoughts and feelings that I ' ve been afraid to admit . Call me scaredy cat ... I admit , I ' m afraid ! I ' m afraid to feel and fall because I might fail . I fear that I would stumble and get wounded along the way . To be hurt is painful . I don't want to be hurt . Anyway , who wants to get hurt ? My mind is always saying , " NO ! " But no matter how my mind opposes , my heart cries the truth . It is already beating for someone -- someone I should not love . Why ? It can't be . It can't be . It can't be . It can't be . Now , that I have admitted it , may I now go , your honor ? Release me now . Let me not be your prisoner . Please , I beg my freedom from this feeling that keeps my heart aching . Why would I want to be a prisoner of love when I ' m not even free to love ? 
EULOGY for myself . Memoirs of Isadora Her smile brightened up anybody s day ! Her expressive eyes said a lot of things . Her laughs could tickle one s stomach . Her clothes were like rainbow that colors the sky . Her determination was stronger than a rock . Her fighting spirit was like that of a warrior . Isadora Nuguid Morales , or simply Izah , had been God s gift to everyone of us here . She was her parents obedient and loving daughter . She was the sister that her siblings looked up to . She was the classmate who helped anyone in need . She was a dedicated student who laboriously did everything extraordinarily well . She was the friend whom you can depend on , every time you needed one . She was a Christian whose faith never faded despite temptations . She was the person who has a heart for needy children . She was a patriotic citizen who chose to serve her countrymen . She was a principled person who would fight for what she believed in . She was an ugly caterpillar during her childhood years , who little by little , metamorphosed into a butterfly . As she grew , she changed to be the person we knew today . Life is short ; nevertheless , her life was never been wasted . She had lived every second of it to its fullest . We will surely miss her presence , her jokes , her temper , her smiles and most especially -- her , the person we knew and lived with . ( teary - eyed silence ) Izah , we know you re now in Heaven with God . If you can only see me now , I know that you ll say , Ang drama mo ha ! Ayoko ng ma - drama ! ( laughs a little and tears run down from her eyes ) . But let me say this , Thank you very much for being that friend who was more than the best friend I wished I had . It s because you are a true friend that would forever be treasured . You had touched so many lives including mine . Shakespeare wrote in his novel , Romeo and Juliet , that , Parting is such a sweet sorrow . It really is . But I know , Izah would not want us to be lonely just because she has left this world . She wants us to be happy even she s not here anymore . That s why she didn t leave us empty handed . She left us with memories that would forever live among us . Memories never die only human bodies do . May your soul rest in the Hands of God Once again , Thank you , Izah for sharing your life with us . We love you ! Let s give her a round of applause ! ( applause from the audience ) . 
faded . Gone are the days when I knew how to do this and that . I left my companions for awhile : my pen , paper and recorder . Now , I came back , for them to accompany me once again . But as seasons changed , so did I. My companions haven't been altered at all . They 're the same companions I knew . But everything seemed different now . I ' m not the same person they knew . I didn't intend to turn a new leaf but it just happened . Surprised ! Yeah , I am . But I ' m sad because I can't formulate the right questions to ask my interviewees . I ' m such a mess . = ( sad face Why ? My companions maybe asking right now , where 's the writer in me ? Where 's the person they used to accompany during the strenuous data gatherings , and pressuring press works ? 
Expecting the Unexpected expectation . Pessimism : I was expecting that I won't be allowed .... But it was unexpected that I was permitted to go when I finally brought all the courage in my heart to ask my folks ' consent ... I felt so happy and excited . However , the blissfulness faded as the sun sets . My father changed his mind . Since , no one has a vehicle to send me home , then he reversed his decision . Talk about overprotectiveness . hayy ... I understood that he was only concern of my safety .. But it was just so sad that the expected expectation still happened despite the unexpected permission . 
Happy ! Happy ! I want to sing happy ! shalala ... It 's so nice to be happy ... I don't know what to say .. I just received an invite from him ... ( Sobrang saya ! ) But I know that this happiness will fade . I ' m sure my folks won't allow me ... Huh ! Being 18 doesn't mean you 're already independent and free from restrictions . My parents are strict . Oh .. poor me ... But I want to go ... ( " , ) but how ? 
still confused . i don't know why i kept on thinking about ... am i ? no . i should not be ... Why can't I complete my sentence ? Well , obviously , I ' m confused with my feelings . I ' m afraid to be hurt . Bingo ! That 's what hindering me to freely express the feeling that makes the world go round . ( cliche it may sound ) ... And that is L - O - V - E . Finally , I typed it . Repression is not the answer . One of my friends said that the more I repressed my feelings the more it would grow deeper ... sheesh ! 
empty . my . mind . those who trust in the lord are a strong mountain ... though the world moves like mad , you oh lord are faithfuljesus you , you will not , not be changed ...... what a day . i do not have much to say , other than I am extremely out of it . floating , i like to say . i have money , and i want to go shopping . maybe its cool that i do not have a vehicle . however , i will probably end up borrowing a car . i want some new pants , and maybe some earrings . yeah , i dont need them , but i want them . does it really matter ? i wont take them or the money with me when i go , so ... yeah . i feel weird right now . im going to go take a shower , and hope i feel better when i get out . 
be . my . escape . I ve given up on giving up slowly , I m blending in so You won t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption because I know to live you must give your life away And I ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and I ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key And I ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me And even though , there s no way in knowing where to go , promise I m going because I gotta get outta here I m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake I gotta get outta here And I m begging You , I m begging You , I m begging You to be my escape . I m giving up on doing this alone now Cause I ve failed and I m ready to be shown how He s told me the way and I m trying to get there And this life sentence that I m serving I admit that I m every bit deserving But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair Cause I ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and I ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key And I ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me And even though , there s no way in knowing where to go , promise I m going because I gotta get outta here Cause I m afraid that this complacency is something I can t shake I gotta get outta here And I m begging You , I m begging You , I m begging You to be my escape . I am a hostage to my own humanity Self detained and forced to live in this mess I ve made And all I m asking is for You to do what You can with me But I can t ask You to give what You already gave Cause I ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and I ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key And I ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me And even though , there s no way in knowing where to go , promise I m going because I ve gotta get outta here I m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake I ve gotta get outta here And I m begging You , I m begging You , I m begging You to be my escape . I fought You for so long I should have let You in Oh how we regret those things we do And all I was trying to do was save my own skin But so were You ... So were You . 
above . all . else . i am in a weird place right now . i feel a little off . i am not okay with my surroundings , but i have nothing to complain about , thankthelord . i am , however , extremely excited about the big day tomorrow . i am going to be jamming out with some great musicians , jeremy , and michael . jeremy is inviting his friend john , the more the merrier ! i am super excited . joey and i just went and saw " you , me & dupree " it was utterly ridiculous . a waste of $ 13 --- so dont go see it . i was definately reminded of why i dont go see movies in the theatre . the company was nice , though . i really enjoy my time with joey . he has become my big brother , keeping me from making rash and wrong decisions , and that makes me happy to have that support . my mind is everywhere right now . i have no common balance . going to church in an hour , i cannot wait to worship the lord . its one of my favorite things to do . and on an " off " day like today , it will be a nice ending . 
guess . who . is . going . to ... Singer / Songwriter DAVID WILCOX from Silver Spring , MD ??? Me !!!! And Jeremy , and Michael ! I am so excited ! I got the " okay " today from both Ken and Josh . This means next Sunday , the three of us will be heading over to Town Point Park directly after church to partake in " Sunrise to Sunset : Acoustic Music Festival " and it is going to be so much fun ! Most importantly : It is FREE ! Ken said it will be a good thing for Jeremy to do before he leaves , and I agree ! A full day with my sager , and my favorite kitchen partner ! Who could ask for more ??? Did I say i was excited ? Clearly ... oh i love life . 
where . does . my . heart . beat . now ... ? . okay ... so that song is stuck in my head because of michael . i thanked him . really , i did . so , my " quit date " to smoking is August 22 nd , 2006 . i will be okay . i want it to be sooner , because i really cant afford cigarettes , but yeah ... it will all work out . nothing but beats . beats for the BUTT . yeah ... that 's definately not something i will be ordering anytime soon . don't ask . anyway ... i dont have much to say but i thought i did . i want to get closer to you jehovahbut things are pulling me awaypulling me off the path i long to travelalways leading me astrayi need your love - i need your gracehow i long to see your faceyou are a shepard to your peoplewhen i fall down you pick me upi need your love - i need your gracehow i long to see your face . 
CAIR compares vacationers in war zone to Katrina victims . It never stops ! Today the Detroit Free Press published an op - ed by Dawud Walid , a CAIR executive director in Michigan , where he made the absurd comparison between the military extraction of vacationing Americans and the federal evacuation of New Orleans residents in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina . Playing the race card for sympathetic effect doesn't make the case for his analogy . Walid wrote ; While the government rushed to proclaim that Israel had the right to protect its borders , it sluggishly stated days later that planning was under way to evacuate Americans trapped in Lebanon . Obviously , the delayed evacuation of primarily Arab Americans and American Muslims from these hostile fire zones invokes genuine concern , similar to that raised by African Americans after the evacuation debacle of Hurricane Katrina . Was the response delayed because of a poor contingency plan for evacuation , or was the response delayed because of who the evacuees are ? Would the evacuation have been quicker for American citizens if the Israeli infrastructure had been decimated as Lebanon 's currently is ? What don't these people understand about making the choice to vacation in a military hot spot and being the victim of an act of God ? How is the American government responsible for your safety once you leave our borders ? Again I have to say it , " travel is a privilege not a right " , these people made the choice to disregard the American travel advisory . They made a personal decision to travel abroad and then relinquish responsibility when things get ugly and uncomfortable . True to form and with unbelievable gull , these people expect , no demand , fellow Americans bail them out physically and financially . Playing the victim is a constant for CAIR , but trying to latch on to the painful memories of the over - dramatized catastrophe in New Orleans is beyond the pale even for CAIR . 
ADC sues US over war in Lebanon . I have heard it all now ! The ADC ( American - Arab anti - discrimination committee ) and bunch of Michigan muslims are suing the government for failure to protect US citizens in Lebanon . Talk about passing the buck on personal responsibility . One " vacationing " muslim was quoted , " It 's sad that we 're Americans and got treated like this " . Treated like what ? Not that the MSM would have reported the flawless ( and FREE ) extraction of Americans from a country that had 4 travel advisory in the last 2 years . The lawsuit alleges that Donald Rumsfeld and Condoleezza Rice failed to meet their constitutional obligations to protect U.S. citizens during war . The suit will also ask the court to issue an order compelling the U.S. government to request a cease - fire and stop all military support to Israel until all U.S. citizens are out of Lebanon . That 's the underlying motive of this whole thing , support for Israel . You know , the last time I checked travel was a privilege and not a right . I buy travel insurance when I plan a trip . One just doesn't know and who wants to lose all that hard earned money . But I digress . When I purchased travel insurance this year for our Hatteras vacation the policy did not cover foul weather or acts of God . If I roll the dice and choose a week when the Lord thinks the island needs some rain , I am not entitled to a refund . Only if an evacuation order is issued by the State of North Carolina do I receive a fractional refund . No one held a gun to their head and made them travel abroad . These people made a choice to spend their summer in a " hot spot " and knowing full well the potential for a conflict was eminent . Again , travel is a PRIVILEGE not a RIGHT . Life is full of uncertainty , and traveling to a political and religious powder keg is just not a smart choice . A choice made by those who ended up in Lebanon and now expect fellow Americans not only pay for their military extraction , but want us to pay for the alleged pain and suffering for a spoiled holiday abroad . 
CAIR whine - o - gram blasts U.S. Here we have CAIR Executive Director , Nihad Awad , on stage with the hezbollah flag . Who do you think CAIR is loyal to ? You knew an extra special CAIR whine - o - gram would be forth coming once the news broke about America sending bunker busting bombs to Israel . In addition to the myopic view of the war , CAIR called the attacks on " Lebanon 's civilian infrastructure targeted and claims to have forced some 500 thousand Lebanese from their homes under threat of death . " Well , if the terrorist didn't hide among the civilian population , " innocent " civilians would have nothing to worry about , right ? Hiding weapons in mosques and homes is now legal under the military code of conduct ? CAIR chairman , Parvez Ahmed said in a statement : " It is unconscionable that our government would rush weapons to a state engaged in vicious and indiscriminate attacks on the civilians and civilian infrastructure of a friendly nation . Thousands of our nation 's citizens also remain in Lebanon facing death or injury from these American taxpayer - supplied weapons . The baffling decision to assist in the destruction of a nation that has been held up as a model of democratic reform can only serve to harm our long - term interests in the region . Aiding attacks on civilian targets in Lebanon also calls into question our nation 's commitment to fighting terrorism in all its forms . America must disengage its Middle East policy from the self - serving dictates of the pro - Israel lobby . Failure to do so will allow Israel to once again drag our nation into its self - perpetuating cycle of hatred and conflict . " Nowhere in the whine - o - gram does CAIR condemn hamas or hezbollah for their attacks on Israeli civilians , perpetuating their own cycle of hatred . Instead of becoming a productive , self sustaining society , palestinians use the now vacant Gaza Strip to launch daily rocket attacks , unmolested , into Israel without a word from the global community . When the IDF is dispatched to defend the itself and a few islamic civilians are part of the collateral damage , the world finally takes notice and expresses outrage . The double standard is laughable . Asking Israel to use restraint when the entire country lives in constant fear , when your commute to school or work could be your last , a country that engages in a daily fight for her very survival . No civilized nation wants war , but sometimes you have to fight . I ' m going to use a quote from Dr. Bill Bennett , let 's " give war a chance " . 
Women and Men . I ' m diverting my attention today to post an observation . My best , childhood , friend ( whom I ' m certain will NOT read this ) has been going through a tough time . We talk twice monthly and since June have spoken everyday . She caught her husband having an affair . Now before you say " there 's two sides to every story " , I know and I ' m on her side . The other woman worked for her husband and as he says " start out as sexual innuendo " , harmless enough right ? Wrong , but we ' ll get to my point later . This lust in his heart turned into intimacy when the woman offered to give him , well you can guess , for his birthday . Well , that sure trumps my friends breaded pork chops ! Now let 's keep in mind , this woman WORKS for him , at any point prior to the birthday offer he could have told her " this is unacceptable behavior " and threatened to go to HR . But he didn't , he choose to take a vacation day , wake and dress as though he was going to work and drive 53 minutes ( one way ) for his " birthday gift " . The affair continued on like this , taking the 53 minute drive , for 3 months . Waking at 6 am and leaving the house to get on the road by 6:30 am to arrive at her house by 7:30 am . Every Saturday , to which he told his wife he was working , the ritual was the same . Out of the house by 6:30 am and home by 2:45 pm , a full 8 hours at " work " . My friend , much to her credit , knew when the lust was in his heart a month before the intimacy started . She caught him when the woman replied to a text message he had sent her prior to retiring for the evening . My friend is struggling . It 's been 7 weeks and she says the pain has not subsided . They 're working on it , and he claims the other woman meant nothing ( even though he proclaimed his love for the other woman ) . She ( my friend ) loves him and wants to work on her marriage , he too says he wants to stay in the home . Being me , I have a ton of advice . None of which I gave her , my job right now is to listen . I have voiced my displeasure with him and asked the same questions she has and received the same answers , " I don't know " . We cried ( he and I ) and I yelled , expressing the anger I felt over the pain she 's going though . He just can't tell her why he did this , why he would risk losing his home and family if she meant nothing . She asked him to get counseling , 6 weeks ago , and he hasn't . He 's still lying ( albeit stupid things ) even though he knows she ' ll catch him ! I just don't get it , are women and men really that different ? By all outward appearance , I would have once said , he adored her . The typical old fashioned gentleman , opening of doors and the like . He had a lot of people fooled , but not my friend . She knew the minute it started and asked him weekly if he was having an affair . When she told me of her suspicions 4 months ago I thought menopause had taken over her brain . Not " so - and - so " I told her , he loves you ! " He loves you " , could he love her and sneak , trick , lie to her like he did ? That 's the question ! 
Saudi prince too busy for Aspen palace . If you 're looking for a vacation home or a place to retire to , then I ' ve got the place for you . I personally have no use for a 15 - bedroom , 16 - bathroom 56,000 - square - foot mansion high upon the mountains above the city of Aspen , but the oil rich arab can apply for his own zip code . The estate includes several small homes on the 95 - acre property . Prince Bandar said he 's too busy to enjoy the palace because the duties of chairing his country 's security council and he 's been spending too much time in Washington . So if you ' ve got a cool $ 135 million lying around you too can live like royalty . The next time you pull out your credit card to pay for gas , thank the democrats . If we were able to drill for oil in Alaska and the Gulf of Mexico , poor old Bandar wouldn't have to go through the hassle of selling his mountain mansion . 
CAIR Canada calls for Graham to be denied entry . I ' m a little late posting this whine - o - gram from the Canadian terrorist wing of CAIR . Reverend Franklin Graham has an October crusade scheduled in Winnipeg , Canada and of course the Canadian death cult members are asking the federal government to clarify its position on freedom of speech after the outcry over a planned visit to Canada of a British imam and the official silence about the upcoming entry of a U.S. evangelist who has called Islam " a very evil and a very wicked religion . " Well I can explain it , reverend Graham , unlike imam Riyad ul - Haq , has never called for Christians to murder Jews , Hindus or homosexuals . He has never called on Christians to turn their back on Canada , refuse to assimilate and to go on " jihad " against their own country . He never used rabid hate speech to define non - muslims . Reverend Graham has never issued the call to " convert to Christianity or die " . And the most important difference , Franklin Graham is not suspected of having terrorist ties . The left in this country and Canada are again trying to draw a moral equivalence between the two men , calling Grahams comments on islam ( " a very evil and a very wicked religion " ) hate speech . The reverend has refused to amend his stance on the " religion of peace " despite the pressure from the PC crowd . We should all support this ministry , it is truly making a difference by bringing people to the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ . 
CAIR condemns Israeli attacks . My vacation is over and I ' m back to watching jihadis , ( so you don't have to ) . Yesterday CAIR issued Action Alert # 493 calling on muslims to contact their elected representatives urging them to condemn the Israeli attacks on Gaza and Lebanon . Calling the defensive action by Israel " disproportionate , " " excessive " and " pointless . " OK , what do you call the daily kassam rocket attacks from Gaza since the pull - out last year ? This is the ultimate failure of the " land for peace " policy . CAIR is trying to draw a moral equivalence between Israel defending herself and the killing of terrorist hiding among civilians . The whine - o - gram never mentions the threat Israelis live with daily or the lack of control the " democratically elected " officials have over the terrorist population . If innocent civilians are being attacked , I ' ll bet one member of the family was a hamas or hezbollah foot soldier . The " disproportionate " use of force by Israel in Lebanon in response to attacks by hezbollah is being condemned by the EU , UN and various nations in Europe . Big deal ! Ask yourself this , if Mexico was shelling Texas on a daily basis and took a national guard soldier hostage , after tunneling under the barrier built to prevent illegal crossings , then demanded the release of thousands of mexicans being held in prisons across the United States , do you think the American response would be " disproportionate " considering our superior strength ? The world community is losing it 's moral compass . Israel is the proverbial " canary in the coal mine " and the global response to this conflict will set a president , laying the foundation for our future terrorist policy . UN resolutions condemning Israel for defending herself " tips the hand " of the world community and clearly defines the battle lines . It 's not about land , it 's about Israel 's right to exist . When muslim parents love their sons more than killing Israeli sons , this conflict will end . 
Home again , until next year . Before I took the pampered pooch back to the house , I was able to snap a picture of the famous Cape Hatteras lighthouse . Here 's my son Christopher and his favorite aunt , Carolyn my brothers wife . Me and my son 's Godfather . Ed and I have been friends since tenth grade . He 's the best ! My brother Happy ( Steve ) , now he looks happy . It must be because he 's with me . Ed , D 2 , D and Stephanie . I didn't get the seagulls name , sorry . My friend and husband , Nicholas . Hershey Bar at home in front of his fireplace . He 's glad to be back in his own house . Here I am with my North Carolina suntan . I think I got dark . Vacations are great , especially going away with family . A reconnect that just don't happen during holidays or picnics . My sister - in - law and I got closer , the kids created special memories and we all ate too much . Nick , Chris and I had a fantastic time , I hope everyone else did as well . Until next year ....... 
Today 's Appt ... I had an appt today . My Dr said I ' m in my 3 rd trimester now ! I can't believe how fast this is going ! He said Bebe is about 2 lbs and 13 inches . She has a birthdate now , he agreed to induce on October 25 , yay ! I ' m so excited ! She 's head down , which I already knew since she 's been kicking really high lately . I ' ll be going every 2 weeks now and will get an u / s at my next appt since he was too rushed to do one today . He also ordered a glucose test , but I have to fast for that , so need to go back sometime before my next appt . Everything 's going great ! Water aerobics and swim lessons are going great , too . Princess has improved a ton in the past week , she 's now blowing bubbles , kicking , and moving her arms ... just not always all three at the same time ! She 's still terrified about putting her head in the water , but I ' ll keep working on her . I ' ve been getting a great workout with the water aerobics ( it 's everyday , right before swim lessons ) , I ' m really starting to feel it , especially in my calves . I ' m getting some sun and gaining some muscle ! I ' ve gained 5 lbs since my last appt , but most of it was just since starting water aerobics last week , so it must be all baby and muscle . 
Looking Up . Things are starting to look up ! Princess is still in a bratty phase of throwing things and thinking it 's funny , not listening to me , etc , but it 's getting more bareable , lol . I joined YMCA today and am so excited about it ! I also started Princess in swim lessons today , also at YMCA . So , once we got home from that and ate lunch , she was tired . Since mornings are generally the hardest time for me , this will make it much easier ! They have a daily water aerobics class , too , so I ' ll be going to that and then Yoga once swim lessons are over . I ' m so excited ! I actually really enjoy working out in a class , I just normally get bored on machines ... so this is perfect for me . I will start working out on my own some once Bebe is here , though . I got a 25 % discount on membership and swim lessons , too . I ' ve been able to talk to Sailor almost every day . He found a house to rent and a car to buy . We really miss him , of course , but it 's been going pretty quickly so far . 
Stress . I need to get this off my chest and don't want to say anything to Sailor about it . He 's been going out with the guys almost every day for the past week . I ' m not upset about that , I ' m happy that he 's making friends and that they 're being so welcoming and keeping him from getting lonely . But , he called me this morning and was supposed to get online after work and never showed up . I knew he was going out , but we still had some financial issues to discuss and I feel like I kinda got shoved off because he was busy with the guys . I don't know what his life is like there and I ' m sure he 's lonely and misses us ... but it 's so hard dealing with everything here by myself . I still have to pay the bills and make sure he has enough money ... regardless of whether or not I have enough money to live off of . I still have to deal with Princess , who has become extremely stubborn and refuses to listen to me . I still have to deal with my own emotions and stresses because he 's gone . And , I still have to stress out because the house is STILL not done and not on the market and I have no clue when it will be . Why is it that he gets to go out every day while I ' m here crying nonstop ? I ' ve never dealt with stress well , I just never really learned how to , I guess . I really miss him and I wish he was home , but I hate that I have SO much stress to deal with while he 's out having fun . I hate that I ' m upset every single day and I really hate that when he hears from me , it 's more often negative than positive . I do know it 's not easy for him to be away from us , and I know that I should be positive to make it easier on him , but I just can't keep it all bottled up . I really wish we would ' ve picked different orders . The plus side of him being gone and me living with his parents , though , is I ' ve finally had a chance to be more comfortable around his parents . This has definitely made me closer to them . I never spent much time with them before , just a couple hours here and there . ETA : Well I feel really bad now . Sailor just called and aparently right after he hung up with me this morning , he got a call and him and a couple other guys have been working since then . It was 11:30 pm his time when he called . I can't believe he had to work so late ! I feel really bad now , thinking he just ditched me to hang out with the guys . So , I was able to quickly discuss a couple financial issues I had so that I can get it all straightened out . 
Sailor and Baby News . Sick of all the depressing posts ? Finally , a positive one for you ! LOL I talked to Sailor yesterday and we decided that he ' ll be coming home on Oct 21 st and we ' ll induce Bebe ( her temporary blogname ) on Oct 25 th . Why are we inducing 4 days after Sailor gets here ? Because I ' m insane . Have you ever noticed that when you go to some websites they ' ll have your astrological sign dates from like the 21 st of one month to the 22 nd of another and other websites will have it as the 22 nd to the 23 rd ? Well , I went to a bunch of different sites and for Oct , ending dates for Libra / beginning dates for Scorpio were 21 / 22 , 22 / 23 , 23 / 24 ... so if you 're born between the 21 st and 24 th , it 's kinda confusing as to which sign you really are . The most commonly used are 22 / 23 , but still , I ' d hate for Bebe to grow up and be confused , " I thought I was a Scorpio , but this horoscope says I ' m a Libra " . I ' d like to avoid that confusion and since she 's due on the 28 th , I ' d like to let her be a Scorpio . She ' ll still technically be born on the cusp ( 18 - 28 are the cusp dates for Oct ) , but towards the end of it , it 's not at all confusing . I ' m born on the 25 th and am ALL Cancer , no doubt about it . Anyway , I ' m not like REALLY into astrology , but am very interested / fascinated by it and before all the miscarriages , was trying to plan my pregnancies according to astrological sign . Silly , I know . I ' m so excited to have a date , though , now I can start counting down ! I still have to clear the date with the Dr , of course ... after all this planning , I really hope the date is good for him ! 
Impatient . I feel like a bad mother . I ' m so stressed out and I have no patience at all for Princess . She 's been whiney and clingy and up my ass and I know it 's because of all the changes and because she misses Daddy , but I just can't handle it . She 's 2 1 / 2 and really needs to be potty trained , so I decided to start today . I wanted to wait til we were all moved and everything before I started to make it easier . Well , it seems now isn't a good time , either . I took her to the potty every 10 minutes and she kept saying no pee pee poo poo on the potty . She was wearing cloth training pants with vinyl covers and peed in them . I explained to her that she should go pee pee in the potty , not in her big girl pants . She said no pee pee in the potty . I tried to take her pants off since they were wet and she said no pants off and wouldn't pick up her feet . She refused to take them off and was getting whiney again and I just lost it and said forget it , wear a diaper , be a baby forever , I really don't care . I really don't know if it 's ever gonna happen . She 's a smart girl , but she really just doesn't want to use the potty . I really don't know what to do . I ' m seriously sick of staying home and am trying to find a job now . I just don't have the patience to be a stay at home mom anymore and I feel so bad for that . She 's really such a good kid , and I ' m very lucky , but I just can't do it anymore . I ' m really regretting the decision for Sailor to go to Greece . I don't want him gone , I want him home with me . He 's so much more patient than I am and Princess actually listens to him . Every day , we have some sort of battle and both end up in tears . 
Sailor . Sailor called me this morning ! He 's doing good , just really tired , so he 's sleeping now . He 's in Greece , living in the barracks until he finds a place . He 's not allowed to live there permanently . Naala did great on the flight , she didn't get sick or go potty or anything in the crate . He was able to walk her and give her some water and everything when they stopped in Italy on the way . I ' m so impressed , she used to get sick every time we ' d drive , even just across town ... I guess she 's grown out of it . She didn't get sick on the drive from Jax to Ocala or the drive back to Jax or the drive to VA or the flight overseas ! It 's a miracle ! She cured ! LOL He also emailed me while they were stopped for gas in Ireland last night . I woke up this morning , did my usual morning routine , and then while I was responding to his email , he called ! It was great getting to talk to him , I wasn't expecting it at all . Me and Princess are doing good , we really miss him , though . We have these picture frames that you can record messages on so me and Princess recorded a message for him on one and he recorded one for us on the other . I ' ve been playing the message for Princess before bed every night and then sometime in the morning . I played it today and she wanted to hold it and kept playing it over and over and then when I ' d try to take it away , she said " wait , wait ! " . I felt so bad , I know she really misses him . It 's been so hard for him to say goodbye to her and for me to watch / listen to them say goodbye . Baby is due in 16 weeks , so Sailor should be back in about 15 weeks ... that 's not very long , I ' m sure it ' ll go by fast . The rest of the pregnancy is going by really fast , I can't believe I ' m 24 weeks already ! 
Another Update . My Dad called yesterday morning and wanted me to come over to visit last night . So after dinner , I went over . They were both pretty much just ignoring the whole issue and acting kinda like nothing happened . I waited and waited for my Mom to bring it up , but it just didn't happen . It was getting late , so I asked if she wanted to talk about it before I left . She denied telling her coworkers that Sailor 's abusive , but did say that she thinks he 's mentally abusive . I told her he 's not at all abusive . She discussed his parenting skills and I defended him and told him he 's a great father and loves Princess and she loves him . She said that he 's a liar and that she doesn't trust him and she 's scared for me . She also said that she 's not doing any of this to be mean , but because she loves me and wants to protect me ... and that she 's not the only one that feels this way . I told her I wasn't going to make a decision one way or the other based on what everyone else thinks , it 's my life and I ' m happy with it . I told her that he 's my husband I love him and he loves me and that 's not going to change . There wasn't any yelling , luckily , but she was very adament about her opinion of him . That 's not going to change . He 's still not welcome over there . She hopes that one day , I ' ll just wake up and see him for how he really is . She said that her and my Dad would help me get back on my feet , etc , and that I shouldn't feel trapped . I told her I ' m not trapped , I ' m happy . She offered to show me the list of all the lies she 's caught him in ... I declined . I ' m not interested , reading her list isn't going to do anything but lead her to believe I ' m considering what she 's saying . I ' m not . She doesn't live with him , she doesn't know how he really is . I ' m glad that the discussion is over , but I really don't feel any better . I don't think she 's even though about the consequences of all of this if I don't leave him ( which I won't ) . She just assumes that I ' ll see things her way . I ' m now living with my in - laws , I told my Mom that I ' m not gonna live somewhere where my husband isn't welcome , especially since he ' ll be home in a few months for the baby 's birth and I really don't want that to be a stressful time . She said , " oh , it will be " . What the hell is that supposed to mean ? How does she expect to be there to see my daughter when she 's born ? She was in the delivery room with Princess , but that 's obviously not happening this time . I refuse to let that be a stressful time for me . My husband will be back , we ' ll be having another beautiful baby , and it 's going to be a happy time . How am I supposed to be comfortable going over there and visiting ? I don't feel like I can even mention Sailor 's name around them . I am sorry that they 're feeling hurt about this and that they feel like their losing me , but it is my life and I will make my own decisions . If they agree with my decisions , great ... if not , oh well . I just don't know what to do about it all . I at least feel good about dealing with it and standing up for him ... even though it didn't do a bit of good or change anything , I ' m sure it ' ll mean alot to Sailor . If it was the other way around and his parents were talking crap about me , he ' d be here dealing with it and sticking up for me ... I had to do the same . 
Update - Stressed ! Sailor 's now in VA and will be leaving for Greece soon . We are all very stressed . On my birthday , my Mom got mad at Sailor for making Princess eat ( we have to force her to try a bite before she realizes she likes it ) and said that he always makes her cry and ruins every dinner . A few days later , he went over to talk to her and she blew up at him . She called him abusive , a liar , and all these other terrible things and said that he 's not welcome in her house . He came back over to his parents ' house , where I was , and told me what happened and then my Mom called me and said all these horrible things to me about him and said that I haven't made a single good decision since I met him ! I ' m just shocked , we both are , and I just don't even know what to do about that . It was awful . I had already moved my things into her house , so the next day , me and Sailor went over and moved my things out while everyone was at work . I obviously can't live somewhere where my husband isn't welcome . I haven't spoke to her since ( the blowout was a week ago ) because I wanted to focus on spending Sailor 's last week with him instead of fighting with her . I can't believe she 's doing this at all , much less right now when I ' m pregnant , in the middle of a move , and my husband 's about to leave the country . I ' ve since found out that she 's spreading these awful rumors about him around her office ( his friend 's mom works there , too ) and the people in her office are now taking bets on how long after he leaves until she convinces me to divorce him ! I can't believe that these people seriously have nothing better to do with their lives than to bet on my marriage . I ' m just so upset and sick about all of this . On top of all of that , we ' ve had nonshop issues with Sailor 's move . The Navy was making his flight arrangements for him and just emailing / calling us with the info . He was supposed to flight out first thing this morning to go to VA ( commercial flight ) and then take a military flight from VA to Greece . They had to change his commercial flight to yesterday at 5:55 because the original flight didn't have room for the dog . So he calls Southwest the other night to get info on flying with the dog and they don't accept pets at all ! So yesterday morning we were at base trying to get things straightened out . They got him in with United at 7 pm and we called them right away to make sure everything was a go . They confirmed his ticket and gave us info on flying with the dog , made a reservation for her , etc. So he gets to the check - in counter and checks his bags . They then tell him they don't have any kennels , so we run to Wal - Mart and get a kennel and come back . Then they tell him they 're not accepting big dogs because the plane isn't big enough . She weighs 65 lbs about the same amount as Sailor 's seabags ... and the people we spoke to at the Airline had no problem with it , so I don't understand . He argued with them for a couple hours and they tried to get him on a different flight with a different airline ... no go . They finally just refunded the Navy their money and had him rent a car and drive to VA . So he had to drive all night long . I feel so bad for him . Now he 's waiting for his bags so that he can go to base and get on a plane to Greece . Next screwup ... they won't let him ship his truck out of Jax , we have to go to Orlando . And the stuff that he was shipping inside of the truck , not allowed . So really what 's the point when he could just buy a cheap car there and sell it in a year ... we don't even know how long it ' ll take the truck to get there . So , truck is staying here . We didn't get everything ready with the house , either , so his Dad is going to get it done this weekend . We did , finally , get a power of attorney so that I can sell the house and we got our wills done ( I didn't feel comfortable with us not having a will with all the flying and him being in an unsafe place ) . I ' m so exhausted and stressed out . 
July 27 , 2006 Clean Clean Clean . Well today was a great day to clean . I finished the budget for the grant late last night and when I woke up this morning , it was pouring down rain . I thought I was going to run on the treadmill but when I got to the basement I just had to start cleaning . That was at 9 a.m. and it is 7 p.m. now . I did have to take Bob to the doctors for eye surgery ... and I did cook dinner .... wow ... cooking and cleaning ... what has gotten into me ? So I feel like I got alot accomplished today . I actually broke a sweat . I worked out by cleaning . Hummmm ..... well actually I am going to get back on the treadmill and walk my two miles .... Jeff is going to workout with me . So that is about it .... yep ... that 's it for today ! P . S . This is written two hours later . Jeff and I did workout .... I really pushed hard ... considering this is day three of the workout routine , and did two miles in 28.10 . I need to look back to Tuesday 's post but I think I shaved almost 3 minutes off my time .... I ran 220 intervals .... walked 1 / 4 mile , then run 220 walk 220 till I got to 2 miles . I walked at 3.7 on the treadmill and ran at 5 until the last half mile and then I walked at 4 with a 2 incline and ran at 5.5 and 6 . I really wanted to come in under 28 when I started to see my time .... that will be the goal for next week . I had a great sweat going .... Jeff lifed weights and rode the bike 3 miles while I ran and then I rode 2 miles on the bike to cool down while he ran . It was a great workout session . Just wanted to include this new milestone on the way to reaching yet another butterfly dream ..... 
July 26 , 2006 Case Law and I Don't Get Along . Ok ... So I have found one aspect of school that I do not like .... CASE LAW ! I get the reason that we need to know the information , and I even get the reason why it is important , but I feel that all we are learning is that we should be in Law School instead of Public Administration . The only people who seem to win are the laywers . And for those of you who know me .... you have to know how painful that is for me to say . I like YES / NO answers and the gray in areas that apply to the common good ... but there is way too much gray in case law . Some judges go one way and others go another . And I get that it is because there is a very subjective element involved in all of this ... PEOPLE . However , even though I don't like the class I am enjoying the challenge of it . I got to work with other grad students tonight to stuggle through the first of three in class assignments . And remember ... there are undergrads in the class . Wow ... they make me feel old in a GOOD WAY !!! I cannot imagine being that young and immature . I know I was at one point ... but seriously , like , like , like , I think , you know that , like , this case , ( giggle , giggle ) has to do with , like the administrator , like not doing his job , but there was like , rain happening . So , anyways ... not that I have that out of my system for like the next like 40 years , oh no ... I have caught the undergrad bug . Help I need medication .... something , like , oh my God , like help please ( giggle , giggle ) . So as you can see ... this is what case law is doing to my brain . Only three more weeks and it is over . Then no more case law . Ever ... or who knows ... maybe .... law school ... yet another possible butterfly dream .... So on another note .... I did day two of the workout routine . I did pilates tonight after school ... man I have missed doing this workout . I used to do pilates twice a week at the YMCA ... with some of my friends ... but as my job got more demanding I was not able to make it to class . I had to give it up about a year ago . I have tried to do it on my own but it is hard for me as exercise like everything else in my life needs a social aspect for me to be happy and commited . But it was a great way to wind down tonight after class . So two days down ... we will see what tomorrow will bring ... probably sore abs : - ) ..... but in order to fly the distance of my dream ..... one needs to be in shape and have stamina . 
July 25 , 2006 A Great Think Tank Day . Yep ... today was a great day ... a great personal day ... a great Think Tank day ... just a great day . Hummmm I am not quite sure that I have communicated clearly the kind of day that I have had . It was a GREAT Day !!!! So why was it such a great day ? Well I am one step closer to securing an 18 - month contract with a major organization . It would be all that Think Tank would need to get off the ground . I mean , I have quit my job and I have employees who are ready to be on board ... oh yeah that to I have a Board of Directors to report to . So ... having this contract will officially keep my dream afloat . Now I know that I have been operating in an ideal world of faith . And I am still there .... I feel God and know that this is just where I am supposed to be . There have been too many blessings that we have encountered in the past year for God not to be IN this ..... but I can say that even with enormous faith ... I was getting a little worried . Not to the point where I was ready to throw in ... but I am living a bit more carefully and cautiously . My spending plan has been implemented . I cut the cell phone back and have been using the house phone more this week . I can still talk all I want if people call me but I just cannot call out as much . I went grocery shopping and planned meals for the next two weeks ... and even though the grocery bill was extremely high ( $ 190 ) we needed to stock a lot of staples ... I have budgeted $ 300 for the month ... and will be able to make it after this initial stocking . Nate and I spent way less this weekend .... This comes at a very good time as gas prices for the first time ever have stayed above $ 3 per gallon for a week . And the last part of my great day .... I worked out this evening . I walked 2 miles in 31.35 . Yes I know I am not ready for a marathon ... however this is a good first step to getting my butt back in shape . So .... since I didn't drop dead it was a great day . I actually feel good ... just like I have known I would .... I wonder why do we stop doing the good things for ourselves and concentrate on the stuff we know is bad ? Why did I stop running when I was up to running 3 miles at a time ... to go to Mc Donald 's three times last week and eat junk ? Why did I give up the low carb diet which made me feel great to take more sugar in one day that what a person should eat in a week ? Why did I give up early morning walks for an extra hour of sleep ... oh wait I know this one . I have a crazy life .... but now that is all changing .... I am following by butterfly dreams ... 
July 24 , 2006 What a Wonderful Monday . It is beautiful outside .... I mean beautiful and considering that this is Monday I really think it is beautiful . Nate and I had a good weekend .... lots of sun , fun and oh yeah more sun . I didn't do much of anything ... homework ... what a bummer . I cannot believe that I decided to take a class this summer and it is case law at that . I must really want that degree . But it is only four more weeks . : - ) And then no more case law classes ... ever . I really don't have a lot to talk about today . Kinda of a hooooohummmm day . One of those days that could easily be forgotten in the scheme of things ... that when I look back 20 years from now ... it would not be this day that would stick out . But these kind of days are what make life easier to get through . The middle of the road days , the life is just normal days , the could easily just let it pass by days . So ... I still document this day as a way to remember ... that in the midst of change , mild chaos and life - changing milestones .... there are just quite , peaceful , ordinary days .... to fill in between on the road to my butterfly dream . 
July 20 , 2006 Tough Day Today .... Head Ache that Won't Go Away . Well I suppose that everyday can't be wonderful and exciting . Well today was one of those days . I am tired and have a head ache that won't quit . I think it is the lack of caffine but just a guess . My body has been sore and hurting all week and I am not sure why ... possibly the weather , possibly tubing behind the boat for the first time in three years ... possibly the extra 20 pounds I have gained through stress eating in the past 4 months . All of these are probably the reason and contribute on some level . Stress is high today . For some reason the whole money thing hit like a ton of bricks . While our projected budget looks good .... so much is still up in the air . I am looking at all kinds of ways to cut back .... decrease the cell phone account ... no lap top for a few months ..... I can use the home phone that I never use and the home computer which is in the basement collecting dust . Other ways to cut back ...1 . Limit the eating out ... this will help me in two ways .... eating at home you eat better food and less calaries ... and I will save $$$ 2 . Taking one car to the lake on the weekends , what have I been thinking ??? Gas is $ 3.00 per gallon and it is 50 miles to the lake .3 . Go through all clothes and take an inventory . I need to cut back my shopping ... possibly have a garage sale or take clothes to consignment store 4 . Get back to e - bay sales . We were doing well with this but with summer and better weather we have gotten away from it .5 . My last cut back is my nails ... this will be a last resort as I see them not only as an investment but as my little way to be girly and pamper myself . But if need be .... as I make this life trasistion ... I could give up my nail obsession . But only if need be ... like we won't make the mortgage payment this month if I spend $ 40 on nails . So with these little cuts I am anticipating making a savings of at least $ 300 per month . I will keep you posted . Just the cell phone switch will save $ 60 per month . This is big ... and as I looked at the bank statement we spent WAY TOO MUCH at Mc Donald 's last month . I know that these changes will not only improve our bank account but help me to contribute to our overall health as a family . There are more important things to spend money on ... and quite possibly I think we could do without a lot ... ( Just not my nail obsession : - ) ) So this is all the wisdome I have for today . I wish it were more inspiring or witty ... but I just cannot muster the energy to be anything but straight forward . And today marks another day towards reaching ... butterfly dreams . 
July 19 , 2006 Great News and New Mission . Well it was a great Think Tank , Inc. day . I know that I keep saying that ... but it was really good . I met with our accountant , Scott ... who by all definitions of accountant ... is the most fun accountant that I have ever met . I met him while working at a previous non - profit and both of us have kept in touch over the past three years . He was going into business for himself about the same time that Marlo and I started talking about Think Tank , Inc. and has been a very supportive partner in our process . So anyways ... I met with him today to begin to set up payroll for Think Tank , Inc. and we did a thorough assessment of the organizational budget and matched it up with contracts , proposals and grants that I have pending and it four of the primary projects come through , we will have enough funding for 12 months of services .... and the dollar amount that I have been quoting , was on target ( that was all God 's doing .... as I was just guessing ) . Then ... Marlo , Ellen and I met with the Springfield Foundation to let them know who we are , what we do and see if we would be able to compete for funds in the future with them . It seems very likely that we would be able to secure funds for capital improvements in the coming year as a collaboration with other local funders . Then ... we had a board strategic planning meeting and decided that the mission and vision needed to be clearly articulated . This was a very energetic exchange and for the first time I saw my board take hold of the organziation and give me and the staff guidance . I was so excited to see this transformation . They are finally getting what we are wanting to do and are excited about promoting the organization . They asked for marketing materials , clearer mission , time to work on a vision and values statement , and want to really dig into a strategic plan that they can all be a part of . I was starting to worry that they were just going to be a quite board and go along ... but tonight they all came alive ... as a Board ... with a purpose and held me and my staff accountable to helping them understand and be responsive to their request for clarity . It was great !!!! So the new mission is ... Think Tank , Inc. , a local non - profit , works with social services organizations to assess , develop and implement creative strategies to strengthen their capacity to serve the community more effectively . It was a great Think Tank day .... just one more day closer to fulfilling my butterfly dream .... 
July 18 , 2006 One More Day .... Nothing of great consequence happeded today ... just one more day closer to the dream . Lots of homework .... lots of work in general . Lots of lots of stuff ..... There are just days when I think my head is going to explode from all the thoughts that bounce around it in .... I long for the peaceful quite of I don't know ... or I don't care . I long for it yet am so unwilling for it to take me over ... So I continue toward the dream ... toward the day when my thoughts will be heard ... listened to ... until I can share . This morning I had the honor to meet with a woman who has her own butterfly dream and needed my advise and guidance . Who wanted to " pick my brain " and was willing to meet me at 7:30 in the morning to do so . She has a wonderful dream ... one I was able to get excited about . She wants to start a community center for inner city youth in Springfield . Now this may not seem like such a tough feat ... however she has been working to bring her dream to reality for several years . She started by opening her own day care center and has been meeting with community leaders to inquire about how to start a center . In one hour today I was able to share with her some of the missing pieces . This is what I want my life to be about . Sharing of information . One of my last classes for undergraduate school was a logic class . It was in this class that I was introduced to this " proof " : KNOWLEDGE IS POWER . POWER IS OPPRESSIVE . SO IT GOES THAT KNOWLEDGE IS OPPRESSIVE . Well for me this totally disproved the " proof " . Because as I see it , knowledge is power but not oppressive . However .... we have a responsibility to ensure that knowledge is used shared . So I was able to share what I know and hopefully fill in the missing pieces for her .... I will keep you posted as to her progress .... as she lives out her butterfly dream . 
I ' m sick of it all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ' m tired of blogging my feckin ' food all the time . It 's a waste . I write it down in my notebook , then I blog it here . Nothing is different really . I log my food , but pay no attention to the late night eating and 3 rd and fourth slice of pizza . Although , last night we ate pizza and I only had 2 slices ! Yay me ! So changes are being made in a good light . I think I will just blog what I remember and jot down my thoughts on my progress like I have been . I enrolled in a self - confidence , self - esteem online course to help out with the issues I have with that . All the self - hatred is making me an ugly , old lady - at 30 ! I would like to make changes in my life that are permanent , not just according to how I feel that week . I ' ve been too " wishy - washy " in many aspects of my life and I ' m ready to make that HARD change . I read a statement in my workbook that said , " The chances are that you ' ll have built up some habitual ways of thinking about yourself that will resist your attempts to adopt a more positive and confident attitude . " - I thought , WOW ! That 's reeeeally true ! That statement gave me some major hope that I CAN make the change . Change is good ! I still struggle with body image every day . I hide my secret jealousy about other girls and how pretty I think they are ( more than I am ) . I visit a forum where there is a young , beautiful ( well I haven't seen her face but have seen everything else ; as identities are protected to an extent ) girl from the PNW and I always wonder if my hubby thinks she is hot and has a secret desire to meet her or whatever ... I totally know that 's crazy talk but she IS thin and kind of an outdoorsy kind of person who rock climbs , bikes to work , camps back - pack style and knows how to grow things like edible mushrooms and other stuff ... He comments on , ' Did you see her post about this or that ' sometimes , but then makes a comment like ' I bet she has a butter face ' or ' She 's just trying to get attention by posting that ' . I find it to be like an excuse . I know he is interested in her , but I don't know how far it goes , not do I care to ask about it . Better to let sleeping dogs lie . I find it easy just to ignore those feelings . My husband married me , not her . If he was going to step out on me , he would have done it when I was 40 lbs . heavier and even worse off emotional - wise than I am now . When I ignore her posts and all that , he mentions it - I say " right on , lemme see ! " and that seems to diffuse it . Maybe he is just trying to get me to feel something . I ' m sure he has his issues too . My new thinking is , it doesn't matter . I am going to make some breath - taking changes in my life : health , attitude , appearance , etc. and that will make me more attractive to my husband . I ' m doing it for me , but that will be a nice bonus . If he wants to seek elsewhere - too bad for him , he will be missing out . I know that probably won't happen and I love my husband - that 's all there is ! 
7 / 25 / 06 Entry : 2 cups O . French roast coffee 1 tbsp O . sugar 2 tbsp O . half sausage pizzasmall restaurant garden salad w / black olives and tomato slices ( about 2 cups ) w / 1 / 2 tbsp EVOO and herbs , spices 1 cup Grape Nuts in skim milk w / 2 tbsp honey My knee is really bothering me . Stairs are the worst ; which is funny because we have a 2 - story home and I ALWAYS ditch the elevator for 2 flights of stairs at work ... but not today . I could not finish my workout last night and was extremely upset by this . I ' m getting fatter . I feel it . I feel it in my back and legs , and around my waist . The fat , blubber what ever you wanna call it is en mass it feels ! But I don't see it THAT bad on the scale . I notice it though . And my body has gotten further away from the ' summer bod ' - I ' m not pretty anymore in my opinion . Got some meds for the knee , will lay off the stairs at work and stick to stretching out or low - impact yoga for 7 days and see if that helps the knee hurt less - so I can get back into higher impact actions and stairs ! I also need to look into a food scale because I don't know if I am measuring my portions correctly . What I might think could be a 1 / 2 cup could be a cup , or vise versa . 
7 / 24 / 06:1 Grande 2 pump , skim vanilla latte from Starbucks Boston Market meal : 1 / 4 roasted chicken breast ( white meat only ) 1 1 / 4 cup mac n ' cheese 1 cup prepared vertswater 1 pc . lowfat string cheese 1 New Castle ( gotta lay off the beer , but it 's soo good in a can ! ) 2 cups natural tortilla chips 1 / 2 cup lean ground beef taco meat 1 1 / 2 cup shredded sharp cheddar Did take multi - vitamin today . Current weight : 122.0 # Having trouble keeping weight down , I think it 's a combination of the new oral contraception I have been taking ; it increased my bust size 2 cups ( hubby is happy about that .. ) but it made me chunk up a bit too . Also my right knee has been so painful to bend that it 's making normal exercise like running or Tae Bo hard ; thus I am apt to do it . : ( WHERE ARE YOU FALL WEATHER ? I miss running ! Maybe I will just have to get up early and go ... 
7 / 23 / 06 Journal entry : Again , this weekend has been a unique one . With last night 's accident , it has gotten me thinking about how my life needs to change and that time is so short ! I will recap as best as I can for the food stuff ; to be honest it wasn't a super - priority this weekend . I allow myself that slip up just this once . : P 5 " hot Chicken Parm sub from Jersey Mike 's : breaded chicken breast , marinara sauce EVOO breadwater 2 cups Grape Nuts cereal w / 1 / 4 cup sorghum ( C ' mon Shannon ! You can do better than this !! ) 2 ( or 3 ) pcs . string cheese 5 - 6 Toll House Peanut Buttercup cookies ( yeah , I know . ) I was depressed so I ate to feel better . But the next day ( today ) I feel awful , full and bloated . 
Entry for 7 / 22 / 06 : I ' m going to try as best as I can to recap what I ate this weekend . I went to a party for the Great , Uncles and Aunt 's . 80 Years old , wow ! The party was on the lake , we drank and ate and all that ... Hung out on the pontoon boat ... On the drive home , the rain began to fall more fiercely than I ' ve ever seen ( in a while , and I ' m from OK ! ) and my husband behind the wheel . Driving with his knee at 9:30 at night , going 70 mph in a 65 mph zone . I asked that he be careful when driving ... " uh huh , yes dear " .... Slow down .... uh huh .... don't drive with your knee ... okay , he grabs the wheel with one hand ... Rain coming down , flooding the highway in sheets ... So at 70 mph on a 4 lane major highway it happened . The back of my car swung to the left and the nose of the car went to the right . We did a 360 across 2 or 3 lanes of traffic ( I don't remember which , I was just concentrating on the huge road sign to my right ) and we spun out BARELY missing the giant sign . I saw it move past my window less than 1 foot from the glass . I would have died or been severely injured that night . I saw my husband go Wow ! I did good , I didn't hit any cars ! Later I told him of the sign - how close we were , and he said he didn't even think about the sign ... but it was on my side . Even if we had not died , I would have wrapped around it . I would have been really hurt , so would my car and I would have no car to get to work . I ' m thinking twice about allowing him to continue to drive my car while we are out . He doesn't respect it - and I now know I am the only person that will watch out for me and my personal safety . No one else - not even the man I married . 2 cups O . French roast coffee 1 tbsp . O . sugar 2 tbsp . O half mushroom pizza 24 oz sweet tea 2 pcs . string cheese 1 grilled hamburger w / lettuce tomato 3 - 4 beers 1 1 / 2 cup home made mac n ' cheese 1 / 2 cup baked beans 2 cups " punch bowl " cake 1 1 / 2 cup Grape Nuts w / skim milk and 1 / 4 cup honeywater That 's all the food I remember , but if it 's not - oh well . I reserve the right Of flub up every now and then and this is one of those times . 
Journal Entry for 7 / 21 / 06 : Bad night last night . REALLY bad . That 's all I ' m going to say about that right now .3 / 4 Bruegger 's Rosemary Olive oil bagel w / light veggie cream cheese Water ( lots ) few sips of my morning coffee w / cream and sugar ( all organic ) Bruegger 's Herby Turkey sandwich w / sprouts , on rosemary , EVOO bagel 1 / 3 cup Bryers light ice cream - caramel Tracks Anti - Pasta ( wasn't even hungry when I ate this ) : 2 oz motzerella cheese 1 marinated ( in oil mixture ) artichoke heart 4 cherry tomatoes 5 black ( Greek ) olives 6 - 7 slices hard salami 1 cup spaghetti sauce w / 3 / 4 # ground Bison 2 cups WW spaghetti noodles ( WAY TOO MUCH !! ~ ! ) : ( 1 1 / 2 oz . fresh motzerella cheese 16 oz Simply Orange OJ 1 / 2 cup light Bryers cookies n ' Cream 1 cup Chex mix . 
Entry for 7 / 20 / 06:1 / 2 of a Tall vanilla skim latte from Starbucks 2 fried chicken tenders ( from HT ) 1 1 / 2 cup mac n ' cheese ( from HT ) Lots and lots of water 1 grilled chicken breast ( about 5 oz . ) 1 / 2 cup salsa w / 1 cup natural tortilla chips 5 Bass beers ( What a fucking night !!! - and NOT IN A GOOD WAY ) I am making things worse with my husband . If I don't change now , I will loose my family and will be headed for divorce . It 's the cold , waking truth . I feel sick this morning . I couldn't drink all of my coffee because it was making me feel sick at my stomach ; like I ' m really hungry but I ' m not . I ' m fighting my negativity right at this very moment . I want to hide away somewhere and cry . I could cry right now . : ( OK . To battle my negativity and self - destructive thinking , I am writing down each instance of my negative feeling and what a logical and rational reason for that negativity could be . For example , when my husband does something that I find to make me angry , I ' m going to try and list a logical and rational ( good ) reason for what he did . Like not cleaning up after himself ; perhaps he was really busy and just didn't remember to do it . That kind of thing . I ' m not telling anybody I ' m doing this . It 's just for me because really ... I ' m the ONLY one that will be able to help me . He can give me support but can't help me with this . I have to do it all by myself . It will be hard . Think of this personal growth and change like a section of the AT . You can't give up , it will be really hard and you will want to quit ... but YOU CAN ' T !! 
Journal Entry for 7 / 19 / 06:1 cup O . French roast coffee 1 / 2 tbsp . O . sugar 1 tbsp . O . Half M trail mix 1 small ( 4 oz . ) breaded chicken breast 1 white dinner roll 1 / 2 cup mashed red potatoes with scallionswater ( not as much ) 8 oz . fresh lemonade 1 ( 3 " ) Snickerdoodle cookie 2.5 Bass beers 3 slices pepperoni and sausage pizzas ( 2 large slices and 1 medium ) Current weight : 118.5 # Last night = horrible nights sleep Today @ work = Crazy . A rude patient " I want . I want " , very busy . I ' m so tired of folks whining about not getting what they want . 
Food Journal Entry for 7 / 18 / 06:2 cups O . French roast coffee 1 tbsp . O . sugar 2 tbsp . O . half it was hot multi - vitamin 3 cups Chinese takeout soup , clear broth w / veggies , chicken , shrimp and pork and 1 pork wonton noodle 1 / 2 cup fried wanton strips ( w / soup ) 2 cherry tomatoes 2 Bass beers ( man I needed those after the day I had ... LOL ) 6 oz . ( pressure - cooked ) Beef Chuck Roast 1 oz pressure cooked white onion 3 large pressure - cooked fresh ( with green tops ) carrots 1 Yukon Gold pressure - cooked potato 1 slice 7 grain whole wheat bread ( sans preservatives ) I feel great today ! I have started making steps to be less negative ; despite what others around me are like ; rude fuckers on the highways , grocery stores and other places . Yesterday I got my haircut in an actual style and tipped the hair dresser large enough to buy her pizza she ordered for lunch . That felt great . I also got some tips to help me through my pessimism . I ' m working out more regularly in hopes that I will develop new habits . heard from an old friend that apologized for treating me kind of crappy way back in the day . It does come around ... Karma that is ... Part of my task to deal with negativity is to get back into my craft - get back close with that Higher Power , which has been severely lacking in my life as of late . I also need to work on a better self image . I have some hope ! Last night : When I got home from work after rush hour traffic and stopping by the market for dinner items ; the house was a mess . My husband was home since 2 ish and didn't do anything but make a total mess of the kitchen , left laundry layin ' around and the bed unmade . ( Which is an issue I have with him being home all or most of the day and not picking up after himself - especially before I get home and find it . ( God that irkes me to no end ... and what 's worse is he knows that it bothers me , but still was playing his computer game when I got home ) I did my natural response to that by slamming doors , tossing items about the house before I took a deep breath and cracked open a nice cold ale and went out on my deck , sat at the bistro table and drank the whole thing while reflecting that my negative behavior was not productive . I let the kitchen stay a mess - and he cleaned it up . Go figure . Later that night ... more issues ... more anger on my part ... more reflection and some apologies on my part ... and was better . 
There are friends who pretend to be friends , but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother . ( Proverbs 18:24 ) I would like to dedicate these thoughts to my mom . I don t exactly remember the day or year when I came to the realization that my mom is my best friend , but I know that she is . More than her being a great mom , a committed wife , a good cook , a room mom for school events , a seamstress , an on call physician for all our aches and pains , my confidant in times of need , yes , she filled all of those roles and more but what I carry in my heart more than anything is her dedication to the Almighty Father , her commitment to prayer and her faithfulness to show an example of studying the Word of Elohim . My mom and dad are second generation Italian s who brought us up on very strict Catholic values . My mom always had an understanding of who God was but it wasn t until one of the most challenging times in her life that she surrendered her life to Almighty Elohim . My mom , when she was in her late 40 s became pregnant with my youngest sister . In those day s it was unheard of to give birth later than late 30 s . It was suggested that she abort the baby . She and my dad had much turmoil over this but she was dedicated to keeping this child . First she knew that it was forbidden within the Catholic church and secondly . she knew it would offend her God . This is when my mom began to have intimate , prayerful fellowship with her Abba Father . She made a promise to Him and committed her life and the life of her unborn child to the LORD . She knew that the baby would be o . k . , woman in the bible had babies much later in age , she knew , If the Lord could do it for them . well then He certainly could do it for me . My mom and dad even before they knew their unborn child had dedicated her to the Lord and named her Faith because of the undoubting trust they had in their Almighty Father . So I have a sister named Faith who is 12 years younger than I. In my life my mom has proved over and over to me that our God is a God Whom we can trust in and rely on . And she has also proved to me that she is a friend who I can trust and rely on . She doesn t always tell me what I want to hear , but she tells me what I need to hear . Her prayers for me aren t always , Lord give Laurie what she wants , but instead they are , Father your will be done . One of the most memorable moments I have of my mom was when I was in High School , I went on a Christian retreat with a new church that we started going to . I was a bit nervous for a few reasons , I would be away from home for a week and I would be making new friends . I ended up having a blast at camp . Everyday at lunch time the counselors would gather at the front of the cafeteria and hand out items for the kids from the parents that they packaged ahead of time , in the form of goodies , letters , decorative cards ... it was a time of day that everyone looked forward to . I had always enjoyed the sweet things my mom sent me but this one day I received this card from my mom with a bible bookmark in it . She wrote the kindest and most loving words of approval and shared with me how proud she and my dad were of me . I had felt so much love from my mom at that moment . I turned the bookmark over and on the reverse side was a scripture , There are friends who pretend to be friends , but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother . ( Proverbs 18:24 ) Never have I forgotten those words from my mom , her encouragement to me was the friend I have in Jesus , but what I have come to know over the years is that He has granted to me that true friend in my mom . Thank you Father so much for my mom , my sister in the Lord , my best friend ! 
Who is in the Name ? I have been pondering over this for many months now . While at home , we have had the opportunity to study some Hebrew which includes the Sacred Names of our Heavenly Father , the God of Abraham , the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob , they new Him as Elohim , or Elohinu , our God . Then to Moses , Elohim made known to him His personal name , YHWH , I AM WHO I AM . . So , my question has been , What s in a name ? This isn t going to be scholarly , it is just some personal thoughts I have been having on the subject . Before Yahweh pronounced His name , did not Abraham still know God ? Did he not still obey God with all his heart , having his faith put to the test and believing the promises of God . Abraham obeyed his Almighty Elohim whom he knew . Faith cometh by hearing and hearing of the Word of God . Upon the LORD declaring His personal name , there was no change in His character was there ? His attributes somehow didn t change did they for Elohim is the same yesterday , today and tomorrow . His very will , precepts , testimonies , commands , aren t they established from eternity past ? Yesterday I came to realize that someone who goes by one name actually has another name . I know that sounds confusing but in reading some literature by the persona of the one I came to realize that the thoughts and the words were identical to the persona of another . Both persona s identified the one . Then I began to think of all the different names YHWH goes by and all the different names our Savior is expressed by and came to the conclusion that the content of their Words are One identity . The same . So is it really What s in a name or is more accurate to say Who is in the name ? And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature , and upholds all things by the word of His power . When He had made purification of sins , He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high , ( Hebrews 1:3 ) * Nebula NGC 604 Like lanterns in a cavern , scores of hot stars light up the gaseous walls of the nebula NGC 604 . The nebula is a prime area for starbirth in an arm of the spiral galaxy M 33 . 
For the past few weeks now I have been continually listening to Psalm 119 on audio . While the rest of the house is still sleeping I go down stairs early and start my morning ... you know ... having my cup of coffee while listening to Elohim s Word . My family probably thinks I am a bit looney for listening to it over and over and over again , but I have to tell you , it has been so rewarding . Not just because I am hearing the importance of His precepts being written on my heart , or because I am finding the path before me illuminated by His testimonies which are true , not even because I am truly finding freedom in His laws and His commands . All these are good reasons and there is so much more ... but the peace that I have experienced through having my mind washed and renewed by Yahweh s Word has been astounding . A few mornings ago I couldn't get the audio speakers to work on the lap top in my kitchen so I didn't get to listen to the Word on line , but praying I asked the Father to bring to remembrance those words that I had been so longing to hear . I did hear a few of the verses , but there was another verse that He brought to my mind , Phil . 4:8 - Finally , brethren , whatever is true , whatever is honorable , whatever is right , whatever is pure , whatever is lovely , whatever is of good repute , if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise , dwell on these things . I know what that verse means , but the Heavenly Father was telling me it 's time to put into action what you have been hearing . It 's time to put away the thoughts that would inhibit my fellowship with a pure God who is Holy and sup with Him while thinking on things , which are : 1 . True ~ " Sanctify them in the truth ; Your word oh God is truth . ( John 17:17 ) 2 . Honorable ~ The LORD is well pleased for his righteousness ' sake ; he will magnify the law , and make it honorable . ( Isaiah 42:21 ) 3 . Right ~ Therefore I esteem all Your precepts concerning all things to be right ; and I hate every false way . ( Psalm 119:128 ) 4 . Pure ~ Every Word of God is pure : He is a shield unto them that put their trust in him . ( Proverbs 30:5 ) 5 . Lovely ~ How lovely on the mountains Are the feet of him who brings good news , Who announces peace And brings good news of happiness , Who announces salvation , And says to Zion , " Your God reigns ! " ( Isaiah 52:7 ) 6 . Good Reputation ( Testimony ) ~ The law of the LORD is perfect , restoring the soul ; The testimony of the LORD is sure , making wise the simple . ( Psalm 19:7 ) So , if I am hearing YHWH right , He is telling me to dwell and think on His Word . Hold on to it , bind it around your neck , and write His Word on the tablet of your heart . " Don't Let Go " . For with it come peace , deliverance and freedom . Blessings to you as you find fellowship with our Awesome Sovereign LORD ! Laurie . 
The phrase " A diamond in the rough 's " origin stems from a metaphor for the original unpolished state of diamond gemstones , especially those that have the potential to become high quality jewels . It is more commonly expressed in the form ' rough diamond ' . Is this how my gracious Heavenly Father sees me ... of having potential ? I long to hear the words from my Messiah saying to me , " Well done thou good and faithful servant " , but I know there is much chipping away yet to be done and further refining and polishing that needs to take place before I will be considered worthy enough to be a jewel in His crown . Just imagine the possibilities with the Master at the helm ! I am completely new at journaling my personal thoughts and hopes ... This will be a journey for me as I watch the life that the Father has for me unfold in ways I did not even pray for previously . I desire to completely yield to the LORD and allow him to characterize my life ... I have held on to it so tightly for so many years , afraid of the possibilities . " Heavenly Father , forgive me for not trusting You with my feelings , my inadequacy 's and my insecurities , help me to " Offer a sacrifice of righteousness and to trust You fully " . ( Psalm 4:5 ) . 
Every summer ... ... for a span of weeks , Bend is shrouded in a light layer of smoke , the side effect of raging forest and range fires outside of town . I walked out on my deck to get the paper this morning , and the horizon was thick and gray , with the distinct smell of juniper and lodgepole going up in flames . The front pages of the paper the past few days have featured large photos from the fires , and the local NBC affiliate , KTVZ , is heavily promoting its fire coverage every night at 5 . I haven't fought fires for three years now , but it 's still strange to catch a whiff of fire and realize I ' m not going out on the fireline . I miss the adrenaline rush . 
Now that I ' ve ... ... invested in brand - spanking - new Asics running shoes ( thank you , Nordstrom half - yearly sale ) , it 's too damn hot to run . I could get up at 8 a.m. , bust out a few miles and go back to bed , but I guess I ' m not as motivated as I thought . I just work too late to be waking up before lunch . 
Tried on the ol ' bridesmaid dress ... ... at my fitting , and boy , am I in for some long - ass runs before the wedding . Rumor has it I ' m walking down the aisle with a skinny guy , and as of Wednesday at 1 p.m. , my dress is not exactly the flattering confection I ' d imagined . Here 's hoping the seamstress can mastermind a miracle , and a little discipline will enter into my daily routine . 
I am so grateful ... ... Mom came to the car dealership with me . I was so excited when I got there that if I ' d been on my own I would have driven home in a $ 13,000 Jeep Grand Cherokee with $ 450 payments -- neither of which I needed . Luckily , Mom reminded me that the most important thing about a car is not its color , and that I have a budget to think about . She also knew all the right questions to ask , and how to play it cool and not seem too interested . It took four hours , but not only did we talk our guy into giving me a cool $ 1,000 over Blue Book on trade - in for my old pickup , but we talked him down a couple thousand on my supercute , new - to - me , ' 99 Ford Explorer . It 's white . It has A / C . And the speakers aren't blown out ! ADDENDUM : I almost cried when I drove out of the parking lot in my new car , just because I had so much fun with my pickup . Strangely enough , as I called friends with details of my recent purchase , the general chorus line was : " Thank god , " and " Finally . " Whatever . They loved all the free rides in college . ADDENDUM NO . 2 : What normal maintenance guy chooses cherry scent for a car ? He tells me he 's put a fresh scent in it , and I get in to a nauseating whiff of cherry cough syrup . I had the whole car washed inside and out the next day . New car smell is back in the game , as it should have been from the beginning . 
There is nothing ... ... better than leaving the hot , stuffy newsroom after a tense night on deadline and stepping into the cool , Juniper - scented air of Central Oregon . As I cross the parking lot , I am reminded that I live in what is , for a few seconds , paradise . 
Apparently , knowledge ... ... of the term " half rack " is a way to distinguish between native Oregonians and out - of - staters . There are very few natives among the 60 - odd people at my office , and during a candid Saturday afternoon discussion with some coworkers , not one recognized a half rack to be half a case of beer . ( i . e . A rack is a whole case of beer . ) So I ventured down to the next pod , where two coworkers hail from the Willamette Valley . Bingo ! They knew immediately what I was talking about . And thank god -- I was second - guessing four whole years of college . 
Playing now in a diocese near you : Pirates of the Anglican Communion : Dead Man 's Province Capt . Jack Sparrow ( Johnny Depp ) finds himself drawn into a supernatural battle , when the Archbishop of Canterbury ( Robbie Coltrane ) charges him with bringing Katharine Jefferts Schori , Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church ( Keira Knightley ) , safely to a meeting at Lambeth Palace . Sparrow arrives in the U.S. only to find the pirate Robert Duncan ( Peter Lorre ) and his cohorts have raided and looted six dioceses , and taken their people as slaves into a land they have stolen from others and renamed Province X. They declare themselves its rulers . Little do they know the true plans of Akinola of Africa ( Darth Vader ) , with whom they have forged a compact . Schori tells Sparrow he must rescue the stolen dioceses before she will acompany him to England . What is Sparrow to do ? He knows entering Province X may doom him to eternal Inquisition , endless fundamentalism and intolerable Calvinism . Yet , in order to break the compact , restore life to the Anglican Communion and save the exiles , he must go in . Schori pledges to stand with Sparrow , as does Father Jake ( Johnny Depp . Or maybe it really is Father Jake . ) Together , they rally the forces of True Anglicanism , the Via Media and the Free Dioceses , under the banner of the Three - Legged Stool . Sparrow remembers the vials of anti - viper venom and Holy Water the Archbishop gave him ( as well as the cross his mother gave him , but which he usually keeps hidden ) , and holds them closely . Bishop Schori arms herself with the Sword of Truth and holds high the Bible . Father Jake arms himself with the Preparation of the Gospel of Peace and the Shield of Salvation offered to all . They see others around them similarly armed . What will be their fate ? What adventures and misadventures lie before them ? [ Ed . Note : these events are fictional , so far . ] . 
He just doesn't seem to get it From President George Bush 's press conference during a visit to Chicago July 7 , from the L . A . Times : Answering a question about his authority to try detainees before military tribunals , Bush reiterated his belief that the Geneva Convention does not apply to detainees being held at Guantanamo Bay , Cuba . " The Geneva Conventions were set up to deal with armies of nation - states , " he said . " You ' ve got standard rules of war . So , this is new ground . This is different than any president has been through before , in terms of how to deal with these kind of people that you 're picking up off a battlefield and trying to protect the American people from . " Is the president as obtuse as he appears to be ? I saw this exchange on the televised press conference yesterday , and couldn't believe that no one challenged it . So , I will . Mr. President , the Geneva Convention has nothing to do with the character or intent of the prisoner . Absolutely nothing . Rather , the Geneva Convention lays out how we , as civilized people will treat people who are at our mercy . It 's about standards of conduct we set for ourselves , as honorable people . It 's about us . I realize concepts such as " honor " and " mercy " have declined in popularity in recent years . But it not ok to detain people illegally , without representation , then put them in front of military tribunals ( who are controlled by you , when it comes down to it ) . It 's not ok to torture , degrade , humiliate or otherwise mistreat prisoners . We are not that sort of people . At least , we used not to be . We gained goodwill from former combatants after World War II because we treated prisoners humanely . What will be the legacy of our actions under this administration ? 
Yearning and learning to love and be loved The endless debate in the church over sexuality is wearing me out . I ' m tired of it . Leave the analysis to the sciences . It 's not necessary to our faith to have a perfect understanding of why people are straight , gay , bi or whatever . It 's enough to know that each of us is created uniquely , handcrafted by God . Like any handcrafted items , no two of us are exactly alike . That 's enough to know . God doesn't mean us all to be exactly alike , otherwise , He / She wouldn't have created so much diversity of life on this planet , never mind what else is out there . That doesn't mean that some of us are more equal than others in God 's eye . Unfortunately , we human beings are pretty quick to sort out who 's more different than the rest of the ( ruling ) lot , and treat them as factory rejects . While there 's been a boatload of talk about sexuality , I haven't been hearing much about morality . Let 's spend more time considering how we treat each other , for that defines our morality . People who go through relationships like potato chips are immoral . They 're using and hurting other people , treating them as disposable objects , denying them the reflected light of God we are supposed to be to each other . Bi , straight , gay , whatever , it doesn't matter . If we sit drawn up in our own meanness and tell others they can't have love because of who they are , we 're immoral . We 're denying God 's children the light of God 's love . Our work as Christians is to shine God 's love on each other , and on those who haven't yet come to see that love , so they might see . We can't live without love . The less of it we 're exposed to , the less value we see in ourselves and each other . God 's love heals us and brings us to wholeness . It 's offered to us directly from God and through each other . If I see a straight or same - sex couple in a loving , faithful , nurturing relationship , then I must accept this comes from God . If I see a straight or same - sex couple in an abusive relationship , or where one or both partners are indulging in outside sexual relationships , then something is wrong . Healing is needed , and perhaps the partner who is being exploited and misused may have to leave that relationship to get into the light of God . To go through a string of such relationships is immoral . It 's turning away from the love God wants us to accept . This is why telling someone he or she is unloveable is such a sin . Heard often enough , the lie is believed , and its impossible to have a healthy relationship when we believe neither God nor anyone else could really love us . That 's a tragedy . How awful to tell people they can't have relationships , then accuse them because they don't have it . Unless we ' ve been unbearably broken somewhere along the line , we all want to be in a loving relationship with another person . It 's something I most earnestly desire for myself , and I know it will be a gift from God . Who am I to deny it to someone else ? It is a sin the church 's time and energy have been diverted from doing God 's work to the topic of sexuality . I want to hear less about sexuality and more about God . 
A cause for good cheer If your spirits need a lift during this time of contention , accusation and separation , watch this . If we were Roman Catholic , I ' d be talking about canonizing Desmond Tutu . Watch the tape . You ' ll see Christ shining out of his eyes , and through his being . Happy Independence Day to everyone , everywhere . Remember we were created as children of God , with the right to enjoy life , liberty and the pursuit of happiness . Want to see a real firecracker ? I got to see the Space Shuttle Discovery streak across the Central Florida skies this afternoon . Cheers ! And God , please give them a safe mission . 
Just a suggestion ... The Episcopal Voices of Central Florida , of which I ' m a member , is drafting a response to Bishop Howe 's request for Al PO . We will dissociate ourselves from this action , as we should . The ( ultra - conservative , fundamentalist ) leadership of this diocese has insulated itself from the people in the pews . There was no attempt to get a consensus from members of the diocese before hooking us up to the Network a couple of years ago . No one even knew the boards were meeting unitl after they came out with the June 29 statement dissociating this diocese from the actions of GC , refusing the leadership of the duly and lawfully elected new presiding bishop , and demanding alternative oversight . My friend Charlotte made this suggestion : The decision to seek A ( l ) PO for Central Florida was taken by a very small group of very conservative committee members . There is no representation on these committees for the moderate or liberal Episcopalians in the diocese . We didn't even know the names of these committee members until yesterday ; they aren't posted on the diocesan website . Yet they have put all of us in the diocese at risk . What I ' d like to see is representation for moderates and liberals at all levels of the diocesan leadership , and I ' d like to see it effected as soon as possible , perhaps through a mass resignation of all current Standing Committee members , followed by a special election . In other words , a kind of Glorious Revolution in the diocese , making it possible to introduce some checks and balances into the decision - making process . They are needed ! After reading the Guardian article , " Divine Divisions , " I ' m quite convinced that the decision to seek A ( l ) PO will prove to be disastrous for the persons who took it . If they climb down from their present position , it will be humiliating ; if they do not , they will split the whole Communion , including the Church of England -- and I would not want that to be my legacy to the Church I love ! If they had been able to hear the voices of dissenters , they might not have succumbed to groupthink and the excitement of the moment . I , too , would like to see a mass resignation and special election . The British Prime Minister can call for a special election if he or she feels out of step with the will of the people . Let 's take a leaf from that Anglican book . The request for Al PO could be put up for a vote -- do we , a clear majority in the diocese , really want this ? Unfortunately , I don't see this happening . The people in power aren't going to give an inch , though I think we should hammer away at it . Vive la revolution ! So , I have a suggestion for the Archbishop of Canterbury , who , I suspect , is always delighted to receive my suggestions : Sit on this request like you sit on everything else . In 20 years , when all the signers have died or retired , your successor can ask her aide , " Oh , BTW , whatever is happening with those schismatic yanks in Central Florida and Pittsburgh and whatnot ? " Maybe it could be put on the table at Lambeth 2028 . 
Our Wedding Photography in Boston . Light comes into the lens and I pour out my heart . The camera is there with it all . My husband and I photograph weddings together . When we get to work , something magical happens for me ... I start to see images , hear images , feel images . There is the room , the people , me and the camera . I look over where Bryan is working - he is totally immersed in it , totally with it . He loves what he does - taking pictures - and it shows ... Together we blend and create . Happiness , energy , love - two people are getting married and they are starting something new together , something very special ... To see some of our pictures , please visit our wedding photography in Boston site . If you are in the New England area and would like us to photograph your wedding , please contact us - the information is on our site as well : ) Happy Thoughts , ena . 
Tick Tock , Grandfather Clock . Shortly before our move we received a few items from our very own Antie Dot . She was also moving - into an elderly community , and hoped that some of her furniture might remain in the family . One of these items is the grandfather clock . This was one traumatized clock . I guess Antie Dot 's daughter - in - law deliberately hit it with a vacuum cleaner and it fell over . It was done out of anger . The clock stopped . It felt frozen , immobile , disembodied . When we were moving the clock , accidentally it 's door swung open and cracked at the hinge . Maybe the clock really didn't want to go with us . Or , maybe it just didn't like to be moved - maybe it was nervous in a clock way . I felt into the clock and into our new space - it seemed that the clock wanted to be in the hallway and facing the door - to greet people . Its clock - face looked happy after I put it there . I glued its broken hinge . Now to help it tick ... We found the perfect clock fixer . This man , John Meyers of Taunton Antiques , resembles the professor in " Back to the Future " and loves clocks something fierce . His father taught him how to fix clocks , and now he does it part - time . The rest of the time he figures out how to recycle and resell golf balls - apparently there is a whole science to this ... He was fascinating to listen to ... The clock is ticking again - a happy hearbeat in the house . Every 15 minutes we get a Winchester melody and the grand finale of tolling on the hour . It reminds me of the musical nature of time , the rhythm of space , and the love I have the opportunity to offer every moment of life . 
Fresh Fro Xzen Strawberries . Last night , I put a bag of frozen strawberries on the counter to thaw . Hot night . First one this summer . I tossed and turned and dreamt that I was caught in a vice . Loss , despair - all kinds of energies floating in my field and cooking out . I feel changes like a film strip - they pick up speed and I have to hold steady so that things don't turn into a blurr . Real steady . Breathing deep kinda steady . My attention tossed into my depth like a pebble and settling to the sandy floor of a well . This is as steady as I get . When I don't quite know who I am , except that I am Life . My husband says that I am 1000 degrees when I am sleeping . I think that 's how I heal . This morning , I dumped the strawberries out of the bag into a plate . The bag was oozing and their bellies were soft and mooshy , floating around like red jellyfish in their own unsweetened juices . The force with which they dumped out splattered the juices over everything . The counter looked like the Crab Nebula , and the droplets were like startdust factories , cooking newborns in their infrared - rich blankets . We are moving in three weeks and life will take on new form . 
The Heart Of a Lion . The heart lion will emerge victorious , but not today . " The Heart of a Lion " was a phrase that came in while I was putting my son to bed . I learned recently that " Arel " is a Hebrew name that means " Lion of God . " It is also a biblical alternate name of Jerusalem . It is just me and the Balrog here . Blow after blow , we continue . The heart lion is not victorious today , but it has not lost - it stayed steady in the face of " separation . " It now knows where the ego lives . It is a matter of time , attention , and Ever Love . I felt a kinship with Richard the Lion Heart . Interesting historical note : " Richard I the Lion Heart brought home entire ship of [ Arabian ] horses , which he used to crossbreed the local horses to improve their speed . " . 
Turdukken - Nesting Foods . While having lunch with a friend , I learned about the interesting phenomenon called " turdukken . " A quick internet search filled in some important informational gaps . Turdukken - A chicken in a duck in a turkey ( Warning : Contains graphic turkey - stuffing images ) Easter Turdukken - Egg - bloated peep in the bunny Although I never thought of nesting birds ( pun unintentional , but amusing ) , I was never a fan of the empty easter bunny ; biting into thin chocolate only to grind tooth against empty space had not felt rewarding . The Easter Turdukken might be just the way to go next year . What else could I " turdukken " ? How about carrot cake within chocolate cake within Tiramisu - three of my favorite desserts for days when I can't decide . It 's a start . Contest idea - " Turdukken This " . The most creative idea wins the turdukken . 
" i " - Heart Diving . A Sun Halo over Utah Credit Copyright : Doug Wilson I looked into my heart and saw something very similar to the picture of the Sun Halo over Utah . It felt like the root of me " feeling like I am a somebody " in the world . It was the part of me that takes credit for what I do and evaluates what I do - in subtle and not - so - subtle ways . It also reacts to discomfort , even if I am not invested in the reaction , and transmits shockwaves through the emotional field . It felt no larger than a bee - bee in the heart . A hard little shell . I bumped against it by making the gesture of surrendering being a somebody . It 's halo felt wired into the emotional body . No wander a wounded " ego " is such an emotional activity - any " intrusive " banging on the bee - bee shell seems to create ripples and waves . When I had identified with such waves in the past , it felt very depressing indeed . The ego - I does not want its fortress penetrated by Love because it knows it will have to dissolve into it . I was observing this , studying it . It felt like " i " was dying and a lot of dust and smoke was kicking up . Very dramatic : ) I meditated by putting my attention on what was Living me and the bee - bee in the heart until I felt more like a Gateway than a person . The bee - bee did not dissolve . I could not pierce it , although it felt like ultimately it is something to pierce through with my attention . A thought came in about the Wizard of Oz - " smoke and mirrors . " The pain , the attachment to pain , the isolation , the breeding of recurring thoughts - all smoke and mirrors . I can feel them for what they are and , fundamentally , I do not die . I can feel more and more how these illusions - tools of identity creation - are not who I really am . " i " - heart diving until all that 's left is the Gate into the Ocean , and the waves run in and out Freely . " Who I really am " can see something clearly , and instantly let go of what 's unnecessary , and know when to press through blocking energies hard or when to let go completely . Anything other than feeling like a Gate of Love is uncomfortable , tense , and mind - full . After touching the heart , I did notice that when I left work today , it was a lot easier to go free of the challenges of my day without further processing . Energies in life twist and turn every which way , and they can only hook me if I crystallize into a somebody . Otherwise , they are just part of the ebb and flow that Lives Everything . What a relief . 
Stress is too Gentle a Word . I have a lovely creative post coming soon .... but work won't let me breathe long enough to finish it . So , another list post : In the past 10 days , I have : Worked 90 hours Slept 50 hours Yoga ' d 10 hours Funned 7 hours Relaxed 3 hours Been bored 0 hours In the past 24 hours , I have eaten ( in chronological order ) : cold cereal with soy milk California Cobb Salad Chocolate dipped ice cream cone 1 / 8 pound Reese 's pieces Orange chicken with fried ricehandful tortilla chips 1 / 8 pound Reese 's pieces 2 donut holes ( Hmmm ... Stress ? Yes. ) glass milkcold cereal with soy milk ( I tried to get it together ) grapes and cottage cheese ( still trying ) 1 / 2 cinnamon roll ( Leave me alone . I ' m exhausted . ) Reese 's Fastbreak Bar ( Guess what I crave when overwhelmed ... ) chocolate cake 1 / 2 Lean Cuisine meal ( Very bad - Roast beef and veggies . Blech . ) 32 ounces Diet Coke Okay .... I feel shame .... and people listen to ME tell them what to eat ?? Still to do : work , work , work and more workdonate blood ( I need to get the bad Calories out somehow .... ) so much paperwork I ' ll be here on Saturday againcall that guy I promised to call last Thursdayfinish a clever postyogasleep . 
Top Ten Reasons I ' m Grumpy . 10 . It 's 101 degrees INSIDE shade trees shaded by oak trees and cooled by air conditioning .9 . I ' ve averaged 14 - hour workdays since I got back from vacation .8 . I ' ve spent 27 hours sitting in traffic jams since I returned to work a week ago .7 . Rolling blackouts are expected .6 . Some lady yelled at me for " being lazy " when I was calling her back on a Saturday after working those nasty workdays mentioned above .5 . Heat makes my hair flat .4 . I miss New England - it was green , cool , beautiful , and people still took time to smile at each other and say hello .3 . I think I pulled a hip muscle doing the Wana Lai dance .2 . I did the Wana Lai dance . Why ? I don't know . At some point , it seemed fun to do the Ode to Surfers dance . Now , I ' m just ashamed of myself .1 . My niece and nephew are still at grandma 's house and not around to make me laugh .10 Reasons I ' m Still Smiling 1 . While I can't save every kid , after changing my approach , 3 of my kiddos took responsibility for their own nutrition and posted AMAZING gains . Their lung status looks good , too .2 . A nurse told me today that the doctors were chatting and she overheard them say that I am " the best " dietitian they ' ve had yet .3 . I spent the weekend with Polo Dude 's ever - expanding brood ( wink , wink - I love the Mini Polos ) .4 . My return to training my small , obnoxious cat has produced excellent results . He now know longer runs across the bed . He knows he must SIT on the bed if he wants reinforcement .5 . I got a behind - the - scenes look at how animal training is helping the San Diego Wild Animal Park perform animal husbandry without sedatives or trauma .6 . Looks like Sonny and Carly are headed for a reunion ! ( But what about Tad and Dixie ? ) 7 . Sea salt really DOES help with water weight reduction .8 . All the bills are paid on time and the plan for eliminating debt is in effect .9 . Went back to morning and evening yoga plus more dedicated prayer and scripture study - I feel fantastic ! 10 . I ' m FINALLY going to a Dodgers Game ! Tonight ! The Happy End ..... ? 
Weekly Review July 21 st . Discovery : Thanks to the Rate Your Life quiz , I now have an exact answer to how I am . This Is My Life , Rated Life : 7.1 Mind : 7 Body : 6.1 Spirit : 9.6 Friends / Family : 4.3 Love : 0 Finance : 8.4 Take the Rate My Life Quiz " Hey , Glo ! How are you ? " " Well , I ' m above average . Thank you for asking . My spirituality and finances could not be better while mind and body are also progressing well . However , my love life SUCKS and I have no friends . Thank God for a good family or I ' d probably have to eat worms per that grade school rhyme . Any questions ? " Decision : I have got to figure out why I ' m so unloveable . That 's really a pathetic score . New Love : Oh no ! I don't have one ! I ' m totally paranoid now about that stupid score ! Abandoned Love : I can't afford such luxuries with that loser score up there - must keep all semblance of love ! Enduring Love : Making fun of myself . Quote of the Week : " I got knocked up by Polo Dude ! " It was hidden in the comments and cracked me up , so I ' m reposting it . Picture of the Week : TBA - my work computer denies my freedom of expression . I ' ve called a special session of Congress at the local burger joint . Call if you would like to represent your representative . Cue to the Soundtrack to too much love with too little permanence : Joni Mitchell Both Sides Now I ve looked at love from both sides now . From give and take , and still , somehow , it s love s illusions I recall . I really don t know love at all . Tears and fears and feeling proud . To say " i love you " right out loud . Dreams and schemes and circus crowds . I ve looked at life that way . But now old friends are acting strange . They shake their heads , they say I ve changed . Well something s lost , but something s gained . In living ev ry day . I ve looked at life from both sides now . From win and lose and still , somehow , it s life s illusions I recall . I really don t know life at all . Honorable Mention to Liz Phair Somebody 's Miracle I never cry out loud . I keep my tears to myself . But I woke up one day and I found my life had left me for someone else . I guess it must be unhappy with me . Now that 's a funny - sad lyric ! See you next week !! Have a love - filled weekend ! Sheesh . Somebody oughtta ! * Addendum : While I appreciate the loving contact from all of you that I know off - blog , please be aware that I KNOW I am loved - it 's just the Internet what doubts it . The silly quiz only had 3 questions all related to romantic love . Hardly adequate . The results were , in a word , mockery . 
A ( pseudo ) obituary for Silly Boy . I received the following text from Silly Boy last night : Make sure you flower up my obituary nice ! I don't think I ' m going to wake up ! Hope you ' ve had a good day today . It was a shock to the system . Apparently - if I piece together the text story well - Silly Boy was killed by his aunts while packing up his grandparent 's home . I suppose it was a la Arsenic and Old Lace . Unfortunately , I have no proof of this foul deed . Silly Boy has continued to text and call me from beyond the grave , but he 's stingy with details of the afterlife , so I imagine he ' ll never tell me the dark deeds that led to his death . Why , he 's even so silly as to insist he isn't so dead ! Oh , silly , silly , Silly Boy . Hence , it falls on me to write the obituary of my dear friend , Silly Boy : Silly Boy , age something , died earlier than today at a home in low - state Idaho . He was likely murdered by his aunts in what I hope was a very dreadful and adventurous scene of untold horror . As that would really sweeten the movie deal . He was born .... oh , gosh , he told me this ... well , somewhere . And then ... well , the details escape me ... but I ' m sure he went to school . Last I knew , he was teaching school , so I assume he went to school . I don't think American education has fallen that far . Though , I guess , the Republicans think so . Hm . That reminds me . I never really asked his political affiliation . Oh , well . Guess it 's a good thing that Silly Boy still calls from the next world . Hm again . I wonder if they hold elections up there and what the party system is like ..... is it a Republic or a Monarchy ? Wow . I wish he wouldn't hold back on those details . Anyway , where was I ? Oh . Yeah . I don't know where he attended school if he attended school . As for hobbies and life pursuits . Well , he really liked working with kids and wanted to be a psychologist and / or social worker . He also enjoyed being mean to me . Really . No matter what he says .... and that won't be much to you cuz he ain't livin ' . There were a whole bunch of survivors . He said he had family , but I never really met them . So , I guess he could be a big fat liar who makes up stories of being an uncle . What a jerk ! I can't believe he lied to us all . Sheesh . As for the funeral , I really think this obituary is enough honor . He wasn't one for pomp and circumstance , but he did want to see me freakin ' wealthy one day . So , in lieu of flowers , feel free to send contributions directly to this blog . I ' ll see that I lift a glass of Diet Coke in his honor for each dollar I get . According the the New York Times , I should conclude this flowery writing on a personal note . So , here goes . Silly Boy - you rock * . And not just in a guitar sense ( because I never heard you play and you might have sucked ) , but in a deep down - if you had a rocker you ' d go to town kind of way . Party on in Valhalla , dude . * Lest I be accused of not taking Silly Boy 's fake death seriously , I want to say all the nice things I never say to his face . Silly Boy has become a treasured friend . He lets me make fun of him in public and private without so much as a sigh and doesn't complain about the fact that I ' m much too sensitive to teasing for someone who dishes out so much of it . In a siege of months where I have been bandied about by the whatever it is that bandies , Silly Boy has been a very steady friend . He 's quick with a joke , a kind word , or just plain smalltalk - whatever is needed . He reminds me to take my own advice , step back , and focus on what matters . Like fluffy bunnies . Yep . Silliness is the name of our game . He 's the one in this pair that 's good with the feel - goods , but I hope he knows that he helps me , too . So , I ' m glad that Fate ( wink , wink ) sent him along . Too bad his aunts killed him with packing boxes . He ' ll really be missed . 
The Neighborhood Feud . Haven't posted in a while and today do I have a good reason to post . The Fourth of July weekend our new next door neighbors moved in . I was hoping for a young family , but it ended being 3 guys who did . They are nice the only thing that has bothered me is that they leave their side porch light on which shines directly into our bedrooms . Not really a big deal because I can put a pillow over my head and if bothers me enough I can go get a blindfold for my eyes . Well , on Monday my neighbor from across the street comes over to talk to me . Let 's call her Mary . She asks me how I feel about the new neighbors . That should had been a red flag for me . So I tell her that the light they leave on bothers me , but that 's all . I did tell her that I did find it strange that we have only seen them move in a tv and a few beds . Mary went on to tell me that they have been so loud at night that she wakes up from them and asked me if I had heard anything . I tell her no because we have a window a / c unit in our room and it makes enough noise that we don't hear any outside noise . She also tells me that at about 2 am that morning the neighbor 's dogs were barking really loud and that he also decided to take out his trash to the curb at that time . Again I tell her that I did not hear anything because of the a / c unit . So I continue on my way and stay inside because of the heat . At about 6 pm , when it is a bit cooler I go outside to water the lawn and have the boys play outside . My next door neighbor comes over to the fence and proceeds to tell me that he is really sorry he has left the light on and he was not aware that it bothered us . ( This is why I should have kept my mouth shut . Mary used my name and what I told her to bully our neighbor . She had her son - in - law , we ' ll call him John , talk the guy . ) He also tells me that he and his room mates have a no alcohol or drug rule in their house and that he will keep his dogs indoor from now on . I told him that I did not have a problem with him or his room mates and if I had a problem with them that I would let him know . He thanks me and continues with his yard work . Well , John and his wife are outside ( btw he and his wife live with Mary ) and see that he has talked to me and John goes to talk to the guy . After a few minutes our neighbor yells at John and his wife ( who is a loud mouth anywars ) to stay away from his house . Then the neighbor tells me that John came over to let him know how things are done in our neighborhood and that he won't be bullied by people like them . I can't believe this is happening here . We have lived here for almost 9 years and not until we buy DH 's grandma 's house do I realize how bad our neighbors across the street are . DH is somewhat upset because I told them what bothered me about the new neighbors . I feel stupid for doing so . Fortunately for me my mother - in - law understands . She just told me that Mary has always been like that and that now I know how she is and just be careful what I say around her . Now here comes the interesting part and also helps me understand why my neighbor said there is a no alcohol or drug rule in the house . The neighbors are renters and they are all in a drug and alcohol recovery program . The house is a halfway house ! It bugs DH more than it bothers me . DH had talked to them before I did and he stated that he was just housesitting until his friend came back from his honeymoon . He 's upset because the guy was not honest with him . Hello Paul ! Who wants to let the world know about this . Sure Paul , he will say , " Hi , I ' m your new neighbor . By the way , I ' m a recovering drug addict / alcoholic . Nice to meet you . " Yeah right . I ' m not bothered by it because to be there they must have already done an inhouse treatment program . So that is how my week has been so far . I ' m wondering what the rest of the week will bring . 
My poor Geran . I have been feeling so bad for Geran this week . Here 's what is going on in our home . The boys are still on vacation . Avery 's best friend has been over here almost everyday since Saturday and once he goes home Avery goes over there to play for about one hour or two . Well , Geran feels left out because he usually plays with Avery . It 's also hard for Geran to have a friend his age since he does not go to our neighborhood school like Avery does . Geran right now is enrolled in a special day class at school and there are only six boys in class and they are all older than he is . It 's not that he is slow , he just is really smart and needs some help emotionally . They are going to start mainstreaming him in the fall and hopefully he can return to his neighborhood school before next summer . Anyways , I just got sidetracked there . Also Geran 's best friend moved away just before school was over . He has been moping around and complaining about not having any friends . On Sunday I found out that a family that had moved away last year has moved back . They have a little girl who is Geran 's age and they were good friends before she moved . I talked to this little girl 's mom about getting together for a play date . I ' m so excited because she called me so we can get together at the park today ! Geran is also excited to have a play date . Something he has been bothering me about since school ended . We will see how this play date turns out this afternoon . 
It 's Monday . Cub scout day camp finished on Friday . On Saturday DH came home and boy was that a trial . DH calls me earlier in the day to let me know his flight did not leave Boston until almost 4 pm . He had told me his flight came in at 4 pm . So now he 's not going to be home until after 7 pm . No big deal , I ' ll handle the boys another full day . Avery had his friend come over to play at 1 pm that afternoon . I take him home at 6:45 . Avery and Geran start fighting in the car . They are punching , pulling hair , and scratching each other . I have to pull the car over and get them to calm down . By this time it 7 pm and apparently DH 's flight came in at 6:40 . I finally show up at the airport at 7:15 and I spot DH . He is not happy with me . He is upset because he had been waiting for over 30 minutes and had been trying to get a hold of me . I forgot my cell phone and could not call him to let him know we were on our way . He was already calling his parents to have them come pick him up at the airport . He 's really short with me and starts complaining about how come I did not have my cell and why did I take so long to get there . The only thing I could do was apologize and cry . By this time I was just overwhelmed with the week I had had and I was hormonal ( it is that time of the month ) and I just needed a break . His complaining made me feel bad and upset . He felt really bad for what he did and when we got home he hugged me and apologized over and over again . I blame this episode on Paul being jetlagged . He normally is not like that . He is the sweetest man and always goes out of his way to make me feel loved and appreciated . It 's Monday . Since we are having a heatwave I have been trying to do my laundry before 9 am . I also try to do the dishwasher after 6 pm . Paul thinks it 's odd that I do this , but I don't want my electricity shut off for 1 hour . The only thing I will use during the day are the fans , tv , and a / c . I would rather be cool and bored , than hot and busy doing housework . I also went to Costco . I can't believe how quickly I can do my shopping there , especially with a list . It only took me 30 minutes to do my shopping . The only thing I forgot was to fill up with gas . Tomorrow I take the boys to the library . Hopefully they are quiet and I remember to bring the checkbook . Yes , I have fines to pay . 
Another Day at Camp . We get up this morning and things went crazy at home . First , Avery decides he will wear jeans to camp . Hello ! What was he thinking ? It 's supposed to be hot and today was water day at camp . I made him change into shorts , which he complained about . Geran was just in a bad mood . He didn't want to get dressed . He could not find his shoes , and this was after I showed him where they were . He started stomping and pouting after I told him we were leaving and he would need to wear his sandals . I ' m glad I remembered to give him his ADHD medication this morning because who knows how much worse it could have been today . I made another search in the living room for his shoes while they all went out to the car and I found them next to the sofa . At camp he punched another boy because the boy hit him with a shovel . I thought they were going to tell me he could not stay at the sibling camp . Luckily for me I know the lady that was in charge and she told me to just keep him for about 10 minutes and then he could come back if he apologized . We went for a walk and just talked . He promised to apologize , which he did , and he did not cause any more problems after that . Then there was Ethan . Actually , he was really good today . Well , except for the accident he had at camp . He dirtied his underwear . Good thing it was 15 minutes before we were to leave . I was able to somewhat clean him up before leaving . I don't blame him because the bathrooms at this park are gross and SO smelly , plus there are no doors on the bathroom stalls . I have been avoiding going into those bathrooms . I ' m just tired . This is the third day my husband has been gone on a business trip . He doesn't return until Saturday afternoon . I don't know how single parents can do this . No one is there to give you a break quickly when you need it . If my husband is gone his parents usually help me out because they live next door to us , but they are also gone this week . So this was another day in my life . 
I can't believe this ! I have finally succumbed to all the " peer pressure " at Scrapshare . com. I have started my own blog . I did not think I would want to , but decided I really need an outlet for my thoughts . This is especially true when my husband is out of town and no one can hear my rants and , well , just plain rambling of things . To start out my first post I will tell you about myself . I am thirty and at the end of this month I will celebrate my thirty - first birthday . I have been married to my sweet husband , Paul , for 11 years . Yes I know , I married young . In December we will celebrate 12 years of marriage . I am a mother to 3 boys ages 8 , 6 , and 3 . Ethan , the youngest will turn 4 in August . My favorite hobbies are cross - stitching and scrapbooking . I started cross - stitching when I was 12 and have been doing it ever since . It is something I can do while watching my kids at practice or watching tv . Scrapbooking is something I started doing when Geran ( pronounced Ga - rin ) , was born . So far I have completed 4 albums , all of them for my boys . So hear starts my rambling of things . Avery , my oldest , started Cub Scout camp yesterday . I decided I would help out his den and volunteer . The nice thing is that they offered sibling day camp so I could help out . So one of the things they did was to make a catepillar out of poms , well they did not really make it . The person in charge of that project decided that they boys were not going to be allowed to use glue guns . What ? !! I let my son use a glue gun under my supervision . The leaders were the ones who put it together . The only thing the boys did was tie the string around the catepillar and to a 1 / 4 inch dowel . Aren't the boys supposed to learn how to use these items ? Anyways , the next thing we went to was to make a small tool box . ( So you trust a boy with a hammer and nails , but not a glue gun . ) They did not have enough hammers for all the boys to use . That 's fine , they need to learn to take turns . The problem was that the nails were constantly bending and the wood would split or you could not put the nail in the area needed because there was a knot in the wood . Avery 's turned out ok with a lot split areas and two nails that did not make it into the wood . Well , I survived . I get to this again tomorrow , Thursday , and Friday . I am beat . I was ready for bed at 6 pm , but because I have so much to do I ' m not getting to bed until almost 11 pm . If I want to make that bedtime I better get off of this computer and do so . Good night everyone . 
ok fine . Here it is . So sit down , keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times while the ride is in operation because .... ITS RANCHO FIRSTNATIONS IN LIVING COLOR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The humble abode . This picture was taken from the sidewalk , facing northeast . That peaked roof on the right marks the origional house . Bitty , wasn't it ? I did all the plantings . Yay me ! Yes , that is a torchiere lamp on the front porch . I keep forgetting to donate it . My rural idyll . This is the view from my front porch , facing southeast . The field where I crashed my motorcycle . Left out of frame is Mt . Baker , but the alpenglow was on it and it wouldn't print . Turning to the southwest , we have this ... ONE YEAR AGO all that was hayfield too . Every single house and rooftop you can see in that picture went up in one years ' time . I honestly DO remember when all this was farms . Now , turning full west , we have this ... Remember my nutty neibors with hundreds of cats and the pet semetary ? The ones who yell at their apple tree ? Here 's their place . Trust me ; its in there . So are they . Waiting . Watching . Not bathing . The miscreant apple tree pokes up at center - right . Looks innocent . But it 's not . And now , the backyard ! WOW ! Remain calm ! Here is all the tomatoes I could fit into one picture without sitting down on the tickly grass in my shorts . You will note the raised bed , a necessity for gardening tomatoes here . In one months ' time these plants will double in size and be loaded with ' maters . Yummmmmmmm ! Potted stock ready for sale cheap ! 100 % hippie grown . My Goonybird . Ya spend a fortune on toys and the kid sits in the wheelbarrow making hooting noises and laughing . I blame his mother . This is taken standing on tiptoes on my back deck . There is the evil ex - crack shed , now turned to the cause of good , and my picnic awning . Between them in the distance ? That line of trees and the mountains ? Thats Canada ! YAY CANADA ! HI ELLE ! HI MJ ! 
Jumping Out , Mechanical Man Kikaida - 3 D movie !! ladies and gentlemen , turn your attention to these two outstanding women high above you in the center ring ! oh my god . just go herehttp : // hendrix - cat . blogspot . com / and read this post . this is just , oh my god . writing ? good ? oh good gravy MARIE . and for class ? go herehttp : // marlowefish . blogspot . com / and read the last few entries to find out how someone deals with a difficult romantic situation with more class and maturity than i ' ve ever had . blogroll these people now . do it . i mean it . get moving . really . don't fuck around with me , now , do like i said . hey listen , I ' m menopausal , I own guns , and my near ancestors ate dog . Without ketchup . it was heartbreaking . 
ok , im taking that one down now . being able to have this forum ( as twere ) to explore this crap and get feedback to think about is inestimably valuable to me . all of you are rock ! y ' all have been gracious enough to reply on a subject that is pretty damned difficult and I thank you . i though of everyones responses as i went around this weekend and did my errands in town ( bellingham is much more racially diverse than sumas ) and i really thought about all of it . i ' m started on the way to getting my shit together and not being such a redneck anymore . just because i live in the country now doesn't mean i have to act like it . muchas smoochas !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
a poem drops by . Lately , I have been thinking a lot about poems . When I was younger , they used to pour out of me -- they used to pour out of me like tears . Now it 's a struggle . I guess I have become a poor listener . This week I began reading , and just finished Ireland by Frank Delaney . I marked this passage as a form of inspiration . Now I wait for poems to arrive . Now I become a better listener . " As you probably know , nobody can actually write a poem . There s no such act as writing a poem . That s not how poems are made . Oh yes , there s the physical business of pen , ink , and paper but that isn t whence the poem comes . Nor may you send out and fetch a poem from where it s been living . No , like it or like it not , you have to wait for a poem to arrive . The people we call " poets " , by which I mean true , real poets they re merely very keen listeners who ve learned to recognize when a poem s dropping by . Then they copy down what the poem s telling them in their heads . After that , they tidy up the writing , ask their wives , sisters , or daughters to type it out for them , and so the poem s finished , next to be seen on the pages of some august publication in the Northern Hemisphere where they pay you minus tuppence per line and hope you don t visit them naked roaring for more cash . The thing about true poets is they never have to wait . Some people are born lucky . They long to eat a hazelnut , and next thing a man walks past their front door with a bag of nuts and he offers them one . Or a woman who likes the fruit called " mango " stands at her window , and below the street sees a dark and handsome stranger who holds up his hand and offers her the only mango this side of Rangoon . Poets are like that with poems . No sooner do they listen out than a poem swoops down , whispers something to the top of their heads , and they feel it flowing into their brain , down along their arms , into their fingers , and out onto the page in black letters . And poems are like angels . They visit often , but you ve to be watching out for them , and you ve to believe in them to benefit from their gifts . Ireland has a great many poets because we ve a quiet country here , with empty fields and silent lanes , where it s very easy to hear poems when they come by . But where did full poetry start here I mean , that wasn t religious or prayers ? Well according to my friend the Storyteller , it was all typically Irish . It started because of a husband , his foreign wife , and a lawsuit . " Excerpt from Ireland , by Frank Delaney . 
sun and more sun . Far - Darting Apollo I saw the sun step like a gentleman Dressed in black and proud as sin . I saw the sun walk across London Like a young M. P . , risen to the occasion . His step was light , his tread was dancing , His lips were smiling , his eyes glancing . Over the Cenotaph in Whitehall The sun took the wicket with my skull . The sun plays tennis in the court of Geneva With the guts of a Finn and the head of an Emperor . The sun plays squash in a tomb of marble , The horses of Apocalypse are in his stable . The sun plays a game of darts in Spain Three by three in flight formation . The invincible wheels of his yellow car Are the discs that kindle the Chinese war . The sun shows the world to the world , Turns its own ghost on the terrified crowd , Then plunges all images into the ocean Of the nightly mass emotion . Games of chance and games of skill , All his sports are games to kill . I saw the murderer at evening lie Bleeding on his death - bed sky . His hyacinth breath , his laurel hair , His blinding sight , his moving air , My love , my grief , my weariness , my fears Hid from me in a night of tears . Kathleen Raine . 
Comfortably Numb . ( Yes , the title is borrowed . But it fits like a pair well worn shoes or jeans . ) For me , summer means dropping out . It means avoidance . Or should I say freedom because I free myself of schedules , deadlines and must do 's ? Let 's face it I tune in for 10 months of the year so it 's nice to shut off that demanding overhead light that screams : " Do more , know more , be more ! " This week is a perfect example of living off line . We headed for BC -- the Okanagan ( my parents live there now ) . We live without tv ( they have one , we just didn't turn it on ) and become social animals . Messages and ideas are tossed about . Sometimes we hear each other , sometimes we don't . Friends arrive and add to the fray . Sad stories , bold stories , lighthearted stories bandy about . Sometimes a competition ensues . Who will tell the better story based on the current topic ? Everyone takes the podium but not everyone wins . An island is created . The outside world only enters through a story . That is key . That is the key . But it does get noisy . During the " discussions " I crave silence -- not often , just once a day or so . I miss my own personal island . Yet this " tuning out of the outside world " , these storytelling sessions , are freeing . Worry goes somewhere else . ( I don't know where it goes , and I don't care . That 's the beauty of it . ) The voice that says , " Do , do more ! " is silenced . You live on an island with others , several of them come and go yet the living room is never empty . There are people in every seat , in every corner . However , you cannot remain on the island forever . Perhaps it is the noise that drives you away . Perhaps the storytelling competition gets too fierce . Whatever it is . . . it sends you packing . You drive the dangerous but beautiful mountain roads . Witness reality at every turn : crumpled SUV , motorcyclist downed as medics revive him , two flat tires , majestic mountains , long winding car parade after parade , sluggish motorhomes ( curse them ) , the odd animal or two . Somehow you make it home unscathed . You turn on the tv . You pick up a newspaper . The word Lebanon is on everyone 's lips . And you wonder where in the hell you have been ? You tune out the whole world . You live happily in bliss , in ignorance . You are " comfortably numb " and , until you turn on the tv or pick up a newspaper , you live it happily . Now reality has wiggled and niggled it 's way into your head . Damn , reality bites . It bites down hard . Yet . . . there is a part of you that is glad , that is relieved to escape it -- even if it was only for a week . You enjoyed said freedom , but now Lebanon is a there like a black cloud . And the island has become huge and unwieldily . And your numbness has ended . You are wide awake . Welcome home , kiddo . 
on the fritz . Well my house ( and its contents ) has hit year 11 so that means things are going . . . just like me , it is showing wear and tear . But why does it have to be everything at once ? Here 's the list for this year alone : Indoor paint ( well we did scrape off some paint during the treadmill move ! but we love the machine so it was worth it ! ) Sidewalk ( this winter it decided to heave -- it makes shoveling snow interesting ) Upstairs toilet ( cracked tank ) and tub ( leaking faucets ) Garage door ( automatic opener is on strike as of July 11 th . . . oh well , I needed the exercise anyway ) Computer ( like me she 's aging . . . and like a fickle lover I replaced her with a younger , slimmer model ! ) Water heater ( sprung a leak and we found it today ) Gee , what will go on the fritz next ? Fritz , now that is a great word isn't it ? I went online and couldn't find its origins . . . very suitable finding for such a word and the meaning it is assigned . Perhaps we should move ? Just kidding . No , we really cannot pick up and go again . . . we have a new school to go to in the Fall so . . . we have to stick around . On a totally different front though . We completed our trip to Europe this spring and I cannot wait for the next big trip . . . Honestly I do not think I can wait another five years for another year off work and a year of travel ! I know , I should be satisfied with what I have but . . . my feet are itchy . . . again ! ( At least they don't smell . Well , not yet ! ) . 
Curse Perfectionism . Curse being a perfectionist -- you live in the details -- you get bogged down in the details like quicksand , YET you refuse to let go even when you know damn well that you cannot achieve perfection ! Why is this a part of my very being -- my very nature ? Why do I strive for such a ridiculous goal ? Perfectionism is a ridiculous goal . It is impossible to achieve . . . and look at the cost of trying to reach that goal . You are never satisfied ; you are never pleased . And time and time again you strive for it . Curse being a perfectionist ! Ironically , many agree with me . But none provide a cure , other than to avoid it . . . or embrace it . " He that pleases himself too much with minute exactness , and submits to endure nothing in accommodations , attendance , or address below the point of perfection , will , whenever he enters the crowd of life , be harassed with innumerable distresses , from which those who have not in the same manner increased their sensations find no disturbance . His exotic softness will shrink at the coarseness of vulgar felicity , like a plant transplanted to northern nurseries from the dews and sunshine of the tropical regions . " Samuel Johnson : Rambler # 112 ( April 13 , 1751 ) " It sometimes happens that too close an attention to minute exactness , or a too rigorous habit of examining every thing by the standard of perfection , vitiates the temper rather than improves the understanding , and teaches the mind to discern faults with unhappy penetration . " Samuel Johnson : Rambler # 74 ( December 1 , 1750 ) Perfectionism is the enemy of creation , as extreme self - solitude is the enemy of well - being . John Updike , Odd Jobs The enemy of creation eh ? That last one scares me . . . stupid . O ' where , o ' where is that blasted cure ? Quick hand it over so I can drink it down ! 
Tegan . We are free again . . . no ties . . . yet I feel empty . . . even lonely despite this peaceful easy feeling ( oops I think the Eagles are playing in my head -- get out , get out , NOW ) . . . that is filling up the house right this minute . My nephew spent a week with us while his parents visited San Francisco to celebrate their 40 th birthdays . ( That 's why my blog has been neglected along with my email and my writing . ) Being a parent is a tough job . . . mostly because there is no down time . . . you are there and must be there 24 / 7 . Even though it is tough it has its rewards . . . as we found out when Tegan stayed with us this past week . The best part , I think so anyways , is that you get to see things they way the child does . It is great fun watching him learn things for the first time . Watching him build his first model car was a complete and utter blast . He was concentrating so intently that his little brow was wound tight as a fighter 's fist . There was no way he wasn't going to complete this task . Even though he can't quite read yet . . . he studied the pictures and text in the directions and was able to figure them out quite nicely thank you ! When it was done , he proudly ( and rightfully so ) showed off his masterpiece . " I make a good mechanic , right Auntie ? See these stickers , I put them on and they 're straight ? " ( This last bit is said with surprise as much as it is said with pride ) . And it was just as much fun to watch him learn to launch his first cherry seed missle across the lawn ! He devoured several cherries just so he could fire missle after missle ! After each launch , he ' d jumped up and down and asked if we saw how far he shot it ! And when his parents arrived he told them all about his new tricks and how he wanted to show them how to do these things too . Could this mean we have another teacher in the family ? Maybe . Despite being tired . . . it was great fun having this little 6 year old person in our house . Storming the lake , waterslides , swimming pools and fishing holes was utterly ( or as Tegan likes to say after seeing all my cows , udderly ) fantastic ! Although the house looked rough that week . . . and we were dead tired . . . we enjoyed being pseudo - parents . Except for one thing , Wade wants one of his own now . . . oh no . . . I am not sure if I am ready for that just yet -- for now we ' ll have to rent one ? or borrow one ? Before he left yesterday , and after he thanked us , Tegan wanted to know when he was coming back here again . And we answered , " any time you want ! " Yet once the goodbyes were done and the door was closed . . . we had a nap ! 
porque a imagina o o principal ... bonito , bem conseguido e sensual q . b . " The art of being restrained is the art of trust . Trusting that whoever is in power will not abuse the trust given : this is the beginning of the exciting journey of bondage . The thrill of being tied up and the person of your choice administrating their chosen pleasures on to your body can be an overwhelming experience of joy . When restrained there is no choice other than to surrender to pleasure . " . 
Leonard Cohen - I ' m Your Man. If you want a lover I ' ll do anything you ask me to And if you want another kind of love I ' ll wear a mask for you If you want a partner Take my hand Or if you want to strike me down in anger Here I stand I ' m your man If you want a boxer I will step into the ring for you And if you want a doctor I ' ll examine every inch of you If you want a driver Climb inside Or if you want to take me for a ride You know you can I ' m your man Ah , the moon 's too bright The chain 's too tight The beast won't go to sleep I ' ve been running through these promises to you That I made and I could not keep Ah but a man never got a woman back Not by begging on his knees Or I ' d crawl to you baby And I ' d fall at your feet And I ' d howl at your beauty Like a dog in heat And I ' d claw at your heart And I ' d tear at your sheet I ' d say please , please I ' m your man And if you ' ve got to sleep A moment on the road I will steer for you And if you want to work the street alone I ' ll disappear for you If you want a father for your child Or only want to walk with me a while Across the sand I ' m your man If you want a lover I ' ll do anything you ask me to And if you want another kind of love I ' ll wear a mask for youeste homem tira - me o sono ... 
de que planeta sou ... o que eles inventam . You Are From Venus You love all forms of beauty . You love dressing up and anything luxurious . A social butterfly , you 're incredibly popular and a great host . You 're known for your fairness and affection . And as a frind to all . Careful though ! You 're desire to please may make you too willing to conform . Be yourself . Focus on what matters to you . You ' ll be all the more popular for it . What Planet Are You From ? 
sobre computadores . ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store . Can I help you ? COSTELLO : Thanks . I m setting up an office in my den and I m thinking about buying a computer . ABBOTT : Mac ? COSTELLO : No , the name s Lou . ABBOTT : Your computer ? COSTELLO : I don t own a computer . I want to buy one . ABBOTT : Mac ? COSTELLO : I told you , my name s Lou . ABBOTT : What about Windows ? COSTELLO : Why ? Will it get stuffy in here ? ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows ? COSTELLO : I don t know . What will I see when I look at the windows ? ABBOTT : Wallpaper . COSTELLO : Never mind the windows . I need a computer and software . ABBOTT : Software for Windows ? COSTELLO : No. On the computer ! I need something I can use to write proposals , track expenses and run my business . What do you have ? ABBOTT : Office . COSTELLO : Yeah , for my office . Can you recommend anything ? ABBOTT : I just did . COSTELLO : You just did what ? ABBOTT : Recommend something . COSTELLO : You recommended something ? ABBOTT : Yes. COSTELLO : For my office ? ABBOTT : Yes. COSTELLO : OK , what did you recommend for my office ? ABBOTT : Office . COSTELLO : Yes , for my office ! ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows . COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows ! OK , let s just say I m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal . What do I need ? ABBOTT : Word . COSTELLO : What word ? ABBOTT : Word in Office . COSTELLO : The only word in office is office . ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows . COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows ? ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue W . COSTELLO : I m going to click your blue w if you don t start with some straight answers . What about financial bookkeeping ? You have anything can track my money with ? ABBOTT : Money . COSTELLO : That s right . What do you have ? ABBOTT : Money . COSTELLO : I need money to track my money ? ABBOTT : It comes bundled with your computer . COSTELLO : What s bundled with my computer ? ABBOTT : Money . COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer ? ABBOTT : Yes. No extra charge . COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer ? How much ? ABBOTT : One copy . COSTELLO : Isn t it illegal to copy money ? ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money . COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money ? ABBOTT : Why not ? THEY OWN IT ! ( A few days later ) ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store . Can I help you ? COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off ? 
j percebi porque que a gripe das aves existe . porque n o compram as roupinhas para vestir as galinhas e as pobres apanham frio e ficam constipadas ... the package Your Chickensuit comes in a package size A 3 . it contain the suit - neatly laid out on top of a printed erni ( the film star ) - plus a free dvd for home use . the dvd has an animated music video - featuring the top nauch band cosmic eggs and the film ERNI an exciting chase after the very first chicken who took the brave step toward a better life a life fully dressed . equal in rights .. Dress your chicken , let your chick dress itself , dress the chicken inside of you . use the beauty as a show off on your wall , brag with your size packed neatly , hip and colorful . 
mas como uma descoberta nunca vem s ... hoje descobri nas minhas andan as n o s o Pedro Mexia como tamb m o Misha Gordin , fotografo conceptual que aqui fica para os guardadores de imagens , para os coleccionadores de bons trabalhos ... http : // www . bsimple . com / home . htmentre no mundo de Gordin que sobre o seu trabalho escreve : I remember life after the war . Hiding in the ruins of the bombed buildings . The man with no legs pushing his way on a tiny platform . I remember playing alone . I remember playing with the other children . We did not have any toys . We were making our own . I remember the girl on the third floor . She never played with us . She was a ballerina . I remember the stale smell of dark corridors . I remember the drowned man exhausted from his last fight . I remember faces that never smiled . I remember my first day in school . Hiding my face in the teachers lap and crying . She let me go home . I remember cold waters of the Baltic sea . I remember sunsets and the silent silhouettes along the shoreline . I remember the forest full of secrets . I remember an unfinished painting and nobody around . I remember the white aprons and the golden glow of fish in the baskets . I remember the music teacher striking my fingers with a pencil . I remember marching in a column . I remember laying flowers to the monument of Lenin . I remember my first glass of wine . I remember the first girl I loved . I remember my childhood . hoje estou mais rica ... 
Your Lucky Underwear is Yellow You 're an extremely happy , laid back , fun soul . And your lucky yellow underwear can help you get even more out of life . In life , you rather play than work . You 're apt to quit any task that doesn't nourish your creativity and inner child . Sometimes your drive for freedom hinders your quality of life . You find it impossible to do anything unpleasant . If you want to have responsibilities and still have fun , put on your yellow underpants . They ' ll help you make a party out of the most mundane tasks . What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear ? 
Night Rituals . Night Rituals The things we look forward tothe sounds that are familiareven the pain we know will come when we push on that tooth with our tongue ... Something has to count ... Something must return ... Something has to give ... but tonightjust blow the candle outand promise not to talk ... - K . Rolly . 
O GATO QUE EU SOU ... You are a Siamese ! You are fun - loving , playful , energetic , talkative , and exotic . You arethe center of attention and you love everyminute of it . What breed of cat are you ? brought to you by . 
' ) ; document . write ( ' ' + nomemes [ mes ] + ' ' + ano + ' ' ) for ( i = 0 ; i ' + letras Semana [ i ] + ' ' ) ; } document . write ( ' ' ) ; function bissexto ( year ) { if ( year % 4 == 0 ) // regra basica return true // se o ano e ' bissexto / * else * / // else nao precisa quando " return " e ' utilizado return false // se o ano nao e ' bissexto } if ( inicio . get Day ( ) == 0 ) increase = 0 ; else increase = 1 ; for ( i = 1 ; a ' ) ; else { a ++ ; if ( a == dia ) document . write ( ' ' + a + ' ' ) ; else document . write ( ' ' + a + ' ' ) ; } if ( i % 7 == 0 ) document . write ( ' ' ) ; } document . write ( ' ' ) ; } calendar ( ) ; // -- > . 
Madi said , " It 's raining , it 's pouring , the old man is boring ! " She thought it was great that it started to rain , so she could use her umbrella .... even though it 's a little broke , she still loves it !! 
Luscious things to eat with your tea ... A Southern Season 's French Chocolate Truffles Exceptionally luscious dark chocolate truffle centers dusted with cocoa . No hard outer shell . You must go to Southern Season ! French Chocolate Truffles Walker 's Stem Ginger Biscuits Sweet gingery biscuits with bits of stem ginger . Marvelous with Cranberry Blood Orange Tea from Republic of Tea . Stem Ginger Biscuits Carolina Cafe 's Inside Out Peanut Butter Cups Amazing PB cups from Carolina Cafe . A soft , rich peanut butter cookie molded into a cup , and filled with what tastes like dark chocolate frosting . Way over the top ! Inside Out Peanut Butter Cups ( click on bakery ) Are you hungry yet ? 
Blossom Tea Infuser . Why is it the most interesting stuff is for loose tea ? Why doesn't instant iced tea come in cool packages ? Someone needs to work on this . Where is Republic of Tea when you need them ? I ' d like to see them come out with an instant tea based on their wonderful Cranberry Blood Orange tea . Blossom Tea Infuser . 
Upstate Collection . Yep , this is what upstate New York looks like , at least as I remember it from college . I ' m sort of tempted to get one as a souvenir of all those long drives on little highways to get to Ithaca . Upstate Collection . 
Bistro 607 . I had an excellent dinner at Bistro 607 the other day . Excellent unsweetened iced tea , not to mention the gin and tonics and everything else . I had their filet mignon , which was wonderful . We listened to the dessert menu , and it all sounded so good , but the chocolate dessert sounded so extravagant that I had to try it . It was chocolate crepe cake , plus chocolate truffles , plus chocolate cookies , plus some sort of chocolate liquid , which I thought was for pouring over the cake , and so had the waitress , but she said she ' d asked , and it was for drinking . All absolutely excellent . Bistro 607 Menu If I have a complaint , it 's only that the parking is crummy . But in that part of town , there are not many options . 
Teastick . This is a very attractive and functional alternative to a tea ball . I like the handy little curl at the end for hooking it over the side of a cup . It 's more than the iced tea pitcher offered by DWR , but I may need to get both of them sometime . Teastick . 
Wanted : real graphic designer . We ' ve switched to Mozilla 's Thunderbird for email at work . And I have no complaints about it ; it works fine . But the icon needs some serious help . It looks fine if you look on this page ; you can see it 's a bird holding an envelope . But when it shrinks down to the usual size of icons on a computer , it looks like an envelope in a blue wig ; maybe something out of the Muppets . Please people , you need to think about these things before you release them . Thunderbird . 
Already Been Chewed ... I don't know that this is a strictly necessary product ; they claim it discourages people from snarfing down all the cookies you bake . But isn't that the point of baking cookies ? And any baker will tell you , it 's the fun of baking cookies , not the enormous calorie intake of eating the whole batch , that they desire . Besides which , the dough is always tastier than the finished product . These guys more likely lends themselves to Halloween sort of treats ; I especially like the Maimed Gingerbread Men variety . Of course , the true horror - type cookie was developed by a friend of mine , who bought a bunch of plastic cockroaches and baked them into chocolate chip cookies . They were * not * well received . ABC Cookie Cutters . 
But does it work ? Here 's a very elegant iced tea pitcher , on the always elegant Design Within Reach website . And it 's not too expensive either , which is shocking . It looks good , but does it work ? I ' d be happy to field test one for them , and even provide the testimonial if it 's successful . Ceylon Iced Tea Jug . 
mixed media memoirs . this is the topic for last week 's mmm ... ( i ' m trying to catch up with my art challenges while i was away last week ) ... no , i ' m not desperately wanting to have a baby ... but there are times when i am caught off guard , like when strangers / patients ask me why i haven't any kids , or i ' ll be driving along the highway i adore children my late mother - in - law , she had borne 11 children !!! ... that , i suppose , was then i have discussed this long ago that we will accept whatever life throws our way seriously , that 's not for me ! i just don't want to endure all the emotional , physical parcel to fertilizing one 's eggs ! my word ! it 's way too much ! if it 's meant to be , then it will be ... if it 's not , then so be it . i ' m okay with that nephews from both sides of the family ( nephews ! ) are our " temp chitlins " ... we want them to take comfort in knowing that each love >>> always ! embrace each day as fully now . now that is a happy birthday wish for me ! 
they say . Birthday ( Lennon / Mc Cartney ) Recorded : September 18 , 1968 , Abbey Road Studios , London Length : 2:43 Discography : - The Beatles ( The White Album ) You say it 's your birthday It 's my birthday too -- yeah They say it 's your birthday We 're gonna have a good time I ' m glad it 's your birthday Happy birthday to you . Yes we 're going to a party party Yes we 're going to a party party Yes we 're going to a party party . I would like you to dance -- Birthday Take a cha - cha - cha - chance - Birthday I would like you to dance -- Birthday Dance I would like you to dance -- Birthday Take a cha - cha - cha - chance - Birthday I would like you to dance -- Birthday Dance You say it 's your birthday Well it 's my birthday too -- yeah You say it 's your birthday We 're gonna have a good time I ' m glad it 's your birthday Happy birthday to you . i keep hearing this from well - meaning folks ... i hope this is true ? i don't feel any different than i did yesterday ... i can hardly believe that four decades have gone by ! where did the time go ? i don't know what " 40 " is supposed to feel or look ... they also say age is just a number i hope that won't ever change . it 's official >>> i ' m in the 40 fabulous club ... { smile } . 
and the winners are . for wysiwyg wednesday freebie item # 1 ( file folder organizer ) >>> andria ... my sis looney ) who played this week 's wysiwyg wednesday !!!!!!! the next ww will be august 8 , 2006 ... until then , may the GOOD KARMA shine on you ! 
fashion vs . junk ' d . my musings on late night tv >>> i was watching my show , project runway , and i was thoroughly disgusted that angela , that freak , continues to be on the show ! i just don't like that condescending , no - talent , self - proclaimed diy - er whose creations , frankly , are RIDICULOUS ! she escaped TWICE now from getting the boot ... WHY does she continue to be there ? ! katherine , the gal who got voted off , should have stayed not angela !!! ai dios mio ! i really hope that next week angela gets kicked off ... she is just working my nerves saw this new show called junk brothers ... NOW , that 's what i ' m talking about ! these 2 bros , jim totally remix them ... the best part is they RETURN what the repurposed to the very people they originally took the piece from ... all i gotta say is RIGHT ON DUDES ! i thoroughly digged that show ... but i ' m hoping they have other show times because this late nite tv is going to seriously cut in on my night - night time ... which is about now ! enough said for one night . see ya tomorrow when i announce the lucky recipients of this week 's wysiwyg wednesday ! bonne nuit ... 
wysiwyg wednesday . it 's time to play wysiwyg wednesday ... yay ! pls . go here for the rules ... the 1 st item up for grabs is this red floral file folder organizer with 6 coordinating file folders ! i have had this since 2000 glassine page pockets to hold all your travel memorabilia i ' ll take names until say 10 pm ( us cst ) then tomorrow ( 7.27 ) i will announce the lucky recipients { yay } ... anyone can play , yes , even you past freebie winners { smile } ... i mean to move these two items outta my studio ! 
art + collage = money ? while on vacation , i caught up on a lot of reading >>> i read 4 books , such as the one you see in the snap of me lounging on that comfy daybed i mentioned previously ... i did , though , venture outside to explore the village ( as we were a few hundred yards away from main street , where all the hub - bub of this sleepy lakeside town ) then i came across this article about making art collages into actual currency ! had you ever heard of such a thing ? this whole concept is courtesy of this danish artist , lars kraemmer , who in 1997 came up with this intriguing idea to use art as an alternative to traditional currency ... WOW , i think this is an exciting idea ... i think i will need to learn more about this before i start jumping on the bandwagon ... the article says to check out the bank of international art money ( biam ) to learn the " 411 " about art money >>> go here see for yourself ! food for thought anyway . 
self - portrait as . ... a sun - kissed tourist , lol ! i took these snaps while we were up north at the cottage we rented ... i did a lot of lounging on this very comfy daybed >>> reading quite a few novels , catching up on the area 's happenings sites of interests , watching telly or dvds or just soaking up the warm sun ... it was wicked HOT up there , temps being in the upper 90 s , hovering just a degree or two below 100 ! i don't do well in such oppressive heat ... when we weren't in our little boat on the lake , i preferred to stay inside the cool cottage ... anyhoo , to see more spc , click here . ( what 's up with picasa ?? ! i had a devil of time trying to post stuff all day long ! so incredibly frustrating !!!! so i resorted to using blogger 's rather slow uploader ) . 
testing . all day i have been trying to post things on my blog & for some bizarre reason , i haven't been able to do so WAAAAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i ' m doing this test post to see if it will show up on my blog ... let 's hope so ! 
monkey see , monkey do . i happen to have diy cable channel on this morning when i saw the segment of someone demonstrating how to use embossing powder to create a " glassy " effect ... it didn't look hard to do got my handy dandy heat embosser okay to touch ( because after going under the heat gun 2 - 3 times , the paper will be wicked HOT ) , i adhered this quilled butterfly with clear glue , added word stickers ( " just " , " be " ) , a silver charm ( " believe " ) then create something that is nice to give as a gift . happy birthday melba ! 
studio friday { sidekicks } . that 's the theme for this week 's studio friday ... my hubby joe out of my studio ! from upper top left to right : patches , our 12 y . o calico ; t . j . , 13 y . o . patriarch ; bailey , 14 y . o . matriarch . middle row left : wiley , our 2 y . o . tomcat youngster center photo , my hubby of 4 years , joe , who is surrounded by all 5 cats ! they have provided me much needed comfort that , my friends , is a beautiful thing ! 
no . 11 . Your Life Path Number is 11 Your purpose in life is to inspire others Your amazing energy draws people to you , and you give them great insight in return . You hold a great amount of power over others , without even trying . You have the makings of an inventor , artist , religious leader , or prophet . In love , you are sensitive and passionate . You connect with your partner on a very deep level . You have great abilities , but you are often way too critical of yourself . You don't fit in - and instead of celebrating your differences , you dwell on them . You have high expectations of yourself . But sometimes you set them too high and don't achieve anything . What Is Your Life Path Number ? { i found this through ms * robyn 's blog ... many thanks ms * robyn ! } . 
r & r . just some snaps i took of us up north ... these are from my digi - cam ... i took loads more from my 35 mm cam without computer to download the snaps ... well , i fell back on my trusty ol ' canon ! we stayed at wicked cute cottage across the street from lake michigan in a quiet little hamlet called , bailey 's harbor , in the part of cheeseland known as door county ... it 's a pennisula sprinkled with quaint little farming , fishing around flowers , the sky , trees ... the collage of snaps above is some of main street bailey 's harbor , except for the center & middle right snaps , they are from another town called egg harbor . here we are at the town marina at sunset ... while joe was drooling over the BOATS , i was drooling over the incredible SUNSET ... which inspired me to paint this sunset scene i call , bailey on the rocks at dusk ... i just loved the way the light hit the rocks . ( watercolor , 9 " x 12 " ) . 
it 's done ! about a month ago , i signed up for this fun craft swap hosted by african kelli ... she called it a wristlet world swap ( if you go to the bottom of my sidebar you can click on the wristlet world button to go check out what the heck i ' m talking about always am forever breaking the needle ! i know , i ' m too rough with my machines >>> that 's why i leave ' em alone , so i won't abuse them lol ) ! i can always depend on my little sewing paws { smile } ... found this wicked cute strawberry fabric in the remnant bin of walmart ... it had the strawberries pink print ) were from my own stash ... " k " stands for " karen " , my wristlet swap podner ... et voila , the end product >>> front view ( yes , the " k " is hand appliqued of my very own design & the little red button added a touch of whimsy ) ... back view ( oops , i ' ve sewn the back piece upside down ... but it doesn't really matter , right ? it still goes with the flow ... ) & all the goodies i ' m going to stuff into this 8.5 " x 5.5 " wristlet ... i hope my swap podner will be as delighted as i was in making this for her ! 
mail prezzies ! hey all >>> we 're BACK >>> YAY !!! we had a nice time up north ( more about that later ) ... i must say , it was wicked weird to be away from the blogosphere for that long !!! it felt really weird not having to do all my weekly art challenges ... junk mail , wouldn't you know how WIDE my eyes became wheni spied these lovely packages !!! OMG ! blog sista , jude !!! the depth i ' ll be happy to say it again >>> i * heart * judy ! thank you m ' darlin ' for thinking of me thanks nancy , who was kind enough to pass this along to the rightful address ! ) she also sent me this AMAZING handblown star ! OMG !!! it is exquisite ! melba , i cannot even begin to thank you for all these wonderful prezzies the sweet little note you wrote ... i feel blessed to have you in my life too my dear ! wonderful surprise to come home to ! now , the daunting * ahem * fun task to play CATCH - UP ... i ' ve missed so much , especiallyvisiting my blogging pals & participating in those art challenges ! thank goodness , i have another week off to do just that ! 
temporary interruption . as we gear up for our trip north ... where we ' ll be going , i will be CUT OFF from the blogosphere ! but it is luckily a temporary interruption >>> firstborn 's regularly scheduled blog page will be back in service week of 7.24 ... in the meantime , here 's a gentle reminder , courtesy of a billboard i spotted as we sped through i - 294 recently >>> take care see ya in a couple of weeks ! 
9 years ago . joe fate ) brought us together ... i was nervous as heck ! joe was ( TALL that he found me " cute " ... he was so incredibly charming fine lines , don't we basically look the same ? i ' d like to think so . this snap was taken by one of my sisters at a friend 's wedding ... this happens to be our favorite picture of us . 
update . i was visiting my pal melba 's blog i head off on vacation ... well , my father - in - law has yet to see a specialist ... the doctor he was supposed to see is so busy that the soonest that he would be able to see dad is in september ! my bro - in - law is looking for another specialist asap ... when i talked to dad , he seemed to be in good spirits , considering that he has to wait to find another doctor to discuss his options ! my parents , who have been away in the " mother country " , are finally back home ! so glad that they are back in the states ! my sis gail , she , along with the other sisters , did a major " clean sweep " of their chicago house >>> i haven't heard yet what their reactions are ... it was pretty DRASTIC transformation ! ( you have to understand , my folks are very much pack rats i are ever so relieved ! we had thought the worse ... i had a recent check - up with my doc thank goodness , i don't need to have any more surgical anything ... i was fearful that there ' d be another , but doc assured me that he took it all out ! i am walking normally now tribulations ... it wears heavy on my heart to know that my two sisters are having a rough time ... my sis looney is about the only one who faithful reads my blog ... my other sisters would too , if they weren't going through their respective crap right now ... today i ' ve been getting ready for our week - long adventure to the unknown territory , door county . my sis looney tells me that is like the " cape cod " of the midwest ... i ' ve been to the real cape cod ... so , we ' ll see about that ... anyway , we ' ll be staying in bailey 's harbor , which faces lake michigan . my friend allison tells me that it 's more quiet , less touristy , than the other towns on that peninsula ... art galleries ! sounds like fun , right ? i hope we can go fishing too ... joe really just wants to get away from it all i plan on taking my paints , brushes painting >>> i think it was because i was so inspired by all the natural beauty around me ... i need to be somewhere like that again ... i think it will do the heart fun - filled adventure ! while i ' ll be temporarily cut off from my blogging sistas making sure i take gobs remember , SHINE ON ! 
" aerial " view . is this week 's topic for studio friday ... here i am standing on my mini - step ladder downward , one of my messy work areas ! when i stand of this step stool , i tower of my dh , who is 6 ' 3 " by a few inches shy of 7 feet ! gosh , is that what it feels like to be that TALL ? ! 
life 's a beach . well , actually , the theme for this week 's friday 's finds is beach / seaside finds ... i was trying to make a funny ... ( i think the dh is rubbing off me WAY too much , lol ! ) ... anyhoo ... the other day , when i was junking with my friend allison , i came across this sweet oil painted by a woman named beverly wescott for a mere $ 4 usd !!! i can't believe the price , first of all ! this certainly is for me ! it is entitled " lake michigan " ... how cool is this ??? >>> because joe we ' ve rented a cute little cottage for the week on the lake michigan side ! i think this is a sign to bring my paints , brushes i will be experiencing wicked blogging withdrawals while we 're away >>> double , triple , quadruple waaaaaaah ! lol ) ... well my pretties , what has the tide turned up by you ? oh pretty please with sand sugar on top , share your fab beach / seaside find ( s ) ( as well as non - beachy items too ) on the " official " flickr group here OR leave a comment with your link ... remember , sharing is a good thing ! 
in oder aus . that 's german for in or out ... ( i took some deutsch in college back in the day ) ... because of my long work schedule at the hospital , i don't always have time to watch the telly ... go at it with the challenges ... my dh does not get why i ' m into that show bec . as he says , it 's full of bonkery people ! i ' m not really a fashionista ... i just am fascinated process depicted on that weekly show ... when i saw the first season a couple of years ago , i was hooked ! last season was so fun to watch out our back patio door ! lol ! so every wednesday ( thank goodness the cottage we rented up north has cable tv ! ) , i ' ll be tuning in perhaps get inspired along the way ) . auf wiedersehn und guten abend ! 
CHUBBY CHICK YOGA !!!!! Okay , so a friend of mine recently called me wanting advice on something .... silly woman ! and I answered her questions as best I could and we had a lovely , mutual whine fest about our weight gains and estrogen problems . From that conversation has come a new form of Yoga - " Chubby Chick Yoga " I am too heavy right now to teach my old classes and I miss my yoga practice , but haven't had the emotional wherewithal to start practicing again ~ Yoga can release lots of emotion ~ So , my friend , who has never done Yoga and really wants to , and I are meeting on Tuesdays at a HORRIBLY early hour of the day and we 're gonna do " Chubby Chick Yoga . " This Yoga form is for we gals who just know that if someone saw us they would say , " Honey , you should NEVER do another down dog again ! " So , in an emotionally safe environment , we 're going to work out , look silly , be silly , stretch , sweat , breath hard and eventually look awesome in a down dog and the best part - we will get healthy again ~ find peace ~ be calmer ~ breathe better ~ and feel amazing . Even though it 's at the crack of dawn ~ I ' m looking forward to this . Anyone care to join us ? 
Ever Have One Of Those Days ? You know the sort of day I mean . Nothing fits , so at 6:00 am you 're standing in your closet having a wardrobe crisis of EPIC proportions , then , when you do finally find something to wear that you don't want to set on fire in the back yard , because it has the nerve not to fit , you spill something on it in the middle of the morning . Then you completely lose track of time so , 10 minutes after you looked at the clock , at 11:17 am , it 's 4:45 and you haven't : A ) Accomplished half of what you set out to do . B ) Don't have time to accomplish what you really want to do and C ) Are too darned tired to care about it either way . Then you arrive home to discover that your evening is about to go just the way your day has . There are another 1,234,536,789,365,000 things to do before you get an opportunity to sit . THEN , when you do manage to do something , it 's wrong and you have to do it all over again . Fortunately , those days end and they are few and far between . The long and short of this is , I missed my treadmill date and my weight training date . I let everything else get in the way and I am not happy about that . I want to say that the day simply got away from me , but if I want to hold myself accountable , I allowed the day to get away from me . I have set up calendar reminders to put working out at the top of my priority list . It 's that , or set all of my clothing that does not fit , on fire in the back yard and , well , I ' m pretty certain there are laws against that ... 
My Husband 's Birthday . This gorgeous guy turned 45 today ! And I ' m lucky enough to be married to him ! We celebrated quietly and with a great meal followed up with an amazing chocolate cake . I have found that sustaining this major diet shift in my life is not difficult - at least not as difficult as I thought it would be . With the right tools ( the Fit Day . com tool and the info from Chris O ) I am able to almost seamlessly incorporate what I need to do into every circumstance . I won't say this is completely easy when I spot that new container of ice cream in the freezer and I have already accomplished a perfect pie chart before going to bed . It SCREAMS to me from the kitchen and I LOVE to eat ice cream cones in bed while reading ~ a joy left over from childhood that I used to indulge frequently before this madness . I can't do that anymore . At least not as spontaneously . I have to plan for it and make room in my diet day to allow it . On a day when I am carb and fat low I can indulge ~ that may not be the very best choice to regain that balance - but I call it soul food . It is the nourishment of the soul - those little joys remembered from childhood and indulged that often sustain us on a difficult or new path . And don't we all need that comfort from time to time ? I think it 's better to be on a plan that works and allows you to have that as well . Balance ... interesting ... in everything I am doing relative to this diet it 's all about balance and things in proper proportion . What an analogy for lfe , huh ? Enough of this - My wonderful husband turned 45 today and we celebrated with CAKE ! 
I just had pizza and chicken wings and I still have a perfect pie chart ! I have taken in over 2,000 calories today ( a record ) but they are balanced calories and I have this great warm from the inside out feeling like my system is in overdrive and actually burning things up as I eat them . Chris told me not to worry about overeating when I am eating 10 or more grams or protien every three hours . The protein and fats ( fats in this context are NOT a bad thing ) work differently with your body and you stay fuller on less food . I am not overly full , although I was very hungry when I sat down to dinner . If it is genuine hunger I am told to heed my body 's signal that it needs fuel . This was REAL hunger and I ate what I wanted ~ in a balanced way ( always consulting the pie chart before eating ) and I am headed for bed 4 lbs lighter than I was 10 days ago , a tummy full of pizza and a perfect pie chart ! Life is good ! 
AARRHGG !! I didn't make it for weight training today . It is a fact of life that life often gets in the way . On the upside , we got a delivery today that was at the bottom of the BIG ramp that I hauled up . I ' m not talking about 1 or two light boxes . I ' m talking about 8 HUGE , HEAVY as all get out boxes being hauled up a HUGE ramp on a hand truck with FLAT TIRES !!!! about 100 lbs in 90 degree heat - Yeah , I felt like " my body got attacked by a bear , " as Chris puts it , when I was finished . Sweaty , shaking , panting ..... That doesn't make up for not weight training , but I will do it tomorrow and then treadmill on Monday . In the meantime - like the cartoon depicts - the big , hairy beast tapping me on the shoulder reminding me that there is something left for me to accomplish . I won't get anywhere by procrastinating .... Darn ! 
Somedays you 're just NOT in the mood ! Oh my goodness I did not want to stay on that treadmill today ! My shins were screaming 1 minute into it and I had to lower the 7.0 incline to 5.0 - Stayed at a steady 4.3 mph though . I managed - barely - to break my calorie burn in the same amount of time , of yesterday . Yesterday was 178 , today was 182 and THAT was tough ! Doing the math in my head as the timer counted down to 20 minutes I realized I had 27 more calories to go to just break even . I took the speed up to 4.7 and went to an 8.0 incline , held on and wished for death ..... That was no fun . But I did it . Now I am really proud of myself . Tomorrow I start weight training and I get to take a day off of the treadmill . Time to start putting on that " fast 5 lbs of muscle ! " as Chris puts it . Muscle needs more fuel on a 24 hour basis than anything else - I can easily tolerate the idea of building a bit more muscle ( read : any muscle at all ! ) and burn more calories in my sleep ! In the meantime - I have to go eat some cottage cheese ..... 
A Love / Hate Relationship . Today , I am in love ! Got on the scale this morning to find I have lost another half a pound ! Now , that may not seem all that fantastic , but after 5 months of nothing but gain ~ I ' ll take that half pound loss and love it and squeeze it and enjoy it for a long time ! Chris tells me to do things that don't make much sense to me sometimes but , I trust him and his knowledge and it 's working so I ' ll keep doing it . It was funny - With Jason and Chris in Chris ' office , around 4:00 Tuesday afternoon , I jumped on the scale and was the heaviest I ' d ever been .... INSTANT depression ! Then the two of them said at almost the exact same moment , NEVER weight yourself at the end of a day - you can gain five pounds by the end of the day just in undigested food and the way you 're eating it 's easy 5 pounds ! Well , okay then ! I ' m 4 pounds down since July 4 th when I started this . 4 pounds in 9 days . Now , Chris says much of it is actually water weight , but whatever it 's consistency - it 's coming off and I ' m feeling better . I have a goal to reach by September 10 . I want to weigh 130 lbs by then . I don't know if that 's possible , but that 's what I ' m going for . At 42 with all of the metabolic challenges I have I am not going to torture myself with forcing my body to do what it no longer can . The unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves , ( AND , let 's not forget those HORRIBLE expectations placed on women by the media and fitness industry to meet some impossible stereotype ) is not only damaging to ourselves , but to the young women on whose lives we have an impact . That screaming desire to be " THIN " rather than healthy destroys good , solid self esteem and good , solid , healthy bodies . I want to be completey healthy again . I ' m not completely healthy now . 
I Set My Sights TOO High ! Off the treadmill ! 178 calories burned going at a 7.0 incline at 4.3 mph for 20 minutes . Tomorrow I have to burn more calories . That 's the goal - burn more calories everyday . Not because it 's more calories burned - although that is good - but because it means I am able to do more everyday . I am pushing myself everyday , improving ~ everyday . I need to gain as much ground as I have lost . I can't do it as fast and be healthy ( doesn't it stink how you can go downhill so fast but it takes FOREVER to get back where you were or to where you want to be ? AND 45 times the effort ! ) I ' m going to limp down the stairs because in addition to wearing a backside that does not belong to me , someone has replaced my legs with these spongy , rubber things that don't walk very well - especially upstairs at the moment . Really , though , the offer stands , anyone want to join me on the tredmill everyday at 3:00 ? 
Skirts and other articles of clothing ..... I ' ve purchased many new items of clothing over the last 5 months . Not because I wanted to , but because I could not fit , in any way , the size 6 and 8 's that hung in the closet . I have always said my vanity could not abide being in the " double digits " and here I am - a solid size 12 - depending on the style of clothing . In a fit of frustration and pseudo resignation I donated most of my smaller size clothing and said , " Well , I will just have to learn to love me this way . " There 's a lesson in that . I am still the same stubborn , empathetic , pluckish person I was when I weighed 125 . My feelings of self disparagement come not from faults of character , but from the utter lack of control I have over my body at the moment . In my greatest moment of frustration I threw up my hands and gave up every bit of control I could exercise and just let fate and my lack of metabolic function do what it would . A choice to be certain , but was it the best choice ? No , not for me . I am entirely too stubborn for that . The best conversation I have had about this chaos was not with my doctors - it was with Chris Ostrander , our Director of Fitness . In controlling what I eat - how often I eat it and the ratios in which I eat - my body has no choice but to not only stop gaining weight , but to lose weight . I ' m not on a fad , it 's not a gimmick , it takes real work and determination and I won't ever outgrow it ~ IT IS a genuine lifestyle change and I would not be able to accomplish it without his extensive knowledge bank . So now it 's the treadmill everyday at 3:00 with my son and my task is to burn more calories everyday . So - for my 3:00 treadmill date with my son I will track the calories burned in 20 minutes , using the same treadmill at the same elevation and then tomorrow I will burn more calories in the same amount of time on the same treadmill at the same elevation until we have to reconfigure it so my body doesn't get used to what I ' m doing . I am also going to start some weight training to , " Put on a fast 5 pounds of muscle , " so my metabolism is running hotter while I sit around blogging . 
Oh Good GRIEF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay - I used to run , bike , and think a 90 minute Ashtanga Yoga practice was a walk in the park . I got on the treadmill today for the first time in forever ! Oh Good GRIEF !!!!!!!!!!! I walked with my son , Christopher and he held pace with me for 35 minutes . With the headphones on and my " Treadmill Mix " playing I set the silly thing on a 7.0 incline and started at 3.0 mph , second song 3.5 , third , fourth and fifth song ramped up to 4.5 mph ( all going UP hill ) [ yes , there are moments when I question my sanity ] . Sixth song , BLISS ! back down to 3.5 , one more WHAMO ! song at 4.5 , then a warm down . Now , I ' m back at my desk with water wondering when this will feel easy . I remember when I first started practicing yoga and a true triangle posture was SOOOO difficult . After a little while it became easy . It 's the beginning that 's the hardest . When I don't feel great , when I think that nothing will make a difference so , why bother ? Or I just don't feel up to it . It gets better . Today was difficult . Going out into the cardio area in these workout clothes that used to fit me so well but now , well , the back of them looks like two pigs fighting in a pillowcase . I don't know whose backside I ' m wearing , but it doesn't fit so well into my yoga pants anymore ! My son helped . He called me on the phone and said , " So , we 're on for the treadmill at 3 , right ? " Who can back out of that ? Especially when I pound into him the importance of keeping your word . Maybe that 's the key - at least for me . If I make a promise - I have to keep it . My son and I have a standing date with the treadmill and each other every day at 3:00 for a minimum of 30 minutes . Anyone want to join us ? 
Okay - the most difficult thing about eating every three hours isn't getting the protein - it 's remembering to take the cottage cheese containers home at the end of the day ! And how come I can't ever find a spoon ? ! Half a pound up today but I am not disturbed by that - I ' m starting to fluctuate weight again which is , finally , normal . Normal I can live with ... well in this case - typically I would avoid " normal " like it was the plague ! 
The link to my Fit Day Account . http : // www . fitday . com / Web Fit / Public Journals . html ? Owner = Laurakate AFeel free to see the way this program works . I ' m off to bed now after drinking my glass of milk to get my ratios right . Night all ! 
Wow , finished entering the data into Fit Day . com and it is always such a satisfying feeling to see as near perfect pie chart as I can manage . Finally , I feel as if I have some control over my body ! It has been so long . I took such satisfaction is controling my body . In the practice of yoga it is control from the inside out . Willing my frame , muscles , tendons to move , sustain weight and stretch beyond that which would normally be expected ~ to move so far from that into this , what I feel I have become and so very uncomfortable in my skin .... it 's made me sad . This reclaiming of control , however , is a wonderful and inspiring thing . I have learned more about my physiology in 7 days than in twenty years as a yogi . Incredible . What an amazing journey . I feel hopeful . For the first time in what seems a very long time ~ I feel hopeful . Tomorrow starts the treadmill ..... What 's the saying ? " A journey of a thousand miles .... begins with a broken fan belt ? " No , that 's not it .... something about a first step .... Sorry ... hard to stay so serious in the face of having lost 3.5 pounds ! 
Question . Is calling someone , that you barely know , just for their msn weird ? ............... So far , a couple of my friends have said no , but do I trust only two peoples opinion 's ? Since not every ones the same . I trust my friends , and I value their opinion 's , but theirs always doubt . ...................... Maybe I should just trust more , and not act so shy , or at least act without thinking for once . To not dwell on the past , nor regret the past or present . - Lisa Collide . 
Hi . I ' m Lisa . And this is my first blog . I live in a somewhat small town in Canada , with a suprisingly large population . I go to a fairly normal high school where its absolutly crowded . I would proabably get bumped into about five times a day , and if people aren't bumping into me their trying to trip me . It 's no surprise when me and my friends walk by a group thats abviously drunk , creeps or high . It 's sad though . I mean what a waste of life . It sickens me to know how many people are dying from drugs , smoking , being murdered and alchohol overdose . One of my friends just recently got back from Las Vegas , and this cab driver told them that only two people where killed that weekend . So it wasn't that bad . They have banned rap concerts there , because of a Nelly concert there last year wherere six people where killed and a security gaurd was shot in the head . It 's just not right . Now I ' m not one of those people who is obsessed with world peace , but what this world is becoming to is just wrong . I went to whistler the other day with my friends and on the way back I was listening to my i - pod while watching the beautiful scenery go by and I just started to think about how the world can be so beautiful . The water falls , the lakes , the mountains , the trees , the bodies of water its all great . Just until theres a murder , or some death right under it . Nothing to Lose . 
Open for Business . Here 's the first photos of our 3 rd restaurant in Dubai . This is the biggest restaurant we opened and it took almost 4 months to complete . It 's located in a shopping mall where there are lots of European / Asian / American expatriates . We ' ve been open for 5 days and already we 're doing much more than expected . : ) The best news is that we may be signing our very first franchise in Abu Dhabi ! If this happens , we 're planning to franchise our business throughout the Gulf , Aisa and the Americas . I ' ve never dreamed that little SUMO would become so successful and branch out worldwide , but we ' ll do it and we ' ll do it in style ! : ) I ' m so proud of my husband , brother , sister - in - law for all their hard work . It is truly a family business where we work together to make things happen ( ok , besides all the arguments here and there ) The official opening of SUMO in Town Centre is on the 25 th July and there is much work to be done . Here 's sample of our upcoming marketing campaign . 
They made it to Syria ! Here 's the latest update on Youssef 's family in Beirut . They all made it safely to Syria ( whew ) . They left at 5 am on a Friday morning and arrived 5 hours later at the border and called us to say they were safe . We still have family in Beirut who are not ready to leave and will wait a bit longer . But Youssef feels much better knowing his Mom is fine and in a safe place . They found a 3 bedroom villa with rent around 50 USD per day and I believe Youssef is taking care of the costs since they have no job , home and money at the moment . No one knows how long the crisis in Lebanon will last . I hope not long , the country was just rebuilding itself and I just visited in March . Today we are going grocery shopping for milk , tents , canned goods and blankets . These will be given to the American University in Dubai and they are shipping them all to Beirut and Syria for people who are now refugees . I ' m still praying for an end to all this bloodshed . 
Our Birdy Dies . I was in the kitchen this morning ( 11:30 am ) making a cup of tea when I noticed the bird cage was missing . So I looked outside and found the cage without the bird . Unfortunately , it was 43 degrees by then and our canary ( 7 years old ) was hundled in the corner , not breathing . I felt so bad because he was directly under the sun , no shade whatsoever . I called Youssef and told him what happened , he felt so bad . Birdy looks so peaceful though and I put him in one of my paper mache boxes and we ' ll going to bury him tonight . Feel so bad .... 
Get us Out ! After heavy bombing last night , Youssef 's sister 's and mother decided they will go to Syria . They are scared and worried since the situation in Beirut gets worse . One of the biggest worries we have is that Israel have started hitting the borders and many people are getting killed while trying to flee the country . Tomorrow is Friday and we are hoping nothing will happen while they drive to the border . There are 8 of them , his sister and 2 sons , his mom , his brother - in - law and their 3 kids . His other 2 sisters are here with us in Dubai . Many Lebanese people here in Dubai are gathering water , food , clothes for those stranded in Beirut . Many can't leave because they have no money . We are also planning to collect goods to send to Beirut from our restaurant . We hope they will be safe on their way to Syria . 
Miss me dogs . Its been a week that my dogs have been in the kennel . I wish they were here now , bugging me for bisquits and running after the birds outside . Youssef 's family leaves soon and they ' ll be back home again . 
Training camp . Ah , yes , finally it s starting ! Football ! First day practising in pads today . * dances a silly dance * It is wayyyy too early for me to start making theoretically intelligent comments on what the team looks like and how I think they ll do ( 10 6 ) ( bahahahaha ) , or for anyone else to be doing so , for that matter , but that never stopped a football pundit . I have questions big questions about Mc Nabb ; however , we have a new O coordinator ( former assistant head coach Morhinweg ) and perhaps he ll bring sanity back to the play selection this year , make the guy more comfortable , or at least reasonably effective back there . Maybe , maybe I can work up a slew of maybes . Maybe Correll Buckhalter will make it the full season Maybe Todd Pinkston well , maybe . Maybe last season was a fluke and the D won t suck again this year . And maybe I ll save it until I ve had a chance to pour over some training camp reports and whatnot . Short run this morning , 3 miles at what turned out to be marathon pace . I was surprised at that ; I felt a little tired and slow . Guess not . Not that my pace is blistering , just another good example of how I have no friggin clue re fast vs . pace vs . slow . Bleh . 6 mile run tomorrow , then a day of field work . And now , off to karate . 
You callin ' me crazy ? There s this series of workouts out there called Turbo Jam . I m flat out not interested in it , as the workout style is described as a combination of kickboxing and dance , bit of an oxymoron in my book ( nevermind the word dance is a bit of a deal killer for me in most cases ) , but it s popular enough . Anyway , one of the product claims is that you can burn up to 1000 calories doing one of the workouts . I think that s feasible , possibly , if you weight a lot more than I do and really go at it . But if it s possible for someone MY size to actually burn 1000 calories in less than an hour , I did it last night . Brown belt J taught class . J apparently studied under Marquis de Sade in a former life . ( He is an excellent karateka who hopes to open his own school one day . You are forewarned . ) We started innocuously enough , doing a warm - up that didn t include his notorious plank work . That should have been a warning sign . We went into leg drills , then did nonstop kata until everyone was nearly tanked out , then repeated the leg drills ( as a bit of a breather ) , and finished with yes more kata . I came out happily spent . Slept like a rock last night . The only casualty of the night was my right index ( ? ) toe . During one particularly crowded kata , M stepped on my foot and it was probably hyperextended . I don t think it s broken and it didn t bother me at all when I ran this morning , but it s a LOVELY shade of purple . The bruising is kinda fascinating to look at , too . I m half tempted to take and post a picture of it . Nah . I ll spare ya . Today was a slightly longer mid - week run , 6.3 miles . I was a bit tired from last night ( ya think ? ) but incorporated the hills anyway because I d planned the route earlier in the week and just couldn't be arsed to expend the mental energy to change it . Heh . Had a good run and finished feeling pretty strong , but I m tired tonight , and really , really happy I have the evening off . Or , sorta off . Had to run out after work to finish birthday present shopping for my nephew J , who will be three three !!!! this weekend . We ll be heading up on Friday for the occasion . I got him an assortment of things and also picked up a toy for M. I believe our plan is to go up Friday and come home Sunday . My BIL s family is coming Sunday , so we will spend minimal time with them . We don t necessarily clash , per se , but they are only slightly more fun and less whacked than my ex in - laws . I wonder if , by definition , all in - laws are whacked ? Which means , by extension Nawww , couldn t be . ; ) . 
Pardon me whilst I sweat . I suppose I would be remiss in not mentioning that it s bleedin hot out . Yeah , when you wake up and it s 80 degrees ( at , like , before 6 am ) , one might say it s a tad warm . But , training goes on . Sunday was what passed for a long run on recovery week . It was meant to be a slightly over six mile run and was probably closer to 6 , as I made a few wrong turns . Hey , at least I was in a pretty park and not downtown Camden Yesterday began week 4 ( already ?? ) with a cross training day . I didn t have time before work for yoga ( had to be in North Jersey for field work ) so I thought I d do something after work . Somehow I couldn t face putting on a video and following instruction , so I grabbed the kettlebell and workbook and did some swings ( one and two handed ) and an honest set or two of whatever struck my fancy . Worked for about half an hour , then went to karate . Short run this morning , 3 1 / 3 miles . Without any design or intention , I was spot on marathon pace . SPOT on . Go figure . I wasn t going to mention this because I do tend to change my mind fairly often about such things , but I m having vague notions of NOT rushing back to the gym once I ve recovered from the marathon , but rather of overwintering doing mainly yoga and kettlebell workouts . For whatever reason , that combination sounds good to me . I know , it s four , five months away and I have plenty of time to come up with 100 more plans , but if someone were to ask me today what I ll be doing in December , that d be it . Wrist is still bothering me a bit . I wondered at the time , and I m wondering now if there was a break and it was just too small to see on the x - ray . For the most part , it just bothers me when I put weight on a flat palm ( knuckle pushups are OK , regular pushups are doable but painful ; some yoga moves are doable but painful and some are just a flat no go ) . There is still some swelling , as well . I don t know why I m complaining , since the last thing I want is a cast or some such shit . Guess I m just annoyed because I expected this to be done with by now . Oh well , at least it s not getting any worse . 
Pace ? What pace ? Remember the many times I said I didn t have a really good handle on running pace ? Well , now I have scientific proof of my cluelessness . Today was to be a five mile pace run , meaning a run done at the pace you expect to run the marathon . For me that means a 9 minute mile , which would squeak me in at just under four hours . ( Realistically , I should probably shoot for a slightly faster pace to give myself a leetle more room for error , water , gu , whatever , but for the moment , that s neither here nor there . ) So last night I broke my run down into one mile segments and memorized the milestones . Due to the vagaries of Streets and Trips , I figured I d be a bit off here and there and I was , but again , not enough to really concern me at the moment , as I erred on the cautious side , with most of the segments being slightly over a mile and one being a hair more than slightly over . Oops . So , the splits : Mile 1 : 8:53 I just launched into things with no warm up to speak of . So , sue me . If I d have kept this pace through the whole run , I would have nearly perfectly achieved my goal . Mile 2 : 8:34 Hello ! Faster than I meant to go . Ease down , Speed Racer ! Mile 3 : 8:48 Better . Mile 4 : 9:11 What the hell ? Didn t know it at the time , but I was off on this segment and it was more than a mile , possibly 1.1 miles . Nonetheless , it was a rude number to see so I kicked in and Mile 5 : 8:27 OK , so I finished strong . One would be fair in noting that I have some work to do in the speedometer department . Went on to karate and we did do a fairly decent class , more than I expected considering how many people had to test / pretest . I did hang and watch that . Those of use who are able to make the trip are getting pretty excited about going up to NY for training with Sensei T ( head of the school ) in two weeks . I ve only trained with him once before , three weeks after I started , so I knew next to nothing at the time . ( Not that I m miss karate now ; but I think I knew all of one kata at that point , and did it rather poorly . ) Sports stuff : Barbaro seems to be doing pretty well . He s had a couple of good nights and I can now officially turn on the radio without fear . Things can go bad again quickly , but for now , the situation seems less dire . I finally saw video of that soccer head butt controversy . Hahahaha , BOOM ! Totally decleated the guy . Yeah , yeah , totally inappropriate and all that bullshit . And that probably would have been a fifteen yard penalty in real football . And I guess the head butter was some kind of star player who wasn t able to do the penalty kick thing and his team lost . Whatever . The hit rocked . \ m / . 
Avoidance . It s one of those days when I m afraid to turn on the news , afraid to look at news websites , even accidentally . I m just waiting for them to tell us they put Barbaro down , now that he s foundered in the left hind . Yeesh . Poor guy . I read the transcript of yesterday s press conference and it s obvious that everyone involved is trying to do right by the horse , but aside from the initial surgery not going well , this is just about as serious a complication as you could expect and fear . ( A PDF of the transcript is here if you re interested . ) I hope he pulls through . I don t know what else to say or think . He s going to do well or he isn t . The horse business is rough on the critters , but it s also rough on anyone who cares about them . They re big and strong , but so fragile . When I lose perspective a bit , I recall that they are , essentially , prey ( as opposed to predator ) . If a wild horse sustained a serious leg injury or foundered , he d be some other critter s dinner . They just can t , on their own , compensate for these types of conditions . Wow , too deep for a Friday morning . Training continues to go well . I did my usual Thursday run ( bit over 3 1 / 2 miles ) yesterday at a fairly easy pace . My legs were a bit sore from the kettlebell stuff I did on Wednesday night . Damn , you can work up quite a sweat with one of those puppies in short order ! Last night was WSD ; bit of a better class than it has been . C stayed and played , which was cool . Regular class was good , lots of kata and some sparring . My kata , I think , are actually starting to look like something . J stayed after and worked with me a bit , then E and I stayed and worked through a couple of things as well . Sooo , it was a long night . I was whupped and actually accidentally slept in this morning until 6:15 ( !!! ) ; I needed that . I will probably do some stretching after work and maybe this tranquility yoga practise this evening ; we ll see . Hey , it s rest day . I don t feel obligated to do much of anything . Off for a site inspection . 
Chugging along . If you ever want to screw a close relative , buy some number of properties with environmental issues ( former gasoline stations work well ) , spend yourself bankrupt , and die intestate . Mmm mmm mmm . You WILL drive some poor court appointed attorney crazy ; to the good , he or she will presumably be paid for his or her efforts . But you will definitely fuck over your loved one . I spend a couple of hours yesterday on a job with the fucked over one . Older brother of a guy with a gas station he ran into the ground , plus additional properties former , although not current , gas stations with old tanks in the ground that no one wants to touch . The deceased took out a second mortgage on his mother s home that was in default , used his mother s credit cards after she died and never paid the bills , spend down HER estate , and was essentially bankrupt when he died , so there s no money in the estate . Result : A freaking mess . Training is going well . This is a step back week , so I ve been taking it fairly easy on the runs , doing the mileage but not pushing the pace . I ve appreciated the break because the humidity is back and today s run in particular would have been really unpleasant had I cranked it up ( never fear , it IS summer and I will have my share of nasty runs ) . Tonight is a non - karate night so I m planning to play with the kettlebell for a brief spell , then get back on the LSAT books ( topic for another day ) . Last night s class was good , mostly kata and the standard right side / left side attacks / defenses . Seems just about everyone who was there except me is testing or pre - testing on Saturday . * sniff * Although I ' d like to show support for everyone , I m considering not going to class , since the tests and pretests will take up the bulk of the class and I ' ll mostly be sitting on my butt . Eh , cross that bridge on Saturday . Knowing me , I ' ll go on general principles . Sports : Barbaro is having a rough time more surgery on the bad leg over the weekend , and it sounds like he has an abscess in the good hind foot ( could be worse , but unpleasant enough ) . I m hoping the horse does well , obviously , but it s still one of those cases where I wish people better appreciated the larger picture . Most any other horse with this injury would be dead and forgotten by now . Not Barbaro s fault he has wealthy owners , but it does , or should , highlight the cruel realities of the racing industry . We anthromorphize the best of them ; the rest are commodities . TO has ( another ? missed the first ) book out , called , um , TO . I heard an ESPN commentator discussing it on radio yesterday morning , and he recommended it to all Eagles fans as a way to see TO s side of things . I suppose he has a point , and since he ( the ESPN guy ) does have a pretty good feel for the Igs and the locker room going s on , it s a recommendation I can t quite dismiss out of hand . So I looked the book up on amazon , hoping to catch it for , like , a penny on the marketplace . Guess I ll have to wait another week or so for that . But I did catch a couple of hilarious reviews . To wit : Yes TO can be immature , childish , selfish , ignorant , dumb , knee - jerk , self - important , churlish , mercurial , supercilious , ill - tempered , self - loathing , frail , shy , cry - babyish , infantile , puerile , etc. , but he 's also despicable , unpleasant , disloyal , ignoble , shameful and doe - eyed . You tell it , brother . 
aku insan kerdil . dah 2 hari aku tak update Blog ..25 / 07 / 06 kesedihan melanda mendengar kematian mengejut Allahyarham Hani Mohsin . Sedih bertambah 2 biler melihat anak perempuan Arwah . Alfatihah .26 / 07 / 06 Lunch tadik aku masih survey lagi Nursery unt Amar Amsyar .. aku pergi 2 tempat di Serdang Raya , 1 tu puas aku panggil , sorang kelibat pun tak muncul , pintu terbukak .. tak ndak business agaknya . 1 lagi plak , cam takndak menerima jer anak aku , aku sedar , aku paham , aku maklum , anak aku tu ada kurang 1 angota tetapi aku nak bagitau korang sumer , amar amsyar terlalu istimewa bagi kami sekelurga , insya Allah aku akan berkorban apa saja unt nya . Cuti yang aku apply on 31 / 07 & 01 / 08 , masih blum approve .. supervisor tidur ke ape aku tak pasti atau mungkin dia nak pedajal aku , almaklum aku ni staff yg banyak buat dia pening ... tapi aku tetap aku , tak kaco org , aku mohon pada Allah kalo dah rezeki aku , rezeki aku la .. juga permohonan aku nak dapatkan individual weekly report punnnn tak diendahkan ... juga aku nak dia rescedule lunch break aku dr 2 pm instead of at 1 pm and balik opis semula 11 / 2 hr later , aku kena fetch anak aku dr tadika dia di Brickfield dan send him home ... ko tak paham ke atau ko kena dapat ahli keluarga camtu baru ko maklum keperitan yg dilalui . Oh yea hari ini Rabu , 26 / 07 / 06 bersamaan dgn 1 Rejab , alhamdulillah dapat aku puasa hari .. bersambung - . 
Langsir Appreciation Tokens to Pn Ann , Melur 01 , Kak Hannah dan Iman _ Baby . BLINDS 1 ) ROMAN BLINDS = guna rail Khas , 1 kaki rail RM 27 - RM 32 / kaki >>> untuk jimat kos , sediakan sekeping kayu , skru dawai langsir dan tali , hasilnya tetap sama dengan rail Ori 2 ) AUSTRIAN BLINDS 3 ) LONDON BLINDS 4 ) FAN BLINDS 5 ) BALOON BLINDSSmart Tips for Window Decor ; 1 ) Examine your space - keluasan ruang tamu , dapur , bilik tidur etc.2 ) Color decorations 3 ) patern 4 ) texture - materials etc. these are the most important elements used to coordinate window treatments with interiors . " A good general rule is to match the style of the window treatment with the style of the interior " . Kesilapan kita dalam menghias rumah ialah tidak ketahui konsep hiasan bagaimana yang kita kehendaki .. teknik hiasan ini tidak seiring dan hasilnya hiasan rumah tidak menarik .. Jika kita pilih konsep hiasan English Style .. maka teknik Window Decor or Curtains .. sesuai corak berbunga , lace , sheers .. patern beropol , goblet , tri - pleat dan to - pleated or box pleated ... Scallop or swangs lebih sesuai dengan konsep Royal or Traditional look or classic .. Tab - tobs ~ sebenarnya untuk bahagian ruang dining / kitchen and bathroom .. masalahnya ramai yang tersilap teknik hiasan dengan kenakan untuk ruang tamu ... Blinds ~ sesuai sekiranya window mengadap cahaya matahari terbit dan untuk elakkan bahang panas ... Semua kriteria diatas , amat penting untuk kita fikirkan agar hiasan dalaman rumah nampak menarik ... PANDUAN JAHITAN LANGSIR BOX PLEATDefinasi Pleat bermaksud " lipatan " dan terdapat pelbagai teknik lipatan untuk membentuk kepala langsir . Paten langsir ini dikenali sebagai " box pleat " kerana teknik lipatan seperti kotak . Terdapat dua kaedah jahitan langsir Box Pleat ; Bahagian bawah dan kepala langsir diasingkan . Perlu dicantum ketika jahit . Hanya bahagian bawah sahaja yang berlipat . Kaedah ini TIDAK terserlah keindahan paten langsir box pleat . Jika diamati seolah sama saja kain langsir . Teknik diatas ialah bahagian atas dan bawah dilipat bersama ( tiada pengasingan kain ) ketika dijahit . Paten ini lebih menarik dan menyerlah teknik lipatan kepala langsir . Teknik @ Paten langsir Box Pleat ini adalah asas . Dari paten ini , ianya boleh di pelbagaikan teknik dan kaedah jahitan untuk paten - paten langsir yang lain . Paten langsir Box Pleat Smocking PANDUAN JAHITAN LANGSIRAnda harus membuat pilihan paten langsir yang mana satu anda hendak jahit ; ( 1 ) Hanya bahagian bawah sahaja berpleat . ATAU ( 2 ) Bahagian atas dan bawah dilipat sekali . Jika Kaedah ( 1 ) Dapatkan Ukuran panjang rail . Ukuran Pita adalah sama dengan Ukuran panjang rail . Jika Kaedah ( 2 ) Ukuran Pita adalah sama jumlah keseluruhan kain . Gunting kain Panjang rail dan Lebar 8 inci . Jahit Pita Keras saiz 3.5 inci @ 4 inci . Jahit suku sahaja pita keras dibahagian atas langsir . Setelah siap jahit Pita Keras , terbalikkan bahagian dalam dan jahit Pita Jalur ( Pita Biasa ) di bahagian depan kain langsir . Dah siap , asingkan dulu bahagian kepala langsir . Formula Kain Langsir Box Pleat Panjang Rail x 3 = Jumlah Keseluruhan kain . Untuk ketahui Jumlah meter kain ; Jumlah Keseluruhan kain bahagi 39 inci = Jumlah Meter Kain 1 meter bersamaan 39 inci Basi Kelim Kiri dan Kanan Kiri ~ 3 inci Kanan ~ 3 inci Basi Kelim Bawah Kebiasaannya jahit zigzag halus . Jika boleh , ambil kain memanjang . BUKAN ikut bidang kain . Dah gunting kain , tandakan 2 inci sehingga habis . Dan lipat kain selisih bertindih . Lakukan teknik lipatan sehingga habis . Saiz lipatan siap box pleat ialah 4 inci . Setelah siap , cantumkan bahagian kepala langsir dengan bahagian bawah langsir . Jahit kiri dan kanan , barulah terbalikkan . Setelah siap , jahit bahagian bawah ( kepala langsir ) . 
Nightly Musings . The other night , my sisters and I were commemorating the funny sayings we had heard recently and these were tops . Me ( Grace ) to Connie : You know Connie , I feel so sorry for you . I mean , in the morning , when the alarm rings I just get to keep sleeping , whereas you have to kill yourself running across the room to turn it off before you can go BACK to sleep . My IBD ( investors business daily ) quote for the day : What do you do with someone who has everything but wants more ? ( This couldn t be me of course ! ) I thought it was about time for me to write my first post ... 
The Goodridges have my everlasting gratitude ; and now let 's leave them alone . Bay Windows reports that the Goodridges have separated . It sounds like Bay Windows and the family 's spokesperson are handling this really respectfully , and I wish the family peace in sorting out whatever it is that they 're going through . But I ' m bothered that it made the news at all . No , I don't mean I ' m bothered that Bay Windows did a tasteful pieces on the personal lives of a couple of people who put themselves in the public eye . I ' m bothered that I even know who the Goodridges are in the first place . I ' m bothered that they even had to make the choice to risk having their personal lives in the spotlight . I ' m bothered that this wholesome family and their beautiful child have had to become tokens in order to have the right to live a very ordinary life . I ' m bothered that any couple has ever had to do anything beyond paying the $ 50 and filling out the form in order to be married and have financial and legal security for their families . I ' m bothered by the idea of there being even one person out there for whom it isn't just common sense to allow any consenting couple to have equal rights to marriage . This reminds me of Permission , a winner from the Media That Matters Film Festival , which you can watch here on Google video . It 's a little over a minute long and shouldn't require any plugins or anything to view . 
Bay Area Reporter misquotes eeka . This article about the pros and cons of continuing to have domestic partner systems quotes me throughout . The direct quotes are all things I said , and the article is pretty nicely done overall . Just to clarify , I definitely didn't say I think it 's fair for the Boston Globe to stop providing domestic partnernship benefits . I said quite the opposite regarding entire companies taking away domestic partner benefits . I did say something during the interview about how I don't think it 's particularly fair for couples who can marry to do things like get domestic partner health insurance at work but then use " single " status in order to get low - income status . Couples in different - sex marriages don't have that right to have it both ways . I absolutely think the Globe ( and every other company ) needs to continue providing domestic partner coverage until all people are allowed to marry . I did point out that marriage isn't an option for everyone , since a person in the military can be discharged and require to pay back their education costs for marrying a person of the same sex . Same thing with someone who works for an organization such as the Boy Scouts , where they can legally be fired if they marry . I do think that domestic partner benefits aren't necessary for different - sex couples , because they have the option of legally marrying . 
Uncommon Goods means well ; doesn't get it . I wrote an e - mail to Uncommon Goods , telling them that I love their store -- particularly the recycled and artisan items from around the world , but that I wish their " weddings " section also reflected diversity by offering items meant for same - sex couples . I received a very nice , prompt e - mail from Meya Affotey , explaining that many of their wedding items are , in fact , appropriate for same - sex couples . She gave example of how the Bride / Groom pillowcases can be ordered in sets of two men or two women . Wait , what ? The description of these pillowcases reads : " Claim your side of the bed with this matching pillowcase set . The stick figures of a bouquet - holding bride and a bow - tied groom will keep him from dozing or drooling on your pillow ... " Clearly , this doesn't work when one receives a gift of two identical " bride " pillowcases . This doesn't exactly indicate whose side of the bed is whose , now does it ? While the pillowcases can in fact be purchased in this manner , it 's pretty pointless to do so . If they offered personalization options in terms of hair style , body type , skin tone , accessories , etc. ( like cake toppers and other figurines tend to ) this could potentially be an appropriate gift for a same - sex couple , but the way they 're selling it , it would be an ironic gift at best . She suggested a similar gift , a set of " Mr. " and " Mrs. " towels with similar images and a similar description regarding how the towels show whose is whose . Again , doesn't work . Also , " Mr. " and " Mrs. " are rarely used by same - sex couples , and are even offensive to many . She also gave the example of the man / woman keyrings , which can be ordered in sets of two men or two women : " the ever - recognizable man and woman silhouettes keep key confusion from becoming a battle of the sexes . " Not in our household , they wouldn't . Again , pointless . In addition to the man / woman " sets , " they also sell a few wedding gifts that absolutely only work for different - sex couples , such as prints of male / female imagery . There are also a few neutral wedding gifts such as candlesticks and wine glasses without wedding - specific imagery . I sent back another e - mail , quoting from the descriptions of the items and pointing out how the descriptions clearly show that the items are meant for different - sex couples and really don't work for same - sex couples . I gave suggestions of items available elsewhere , such as candelabras with man / man and woman / woman imagery ( together on one candelabra ) and various rainbow - themed wedding items , and suggested they might want to add items such as these . I also suggested that they could ask the artists who make the prints of man / woman pairings to make same - sex versions . I explained that a true commitment to diversity would involve items that were specifically chosen with same - sex couples in mind , not different - sex items that a customer was " allowed " to construe to sort - of work for their family . I explained that this would most likely require that there were items in the catalog that would not be applicable to most different - sex couples , just like how there are plenty of items in there that really only apply to one religious or ethnic group . The next reply I received didn't have any new text in it ; just the quoted text of my e - mails and the one reply from them . I wrote back and asked if they had intended to add anything , and got yet another reply without any new text . Hmm , did I break the place ? 
The following people need last names : . Elton John Cary Grant Bill Murray Marlo Thomas Danny Kaye Bea Arthur Neiman Marcus Ulysses Grant Meriwether Lewis William Clark Nancy Drew Loretta Lynn Jimmy Stewart Craig David Mark Loretta Jason Alexander Gloria Stewart George Michael Tom Arnold . 
Proving that truth is stranger than fiction . BENNINGTON , Vt . -- A former teacher at the Career Development Center has been charged with viewing child pornography on a school computer . Alan Baker , 48 , of Shaftsbury denied the charges on Monday . 
Jet Blue is awesome , provided you 're flying during the day . Dear Jet Blue Customer Service , Your redeye flights absolutely SUCK . While I was very happy with my ( daytime ) flight over , I was extremely displeased with the redeye flight . I ' ve flown overnight many times on various airlines , and redeye flights are usually handled much differently than daytime flights . On Jet Blue , the overnight flight seemed basically the same as the daytime flight , except for the part where I really needed to sleep so I could function at work in the morning . On my flight , families with infants and small children were scattered all over the plane -- I ' ve noticed that other redeye flights tend to seat all of the children in one section of the plane , usually near the restroom . One particular family seated behind me had a child who kicked my seat and screeched questions and complaints at her caretaker , who ignored her and read a book all night . Not once did a crewmember approach them to offer the child anything or otherwise hint that this oblivious caretaker was allowing the child to keep people awake . Other passengers kept me awake by watching TV with their low - quality free headsets , which allow the person 's TV to be clearly heard in adjacent rows . I was awakened several times by flight attendants cheerfully listing the entire drink menu and snack menu , then again by rustling chip packages and pop - top soda cans . Most redeye flights I ' ve flown have only had water available upon request , for a reason . There also were no announcements asking people to limit their conversation -- or loud TV viewing , or ignoring of shrieking children -- as I ' ve heard on other overnight flights . I might suggest that if Jet Blue plans to run redeye flights just like daytime flights , there could perhaps be a section of the plane reserved for people who wish to sleep and not be disturbed by other passengers or by food and beverage service . This section could be designated a " quiet section " free from TV viewing , loud conversation , and ignoring of one 's children . Jet Blue allows people to choose sections of the plane based on legroom and other aircraft features -- why not also do this for quiet travel ? This could also be useful on daytime flights for people who wish to work or relax undisturbed and still allow others to socialize or entertain busy children . 
The real reason why the Green Party is dwindling . There 's been commentary on the Green - Rainbow website and elsewhere discussing how the party might not get enough signatures to get on the state ballot this year . I ' ve also heard plenty of talk about an overall dwindling interest in the party . Most folks have chalked this up to people 's belief in the old " problem with third parties , " meaning the thinking that progressive voters need to stick to voting for the lesser of two evils rather than third parties , to prevent electing people like Mitt and Dubya . Others have blamed it on a lack of strong candidates and a lack of publicity . Personally , I blame the party 's recent lack of success on The Insane Guy . Most people who were at the Boston Dyke March this year know who I ' m talking about , as he was particularly irritating on that day . He was hanging out at the Food Not Bombs table at the Dyke March this year ( not sure whether he was officially part of their table or just lurking ) . White guy , about 45 , usually wears a t - shirt and baggy pants . Almost always wears a cap covered in political buttons . Kind of scruffy with long graying hair and a beard . He shows up at most every event and , well , bugs the crap out of people . He 's also frequently seen on the green line trying to talk to strangers . He ' ll approach someone with a greeting such as " do you support the war in Iraq ? " or " how would you like to see a lesbian governor ? " He takes extreme offense at responses such as " uh , I gotta go meet a friend " or " I ' m trying to read here " or ignoring him . He then preaches at people about how their reluctance to talk with him equates with not caring about the community . Much of his yammering centers around discrediting other progressive candidates , usually not very skillfully . " You know Deval Patrick made $ 3.8 million last year . " And ? He also grew up on welfare . Mister Insane Mans doesn't like that angle though , and keeps yammering about how the guy 's income makes him bad . He just doesn't let up . Or say anything very logical . At the Dyke March , he actually followed Molly and me around the grounds , yapping about how we could have a lesbian governor . He didn't say anything else about her platform or experience in the 10 minutes he preached at us . Just " lesbian governor blah blah lesbian blah blah . " Hi , tokenism much ? Yeah , you 're real progressive . Does Grace Ross know about this guy ? Because he 's not doing much for her campaign . If I weren't already knowledgeable about the party , I ' d think they were a bunch of lunatics based on this dude . 
Override Key Disability Vetoes . Romney has vetoed some key funding for folks with disabilities , including $ 1 million in Early Intervention , $ 2 million from the Turning 22 program , and $ 14 from the salaries of folks who care for adults with disabilties -- the caregivers of this population make $ 10.84 an hour . This website will let you send a letter to your legislators easily and quickly . There are also other related issues that you can voice your opinions about with a few clicks . 
Isn't it ironic ... A number of athletes traveling to Canada for Outgames are having trouble getting into the country . The reason ? They have criminal charges in their home countries for being gay . 
Take 60 seconds to help protect marriage equality . On July 12 th , the Constitutional Convention is scheduled to vote on the latest amendment . It is important that our legislators secure marriage equality and move on to other issues critical to our Commonwealth . Please tell your legislators to move on and secure marriage equality . Go here to e - mail your state senators and representatives . 
CAPTION CONTEST . The World Cup is over , which means I no longer have to deal with conversations like this , at least not for a while : Other person : OH MY GOD OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THAT PASS LAST NIGHT DURING THE SECOND HALF AFTER THAT DIRECT FREE KICK ? eeka : You 're talking about soccer , right ? Other person : OH MY GOD OF COURSE I ' M TALKING ABOUT SOCCER YOU OF COURSE SAW IT , RIGHT ? eeka : Um , no . See , because I don't give a rat 's ass about soccer . Other person : * ducks nervously behind the nearest piece of furniture * So , in honor of goddamned soccer being over for now , I ' d like to invite you all to submit captions for this photo , ganked off of Yahoo ! News . The person who submits the caption that I find to be the funniest will win , uh , the caption contest . Yeah . 
There should be a longass German word for ... ... when you 're in public and hear a phone ring , you turn around as a reflex , see the guy with the phone , and can tell just by looking at him that he 's going to answer it " YEL - lo . " And then he totally does . 
Looking for musicians in Boston or elsewhere ? A former Newton Symphony musician just sent me a link to his new site , Gig Matcher . com. The site is still very much in beta but seems to be working great . It allows musicians to create a profile listing geographical area , instruments / voice , union membership , and proficiency level . Other members can then create an event and choose what kind of musicians they 're looking for . The site has sections for San Francisco , Phoenix and Boston so far , but Jeff says he can add any other areas by request . He can also add instruments that aren't listed . Registration is simple and only takes a few minutes . The site is suitable for beginners through professionals and accomodates informal jam sessions , community events , professional positions and anything in between . Gigs can union or non - union ( or nonpaying ) . So , if you 're looking for musicians for anything ( assuming of course that you ' ve already asked me and I can't do it ... ) , check it out . If you 're a musician , go register and help Jeff build his member base . 
The subtle regionalisms are the most interesting . I find it really charming how " auntie " is used in New England as a noun in semi - formal speaking and writing ( he has three aunties ) rather than just a title for a specifc family member ( " Auntie Jane " ) . It especially stands out to me when I see it in writing , such as " Client reports good support system . Has two aunties who live locally and visit him often . " I particularly liked it when I heard it hypothetically today ; someone was talking about a young teenager who lived with her father and wasn't comfortable talking to him about female issues and someone else asked " Does she have an auntie or someone she might talk to ? " Heh . How far south / west does this usage extend ? Is it also common around the NYC area ? Or DC ? What about Ohio and thereabouts ? I definitely know it 's not common usage in the midwest or western states , where it would seem overly familiar to refer to someone 's aunt as an " auntie " without knowing her quite well . ( And why isn't there unclie ? ) . 
Asking people to use more inclusive language is actually effective -- provided the place is a human services organization . A few weeks ago , I wrote an e - mail to the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange about some language use in the photolistings on their site .... I ' ve noticed that some descriptions use language such as " never letting his mental retardation get in his way " or " despite cerebral palsy . " This type of language -- the practice of " glossing over " the disability , if you will -- is considered offensive to a lot of people with disabilities and also fails to give an accurate picture of what the child can and cannot do . ... In general , this also contributes to the ableist mentality that people with disabilities only warrant discussion if the person has " overcome " their disability . Also , I notice that some descriptions do not mention any specific disability , but rather mention , for instance , that an adolescent is making fabulous progress in school , where he is learning to use two - word sentences and write his name . While the strength - based approach is admirable , this child has a disability . To ignore this fact implies that it is taboo to clearly state that the child has a developmental disability -- this is again offensive to this child ( and every other child with a disability ) to not acknowledge his particular needs . ... I received a very nice reply from Dianne Curtin , who agreed that this language should not have found its way into the descriptions and said that it would be revised . She also shared some of the agency 's struggles with trying to portray the children 's strengths and repsect their privacy ( both of which they do beautifully , really ) while also trying to be realistic . Indeed , the same struggles we all face in this work . When we describe someone in a way we would want to be described and the way we describe our friends and family , there 's always someone out there who thinks the lack of pathologizing jargon means we don't have sufficient clinical knowledge . As if respecting someone and understanding someone are somehow opposites , when they really are so intertwined . 
This is the coolest article ever . ... Among 36 female patients who displayed stuffed animals in their rooms , Borderline Personality Disorder was diagnosed in 61 % of these patients . Of 447 adult female patients admitted to the same unit over the same period , only 17 % were noted to be diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder . Stuffed animals as a bedside clinical clue may suggest evaluation for Borderline Personality Disorder . Where can I get funding for this kind of research ? That 's just awesome . 
Gimp hates MBTA . Dear MBTA , Tonight when I got off the train at Roxbury Crossing , the elevator and escalator were both switched off , as they often are . There were no signs indicating an outage . The MBTA elevator hotline , updated 5 minutes before , did not list this station as being out . I called the MBTA police to tell them I was at Roxbury Crossing and the elevator and escalator were both out . The officer said he ' d transfer me to the right place . He transferred me to customer service voicemail . I called back , stated that voicemail wasn't going to get me out of the station . He stated that he ' d send over an inspector . The inspector came after about 15 minutes , walked over to the escalator and elevator , pulled out a key , and turned the power back on . I might add that he turned it back on while several able - bodied people were walking up the escalator . They jolted , then screamed at him that he might want to tell people before doing that . The inspector then stated " these get turned off every day -- the highschool kids think it 's funny . " He didn't offer me any sort of apology or acknowledgement that I ' d been stranded on a platform , but rather yelled , " call the T " and ran out of the station . Until you geniuses can figure out some way to make it so that only authorized T employees can turn off the power to the escalators and elevators , and so the elevator hotline can be aware if this has happened , my gimp ass would like to receive a free T pass each month . Please send it to the address below . Thank you . 
If only OTHER people were so permissive ... Tonight I was at the Burger King in Belmont in between clients ( OK , so I have my vices . They do have a decent veggie burger though ! ) . I placed my order , had approximately 25 aspects of it clarified , then saw it pop up on the screen along with a total . The woman over the speaker then said , " Thank you , please drive through the window . " . 
Whole foods stops selling live lobsters . Ultimately , Whole Foods management decided to immediately stop selling live lobsters and soft - shell crabs , saying they could not ensure the creatures are treated with respect and compassion . " We place as much emphasis on the importance of humane treatment and quality of life for all animals as we do on the expectations for quality and flavor , " John Mackey , Whole Foods ' co - founder and chief executive , said in a statement . This is most excellent news . I can only hope they ' ll make similar decisions about selling dead lobsters in the future . And cows , pigs , birds ... 
The MBTA hates gimps . Once again , the MBTA announces some newfangled plan to make the T better . Well , better for people who don't have disabilities . The MBTA 's complete ignorance of people with disabilities is first demonstrated by the premise underlying their new plan : " What I see a lot of on the ride to work is able - bodied people sitting down and , more times than not , not getting up for someone who needs the seat more , " [ John Cogliano , state secretary of transportation ] said . Apparently , Mr. Cogliano is able to tell by looking at a seated person that that person does not have poor balance , visual impairments , severe anxiety , a tendency toward nausea or dizziness , pain or weakness in the legs or back , or some other condition that makes it hard for the person to stand on a moving vehicle . He also has apparently charged himself with deciding who needs the seats on the train more than other people . It gets even better . Not only is he going around determining whether people need seats , but he 's decided to go around and reward people for being able - bodied : select employees will hand out gift cards when they see riders offer up seats . I imagine they aren't going to be handing many of these tickets to elders or people with disabilities who , well , aren't offering up seats . And if they did go around handing them to people with visible disabilities as some sort of consolation prize or something , um , that would be really offensive . One thing that I think would help the situation on the T a lot ( and would help this town in general ) would be if people would speak up when they notice things instead of ignoring it or glaring at people . On a couple of occasions I have heard people ask , in a general fashion , " Is there someone who can offer this person a seat ? " This is generally effective in getting someone to offer a seat , and it doesn't involve making the request of a specific individual , who may or may not be able to offer the seat and who shouldn't be obligated to have to explain that to a bunch of strangers on the T . The T might want to include in their ads and leaflets and things a suggestion for people to use this method , and to also give the suggestion that people shouldn't harass riders who are sitting down and / or assume that they 're able to stand . Also , they should give Dunkies coupons to people who are helping request seats for other people , because this is just as thoughtful , and not all of us can stand on a moving vehicle any or all of the time . Also , they really should give out coupons to somewhere that doesn't suck , but that 's a separate issue ! 
Mad props to Blogger . I just realized I never posted this , but about a month ago Blogger introduced an audio option for people who can't see the fuzzy numbers to type them in . Now I don't have to choose between allowing people using text readers to leave me comments and avoiding the tons of spam that these sites are prone to . Yay ! 
White Ribbon Campaign perpetuates the invisibility of same - sex and female - perpetuated domestic violence . A friend tells me that a very insightful adolescent talked to her recently about being irritated that her high school hosted an assembly at which speakers from the White Ribbon Campaign -- Men Advocating Change presented to the students about ending violence against women . Now , I of course think that ending violence against women is a great cause . I think ending violence against everyone is an extremely important issue . The presentation involved asking the young men in the audience to take a pledge to never participate in violence against women . But the message this young woman took from the presentation was hardly one of empowerment . Instead , she reported that she thought it was sexist and homophobic that only violence against women perpetrated by men was addressed . She felt that the school was sending a message that the school ( and the larger society ) are not willing to hear the concerns of men who experience violence or women who experience violence perpetrated by women . She felt that the school was labeling half of the students as potential perpetrators and the other half as waiting - to - be - victimized . And we wonder why so many men feel like they have nowhere to go to seek help in an abusive situation and to heal from abuse . I think the approaches this group is using definitely have validity and purpose . The message of men speaking out to end violence against women is very powerful . But the approach of having a school - wide assembly forcing students to join a cause is flawed -- particularly given that it is a non - voluntary , mixed - gender group . It 's also questionable how much value there is in taking a pledge in a huge anonymous group . The pledge approach might work quite well if , say , a trusted adult male explained that the issue is very important to him personally and asked his small basketball team or youth group to take the pledge ( while also affirming that focusing on violence against women by men does not mean this is the only kind of violence that needs to be taken seriously . ) These young men could then ask their fathers , their neighbors , their brothers , and their male friends to also take the pledge . A better approach in a school setting should probably be done in smaller settings than an assembly , and could involve talking about how violence against women and negative stereotypes of women are promoted in the media and examining the students ' own prejudices . Tolerance . org has a lot of great resources on talking to students of various ages about issues pertaining to a specific group . There are units focusing on violence against women , but in a way that allows for more discussion , more personal thought , and can be done without sending the message that other violence is not to be taken seriously . More importantly , the units also highlight the achievements of whatever group of people are being discussed -- which is what really is effective in combating objectification and violence . 
Ask not what google ads can do for you . Over at Bettnet , Domenico Bettinelli posts another one of his usual hateful tirades on how GLBT folks are an abomination : This isn t just a minor blip on the gay scene either . If you ve ever been to a gay town like Provincetown on Cape Cod or San Francisco , you see depravity dressed up as normalcy all the time . The happy image they want you to see are the two chinos - clad , normal - looking , professional guys with the white picket fence and two kids adopted from a Third World hellhole . What they don t want you to see is the bondage , self - mutilation , open sexual activity , bigotry , and outright rage that is very common . It seems that justice has been done though ; given that Google Adsense policies state that ads may not be placed on any page that advocates against a particular group , the Google ad generator apparently is programmed to assume that a site that says " gay " all over the place is , well , a gay - themed site , and it is providing the site with ad feeds accordingly : ( click for larger ) . 
Happy 666 everybody ! Some math geekery involving 666 . Some linguistic geekery involving 666 . Some site about how 666 is some conspiracy and we 're all going to have barcodes implanted in us . What . 
The folks at Bay Windows are good people . I read Bay Windows every week , sometimes the print edition but usually the online edition , since I can browse through it while I ' m on hold or playing phone tag or waiting for someone to show up . I was particularly excited several months ago when they started including additional content that was updated more often than weekly -- mostly consisting of links to other news sites . I got a little irritated though when I clicked on a link to a news story and got not only a news story , but a sidebar ad involving a picture of a woman with handcuffs and a whip . She was technically fully clothed and not actually pornographic , but dude , a giant picture of some bondage chick had just popped up while I was reading news at work . Not exactly something I want someone to see over my shoulder . Apparently the story was on a GLBT news site that seemed totally mainstream and professional -- but based in Amsterdam , where such advertising doesn't faze most people . A couple days later , this happened again ; this time , the story was on a Belgian arts and culture magazine 's website and was accompanied by a picture of a buff bronzed guy in very short shorts and nothing else , smiling slyly and motioning someone ( hopefully not me ) to come closer . Again , not the sort of thing I want people walking into my office to think I ' m seeking out . So , I e - mailed the publishers at Bay Windows , telling them what type of stuff had , uh , popped up , and mentioning that I was now being really careful to not click on any external links from their site while I was at work . I explained that I realize the ads aren't actually inappropriate , particularly in the cultures where the sites are based , but that they 're not something I expect to see when I ' m looking at a site like theirs that I ' ve always considered appropriate for work . Jeff Coakley wrote back and said that he poked around and found the sort of thing I was talking about , and that it 's frustrating because they might link to a site one day when the site looks totally wholesome , but then the next day the same site might have handcuff girl in the sidebar . He said they ' d be looking more closely at advertising trends and choosing their links accordingly . It 's been about three weeks now , and I ' ve been clicking on the external links ( still mostly at home at this point ... ) and haven't yet found anything that looked inappropriate . Yay ! 
Lost hiker expected to die of hypothermia . OK , I parsed this headline totally wrong . After reading the story , it 's clear that " expected " is past tense without an implied copula . The story was way more messed - up my way . 
Yawn , another upscale fundraiser for Mass Equality . I love Mass Equality and totally support their mission , don't get me wrong . But really , I ' m getting sick of how they seem to only know how to hold fundraisers and / or do activism by holding expensive parties at either posh nightclubs or super - expensive restaurants . Here 's the latest : Clear your calendar Monday , June 19 th from 6:00 - 8:00 . Why ? We 're throwing the hottest party of the year at " twentyeight degrees , " 1 Appleton Street in Boston 's South End . Twentyeight degrees is one of Boston 's newest and chicest night spots . The owners , Carl Christian and Bill Emery , are throwing this amazing party to kick - off our state - wide media campaign . I understand that their activism takes place mainly through having a ton of money , and that one strategy for doing this is to only hold fundraisers that cater toward a crowd of people with a lot of money . But a lot of other charities also do the majority of their activism through money rather than volunteer hours , and they still manage to hold walks , fairs , and other events that don't scream " young white urban wealthy socialites only . " Even if it might ( or might not ! ) bring in less revenue per event , I really wish they ' d hold an event that would appeal more to families , working - class people , people of color , older people , and so forth . It doesn't even have to be a fundraiser -- they could hold their next political victory celebration or award presentation at a neighborhood bar and grill instead of a downtown hotspot . They 're a very vocal and financially powerful presence in the queer / ally community , and I wish they ' d also use their power to make our community more welcoming to a more diverse group of people . 
I think my life is now complete . The Red Bull Music Academy has a 24 / 7 streaming audio station . I mean , really , what could be more perfect than listening to official Red Bull music while gazing at my Red Bull desktop and screensaver and of course emptying Red Bulls at at alarming rate ? [ actual photo of eeka 's office ] . 
Sad songs say so much . What do Pink Floyd , Bette Midler and Metallica have in common ? They ' ve all written horribly depressing tunes , according to Tom Reynolds , author of I Hate Myself and Want to Die . He offers his top 25 miserable tracks . The best part is , he doesn't actually mean sincerely depressing tunes . He 's talking , like , music that makes you want to kill yourself and your stereo . The way he describes this stuff is great : " Tyler rasps her way through a million permutations of the phrase ' every now and then , I get a little bit [ insert neurosis here ] ' before losing it during the song 's demented chorus . " . 
I need a longassgermanword . Again . There should be a word for when you make a typo and click on it to get the spellchecker to fix it , then you feel compelled to go look up all the weird unfamiliar words it suggested . 
Take action against offensive language use by journalists . This got to me a bit late , but the action alert is still up , and as far as I can find , no apology has been issued . The zoning issue though has been cleared up and the group residence is going forward . The letter being sent through the action alert contains text of " as an Alabaman , " but this can be customized for people anywhere who wish to express displeasure . In my letter , I cited this Guidelines for Reporting and Writing about People with Disabilities article . The Democrat - Reporter , a weekly community newspaper in Linden , Alabama , recently described a proposed residential home for three clients of The Arc of Fayette - Lamar as " retard housing . " The paper s derogatory remarks are hurtful and unfounded , and our community cannot tolerate them . If we do not confront the use of language like this , even when published in a small - town newspaper , it will perpetuate lingering stereotypes of people with cognitive disabilities . An interesting note : apparently in Linden , Alabama , the " unrelated person " laws in areas that are zoned for single - family homes are actually enforced ( unless protested like this one was ) . My guess is that they 're selectively enforced , since it 's likely there are households with three unrelated roommates , but still , that 's evidence of pretty regressive policies . The law in Massachusetts ( Chapter 40 a , Section 3 ! ) specifically exempts groups of housemates with disabilities from any local laws relating to unrelated persons living together or to zoning ( in other words , that a group residence is to be considered a residence rather than a business , since the business activity taking place there is necessary for the folks to live in the community ) . There also seems to be a de facto understanding in Massachusetts that these sorts of laws are only applied if a household is otherwise causing a nuisance or public health concern and are not enforced as a means of discriminating against perfectly stable households of chosen family . While we certainly have exceptions -- and some very vocal ones -- it pleases me that the general social climate in Massachusetts tends to be one of not worrying about that which isn't harming anyone . 
Bork ? Dear techie geeks : It was admittedly somewhat funny when google first introduced support for multiple languages and included languages such as Klingon , Pig Latin and Bork Bork Bork in addition to the usual naturally occurring languages . But honestly , it 's getting a little old now to go onto sites such as meebo and see that they too are now offering support for " Igpay Atinlay " and " Bork . " Honestly , if you people are wanting to use these languages beyond the one - time laugh , you might want to try exploring professional help rather than new web interfaces . 
Langesdeutscheswortlust . Once again , I ' m finding myself needing a longass German word I need a word for " when you go into e - mail to look something up or enter your timesheet or something , only when you get in there there 's a new message , so you read it , then you get out of your e - mail after you ' ve read it , except you forgot to do what you went in there to do in the first place . " . 
Mass Equality : 8100 same - sex couples have married since 05 / 17 / 04 . Two years after the start of same - sex marriages in Massachusetts , more than 8,100 gay and lesbian couples have tied the knot , but advocates are worried about another move to ban such unions . 
Ax snot what your spellchecker can do for you ... Why did Word just change " doe snot " to " does not " without my having asked it to do so ? Now I ' m going to have to go in and tweek the autocorrect settings before I ' ll be able to finish this Bambi fanfic I ' m trying to write ... 
The TEETH gang strikes again ! More creatively placed TEETH tagging , this time on Edgerly Road . [ Note : One Smoot Short does not endorse vandalism of others ' property , but does at times find the content and / or placement of said nonendorsed vandalism to be quite amusing . ] . 
One smoot away from maiming someone . Well , I haven't updated in about a week , so I thought I ' d catch up with some , uh , highlights from the past week : An agency I do some contracting for couldn't process my billing , thus didn't send me the check I was supposed to get two weeks ago for 22 clinical hours . They acknowledged that I had submitted my billing correctly , explained that the error was entirely on their part , called me repeatedly to tell me what a great clinician I am and how sorry they were that they had screwed up , checked with all sorts of people with power , but said there was no way they could get me paid sooner . Watch those insufficient funds fees pile up . I called the IT helpdesk at work about some spyware on my computer . I ' m usually not one to publicize work drama , but this was , um , special . Someone was apparently having a bad day or experiencing momentary demonic possession or something , because they didn't actually fix the spyware problem , but rather gave me a lecture about how my computer wasn't working because I had bookmarked a page of pictures of family and friends on my work computer . Having a bookmark of " something that is clearly not related to your work " had caused my computer to not work right , I was told . My hundreds of other bookmarks of mental health info , medical reference , links to state agencies , treatment strategies , and community resources , of course , were not believed to be affecting the computer in any way . No , they didn't remove the spyware . It 's still there . Someone hit my car while it was parked outside my house at night . The next day I talked to some neighbors and found out that one of them heard a crash , went outside to find a row of smashed cars and saw someone get out of a car , stagger around , get back in and speed off . He got there too late and was too far away to get enough of a description of the car or the driver . A few different neighbors made police reports . I spoke to our neighborhood police officer , who said he ' d run through reports to see if there were any abandoned cars or people picked up for reckless who could likely match up . According to my insurance company , " if the other driver can't be identified , it 's not a hit and run . " They said the claim isn't going to affect my driving record ( uh , it better not , since I wasn't , um , driving ) , but they also won't waive the deductable based on it being a hit and run , even with a witness and a police report . The insurance carrier we were going to go with for ( considerably cheaper ) homeowner 's insurance decided to do a drive - by , on the day that there were smashed cars and pieces of glass and headlights strewn all over in front of our house , and said that they would not be able to insure us for " unspecified issues observed during the drive - by . " The house is in great structural condition on the exterior and has a decent paintjob and everything . I think I have an idea of what they might have observed . Mitt Romney decided to abolish the Governor 's Commision on Gay and Lesbian youth , apparently thinking this would make there stop being gay and lesbian youth , then quickly backed down when a whole bunch of lawmakers told him he was a dumbshit , then tried to deny he ' d said he was going to abolish it at all . It 's rained for the past 6 days and is supposed to rain for the next 7 , at least . I ' m about to build an ark , if I can find enough cubits . Fortunately , tequila makes most everything better . 
" A must - have for anyone serious about timekeeping " . Once again , from the Random Things I Find Entirely Too Funny files ... This item listed on Amazon . com , a $ 225,000 watch , has prompted some hilarious reviews . I don't think there 's a single review that comes from , uh , someone who bought the watch . " If you have a full schedule like I do , you can't afford NOT to buy this watch . " " I happened to find this exquisite timepiece while watching a house for some friends of mine . Imagine my surprise upon learning its real value . " " the watch cut me and gave me AIDS " . 
Young Americans geographically illiterate . The Roper poll conducted on behalf of National Geographic found that most of the young adults questioned between the ages of 18 and 24 also had little knowledge about their own country , with half or fewer unable to identify the states of New York or Ohio on a map . The survey results showed said that despite nearly constant news coverage since the US invasion of Iraq in March 2003 , 63 percent of respondents could not find Iraq on a map and 75 percent could not find Israel or Iran . Wow . I suppose this shouldn't suprise me too much , but wow . I ' d venture to say that probably al least 75 % of Americans between 18 and 24 have opinions about Israel and or Iraq and what " should " be happening in those places . Even if we account for people who aren't visual - spatially minded people but who we could expect to be otherwise knowledgeable about issues in these countries , this still leaves entirely too many people who haven't taken the time to educate themselves about current events and are instead relying on propaganda . I wonder what other basic information large numbers of people -- who presumably vote , parent , drive , make purchases , handle our healthcare and finances , and so forth -- are lacking . But hey , if anyone ( 18 - 24 or not ) wants to expand their geography knowledge , these games are really fun . 
Boston not doing nearly enough to encourage recycling . In Mike Mennonno 's column in this morning 's Metro , he writes about various environmental issues affecting our city . His column brought up a lot of good points , though he might have included another half - sentence acknowledging that cycling is a viable commuting alternative for people able - bodied enough to ride a bike , rather than for everyone . Otherwise , he does a great job pointing out that people really don't take responsibility for preserving resources or keeping the city clean unless there 's a law requiring them to . Mennonno talks about having recently biked through the South End in attempts to be environmentally conscious , only to find the streets difficult to navigate , as they were strewn with piled - up and broken - open trash bags . He mentions the pointless rubbish code and his attempts to bring it to the attention of the city : But the city s rubbish rules do nothing to discourage it . While the rubbish code states that There must be sufficient metal or durable plastic barrels for storing of refuse generated in building , it contradicts this dictate on the very next line : Disposable 2 - ply [ or heavier ] plastic bags may be used instead of trash barrels for curbside trash collection . In short : you MUST use trash barrels , but you don t have to . Of course , as is usually the case when contacting city officials , he received a reply from someone who didn't read and / or understand his e - mail . The told him to contact code enforcement , but that would be pointless -- the bags all the hell over the place don't violate any code , which is exactly the point he was making . However , I think there 's another solution to the trash bags all over the place . While it might not make sense to require barrels for every single load of trash , because it 's pointless and wasteful to buy an extra barrel because you had a party or cleaned out your attic , why doesn't the city just start fining people for placing any recyclable item in the trash ? They wouldn't be going around breaking people 's trash bags open , of course , but code enforcement could have someone walk around and cite any household with visible recyclables in a trash barrel or bag . They could also periodically follow the refuse truck around and break open every 10 th bag into the truck or something . Visible recyclables would warrant one of those green tickets affixed to the house like people receive for putting trash out before 5 pm in neighborhoods where the city actually cares about such things . The city could easily afford periodic enforcement with the money they ' d be saving on landfill service . Just the fact of something being a law encourages a good number of people to abide by it . In my neighborhood , for instance , I seriously doubt that code enforcement has ever come around ticketing people for putting trash out before 5 pm , but I never see trash outside before 5 . Why ? Because there 's a law , and people know this . I do , however , see barrels full of recyclables every trash day and I see houses on the street that have never put out a recycling bin since I ' ve lived there . Much like the 5 pm law , a recycling law would send a message that the community does not accept recyclables being thrown away . It would at least lead to more recycling than is currently happening . 
Catching up on the bloggage ... I ' ve been several smoots short of an original post in the recent past here due to being insanely busy , but thought I ' d at least post some links . This article in the Washington Post gives an interesting explanation of why immigrants are self - employed at higher rates than folks born in the U.S. and also discusses personality traits of people who " pick up and venture into the unknown " compared to people who stay in one place all of their lives . This image , found on Ezra 's blog , has been , by far , my favorite media snippet stemming from coverage of the immigration debates . It 's about the only thing that 's made me smile despite my frustration that some people can't seem to realize the obvious fact that we 're all immigrants . 
Would you trade a paperclip for a house ? On One Red Paperclip , Kyle Mac Donald chronicles his quest to trade the paperclip for bigger and better things until he reaches his goal : a house . So far , he 's traded up the ladder and received items such as a pen , a swanky ceramic knob , a generator , a cube van , a recording contract , and a year rent - free in Phoenix . He is currently accepting trade offers for a day with Alice Cooper . It 's a really intriguing sociological study in the value that various things ( and " things " ) hold to different people . Several different systems of determining value of goods and services are playing into this . 
The times I really love my job . I just got to , as an officially sanctioned job function , google the instructions for making freebase cocaine and crack cocaine . OK , well , I didn't exactly get to try out the recipes or anything . It was to find out which method of cooking cocaine is the one one can easily do in one 's home so as to make sure we were using accurate terminology . Turns out " freebase " is more of the generic term and could refer either to making crack ( simpler process using baking soda ) or making actual freebase cocaine ( using ether , requiring better chemistry skills and risking blowing the place up ) . So " freebasing " is a correct term for any type of process in which someone is cooking cocaine in order to be able to smoke it . 
Jewelry to support access to birth control . Planned Parenthood of Greater Cleveland has commissioned artist Chris Sweiger to design jewelry made out of birth control pills and is selling it as a fundraiser . Not only is it a good cause , but the jewelry is really awesome and is a way to wear a social statement anywhere that buttons and t - shirts aren't appropriate . They even have designs that are more typically feminine and much less typically feminine , which rocks . My favorite one is the one on the right , but I ' ve got to say that I also appreciate that one was designed to coordinate with One Smoot 's layout . 
National Day of Silence is today . The National Day of Silence is taking place across the U.S. today . I applaud the students who are organizing and taking part at various schools . The Advocate has a couple of good columns about the past and future of the event . 
Scottsdale mayor not excited about opening of Pink Taco . In a city aspiring to be defined by its good taste , a new Mexican restaurant , the Pink Taco , is opening with a name that some find offensive . Scottsdale Mayor Mary Manross was so put off by the name , a slang term for vagina , that she asked its owner to change it . " I don't appreciate anything that offends more than half the population , " Manross said . " But he said no and heard my concern . I really didn't want to see a business with that name opening anywhere here . " Putting the name aside for a moment , I don't think the place sounds sexist or anything . I mean , it seems like they provide services equally to people who eat tacos , people who eat burritos , people who eat some of each ... 
I can't believe I ' ve just about given myself a hernia laughing at something that involves Wilford Brimley . These videos are brilliant . Be sure to watch the second one all the way to the end . Beetis Vol. 1 Beetis Vol. 2 ( How do people come up with these things ? ) . 
U.S. Appeals Court : Public schools can ban anti - minority messages . " Public school students who may be injured by verbal assaults on the basis of a core identifying characteristic such as race , religion or sexual orientation have a right to be free from such attacks while on school campuses , " Judge Stephen Reinhardt wrote in the majority opinion . ... Those rights , he said , include the right of a historically persecuted minority group to be free from " psychological attacks that cause young people to question their self - worth and their rightful place in society . " He also said requiring Harper to remove his T - shirt did not interfere with his religious beliefs or practices . It 's about time lawmakers in this country are starting to realize that harassing people isn't a protected religious practice . 
No muppet is an island . One of the great things about Boston is that , really , nothing here is done with subtlety . Life here is a participatory sport . There 's some unwritten rule that even if a particular event doesn't personally really concern me , it still does concern me . How many times have I heard someone remark , " Only one more week until boating season starts ... " and thought , " Wait , what ? You don't boat ! " There 's just something about this city -- maybe because it 's centered around such a small downtown area -- that makes it so we find ourselves in the midst of just about every event , even if we don't plan to . Any day there 's a Red Sox game , I find myself in an energetic crowd of people with jerseys and painted faces , and this requires no effort other than emabarking on my regular commute home . On St. Patrick 's Day , I made no effort to go out , because I just had to step out of my office to be in a crowd of loud drunk green people . The walk across the crowd to the subway entrance and a beer out of my fridge once I got home was enough St. Paddy 's Day for me . Any day there 's a concert at Symphony Hall , all it takes is a walk from Bread and Circus to the Mass Ave T stop , and I can get sandwiched between hairdos in fur coats and run over by limos , just like the paying customers get to . Last night really took the cake though when I unwittingly stepped onto the Orange Line as Sesame Street Live got out and found myself in a sea of bobbing Elmo balloons . For the whole ride home , I heard little voices singing Sesame Street songs and watched toddlers pressing the buttons on those light - up propeller contraptions and promptly getting hit in the face . I pretty much got to take in the essential parts of the show , only this didn't require me to drop a couple hunge on tickets or take any time out of my day . Or to have any kids . 
Planned Parenthood now resorting to lies and propaganda ? I just got an e - mail from Planned Parenthood telling me why ( presumably every single ) crisis pregnancy center is vehemently anti - choice and harasses women looking to have an abortion . The text of the e - mail is also on their website : One such center in Indiana shares a parking lot with a real Planned Parenthood clinic , and was designed expressly to lure our patients and deceive them . Recently , people from the fake " clinic " waged a campaign of intimidation and harassment against a 17 - year - old girl who , with her mother and boyfriend , came to what she thought was our clinic for an abortion . Over the following days , the anti - choice extremists called the police to say the girl was being forced to have an abortion , showed up at her home , called her father 's workplace , and even went to her school and urged classmates to pressure her not to have an abortion . The worst part ? Your tax dollars are funding these " crisis pregnancy centers " to the tune of $ 60 million . Sure , it 's a legitimate concern that " crisis pregnancy center " is not a national organization and these centers may be extremist organizations . But I ' m having trouble believing that this story happened . First , too much identifying information has been taken out . Since they ' ve already stated that her school and much of her community has been privy to her stolen personal information , why wouldn't they at least state what town this happened in ? If I do google searches ( both news searches and web searches ) for various combinations of indiana , " crisis pregnancy center , " " planned parenthood , " " harassment , " " clinic , " " abortion , " and so forth , I get absolutely nothing relating to this , except for occasionally the story on the Planned Parenthood site . This seems odd . There is really no way that this could have happened as the story describes and not have hit several major news sources . It 's clearly newsworthy , and there were several opportunities for the media to hear about it . Police dispatches are all listed in a public record , which is mainly viewed by journalists . A call regarding " a minor forced to have an abortion " would certainly have prompted journalists to investigate . Harassment at a public school would certainly have caught media attention , as would people showing up at the girl 's home . I ' ve e - mailed Planned Parenthood with these concerns and asked if they can point me to a version of the story in a mainstream news source . I will update if they respond . Planned Parenthood is a really good organization that provides valuable services ; I ' m not going to continue to support them though if it seems they 're making up stories in order to sway politicians and financial supporters . 
Dar Williams fabulous as always ; opening acts sucked ass. Last night I attended a Dar Williams concert put on by Wellesley Women for Choice as a fundraiser . Dar was excellent , as usual , and the small intimate venue ( Lulu Chow Wang Campus Center ) was fabulous . The group had tables set up in the back of the venue for signature - gathering , additional fundraisers , information leafletting , and letter - writing . Good times . The choice of opening acts , however , was atrocious . Since they were billed as openers for Dar , rather than as a festival - type performance , I ' d have expected that the organizers would have chosen acts that were suited to the venue and likely to be appreciated by the same audience as Dar . Totally not the case . The first band , We 're All About The Love These Days , wins the award for unnecessarily long band name . The band was three young guys performing mostly original upbeat pop / rock tunes . They were talented , but kind of generic . They were more the kind of band I ' d want to see while bouncing around in a club or an outdoor event , rather than a band I ' d want to sit and listen to in a theatre . They did have a couple of plastic robots onstage while they played , which just makes them cool . The second band , One Degree of Separation , just skeeved me the hell out . Now , I like a lot of types of music , but this was just plain awful . The band was three young guys , complete with unkempt beards , bandanas , chains , skulls , and biker boots . A young girl , dressed in ass - tight jeans with a mudflap girl belt provided the vocals for all their songs . I don't know any way to describe their music other than " bad metal , " or perhaps " butt rock . " They were all plenty talented , but it seemed they were basically going for as - fast - as - possible and as - loud - as - possible . At several points during the show , Mudflap Girl humped the leg of the rhythm guitar player as she sang . At one point , she actually lay on the stage on her back and gyrated and kicked the air while singing . This wasn't along the lines of Madonna or Gwen Stefani using sexuality in an empowered way ; this was just plain trashy and objectifying . It came across to me as clearly antifeminist . I ' m guessing that the organizers didn't actually audition these bands before booking them , especially the second one . Maybe it wasn't clear from hearing a few tracks of a demo disc that the singer planned to hump the stage during a feminist / choice fundraiser . I ' m willing to bet though that there have got to be at least two singer / songwriter types attending Wellesley who would have gladly opened for Dar and been much more appreciated by the audience . 
Register THIS , asswipe . I just went over to the Registry of Deeds to file a document pertaining to our condo association . The first part of my trip was amusing , as the officer who had placed my bag through the metal detector at the entrace to the courthouse told me he was going to need to confiscate my camera . He then placed it in a plastic bag printed " confiscated weapon " and had me sign a receipt for a weapon . Once I ' d been disarmed , I went into the registry , where I ' ve been previously to look up information about my property and a few others . The archivists who locate information and explain the filing system are most excellent nerdy old folks , and I ' ve always had pleasant experiences dealing with them . The clerk who handles transactions is a bit different though . I walked up to the counter , told him what document I had , and asked him if he could help me file it . He grabbed it from me , sneered " that all ? " at me , and started typing some stuff into the computer . He then said " do you have an envelope for this to go into ? " ( I had brought it over in a folder . ) Before I could answer , he glared at it , said " of course you don't " and shoved an envelope at me . He then told me , " OK , you 're going to start by writing your name on this ... " I asked him if there was anywhere in particular I should write it , and he said , " Gee , you ' ve never addressed an envelope before ? " Oh , see , telling me I was addressing it to myself rather than writing my name on it would have been helpful . He then flipped through the pages of the standard lawyer - prepared document , glared at me , muttered " jeez " and typed into the computer some more , handed me a receipt , and said " yerallset " as he picked up a several - gallon Dunkin Donuts coffee from under the counter . He might want to lay off the crack - laced burnt coffee and switch to ludes or something . 
Yet , no one has asked the hat how it feels about the labels ... New York Magazine reports : A few weeks ago , a member of the Park Slope Parents e - mail forum who d encountered a stray piece of winterwear in the neighborhood posted a notice to the group titled Found : boy s hat . This spawned a discussion about the implications of someone having found a hat and decided it must belong to a girl . Gawker has gotten ahold of the full text of the e - mails and has posted them for your reading pleasure . 
I must have missed the part in the Bible where it says to be a moron . Bill Nye seems to have angered some people during a presentation in Waco last week : He pointed out that the sun , the greater light , is but one of countless stars and that the lesser light is the moon , which really is not a light at all , rather a reflector of light . A number of audience members left the room at that point , visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence . We believe in a God ! exclaimed one woman as she left the room with three young children . Wait , what ? How is this incongruous ? I believe in a God . I also believe in evidence we ' ve gathered in the past few hundred years indicating that the moon does not generate light . It makes perfect sense that the people writing the Bible a few thousand years ago didn't know this yet , and made the reasonable assumption that the moon gives off light . Even today , it doesn't seem unfactual to refer to the moon as a " light in the sky " when speaking poetically , as is done in Breishis / Genesis . Do these people honestly think that it 's some sort of sin to accept any knowledge that has come about since the time of Jesus ? Wouldn't they then be blaspheming any time they turn on a light or start up their SUV ? 
MBTA and disability rights organizations reach settlement . The Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority and organizations representing people with disabilities have reached a settlement in a class action lawsuit brought over accessibility problems that denied [ er , continue to deny ~ eeka ] people with disabilities equal access to the public transportation system . Under the agreement , the T will undertake major improvements in equipment , facilities and services that promise to enhance accessibility for people with disabilities while improving service for all T passengers . 
Finagle my bagel . While walking by Curious George Goes to Wordsworth the other day , Molly wondered , " is there any other store whose name is a sentence ? " I immediately thought of Boston Beer Works , but she informed me that I was parsing the name incorrectly . We thought of plenty of other store names that took even more stretching to construe as sentences , which I ' ll do my readers the favor of not posting . The only other business names we ' ve found so far that are legitimate sentences are Stop & Shop and Finagle a Bagel . Can anyone think of any others ? 
Jane Doe , 86 , architect , philanthrophist , annoying busybody with scary hair . I haven't read the book yet , but the interview on NPR intrigued me . In The Dead Beat : Lost Souls , Lucky Stiffs , and the Perverse Pleasures of Obituaries , Marilyn Johnson talks about several aspects of obituaries , such as the journalistic practice of writing obituaries in advance for elders or people in poor health , which have on occasion been accidentally published prematurely . The best part though is how the author talks about a new trend in obituaries : honesty . She tells how some writers , tired of the monotonous columns about what a nice person someone was , have chosen to include details about the deceased 's drunken binges or irritating personality . By the time I die , I think the " blunt obit " is going to be pass . I ' m hoping my writers will go a step further with letting the world know I was a weirdo , maybe by publishing it in mirrorwriting or in a non - local language or something . 
I ' m all for a government run by the people , provided the people use their brains a little . I don't really feel like I have anything terribly novel to say about the Massachusetts health insurance bill . I do have some thoughts on the commentary coming across from various blogs on my RSS feed reader though : 1 . Why have so many of you people never heard of Mass Health ? People are acting like providing healthcare to people with disabilities and / or with low incomes is some brand new thing and is going to make taxes skyrocket . We 're already paying for the healthcare of people who are unemployed and / or have disabilities , as we should be . We 're also paying for the healthcare of people who work at Mc Donald 's and Dunkin Donuts and aren't offered insurance through their employers . Those who choose to patronize these establishments are further enabling these employers to abuse their employees .2 . Why are so many political and financial people with absolutely no knowledge of the healthcare system purporting to be experts , yet ignoring major issues pertaining to healthcare ? Sure , those of us who provide healthcare are biased toward being , uh , pro - healthcare . I ' ll acknowledge this . However , we also have certain things in mind that career politicians and people who run hardcore libertarian websites don't . For instance , we know that if your upper - middle - class child sustains a brain injury from an accident or illness and develops a severe disability , your anarchist ass will no longer be able to say , " I provide for my own family , just like everyone should , " because your child will now have several million dollars per year in medical bills , rehabilitation bills , and therapeutic school tuition , most of which the state picks up after your private insurance cuts you off or after you go bankrupt because you only considered the possibility of routine medical concerns when you opted to self - insure . EDIT : Jodie provides this link , into which one can enter information about a household and see if anyone qualifies for Mass Health . As she points out , it 's often surprising who qualifies . 
Crossed wires at the BPD . On Monday night I called the mayor 's hotline to ask if I could have an unfamiliar car towed that was parked across my driveway , no flashers on , no owner in sight . The person who answered asked if I ' d called the police . I said no , the person said he ' d transfer me . He transferred me to " hello , Boston Police , " who I told what I wanted . The person said she ' d transfer me . She transferred me to " hello , 911 , do you have an emergency ? " I told this person that , no , not really , but I was transferred here from the police , and was looking to get a car towed that was across my driveway . She took the info and said she ' d send an officer . I didn't ask her whether the officer would be bringing a towtruck .20 minutes later , my phone rings . " Hello , this is the Boston Police . Someone there requested an ambulance .. " " ... ummm , nope ... " " Yeah , someone called from your number and said they needed an ambulance at [ eeka 's address ] for someone who ' d been assaulted and had a head injury . " " No , I called to get a car towed from this address . " " Are you sure ? " " Um , yes . " They never did tow the car . The owner eventually reappeared and moved it and I uneventfully drove my car into my driveway . 
Meanwhile , back at the ranch , eeka participates in a bit of blogger drama without meaning to . Last Thursday , John A . Keith , the blogging real - estate agent , made a post about how Copley Square is a bad place because : If you ve been through Copley Square , you ve no doubt been subjected to tens , if not hundreds of drug addicts wandering around . The area is also popular with homeless people . And , crazy people . And , those rotten kids on their skateboards . I posted a comment sharing some of my feelings about the labels , and also about the ableist implication that a place is bad because it 's welcoming to members of our community who have disabilities and / or don't have permanent homes . I also asked if he had taken a survey of these people to see if they identified as having mental illness and / or being homeless , or if these were just assumptions . Mr. Keith responded with a sort of apology , as any good business person would . He stuck his foot in his mouth though when he clarified that he wasn't talking about people with disabilities , but rather about " nutjobs , " and assured me that he had plenty of sympathy for people with mental illness . He ignored the whole issue of the assumptions and of the fact that the vast majority of people who are chronically homeless have disabilities . When I asked him to clarify how exactly these people were standing out as " nutjobs " if they weren't presenting with outward signs of mental illness , he told me he had been perfectly clear , and said I was trying to pick a fight . I think that publishing ableist viewpoints is really the least of Mr. Keith 's problems right now . On Friday , he posted some cryptic remarks relating to an interaction with another blogger and strongly implied that he was shutting down his blog . Hey , maybe he ' ll reappear with a . emo blog address ! I also feel obligated to point out that while I was poking around on his site , I also found that he is " a graduate of Northeastern University , which borders both the South End and Fenway neighborhoods . " Northeastern 's property also borders another neighborhood . We even have homes in our neighborhood , some of which are for sale . Our residents create work for real estate agents ! People with disabilities also hire real estate agents . If anyone is looking for a real estate agent who doesn't make disparaging comments about people with disabilities , I ' d be glad to recommend the one I used . Let me know . 
Hmm , www . eeka . omg kind of has a nice ring to it . During a recent discussion in which I asserted to my friend that although I was getting my medical information from the internet , I was getting it from Mayo Clinic 's website , not the MY T 0 TALLY R 0 X 0 R 3 LBOW DISLOC 8 N GROTTO OMG !!! 111 website , I came to a brilliant realization : There should be top - level internet domains such as . omg and . emo . The kiddos would totally go for it , and it would narrow down the search results when people go to search for informational pages . It would work in the other direction too -- a teenager looking for any one of their friend 's 200 personal homepages wouldn't have to flip through websites that weren't personal pages . Actually , on a more serious note , it would be great if there could be a top - level domain that was reserved exclusively for webpages published by a business or individual agreeing to follow basic guidelines of professional publishing . For instance , the site would need to clearly provide the name and contact info of the major contributors and would need to have a mission statement and disclosure of funding sources in order to be registered as a . pro or . legit or whatever domain . They ' d also need to follow guidelines in terms of citing sources of information they include and providing appropriate disclaimers . Basically , it would be a way of credentialling the sites that are already appropriate for use as sources in academic or professional writing , but it would allow people who don't have this sort of background to quickly and easily determine whether they were reading peer - reviewed professional information or whether they had come across some zealot with a geocities account purporting to be some sort of coalition . This concrete distinction could also be helpful in helping establish ground rules in discussions on forums and blogs . If , a couple of years from now , all major websites had registered their domains this way , a forum could enact a rule that opinions needed to be backed up by a personal account or by information from a . headscrewedonstraight domain . This sort of protocol could balance out power between internet users who have a great deal of academic and internet background and those who don't , and could still allow for differing views while curtailing certain assertions that just have no factual basis . 
The Metro printed one of my letters after all . Literally five minutes after I posted about how The Metro never publishes my letters , they e - mailed me asking for my full contact information and permission to publish one of my letters . It 's in today 's paper . There isn't a way to link to the letters section , but the whole paper is available in . pdf format on the website . The site says registration is required to download copies of the paper , but it didn't actually ask me to register . Also check out the great letter by Troy Daniels ( also in response to Hiram Scott ) , which focuses on the issue of not allowing agencies to use tax dollars for discriminatory purposes . This is a good point to make , because people care about where tax dollars go , and it 's a way to get people to listen . We ' ll just forget about the loud tiny faction of Massachusetts voters who are opposed to using tax dollars for curricula that teach tolerance , assertiveness skills , human anatomy ... 
Letters , we get letters ... I ' ve been really swamped with a number of things lately and haven't been posting much . It will probably be this way for a couple weeks . So , I thought I ' d at least start posting my letters that The Metro never prints . I ' m thinking I ' ll give them a week to not publish them , then they ' ll become Smooty goodness .03 / 14 / 06 : Chris Cuddy 's letter stating that " no guy in history has ever , or willever , solely be ' friends ' with a girl " represents a narrow viewpoint . While this may hold true in some crowds , this view neglects to consider friendships between men and women in which one or both are not heterosexual , in which one or both are happily partnered otherwise , or in which one or both are currently focused entirely on other obligations such as a career or parenting . I can assure you that my partner and the gay man she had lunch with the other day are , in fact , not more than friends . 
Yes , it 's been confirmed that the phone numbers are real ... From artist Stephanie Mc Millan : ( click for larger , and check out her site ! ) On the subject of Napoli , here 's an interview in which he describes when the abortion ban " exception " would apply : FRED DE SAM LAZARO : Napoli says most abortions are performed for what he calls " convenience . " He insists that exceptions can be made for rape or incest under the provision that protects the mother 's life . I asked him for a scenario in which an exception may be invoked . BILL NAPOLI : A real - life description to me would be a rape victim , brutally raped , savaged . The girl was a virgin . She was religious . She planned on saving her virginity until she was married . She was brutalized and raped , sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it , and is impregnated . I mean , that girl could be so messed up , physically and psychologically , that carrying that child could very well threaten her life . Two things imediately jump out at me : 1 . This senator thinking that sodomization results in pregnancy is exactly what 's wrong with allowing lawmakers , rather than healthcare professionals , to make decisions about healthcare .2 . I ' m pretty sure his wife isn't a virgin , having given birth to two kids . So if she were raped , would the exception not apply to her ? 
Hello , Children 's Place ? I ' d like to order a dress for my son . ' ' A girl can still look girlie in blue with something with ruffles , lace , flowers or even with a headband . Men can wear pink - maybe that 's because they 're more confident - but little boys don't . At Children 's Place , we embrace the idea that boys are boys and girls are girls , " Strubel says . ' ' We do live in a society where your kid might be picked on , " says Strubel , herself the mother of a grade - school son . A boy might wear pink if his father does , or if he is older - say , in middle school - and confident in his machoness . If he does wear pink , Strubel suggests an ultra - preppy style , either an oxford button - down shirt or a polo shirt . It 's even better if the pink is washed out or has a sun - bleached look . OK , it 's one thing to teach children what message certain clothing and grooming send , just as we teach them how others tend to view certain manners and ways of speaking . Sure , if your son says he 's trying to express his manly self , help him pick out some clothes that are going to look manly . But what the hell is up with this woman deciding on behalf of society that every child with male genitalia is going to be happiest wearing macho clothing ? I ' ve met plenty of people who resenting having to wear overly gendered clothing as kids . And who got teased anyway , probably because they were wearing clothing that just didn't fit with who they were and they came off as confused and awkward little people . I ' ve not yet met someone who desperately wishes his or her parents had emphasized the importance of properly gendered clothing and who never could find a role model to confirm that it 's acceptable for a girl to wear frilly dresses or a boy to wear broadshouldered blazers . 
It 's baaaack . That damn plane from Mass News Dot Com ( no , they don't get a link , but I will freely use their graphic ) just flew past my office again . This time , it says : DIMASI AND TRAVIGLINI VIOLATE LAWSI think Carpundit said it best : " I wish they ' d fly it every day until they go broke . No one pays attention exception their fellow nuts . " . 
I ' m not antisocial ; I just hate everyone . Had enough of all the internet technology aimed at linking people , friending people , arranging meetups , and so forth ? New patented isolatr technology helps you " find where othere people aren't . " The FAQ section is particularly amusing . 
Je m ' appelle Brad Eaton . I ' m listening to KING - FM , which I ' ve listened to for about the past 20 years -- the past 10 have been online . They ' ve been running this " ad " where Brad Eaton talks about how he just started learning French with this great learn - at - home program . It isn't a recorded spot ; he just works it into his morning blurb about what 's going on around the city . Sometimes he doesn't even work it in , but rather just suddenly bursts out with a couple of French 101 phrases , then says why he 's doing this . He mentions the brand name several times and uses a few buzzwordish descriptions of the program , so it 's clear that it 's paid advertising . So far so good . Except that these ads have been running for about 10 or 12 years . Apparently , every 6 months or so , Mr. Eaton decides that he needs to start learning basic phrases in French . After a week or so , he 's learned enough French , until the next time the urge rolls around , and he starts again in book one of the series . The guy doesn't need French manuals -- he needs Ritalin . And the advertiser might be better off opting for a recorded spot , because it at least makes sense for some fictional person to not have progressed in his or her French skills between airings of the commercial . 
Where the women are strong , the men are good - looking , and the artistic personality traits are over the top . On Saturday , I played in a show with Garrison Keillor . It was an interesting experience , to say the least . Here are a couple pictures from afterward : Molly giving her book to him to sign Me watching him sign it A lot of the parodies he does are quite funny , and he 's a talented improvisor . There 's something just not right about the guy in person though . I mean , not that I expected his real - life persona to be exactly like his radio persona . Except for how it totally was . The guy never came out of character . During rehearsal he ' d say things like , " well , the string section I work with in Lake Wobegon uses this arrangement that goes kind of like ... " Lake Wobegon ? So then these musicians of whom you speak are ... fictional ? Although I suppose that being accustomed to fictional musicians could explain why he , in total seriousness , decided he could ask the pianist to " just make up " a piano part to the Dvorak symphony excerpt we were playing . Seriously . He had decided that the pianist was amazing and was his best friend or something five minutes after meeting him ( granted this pianist is very very good ) , so had deemed him capable of improvising piano parts to a harmonically complex symphonic works . And apparently capable of making a piano part sound welcome in a sustained , austere string and horn passage . Overall , I think I have to say that I like his writing quite a bit better than his performance . His work is based on some very astute and intelligent observations , which makes it frustrating that he relies so heavily on histrionics to get his audience involved : Garrison : So , this one time ... Audience : AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAGarrison : I was sitting in my home in Lake Wobegon ... Audience : AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAGarrison : * pouty frown * Audience : AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAGarrison : And of course , being a Lutheran ... Audience : AAAAAAAAAAA -- * spontaneously combusts * I ' m not sure whether I can blame him entirely for this dynamic though . There 's just something not right about a species of people who will laugh their asses off when someone says " homeland security . " Photos taken by the lovely Jodie , using her camera phone . 
My obligatory post about Catholic Charities and adoption . So , as I ' m sure everyone 's read , Catholic Charities is backing out of providing adoption services , since the state laws require them to serve same - sex couples wishing to adopt . And of course , the whackjob governor wants to seek an exemption so that religious organizations providing social services can be free to discriminate . Um , folks ? You do realize , don't you , that this is all a moot point ? Adoption services are overseen by social workers , mental health counselors , psychologists , physicians and others who are professionals licensed by the state . State laws , as well as other codes of ethics and standards of practice put forth by national organizations , prohibit professionals who are licensed or pending licensure from practicing unethically . This includes being discriminatory . These codes all contain language stating that a clinician will not practice in an unethical manner , even if a supervisor or employer has a policy requiring it . Clinicians are required to alert the employer to the unethical practices and refuse to carry them out . In short , if Romney does find a way to enact this asinine exemption law , no clinicians who are licensed or pending licensure will be able to work for an agency that does choose to discriminate against a group of people . Other state laws pertaining to child welfare would prohibit an adoption agency from placing children with adoptive families without having the children and families assessed and supported by a trained clinician . There just isn't any way to legally discriminate against same - sex families unless Mitt has some sort of magic wand that can change the standards of practice of medicine , social work , psychology and counseling . Even if he tried to enact a law like Florida 's , this is a state with really strong professional organizations and training programs in the clinical fields , and we ' d easily convince the legislature such a thing wouldn't fly in this state . 
I must work for a progressive agency ... ... because they ' ve now officially identified me as a fruit on a departmental organizational chart . Well , OK , what actually happened is that our department is large enough that we divide rounds into smaller groups that are pretty much arbitrary . So the directors sorted us into groups and named them apple , lime , and so forth , and then made a chart showing that the psychiatrist will be meeting with all the bananas on Wednesdays at 3 . I ' m a lemon . 
I ' ve said this before , but THIS might , in fact , be the best typo ever . This line , from a clinical summary I just received , is dedicated to my childhood friend and favorite Mormon , Alanna . " At the age of 20 he experienced a psychotic break that was precipitated by LDS . " . 
His next project will be adding references to online dating to the lyrics of 16 th century madrigals . A British composer has added Pluto to Gustav Holst 's work The Planets - 83 years after the suite was first completed . Holst , acknowleged as one of the UK 's foremost composers of his time , completed his seven - movement suite in 1917 . But the eighth planet , Pluto , was discovered in 1930 - just four years before Holst 's death . 
Frisbees with a cause . I heard this on KING - FM this morning , and the only version of the article I could find online requires registration to view ( bastards ) , so I ' m illegally ganking it and redistributing it . COLERIDGE , Neb . ( AP ) -- A high school , a town and a soldier came together to send 200 Frisbees to Iraq , to keep children there out of harm 's way . Concern for the safety of children prompted Sgt. Eric Pearson , a soldier in Iraq originally from Coleridge , to ask for Frisbees to put in care packages . " Iraqi people are so poor . Send things for kids to enjoy . And please send things like Frisbees , " he said in an e - mail . " I want to throw them far enough away from the top of a Humvee that they will hopefully get the kids away from the road . " Linda Beam of Coleridge , who had asked Pearson what to put in care packages , immediately took hold of the idea . She contacted her stepdaughter , Kelly Ferguson , who owns a company that sells promotional items , then proposed the idea to the town 's National Honors Society . A check for $ 210 for 200 blue Frisbees was sent from the Coleridge Community School National Honor Society to one of Ferguson 's suppliers , Pat Brennan from Ad Master Supply in Verona , Ohio . The owner of the supply company , Pat Brennan , sent the check back . The bright blue Frisbees had messages printed in Arabic and English : " Stay away from the convoy . " The printing on the Frisbee also says " 189 th T . C . , donated by Coleridge School National Honor Society , Coleridge , NE , U.S.A. " . 
I couldn't make such a stupid bumper sticker if I tried . I saw this sticker on a car in Lexington , of all places : 1 . She wasn't ? I ' d generally heard her portrayed as a compassionate sort of person who I would think would be in favor of access to healthcare and opposed to an oppressive government . She raised Jesus to be quite a nonjudgmental guy and all .2 . Do you asshats really not understand the concept of " choice ? " See , " choice " is where someone has the freedom to choose whether to give birth . It isn't the act of forbidding women from giving birth .3 . Putting aside the questionable historical accuracy of the Christmas story , if Mary had been infertile , there would be NO CHRISTMAS ! Shouldn't you people want to ban infertility based on this same logic ? 4 . Is your God really stupid enough to send the Son of God to a woman who for whatever reason wouldn't have been able to carry him to term ? And not to , like , try again if it didn't work out ? How do we know that the Son of God wasn't implanted in several uteri and aborted and miscarried a few times before being born ? 5 . And , um , wait a second . Don't you people who take the Bible literally also preach that we don't need contraception or abortion because people have the option of abstinence ? That approach didn't work too well for Mary , now did it ? 
Globe posts addresses of properties with lead pipes . I ' m not really sure what to think about this article . On the one hand , it 's just cool , because I ' m a fan of public records and local knowledge in general . On the other hand , as the article itself mentions , there are many sources of lead exposure , such as paint , pipes inside the homes ( this list only concerns the pipes connecting the water mains to the properties ) , and plumbing fixtures inside the homes . The fact that they 're posting property addresses smells of alarmism to me , like the Globe wants people to think this is some huge expos , that this information wasn't previously available in any form , and that we 're all going to die . " On the other hand ... there is no other hand ! " ~ Tevye . 
Do Republicans eat at crappy restaurant chains more than others ? From the " stuff I find funnier than most people would " files : The Sizzler website restaurant locator instructs users to " Click on a red state to begin your search ... " . 
Pimp your big gay blog ! ( And discover some other great gay blogs ) . Chris over at Left Center Left is compiling a list of gay boston bloggers . It doesn't matter if your blog is specifically about queer issues -- he wants them all ! So , mosey on over and add your favorite gay blogs and explore some new ones . 
Oh no she di - int ! Last night at a little before 8:00 , the young woman on WHRB clearly announced that she had just played " Beethoven 's Erotica Variations . " I ' m not sure exactly how this fits in with WHRB referring to blocks of several hours worth of music by one composer as " orgies , " apparently thinking that its listeners are all so elite as to view that word as only having the meaning of " unrestrained indulgence . " OK , so the station started using the term in 1943 , but keep in mind that in 1943 , one could also refer to Haydn as " a particularly gay composer " and most listeners would think this referred simply to his use of major tonality and upbeat tempos . 
Shouldn't human services organizations have a basic understanding of the ADA ? I just read a brochure for a program in Boston providing supported employment services and structured day programming for people with psychiatric disabilities . I won't mention the specific name of the program , but the brochure mentions that the building has an elevator , " making the building fully ADA accessible . " What ? Do they really think that all the Americans with Disabilities Act requires is that buildings have an elevator ? First of all , in many cases , a business can actually be ADA compliant without an elevator . For instance , the small restaurants and boutiques on Newbury Street in tiny hundred - year - old basements down narrow flights of stairs are not violating any law , provided that they are willing to bring purchases up the stairs to meet patrons , given sufficient notice . While these buildings are not fully accessible , they are ADA compliant since there is no way to install a lift and they 're ( hopefully ) willing to try their best to accomodate people . The above - mentioned social services program may in fact also be fully ADA compliant . It is quite likely that given the age of their building and their limited operating costs that they were not required by law to make additional modifications to the building . And it is thoughtful of them to include in the brochure that the building has an elevator . However , said building is far from fully accessible . From my observations the one time I ' ve been in that building , it meets the minimum requirements for compliance , such as having grab bars in the restrooms , the elevator , and wide - enough pathways throughout the building for someone using a wheelchair or an ambulatory person with a wide gait . Um , but do these people have any clue what is required to be fully accessible as they claim ? Sure , full compliance is only legally required in certain buildings -- namely things like large schools and hospitals built more than 30 months after the ADA was adopted on 01 / 23 / 00 . But still , in order for a building to actually be fully accessible , it needs to meet specifications given in Title III of the ADA , which is over 100,000 words long . For instance , elevator controls are required to have braille and raised letters , positioned to the left of each button . Stairways with open risers are not permitted . Letters and numbers on signs shall have a width - to - height ratio between 3:5 and 1:1 and a stroke - width - to - height ratio between 1:5 and 1:10 . The cord from the telephone to the handset shall be at least 29 in ( 735 mm ) long . This progam would also need to have assistive listening devices readily available since they offer seminars and things that are open to the public and don't require preregistration . In short , this program isn't breaking any law , but it 's a really bad business move for them to demonstrate blatant ignorance of the ADA when they 're a freakin program for people with disabilities . 
Panera is an agent of The Man. I ' m at Panera , using the free wireless . I just tried to read a blog on livejournal and found that their firewall blocks it . I poked around , and I found they block the whole domain : The Sonic WALL Content Filter Has Blocked this site . If you feel this site has been blocked in error , Please submit a URL Rating Review at : http : // cfssupport . sonicwall . com URL : http : // www . livejournal . com / Reason for restriction : Forbidden Category " Adult / Mature Content " Mature content ? OK , that 's not completely off - base , as livejournal in fact allows people to post journals with mature content . However , the site certainly isn't geared toward mature content , and this firewall isn't blocking blogspot or typepad I just tried manhunt . com ( a dating service geared toward gay males , which has a clear reputation for where men look for hookups rather than actual dating relationships ) and I got a restriction message saying simply " forbidden category . " Match . com and OKcupid aren't blocked , so it isn't dating sites they 're blocking . Craigslist isn't blocked , so it can't be that they 're blocking sites that feature rampant advertising for sex . My e - mail account isn't blocked , so it can't be that they 're filtering out discussions about sex . Out of curiosity I googled " horny young sluts " and found several sites that were blocked for reason of " pornography " and others that let me right in . So I can see the horny young sluts , but I can't see livejournal . Oh , and Scarleteen is blocked due to being in the forbidden category of " sex education . " I wish I were kidding . Planned Parenthood 's sex education information section isn't blocked . Off to Sonic Wall to er , submit a URL rating review . Edited to add : I poked around on Sonic Wall , and the site allows the network adminstrator ( in other words , Panera ) to choose what categories are and are not blocked . For instance , they can choose to block internet auctions , chat / IM , job search , shopping , intimate apparel / swimsuit , gay / lesbian issues ( we seem to be the only specific demographic group available for blocking ) and so forth . So I went on the Sonic Wall site and submitted a comment that livejournal is not primarily an " adult content " site , and also mentioned that most blog servers allow mature content and are not blocked . I ' m also going to e - mail Panera and tell them that I ' m a mental health clinician who does work - related surfing here and doesn't appreciate the blocking of " sex education . " . 
Not free burritos this time , but Boloco continues to do awesome things . Next Monday , President s Day , Boloco restaurants in Boston will donate $ 1 from every burrito sold to Community Servings , a Boston - based non - profit organization dedicated to providing free home - delivered meals throughout eastern Massachusetts to people homebound with HIV / AIDS and other acute life - threatening illnesses , who are unable to shop or cook for themselves . Please tell your friends and be sure to stop into Boloco Monday , February 20 th to enjoy an inspired burrito and , in doing so , bring some inspiration to your neighbors who rely on Community Servings each day . 
Found on my car this evening . Except for how there are three to four spaces in front of our house , two of which I shoveled out . There isn't a shortage of places to park . It was nice of O Assertive One to offer the shovel though . 
Neighborhood Association meeting tonight . Highland Park Neighborhood Association February 14 , 20066:30 p.m. E . L . Cooper Community Center at the corner of Linwood Street and Linwood Square Please feel free to e - mail me if you need better directions , want more info , or just haven't gone before and need a couple of wacky neighbors to walk you over . Everyone who lives in the Fort Hill / Highland Park section of Roxbury is welcome to attend . 
Jo mama , er , I mean , Johari . I haven't posted much lately , due to various personal stuff that 's been taking up a lot of my time . Don't worry , none of it is anything terribly bad or that can't be fixed , and most of it 's actually really great . Also , in case it wasn't blatantly obvious , I ' ve recently found myself inundated with a lot of annoying companies and policies and so forth . As much as it 's fun to write about the things that are at least annoying in an amusing sort of way , I really don't want this to become a predominantly negative space . One thing that 's been amusing me lately is the Interactive Johari window . Some people might be familiar with this exercise in which people in a group pick personality attributes to describe themselves and others , then make a visual representation of how a person is viewed by self and by others . I ' ve created a window . I ' d like to ask that , for the sake of accuracy , please only contribute if you know me . You don't need to be a close personal friend , but I ' d like to limit this to people who at least have a sense of me beyond having read my blog . People who do not know me are of course invited to view my window and to create windows for themselves . ( There is also a Nohari window for " describing your failings . " It was created solely by using opposite attributes from the Johari window , so it contains mostly truly negative terms , such as foolish , insensitive , stupid , violent , unethical , and irresponsible . I don't really see this as having value beyond being kind of humorous . I can't imagine there are many healthy people for whom it 's helpful feedback to have their overall person labeled as stupid or unethical . ) . 
When the left hand doesn't know what , uh , the left hand is doing . Phone : BEEPADADEEPMe : * presses voicemail button * Voicemail : Please call us for an important message at 1 - 800 - 850 - 4622 between 8 am and 4 pm Eastern Standard Time . Me : * throws phone at wall , retrieves it , calls number to see if it 's somewhere I actually have a relationship with * Phone : Hi , you ' ve reached GMAC * Mortgage Company ... My brain : ... oh , yeah I have a mortgage with them ... Phone : ... collections department ... Me : WHAT ? ! Phone : Please choose from the following options . For an account that -- Me : * presses 0 * Phone : Please choose from the following -- Me : * 0 * Phone : Please choose -- Me : * 0 , 0 , 0 , 0 , 0 , 000000000 * Phone : Your call may be monitored or recorded for security purposes . Me : * sigh * Person : Hiyou ' vereacheddpeartatcanaanedverfaccountnumber ? Me : I don't have it handy . You called me . Person : Certainly ma ' am , I can look it up ma ' am . Ma ' am , what 's your social security number ? Me : * says social security number * Person : All right ma ' am , thank you ma ' am , ma ' am , for verification purposes can I have your name ? Me : * says name * Person : All right ma ' am , thank you ma ' am , ma ' am , for verification purposes can I have yourproperty address ? Me : ... Person : All right ma ' am , thank you ma ' am , ma ' am , for verification purposes can I have your mailing address ? All right ma ' am , thank you ma ' am , ma ' am , for verification purposes can I have your phone number ? All right ma ' am , thank you ma ' am , ma ' am , for verification purposes is there an alternate phone number ? Me : ... zzzz ... Person : All right ma ' am , thank you ma ' am . I have been able to verify your account ma ' am . Ma ' am , we 're calling to remind you that there is a payment due , and that to avoid collections activity ma ' am , we 're going to need to ask you to make a payment by the 15 th ma ' am . Me : I have autopay . It comes out every month on the 15 th , and it 's been doing so . Person : Ma ' am that should be fine ma ' am , it just needs to be paid by the 15 th in order to avoid collections ma ' am . Me : Can you stop calling me ma ' am ? Person : Certainly ma -- uh -- er ... Uh . Me : Thank you . OK , why are you people calling me ? My account is not overdue , and I have autopay set up , which pays my account on time every month . Person : Yes ma ' am , I see here that you have autopay set up for your bank account ending in 0875 ma ' am , and we ' ve been receiving the payments ma ' am , but it wasn't in our system that you have autopay , which is why you were called ma ' am . Me : That doesn't make any sense . It 's in your system , except for how it 's not in your system . Um , why did collections call me if I ' m not past due ? Person : Ma ' am , you have a payment that needs to be made by the 15 th of this month ... Me : Yes , clearly . And autopay is going to make it , on the 15 th , yes ? Person : Uh , yes ma ' am , I see that ma ' am , so I just needed to make sure that you had planned to make a payment by the 15 th of this month , because -- Me : Yeah , OK , sure , thanks , bye . * click ** Yes , my mortgage has been sold YET AGAIN . 
Tuba or not tuba . I just received an e - mail from my friend Peter ( who has no web presence of any sort , so I can't even link to him , the bastard ) : From : Peter To : eeka Date : Feb 8 , 2006 1:35 PM Subject : bald guy The last two mornings , there has been a bald guy playing the tuba at the Park Street T ! My camera and I may have to take a detour tomorrow morning . OK , so , what do you get if you cut a tuba in half ? A oneba . What do you use to fix a broken tuba ? A tuba glue . What 's a tuba for ? One - and - a - half by three - and - a - half unless you ask for it full cut . I ' m stopping now . I promise . 
Prevention of microwave - borne reekage . This is a public service to all people who work in offices or other spaces in which other people with noses are ever present . Due to recent actions on the part of some of my coworkers , I feel it necessary to provide the microwave users of the world with some guidelines . In order to reduce the risk of serious damage to others and / or self , the following items should not be microwaved in the workplace : scrambled eggsfishpopcornfishturpentine - noodle soupbaconan entire chickenasparagussomething I can only presume was canned dog foodfish Any violations may result in beverages being accidentally spilled on said food products . 
Fuck off and die , Bright Eyes . Molly and I have had Total Eclipse of the Heart stuck in our heads for about a week now . We can't seem to find a way to get it to leave . Adapting it into a soundtrack of whatever we 're doing at the time isn't helping ( Turn around / Every now and then I stick some bread in the toaster , and I reach in the fridge and get the jam ; And I need to do laundry tonight / And my clothes reek more than ever ... ) . Neither is singing it at the top of our lungs while using the nearest prop for a microphone . Incidentally , dancing with a screwdriver ( the tool ) pointed at one 's face is not advisable . This article talks about how songs get stuck in people 's heads , the most commonly stuck songs , and even cites medical research on the topic . It gives some suggestions for getting the songs to leave , none of which seem to be too effective . It doesn't , however , give any tips for explaining to one 's boss why every sentence in an assessment starts with " every now and then . " . 
A new era for One Smoot . Behold ! A first : eeka posts while completely trashed . ( Molly and I are playing the State of the Union Address Drinking Game . ) Why does he keep saying " isolationism ? " That should warrant a drink . Why do they keep showing Hillary ? Ditto . Dude , gotta love how they cut to a shot of a couple of Black senators / representatives / consulates / ambassadors / whatevers when he was talking about Coretta Scott King . Hello tokenism ! That should really be included in the drinking game . So should mentions of 9 / 11 . And what 's up with " uh - rack ? " He says " Iran " more or less correctly . Dude . He 's actually learned to speak fairly decently over the past 6 years . So how the hell has he neglected to stop saying " nuke - yew - lur ? " I mean , seriously . Whoa , " it will save the American taxpayer 14 billion dollars " ? Hey , I ' d love to save 14 billion dollars on my taxes . Blah blah blah dependence on foreign oil blah blah blah Alaska blah blah blah . Wait , why 's he proposing a new initiative on competitiveness ? There 's already a Council on Competitiveness , whatever the hell " competitiveness " means . Why not competitivity ? Competitiveatism ? Hey ! He just perfunctorily mentioned " people wanting to redefine marriage " without saying what he means . Bastard . I ' d love to redefine marriage to include anyone of sound mind who wants to marry , you know , since the constitution doesn't say otherwise or anything . People are booing Alito ! AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA ! Kickass . " Treated and defeated . " Is Bush rapping ? He 's gettin ' down wid his badass . Oh look . He talked about how he 's going to work with African - American groups to defeat HIV , and then they cut to a shot of a Black person in the audience . Uh huh . That should totally be worth a drink . Woohoo . It 's over . Now it 's time to channelsurf and see which network is the least obnoxious with the commentary . 
What I ' ll be doing tonight . There are several versions of the 2006 State of The Union Address Drinking Game , but this one seemed to be the best . Plus , it 's on a website devoted entirely to said drinking game , so that makes it the best by default . 
The renaming of the Hancock Building . A friend of mine , who ' d rather not traumatize his kid by blogging this himself , told me this story : OK , so , my friend 's child , who is seven , is a little obsessed with the Hancock Building . The other night , they were having dinner in some posh restaurant , when she started talking about how great the building is . Her little monologue went something like this : " Wow , the Hancock Building is really really big . They should call it the Bigcock Building ! " My friend assures me she doesn't know what this means , and explained how he and his wife furiously tried , at this point , to change the subject without her realizing she ' d said anything that was , uh , interesting in any way . They weren't terribly successful . She continued , in typical seven - year - old singsong manner , playing with the name she had just invented : " Bigcock ! Bigcock ! Biggiecock ! Biggiecock ! " I can never look at that building with a straight face again . 
Teeth ? OK , who is going around writing " teeth " all over town ? More importantly , why ? Also , it was too dim to get a shot of it with my crappy camera , but this person also changed " HEATH " to " TEETH " on a green line map at Haymarket . 
If you 're going to enact discriminatory taxes , you need to at least explain how to pay them . OK , so we all know that same - sex couples have to declare health insurance benefits from their spouse 's policy as income , since the federal government doesn't recognize any form of domestic partnership . But how exactly is this done ? I couldn't find it anywhere on the IRS website . The only thing I can find is : " Employer - provided coverage under an accident or health plan for individuals other than the employee , the employee s spouse or dependents is included in the employee s gross income ( section 106 ) The term dependent is defined in section 152 ( a ) of the Code . A domestic partner would not qualify unless the dependency tests are met . " What this doesn't explain is how the coverage translates to income . For instance , my company doesn't offer a two - person healthcare plan ; there is only " individual " and " family . " So , we have a " family " plan with two people enrolled . This plan costs more than twice as much as an individual plan and would allow us to cover infinite dependents . It can't be right to have to declare half of the yearly premium as income , given that it 's a family plan . I ' m not even sure if we 're supposed to base it on the premium ; it just says " coverage . " Are we supposed to declare the actual value of healthcare services utilized during the year as income ? Or the value of healthcare services potentially available to us as a result of being " covered ? " Do I need to go ask the assessor 's office for the values of all of the hospitals in the region or what ? 
I ' m probably going to hell for making fun of philanthropic pursuits , but ... From the Boston freecycle list . This is the weirdest post yet from a frequent poster who apparently gets yarn from freecycle , makes it into stuff , then refreecycles it . I AM A SMALL BAG , WITH SEVEN HANDCROCHETED HATS IN VARIOUS SIZES AND COLORS , AND 2 SCARFS , ( ONE IS A SCARF HAT ) . SOME OF THIS YARN WAS GIVEN TO ME FROM FREECYCLERS ( THANK YOU ) . I AM IN DORCHESTER , THANKS , JUDYBYeah , I bet you are a small bag . ( Um , scarf hat ? ) . 
Grrrrr ... Mass News 's " JUDGE MARSHALL RESIGN " banner just flew past my office window ( with an airplane towing it ) . Honestly , there 's something really wrong with people spending millions of dollars to hire airplanes to protest something that doesn't affect them . Also , speaking of people who are confused as to what does and does not affect them , the Massachusetts Citizens for Marriage group is billing themselves as " a secular umbrella for religious and non - religious groups favoring the continuation of traditional marriage . " Uh , I wasn't aware that there was any sort of legislation pending that would end traditional marriage . What do they need this group for , exactly ? 
Evil thought for the day . The Behavenet DSM clinical capsules ( pages that list the DSM criteria for each disorder ) should have an " e - mail this page " link at the bottom . You know , like , to anonymously send the criteria for a disorder to someone . I can think of plenty of candidates . 
As if a whole lot of OTHER popular music is shockingly original ... " Petals " by Mariah Carey sounds disturbingly like " Kiss from a Rose " by Seal . And no , I wasn't intentionally listening to Mariah Carey . It 's Pandora 's fault . I am really liking the song , but Seal 's song is much better . 
Update on Shannon Fitzpatrick . I received a very nice e - mail yesterday from Shannon Fitzpatrick , the female student who competed in the Mr. Saugus High School competition last week . She was googling her name and found One Smoot . She pointed me to a follow - up story and updated me on how the competition went . Well , she didn't win , though she says " I didn't really expect to . " More importantly though , she described how " people who I didn't even know were coming up to me in the hallways and telling me how proud they were of me " and stated that large numbers of people who would not have ordinarily have come to such an event came to the event to cheer her on . What an inspirational young lady . 
Sovereign Bank also annoys me . Two weeks ago , Molly and I went into Sovereign Bank so that we could change my account to a joint account and close hers to make our lives easier . We were helped by a nice , animated gentleman who laughed at our jokes about terrorists and bird flu . He set up the account and everything and told Molly to expect her ATM / check card in seven business days . Yesterday , as it had been more than seven business days , I called their 800 number and was put on hold five times for a total call duration of 22 minutes , to learn that she had never been added to the account . I tried calling the branch multiple times to figure out why this was , and each time , I was told that only the person who had initially helped me could help me , and he was at lunch . Twice in one day , in fact . Wouldn't the second one have then been dinner ? Or perhaps the first one would have been breakfast ? Today , I got smart and went into the branch . I told the person ( not the same one ) what was going on . He pulled up the account and found that the signature card had not been processed and the ATM card had not been ordered . So , he got on the phone with the people who deal with ordering cards , who said they could Fed Ex the card and we could have it the next day . OK , that 's acceptable . Wait , then he tells me that she wouldn't receive the PIN in the mail for seven business days , so the Fed Ex ' d card would be useless . Couldn't they Fed Ex the PIN too ? No , they don't expedite PINs , only cards . Yeah , that makes a lot of sense . So , he said we can expect the card in another seven business days . I explained to him that three - plus weeks to be able to use your bank account is pretty ridiculous , and he agreed , and said he ' d refund us five dollars . Gee , thanks . 
Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center continues to irritate me . I just picked up my phone and immediately got an automated message saying , " This is the business office at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center . It is important that you call us back ... " Uh , what ? I picked up the phone . Is it so hard for there to be a person there ? For what it 's worth , they called me last week with the same message , only I got it on my voicemail the other time , so it made a little more sense . When I called back that time , they said that they were inquiring as to whether I planned to pay my balance with them . My response was that I ' d pay for it when I received a bill for it . The person of course had no record as to whether they ' d ever billed me for it . So I did receive a bill a few days later , and I called them to let them know I wouldn't be paying it , since I still have a credit with them for more than the amount of this newest bill . The person told me that this would result in my bill going to collection , since every visit is considered to be a separate account and the credit from overpayment on another visit has no effect on what I currently owe . Of course , the credit I have resulted from a previous time when they told me the same thing and insisted I pay them money I didn't actually owe them ... I ' ve given up on trying to understand the Beth Israel business office , but if any of my readers have any questions for them , such as , say whether their refrigerator is running , the number is 866 - 306 - 7647 . 
One more reason to love Alanis . In a live version of " Ironic , " which I just heard on Pandora , she sings the lyrics as , " It 's meeting the man of my dreams , and then meeting his beautiful ... HUSBAND ! " . 
Pondering ableist language and how to avoid it . Today I ' m writing a treatment plan that includes a goal , devised by our treatment team , along the lines of " [ individual ] will notify a provider if she experiences symptoms of psychiatric decompensation . " I ' ve never been a fan of the word " decompensation , " because , if we think about the word , it has some ableist undertones to it . The word basically implies that someone , when receiving appropriate supports , is " compensated " ( not experiencing acute mental illness ) . In other words , the person 's default presentation is to be experiencing acute mental illness , and the person is only functional because he or she is " compensating " for illness . Personally , I like to think of it from the opposite point of view . I like to think that a person 's true self is the self that functions well , and then the person is at times hindered by various degrees of distress and dysfunction . To view a person as being " compensated " when he or she is doing well is to view that person as having a core of mental illness , rather than as a whole person who at times experiences mental illness . I suppose what 's particularly intriguing is that the word " baseline " is also commonly used in the mental health field . ( This is actually also a word I hate , because it 's applied so inconsistently that I find it pretty meaningless ; I hear it used to refer to a person 's typical presentation , a person 's highest observed level of functioning , or used as a synonym for " stable . " ) What 's intriguing though is that if we use it how it seems to be used most commonly -- to refer to someone functioning generally well without experiencing any acute mental illness -- then it actually contradicts the concept of being compensated or decompensated . If someone is going to work and eating and sleeping and has friends and is generally doing well , that person could be said to be " at baseline . " Meaning that the person is functioning as his or her normal old self . If this is the " normal old self , " then it 's contradictory to say that the person is " compensated , " which implies that the " normal old self " is when the person is experiencing acute illness . We can't accurately use " baseline " and " decompensated " in the same field , because they really have opposite implications . Personally , I prefer that we don't use either of them . I like to cut the jargon and stick to using descriptive and humane terms . " He was having a period of difficulty during which he experienced severe depression and reported staying in his house for up to a week at a time . " That tells me what 's actually happening with a human being . " He was decompensated " doesn't tell me anything , except that someone is being viewed as an illness rather than a person . 
A public service announcement to all the good people of Boston . You know those labels that are sewn onto the sleeves of coats , using a few loose stitches ? Like , on suit jackets and overcoats ? The ones that say the brand name or " 100 % wool " or something along these lines ? These are not meant to be left on the garment once you purchase it . Now , I know that the idea of stitches being temporary might be an overwhelming concept for you Mc Executives who would never in a million years attempt to make or mend something , and who view everything as disposable rather than modifiable . But I promise you , loose stitching has been used in this manner for years and continues to be used on a lot of traditional garments . You don't go around wearing the size tags that are affixed by little plastic leashes , do you ? Another concern I have is why every single one of you tag - wearers got off at State Street , but this issue is much less pressing , given that it doesn't severely embarrass you , unlike riding around on the subway looking like you shoplifted your coat . I suppose though that if this trend continues , at least I will know in which neighborhood to start posting flyers and / or instruction manuals . 
Why is the MBTA ripping off visitors to our city ? A 7 - day MBTA visitor pass is $ 35.00 . The Boston Visitor Pass is valid for unlimited travel on the subway , local bus and inner harbor ferry . The MBTA weekly combo pass is $ 16.50 . The Weekly Combo Pass costs $ 16.50 . It is valid from Sunday to Saturday . Valid on the subway , trolley , local bus , and commuter rail zones 1 A and 1 B . Valid at all stations except Quincy Adams and Braintree . For bus fares higher than $ 2.20 , customer pays difference in cash . OK , so the visitor pass includes the ferry , which the combo pass doesn't . And the visitor pass can be used for any seven consecutive days , which the weekly combo pass can't . But still , two weekly combo passes is only $ 33 . The fare for the inner harbor ferry is $ 1.50 . Unless you 're a visitor who plans on taking a whole lot of ferry trips , the weekly combo pass is considerably cheaper . 
Female student enters " Mr. Saugus High School " pageant . So , if all went according to plans , Shannon Fitzpatrick became the first girl to compete in the mock male beauty pageant at Saugus High School last night . I can't find a follow - up saying how it went though . Anyone who finds anything , please update me ! 
Oh , this is priceless . I wrote to the mayor 's office this morning about a building on my street with loose bricks falling off of the building onto the sidewalk , the street , and most recently , my car . I received the following reply : Thank you for contacting the Mayor 's Office . As always , we thank you for your concern . This is what has been done in response to the issue you ' ve raised : 24 - Hour ID # 213908 Entered By : Davidt Re : Web complaint : FOLLOW - UP : ----------------------------------------- The substance of this message , including any attachments , may beconfidential , legally privileged and / or exempt from disclosure pursuant to Massachusetts law . It is intended solely for the addressee . If you received this in error , please contact the sender and delete the material from any computer . Was it a typo that " follow - up " got left blank , or is this their oh - so - direct way of telling me that they are doing nothing about it ? 
RCN has a friend in Jesus ? OK , we don't need to get into why I just did a google search for " boston technology jesus " ( without the quotes ) , but the first hit that comes up is RCN . As in the cable company . EDIT : The RCN page now doesn't come up at all when I do the search . Hmm . 
Which version of the constitution did YOU read ? Jeff Jacoby speculates as to why the population in Massachusetts is shrinking : Maybe fewer and fewer people want to call Massachusetts home not because of its oppressive winters but because of its oppressive and demoralizing political culture . ... A supreme court that turns same - sex marriage into a constitutional right ? OK , it would be one thing to hypothesize that people might be leaving Massachusetts because they don't like living somewhere that 's attempting to give civil rights to all people . I ' m sure there are , in fact , people who ' d rather live somewhere where same - sex couples are denied basic human rights . But this isn't what he 's saying . He 's not just stating that some people are against equality . He 's implying that same - sex marriage somehow isn't a constitutional right . Has this guy studied the constitution at all ? Of course it 's a right . There 's absolutely nothing in the constitution indicating that civil rights are only available to select groups of people . He really should stick to senseless ranting and not try to incorporate facts into his arguments . On another note , Jacoby doesn't seem to get out of Massachusetts much . These are tiny states . Elsewhere in the country , people wanting to raise a family often move 30 or 40 miles away from the city and become commuters in order to fight rising housing costs and find small public schools and large yards . In Boston , you move 30 or 40 miles either north or south and you 're in a different state . Rhode Island and New Hampshire each contain suburbs of Boston where a good number of people commute into the city . It 's no different than other places in the country where cities are losing population and outlying areas are gaining population ; it just happens to be across state lines here . 
The School of Practical Philosophy . For some reason , the ads all over the T for The School of Practical Philosophy are really raising my skepticism flag . For people who haven't seen the ads , they 're offering a free 10 - week course exploring how people can discover their purpose in life and find happiness . I ' ve looked at the website , and the school is chartered by the Regents of the University of the State of New York , which would suggest that it pretty much has to be a legitimate organization without an " agenda " per se . I don't know though ; there 's just something about the school offering a free course and the ads purporting to help people find happiness that feels kind of cult - like to me . Especially given that the site states that " The School of Practical Philosophy is staffed and cared for by its own students on a purely voluntary basis , without remuneration . Its tutors are all students of the school who have studied their subject for many years . " A philosophy school using only philosophers from its own school seems to go against everything I learned in philosophy courses . It would seem to me that a philosophy school , by nature , would need to be composed of teachers from diverse backgrounds and schools of thought . I don't , of course , mean " cult - like " in the sense that I think the organization is recruiting hostages and cutting them off from their families , but there 's just something that rubs me the wrong way about groups advertising that they can bring people happiness . Sure , there are plenty of mainstream activities ( religion , education , hobbies ) that people pursue primarily to find answers and happiness , but I guess something about ads blatently advertising happiness just creeps me out . 
It isn't " progressive " to use a loved one as a political pawn . " Politicians in Washington D . C . and Florida abused their public trust by forcing the government in the middle of my family tragedy , " says Michael Schiavo , who has formed Terri PAC in an attempt to use Terri 's memory as a way of advancing progressive causes . While civil liberties are something I ' m in favor of , I ' m really not liking how he 's completely ignoring the real political issue central to her story : her civil liberties . Terri Schiavo was killed because she had a cognitive disability . Aside from commentary from members of the disability community , I ' ve heard very little mention of the real issue , which is that it 's absolutely inhumane to starve someone to death . " Do not resuscitate " orders are an entirely separate legal and moral issue from what happened to Terri . She was not being kept alive artificially , was not medically unstable , and was not terminally ill . She was using a feeding tube due to an inability to swallow , as many individuals with and without cognitive disabilities do . Some friends of mine have a walking , talking , perfectly healthy toddler who uses a feeding tube because of difficulties swallowing and digesting . Would they be legally allowed to decide to stop feeding their child ? Of course not . What 's the difference between this child and Terri ? Apprently it is legal to starve someone to death only if that person has a cognitive disability . For whatever reason , many progressives have taken on the very non - progressive view that people with disabilities are not to be valued and have reframed this as a civil liberties issue . The government was not involved in the Schiavo family 's tragedy until Michael Schiavo decided to starve someone to death . The current government , despite all of its limitations in terms of health care and social services , does not tend to seek out individuals with disabilities and go around harassing their families . Mark Polit points out that " Progressives have a proud history of defending those who cannot defend themselves , seeking to give voice to the needs of the voiceless , and fighting for life over death . It is the right wing that promotes a culture of death , waging a war of aggression , torturing and murdering prisoners of war , supporting the death penalty , and seeking to roll back funding for health care for seniors and the poor . The powerful have long dehumanized other classes races or groups . And starving to death Terri Schiavo embodies the prejudice and misperceptions of disability that are prevalent in our society , just as similar dehumanizing attitudes have led to the aweful oppression of other minorities . " Laura Hershey writes that " many of my usual allies , people who support civil rights for other minority groups , have trouble embracing the rights of people with severe disabilities . Even dedicated progressives , perhaps overwhelmed by their fear of disability , seem to lose sight of the core value of human equality . To my knowledge no progressive or feminist group has tried to understand or address the injustices involved in this case of spousal and medical violence against a disabled woman . " . 
See you next year , huh huh huh . So far , I ' ve been fortunate enough this December not to hear anyone end a meeting or leave the building such a remark . However , the last Friday of the month is coming up . I ' ve decided that any person who says that in my presence gets flogged . 
New MBTA fare collection system isn't so friendly to people with disabilities . I just got my January MBTA pass , which are now Charlie Tickets instead of the old type of monthly passes . Right now , only a few stations ( on the blue line and silver line ) have the new fare equipment , so for now , I ' ll use the Charlie Ticket just like an old T pass , by swiping it through the reader before going through the turnstile . However , once the system is converted , every station will be using fare collection equipment that sucks the ticket into the reader and then spits it out . This means that the passes can't be attached to keychains or lanyards and swiped while attached . For me , as someone with poor balance and low - grade seizure activity , this is just annoying , because it means I ' ll drop my pass a lot just as I do with keys and other things . For other people , this is going to create a major inconvenience . The people who especially come to mind are people who can't easily retrieve a dropped pass , people who can't see where their pass went , or people who have cognitive and / or psychiatric disabilities and are prone to losing things . This could get expensive for a lot of people , not to mention slowing down trips on a system that is already alarmingly inaccessible for people with visual and / or mobility impairments . 
The insanity continues . A bumper sticker appeared some time in the last day on a map / advertising kiosk on Canal Street reading : NO " MERRY CHRISTMAS , " NO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING ! Never mind that , uh , it 's after Christmas , but what exactly does this mean ? Does this mean that if someone is opposed to " Merry Christmas " they therefore are not deserving of doing any Christmas shopping ? Because if someone prefers not to say or hear " Merry Christmas , " chances are that any shopping they 're doing is for something other than Christmas . There are other events involving buying presents that take place around now . 
Help expose the trickery , deception , and forgery of anti - civil - rights groups . According to Mass Equality , " paid signature - gatherers from out - of - state have stolen thousands of signatures through trickery , deception , and forgery . " Check their listings to make sure your name isn't on the anti - gay petition . There have been stories circulating of people 's signatures being listed from having signed other petitions , as well as having been forged by people randomly combing voter records . Even if you don't find your name , you can still e - mail your legislators to encourage careful confirmation of signatures collected . 
Is there anything that HASN ' T been blamed on terrorists yet ? " Terrorists are out to destroy personal freedom and undermine traditional values associated with Santa Claus and the Christmas Creche , " says John Michael Snyder , public affairs director of the Citizens Committee for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms , who sent out this card : And why 's Jesus under a tree , exactly ? Have the terrorists destroyed stables ? 
I may be one smoot short of a bridge and all , but ... So , the Globe is reporting on the City of Boston requiring abutting property owners to pay half of the cost of replacing asphalt sidewalks with concrete sidewalks if they wish for their street to have durable , attractive , even - surfaced sidewalks like most streets have . Meanwhile , the Neighborhood Access Group is still fighting to have the city stop constructing and maintaining brick - and - mortar sidewalks , which are trecherous for anyone with poor balance and / or who uses a mobility aid , and to instead use ( cheaper ) concrete sidewalks in their place . The group has been successful in stopping the construction of some specific brick sidewalks , but they are continuing to be constructed throughout the city . Does anyone else see where the city could get money for replacing asphalt with concrete ? 
Artistic project memorializing Northampton State Hospital . I was poking around on the web to see if there have been any further developments on the Danvers State Memorial Committee 's project . I didn't find anything , but I found this website , which is a historical overview of services for people with disabilities in Massachusetts . It 's a useful general reference for keeping track of which current state agencies evolved out of which past agencies . It 's also a great sociological reference , listing such events as 1916 : " State Board of Insanity " becomes the " Massachusetts Commission on Mental Diseases . " The list is interesting enough in and of itself , but the main site , 1856 . org , is even more intriguing . It unfortunately contains a good deal of broken links and seems to have been abandoned several years ago , but it 's a great site for people who are interested in multiple aspects of abandoned state hospitals . There are a lot of links to articles as well as photos and sketches of properties . This site also has some intriguing photos of the hospital with various text and links . The photographer is amazing and has several galleries of abandoned properties on his site , most of them hospitals and other state institutions . 
Petition to prevent " shoot first " law from coming to additional states . Petitions are now up at The Brady Campaign 's website and on the Working For Change website , going to governors around the country asking them to oppose a " shoot first " law like the one Florida enacted in October . I ' m not sure how necessary this really is in Massachusetts , because I can't imagine that a lot of our legislators would be in favor . Still , even in a state where I don't think this will be too strongly considered , we can add to the number of people all over the country who think enacting such a law is unnecessary and irresponsible . The number of people nationally who have sent an e - mail stating they don't want such a law might help things in states where it is likely that this will come to a vote . 
Depression Treatment in Black Women Must Consider Social Factors . An understanding of the societal , environmental , and biologic factors that combine to raise the risk of depression in African - American women will drive successful prevention strategies , according to one expert . African - American women are especially vulnerable to depression due to a convergence of societal and biological factors such as stress related to racial discrimination and high prevalence rates of health problems such as hypertension and cardiovascular disease . from the December issue of Psychiatric News . 
Because this wouldn't be a Boston blog without some discussion of donuts ... First , the Krispy Kreme in the Prudential - Copley - giant - mall - complex - mega - thing closes . Then the Krispy Kreme locations in Saugus and Medford close . Now , Dunkin Donuts , while unfortunately not closing any time soon , has been sold . I guess there 's hope yet that this city might stop being so obsessed with donut retailers . In honor of these monumental occasions , I bring you the beta version of : EEKA ' S LIST OF PLACES IN THE BOSTON AREA WHERE THERE ARE TWO DUNKIN DONUTS LOCATIONS ON THE SAME BLOCK * So far I have found : Dunkin Donuts on Causeway Street , across from The Fleetf America TDNorth Bank Mc Gap Disney Barn Garden with the Dunkin Donuts in it Dunkin Donuts on Alewife Brook Parkway , across the rotary from the Dunkin Donuts Dunkin Donuts in the Fenway , on Boylston street , on the same block as the Dunkin Donuts on Mass Ave Dunkin Donuts in Lynn on Boston Street , about a block from the Dunkin Donuts on Boston Street If you 're aware of any more , please let me know and I ' ll add them . * " Block " in this case refers to a major city block . I am aware that a few of these locations have a small side street in between the two establishments , but I think we can all agree that they definitely constitute two Dunkies locations being entirely too near one another . 
WHO dedicates this year 's International Human Rights Day to people with mental illness . The World Health Organization ( WHO ) is dedicating International Human Rights Day , 10 December , to people with mental disorders and the all - too - prevalent violations of their basic human rights . People with mental disorders face an alarming range of human rights abuses in countries throughout the world , yet there are proven ways to dramatically improve the situation . This decision , publicized Tuesday , seems like great foresight given Wednesday 's fatal shooting of Rigoberto Alpizar by U.S. Air Marshals . Mr. Alpizar was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was shot while exhibiting agitation that his wife reported was related to missing doses of medication . 
Fort Hill Roxbury neighborhood association meetings . I ' ve received an e - mail from a neighbor who found me by googling for Fort Hill ( Hi , Chris ! ) , and who ' d like to know about neighborhood associations on the hill . It seems that they aren't listed online anywhere , or at least not on an indexed page , so I ' m creating one : Hawthorne Area Neighborhood Association Mondays at 7:00 p.m. Hawthorne Youth and Community Center 9 Fulda Street Nov . 14 2005 Dec . 12 2005 Jan . 23 2006 Feb. 13 2006 March 13 2006 April 10 2006 May 8 2006 June 12 2006 Highland Park Neighborhood Association 2 nd Tuesday of each month at 6:30 p.m. E . L . Cooper Community Centerat the corner of Linwood Street and Linwood Square I ' ve also heard that there are a couple of other neighborhood associations on the hill . If anyone has info about when they meet , feel free to comment here or e - mail me , and I can add them . 
What brown can do for us . And only us . From the bottom of the tracking results page on the UPS homepage : UPS , UPS brandmark , and the Color Brown are trademarks of United Parcel Service of America , Inc. All Rights Reserved . Wait , what ? You ' ve trademarked a color ? And not even a specified shade , but just the general color " brown ? " How does that work exactly . Do you people intend to imply that anyone who uses the color brown is therefore violating your corporation 's rights ? Are you going to initiate lawsuits against trees ? Dogs ? Turds ? Then there 's this page , which lists all of their trademarks . In addition to such terms as " flex , " " big idea , " and " sell it , " they 're also claiming the following trademarks : COLOR BROWN ( clothing ) COLOR BROWN ( vehicles ) What . The . Hell ? I think I ' d better change out of these pants , because I now no longer have the excuse that I didn't know brown clothing was trademarked . I ' ll also be a good citizen and inform my neighbors that it would be advisable to paint their car a different color . 
Only amusing because of who said it ... From Quote of the Day : I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas . I ' m frightened of the old ones . -- John Cage ( 1912 - 1992 ) Yes , Mr. Cage , that 's um , apparent . 
My blog might make me a decent amount of money after all . Well , the google ads and Amazon associates links aren't exactly rolling in the dough , although I have been getting some google ads lately with a per - click rate of over $ 2.00 -- what 's up with that ? However , I just qualified to participate in a paid focus group on Boston bloggers , which is taking place downtown on Monday at noon or in the evening ( I got to pick my timeslot ) . As far as I know , readership and / or profitability didn't play into my being selected , so it looks like they 're not necessarily looking for big - time bloggers . They asked the usual focus - group questions about demographics and interests , but the questions were very general and didn't result in the usual , " Oh , sorry , we 're looking for people who spend over $ 500 per week on electronics and cosmetics . " I ' d suggest anyone who 's interested visit their blog and give it a try . 
I ' m not the only one who makes mixes of 10 versions of one song . In addition to expected playlists such as adult contemporary Christmas , country Christmas , Celtic Christmas , and urban Christmas , the Accu Radio holidays channel has several channels featuring dozens of versions of one particular song : " Chestnuts Roasting , " " Blue and White Xmas , " Let it Snow ! , " " Home for Xmas , " " Have Yourself a Merry Little ... " and " Silent Night " are very song - specific channels -- for example , " Blue and White Xmas " plays nothing but dozens of versions of " Blue Christmas " and " White Christmas " ! I have the " Let it Snow ! " channel on right now . I particularly like that I can hit a " forward " version to skip a track I don't like , or deselect certain artists I don't want to come up in the playlist . EDIT : Aside from the one - song mixes , which are inherently amusing , the rest of the playlists on here are actually pretty bad mixes , with the possible exception of the jazz one . The lists are entirely too broad and cut across too many moods and tempos ; they 're more like record - store categories rather than playlists of music that sound good played back to back . I thought I ' d make a decent playlist by using the " deselect " feature to get rid of the artists who didn't belong in a particular list , but I got an error message saying that due to copyright law , I couldn't deselect more than five artists per list . Which I suppose makes sense , alas . 
My highly scientific methods prove a direct link between the Boston Herald and stupidity . It 's always been pretty obvious that the Boston Herald makes people stupider ; a quick glance at it , and one can ascertain that terms such as " thug , " " shut - in , " and " invalid " are appropriate ways to refer to human beings , and that it 's reasonable to report that someone was " murdered with a _____ last night , " when there has not yet been a criminal charge , let alone a cause of death determined . Now I ' m starting to think that one doesn't even have to read this thing to reap its effects ; mere possession of the thing makes people stupid . In the past couple of weeks , the number of people selling the thing by blocking traffic and / or walking around in intersections and dodging cars seems to have soared . Just yesterday , I saw : 1 ) one person jumping out in front of cars exiting the Dunkin Donuts in the Alewife rotary trying to sell Heralds , 2 ) one person on Melnea Cass Blvd darting around in traffic trying to sell them , and 3 ) one person with a bin of Heralds set up on the median of Columbus Ave at Mass Ave actually making a few sales to passing motorists but doing so while the light was green so as to cause the handful of cars in the left - turn lane to miss three green arrows while others were stopped buying Heralds . 
World AIDS Day 2005 . Is it just me or is it a sure sign this planet is overcommercialized when the National AIDS Trust ( UK ) is selling limited edition pink RAZR phones as a fundraiser ? Regardless , please consider honoring World AIDS Day by helping a local , national , or worldwide AIDS charity by giving cash , donating time , or purchasing various merchandise such as pink phones . Also , consider displaying the virtual red ribbon : . 
Mad props to the mayor 's office once more . A few nights ago there was a car parked across the city of Boston 's streetmy driveway , right in front of the gate with the big " no parking " sign . I called the mayor 's 24 - hour hotline and asked if they could do something about this . A towtruck appeared within the hour , and towed the car 10 feet forward into a legal parking spot . It solved the problem , and the person 's car wasn't towed to the tow lot unnecessarily . I looked the next morning and there wasn't a ticket , but it might have blown away or the owner might have taken it off already . I do hope the car got ticketed , because it would be nice if individual car owners paid for towing when we park illegally , but it 's nice to see that they actually solved the problem in a simple and logical way . 
Does language shape views or do views shape language ? Twice in the past few days , I ' ve encountered language that suggests to me that the speaker does not place the same value on same - sex relationships as opposite - sex relationships . In both instances , I did not get the impression whatsoever that the person speaking actually consciously held this view , but rather that it was something the speaker had absorbed societally . I wonder though where exactly the speakers absorbed this and what the best way is to try to shift this . First , an individual who I do not know well , but with whom I ' ve had very frank and warm interactions , asked me if " your friend " would be able to make an event and stated that she would like to meet her . I know I ' ve used the word " partner " with her . I ' ve possibly used the word " girlfriend , " and I ' ve definitely made reference to us having shopped for our house together and so forth . Then , I was talking to a coworker , who is not someone I ' m necessarily close to , but someone with whom I definitely feel friendly and with whom it 's typical that we discuss our weekends and so forth . I mentioned to her that Molly and I were going to be driving a truck of stuff from the midwest to Boston in January , and she said something like , " Wow , driving across those cold states in January -- you 're a really good friend ! " The way I read it , the first person 's comment seemed more like she just happened to come up with a word that wouldn't be the one preferred by me , or by most anyone in referring to one 's significant other . It still struck me as a bit odd though , given that I ' m sure she has a lot of friends in same - sex partnerships and / or unmarried partnerships , given the type of work she does and the types of organizations to which she belongs . I do think it 's entirely possible that she 's valuing of people as people and of legal equality , yet still holds some sort of view that we aren't a full - fledged relationship . The second person 's comment seemed to me to also be intended harmlessly , but had somewhat of an implication that she 's learned from somewhere that same - sex couples aren't expected to be as dedicated to one another . She 's always asked about Molly when we chat , and she 's also someone who 's very involved in diverse and progressive circles . Yet something struck me as strange that she stated that I was " a good friend " because I was helping my partner drive a truck of stuff in the middle of the winter . Would she think it would be unremarkable for me to just decide I ' d rather not do it ? For what it 's worth , I also know her husband and they seem to have a really good relationship . I wouldn't think either of them would even consider it an option not to help each other out with a similar task . So has she somehow absorbed the idea that I ' m " being a good friend " rather than doing what most reasonable people would consider is pretty much an expectation ? Or is it more that she 's absorbed the type of language disparity that the other person has , and she 's in fact just intending to provide me with the feedback that I ' m being appropriately faithful ? 
Why do dead people need therapists ? A job posting I received : Work with victims of domestic violence and survivors of vehicular homicide . Full time , salaried position , driver 's license and car req . Exp . with survivors of domestic violenc eand / or trauma req . , LMHC or LMHC eligible pref . Bilingual pref . 
They were manufacturing what , exactly ? The Globe now states that the apartment where artist Kevin Mc Cormick died of a heart attack did not in fact contain a meth lab , but rather contained a lab whether other substances were being manfuactured : A spokesman for the Drug Enforcement Administration , which is spearheading an investigation with Boston Police , would not elaborate , except to say that Mc Cormick 's apartment contained a ' ' very sophisticated clandestine drug lab . " Among substances seized were the designer drug MMDA , which produces effects similar to mild LSD , and hallucinegenic mushrooms . What ? MMDA ? Wait , what exactly was being manufactured here ? Clearly not MDMA , also known as ecstacy . Did they seize substances used in the production of the Metropolitan Manila Development Authority ? Or perhaps the Michigan Medical Device Association ? 
Another thought . Molly just suggested that once it snows , we complain that the city is failing to plow our - driveway - cum - street . Actually , I think I might start e - mailing the mayor 's office and complaining about potholes on Highland Terrace and insisting they come out and fix them . 
The ambiguously owned plot thickens . Man working the plans counter at the Registry of Deeds , to me : " I ' ve looked everywhere , and we only have the three unit plans and the roof plan . The page numbers match up and everything , and this is definitely all that was recorded . There is absolutely not a survey of your plot on record with us . So how the hell did someone grant you a mortgage ? " I ' m going to try the assessor 's office next to see if there 's at least a survey showing what land was included when the building had a single owner . 
Back from the Registry of Deeds . The master deed for the building refers to the space to the right of the building as " the private drive " -- The Boston Redevelopment Authority repeatedly used the term " public way " -- and says that it 's deeded exclusively to the third floor ( my house ) . I ' ve ordered a copy of the property plan so I can see where the property line is and see whether the driveway is in fact on the building 's parcel . 
If it ain't broke , don't redevelop it . It never ceases to amuse me that everything in the Northeast is an " authority . " They aren't just any old redevelopment board or department or committee or office ; they 're the Boston Redevelopment Authority . I suppose it 's a good thing that I can at least be amused by the little things , because I was just told by the Boston Redevelopment Authority that my driveway and side yard actually belong to the city and that I ' m parking illegally on a public way . I think my lawn also might be trespassing , though we didn't discuss that . I ' ve been working with members of the neighborhood associations over the past few days , opposing the plans to build a home on the two tiny parcels of land at 2 and 3 Highland Terrace . Where exactly is Highland Terrace ? Well , the City of Boston Assessing Department ( not authority ? ) search engine and interactive parcel map shows the two parcels as being surrounded on all sides by other parcels , including the one on which I own a home . There is currently no street named Highland Terrace , and there has not been since the 1930 s . These parcels , which have been vacant since 1932 , still have an address on Highland Terrace . So , one small part of the issue we neighbors had with this construction was wondering how the property would even be accessed by the owner , let alone how construction equipment or emergency vehicles could get back to this little parcel wedged between my house and a cliffside . When I was on the phone with someone at the Zoning Board of Appeals yesterday , she told me that there are not parcels of land in the city that do not abut a street , because this just doesn't happen . I described to her where this parcel is in relation to mine and others . She again stated that it could not be surrounded by parcels like I described , and had to abut a street . She finally pulled out a map and told me that the parcel did in fact abut a street . We spent about five minutes discussing this , her describing the map and me describing how the lots and the street actually are . We finally arrived at the conclusion that this street actually lies in my side yard , where there is currently a paved driveway on which I can park , a small lawn , and some shrubbery . The street has not been maintained in decades , since there was no reason to do so , and the area that I thought was my yard is in fact city property that became a de facto yard once vegetation grew in and it started looking like , well , a yard . The deed to my home ( the third floor of a three - decker ) only has the floorplan for the third floor and the roof ( which I also own ) . It does , however , state that there is off - street parking deeded to the unit . Since the house touches the property line on the left and front , and is very close to it in the back , there is actually not any off - street parking if I do find out that the city is correct and the driveway to the house is city property . This would mean I was sold property that does not exist . Fortunately , I have title insurance . I ' m going to the Registry of Deeds this afternoon to look at the master deed for the lot and see if the survey of the lot shows that that land goes with our parcel or not . If it shows that it belongs to our parcel , this will mean a battle with the city . If it doesn't , then this means I was knowingly sold property that doesn't exist , in addition to not being informed about the plans to build that house and road , which the Boston Redevelopment Authority states the seller knew about at the time I bought the house . Whatever happens with the deed issue , I just hope they don't end up wedging a house into an already dense neighborhood and putting yet another maintained road into our winding maze of narrow cowpaths . 
Where babies come from in Germany . Someone has scanned a great illustrated children 's book explaining sex , conception , gestation , and birth . In fact , I want to get in touch with the publisher and see if I can offer to translate it and get it sold here . 
FREE BURRITOS ! I got this e - mail from Boloco ( formerly The Wrap ) , and I thought I ' d post it , both for my friends who enjoy a good burrito themselves , as well as my friends who might want to pass it along to the homeless and / or low - income folks in our lives . Personally , I ' ve passed it along to some folks who could use a free meal , and I ' m going to try to hit up each location myself ! FREE BURRITO DAY IS OUR SMALL WAY OF SAYING THANKSGuests are invited to enjoy any regular sized burrito . Limit one per customer . November 16 : Water Street , Federal Street , Pearl Street , 11 am to 4 pm November 18 : Massachusetts Ave . and Newbury Street , 11 am to 7 pm November 21 : Northeastern University , 11 am to 7 pm November 22 : Children s Hospital ( Longwood Avenue ) , 11 am to 7 pm November 29 : Cleveland Circle , 11 am to 7 pm November 30 : Harvard Square , 11 am to 7 pm Look on their website for the exact address of each location . 
Messing with Amazon . com. The e - mail I got from Amazon just reminded me ; Apple seems to have taken my suggestion that they include same - sex imagery in the " wedding " and " love and romance " sections on i Cards . I didn't ever receive a response , and I ' m guessing I was probably one of many , given how highly queer Apple 's employees and users tend to be . Anyway , it is nice to see . Amazon . com doesn't seem to have taken the similar suggestion I made . Their wedding section , which contains tons of information about event planning and etiquette and so forth , uses gender nonspecific language throughout , but is covered in stock images of White , middle - class , opposite - sex couples . Well , there are a few people of color plopped into these scenes , but imagery of any traditions other than White American is noticably absent . I e - mailed them and mentioned that I appreciate the gender - neutral language and pointed out how popular the site is among same - sex couples , and suggested they might want to include some imagery depicting same - sex pairs . I did not receive a response to the e - mail I sent months ago , and while they continue to update the wedding section , they are still using the same sort of stock photography . I did , however , receive a response from Amazon when I sent them this e - mail : COMMENTS : It would be great if the " sold , ship now " e - mails for items with expedited shipping could have " expedited " stand out better . For instance : Please ship item immediately via EXPEDITED shipping speed . Please ship item immediately via *** EXPEDITED *** shipping speed . Please ship item immediately via OMGOMGEXPEDITED !!! 1 !! 111 !! 11 ONE 11 ! shipping speed . I got an actual personal response , saying that my obnoxious , half - joking suggestion was valuable and would be used in future updates to the system . 
The Museum of Transportation is proud to selectively honor diversity . About a month ago , I inquired about the Larz Anderson Museum of Transportation as a possible wedding / reception location . Someone I talked to online told me they ' d gone to a really cool wedding there , and I ' ve always liked the place . After a few irritating conversations with caterers and venue representatives who were basically professional , but clearly uncomfortable with a same - sex wedding , I ' ve learned to ask outright . The museum requires that a caterer from their list be used . I checked all the websites , and none of them list same - sex weddings as an event for which they cater ( there are many many local caterers who do specifically list same - sex weddings and / or have imagery such as same - sex cake toppers on their pages ) . I also cross - referenced , and none advertise among the extensive lists of wedding vendors in Bay Windows or Purple Unions . So , I e - mailed the director of events to ask her which of the caterers are LGBT friendly and are accustomed to providing services for same - sex weddings . She wrote back this vague response that all of the vendors act in a professional manner , and that it wouldn't be appropriate for them to inquire into the political beliefs of their vendors . She then assured me that they honor diversity by pointing out that they have a Kosher caterer and one who specializes in catering for sects of the Hindu and Buddhist population . I do realize that there are concerns in these cases regarding the actual food being provided , but clearly someone whose business provides food conforming to certain religious laws is familiar and comfortable with being at a ritual in that tradition . Apparently being aware of and welcoming to couples who are Jewish , Hindu or Buddhist does not constitute a " political belief , " but being welcoming to same - sex couples does . I ' ve now left her two phone messages and sent her two more e - mails , specifying that I would like to know which of her vendors have experience with same - sex weddings , emphasizing the aspect that I wouldn't want to hire a business to perform a service with which they are not experienced . It 's been a week , and I ' ve heard nothing back . I think that pretty much answers my question regarding how LGBT - friendly the museum itself is . EDITED 11 / 10 / 05 5:30 p . m : I just received an e - mail from the events director , stating that she ' d recommend I try three caterers , whom she lists , and says , " they should be fine . " I ' m a little ambivalent though , given the runaround it took to get a straight ( haha ) answer , and given that she does seem to really take the stance of " we wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable by asking if they 're familiar with the LGBT community , or ourselves uncomfortable by really going into the issue ; so we ' ll just let you be uncomfortable at the event you 're paying thousands of dollars for instead . " . 
Meetings to discuss MBTA accessibility are a little , um , inaccessible . I keep getting alerts from groups such as the Boston Center for Independent Living and Adaptive Environments , inviting community members to meet and discuss experiences with the MBTA and suggest improvements . I would love to attend one of these meetings and document my frustrations , particularly the experiences when an elevator has been out of service and MBTA employees have been clueless about other accessible routes ( hell , they don't know the main accessible routes in and out of most of the stations ) or have been downright rude . The problem is , all of these meetings are planned for weekday daytime timeslots . I ' m at work during these times . I think the issue isn't even so much the particular timeslots they choose , because there are also people who work or have other obligations during other timeslots than mine , but that each organization sponsoring meetings seems to be having several meetings , all planned for the same timeslots . If they want people to be able to attend , why not plan a morning meeting , an evening meeting , and a Sunday meeting , instead of offering 3 or 4 options that are all in the same timeslot ? In my case , I ' m even someone who gets a lot of paid time off and has a fairly flexible job , but I just happen to be flexed out the next few months in terms of other things I ' ve chosen to schedule during the workday . I ' d imagine though that most people who are employed who have things to contribute to these meetings have less flexible jobs than I do , likely ones without paid time off , and I know that many have a harder time getting around than I do and would need to plan considerably more time off to get away from work or other obligations . 
And these are the same people who claim to be more civilized than " all those godless savages " . The US state of Kansas has ruled that science classes in public schools should include the teaching of intelligent design and the doubts it casts on Darwinian evolution . The move has dismayed the nation s scientific community . Putting aside the fact that most nonliteral Christian and Jewish scholars believe that scripture is compatible with evolution , does anyone find it ironic that the " educators " pushing for this type of teaching are the same sorts of people who write the ethnocentric textbooks James Loewen discusses , which describe " primitive people with crazy beliefs about spirits and demons " ? OK , maybe those exact words aren't used in textbooks ( I can only hope ) , but do the fundamentalists really not see the irony in their viewing other cultures as godless and primitive and needing civilizing , when they 're going around viewing it as a scientific fact that a human - like man up in the sky pointed his finger and created the modern world in six literal 24 - hour days ? A philosophy course involving discussion of various creation theories from numbers of cultures , along with how they could all be interpreted to be compatible with current scientific knowledge , would be a great exercise in multiculturalism and critical thinking about multiple viewpoints . I ' d love to see how the fundamentalists would react to a proposal that any religion taught in schools had to be taught in a manner involving , you know , thinking . And how far does this pan out , anyway ? Are they going to cry discrimination when their kids try to apply to medical school but don't have any passing grades in biology courses ? 
We ' ve secretly replaced the mayor with Folgers Crystals ... For the second time now , I ' ve called the mayor 's office between 1 and 2 a.m. to alert them to noise / safety issues and have had the phone answered by someone who I believe was the mayor . Or at least who sounded a lot like him . The first time was regarding some teenagers riding mini motorcycles around our neighborhood ; last night it was a couple of young guys shouting and fistfighting in the little park area . Is the mayor himself actually working some of the off - hours shifts at the mayor 's office ? Other times I ' ve called with various questions or concerns , the phone has been answered by other people who clearly are not the mayor and who have a manner more like a regular secretary , i . e . " OK ... let me take down your name and see what I can do ... " The person who I think might be the mayor takes a much more active stance ; when I called about the bikes , he sounded personally frustrated that the kids had been riding in a circle for around for a couple hours , so obviously no police cruiser had gone through the area in a couple hours . He said something like , " Yeah , I ' ve asked that they patrol the residential areas regularly , especially on weekend nights . I ' ll see that they do . " Last night when I called about the guys making noise and someone potentially getting hurt , the man on the line asked if I had called the police . I replied that I hadn't , because I had tried that once and had the police headquarters tell me I ' d need to call my local station , but that they didn't know the number for my local station , saying that my address wasn't valid and seeming to think Roxbury and West Roxbury were the same place . Again , the man seemed outraged and said " hang on ... " and suddenly I was on a three - way call with the police dispatcher . He stated that he was from the mayor 's office and had a constituent on the line . I told the dispatcher what was going on , and he then emphasized , " You need to send someone immediately , not in several hours . This is a public safety issue . It 's 1:22 in the morning and those kids should be home and in bed . " A few minutes later , a police car rolled up . Mayor or not , whoever is answering the phone over there is doing a great job . 
A sure sign I spend too much time on the internet . Reading " 0 mg saturated fat " on a package of black bean burgers and processing this as " OHMYGOD saturated fat . " And worse , not even having it initially seem like an odd phrase to have on a food package . 
FOXSports : Is sports ready for a gay male athlete ? Jeremy Shockey calls Bill Parcells a " homo " in a magazine interview . Matt Millen calls Johnnie Morton a " faggot . " Shockey says he " wouldn't , you know , stand for it " if he found out he had a gay teammate at the University of Miami . Garrison Hearst and Todd Jones join the boys - will - be - boors chorus , declaring in no uncertain terms that they don't want any gay players on their teams . A surprisingly fact - based article from FOX , which even cites the director of a GLBT community center throughout . 
Apparently I ' m not the only one who carries around a Sharpie [ TM ] and correction fluid for emergency copy editing ... My brother took these pictures of a couple of signs in the Denver airport . He declined to specify whether he was involved in the improvements to the signs . 
For those people who really can't pass up a purported deal . I ' m cranky , so I think that for a few days this might just become a blog in which I make fun of stupid things I find on the internet . And likely elsewhere . In that spirit , Sierra Trading Post , which is a great outlet store for outdoor clothing and gear , now has a section labeled : Hot Deals ! Everything priced under $ 99.95 ! " Wow , socks for under a hundred bucks ? Hey , and water bottles too ? Even energy bars ? How ' bout that ? ! " . 
Can a book still be a great book if no one likes it ? Matthew Baldwin of The Morning News has done a great thing . He 's taken Time Magazine 's list of the 100 best novels from 1923 to the present and has then compiled particularly amusing one - star Amazon . com reviews of these books . The reviews chosen don't seem to be intended to make a specific point about the public 's view of critically acclaimed works , as Baldwin has included both reviews where the reviewer clearly didn't " get " a particular book and reviews that make a sound case for the book being flawed or unpleasant to read . It does raise the issue of what makes a book good . If a book is viewed by experts as having a high literary value , but flies over the head of a typical person who doesn't have an extensive literary and historical background , is it still good ? My favorite review : The Lord of the Rings ( 1954 ) , Author : J . R . R . Tolkien , The book is not readable because of the overuse of adverbs . . 
I know they 're different boards and all , but really ... Why does the state list physicians by their work address , but require most other licensed professionals to provide a residential address ? OK , so the rest of us only have our city and state listed on the website , and my residential address is " Boston , " which includes a number of different types of neighborhoods . But if I lived anywhere else , I would find it inappropriate for my clients -- who of course have the right to look up my license status -- to see whether I live somewhere that 's urban , rural , more affluent , less affluent , or is known to tend toward particular political or worldviews . As it is , I had a client 's sister ask me if I lived in [ the suburb where she and the client both live , one of the ones right on a main T line ] and I said , thinking it was a generic - enough answer , " No , I live in Boston . " She said , " Oh , you live in Boston , you must be rich ! " I forget that some people 's concept of Boston is having been to the Back Bay a couple of times , despite having lived 15 minutes from Boston all their lives . 
Yes , a mind sure is a terrible thing to waste . From the United Negro College Fund homepage : HBCUs graduate far more than their share of African American professionals . While the 105 HBCUs represent just 3 % of the nation s institutions of higher learning , they graduate nearly one - quarter of African Americans who earn undergraduate degrees . Put another way , HBCUs graduate 75 % more of their African American students than other schools do . Not only is this the wrong statistic to back up this claim ( they should use the graduation rate of HBCUs compared to non - HBCUs , not the percentage of A - A bachelor holders who attended HBCUs ) , but the math is wrong . I have no idea where they got " 75 % more . " The only place to even get " 75 % " from these figures is that 75 % of African Americans who have undergraduate degrees went to a school that is not a HBCU . The 3 % versus nearly 25 % figure makes the point well enough on its own without " putting it another way , " which they actually didn't . The United Negro College Fund and the Historically Black Colleges and Universities are really great programs . I ' d advise them to stop botching up statistics in such a way that suggests otherwise . 
Bill Hees for Cambridge City Council . No , this isn't an endorsement . I mean , it 's also not a non - endorsement . Frankly , I just think Bill Hees is the political candidate with the coolest name ever , provided he 's never in a race against Peter Unitt . He also gets points for using the adjective " jacked - up " on his website . He could really use a better campaign slogan than " Hees # 1 " though . Some suggestions : Bill Hees ; So do I when something 's funny Bill Hees ; So should you Bill Hees , but that 's not why you should vote for him Bill Hees , though not as much as I do when I see his signs See ? The possibilities are endless ! 
The MBTA is run by trained monkeys , only without the training . Tonight at around 9:30 , I was at North Station waiting for the orange line to go to Roxbury Crossing . After waiting about 20 minutes , I heard a garbled announcement saying , " Due to signal construction , we are running shuttle buses in both directions between Haymarket and Oak Grove . " Since I was between these two stations , I assumed this meant no train would be coming . Haymarket and North Station are about 800 feet apart though , so I figured I would walk to Haymarket to catch the train , rather than take a shuttle bus one stop . As I was leaving the station , I noticed an inspector standing there , so I asked him why there were no signs or people directing people or anything . Him : Yeah , you gotta take the train to Haymarket , then you catch the shuttle bus to Oak Grove . Me : No , I ' m going to Roxbury Crossing . I ' m going to walk to Haymarket to get the train . But other than that garbled announcement , there 's nothing saying what 's going on . I waited for 20 minutes before I knew anything was up . Him : Oh , Roxbury Crossing is that way . Me : Yes , I know that ; the announcement said there 's a shuttle bus between Haymarket and Oak Grove . So that means the train isn't stopping here , right ? Him : This is North Station . Me : Yes , and we 're between Haymarket and Oak Grove . If they 're running shuttle bus service on the part of the line we 're on , doesn't that mean the train isn't coming here , hence the need for the shuttle bus ? Him : The shuttle bus is running from Haymarket to Oak Grove . [ train pulls into the station ] Me : Is that train in service ? Him : Yeah , the train turns around here and goes back to Forest Hills . Me : OK , if you could have the announcement say that the train is in fact stopping at North Station , that would be helpful so people don't think they have to walk to Haymarket like I was about to . Him : The announcement doesn't say anything about North Station . Me : Exactly . 
Rest in Peace , Mrs. Parks . Civil rights activist Rosa Parks passed away this evening , reports The Detroit Free Press . May we remember her every time we step onto a bus or sit down at a restaurant and do not have to worry , at least from a legal standpoint , about whether we are allowed to be there , or whether our being there is oppressing someone else who cannot be there . And may her works and words live until and through the day that all people have equal civil rights . Memories of our lives , of our works and our deeds will continue in others . ~ Rosa Parks . 
Ostentation at its finest . Last night I had the pleasure of playing in a concert before which the Mayor of Newton issued a proclamation . In order to thank the Newton Symphony for providing the City of Newton and surrounding area with concerts , he declared several days , including Newton Symphony Day and Maestro Jeffrey Rink Day . This involved reading a lot of statements beginning with " whereas . " I had never before witnessed a real - life proclamation . I ' m not sure how this was any different from just thanking us , but it did involve a lot of big words , certificates , handshakes and photos . The best part though was when a board member introduced the mayor with a speech that included , I kid you not , the line " at least the Newton Symphony never has to worry about the maestro knowing where to put his stick . " The board member is a great guy and an entertaining speaker , but he really ought to run his speeches by someone under 50 before he gives them in public . 
If you don't see me again , at least you ' ll know why ... There 's a construction permit in the front window of our agency 's building , authorizing REPOINTING OF BUILDING , 51 x 88 FEET . It doesn't say where it 's going to point when they 're done . We can at least hope that the door still points out to an open space and isn't butted up against the building next door or facing straight up or anything . 
Pimping the veggie festival ... The Boston Vegetarian Food Festival , which has totally rocked the past five times I ' ve gone , is tomorrow . Free food , free samples of cruelty - free products , and lots of booths selling vegetarian food , clothing , personal goods , and household products . Sample booths and sales booths feature both prepared dishes and dry goods to take home . There will also be cooking demonstrations and speakers . Admission and presentations are all free . Free parking too . Word . 
And to think people get paid to write stuff like this . Heard on the radio today as part of an ad for an upcoming production : Some Important Publication raves , " Cecilia Bartoli sings with her whole body . And her whole body sings , even when she is silent . " All right , I m not sure what the reviewer is referring to here , but I have several thoughts about what it could be , and none of them are in any way complimentary . Farting , jiggling , wearing really tacky outfits ... 
Anti - equality crusade also affecting other issues . Yesterday , a young woman standing on Causeway Street asked me if I would sign the petition regarding the establishment of a PCA workforce council in Massachusetts . I had actually been trying to find someone who had this petition , so I was glad to sign it . However , given Mass Equality 's report of people using other petitions to fool people into signing the anti - equality petition , I wanted to be cautious . I asked her if I could read the text of the petition . She wasn't quite sure what I meant , though she was cooperative and curious . I showed her where the text of the proposal was and showed her how the letter assigned to the proposal matched up with the letter on the signature page . I explained to her that there had been reports of people claiming to have the petition to sell wine in grocery stores , when they actually had the anti - equality petition . She told me that she had had several people refuse to sign her petition , stating that they didn't trust that it wasn't the anti - equality one . So , anti - equality people , you 're not only hurting the families from whom you want to take legal protections that don't in any way affect you , but your tactics and reputation are also preventing people with disabilities from getting better services and people who serve people with disabilities from having a better working environment . 
Because crime statistics are related to postal routes . I just called my provider of auto and homeowners insurance to ask why my auto insurance went up by 50 % . I was told that this was because I had moved . When I inquired more specifically , the underwriter told me that moving from my previous ZIP code to my current one caused the change . OK , we can debate the merits of even basing auto insurance on local vehicular crime rates -- something the car owner cannot control -- another time , but what I want to know is how it possibly makes sense to use ZIP codes to determine this . A ZIP code is something determined by the postal service based on how they sort the mail . My ZIP code is geographically pretty large , given that there aren't any major corporations receiving a high volume of mail within the ZIP code , so it 's made up of a large number of residences and small businesses . It 's also not a very dense neighborhood for an urban one -- no highrises or anything . So , my ZIP code includes a couple of areas fairly far from my home where there are vacant lots and abandoned vehicles . It also includes some rather large housing developments , where there is unfortunately a lot of petty crime . So , I don't doubt that I live in a ZIP code with a fairly high rate of vandalism to vehicles . However , my particular precinct does not have a high rate of any sort of crime . My precinct -- which was determined by the city by grouping together properties with similar needs in terms of city services , not determined by the postal service according to efficient means of delivering mail -- is a leafy residential neighborhood of one , two , and three - family homes with small yards . I really don't worry about anyone damaging my car there . It would make much more sense for the insurance company to use my ward and precinct to determine the crime rate of where I actually park my car . Another thing I wonder ; how did they actually get statistics regarding crime rate by ZIP code ? I can easily find the statistics by precinct , but I can't find a compilation by ZIP code . Do the insurance underwriters actually do some sort of sampling of ZIP codes found in police reports ? Or did they just choose a precinct in the ZIP code at random ? Or use the highest one ? 
A great prosopagnosia resource . Once again , Molly 's hobby of very random surfing has turned up something really intriguing and useful . This is a great website about prosopognosia ( neurological inability to recognize faces of familiar individuals ) . The author does a fabulous job of comparing faces to stones to illustrate how the brain center that allows most people to recognize faces is really separate from other processes of memory or observation and is in fact an intuitive process . For someone who has prosopagnosia , picking a familiar person out of a crowd is as difficult as it would be for someone to find me in a crowd with only a description of my facial features . Or to find a stone in a pile with only a description . The author describes how she usually can rely on clues such as whether a particular person has a moustache , or what types of clothing or hairstyle he or she wears , or the context in which she encounters the person , but that when these things change , she does run into situations in which she doesn't recognize familiar people . I found this site particularly useful because the author is able to understand and describe her experiences so well , given that she does not have other cognitive or mental disabilities and is clearly a very astute person . In the same vein , this got me to thinking that there are no doubt many people who also have a similar neurological inability to recognize faces , but might not recognize it as such due to other neurological impairments . For instance , I wonder about the number of people who have schizophrenia or Asperger 's who might also lack the ability to recognize faces , but who probably figure this is just part of their general difficulties with organizing information about other people and responding consistently in a socially appropriate manner . Although these individuals also have other difficulties , they could improve their functioning by using strategies specific to helping identify people . I also wonder how many people have prosopagnosia and have been mistaken for having mental illness , or who have developed mental illness as a result of the distress . If someone has difficulty recognizing people but isn't as self - aware as the author of the article , he 's going to be very agitated and probably feel confused . It seems very likely that he or someone else could interpret his day - to - day difficulty with recognizing people as disorientation and / or extreme discomfort with human interactions . I know that if I assessed someone who didn't seem to always know who people were , seemed agitated when speaking with people , and seemed to think people didn't like her , it wouldn't occur to me that the issue was prosopagnosia ; I would assume schizophrenia , Asperger 's , or severe anxiety . I wonder how many people there are in our mental health system who really only need strategies to help them recognize people . 
Isabellas get in free . The Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum grants free admission to anyone with the first name Isabella with proper proof of identity . Hmm , I wonder if vet bills or cat bowls can be used as proof . I ' m sure our little Izzy would love to run around in the gardens and climb on some art. 
Northeastern University restricting movement of students ? Disclaimer : This is completely hearsay , although the source seems quite trustworthy . Last night I was speaking with a Northeastern University student whom I know through a group with which I volunteer . We were chatting about various areas of Roxbury and Mission Hill . He was mentioning where fellow students of his live and which businesses he frequents , and I was talking about where friends of mine live and in which neighborhoods we had looked at houses before finding ours . While discussing various areas , this student mentioned that while he was a freshman , the Northeastern University police stated during a mandatory safety lecture that " if we find any of you over there [ near one of the Boston Housing Authority developments ] , we ' ll pick you up and you ' ll be in a lot of trouble . " How is this legal ? Or ethical ? I mean , it 's one thing for schools like George Fox and Bob Jones to have very strict policies regulating students ' lives and to require them to sign out to leave campus and to abide by a code of conduct at all times . But students attending these types of schools enroll with the knowledge that these schools are restrictive and are choosing to , well , be restricted . As far as I know , Northeastern is not such a school , and does not generally place restrictions on what students do on their own time . But apparently their police department finds it appropriate to threaten to discipline students for visiting friends or family members who live on a certain street , or for taking babysitting or cleaning jobs on a certain street , or for simply going for a walk where they wish to . I didn't find anything about this restriction on their website , but I would really like to know if this is an official school policy . If it is , I ' d like to encourage individuals who live in this particular development to enroll in classes at Northeastern and see what happens when they walk home after class . 
More fun with form letters . I just got a phishing e - mail that came from a ( forged ) e Bay address and asked me to verify my e Bay password and credit card info . It actually was a pretty good attempt at phishing ; the e - mail looked just like an e Bay e - mail and it stated that my account had been logged into from various IPs all over the world , which it listed , and that they ' d cancelled it due to this suspicious activity . Of course , the address at which I was supposed to enter my information wasn't on the e Bay domain and wasn't secure . So , I did what any good internetter would do , and I forwarded it to spoof @ ebay . com. After forwarding it to spoof @ ebay . com , which I did given that I recognized it as phishing , I received a form letter explaining to me that the e - mail was a phishing attempt and was not sent by e Bay . No , really ? Thank you for writing to e Bay regarding the email you received . Emails such as this , commonly referred to as " spoof " or " phished " messages , are sent in an attempt to collect sensitive personal or financial information from the recipients . The email you reported was not sent by e Bay . We have reported this email to the appropriate authorities . In the future , be very cautious of any email that asks you to submit information such as your credit card numbers or passwords . Thank you , Captain Obvious . 
Another instance of the government penalizing people with disabilities for working . I was just looking on the Federal Student Aid site to find out where to refer an individual who took out student loans for college , then later developed schizophrenia , and who currently works a couple of hours a week in an entry - level job and receives social security . This person makes a typical social security income that 's just about enough to get by together with a rental subsidy . I figured that there would be some sort of program for loan forgiveness for a person with a persistent disability that results in a very low income . Apparently there is , but only if this individual stops working : Total and permanent disability is the inability to work and earn money because of an injury or illness that is expected to continue indefinitely or to result in death . You must submit a physician s certification of total and permanent disability . The physician must certify that you are 100 percent disabled according to the definition of disability above . So it looks like they require that this person be resigned to a less - empowered and less - fulfilling life in order to have the loan forgiven . Either that or have to live with being unethical and just not paying . Neither is a choice anyone should have to make as a consequence of being courageous enough to return to work after developing persistent illness . 
Disturbing sights on the other side of the river . I seem to have spent much of this weekend on * shudder * the other side of the river . It 's unbelievable the kind of strange and unusual things one finds over there . Mary ! Where 's Mary ? Anyone who 's spent any time in Somerville is familiar with the Bathtub Mary . This house on Holland St. has a bathtub , but no Mary . Paint your wagon Also in Somerville , the Davis Square Au Bon Pain apparently thought it would be a good idea to order up some personalized flower carts . It wasn't . Whenever God closes a door , somewhere he opens a window . Er , usually . This is a church on Pleasant St. in Belmont . According to the sign , it 's Open Door Baptist Church . Zooming out , it does in fact appear to be a church , and it would indeed be Baptist if they choose to identify as such ... so I guess they got two out of three right . Of course , some people do go both ways I enjoy being able to go east and west at the same time all on one highway . Adding south into the mix is a nice added bonus . ( For any non - locals who think it 's just a weird sign and I ' m a smartass , I assure you that this stretch of highway is in fact the merging of these three routes ) . Special bonus feature All of the subtitles in this post are lines from a movie , with some slight liberties taken on a couple of them . Can anyone place all of them ? 
A way for Catholics to support marriage equality . An exerpt of the petition , initiated by The Religious Coalition for the Freedom to Marry , an interfaith pro - equality group : Our experience in welcoming same sex couples into our community life is a reminder that God is a most gracious and wonderful Creator . The witnessing of these marriages is a source of joy and celebration for family and friends . We value the love and commitment that these couples have for each other and their children . While committed same - sex relationships have always existed through time , the civil recognition of these relationships provides both dignity and equality as called for in our nation s highest ideals , " the inherent natural rights of life , liberty , and the pursuit of happiness . " As Roman Catholics , we differentiate between sacramental marriage and civil marriage , and therefore we perceive that same - sex civil marriage poses no threat to our Church . While we respect the authority and integrity of the Church in matters of faith , our prayers and reflection have brought us to a new openness on this issue . We urge the Church to treat with respect in both word and deed same - sex couples who have entered into civil marriages . The petition is open to any Catholic resident of Massachusetts . Providing information about your specific parish membership is optional , and signing the petition does not affirm that you are actively practicing . If you are a Massachusetts resident who identifies as Catholic and you are a supporter of equal civil marriage rights , please sign the petition and urge others to do the same . A book I recommend on marriage equality : . 
Fun with technology . About an hour ago , I was sitting at a computer during a meeting , and an e - mail from the caseworker sitting across from me ( with her nifty new PDA ) popped up on the screen containing a picture of , um , me sitting at the computer during a meeting : . 
Drivers wanted : Normal - smelling ones need not apply . Dear Volkswagen of America , Inc. , I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for sending me such a lovely gift to commemorate the third anniversary of my purchase of my car . It was so kind of you not only to send me this classy air freshener with a picture of a chandelier on it , but also to enclose a note explaining that crystal is the traditional third - anniversary gift , somehow knowing that without this explanation , I would have spent another three years desperately wondering why you chose to mark this occasion with paper -- the traditional first - anniversary gift -- instead . Furthermore , I would like to thank you for sending a gift that not only can be enjoyed by my car , but which is currently gracing the entire household -- and possibly neighborhood -- with its presence . My dinner , which did not at any point pass closer than within about three feet of said gift while opening my mail this evening , now permanently tastes like some sort of cleaning product . Finally , I would like to thank you for removing any doubt in my mind that Volkswagen has in fact stopped being a " cool " corporation of the type to distribute such creative gimmicks as the Fahrvergn gen shirt and has indeed irreconcilably stooped below the level of even the Saturn - owner picnic . Sincerely , A proud VW owner who will never be able to distinguish tastes again . 
If they outlaw beverages , only outlaws will have beverages . According to a policy dated Sept. 17 , students are " no longer allowed to consume alcohol or any other beverage in any type of container outside of their townhouse or in any public area on campus . " ... Interviews with Siena students indicated that not everybody was familiar with the policy . A handful of students walking around campus with drinks either hadn't heard of the new rule or said they weren't afraid of it ; some said they knew of others forced to dump beverages by authorities , but hadn't lost liquids themselves . 
I ' m looking for gender - neutral restrooms . I plan to compile a list of places in the greater Boston area that have gender - neutral restrooms . I ' d like to include both places that have some gender - specific restrooms and some gender - neutral restrooms ( usually family and / or accessible ones ) and places that have only gender - neutral restrooms , including places such as small businesses with only one restroom . I ' ll accept basically any place that isn't a private home -- businesses , offices , medical facilities , restaurants , stores , and so forth . Please either post here or e - mail me and tell me as much as you can about all the gender - neutral restrooms you can think of . Tell me where it is ( give me an address or rough address if you can ) , where in the building it 's located , whether it 's multi - stall or single - stall , whether they have gender - specific and gender - neutral , and anything else interesting , like what type of signage is on the restroom . Thanks ! 
NLGJA convention session discusses complexities of writing obituaries of closeted individuals . After decades of employing code words such as " lifelong bachelor " or passing off as " pneumonia " as the cause of death for someone with HIV / AIDS , newspapers increasingly insist that their obits include the full truth about their subjects . 
NIMH launches campaign to educate about depression in men . The National Institute of Mental Health ( NIMH ) is reaching out to educate the public about depression in men through its Real Men . Real Depression . campaign . Researchers estimate that more than six million men in the United States have a depressive disorder about one - third of all adults living with depression in any given year . However , men are less likely than women to recognize , acknowledge , and seek treatment for their depression . In addition , their loved ones and even their physicians may not always detect depressive symptoms in men . 
American Psychiatric Association president endorses legalization of same - sex marriage . APA 's action to support legal recognition of same - sex civil marriage is based fundamentally on the research evidence . Many studies have now established that marriage is associated with clear benefits , including better mental and physical health . It is a stabilizing force in our society that enables individuals to make public their commitment to each other and receive acceptance and support from others .... Marriage by gay and lesbian partners arouses irrational prejudice and fear , but as psychiatrists , we must take a stand on issues that have a clear impact on the mental health of our patients and of persons in the community at large . As an organization , we seek also to promote human rights and freedom from discrimination . Psychiatry leads the way for the rest of medicine on this important issue . 
The River Shannon flows like my true love 's hair . I ' m currently on location in Iowa ( don't ask ) , so in order to make up for the lack of updating over the past few days , here 's a little quiz : Which of these are actual Irish songs and which ones are titles Molly and I made up the other night while drinking ? Who threw the overalls in Mistress Murphy 's Chowder I ' ll drink me stout til the River Shannon runs dry The dear little shamrock I nearly ran me pushcart over Mrs. O ' Halloran yester morn Where the River Shannon flows Ay , when I ' m sober , I could mistake ye for Kathleen A little bit of heaven ( shure they call it Ireland ) To me whiskey I ' ll be true until the morning sun rises Ireland must be a garden ( if you are a wild Irish rose ) Why must ev ' ryone pick on dear ol ' Eire , when me lovely Maggie lives there ? Rory O ' More Hennigan , I ' ll clip ye with me mug if ye calls me Welsh once more O Katy O ' Neil O ' Flynn has trodden in me shamrock garden Nellie Kelly , I love you Would I could return to the dear old sod , alas me wife won't go The prayties are dug It 's me penny whistle , ere it cost me a quarter Get up old woman and shake yourself Hi - dee - hee - dee - too - la - deedle - die - day Smash the windows He wore a fine hat like an Englishman so I hit him with me shillaleagh Behind the bush in the garden Paddy O ' Malley would be a fine lad for our Katy O ' Rourke I ' m not offering any prizes or anything , because I ' m sure it would be really easy to google the answers , but please post your best guesses as a comment . 
If you aren't for semi - colons , you 're against them . A poll on a Financial Times interactive article about semicolon usage informs me that , as of about a minute ago , 96 % of people who are dorky enough to go read an article about semicolon usage and then cast a vote regarding their opinion of semicolons are , in fact , for the semicolon . UPDATE : Most of the article is now behind a subscriber - only login . Those of you who weren't dorky enough to immediately run to the semicolon article have lost out . I ' d imagine that even you slightly - less - dorky folks would still stop at nothing to get your fill of semicolonage . It 's really a great marketing strategy -- putting up a teaser for an article about the noble semicolon and then requiring payment to bask any further in the glory of that - which - requires - no - conjunction . ( Molly , on the other hand , is furiously trying bugmenot logins as we speak . ) . 
A letter to the aspiring DJ next door . Dear aspiring DJ , I have to tell you , I ' m having a hard time believing the repeated assertions that Shaggy , Kanye , and others are , in fact , " in da house . " From the couple of passing conversations I ' ve had with you , you seem like a reasonable enough person , and I have faith that if any of these individuals were , in fact , in your residence , you would have at least invited some friends over . Given that in the three hours you have been blasting music into my house , I have not heard a single sound to indicate the presence of anyone other than you and your equipment , I can say with a fair amount of certainty that you are in fact alone in your home DJing to a nonexistent crowd . Now , about that : If it appeared to me that you were playing music at full volume because you were having some sort of gathering , I would just accept that it 's Saturday night and be glad that you were having fun . However , given that you are pretty clearly alone , I ' m really wondering why it 's necessary that you practice your skills at top volume . As previously noted , I ' m quite confident that you aren't working with any live artists , so you could just as easily practice spinning with your equipment at a much lower volume . In fact , I might suggest turning the volume down and really listening to yourself . While you have good taste and a good feel for consistency of tempos , you really do need to work on smoother crossfades . That last one sounded really amateur , especially when you followed it with a shout - out of " Hey Boston , how you feeling tonight ? " Honestly , I wouldn't expect to have a crowd warranting that particular form of address in your living room any time soon . Though , on second thought , a fair portion of the city of Boston can hear your performance right now , so I suppose it is kind of you to ask us how we 're feeling . Since you asked , I ' m feeling a little irritated that I ' m involuntarily listening to your music inside my house . Sincerely , Your neighbor . 
The mortgage company redeems itself ... almost . I just realized that AMC 's e - mails come from the ameriquest . com domain . I looked all through the corporate info on Ameriquest and AMC 's pages , and neither lists any affiliation with the other . However , Ameriquest is the coolest mortgage company ever , because they have a blimp . This still does not quite make up for all the crap they direct to my mailbox , or the incredibly weak form letter . It comes close though . 
The mortgage company speaks . Message ID : 116026 Topic : Statement Information Sub - Topic : Receiving Your Statement Response : As we previously advised , we are unable to cease sending the billing statements . What ? Not even some canned response assuring me that they have conducted in - depth research confirming that their protocol is in fact the most environmentally sound and cost - efficient method ? 
In retrospect , the mortgage lender DID act a lot like an android ... My mortgage company , AMC Mortgage Services , has at least agreed to remove me from their " marketing list , " which I never subscribed to , after I complained about receiving several offers for mortgage insurance and life insurance each day . However , when I asked that they stop sending me paper bills , as it 's wasteful and one more thing I don't want to deal with , they say there is no way to stop paper statements , as " these are automatically generated when you make a payment . " While I did immediately put one and one together and come to the conclusion that not making payments is the only way to make the paper bills stop , I instead wrote them this response : Well , is there any way then that you could credit me a couple bucks each month ? Apparently I ' m paying for a service that I don't want and which is wasteful . Maybe you could at least make a donation to the Nature Conservancy every month as long as you insist on sending me paper statements that I don't need ? All of my utilities , credit cards , and professional organizations are able to stop paper bills upon request . Some of these companies only have online billing as an option . You obviously have actual people working at your company . I have a hard time believing that your computers programmed themselves , tell themselves to print statements , retrieve these statements , and take them to a mailbox . I ' m guessing you don't automatically generate mortgage statements and mail them to , say , people who don't have mortgages with you . There has to have been some human intervention here , which can also be used to stop sending me these statements . Even if you insist on printing these statements , one of these real people could at least pull mine so that it is not mailed and I don't have to deal with it . Maybe they could have it sent to a fictitious address . I ' d be willing to suggest some possiblities . There have to be several options so I don't have to receive your ridiculousness in my mailbox . In the meantime , I ' m researching other mortgage companies that don't insist on " automatically " sending redundant paperwork . We ' ll see what kind of form letter I get back . 
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! 3 p.m. -- AMENDMENT DEFEATED ! The state Legislature voted down the Travaglini - Lees amendment 157 to 39 . Marriage equality forces needed 101 votes to defeat the amendment , giving them a 56 - vote margin of victory . Jodie , who is over there , sends this picture , taken on her phone : . 
Constitutional Convention . You can't fault her ; she 's from Iowa . Last night when I mentioned the Constitutional Convention , Molly said , " Didn't that already happen ? In 1787 ? " It did , but for updates on the one happening today at which the anti - equality amendment will hopefully be shot down , be sure to check Bay Windows throughout the day . At last update , there were four visible anti - equality ralliers and a few hundred pro - equality ralliers from student groups , the ACLU , Mass Equality , and other groups . It 's times like this that I really wish I had a more flexible job so I could be over there . For those who are able , head over there to show support today . 
Prove Schwarzenegger 's statement that " people don't want gay marriage " wrong . California Gov . Schwarzenegger 's office is accepting calls from anywhere regarding their marriage equality bill . It passed both houses of their legislature , but needs the Governor 's approval . It 's all automated , so you don't have to talk to anyone . Follow these directions : 1 . Call the Governor : 916 - 445 - 2841 ( This number is listed at www . governor . ca . gov ) 2 . Push : 2 ( " voice your opinion on legislation " ) 3 . Push : 1 ( " gender - neutral marriage bill - Senate Bill 849 " ) 4 . And push : 1 to support marriage equality . 
I guess I ' d better be careful what I blog . OK , so the Google ads I get on my blog aren't always for the most classy businesses ; it seems that my posts related to education or professional training bring up either ads for online diploma mills or for " counseling " services with guaranteed , immediate results . Right . But I guess it could be worse . My Gmail account , which uses the same ad server ( except that the money goes to them instead of to me ) , just gave me an ad for : Remote Fart Machine Sale - www . prankplace . com - Hilarious RC Fart Machine # 2 . Buy 2 and get one free . Save Now . Apparently Google isn't too selective in the advertisers they accept . And no , I ' m not going to specify the topic of the e - mail that brought up that ad . I will say that I can pretty much figure out what word ( s ) in the message did bring up that ad , though I ' ll have you know there was no specific discussion of farts , machine - generated or otherwise . 
An Open Letter to Officials of the United States Government Regarding What 's New in My Reproductive Area , by Emily Weinstein . Dear Officials of the United States Government , I thought I would just get in touch and let you know what is going on in my reproductive system and general private area lately . You seem really interested , and I wouldn't want to put you to the trouble of subpoenaing my medical records just to find out what 's happening in my uterus . [ read more ] This is brilliant . I think we should all write similar letters . The more the better . I ' m thinking I ' ll write Mitt Romney a couple times a day so that he can stay aware of the specific events of my abhorrent lifestyle that weaken the canvas of heterosexual morality and threaten the sensibilities of our Commonwealth 's children . 
41 % of statistics are made up . I just got some pop - up ad that said " People with advanced degrees make 95 % more on average . " I clicked to find out the source of this information , and I got a bunch more pop - ups , with no readily apparent clue as to where this stuff was coming from . So I gave up . So now I ' m resigned to speculating what exactly is being compared here . Clearly , the mean income of all of the people in the U.S. with advanced degrees is not 95 % more ( almost twice as much , if they 're using the figure correctly ) than the mean income of all of the people in the U.S. without advanced degrees . A lot of people in public service and academia with advanced degrees make considerably less than a lot of people in sales or tech or aviation without advanced degrees . Are they saying that people with advanced degrees in a given field requiring an advanced degree make 95 % more than people in that same field without advanced degrees ? This scenario could be accurate . My job , mental health , does require an advanced degree to work at the " professional " level , and the people doing so do make ( at least ) twice as much as the people who do work that doesn't require a degree , such as staffing a hospital unit or residential program . Still , although the assertion would be technically correct , it 's still misleading in that a person working in a direct - care role would not receive a pay raise if he or she obtained an advanced degree in clinical mental health . In fact , a lot of places would lay the person off , because their agency has regulations against an employee holding a position for which he or she is grossly overqualified . And we aren't a field where there are just tons of jobs waiting open for the person to take . Also , what is being considered an advanced degree ? I ' ve heard the term used to refer to any certificate or diploma earned beyond high school . I think it most commonly refers to a master 's or doctoral degree , but I know this isn't standardized by any means . Would we consider something like nursing where a person does an internship and takes a licensure exam to be an advanced degree , even though it can be done without obtaining any academic degree ? I would consider it to be on par with many advanced degrees , in terms of how it 's regulated and what the pay scale is like , but a R . N . license itself isn't generally considered to be an advanced degree . Conversely , there are also academic degrees , like an academic doctorate in history , which don't qualify the person to do any sort of specific job and which can be earned just by demonstrating that the person has a certain amount of knowledge . Granted most people who have such a degree probably do have experience in teaching and research , but the degree itself does not mean that the person has any specific skills or experience like a law degree or a nursing license does . Yet these are labeled as " an advanced degree . " I guess the bigger issue is that a college ( well , a college of some sort ) is advertising education at all . Are there really people who put the time and money and effort into a college education just so they can make more money ? Again , if money were the only motivation , it 's much easier to go find one of the many jobs that pays well and does not require a degree . And if someone isn't personally motivated to get a degree , what are the odds that they ' ll be a good student ? Who exactly is this place trying to appeal to , anyway ? 
Looking to donate specific items for the relief effort ? I ' m going to continually update this post each time I hear of an experienced trauma / relief group looking for donations of specific items . Art Supplies I just read on an expressive therapies mailing list that The North Texas Art Therapy Association is looking for donations of money or art supplies . For people not familiar with art therapy , a very wide range of art supplies are useful , including basically anything that can be used for collage , sculpture , video , puppetry , woodworking , sewing , etc. They will distribute these supplies to art therapists who are working with the large numbers of refugees who have been sent to Texas . Materials and donations may be sent to : North Texas Art Therapy Association 8340 Meadow Road Suite 136 Dallas , Texas 75231 . 
Mass. Emergency Management Agency : Unsolicited Help Can Hurt . MEMA stresses that it is important that we do not organize projects to donate unsolicited items . It 's great that people want to help , but please , consider whether your project might be motivated by your own desire to get praise and attention for organizing a unique project and targeting a unique population , and if this might be the case , you might want to reconsider . Many of the projects I ' ve been hearing about are geared toward providing aid for a special population . Just as with any relief effort , the major organizations just aren't able to anticipate and meet the needs particular to people who are GLBT , have disabilities , belong to minority religions , or who have any number of other unique needs . This list of charities includes several experienced relief groups that are geared toward a special population . If you have an idea for helping a particular group that needs specialized services , please contact an experienced charity that targets this group . Please do not send unsolicited donations as some people have been doing . The list also has a lot of valuable information regarding charities that put portions of their donations toward evangelism or other unrelated ( and in some cases harmful ) projects , charities that only provide aid for people of their faith group , and charities that otherwise raise concerns about their legitimacy . A lot of people seem motivated to help largely because we 're all frustrated by the logistical hurdles and the repeated news that it 's hard to get aid to the survivors . Unfortunately , some people are actually making the logistical piece worse by either donating items or services that have not been requested by experienced disaster relief agencies and / or by working with charities that are not experienced in disaster and trauma situations . The Red Cross and FEMA and other disaster relief agencies are actually being burdened and slowed down because they are receiving thousands of shipments of unsolicited donated items and are having to sort through a lot of donations of " care packages " and so forth in order to find the items that are needed immediately and that were actually requested . The best way to help is to donate money to experienced disaster relief agencies , or if you 're able , to volunteer with FEMA to travel to the gulf states or with MEMA to help with the survivors who are arriving in Massachusetts . Money is really much easier to process than donations of goods . A relief agency can quickly purchase quantities of bedding , clothing or food and distribute these to needy individuals , much more quickly than they can sort through donated items and then have to transport bulky items . I ' m usually in favor of reducing waste just as much as the next person , but time is really of the essence here . Give your donations of clothing and personal items to a local shelter or other program , and give money to the hurricane relief efforts . And to my colleagues in the human services , I ' m connected with some people in the process of offering professional services to the folks coming up to Massachusetts , also with some individuals who are going to the gulf states with FEMA to do trauma counseling and stabilization , so please contact me if you want to help in this capacity . 
Owens Vows To Save Community From Itself , Community Shrugs . photo credit : Marilyn Humphries , Bay Windows Roy Owens had , well , about as much support as I expected . A little before 11:00 this morning , I stood at the bus turnaround where Roy Owens ' march was set to start . I had two people with me who had come out to support me and three individuals from the media , who also were clearly supportive of our group and our cause , and who inconspicuously added to our group . We were six people in total . By 11:10 , Roy and his group had not started their march . Two police officers were present for the event , sitting in their parked cars wondering why exactly they had been hired . Roy had signs saying things like " UP WITH HOPE , DOWN WITH DOPE " and " HOPE FOR OUR CHILDREN . " I had some posterboard and markers in my car , and we thought that although there was not a message being presented that needed protesting , we might make some signs with messages advocating support for all children , or signs that identified particular members of our group as GLBT - identified individuals in support of families and community . The need didn't arise though . By 11:30 , Roy 's group had amassed four members , and Roy told a Bay Windows reporter / photographer that they might start marching around 12:30 or so . A police officer stated that she was told the march would start at 11:00 and she seemed a little irritated . I was interviewed by reporters from Bay Windows , Spare Change News , and The Boston People 's Voice . I was photographed by Bay Windows . At about 11:45 , the two community supporters and I left with one of the reporters and went and got breakfast . One reporter left , and one stayed behind to see if anything did actually take place . I ' d like to thank the two individuals who came and showed support , and the third individual who met up with us shortly afterward , as well as the individuals from the media who showed support and who work in the service of making people aware of events like these taking place in our community . I ' d also like to thank everyone who spread the word about the event and the dozens of friends and strangers who spoke to me and said they wished to be present but could not make it . Although our presence didn't end up being necessary , the event was a success . Roy Owens did not succeed in sending the message that Roxbury ( or Boston , or Massachusetts ) is a place where messages of homophobia go unopposed . He and his group may well have marched after we left . Groups of four or five people walk around neighborhoods spreading misinformation all the time . A few people may listen . Most don't . A " community march " with a uncountered message of homophobia did not happen , which means that the morning was a success . Roy Owens likely did have more supporters at the rally at his church this afternoon , but that 's fine . It isn't my place to go into someone else 's church and tell people what to believe . I would be a hypocrite to not honor his right to have his beliefs while he is inside his own church . The community , however , is as much ours as it is his , and I am glad people came out this morning and expressed that . 
Last - minute plea . I just spoke with someone at City Hall , and the church does have an event permit , and they expect 20 - 30 people . I ' m sure we can round up that many GLBT / ally marchers . Please , do everything you can to make it out there tomorrow morning ! 
Please , show your support on Saturday Sept 3 rd at 10:30a.m. This is just a reposting to force the important info to the top of the blog , since the Bay Windows article is pointing people here . Scroll down for previous entries , including the copy of the flyer . DATE : September 3 rd 2005 TIME : 10:30 a.m. PLACE : Meet in Franklin Park , at the play structure with the pointed roofs , right off of Seaver Street , between Humboldt Ave and Elm Hill Ave MBTA : 22 or 29 bus from Jackson Square T , or walk 1 mile from Stoneybrook TBRING : Pro - equality signs , clothing , etc. -- but keep it peaceful CONTACT : savethecommunity @ gmail . com ( organizer of GLBT / ally presence , not of the original event ) MORE INFO : http : // 1 smootshort . blogspot . com Again , please do anything you can to get out there . The bottom line is that this is an organizing of people who think that the problems in the community are caused by GLBT folks . If we and our allies come join them , we can show them that we care enough about the community to get up on a Saturday morning and show up . If no one shows up or only a few of us show up , then we will have a group of people who will keep on thinking that GLBT folks are against the community . Please pass this on to any mailing lists you belong to , particularly those affiliated with GLBT issues , progressive politics , people of color , and people of faith . Please e - mail me at the above address if you can make it . 
Media coverage . I was just interviewed by Ethan Jacobs at Bay Windows . The story will run tomorrow , inviting people to be part of the GLBT / ally presence at the march . This is great news , but it 's still really important that people make an effort to show up . Even though we now have media coverage , this is still a small event taking place in a neighborhood ; it isn't a major event at City Hall where people will inevitably show up . Please do everything you can to show up and to let people know about the march . 
GLBT / ally presence needed at anti - GLBT march on Sept 3 rd near Franklin Park . DATE : September 3 rd 2005 TIME : 10:30 a.m. PLACE : Meet in Franklin Park , at the play structure with the pointed roofs , right off of Seaver Street , between Humboldt Ave and Elm Hill Ave MBTA : 22 or 29 bus from Jackson Square T , or walk 1 mile from Stoneybrook TBRING : Pro - equality signs , clothing , etc. -- but keep it peaceful CONTACT : savethecommunity @ gmail . com ( organizer of GLBT / ally presence , not of the original event ) MORE INFO : http : // 1 smootshort . blogspot . com Dear Supporter : On August 24 , I returned to my home in Roxbury to find a flyer in my mailbox from Save The Children Ministries ( headed by Roy Owens , candidate for city councilor at - large ) announcing a march and rally to take place on September 3 rd in Roxbury and Dorchester . The purpose of the event is spelled out in the flyer , and states that it is a movement to protect children from gang violence , teen pregnancy , neglectful homes -- and from " the evil principalities [ that ] have promoted the homosexual lifestyle . " A copy of the flyer is available at my website : http : // 1 smootshort . blogspot . com I have not yet heard anything about any GLBT / ally groups planning to attend the event . If you are aware of other groups , please let me know , so that we can collaborate . Otherwise , I would like to invite others to join me in attending . I don't wish to protest the event per se , as I wish to honor the organization 's stated intent of being geared toward betterment of the community , but I wish to spread the message that a strong community can only be so if it is an accepting community . I think the presence of clergy or others active in the faith community would be particularly helpful in spreading this message . My plan is to have any interested individuals meet in Franklin Park on September 3 rd at 10:30 , one half hour before the march starts , to briefly get acquainted with one another and then walk over to the march a little before 11:00 and arrive together . We can convene in Franklin Park at the play structure with the pointed roofs , which is right off of Seaver Street , between Humboldt Ave and Elm Hill Ave . This is about half a block from the starting point of the march , so it is convenient , but we won't be readily identifiable as planning to attend the march . I ' d like to invite people to bring signs , clothing , and so forth that promote a message of equality , but again , keeping it nonconfrontational and emphasizing the message that our group is in favor of a strong community just as the other group purports to be . Also , if we keep our intent as that of joining the existing march , we will not be in danger of violating any city regulations regarding event permits , as we are joining an existing event . Please e - mail me and let me know if you plan to attend , and also please feel free to contact me with any and all questions , concerns , advice , and so forth . Please distribute this widely . savethecommunity @ gmail . com. 
Save the Children . This flyer was in our mailbox on Wednesday . Click for larger : So far , I ' ve found no information about this group . I ' m not sure if they 're a veiled anti - GLBT organization , or if they 're an organization with a generally legitimate concern for the community -- which happens to be a little misinformed in equating queer folks with sexual deviance . I ' m unfortunately learning toward the former , only because we can't find anything indicating that the group has actually been responsible for any sort of community outreach or youth programs or anything . However , until I am proven otherwise , I ' m going to assume that they 're a legitimate organization with real concern for our community . I think a great way to prove this -- one way or the other -- without being threatening or disrespectful is to organize a group of people to show up at their gathering . I would like to organize a group of GLBT and ally folks to show up on September 3 rd at 11:00 a.m. A group of people who also wish to see improved lives for children in the community , but who strongly believe that this should be done without including an anti - queer message or the other anti - feminist sentiments contained in the language of the flyer . I ' d like to invite any and all GLBT and ally folks to help me with this . I ' d particularly love to have the support of queer and queer - friendly clergypeople and others who are active in local religious communities , as I think their inclusion could potentially send a very strong message to an organization that identifies as faith - based . I would like to propose that we maybe have a meeting the Friday night before their event , to decide exactly how to proceed , and then show up at their event . I ' d like to emphasize that I don't wish for our presence to be a protest , but rather a source of support for the broader cause of community improvement , but with the message that a strong community needs to be inclusive . Please pass this along to any people or organizations who might be able to help , and please encourage anyone who is interested in participating in any way to contact me at savethecommunity @ gmail . com or to contact me through my website . Additionally , if anyone is aware of any other GLBT or ally folks planning on attending or organizing anything , please let me know so that we may contact one another . Thank you ! ~ eekahttp : // 1 smootshort . blogspot . com. 
And to think this is only the second time I ' ve seen a punch thrown in the 3 years I ' ve had the car ... Today I was driving down Mass Ave past Boylston Street , headed toward Huntington Ave . The car in front of me had stopped to let a family cross the street in the crosswalk . The woman was probably in her 60 s , a large Black woman who struck me as a very proper Southern woman , though this is of course an assumption . She had a flowered dress , nicely curled hair , was wearing a hat and had a handbag over her shoulder . She had with her a girl about 8 and a boy about 10 , who were probably her grandkids . The kids were wearing what appeared to be school uniforms ( or maybe daycamp or summer school this time of year -- have any of the schools started ? ) They had on pressed shirts and khakis and their hair nicely done . All of the sudden the girl reaches behind Grandma and punches the boy . He first looks startled , then she laughs and points to my car . They both point at it and laugh , and Grandma just kind of rolls her eyes and herds the kids across the street . 
Buddha calling . After four weeks in our new home , I ' ve finally had the time to set the meditation space up . I even went a little nuts on Sunday and built a new altar out of some scrap lumber . I ' m not sure how I like it or if it will stay up , but I ' m very pleased that one of the main necessities of the Buddhist home is now functional . This is what makes me feel settled in . 
" Yes , I ' d like to book a flight straight outta Compton please ... " . Most attemps to revamp a corporate image serve only to be annoying . When Kentucky Fried Chicken officially changed its name to KFC so as to deemphasize the " fried , " this didn't fool me into thinking they had replaced the deep - fat cooking process with the much healthier process of f - ing their food . Instead , it inevitably led to many Knights of Columbus lying awake wondering why people kept walking into their lodges and ordering biscuits and gravy . When KMart changed to Big K , I didn't suddenly think the store had been bought out by a new , stylish , modern socially responsible independent retailer . I wondered which sweatshop had made the giant light - up K out front and whether it was safe to walk near it . I have to say though , ever since Northwest Airlines officially changed to NWA ( an acronym to which the company has held the rights to since 1936 ) , I ' ve been convinced that this was in fact one corporate rebranding that was worth it . Every time I go on their site to make a reservation and I see that logo , how can I help but bust out rhymes ? And I especially love how the luggage and jetway handlers wear black caps with NWA embroidered on them . They have this strange late - ' 80 s familiarity to them , despite the airline having just introduced them in 2003 . Well , I ' m off to book another flight on my new favorite airline . I can't wait to scan through the Sky Mall catalog to see if they have any bootlegs from back before Ice Cube left or anything . 
If you see something , say something . Dvorak , Bartok and Kodaly recorded the folk songs of rural peasants on wax cylinders and based their compositions on what they gathered . Steve Reich used tape clips of people speaking about issues of his time -- the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Harlem Riots -- and altered the sound clips to make his recorded pieces " It 's Gonna Rain " and " Come Out . " As for me , I ' m currently writing a concerto for viola , guitar , and transit watch announcement . 
Jesus - scented candles ? First of all , these are lame . Christianity has some really beautiful traditional imagery . Could they not have come up with something better to put on Christian candles than a plain block of text with a little random woodcut next to it ? Maybe some stained glass , a cathedral , an altar , a detail from a painting of Jesus ? Even a cross at the very least ? The inspiration of His Essence TM comes from the Holy Bible . Psalm 45:8 tells us when Jesus returns , the scent of his garments will be of myrrh , aloe and cassia . We carefully combine these ingredients and the result is a fragrance which serves as a reminder of His Presence . So not only are they selling Jesus - scented candles , they 're selling hypothetical - Jesus - scented candles . I mean , those who believe that Jesus has returned don't believe that he returned as a physical mortal guy . Like , he isn't on Earth somewhere , renting a place in Cleveland and strolling around the mall smelling like myrrh , as far as I ' ve heard . So how on Earth ( pun intended ) is anyone confirming that he smells this way ? Do the faithful just get this kinda herbal feeling when things are going right in their lives ? For those biblical scholars who lean toward other interpretations , and for those of other faiths , I ' d like to propose another line of candles . The Jesus Was Just A Guy And Didn't Return series . Candles that fill your home with the gentle scent of unwashed dreadlocked hippie wandering through the desert in worn - out sandals . 
Waiter , there 's WHAT in my soup ? When I ' m in an area and can't find an appealing independent purveyor of fast eats , Au Bon Pain is typically a favorite choice of mine . They 're clean , fast , friendly , and their food is made of , well , food . They have lots of great made - to - order salads , wraps and sandwiches , and they have such options as imported cheeses ( all unprocessed ) , cucumbers , sundried tomatoes , avocados , grilled portabellas , roasted peppers , olive tapenade , and , as the name implies , a number of fresh homemade breads from which to choose . The place is particularly liked by many of my fellow vegetarians because it has so many interesting vegetarian options . It isn't meat - centered like many sandwich shops tend to be . Also , all of the packaged salads and wraps are labeled with all of their ingredients , the made - to - order sandwiches only contain what you ask for and don't have any default " special sauces " or anything on them , and the staff are very aware and willing to grab you the label from the mayonnaise or soup or tortillas to tell you exactly what is in it . The thing I find really disappointing , especially given that the place tends to be centered around fresh , whole foods , is that most of their soups have meat ingredients in them . Granted they do have a good vegetarian chili and a good vegetarian lentil soup , as well as the boring , overpriced generic " vegetable " soup . But they also have a corn chowder -- a common vegetarian staple -- that contains bacon . I ' ve almost always found corn chowder to be vegetarian , even at places like truck stops and concession stands and hospital cafeterias . They also tend to use meat broth in several of their vegetable soups . On a typical day , they will have five or six soups at the larger locations , and some days there won't even be one vegetarian option . Other days there might be one vegetarian soup , one meat soup like chicken noodle or beef stew , and three soups that do not contain meat , but are rendered nonvegetarian by chicken or beef broth . Or pieces of bacon . 
Shameless plug . Support Our Ribbons offers magnetic ribbons with a variety of , um , sentiments , including a 16 " ribbon bearing the words " My Ribbon is Bigger Than Your Ribbon . " They even will make custom ones with a variety of colors and up to 50 characters , such as the lovely ribbon I ' m ordering based on the example above . I ' m going to have to check and see if the hatchback lid of the Beetle is actually , um , metal . I believe it 's one of the many plastic panels on the car . I do know from having changed the taillight that the fenders are definitely plastic and , uh , styrofoam . I ' m not certain about the hatch panel , but I think it 's also plastic . Oh well , if it turns out not to be magnetic , I do know that my desk in my office is definitely magnetic . Note : I don't have any personal affiliation with Support Our Ribbons . I just think it 's really , really funny . 
Continuing Ed ? Who 's Ed ? I need 10 CEUs by December in order to renew my license . So , I went to the NBCC website and looked up their list of approved continuing education providers in Massachusetts . I decided I might as well do something that interests me personally and professionally if I ' m going to spend time and perhaps money ( depending whether I can get it reimbursed ) at the course . Luckily , I found two places that offer CEUs for LMHCs , The Kripalu Center and the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy . I particularly want to do the latter , because they present a Buddhist Psychology Film Series , which consists of watching a Buddhist - themed film , discussing it , and getting 3 CEUs . For $ 35 per session . Can't beat that . The only thing is that they aren't certain they ' ll be offering it again this fall ( the last run finished this past spring ) , so I need a backup plan . So , onto the backup plan : I looked at the Continuing Education division of my graduate alma mater , figuring they must offer plenty of CEUs , given that they graduate a large number of LMHC candidates each year . I was wrong . They don't seem to offer any CEUs for LMHCs . I spoke with one of the staff there ( who I must say was quite helpful , and who would like to enlist me in helping her expand their offerings ) who initially didn't understand that we have to have CEUs that are approved for our particular license , and that we can't use CEUs that are intended for teachers or other professions . I suppose I could take a class for academic credit , which can be converted to CEUs , but this requires filling out extra forms , not to mention paying for tuition , which is considerably more expensive than paying for a workshop . The woman did tell me that she believes a couple of other divisions of the school offer CEUs . So , as a backup plan of the backup plan , I used the school website 's google - based search engine to search for " CEU " " mental health . " At first I was dismayed to see that they indeed do not offer mental health CEUs in any of their several schools . But then I happened to glance down the margin , and I saw that google was pulling up several links to programs that offer approved online mental health CEUs for a very small fee and minimal work . One even offers a free CEU for taking their survey following completion of a course . Sounds a little rogue to me , but the sites are all listed on the NBCC site as being approved . So if I don't find a worthwhile course to take to earn CEUs , I ' m just going to have to go with the send - away route . Maybe while I ' m at it I can earn my certificate in TV / VCR repair or train at home to become Sally Struthers a veterinary assistant . 
Archived documents on the City of Boston page . Molly and I bought a house a couple of weeks ago , which the public record states was built in 1900 . Yesterday I was poking around on the City of Boston homepage in the various areas , to see what kinds of information I could find out about the neighborhood and the house . I found out where we vote and when our trash is picked up . I didn't find the street cleaning schedule , though I ' ve pretty much figured it out from the tickets . The signs are no help ; I have really good vision and can't make out the tiny lettering on the signs posted along the street at giraffe level . So , I stumbled across the building permit section of the website , actually thinking I ' d look to see what sort of permit I ' d need to build a roofdeck . I saw " search for a building permit , " and thought that this might be handy information for a homeowner , because I could look up who ' d done recent work on the house , or at least who ' d paid for the permit , which could come in useful if we ever need to track down people who ' ve worked on the house . Was I ever surprised to find that , rather than the couple - year database I expected , they have . pdfs of actual scans , and they have what seems to be every permit ever issued for the address . I found the original permit to build on the lot , issued in 1893 . I also found a fire marshall report that there was a fire that ruined the interior of our kitchen and bedroom in 1923 . I found out when the siding was replaced , when the current roof was put on , and when there was some sort of code violation involving the front door . Another interesting thing I discovered is that the permit lists a building standing 14 feet behind where ours was to be built , where there is now a vacant less - than - standard - sized lot that essentially extends our yard for the time being until someone builds on it . My next plan is to rifle through the database and try to figure out what was there and when it stopped being there . Application for permit , including all the specifications of the house , and an estimate that it would cost $ 4,000 ( ! ) to build . 
Volkswagen distributing visor cards for deaf individuals . Well , they might make cars with frustrating electrical systems , but Volkswagen is once again on my good side for distributing the " driver is deaf " visor cards . These cards , which have been talked about in various communities for the past few months , allow police officers making traffic stops to immediately know that the individual is deaf upon approaching the car so that the officer is not frightened when the driver reaches for a pad of paper or PDA for communicating or confused when the driver is trying to request an interpreter . These had been talked about all over the place , but as far as I know , Volkswagen is the only large national entity making them readily available . They will send one free of charge with a phonecall or e - mail . Only downside : they only have a voice line available for requests , but hey , at least they specify this so people wanting to make a request are prepared to round up a hearing individual to make the call . 
Putting the " stank " in Hoobastank . Call me a little behind the times , but I just figured out who Hoobastank is the other day . Hey , I rarely listen to commercial radio . But I was listening to 106.7 FM ( the official station of dentist 's offices ) in the car , because I ' d been surfing and found Elton and had to scream along . Then that " AND THE REEEEASON IIIIIS YOOOOOUUU " song came on , and then they back - announced it as Hoobastank . Dude . I ' d been seeing Hoobastank stickers on cars and Hoobastank buttons on bags and things for years , which for some reason had made me think that they 're a good band , like if people go to their shows . Then I figured out who they were and I was like , what ? I mean , they 're a competent band and everything and it 's a good song , but what 's up with all the people going to their shows and having Hoobastank merchandize and stuff ? They aren't that great . Molly didn't get why I ' d ever assumed they must be a good band : " I ' d always just figured that , dude , they 're called Hoobastank . " . 
No wonder we aren't getting our mail . Since moving into the new house on July 26 , the only mail we ' ve gotten has been : 1 ) A letter addressed to someone we ' ve never heard of ( not the previous owner ) 2 ) A couple pieces of mail containing , oh , mortgage documents , that were found delivered to the unoccupied house next door and were sitting in a pile of tile dust and renovation tools in that house 's front hallway 3 ) The packet from the post office stating that the mail is being forwarded , which was left wedged between the doorknob and the doorjamb 4 ) A letter from Fed Ex 5 ) A package from UPSThe house has large , obvious house numbers on the front door , and there 's a large , obvious mailbox next do the front door with our names on it . So I went to the USPS website to contact them . I eventually found the link for complaining about missing or delayed mail , but much more prominently , I found this : FAQ : How do I address a letter to Santa Claus or God ? Along with the lovely answer that mail to God or Mr. Claus can be mailed to any city , state , and ZIP code . At least I ' m not alone in that postal service can't figure out where I live . 
Sales Tax Holiday . The Massachusetts Sales Tax Holiday wasn't publicized nearly as much this year as it was last year . I visit a lot of websites of local retailers , and none of them are advertising it . I happened to hear a commercial on the radio from some smalltime furniture store telling people to " pay no sales tax on purchases made on August 13 and 14 " at their store . They didn't make it clear whether it was one of those promos where they 're picking up the tax , or whether it was another statewide one . So I googled , and sure enough , the tax holiday is here . I ' m going to go get a futon from Sleep - a - rama , finally go get trashcans and a few other things the new house needs , and donate 5 % of what I spend to a charity of my choice . Probably Mass Equality , but I haven't decided . I love the idea of being able to choose how my taxes are spent , at least for one day . I wouldn't put a lot of faith on this working if we all individually chose how our tax dollars were spent all the time . Incidentally , while googling it , I couldn't remember the official name of the day , so I tried " no - tax day " and " tax - free day . " I got a bunch of hits for Texas ' tax holiday , which apparently has the slogan " No - tax day ! Only in Texas ! " They really are blissfully unaware of what goes on outside of the state , aren't they ? 
New Vivaldi piece discovered . I just heard on King FM streaming radio that a musicologist in Australia has discovered a new piece by Vivaldi . The host sounded very excited , especially as he relayed that there was strong evidence that the piece had never been played before . My question though is how anyone is able to tell that this is in fact a new piece and not just yet another copy of his other 21362854657374 " different " pieces that all sound identical . 
More info on the Boy Scout issue . I spoke with Margaret Crateau at the Gloucester District Court clerk 's office . She told me that when someone offers community service as part of a settlement or bargain , they make an offer of who they will provide community service to . When community service is recommended by the court , the individual is asked to choose a charitable organization to serve . This makes me feel better . The Boy Scouts certainly provide opportunities for boys and do a service for some members of the community , even if the national association makes a policy of not including all boys . I ' m now curious to know though how this plays out when people are assigned community service and they don't specify a charity . I ' m guessing the probation department has a list of community service projects to which people can be assigned . More when I find out . 
How is this serving the community ? From a story in the Globe about someone who was charged with trespassing and a few other things in Gloucester District Court and who ended up settling : The settlement also requires Weitzman to pay $ 300 to the Rockport Boy Scouts , instead of performing community service . Wait a second . How do the Boy Scouts get to receive this money ? These are public funds . The Boy Scouts of America is a private organization whose national policies exclude athiests , girls , and individuals who identify as gay or bisexual . Scouting for All 's website states in their legal FAQ that it is acceptable to deny use of public facilities or representation at community functions to a scout troop unless the individual troop will adopt a nondiscrimination policy . I ' m going to write to Gloucester District Court and the Rockport Boy Scouts and see if a nondiscrimination policy exists . If it doesn't , I ' m going to organize some letter - writing about the use of public funds going to a discriminatory organization . Stay tuned for updates . 
T - ball coach allegedly bribed 8 - year - old to hit teammate with disability with ball . UNIONTOWN , Pa. ( AP ) -- Standing so he could be seen from the witness stand , a youth baseball player calmly told a courtroom how he beaned a mentally disabled teammate with a ball during warm - ups to knock the boy out of the game . Eight - year - old Keith Reese said that he hit teammate Harry Bowers because his coach offered him $ 25 to do so . 
Help give braille readers access to Harry Potter . A friend of mine , Lisa , and her 6 - year - old son , Joa , are raising money for National Braille Press . I ' m not sure which inspired Joa more -- his 16 - month - old brother who is blind , or the fact that Joa is just a really amazing and kind - hearted person . From Lisa and Joa 's fundraising site : We 're raising $ 1,000 to help get braille copies of the latest Harry Potter book , Harry Potter and the Half - Blood Prince , into the hands of braille readers as quickly as possible after its release , and at standard retail prices -- even though a braille book costs nearly three times the retail price of the print book . It 's not just about providing a popular book for a child with a visual impairment . Reading Harry Potter at the same time as their sighted friends lets young braille readers join the mainstream of American life , and being able to talk about their favorite book with their friends helps them fit in , and that helps boost their self - confidence . If you can , please give a donation in any amount on Lisa and Joa 's website , and / or send them some words of thanks and encouragement . 
Red Cross utilizing inaccurate information regarding HIV risk factors . I ' m wanting to put together some information to present to the Red Cross regarding their blood donation guidelines . Currently , the guidelines state that someone may not give blood who is " a male who has had sexual contact with another male , even once , since 1977 . " Similarly , someone who has had " sexual contact with anyone described above " may not give blood . Although MSM ( men who have sex with men ) were once the highest HIV risk group in the U.S. , young females having sex with males are now the group with the highest rate of transmission . Also , the way the guideline is written , it is purely discriminatory and is ineffective . It does not effectively screen out individuals engaging in risky behaviors , and screens out a lot of very low - risk individuals who are MSM . According to these guidelines : 1 . A man who has ever manually stimulated another man and has had no other sexual contact in his lifetime is excluded from giving blood .2 . A woman who has had unprotected sex with 300 men in the past year is not excluded from giving blood . ( Provided that none of the men told her they have had sexual contact with a man . ) 3 . A woman who has been married for several years to a man and who use safer sex practices , and whose husband once had protected sexual contact with a man in college is excluded from giving blood .4 . A man who has been monogamously partnered with a man for 20 years and who have only ever had sex with one another is excluded from giving blood .5 . A man who has had unprotected sex every day for the past 5 years with a woman who reports she is HIV + is not excluded . Can the Red Cross possibly be serious ? The questions ask nothing about actual risk factors , such as whether the potential donor has had protected or unprotected sex . Or whether the potential donor has had sex with people who report being HIV + . Apparently , the Red Cross also doesn't understand how HIV is transmitted , since they use the term " sexual contact , " which includes a lot of behaviors that present no risk of transmission . Yet they ignore a lot of behaviors , such as male / female unprotected intercourse , which put an individual at high risk of HIV transmission . Obviously they 're testing the blood , because they aren't even considering people 's sex practices for the most part . What 's really infuriating is that the Red Cross is generally considered to be a mainstream health organization . Yet they 're disseminating the very misleading idea that any male / male sexual contact is a high - risk activity and that no male / female or female / female sexual contact is high - risk . Every time a woman such as the one in example # 2 goes through the screening process , she is essentially told that she does not have a high - risk sexual history . This does her a grave disservice . The Red Cross needs to base their screening processes on reputable medical information . Now . Right now I ' m gathering information on other similar projects that people have attempted , so as not to duplicate efforts . Anyone who has information , please let me know . 
Did Michael Jackson write this story himself ? From Reuters : Last month a court in Santa Maria , California , acquitted the 46 - year - old pop star of child sex abuse charges that had threatened to destroy his career . Jackson then went to the Gulf Arab country of Bahrain on a private visit to relax . Um , didn't his career die of natural causes in about 1987 ? 
Oh , is THIS what people with disabilties are supposed to look like ? Engadget , which is usually pretty progressive and hip , chose to run this stock image to illustrate a blurb about cellphone issues experienced by people who use hearing aids . Not that there 's anything wrong with being an elder who looks really confused and is wearing extremely tacky clothing , but could they not have used a stock photo of any other person talking on a cellphone ? I ' m sure that children who use hearing aids who see this are feeling really good about themselves right now . 
Haven't I seen you somewhere before ? This is the official beginning of this blog . In an attempt to consolidate my various blogging attempts , I ' ve brought over some posts from other places and backdated them . Welcome , and enjoy . 
Selective respect for life ? At least 30 people were killed in England this morning . At least 27 people were killed in Iraq this week . The people killed in England were killed using deadly weapons . The people killed in Iraq were killed using deadly weapons . The people killed in England were killed by foreigners who had not been asked by the country 's government to enter the country for the purpose of detonating weapons . The people killed in Iraq were killed by foreigners who had not been asked by the country 's government to enter the country for the purpose of detonating weapons . The people killed in England were killed by people who are believed to have disagreed with England 's government and who are not believed to have known anything specific about the people killed . The people killed in Iraq were killed by people who are believed to have disagreed with Iraq 's government and who are not believed to have known anything specific about the people killed . The people killed in England all had families and friends and communities who are now trying to understand why their loved one was taken from them . The people killed in Iraq all had families and friends and communities who are now trying to understand why their loved one was taken from them . I am being told to mourn the deaths of the people in England and am being told to call their killers " terrorists . " I am being told to take pride in the deaths of the people in Iraq and am being told to call their killers " heroes . " Why ? 
e - mail to Reuters . In this story , [ LINK ] , the last graf states " The event was staged to raise funds for the Special Olympics , which provides fitness training and contests for about 1.7 million mentally disabled people each year . " This is not actually accurate , as Special Olympics serves any individuals who have special needs . A quick visit to their website verifies this . There are many participants who might be a typical professional adult who participates in wheelchair sports , a child with a behavioral disability who has been ridiculed on typical sports teams , or someone with a developmental disability . Also , if you wish to refer to people with mental retardation and / or developmental disabilities , the term you want is " people with mental retardation " or " people with developmental disabilities . " If you wish to refer to people with mental illness , the term you want is " people with mental illness . " The term " mental disability " is not a proper clinical term , as this is ambiguous . When discussing people with disabilities , " person " ( or " child " or " man " or " athlete " or " lawyer " ) should always come first , followed by the nominal form of their disability ( " with diabetes " or " with a disability " or " with paraplegia " ) , as you don't want to label someone 's entire personhood is " retarded " or " disabled . " The APA has a great website on removing bias in language pertaining to disabilities : http : // www . apastyle . org / disabilities . html . 
Well , it 's , um , accurate . From an ad for a job at a large hospital network that has two similar hospitals in Westwood and Pembroke and has a small child / adolescent unit in Lowell : Salary will be commiserate with experience . I used to work there ; the salary and the experience DEFINITELY commiserate with one another . 
. Mac feedback . Dear . Mac folks , I absolutely love the i Card selection . They 're the classiest e - cards around , and I also am comfortable giving e - mail addresses to Apple because I know they aren't going to be used for spam . I do have one suggestion though . I think it would be nice if the i Cards could reflect a little more diversity . It would be nice to see , for instance , some same - sex couples depicted in the love and romance section along with the images of heterosexual couples . And maybe some pairs of dads in the father 's day sections , as well as imagery that 's a little less gender normative , like maybe a father who is sewing or cooking instead of golfing and hammering . Also , more imagery of people of color and people with disabilities would be a great addition to the selection that already includes a lot of great international and non - Western imagery . I would caution you though on not trying to achieve diversity through having a specific GLBT section or an African - American section as some e - card sites do , as I think this sends a message of separatism rather than diversity . Thank you ! 
My trip to the arboretum . No longer welcome In Boston arboretum Missed " no climbing " sign From thirty feet up Lecture by cop on tree care Didn't quite sink in " Preserve town 's future By not touching the foliage " Blue lights flash below " Show me your ID ! " I wonder : does he mean me Or " Western Hemlock " ? If they 're so worried About trees getting broken Why make them of wood ? 
It 's not stealing if you don't get caught . I was just asked to clarify whether the words " jack " and " gank " mean exactly the same thing or whether they have subtleties that set them apart . I ' m happy to oblige . And for fun , I ' m going to throw in another related word : bogart . " Jack " generally implies that whatever is being taken is of some value , was taken without permission , and is not going to be returned . " Someone jacked my hat while I was at lunch . " Jacking may also occur with permission , but definitely connotes that it 's not going to be returned . " Can I jack a couple sheets of paper ? " " Bogart " refers to something that has little value , or is meant to be shared , disposed of , whatnot . It 's most often with permission . It may also refer to something that 's going to be returned . " Can I bogart your pen for a second ? " or " Mind if I bogart a stick of gum ? " It might be done more stealthily though , as in , " Someone 's been bogarting paperclips out of my cup ; I hardly have any left . " Bogarting can also mean to hog something or take more than one 's share ; this use is especially common among potheads : " Quit bogarting the stash . " " Gank " is also a form of harmless , minimally annoying misappropriation of goods , though it has the definite implication that there is either more of the good still left ( " I never buy ketchup ; I just gank a ton of packets when I ' m at Burger King . " ) or that something is being ripped off , but without actually removing it from the original source , as in , " Oh , I just ganked the text off of the hotel website and pasted it onto the conference flyers . " . 
Rube Goldberg , eat your heart out . I ' m sitting here writing progress notes , and was getting bored , so I tied a bandana that was lying here around the cat 's neck . So far so good . So I was typing and rubbing the cat 's tummy , and he was rolling around like a freak . Then , as typically will happen eventually with this idiot , he liked the tummy rubbing so much that he fell off the couch . Whoever said cats always land on their feet apparently never tried rubbing a kitty tummy on a couch . Or a bed . So the cat fell to the floor with a thud as usual , except that this time the bandana flipped over his eyes . When cats get blindfolded , they back away from the blindfold , which is why it 's especially fun to put socks over their heads . So then I have this cat backing all over the floor in circles at hyper warp speed . Amusing , until he backed into my beer . I heard the all - too - familiar beer - spilling sounds of " clunk " then " ffsssshht . " And then " cheepcheepcheep . " Waitaminute . So I look down , and the beer has made a puddle on the hardwood . Right underneath one of those damned easter chicks that chirps when the two sensors on the bottom have their circuit completed . Ah , apparently beer is a pretty good conductor . The cat , meanwhile , still can't see , and is furiously deciding whether to be terrified of the possessed chicken , fall madly in love with it , or to drink the beer . So he chooses the smartest option and does all three . Which leaves me writing this instead of my progress notes . Yyyeah . 
Robbing Peter and , uh , then sending him a bill for it . I got a bill from Beth Israel about 6 months ago for a copay I ' d paid at the visit ( almost a year before ) , so I called and asked them about this , and they said it had indeed been paid , and not to worry about it . Then a month later or so , I got a refund check from them for an overpayment on another visit -- something that they had billed me for as not being covered and then which my insurance had decided to cover . Then today I got a collection notice regarding the first Beth Israel bill . I called and told the person that I had called when I got the first bill and had been told I didn't have a balance . I told him I had gotten a refund check in the meantime , and asked why I got a refund check if I owed them money . He said he didn't know . I asked if there was some other way to look , maybe by pulling up my social , and seeing if they had two accounts for me or something . He said that wouldn't have happened . He said there was no way I could have gotten a refund check , because it didn't show any refund check . I told him I had definitely gotten one , and I knew this , because a refund check came in the mail . To me . From them . For an overpayment . So he then said " well , I have no way of knowing what 's going on with any of this , because you have 12 accounts in here . " Whaaaat ? Didn't he just tell me that I didn't have more than one account ? So then he tells me that I ' d been in the hospital 12 times in the past two years , and so I had 12 accounts . And wasn't he able to pull them all up as being tied to me ? I ' ve been the same person and with the same insurance and address the whole time . So anyway , I asked him if he could pull up the fact that they ' d issued me a check , since , you know , they wrote me a check , and they ' d have a way of pulling that up . He said " that would require me going into your financial record . " Wait , because we haven't been in it yet ? No WONDER you think I owe you money , yet you 're sending me refunds . So I asked him if he could do that . " No , I don't have access to that . " . 
Pope haiku ! Here 's some pope haiku from me and my brother . Feel free to add your own . * Jokes about St. Pete And the pope will be funny Hurry up and die ~ eeka Isn't he dead yet ? It 's messing with the TVPope needs to kick off ~ eeka 's brother They fail to report What I wonder ; Did he give Him SELF his last rites ? ~ eeka Whoa ! That was first thing I wondered when the news broke Pope is near dirt nap ~ eeka 's brother * If you think that writing haikus in poor taste makes me an awful person , this is fine with me . You 're not the type of person whose opinions I value anyway . 
The ants go swimming one by one , hurrah ... I ' ve been finding ants swarming around my kitchen for the past few days . Not any sort of harmful kind , but just the annoying tiny black ones . You know , particularly annoying because they do stuff like weave across the floor in a perfect squiggly line , parade around waving a crumb like a head on a stick , and so forth . So this morning I found about 5000 ants in the cat food dish . One of the cats seems to find them sort of amusing and fun to paw at and the other cat is terrified of them . I emptied out the cat food dish , cleaned it thoroughly , and vacuumed up about 4999 ants ( one went squiggling under the stove ) . Hey , they were alive when they got sucked up the hose , so that means I wasn't responsible for killing them . Well except for the one who marched one by one across my toe who I therefore had to smash . Sorry , Buddha . 10 minutes later , I go into the kitchen , and the ant I missed has , through some miracle of immaculate conception , multiplied into another 5000 ants . Who really enjoy cat food . This time I got smart . After wasting another bowl of cat food ( I should also mention that the cats won't eat if the bottom of the bowl is showing . One of them doesn't seem to mind if thousands of ants are showing though . ) , I set the cat food bowl in the middle of a large baking pan and poured water in to make a moat around the cat food bowl . An hour passed and I dared to go into the kitchen . I was relieved to not find any sort of army in the cat food this time , though there were 3 ants who did make it into the cat food . And about 50 drowned little ant corpses . Sorry , Buddha . They can SWIM . Tomorrow I ' m headed to CVS first thing to buy myself a package of those little ant Auschwitzes . Deal with it , Buddha . 
International Women 's Day / Women 's History Month . KING FM in Seattle ( also has a 24 - 7 streaming station at king . org ) is broadcasting music by female composers and / or female recording artists all month in honor of Women 's History Month . Unfortunately , they seem to think " women " is an adjective and keep referring to " music by women composers . " I ' ve e - mailed them and I just got a reply saying they ' d fix this . Excellent . A lot of other great things are going on today and throughout the month , both on - line and off . I ' ll spare myself the effort of googling and pasting , since there 's so much going on , but just wanted to mention this . 
We do still have libel laws , don't we ? This morning 's Herald has a ( 300 - point ) headline reading BEATEN TO DEATH along with a picture of Dontell Jeffers , the little boy who recently died while in foster care . I didn't get the , uh , opportunity to read the actual story , but I see in 3 other accounts of the story that all that is known now is that the boy died shortly after going into cardiac arrest while in the hospital and that relatives had raised questions of physical abuse after visiting with the child recently . No one 's been charged with anything , no cause of death has been determined , and there 's no mention of any other findings during the child 's hospitalization . Talk about jumping to conclusions . If the cause of death is determined to be anything other than a direct result of blunt trauma intentionally inflicted by another person , I ' ll be the first one to start a fund to sue the Herald 's ass off for libel . Oh , and it 's especially infuriating that Mitt Romney is commenting on the " enormous failure " of the foster care system . After he 's made huge cuts in foster care , group care , DSS , Mass Health and therapeutic schools . And has publicly stated that it 's wrong to give needy children families in GLBTQ homes . 
Snow - covered myopia . The alarmist snow closures are getting even more ridiculous . Today all of the transportation for a network of programs that provide services for people with disabilities was cancelled . The transportation company hires almost entirely salaried workers who get a paid " snow day " today . This isn't the case for most of the people who are forced to stay home because of the transportation company 's decision to shut down despite the roads being completely passable . The employees with disabilities mostly do piecework . You know when you buy a package of 6 of something ? If you bought it from a small , local company , the 6 items were probably counted out , placed in a bag , sealed , and packed for shipping by people with disabilities . The workers are paid for each piece on which they complete their designated task . They might be paid 10 cents for each bag they run through a sealer . They are only guaranteed pay of 2 hours at the minimum wage for each day they report to work . They are paid nothing when they can't come to work , and it goes without saying that none of them can afford their own ride when transportation decides to take a snow day . These folks do get some SSI benefits ( or SSDI in the rare case of folks who have acquired their disability after having worked ) but the small increase they ' ll get from having missed a day of wages isn't anywhere near the actual amount they ' ll lose for the day . Most of the people who make the agency possible did not make any money today . Aside from the small salaried staff of professional job coaches at the work centers , most of the people who provide services to the folks at these programs are paid for actual work they do . The people who come in to do counseling at these sites did not make any money today . The people who come in to work on specialized tasks with these folks , like personal hygiene , or crossing the street , or counting money did not make any money today . The employees who make slightly more than minimum wage supervising the workshop did not make money today . 
heat induced frivolity . It 's hot outside . Again . I have been wasting ample indoors time inside rambling through all kinds of blogospheric desserts . Usually , I am not game for the " what kind of condiment are you ? " internet surveys . But the heat is apparently frying my brain , because I liked this one . It managed to hit the gist of my basic personality in each of its sections . Which is kind of disconcertning in a fun sort of way . I especially liked this part , " You 're not the life of the party , but you do show up for the party . " Yup . And usually end up on the cleaning crew afterwards . Your Five Factor Personality Profile Extroversion : You have medium extroversion . You 're not the life of the party , but you do show up for the party . Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences . But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your " down time . " Conscientiousness : You have high conscientiousness . Intelligent and reliable , you tend to succeed in life . Most things in your life are organized and planned well . But you borderline on being a total perfectionist . Agreeableness : You have medium agreeableness . You 're generally a friendly and trusting person . But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism . You get along well with others , as long as they play fair . Neuroticism : You have low neuroticism . You are very emotionally stable and mentally together . Only the greatest setbacks upset you , and you bounce back quickly . Overall , you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure . Openness to experience : Your openness to new experiences is medium . You are generally broad minded when it come to new things . But if something crosses a moral line , there 's no way you ' ll approve of it . You are suspicious of anything too wacky , though you do still consider creativity a virtue . The Five Factor Personality Test . 
pipe down , mr. evil weatherman . Pssssst ... Al Gore is secretly an evil weatherman . Pass it on . I am kidding , of course . He is not evil . Especially now that he has forgone the facial hair . But given that he 's earned his place amidst the more hysterical frontmen of the global warming alarm and makes scary movies about the earth becoming perilously hotter by the nanosecond , I am hereby blaming the ghastly and record ~ setting 112 degree weather we were blessed with this weekend squarely on our Mr. Gore . Yes , I understand that it is ridiculous to lay blame for a naturally occuring cyclical weather pattern on someone who is not plausibly culpable . But it is also ridiculous to be coping with 85 degrees of muggy humidity at midnight when one is not located on a subtropical island , or to have to peel your clothes from you simply to get up from a chair , or to awaken at 5:30 a.m. in order to water your plants at the only time of day when you don't risk a heat stroke . Given that I could fry an egg on my sunglasses as I left church this morning , it feels good to have a ready - made scapegoat for all this blazing hot suffering , doesn't it ? And since the unrelenting sun started chanting Na - Na - Na - Na - Na - Na while cranking up the heat to the highest decibels on record , I have found myself just the slightest bit grouchy . Blame tends to compliment grouchy , especially when served with an extra large side order of perspiration . So come , let 's embrace the scapegoating . Since old Al 's been yacking about global warming publicly , the thermometer has skyrocketed around here . Coincidence ?? Or shades of ' Field of Dreams ' : " If Al says it is getting hotter .... it will get hotter " ? If the latter is the case , I have a suggestion for our former Vice President : you might wanna quit making doomsday movies about the worsening wicked hot climate , dude . Because the weather seems to be listening . Or - even better - why not use your apparent powers for good and not evil ? Make a film about the sudden rampant proliferation of world peace and see what happens . As for me , I am sticking to my story ( however tongue - in - cheek ) that this unrepentant blast of hot air that seems to have stranded itself over us lately is big . fat . his . fault . All 112 smoking degrees of it . Doggone that Al Gore . 
ode to Mulder and Scully . Tonight , for no compelling reason whatsoever , I miss the days when the X - Files was the bees knees . We were newlyweds as the show dawned . Each Thursday night meant big bowls of buttery salted popcorn , iced tumblers of Dr. Pepper and Diet Coke , and thrillingly bizarre new voyages into finding the elusive truth that IS OUT THERE . 
Hawaiian lessons . Our Hawaiian vacation has produced some life lessons in my heart . Some profound , some just ... found : 1 . ) I am small . I am really , really , teensy small . Not only in existential terms , but in actual terms . There is such big - ness to the universe . Close contact with 30 - foot wingspan Manta Rays while sitting on the ocean floor , 60 feet under the surface of the water , under pitch black skies in a vast Hawaiian sea found me newly appreciating my very teensy presence in a very , very big world .2 . ) When you commit to listen to people , the byproduct of that investment is that you do actually HEAR what they say . And the message they deliver does seep in to your subconscious , whether or not it is a valuable , positive , or meaningful one . Listening should have warning labels attached .3 . ) Nourishing love does require some degree of action on our parts , if love is a verb we are invested in cultivating .4 . ) The failure of mankind comes down to an utter failure to communicate truth through administration of love and pursuit of peace . It is a failure of ego and lack of submission . It is an endemic failure of massive proportions . But it can be stopped , wounds healed , and battle won . There is a way . One way .5 . ) The people of Lebanon are my heart 's prayer right now .6 . ) That these islands are formed of the hottest , explosive , destructive , incredible lava formation process imaginable and then become these beautiful fonts of extraordinary abundant life is a testament to God 's creative process . Fire destroys , refines , and burns - but paves the way for restorative life once its process is complete . When we are the ones under the sharpening fire , we seem to focus on the pain of the process , not the purpose for it . We rebel at refinement because it hurts . But in doing so , we miss the glory that comes after .7 . ) " Burrito " does not have the same meaning at different places on the planet . In concept or execution .8 . ) I become much more healthy and whole as I cease looking at the reflections of myself in the eyes of others . Rather , when I look past the reflective surface altogether and into the souls of the PEOPLE surrounding me , I find a much more fulfillment and am usually blessed by the exercise of interacting with , sharing with , and coming to cherish others I share the planet with . I already know who I am . It 's not up for debate . My value is not dependent upon the opinions or whims of others , no matter how beloved they may be to my soul . People should not be valued for their reflections of who we are , but be loved for who they are . And for who God made them to be .9 . ) I think one of the potential reasons vacations are so restorative is because they begin and end with such a humble experience : a long , cramped , smelly , uncomfortable , cattle car airplane ride , from which the end is cause for rejoicing .10 . ) We are home . Hawaii is where God intends our family to be , in His time . This is our promised land . 
Organic Faith . This book and the general trending of thought it represents is a blessing to me . Praise God I am not alone . Scuba diving with the manta rays last night in the depths of the endless Hawaiian sea brought me closer to the Lord than anything has other than being in the presence of my children . Of late , church has been , for me , a bit of seeking the organic relationship , experience , and revelation in the fast food lanes of religion . I seek to suck out the marrow . Not chew on the bone . I am still listening and utterly ensconced in Romans . God is working . Even in the midst of the darkness , shining . My faith in Jesus Christ and is His power and purpose is , satisfyingly unwavered , even strengthened . I feel , amidst tears and rough waters , grateful to be drawing close to Him , even though there are others I love who waste no time in voicing opinions of my unconventional approach of late . Blast it . Jesus was unconventional . He came to set us free . Well , then - let 's be free . In pursuit of that freedom ... 
coping without a compass . I ' m grouchy . We are sitting in our room on the glorious Hawaiian island of ... well , Hawaii . And I am a grouchy . Grouchy because I am feeling suffocated , buried , incapable of meeting the demands of life , and overwhelmed . Grouchy because my heart hurts . I am sadly marinating in my own secular failures to the point where the outward poisons of the world have seeped into my soul and threaten to strangle it . Which is really just me finally paying attention to the stress level of my life that I am Olympian - good at managing most of my days . But not today . And really , who are we kidding ? " Managing " is just another word for coping . I cope . I cope very , very , very well . I could be the poster child for COPING . But coping does not heal or solve anything . Coping is like treading water - it delays the inevitable payment to the piper for another day . Another day when we think we might , somehow , be more capable . When we might be able to finally stop running and have gathered enough strength to finally stand up against the tides that crash over us and thrash around us , intent to drown us altogether . Coping is a stay - of - execution which is unavoidable . Mine , in some meaningful ways , caught up with me today . Today , on vacation with my blessed husband in this glorious place , I cannot hide from the truth . It finds me even here , as business people and work related " needs " jockey for my attention and aggressively pursue their agenda and demands for my time . I am , again , made aware of and overtly burdened by the unyielding stress that presses in on me from all sides . I find myself angry at my weakness as a human being . Angry at my lack of protection and investment into what I love most . Angry that I have allowed the needs , concerns , problems , and demands of other human beings to eat away at my own life , family , health , and identity until I just . can't . breathe . I feel quite suddenly lost in a tangly dark forest . The birds have eaten the breadcrumbs marking my way back . The glittering eyes and bared fangs of the worldly wolves in the leafy darkness are closing in . I am praying for a Godly airlift , though I know His timing may not be my own . I may be meant to stay a bit longer - to slay a few longstanding dragons on the way back home . To earn some battlescars in hopes that I will not venture this far into the forest alone again . 
The American Birthday & Challenge Check ~ In . Happy 230 th birthday America ! May God continue to bless the people and promise of this nation and guide our footsteps forward in His shadow . And happy 30 th birthday to my dear sister who was born on our bicentennial 4 th of July ~ thirty short years ago . And whose three ~ year ~ and ~ counting military deployment ( her husband is a Navy helicopter pilot in such exotic places as Fallujah and Kuwait ) abroad is gratefully coming to a rapid end ! She and her husband are coming home ! And , God willing , will be gracing the shores of Texas by September 1 ! Soooo ..... how are you all coming with your RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS ? I am giggly joyful to share my own so far : We live in an ocean - adjacent agricutural valley where winery vineyards , strawberries , and other edible delights that thrive in our Meditteranean climate , are grown . Often throughout the day , farm workers can be seen toiling in the fields , bent over plants , dressed from head to toe in fabric and hats , to protect them from the sun . It has always seemed to me a thankless , difficult labor , and I have often driven by the endless fields on my way to the church , market , or office , and thought : This is such a warm day . Those people are dressed so warmly to protect themselves and working outside ALL day . I imagine they are working for low wages . I bet they are super thirsty . So , on Saturday , I did something small about it . At 11:30 a.m. , 5 assorted pizzas and 10 2 - liter bottles of soda from the local pizza place were delivered anonymously to the vineyard I so frequently drive past , to be given to their field laboring crew that day . I even paid in cash , so no one could ever know who the pizza pixie was . There is a little light that shines from within me when I drive by that vineyard now . This is SO much fun ! Anyone else wish to share their stories of shining the light of random kindness into the world ? The challenge continues ... 
because the vowel is wasted , that 's why . Critters are invading . Well , one critter . We have had a resident possum ( yes , I know it is supposed to be spelled with an " o " in the front , but I refuse on the principle that it is an utter waste of a vowel ) that has become a bit of a seasonal squatter in our attic and backyard . We are not sure how he is getting around . When we hear him in the attic during the winter months , we play detective . We have tried to figure out his traffic pattern and access entry point . We have plugged all potential areas of access into the attic , roof , and eaves that we could find . Somehow , despite our efforts , this little creature continues to figure out how to get in an out at will . Apparently there is an indoor and outdoor possum network we were formerly blissfully unaware of . With a small steel - cage trap thingy borrowed from my father - in - law , who tells us it has been used successfully on everything from rats to raccoons ( this is the part where my mind goes into voluntary denial ) , Copper has hoped to catch the possum and relocate him to a more generally welcoming location . This endeavor has proven unfruitful , literally . Each morning , the pieces of peanut butter laden fruit in the trap have been relocated . The possum is still located here . This little critter has awakened me at 2:30 a.m. three nights of the last two weeks . Whereupon , I awaken Copper and together , armed with flashlights and clad in pajamas and socks , we descend upon the backyard garden . Where we inevitably find the possum ( as they are not the stealthiest creatures ) , shine lights on it and try to direct it into the trap . We reason , in our VERY lucid 2:30 a.m. mental capacities , that we can somehow " land " this possum in its cage with our lights like it is a 747 . Typically , our efforts manage little more than to frighten the little thing , who tries to escape by retreating to the farthest reaches of our agapanthas , then tries to climb the locust tree before just giving up , playing possum , and hoping we go away . Which we do . It 's 2:30 a.m. It 's cold outside . It is flashlights and socks vs . marsupial with rumored sharp teeth . We go away . The possum has us pretty much figured out . We eat a lot of corn on the cob and salmon , and the garbage gets picked up on Wednesday morning . Which means that Tuesday nights are possum - on - the - prowl nights . With Copper out of town until Friday , I expected the possum to visit again last night and was prepared to meet him alone . I waited up till after three in the morning . I set the trash out as usual . I put fresh batteries on our flashlight , set my shoes by the door , and slathered peanut butter on the apples in the trap . I kept going to the door and flicking on the outdoor lights really fast , hoping to catch Mr. Critter in the noisy act of trying to claw into our spa . Hoping to scare him into the trap by sheer terror of the light from a 60 watt outdoor bulb . Hoping I had not stayed up in vain . Hoping for another possum sighting . Hoping the trap would actually be effective . Hoping I ' d get to do my little victory dance . Alas , our friendly neighborhood possum let me down . And I am both tired and disappointed . I am not sure which is worse : being wakened by a possum in the middle of the night , or NOT being visited by a possum after waiting up until the middle of the night . I told Copper tonight that instead of peanut butter , we may as well lay out a towel , some sunscreen , and more corn on the cob . Because all this little thing seems to want to do is slip into the spa , have a snack , and move right in . Varmint . 
damp hair - mussed foreheads . I cherish that my children sleep so warmly that when they wake suddenly in the middle of the night and call for me , I get to rock my snuggly , limp , damp - hair - mussed - foreheaded babies to sleep all over again . May time stand still for these moments . 
Challenge : Bring It On ! These three bumper stickers comprise my all time favorites . Ironically , despite my happy appreciation for communication - a - la - car ( well , MOST of the time , because there are some odd Mulligans out there ) , I don't have a single bumper sticker on my own autmobile , because , as my car is often used for work - bumper stickers are against company policy . If I could , though , I ' d plaster each of these on my own little driving machine . Until I retire , I ' ll have to settle for displaying them on the cover of my Study Bible instead . Once in awhile , I ponder if it isn't , perhaps , somewhat sacreligious , but considering I have written all over my Study Bible over the last 16 years , I think it ' ll fly . So for July , I am issuing a BLOGWIDE CHALLENGE . Please join me in rising to the challenge of finding inspired ways to : CELEBRATE AND PROTECT LIFEPRACTICE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS AND SENSELESS ACTS OF BEAUTYand FOSTER PEACEFUL COEXISTENCE WITH ONE ANOTHER . Throughout July , I will be publishing a weekly check - in post to openly invite posts from the entire blogosphere ( well , those who visit my little neck of the woods ! ) , detailing collective and individual efforts at living these concepts out loud . I plan to celebrate each effort and hopefully be blessed , inspired , and propelled to pay it forward . Let us make a difference and be inspired by these basic bumper stickered concepts of caring for one another . So let 's go forth and make a difference in the lives of others for nothing but the sheer joy of the exercise . First check in post : July 4 , 2006 . Bring it on ! 
Adding to the " Shouldn't 's " ... ... More items to add to my ongoing list of Things That Just " SHOULDN ' T BE " .1 . ) The US Post Office should not be able to legally charge $ 12.40 for Priority Mail service , which boasts expedited delivery within 3 business days , only to NOT deliver said package until the eighth business day , and then refuse a refund because they do not " guarantee " their Priority Mail delivery times . I see . So what exactly did I pay the $ 12.40 for ? Ransom ? Legalized bribery ? Or a gratuity , rewarding the mere possibility that the package MAY arrive as promised ? 2 . ) Credit card companies should not be able to unilaterally alter the original terms of our consumer credit card agreements at will without a compelling reason , such as the default of the borrower . When we enter into a contractual agreement to borrow and repay money that affects OUR credit ratings , it is a seriously sober matter . When we keep our commitment in good faith , the other party to the contract should not be able to alter terms of our agreement at will in order to create more favorable terms for their sole benefit .3 . ) The focus on weddings shouldn't emphasize the bride , the dress , the food , the tiara , the photos , the colors and china , the dinner menu , the ring ~ any of that peripheral distractory . Planners should not be employed to plan a wedding , but a marriage . The focus should not be upon the planning , process , perfunctions , primping , and party that happens the day the bride and groom say " I do " ... but rather , the lifetime that comes after .4 . ) War should not exist . But as war does exist , ALL human beings who share this planet should be avidly circumspect in voicing their opinions about its existence , plan , execution , and duration while other human beings are dying ~ either for a cause they believe in , or as casualties of a conflict they are entirely innocent of . After all , it is unchecked and increasingly polarized differences of opinions and ideologies that foster the inability to coexist peaceably , and inevitably form the root cause of war in the first place .5 . ) American cities , counties , and governments shouldn't be so arrogant as to expect to pay their police officers wages that are easily eclipsed by most employees of Taco Bell , offer limited or no benefits , require 14 - hour days or longer ~ and then wring their hands in puzzled confusion as to why they cannot attract quality recruits for their dwindling police force . I ' m sorry , guys , but any job that requires its ' employee to don 30 pounds of body armor , a bulletproof vest and kevlar , pepper spray , riot batons and shields , and over a dozen guns on their person or cars should not be something we expect to fill at a discounted compensation rate . This vastly arrogant disrespect for people who stand in the gap - literally - with their lives everyday explains why we are suffering from a stark shortage of police officers nationwide . Including Copper 's local department in a city where over 20 % of the police officer positions remain indefinitely , chronically vacant .6 . ) Perfection should not be expected or claimed by anyone . After Jesus , we are all just pale reflections of the possibility . 
walmart woes . I am honestly humbled by the open employment policy that Walmart offers , but experiencing the business end of that policy is not without its drawbacks . It would potentially be helpful to ensure that those employed in positions of customer service do not render that service with the overt malice of a hitman seeking to cause bodily injury to any brave soul daring to ask where the Children 's sinus medicine might be located . After Sunday nights ' run in with the Walmart Mob Boss in Aisle Nine , I am now legitimately afraid of that place . Not because of how it is rumored to treat its employees , but how its employees treat their customers . And how many colorful epithets are tatooed on their forearms . A heathy portion of the Walmart workforce seems to be employed courtesy of work release . Which is fine . Until you need to ask a question . 
Liar , liar , pants on fire . " Mommy , are you awake ? " This question was posed by the completely alert and intently - staring - at - me - from - under - my - covers - where - she - snuggled - late - last - night five - year old daughter . At approximately 5:12 a.m. On a Sunday morning . It was pitch dark and obscenely early . And considering that a congested and coughing Dash had kept me up until after 1:00 a . m , no way was I getting up a this hour for anything less than a fire or a medical emergency . And even those were becoming negotiable . " No. Definitely not . " My eyes closed . I sank immediately back into beckoning slumber . For about 28 seconds . " Mommy , are you sure you 're not awake ? " I was silently willing her sweet , pleading voice to not penetrate my sleep cocoon . My eyelids were lined with anvils and didn't even attempt to open as I issued my repeated answer in my barely audible , groggy whisper , " La La , I am sure . Go back to sleep , honey . " And we again descended back into silence . Well , one of us did . " Mommy , you 're talking . People who are asleep don't talk . How can you talk if you 're asleep ? " " That 's a good question . Let 's sleep on that one , OK ? " That bought me twenty minutes . At 5:30 , she had decided that no amount of rumination could convince her that people who are asleep can talk . She leaned over and started stroking my hair and then my face , trying to rouse me . Her sweet gesture ordinarily would have been rewarded with a hug or kiss from me - but anything that threatened intrusion on the already endangered species of my SLEEP was regrettably unwelcome , no matter how adorabale . Abandoning this effort , she leaned close . " Mommy , I know you are awake because you 're talking to me . You LIED , Mommy . You said you were not awake and you ARE awake . " She sat upright in my bed with her tiny little arms crossed . Albeit with a hesitancy I can not adequately describe , I was unavoidably awake now . I rolled over and faced her . She was formidable . " You LIED , Mommy . You know the difference between the truth and a lie . " And as she shook her head in sober consternation , she delivered the one that finally motivated me to drag myself out of bed and make breakfast for this future litigator , " I am so disappointed in you , Mommy . We need to pray . " Which brings me to the reason I was kneeling beside my bed with my 5 - year old daughter at half past five , praying for forgiveness for misleading my poor daughter in my ill - fated attempt to cling to the last vestiges of sleep . And wondering how this situation had gotten so ridiculous . While newly appreciating the scarily effective skill of overt manipulation possesed by my daughter . Especially in the wee hours of the morning when my mind has not yet punched its timecard for the day . Tonight , Copper and I are debating the merits of installing a lock on our bedroom door . 
Prop 82 Plunges . That Prop 82 went down in flames in today 's California election is giving a nice little jaunty uplift to my step . Thank goodness we rejected this sugar coated plan for wealth redistribution , discriminatory taxation , and more crummy government ~ run educational programs for our kids . Ah , " Universal Preschool " Bankrolled by the Wealthy . What a grand idea ! Since the state of California does such a superb job of educating our children in grades K - 12 , why not instill MORE of the same substandard programs and succesful endeavors ? Only let 's also involuntarily force those Californians who make more money than most of us to pay for the preschool education of other people 's children ! If this bill passed , I would be temped to propose a ballot measure in the not - so - distant future , requiring those evil wealthy people to be taxed for the " Universal Subsidize - Lachen - Maui Fund " . Sheesh . Who ARE the people who conceive these communistic , fruitless , discriminiatory , band - aid ideas ? Oh wait , nevermind - Rob Reiner . Well , there you go . Gee , here 's a thought : why not REDUCE taxes on the lot of us so that we can afford to send our children to the privately run preschool of our choice on our OWN dime , should we so desire ? If our earnings were not taxed to the obscene extreme in this state ~ used to fund an intolerable number of government " programs " which pose no benefit to our children ~ we ' d retain enough of our own money to be able to pay for our own childrens ' education ! After all , it is OUR responsibility to educate our children , not Rob Reiners ' , our governments ' , or my friends the business owners ~ who work their tails off for every penny they earn but whose pennies happen to add up to a heckuva lot more than mine and meet the criteria for this proposed bill . We must continue to pry the tentacles of government run programs from our lives , before they strangle us . And then send the bill for our funerals to the wealthy . Common sense is an endangered species these days . But thankfully enough of us who cling to its frayed edges showed up at the polls in California today to send this putrid proposition packing . 
Bright Lights , Big City . The lure of the emerald city has sucked in my little brother like a moth to a bright thing . The others in his gypsy caravan have carried on down the coast to California , but HE HAS STAYED BEHIND . He wants to move here and start a new life away from his bad news " best " friend and the dusty repression of his rural roots . Yeehah ! We still have to go out of town for a few days , but he 's going to housesit and explore and hopefully not bolt before we get back . I ' ve been on this creative high but have been too busy hostessing and tripping . Here are my work - in - progress quilt pieces : There are more , but I didn't feel like spreading them all out . I ' ve been writing and reading and giving Jack his first experience with crap cereal . He didn't hate it . Off to get organized and pack for the trip to the land of geysers , grizzlies , and grandpas . 
Keeping Company . Aren't things supposed to slow down in the summertime ? The in - laws came and went . We all went to Orcas Island and voted it beautiful - unanimously . I ' ve been exploring the San Juan 's bit by bit and this is by far my favorite . I felt so far from home , and there were postcard views around every bend . Jack got some quality time with his grandma , and four generations got together . Fun was had by all . Now we await my sister , her partner , their son , and my little brother . They ' ll be here tonight after dinner - just in time to take my baby brother out for a beer on his 21 st birthday . He 's a gay country boy who 's just become legal on his first trip to the city . My hairdresser says to just give him taxi fare and get out of his way , but I ' m going to do a little more protective hovering than that . : ) My two queer siblings are visiting at the same time - I ' ll be in Capitol Hill all week . Next week I ' ll be nursing my hangover in Yellowstone and then the rest of the summer is pretty low key . I can remember to stress out about the adoption ( Come on 171 - h ! ) , obsess over the submissions I have out , sit out in the garden I busted my ass on and get back to writing . Work in Progress - I ' ve been trying my had at machine quilting and experiment with piecing different shapes and patterns . I like to quilt , but I ' m not so into patterns . We will see how it turns out . We had dinner at Carmelita last night while some friends watched Jack and it was really nice . We even stopped into a pub for a pint on the way home . I prefer Cafe Flora for local gourmet vegetarian ( how great is it that we have a variety of veggie restaurants ? ! ? ) , but it was more elegant ( read : less kid friendly ) and yummy all the same . Last week Sam 's mom watched Jack while we had dinner at Bombay Grill - and that was DELICIOUS . When Jack gets more used to it we can experiment with staying out later and maybe go to dinner AND a movie , or ( gasp ! ) a concert ! Still , we ' ve had more dates this month than the rest of 2006 combined , so I am not complaining . Enjoy the warmth and blue sky . 
Recommendations for the short and scrappy . I love The Adventures of Polo almost as much as my kid . It 's a wordless graphic novel - ish picture book for the preschool set that I heartily recommend . Chez Polo If you 're more in the mood for family tunes than illustrations you should get John Bregar 's Stomp Yer Feet . Not only is he the father of one of the coolest kids I know , but the kid tunes he has made are a treat for ears big and small . He 's performing a free show tomorrow afternoon at 4 in the U Village Land of Nod . You should see it . On the adoption front ... We went to Yakima last week to get fingerprinted and file our I 600 - A form because our social worker finally finished the homestudy from hell . Today I sent our dossier to get authenticated and I feel really good that we are progressing , even if we are just waiting . Woo hoo ! 
Good weekend . We had big ideas about kayaking , shopping , and socializing this weekend but the kid still wasn't feeling up to his usual scrappy self . We stayed home and I baked bread , cooked , gardened , and read a good book ( King Dork ) . Sam finished building a deck to go around the new pond and the kid played . Today we ' ll landscape around the pond so it looks more natural and try to get Rick smogged . I was kind of worried about scheduling some surgeries around the hordes of company we will have this summer , but so far so good . Tonight , I write ! On a positive health note , I used to get fake migraines . I thoughthad migraines for years , until I read an article in the PCC mailer that a lot of migraines were misdiagnosed muscle problems . I had a knot in my shoulder that would flare up around the time I ' d start aching , but it was a chicken and egg thing and I never looked at it as the little knot causing the monster pain . In a fit of wild hope I scheduled some physical therapy and through some new yoga moves , deep tissue massage and being more aware of how I position my body - VOILA ! - the 3 day headaches that came every 10 days have turned into maybe 1 day headaches once a month if I get lazy and don't do the yoga . Now I have hardly any excuse for being an inert recluse . Feet , do your stuff ! 
BITZEN PIECESFYI : For all you fans of Leonard Cohen who might not know this - New release out this week , a soundtrack , I ' m Your Man. Mike , I lied , I tole you I ' d check him out . Haven't gotten around to it ... Will , one of these days . Limes , I noticed on your blog profile that you 're a Tom Petty fan . His Highway Companion is out this week . The reviews I read sound decent . I read HARP Magazine , the one I bought last week features him on the cover . I haven't read it yet . And Brad ! Paul Weller 's Catch Flame is out . I will definitely give that a listen . Apologies if you ' ns already knew all this . Chances are you all knew before I did . I seem to always be a step or two behind my readers . Am used to it . My own fault for writing " up " . ( Get it ??? ) I must be nuts . Yesterday I had cashews for breakfast . Today I ' m having smoked almonds . Last night I listened to Death Cab for Cutie all night at work . Must have been all I needed to get me outta the " slump " I was in yesterday . Feeling way better today . This was kind of funny - there 's a new guy at work , Jeff . He 's probly 20 , if that . He was wearing a Huked on Fonix shirt ... He was looking at my pile of cds and said , " Hmmn . Death Cab for Cutie ? Didn't think you ' d be into them . " I ' ll see what I can surprise him with tonight ... Maybe I can borrow some Marilyn Manson . I ' m nearly at the end of The Alchemist . It hasn't changed my life yet , but is giving me some thinking material . I kind of got distracted and picked up Sun Signs and am brushing up on my Astrology . I ' m excited to report that , soon I will be welcoming my good friend Dana back to PA from VA . Being that she ' ll be much closer , we can enjoy the Replacements and Mitch Hedberg in person instead of via emails . She 's got really good taste in entertainment . ; - ) Although it 's a bit beyond me why one would move back to PA after living in VA ... ( kidding ! sorta ... ) Will be great to see you ! Ju Ju Bee is finding out her baby - to - be 's gender today . They 're keeping it secret though , until the baby is born in November . I ' m taking bets it slips ... That reminds me , yesterday Ju informed me that my second Flickr badge shows up in Internet Explorer but not Firefox . Hmmn ... Off to bed . Y ' all have a good day for me . *********************************************************** 58 . The momentary frenzy that ensues the instant that a cashier calls out , " This register is now open . " . 
RUNNING TO STAND STILL ? Or two steps forward , one step back ? A quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes : " I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving . " Most of the time , I find that I am not even aware of moving forward . Or backward , for that matter . I ' ve never been a great planner . I know where I want to be , I know what I need to do to get there . I just spend so much time completing my everyday responsibilities that there 's no time left for the goal - oriented planning and doing . I don't feel like I ' m standing still , either , until weeks and months go by and I happen to notice I ' m in the same place I was . And yet in a day 's time , I ( usually ) feel like I accomplished something , anyway . Uh - oh , I ' m having deja vu . Did I write this same post last year ??? So where do I stand ? Here . Am I closer to any goals than I was a year ago ? Not really . Shit . I am standing still . Sometimes , though , it seems the world is moving so fast , that I am in actuality going backwards . Like when you 're sitting in your car and the car beside you starts to back up and for a second you feel like you 're moving and you 're not . It 's unsettling because you know you 're stationary and you are tricked into thinking you ' ve moved . I think many of us spend so much time just maintaining and trying to keep our heads above water that time slips by and we lose track . Guess I ' m just feeling a little stagnant today ... ************************************************************* 315 . How nauseating that fifth mozzarella stick or pancake tastes . ( I miss Mitch !!! ) . 
FOOD FOR THOUGHTYeah , I know I ' m capable of picking a more original title . But I ' m thinking I ' m hungry so it fit . I was reading a book just now aboot Life 's Big Questions and came across one that picqued my interest . " Is there such a thing as a Generation Gap ? " What are your thoughts on this ? I ' m thinking it depends on a lot of things . I have readers on here that range from their early twenties to mid - fifties . Unless I ' m missing something , a lot of times we 're seeing things pretty much the same way , although I appreciate different opinions ( contrary to what Simon will tell you ; that being , that if you disagree with me I ' ll pout like a Jr. High Schooler and throw a fit . ) I wonder why it is we all gather here , is it to check out the dynamic of a wide age - range or is it because it doesn't really feel like there is one here ? I ' m not sure from my perspective but I ' m curious how it seems to you . I think we all have a pretty good rapport here and in email that some of us exchange . We talk aboot music more than anything and that 's kind of a universal subject that crosses all boundaries including age . The book 's answer mentions two particular things that " bridge the Gap " and they are Love and Laughter . I think we gots plenty o ' that too . ; - ) *********************************************************** Paradoxical as it may seem , to believe in youth is to look backward ; to look forward , we must believe in age . - Dorothy L . Sayers ( Dear Dorothy , what the hell are you talkin ' aboot ??? ) . 
books read week of 7 July 2006 . Spent the holiday relaxin and got a nice stab at mount TBR this week .1 . Ghost Ship by Dianne Carvey ( ST : t NG # 1 ) 2 . A Yellow Raft in Blue Water by Michael Dorris 3 . Angela 's Ashes by Frank Mc Court 4 . Dragon 's Honor by Kij Johnson and Greg Cox ( ST : t NG # 38 ) Thus starts the influx of Star Trek : the Next Generation titles into my weekly reading . I was kind enough to be gifted with about 10 that I have not read - to the best of my knowledge as I was checking them out from the library before and read what was available . I ' ll most likely be alternating one in after each regular literature and the big sci - fi / fantasy books I have coming up in the TBR pile as a nice mental break , since they are like brain candy . 
Books read week of 23 June 2006 . 1 . The Bellmaker by Brian Jacques 2 . Tales of a Hollywood Gossip - Queen by Mary Kennedy ( ARC ) 3 . Living Well with Back Pain by Robert B . Winter , MD , Marilyn Bach , Ph D and the Twin Cities Spine Center ( ARC ) 4 . Assasination Vacation by Sarah Vowell . 
Books read weeks of 9 June and 16 June 2006 . Another two week entry . Should be bacl on track next week . Books read week of 9 June 20061 . The Ninth Life of Louis Drax by Liz Jenson 2 Fat Girl : A True Story by Judith Moore 3 . Back in Texas by Roxanne Rustand Books read the week of 16 June 20061 . Warrior 's Song by Janis Reams Hudson 2 . Julie and Julia : 365 days , 524 recipies and one tiny apartment kitchen by Julie Powell ( audiobook ) 3 . Young Warriors edited by Tamora Pierce . 
Books read weeks of 26 May and 5 June 2006 . Due to a Memorial Day road trip and just being busy I forgot to post these weeks entries on time . Week of 25 May 20061 . About the Man by Sheryl Woods 2 . A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore 3 . The Pregnancy Test by Susan Gable 4 . A Bone in the Throat by Anthony Bourdane Week of 5 June 20051 . Bitten by Kelley Armstrong 2 . Sirena by Donna Jo Napoli 3 . Calahan 's Key by Spider Robinson ( audio book ) 4 . Deadly Games by Thom Racina . 
July 25 . Right now I am in the middle of trying to filter out the over corrected multiples in the three data lines . These multiples are concave regions because they have low velocities at great depths . Anyway , I had tried a time variant filter but that did not work very well . So my advisor showed me how I could create a velocity model by hand . You basically apply a seafloor horizon and a basement horizon to the migrated stack . Then in the velocity viewer editor tool you apply velocities to these horizons and then remigrate the data . ( in a nutt shell ) I ' ve fixed most of the glitches already by reevaluating the velocity analysis and their mute lines . But there are three weeks left right now so that is an uplifting thought . I can't believe summer is almost over . wow . Well I ' ve got a lot more work to do , I need to start thinking about poster ideas and papers ! I am taking an independent study next semester for this internship which will include a thirty page paper and a power point presentation . I should have those pretty close to completion before I leave . I am also going to be working on an undergraduate research project when I get back with data from the Andrill expedition in Antarctica , so it will be nice to have some promax back ground . Well that 's about it from down south . Just can't wait for the day when the unbearable heat subsides and the bugs freeze to death ! : ) Hope everyone else is having fun . 
Figures , July 12 . This is a Bathymetry map of the Woodlark Basin , created by Andrew Goodliffe . The lines that I have been processing are indicated as shown . This is line 1226 which is the first line that I processed . From left to right it starts by climbing down across rifted continental crust , across the continent - ocean boundary and into oceanic crust . The right end of the line is the conjugate side of the continental crust . This is line 1222 . This line covers a similar area to 1226 but is to the west ( see map below ) . You can see where the oceanic crust is by the lack of sedimentary cover . This is line 1220 . This line is unique because it crossess the spreading center just to the east of the transition from continental rifting to seafloor spreading . At this point there are the " beginnings " of a spreading center . 
July 3 rd . This is the beginning of my fifth week here in Alabama . I am trying to get a figure ready for display but I ' ve got to do some touch - up 's on it first . So I thought that I would write just a little bit to report my progress . Right now I am in the middle of applying the velocity analysis to the third line of the marine data I have been assigned to process . The deep penetration reflection seismic survey that I will be posting on this blog later will be the first of the three . Right now I have already applied the normal moveout and the velocity mute line to the data and then stacked the cdp 's into a survey . But I ' ve still got to try and take out the diffractions and some multiples through migration and resetting parameters for the filters . When this is completed the diagram should look pretty good and then I ' ll be able to take it into the interpretation phase . So right now that 's about all that 's going on . I ' m basically being instructed through processing the first line and then I am following it up with another two that I am processing by myself . It gets hard sometimes because my eyes dry out so I have resorted to wearing my glassess to work to keep the effect of " blood shot , bleary eyes , " down . : ) Sorry if this post is a little sloppy , I went to the lake this weekend and got a little sun burnt . Basically I ' m running on six hours of sleep which for me is not enough so I ' m pretty tired . I ' ll try and get all of the pics from Soccorro posted and also the ones from Alabama . Due to my procrastination abilities this stuff just hasn't gotten done yet . : ) Hope everyone is having fun and Happy Fourth of July ! Happy Trails Whit . 
June 22 . I am now finishing up my third week here in Alabama . So far I ' ve learned a great deal . I was never fully aware of the analysis , design , and creativity that went into seismic data processing . When data is collected improperly it can make such a difference . I have now developed a true appreciation for geophysicists who process and analyze data on a daily basis . When I started this internship my goal was to learn about seismic data processing and its applications . So far I am satisfied with my progress . But where is this all going to go ? This was a question Michael asked me and it got me thinking . By the end of this internship I hope to have a more broader understanding of plate techtonic forces and how they act and react to cause plate movement . When I am done processing the three marine seismic data lines that I have been assigned I will move into the interpretation phase and that is when everything so to say " comes together . " I will be able to look at the processed data and theorize what I think may be happening in the area ; such as fault zones , spreading , upthrusting , and submerging areas . How and why these actions occur is the question of it all . The anomolies of tectonics is kind of like trying to solve a riddle in a sense , only it is one of Earth 's riddles . ( Which is probably why the research I am doing is more exploritory than academic . ; ) So far that is about it from down south . The weather is most of the time unbearable for me so I don't get outside that much during the day . When I do get out it is during the night when it somewhat cools off . You have to understand , in Wyoming at night you have to put on a sweat shirt and pants in order not to freeze . The temperature drops well below seventy degrees most nights . Here the only thing that gets cold is the air conditioning . Really different for me , but I ' m managing . Last night I got to go out with some girls to play pool at one of the local bars . But at ten o ' clock they check people 's ID 's . They are really strict about underage drinking here and you can't even have an open container out in the street . It 's not like that in Butte at all , they don't even check ID 's half of the time . So that 's about it . Hope everyone else is doing well and having fun . Happy Trails Whit . 
Second week . Today I learned how much I truely dislike computers sometimes . Just one of those days I guess where every time I try and execute something I get an error message back , or a graph that is a straight line . It just gets frustrating trying to figure out the problem , but that 's how you learn right ? Up to this point I ' ve processed the geometry of two lines . The most important part of this process is reading in all the data with the navigation and stations to the computer and making sure that they coerrelate . This is crucial because sometimes crews will start recording before the navigation starts so you will have some stations with data but no navigation . These are the stations that must be eliminated because if they stay the cdp 's , critical depth points , will be effected and incorrect . Right now I am trying to look at the reflections and apply filters by looking at graphs like frequency deviation , energy decay rates , and spikes in the data . Yeah , fun stuff . So that pretty much sums it up for now . Last night I went out with some friends and got to see some beautiful sites of Tuscaloosa . This weekend I ' m going to Mississippi with a friend and it should be fun . I tried sweet ice tea , guess what ? It 's way sweet . I wanted to spit it out . I also found another unlikable characteristic down south , musquitos . I don't know how in the world they get you when you just walk out the door but I ' ve got to wear bug repellent every time I step outside of the door . So from down south that 's it for now . I really do like it here and the people are truely one of a kind . Hope all is well and everyone is having fun . Happy Trails Whit . 
First Week . So this is my first posting since the wonderful spam blog now realizes that I ' m a person . The south is exactly what I had expected , the total opposite of everything I know . I spent thirty five minutes at Rite Aid yesterday trying to communicate with a sweet old lady who couldn't understand me and vice versa . It kind of frustrated me because I was in a hurry , first lesson : When in the south relax , these people move at their own pace and no one is going to make them rush . My advisor has been great though and I really enjoy the work that I ' m doing . Of course staring a computer for five hours a day can be a bit strenuous , but going through the baby steps in order to get to the big picture is worth it . Right now I ' m processing a line from a marine survey done north of Australia in Papua New Guinea . So far my advisor has been instructing me in Promax on how to : add geometry to the data , sort points , get rid of the noise , and now I ' m working on re - ordering the data . Next will be velocity analysis then migration and interpretation ! I ' ll then process about two more lines because this stuff takes forever . Yesterday in the lab Mr. Goodliffe told me that what I execute in half an hour would have taken two weeks about two years ago . wow . I ' ve also gotten to play around with a 3 - D wall that the TA 's were practicing on for their geology 101 class . The maps of the Mariana trench were really neat to fly through but we crashed a couple of times . Besides that not much has happened . I ' ve gotten to know my roommate Whitney really well . She 's a real down to earth person who 's teaching me how to cook which is great ! Her dog Herkemer is a sweet - heart too and his favorite game is fetch , although he can't really catch the stick in the air more like he chases it and picks it up ; but it 's all good . My goals so far have been to adjust to the south and learn all I can about seismic data processing with Promax . I forget the little steps sometimes which makes me feel like the cartoon who bashes his head into the keyboard . But it 's a great learning experience and the other kids in the lab are really nice . I ' ve heard some great stories . Well that 's it for now from down south . It 's hot and humid here , thank goodness for air conditiong . Happy Trails Whit . 
Embracing the Unknown What the heck am I thinking ? Seriously . I don't really handle the " unknown " very well . I like plans . I like order . I like schedules . I ' m the super - organized hyperplanner . I ' m radically abondoning all of this for the next 3 months . Folks keep asking me , " So , what are your plans ? " Honestly , I don't have any . Other than my move day , I don't have any days or destinations planned . Thinking maybe a stint at the Gunks before I head West . Just don't know . YIKES ! Maybe this " non - planning " stage will be good for me . I need to learn to let go of the comfortable plans and learn to adapt to and embrace the unknown . If nothing else , I know I will grow and learn A LOT about myself during this trip . For as scared as I am about my upcoming adventure , I ' m equally excited ! 
Breakdown Over Beans I owe so much to my parents for helping me pack . They have been a HUGE help , motivator and support system . Unfortunately , I had a bit of a breakdown as I was cleaning out my pantry . Mom saw my sniffles and began tearing up herself . Dad , of course , didn't understand our emotions . I couldn't quite explain it either . For pete 's sake , they were just cans of beans ! Maybe I realized how so many plans , like cooking , had gone unfulfilled over the years . Now 's my chance to do all of that , and I ' m going to be living in a car . The thoughts really started sinking in and scared me . Where am I going ? Am I doing the right thing ? How will I squeeze all that I want to do into three months ? Will it be enough time ? Will I feel refreshed and re - energized in time ? Oh , Happy Birthday , Daddy !! 
Pack , Pack , Pack I spent Saturday morning recovering from a very fun Friday night . Then it was pack , pack , pack . How have I collected so much stuff in the 4 years I lived in the city ? Charlie helped me pack a lot of crap before we headed up to the Gunks for a very HOT 91 - degree day of climbing . Bo Bo joined us for some hot climbing . We decided to take it easy in the heat and do Beginner 's Delight ( I didn't have to back off of the 3 rd pitch this time ! ) and Asphodel . I got to thinking , maybe I should spend a few weeks in New Paltz before beginning my great west journey . The Gunks would be great to have on my climbing resume . Plus , I could really up my trad grade ! Hmmm , lots of things to think about while I pack . 
Nothing That a Shot or Two Won't Fix Coworkers took me out to Tequila 's Restaurant for my happy hour . Some climbing friends also came to share in the " TTFN " party . Bo Bo the Monkey made his first public appearance . He will be my travel companion for the next few months . I will really miss the food and service at Tequilas . It was one of my city spots . They taught me that nothing heals a sore throat and high fever better than a really strong margarita . Let 's hear it for Oscar and his team ! I had an amazing night ! Let 's see if I can remember everything ... lots of laughs with really good friends 3 marvelous margaritas ( one really strong thanks to Edith ) 2 mojitos ( discovered they are better with Tequila ) 2 shots ( couldn't let Jody 's go to waste ) plates of nachoslava bowls of yummies 1 really potently strong peppery carrot 1 funky monkey getting fresh with my friends .... " I can't whisper " Elana and Bo Bo " Always Gloss " Coryn and Bo Bo . 
Born to Cry Saying goodbye to the folks at work was harder than I expected . Everyone kept reminding me this was only a 3 - month leave , but for some reason I felt extremely sad . I spent many days and even some nights working , laughing and screaming with these people . I will miss them . I ' m saying goodbye to 7 years of my life . It 's very scary . I ' m strong , but yet , it 's taking a lot out of me . I packed up my desk and I ' m sitting here in an empty cubicle . This whole thing is becoming more real to me all of a sudden . I ' m going to miss some really great friends I made at work . I ' m going to miss my friends I made through climbing . It 's like I ' m saying goodbye to a huge part of my life . When I wasn't working , I was climbing . So , basically I ' m starting a completely new life for 3 months . Don't get me wrong , I ' m excited . But also don't think for a minute I ' m not scared shitless ! 
Hitchin ' a Ride I bought a new car in June -- a 2006 strato blue Mazda 3 s 5 - door Touring . Schweet ride ! I ve already broken it in with a few 400 hundred - mile trips to the Gunks . And , I have proven that size doesn t matter after a 5 3 and a 6 1 climber slept comfortably in the back . So , with this new - found freedom and a few pennies saved , I m packing up my stuff , stashing most of it in my parents basement ( for a nominal fee ) and hitting the road . I consider this my mid - life retirement ! I don t have concrete plans as to how I will spend the next few months , but I do know I will be traveling , visiting friends and family , sight - seeing , writing , climbing and enjoying life . If you would like me to stop by or care to join me for a bit , give me a holler . I ll put you on my itinerary -- which is mostly blank right now . 
50 years . Wow . Ernie & Chuck are making a DVD for their parents ' fiftieth . I made this as the cd cover and back ( actually , more like back and front the way it 's pictured here ) . 50 years together just amazes me . We haven't even lived that long ! It 's been really cool looking through their wedding pictures . Can you believe Mrs. T is sixteen in these pictures ? I love the pic on the left because you can see the old cars in the background . Do you think someone will get excited to see my Toyota Corolla in their wedding pictures someday ? I ' m getting psyched for the trip . The house is right on the ocean ( yeah ! ) and of course I had to do some shopping for the trip ( love my American Express ! ) . I bought Camryn this little white dress from the Gap ... oh my goodness . It 's so cute . Okay , gotta go ... Camryn is trying to open the can of whipped cream I left out ! Love , Roseann . 
Suffering from Exhaustion . When I would hear that a celebrity was " suffering from exhaustion " - I always thought it was an excuse to not perform . We ' ll today I had a meltdown and realized that I too had suffered from exhaustion . This was not only sleep deprivation from waking up with a baby . I realize that I place an immense amount of pressure combined ( of couse combined ) with guilt and perfectionism - on myself - and what do you get - a MESS ! ( yes Camryn , a mess mess mess ) So lessons I learned today : ( God , I love lists ! ) Maybe you already know them - but incase you have moments like me - they may help .1 . I am human - I can have emotionally bad days and still counsel others - it is ok . I remember Kevin Lemieux in college telling my roomies a . k . a co - bloggers that he was imtimidated by me because I never had anything wrong going on . That always sticks with me . I want to be real - not intimidating .2 . That I need more sleep - ( thank you John for making me go to bed early ) - I just slept from 9 - 10:30 pm ( until a certain little someone woke me ) - but I feel like million bucks right now ! I cannot be superwoman without any sleep .3 . I need to eat meals - sure I have the excuse that I have a baby and cannot sit to eat in peace - but I am tired of snacking . Sometimes I feel like a fish that happens to find bait once in a while . I cannot live on trail mix .4 . I need to learn when to say no . Again I am not Superwoman . I can try to : read every book I want to , do every job I want to , clean my house , play with Francesca , hunt for houses , etc. etc - BUT NOT AT THE SAME TIME ! - ok , we get it Elena - you love to multitask . Go back and readyour entry from 6 / 5 / 06 . Practice patience . Know when to hold ' em , know when to fold ' em . Know when to walk away . Can't keep all the cards . Gotta let go sometimes . - Elena . 
I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends .. .. and family too ! Thanks Giulia and Kristina for watching Francesca as John and I shook our groove thing at the Ringo concert . FYI - that is Richard Marx on the left - he sang Right Here Waiting - brought me straight back to 10 th grade ! Which brings me to a blog questionaire ( you know I love these ) . What was your high school " think - of - guy " song ? Right Here Waiting was one of my many . I took this photo once I realized that security could have cared less that people had cameras . I was falling asleep in the car driving home . God only knows why I am awake now . I admit , I took out a photo from my wallet of Francesca during the concert . The girl has me whipped . - Elena . 
I ' ll have the burger ... medium well ... My Top vacation moments . 1 . Having Roseann apologize for Camryn 's messy hair , while I eat my Lucky Charms .2 . Learning that Ashley Judd checked into rehab for co - dependence .3 . Lazy lunch at The Doghouse .4 . Rocket Pop drinks with Elena on the 4 th of July ... just like I remember .5 . Towelhead .6 . outdoor shower , fireworks , trips to the beach ... and the peace of these moments .7 . My new JFK & Jackie fridge magnet from cheesy souvenir store .8 . Watching GH with John and our time bonding . 9 . My new bird cage and jar of old thread from tag sale , $ 5 for both ! 10 . " Camryn do . " Gotta love a girl with an assertive personality ...11 . Each morning ... saying " Hi , Bebe ! " and hearing Francesca squeal , freak out and eat her hand ...12 . Clancy 's , Clancy 's sister restaurant - Chapin 's & back to Clancy 's , again ...13 . Tavern sauce , see # 1214 . Diet Coke and vanilla rum , just because ...15 . Seeing " Help me " etched in the glass of the bathroom window and wondering who sat on the toilet before me ... and wondering why he needed help . I love you guys too ... almost as much as I love VACATION ! ~ skrina . 
I can't stop saying , " Hi Bebe !! " . My top moments from our vacation ... - Hearing Skrina give John the Party on Wheels history lesson - Half - watching GH while taking pics of Francesca in her exersaucer ( during Camryn 's nice long nap ) . soooo relaxing , and I love all of her little squeals of delight when she plays with her toys ! - White Chocolate sauce on banana & Cool Whip - I liked our quick game of Scattergories . We need a rematch ! - Elena shoving pieces of toasted marshmallow into my mouth . Now I know what it reminded me of -- our cookie heist ! Elena forcefed me peanut butter cookies to muffle my protests that we were going to get in big trouble for eating the nice delivery man 's cookies ! - Babies in matching Carmen Miranda outfits . - Watching Camryn taste seaweed for the first time ! - Taking pictures of the hydrangeas with Skrina - That Fish Eye wine was right up there with me , too . That was a great restaurant ! It was a perfect last night at the Cape , the sunset , the water , the strange guy who posed in our pictures ... We always need a special guest . Love you guys !! - Roseann . 
Vacation Gluttony . We consumed : 16 hamburgers 3 hand - breaded onion ringsa bag of taffy 2 gallons of ice cream 24 beersa bottle of redbottle of white 6 orders of steak tips 3 orders of Clancy 's wingstub of tavern sauce 5 hot dogs 25 pounds of potatos in baked , salad , home fry , french fry , and mashed formand a partridge in a pear tree . 
Remedial student of life . So I have decided that David and I need some new hobbies . This came about because I realized that we don't have anything to do when we get home in the evenings after work . We usually end up listening to music or watching TV ( mostly David ) or reading . I don't mind a quiet evening as I need to unwind before bed ( its the recommended course of action for chronic insomniacs ) , but I hate being bored even for five minutes . I get restless very easily . Don't like to sit still . So we will take up new activities . For one , I am going to learn how to cook -- David is a much better chef ( I never have taken interest in it , although I love kitchen gadgets ) and we have decided to look up recipes together and cook dinner for the next day the night before . This will solve the dilemma we often face -- what are we going to eat ? ! Plus , I hate slaving over the stove after getting home from work so this will be good . I always say that I am a remedial student of life , a late bloomer when it comes to anything . But a late start is better than no start . Plus , when I commit to something , I really focus . I have also decided to get investment saavy and get more driving experience , something else I have been remedial at . I am reading a Dummies book on the former and driving every weekend to improve my skills . David still looks like he is going to have a coronary , but he at least has gotten better at being a better teacher , keeping destructive comments to himself . That was really eating into my confidence and we ended up having a fight about it . Why didn't I learn to drive earlier like normal people and why learn to drive now , at the tender age of 29 ? Living in a metropolitan area with tres easy access to transportation into and out of Manhattan has really spoiled me since high school so I never needed to learn how to drive to get to the places I wanted to go . Going away to Chicago for college reinforced this habit -- neither David nor myself had access to a car out there anyway . Again , there was easy public transportation as we were in the city itself ( south side , baby ) . Since graduation , I have been working in Manhattan -- again , no car necessary . On the weekends , David would drive me wherever I needed to go . What was the impetus for this change you may ask ? I was saddened to think that at thirty , I would still be a newbie driver . Pretty pathetic . So I made this a priority this summer . Hopefully by the end of the season I will be a much more confident and capable operator of motor vehicles . Wish me luck ! I have also decided to work on the painstaking but ultimately rewarding process of creating my own wedding album . I need to keep my hands busy with activities besides chores . We are trying to save money for a down payment on a house so we stay in a lot except for dinners out on the weekends . I estimate this album will take me close to a year to finish , but in the end I will be glad that I did it . More for later ... time for a beer , my newfound love ! 
The end of the road . OK , so its finally over -- I took the GMAT this past Monday , but I feel ambivalent about it . I did better than expected , but its still short of my dream score , which wasn't a 700 by the way . I have this theory , which my husband disagrees with , that everyone has a baseline ability to do well on standardized testing -- you can go up from that baseline , but not make huge leaps . So from that perspective , I maximized my potential . It hasn't really sunk in yet that it 's over . My sleep hasn't gotten better and I haven't seen a drop in my stress levels from three months of studying my brains out . The funny thing though is that now that I have some free time again , I don't know what to do with myself . Yesterday , I did some chores which I was happy to do . I had made a list of projects I wanted to undertake , such as creating my own wedding album , but organizing pictures , the first step , has been a harder task that I expected . I am excited about going to the gym regularly again and focusing on my job search . Getting manicures and writing letters . Reconnecting with friends again and going out to dinner . Not taking a backpack to work everyday to work on problem sets during lunch . Its nice to take a normal purse to work and be a girl again . Ahhh , the sun is shining again . 
Finally , some pictures ! In Paris for our 1 st year anniversary trip ( we went to London first and saw Coldplay ! ) Hyunmi and her husband , Michael , my brother - in - law David and me on our honeymoon in Atlantis , Paradise Island , Bahamas The Kims -- from left to right , my brother Jae , me , my sisters Hyunmi and Wonmi . 
Passing Strangers . I had an interesting experience earlier this week . While on the PATH train going to work , I sat down to notice a blond stranger sitting diagonal from me making eye contact . Funny thing is , he kept looking up from his hands to give me this intense stare over and over again . Both of us were wearing our ipod headphones , so he didn't say anything to me , plus the car was full of commuters . Thank God -- I don't know how to respond to unsolicited attention , I guess I get embarassed . When he got off at the next stop , as the train pulled away , he looked directly at me again , smiling . At that point , I had to smile a little myself since the whole incident was unexpected . You think that after you are older and married , you stop getting this kind of attention . It was flattering but unusual . Very " sliding doors " in a way . Little things to make you smile ... 
Back at it . So its been a year -- or so . My day to day routine is so crazy at times that I find it hard to do this on a regular basis . I was also very confused for the last year , struggling with career decisions , school decisions , weight issues , etc. However , things are better now and I am back , armed with a renewed intention to do this regularly . Let 's see -- what is new ? I have decided to forego law school after realizing that after almost seven years in the legal field , I was never really passionate about the law . No wonder I never really came off the fence . Simultaneously , I also decided to make a complete career switch -- into the beauty / fashion industry which has always been my first love and the area in which I have copious amounts of knowledge , being a product junkie and all . This is probably the riskiest decision I have made in my life because it means giving up a comfortable salary and a flexible work environment . However , I don't want to be a " lifer " legal assistant , so I must move on . I am trying to get into business school , so I am currently studying for the GMAT . Now this has been quite the task since anyone who really knows me knows that I am terrible at any type of standardized testing . Even my SAT scores weren't stellar , and certainly not stellar enough to get into UChicago but somehow , by the grace of God , I did and I am proud to say , graduated with double honors . It just goes to show that test scores don't determine one 's ability to achieve . Anyway , the test will be in mid June , and I am not doing well on the practice tests , so I don't expect to do great . However , I will just try to be optimistic and try my best . What else is there to do ? Princeton Review was not my magic bullet .... My sister Hyunmi got married last Labor Day weekend , and now I have a wonderful brother - in - law , Michael . The two are really meant for each other and Michael has made our family more fun . He is starting law school in the fall , at Fordham , to study patent or environmental law . I wish him the best of luck ... I started reading One - L , that book by Scott Turow on the rigors of first year at Harvard Law , and I must say , its tough . Knowing Mike though , I am sure that he will pull through just fine . My sister Wonmi and I have gotten closer than ever which has been such a surprise along the way . Her boyfriend Chris , is such a cutie and a gentleman to boot . They recently introduced me to a beer that I actually like , Circus Boy by Magic Hat , which is a miracle considering I shun beer . They are fun to hang out with .... Of course , the love of my life , David , and I keep getting closer . Marriage has been the biggest blessing for me . He 's definitely the better half , and I love him for it . What a lucky girl I am . 
The pessimist 's antidote . Let me make something absolutely clear -- in response to Wonmi 's comment to my first posting , I was just overwhelmed . Not only did she say such wonderful things about me that I never thought she felt , but it just makes me that much thankful for who she has grown into because two years ago , even a year ago , those sentiments were sadly not possible -- at least impossible to be expressed considering the state of our relationship at that point . Like many siblings , ours was not the closest relationship . There were so many times throughout our lives together where I felt that this distance between us would only become a bigger and bigger rift until we became strangers united only by a thin line of blood . I had to admit that there were times when I lost all hope , ready to throw in the towel . What more could I do ? What else was there to try ? Would she hate me forever ? Would she ever forgive me ? Was this salvagable ? I have always been a pessimist by nature , and I came close to letting it once again take over . But hope was not lost . An unfortunate event a few years ago turned out to be a blessing in disguise , bringing lots of pain and a new beginning simultaneously . A lesson for the eternal pessimist -- hope is always out there . Thank you Wonmi for those lovely thoughts and for a second chance . I have been truly touched by your words . 
Newbie . Ah , my first foray into the world of blogging ! I never gave doing this much thought , but then it occurred to me -- where else can I share the trials and tribulations of being a young , twentysomething , urban , married , first generation American but my own blog ??? Where else can I ruminate about my career , the first year of marriage ( honey , can you please remember to pick up your socks ? ) , when to go back to school ( law or business ? part time or full ? pilates certification instead ? beauty entrepreneur ? ) , dealing with a neurotic family ( but I love you guys ! ) , wrestling with the idea of having ( or not having ) children , dealing with religion and spirituality , or generally trying to figure out who I am ( or who I want to be ) ? I call this the twentysomething syndrome -- older and wiser than the teenage years but still far from the place of having figured it all out . Still a work in progress . More confident and sure of myself but not yet fully my own . Still discovering what 's out there . Stay tuned . 
Should we expect to be leared at ? A rant today im afraid folks .... as mentioned previously , I had to take our hoover to be fixed today , now before I go on you need to know that yesterday was the hottest day in record for the UK so you can understand why ive been wearing vests and skirts instead of trousers and roll necks , ok so the skirt I was wearing today was short , but not THAT short , this brings me back to my rant ... I arrived at the service department of a very large hoover manufacturer begining with a D ( not mentioning any names ) this morning and was greated by a lady who asked me to sit down and fill out my details on a form which I did . As I sat down a young guy ( who worked there ) came into the room and sat down next to the lady who in turn was sitting next to me , she said ' Oh Hi Richard ' , ( clearly surprised to see him ) ' What are you doing here ? ' and he replied ' er im here to er ' assist ' ' , giving me a sleezy look up and down , she replied ' oh I see you 're here to assist are you ? ' * lady laughs to herself * , then the whole time I was sat filling out my details he sat there stairing like he ' d never seen a woman before and it REALLY pissed me off , so much so that I think i ' ll get Mr G to go collect it when its ready tomorrow . This episode got me thinking on my journey home , should I expect to be stared at just because I choose to wear a short skirt ? Should I expect to be made to feel like a piece of meat ? Now dont get me wrong , I know boys will be boys and its not like I havent had any male attention before ( how ' d ya think I ended up married with a kid ) but should I have to take this into account when choosing what to wear each day ? I guess so , am I being nieve ? probably . Just needed to write this down . G x . 
Driving Over Lemons . What a lovely book ... I ' ve just finished ' Driving Over Lemons ' by Chris Stewart , its a book about a couple who jack in their life in the UK and move to a very remote hamlet in the Andalusian hills . Its a tale of how they come to establish themselves in the hearts of the villagers and how they cope rebuilding their lives in a foreign country . I couldn't put this book down , I painted such a vivid picture in my head of their ramshackle little house and the beautiful views . I must admit it made me think about how simple life would be if Mr G , little chap and I moved abroad ..... long hot days would be filled with picking citrus fruit and chatting to friends neighbors .... of course in reality it would be more like .... long hot days spend picking goat shit out of the sole of little chaps shoes and xenophobic neighbors throwing glowers in our direction ... but I can dream . Has anyone else read this book or either of the sequels ? Would love to know what you though . Im going to start ' The Olive Farm ' by Carol Drinkwater today ... cant wait to loose myself in it . G x . 
I hate work in the sunshine , budgets and filthy homes !! Don't get me wrong , on the whole I like my job ..... Like not love . I have it pretty easy I guess , I get paid fairly well to have time to sit on - line typing this blog so it cant be that bad right ? ! The only thing that makes work unbearable for me is sitting here looking at a beautiful panoramic view of the Wiltshire country side when its warm and sunny outside . I sit here in this air conditioned glass bubble unable to feel the warmth of the sun or the cooling breeze outside . I should be outside playing with my little boy not couped up working for a bunch of incompetent w * nkers !! Ok , moan over . Mr G and I are trying to economize . We ' ve worked out that way too much of our income goes directly into Mr Ginsburg pocket so I ' ve decided to try and do a weekly meal plan and only buy what I need ...... feeling totally uninspired hence the reason we 're have tuna pasta for dinner tonight . Anyone got any exciting dinner ideas to share ? So what does the week hold for me ???? Aside from keeping on track with Big Brother which is really a full time occupation I don't have anything planned for the first few days of the week . Thankfully I only work Monday to Wednesday . Thursday I have to try and pick my way through the country lanes to the Tyson factory in Malmsbury to get our Hoover fixed ... * Tip of the day * ... don't try and run over the Hoover cable while the Hoover is still on ... it chews the cable up down to the bare wires . Thursday night I have book group ( which is basically the Mums from the toddler group getting together for a bitch about whoever isn't at that particular meet ) We pretend we 're going to discuss a book but I think the reocrd time for length of discussion over a book is about 10 minutes then the conversation is diverted back to why Karren 's ( names changed to protect the not so innocent ! ) house is so filthy and why is she still breasfeeding on demand her 2 year old boy .... Well that 's what book group is all about isn't it ? Friday should be erm ' fun ' .... The above mentioned Karren has invited us all to her house for coffee ... shit !!!! I HATE it when she invites us to her house ... her place really is filthy and I mean filthy . Her so called stainless steel sink is rusty .... the house is only 3 years old !!!! HOW is it possible to ruin a perfectly good sink in three years ?? I ' ll tell you ... Through NEVER cleaning it .. Gross !!!!! I thank god she only invited us for coffee , I cant bear having to sit through lunch , my stomach churns at the though of the state of the inside of her fridge . Blurgh !! G x Little Chap : Being looked after by my Mum while I work Today 's acheivement : Writing and posting my blog entry without being caught once Weather : Sunny and warm ( Grrrrr ! ) . 
Little Chaps 2 nd birthday . Well thats it , im officially now the Mum to a terrible two . The little chap turned two on Monday although he 's been showing ' symptoms ' of the terrible two 's for quite a while now . I had mixed emotions on his birthday , I was so happy and proud of the little boy he 's growing into but sad that he 's definatly not baby anymore . We had his birthday party today and lucky it has been a beautiful day and he and a bunch of other toddlers were able to let of steam in the garden ( how do those of you with winter babies cope with an indoor party ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ) and I now have a lawn full of trampled party food and mealting cake ..... at least he enjoyed himself and is fast asleep as I type . No plans for the weekend which is a little depressing , Mr G is working on Saturday so me and the little chap will have to busy ourselves with yet more Peppa Pig and playing in the garden . Hope this weather holds . Today 's acheivement : Throwing a party for 6 toddlers withou too many tears Little Chap : 2 years and 4 days old . Had friends for lunch and more presents ..... what more could a boy ask for ? ! Weather : Sunny and warm : - ) G x . 
An introduction ... You only need to know me as ' G ' , im 27 and have been married to my wonderful ' Mr G ' for 4 years in August . Our little boys was born in 2004 and turned two in July . I work Part - time as a Personal Assistant for a finance director or a large multi - national company . The rest of my life is filled with toddler groups and battling to keep the house clean and tidy and desperatly trying to think up new an creative dinners that dont include smiley faces or turkey dinosaurs ! 
sebuah catatan kecil di pagi hari habis terbangun dari mimpi bertemu the god of grunge alias Kurt cobain . I loved the grunge era . Well it was so long ago , about more than 10 years , ago but it feels like yesterday . Well I can t say that I was the one of the fans of grunge , but let hear my story , can we ? About seven years ago , when I was 13 I remember wearing flannel shirts , tank tops , cut - off denims ( long ones , shorts , even hot pants ) , and sneakers and leg - high doc martens ( honestly I had two pairs doc martens !! ) . I listened to nirvana , pearl jam , nine inch nails , scorpion , guns n roses , marlyn manson , etc - even in that era mmmbop by hanson , spice girls , and backstreet boys were out of sale - let my hair loose , dyed it red , green , and blue ( RGB banget ... ) , and I swear I never bothered with sunscreen . I let myself , flowing . This is what I am , I always said it to myself and my mom who always complained about me . I loved to be that IKen : ) , I joined a band that always call ourselves mtv generation ( we always spent our time watching mtv , playing our music , hanging around ) , we were free to rebel , to act like fools , to not care . Then suddenly I woke up and realized kurt cobain was dead ( that s metaphor , indeed ) , I realize that I grew up , I m not 13 anymore , even I always scared that someone will yield at me : you re not 19 anymore ! ( now I m 20 ) . The environments threat me different , I went to college , I study hard , and I got GPA score about 3.2 . god damned !!! kurt cobain was dead 11 years ago , pearl jam hardly gets airplay , I can t even wear my docs anymore they re not fit in my foot - , and my flannel shirts were better used as rags flannels are real out of date - Now .... I hardly walk out of the house without the standard SPF 30 ( Surabaya panas , man ) , without makeup , without matching shoes and bags . My accessories are always carefully selected to match my mood or I always says IKen s look of the day theme . In addition , my clothes are well pressed and free of satins . ( well it s not that extreme , but I can see my future ) I have turned out to be exactly the woman I cried I would never be : ( . However , as it is , I see the value now of looking your best . After all , whether we admit it or not , we judge people by how they look . Our appearance is our signature , the tagline for our personalities . Through this , we tell people " I m fabulous " or " I m confident " or " I really couldn't even be bothered to brush my hair " . Let 's not lie to each other and say we don't care what people think of us . Even the most unaffected will admit , after some considerable physical torture , that our self - image is formed in part by how people see us . So a healthy self - image can only be achieved when we are able to strike a balance between what people think , what we want people to think , and what we really are . 
This Day in History : James Huberty Mc Donalds Massacre . James Huberty Mc Murder Spree Killers Wikipedia Movies / Documentaries Murderers , Mobsters & Madmen Vol. 1 " American Justice " Mass Murderer : An American Tragedy Acts of Violence Books Berserk !!! Mass Murderers . 
This Day in History : Richard Speck mass murder 7 / 14 / 66 . Victims Pictures ( left to right ) : Valentina Paison Suzanne Farris Patricia Matusek Pamela Wilkening Nina Schmale Merlita Gargullo Mary Ann Jordan Merlita Gargullo Gloria Davy Corazon Amaurao ( the only survivor ) Links : Crime Library Wikipedia Richard Speck Haunted Chicagorotten . com Find - A - Graveabout . com Richard Speck 1965 Richard Speck mugshot . 
This Day in History : Grace Brown murder 7 / 11 / 1906 . Relatives Mark Anniversary of ' Tragedy ' Crime Library The History of Grace Brown Murder in the Andirondacks " American Tragedy " Weapon Found An Adirondack Murder , An American Tragedy A story that has become legend ' An American Tragedy ' on the Opera Stage The Ballad of Big Moose Lake Fatal Journey Find _ A - Grave Grace Brown Find - A - Grave Chester Gillette Books : Murder in the Adirondacks : An American Tragedy Revisited Adirondack Tragedy : The Gillette Murder Case of 1906 An American Tragedy ( novel ) A Northern Light ( novel ) Movies / Documentaries / TV Shows An American Tragedy A Place in the Sun ( 1951 ) Unsolved Mysteries : Grace 's Ghost . 
Jennifer Ertman & Elizabeth Pena murder 6 / 2493 . Jennifer Ertman Elizabeth Pena Texas General Attorney Find - A - Grave Jennifer Ertman Find - A - Grave Elizabeth Pena 1 Find - A - Grave Elizabeth Pena 2 In Memory of Elizabeth Pena and Jennifer Ertman - 1993 S . P . Waltrip High School In Memory of Jennifer Lee Ertman and Elizabeth Pena Books : Right From Wrong High School Hazing : When Rites Become Wrongs . 
Lance Corporal Suzanne Marie Collins murder 7 / 12 / 85 . Lance Corporal Suzanne Marie Collins Arlington Cemetary Wikipedia Alley Executed Tennessee executes second inmate in 45 years Tennessee carries out second execution in 45 years Tennessee inmate becomes state 's second execution in 45 years Case and family 's pain have gone on long enough Sedley Alley . 
Angel Maturino Resendiz " Railroad Killer " 1998 - 1999 . Angel Maturino Resendiz ' Railroad Killer ' begs forgiveness before dying Crime Library Wikipedia Texas Department of Criminal Justice ANGEL MATURINO RESENDIZ " Rail Killer " Defense attorneys : ' Railroad Killer ' Angel Resendiz believes he is half - man , half - angel ' Railroad Killer ' Angel Resendiz asks for forgiveness before being executed Suspected killer 's uncle : Wrong name used in manhunt . 
Dance Like You 're Selling Nails . My day goes like this : Radio 1 in the morning Generic punk rock / happy pop / rock during the day The weird and the new , the electronic and the IDM in the evening This is nice ; I get a balanced diet of old and new , generic and odd . I can catch up on the news in the morning and end my day listening to new things which make my ears feel a little odd , and in between times sing along to Green Day and Troubled Hubble . This is the way forward . I have a new phone - a Nokia 6600 . It 's actually pretty nice - I prefer Nokia phones generally because I find them easy to use and get used to , and this one is nice . Especially as I got it for only 50 . It 's too damn hot at the moment . 36 degrees . I love Summer and everything but really , this heat is getting kinda unbearable . It 's 9:26 in the evening ( Venetian Snares is on now , by the way ) , I ' m wearing the bare minimum and I ' m abso - fucking - lutely boiling . Yum . 
Navel . I am totally head - over - heels in love with cameras . It 's my laziness to blame , i think : one second and a shutter click later and there you have it , something that could be passed off as a piece of art is produced . Of course , this is a highly condensed version , missing out the hundreds of takes and thousands of various ideas for lighting and composition , but at the end of the day this is what it boils down to -- that tiny moment in time where it is captured , as opposed to the many hours a painting of the same scene could take to achieve . It is the portraits I am leaning to at the moment . Portraiture , and planned photography : ideas that come into being , inspired by an object or setting , and elaborated upon in my mind until I have it planned to the last detail and all that it is waiting for is the right weather conditions , or the time of day , or the coloured sheets of paper . There are two plans festering away at the moment , one is titled Navel and the other , which includes the coloured sheets of paper , is as yet untitled . The former is more likely to be produced soon , as it is a much easier task to undergo than the latter . I am contemplating different backgruonds as we speak . Watch this space . ( I ' m adding a photo of Brew , Rich 's dog , because he 's cute and I like it ) : . 
The World Is Full Of Good Cereal . The weekend has been pretty alright . I don't really know what else to say ; I ' m tired . I should be listening to Blur ( Modern Life Is Rubbish , of course ) , but instead I ' m listening to a Troubled Hubble album ( The Sun Beamed Off The Name Maurice ) which I ' d forgotten I ' d gotten and consequently hadn't heard yet . It 's pretty good . I read About A Boy ( Nick Hornby ) over the weekend - really , really enjoyed it . I kept thinking about the film and spotting all the little differences but , at the same time , I still feel that the film did it justice , for all its deviations and alterations . Either way , they 're both good - but the second version will never beat the first . Feel a little weird . And as though I should make the effort to make it sound articulate and comprehensible at the very least , but I don't think I have the energy at the moment . I ' ve been feeling tired a lot lately ; it 's frustrating when I ' d love to be going out and doing things and seeing people but I never do , just because I ' m too tired . It might be my eating patterns ( or lack of ) - it can't be lack of sleep , because I always get at least 7 hours - in which case I ' ve got another two weeks to hold out until I ' ll have finished for summer and can shake my routine up a bit , get myself into better habits . This is all thinking aloud , really . I don't like being on my own after having spent the best part of the last three days with Rich . Feeling a bit restless and ... unsubstantial . And tired . Edit : Also this , because she is one of my favourite artists and her paintings of flowers are beautiful : I hate flowers . I paint them because they 're cheaper than models and they don't move . - Georgia O ' Keeffe . 
Sweet Smoke . Cotolon and Brewster . Cotolon was bought yesterday in the shop Layout in Gloucester ; Brewster is one of Rich 's dogs ( I ' ll let you guess which is which ) . He also bought some strawberry incense , so the whole upstairs of his house now stinks . But it 's a nice stink , so it 's all good . We spent the weekend at his , which was ace . It was too hot to do anything really , so we watched films and went to a charity fair thing , where I bought two tins - one being an old Strepsils tin with the old Boots logo , upon which the price label for 5 p was still stuck , and the other an equally old - looking " Iodized Blackcurrant Pastilles " container . I rather liked them . Someone told me the other day that he didn't read my blog anymore because it was too self - centred . I found this a rather strange thing to say - isn't this the point of blogs ? I don't think I am particularly self - centred in the flesh at all ... no - one I know seems to have a problem with me on this front , anyway . Ho hum. We went through some of the crap under Rich 's bed earlier . Oh my god : one shitton of unused art materials - paints of all varieties , paper , pencils , brushes ... so we shall be painting with watercolours lots this week it would seem , which suits me fine . I ' m rather fond of watercolours . There was also , just as awesomely , a bag with an old , pretty impresive film camera and a load of filters . Oh my god . 
Animal Farm easily on a par with Spiritualised 's Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space and possibly creating the same shimmering , blissful atmosphere as the last track on a Coldplay album . I ' ve had the You Forgot It In People by BSS for some time now , but it was only very recently that I realised I was missing this track . I dug out the CD and ripped it again and now Lover 's Spit is regularly on my playlist - I feel as though I need to play catch - up with it after having become so well aquainted with the rest of the album over last Summer . Edit : I ' ve just noticed , the past 6 posts now have been weekly on a monday . I ' m not entirely sure why I am pointing this out , but there we are . 
Kawaii # 2 . It is late in the evening and I am listening to Adem 's These Are Your Friends , which is a rather nice thing . I think it was thanks to John Peel that I first heard this track , but then that 's true with a lot of the music I like . And that 's why I loved his show so much -- all this music going on , all these little independant bands Doing What They Do Best and the fact that , if you want to tap into that scene , you have to make an effort . No prime - time airplay or interviews on Friday night chat shows - you need to stay awake and listen to the late - night shows on a weekday and you ' ll hear all this great stuff , and I ' d always end up scribbling band names and obscure record labels down on any scraps of paper that I had handy ready to look up in the morning . Having said that , Domino Records could hardly be described as obscure , having had a promo CD glued to the front of NME not - so - long - ago , but this is beside the point . It 's fucking hot at the moment . Thunderstorms in the early hours of this morning - I was woken by Rich getting up to close the window , securing a wonderfully muggy , humid day for the most part . The evenings are nice though - cool but warm enough and with pretty sunsets ... it is outdoorsy weather at the moment when it is not the hottest part of the day . We ' ve been out feeding the ducks lots , because there are ducklings and cygnets and baby moorhens and my god they are the cutest things ( see photo - there are more on my Flickr ) . I ' ve been spending lots of lazy days with Rich doing very little but not feeling guilty about it , which is nice . Linux is working ok , I can sortakindanearly play the piano intro to Firth Of Fifth by Genesis and I have an incredibly painful popped blister on my right foot and we are out of plasters . Poo . 
Hello linux . Wow , another week and I haven't posted ... I ' m getting lazy . Ubuntu Linux is now installed ( thank you Rich ) which is ace , because everything works and doesn't take forever ... and anything that doesn't work is , more often than not , easily solveable . Hum , I ' m not really in the mood for writing . Nothing happening this week of particular interest , and certainly nothing today - it is a bank holiday ( fucking goddamn ) so nowhere will be open and blarg . Oh well . 
151 photos on Flickr Those who were at the reunion last weekend are gradually adding their photos to Flickr . So far we have 151 online . I ' ll select some of the best ones and post them to the blog next month . In the meantime , if you haven't posted your pictures yet , please do so - and if you haven't had a look at what is up there already , take a peek . 
How did the reunion go ? Comments on Saturday 15 th July 2006 " I enjoyed the day so much - what a turn out ! " " It was a superb reunion last weekend . " " I thought it was a roaring success . " " I thought it went very well . " " It really brought back some good memories . " " I ' m so glad I came . " " It was really wonderful to everyone after so many years . " " I am still enjoying the pleasant memories of Saturday and seeing all those nice people ! " " It was weird and great to see everyone again " " It was good to see and hear in person ... just where people are and what exactly they are doing . " " It was fantastic to see everyone again after so long , [ and ] a bit bizarre to see people looking virtually the same as 20 years ago . " " [ We ] were reminiscing all the way home - it brought back lots of happy memories . " . 
News from Katherine Holroyd Hello from Katherine . I was Holroyd and am now Neligan . After leaving University I completely changed track and went and did accountancy with Andersen 's in Birmingham . ( Obviously the French degree prepared me well for that . ) Then , after qualifying and staying in Birmingham for a couple more years , I moved down south and went to work for an industrial gas company . I got married to Patrick and we have 2 boys : Ryan ( 11 ) and Peter ( 9 ) . We moved about 8 years ago to Barcelona . We love living in Spain , so I am now fluent in Spanish , and I also moved into strategic marketing . I also get to use my French about 10 times a year when I travel to France ! I hope you all have a great day . Sorry I cannot make it . I am going to get all the gossip from Sally afterwards . Katherine . 
News from Claire Sussman Hi everyone ! I hope you enjoy the reunion . I am based in Chester , which is a beautiful city , near the North Wales rivers and mountains . I have been working in Liverpool for the past 2 - 3 years as an IT Lecturer in an FE College . After University , I kept my languages in trim by working as a camp site courier in France and Germany , and then as a ski rep in Switzerland and Austria . After a spell in publishing at Faber & Faber , I went to Leeds to study for a postgrad in Information Science . I got a job in London , but rejected it in favour of following my childhood dream and teaching outdoor pursuits : taking people climbing , caving and canoeing all over the Yorkshire Dales , to the Lake District , Lancashire and Wales . Ten years later , I finally decided I needed a change , ( and a rest ! ) , and switched to teaching IT ! Zoe and I still keep in touch , and have had many mountaineering and climbing adventures in Britain and the Alps . I ' m also a whitewater kayaker and I recently went on a canoeing trip to the French Alps . I also coach kayaking in Chester and North Wales . 
News from Sue Olszowska I ' m sorry I can't make it on Saturday : seeing all the photos has made me wish I was ! Were we ever so young ? ! It 's great to hear what people are doing now . There are lots of great success stories . Sadly I have rather lost touch with all my old friends from the French department . However , I have heard from Beverley Neighbour since the invitation to the reunion went out , which is great . I also still exchange Christmas cards with Helen Embleton , although I haven't seen her for years . I am living in London with my husband Stephen and three children : Rebecca 13 , Jack 11 and Elspeth 10 . At the moment I ' m a full - time mum , but I am working on a few business ideas so that I can work around the school day . After Birmingham I worked in PR until I married Stephen in 1990 , when we moved to Tokyo . We lived there for three years . It was an amazing experience , and one which gave us the travel bug . At Easter we trekked through Bhutan with the children , and next year are hoping to return on holiday to Japan , where our eldest chikd was born . I hope you all have a great day on Saturday - and please post lots of photos on the blog ! Sue ( Olszowska ) Down . 
News from Howard Johnson Sorry if you don't remember me . My attendance record at Birmingham was useless , being more interested in wearing ridiculously tight trousers and writing for the music press at the time . Still , I did end up in publishing , editing a number of music and sports mags for years before getting mixed up in the totally bizarre Internet gold rush running a bunch of sports websites . When we got the ache with life in England my wife and I packed up our two lads and scarpered to the South of France at the start of 2005 . A better skin colour and working from home here as as editor of the English Rugby Union 's official mag definitely agrees with me . God bless the Internet ! I hope the reunion goes well and you all have fun . Sorry I couldn't make it . If there 's another one in 10 years it would be great to catch up - though by then I might be too old and infirm to travel ... The picture above is of Howard with his sons . The one below is of Howard , his wife , son number 2 , his mother - in - law , his nephew and son number 1 . 
Flickr update Everyone who is coming to the reunion should now have received an e - mail from me inviting them to join the " 20 years on " group on Flickr . Once a member of the group , they will be able to share photos in an online photo album with everyone else who is a member . My expectation ( hope ? ) is that after the reunion everyone will post their photos to Flickr . Later on , I will download some of the best ones from Flickr to this blog . All this should be very easy to do and - I hope - a lot less work than other means of sharing photos from the reunion , such as e - mailing them to one another . The " 20 years on " Flickr group is private : only those who have been invited may join . If there are any people who are not coming to the reunion , but who would also like to be a member of the " 20 years on " Flickr group , they should e - mail me , and I will arrange for them to become members . NB don't forget your camera on Saturday ! You may also want to bring along some photos to update everyone on your recent exploits , family etc. 
News from Rachael Culver In case you don't know , most of my study time at university was spent skulking in the Spanish department along with fellow Combined Hons girls Alison Fennah and Sally Ann Hall . I now live in Harrogate and teach French at the Steiner School in York . My route there has been convoluted and involved serving in the first Gulf War , heading up the marketing department of a major law firm and encouraging railway staff to talk to one another constructively ! Then I had babies ... Very little French , very little Spanish . However , the odd interpreting jobs on the side ( property purchase and conversions ) kept my hand in , and when I was asked to teach at my kids ' school I happily began . Family photos seem to be the thing for the blog so here 's mine . Thomas ( 7 ) is very cheeky and energetic . Miriam ( 5 ) is bright , loving and ' together ' . William is a wonderful husband and even better Festival Director , and that 's me with the lipstick . Sorry not to be with you on Saturday ( only immense family duties keep me from you ) and hope you have a fabulous time . Love to all , Rachael Culver Dodds . 
News from Steve Hawkins I hope you all enjoy the get together at the weekend . I expect some of this was shared before ( ten years ago ! ) , but - briefly - I have lived in Herts / Essex pretty much most of the time since University . After a brief , illustrious career with Pizza Hut , ( I know , you could weep with pride ) , I then spent eleven years with Norwich Union Life Insurance . In 1998 I was made redundant and re - trained as a teacher in English as a Second Language , which I thoroughly enjoy . I work in Walthamstow , meeting students from all over the globe . Outside work I am part of a wonderful church in Welwyn Garden City . I ' ve been abroad ( " I ' m on a mission from God " - Blues Brothers ) to western and eastern Europe , and made a CD of my own songs in 2003 . There 's much more to come ! : - ) Currently I rent a house in Cheshunt but wonder for how long ... For any of you who remember me - hello and a hug - enjoy the day ! STOP PRESS - WEDNESDAY 12 TH JULY : Steve is now actually able to make it on Saturday . He has taken the place of someone who has been obliged to drop out , so we ' ll be able to chat to him in person about his news . 
News from Louise Regan Hi , I ' m sorry I can't make it on Saturday , but hope everyone has a lovely time . I came down to London after we all left Birmingham , and am still happy here . I spent most of my career working in banking and insurance , and was lucky enough to use my French for a while when I worked for Abbey National 's small French and European subsidiaries . I got to travel around quite a bit during this time , to places including Paris , Cannes , Madrid and Barcelona . I wanted a change a few years ago , and joined Camden Council . I work as a Business Development Officer in Environmental Health , which involves making sure we provide a good service . It 's very different from the private sector , and I enjoy it a lot , even if I don't get to use my French too often . That 's all from me , have a great time at the reunion . It would be lovely to hear from anyone . My e - mail address is louise . regan @ camden . gov . uk . 
News from Alice Wilkins I ' ve been living in France since 1990 , first in Paris and since 1992 near Sens ( north Burgundy ) . I married Philippe in 1992 and we have 4 children : Julien 11 , Pierre 9 and twins Marius and Emilie nearly 3 . After years in computers and then teaching , translating and interpreting , I now help Philippe with his company ( fruit and nut brokerage ) which is great as we work from home but , on the other hand , holidays are difficult to organise . I ' m also on the town council , so life is far from boring ! Sorry no photos , but apparently I haven't changed . Here 's wishing you all a brilliant day on Saturday . I promise to try and make the 30 years !!! Best wishes , Alice . 
Another guest on Saturday I have just heard that although he can't be with us for lunch on Saturday , Ron Hallmark will be able to join us later on in the afternoon for a cup of tea / coffee / drink . So that means we will have three of our former lecturers with us at our reunion this weekend . 
News from Ian Calvert Sadly , Saturday will find me a few thousand miles south of Old Joe , so I won't be there to join in the fun . Having worked in advertising in London after leaving Brum , I transferred to the Cape Town branch of Ogilvy in 1990 when all the changes started happening in SA . I thought it might be an interesting place to spend a couple of years , and to continue my collection of rugby injuries . But I soon fell in love with , and in , the country , and still live here 16 years later with my wife , Marianne , and our beautiful daughters Hannah ( 8 ) and Josie ( 6 ) . I still get injured a lot , but nowadays it s from surfing , not rugby . Work - wise , I left Ogilvy in 1996 to start my own agency with the Lowe group , and then moved on in 2003 to start a youth trend - spotting company called Instant Grass . We do a lot of work in emerging markets , so I get to travel to exotic cities like Lagos , Kampala , Moscow and Mumbai but unfortunately not to Birmingham this Saturday . I hope you all have a great time , and please drop me an email to tell me all about it on ian @ instantgrass . com. 
Parking on Saturday 15 th July I have contacted the University about parking on Saturday . It will be possible to park on campus on the University ring road . The barriers are likely to be down . Guests should just press the visitor button to let security know that they are on campus for a reunion , and they will be admitted through the barrier . You can see the location of the ring road relative to Staff House on the campus map held at : http : // www . bham . ac . uk / core / core _ picker / download . asp ? documenttable = libraryfiles id = 31763 . Both are in zone D . Staff house is building number 28 . The ring road loops around the central part of the campus . 
Is world peace possible ? It seems an unconquerable task , but is it really ? We all want world peace . Nobody wants war . Why is there always war somewhere ? What do we need to do , to aim for world peace ? This is a valid question to ask . We all should at least asked this question . We should creat discussion groups to find out how we could aim for world peace . Aim for world peace . Impossible ??? If we do not aim for world peace , because we think that nobody has ever been able to establish that , than it would be as if we were to take up ' bow and arrow shooting ' and aim at a miss , because nobody gets the bull eye the first time . It takes lots of practice , but practice to get the bull eye and not the miss . Therefore we begin with aiming for world peace . World Peace is the Aim . 
War is terrible , we must stand for peace . Can you all remember the song of The Beatles ' Give Peace A Chance . ' We should all sing it . A tune is catchy , soon everybody will sing it . All we are saying is give peace a chance . 
Stress - need relief ! Today is a stress day . I have a ton to things to do , and not much time , at all . The next three weeks are so buys . I often wonder how I will get through them . However , sex would be great on a day like today . Sex with some great passion , lust , and just plain sweat ! 
Just another day . I am still really upset . My husband on the last day of the couch sale came to me with a paper listing all the bills we owe , including our house . He then pointed out that the reason we owe on this credit card or this bill is because I had to have a horse trailer , a pop - up camper , a farm truck , the blazer , and round hay feeders . For one , the blazer he decided on in the end , and we made payments to his father , That is the same for the horse trailer , and the round hay feeders . The farm truck I paid payments on myself , and my husband paid off the last $ 500.00 of it , and it was his decision to do that . Even if you added up the cost of all the items listed above , it would not even come close to what we owe in bills . He told me I was to buy my personal items such as bras , perms , hairspray , tampons , or other things with my $ 40.00 a week . I pointed out that bras are clothing which is in the budget . I refuse to buy bras and underware at the second hand store which is where HE buys all the kids clothes . He said if you want the couch just go and buy it . However I would of had to use a credit card . I asked him to give me permission , and agree together to buy the couch . He said " NO , I do not want the couch , you do . " I did not get the couch . I have found in the past if I buy anything it will haunt me later , just like above . It 's just not worth it . Today , he says that he talked to some lady at the furnure store and they have this sale every three months or so , and that my birthday is coming up . I don't believe he will buy the the couch . In three months we will have to pay school dues , track shoes , football shoes , PE shoes , and we will have just be getting back from vacation . I am also taking off for the fair this year . That will be two weeks without pay for me . NO , I won't be getting a couch in three months . I am not so angry at not getting the couch , as he went back on his word . He even admitted that the agreement was he gets the chair he wants , I get the couch I want . Most of this does not stem from the couch anyway . It 's past history . It 's his nature of being a control freak , of always being right , and everyone else is wrong . It 's his thinking that he is smarter than everyone else , better looking than everyone else , and the fact that he likes feeling like God . He has to be the center of everyone 's world . He has to be loved more my the children then the children love me . The children have to act like him , and not me . I am not worthy . He just has to be number one in everyones eyes . When we first moved to this house , he got the garage by the house , because he drove the nicer car . He always gets a new car and I get the left overs . I could buy a car , but then I would have to work extra and pay for it myself and the repairs . It 's doesn't matter that OUR money buys his cars , but MY money buys mine . It 's OUR money when he wants it to be and MINE and YOUR money when he wants it to be . It didn't matter that I had four children , one who was less than two , but I had to park outside or in the tool shed , along way from the house . One summer he left me home with all the kids while he fished and did chores at his parents farm without a car . No , I could walk everywhere . It 's really just about him . 
Mother was right . I do not get my couch . Oh , I could order it , but it would be my decision , my want , my desire , without the support of my family , and my selfish decision alone . My husband does not want a new couch , he then at our famly meeting asked each child what they wanted . They each said that they did not care . What else was they going to say . They wouldn't want to side with one parent against the other . If I did order the couch , I would hear about how selfish I am , and now we do not have the money , and how he did not want a new couch , and the list goes on and on . He got the chair he wanted . It 's sitting in the living room . Life and marriage is just not worth it . I am paying for every choice I ever made in life . I am too chicken to kill myself ( afraid of going to hell ) , to chichen to leave my husband , it would just hurt my children to much , he would be a complete ass , and I would have not money . My children would not be able to do all the things they do now . Summer basketball would be out , along with nice basketball shoes , cross county shoes , 4 - H animals , and so on . My children would have to choose who to live with and who to spend the holiday with . Now I just have to find a way to like my husband or at least be nice to him . Before last night I had decided I was going to try and like him for who he is , and put him first in everything . Now I don't know how I am going to do it . 
Maybe it 's just a midlife crisis . I have decided I am going through a female midlife crisis . Most females are very different then men in a midlife crisis . Most men go out and buy new cars , have an affair , or even divorce . While a small amount of women do this , most women go on a diet , change jobs , chance hair styles . Most days I just want to do what most men do . However , common sense takes over , and I don't do any of those choices . My husband is a facts man . He does not deal with feelings well . He thinks feelings should be thrown out the door and base everything on facts . He does not know what I am feeling . He only knows something is wrong . He just thinks I don't like him . Somedays I don't like him , other days I do . He has such a strong personality . He can strike you in 1 / 2 with words , and make you feel like you are worth nothing , all the while claiming he is basing everything he says on facts , not feelings . Words are his best weapon . However , I have decided that today is going to be a great day . The sun is out , it 's not to hot , and I have my children . just me . 
Sometimes things are just not fair . I am angry . My husband and I decided a couple of months ago to buy a new couch . The deal was he would get the massage chair he has always wanted and I would get a couch . He bought his chair a week later . In the mean time we spend a number of days looking for a couch . I finally found one I liked , but the price was high . We decided to wait until a sale or coupon . I did some price checking and found it cheaper a store over 2 hours away . The local store will match the price . Now he is finding all these reasons ( bills or whatever else ) and stalling to buy my couch . I said " So , I guess my couch takes a back seat again . " Then I said the words he hates " whatever " . He got what he wanted . Now the rest does not matter . Another thing . He thinks my dining room is his storage area . He wants the kids and I to get everything out of the dining room , kitchen and Living room that does not belong daily , but yet he can choose to do " other things " and use my dining room for his storage area . Drives me crazy . It 's all about him . He didn't have to work when he went to college , I did . He got the garage , who cares if I had small children . I didn't get to have a wedding , because I was pregnant and it might embarrass his family . I couldn't even invite my Aunt and Uncle who raised me . Yes life sucks . 
There 's no place like home . I am home today , and so glad . I have a ton of things to do , however my children have gotten some of my weekly chores already done . I am hoping to catch up , even in the bedrooms . I started a diet today . I need to find something in which to write everything down I eat . I have a diet buddy , that will help . I need to get up every early in the mornings to walk or else late at night . I have been thinking about my mood . I find that I cannot change my choices but to make the best of them . That is easier said then done . My mother HATES my husband , and she is anti men . I think she just hates men in general . It is so hard to be possitive when she is so negative . I have often said that deep down she wishes that I would divorce my huband so she could have me and the children to ourselves . We almost divorced once . When I took my husband back , my mother did not talk to me for 3 months . She was deeply hurt , and could not understand how I could take back such a nasty person . Divorce is not an easy choice . It effects children and grandchildren . It effects , family , friends , co - workers , everyone . I do not want to hurt my children in anyway . The yo - yo tug of war with my husband and my mother sometimes gets me down . I do not know how to change any of it . I also do not want to end up like my mother , alone , just waiting for my child or grandchildren to show up . Also , who would I marry . Most choices are made when you are young . All the great men are taken . Then if you do remarry you get the baggage of the ex - wife . What if he hates your children , or you cannot stand his children ?? I few my self as pretty enough to get by , but not pretty enought to land a great guy . Choices , choices , choices . I must find a way to like my husband again . just me . 
I ' m not that unhappy . I was thinking about the things that I had written in this blog and found that I sound very unhappy . I am not unhappy , just feeling trapped by time . When you are young you are suppose to make wise decisions . They are decisions that will effect the rest of your life . You choose to make good grades in school , go to college , get a job , and yes marry . Once you make those choices and then turn 40 your life is almost over . It like you are looking the past , present , and future . What does the past old ? Regrets ? Roads you wish you would of taken . Then there is the present . Who are you now ? Are you truly happy with your choices ? Then you look at the future . Where are you going ? Are you happy where you are going ? I truly cannot answer most of the questions . The only ones I can answer is that for so long I fought who I really am and where I came from . Now , many years later , I want to be the person I fought so hard not to be . I do not have a desire to be smarter , or gifted , or better than anyone else . I do not desire to be " perfect " or to do everything right the first time . I do have the desire to live life day to day , enjoying life , not working from dawn to dust . Sitting on the front porch all day talking with a relative , or friend . I to not have to have big goals in my life . I like getting together with friends to drink and play cards , however I have not desire to win all the time , and who cares if I make a major mistake . It 's only cards . I would like to camp on weekends with friends . I would like to stay at home and take care of my children , make it to every ballgame , or school event . I would like to show them to live life and that working is not everything . You must work to feed your family , but it must not control your world . I would like to be able to just throw something in the trash , and not recycle . I would like to be able to write a check without having to explain why . I would like to buy a book , or whatever without saving my $ 40.00 a week allowance . I would like to be loved like no one else . To have a husband who would walk in at noon and make love to me , and make me feel more important than his work . ( Right not we only make love first thing in the morning , and I have to wake him up , or he wakes me up in the middle of the night ) . I would like to have a weekend get away with just my husband without hearing him say " we will have plenty of time when the kids leave home . " I would like to not have to be subjected to paying the bills and hearing that " I am all alone song and dance " . I do not like doing it , and it as been pressed upon me over and over I am not good at it anyway . I would like my husband and mother to get along . I would like my friends to like my husband . I just want to be loved for who I am , not who someone else wants me to be . 
Life is short , and what are you suppose to do with it ? Yesterday was an emotional day . I have a church friend in the hospital . It is sad and she has children . I do know the outcome , but her daughter did talk to me last night . I will be praying . I am suppose to be getting numbers for my husband . He has in the past let me know whenever possible that I am not good with numbers . It seems to me that he thinks that it is his job to teach me about money . I know how to deal with money , however in his mind mistakes are not to happen , and you never live down any past mistakes . He has been doing the money for many years . When money gets tight I get the song and dance about how he feels all alone in the world and how it seems that I do not care anything about money at all . I do care . If I had my way we would never use a credit card ever except in an emergency . That it it . I would cut them all up . At times it is his money , my money and other times it is our money . Because he owns a business he want to sepratrate the money of household and business . I agree with that . However it is my job to give him an amount of what he has used out of the checking every month for business or none home items and then he pays the home checking account back . He would like to to pay the bills , but he is so anal that it has to be his way . I thoughts are , you have been doing it , you want it done your way , then you do it . Otherwise butt out and just let me do it , and who cares of I use a stamp instead of the internet to pay a bill . Most days I get the feeling that he thinks he is better than me . In fact I get the feeling that he thinks he is better than everyone . He doesn't like feelings , we are to only base everything on facts . Would I marry again , NO is the answer today . 
RBF San Francisco Meet Up ? I know some of you will be there - Waddler 26 and Steve , for example . I have a couple of pre - marathon social engagements Saturday night but I think it would be fun to have a packet pickup rendezvous . I can come in any time as long as I can leave by about 4 PM . If you are interested please send email to 21 st Century Mom @ gmail . com and we can swap contact info . I did my 30 minutes run this morning ( really 31:37 ) . I don't think it really counts as easy as my splits were 9:22 , 10:18 and 11:22 . I didn't know what 5 x 60 s were so I ran fast for 60 seconds 3 times . That was making my legs tired , though so I just did the 3 which is probably why that last mile was slow . That and the uphillness of it . Anyhow , I test drove my marathon outfit and it worked great ! I decided to wear black shorts and after reading Bold 's post today I ' m glad I did . If you haven't read that whole post yet get on over there and suck it up . It 's a great story with a great message . Bring it on , baby ! 
I ' m Psyched , Too ! A couple of readers have commented that they are psyched about my marathon . I can't tell you how much that warms my heart - it 's good to have fans ! Shout outs to Stephanie , Elle , and Stillwater Heron , for specifically saying they are excited about MY race and to everyone else for the well wishes and encouragement . You know who you are ! I am psyched , too . This morning when I left the house at 6 AM to head for a client I was a little sad that I didn't have time to run because it was cool and peaceful . It was probably only 70 degrees out and it felt nice . I was only sad because I thought I had to leave at 6 AM again tomorrow and I just don't have it in me to run in the dark at 4:30 and then get all gussied up for a client but as it turns out I got a reprieve . No meeting tomorrow so I can go on my 30 minute easy run with 5 x 60 s - whatever those are . I have to find out . I ' ve been thinking about the training and the ups and downs ; about the days when we lose all confidence and think we are out of our minds to attempt whatever it is we are doing and the days when we feel strong and healthy ; the days when we feel selfish and guilty for taking the time to train and the days when we are angry at the world for not letting us do what we need to do . It goes up it goes down but in the end it comes to this pre - event taper and the ensuing happy anticipation of finally , finally lacing that chip through our shoes and lining up at the start . I ' m psyched people and I ' m happy you are out there with me . Let 's all give ourselves a standing ovation for doing what we do - we deserve it ! 
You Could Fry an Egg on my Head . I don't know how people in Arizona and Texas can stand it . The heat , that is . It was 112 today . It was 111 yesterday . It is after 10 PM and it is still over 80 . My AC is set to 78 and it runs 24 x 7 and I feel like this uber energy hog because that isn't cool enough so we have fans running , too . I feel like the Air conditioner unit is going to have a melt down and sink right into the ground . And I really need to go to sleep but it won't be easy . bleh . I am SO glad I don't have to do any running . It is already 75 by 6 AM . Too . Damned . Hot ! I know , I know .. you 're all wondering if I ' d like a little cheese with that whine . Sorry . 
Burning It Up , redux . That Bruce Springsteen song " Fire " keeps running through my head . I guess you could call this weather the kiss of death . It is 111 degrees out right now and with the exception of my morning run followed by a pedicure and foot massage this day has been a waste . It is way too hot to do anything but sit in front of a fan . The run was good ! I didn't get out until 6:30 ( late again ! ) but it wasn't unbearable . After cruising downhill in the shade followed by motoring up a slight incline in the blazing sun , sweating buckets all the while , I was at the trail of many water fountains . I had carried a water bottle with me just in case and was glad I had because I pretty much emptied it before I got to fountain numero uno . The trail itself was nice and shady and I was tempted to just stay on it and run on and on but sadly I would just end up in some remote area of the state so I had to turn around when I had gone a total of 4.5 miles . When I got to the hill near my house I could hear you all saying " Taper ! You 're trained ! " and I thought , " Hell yes - my legs are tired and I ' ve run 8.5 miles " so I walked the rest of the way . Mission accomplished and I am finally really , really on a taper . Wa - Hoo ! I just have to do a couple of 20 - 30 minute slow runs this week to keep my legs from suffering atrophy . No swimming , no biking . Just rest - ahhhhhhh . My pace , including stops was 10:57 which will get me a sub 5 hour marathon . I predict that I go just sub 5 - nothing spectacular , I ' ll just make my goal and that would suit me fine . I felt fine except for my feet hurting and I know this will be an issue in the marathon but foot pain is easy enough to ignore and easier still to treat . After some food and a shower I headed out for a pre - marathon pedicure and a foot massage . They let you pay extra for more massage time so I added an extra 5 minutes . I ' m known to be a good tipper in this place so my 5 minutes was more like 15 - ahhhhhhh ...... loved that . I could regale you with some lovely foot p 0 rn but I ' ll leave the results to your imagination ( just don't be a perv about it , ' kay ? ) So that 's it - Roughly 350 training miles since the beginning of this training I ' M READY ! Thanks for all the support along the way ! Weather . com is calling for rain next Sunday but I ' m not worried . The weather could do anything between now and then . I ' m hoping for typical San Francisco foggy , cool weather with a little sunshine by the time I come in at about 11 . We ' ll see . Note to Steve and walking / speed walking / running group - please send an email ( link available at top ) and let me know how to get in touch with you - I ' d love to meet up . In other news : Jeanne 's ipod trick is fine if you happen to plug your Shuffle into a USB port and set it up just before you leave the house . My problem is always that I am out the door before I turn it on and discover that the bookmark has been lost . To fix it you have to listen to the book through i Tunes and move the slider until you find your place and then sync the i Pod with your i Tunes . Even at that it doesn't always hold . So annoying . I ' m going to get a nano soon - very soon . I bought a new pair of shorts today . I know you aren't supposed to change anything before the big day but shorts are shorts only these are black and will look stunning with my most excellent shirt that my daughter got me for Mother 's Day . I also bought some Body Glide for my feet . I have an hellacious schedule next week . I have to be about an hour from home ( or 90 mins . depending on traffic ) at 7:30 AM Monday and Tuesday then fly to Irvine Tuesday night for a Wednesday meeting then back up here Wednesday night . I ' ll be lucky to get any runs in at all . I ' ll figure out something because nothing is going to screw this marathon up for me now . I ' ve made it to the start line injury free and I ' m going for it . 
Burning it up . The weather is burning me up but that didn't stop me from getting in a short run this morning . Shutting off my alarm and falling back asleep killed my track plan but fortunately a co - worker called my cell at 6:45 and salvaged the morning - phew ! I managed to run a little under 2 miles at a 9:35 pace and that felt like the perfect thing to do . I used my muscles a bit , got a little speed on and most important of all - I FELT GOOD ! It 's been a while since I ' ve said that . Saturday I do my 9 miles and then I just shamble around a bit waiting to do the marathon . Ye - Haw ! In other news - if you want to listen to books while running do NOT buy an i Pod shuffle . It isn't good at linear stuff and it often loses my place and reverts to where I had started last time . You can't flip through the chapters - you just have to hold you thumb on the fast forward . I spent most of my almost 2 miles today fast forwarding - and then the battery died . Arrrggghhhhh !! As soon as I think of a good excuse I ' m getting a nano . 
People , I Have A Plan . You pretty much told me to listen to my body which is just silly because my body wants to plop itself down in a beach chair with an umbrella drink in one hand and a pu pu platter in the other but I get what you are saying . I ' m going to do my track workout tomorrow AM early and then Saturday I ' m going to run 9 miles at a race pace plus 30 seconds / mile clip and then I ' m going to do 2 little , short , keep it loose runs during the week and then I ' m going to do this thing ! Very exciting . In case you missed it , I ' m pimping for funds for this race . Not a lot of money and not to cure anything . The money goes to helping kids learn how to write . Illiteracy and bad grammar are not life threatening but I like the cause and it gives me an excuse to post my pirate picture . 
So What Do I Do Now ? Okay folks . I have been whining and complaining about burnout and you have been full of advice to trust my training and take it easy and I so appreciate that . Thanks to every single one of you for your help . Now I need to take it a step further . As I wrote some time ago I adopted the FIRST , " more is less " training program more than 1 / 2 way through my training . It seemed like a great idea at the time . It is a low frequency , high mileage approach to marathon training but it 's kind of killing me . Be that as it may , that has become THE PLAN . So here 's the final steps in the plan which covers this week and next week Tues - 3 x 1600 on the track with 400 recovery Thurs - 8 miles ( " The speedwork and tempo runs taper down just a little , with a final eight - mile tempo run at marathon goal pace coming 10 days before the marathon " ) Sat - 10 miles Tues - 30 min easy w 5 x 60 s Thurs - 20 min easy w 3 or 4 pickups Sunday - Marathon I ' ve already blown it , though . I had a guest this weekend and didn't do my long run until Sunday . I also hated most of it ( the run , not the guest visit ! ) . It is Wednesday and I swam yesterday and I ' m sitting here in running clothes but have no time to run . So - what would you do ? I ' m inclined to get that track workout in and then split the difference on the 18 remaining miles and run 9 miles on Friday or Saturday and then throttle back . What do you think ? One more thing - I wasn't going to do any fundraising for this but 826 Valencia decided to pull together a team really quickly and they have set an individual fundraising goal of just $ 200 . I ' m hoping I can find 40 people who will toss 5 bucks their way . 826 boasts the worlds largest retail store exclusively dedicated to selling Pirate Supplies , hence the team is called the Booty Team and has a general piratey feel to it . From their website : Simply put , 826 Valencia helps students , ages 8 - 18 , to develop their writing skills . Whether the students are working in the realm of fiction , nonfiction , or English as a second language , we are here to help them explore their love of writing . We offer free drop - in tutoring , workshops , and storytelling . We also help students create their own story collections , zines , and other publications . I used to be a regular volunteer and spent many happy hours working on writing projects with students all over San Francisco . I also was a tutor to elementary aged kids once a week . 826 is a great organization and I would love to help them out but have no time to be an active volunteer any more . If you are interested in helping me help them you can do it here . Thanks in advance ! If you are going to be in SF please let me know ! I ' d love to have a packet pickup meet up ! I have plans for the evening of the 29 th but not for the day . 
The Third Time is Not Always a Charm . Yesterday I ran my 3 rd 15 mile run . I have also run 2 20 miles runs and an 18 mile run . I expected this 3 rd 15 mile run to be a piece of cake . It was not . It was hard and I got the worst time of all 3 of these 15 mile runs . The first one was June 3 rd and I had a very hard time with the last 2 or 3 miles . The second one was July 1 and was apparently pretty unremarkable . It went ' okay ' The second was yesterday and I didn't bonk but I was fatigued pretty much the whole time and really dragged butt . Stuff like this shatters my confidence that I will make my sub 5 hour goal but at this point I hardly care . I know I will finish and right now that feels good enough . I ' m not very fond of ' good enough ' , preferring ' I rocked ' under almost all circumstances but at this point I don't have a lot of fight left in me . I have had too many really hard , uncomfortable runs to care . In all fairness my pace , including long bathroom break at the 1 / 2 point and a couple of stops to find my water bottles was 11:31 which is still a 5 hour pace ( hope springs eternal ) but I in no way felt that I had another 11 miles left in me * . I don't know if it was fatigue from my track workout on Thursday and the fact that I spent Saturday on my flip - flopped feet in a museum plus high heat ( I left at 6:30 and was melting by 8 ) or if I ' ve just lost my running mojo . I can only hope that by marathon day I will be rested , fed , hydrated and ready to rock this thing . And if I don't then so be it . When I got to 15 I did make myself keep going for a little while . I wanted to transcend that ' I just can't do this anymore ' feeling and I wanted to cross the line and get my second wind . I sort of did - enough to remember that in a marathon I ' m willing to endure pain and the desire to quit in order to get to the finish line . In fact , now that I think about , since this will be my 3 rd marathon I hope the 3 rd time really is a charm * Update - talk about a self defeating attitude . I would only need to go another 9 miles , not 11 ! I think you are all right - I just need a REAL taper , not this crazy pseudo taper . 
BREYER ' S BARBARO model ..... from the Breyer website : " Stephanie Macejko , Vice President of Breyer Animal Creations , shows Barbaro s jockey Edgar Prado , the portrait model of Barbaro . Breyer s new Barbaro model was also featured on New York s Channel 7 Morning Show . In other Barbaro developments , the Kentucky Derby winner continues to improve after undergoing a hoof resectioning procedure a week ago to ease a severe case of laminitis in his left hind foot . Barbaro sustained severe fractures in his right hind leg at the start of the Preakness , and was doing well after surgery to that leg . Laminitis , which can be fatal , was a huge setback for him and his prognosis continues to be guarded . However , Dr. Dean Richardson , the chief of surgery at the University of Pennsylvania s New Bolton Center , said Barbaro is in stable condition and in positive spirits . Dr. Richardson s signature , along with signatures from Prado and trainer Michael Matz , are on the Certificate of Authenticity that will be packaged with the portrait model of Barbaro . The Barbaro Fund , which benefits the University of Pennsylvania 's School of Veterinary Medicine 's New Bolton Center , will receive $ 10 from each purchase of the model . " . 
Gail Luciani Barbaro remains stable and comfortable KENNETT SQUARE , PA According to Chief of Surgery Dean Richardson , Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro slept well after his left hind foot bandage was changed yesterday . I m happy with the appearance of this foot , which is doing as well as can be expected , said Dr. Richardson . Over the last several days , his temperature has been normal and his blood work has significantly improved suggesting that the infection in his right hind is under control . His heart rate is also consistently normal now , a good indication that he is stable and comfortable . 
Barbaro 's condition remains stable July 24 , 2006 Gail Luciani KENNETT SQUARE , PA Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro had an uneventful weekend , and continues to be comfortable according to his doctors at the George D . Widener Hospital . He s maintaining an excellent attitude , said Chief of Surgery Dean Richardson . We change his left hind foot cast regularly , and we may change his right hind cast some time this week . Barbaro spends several hours daily in a sling . He is out of the sling overnight because he is very smart about lying down and sleeping , said Dr. Richardson . He continues to eat a diet designed to maximize protein and caloric intake , and his body condition is good for a horse that has had ( and is having ) his problems . His diet includes a selection of the best quality hay . The next update will be posted on Wednesday , July 26 unless there is a significant change in Barbaro s condition . 
Barbaro 's condition unchanged KENNETT SQUARE , PA -- Chief of Surgery Dean Richardson reports that Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro remains in stable condition with good vital signs today . Barbaro spends several hours a day in a sling , which he has adapted to very well , said Dr. Richardson . Slings , which were originally designed for rescuing horses , are now common in the treatment of horses with conditions that include neurological problems or muscular skeletal injuries . They have been in use for many years for long - term management of a horse s movement . We have a lot of experience in using slings for equine support , said Dr. Richardson . In Barbaro s case , it is a part - time aid that we use to increase his comfort level . http : // www . vet . upenn . edu / newsandevents / news / Barbaro _ Update 7 - 19 . htm Gail Luciani . 
I have ordered mine today . It will not be shipped until October . I hope it will be a happy day then ... that when the model of Barbaro from Breyer arrives that the real deal will still be with us . Barbaro 's casts changed Gail Luciani July 18 , 2006 " KENNETT SQUARE , PA -- Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro remains in stable condition with good vital signs after a restful night , according to Chief of Surgery Dean Richardson . Yesterday afternoon we changed his right hind leg cast to take new radiographs and to examine the incision , said Dr. Richardson . The radiographs looked good ; the plates we placed on July 8 to fuse the pastern are intact and the fetlock fusion is unchanged . The leg and the incision looked as good as we could have hoped . The right hind leg cast supports the repair of the injury suffered at the Preakness on May 20 , and it extends from the colt s foot to just below his hock . The modified foot cast , which acts like a bandage on Barbaro s left hind foot , was also changed yesterday . The foot cast is rigid and provides stability and support , but will be changed often so that the hoof can be treated . Both cast changes were performed with Barbaro lightly sedated in a sling . He has adapted very well to being managed as needed in the sling . He is a very intelligent horse , said Dr. Richardson . Barbaro continues to be monitored closely in the Intensive Care Unit of the George D . Widener Hospital at the University of Pennsylvania s New Bolton Center . For more information on Barbaro , please see www . vet . upenn . edu . " . 
Barbaro stable , comfortable with foot castfrom Penn Vet Med News Releases July 17 , 2006 by Gail Luciani " KENNETT SQUARE , PA Chief of Surgery Dean Richardson reports today that Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro s vital signs are good and that he had another quiet , restful night . He remains in stable condition , and he is eating well , said Dr. Richardson . We continue to manage his pain successfully , and he is alert . Barbaro is tolerating his right hind leg cast well ; this cast supports the repair of the injury suffered at the Preakness on May 20 . To treat a severe case of laminitis in the colt s left rear hoof , last week Dr. Richardson and his surgical team performed a hoof wall resection that removed 80 percent of the hoof . Doctors then applied a modified fiberglass foot cast to protect the hoof ; this foot cast will be changed as needed so that the hoof can be treated and watched for signs of infection . The foot cast is rigid and provides greater stability and support than a bandage . It is important for people to understand that this is not a routine laminitis . The care involved in treating a hoof with this degree of compromise is complex , said Dr. Richardson . Barbaro continues to be monitored closely in the Intensive Care Unit of the George D . Widener Hospital at the University of Pennsylvania s New Bolton Center . " . 
from the New York Times : His vital signs are good , and his attitude remains positive , Dean Richardson , the chief of surgery at the George D . Widener Hospital for Large Animals , said in a statement released Sunday . He needs to become comfortable enough on both legs that he eats well , that he s not in extensive pain , and he has to maintain his weight and heart rate at a reasonable level , said Dr. Larry Bramlage , an equine surgeon in Kentucky . If any of those begin to get out of line , then you ll have an indication that the problem is bothering him enough that his quality of life is beginning to fade . That s usually where you sit down with the owner and say that the pain has reached a point where it s not humane to allow him to live . . 
That was intense . Last night I went to my very first yoga class with TB . He called yesterday morning asking if I wanted to go . WOW . It was intense !! They keep the room like a sauna and you are literally just dripping with sweat . It reeked in the room of B . O . It was awesome though . Really not something I would do in front of a guy I liked again . I am leaving the day after tomorrow for vacation and I haven't done jack smack to get ready . I have to clean the house , do the dishes , pack for me and both kids and get somebody to take care of my house while I ' m gone . AHHHHH ! Too much to do . I ' ll have to get it all done tonight because I made plans with TB to go to a baseball game Friday night . I know , not very responsible of me , but oh well . He is so much fun ! 
Drama , drama , drama . Today at work the hot Clearwire guy came in to drop off some modems . He also had some comp tickets to the Pro Wake Boarders competition this weekend . I ' m leaving for vacation this weekend so I couldn't go , but I sent a text to TB to see if he wanted the tickets . He didn't respond . This confuses me !!! If he likes me and couldn't wait to see me again , you would think that he would respond to a text that I sent him . ERRRR ! Boys are dumb no matter what age they are . The other drama comes in with my sister TP and her husband CP . They have been married 10 years . She has been miserable and unhappy at least for the past 4 . He 's abusive to her , mentally and physically . I ' m the closest one to her so she tells me everything . I really do feel for her especially since I just got out of a relationship a lot like hers . I worry about her most though . He has such a temper and I know that behind closed doors he is a monster . I ' m hoping that soon there will be a resolution to this and that it won't end up in her getting hurt anymore than she already is . 
I guess not . My phone rang this afternoon and guess who it was ? TB ! I guess our little make - out session didn't ruin anything . He wanted to see if I would go to the fair and then swimming with him . We had a great time , and a lot of fun . He held my hand a few times and then afterward we kissed . He said he couldn't wait to see me again . This guy has been sending me " not interested in a relationship " signals the whole time I ' ve known him . So is Mr. I ' m not interested , INTERESTED ? Who knows . I guess time will tell . I still have to decide if I would be interested in a relationship with him . If we were to date I wouldn't ever see us going anywhere anyway . I ' m done analyzing now . In less than a week , I ' m going to be going on a week long vacation . I ' m so stoked . It 's been two long years since I ' ve gone on vacation . It is well needed ! 
L - O - V - E being single . Before I left my husband I was scared to be alone . Scared that I wouldn't find anyone who would date me with kids . I am totally surprised to find out that most guys don't care . Some even think it 's hot that I ' m a mom . MILF anyone ? So far I haven't had too many problems finding guys to date . Don't get me wrong , my door is not revolving , but I ' m not staying home every night either . I know there will be dry spells . There won't always be guys to date , but I ' m finding that it 's better to be alone then to be unhappy with my husband . This all brings me to today . My friend ' TB ' came over today . We ' ve known each other about a month . His personality compliments mine to a ' T ' . We have so much fun spending time together . He makes me laugh , I make him laugh . There has been sexual tension between us since the day we met . I know he 's not interested in a relationship with me and I ' m not interested in one with him . He 's way too immature and not really my type . I ' m surprised that I ' m even attracted to him at all . But a guys ' personality can do wonders , am I right ? Anyway , we played , had fun and ended up making out for like an hour . I had fun , but I hope I didn't kill the potential of keeping a really fun friend . 
An introduction . So I decided to start blogging a personal journal . My therapist says that it might help me work through some of my confusion . I ' m 22 . In the past five years of my life I ' ve gotten married , had two kids and gotten divorced . I ' m 22 ! I ' m having to learn to date again , to survive on my own again and to live again , but with kids this time . It 's been a year since the seperation and ultimate divorce . Most of the time I am relieved for it to be over and for him to be out of my life . Other times I miss him and the family I once had . 
A Weight Lifted . Parent Teacher interviews , marking and portfolios all hanging over me from the end of last term are now all done and dusted as of this afternoon and I have only a little bit of planning still to do for this term . We ' ve had the funeral of dh 's aunty yesterday so that was slotted in for me with great difficulty between interviews and school photos . To say that yesterday was emotional is an understatement . It started with the only interview that went badly - a cruel mother berated her child and reduced her to tears in front of me , then I had to run down for staff photo and leave next parent and child to go through her stuff without me , then a colleague blew me up for being late for my class photo . I ' d been interviewing until 5:30 pm on the previous night , had started at 7:20 am the following morning and hadn't seen a photos timetable . By the time I was drivign back towards home for funeral I was trembling from head to foot . Thankfully today has been much better . I was down 0.5 kg at WW tonight which means I ' ve lost 1.2 kg of the 5 kg I put on while I was sick . After WW I had dinner and then a massage , acupuncture and vacuum cupping . Feeling very " cleansed " and calmed and ready for bed quite frankly ! 
Does One Ever Run Out Of Tears ? Because I estimate that I ' ve spent 50 % of this weekend pouring them out . I ' ve done everything I can to get better and to improve our family life but none of it is appreciated by anyone . I ' m really really angry and really really sad because if our marraige isn't working which it clearly isn't - it isn't my sole responsibility . Instead I ' m told that while dh doesn't hate me that I ' m hard to love and totally unreasonable asking him to stick to a routine and desginated responsibilities around the house . I ' m too " regimented " . I try to explain that if he starts doing my jobs then I feel as if I have to start doing his . Then we 're back to both trying to do everything which doesn't work but that fell on deaf ears . He was only trying to " help " and not trying to upset me . I explained that he could ask me before he does something or offer to lend a hand with something instead of just taking it over . And I need him to listen to how I am feeling even if I ' m feeling bad . Because now there 's almost no one else . My mother 's e - mail group is finished for me and I ' ve gone " no mail " on everything else . Book Club has folded at the moment because I haven't been organising anything . If I start to talk to anyone at school about what 's going on I ' ll cry there which isn't a good look when you have to face 17 curious ten - eleven year olds . We went to Mass this morning which was good ( even thought I wasn't told till 7:15 am that he was planning to go to 8:00 am Mass ) but Father spoke at some length about dh 's Aunty who died on Thursday and is being buried on Wednesday . The whole thing suddenly became " real " to me at that moment ( up until now I ' ve felt removed from it all because I ' ve had no direct involvement ) . She always sat in the seat across from us in the side chapel of the church and just adored our boys . She was a dear tiny " doll " of a woman ( hence her nickname Doll ) and now she 's gone . So at that moment it hit me and I dissolved into floods of tears and dh didn't even notice or respond in any way . I ' ve seldom felt more alone ( in a crowded church ) than at that moment . Plenty of others noticed but not dh . We went to the shopping centre , had morning tea , bought some presents at the Target Toy Sale , then I took the boys to the library for story telling while dh did the groceries . All this time I was trembling , nauseous , had a blinding headache and reflux . My legs felt like they could hold me up . When we got home I sat on the bed and cried and he cleaned out the cutlery drawer - his typical response when I am upset - he goes away and cleans something . When he finally came in I let him have it with both barrels . I asked him whether I should kill myself or just leave him because I can't keep on living in this misery . I ' m not going to kill myself because it would wreck my sons ' lives but my life is unbearable . I can't live with being ignored and never being shown any affection or appreciation - surely my life is worth more than that . We talked and talked and I cried and cried as I was told how difficult I was to live with and how hard it is to love me . Then this afternoon we went to a friend 's place to pick up our hermit crabs and pretended to be a normal happy family for two hours . Tonight we sat down and tried to re - work the routines and responsibilities that he hates so much . It ended by me telling him that if he decides he 's too miserable and wants me to move out that he ' ll have to help me because I ' ve got no idea of where to start with splitting up bank accounts etc. I can do my job at school and do it well but it seems that nothing I do here will ever please anyone . I don't know why he wants us to stay together if we are both so miserable . If its for the boys then it 's doing them a disservice because at the moment they are living with two very unhappy parents . I don't know how a marriage that started with such promise could disintegrate into a bloody mess like ours has . 
Who has to change here ? I had a brilliant first day back at work . I ' ve made " to - do " list which is long but at least I know what I ' ve got in front of me . The class were really great with filling me in on what they ' d done and not done . Got home with boys , put on load of washing , took in washing from line ( 2 loads ) , cleaned out fish tank with big ds ( has been donated for the hermit crabs we are inheriting ) , had bike and tricke riding session on the driveway , got dinner started , folding most of washing , had tea , asked dh to put load of clothes from washer into dryer and left for Body Combat class which was fantastic . Then I get home at 8:00 pm . Boys are meant to be in bed by 7:30 pm . Still mucking round on sofa having stories with dh . Which means no shower for me till they drink milk and brush teeth . Then dh leaves to do grocery shopping . So I get the big 10 minutes on the computer tonight , no communication time with dh , he 's done nothing about tomorrow 's lunches and the washing was still in the machine . I ' m following the new routine . He 's agreed to the new routine and we ' ve had it in place for weeks . So what is wrong with this picture ? 
The Eve of " Return to Work " . It could have been a very " fraught " day but there have only been a few tense moments . I spent most of the morning , after going to Mass with big ds , labelling clothes , socks and shoes for little ds ' foray into child care next week . This afternoon we tried to take them to New Farm Park but couldn ; t get a park however the drive served to alleviate a couple of thigns I ' ve been stewing over - the drive to where I have to go for the in - service day tomorrow ( Annerley ) and the drive to the Valley on Saturday where I ' m doing a three hour course on " Anxiety , Fear and Panic " . Have to laugh when I think how worried I ' ve been about actually getting to the place . When New Farm Park was a " no go " - cars packed right around it even illegally we turned around and took the boys to Rocks Riverside park near home where we had a nice ramble around and play before retreating to Mc Donalds for afternoon tea and then home . Had a nice chat to F on the phone while she was in brisbane waiting for connecting flight but dh was commenting on my end of the conversation obviously without hearing the other end which pissed me off no end . Dh has tackled more laundry on my behalf tonight but that left me with a time slot in which to pack away all hair accessories and ended up being a big sort out of jewellry , watches etc. I now have a little box with about four watches in it that need variations of - battery , face and band so I may be able to have something different to wear soon . Feeling calm about tomorrow so far and hope that doesn't change when the alarm goes off at 6:00 am . Big ds and I don't need to leave until 7:30 am but I ' m following routine we ' ve set up and if I end up with a spare 30 mins to get something else done that will be a bonus . 
21 JULY 2006 . 21 JULY 2006 : It s Friday night and I just came back from one of the best evenings I ve had in Auckland to date . Things have really settled down here for me and these past few months I ve started to really miss home and my friends . The novelty of it all had worn off somewhat . Work was the best thing going for me where I saw people regularly and got lots of chat time in , then at home things were too quiet and the weekends were dull . So I ve been looking at ways to meet people like classes which don t start for another week or so . Then there was this running group which I really have been trying to meet up with . Twice I missed it because I got lost on the way , then when I finally did make it no one was there . That was last night . So I came home and googled something like finding friends in Auckland a very desperate nerdy search , but I found this website called Gumtree . It s like a personals website , but they had a friends only section and I found 3 or 4 people my age that posted saying they were new to the city , liked biking , etc. So I emailed them and one girl wrote me back this morning saying that a group of them for Gumtree were planning to meet up at a pub in the city tonight . So I went ! I m telling you it was the best thing ever ! A group of 7 people all around my age from different countries new to the area who didn t know anyone . It was a really nice night and everyone seemed so friendly and down to Earth . So those of us with no weekend plans decided to meet up again on Sunday for a hike . This is really fantastic ! Last weekend I had a really nice night out too . I went out with Jocelyn who is new at work from Australia ( a returning kiwi after 8 years ) . She invited me to her place and was having some friends over . It was also a really good time with women my age , no kids , with intelligent conversation . That sounds a little pompous , but it s really refreshing to have conversations with substance when I talk to children all day and make small talk with parents in between . But this is a group of long standing friends , and they re all very nice , but it will take time to break into the group . I guess I didn t realize how connected Jocelyn would be when she came back , and thought she d be more in my situation . These things take time is all I m saying . So it was very exciting for me to meet with this group tonight and have other people who are saying they have no weekend plans and lets get together again . Other than that there isn t a whole lot happening . My birthday was pretty low key , but I was really cheered up by my aunts sending me emails not that I was down , but it was very nice to get a little extra love from back home . Work is going well still . It s never really bad . Some frustrating moments with the NZ systems , but for the most part it s great . I like all of my clients which makes it nice . I didn t get the job on the Diagnostic Team . I didn t even get an interview . They just filled the position from within which is too bad , but there will be other opportunities . I still need to do an advertising campaign to get more clients in . Hopefully I ll tackle that tomorrow . So things are good . My social life is hopefully picking up now and I ll have weekend plans which will be really fantastic . Then I can look forward to Fridays like the rest of the world ! I ll keep you posted on how it s all going . I talked to Stacy last night too . She is such a social butterfly it s incredible . She s offered to help me make flyers for a running group here . She did that in Syr . and now has the whole neighborhood getting together regularly at people s houses . It s pretty impressive . It would be good to have a local running group . It s silly to drive into the city to go running but the whole idea was to meet people . 
How it all started . One day ( yesterday ) , I decided that dropping a quick 10 pounds would be nice . Having seen numerous commercials , I went to Walgreens and bought a bottle of 48 hour juice fast , the Celebrity Juice Diet . I followed the directions , drank the juice and water throughout the day . Until 6 o ' clock I was fine . Then , out of a need to chew , I had turkey on whole wheat bread ( dry ) . It was the best sandwich I ever had and I didn't even crave the chips that usually accompany such a snack . The next day I woke up 4 pounds lighter and thought about the " fast . " At the end of it , I didn't crave pizza , or fries , or other gunk . I just wanted something healthy . Also , I realized how mulch I eat without thinking . A cookie here , some of my toddler 's food there , etc. I am simply not mindful of what is going into my body and eat of of habit . Though I started the fast out of vanity , I will continue for other reasons . I want to eat healthier and I want to be more mindful of my actions . I will use this blog to journal my " experiment . " javascript : popup Window ( ' http : // www . celebrityproducts . com / popup _ image . php ? p ID = 124 & os Csid = d 2114 b 5 f 627598 f 6 b 231 d 8931539 b 191 ' ) . 
Ultimate . Hey , I can't go to ultimate today bc i ' m in puerto rico , but can someone please call me n tell me who wins n who was being good n evil . Also , whoever has hannah 's or priscilla 's screen names , please give them to me bc i can go on IM here . 
Too Much . Ok , this year has been really tough and I ' m still dreading next year and just waiting to go to high school because I ' m pretty sure high school will be much better . It 's been really hard on a couple of my other best friends too and I don't need any more of this stuff . I got ditched by a friend the other day and I don't even want to think about it and I ' m just waiting for another one to do the same later today . Right now I ' m prepared , trying to keep an open mind that maybe the friend that I think is going to ditch me today will have a good reason . Not that she mentioned a reason , but now I know how to find out if she was lying to me or not . I know this probably doesn't make much sense to most of you reading this , but it helps me just to write it down , just to figure everything out . I ' m not even sure if I want to go find out whether or not she lyed , maybe I should just not go and find out for myself , just hope that she wasn't lying and keep it how it is . But I want to know who my friends are and if she 's not , I don't want to keep thinking she is . Ugh , this sounds so confusing . Sorry . Just forget all that . Anyway , if u know what WALK is , and you were one of the first people to know what it is , then call me because I ' m trying to figure out what to do about it and I have an idea , but I ' m not sure if it 's too soon or if it 's even a good idea or not . Whatever , just call . I ' m going to puerto rico on the 15 th until whenever I want and if this " friend " who may ditch me was lying , then I think I ' m gonna try to stay in puerto rico for the rest of the summer because I just don't want to deal with any of this anymore . I know if I actually left here for somewhere else , I would miss my few closest friends , but sometimes I just feel like I want to go somewhere else , like move , or stay with other family somewhere far away from here just to get away from all of this . I gtg and find out about this " friend " now , but call me . ttyl . 
Ultimate Again . Ok , so i couldn't go to ultimate on tuesday bc i am in cape cod with hannah right now and i will be coming home on saturday . Daniel told me on tuesday night that only 5 people showed up to ultimate that night which was the 4 th of july and that we lost bc of the loss of people . We played Dina 's team and the only ppl that i know that are on it are dina and ryan dippy . Also , we are the color BLACK ! ewwwness . i was the yuckiest color for SULA last year too - light yucky yellow ! Anyway , the good thing about black is that me and kimaya will probably be bored sometime and decide to paint our shirts or something and most colors will show up against black . Whatever . The people on my team are : Me , Kimaya , Hannah , Rachel , Elisabeth , Chandler , Daniel , Alex S . R . , Alex M. , Steffen , and some little 7 th graders . hahaha , lol kimi ! Jazzy never signed up bc she forgot about it , but besides that , all the c . s . ppl that played last year are doing it again ... oh yea , besides kai too . Anyway , Nick and Jeremy are on another team n i ' m surprised that Daniel didnt go and be on their team too . They are on team 8 , which means we will play them last bc we are team 1 . uh huh , so i think thats all u need to know . so yea , bye . 
Convince . Ok , so everyone needs to convince kimaya to play ultimate at SULA this summer . She is pretty good at it , but she refuses to get out of the car and play bc she thinks all the frisbees will chop her head off . She had a bad expierience last year at SULA when a frisbee kinda killed her jaw , but everyone gets a little hurt and that doesnt mean she should stop playing . KIMAYA , U HAVE TO PLAY ULTIMATE OR I WILL DIE !!! pleez ? ! 
omg ... idk . Ok , so i didnt go to puerto rico bc a few hours before we had to leave for the airport , my dad had to go to the hospital bc he had a wicked bad pain in his stomach . It turns out that he had a whole in his intestine and he had to have emergency surgery . it sucked . he 's still in the hospital and will be for a week , then he has to be out of work for like 3 weeks after that . Anyway , so the reason we were going to go to puerto rico at that time was bc my grandparents were having a HUGEAMONGOUS party for there 50 th anniversary . I was so depressed that I couldnt go for the party and to see my cousins . So my grandma ( abuela ) was crying to my mom on the phone about how disapointed she was that we couldnt be there and she was saying that she would buy us plane tickets for just the day of the party and then we could come back , but it would have been like 900 dollars for each of us and we didn't wanna leave my dad here , so we didnt go . The party was last night and there were over 100 people there . My cousin hooked up this program to their plasma tv so that we could see the people there and they sould see us and we could talk to each other from the microphone on the computer . So it was kinda like we were there except it would have been way batter if we were actually there . I talked to my cousins for like 4 hours and then after the party i talked to my 18 year old cousin Keyla until like 2 am . It was cool , but I wish i could have been there . So right now I ' m planning to go to puerto rico in the middle of july after african dance camp with my aunt and cousin and then come back in august or something by myself or maybe my mom will come for a week to see everyone while i ; m there depending on if she gets this new job or not . Call me if u wanna talk or chill sometime bc im gonna be around for a while . I ' m also doing SULA , so i ' ll see ppl who r doing that on tuesday ! Luv u guys ! ~ amara . 
Friends . Here is a list of all the ppl i will miss this summer ... even thoug i will see a lot of them : Jazzy Chandler Jillian Kimaya Hannah Angie Priscilla Leandra Ellisha Lilia Serena Pilar Dina Katie Kate Allie Sarah K . Gabi Anna Ashley Madison Aliya Kathleen Chandra Shianne Lia Adar Tiarah Hailey Zoe Katie Sarah M. Mariah Sarah C . Claire Liz Esther Kim Kaelyn Shelby Tegan Alex P . Jay Wasim Keiffer Ariel Josethe other Jose Anthony Daniel Tucker Davis Basie Will Mario Ruben Luis STALKER GUYTy Kyleand everyone else ... Luv u guys ! 
SUMMER !!! I ' m so happy that summer is finally here . I ' m so happy bc im leaving for puerto rico tomorrow morning . I had a nice last day at school even though a few of my favorite ppl weren't there . * cough cough Leandra * I am looking forward to seeing all my friends next year even though i am not happy about going back to that school next year . Everyone needs to call me and email me a lot so i dont die from not talking to my friends . I will miss everyone ... almost everyone , but especially my best friends from this year - Angie , Priscilla , and Leandra . I love u guys so much and i will nvr forget the three of you . Angie - See u nxt yr and later this summer , u gotta call me as much as possible so we can chill sometime . Priscilla - DONT MOVE TO WESTFEILD !!! I will miss u so much and ur high chair and every time u made us laugh ! Leandra - I ' m glad we got to hang out even though it was just in the end of the year . I will miss u over the summer , but i hop e i can be on ur team nxt year ! LOVE U GUYS !!! 
4 Angie n Priscilla . Angie - Good Job !!! lol . call asap to tell me what happened wit u at home . I ' m gonna miss u so much this week . : - ( I ' m gonna come chill at ur house tho sometime this week n maybe ur mom will let u come into town one day even tho u are suspended . luv u a zillion times ! once again - nice job ! Priscilla - U call asap too so we can figure out 2 morrow n if we 're gonna get detentions or suspended too . I hope not . U know Angie did what she had too do n she deserved it 4 all the crap she 's been tlkin about u , me , n angie lately . lol , soooo many ppl saw it ! 
MYSPACE IS ADDICTING ! heyy , sry 4 like not postin in like 4 eva ! I ' ve been rly busy lately , wayy too busy 4 my own good . Ne way , here 's my my myspace so u can check my page out : http : // www . myspace . com / chocolateamara If u hav a myspace , add me as a frnd , if not , u should git 1 unless ur Jazzy bc she 's bein cool n not going wit evry 1 else on this ! YAY JAZZY ! : - ) Call me bc i ' m bored n wanna chill wit sum 1 soon . 
the first . All right , this is a new project that I was inspired to start while reading a book about journals . I ' ve committed to talking a single photo for every single day , starting hence forth . 
neighourhood . haha so interesting . i was lookin out the window then i saw the whole of block opposite and the multi - storey carpark all no lights . blackout . my side is ok . then i saw some malay guys downstairs tryin to put out fire . duno hw they set the fire la . then cannot put out , they decided to pee on it . then fire put out le . crazy neighbourhood . back to MR FIGHTING ! 
chum la ! die la die la . viva ( presentation ) coming ! nxt tues ! i hvnt prepare , i duno wat 2 say , my project sux to core n gt nth much to present .. * WORMS voice * im dead meat ! ytd hor , i went watch pirates . yah la , i noe i say i v. broke , but my cousin paid half for me ma . so i paid $ 3.50 nia . she wanted watch with me but too late , she need go back feed her stupid dog , so i watched with my antboy ( bcus he looks like cartoon ant frm some angle la ) . so lucky , my 1 st visit to the new cineplex ( is dat wat its called ? ) beside PS that one . my 1 st visit alrdy go cathay grand . n it sure looks grand ! i noe la ! not clear . but cam phone ma . wat u expect . the show was gd ! by the time it ended , 12 am le . we had stuff to discuss so we went ard n happened to see tis . nice hor . the place dnt look like sg lor . its jus opp tekka mrkt . its a hotel , outside v. nice but inside kns . haha . i tink 3 stars only . ok la . jus fotos nia . i go watch MR. FIGHTING ( tw drama ) . adios ! 
gathering . ooh today gt v. v. mini pri sch gathering . oni 5 ppl . haha . we had swensens ( i hate swensens ) then wento starbucks . v. nice gathering . hvnt seen them for yrs . tyler 's sucha camwhore lor ! kept askin us to take fotos . worst than a girl ! haha . n he met jj before at a fren 's bday ! he said jj 's a nice guy ! n kelvin said he played dota with jj before ! omfg im so fukin jealous of them can . thats kelvin n tyler . kelvin 's the skinny long hair guy . tyler : see ! i gt gd camera skills . the picture so nice . kelvin : its the camera dats gd la . tyler : no lor . u tink very easy to aim so well using a cam fone to take foto ah . me : easy wat .. me : see , i oso gt gd cam skills . thats the 5 of us . i gt such camera skills that i can take a foto for all 5 of us .. n u cant evn see my hand stretching out ! i owned tyler big time . his camera v. sharp hor . christine 's the one with spects . the other is jieling . n christine gave me a pressie ! press n its a torch . dats not all . the dangling thing , the erm .. hook ? will sound off the siren .. for help . to ward off molesters la . but sg rather safe , i tink use it as alarm clock for my monkeyboy - now renamed as antboy . the weather 's so hot n dry , u get chapped lips easily . FEAR NOT ! cus .. vaseline 's lip therapy petroleum jelly is here to save the lips ! the cherry one is nicer but no longer on sale le . the original one smells gd too n can b found at guardian pharmacies . it cost abt $ 2.50 - 3.50 . for those who dislike the dry feelin of lip balm , shud try tis . its oily n sweet tasting . i ' ve been usin it for years . really ! years ! its gd i tell ya .. been at ECP on the 22 nd for kiong 's bday bbq . the day i had my gastric pain . knn the pain lasted 2 days lor . then the bbq food mus b uncooked or unhygenic . i berak 3 times lor ! the super watery kind . ( duno hw 2 spell + lazy check dictionary ) i almost died . old man figuring out how to make the darn cam work . the whole bunch of us . i was wearin antboy 's tees n runner shorts . the tees so long til it covered the shorts n i was running ard lookin ' shortless ' so ugly .. ok i noe , boring entry . i needa go toilet agn omg . bye ! 
alive . im still alive leh . haha . tomorrow gt small gathering w / pri sch frens ^^ recently no mood n always come on blogger , i dnt rmb wat i wana blog abt le . been busy but duno busy with what . no $ in , only $ out . * sigh . * tml gtg find jobs le . 
dying soon . fuk im dyin soon . i woke up with gastric pain . eat le , drink le , still pain . how to go out liddat ? y of all days , today ? gtg town meet christine , gtg bbq later , gtg meet baby , gtg here n thr .. fun filled day . but WHY mus e gastric pain come today ? ! wtf lor . mayb its a SIGN ! a WARNING ! ask me dnt go out . u noe those things happen like before u go catch ur plane , u misplace ur passport , ur laggage spoil , a surprise fonecall that delayed ur time .. if u insist on goin on the plane , KABOOM ! accident happen & u mati . mayb its a sign . mayb im gona die today . NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! i dnt wana die ! im still young ! still underage to die . not evn 21 yet ! hvnt gt married , hvnt giv birth , HVNT BECOME WEDDING PLANNER ! i dnt tink i ' l ever be one . til i get married . cus ytd mr richard was tellin mi dat nobody wud gime a chance 2 b a wedding planner cus im inexperienced cus im not married blah blah . true ah ? tonite mus make my monkeyboy drunk . then 9 mths later . hiak hiak hiak . eh no ! by then i ' ll be too busy takin care of lil monkey instead of hvin time 2 b wedding planner ! cannot cannot . damn . gotta tink of new ambition agn . 
irritated . 3 days since 2 mosquito bites on my leg , hvnt heal , still itch , 1 moth stood on my elbow jus nw . WAT ELSE U BUGGERS WANT ? ! those who can read chinese , read this . and tell mi wat it says . im too lazy to read . n not 2 mention too busy . 
Weekend Challenge . 	 Thanks to jodi I finally decided that I need to change my weigh day to the middle of the week . So Wednesday will be it . Today I ate some chicken pesto that has me feeling pretty horrible . I think it was due to all of the oil that was in it . I feel so icky and I have a giant headache . Anywhoo I weighed in this morning and I am sad to say there was no loss . But I am still motivated and I do intend to lose . So tomorrow is the trip to Chipotle and I am going out so plenty of drinks .... I think I ' ll try and stick with wine and limit my intake to 2 - 3 glasses . Saturday I don t have any plans so we will have to play this weekend by ear . Oh I almost forgot to mention the Kashi Waffles that I have had for the past couple of days ... THEY ARE GREAT . I have the blueberry ones and they are full of fiber and blueberries . I eat 2 with 3 slcies of canadian bacon and 2 tbsp on Lite syrup for 6 points . Its very filling and in the toaster that are Wonderful ! My co workers get so jealous ... I LOve it : ) Jen You should try these if you have not already and THANK YOU so very much for the encouragement . I am sending SLIM thoughts your way ! 
Hit or Miss ? 	 MISS ! Yes I missed big time at weigh in . I was doing so well last week and even Mon - Thurs . It s always the freakin ' weekend that screws me up . I went out to eat and forgot how well I had been doing . I am disappointed in myself but I ' m not a quitter . I went for a short walk with friend yesterday and the clouds came roaring out so we went in . Today I am going to Yoga and Step class and tomorrow Rain or Shine I am walking ... be it on the treadmill or outside . This entire week is 80 % chance of rain so I know that it will be tough . I really need to try and get a workout in on Thursday because Friday friend and I are going to Chipotle and that is a bunch of points . I am saving 18 of my flex for that purpose . 
Ya Y ME ! 	 I am really happy to report that I went running / walking again with friend yesterday and I feel great about it ! ANNNDDDD I have another wonderful tidbit to report , I resisted the temptation to get the fried chicken , fish and BBQ they were selling after Bible study . I went home and saut ed the 3 chicken strips I left marinating in Tequila lime marinade and 1 / 2 a yellow pepper . I made one of those LC mac and cheeses and was good to go . A small glass of wine was my dessert . YAYYYYYY ME ! Today is lunch with the ladies here at work and I really am going to get something not too horrible and immediately take 1 / 2 and box it up for tomorrow or dinner tonight . I am feeling so proud of myself right now . I prayed on it yesterday and confessed that I was tired of complaining about my weight and then in the same breath inhaling whatever was in sight . Add : I just got back from lunch and I ended up with a BLT on Whole Wheat and a small bit of potato salad . Good right . I got my dessert to go which was a slice of chocolate brownie moose pie . On the way back to work I spotted a new place called Rain Drop Chocolates directly across the street form my building . My co worker drove over there and I ended up with a small 1 / 2 cup of mango gelato and it is DELICIOUS ! I also bought 2 truffles Malt and Coffee . But I haven t eaten them yet . 
Hey Hey Hey !!! 	 Hey Hey hey I feel like jumping up and down and doing cartwheels and all of that ! I wasn't feeling well yesterday and have been bloated all weekend due to that TOM but I walked with friend for 45 mins yesterday in the HEAT !!! And I was all the way OP .... then I weighed in this morning and yes I am back to 193 ... so close to that 189 I can taste it . I can do it ! We are going walking again on Wednesday at 5:30 and today is my beloved Yoga and Step class . So that s a definite 3 days of workouts and I have already planned on going to Target or Wal - Mart to purchase a Yoga DVD that I can do on the weekends ... I watch Fit TV regularly and why I never thought to search that station for Yoga behooves me . So last night I did and low and behold Yoga every morning at 7 . I watched some this morning while I was getting dressed and could instantly tell that I would like it . Although she incorporates weights toward the end of the session I saw that some people wasn t using them . So that s my goals for the next couple of weeks . Just look at what I can accomplish when I just try a little bit . Take that extra step to workout .... P . S . I mistakenly deleted the post that you guys commented on ... Sorry ... My chipotle was wonderful .... scrumptious and I missed it so . Friend and I have decided to go back at the end of the month . I will limit my chipotle and only use flex for it .... ohh it was soo good . Ok that 's enough : ) . 
Ok here goes nothing ! 	 I didn't weigh myself this morning because I decided to wait until Monday so I will have extra incentive to do better over the weekend . I have two birthdays to celebrate this weekend so I need to be extra careful . Today I am going to Chipotle ' YEAHHHH and need to make a decision on how many flex points I will use . Then tonight a party and tomorrow Dave and Busters ..... So I have to be pretty good with my points . I only worked out once this week for 90 min on Tuesday . : ( Things can only get better and I am feeling really good about my other food choices this week . I am trying out 3 new recipes for next weeks dinners that are low point .... I hope they come out yummy ! 
195 . 	 This scale SUCKS ASS ! On a brighter note my sister s party was a huge success and even though it was almost leaked by her co - workers everything was great . She had a wonderful time and so did all of our friends . The weekend I must say was a good one . However I was and am still feeling quite a bit overwhelmed by all of my financial troubles and I am not sure where to turn . I can t get out of my lease until November so I will have to keep up my high ass rent . But after that I am moving into something MUCH MORE affordable ! Like no more then 625 or LESS ! If I move into another apt then I know I can go as low as 500 but I really think its time for me a small house , a rental I hope I can get one . Now on my eating I would rather not deal with that right now ! 
F *** Up . 	 Yes I did ! Yesterday I was on the path to a healthy OP day but nooooo I had to go and F up ! I had my usual cereal for breakfast and a LC for lunch along with some Thai rice noodles . Ok good right ? Before I left work to go to Pilates I had a laughing cow wedge and some grapes .... ok still good Went to Pilates for 30 min got home and I was surprisingly very hungry I had me a small glass of Moscato and then ... I made a damn BBQ pulled pork sandwich , which wouldn t be too bad because I had it on a small bun and the meat is only 80 cal for 1 / 4 c !! But the damn thing was so sooo very good that I ate TWO , see this is what I mean when I say NO SELF CONTROL ! I am so pissed at myself for that ! But I know today is a new day ... but I always feel like I should just start again on Monday .... but not this time I am going to just start over ..... 
Just a Day ! 	 You know just one of those days that are just that ... a day . I had a fight ( again ) with my sweetie last night and didn t actually sleep that well . I also had a couple of horrible dreams that I really don t care to recall . Other than that I can already see that this day is shaping up to be a quiet one . My sisters B day is tomorrow and I am broke ! So sad , but I am throwing her a surprise B day party !! Whoo Hoo . She is going to be so surprised ... she has no idea !! That is going to be the highlight of my weekend ! I weighed myself this morning reluctantly and the scale read a sad 195 lbs ! DAMMIT am I ever going to make it to 189 ? I still have until August 1 , 2006 to make goal ..... so it is most definitely attainable . When I lose a couple of pounds its because I put in marginal to medium effort with my diet and working out ... Just imagine if I really worked hard ! I would have surpassed my goal and then some ! That I think is what disappoints me the most that I know if I work hard those will be the results and I still don t do it . How bad do I want it ? 
My 100 th Post ! 	 I can't believe it ! After starting this post in August of 2005 I thought that this would be one of my many bi - polar projects that I began but didn t finish ( too much House ) . Anyway here it is my 100 th post ... now that a cause for some celebration .... So this past week was a mini vacay for me as well as the much anticipated annual Essence Festival , which was in my town this year due to Hurricane Katrina . We had a good time but there was plenty of drinking and eating involved . This was my 5 th year attending the festivities so I pretty much planned for the partying and late night hours ! I didn t do so bad on the late night front but my food choices were not wonderful . I got some much needed rest on Monday and yesterday and I even started my week of as usual with some good food choices . I did not work out however and that is one of my major goals ! I will hit the gym tomorrow and check out this new class and teacher . I also have not weighed in but plan on it tomorrow morning ...... Will update soon ! 
Tostadas . 	 I went to Yoga Buns ( 30 min ) and Step class ( 45 min ) yesterday . I was so tired I could hardly make it through step class . But I had fun and I worked it out ! I went home and had left over tostadas again . I love , love , love to cook and try new recipes and sometimes I can get too fancy . This was very simple and super low in points and DELICIOUS ! I really wouldn t mind eating them again tonight ! Tostadas 3 points each Tostada shells ( 2 ) = 1 pt Lettuce Shredded = 0 Refried Beans . ( 1 / 2 c ) = 2 pts Cheese ( 2 tbsp ) = 1 pt Salsa = 0 Lean Ground beef ( 1 / 2 c ) = 2 pts I used the taco bell seasoning and cooked the ground beef with some onion , then I micro waved the refried beans and cheese together . I warmed the tostadas in the oven , spread with the bean and cheese mixture , top with ground beef , lettuce and salsa ..... Yummy ! 
We just enjoyed a great day and an even better night . Patrick and Erin and Mollie and Billy were all here for dinner . Tim 's brother Bob , Katie and Stephen all came for dinner . Tim cooked a couple tenderloins on the grill -- ' Tasty ' ! It was an outrageous dinner with my home made potato salad , corn on the cob , port . mushrooms , grilled onions and asparagus ! Mollie made brownies too ! Yum ! Plainfield Fest was this weekend which always culminates with fireworks . I kid you not , they were better than the ones downtown in Chicago !! I couldn't find the stereo simulcast on the radio , but it was almost better without it . They were so close to our house and you could hear all the explosions -- it was cool . Other than that , I spent the day painting and doing laundry . I am just about finished with a painting that I did for a silent auction at church in the winter time . I thought I was going to have about 3 - 4 hours to work on it , but as it turned out , I only had about an hour and a half . It was not something I was proud of . Most of it was pretty good , but it had a seriously ugly tree in it . I just couldn't let something like that out of my house .... It 's much better now . I ' ll post it when it 's finished . I ' m going to try to get to bed early tonight : busy week ahead with the CHA trade show here in Chicago this week . Actually looking forward to it . Big meeting with Wilton tomorrow . Hopefully I ' ll hear some good news . Great service at church today . It never ceases to amaze me how the message always seems to hit me right where I am during the previous week . Tim S . talked about Gideon 's army from the old testament . Do what you can with what you have is the basis of the message . God will do the rest ! Blessings to all for a fruitful week ! 
Still waiting to hear the outcome of the Wal - Mart meeting . This actually gives me the opportunity to have a weekend off . Not completely , but closer than I ' ve been in a long time . I have so many things that I can do , it 's hard to choose ! Mollie and I are here alone this morning , we should do something together ; maybe work on a project for her dorm room ! She ' ll be gone in 1 month and 2 days - I can't believe it . I ' m trying to find things about her leaving that I can look forward to . Less clutter around - even though she is not too bad about that . More time to work - not that she takes up much of my time , and when I do spend time with her I love it . Ok , this is not making me feel any better . My reaction is to push sad thoughts of her leaving away .... sooner or later I ' m going to have to deal with this . Not today , I don't think . What an amazing thing , to look at a day and have so many wonderful options of things to do !! 
Ok . So this is it . Tired of sitting on the bench at the park . I ' m going to get up , go over to the giant slide , climb the ladder , then let go and fly . I have too much talent , knowledge and desire to be sitting here like an old lady . ( Sorry to all the sweet old ladies I know . ) There is nothing I can't learn and goodness knows I can work hard . Why not do it for something that I believe in , rather than helping to build someone else 's dream ? So here goes ! 
The Brunt . My friend pointed out today that I get the Brunt . She can't talk to her family about her issues , so she talks to me . My other friend can't talk to anyone else , really ... because well ... her other best friend is 7 years old . hahaha And the other one ... well .. I don't know why I get the Brunt , but I do . She 's told me that I do , she said it 's because we talk everyday over e - mail . Maybe I should stop e - mailing at work . We had a discussion over e - mail today , that I thought was harmless , but as it turns out I don't think it was . So , I ' ve decided to write this message ( although I know she ' ll read it , it 's for me , to get this off my chest , because if I don't I might never be able to talk to her again ) . Everything is always my fault , I always say the wrong thing . I am tired of always being wrong or insensitive . I honestly do not feel like I am wrong or insensitive at all . I feel like I am being a VERY understanding friend .... actually much more understanding than I ever thought I could be . I sort of feel like I do get the Brunt , because maybe you get upset with what other people say or you talk to other people that have had their friends say insensitive things and maybe you need someone to take out your feelings on . And I feel like that 's me all the time . I can not tippy - toe around you anymore . I can not always hold back . I am a very good friend and I would never say things to upset you . I would hope that you would know that . I can't take the Brunt from you anymore . I need a break from being so insensitive and thoughtless . I just need to be considered a friend for a change . I think I ' ve held these feelings in for too long , I ' ve tippy - toed . I am tired of it always being drama and not being able to just laugh and be friends . I miss that .... a lot . It 's exhausting to constantly watch what I say or think twice before I write an e - mail or read and re - read everything I write . I don't know how to get things back . I am always saying I am sorry and I don't even feel like I should , but it 's the only way that you won't always be upset ... or at least that 's what it feels like . 
A Turning Point ... I have settled into my life again . I ' m calm , I ' ve relaxed . I ' m no longer sad or any other adjective ... I ' m just me . However ... it seems my good friends are not . I want to be able to take the pain away , I can't . I ' ve read their blogs and wish that I could comment and say something profound and wonderful .... Ladies ... I ' ve got nothing . I ' m sorry . Let me just say that tomorrow will be better . Every tomorrow will be better . No matter what you are dealing with , you can wake up everyday and make the decision to make that day better than the last . And you know what else ? It 's ok to wake up and not want to face the day at all and just go right back to sleep and wait it out until the next day and start over from there . As I proved last week . I heard this song today and it 's inspired me before and I hope it can inspire you ... Here 's some partial lyrics . I am unwritten , can't read my mind , I ' m undefined Im just beginning , the pen 's in my hand , ending unplanned Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else , no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten I break tradition , sometimes my tries , are outside the lines We ' ve been conditioned to not make mistakes , but I can't live that way . 
Anabelle . For some reason when I was growing up , my mother called me Anabelle . It was a nickname , a pet name . Sort of like calling me Sweetie . I remember asking her why she called me that . For some unknown reason her mom , my Gram , called her Anabelle when she was a kid . So I don't know why , but I consider it a family name . Like my real self , something that my Gram passed down to me without even realizing it . I haven't heard my mom say it in a while , but tonight she left me a message and called me Anabelle . Made me smile . 
Careful what you wish for ! A little over a month ago , I called my new landlord and asked that the bushes in front of my building be trimmed down ( only because they were growing so tall they were halfway up my front window ) . They never called me back and they never cut the bushes . They mowed the lawn , but left the bushes the way they were . Until today . Today I got home and every single bush , leaf and branch is gone . Just dirt . Nothing is left . I ' d call that a trim alright !!! HA ! 
12 Years ... I realized last night ( when I couldn't fall asleep ) that 12 years ago , I was 18 years old . Just graduated from high school , completely in love and all the possibilities in the world for my future . In 12 years from now , I will be 42 years old . Why does that sadden me so much ? Well ... let 's focus on the positive , I am completely different than I was at 18 and in a much better place in life and I like my self much more . So with 12 more years of working on myself and my life ... I can only get better and happier right ???? Only 12 years will tell . 
The Beginning of a Blog . I started my blog over a year ago now . And I can't believe how far away that time seems to me . My friend Turtle _ Dove started her blog today . Caught Up In L . I. F . E . It got me thinking about when and why I started mine . She was having trouble writing ... starting and asked me if I had that trouble . HA ! Me ... at a loss for words ??? Yeah , right - Good luck . I started writing because I was a little unhappy , missing something , and disappointed that my dreams weren't really working out the way I had planned them . Seems ... now that I think of it , that is ALSO why Turtle _ Dove and even D ( Flutter of Hope ) started theirs . We are venting our frustrations , whether it be with life , men , God , fate , etc.... and even though we are all friends and talk everyday , the blogs helps . It 's scary sometimes to really be honest with yourself and the blogging world and say things that aren't necessarily accepted easily or understood completely ... and yet it helps . Helps us with the release , helps our friends know us better and sometimes we get some wonderful feedback that makes us feel a little more normal than we thought we were ( i . e . Rebecca 's comment on my post from Bad Monday ( Home Today ) , Rebecca ... Thank you ... it was exactly what I needed to hear / read !!! ) So I hope everyone that reads my blog will read Turtle _ Dove 's with the same understanding and be able to help her deal with L . I. F . E . Because we are all trying to do that , aren't we ? 
Everything .... Happens for a Reason !!! According to Sex & The City ... this is something only woman tell themselves to feel better .... well ... put me on that list . I say it ALL the time . Let 's go through the timeline ... if that stupid one date wonder hadn't of been a schmoe and only called to get some ass , then I wouldn't be single right now , I ' d be madly in love cooped up in my apartment having endless hours of schmoopy doopy conversation and lots and lots of sex ... wait ... what was my point ??? oh yeah ... if he hadn't of been a schmoe , then I wouldn't have so much free time and be available for calls of sobbing from my friend whose boyfriend of 4 years is a bigger schmoe and broke her heart . So maybe my time isn't here yet , because I need to be here for her and this is my purpose right now ... because if her cable hadn't been turned off the other day , then her and her boyfriend would never had fought over the phone prompting him to break up with her .... Ok ... that may be a stretch , but ... I ' m at peace and that 's all that matters . That and the fact that I am there for my friend to make up for all my friends being there for me 7 years ago when my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me . I ' m trying to use that former pain to help her . But as D ( Flutter ) has concluded - sometimes the only right words are " This really blows " and that 's ok if that 's all you ' ve got ... because you can't fix everything , but you can love your friends and hug them and try to make it a little easier to get through every day . ( Hey , check me out being all positive and shit ! ) . 
Home Today . I called out of work today . Said I was sick . And if sick means sick and tired of my life ... then YOU BETCHA I ' m sick . Sick of men , sick of dating , sick of clearly being a loser who can't get this right , sick of being pitied ( sp ? ) by my friends , sick of talking to my mother , sick of the question " Anything new ? " , sick of not having money , sick of no matter what happens everyday to keep me occupied , when it comes down to it I am alone every night . I ' ve scared my friends , to the point where they don't want me to be alone ... but I am alone . That 's my life . They only thing in this world that really needs me is my cat . That 's pathetic . I don't mean this to sound so horrible ... I know there are people worse off than me .... and I am completely disappointed in myself for feeling this way , but I can't help it . I sort of feel like I am having a breakdown ( but as my friend told me if you admit to it , then it can't be happening to you ) and the thought of going to work .... ugh .. I just can't . I just can't do anything right now . 
Spring ? Cleaning . I think it 's called nesting . I ' m nesting . I have been getting inspired to spruce up my apartment . I ' ve brainstormed some ideas to improve the function and appearance of my kitchen . Before and After pictures will come later . Tonight I started on the bedroom . I have my usual pile of shoes and clean laundry from last weekend to still put away , but other than that ... both closets are reorganized . Elimating a lot of what I considered clutter around the room . I just have to go through all the makeup and jewelry and organize that . Otherwise the bedroom looks great . Clean , neat and .... now it looks BORING and PLAIN . I need some curtains and pictures or panels or something on the walls . But for now , boring and plain is MUCH better than messy and cluttered and unorganized . My goal is to streamline my life . I am sorting out clothes and tossing out shoes I don't wear . I feel good . I ' m very proud of myself . Now I ' m going to have a cup of tea and NOT CHECK MY E - MAIL OBSESSIVELY . 
Evil Devil !!! I ' ve made the mistake of re - reading The Devil Wears Prada . When I knew the movie was coming out I started reading it again . But I went and saw the movie before I finished reading it , so I am finishing reading it for the second time ... now . And it 's starting to sink in . If you ' ve read it ... you will understand what I am talking about . I HAD to get bacon this morning . I am CRAVING Starbucks . I am HATING my fake Louis Vuitton bag and I am noticing everyone elses ' and whether they are real or fake , too . And for the sake of fashion I have on my wicked cute pink sequins shoes ( even though they drive me a little crazy to wear them , because I would rather not teeter around on them ) that match my pink top with sequins scarf ( sounds a little too matchy matchy , but I swear the shoes are just a base of pink with other color sequins thrown in ) . I even wore my oversized blue topax ring , which I never wear , because I wear my 29 th birthday diamond ring on my right ring finger and I ' ve always preferred to not wear anything on the left ring finger .... you know ... it might imply I am married or something . I ' ve since changed that theory completely ... Am I really going to go my whole life without wearing any ring on my left hand ? Yeah ... I don't think so . Anyway ... back to my point . Everytime I open my drawers , I throw something else out . A cami that 's always been too big , but I ' ve been in denial about my size ( or so my friends tell me ) or frumpy tops that I bought when I was feeling bad about myself and now I refuse to not look presentable , because I want to look the way I feel . So that leaves me with ... a whole pile of clothes to have my friend Turtle _ dove go through and a WHOLE mess of cleaning up of piles of accessories ... jewelry and purses are EVERYWHERE in my room right now . Bad book ... BAD . 
Doodling during meetings is a Ruiz thang . Theme for this one : patio lifestyle ( why is everything a lifestyle now ? E . g . yoga lifestyle - then they come out with these flat ninja - like shoes for going to and from the yoga studio , then they end up being upscale mommy wear for picking up your kids from Ateneo then going to Rustan 's to do the groceries : - )) . Lyms , I got you slippers like the ones in the drawing . 
The boys . Always on Charlie 's mind , according to Javy : " I ' m handsome , " and " Serve me only . " Always on Bosley 's mind : " I wanna play , I wanna play , I wanna play ! " There 's another dog , Chaka , er , Choco . 
linkage . 	 Beliefs , values , morals , ethics This guy is well worth reading . One of the few people in this world who not only examines the core of being , but nails the essence of reality in his posts . 
In times of fear . 	 When a person enters the state of hell on earth , the first thing they discover is that they are still on earth . The world doesn't slow to their pace ; it keeps straight on rushing by and dragging them with it . People don't suddenly understand what they 're feeling - in fact , they do their obvious utmost to not understand . Pain doesn't knock you unconscious , and anguish doesn't kill . But it all exists - the pain , the anguish , the disbelief , the fear . And you are alone ; very alone . So most of us just keep going . Somehow . Hoping for a way out . Making the best of what we ' ve got . We can even deceive our close friends into believing that , yeah , we 're normal , everything 's fine . Everything 's great , in fact . But inside , buried deep , is the terrible fear that there might be a time when ' this ' is normal . * Our world is a world of survivors , but a few of us have survived less insult than others , and sometimes I feel as if I have no right to speak as if from the abyss . The times that * I * consider to have been literal Hell are : the couple of years running house and family while parents divorced / the one and only boyfriend * ugh * / the swings into PMS - induced suidical depression - every bloody month for ten - fourteen days for nearly a year . I ' m * very * surprised to have survived that last . Sometimes I remember bits and pieces of those times . I prefer not to . 
How many of my friends are hurting in silence ? Which of them know that they will be judged if they speak of their pain ? Why are they right ? Why should they be right ? What sort of a society do we live in that promotes free speech but silences victims ? Why do ' friends ' think more of their own discomfort than the needs of their abused companion ? How deep is the underworld of silence that gives us our artificial lives , our artificial society ? If everyone spoke , would it remove the blinkers from those who are trying to deny the abuse in their own backyards ? When I was a child , other kids at school used to tell me things , stuff they wouldn't have told anyone else . I listened and nodded , and I guess they all knew that that information wasn't going anywhere . I didn't particularly have friends , and didn't particularly talk - never talked if I could get away with it . Those people had no - one else they could talk to who wouldn't judge them , or they wouldn't have told me . These were kids I hardly knew , the ones who just had to let someone know that yeah , they were pregnant . They didn't like the teasing and speculation and they weren't going to admit it to anyone else , but yeah ... Or whatever their concern was . How deep is the silence ? How many of my friends are scared to talk ? I was brought up by a woman who was abused through childhood , young adulthood and marriage . All I know of that lifetime of neglect and illtreatment are a few disconnected sentences , uttered sometimes years apart . It 's about thirteen years since we lived in the same house and I ' m still watching the symptoms and knowing that somehow the past abuse is at the root of the today 's problems but all we , her children , have been given are vague clues . She won't say more for fear of spoiling her abusers ' good names , even though one of them has been dead more than thirty years . My close friend mentioned when we were discussing her dream home that she wouldn't ever have mixed - sex children share a bedroom - because she too , had been abused as a child . She and her husband blame my dad because I ' m ' strange ' and untouchable - and in that they 're wrong , but since no - one ever does talk about such things , how can they know I ' m not hiding the shame of incest as so many are ? And how , out of all your friends , would you pick the ones who are ? Or the ones with seemingly happy lives who depart with their abusive spouse you thought you knew so well , but wouldn't recognise in his own home ? I ' ve learned a lot in my life , but I ' ve also been sheltered - as we all are , but perhaps more than some - from the stories of the people I know . Life is but a dark place if everything is known - but surely it takes knowledge and empathy to make things better . It takes anger to make a change . Yes , I did say anger . Anger is a positive emotion ; a driver to action . Yes , I did just say ' anger ' and ' positive ' in the same sentence . Don't try to shut us up because we 're angry , and therefore ' unworthy ' to be heard . Don't set us aside because our sadness is a black spot in the pristine landscape of your dreams . Acknowledge reality . And let our truth live . 
cow porn . 	 btw - do not type ' cow porn ' into google images . Even with safe search on , it ain't pretty - and most of the images aren't cows . Since google images didn't deliver the gorgeous boobs I was looking for , this is one of my own photos . Heifer number seven , just calved , a Friesian from Scotland where I worked - oh , ten years ago . Why do I punish myself by reading heavily trolled posts ? Some of them start out as decent seeming entities - but can't understand any answer that doesn't fit with their own agenda . It makes me feel so superior , knowing that I have at least two brain cells co - existing . Anyway , since it 's still on the other screen , I might be against submission training , but this ought to be ensponged into every guy 's head ( ensponged ? Sometimes the ' right ' word eludes me , and that 's definitely what I mean ) She tells it straight - this is what you don't do , if you don't want to be a rapist . But do the trolls get it ? Each comment thread takes you to further realms of incredulity as the trolls refuse to admit that they ' ve been answered and really - I know you like the sound of your voice , but you really ought to stop talking now . Dammit , you see them whining about being banned and deleted and edited and screened , shouting that feminist bloggers are against free speech and won't listen to anything they don't agree with . Hey - I ' ve been around the blogosphere all of two months and watching trolls hang themselves on their verbiage just isn't fun any more . I say ban them . What 's even more disturbing - some of them have friends . Some of them sound like people I know in Real Life . This world sucks . 
Witnessing . 	 Why does God let bad things happen ? I didn't go to church yesterday . God saw . God punished . This morning he sent the Jehovah 's Witnesses to my doorstep . Just kidding . The basis of our doctrines are fundamentally different . I explained this , answered their questions and drew an imaginary diagram of the Plan of Salvation on my shed wall for them . Carefully considerd my answers to remain on ' discussion ' level , not argument level . They work absolutely from the Bible , insisting that it is the only valid scripture and that God has stopped communicating with the earth . We can quote the same scriptures , and interpret them differently - hence the fundamental differences in belief . I ' d say , yes , that can be backed up here and here and here and here - quoting sources other than the Bible , because the mormon church has translated and latter - day sources of revelation , as well as the Bible . But if it 's not the Bible , it 's not ' true ' to the listeners and not a valid point . They asked if they could leave me with the above question , and I said well yes , but I ' ve got a ton of resources to answer it and it would be better if I just told you what I thought , ( rather than referencing scriptures and leaders they don't believe to be as valid as the Bible ) . So I did , but the general understanding was that my opinion of how things worked wasn't valid either , and I needed to go back to my resources and find scriptures from the Bible to answer the question . I suspect that they want to show that I come up with exactly the same answer that they do , thus proving the Bible as a divine source of knowledge . For the record , my answer to the above considered two things : a ) every person on earth has freedom of choice , both for good and evil and b ) although God has some higher rules of physics / chemistry he can work with ( I find that easier to comprehend than just suggestion he has power to transcend physics , hence the miracles . I believe he has rules to work with too . ) , these rules apply without his intervention . I don't believe he ' makes ' earthquakes or floods happen , even though he may have some power to create or forestall them . And also , what is good to one person may be bad for another - as a very simple example , you ' ve got the farmer with no food for his cows praying for rain , and the young athlete next door with an important race to run praying for dry . It would be wonderful if he sent a cloud directly over the farm , and steered it clear of the race - course - but life rarely works out like that . 
Referrals to 7 / 13 ?? So - referrals are on their way to families logged in through July 13 th - two more days covered than last time , but still at a snail 's pace - IMO . I had a really bizarre dream last night that we went to China to get Paisley and when they brought her to us , she was seven years old - geez - I guess the slow wait is getting to me . 
Dean is 40 !! So - Dean turned 40 on Saturday . I think he was trying to keep it quiet and all - he did not want a big party or anything - lol . He will officially be ' old ' when we bring Paisley home - an older , wiser father - he he . Let 's just hope this wait does not go on and on until I am officially ' old . ' . 
Happy Anniversary . I just realized that our home study was conducted exactly one year ago today . Yep - it is officially expired now - $$ cha - ching $$ - more revenue for the agency . Not only that , I think the bulk of our documents have expired or are expiring . I have given up on worrying about it and am patiently waiting for our agency to instruct us to renew these things . We are wrapping up the ninth month of our wait since LID and the 14 th month of working through the China program . 
Referral from November 2006 to May 2007 ??? OK - the rumor mill is a little crazy . I have heard that we should receive our referral from maybe November 2006 or even as late as May 2007 - go figure - who even knows anymore - lol . Waiting for our agency to update referral times . 
Shaking the blog up a little with Seven Things - Tag . There 's a new TAG game going around all about 7 's and Valerie has tagged me , so here it goes 7 things I would like to do before I die 1 . Go to China .2 . Visit Mount Rushmore .3 . Knit a sock at the Grand Canyon using Trekking yarn of course .4 . Move to a place that has actual scenery and a better climate .5 . Visit Ireland .6 . Fix this house and sell it .7 . Visit Nepal .7 things I cannot do 1 . Lay golden eggs .2 . Envision world peace .3 . Work advanced math in my head ( or on paper - he he ) .4 . Type .5 . Eat liver or gizzards yuck .6 . Drive a forklift .7 . Let my hair return to its natural color .7 things I can do 1 . Organize things .2 . Laugh at myself .3 . Love animals as if they were people .4 . Knit .5 . Maintain an open mind .6 . Sit in silence - alone or with others and really be okay with it .7 . Be independent regardless of peer pressure .7 things that attracted me to my husband 1 . His ability to do advanced math in his head comes in very handy for knitting projects .2 . His calmness .3 . His sense of humor .4 . His age he is older , so I am always younger he he .5 . He loves animals .6 . His open - mindedness .7 . He does not think I am all that crazy .7 things I say most often 1 . Geez .2 . Cool ! 3 . uh huh .4 . Sydney ! Stop it ! 5 . Edddieeee .6 . Is it Friday yet ? 7 . I need more yarn .7 books I love 1 . September 2 . At Knit s End 3 . The Di Vinci Code 4 . Angels and Demons 5 . Cookbooks with nice pictures 6 . Time Cat 7 . Surviving Picasso 7 movies I love 1 . Breakfast at Tiffanys 2 . Lost in Translation 3 . Meet the Fockers 4 . Bottle Rocket 5 . Fletch 6 . Christmas Vacation 7 . The Hours If you are reading this , consider yourself tagged - he he . 
Out of the review room ? Rumor has it that the November LIDs are out of the review room - I will believe that when I see it actually posted on the CCAA website . Another big one is that the next referral batch will include all of July - we ' ll see . I do hope it is all true , but only time will tell . 
Creating Family Traditions . Lately I find myself thinking about creating memorable family traditions for Paisley . My family does not have many traditions , but celebrating the Fourth of July is one of them . In the past , we always celebrated this holiday at one or both of my grandparent 's homes . They both lived in a small town that allowed fireworks . There was no limit to what we would do with fireworks - creating our own bottle rocket launchers , etc. Dangerous - probably . Fun and memorable - definitely . Dean and I had been dating a couple of months before I burned a hole in his new shirt with a bottle rocket and he dropped a burning fuse on my foot - he he . This tradition is probably the only family tradition we keep to this day . The only living grandparent is the one who opposed our Fourth of July antics - both ironic and sad . Goes to show that life is not measured in years , but by the way you live it and enjoy it . Luckily , my parents have retired to this same fireworks loving community , so the tradition lives on . That being said , during the wait , I find myself mentally scrambling around trying to come up with traditions for Paisley . I found a really cool book : Everyday Traditions . It has all sorts of great ideas . 
Anna & Sidney . Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs. Sidney Williams . Never before , and I ' m sure never again , will we have a wedding with 3 men named Sidney in it . The groom , his dad , and the brides dad ! Sidney and Anna have such a beautiful love , and they both have wonderful families . We enjoyed spending the first half of our day with all of them . Best of luck to you both ! Tammy & Traci . 
Tipton All Star 9 U Fundraiser Sessions . If you purchased a package from a member of the Tipton 9 U All Star baseball travel team and have not recieved a call from either Tammy or Traci , please call our studio as soon as possible . We have called everyone that recieved a order from , however we had to leave MANY messages and have not heard back from you . Appointment are filling up fast and we would like to know the time frame you want to schedule your session for . Their is not expiration date on the purchase . We just want everyone to be contacted . 765.675.1833 ( studio ) . 
Kim and Cory . Wow ! what a party Kim and Cory had - 10 attendants on each side ! They are truley blessed with many wonderful friends ! Needless to say , their wedding was organized mania . Everything went off with out a hitch ! We were very honored to be able to share in their day ! 
Kayce & Steven . We would like to thank Mr and Mrs Steven Scott for allowing us to share in their special day . Their wedding was beautiful ! Unfortunately it was raining , but that didn't stop them from having a wonderful day ! Good luck to you both ! - Traci and Tammy . 
Engagement Photo Sessions . Things are changing fast , and we 're working hard to keep up with all the latest trends in wedding photography ! Our most recent additions include the " Coffee Table " Wedding Album and the " Downtown " engagement shoots ! The Coffee Table album is beautifully designed and will tell the story of your wedding ! No longer will you have to remember your wedding in " shots " matted into a thick album . The Coffee Table album is like looking at a book and the pages are your pictures ! No mats , glue or tape to loosen over the years . To see so sample album pages check out the " Wedding Slide Show " page on the site ! The " Downtown " shoot has to be one of the funnest things we ' ve done to date ! We spent about an hour with Steve and Kayce and had a blast ! We enjoy spending some time with our Newlyweds to be . This gives us an opportunity to get to know them , and we get a feel for how we all work together ! We ' ve found this makes the wedding day not only FUN ... but more relaxing ! We make it a priority to let our clients know that we are there for them ... we won't treat you like a customer ... we ' ll treat you like family ! 
Hey ! We are now able to offer online proofing to all of our customers ! When your proofs are available you will receive an email with your password . They will be available at www . collages . net We are very excited about this . We will have fewer delays in proof delivery , however you will no longer we getting printed proofs without a deposit . Tammy and I both feel that all of our customers will find that this proofing method will be more convenient , because you can share your pictures with all of your friends and family by giving them the link and password to your proofs . 
Tipton Pee Wee Team Pictures - Price Change !! We have updated the price list for the 2006 Tipton Pee Wee League - Bag Tags are now 2 for $ 6.00 . We are sorry for any inconvience this has caused . 
Welcome to 2 Friends Photography ! We are always trying to find ways to communicate with our clients and friends ! So , we ' ve decided to add a blog to our website ! Please feel free to add comments etc. So , we ' d like to hear from you ! Thanks for visiting 2 Friends Photography ! 
Tutorial please . I am so new at this blog thing . I have zero computer skills . Can some one give me a tutorial in how to change my heading / banner and background . I would love to widen the blog but I can't seem to do that either . I have not posted in a couple of days because I have spent all of my computer time trying to spiff up my blog . Please help . 
We 're free .... For 3 hours ! Since A was born life has been crazy . For almost 5 months we were both working full time ( Dh nights and me days ) and taking care of the kids because I could not bare the thought of someone else taking care of my little ones . We also sold a house , moved into a temp one , quit 2 jobs , downsized to one job , bought a house ( did some remodeling ) and moved in . We have been a little busy so our last date night was pre - A . Not to mention that if I get more than 2 feet from A she melts down ( we are working on this ) . This Saturday night Mom volunteered to come over and watch the kids ... not sure but I think it was more like spoil the kids but whatever works . Dh is the greatest he surprised me with a new outfit for our date ( very cute I might add ) . It was great . We just went to dinner and had a quick drink but it was well worth the rush and planning that went into it . A and L survived with Memaw and I felt like I had a Dh again ! Yeah for adutlhood ! 
Hurricane Harbor for free ! I never win anything . Seriously other than memory game against my four year old I don't win a thing but I won tickets from KLTY the other day to Hurricane Harbor . The girls were both a little young to enjoy the big stuff but we still had a blast . We took my youngest niece with us and the girls always love it when she goes anyway with us ( and we do also ) . L refused all body slides but seems to have lots of fun in the kid area and on the tube slides . She is such a fun kid she does not really need much to have a good time . A slept in the Born most of the day . She refuses to sleep in a stroller but put her n the born and she is still out like a light as if she were still 1 month old . 
Civilian Doctors . Today was the first civilian doctor visit my girls have ever had . Until now we have always been able to use the Pediatric department at our local military hospital but since I separated in June we have opened a new chapter and boy it was an eye opener for L . We researched and researched some more but nothing could have prepared L for the transition . I had never thought of talking to her about things looking different at this office but right away I mean in the parking lot her eyes perked up and she had a funny look on her face . She said is the Dr s office or a hospital . I should mention that Dh is a RN at a civilian hospital and A was born at it so she knows the look well . We enter the door of the office for L s 4 yr check up and she looks around , we sign in and take a seat in the children s area . We go through the check - in , vitals , weight and it is time for the eye test . The nice LVN comes over and says do you know what these pictures are of ? L looks at her and says Yes I can see them Nice LVN says I am going to put them down there on the door and I want you to tell me what they are . L looks a little puzzled and says you know I am 4 and can read . I of course want to crawl under the door . Nice LVN says oh we can use the letter chart ? So they use the letter chart and she does fine . Next is the ears and we are to the wait for the Dr. L and I are reading books and sitting patiently . L keeps look around the room and asked is this someone s bedroom ( it is brightly painted ) unlike the military Dr. In comes the Dr and we go through the motions . Next is shot time . L does not pull any punches when it comes to pain she want to be told everything up front just like an adult and does not want to be held down for anything . I convey her wishes as I have since she was 12 months and the nice LVN says ok . So in she walks with the 4 shots . L takes one look and says you can do all in less than a minute right ? Nice LVN says yes . L hops up on the table , gets the shots , hops down , looks at me and says Mom lets go get my prize . See picture below . I am not above bribery . She gets shots and goes to the Dr without even a tear so the kid gets what she wants ! As we walk out of the door L looks at me and says Mom why were they all women ? It had not even crossed my mind but every person in the office was female ( very unlike our usual military setting ) . Next is Mom did you have to pay for the shots ? This was of great concern to L . She did not like that I paid someone to inflict pain upon her . This conversation lasted the entire 30 min drive home . Baby A has had a rash for 6 days now . I rush by the pet store pick up the fish and dash home to pick up L . Dh worked last night so my wonderful nieces stepped in to save the day and watch the girls while I had the other at the Dr. I pick up A and drive another 30 min back to the Dr office . In short she has a baby viral infection . Not contagious and we are done . I pay and drive back home . ( See A 's legs below in photo ) I of course am not convinced that this is just a virus because it is my kiddo and she has never even had a stuffy nose in 8 months of life and I want her fixed . I vent to DH as he is half asleep and he says Let s give is 48 more hours and see if it is better . I give in but I am not happy . I can t stand having a rash all over my precious baby that feels like sandpaper ! But for now I will watch the clock tick off 42 hours and counting ! 
Fitness challenge and hair growth . Dh and I were thinking over what it will be like to chase after 3 kids and have decided to get in shape . We have set our goals pretty high . We have decided to run a half marathon . Ok so maybe it was more of my idea than Dh . Ok so maybe it was all my idea . I tend to be a bit of a health nut and poor Dh just has to live with it . I did pretty good weight wise with both PG but I don't care what the scales say I just don't look the same . I know I am getting older and I should be happy not have the weight hanging around after the babies but I want to look good also . So instead of gaining weight this PG we are going to challenge ourselves to get in shape . We start our program Sunday so I will let you know how it goes . Just go with me on this one . I have a strange sense of humor . My children have both been bald at birth and stayed that way for some time . Ok , for my Mom 's sake I will admit that the girls have some slight peachy type fuzz on their head that does knock the glare off when you look at them but for the most part they are bald . So I took some photos of A today in all of her beautiful baldness so we could track how much hair A will have when we get Mei Mei 's referral . Who do you think will have more hair A or Mei Mei ? I will update the site with photos of her head monthly . Strange I know but it will be interesting to see especially if the wait goes 18 months or more . L finished up a week of vacation bible school today at our new church . We moved to a new city about 10 weeks ago and the church transition has been a hard one for us . Dh and I are somewhat stumped also . In our town there is one church that is Catholic . The church has a bit of a tag sale feel to it when you walk in and sad to say the people kind of act like they are all strangers . But today was a turning point . L had a wonderful time at VBS and for the first time we as a family felt as if this might be our new church home . I decided that I was going to get involved and if there was not anything to get involved in that I would take it upon myself to organize something and see if the people would come . So I am starting a playgroup of sorts and have already heard from a few interested Mom 's . I am the type of person that needs to be involved in church and needs to feel at home every Sunday ( or M , T , W ... ) when we go there . So this is my first step . Let 's hope it works . I have also put myself down to volunteer for the teen group . Yes , I am also one of those people who love teenagers . It helps that I have the two most wonderful nieces that give me a lot of experience . One last thing I had to post this picture of L . Today she came to me and said " Mom look I am paperwork PG with you and Daddy " . She is just too cute sometimes . 
Paperwork PG ! Woooo Hoooo ! One step closer to our L & A 's Mei Mei ( and our baby girl ) ! A journey that started over 18 months ago has ended and another unfolds ! In Feb 2004 dh and I decided that it was time to add to our family through adoption . We already had L ( the light of our lives ) but we wanted a sibling for her . We attended several agency information meetings but it was the GWCA one held by Kelley that seemed to feel the most " right " for our family . GWCA was the agency for us and we have never been more happy with that decision . We mailed our application off on Feb 28 and received notification that we were approved within days . We mailed the agreement back to them within hours of receiving it and we were on our way . By the end of March we had already had our first contact with the SW doing our home study , ordered birth and marriage certificates and had our physicals and lots of blood work done . But wait some of my blood work came back questionable so my doctor wanted me to come back in and take another look . With lots of eye rolling from me I went . Thinking this could slow down our process . We were rolling along with this so well until this ! To make a long story short April 6 th we found out we were expecting . We are overjoyed with the news and over come with emotions as we were unsure how this would impact the adoption . We put the adoption on hold because in our hearts we knew that we could only handle one new baby in the family at a time ( let alone how L was going to react ) . Our precious A was born Nov 16 , 2005 and we are now DTC for L 's Mei Mei ( A 's also ) . Now we wait for Mei Mei and give A a little more time to secure her place in our family with L . Big sister - hood was a hard transition for L and that story will be saved for another time ! We are excited to be waiting and right now 12 months does not seem so bad of a wait for our precious Mei Mei . I will keep you posted on how it feels as the months go by ! I have to say that right now the early part of the PG with this one seems as easy as with my other 2 ! I am sure I am in for a roller coaster of emotions . 
Why when 1 sleeps the other does not ? I have 2 of the most wonderful kids in the world but why oh why please tell me someone .... Anyone ? When one is sleeping like a baby is the other one awake like they have just drake a soda and eaten a whole box of Gummy Worms ? We took the kids and my wonderful niece Kallie to what I thought would be the " wear out event of the summer " ... aka the Dragon Boat picnic at the Hurst pool last night . We took pj 's for the ride home and had both kids ready and prepared for sleep by the time we hit the road for the 30 min drive hoping that they would fall into a deep slumber and we could slide them into bed without a hic - up but oh no they had other ideas . So we get home after a fussy car ride with A and a twenty question game with L . Dh , Kallie and I are exhausted and the kids are both on fire . I take the baby to nurse and hopefully get her milk drunk so she will fall asleep . Dh and kallie tag team the 4 year old . I successfully get the baby out .... For now . L is clean ... Bath was not in my plan but it will work for now ( did I mentioned I already had in her PJs before the car trip home ? ) But she is clean ( only to go to swim lessons first thing in the morning ... Oh how I digress ) . So we now have to have a snack ... Yes another one we had one at the pool before we left but now we have started the bedtime routine so we need a snack ... I had a plan ! So she asked for ice cream and milk .... dh gives it to her while I am out of the room . Sugar ... Yes that is a wonderful plan at 10 p.m. L then has to play with her new keyboard that cousin Tay passed down to her . Did I mention the baby WAS sleeping ? We finish snack , brush teeth , potty and are off to bed .... wait I hear the baby now . Kallie reads L a book and dh gets the baby . I finally get to take off my swim suit , yeah ! Baby is back a sleep and dh , Kal and I are saying prayers with L . After prayers she says " Mommy what if I have a dream about those monkeys " My dear wonderful brother and L watched a Discovery show about baboons sneaking into remote villages and taking small children and domesticated animals . Thanks Bro ... We needed that one . She only watched a few minutes until we quickly changed the channel once we realized this was not kid friendly . I tried to convince my oh so smart and analytical child that hose monkeys were hungry and were only mean because they did not have any bananas .. So of course she wants a banana beside her bed . After all of the brown bananas that I have thrown out , today we don't have any but we do have banana baby food . So we put a jar of that beside the bed and L is off to dream land after Kal lays with her for 5 mins . Have I mentioned that I love my niece today ? Dh and Kal go to bed and I stay up to put the last touches on our pics for our dossier and what do I hear .... A . So hear we go again . I think you get the picture now . By the way we did have a wonderful time at the FCC dragon boat party . It was our first official event with the Ft Worth FCC group ! I ma sure there will be many more in our future ! Since I have not posted any pictures here are a few of the girls . L turns 4 ! She went fishing with Dad first in the mornign and came home to chocolate chips pancakes ! A once a year event at our house ! A learns to clap ! Please let me know what you think , and what I need to change ! -- Shandra . 
Crunchy Ice cream loaf ( everyday food ) .... Obviously , this isnt a loaf . I just wanted to try it out the recipe so I made it in an individual heart shaped springform pan . I ' m not a fan of cornflakes and thats the main ingredient ( other than ice cream ) . I have a dilema . I ' m leaving next Thursday for the e Gullet Heartland Gathering and Robin 's family has an annual Civic Weekend BBQ on Sunday . I ' ll be leaving Ann Arbor at 9 am on Sunday morning so I wont have time to make anything when I get home . I need to make something before I leave that will keep for 5 days or that can be frozen . I thought about this ice cream thing . It 's really a take - off on Fried Ice cream . I bought some " premium " Chapman 's ( Canadian company ) light Vanilla . I wasnt impressed with the ice cream , but thats neither here nor there . For this recipe , you crush up cornflakes , mix them with cinnamon and layer that with the ice cream . You drizzle some honey on top of the corn flakes as well . Robin said it was good and different , but nothing spectacular . 
vegan choc . chip cookies ... I made these vegan choc . chip cookies yesterday . It took me a long time to find the recipe online . I had it saved as a link , but the link dissapeared . Then I saw a post on the cooking light board 's from Anna and ta da , there it was . This recipe comes from Vive la Vegan , a foodblogger in BC . Dreena has written a bunch of vegan cookbooks . Anyway , I left out the nuts and used some hazelnut oil in place of some of the canola oil . My chips werent vegan so really the cookies wasnt totally vegan , but close enough . I can see where a vegan would really enjoy them though , they taste very similar to dairy choc . chip cookies . But , I prefer chewy cookies and these were very crisp . I did like the subtle maple flavor because I used a grade C ( Canadaian grade 3 ) syrup . 
Corn Fritters ( Everyday Food ) ..... I ' m finally feeling normal again so I thought I ' d cook some dinner . Huron County is a big corn producer and it seems every mile or so there is a stand selling it . I picked some up today and made some corn fritters . I love corn on the cob and I could eat it everyday . Robin , not so much . She enjoyed these a lot . I made her some salmon ( none for me thanks ) and some steamed broccoli on the side . You can serve these fritters with sour cream . 3 ears corn , shucked 1 / 3 cup milk ( non - fat is fine ) 1 egg 1 tsp sugar 1 / 2 tsp baking powdersalt and pepper 1 / 4 cup each corn meal and ap flour . mix corn with egg and milk . Add sugar , powder and salt and pepper to taste . Add flour and cornmeal . Heat 2 tbls veg oil in skillet , drop a dollop of batter and fry until golden on each side . Serve with sour cream if desired . 
A meal I made Monday .... Thanks for all your get well wishes . I feel a lot better today . I basically slept yesterday away . I don't remember much of what I did . I was coming off a lot of painkillers . I just hope I dont have another " gall bladder " ( or whatever it was ) attack anytime soon . I ' m heading off to Ann Arbor on August 3 rd for the e Gullet Heartland Gathering . Speaking of e Gullet , Christine and I start our tag team foodblog over there on July 30 th . Come check us out . I ' ll probably cross - post over here as well . I made this meal on Monday night . Better late than never I guess . Anyway , I brined some bone - in chicken breasts and then grilled them . I brushed some homeade BBQ sauce over them . I served them with a cold multi - bean salad I threw together . I steamed some green and wax beans and mixed them with a can of mixed beans , cucumbers and green peppers . I made a dressing with red wine vinegar and oil . I still feel bad that I missed the community kitchen . Robin has been eating the food she brought home so I ' m glad they didnt cancel it . They made a spinach lasagna from Cooking light and some fig and nut breakfast cookies from CL too . I showed Robin the picture from Joe 's blog because theirs looked very rustic compared to Joe 's . She also brought home some greek turkey burgers . I ' m sure those will show up this week as well . 
I can't eat .... Sorry about the lack of posts . I spent most of last night in the ER with severe abdominal pain . Because we live in a rinky dink town , there are no ultrasounds done at night . They thought it might be my gallbladder though . They gave me 3 shots of morphine and then a shot of gravol ( anti - nausea ) . They tried 3 times to put an IV in me , but they couldnt find a vain because I was so dehydrated . Oy . I had the U / S today and my gall bladder looks fine , but that they said that doesnt mean I didnt have a gallbladder attack . Sooo , I ' m on a bland diet for the next few days ( like I could eat anyway ) . We were supposed to have friends over tonight for dinner and I already prepared a lot of the dishes because I was supposed to work today . Oh well . I ' ll do the ribs tomorrow so Robin can eat them . I ' ll freeze the other item . Before I went to the ER at 7 pm , I hadnt eaten anything since 1 pm . I wasnt hungry even then but I forced myself to eat a lean cuisine . Its so weird not feeling hungry . Anyway , I ' ll be back in a couple of days . 
Sand Cake ........ My neice Chelsea is here for the weekend and we have a BBQ to attend tomorrow . The BBQ is an all day pool party with lots of kids so I thought it would be a good time to make this dirt cake . The original recipe was shown on a repeat of Martha Stewart living . Of course , I ' m sure you could find other versions floating around the net . Martha and her friend made this cake in a sterilized flower pot . I chose to make it in a brand new sand pail . Thus , this is a sand cake . The layers consist of instant pudding mixed with cream cheese and cool - whip ( of course Martha used real whipped cream , but if you 're using instant pudding , why waste real cream on that ? ) and pulverized oreo 's . I had some cupcakes in the freezer so I used those between the layers as well as golden uh oh oreos . We threw some gummy worms in halfway thru . Chelsea took great pleasure in decorating the top . Who cares if its totally trashy and tastes like crap . She loved making it and thats all that maters to me . Let 's hope it gets eaten tomorrow !! 
Chicken Tacos , black beans and rice ..... Black beans arent big sellers around here . In fact , Robin never ate them until she met me . You can surely find cans of black beans in the grocery store , but they will most probably find their way into a pot of beef filled chili rather than eating them as a side dish . Robin loves them so I try to make them a couple times a month . A friend of mine in California brought a pot of them to a bbq we attended and they were so good I asked her for the recipe . I use dried beans and I always soak them the night before . After draining , I add fresh water , a whole jalapeno , a chopped onion and red or green pepper . After an hour , I add a chicken cube . Easy as pie . I made some brown rice too . I chopped up some green onion and sauteed that with brown rice in some Olive Oil . I added some cumin , salt free seasoning , some chopped tomato ( left over from the cobb salad ingredients ) and some salsa verde . We had chicken taco 's with it . Ignore my store bought taco shells . I wish I had access to fresh corn tortilla 's ( or even refridgerated ones ) but I dont ' Robin had some whole wheat tortilla 's . I stove - top grilled 2 chicken breasts that I rubbed with a grilled paste from Williams Sonoma . Chopped lettuce , low - fat sour cream , and low - fat cheese rounded these out . Fast and easy . 
15 minutes early . Hey friends ! It 's been a little while since I ' ve updated on here ... so I think I shall in the 15 minutes before I have to go to work . I still have a Xanga account ... and I sort of still keep up with that . ( If you want to read that go to www . xanga . com / bellinaprincipessa ) Anyway , I updated there last night and I am going to say much of the same thing . God has really opened my eyes to see just how selfish I truly am . I ' m stepping out on a limb here and am going to be transparent with you all . I ' ve always had a major struggle with having my devotions . It 's not that I don't have the want to read my Bible and draw closer to God . It 's that I haven't disciplined myself to not be selfish with the time God has given me . Instead of waking up just 15 minutes earlier , I think ... " Oh yes ! I have 15 more minutes I can sleep ! " Instead of turning off the TV I think about how badly I need to watch this meaningless TV show or movie ( not that there is really anything good on TV any more anyways ) . But God has really rebuked me about this . I can't help but think , " He died for me ... why can't I give Him just 15 minutes ? " Yes , it should be more , but 15 minutes is not long at all . Why can't I give Him just that ? !! ? ! Because I ' m selfish and self - centered . I want things to be done when I want them . If I want to sleep instead of reading my Bible ... I will . But why ? Why can't I be self - less when it comes to my Savior ? Doesn't He deserve better ? Of course He does . And I ' m so unworthy of His love . That love that STILL loves me , even when I am like this and totally focused on me . Wow ... He still loves me . Praise God for that !! With His help , I ' m truly going to work at thinking less of me and thinking way more of Him . I want that desire to truly know Him . I want to be able to not get enough of Him and reading His Word . I want to be on FIRE for Him . And with His strength , since I am nothing without Him , I think I ' ll be able to do it . God 's also been showing me that the transfer from BJ to MBBC is going to be a good thing . It will be better than I ' m making it out to be ! And , He 's truly giving me a heart to be somewhere else ... soon . I ' m not sure where that will be ... but the uncertainty is kind of exciting . I can say with confidence that He 's giving me a desire to do something different next summer , instead of this job I ' m doing now . And , that really excites me . I want to know what it will be , but I ' m content with waiting . Work is unfortunately calling my name . So I guess that 's all for now ! 
Mysterious Ways . God works in mysterious ways . Ways that I would really love to know about . I want so badly to ask Him , " Why ? " but I know in my heart , He 's done it for His own glory . Oh ... if only I could get rid of this pain in my heart about not knowing the answer . And the pain of something happening that was out of my control . God knows what 's best ... I know . But , sometimes , it 's just so hard to see that . Well , on a different note ... today was a nice day . I hung out with my sister . We went to the Muncie Mall and ate at Auntie Anne 's ( its ' a pretzel place ... in case you didn't know !!! ) and it was yummy ! We also went to the library and got some books and stuff . Now we 're home getting ready to eat dinner . I ' m ready for tomorrow . I ' ll be able to be in my Sunday School class again . I would ' ve enjoyed teaching the K 5 boys ... if I ever had any ! So , I always missed my class . Now , we 're combining the boys and girls , so I won't be teaching . And , I ' ll actually be in the service ! I ' m not in Junior Church ( that I know of ) so I ' ll actually get to sing in choir again and hear most of the message . Yay ! Sundays are the best . Then it 's back to work again on Monday . Speaking of work ... we went on a field trip this past Thursday to the Children 's Museum in Muncie . It was SO awesome ! The kids loved it and they were able to do so much ! That place is so cool . And what 's best ... I didn't even had to watch the kids . They could run free , not have to clean up after themselves , and I didn't have to keep my eye on them . It was great ! I ' m definitely going back there sometime ! I got a letter from one of my friends that moved to Pennsylvania . She 's doing well . Her baby is due next Sunday ( the 9 th ) and I can't wait to see pictures of her . As far as I know , they are naming her Breleigh Grace . The name might grow on me ! : ) Well , I better get off here now . It 's about that time ! Later friends ! 
Colorado . On July 7 th , I ' ll be flying out to see my best friend Lindsay Weinholdt in Colorado . I ' m SUPER excited . I can NOT wait ! It 's going to be so much fun . I ' ll treasure every second of it ! I just wanted to let you all know ( to anyone that really reads this ! ) my excitement on this . Yay ! Can't wait ! 
A Challenge . It 's been a little while since I ' ve updated here . Sorry friends . I ' ve been busy getting started with work and getting ready for my sister coming home . She 's flying from Philadelphia right now to Chicago and my dad will pick her up in Merriville . I ' m excited for her to be home . The first week of work went very well . The kids we had are great . And this week , we ' ll even get a few new ones . As I previously mentioned Quentin Blount ... I will talk about him again . Friday night I closed at work . I stayed until 5:30 when Quentin 's Mom 's ... someone came to pick him up . But , I had a good 20 minutes alone with Quentin . He tried to worm his way into treats , but I couldn't give him any since he had been bad . But , I did give him a piggy - back ride around the school . He really enjoyed that . I did too . I really love him . He 's honestly so rotten , but , he 's captured my heart . I have been praising the Lord all week for giving me a love for children . I only hope that one day , I may influence some children to live their lives for God . I really want to teach Kindergarten . It was because of my Kindergarten ( and 1 st grade ) teacher that I wanted to go into teaching . Yes , I knew at that young of an age that I wanted to be a teacher . And I still can't imagine doing anything else . I work with 1 st - 3 rd graders this month in Jr. Church at my church and it 's the best . The kids are so well behaved and they have a thirst for hearing God 's word preached to them on their level . It 's wonderful to see God working in children at that age . Every time I ' m around kids , I can't help but thank Him for this desire and gift He has given me . I love it ! Well , enough about that . Some of you that read this may or may not know that I used to listen to CC and even some country music . Now , I don't want to get into any sort of discussion ... especially on one of these things , but I did want to share what God did in my life . I was thinking about music and how it really is a big part of my life . I realized that I was ... well , addicted to CCM . I couldn't go anywhere without having the radio on or a CD in or something . I was then challenged to go one week without listening to anything except Christian ... true Christian music . Things that I ' ve gotten from BJ or people when they came and visited my church . I was challenged to see what it would do to my walk with Christ . I had said that it doesn't matter what music you listen to , as long as your walk with God was right . So , I figured it wouldn't be a big deal . I didn't think anything would change . I earnestly prayed that God would change my heart . And I wasn't even a day into my challenge before I honestly felt a huge difference in my walk with God . I ' ve gotten rid of any CCM or country CDs I owned and now , have a deeper , more personal walk with God . I can't describe the feelings other than complete joy and happiness ... not to mention the feeling of a burden being lifted off of my shoulders . God has since shown me other things in my life that I needed to change . I never thought I could be so eager to change for God ... but I am . I challenge you to earnestly pray for God to show you anything wrong in your life . Whether it 's in the area of music or not ... it doesn't matter . We always need to be changing to be more like Christ . Let Him truly work in your life to change you . He wants to . Let Him . I want to mention again that I don't want to start a big discussion on music or anything . I wanted to share what God had done in me . What He chooses to do with this , is His plan . " Break up my fallow ground ... " . 
Wondrous Love . O wondrous love , that will not let me go , I cling to You with all my strength and soul . Yet if my hold should ever fail , This wondrous love , will never let me go . O wondrous love that 's come to dwell in me ! Lord , who am I that I should come to know Your tender voice , assuring me , Your wondrous love will never let me go ? I ' m resting in the everlasting arms , In the ever - faithful heart , The Shepherd of my life . You carry me on Your mighty wings of grace , Keeping me until the day I look into Your eyes . O wondrous love , that sings of Calvary , The sweetest sound this sinner 's ever known ; The song of Your redeeming Son , Whose wondrous love will never let me go . I ' m resting in the everlasting arms , In the ever - faithful heart , The Shepherd of my life . You carry me on Your mighty wings of grace , Keeping me until the day I look into Your eyes . O wondrous love that rushes over me , I can't escape this river 's glorious flow . You overwhelm my days with good . Your wondrous love will never let me go . O wondrous love , O wondrous love . Will never let me go . This song brings tears to my eyes every time I listen to it . Just to think of God 's truly wondrous love to ME ... it 's indescribable . I can't believe He loves me that much . An unworthy , filthy sinner ... yet HE LOVES ME !! I just can't comprehend that . Why would He love me ? Why would God love me SO much , He ' d send His precious , sinless Son to die MY death ? I have yet to understand this . But , I guess that 's just what love is . Something you can't comprehend . I was thinking about God 's love today while at work . The kids I work with are truly a blessing . They are some of the sweetest kids I ' ve ever had . One boy had gotten in trouble SO much ( yes , I had been a mean one and had disciplined him as best I could while working ) and after I had done so , he told someone that I didn't love him any more . I realized then , that yes , I had done my " job " at disciplining him , but I wasn't showing my love for him . So , I went over and talked to him , letting him know how much I do love him , and just wanted him to obey . He then gave me a big hug and said , " I love you , Miss Lisa ! " Now , I know to most , that doesn't seem like much , but to me , that meant so much to hear those words come from his mouth . As soon as I get a picture of him , I ' ll put him on here . His name is Quentin Blount ( or just Quentin B ) and has a very messed up home life . His dad is in jail yet again and his mom is an alcoholic and doesn't have structure for him . He has learned so much while being here at this school , and I can't thank God enough for that , although he still has a long way to go . But , no matter how bad he is , I love him . Today was the last day of the school year , which means the summer Day Care starts Tuesday ! But it also means that a couple that is very dear to me is leaving that same day to move to Pennsylvania . God has called him there to be a youth pastor ( and father in July !!! ) , so I know they 're in God 's will . That doesn't help the pain of not having them around any more ... but God 's in control . They 're having a girl due on July 9 . I will definitely post a picture of her up here ! Well , my root canal went well today . I was actually pain free during the whole process . But after the numbing medicine wore off ... OUCH ! But , Tylenol worked wonders ! Soon , I ' ll have my crown put on and be done with it ! That 's exciting ! My sister is in Chicago . She and 4 of her students and 1 of her best friends are going to Europe this summer . I am so jealous ... but I do need to work . But , instead of flying out tonight as they were supposed to , they got caught in a traffic jam ( imagine that in Chicago !!! ) and missed their flight . They ' ll head out actually on Sunday . I ' m sure they ' ll all have a great time ! This update is longer than I thought it would be ! But , my mom and I are gonna " hang out " tonight , so I shall go . I challenge you all to truly think about the love of God this weekend . Dwell upon it . I ' m sure it ' ll be something you won't regret ! 
Depression ! Man I have been so depressed lately ! I can't seem to pull out of it ! My life is really not going too terribly bad , I am getting my new house , closing on it Friday ( I also have a mamogram on Friday , damn potato mashers they use hurt like hell ) . It just seems like the world is going to hell fast and furious . I fell frightened that we may be facing WWIII , if we aren't already in it . I ' m a disabled Army veteran , and wish I wasn't so I could go back in and help . Being disabled is no fun either , lots of pain every day , but I can't really complain , I ' m alive , and not in Iraq ! People just seem to be getting crazier , and crazier lately . I even have trouble getting along with my extended family . Everyone seems short - tempered , and bitchy , and know - it - alls , what 's up with life anyway ? I ' m on anti - depressants and if they are working I ' m afraid to think how I ' d be without them . I just keep getting bad news , bad news , and more bad news , and since everyone 's so into themselves I really don't want to interrupt their happy lives with my problems . I think it 's probably better to keep bad news to myself then I don't get anyone else depressed , or sad , or worse . Have you ever noticed that if you are sick , disabled , in pain , or having big time problems people avoid you , they can't take the added pressure of another person 's bad news I guess . Maybe they are having a hard enough time on their own . So , if you tell them you are very sick , or something is wrong they cut you out of their life . I can't decide if it 's because they thing I ' m contagious , or they only want to be around healthy , and very happy , people , or they just don't know how to act around a disabled person . It 's easy you act the same way you would around everyone else , you don't have to talk about our disabilities if you don't want to , just try to be kind and nice we need a little joy in our lives . We aren't going to hurt your children , or drop them , or pass out and miss seeing them cut themselves with a knife . We are still alert , normal , compassionate and more careful than the regular person because we have to prove we can do whatever anyone else can do . I have not ever been allowed to be alone with my granddaughter because I am sick . What is I fall ? What if I faint ? I won't I am very careful . I live alone and take care of myself and that doesn't seem to worry anyone . I am just as likely to do any of these things as the normal person . A disability does not impair every part of the body , including the mind for God 's sake ! I can do all that you can do , it just hurts a little more than it does you , but it is worth it I have to keep moving , keep going , keep trying . Well , like I said I am depressed today , dang ! Sorry to unload like that . No one ever reads this anyway , LOL , so it seems safe enough to say what I feel . The realtor just called and said some paperwork didn't comer through so we may not be able to close tomorrow . I think I need a nap , LOL . 
Prayer Request for our troops in Iraq the heat is rising there . Hi , With the terrible heat we have been experiencing here in Oklahoma and in other states and other countries , too , I have been thinking about how our soldiers overseas have to endure even worse heat and wear more clothes and equipment . Then , today I received this e - mail and I am forwarding it on to you . Please keep our soldiers and their families in your prayers . Fortunately our temperature is only in the 90 's today and for a few more days before it goes over 100 again . Love and prayers , Prayer Request According to the weather reports , it is my understanding that it willreach 116 degrees in Iraq this week - and the low will be 111 ! Our troops needour prayers for strength , endurance , and safety . If it be God 's will , givethese men and women the strength they need to prevail . Pray for our soldiers ... Prayer " Lord , hold our troops in your loving hands . Protect them as they protectus . Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform forus in our time of need . Amen . " Next to that all my troubles look too trivial to complain about ! I am closing on my new house Friday , and can hardly wait . I ' ll be moving this weekend and it is going to be too hot . Lucky for me we have a pool at the new place so we will take plenty of breaks ! Stay cool , in every way . Let 's get Israel out of Lebanon ! What the hell is taking so long ? I don't understand their desire to kill so many civilians , although I realize Hezbolah surrounds themselves with innocents using them as bomb shields . I think Israel kind of went overboard on this whole thing . When our troops were taken we wouldn't even deal with terrorists so they killed our guys , and many civilians , by beheading them in Iraq , now we sit quietly and let Israel get away with murder . Our president is is pussy cat , and I am sick to death of him ! Condoleza Rice might as well have saved her self the time of that trip to the mideast , she is nothing to anyone , except a puppet for the president . She definitely has no balls , which reminds me of my ex - husband , ah , but that 's another story for another time . 
What the heck is going on in the mideast , Is it World War III ? Israel has gone crazy ! They ' ve totally bombed the airport in Lebanon , and 25,000 Americans are stuck there in the middle of a war . The G - 8 at the World Summit meeting called for the two captured Israeli soldiers to be freed , and for the attacks on Israel by Hezbollah militants to stop , and for Israel to end it 's military action . It also expressed support for the Lebanese government . The G - 8 , Group of Eight , is made up of the U.S. , Russia , Japan , Germany , Britain , France , Italy and Canada . Pretty much every country , but ours ( good old Bush ) , condemned Israel . I think Israel has needed to be stopped years ago . They have kept the Palestinians occupied for 40 yearsm those poor people cannot leave , are bombed and shot daily , and live in rubble . Who wouldn't fight back ? We can't even control our own borders , how do we expect Lebanon to able to control theirs ? The U.S. is the only country that hasn't agreed to allow Russia admisssion to the WTO , World Trade Organization , and they continued to keep Russia out this year when the G - 8 all voted . Great way to make friends . I hate Bush , and disagree with him on everything . I wish we wouldn't help Israel , they are just as extremist as all the groups they fight . Of course the price of oil sky - rocketed to the highest price ever , around $ 80.00 a barrel . Gas prices are flying up so high ! Shawn , and I both filled up the cars yesterday trying to beat the rise which should come in the next few days . We got lucky and found gas for $ 2.70 a gallon across the street . I do my best to do everything in one trip , mapping out all the places I have to go and drive only 1 day a week . Shawn drives 2 miles to OSU and takes the school bus to OSU Stillwater four days a week . The bus is $ 12.00 a day , but much cheaper than gas , and wear and tear on the car . We need to get the Tulsa bus lines to run later , and more often . As it is now you can go anywhere , but wait about an hour between buses , but they stop running between 6 and 9 PM , that 's insane . I have my Saab up for sale , can't afford insurance on 3 cars . I bought a used Trooper , and it gets great gas mileage . Shawn is still driving the Ford Escort , and the mileage it gets is pretty good too . I ' m saving my money so I can get a car that runs on other fuel types when they have been out for a bit , and prices go down . I don't want a car payment so I have to save it all . I ' m still packing like crazy and should close on the house the 26 th . I am thinking weare on the verge of World War III , hope not , but doesn't look good . What do you guys think ? I found out Thursday my Hep C may be back , I will know in two weeks . It may just be the Lupus causing my elevated Liver Enzymes and low white blood count . They also said it seems I may have the start of heart disease , so I need to set up for some tests with my primary care Dr. Seems Lupus causes heart trouble too . Need your prayers and advise from other Lupus - ites . 
Still working toward buying my house and ... Take a few minutes to help others in this war against violence ! Wow ! Someone should have warned me about what all you have to do to buy a house ! Besides the piles of papers to sign there are checks to be written almost every day . Today I have to pay for Pest Inspection , $ 350.00 . Tomorrow I have to pay another $ 350.00 to get the house inspected . I have had to get an insurance man out to look at the house and then he had to submit a bill to the mortgage company . In Oklahoma it is a law that your taxes and insurance are included in your monthly payments . I think that 's pretty cool , that way I don't have to come up with two large payments in December every year . Of course , organized people would probably put back a set amount every month to save toward those payments . I am not porganized , and my life is fraught with " emergencies " , so something always comes up to drain my saving just when I start to get it up there in the thousands . I took my son , Chris , and his wife , Alicia , and their 2 year old daughter , Gillian , to see the new house . I think they liked it , and the pool looked so inviting I wanted to call the VA and say " please get this inspection done so I can move in ! " The owner was there moving stuff out of the loft of the workroom building , it 's 20 ' by 36 ' almost as big as a house . It will be my art room . I can do some large paintings there ! I can't wait ! Please go to Amnesty USA . org read up on the help needed and send a few emails , write a congressman , or the leaders of other countries to let them know we are watching them : Women 's Human Rights Abuse of Women in Custody : Sexual Misconduct and the Shackling of Pregnant Women Many states fail to adequately protect incarcerated women from sexual misconduct at the hands of corrections staff and allow the dangerous practice of shackling inmates during the third trimester of pregnancy -- including during labor and delivery . The following report examines the current laws , policies and practices in all 50 states , the District of Columbia and the U.S. Bureau of Prisons regarding custodial sexual misconduct ( CSM ) and the shackling of inmates who are pregnant or giving birth . Take action ! http : // www . amnestyusa . org / women / custody / LATEST NEWSUSA : U.S. Efforts to Combat AIDS Epidemic in Caribbean Hindered by Funding Restrictions , Says Amnesty International Jul 11 , 2006 Peru : Poorest Peruvian Women and Children Endangered by Discriminatory Health Services , New Amnesty International Report Finds Jul 11 , 2006 . 
Tulsa Man finally sentenced for the death of 10 year old Elizabeth Wagoner . Tulsa Man Sentenced In Death Of 10 - Year - Old Girl AP - 6 / 28 / 2006 11:23 AM - Updated : 6 / 28 / 2006 2:12 PMTULSA , Okla. ( AP ) -- A Tulsa man Wednesday pleaded guilty to kidnapping and killing a 10 - year - girl and will serve life in prison without parole . Daniel Johnson admitted he kidnapped , molested and killed Elizabeth Wagoner then dumped her body in a trash bin in east Tulsa . The girl disappeared March 27 th while taking a walk in the neighborhood where she and Johnson lived . Her body was found hours later . Johnson was arrested the next day and Tulsa Police say he confessed to he lured her into his home , tied her up with duct tape and strangled her . People we need to start watching what goes on in our own neighborhoods ! This happened within a few blocks of my mother 's house . How did everyone miss this guy ? We need to get to know all our neighbors , if you know them then you can get soome kind of idea about the person , and then watch them . When you see a guy always hanging around where kids play stay with him , don't leave . Watch him every time he goes out . There has to be something more that can be done , and the only thing I can think of is we need to live like we are a small village . Know everyone in the village , watch them , and get to know the oddities of them , as well as getting to know the good people . Somewhere , somehow someone knows that a certain person is acting strange around children , if you notice this tell your neighbors , it 's easier to have others help you watch them . I don't know what can be done but it scares the hell out of me . 
Victory ! 115 House Members Sign on to Guatemalan Letter Thank you to the many hundreds of you who added your names to our petition urging members of the U.S. House of Representatives to sign onto a letter regarding Guatemala s femicides . We are pleased to report that your efforts have already made a difference on this issue . The Center for Gender & Refugee Studies is working in coalition with Amnesty International , the Washington Office on Latin America , the Guatemala Human Rights Commission / USA and others to win justice for Guatemalan women . Together , our campaign delivered thousands of emails and letters to your congressional representatives , leading to 115 House members to sign the letter . The letter urges the U.S. State Department to provide increased public support and assistance to encourage timely and thorough investigations of the alarming number of murders of Guatemalan women and of attacks against human rights defenders in Guatemala . The Department of State has said that it shares the House members concerns , and cites its current efforts to address the problem through engagement with the Guatemalan government and civil society . More importantly , news of the House letter was reported in all the Guatemalan newspapers . This coverage was seen by women 's rights activists there as an important step since it shows that the women of Guatemala are not suffering in silence , and that the impunity of the offenders has not gone without notice . To visit the center for gender and refugee studies website click on this link : http : // cgrs . uchastings . edu / To see more about the attacks on the Guatemalan Women click on this link : http : // cgrs . uchastings . edu / campaigns / femicide . php We still need your help ! 
Oklahoma Interesting Facts . Oklahoma doesn't have Indian Reservations . The State does however , have 39 federally - recognized tribal nations headquarters in the state , and rank second to California as the state with the largest Native American population . Oklahoma has the largest American Indian population of any state . Many of the 252,420 American Indians living in Oklahoma today are descendants from the original 67 tribes inhabiting Indian Territory . Oklahoma was mostly Indian Territory until the late 1800 s . The world 's first installed parking meter was in Oklahoma City , on July 16 , 1935 . Carl C . Magee , of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , is generally credited with originating the parking meter . He filed for a patent for a " coin controlled parking meter " on May 13 , 1935 . Oklahoma has produced more astronauts than any other state . These include Major General Thomas P . Stafford ( Weatherford ) ; Gordon Cooper ( Shawnee ) ; Owen Garriott ( Enid ) ; Shannon Lucid ( Oklahoma City ) and William Reid Pogue ( Okemah ) . During a tornado in Ponca City , a man and his wife were carried aloft in their house by a tornado . The walls and roof were blown away . But the floor remained intact and eventually glided downward , setting the couple safely back on the ground . Oklahoma has more man - made lakes than any other state , with over one million surface acres of water and 2,000 more miles of shoreline than the Atlantic and Gulf coasts combined . 
More about Shawn , and Human Rights in Darfur - send a letter to Bush . Wow ! Has it been hot here in Tulsa ? ! ? I am still looking for a house to buy but it 's too hot to get out and actively look every day . I spent most of the afternoon Sunday helping Shawn , my son , move his stuff from his girlfriend 's house , and a storage place , to my house . We were miserable it was so extremely hot . Now I have his stuff here , and my place is packed ! Deidre , his ex - girlfriend , moved to St. Louis . He has been living in Stillwater going to college at OSU , and spending most wekends in Tulsa with her . After 3 years of that they kind of grew apart . However they are still best friends , and she is still like a daughter to me . They have been dating since they were 15 , so that 's a little more than 15 years together . Longer than I ' ve ever been married . He graduated this year with his Bachelor in Micro - Biology , and is spending the summer with me before he starts back to school . He plans to get his Ph D , and I am very proud of him . It 's hard to go back to college after years out of school . I should know since I just graduated in Dec . 1999 with my Bachelor of Fine Arts . I had to relearn how to study , but I loved college , and would like to continue , but my Lupus is pretty bad now so I may have to wait a while longer . Any one out there have Lupus ? It 's a very strange disease and I don't know much about it . What I have read is pretty depressing so I quit reading about it , lol . I have been on steroids , and just decided to go off them so I can lose the weight , and sleep . They keep me awake all night , and depressed . I am hopeful they will come up with something new . Enough about me ! Have you been keeping up on the fighting in Darfur ? Please go to Amnesty International and send a letter to the president . Sign up and they wilkl take you right to an area where you can fill in your information , and send an email to Bush . President Bush and U.S. Administration officials have expressed general support for the African Union Mission in Sudan ( AMIS ) and strong support for a transition to UN peacekeeping operations in Darfur , but the amount cited in the presidential budget request was not enough to cover the expenses of the continuing AU mission . Both houses of the U.S. Congress have since passed a supplemental appropriations bill with additional funding totaling $ 173 million for AMIS , $ 98.1 million for expanding international peacekeeping operations , and $ 228 million for humanitarian assistance in Darfur . The Senate also approved an amendment appropriating $ 250,000 from State Department funds to establish a special envoy to Sudan . [ House and Senate versions of this bill must now be reconciled in conference committee , so final approval of this funding is pending . ] Despite these successes , more is needed to ensure that AMIS is fully supported until its transition to a fully funded and fully mandated multilateral peacekeeping mission ; to monitor adherence to the Darfur Peace Agreement ; to maintain humanitarian assistance and international organizational access to deliver that assistance ; and , to protect women and their communities in Darfur . We therefore strongly urge the Bush Administration not to waiver in its commitment to stop the killing , and protect women and their communities in Darfur . Learn more about Amnesty International 's human rights concerns in Darfur . Just click on the link below : http : // www . amnestyusa . org / women / darfur . html # action . 
Stop the Fighting in Darfur . Militia fighting has increased in Darfur and across the border in Chad . Meanwhile , humanitarian access has diminished . Urge President Bush and all senior Administration officials to recommit to providing sufficient U.S. resources to expand and transition AMIS peacekeeping operations , to stop the killing and displacement of civilians in Darfur . Stop the Violence in Darfur The African Union has agreed to extend its peacekeeping operations in Darfur . The Darfur Peace Agreement has been signed in Abuja . And President Bush has pledged his Administration s leadership to press for a speedy transition to UN peacekeeping operations in Darfur . But we cannot realistically expect a transition to a UN mission until the fall . Meanwhile , militia fighting has increased in Darfur and across the border in Chad , and humanitarian assistance levels and international organizational access to deliver that assistance have been curtailed . President Bush and U.S. Administration officials have expressed general support for the African Union Mission in Sudan ( AMIS ) and strong support for a transition to UN peacekeeping operations in Darfur , but the amount cited in the presidential budget request was not enough to cover the expenses of the continuing AU mission . Both houses of the U.S. Congress have since passed a supplemental appropriations bill with additional funding totaling $ 173 million for AMIS , $ 98.1 million for expanding international peacekeeping operations , and $ 228 million for humanitarian assistance in Darfur . The Senate also approved an amendment appropriating $ 250,000 from State Department funds to establish a special envoy to Sudan . [ House and Senate versions of this bill must now be reconciled in conference committee , so final approval of this funding is pending . ] Despite these successes , more is needed to ensure that AMIS is fully supported until its transition to a fully funded and fully mandated multilateral peacekeeping mission ; to monitor adherence to the Darfur Peace Agreement ; to maintain humanitarian assistance and international organizational access to deliver that assistance ; and , to protect women and their communities in Darfur . We therefore strongly urge the Bush Administration not to waiver in its commitment to stop the killing , and protect women and their communities in Darfur . Learn more about Amnesty International 's human rights concerns in Darfur . Take action on this item . 
Help Uphold Human Rights When Training Foreign Forces . Please look up your senator at the link below , at Amnesty International , and call your Senator to ask him to vote for Amendment No. 4236 , then we have everything all written out for you to say , or you can adjust it to your liking . Please let me know what your Senator says , or how the phone call went . Thanks so very much . This only takes a minute of your time and could truly save lives . Now if we could just get our own military to train our own soldiers ways to deal with prisoners without torturing them we ' d be a civilized country , no ? http : // takeaction . amnestyusa . org / c . go JTI 0 Ov El H / b .1806409 / k .5 D 60 / Elected _ Officials _ Search / siteapps / advocacy / search . aspx Help Uphold Human Rights When Training Foreign Forces The Senate will vote THIS WEEK on an amendment Senator Lugar ( R - IN ) has introduced on the National Defense Authorization Act ( S .2766 ) that would modify the Pentagon s new program to train and equip foreign militaries by bringing it back under the control of the U.S. Department of State . Call your Senators TODAY and urge them to support this amendment . Doing so will help ensure that important human rights conditions on foreign military training are maintained and that the U.S. Congress and public have access to information about programs that impact directly the human rights of people in dozens of countries . Talking Points Your Senators can be reached at the Congressional switchboard at 202 - 224 - 3121 ( or , lookup your Senator here ) . Once you are transferred , ask to speak with his / her legislative director . Use the following talking points below for your call .1 ) Hi my name is ______ ; I live in ___ [ city ] , and I am a constituent of Senator _______ .2 ) I am calling to urge Senator ______ to support Amendment No. 4236 by Senator Lugar to the DOD Authorization Act THIS WEEK that will reassert the State Department s control over US foreign military aid programs .3 ) US Military aid and training programs can have a significant impact on human rights in recipient countries . For this reason , Congress has legislated several laws over the years to place safeguards on such programs .4 ) Last year s DOD Authorization Act established a new train and equip military aid program in the Pentagon s budget . This program is not subject to sufficient human rights and oversight criteria .5 ) Sen . Lugar s amendment would insert necessary safeguards to ensure that the US military does not inadvertently train abusive foreign forces .6 ) Please support Amendment No. 4236 when it comes to the floor of the Senate THIS WEEK . 
Sadness Of Love . Click any website that talks of sadness of love . You will get moist eyes after some time . The quotes of some people about the sadness they feel after losing love are very emotionally shattering . Why should love bring so much sadness ? When a loved one leaves for some one else , why do most of us feel devastated ? For many of us it is an earth shaking experience . What was pure pleasure turns into absolute pain that is unbearable . Why does lost love bring so much sadness ? A lover cries her / his eyes dry with sadness , but the sadness does not go away . The more one tries to avoid thinking of the lost love , the more memories come back . Every spot where you shared something , every road where you walked together , every incident that you shared , they all become deep wounds that never heal . They take away the essence of living . They leave one lost forever in sadness with a loneliness that refuses to go away . What do the people who leave their lover think after leaving ? I have no clue to that . But I know one fact . Such brutes try to justify their action in many ways . This is their way of telling their own conscience that what they did was correct . Though they justify in many ways , I wonder if they ever are satisfied with their own explanations ? One great advantage such people who leave a life sad is - They depart after giving so much pain that the one who is left has no desire or energy to go back to them and ask - Why ? To meet one 's lost love again may become very frightening because of the pain given before . One may begin perspiring at the very thought . After knowing about this sadness , I can only say that one feels that death is better than to live with such sadness . Life becomes impossible . As there is no way to punish the brutes who leave a life shattered , the only prayer one can make is - God , please let her / him know about what she / he did . Please ask her / him to repent and come back . About the writer : C . D . Mohatta is a content writer for ecards greetings , screensavers and wallpapers . Some links are : http : // www . screene . com , http : // www . ecarduniverse . com and http : // www . cupidecards . com Pearl Bailey Posted on : 7 / 17 / 2006 12:13:29 AM CST " What the world really needs is more love and less paper work . " Pedro Calderon de la Barca Posted on : 7 / 15 / 2006 11:21:50 PM CST " When love is not madness , it is not love . " Zora Neale Hurston Posted on : 7 / 15 / 2006 12:06:24 AM CST " Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place . " . 
Wonderful Love . Can you say " I love you " too many times ? Well , if you don't really mean it of course you can . Or maybe it 's the unimaginative ways we express it that compel us to stop using the words " I love you " altogether . Love is not just an emotion or feeling . Love is something we must see with our eyes , not just feel with our heart . In order to keep the word love from being common place we must keep it alive with the things we do for that special person in our life . Be it a soft burning , sweet smelling candle lighting a dark room with a delicious dinner for two on the table , and the soothing sound of music in the background ; surprising your sweetheart with something romantic is a great way of showing them how much you love and care for them . Too many times we think it is enough just to say " I love you " to our sweetheart . We are then off the hook to really work at keeping the relationship fresh and exciting . If you are clueless as what would put the " sparkle " back in your relationship , try a few if these simple things : Give your sweetheart a wonderful back rub , gently telling them to relax and unwind from their day at work or with the kids , etc. While you are both relaxed , this is a good time to tell them you love them and that they mean the world to you . When you take the time to give them your time and attention without expecting something in return , this makes the word " love " more meaningful . Try arranging a special day for the two of you to do something the other enjoys . Participate in that activity with them , even though it 's not your favorite thing to do and give them all your attention and just cherish the day . The words " I love you " will come freely from both of you at the end of the day . Your sweetheart will see that you mean what you say by giving of yourself . If you enjoy writing or are creative you might try your hand at composing a short poem or " love " letter to them , or buy a beautiful card or small little gift . Go ahead and leave it under the bed pillow for them , or anywhere they might be surprised to find it . How about doing some chores or work around the house before your sweetheart asks you to ? Maybe even do something more than they would expect you to do . Before their very eyes it is done , without them nagging you . How much you love them couldn't be more apparent . When said at the appropriate times , with just the right feeling from your heart , truly the simple words " I love you " can be the most exhilarating sounds your ears will hear . About The Author Jane Karwoski is the co - publisher of the e - book Romantic Secrets to Intimacy . To find out what a true romantic knows sign up for a free newsletter at http : // www . secrets - to - intimacy . com. Jean Carne - When I Find You Love / Sweet And Wonderful US $ 7.39 ( 0 Bid ) End Date : Saturday Jul - 08 - 2006 10:20:22 PDTBid now Add to watch list WONDERFUL WOMAN FRUIT THAI KHMER BUDDHIST LOVE AMULETUS $ 18.49 End Date : Sunday Jul - 09 - 2006 6:39:00 PDTBuy It Now for only : US $ 18.49 Buy it now Add to watch list . 
Are You In Love ? So you think that you are in love . Are you sure ? How ? Why do you think that you are in love ? Why do you think that it is not temporary attraction ? Why do you think that you both are destined to grow old together ? Let us try and find out . Do you feel happy with your beloved ? Do you feel that if you both were left alone on an island for seven days , you would enjoy it ? Or you will get bored ? How about your self esteem ? Does your beloved make you feel good about yourself ? Is his / her focus on your good qualities or sometimes faults ? What about you ? Are you looking for some signs of weaknesses in certain areas , or are contented and satisfied with the whole package ? Love is different than any other relationship and has its own measures . It goes beyond friendship and one has to ask questions to find out if it is love and nothing else . Coming back to our inquiry , what if your beloved gets you some clothes ? Will you be delighted and wear immediately , or will you try to look at it critically to find out how you will look in that particular piece of clothing ? Do you smile at the thought of your beloved ? Get dreamy ? Want to share everything good ? Say , you see something good , or complete a some work very satisfactorily , will you immediately tell your beloved about that ? Will you impatiently wait to share that ? Do you ever compare him / her with others ? Give a second look to someone of opposite sex ? No ? What if the person is stunning in looks ? Would you still rather never think of giving a second look and continue with the thoughts of your beloved ? What if you go to a movie together ? Will you try to look at each other in the darkness or rather watch the movie ? Do you watch the movie at all while you are together ? Are you planning of the future together ? Having children , a new home , new life , etc ? Do you talk about how you both would like to spend your old age together ? Have you also thought about the career options after marriage ? If your answers to all above queries is in positive , you need to look at the relationship seriously . Because you are in love ! Love is difficult to find out . Many times , we feel that we are in love , only to find out afterwards that it was not love . It is better to make sure that it is love before committing . Wishing you all the best . We are given a short life . We must enjoy every moment . If you believe that you are in true love , please don't delay further . Proceed with marriage immediately . We hope you liked this article . You can read more of the author CD Mohatta 's romantic messages in screensavers and wallpapers , ecards and greetings at these websites : http : // www . cupidecards . com / ecards / bemineforever 1 . php , http : // www . ecarduniverse . com / ecards / missyou 1 . php and at http : // www . screene . compower of love - Luther Vandross US $ 4.99 ( 0 Bid ) End Date : Saturday Jul - 01 - 2006 13:59:18 PDTBuy It Now for only : US $ 5.99 Bid now Buy it now Add to watch list Someday 's Dreamers - Vol. 2 : power of love ( 2004 , DVD ) US $ 9.99 ( 0 Bid ) End Date : Sunday Jul - 02 - 2006 10:48:30 PDTBid now Add to watch list Wagon Christ - The power of love US $ 5.45 ( 0 Bid ) End Date : Friday Jul - 07 - 2006 13:37:57 PDTBid now Add to watch list . 
Five Tips To Revitalize Your Love Vibe . You have the ability to radiate and revitalize your love vibe to attract more desirable experiences . When you feel loving , you will attract more love . Feeling good about yourself , attracts others to you .1 . Feel Motivated and Enthusiastic About Life and LOVEWhen your energy goes into all of your relationships it makes it hard to focus on you and what you want to create . It becomes challenging to maintain balanced emotional , mental and physical health . When your energy is engaged in an unhappy or abusive relationship with a negative thinking or a mis - behaving person , you are vulnerable to illness and exhaustion . So much of your vital force goes into making things right that you become depleted .2 . Release Un - Wanted Thoughts When you think about your past problems , your energy goes into them . Have you spent time thinking ahead of yourself into the future preparing , planning or worrying about what is yet to come ? When you jump into the past or future events or situations it is difficult to appreciate and make the most of the present moment . What you think about ; you bring about . When you spend time on unwanted thoughts or feelings it leaves less energy for you to just be .3 . Love Energy is Intoxicating Can you remember feeling in love ? Love energy is intoxicating . Access that intoxicating love energy to incorporate positive , loving feelings into your life . Connecting to a loving feeling creates a feeling of safety and support . When you feel safe , you release anxiety , awkwardness and uneasiness , allowing your natural sexual expression to flow easily .4 . Increase Your Vibrant LOVE Essence Reclaiming your energy will not only help stop unwanted thoughts , it will also decrease confusion and increase your ability to communicate with your own inner voice . To reclaim your own energy from people , places and situations , visualize a shimmering golden sun above your head . Allow it to magnetically reclaim your energy from places where you left it . Then , with your imagination , bring the golden sun down into your body , replenishing all the cells of your body . Imagine yourself engulfed with this powerful , vibrant essence of YOU .5 . Revitalize Your Self Any Time , Any Where You can replenish yourself all day long . While standing in a stagnant grocery line , after a grueling energy zapping meeting with your boss or during a soccer game with the kids , you can replenish your energy . Revitalize your drooping spirit any time during the day or while practicing the relaxing exercises in this book . You can " re - energize " yourself as often as desired . Begin to feel lighter , more alive , relaxed , and calm as you reclaim more of your energy . There is an infinite amount of energy you can reclaim for yourself . When you have more of our own vital energy in your energetic space and body , you build momentum and attract more of what you desire . With practice , your energy becomes more powerful and magnetic . Without effort , you develop clarity and effortlessly become what you want . Your natural effervescence will begin to bubble up as you release accumulated stress and radiate your natural sensuality Amirah Hall 2006 All Rights Reserved . About the Author : Amirah Hall , a 25 - year Professional Intuitive Coach , works with individuals who want to make positive life changes and experience a deeper connection to self . Amirah helps clients build confidence , self - esteem to enrich their life experience . http : // www . soulmystic . com 6 pieces 1915 's WOMAN LOVE LETTER AT SEA REAL PHOTO PCUS $ 29.99 ( 0 Bid ) End Date : Thursday Jun - 29 - 2006 6:43:31 PDTBid now Add to watch list Lisa Stansfield - real love ( CD 1996 ) US $ 1.62 ( 0 Bid ) End Date : Thursday Jun - 29 - 2006 10:27:03 PDTBid now Add to watch list John Lennon real love infant sleeper receiving blanket US $ 6.51 ( 3 Bids ) End Date : Thursday Jun - 29 - 2006 18:23:40 PDTBid now Add to watch list . 
confession . Been kinda busy these few weeks trying to figure out how to get over this hateful break - up blues . It s been almost two months since I last saw him . Eventful and uneventful things come and go and life goes on as normal . Been going out almost every night and my friend said I m allowed to be drunk coz of what I m going through . But no matter how drunk I get and sedated from pain , it all boils down to one thing I m still not over him and I don t know how I d do it . I feel like being in this dark pit all alone that the clawing out of it was so damn painful and nail / heart wrenching that it seems easier to just give up and let my pathetic soul leave my body and die . I can t see why and how it ended the way it did and how fast everything concluded so quickly . It s like an end without a beginning . Well , now I know fairytale doesn t exist , at least for someone like me who doesn t seem to deserve one . But I realized one thing that no matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal ; you ll never get over it without your friends . And so I m thankful to have a good friend who s always there for me . 
empty brain , empty heart ( ? ) . I was flipping through this magazine and happened to chance across this page where they were interviewing a number of guys . One of the questions posted was this : what scares you the most ? and this reply caught my attention existing but not living I m also afraid of losing someone who makes me feel complete . I know I have heard stuff like this many times before but each time I read it , it just seems like a fresh enlightenment These days , I just feel so lost . Not enough thoughts to write , not enough words to express what little thoughts cross my mind . I feel empty . My brain feels empty . Whatever else I feel , it all boils down to my ex . I thought it s going to be a walk in the park . And what saddens me is that we never really had the chance to talk about us . He couldn t even spare one single day for me . And he just expects me to welcome him with open arms ? He came home without even telling me , not even a one - liner email . For several weeks , not a word from him and then one day he just showed up ! A branch assignment and a second job ! How the hell will this relationship work if at all ? How much of his precious time can he afford to spend with me ? How is he gonna fix this ? I don t want him to fix anything anymore . I ve had enough . I don t have the infinite capacity to wait and numb the hurt this is causing me and will cause me . I really feel that I m stuck in a miserable relationship and I can t seem to get out of it . Simply because I still love him , damn it ! For now , I just want to take advantage of my alone time . Well , the horoscope for the day : sometimes , timing can disguise your true feelings . Just because a person happens along at a vulnerable moment in your life does not mean that you want him or her around forever . Learn to let go of inappropriate relationships . How strangely apt . Sighs . 
he gave up , so what ? Since ex s last phone call , everything seems a blur to me . I m not alright . But I don t understand why . I just felt total frustration and exasperation trying to talk sense into him and he just refused to listen and he thinks he knows everything . Talking to someone as stubborn and irrational like him , I felt like a fool continuously hitting the walls with my head without knowing where the pain is coming from . The only thing I understood and remembered from that conversation was that it would be the last time he would call me . And that s it . He finally gave up . So what ? What I feel isn't important anymore . What I have to say isn't important anymore . To him , what he believes is what this is all about . Fine . I ' ll leave it at that ... I ' m hurt . I ' m sad but I can t deal with this at the moment . I need to be strong and I need to think straight . I got my hands full with domestic problems already and I just can t afford to be this emotional and risk losing my mind . Though I can t help but cry every now and then , I m just lucky to be surrounded by people who care and support me and understand me Right now , I just want to focus on my family , my hubby and my son , work on our projects and forget about ex there s so much more in this world than you . 
just talking to myself . The past week I ve been busy partying and wearing myself out at the club . Yes I ve been drinking with my friends just to numb my heart even for awhile . But now I m fine though not great , but I m fine . I will be . And soon . The affair is over . Let s not bother to fall in love with each other again . Its not worth it when the time it takes for us to fall out of it is faster than the time taken to fall into it . We can never own each other . We are definitely not meant for each other . We are merely convenient entities to each other . You call when it s convenient . You talk when it s convenient . Lets stop fooling and hurting ourselves , because if you really care , you will give up and leave me in peace . It s so surreal , and the only beautiful part of this fa ade is when we re immersed in our fantasy . You see honey , we re not strong enough to tackle the obstacles . None of it is real . We only choose to see the beauty of contrived words which float away like bubbles that hold no weight . We don t see the beauty in the things that are ugly . This breakup . Your false accusations . I m hurting still hurting and I don t know for how long but the best is just to take things as it comes . Anyway , whatever the choice , whatever the outcome , it doesn t affect me that much . I won t let you affect my being anymore . The only thing is that , what do I stand to lose from it and if you are even worth all the attention . Maybe everything is so simple . I m just making a mountain outta a molehill . I m better than this . I know . 
to hell with you !!! I m so fucking fucked up ! I m so upset ! I m angry ! I m mad ! How can he say those things to me ?? !!! After reading my ex s damn fucking email , I m so plagued by this feeling of despair and sadness and anger and hatred and depression all at once !!!!!!! And all because of one fucking guy , who doesn t understand , refuses to understand and see through me ! Sometimes I don t know why I care too much . Everything is a damn waste of time and effort and lost emotions Why am I doing all this shit to myself I m ready to cry I feel so defeated They said the eyes are the windows to a person s soul A saying I don t deny . I once thought I could see through you I realized too late that eyes can lie . 
finally . The greater the risk , the higher the returns . Loving a person is a risk , because you re giving him the ability to hurt you most . But the returns can be an unlimited times more satisfying and gratifying . Every investor knows the risk involved . They know it , and take it , because they are confident of beating the odds . But they also know that the tide could turn and they could lose everything . But they understood the risk , and it s all or nothing . No pain no gain . As my ex usually say . Sometimes love is like that , we get too afraid of giving our hearts because we never want to feel the kinda hurt that might come . We kept thinking about the pain of hitting the ground that we refuse to leave our comfort zone . The paranoid fear of falling , that s what it is I saw my ex the other day , which wasn t a very good idea in the first place , I know , but I wanted to see him and make sure he is alright ( of course he is , what am I thinking ! ) . He didn t look well to me , more like stressed , haggard and fatigued . He looked older his age or maybe he really is older . I don t know we talked about nothing significant just the usual stuff or maybe they were important , just didn t pay attention because I was trying really hard to keep my composure and not feel anything for him . It was tough for me and he had no idea whatsoever about what s going on inside my head and my heart We made love for the last time , just a heat - of - the - moment thing I m sure , nothing personal , he simply wanted to take me , that s all . Though I couldn t deny it , I still love him truly but I had to stop and put an end to everything . There is no affair anymore . I just have to give him up or die of jealousy or paranoia . I never want to see him again from now on . He doesn't exist anymore . I hope he leaves the company very soon so I can be safe and free from all the troubles and hurt that this tie with him is causing me .... well , finally , it 's over between us and I ' m glad ... The fall won t kill me ; I just emerge with bruises that will heal over time . The paranoia will pass just like everything else After painstakingly building my wall of defenses around me , you just tore through them like paper . I swear you re gonna break my heart again , just like now . But this time it will not be as bad as the last . I won t let you come that close . . 
A peek into my day , Part II. Again , I am TOTALLY COMPUTER ILLITERATE . I want to type a caption beneath each photo , but I CANNOT FIGURE OUT HOW . So . Pay attention . I hope you can follow ... get ready to scroll up and down , up and down . Exhibit A : 5:00 p.m. No , we didn't know what it was either . Thus , the smelling . G informed us it was food for his animals . It had an alarming color and smelled , weirdly enough , GOOD . Our scientific breakdown , after much stirring and smelling : sidewalk chalk , leaves , grass , a rock , water , and possibly some chocolate milk and old poptart . MMMM !! Exhibit B : 5:30 p.m. What the * $ # & is that , you ask ? My friends , it is the view from the stairs to underneath our deck . Upon close inspection ( if you really want to do that ) you can see an assortment of items my children have thrown under there , which have been there for an embarrassingly long time : an old colander , a plate , bubble wand , black banana peels , and several discarded diapers . AH - but it is now cleaned up , as I paid my son 25 cents to get the job done ! Exhibit C : 6:00 p.m. WHEEEEE ! This is her 4 th clothes change of the day . But ... WHEEEEEE ! Exhibit D : 6:30 p.m. More WHEEEEE ! But this time , with CREDIT CARDS . I LOVE how the toy companies believe in teaching 2 year olds how much FUN it is to spend your way into debt . A little out of control spending makes EVERYBODY happy . WHEEEEE ! Exhibit E : 7:00 p.m. I was trying to capture their adorable matching outfits ( bare tummies , flannel sleep pants , and snow boots - or " The Bare Chested Lumberjack Look " ) , and show how much they LOVE each other . The joy , the sharing , the caring , the ... nevermind . I have , instead , captured a headlock , screaming , and the pinching of bare flesh . Which is , unfortunately , a lot more realistic . 
A little peek into my day - a photo essay ! 10 p.m. My son , John Travolta ! This is actually just two nights ago , despite what you may be thinking with the Christmas jammies and all . We actually DO put him in bed at night , but he stays up and plays , or in this particular case READS , for quite a while . When I happened upon this scene , I actually was quite frightened ... he looked ... well , he looked ... TOO STILL . But then I heard some snoring . Hubby said he felt the urge to draw a chalk outline .9:30 a.m. So here is my daughter , who today had the honorable title of Maker of the First Mess of the Day ! What you see on her cheeks , nose , mouth , hands , and shirt is BLUE playdough , coated with BLUE sidewalk chalk . My girl , she is color coordinated . She ( may have ) ingested some ( an unknown amount of ) playdough ... all I know is , we started with 3 cans of playdough , and when we cleaned it up , it only filled 2 cans . Hmm .11 a.m. She 's jumping up off the couch and landing with a bounce on her bottom . Yes , I let them do this . It keeps both her and G ( who joined in once he realized I was taking pictures ) entertained for like , 10 minutes at a time . You know what I can get DONE in 10 child free minutes ? A lot more than I could do in 10 minutes before I had children , that 's what . And , look how much freaking FUN she is having . Her hair is FLYING . Her mouth is SQUEALING with delight . When 's the last time you had THAT MUCH FUN falling on your hiney ?? ( Not counting any times that involved tequila . ) 12:30 p.m. Lucky I captured this lovely creature before the meltdown that happened when his sister kicked it down . What do you MEAN you don't KNOW what it is ??? Fine , fine , I ' ll spell it out for you , jeesh ... HELLO , it 's a BRONTOSAURUS ! The tall , skinny part is it 's NECK , the big part in the middle is it 's BODY , and the long part extending from the back is it 's TAIL . Didn't you take the Mom Class on ' Interpreting Toddler Art ' ? GGGRRRRRRRR . Blogger is not letting me upload the rest of my day ! I still had 5:00 , 6:00 , and 7:30 to go ! I ' ll post Part II as soon as the computer is feeling ready to cooperate ... I KNOW you will be on the edge of your seat with anticipation ! 
It 's the little things . First , let me apologize for the commenting problems ... I had the security set so that commenters had to type in a code to publish their comments . It was working really well to keep the " comment spam " away , but apparently , now there are no codes showing up . SO , I ' m back to approving each and every comment manually ... so when your comment doesn't show up right away , that 's why ! I must USE MY POWERS before you are allowed to SPEAK . Mwaa , ha , ha . Now on to more entertaining matters . As you know , I am somewhat of a freak ( as in my " typo illness " and Excessive List Making ) . Some people think my perfectionism and obsessive qualities make me a " hard to please " person ... but ... NOT TRUE ! Case in point ; here are some things that have delighted me recently ... you ' ll never call me hard to please again .1 . Have been looking for an attractive kitchen trash can for months . ( Why ? I ' m glad you asked ! Because I am quite possibly mentally ill . ) FOUND ! It is actually a clothes hamper , but works great as a trash can and is quite attractive .2 . Went through 3 boxes of trash bags ( $ 15 worth , to be exact ) looking for one that fit well in said trash can . Finally called husband , on his way home from work , and begged him to stop for 30 gallon trash bags . FOUND ! I am in ecstasy .3 . Purchased new bagless vacuum cleaner . Husband took children out that same evening . How did I spend my free Saturday night ? Vacuuming over and OVER , just to see how much dirt I could empty out after each pass . OMG , so enjoyable . And embarrassing . I am a dork .4 . I LOVE BIORE PORE STRIPS . I sometimes apply them to not only my nose , but my chin and forehead as well , for maximum impact . The removal is painful , my friends , but it 's a good pain . Gooood . And yes , I do inspect them after removal . Do not judge me .5 . My husband brought home a .... get ready for this ... a new BEN AND JERRY ' S MILKSHAKE , IN A CUTE LITTLE GLASS BOTTLE , that was absolutely fantastic AND the bottle is so cute I ' m going to use it as a VASE !!! 6 . Banana . Coconut . Frappucinos . make . me . so . freakin ' . happy .7 . Cheap Crocs ! We call them " hole shoes " . Whatever . I spent 4 months trying to find the damn things for less than $ 30 . FOUND , for $ 8 ! Heaven ! And you can just HOSE THEM OFF ! 8 . I grew a tomato !! Yes , yes , only one , but I ' ve got months of summer left ! 9 . Avacados on sale !! Nothing says good eatin ' like guacamole on a budget .10 . New scents in my brand of shaving gel . I have to refrain from squealing when I see that NEW SCENT ! sign on the bottle . Tropical Mango Coconut Rain Forest ? O . M. G . And no , I haven't really found that scent yet ... but the hope keeps me going .11 . The caps lock button . So easy to push . So full of MEANING . SO THERE . AM I REALLY SO HARD TO PLEASE ? P . S . Does anyone need one hundred and forty 13 gallon trash bags ? 
Fat Friday # 3 . I am reading a book called " Intuitive Eating " . It is not a diet . It is supposed to teach me how to eat like a normal person again , and I am going to give it a chance . I went to my OB / GYN for a check up last month . When he asked how I was feeling , I said , " Just tired of being fat " , and he , in his cute accent , said " I give you diet pills ! But you blood pressure too high . You be good girl , get BP down , I see you in two months . " So my goal , upon leaving his office , was to start exercising regularly and just try to eat sensibly , hoping that in 2 months , my BP would be down and I would have lost 10 or 12 pounds . Be good girl ! The blood pressure is not down . I know , because I go to that free , automated " Health Checker " every time I ' m at Wal Mart . True , Wal Mart with two screaming toddlers begging to ride the mechanical horse may NOT be the best time to check my BP , but since I am WITH THEM ALL THE TIME , it 's probably a pretty accurate reading anyway . And , I have gained 2 pounds . At the rate I have been gaining weight since I stopped nursing L ( a year and a half ago ) , I have estimated that in 2 years , I should weigh roughly 478 pounds . I really hate self help books , but I am embracing this " Intuitive Eating " , hoping I can learn to eat normally again and just ' naturally ' shed the weight . I am in the chapter where it describes personal eating styles . I am a combination of the following : Chaotic Unconscious Eater ( ex . eating Mc Donald 's in the car with one hand while waving my other hand around the backseat trying to find a leg to swat ) Refuse Not Unconscious Eater ( ex . See food = eat it . Eat it all . ) Waste - Not Unconscious Eater ( ex . I * heart * buffets ! ) Emotional Unconscious Eater ( actual definition - " Stress or uncomfortable feelings trigger eating - especially when alone " . That makes me the sad fat kid who hides candy bars under his mattress and then emerges from his room with chocolate smears around his mouth ) Professional Dieter ( ex . Every night , I eat as much of my favorite binge foods as possible - known as the Last Supper Phenomenon - vowing that ' Tomorrow I will be good . I am SO DONE with Ben and Jerry . ) Hi . I ' m Stacey , and I ' m addicted to eating . * sniff * o - KAY ! Fat Friday is over ! Back to crazy baby stories tomorrow ! 
Boring but necessary . Ok . I ' m a trusting soul . So I open up comments . ( Thanks , everybody ! And now my husband really can't get me off the computer ! ) And now I get " COMMENT SPAM " . Who knew ? These anonymous comments are all vaguely flattering - ' great site ' , ' beautiful layout ' , ' I bookmarked you ' , ' keep up the great work , love your blog ' , and I ' m all " Husband ! Look at all these comments ! I am an overnight SENSATION . OMG , maybe I ' ll be featured on the Today show ! I will make money and hire a NANNY . " And then I realized what they were . Oops . And now I ' ve got to go through and delete all that $ # ! * , when I could be blog surfing the night away . So now , and you probably don't care , but I obviously like to over - share , when you leave a comment , you will have to type in a word that it shows you on the screen . Then it will be emailed to me so I can approve or deny it . I have power now and I am ready , ready , ready to USE IT . And I really love CAPS LOCK WAY MORE THAN I SHOULD . HAVE YOU NOTICED ? 
Kind of a random Thursday . 1 . The yarn for La La 's sweater ( thanks Lori for asking . : ^ ) ) is Arucania Nature Wool , color 120 - click the middle shade card option on the link . The photo is surprisingly true to the actual color . I would have to say that it doesn't seem to be colorfast . My needles are turning blue . I like the beachyness that the uneven color gives the sweater . It reminds me of pigment dyed t - shirts .2 . I think I ' m going to use ( but I keep going back and forth on this ) a Knitting Pure and Simple roll - top baby sweater ( # 214 ) for the Philly baby . But I kind of feel like I could figure that out myself and all I need are approximate directions and a finished size . But I ' ve seen a bunch of people around in blogland knitting some of their patterns ( for kids and grownups ) , and they 're just clean , simple designs ..... There 's also an Ann Norling pattern that 's tempting . 3 . Friday is my anniversary . 5 years . We got married in criminal court . 4 . Friday is also " meet the teacher " only they don't call it that in middle school . It 's " schedule pick - up " . The monkey goes back to school on Monday . It 's not even freakin ' August yet . Looks like next year that won't be a problem . 5 . I started on the first sleeve for La 's sweater and started turning the heel on BIL 's sock .6 . I found a pattern that looks like more fun for my mom 's scarf ( Knitty 's Wavy has like a 45 row repeat , which , while it looks nice , is too involved for me right now . ) It 's the " Not Quite Straight Scarf " 7 . I ' m going to go to Kmart this weekend or the thrift store next to my Publix to see if I can find something interesting to make a tote - purse . I saw the idea at Zhinka Dinka Doo . 
Well , more knitting and sewing of course . I ' ve been doing some knitting . This is the sweater I started for La La . I found EZ 's Knitting Workshop at the library and am using that for a guideline of percentages . Yoke or raglan , I haven't decided yet , but figure it doesn't much matter . The second sock for my BIL is about 2 / 3 of the way to the heel , but it 's being knit toe - up . It 's my current desk knitting . So two stockinette in the round projects . Exciting . I got yarn in the mail yesterday too ! I ' m making myself finish any one of three projects that I have going right now before I start the baby sweater : the zig - zag tote bag , the socks for BIL or the sweater for Lala , preferably the sweater for La La since ( a ) I ' m still not sure on the proportions for little babies and ( b ) The whole point of making the sweater for Lala was as a rapid prototyping effort . I ' ve also been sewing . I pieced together the four main pieces for the niece / nephew quilt ( they find out the gender ( baby - willing ) in about 3 weeks ) I ' m thinking the border will either be a nice bright blue ( like robin 's egg or a October sky blue ) for a boy , and for a girl , I don't know . I don't think Pink will work unless it 's really bright and purple might be too heavy . Hmm . So , I pieced together the four blocks all the same , now I ' m not sure how to assemble them . I would love to get some opinions : 1 . This one was my original plan . Looking at it in the photo , I still really like it .2 . Variation one - inside and outside checkerboards .3 . Variation two - centered square .4 . The Mason - Dixon variation . Off kilter centered square ( this one really bothered DH and so is sure to bother his sister , who is even more OCD than he is . ) . 
A post for the pictures . Mostly , I just wanted to show pictures today . Well . OK . I started another project . I also started the second sock for my BIL , but I started a sweater for La La . It 's in Arucania Nature Wool Chunky and I ' m winging it . It 's a bottom - up pullover . probably with raglan sleeves . I figure that between Ann Budd and E . Z . I have the guidelines to figure it out and with La La here , I have an idea of when the " next phase " should start . In between now and then I have about 8 " of stockinette in the round to knit . Turns out to be a good knit for reading . For our Philly friend 's baby , I ' m thinking about the orange Cascade 220 Superwash and a similar pullover but with seed stitch instead of rib edges . And now for the pictures ... Both socks have since been completed . The left sock is the sock for my BIL . The right one is for DH . I ' m feeling not so sure about the socks for DH , but he says he likes it , so I didn't want to argue about it . : ^ ) For the moment the second sock is on hold until I work out my issues . The sock for BIL was finished inside of a week . I think that 's a new record . of course it 's only 44 stitches around and it 's using DK weight yarn . I got through the toe of the second sock yesterday . This is one of the quilt top schemes I was considering for my new niece or nephew . It 's based on this " planned patchwork " . In the end , though , I liked this one better . Here it is all together . I ' ll put a border around it too . Not sure what color . Pink or blue ? Red is darn tempting . Or green and / or yellow ( the original requested colors ) . I also might make it so that the top / bottom border is thick and the left / right border is thin to give it a rectangular shape . I like to think that it " goes with anything " because it has so many colors in it . That might just be my own personal philosophy though . I tend to think that anything goes with anything . 
Lots of Good Stuff and it 's only Tuesday ! I had a ' sock moment ' at work last week . I have a sock in progress ( or a washcloth or something else small and easy , but right now it 's my DH 's sock ) at my desk at work for those frustrating idle moments - waiting for my code to build , getting things to the point where I can step into it with the debugger , etc. I brought one of my newer coworkers to my desk to show her something before we were committed to it , and she saw the sock . " Oh ! You know how to make socks ! " she exclaimed . It turns out that her grandmother and her husband 's grandmother both made socks - one knit and one crochet . And that her grandmother would make some kind of footies for people at Christmas , but no one ever learned how to make them and she 's not around anymore . So at Christmas she gets out the footies that she still has and I think they make her wistful . I just offered to see if I can " reverse engineer " them . I have a bunch of my grandma 's patterns and maybe it 's like one of those , too . We ' ll see what comes of it . I ' m now happy with the squares and colors for the baby quilt . I added some red and orange to the yellow and green , and cut down on the number of fabrics used to one for each color . The palette reminds me of the interior of Crispers restaurants . It 's bright and cheerful and DH thought it was good . I have a picture on his camera . Ironically , it 's basically the same pattern that I was going to do with the purple , lavender , and white quilt , but it 's much different with four colors instead of three . I think there ' ll be sashing around the whole thing , but haven't committed to a color or print or anything . Probably a solid color , maybe pink or blue , or green or yellow . I brought home the DH sock for a fitting yesterday , and it 's almost up to his sock - tan line . I started a 2 x 2 rib cuff . The sock for my BIL is at about the same length , but I think I ' m going to knit his until the yarn runs out . 
Chikmaglur . Hmmm ... so we had gone to Chikmaglur on a project party . It was an amazing time ! We are a team of 6 people and so a sumo was all we needed . On the way to the resort ( its called Nature Nirwana ) we had stopped over at this amazing temple . I forgot the legend behind it , ; ) but as legends would have it , there is a legend behind it ; ) The last 7 kms ride to Nature Nirwana was a bumpety bumpety ride . But boy !! was it worth it ! The road to the place was filled with sunflower fields and on the way we stopped by this stream which had ice cold water . It was such sparkling clear water . The manager of the resort , came to pick us up and the place where we stayed was this old style colonial house with a fireplace and all ! We reached the place and we had piping hot food served on the table for us . ; ) Once the food was done with , we went on a trek ... thru absolutely foggy coffee estates which remind u of those Ruskin Bond stories , an eerie quietness which makes you just wonder at the beauty around you . It started raining , we were soaked wet and damn cold , but we just went on . We wanted to reach the summit . But as we went higher , the dangers became more apparent . We couldnt see 5 feet ahead of us , the fog was so thick and we were lost somewhere near a national park which supposedly had wild animals . We stopped our sojourn up and turned to go back . But we were hopelessly lost . The guide who had accompanied said he will try and figure out the way and that we should stand there . We stood there for what seemed like eternity . And finally our guide comes back and says there is this way thru which we can go . We ' d have to cross a waist deep stream and would have to run coz the place is infested with leeches : ) Well , we took up the challenge and we ran like crazy , thru slushy mud , in the pouring rain , rubbing salt all over us so that the leeches wouldnt bite . But I must say , the leeches despite of our salt , and our running , attacked us badly . Each one of us had close to 8 - 9 leeches on our legs , and for those who had fallen in the slush , there were leeches on the neck and the hands . It was scary : ) We then reached the stream . Before getting into the stream , we took of our shoes , our socks , and removed all leeches we could manage to ( they kept sticking to our hands !! ) , wore the socks again , and tried crossing the ice cold water . By this time we were fatigued to the core . But we had another 2 kms uphill climb to do . After doing that , we reach the resort .... a . aaaaah thankfully : ) And then the most welcome sight on earth , a fireplace with a lit fire . We all freshened up double quick , and fought to take the best place around the fireplace ; ) I got the whole sofa ; ) . And after that the manager had kebabs for us .... it was the best lazing out you could ever do .. He kept bringing plates and plates of it after which we had a sumptuous dinner , and we kept trading ghost stories till we all dropped off to sleep tired : ) More later ....... now tired of writing ; ) . 
Blah blablabla Blaaah !!!! Blah blah !! Blah blah blah bleeeh ??? Blah bleh ? blah .... blah blah blah blah .... bleaaah . ME : Please dont stop , It really was such freakin fun to hear about that wart on your right hand , and really educational to listen to your wooing strategy on that loser who 's still sitting in the office , and who needs your advice on whether she should be having dinner at the correct time or suprise !!! later when she has time . Gosh , without your booming advice which woke up most of the passengers in this sleepy bus , none of us would have known ... no really ! I mean it . Oh you werent ' listening ( Opening one of my sleepy eyes .... zzzz ) Oh ..... because you were mowed down by the bus driver who was in a hurry to get home and try the strategy on his girlfriend .... Gosh such insensitive people ... these people who eavesdrop on you , and use that info against you That 's sad ..... Damn .. u really were a good man ! .. RIP . 
And all the sandcastles have drowned ... Wish I could write something here ... which would convey my grief ... but I guess that 's the irony of it all ... There 's nothing one can do or say in situations such as these ... except forget it ? When Sajid died it was a shock ... to say the least ... I had never come so close to death before ... My friendship with him had started in the 3 rd year , and our interactions during the final year project , cemented it like never before . When the initial big shock of realizing he has gone had gone down , the only thought that kept repeatedly striking me was " It was like he was here for a moment .. how can he just disappear .. where has he gone . " A person , I so loved and admired .. One of the very few people I genuinely admired in college , a person with whom I had had so much fun in the labs when we were working together .. and he is no more .. ? No more is not a nice word . It negates everything he stood for ... as of now , if he was alive , he would be very understanding and then he would in a nonchalant way say get over it : ) life goes on ... Now when I think back , suddenly the memories are so clear ... does somebody 's death suddenly make memories of them clearer ? Its as if they went out of the physical world and took shelter in your imagination . I could just reach out and touch .. and then the realization strikes me nope I cant , it would never be possible ... and that 's when the grief hits you in the stomach . All these feelings have been brought back by the news about Nitin . Nitin was a wonderful person . I just have these memories of traveling with the entire gang and him back to Delhi during our vacations . Amongst all who traveled to Delhi , he was the only one who I could relate to a great extent . Over the years we drifted apart , for many reasons . But no matter what , I always held him as an amazing person . And that 's the only thread I find common between the two unnatural deaths in our batch .. the fact that they were amongst the nicest and most amazing people of our college whom I knew , and now they are lost ... somewhere in the sands of time . Dont know what else to say ........ 
Online relationships : Burnt fingers .... oooo : ) . There was this friend of mine who got badly burnt in an online relation .... she 's learnt her lesson as in she has taken her interpretations of the situation and doesnt like online relations any more . I also have had my share of experiences and well , its just my growing belief , that relations in which the longing , the proposal , the honey - dearing and sugar - babying starts even before the ppl have dated twice or thrice or even met once , are a farce , and by their very setup are bound to end up in disappointments !! I think ( realized over time is more the word ; ) ) such relations just don't have that crystal clear honesty , responsibility and no bullshitting that should be there in a relationship I am willing to reconsider ; ) given the proper situations ; ) The prime example of bullshitting according to me is this classic statement : ) " I haven't spent time with you , but I am in love with you . That 's because I love your mails , your blog , your chats , your scraps , your phone calls .. wotever " ( pause pause , eyelashes fluttering ; )) ) Would anybody who blogs , say this ??? " My blog defines me , once you have seen my blog , you know me . There 's nothing beyond those lines , you don't need to know my silence , my calm , to know me , you dont need to know the need to be physically near me , you dont dammit , even need to look into my eyes once : you can just read these lines I write about myself , and if you fall in love with those lines , your love will be true " !!! ( Laughing out loud ) I know how much of my blog is true , and how much can be spiced up to present these lines ! And even if I take personal responsibility for all these words , dammit , I would never say its the complete me EVER ! It can very honestly present my views on some subjects .. that 's it . So if somebody says they are in love with me just because of those words , I would just have to smile and come up with some crappy one - liner in answer : ) When I say honesty to oneself and the others .. what I mean is the honesty to say I am not gonna hide behind this wall of [ orkut / chat / blog / scrap / phone calls ] and say sugar baby etc I wont play your prince or princess charming till I am actually ready to take some responsibility and go through thru the pain of meeting u 2 or 3 times and then saying those words if at all I mean it ; ) And even if a meeting after chatting a few times does work out , it would be have to because the meeting was good everything else which was felt because of the dumb mediums , would have to be relearned or refelt again to have any meaning : ) Which basically means , all these chats etc are meaningless unless it supports the actual meeting and not the other way round as in their case : ) Hmmm ... yeah that 's just bout what I wanted to write on this ... topic closed ; ) . 
The question of God . So there was this friend of mine who was asking me about my belief in religion .. its kind of a tiresome topic , and I prefer to get onto topics where the battle lines are not drawn so hard and fast ... But since I actually sat down and formulated my views on the topic ; ) I thought of putting it up here Hey Ananya , Here are my views , I am a fence sitter ... Think of it this way , I dont have an artistic bend of mind ( in terms of painting ) So I tend not to go near it or express my opinions about it . If I had to express , I would look up art a lil more , and then talk about it . But I dont have a need for it .. so I dont . Similary , I dont have a " God Belief " , and I dont find a need for looking up the subject more . Period I agree with u in as much as that prayer does add power to the human mind . And from personal xperiences , its more of the concentration , and the peace of mind that you get by being with yourself and listening to yourself that helps . But that 's more of cognitive science rather than theology : ) ( There were two analogies she had made , and in reference to those are the next two paragraphs ) As for God being a pranky child , Ananya , there are parallels in philosophy for that : I will quote only Neitzche , who compared God to a pranky artist . He talked of God as an artist who built just for the sake of building , an entirely reckless and amoral artist - god , who wants to experience , whether he is building or destroying , in the good and in the bad his own joy and glory . And as for concept of God being probability : I have to recommend a book called " Dust of God " by Scott Adams : ) Its an amazingly humorous and to the point book About christianity being the only solace : I stopped believing in it as a kid . I still respect the church as a social institution and the silence of the church , is one of my most beautiful quiet - times ( which obviously makes me more spiritual ) But other than that , I havent explored the concept of God ( either Christian or Hindu or any other for that matter ) to comment on it : ) Luv Laina . 
2 percent - life . Have to set expectations here ... This blog is about my life , but it is not my life . These are set of characters on a white space - * plain writings * about my thoughts , my work , my passions and snippets of my life . And while going thru my blog , I want you to realize that the writings here are always second - rung to the actual experience . Nope , its not an excuse for poor writing : ) Far from it , its rather a flaw with the very nature of writing . A write - up can never ever replace or describe to the point of complete genuineness the actual thing ... the joy of thinking , the joy of being with myself , the " completely with it " feeling I get while reading a good book , the sense of purpose and focus while being zoned in at work , the pride at figuring out the solution to something , the plain kickass feeling of being with people I love , the wonderment of figuring that someone is so like me , the joy of taking responsibility for my life , the excitement of trying out something new , the calm of my silence , and the plain exhilaration of being a real person : ) A write - up is as close to the real thing , as the nose is to the mouth ... You can say I almost eat thru my nose , but then again , it will always be an " almost " : ) . An emoticon like this , is just that ... a representation and can't come even remotely close to the smile I have on my face right now . And this is what I want you to remember while going thru this blog ... that no matter how honestly I pen my thoughts here , there is always an element of unintended untruthfulness brought about by the very act of putting thoughts to paper . And that is why I say this blog represents less than 2 percent of my life . Dont go by it , and never assume you know me by my blog ; ) The rest 98 % is equally important : ) And dont say u werent warned ; ) . 
Rutting it up : - ( . Cindy and I finished the 5.10 A on turbo tuesday , as mentioned earlier . But since then , we have not been able to finish anything of an equal or harder level . We get stuck on damn 5.9 's and 5.8 's ! WTF is that ? ! ? ! We need to somehow get out of our rut , and build up our upper body strength too . And we need to get down with crack . Crack climbing . It 's a bitch , and uncomfortable , and it gives us scrapes and bruises , but we can't progress much further until we get comfy with the cracks . I guess we have a to - do list , but it gets daunting when you go a longass time without finishing a single climb . Hopefully things will look up in the near future . We def have to get better by the time Bojangles gets back so we can brag about how awesome and skilled we are . While he buys us dinner , of course . lol . But now on to something new we will be doing : HIKING HALF DOME . Step 1 : Buy hiking boots . CHECK . Cindy and I got some really kewt , sweetass , and hella core hiking boots for like 70 % off from the REI online outlet . I just received an e - mail that the order was shipped from Washington state today , so I can't wait to get our stuff . Step 2 : Break in hiking boots . NO CHECK . We have to wait till we get our stuff from REI , then we will hella walk everywhere in them . Step 3 : Go hiking . NO CHECK . Once steps 1 and 2 are done , we can go to Yosemite with Cindy 's friend Alex ( his mom has a house nearby we can stay at ) and do some hiking . We can also hike at Castle Rock . But I ' m scared of getting lost or having rattle snakes jump out at us . Why , oh why , do we get involved in outdoor activities when it 's so clear we hate nature and the outdoors ? Maybe it 's that retardation I was talking about .... 
Update . A lot has happened to us in the last week or so . Cindy went to the rock climbing gym 3 times over a period of a few months . But it wasn't until Friday ( July 7 th ) that the two of us went ' core . Katia got belay certified before ever touching a wall ! Bojangles , our dear rock climbing mentor , taught us to belay and we got certified by this one fool at the gym that Bojangles yelled at for being slow . Saturday we bought gear . Sunday , now Sunday was CASTLE ROCK SUNDAY . Cindy had 3 hours sleep , went on a bike ride with this couple ( who were just learning ) so Katia bailed her out and they went downtown to meet up with Bojangles . We ate at a Euro - asian bistro / bar and watched the world cup . The highlight of course was at the end when Zidane headbutted an Italian player . Holy crap ! After that we went rock climbing at Castle Rock ! We did this one next to a waterfall and two others in the shade . After much climbing and hiking around crap to get in and out . Miss Reba , Cindy 's alternate and soulful persona came out and sang a few fractured hymns on our way back to the car . Bojangles took us out for some pizza and beer and then we watched many hours of Comedy Central before finally ending our Sunday . Monday onward was insane ! Tuesday we both did a 5.10 a in the gym , then Wednesday Cindy put a crater in her ankle when trying to show Katia how to do a mantle on the evil yellow 5.8 . Friday we both bouldered a V 1 + ( equivalent of a 5.11 a ) . We have yet to climb a 5.10 b though . Katia made a great observation , that we had developed mental retardation and started to do this climbing nonsense . To make matters worse we tried yoga today at the gym . We were both foolish and naive to think it would be hard stretching . We both agree that it was the hardest fucking thing we ' ve ever done . Which brings us to talking about the new Pirates movie . We went to see Pirates with Cindy 's riding friend Alex . It was the most overwhelming fucking movie EVER ... without being scary . WTF ? ! We both agree that Pirates and yoga are more overwhelming than rock climbing and skydiving combined . We did a good job making Alex feel like a dude and us like girls by doing some insane ( car weaving ) sit dancing to Spice Girls . Those home girls totally knew how to break it down . Katia had a real gem : " I love the third world , blacksheep Irishman combo " about Cindy 's parents during dinner . Yesterday , we bought the other Spice Girls CD at Rasputin ( Cindy can't find her copy ) and we danced some more and Katia had another gem : " That 's so perfect , a Mexican man , a car full of kids , eating a popsicle . " Cindy nearly died from the laffing . 
Blogging it up . So , we decided we need a blog because so much hilariousness exists in our day to day life as LPs . We went to high school together ( Cindy hated Katia most of that era ) but here we are ! We work together and pretty much spend a good 90 - 95 % of our free time rock climbing , spending money , or talking massive amounts of shit . 
Praising the porcelain . You know you ' ve hit bottom when you are staring down at the bottom of a toilet ; one of the most heinous places to have to look . Granted some of what you are looking at is hard water and mineral stains , but you can't help but wonder the worst . Are those hard water floaties , or someone 's leftovers ( from either end ) . I can't pass judgment since I ' m leaning over this cold beast hurling as hard as I can trying to turn my stomach inside out . Dry heaving has to be like dying , because I know every time that I do , I wish death . And where does all this bile come from ? I mean I take one sip of water and up comes a gallon of lovely , yellowy fluids . I can do this 20 times in a row with the same results . ( I like to have good tests , can't build conclusions on a single trial ) . It is times like this when I really regret many of my choices , especially when there are witnesses . I feel like the grunge on the bottom of the porcelain when someone sees me drink too much and then praise the porcelain . It makes me feel awful when someone else witnesses my world spinning out of my control because I don't know of many people who are in control of their lives and end up in positions like this . Embarrassing . There is also a feeling of isolation when I am alone rolling on the scummy bathroom floor trying to find comfort , and / or trying to get the last of whatever is poisoning my system out . The pain is like someone trying to slap some sense into me . The loneliness is a reminder of where I will end up if this behavior continues . It is a catch 22 ; I don't want to be alone , but I don't want witnesses either . Welcome to hell . Later , facing the witnesses , knowing I ' ve screwed up , I try to laugh off the embarassment . I try to divert attention to another time or event . Please don't remind me , don't scorn me , and don't judge me . I am lost . I don't want to be the person praising the toilet . I don't want to be the person that people had to be concerned about , or grossed out by . I just want to be .... I ' m surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn Am I the only one who noticed ? I can't be the only one who 's learned ! I don't want to be Anything other than what I ' ve been trying to be lately All I have to do Is think of me and I have peace of mind I ' m tired of looking ' round rooms Wondering what I ' ve got to do Or who I ' m supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me ... ~ I don't want to be , Gavin Degraw ~ . 
Opossum logic . This is why I love my Dad . My sister was taking the trash out at her house and when she lifted the lid off the can she noticed a litter of baby opossums in the bottom of it . She didn't know what to do so she called my dad and the dialogue went a little something like this : Meags : Daddy , there are baby opossums in my trash can , what should I do ? Dad : Give them water , they 're thirsty . Meags : Really ? How do you know they are thirsty ? Dad : Fill the can about half way up with water and put the lid back on . Meags : DADDY ! Dad : Well , what do you want to do ? Let them loose and run them over another time with your car instead ? I love roadkill stories . 
When the lights go out in the City . It has been a very dark week / weekend in St. Louis . At times , there were up to 750,000 people without power . In the dead heat of summer , you realize how dependent you are on air conditioning , or the very least a ceiling fan . The modern conveniences are gone . You go to the bathroom in the dark ( hoping the last guy didn't leave the seat up or miss the target , per say ) . You have no cold drinks or ice in the fridge . You also realize all those pretty smelling candles are awful when you mix all the scents together just trying to see your way around your own house . The air is silent ... no ACs kicking on and off , no late night cars coming in and out because no one is having parties and very few restaurants are open . The restaurants have all been plagued by the power outage too . Half the city was tossing out freezers full of food . Others were more creative and had block party BBQs making sure nothing went to waste . You run your car near empty on gas and then realize there isn't a gas station with power any where around . And Walgreens , they have power , but the shelves have been wiped clean by the other survivors . As luck would have it the dog finished his food and needs more ... but every pet store you drive to is without power . And the DMV , same story . Only one in St. Louis county had power this week / weekend . Hope they don't ticket you in your new van as you wanders the city with no plates . It has been a week to reconnect with friends and family . With very few places to go , many were out in the streets visiting with the other neighbors without power . Then , there were the ones who sought refuge with lucky people like me with power . It gave us a chance to reconnect and catch up on all the little things in life that we forget about in hurried conversations on email or the phone in the evenings . Then as life slowly turns back to normal and the lights turn back on , we promise that we should all get together more often like this ... reality is that we ' ll forget about the promises and this awful week by next weekend when everything is back to normal and you don't have to wait 20 mins at busy intersections with powerless traffic lights and a temporary stop sign . 
Honestly , who reads the directions . We live in the world of " just pop it in the microwave " or " follow the prompts on the wizard . " Noone has to learn how to do anything anymore . Everything seems self - explanatory , but every once in awhile we get thrown a curve ball , where things don't work out right until we take the time to actually read the directions ( skimming the directions doesn't count ) . Today 's example is : I order the Nutrisystem prepared meals to make my life easier and to try something different than Seattle Sutton . Seattle Sutton was simple , each box is labeled with the day I should eat it and what meal it was . Nutrisystems , though , sends you an entire month 's worth of food instead of a week with no rhyme or reason to how the food is packaged . There were no quickie directions , just several books and pamplets that seemed like they would take too long to read . I skimmed through them but didn't find anything that jumped out as ' Read Me : I am the directions ' . So , this morning I dug in the box and found a bar labeled Breakfast so I ate it , then a couple hours I was hungry so I snuck in a low cal , low fat chai tea . Around lunchtime I was super - starving so I ordered a shake when we drove by Hardee 's . At 3 pm , I finally ate the little tub of soup labeled lunch . They have an online diary where you can track all your food and drink intake on the computer . I entered all my food ( including the non - nutrisystem snacks ) and realized this isn't enough calories to survive on , no wonder people lose weight . As I drove home , I thought something is seriously wrong , or this meal plan is perfect for cheats like me . When I walked in the door at home , I went through my normal routine of letting the dogs out and catching up on mail and news as I cooled off on the couch . I decided maybe I should take a closer look at the brochures from Nutrisystem .... sure enough , I ' m supposed to supplement each meal with a fruit , veggie , or dairy product depending on the meal . No wonder I ' ve been starving . Maybe I should go back to Seattle Sutton , at least then I wouldn't have to think . Back to the world of the thoughtless and numb ................ 
Human after all . Can you believe it ? I ' m not perfect , no where even close . I need help , lots of help , but the question is : am I brave enough to let someone in all the way to help me fix my inadequacies ??? Honest answer is NO . I ' ve made some improvements . I ' m breathin in I ' m breathin out So slip inside this funky house Dishes in the sink The TV 's in repair Don't look at the floor Don't go up the stairs I ' m achin I ' m shakin I ' m breakin Like Humans Do My Michael has seen a lot of my mess when I get overwhelmed with household chores or laundry , but he never gets to see the whole picture , but I am letting him in deeper and deeper everyday ( and I haven't scared him off yet ) . He never freaks or puts me down for not being perfect , just helps where he can . He was quite a lifesaver the first BBQ I had with him at my house . He came over to help me quickly overhaul things to accommodate guests . He didn't blare out stories about how awful my house was or that he came over early to clean up my hell . He just went on and enjoyed the party and never bitched at all . It was unbelievable support that I ' ve only had in the past from my Mom , Dad , and baby brother since I moved out on my own . He 's been overly accommodating and supportive , downright amazing . I work I dance I ' m lovin myself We 're eatin ' off plates and we kiss with our tongues Like Humans Do My sister knows more than most anyone , but I don't know how to tell her I need help , I often ask or hint that I would like her to come by , but never tell her why or let her know it is more of a need , not a want . She doesn't understand that I ' m still in over my head with all of this PTSD crap and really need help digging out . I can't figure out how to ask for help . I don't want to put someone else out for my problems , but I ' m slowly wearing myself out because I haven't opened up and said , " I need help . " For millions of years , In millions of homes A man loved a woman , A child it was born It learned how to hurt and it learned how to cry Like Humans Do My parents confuse me right now . I am pretty sure , like everyone else , they don't understand a thing I am going through right now , but they don't inquire either . I don't think they understand that I need their help as much as I need the therapy and prescriptions . I think my dad is just sick to see one of his children hurting and not sure how to step in . And my mom , I have no idea . She is usually pretty inquisitive and intuitive when it comes to me ... not this time . I have one uncle checking in every few weeks , but , again , he has no clue where to go from there to help me ... and I have no clue how to ask . Ask for help . I can give the advice to others but can't do it myself . Grrrr . This is my work in progress , my goal for the week . I think my fear with it all is that things have gotten so far out of hand that I ' m not sure people will understand why . I am afraid they will think I ' m lazy , messy . Truth is I am so overwhelmed PTSD or not , I have no clue where to start and get things put back together the way I have it in my head . In my head , this is not how I want to live or live , but reality is telling a different story . I need help . Like Humans Do by David Byrne . 
Headaches . Sometimes I get headaches that seem to go straight from the back of my head / neck straight into my stomach . It is a dull , nauseating headache ; one that makes me anxious . My eyes get blurry . I get panicky and hot . I ' m not sure of anything when this happens . I just want it to go away . Sometimes cooling off , separating myself in a shower or curled up on the couch helps . Blanking my mind . Sleep . Today , I was just sitting on the couch typing , watching tv , reading , semi - wanting to forget about my family ... now a headache is here and I must sleep . Icky , pukey , hot , time to try and sleep . 
You can pick your friends , but you can't ... This weekend I have family in from out of town . Evidently , there was a planned family dinner for last night , but noone bothered to inform me until an hour beforehand so i skipped it . Instead , I indulged myself in several margaritas and got drunk . I think I was trying to wash away the guilt of not going or maybe numb the awkward feeling of showing up late . The margaritas failed me this time . Even at the bar I felt awkward about sitting there , a very out of place feeling , never " a part " of things like I normally do when visiting this particular Mexican establishment . To add to my downward spiral with my family ... today I blew off my cousin , Marc 's , 40 th birthday BBQ . I , also , blew off the last chance to see and visit my Uncle Dave , who was in town . I don't think I ' ve seen him for a year or two now . Once again guilt , but no matter how much guilt , I cannot get myself to leave the couch or clean myself up . I feel like a dead weight . I wanted to go , but this palpatating weight holds me here in my prison , my safe haven . I fear what people might ask or say . I don't want someone to comment because I came alone when I told them ahead of time that Mike would be joining me . I don't want to answer questions about my job , it makes me feel lifeless and pointless . I have a super successful sister , a brother with beautiful kids , and another brother who is just starting to embrace adulthood ... but i have nothing but myself . I can't handle the family focusing on me , when I don't even know who I am or where I stand right now . I don't have a diversion to talk about . I live alone . My job is less than thrilling . I can brag on Mike , but he won't be there to back it . I feel pathetic . This evening , Chris and Lisa stopped by and lifted me up a bit ... I have a comfort zone with them . Chris ' from history . Lisa because there is something soft , always comforting and understanding about her . They helped me fix a few problems around the house . Overall , the two of them just made me feel good and know that even though Chris is the man i divorced , the two of them are a force still there for me ... for compassion , understanding and to get me through life some way or another . I ' m glad Lisa doesn't want Chris and I to erase our past . She embraces it knowing it made Chris who he is . He is still my key , the one person that even somewhat understands how I got here , lost in space . He holds the past as he stood there and watched me live my hell , and now no longer holds it against me . Life handed Chris and I lemons , and we asked for tequila and salt . Cheers . 
Old Maid and ice cream make the world go round . When I was a child , I would stay the night with my grandparents . My evenings there always ended with games of Old Maid on a TV tray in the corner of the backroom . Grams always sat in the adjacent corner watching over . The next morning Grandpa R and I would always get up early and have a bowl of raisin bran , followed by Grams getting up and having a bowl of ice cream with me . ( My aunts and uncles are still shocked she did this ) When Grandpa would leave for work Grams would move to his chair and play Old Maid with me too . I remember my uncles always teasing me while we played . They would taunt me about becoming an old maid , when I grew up , with thunder thighs and hippo hips . Here I am single again , but hardly an old maid , only time will tell on the outcome of that prediction , but I didn't escape the thunder thighs . The accident stole my prized dancer physique . Too bad I cannot rewind time . I ' d take back the body , Old Maid , and ice cream . 
Overstepping boundaries ? Overstepping boundaries ? ... Sometimes that is the best thing I can hear and exactly what I need .... Well here she is again on the phone Just like me hates to be alone We just like to sit at home ... When Gwen called last night and said , " I hope I ' m not overstepping my boundaries , but I heard something about you being diagnosed with PTSD . " She wanted to know . She wanted to hear me tell her about the little details . She wanted to know what I was experiencing , what caused it all , and how I was hanging in there now . She , also , related her own depression associated with her divorce and her own vices that brought her down . We both had the spiral downhill and the moment when we realize we no longer have control of ourselves .... Well she wants to live her life Then she thinks about her life Pulls her hair back as she screams I dont really wanna live this life ... My ex - sister - in - law , Gwen , is quite a character and energetic spirit . She is a mortician / funeral director . Her unique job doesn't even come close to measuring up to her unique personality .... She only drinks coffee at midnightwhen the moment is not Righther timing is quite - unusual You see her confidence is tragicbut her intuition magic ... I think when she first started dating my brother I despised how he immediately moved in with her , etc. , etc. Then , as much as I didn't want to admit it at the time , I realized she was a lot like me , or a lot like how I wanted to be again ... pre - accident , which was pre - Gwen . I think after my nephew , Trent , was born ( Feb 2002 ) the two of us started really connecting . Gwen and I are free spirits when we are in - self ( great psych terminology ) , full of confidence . There is a difference though : I am cautious with limits versus Gwen goes for it , no matter what it is . She doesn't worry about the rest of the world and what they may be thinking . She lives for her ( and now her children too ) . I would like to think I live for me , but I get self - conscious , worry about what others think and often put them before myself , even when I have needs not being met . Nothing is a competition with her , that is a lesson I still need to learn ... I don't need to win , but I , also , don't need to be first . Second isn't easy , it feels like failure , but it is also a lot less pressure , something I really appreciate . It is a zone I ' m not totally comfortable with . Yet , it is a zone that I ' m going to try and explore more .... Well she wants to be the queen Then she thinks about her scene Pulls her hair back as she screams I dont really wanna be the queen ... ~ Meet Virginia , Train ~ . 
30 years .... now that 's a long time . A smile came over my face just now when I was looking for a title for today 's story time . It reminds me of all the times at GAM with the Mariners . I think of Kathy bugging out her eyes and literally making contact with the 30 - 60 girls there any given year and telling us , " 40 years ...45 years ...50 years , girls , that 's a long time . " This may not mean much to you , but Kathy lived the Mariners all those millions of years and thank goodness she did . She brings a personality to the program that no one could ever replace . This past weekend , though , the big number was 30 . Congratulations to my parents who have lovingly survived in marriage for 30 years now , much longer than the 5 I did . Hell , my sister and I barely withstood a month of planning their big 30 shindig . It was the Luau of Luau 's I must say . Our planning , and my sister 's extreme hard work on her house and decorating , paid off for the sake of my parents . My parents were totally surprised and even cried when their brains had a few moments to process what was going on after the quick heart attack of having 100 plus people yelling surprise as they walked into the house . From 4 pm til 1 am , I never saw my parents without huge grins on their faces . Party day started off a little rough for me . I woke up not wanting to get out of bed , nor wanting to go to the party . I only had a short list of things to attend to , but as I watched the clock tick each second of the morning away , I started getting more and more miserable about going to the party , dealing with the pressure of all the people and the possibility of missing something we should ' ve remembered . At noon , I finally started stumbling out of bed ( I should ' ve already had my short list of things completed by then and headed to the party ) . As I begrudgedly showered and started getting ready , saint # 1 , Dana , called to see if she could help with anything but guessed I was already at the party with everything under control . Good thing she didn't put money on that guess . She took over the last minute shopping list for me and even ran it over to my sister 's long before I ever made it there . After hanging up with her I decided to screw the makeup and hawaiian clothes , I just needed to get out of the house . I was more than out of time and couldn't keep fussing about hoping I would come down with some legitimate excuse not to go to the party . ( at least I ' m starting to discipline myself , at times ) Once on my way to pick up food , saint # 2 , my ex - m - i - l , called . She didn't want to ruin the surprise by showing up at the same time as my parents to the party so she was inquiring about when my parents were supposed to be there .... Good question ! I told her I would get back to her later on her question but could she do me a favor that I am sure would delay her so she wouldn't arrive at the same time as them . I asked her to stop and by me something Hawaiian to wear and while she was at it , could she get something for my boyfriend too ( I had promised to do that for him earlier in the morning ) . Things were starting to look better and not so dreadfully awful . Things always come together for me when I actually make myself go do whatever it is I ' m avoiding . Someday I might actually pre - program that into my little brain so leaving the comforts of my little world won't be so difficult . When things seem to be finally pulling together for me , I finally decided to relax a little and have a large margarita when I went to pick up the food for the party ... so much for finally getting ahead . ( I do have to say it made the initial rush of unfamiliar people at the beginning of the party a lot easier to take ) . Here 's to the next party ( and hoping it is someone else 's problem ) . 
Money going up in smoke . The ' Old Man ' recently said , " Harlyn , look at the fireworks , our money going up in smoke " . This year , I think that is all the excitement I got out of the fourth of July ( with one exception : the lovely annoying noise of the zillion packs of saturn missles I purchased wizzing and whistling up into the air ) . Fourth of July is one of those obligation days that really drains me . No matter how old I get , I think as long as the parents are alive I will be woken up waaaaay to early to make sure I am going to be at the parade . For 29 years , I have started out the fourth of July at the Old Webster parade with the entire family at our printing company . My aunts and uncles all bring their friends and family and lots of goodies to share in the nice AC , while the little ones get help from my aunts to write their names on paper bags and rush to stake their claim on a piece of curb out in front of the shop . Now the middle school aged cousins are all enterpeneurs . They gather up all the coolers and soda in the place and wander the streets selling overpriced soda to the suckers who forgot they might need a drink while they bake themselves in the humid July heat . I sold them for $ 0.50 , in my middle school prime , now they sell them for a $ 1 ( good old inflation ) . I can't say that I get excited by the parade at all anymore . I occassionally get a good laugh at my uncles taunting unsuspecting people in the parade with blasts of water from their super soakers ... or the tribe of boys scouts on rollerblades armed with water balloons and ready to get revenge . The slew of politicians , with their bandwagons , just seem to aggravate me , especially when members of my family stand up and applaud such sleazes who have yet to display any worthwhile ' Talent ' . There is also quite a bit of discontent among my family ( too bad we all just can't get along ) . If family drama doesn't make a holiday , I don't know what will ( or not ) . There is one thing I ' ll miss this year ... I ' ll miss tearing out of the parade for the soiree at my house .... BBQ ' ing in the rain , dropping plates of freshly cooked meat ( much to the pups delight ) and finally blowing up anything we can set fire to in my front yard ( not excluding small dogs and electrical lines ) . Happy 4 th ! 
Can I crawl under my shell and hide ? Work , namely my boss , has a way of throwing me off kilter . I once upon time would live to work . I loved the power and energy it gave me , even when I had a boss who I didn't quite see eye to eye with . These days though , work drains me . I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning to face the daily boring grind . My work now has become routine , same thing every day . I no longer fly around the world or have urgent problems to fix at 3 am . I just drag my widening ass out of bed to come into the office and sit in an awful blue chair and try to surf to the end of the internet ( no , I haven't found it yet , but I will keep you posted ) . Back to my boss , he never knows what he really wants , he changes his mind with each new idea thrown out to him . He never looks at the big picture with a plan , instead puts out fires and does everything as a reaction . Granted this is occassionally fun , it is also draining . I never know what to expect : will I get snapped at for being late or praised because I fixed something in 2.2 secs ( that really wasn't a big deal to start with ) . Grrrr , maybe he is the one that needs therapy to straighten out his head . He is one of those people I despise ... a pleaser . He plays people . He tells them what they want to hear even if he has no intention of doing it or believing what he is saying . I think I rather be told how it is sometimes than receive 100 % fluff . Fluff just makes me choke and wipe all the fuzzies off my tongue . I started this rant before rai $ e - time here to calm my nerves , but finished it when I realized rai Se - time is just more fluff . And a time to wear Static guard in hope that I won't choke on anymore fluff . 
Pink Elephants . I didn't know what to title today 's post , nor do I really have anything to write about . I ' m in one of those moods , not bad by any means , but nothing that says I ' m so happy either . The world is going around and I am here , end of story . The exciting part of the story is that I bought a new mug this week with pink elephants on it . Why pink elephants ? Why not ! No one else has a mug with pink elephants . Pink elephants may be perceived as silly and childish , but they make me smile , especially since these are blowing pink bubbles . Now who wouldn't want a blue mug with pink elephants blowing bubbles ? I guess a lot of people since I found my mug on clearance along with a large family of pink elephant mugs . See , I told you my life is exciting , or not . One of my best friends is going on a blind date tonight with someone she met through e Harmony . She is very nervous and unsure about the internet dating world . She has met some guys with extraordinairy lives , or so they say . When I was trying to pump her up for her date I thought about how people perceive themselves is not necessarily how the rest of the world views them ; that is what makes internet dating tricky . You are relying on the person on the other end to tell you about themselves , when really you probably need to be interviewing one of their friends to get to know the person . In my case , I ' m not sure if my friends would be able to do that or not . I try to put up my shell even to my closest friends , but there are a few who know how to slowly widdle me down to get to the truth , to " the real me " . Did I mention I met my Mr. Wonderful on e Harmony ? Maybe that is why I ' m not scared of the thought anymore and giving my friend the swift kick in the butt to give this a try and have fun with it . We only live once . And we can never make too many friends , or miss the chance to meet the " One " . Good luck tonight " M " . First one down , and plenty more to go . I went to dinner with my friend , Trey , last night . He look at me and said it seems like this job is " sucking the life out of me " . I think he is right . It is either sucking or status quo , never enhancing my life like my work once did . What to do now ? I think its time for a plate of Mexican and a margarita . Toodles , Noodles ! PS . Did I mention my pink elephant mug is the ugliest thing I ' ve ever seen ? 
Decisions , decisions . I often feel overwhelmed when it comes down to making a decision . I always want to see all my options before ( if I ever ) commit to one choice . Sometimes , I can't make up my mind so I select all the options , which are not needed , but I rather have too many than not enough ( just an excuse to not make up my mind ) . This impulse to just go with it all , or provide way more than is expected often leaves me in a mess of clutter , people commenting that I went overboard and a financial crunch . The problem lies that I ' m afraid that I might not select the best color or the most fabulous whatever for people to compliment . There is also a need to have all possible options available , or not to ever run short . I should not walk into stores ... period . I can go months literally without walking into a single store . The minute I do pass through the automatic doors , I fall into a hopeless rut . Something is on sale , but I can't decide what color , so I buy every available one ( even though I don't even need the first one ) . I see an electronic device I want , so I buy every possible accessory because I don't want to be left without something I might need a year down the road . I see a plant . Plants are nice , so I buy a few . Then they clutter my counter top . I see a book that is interesting and maybe 10 more . I buy them all , even though there is a stack of 20 or more waiting to be read at home . My head thinks better to buy now than to forget that I wanted to read it later . I see a movie I watched once for $ 5 ( what a deal ) ; I buy it . A year later , the same movie still sits in the cellophane wrapper . It is someone 's birthday , I go and buy them a $ 25 gift , but it seems like not enough in the little decorative bag , so I spend another $ 50 so the person does not think of me as cheap . The sad thing is I normally wouldn't buy this person a gift at all . I just happened to be at the store . Money grows on trees , right ? Houses self - expand to accomodate whatever is in the next bag that enters it 's door , right ? And I wonder why it takes me so long to organize myself and my house . 
Friends we are and friends will always be . Continuing on in more detail from earlier . I have people from past , friends , that have reached out again or vice - versa , I ' ve actually reached out to them . I miss these friends and their company ; but I can't handle all the relationships right without someone ( often unintentionally ) making me feel guilty . I don't know if keeping up with relationships is as taxing for everyone but they wear me out . I fear the face - to - face confrontation . I dread answering my phone if they call . I ' m terrified they want something from me ... and I don't know how to say " no " to them . I am unable to balance the demands others ( unknowingly ) put on my life . I have a few current examples : We ' ll leave this place returning faithfully My friend , Judy ... I have only ran into her once in the last 3 years . Judy has witnessed a lot in the fifteen years she has been my friend , respected teacher , and mentor . She does not always understand all the aspects of me or the motives behind my actions or lack there of , but she is still my friend . She is one of many I started avoiding when my world hit its slow demise . I didn't know how to let her help me . I didn't want her to see me fail . I was afraid to disappoint someone who taught me so much and who I respected unlike any other . I miss her . I am starting to realize she would be a great advisor and listner as I try to rebuild and recreate me . She saw my barriers from , maybe she can help me dicipher and break them down . I sent her an email at the end of May and a week or so later she responded . I need to call her to continue this communication I started . I need energy for this call and lately I have not had any extra to spare . Now , Bob , he reached out to me just today with a text message with no callback or return address . Bob , also , is a mentor and caring father figure . He has seen me grow up and change quite a bit in the last 10 years . Although , I think he wins the contest for he who has changed the most . Actually , it just hit me that Bob has done exactly what I need to do . He has very successfully recreated himself . He has changed his look and his way of life , maybe his is more on the surface and less deep like I need to do . I guess it is hard to say with out walking in his shoes for a day . Like Judy , I ' ve dodged Bob quite a bit . Sometimes it is better if your friends don't see you fall apart , especially when you are not fully aware yourself that your world is crumbling . Plane is landing ( and in one piece , guess my visions are just that visions ) . 
Leaving on a Jet Plane . I ' m on my first trip w / Mike . He is sitting spaciously up in first class ; I ' m sitting behind in " Average Joe " class . He offered to forfeit his seat and sit with me but I really am glad he did not , as I ' m appreciating the alone time , the quietness . I am , also , feeding off the anxious excitement of the US Army soldier sitting next to me . The soldier is returning home to his 4 beautiful kids for the first time in over a year ; Unfortunately , his trip will be brief , as he hasto return overseas again soon . He has been traveling since 5 am ; It is now after 8 pm as I write this . I do not see a lot of weariness in him . He is fidgety and jumpy ready to be home in Texas . Back to Michael ... He has put up with me for 3 months now in person , 7 total . He is probably the number one reason my PTSD recovery is going so well . Mike gets me excited about things in life again . He makes me want to go out and leave the house and couch . We constantly try new things ( ie . food and entertainment ) and meet new people ... All the things I have been afraid of for so long . He has helped me find the world I once knew and was destined to find again . The difference is I get to do it with him and the constant smile on his face , and with a constant smile on mine . I still fade into my dark place when I am alone , but my place is not quite as lonely any more . I still wonder if he is influencing the change or if I am doing this completely alone and for me . I , also , fear whether I can do this , maintain this change alone without Mike , without the drugs ( currently Cymbalta , Lexapro , Lunesta , Neurontin , Toprol XL , and a GABA supplement ) . We are flying over the clouds now . I see puffy white forever and the sunset fading down into the clouds . I question if this is what the after life is going to look like . When our plane was taking off , all I could think about was the plane crashing . Not in a fearful way , but a matter of fact way . I still have the same thoughts driving the windy bluff roads by my house ; I have vivid images of just driving off the road to my demise ( probably a slow painful death ) , but I ' m not scared . It will be how I ' ll some day die . What good meanings would life have without death ? Quick Disclaimer : This is verbal diarrhea from my head ... My chaotic brain venting . 
One is silver and the other gold . Old friends , they will always be there . I seemed to have let many of my friends go the last several years . I avoid them when I can and hide in my little shell at home , but they still keep knocking and invading my life . It is not that I don't want these friends , I just don't have the energy to be friends with them all right now . I feel drained all the time and going out with people that I have a hard time talking to just wipes me out for days . I hate forcing conversation and feeling so out of place , but that is how I feel right now among these people who knew me when I was so much stronger . On the other hand , I have made several new friends this year , people who know very little about my past . These people see me as fun , talkative and energetic . Why can't I portray that to my old friends ? I think it is because these people are completely new . I know nothing about them and they know very little about me . We tread lightly , conversation is never to deep or invading . I don't need to explain to the new friends why I have been out of touch for awhile . I don't feel guilt when I ' m around my new friends either . I have never avoided or lied to them so that I could stay home in my own peace . I occassionally reach out to one of the friends of days past and try to make amends . No one ever seems to be upset , just glad to see me . It puts my guilt slightly at ease . I should do this more , but I am terrified of overextending myself again and spiraling back down to my own personal hell at home on the couch . " Make new friends , but keep the old ... " If I were only 10 again , when the concept seemed as simple as the words we sang around the campfire . 
One tequila , two tequila . ... three tequila and a couple of margaritas gives you a crappy night of sleep and an irritating headache all day . Where are the drugs and masseuse when I need them ? I need to learn to say no more someday . ( Let 's not start with today though ) . 
I ' m going on a safari ... I think the country song says it best , " ... I ain't as good as I once was Thats just the cold hard truth I still throw a few back , talk a little smack When I ' m feelin bullet proof ... " Hmmm , I wish could be as sharp and smart as I once was . I really think the " hippo " in my brain has turned to mush . It is really frustrating sometimes when I can't remember the simplest things , like what I had for dinner last night or the name of a person I ' ve known 3 years . The doctor informs me regularly that I need to be patient and it will heal in time . He laughs sometimes when he reminds me . I think he knows patience is not one of the virtues I possess when matters of time are involved , at least not yet . Zen meditation will help , I ' m told ... we ' ll see . Who thought memory would escape us at such a young age , but , at least , there is hope that mine will soon return . I just need to help myself get past the stress and barriers that have taken over my life . I remember just over 2 years ago a friend 's son hung himself . Luckily his dad , my dear friend , resuscitated him . They thought he may have brain damage , especially with his short term memory . I was amazed how quickly it all came back to him and now he has returned to the normal life of every other teenage boy . I ' m waiting for that day that I can just be a 30 yr old girl . No worries and memory intact . Until then I ' ll keep working some of the mush off of my Hippo .... and I ' m going to bringan Apple , a Bottle of Vodka , Chocolate Chip Cookies , a Dildo , Eddy Munster , Footlong hot dog , Golfballs , Hoola Hoop , Ice Cubes , Jumper cables , Kilo of hash , Lip balm , Marshmellows , Nancy Reagan , Orgasms , Puppy , Quart of Oil , Reindeer , Suntan lotion , tepee , Underwear , Vodka , Walrus , Xylophone , You , Zebra ... And Geoff - Geoff ( my bleu cheese stuffed olive eating , vodka drinking , Cubs loving , extremely entertaining , Italian friend ) , you can go . 
Will the lights go out tonight . Some nights I lay here and just pray for sleep . I feel like I ' ll go crazy if sleep doesn't fall upon me soon . I didn't sleep well last night , so I thought tonight I would find it fast ... yet , it still escapes me . Maybe all the excitement today is keeping me awake . I had the newspaper here taking pictures of my Great Room for an article on the dream homes of generation X. I got my car back and fully repaired . It drove like it was brand new again ( maybe I won't trade it in right away ) . I forgot how great and smooth it was before age caught up with it , but unlike me , it was given new youth again . I wish I could get a few new parts to make me like I was back in the day , but no such luck . Then , maybe not excitement , but the worries work has cursed me with lately is cheating me of sleep . I feel so out of sorts there lately . The boss makes me feel uneasy , as does the newly hired VP . I , also , should ' ve picked up some things from Best Buy tonight that I forgot about that they need for a trip first thing in the morning ... rush rush rush . And maybe just some cold air would freeze me to sleep . God bless my Ex and I pray he fixes this AC problem tomorrow . Sweet dreams to those who can find them . 
Put on a happy face . In my family , things always seem good no matter how bad they get . This last week was pretty good despite the list of things that went wrong . As the list grew , I started to stress a bit , but kept laughing it off . Some day I ' ll learn to voice that stressful / worrisome emotion , but til then I ' ll put on my happy face for others , laugh at myself , and joke at my expense . Life is just easier this way ... until the good ole doc asks why . Why do I need that happy , strong barrier ? What will it take to show what I am really feeling and to let others help ? Instance # 1 , my Central AC went out at my house 9 days ago . I could have let numerous people come over and fix it , but I was afraid they would judge me . Judge me because my house was not clean enough , or I had too much laundry piled up , or my basement smells funny . Instead of getting it fixed right away , during this humid 90 degree weather , I chose to sweat buckets for days until my ex - husband , who is a HVAC guy got back in town . Then , I begged him to put his stuff on hold and fix it ( because he already knows what I really am about ) . He has seen me fall down this spiralling hole , too bad he doesn't understand that is what he witnessed during the demise of us , but some things are unexplainable to someone who already put that chapter behind him for other reasons which seemed justified at the time . I guess the fact that I am now aware of the above means I am healing , just not as fast as I wish , ... too bad I still don't have the answers to the what 's and why 's for the doctor . 
Where to go from here . I have a few days off from therapy this week . Doctor was overbooked and pushed me back til tomorrow . Its probably a good thing since I chose last night to drink away my problems instead of meditate on them . Last night , though , was different . Normally drinking makes me forget and have fun , but last night it hurt like a deep ulcer in my stomach . The pain didn't stop me from throwing back the tequila shots , but I did choose a chocolate milk with dinner instead of the typical choice of drinks . I think the inner child wants to come back and try reliving now that it understands how my life turned out this way . How come so few people write about their experiences with mental issues ? I ' ve gone to every bookstore around and only have found a few books that aren't super medical . I want to know about PTSD , Depression and the rest of it from someone who is actually experiencing it . Maybe then I ' ll be ok reading and hearing the word depression . Maybe I won't think of it as something " wrong " but a something I will break out of . Unfortunately , I don't have the " break - out " plans tattoo ' d on my body like the hottie on " Prison Break " . If life were so fake and unrealistic . God bless TV and the hotties on there that keep us dreaming . The main reason I am writing this blog is for the next person like me who is wanting to know what they are feeling is ok and " normal " for us slightly " off " types . And don't feel alone if you are not sure if there is anything wrong at all . I didn't know until this year when my " shell " finally cracked . My life has been like a turtle slowing down everyday til finally someone ran over my shell and exposed the hurt , fragile being that is really inside . I ' m not sure if the exposure or reality hurts more , but either way it has been a lonely , haunting pain . I could handle PTSD , but Depression ? I am the girl who has the constant smile that everyone always compliments and loves . I am strong , independent , relentless ..... or so I thought . Here is a question : If we don't really know ourselves , how can anyone else really know and / or love us ? Hmmm , could this be why I ' m divorced at such a young age ? Or did the other factors ( excuses I came up with ) really play true ? Life is full of questions and bouncing back from all of this just adds more . 
Well , it 's been some time now since I ' ve written . I created a class at my local community college to teach knitting : " Not your Grandma 's knitting . " NO ONE signed up . Since I also created an essay writing class at the same time and I have nine people enrolled in that class , I took it as a sign that I should teach to support my yarn habit . I went to my sister 's graduation from culinary school last week and I got to go to The Celtic Knot Yarn Shop in Ellicott City , Maryland . They told me of a yarn shop in Austin that 's supposed to be great . Imagine that ! I had no idea . I ' m planning a trip soon . But in Maryland I got my first set of Addi Turbos . I was hesitant at first when I found that size 10 , 24 " circulars were $ 16 !!!! but that was my reason for coming so I got them anyway ... and now I ' m in trouble . I LOVE THEM !! I don't want anything but them . They have re - inspired me to pick up the needles and be patient with the yarn . ( Finished blog 14 July 2006 ) I also got some great yarn and have knit a lacy - esque sweater with it . Beautiful shades of blues . I ' ll enclose a picture later . For my birthday , my sister gave me a BEAUTIFUL skein of a dusty blue bulky alpaca yarn that I made a Tam and wrist warmers with . Can't wait for fall ! The blue matches the Bluebonnet Tartan so I need a Tartan scarf to match it . The gathering is in November and I always get inspiration there . Here 's the site : http : // www . ctam - salado . org / Gathering / Gathering . htm And here 's the tartan : http : // www . tartans . scotland . net / tartan _ info . cfm ? tartan _ id = 2303 . 
Bears for Catie ( on left - its name is Hannahlynn ) and Sarah ( on right - named Sam ) These two teddy bears were made from special requests from Catie and Sarah . They were so specific in what they wanted . Sarah told me she wanted a brown bear with a white circle on his belly . Like the colors I used in a ski cap for her brother . Just recently Catie asked me for a teddy with lots of colors . I found some of her favorites in a boucle yarn that I found at Target for a dollar a skein ; I got the pattern from a book called Knitted Toys by Fiona Mc Tague . I used about half of each color ( yellow , pink , multi ) . With Sarah 's , I used Lion Brand Wool Ease that was leftover and I got the pattern from a link on About . com in the knitted toys section . 
Well , I ' ve been asked by a friend to make five pairs of socks for her female relatives for Christmas . I ' m using Lion Brand Wool Ease for the body of the sock and several different brands of coordinated fun fur - type yarns for the top borders . I ' m trying to get a little creative with all of these so it 's not so repetitive . In between I ' m making a multi - colored teddy bear , a lace wrap from a pattern off of Knitty . com and trying to start a few more baby blankets and teddys for some other friends who are pregnant . I ' ll post more pictures next time but check out the links I ' ve added . 
A new blanket for my friend Ami . I made the entire layette out of 100 % cotton yarn on size 6 circular needles . I am learning the value and efficiency of circular needles and if anyone wants to get me the Boye circular needle system I will be happy to accept it . The blanket is about 20 inches square and the booties and hat will , I hope , fit in at least a few months . Just in time for winter winds . I used a slip stitch over purl pattern from a book published in 1952 and just varied the idea into a basic bootie pattern . The yarn is soft and quite cozy and it took me about 4 days to make the whole set . I had it over my lap when I was knitting and actually had to put it down because I was getting hot . I like this yarn ( Caron baby yarn ) because it is washable in cold water and won't shrink or bleed on the first wash and comes in such lovely coordinating colors . I knit the body and the top and bottom borders of the blanket first and then picked up stitches for the other two sides after casting off . I used Elizabeth Zimmerman 's method of joining yarn to eliminate waste and knots in the blanket . Knitting without tears is one of the greatest little resource books any knitter could ask for . 
I have been procrastinating in starting this blog and now it 's finally here . I hope that I can keep this updated so my friends and family members can see what knitting work I ' ve been doing . I occured to me that since I give most of my projects away , I don't get a chance to show off my work . This blanket was knit in one piece ( border and body together ) on circular needles with varigated yarn from corner to corner . I ' m not sure of the dimensions but it was almost square of about 25 x 30 inches . It was for Leia 's new baby boy . Congrats Jason and Leia ! I wove ribbon through the yarn overs that separated the border from the body . I think that it spiced it up a bit . Hope you like it Leia . 
Touched by an angel . A New Day Has Come ( ontzettend zoetig nummer van Celine Dion , maar heel speciaal voor ons vanwege het feit dat het ons kracht gaf om te blijven hopen op een wonder ... en toen ... na heel lang wachten ... kwam ' de Job ' ; 0 ) A new day ... A new day ... I was waiting for so long For a miracle to come Everyone told me to be strong Hold on and don't shed a tear Through the darkness and good times I knew I ' d make it through And the world thought I had it all But I was waiting for you Hush , now I see a light in the sky Oh , it 's almost blinding me I can't believe I ' ve been touched by an angel with love Let the rain come down and wash away my tears Let it fill my soul and drown my fears Let it shatter the walls for a new , new sun A new day has ... come Where it was dark now there 's light Where there was pain now there 's joy Where there was weakness , I found my strength All in the eyes of a boy Hush , now I see a light in the sky Oh , it 's almost blinding me I can't believe I ' ve been touched by an angel with love Let the rain come down and wash away my tears Let it fill my soul and drown my fears Let it shatter the walls for a new , new sun A new day has ... Let the rain come down and wash away my tears Let it fill my soul and drown my fears Let it shatter the walls for a new , new sun A new day has ... come Ohhh , a light Hush , now I see a light in your eyes All in the eyes of the boy I can't believe I ' ve been touched by an angel with love I can't believe I ' ve been touched by an angel with love Hush , now Hush , now . 
Manhattan . Moehoeje eelns plobeeeru : dlankje Mmmanhattan History Manhattan Samuel J . Tilden was elected Governor of New York in 1874 , and to celebrate , socialite Jenny Jerome threw a party at the Manhattan Club in New York City . Jerome asked the bartender to create a drink for the occasion . The bartender mixed 1 1 / 2 ounces bourbon , 1 1 / 4 ounces each of sweet and dryvermouth , and a dash of bitters . It met with Jerome s approval and she named the drink the " Manhattan , " after the club . Jenny Jerome later earned her place in history as she later became Lady Randolph Churchill , mother of Sir Winston Churchill , one of England 's most famous Prime Ministers . The Manhattan became a classic cocktail that has survived a number of changes over the years and is presently enjoying a comeback alongside its cousin , the Martini . Tips on making a Manhattan Don t be shy with the ice and make sure you shake the ingredients for at least 20 to 30 seconds . There is no shaken vs . stirred debate with a Manhattan -- always shake . Serve your Manhattan in a Martini / cocktail glass . You can also try an old - fashioned or lowball glass ( some even prefer Manhattans on the rocks ) . Meer op : http : // www . thatsthespirit . com / en / drinks / articles / Manhattan . asp . 
Wishing on a star . Dit nummer is meerzoet maar oh zo lekker . Hetzelfde geldt voor de Orange commercial waarbij dit nummer gebruikt wordt : Italiaans - achtige trouwpartij met vrienden en familie : I ` m wishing on a star To follow where you are I ` m wishing on a dream To find out what it means I ` m wishing on a star To follow where you are I ` m wishing on a dream To find out what it means And I wish on all the rainbows That I ` ve seen I wish on all the people Who really dream And I ` m wishing on tomorrow Playing in a dumb And i ` m wishing on all that loving me Ever known I ` ve never thought I ` ve seen A time when you with me So far away from home So far away from me Just think about the moments That we ` ve spend I just can ` t let you go from me You and me And I didn ` t mean to hurt you But I know That in the game of loving mewould you so I feel it ` s time that we should make up , baby I feel it ` s time for us to get back together And make the best of things , o baby When were together Wether or never I feel it ` s time that we should make up , baby I feel it ` s time for us to get back together And make the best of things , o baby When were together Wether or never I ` m wishing on a star To follow where you are I ` m wishing on a dream To find out what it means And I wish on all the rainbows That I ` ve seen I wish on all the people We ever meet And i ` m hoping on all the days to come , and days to go And I ` m hoping on days of loving you Would you so ? I ` m wishing on a star Follow where you are I ` m wishing on a star And I ` m wishing on all the rainbows That I ` ve see Wishing on a star Follow where you are . 
Fields of gold . Song uitgevoerd door Eva Cassidy ( moooooi , http : // evacassidy . com ) en Sting ( ook mooi , maar iets minder mooi , http : // sting . com ) . Misschien een rare uitspraak hier zo out of the blue , maar ze mogen dit nummer ' best ' draaien als ik de ' pieperd ' uit ben . You ' ll remember me when the west wind moves Among the fields of barley You can tell the sun in his jealous sky When we walked in fields of gold So she took her love for to gaze awhile Among the fields of barley In his arms she fell as her hair came down Among the fields of gold Will you stay with me will you be my love Among the fields of barley And you can tell the sun in his jealous sky When we walked in fields of gold I never made promises lightly And there have been some that I ' ve broken But I swear in the days still left We will walk in fields of gold We ' ll walk in fields of gold I never made promises lightly And there have been some that I ' ve broken But I swear in the days still left We will walk in fields of gold We ' ll walk in fields of gold Many years have passed since those summer days Among the fields of barley See the children run as the sun goes down As you lie in fields of gold You ' ll remember me when the west wind moves Among the fields of barley You can tell the sun in his jealous sky When we walked in fields of gold When we walked in fields of gold When we walked in fields of gold . 
Lyrics : Take me 2 themoon . Take Me To The Moon Lyrics I ' m gonna tell a story To my love If you don't hear this message You will get it from above I ' m running endless streets To find you unknown girl Somewhere you 're meant for me And I promise you my world Take me 2 themoon If you want to Take me to the stars If you can Take me 2 themoon As soon as possible And back again Take me 2 themoon Oh . Every dream 's about you Day and night Oh hmm I ' ve been so long without you But I feel you all my life Imagine you live next to me And just came through my door How blind my eyes can be I can't take it anymore Take me 2 themoon , If you want to . Take me to the stars , If you can . 
A big new free happy unusual life . Absolute aanrader , dit boek met simpele tips " to spice up your life " : A big new free happy unusual life van Nina Wise : http : // www . ninawise . com A funny , soulful guide for anyone seeking more pleasure , adventure , and wonder in their lives . A captivating performer and teacher , Nina Wise has dedicated her life to tapping the wisdom that emerges from spontaneity . Helping thousands discover the healing power of spontaneous performances has put her in a class by herself . The culmination of her time - tested discoveries , A Big New Free Happy Unusual Life now offers readers an unprecedented chance to experience their worlds the Wise way . Sharing simple ten - minute practices that can be performed anywhere , anytime , this unique guide restores the joys of creativity to a way of life that has become increasingly automated . In chapters on rediscovering the body , giving birth to imagery , falling in love with language , finding the extraordinary in the ordinary , and much more , Wise uses her invigorating , accessible tone to light the way for anyone who suspects that daily life can offer a bounty of soul - nourishing pleasures . Whether you 're struggling with a general sense of unfulfillment , a legacy of childhood traumas , unrelenting stress , boredom with predictable routines , a need to find the spiritual side of everyday life -- or want to address a specific issue like the fear of public speaking -- A Big New Free Happy Unusual Life unlocks subconscious inner sources of peace and provides guidance for revitalizing every aspect of life . 
Nine million bicycles . Prachtige zang , prachtige tekst : " Nine Million Bicycles " There are nine million bicycles in Beijing That 's a fact , It 's a thing we can't deny Like the fact that I will love you till I die . We are twelve billion light years from the edge , That 's a guess , No - one can ever say it 's true But I know that I will always be with you . I ' m warmed by the fire of your love everyday So don't call me a liar , Just believe everything that I say There are six BILLION people in the world More or less and it makes me feel quite small But you 're the one I love the most of all We 're high on the wire With the world in our sight And I ' ll never tire , Of the love that you give me every night There are nine million bicycles in Beijing That 's a Fact , it 's a thing we can't deny Like the fact that I will love you till I die And there are nine million bicycles in Beijing And you know that I will love you till I die ! 
Isn't he cute ? This cutie is up for adoption at the Humane Society . My husband and I don't agree . Jason seems to think that we need a dog like a hole in the head . Can someone please change his mind ? ! ? 
Baby Dearest . This morning Imtiyaz clings on to me , wanting to follow . Cried when I said ' bye ' . I am already imagining the tantrums in the future . I am the type of mom ( even before I am one ) who never dares to complain about other kids . The reason ? Simple . My kid might turn out the same . So I take all tantrums , carry - ons , crankiness as a phase - hoping it ' ll disappear with time . Not that I ' ve experienced it YET with my own , but I ' ve worked at a private pre - school in Aberdeen , with kids ( the principal never allows us to use the word ' kids ' , always use ' children ' . D - uh !! ) who can have it all . Let 's just say it was fun and bitter , with a giant lump of exhaustion at the same time . Loved the children , hated the school 's way of doing things . I ' d rather not elaborate here , but now I ' m thinking about it , the principal kinda reflects the character Miranda in ' The Devil Wears Prada ' . Tee Hee Hee .. 
Hard to Let Go . This morning I ' accidentally ' recalled some things of the past , and I got upset . Of what & why , I ' d keep to myself , but I ' ve just realized how hard it is for a person to let go . I don't think much about it anymore , but when I do remember it , I feel exactly the same , just like old times . How I wish I can turn back time and make things right , the way I want it . 
Chatterbox . I ' almost ' shouted to the cashier at Carrefour yesterday ... she was chit - chatting with her friends as in not a normal quiet conversation , but a loud , giggly one , with some body language as well , turning here and there , while I was there , waiting for only 6 items to be scanned through which seemed ages to finish !! I know she was about to end her shift as I was the last customer for that counter , but can't she wait until her work is done ?? Not to mention how bad a customer - service it was , and how stupid she looked !! If she were to stop talking & giggling and just do her work , it ' d save me a whole 3 minutes at the counter and she can leave 3 minutes earlier ... blurghhhhh !! I was just waiting for her to make eye contact with me to tell her off , but she avoided , talking to her friends all the way , not giving me the chance to barge in ( I know my small , tiny voice would definitely not be heard : P ) ... thus , I decided to be rude as well with no smile or thank yous , which I doubt she ' d care anyway !! 
Zaky Infant Pillow . Useful if you ' ve ever wished for a ' hand ' to leave behind so that your baby would feel as if you ve never left the room . But eerie too , don't you think ? 
Useless ?? I have work to do at the office , but the prob is I don't know until what level I should be doing it , since boss said it 's not finalized . To go on doing it means double , triple work later on . Therefore these few days I feel useless , bored and everything related . I am so not used to this kinda environment !! Help me pleaseeeeeee !! 
Black Magic ?? Last week , my sister 's place ( she stays with her in - laws ) was broken into early in the morning when everyone was actually getting ready for work ... but the funny thing was , no one saw the robber !! My bro - in - law saw glimpse of someone walking , my sister doesn't see anyone when she 's the earliest to leave for work , sister 's father - in - law 's ride was waiting at the front door and the driver didn't see anyone too ... the 2 maids saw none as well .. !! A friend of theirs just took out her handphone from her handbag , and a minute later the handbag was gone !! The robber didn't take much though , just a few handbags and that 's it !! After that loads of police cars were in the compound and a police helicopter is flying just on top , and another 2 nearby houses was broken into ... bro - in - law followed the police to go search for the robber , ran after someone , and then * whoosh * he was gone !! Happened a few times too !! Weird huh ? ! With all the havoc , all my dear 3 - year old nephew , Adam said was : " Atuk , cd Power Rangers Adam org ambik tak ? " . 
Monday again !! It 's Monday again ... after the short trip to Penang , I am just wishing for another relaxing day at home ... the trip to Penang was hectic !! Had to rush everywhere ... from my grandma 's house to my bro 's house to my dad 's kampung in Kedah ... but it was worth it especially since we had the best ikan bakar , sotong bakar , daging bakar and everything bakar meal at Kepala Batas ... yummy !! I ' m mentally making a note to go there everytime I ' m in Penang !! 
T . G . I. F . What to look forward to this weekend : 1 . Imtiyaz being 9 mths ... wonder what he ' ll be up to now ... ( this doesn't only apply to this weekend , of coz ! ) 2 . Balik kampung !! ( Haven't been back since my last day of confinement ) 3 . Siti 's ( my grandma ) new house 4 . Durian Balik Pulau ... said to be the last week of availability 5 . Lin and Baby Haifa Have a nice weekend everyone !! 
Just Another Entry . I don't really know what to write about today ... there 's been so much commotion about Siti Nurhaliza 's wedding with Datuk K these few days . Apart from that , there was also the Tsunami tragedy in Indonesia ( Innalillah ) which is really , really sad ... images of dead bodies really disturbed me ... my prayers to all of them ... I have good news though ( I ' d say it 's good news for now ~ hopefully will be good always !! ) my new maid would be arriving tomorrow , after months ( err .. actually it 's only been less than 2 mths ) of waiting ... I hope she ' ll be so much better than the previous one ... have to admit I am a bit anxious this time ... maybe from the past bad experience ... 
Just rocking . Literally . I believe the Indonesians wondered if all these tremors and quakes were of divine origin . I ' m starting to wonder myself . Heh . As many earthquakes in as many weeks , the newest one just to - day . These guys are in for a rough ride . 
Condoms . Ladies . Please . If you 're not in a monogamous relationship , I ' m beggin ' you , carry condoms around with you . It 's not about being a slut . It 's not about being easy . It 's about taking care of yourself , because no one else is going to . Here 's one more reason why you owe it to yourself to always be prepared . Women whose partners use condoms every time they have sex are less likely to become infected with HPV , the virus that can cause cervical cancer and genital warts , than women who only occasionally use them . Consistent condom use cut a woman 's risk of infection by 70 % and protected her from developing precancerous cervical changes , according to a University of Washington study published in the New England Journal of Medicine .......... Women who reported using condoms 100 % of the time had a dramatically lower rate of HPV infection than women who said they used condoms only 5 % of the time or less . The consistent condom users were 70 % less likely to become infected . Even inconsistent use helped ; women who used condoms only half the time cut their risk of HPV infection by 50 % . What 's more , no cervical precancers were found among women who used condoms 100 % of the time , but 14 precancers were detected in the women who used condoms 5 % of the time or less . Cervical cancer is one of the top killers , for women . And guess what ? It 's also one of those rare cancers that can actually be treated and stopped . It will save your life . You can still have children . Your ovaries will be spared . And don't say you won't have kids . You need the hormones that the ovaries give you !! It doesn't cost much to purchase a 3 - pack . It also doesn't cost your pride very much to gently broach the subjct in a time of ( ahem ) need . And if the man you ' ve just started to date thinks otherwise ...... then ..... not a very good quality man there , I ' d think . Condoms aren't a dirty word , y ' know . 
Guess who 's here ? Wow . Testimony to how seriously we 're being taken , or what ? Condi 's in Asia . Actually , I ' m just impressed , in general . And mostly based on the realisation that Dr Rice is going to be taking a lot of flak from our Asian brethren over the Lebenon - Israel . Sort of like when Hertzog was here and Singapore got flipped the bird from our neighbours . 
Zen buggers ? Mad or no ? I can only shake my head in wonder at this : The longest foot race in the world is 3,100 miles , long enough to stretch from New York to Los Angeles . Those who run it choose a different route : they circle one city block in Queens -- for two months straight . The athletes lap their block more than 5,000 times . They wear out 12 pairs of shoes . They run more than two marathons daily . In the heat and rain of a New York summer , they stop for virtually nothing except to sleep between midnight and 6 am .......... The 51 - day event is sponsored by followers of meditation master Sri Chinmoy , who teaches his students to excel mentally and physically ..... They eat on the run . They talk on the run . They use a port - a - potty . One athlete cruised into a podiatrist to have two infected , ingrown toenails removed and was back on the course in two hours . He still ran 60 miles that day . For someone like me , it 's easy to dismiss this as an act of - in the words of Terry Pratchett - some mad Zen buggers . But they really believe . That 's what 's scary . According to the article , there 's only 14 people doing this 2 month race . And my mind fills with questions , starting with Only 14 ? Mad buggers ! No wonder only 14 people ! It 's sponsered by some yogi somewhere who believes ! And continues with Mad buggers they may be , but they 're amazing nevertheless . Fiona , you can't do your 2.4 and you 're scoffing at people who do 2 marathons a day ? What 's that ? A gazillion kilometres ? And ends with Ok , perhaps they 're on to something ? They possibly have the equivalent mental strength of someone the size of Australia ? There 's more , but it takes time to pound out one 's thoughts . 
Addition to blogroll . Someone has seen through the madness that peppers my ramblings and thinks I am worthy . I ' m flattered , Paul , I am indeed . You come here for nonsense . Haha . You go to Shadow of Diogenes for intelligent material : ) After all , the man 's favourite novellist is Ernest Hemingway ! 
My kind of guy : ) . I thought this was hilarious ! A Czech man drove a armoured personnel carrier through a historic town centre to buy his kids an ice cream . Miroslav Tucek , 34 , now faces a 300 fine after driving the 12 - tonne military vehicle through Hradec Kralove . He told police it was too far to walk from his home and he had promised his kids an ice cream . He said he had to use the APC , which he bought from the Czech military , as his car had broken down . Only light vehicles are allowed in the historic centre of Hradec Kralove in the northern Czech Republic . First of all , what kind of man buys a personal personnel armoured carrier ? Secondly , on hindsight , not a good idea unless in a war . And lastly , to my Master Chief ; Baby , can I have one for Christmas ? Big boy toys on the far side . Indeed ! 
Not for me , thanks ! Oh . My . Good . I ' m terrible with a nasal spray . I ' m sure it requires getting used to ..... but that feeling of liquid trickling down from your nose into the back of your month ? Urgh ! I was issued nasal sprays a long time ago for my sinuses . After I finished the first bottle , I threw away the other 3 . I ' d rather had a blocked nose at night than taste my medicine from the wrong way around . So I cannot imagine what it would be like to do a nasal irrigation . : o . 
Yum yum cabbage ! You know what ? Peas , potatoes and corn aren't really considered veggies . And peas , in themselves , provide little to no roughage . So I ' m a little taken aback when I see an article which proclaims the following : Potatoes , corn and peas make up 40 % of the vegetables that Americans consume , according to the CDC . People aren't eating enough dark green vegetables like broccoli and brussels sprouts , which contain lots of vitamin C and many phytonutrients , or citrus , which is high in vitamin C and fiber , nutritionists say . " There 's no question right now that Americans are eating a very narrow spectrum of fruits and vegetables , " says Jennifer Seymour , an epidemiologist in the CDC 's division of nutrition and physical activity . At the same time , the closest people get to is the french fry ? Oh dearie me . About 90 % of the U.S. population does not meet the government 's recommendation for fruit and vegetable consumption , according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention , which is helping to develop the " More Matters " campaign along with the Produce for Better Health Foundation , a nonprofit group . The average intake amounts to less than two cups of broccoli a day . One of the most popular vegetables in the country is the french fry . Now , this isn't an article about Americans . Not for me , no . It 's more about food , and what you eat , and what it does to you ..... for better or for worse . I firmly believe you are what you eat ! I lurve cabbage - which , incidently , boosts estrogen - and anything leafy and / or dark green . Beans , spinach , kailan ( did I mention cabbage ? ) , bokchoy , tapioca leaves Oh dear , just remembered something . I think the Master Chief isn't a veggie person . : o How 's that for irony ? 
Hungry Ghosts . Oh boy .... the chinese 7 th month has just arrived . Was on the late shift last night , hopped off my bus around 11.40 PM only to find small piles of ashes left on the pavement . Joss sticks slowly burning to their end . Offerings made to the spirits that careen around our world when the gates of hell open during this special time . The air was thick with the sweet , cloying scent of incense . Superstition ? Possibly . Do I scoff ? Definitely not . The Hogans are supposed to be Roman Catholic ( which might be even worse . haha ) but growing up , we weren't really exposed to the more .... colourful .... traditions which abound in Asia . But this one is interesting . Apparently , once a year , the gates of hell are swung open and all the spirits therein are free to roam the earth amongst the living . Just for this period . They can visit loved ones .... Or they can just vent . And too many weird things have happened for me not to be respectful . So I walk carefully around the burnt piles of offerings . If I have to tread on ashes , I apologise to the ashes . ( You have to be here to appreciate that statement . lol . ) And I heave a sigh of relief when the " visiting period " is over . Remind me to tell you about the toe pinching I endure from time to time . Heh . UPDATE @ 1.52 am Am on the overnight shift - wasn't sure if we should be expecting anything in the office . After all , people have seen , but mostly heard , the other - worldly beings that share our space . Myself included . And yes , something just announced it 's presence . From somewhere to my left there came a tinkling sound . Very much like a teaspoon , or large pin , rattling / falling down into a ceramic mug . I asked my colleague if he ' d heard something and Yes , Fiona , from your direction ? Thought it was you ? . Took a walk around that particular cluster of seats . Nary a pin out of place . If it happens again , I think I ' m just going to ignore ' em ! 
What a chance . Oh my . I ' d go in a heartbeat ! The Comanchero Motorcycle Club is auctioning off a day in the life of a biker , including a visit to the infamous site of a shootout with a rival gang that left six people dead . The club has advertised the chance to spend eight hours with three or four Comancheros on their Harley Davidsons in Sydney on internet auction site e Bay , The Daily Telegraph reported Monday . The advertisement also promotes the chance to visit the scene of one of Australia 's bloodiest biker wars , known as the Milperra Massacre ..... The auction has a reserve price of 2,000 Australian dollars ( US $ 1,500 ) , and the club has pledged to donate half the final bid to the cystic fibrosis unit of The Children 's Hospital at Westmead . Wow . What a novel way to make money . Half to go to charity . Fairly generous . Crusing around on the back of those bikes ? How cool is that ? And it 's nice to see they 're doing something with a good intention . I ' d have just one condition though .... All gang members to shower , shit and shave before meeting ! haha . 
Sci Fi galore ! Hey , lookit - a new batch of movies to look out for : o Courtesy of this article on Comic - Con Hubba hubba ! Sci Fi here I come ! - Children of Men - Clive Owen stars in this film set in 2027 , when humans can no longer procreate and are desperately searching for a way to avoid extinction . Sept. 29 . - The Fountain - The Darren Aronofsky - directed drama spans 1,000 years and stars Hugh Jackman as a man struggling to find immortality for himself and his wife , played by Oscar winner Rachel Weisz . Oct . 13 . - Mimzy - Two siblings discover a box of toys sent from the future and begin developing remarkable talents both terrifying and wonderful . April 4 . - Planet Terror - Rose Mc Gowan , Josh Brolin and Lost 's Naveen Andrews star in director Robert Rodriguez 's retro - futuristic look at what happens when a flesh - eating virus becomes an epidemic . It 's part of Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino 's new Grindhouse double - feature ( the second is Tarantino 's Death Proof , about a man who kills with his car ) . Both are due April 6 . - Logan 's Run - This remake of the 1976 movie , co - written by Bryan Singer , revisits theaters with the story of humans who are killed on their 21 st birthdays to reduce overpopulation . 2007 . - Star Trek XI - Lost co - creator J . J . Abrams tackles the franchise with an eye toward returning it to its roots , when the William Shatner TV show was Earth - centric and a parable for our own political times . 2008 . By the way , I ' ve actually seen Logan 's Run . Urged on by my Dad , no less , who knows of my interest in Sci Fi . Done in 1976 , I ' d have been 4 years old and unable to appreciate Michael York 's chiseled good looks then . Heh . I wonder if we ' ll get any of these movies in Singapore ? Singaporeans , by and large , have a very very poor appetite for anything not mainstream . Nor anything too complicated . Or anything that requires concentration on the dialogue . * grimaces * And we ' d be lucky if it ran for 2 weeks . Some good films have come and gone in the blink of an eye and they just .... quietly slither away . More 's the pity . Still ..... something to look forward to , eh ? 
Nothing to holler at . Ciggies are less than USD $ 3 / ~ per pack ? Are you kidding me ? Even with the currency conversion , even with the new proposed taxes , it 's still dirt cheap in comparison to Singapore . Which is currently SGD $ 11.30 / ~ Which makes it approximately USD $ 7 / ~ So don't freak out , other 's have it worse than you . 
Another private milestone . So . it is done . My original appointment was for 7 pm at Utopia Studio . Got to the main road only to find my bus whizzing past me . Uh oh . Called in , shifted to 7.30 pm easy - peasy . A little suspicious , but ok , so far so good . Only to arrive there to find that the previous client was still being worked on . : o Uh oh . We were sent away for dinner et all so made the most of it . Kirby finally started on me at about 10 pm . But I must say , the previous client 's piece was gorgeous . Fine details all adroitly worked , it was an image of the Indian god Ganesha , composed of his various names , all done in Sanskirt . Can't explain it , gorgeous work though . And I wasn't freaking out yet . Hah ! Bernie was gracious enough to come along , both as my helper in documenting this , and to hold me hand figuratively . She managed to capture the shots most admirably . This was my original , done when I turned 30 , to signify my first " decade " . Kirby laying out the design as we discuss positioning . The final impression . I was a little nervous when I saw how high it was going to be ..... but I had images of proud wings signifying a ressurrection over my old me and I was sold . Ok , I said , let 's get this over with . And drew a huge breath . The outline .... or punchline , as Kirby called it . They say the outline hurts more . And it did , with my first one . But it was different this time around . As I found out about an hour later . But here , I get worked over with the fine needle first ; for the outline , and for the tips . Did it hurt ? Oh yes , it was very uncomfortable . No hysterical screaming or shouting . No teary eyes . But right at the top was the back of my shoulder blade . And right at the bottom ? We were hitting the back of my upper rib cage . And , my children , going over bone hurts like all the promises ever made to you . Finally . Ciggie break time . I was very happy to be able to sit up properly . lol . Stage one , outline and the tips filled in , and actually ... Bernie snaps a shot and hands the camera to me . It looks pretty good right about now . Stage 2 , all the bits to be filled in . Kirby uses a larger needle as he 's basically colouring the picture book now . Hah . But crap , this was much worse . Especially when he hit the sensitive parts . You can pull the skin away from bone to do outline , but for colouring , there 's no escaping . It then becomes all about sucking it in . I ' m sure you can see from my face that I ' m not a happy camper . The final result . Discussion + breaks + 2 sittings = 3.5 hours . But it was all worth it . I am thinking of a little touch - up work for one of the bottom feathers but otherwise , I am very happy with this . Kirby mentioned that I had good skin to work with . The ink absorbs well and quickly . The other guy there quipped Haha ! Give her a full back ! Yeah , right . Thanks , but no thanks . There may be more tattoos to come , in the future . I am of the mind to use significant images to mark milestones . Ink them on my skin as rememberances . Visual memories . My own way of marking my life , in timelines that are important to me . But to each his own , eh ? 
Preying on my mind . I didn't think it would affect me , but I was wrong . Fell asleep on the downstairs sofa again . Book had slipped to the floor , my legs propped up on cushions . Woke up to find The Parents returning from their morning marketing . Ok , I ' d better make it to my own bedroom . Heh . Not to be . Woke up 3 times betweem 8 am and 2 pm . Not to pee , but a bolt - up - and - sit - on - the - bed - why - is - it - so - bright thingie , complete with achey body . And yes , accompanied by dreams that my tattoo session planned for this evening will go awry . Yup . To - day 's the day . I visit Utopia Studio for my inkwork to be done this evening . I have no idea how Kirby is going to integrate my current with the Phoenix I ' ve chosen , says he ' ll show me a few variations and I can pick what appeals to me . If he doesn't do good work , I ' m going to bop him one . But right now ? Right now I have a feeling of low - key dread and my sub - conscious is obviously freaking out . : o . 
Kitty thief . At work . Low call volume . Surfing my daily news when I came across this guy : A pink - and - white gardening glove was missing Thursday morning from Jeannine Goche 's front porch . But there was absolutely no mystery about who had taken it . Willy , the cat who loves gloves , had struck again .......... Goche 's flower - patterned number may soon take its place on the clothesline that 's strung across the front fence at Willy 's home , which he shares with Jennifer and Dan Pifer , their 19 - month - old son Hudson and a mutt named Peanut Chew . Above the line is a sign that says , in words and pictures , " Our cat is a glove snatcher . Please take these if yours . " Haha . Loookit that face . Made my day ! 
Fool . Fool . That 's what I was this evening . Brought all my gear to work . Planned to walk home this evening . But idiot that I can be sometimes , I forgot to pack my socks . Ach . Nevermind , I thought , The shoes are comfy . Perhaps I can walk and stop if it gets bad . Yeah . Right . I was at the halfway mark when the ankle rim on my right shoe started chaffing the skin on my ankle itself . I stopped a couple of times to wad some tissue between the shoe and my skin but the motion of my foot kept spitting it out . And when it started to chafe ..... yes ..... it got exponentially worse . Nothing for it but to hobble to the petrol station 100 metres away and purchase some plaster - strips . And then walk carefully back to the bus - stop to finish my journey home . I ' m quite put out . Should ' ve known better . s ' happened before - this forgetting to bring the socks - but I did the smart thing and bussed home , instead of attempting to walkie . And especially peeved because I slept well last night and I was striding comfortably . It would have been a good walk . Isn't hindsight so exasperatingly spot on ? 
You wish . Only in a patriachal society ( I won't name names ! ) could a man force his wife to scrub floors on her knees . Just because her previous " enthusiasm " for housework wasn't " enthusiastic " enough . 
Is it time yet ? My , my . Everywhere I surf I see bad news .... There 's horrible weather now in Europe , WW 3 is brewing , China and Japan are suffering rain deluges , Indonesia 's being hit again ( both tidal and land ) . All we need to complete the set is something manmade .... y ' know .... nuclear or biological . Then I can go do my apocalypse now tshirt . And wear it for all of 5 seconds , I suppose . Heh . 
Think bigger !! I truly wish President Bush wouldn't think so negatively on stem cell research . I truly believe that therein lies a host of medical discoveries just waiting to be used for the good of mankind . The USA used to do a lot of cutting edge research in a lot of fields . But one cannot help but see the slow erosion by politics and morality . American projects and their boosts are slowing . And I ' m feeling a little twinge of sadness because Americans , in general , seem to have more passion exhibited in what they do . And you need that if you believe you can " save " mankind . 
WTF - liberalism goes too far . Oh . My . God . I knew the Europeans were more liberal , in general , but this is taking things a little too far . Judge HFM Hofhuis ruled that the Brotherly Love , Freedom and Diversity Party ( PNVD ) had the same right to exist as any other political party . The PNVD was formed by three paedophiles in May , prompting outrage in Dutch society . It seeks to lower the age of sexual consent from 16 to 12 and legalise child pornography and sex with animals .......... But the PNVD says it is not just a one - issue party . It also wants children from the age of 12 to be able to vote . It promotes the legalisation of hard and soft drugs and free train travel for all . I ' m quite agitated right now . Age of consent to be 12 ? Who are you kidding ? What bloody consent ? You need to be fully aware to give consent and you certainly aren't fully aware at 12 . And what the hell is this free train travel for all ? So you could travel the length of your land ? Visiting children and ravaging them ? I first noticed them early last month . I was mad then . I ' m still mad now . 
What 's fake ? And what 's not ? I thought the BBC News page had a pretty good photospread on the world leaders and their body language . Have a peek and see if you agree with their impressions . 
Chewing gum . The irish seem to have a problem with chewing gum . Dublin sidewalks typically are polka - dotted with smashed sticks of gum that defy removal . The problem reflects Ireland 's well - documented national carelessness with litter , as well as too few garbage bins in public places . The project , launched Monday by a government - appointed Gum Litter Taskforce , will mean prominent billboards thanking people " for binning your gum when you 're done " and warning of increased enforcement measures if they don't . The advertising push is being piloted in Dublin , the second - largest city of Cork , and the eastern coastal resort of Bray , but is expected to go nationwide over the next three years . Do what we did . Ban the sale of chewing gum ! Heh ! Nah , in all seriousness , I don't think it would work for Ireland . Singapore is tiny . So small that you could run it like a large company . And we do . But I ' m also aware that what would work here would not work anywhere else . In that sense , I acknowledge my country 's uniqueness . But I ' ll telling you .... I used to get so angry when I had a wad of gum stuck to my shoe sole . I ' d rather walk barefoot , than have a sticky sole . So when the ban kicked in , oh boy , I was a happy camper ! And it didn't affect people all that much . Remember . Ban on the sale only . People brought in sticks of gum from elsewhere and distributed it out . That was OK . So population suffered a little in terms of convenience . But for the greater good ? Sheer sole bliss . Still , good luck with the threat of fines . Hardly works , at times ..... 
Things I never knew . Back at work after a 5 day break . Brain 's dead but the work 's been ok so far , so no tears in the ol ' cranial tissue . Surfing , actually , for Geo Duck information . I just couldn't get that mental image out of my head . And surprise surprise , I find that the name itself is an actual term for the clam . Not some weird , local , dialecty name but an actual original name . I surfed by a brief FAQ , which was hilarious . And very educational to boot . The proper way to pronounce the word is " gooey - duck " , not " gee - oh - duck " . Unlike learning the proper way to pronounce words such as " Cthulhu " and " YHWH " , this admittedly does not entail risk to your mortal soul . Nevertheless , if you one day happen to fall into a conversation with a group of geoduck aficionados , you don't want to instantly reveal yourself to be a clueless newbie outsider , now do you ? Heh . Cthulhu . Must be a gamer . lol Then chanced upon the Wikipedia article , which was also pretty good . The things you never knew you never knew . There 's Geo Duck farming , for crying out loud ! Then again , why am I surprised ? If it 's shipped off to China and HK and SE Asia as a delicacy , then yeah , there 's definitely money to be made . We 're the guys eating the sharks to extinction , remember ? Anyways ..... same ol ' story ..... full of useless information that ' ll never save my life : ) . 
Seafood ! Out for a seafood lunch with the girls . Man , it was hot . But the food was pretty good . Believe it or not , the place was called No Signboard Seafood . Yes , we do have the obvious here as well . I have to be honest - the girls are the ones who really enjoy their seafood : ) 1 chili crab , 1 white pepper crab with leeks , cereal - crumbed prawns , a serving of baby squid , a platter of chicken with thai chili sauce , one plate of veges . We finished it all . No pics , haven't seen the ladies in a long time and we settled down to eat whilst chatting the moment we got there . But as we sat outside - after the carnage was done - and had our coffee and smokes , I had a look at the tanks . These guys were just lying there . : o Glad we didn't order any crayfish ! This just looked really gross . I was told it 's called a Geo Duck , is some sort of clam , and is an expensive delicacy . But damn ! Bernie just shuddered and said it looked like a dick . I concur . A horse 's dick . We didn't have any lobster , although these guys were climbing all over the place and were really fiesty . Couldn't find the crabs . Wondered where they were stored . Didn't really matter as the 2 large ones we had were quite fresh . But must remember what they were muttering .... cannot come to the live section before eating . Words of wisdom , I say . 
Thanks , Iki ...... ..... for the Lot R moment ! Because of this woman , I am now going to watch a movie . Possibly all 3 . Go visit the link , it ' ll be worth your while I know * I * laughed . Great stuff ! 
Hot . The humidity is getting to me . I can take the heat , no problems . But not the mugginess . How humid is it , you ask ? I ' m - standing - nekked - in - front - of - my - fan - after - my - shower - towelling - off - and - still - perspiring hot . Yes. Not good . 
Games for all . What a great idea ! For bowler Michael Cook , it 's strictly competitive . For cheerleader Eric Hoffman , it 's political . And for Chicago 's Mayor Richard M. Daley , it 's a possible Olympics dress rehearsal . Welcome to Gay Games VII , eight days starting on Saturday of sports and cultural events promising something for everyone -- from world - class athletics , to band concerts and art installations , to the Pink Flamingos , an outrageously campy aquatic show . Ok . Granted . It 's not really an idea now , having been around for the previous 7 years . But I think the concept is .... yes darling .... alsolutely fabulous !! What I don't get , however , are the people who are protesting said games . Why ? What 's wrong with the games ? You don't like gay people ? Fine ! Don't bloody attend ! What 's your problem ? They 're not flaunting their gayness . They 're not out to steal your childfren and convert them . They 're competiting ! Argh ! These are prolly the same people who won't protest the pink dollar , eh ? 
Grannies were correct . Wear clean underwear so that if you get hit by a bus and fall down , you won't die of shame when the state of your undies is revealed . But not good . Now I have this mental image of a hugely hairy , ungroomed woman spasming on the ground , knees and knickers everywhere . Urgh .... 
Day of indulgences . Ah , ok .... Something worked . For some reason , the bumboat picture refuses to load . Oh well . You can view this stubborn picture below this post . But . * whew * Long day today . I ' m tired out , I ' m telling you .... Popped by office at noon becuse bloody employment agency doesn't have my originals . Had to pick up my originals and deliver ' em to the branch office a block away . But that wasn't the worst ! Next , it was off for lunch , which I savoured and took my time about . No rushy lunch breaks to - day , thank you ! After which I stretched out in a near - empty theatre for an afternoon screening of Pirates 2 . Bliss ! No idiot kids kicking the back of my seat ! Then an hour trudging the malls with intention to purchase ( can anything else quake a man in his shoes than a woman intent on shopping ? lol ) but with nothing worth buying . In the face of this miserable prospect , I buggered off to Swensen 's for a double scoop of Sticky Chewy Chocolate drenched in hot fudge and coffee . What ? I ' m on leave . It 's my birthday month . The shopping was pointless . Hence the tiredness . lol . To - day was a day to treat myself ! The tattoo won't count . It 's next week and it will * hurt * . But I digress ..... Day didn't end there , oh no . It was off to Changi Beach again in the evening . It may be a Friday , but it was fairly early , and I like getting to the beach in time for the sunset . Besides , I have my favourite spot . From where I was , it 's normally pretty good viewing . Some sort of clubhouse on my left . But what a great location - just perched right on the water 's edge . And right smack at the entrance of the waterway too . What I wouldn't give to wake up to waves lapping the base of my house : ) Looked around me . All nice and pretty . Calm and tranquil . Out on this spot it 's quite possible to feel as if you 're the only person in the world . Alas , the view right in front should have been the best but there was a huge cloud bank that just obscured everything . I looked down and pondered on my options . Haha - cheeky I know , but those are the breaks . You ' ll live ! Since I wasn't going to have my sunset , I headed out onto the sands . Those barely - there imprints are mine , on the right . I couldn't help but compare them to the ones on the left ....... so deep , so imprinted , so gouged out ! I suspect a hard - core jogger on the wet sand because of the depth of the imprint , and the type of sole . But what a contrast , eh ? Walked the waterline . Light faded . There were more people out now . And I got my colour in the end ! I feel quite good , actually . 
Cool . My dinner appointment called in sick . Poor chap. Migraine . What a suck ass thing to happen . I used to have ' em a lot when I was in corporate so I am currently the most understanding woman in the world . haha . Made good time , instead , with Jimmie . Back to buy his car , he filled me in on what 's happening over in Yogyakarta . His stories sound like tales from SG and MY back in the ' 60 s and ' 70 s . : o Still , good to catch up . 
Last shot . So . You thought the World Cup is over ? Yes. Well . Actually , it is . But idle thoughts are the devils work and here 's a list of the worst 11 . Here 's the opening paragraph . When the 2006 World Cup DVDs come out , producers will include a certain type of footballer . Not those revelling in their achievements in the last month , but those anxious to prevent reminders of their ineptitude or incompetence in Germany , fervently hoping their reputation isn't sullied . Here , then , to prompt their memories , is Soccernet 's nightmare XI , to be managed by Sven - Goran Eriksson . Amusing read . 
Buggered on tattoos . What ? They 're full ? I ' ve been psyched for the last 5 days and now I call and find out that perhaps I can't get it done ? I have decided to try and get some inkwork done . Have always loved tats , long story , finally got one years back . Been gently hankering for more ever since . And now that I have time , they have no slots available ? Fer crying out loud , it 's a Wed ! It 's not like it 's the weekend and fashionably stupid kids are walking through your door ! Argh ! * small sigh * Ok , flip side . They 're packed so they must do good work . And I ' ve heard of them - word of mouth being , probably , the most important advertising tool - but there 's nothing like confirmation to put one at ease . Oh well . Nothing for it but to go down and discuss things with them . UPDATE @ 9.46 pm Back from Utopia , the studio . They 're pretty good people . And they ARE popular . Was very impressed with the tattoo artist . He has creative licence to integrate my existing , with the new . I ' ll have a quick chat with him before , on the day , and then we ' ll get down to it . Apparently it ' ll be a 2 hour sitting , or thereabouts . And I ' m cringing already ! Pics when the new piece is added on the 22 nd . UPDATE TO THE UPATE @ 9.57 I think I have Bernie hooked . I certainly hope so ! There was this fantastic pattern she found , I loved , and which is dead sexy . And so her . Do it , Bernie . Just do it ! : ) . 
Idle surfing & thoughts . Surf served up a great joke : ) A Marine pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman . He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment . The woman notices this and asks , " Is your date running late ? " " No , " he replies , " I just got this state - of - the - art watch , and I was just testing it . " The intrigued woman says , " A state - of - the - art watch ? What 's so special about it ? He explains , " It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically . " The lady says , " What 's it telling you now ? " " Well " , explains the pilot , " it says you 're not wearing any panties .... " The woman giggles and replies , " Well it must be broken , because I am wearing panties ! " The pilot taps his watch and says , " Damn thing 's an hour fast . " So . What happens if said pilot encounters a woman who doesn't wear undies ? : o Speaking of which , you guys out there , what turns you on more ? A woman with ? or without knickers ? If yes ? what kind ? Go on . Curious minds want to know . 
Just say hello . Men of the world . Please . Don't ever use pickup lines when you try and get friendly . The creep alert just winds up about a gazillion notches when you do . In addition , the tendency to laugh in your face gets overwhelming . Especially when you say things like Was your father a thief ? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes . Don't say you haven't been warned . 
. the platform , ; , , , . , ; , , , , , , , , . , . , ......... ........ ? 
?? The left one : HK $ 90 , , ; , , . , , . , , " " ! " " , ; , , " " , . , , , , , , , , ( ) . : , ?? , , . . " " , ; " " , , " " lot , , : " " ! 
The Problem with Vacations . is that I really , really do not want to return to work on Monday . Seriously . I think I am beginning to feel like my old self today . I keep dreaming of all this food I could eat . LOL . But , I ' ve lost some weight and really want to keep it off . I decided to start applying for some new jobs while I still have one . I need to do something differently and challenge my brain a little , or at least make some more money . I ' m tired of this whole group bonus thing . Looks like it 's going to be another hot day . I plan on going to bingo or heading to the beach . So glad I can finally leave the house . 
Sick . I haven't posted in awhile because I ' ve been really sick with stomach flu . I thought it was sunstroke but doc says it must be some sort of stomach virus . I thought I was on the mend yesterday and decided to eat a burrito for dinner . Not a good choice . Looks like I ' ll be eating toast and soup for awhile . I ' ve never had this before , so wondering how long it should last . I ' ve been sick since Saturday night . Doc says come come back Friday if not better and she ' ll take a sample . Huh ? No way , this godamn thing better be gone by then . I am currently on vacation too so needless to say I haven't ventured too far from home . The weather is gorgeous , absolutely gorgeous . I normally LOVE the hot temps but not when I ' m under the weather . A friend who used to be a best friend and now resides out of province is coming for a visit . We have really grown apart these past few years . I came for a visit last year and she was not very hospitable at all . We were supposed to stay for two days and then last minute she said oh yah I ' m leaving on my vacation a day earlier than I thought . Yah right . So anyway she is coming here but plans on staying Sat , Sun , Mon , and Tues when I will be at work . I guess she just needs a cheap motel to stay at . That is how I ' m feeling . I ' m not that comfortable with people staying in my apartment while I ' m not here and her boyfriend is a fucking dork . Well as they say , suck it up buttercup . I ' m sure when she 's here we will have fun . Let 's just hope this illness is gone by then . 
Haven't posted in awhile . cause I ' ve been really bummed . I went shopping , why I punish myself like this I do not know , but anyway it wasn't a very successful trip . I feel like the hugest person on the whole entire planet . You know that level or weight that you have in your head , the one that you say oooooooh if I ever get that big then I know I ' ve gone over the edge or whatever . Well I have waaaaaaaaaay surpassed that . I don't know how people do it that have 100 pounds to lose or more . I have at least 50 to lose and it may as well be 150 for how I ' m feeling right now . I just have to think of it in small chunks I guess , one day at a time . Today was fairly successful as far as points go , in fact since Monday , I ' ve been doing quite well . So I will allow myself that little pat on the back . I am offcially on holidays for one week . I seriously feel relaxed already . Just sitting back now have a beer . Life is good , well except for this stupid weight thing . But really , do I have to obsess about it everyday ? I don't have any big plans for my time off , as hubby is working , but I do plan to hit the beach and get some color , read some good chick lit and flop . Everyone have a fab weekend . 
I ' m going to Mexico . So my Vegas trip somehow turned into a week at an all inclusive in Peurta Vallarta ( sp ) . I ' m very nervous about spending all that money , but excited too . Now I really have some motivation to lose at least ten lbs , can that be done in six weeks ? I don't know , but I am going to give it my all . Frick , I have to buy more shorts , something I was seriously trying to avoid and ugh , something " fancy " for dinner . Wishe me luck . If there is one thing I dread more than the dentist and oh say a pap , is shopping for clothes . Three more business days and I have a week off , back to work for four more weeks and then another week . Can't wait !!! Oh yah , and I stayed OP today . Whoo hoo ! 
I stayed OP . That 's right folks , I managed to stay OP ! Yay for me . Today was lovely and warm , a balmy 29 degrees . Apparently we may get up to 38 on Saturday . As long as I ' m at the beach somewhere I ' ll be okay . I ' m glad the day is over ; I ' m always so friggin grumpy on Monday , as I never sleep well on Sunday . I got my time off I wanted to go to Vegas in September . I booked my flight this morning but the travel agent called right back and said that flight was full . I ' m disappointed but she told me I could go day before for an extra $ 50 each , so hopefully when I call tomorrow that flight will still be open . It 's going to be $ 400 each + tax and we have to drive to Vancouver , pay for meals blah blah but I ' m excited . Our first airplane trip together , yay ! So if this other flight doesn't pan out , I may go for the Bellagio at $ 549 . It 's more than I wanted to pay but what the hell . As they say , life is too short . So here is my menu for today ; Oatmeal Caramel machiatto Bluberries 2 WW carrot cakes Turkey & plastic cheese on squirrelly bread 100 cal pack of baked doritos Cadbury Mint thin bar Chicken breast 1 / 2 c . ricebeans & peas w / butter Ice cream sandwich All in all I think I did great today . 
Cheese in a can . Only in the good old U.S. can you buy aerosol cheese . How sick is that ? And not in a good way . Me and hubby were feeling spontaneous so we headed down across the border to Wenatchee , WA . It was a great couple of days ; the weather couldn't have been better and we were both in a good mood . We didn't really have a purpose for going . Mainly we just drove , ate , shopped , ate some more and then drove some more . We had a hell of a time finding a hotel ; apparently there was some big softball tournament in town . We had planned on going to Spokane in a couple of weeks but now that we ' ve already been to the states , we may just put off that trip . I am actually more interested in going to Coure d ' Alene , Idaho . I ' ve never been and have heard great things . We ate a shitload of food let me tell ya . We had dinner at a great restaurant on the 9 th floor of a hotel . Everything was rotisserie . I had the yummiest ribs with mashed potatoes , gravy and cornbread . Well tomorrow is a new day . One of the best things about the states is that our dollar is closing in on theirs AND their stuff is cheaper . $ 12.99 for 18 beer . What a bargain ! I even got to go to Target , Bath & Body Works & Old Navy . I feel 100 % relaxed and might even go to work tomorrow . The original plan had been to call in sick cause I was feeling so stressed on Friday . I always feel so guilty even though I get five sick days per year . I rarely ever get sick so I prefer to think of them as mental health days . It 's for everyone 's good LOL . Happy Monday everyone and cross your fingers for me that my goal of staying OP for an entire week ( Omg ) will be attainable . 
Elevators are a funny thing . I mean , after all this time you ' d think I ' d know what to do when I get in one . But no , I think , do I stare ahead at the wall or at the floor . It 's like you can hear a pin drop . And another thing , is it just me or is it kind of uncomfortable to be sitting in front of the mirror for so long at the hair salon . Ugh , I don't like it . Better to bury my nose in a magazine the whole time rather than stare at the pumpkin on top of my neck . Anyway , work went well today . I ' m rather proud of myself for being more patient these last few weeks . I have seven more business days until I am holiday . Yipee . I really need this time off to mellow out and relax ! Rock star is on tonight . This season doesn't seem to be as good as last year , but it 's stil fun to watch . Later . 
Its been a while ... For the last 10 days or so , I have been shocked out of the blog . I had a friend that was sactually googling herself and she found my blog , so for a while there I was just shocked !!! I have been in midterms and speeches and speeches and midterms ... way over my head with work . I even had to work the weekend of my birthday because I am moving soon and I can't fall behind at all . Everyone that was actually helping me move and all .. is either not here or ... not here ! LOLSo I am looking at myself and the best way to do it I think is to rent a truck and slowly go filling it and on the first pretty much start unloading it ... from there on the rest will be history ! I still havent started packing , I dont even have boxes I feel that I cant think of it too hard or too much or my school is going to get affected . Anyway , it will be what it will be . Malens mom is not coming till mid august so I can do it slowly or smoothly whatever comes first ! 
Random thoughts . For some reason I had accumulated stuff in the attic of my brain and today after my last midterm meeting I decided to clean the attic 's dust . First I can't believe that Sarah is a shallow human being , Ashley help her get her summer job and all she talks to her about is problems and me , Ashley is a human being and she wants to be heard too . She wanted to know how she is and just a " hello . how are YOU ? " But what can you expect it brought out the resentment i have , because I was judge and characterized without a decent and respectful ... who am I kidding ... ANY kind of conversation ! How can you tell things about someone ? Telepathically ? WOAH ! Or maybe hearing things through the grapevine and that is just freaking wrong ! Second i was thinking of my father and his mess with his divorce , he suffers more than what he needs to and i think it because people told him where he stood from the moment that he married that lady and now he is seeing the truth and that is embarracing . I feel for him and understand him ... as I go into my third point ... Malen ... now after all the trouble all the dettachment , all the deceptions , now she is trying to win me over ... is it too late ? I don't feel the same way , but I have loved her for so long . Do we keep jumping into routine , and cylces and keep going till the next outburst or do I stop it now . Is it easy ? not at all , I don't hate her but I don't feel that many times I want to be around her as much . I don't have that tinggly feeling inside , and the emotion or the passion of feeling her close to me . I am moving and sometimes I thought that I would be back running before I knew it , but today I have thought and I have put it all in the balance and i don't think is going to be easy to make me fall in love again , but as I told her today you can try ... but I still need my time and my place alone . Fourth ... my move ... what am I going to get , how am I going to live ? I just need to relax and tke one day at a time ! The run for our money comes now ... this is the time when all the professors throw all the work and the marathon till finals begins ! 
Time closes in . As time gets shorter to due date ... doubt arise in my head . Am I doing the right thing ? What is that I am doing ? The cold , the open communication between us ... th moon .. whatever more ... lightens my mood and my nger is now gone ... now I am moving toward righteouness ... but the fact that I am almost done bitching , makes it easy and nerve wrecking at the same time . my new home ...340 Habersham Streetand thats it ! 
Sick day . No wander I have been sleeping so much ! I woke up this morning between my throat , runny nose and aching body a piece of crap ! I worked on things for my speech paper , but my head was going and coming and so was I. Between teh bed and the screen I couldn't see very clearly . I think I took and overdose of vitamins and supplements to make this uncomfortable feeling go away . Anyway ... I was feeling a bit better when i wanted to get some fresh air tday , and as I was getting ready to sun bathe my skin ... it started to rain ! Fudge ! I thought maybe not sunshine but somekind of oudoor activity , so I asked malen if she would come with me to the movies ... and we went to see The Devil wears Prada ... funny but nerve wrecking in the world of fashion . Anyway , by the end of the movie I was feeling worse so we ran back home ... and i pretty much went to bed ! Sucks to be me tomorrow ! I wanted but didnt get to talk to my grandmother , I guess she was in visiting hours with my grandfather who is still not doing so well . gn . 
Lily found a home ! Couldn't sleep , had tons in my mind ... but decided to get online and look at my options as far as furniture and decorations ... how do I want to start the new lok the new me ? Saw lots of cute things between BB & B ... and Garnet Hill .... and Target ! Slept almost till noon today , I think that I was tired ... haha ... Emotionally I have been drained for over two months and now physically I dont know how I haven't gotten sick ... It 's all in the head ... ( Im not going to get sick , Im not going to be sick .... ) Margie called and I invited Malen to come see the apartment ... reality is reality and I wanted her to see the real mk Coy . She was quiet and observant , she said the place looked like me ! We got measurement for all the rooms and all the walls so I can start getting my stuff . From there we were supposed to go to Kate 's place to chack on her cats but we stopped at brighter day to get something to drink and found ourselves adopting a little kitty ( shared custody ) that was in front of the market ... she looks just like the two cats here ... blue - gray like chiqui and white as Frida ... it 's a true mutation between the two of them . Her name is LILY she is the sweetest and intelligent littel kitty ... she already has a spot in the house and she goes there to rest ... we took her to the vet at Petsmart , and bought her some food and stuff ... so by this time we ahd forgotten to go by kate 's house and she was probably back anyway ... haha ... I wasn't going to cook after the run around day that we had , so ... we went to Sweet Leaf ! and I am back to behind my computer in deep conversations with photoshop !!! 
Where ? What ? When ? It seems like friday went by without a sound ... I know that i was somewhere but the question is where ? I went with the girls oh oh oh ... I am starting to remember ... we went to the Farmers market on HWy 80 ! We got a gigantic watermelon ! One day to be eaten by Ashley , Sonseree and me : - ) Supermarket and home .... this photochop program is going to drive me to insanity !! I will one day be on top of it , that day is still to be seen ! We all had dinner in Masato - Tepanyaki ... it was really good ! My days are breezing away ... its already 2 weeks to M - day ( moving day ) I have been wating to get furniture but I dont have the measurements of the apartment . I called Margie so hopefully this weekend I will get that ball running . 
Talking about weird ... Today my grandfather had a stroke ! He was rushed to the hospital for an emergency heart operation . He will be fine but for half the day we were all left in an byssa about is condition . My father who has been going through alot lately got so involved that forgot to call his 3 daughters ... the werid thing was that each one individually called my grandmother today to see how she was doing and from there found out the extent of my grandfathers condition . A big part of me wanted to go to PR but there is so much going on here for me and with classes and all , that i just could go . And couldnt afford o go ... $ 910 for 3 days .... was it all worth it would it had been ? Hopefully tomorrow i will know more and decide what I need to do . All the pieces will fall in place but are they waiting to really be disperce on the floor to get their act going ? Going to bed ... tomorrow there wll be gym in the morning , the routine needs to go on ... then digital and then speech ... but I need to keep moving . Everyone was bitchy and edgy today ... In Studio I had Phillip as an extra in our group .... sucked , he rushed me in my pic and i was hating the living shit out of him !!!!!!! I visit this peaceful place whener i get down ... from here only visit in spirit but I can see myself sitting in the porch looking at the bird fly by ... 
It 's a Boy ! Today was a memorable day . My 20 - week sonogram showed that we 're having a boy ! This definitely does make the whole idea of having a baby much more real and exciting . First was the initial relief of seeing that the heartbeat was strong and vital organs were in place . Then , the excitement was that it was clearly a boy . So after that concept settled in , my mind really started racing : What kind of mom and dad will we be like ? What will he look like ? How will I handle gross boy stuff ? Can I survive his broken bones and bloody noses ? Puberty ... Yikes ! What girls will he date ? What kind of mother - in - law will I be like ? So many things to consider . For now , we ' ll slow down and take one day at a time . First things first ... a name . Hmmmmm ? We are continually thankful for this amazing blessing from God ! ____________________________ Although he looks somewhat skeletonish , I thought this sonogram picture was too cute . He looks like he 's looking right into the camera and waving hello ! 
July 13 , 1996 . 10 years ago today was my first date with Wade . It 's still a matter of debate if it was a real " date " or not . At the time , I considered it a night out with a good friend . When I showed up and realized his ENTIRE family was there for his dad 's birthday party , I realized it was a little more than a friendly dinner . Who knew that 2 months later we would officially start dating , 3 years later we would get married , and 10 years later we would be expecting a baby . I ' m amazed by how life progresses . There have been plenty of ups and plenty of downs throughout the last 10 years , but I can't imagine anyone else with me along the way . I ' m sure glad I said yes to that date . : ) . 
Are You In There ? By the size of my expanding waistline , I know the baby is in there and growing . According to all of the books , I should be able to feel the baby move . So , I ' ve now become obsessed with analyzing every stomach gurgle . Was that the baby ? Or just my lunch ? Everyone says I ' ve probably felt it move already , but just didn't know that it was the baby . Aaarrgghhh ! I ' m really looking forward to that part ... next will be figuring out was that a boy kick or a girl kick ? _____________________________ Saturday 7 / 8 / 06 update : I think maybe I felt the baby today ... still not sure . It kind of felt like when you get a small eye twitch or finger muscle twitch , but inside my stomach . Could that have been it ?????? 
Julie Andrews ... .... for real ? I pulled this from Wade 's blog . My Heritage . com will take a picture and pick a celebrity that you look like the most . I guess I should be singing the hills are alive , becuase it said I looked like Julie Andrews . If it was the picture and version of her from 30 years ago I might not feel as bad . But the picture they compared me to was one of her currently . Not quite sure what to think . 
A Beautiful Sound . Every 4 weeks over the last 4 months I go into panic mode . It usually starts about 2 - 3 days before my OB appointments . Then the worries begin . As was the case today @ my 17 - week check - up . But all of that seems to go out the door the second we hear that heartbeat . To me , that fast whooshing noise sounds like our little baby inside there saying , " Here I am Mom Dad working hard ... Don't you worry ! " What a relief ... and what a blessing . So little Baby Strz , keep growing ! 
Mars , Venus , & Mavericks . Another example of the differences between men and women ... how you respond when your favorite sports team loses . I think it 's fair to say that ( for a girl ) I ' m a decent sports fan . I can watch a good game and can follow most of our home teams enough to know who the big dogs are and what the hot topic is . Of all the sports , basketball is probably my favorite to watch . And , over the last few years , I ' ve really enjoyed the Mavericks . So as they made it to the Finals , I ' ve been following it and have been genuinely excited to see it all happen . I guess that 's where any similarities between me and the die - hard males stop . It 's been almost 24 hours since the sad loss , and I ' ve gotten about 5 sentences out of my husband about the game . The loss is so devastating / frustrating that he won't even talk about it . I don't understand this . No offense , but it wasn't like we could ' ve done anything to win or lose the game for them , so how can you take it so personally ? It doesn't compute with me . 
Father 's Day memory . Me , Dad , Shannon A little trip down memory lane ... Father 's Day 1984 . As you can see , my awkward stage was just beginnng . Nice shades and moustache Dad ... too cool ! : ) Happy Father 's Day . 
Lake Food . This past weekend we headed to the lake with friends . As always , it 's lots of fun being at the lake ... no wristwatch , no TV , no timetable , but lots of lake food . I realized that there are certain foods I love having while at the lake . I rarely ever buy these any other time , but for some reason taking it to the lake makes it all OK . Big Cheez - It Chewy Chips - A - Hoy cookieswatermelonhot dogs Rice Krispie treatspowdered donuts for breakfast After all of this , I ' m scared to think about my next weigh - in at the doctor 's office . But I think I heard somewhere that lake food calories don't count . : ) Any other yummy lake food I forgot to list ? 
Welcome to the family ! I ' m an aunt ( again ) ! My sister and brother - in - law just had their first baby . Introducing .... Mallory Kate She 's a cutie ! It 's hard to believe that my younger sister is a mom . But , I know that Mallory 's life will be filled with lots of love ... and laughter ! I can't wait to find out what her personality will be like and tell her all of the goofy and funny stories about her mom : from when I made her let me pick out all of her outfitswhen we played school and I was always the teacher and she was the studentwhen we would talk to each other from the bedroom next door with our Cabbage Patch Kid walkie - talkieswhen she didn't like the boy Cabbage Patch Kid she got for Christmas , so I got 2 when I gave her a bloody nose ( I cried more than she did ) all of the funny moments of " Grumpy Shannon " when she would wake upand our fun ( we are actually friends ) semester @ ACU together The joys of aunthood ! : ) If Mallory turns out to be anything like her mom or dad , she ' ll be a wonderful person to be around full of faith and love . I ' m so happy for your new family . Love , Aunt Kelly . 
A Scary Phone Call . I ve been dreading a phone call like this ever since Wade started cycling last year . It s Saturday morning . I m at home getting ready for my productive day of errands when the phone rings and I notice it s Wade s cell phone . Here s what I hear : Loud outside background noise and commotion . Female voice : Who am I calling ? Wade ( in the background ) : My wife . Female voice : Mrs. Strzinek , this is a student nurse . Your husband has been in a bike accident . He s OK , just really scratched and banged up and might have a head , leg , or hip injury . We re loading him into an ambulance and figuring out what hospital to take him to . Here he is . Wade : Babe , I m OK . Just call my dad ( who s a doctor ) and meet me at the ER . CLICK . So , as I m about to get sick with panic . I realize I have no idea where he is or where he s going . This probably ranks in my Top 10 lifetime moments of panic . Long story short I got a hold of the nurse again to find out the ambulance was headed to Baylor Dallas . So , the following frantic hour drive to the hospital ranks as another Top 10 moment of panic as my mind starts thinking of every horrible scenario possible ( from a broken leg or hip to internal bleeding ) . Why do we do that to ourselves ???? I arrived at the hospital to find Wade in a neck brace and on an X - ray machine stretcher . I was a little relieved when the first thing he said to me ( with a smile ) was Are you mad at me ? Realizing it wasn t life - threatening , I said , We ll see after we know how this all turns out . : ) After a few hours in the ER , we received great news that nothing was broken . Wade has a pretty huge and intense road rash and bruising all along the right side of his body . He said the part where the nurse had to clean it out hurt almost more than the accident . But , we are SO thankful that it is something that s not permanent and will heal . I have to give him credit . This wasn t from cycling at crazy speeds or doing anything dumb ( although in my opinion , the entire sport is a tad crazy ) . He unfortunately was going through an intersection and hit an oil patch in the road . He said it was like hitting ice all of a sudden . The people who saw the accident said his bike went right out from under him , and he slid almost 20 feet along the road . Not to be too melodramatic , but I know that it could ve been so much worse . So to answer his first question am I mad as of today , not mad , just so thankful he s going to be OK . We ll see if that changes in a couple more days . : ) . 
Random Questions for Today . How come my car has never " backfired " ? What exactly does it mean ? Why does it sound like a gunshot ? And why does it always happen on tv or in the movies , but never in real life ? 
Movie Review - North Country . Yes , yes , I am really playing catch - up at the video store , I know . I had really wanted to see this movie when it first came out , but somewhere along the way , I must have forgotten about it . I watched it this weekend and I really liked it . It was sometimes hard to watch , because it is based on true events , and took place in 1989 . I couldn't understand how things like this could happen in the workplace , to woman , during my lifetime . Sure , these days , sexual harassment is kind of a joke . But then , when women were being physically assaulted at work , it was a real issue . Some of the things that took place were just grotesque , and all that I could think of was , if some asshole did that to me , I ' d chop his balls off . Of course , I have some anger issues that I need to work out : ) The acting in this film was superb , of course . You can always count on Oscar winners . It wasn't too long . The flashbacks made sense . It had touching moments . I am really glad that I got around to watching it . It made me appreciate the freedom that I have , as a woman , in the working world . So far , it seems like I love all movies . So not true , I am just not wasting my time writing about the crap ones . Date Movie was one of them . In Her Shoes , another . Actually , it the latter wasn't horrible , but wasn't great either . Just kinda there . He 's still popping by . Not as often , maybe he 's just busy . I really would like to understand it though . It seems like he cares , and that keeps hope in my heart . Hope , in this situation , is not good . Hope makes me think that I still have a chance . So c ' mon Heartbreaker , smarten up . Would it really be so horrible to talk to me if you want ? 
Movie Review - Brokeback Mountain . Okay , so I was a little late in seeing this one . Everyone else saw it in the theatre , so I had to wait for dvd . Then , I was just never in the mood . I figured it was one of those movies where you need to be in the right mindset to enjoy it . I was right . I watched it yesterday and I really enjoyed it . Now , I knew the basic storyline , but not much else . I didn't realize that the time span was the sixties and seventies . Of course , cowboy style doesn't really change much , so it would have been hard to tell when exactly the movie was set . I was glad the " tent " scene was fairly close to the beginning , because it was probably the most shocking . The kisses were much easier to watch after that . I was always a big fan of Queer as Folk , but the gay men on that show were always a little , well , gay . Cowboys are a little more manly , and a little more rough . It was interesting . The acting was superb , and I really think Jake Gyllenhaal 's performance deserved many more accolades than it received . As for Heath Ledger , he was good , but it always sounded like he was mumbling . Seriously , I watched the final scene 3 times , and still didn't get what he said , so I had to turn on the closed captioning . How bad is that ? Michelle Williams was surprisingly good , since I thought I would just see her as Jenn from Dawson 's Creek . Anyway , it was a love story . A beautiful , tormented , forbidden love story . It was so interesting to see the different reactions that each different character had . If anyone has seen the movie , I want your opinion on one part . When Jack 's wife is explaining to Enis about Jack 's death , is she telling the truth , or did it happen how Enis envisioned it ? That part kind of confused me . Was he just assuming the way it happened based on what he ' d seen in the past ? Sorry for the spoiler to anyone who hasn't seen the movie , but I do think that I ' m probably the last person to see it . I am definately on a movie kick . I have seen a number of great ones lately . I will review all of them and post here . Had a therapy session tonight , and it was probably the most powerful one yet . I am beginning to realize some of the stupid choices that I ' ve made . I ' m also realizing that I let people get away with way more shit than a self - respecting girl should . It 's my fault for allowing that , I own that . But from here on , no more . I promise it to myself . 
Heatbreaker . Ok heartbreaker , I need to know why you keep visiting here ? For someone so adament about not wanting me , you have a strange way of showing it . Is it some weird , morbid fascination to read about my pain ? If you could take this fascination and translate it into an actual conversation , maybe I wouldn't have such tormented posts . I don't really say more here than what I ' ve already told you in any one of my " spazzy morning emails " over the last year . My feelings for you are very intense . Sometimes it 's scary for me , as I have no real outlet for them . I want to be with you and would welcome you back into my life with open arms . I want the opportunity to see if we could work as a couple , we never really explored that . I don't know what else you want to read here . Please explain it to me , cause it makes me very confused . Maybe you 're just waiting to see if I do move on , meet someone new and forget about you . Or maybe this is a perfect relationship for you , you get to know all about me without having to share yourself one bit . Or maybe it 's just kinda cool to know there 's a nut out there who can't seem to get over you . And I really thought I would ' ve gotten at least a birthday card , and if I was really lucky , dinner . I keep coming back to this post , with so much that I want to say . I sat outside , soaked in the night air , and felt my head fill up like a paper cup in a waterfall thanks to my allergies . So with a histamine fog , this is what I ' ve come up with . I want you to look , listen and pay attention . Life is too short for this . It 's too short to not want to share your life and it 's too short to want to rush down the aisle . Life should be about sharing and loving and wanting and needing . Life is too short to want so much , to try so hard , and end up crumpled on the floor with your heart in a million little pieces . Life is too short to pretend that it 's better all alone . I ' m willing to take a step back , a giant step back , if you can take a step forward , a small step . Somewhere in the middle , I think is probably a wonderful place . A place I really want to visit , but life is too short to wait forever to get there . Do you hear me ? I know you read this , but do you really hear me ? 
Shopping Spree . Today I took myself on a little shopping spree . I started out the day at the Atwater Market . It 's probably one of my most favorite places in the city . And the fact that it 's so close to me is amazing . I swear , I ' m saving all my spare change for the next 2 years , just so I can buy myself a little condo in that area . It just makes me so happy being there . Surrounded by all the fresh fruits and veggies , and the yummy speciality shops . I picked up some roasted peas for my Dad , and some soy nuts ( but only told them what they were after he had tasted them and liked them ) . I also got him some blue cheese , and myself some camembert . Since I always get stuff for my Dad , I bought my Mom a little bouquet of flowers . I bought myself a nice bottle of wine , and a big container of mixed cherry tomatoes . I still had a good chunk of the afternoon left , so I headed out to that end of town to the big mall . Really , I just wanted to see if there were still any crazy sales at La Senza , but instead , there were crazy sales everywhere . I got a top at R & W and pants and another top at Smart Set . I went to H & M and saw quite a few things that I will like for fall . So I will wait a bit for that , and focus on all the summer stuff that 's being liquidated . I went to Jacob , where everything in the store was 30 % . By this time though , I didn't really feel like starting to try stuff on , so I gave up . I walked out and forgot totally that there 's a Jacob Lingerie right next door . 30 % everything in there too . Eeks , and since La Senza had squat , I needed to end the day with a quality undies fix . Sure , I went a little overboard , since I had bought 2 negligees , a bra , and a hoody at La Senza last week . But 30 % off , c ' mon ! So I got these great , softy jammies , a yellow cami , green jammie pants and new undies . At the cash , I asked if the sale was just today , and the salesgirl told me it 's until August 5 th . Oh my freakin ' God . I can go back to Jacob and try everything on . Woohoo ! So yeah , I did buy alot today , but shopping seems to be the only thing lately that makes me feel somewhat better . Sure , wine has also been helping , but it 's becoming kind of a pricey habit . Not to mention , I don't really need to become Boozy Mc Gee instead of Spazzy . Cause that will really make him want me . Too bad I don't have the balls to try some serious drugs , cause I think they would really help dull the pain . So would a quality cuddle session : o ) . 
What the hell is wrong with me ? While other , smart , girls hope for strength to get over a loss , I hope that he ' ll come to his senses and realize just how amazing I am . I thought about my dream all day yesterday . Only , in my daydream , in wasn't Mark . I don't want to be like this . I want to forget all about him . I want to meet someone else and get all that I ever wanted . But I go out , anywhere , to clubs , to the market , to restaurants , and I look around at the men and I cannot find a single one that I find attractive . I talk to men , and I don't really care about what they 're saying . Nothing about them is interesting . I can't stop thinking about him . I can't stop wanting him . I think he 's the most handsome man I ' ve ever known . Everything about him makes me anxious and nervous . I wish that I could ' ve known everything about him . I wish that he had wanted to share . And I wish that he had wanted to know everything about me . I wanted to tell him . I wanted to be able to tell him anything . I tried sometimes , but it didn't really matter . I admire him , his devotion to his work . I admire the time that he gives . So what the hell is wrong with me . Why can't I just forget him ? I ' ve re - read this and I know that I sound pathetic . I don't want to be this way , I swear . And I try not to think of him . I even give myself little rewards if I can go any length of time without thinking of him . It doesn't work . I want to move on desperately , but I want him more . I talk myself out of it over and over , but no matter what I tell myself , that want comes back . I don't know what it means , other than my feelings for him are very , very strong . It 's also so horribly dissapointing to think that such strong feelings are a waste . So now I ' m stitting in my sexy new jammies , that I bought because I am so sad without him , and I just want him to see them . It 's a sulty , summer night , and I would kill to be able to go skinny dipping with him , and then wrap ourselves in one big towel . Dripping wet , together . Of course , he 's probably doing that with someone else right now . 
Dreamweaver . Even though my sleep hasn't been fantastic lately , most of my dreams have . Everything goes my way , in dreams . I am always so happy and in love , in dreams . I am loved right back , in dreams . In one way or another , it 's been about him every single night . So vivid and real , that I wake up with his scent still in my nose . And then I have to go through losing him all over again , every morning . Those seconds where I have to transist from dream to awake , and the ugly truth rains down on me once again . Last night was different though . I didn't dream of him , I dreamt of Mark . This dream was so complex , that I was dreaming in my dream . And that dream was probably the most beautiful dream I ' ve ever had . Now that I am awake , the details seem kind of odd , in that dreamlike way , but how it made me feel was just unbelievable . It was like everything that makes me happy was rolled into a moment . This dream within a dream started out that it was my birthday ( and I am thinking that the way I had really wanted my birthday played out this year is reflected in the dream ) . Mark took me to a spa , where we could spend the day relaxing , together . I love the spa , it 's my favorite place to unwind , and here , I was getting to share it with someone . It was very romantic . After that wonderful day , I got all dressed up , and he took me to a spot where we once had a picnic . In reality , it 's not that far from where I sit right now . Just down the street , along the water , we picniced under a beautiful weeping willow tree . In the dream , it was this tree , and there were candles all around , and music playing . We slow danced for what seemed like hours . Then he did the unthinkable , he got down on one knee , and proposed . What can I say , it was everything I ' ve ever wanted . Then , when I awoke , in the first dream , I was too afraid to tell him what I had dreamt , for fear it would scare him away . Why do guys suck so much that they get scared off so easily ? Why do girls always have to censor what they say , for fear of scaring them off ? That makes me mad . Guys can say whatever they want . Once the heartbreaker even said ( obviously it meant nothing ) that us making out in his car for hours , in front of my place , was " a story to tell the grandkids " . If I had said that , he probably would ' ve pushed me out of the car , and sped away at lightning speed . But because he said it , it was ok . And I loved that he said it , it gave me hope . Empty hope , of course , but hope . Anyway , back to the dream sequence . I woke up feeling like I was flying . It was so perfect , and I was so happy . I wonder if I will ever get to feel that for real . I wonder if my damaged psyche could even handle such happiness . I have a feeling if someone ever asked me to marry them , my heart would explode . First from shock , then from extreme happiness . I just wonder why it was Mark in the dream . 
Always the Wrong Approach . Back in my younger days ( I ' m 30 now , I can say that ) , I always came across to others as someone very strong , very independant , someone who could take care of herself and needed nobody 's help . I was emotionally tough , I guess . Obviously , this was mostly an act , a self preservation technique to not let men get too close so that I wouldn't get hurt . I was always with a group of good looking girls , and I guess that I lumped myself in to that category as well , back then , of course . We always attracted lots of attention when we went out , but I never had a single guy interested after the night was done . Many of my friends said that it was because I was too independant . That guys sometimes like to be needed . Sometimes they like a girl to take care of . Sometimes , they even like having to do a little saving . I never agreed with this and absolutely refused to let my guard down to get a guy . Then I met Mark , and I didn't have to . He knew me so well , that I didn't have to confess my weaknesses , he already knew them , and took care of them accordingly . He was always good at knowing just what I needed . When I needed alot , when I could be on my own . It just flowed . But somewhere along the way , it just dissolved , and it was over . We no longer really cared what the other needed . We moved on . Somehow though , I found myself showing all my weaknesses to heartbreaker . Sure , I had so many insecurities that he never knew about . Sure , I wondered if I wasn't the only one in his life , if I was just one of many girls . I wondered sometimes if I was the " other woman " , that he really had a girlfriend and I was just on the side . I wondered if I was too fat , or not pretty enough . I wondered why he couldn't answer what he liked about me . I wondered so many things all the time . While he didn't know the specifics , he knew of my neurosis . He knew that I was falling apart . And I wasn't even doing it on purpose , it had just overboiled so much that it became too hard to act tough . So isn't it just Murphy 's Law that they first man that I showed my weaknesses to , didn't want to make me better ? Didn't want to be needed ? Didn't want to try and save me ? I ' m damned if I do , damned if I don't . 
Continued . I finished the movie . Wow , it got even more real when I went back to it . She dates this great guy , who she really believes will save her , make her normal . But as things progress , her depression and insecurities take hold of her , and end up driving him away . She doesn't cope well . Hmmm , any of this sounding familiar ? Funny though , even after seeing it play out on the screen , and seeing how pathetic , manic and nuts I must seem , my heart still lives in denial . I guess that I just cannot face the hurt right now , and I will always hope that he will get to see the real me , not just the tainted version . I am having dinner with a friend tomorrow night , out in his neck of the woods . I have a love / hate relationship with that area . I grew up there . I moved away from there , and never wanted to go back . When I was with Mark , we split our time between the real world and there . When we split , I didn't go back for a very long time , for fear of running into him . Then , when things started with heartbreaker , I found myself out there more and more . I found myself rethinking my whole " I ' ll never move back " stance . I thought it wasn't so bad , and if this is where he needs to be , I can adapt . Unfortunately , my best friend also lives in that area , and got a little too comfy with my new love of old home . Now , she always wants to do stuff out there , and I hate to say no . But just being on the highway , going in that direction , makes me sad . I pass his exit , and it takes my entire being not to get off and just go to his house . When we finish dinner , I just want to go right to his apartment . I just want him to want to see me . I get nervous and weird out there , like I ' m too close to him without seeing him . Hard to explain , I just know I don't like it . I haven't been sleeping well at all . It 's a weird sensation . I ' ve had it before , but not for a continuing period of time . It 's like right before I fall asleep , something stops me , and my body feels all twitchy . Like all my nerve endings are firing , and then I ' m awake , but kind of in a stupor , and I can't get comfortable cause everything is oversensetive . I get up , I pace my apartment , but as soon as I get back into bed , I can't lie still . It 's really bad , because I am one of those people who cannot function without sleep . I need a full night just to have the energy to get out of bed in the morning . So the last few nights , I ' ve had to use a sleep aid , otherwise I would be a zombie in the morning . I don't have caffeine anytime after noon , really . My morning coffee and sometimes a soda at noon . I ' ve cut out soda at night , but it doesn't seem to help . I try not to eat before I ' m going to sleep either , but this doesn't appear to be food related . Who knows , I just hope it passes soon . I have no idea what I ' m up to this weekend . Part of me just wants to escape and go visit my parents out of town . The weather is supposed to be great , so a weekend jaunt to " cottage country " ( and I use that term VERY loosely ) would be fun . But the way that I ' ve been feeling towards my mum lately , I wonder if it would be a good idea to go spend so much time with her . And if the rest of the fam is headed down , I don't know if I ' m up for being Social C . I ' ll have to be social enough at dinner tomorrow night . It can very exhausting acting like all is ok . Time to try and sleep now . Lord knows I need a pure sleep , not an assisted one . 
Art Immitates Life . It 's funny how there are so many movies out there that are so unrealistic , but that is why we watch them . They are a 2 hour escape of everyday life . They are a way to take our minds off of our jobs , or our non - existant love lives , and watch Julie Roberts get the guy ... every single time . Watch her say my favorite line " I ' m just a girl , standing before a boy , asking him to love her " . We all know that NEVER happens , that if you ever had to say that to someone , they never loved you to begin with . But in the movies , when it happens , you end up with Hugh Grant . Unrealistic , but enjoyable . Then there are movies that become very realistic . I don't mean in the sense that aliens aren't landing . More that there are movies that we can see ourselves in . Someone close to me once said this about Girl , Interrupted . She had a very difficult time watching it , because she herself had been institutionalized and found the depiction very accurate . Almost too accurate . Right now , I am about halfway through Prozac Nation . I never read the book , didn't really know much about it . The movie seemed interesting , so I rented it . It 's on pause now , because like this other girl , there are moments in this film where I feel I am watching myself . The description , and susequent portrail of depression is bang on , at least based on my experiences . When Lizzie says that she feels like she is drowning under a dark wave , I ' ve been there , felt that , and described pretty much the same way . There is so much about myself that I am watching onscreen , that it 's a little exhausting , so I am taking a break . She 's a writer , but in her worst hours , she loses that ability . Although I am not making a living by writing , I enjoy it , and sometimes think that I ' m pretty good at it . But when I start to feel that wave , I can't focus . There are too many thoughts to get out , I can't get them organized . My brain is working faster than fingers will type , and I just get frustrated with the whole process . Her fear of rejection and need for love are also a mirror of me . The things that she only says to herself are things that I have said . So far , the only difference I can see is that her parents are divorced , and she 's done alot of drugs . Everything else is a little too close . So , if any strangers are interested in getting to me on the inside , it 's a good movie to check out . I know I ' m definately going to get the book , because I really want to read her words directly . Also , if you want good insight on depression , this is a very accurate , non - medicinal way to go . Somewhere along the way , I think that I forgot to mention this is a true story . See , I can't focus . 
Cube Farm . Today , as my new cube row mates called out " Amy , you 're phone 's ringing .... " , I found myself sprinting around the cube maze to get to my desk . It happened twice . And both times I felt that exhiliration of running ... a long run ... maybe 19 miles ... and sprinting up that last hill ... knowing that in a few seconds I will be able to play in the sprinkler ... and stretch ... and drink gatorade ... i felt my heels hitting my backside ... even if it was only for 20 feet ... i remembered ... what it was like ... and i loved it . On another new cube update I am pleased and excited at the fact that my new cubbies have taken to having a little fun over my registering for a half . On my old cube row , my registering for various races or running in general , was met with some sarcasm ( " hey , you want to eat Wendy 's for lunch ? " ) and a little jealousy ( " you know that running will make your insides fall out ... " ) . But this new cube row ... well , they 're just fabulous . I got to listen all day today as the resident interior decorator by night , accountant by day , told the " new guy " all about how I run really too far and that sometimes I break things but that I just registered for something new ... and " how many miles are you running , crazy ? " And oh , " how this crazy girl just ran 26 miles a few weeks ago ... she 's crazy ... don't try to race her , cause she ' ll beat you . " I was just loving it . Really . And I felt fabulously at home on my new cube row . Troy doesn't get it . He says I only moved 15 feet ... how could it really make a difference in my day ? Well , it has made me love my job all over again . It has made me appreciate new personalities , and the importance of a job well done ( even if it doesn't have anything to do with accounting ) . It has just made me happier . I have now figured out where I belong . On this row . Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name , and they 're always glad you came . ( who 's got a theme song in their head now ??? ) At any rate , I love that my running is actually interesting to some folks and that , although they wouldn't dare lace up their shoes and chase me , they really enjoy talking about it . OH , speaking of cubes ... I found this website ... click on the play button ... the song is hilarious ! For those who have experienced a cube farm , and those who never will ... http : // www . lifeaftercoffee . com / 2006 / 06 / 14 / my - cubicle - song - lyrics / Happy running ! 
Rest Day . Question for the day : Is there such a thing as a " rest day " when you 're riding a stationary bike ? And truthfully , I wouldn't be taking a rest day if I 1 ) hadn't promised cube boy ( see 2 posts down ) a lunch to mourn his cube defeat and 2 ) T and I weren't going to see Napoleon Dynamite at the theater where we can eat pizza and drink beer . Oh , and the movie is FREE . Free movie , pizza , and beer ... what could be better than that ???? I think both of the above situations warrants a rest day . 
Cycling Update . How come I frequently title my blog posts as Updates ? Isn t everything I post here an update ? I m gonna have to come up with new words update just won t work anymore kindof like this morning during our meeting where the boss said that the bigger boss doesn t like the word utilize or utilized in our reports so we now have to utilize use or used really guys , this is what you pay taxes for Before I talk about how fabulous I am at riding a stationary bike I have to tell you about what s going on at work . As I reported yesterday , everyone on my street ( cube lane for those who don t work in a cubicle farm ) is getting on my nerves . And there was a cube that came open last week . Really some prime property . Already compatible with my left - handed - ambidextriousness . Has a column going through the opening which provides a bit more privacy . On a street where the cool kids hang out . A couple of young singles over there and best of all , it was once occupied by our office Diva man , she s only been gone a week and I already miss her but back to her cube . It really is some great property . And there was another guy in my office who staked his claim on it months before office Diva left . And today I decided that I should move over there and didn t know that he had already put his grubby ( the kinder gentler me said to take that out ) paws on it . So , I discussed the situation with all my would - be - new - neighbors and they were all on my side , that I should have it cause I would fit it , you know with all the cool kids and all and all we had to do was convince cube boy that it wasn t his . well they succeeded . Not sure what they said to him and the kinder gentler me felt bad and offered to take him to lunch tomorrow to mourn his cube defeat . But , more importantly , I ve got a new pad ! I m gonna totally pimp it out . My new neighbor across the street is an interior decorator on the side so I asked if he d help me decorate once I get some new cube panache , that is . The long and the short of it people , is that I m totally excited about it . I ve been here for 3 years in this open , vast cube that invites any old hood rat to stop by and now I m just done with that . I feel like I ve got a new lease on life . New opportunities . New doors opening , or in my case new cube walls opening . I feel like it s a new start for me . And I m so excited . Okay , now on to the cycling stuff . 3 days solid that I ve ridden the stationary bike and the stationary recumbent bike . For those of you who are interested , the recumbent bike is okay but I didn t feel like I was getting as much out of it as I did with the upright bike . But , I m doing it because cycling is ALL I can do right now and I m looking for variety . If I had my way , I d be out running but that s another story . So , back to the cycling . I did something today that I ve never done before . I did cardio at the gym during lunch ( rather than after work ) and took a shower at the gym . It was my first time . Not showering , or showering at a gym for that matter , but showering at a gym that is owned by my employer and is strictly for peeps that I work with . Word for the day : modest . Because that is what I have become in this gym . I usually don t care about changing in front of other gym - goers , but for some reason all I could think today was I don t want to see my co - workers naked , and therefore they probably don t want to see me either Well , I think that they could have cared less , but for me it was all about being M - O - D - E - S - T . I mean really , do you want to go to a meeting and show up and realize that you have to be super - serious and act like you know what you are talking about to a person that you ve seen naked ? Yeah , me neither . so I m sticking with my policy , but I think I m the only one . Happy Running ! 
Cold Coffee . First things first ... I got up on my day off at 7:30 am to catch up on blogs and only made it through the " Ms " on my blogs I normally read ... how do you people do it ??? I think I ' m going to try and split my time ... one day read blogs " A through M " and the next day read " N through Z " ... that 's what i ' m gonna try to do anyway .2 nd things , well ... second : I had my one and only visit with the physical therapist yesterday . He gave me a 12 week program to follow . And before anyone else beats Troy to it : Yes , I am in rehab and yes it is a 12 week ( not step ) program . Haha ... laugh it up funny boy . At any rate , I ' ve got 2 solid pages of leg / ankle / foot exercises to do and can start run / walking in 5 weeks . But , for now I can ride a stationary bike . Yahoo ! Never ever thought I ' d be excited about that ... but then I never thought I ' d be excited about run / walking either . So , this afternoon I ' m gonna scoot over to the gym and ride my little heart out . I can't wait to sweat .... I ' ve got a pretty structured " rehab " program that I ' m going to try and type up ... why ? Because I ' m OCD like that . I like schedules and I like them even more when they are all pretty in Excel ... it 's my rehab , okay ? Oh , I ' ve got an appointment with the " other " doctor on 21 July to check out my osteopenia . In the meantime , I ' ve played doctor and tried to research all i could on this new diagnosis . Mainly what i ' ve been trying to figure out is what to eat , or more importantly what NOT to eat . And I was surprised , shocked and a little elated to find out that coffee AND chocolate are calcium inhibitors . I ' ve been looking for a reason to give up both of those , and eureka ! I ' ve found it . Today is day # 2 without my am coffee . I ' m having tea with a little honey and cream . The good thing about it ( other than it won't inhibit my calcium absorbtion ) is that when it gets cold it still tastes good . All you coffee drinkers know what I ' m talking about ... when your coffee 's been sitting there for an hour and you accidently take a swallow ... YUCK ! But I was a grouch all day yesterday ... not sure if that was the lack of coffee or the fact that I was just bored all day ... not really sure . At any rate , I ' m a tea drinker ... for now . The chocolate thing is a little more difficult and coupled by the fact that Troy was shoving Raisinets in my mouth last night at the movies , yelling quietly " Now shove a handful of popcorn in your mouth ... it 's sooooooooooo good . " Okay , so I ' ll take one for the team and mix the sweet with salty ( and OMG if you ' ve never tried it , it is a must - do before you kick the bucket ) . But no more .... I ' m officially becoming chocolate - free .... and coffee - free .... Now I really do sound like I ' m on a 12 step program .... Happy Running ! 
I will follow you . PIC 00016 Originally uploaded by Pancakes . Last night I dreamed my cat died . Then I became pregnant with twin girls . My grandfather informed me of the pregnancy , and I denied it was possible . I couldn't figure out who the father was , and the absolute fear and anger choked me . I woke up heaving dry sobs , but totally relieved . Sometimes I hate the way my head combines bits and pieces of my daily life to create the wierdest fucking dreams . ~ A . 
closing the god damn door . silica Originally uploaded by Pancakes . Hmm . Well . There isn't much to say , considering I haven't been spending my days doing much . X Box , R , work ... umm . Yeah . I ' m battling with myself right now . I could spend the next few hours ... curling my hair ... or playing Grand Theft Auto . I could always just wear my hair up tomorrow . ~ A . 
sick and tired of all the shit . I m tired . I don t really now if I want to go on with this . you don t love me . you are in a war with me ...... I love you . but I have to save myself . I don t know what to do to make you happy . and I can t be perfect because I m not . 
days without posting ... ok so has been a few ... the 7 days thing .. not working ... but today feeling especially blue ... hate this . Funk doesn't come my way often , but this afternoon it hit me like a truck . Probably just hormones ... but hormones influence by my increasingly smaller world . I shot my first commercial today . It rocked . Was a rocking good time with my improv associates ( hmmm good name for a team ) and the guys from the Perch . I liked it . I loved it . I loved being excited about what I was doing . improv is my drug . but the guys from the perch - take me back again to when I dated adam . And adam seems to be the recurring theme in my world . I cannot shake the feelings . Which sucks because he doesn't deserve my thought . He could have the best , but choses to not . I ' ve deleted him from everything physically possible . Rock on , girl power . Found out he 's bought a house . Great for him . And then the perch guy says , Yeah I remember you your adam 's girlfriend ... nice . mmmmmm . felt good . i was quick to add ' former ' .. just to clarify . so shoot ends , we all go to lunch .. and back to work . where i am worthless . maybe i have post commercial depression .. need to get out . be social . Carolyn wants me to come visit .. she and her man are back in town . i suppose for good ... God , i just hate hurting . I don't know if I am supposed to care ... I suppose it is just me wanting something that is bad for me . adam doesn't have what i want in a life partner ( i am a female ) ... he has no faith in God . Which is the biggest thing for me . He has an addictive personality . Why do i care what is going on with him ? How do I stop ? I don't want to want something that God does not want for me . So please take him out of my heart .. my mind . What do i need to do to make this pass ? I don't want to just date ' someone ' again ... i want to date the one next time . I just refuse to be with someone to be with someone . I ' ve learned in my dating history that when I have asked God for it , i have gotten it , so i have to be very careful this time .... i look back on everyone i dated - i love qualities about all of them .. Jay - the chemisty was incredible , the butterflies - ofcourse I was 17 , but he was italian and gorgeous . And so sweet . Will never forget the locket - still have it . Anthony - a super great guy . Everyone loves anthony . He was honest , sweet , and had incredible blue eyes ... even loved me when there was more of me to love . Adam 1 - Tall , broad shoulders , boyish charm .. almost a bit helpless . I am not a ' saving ' girl , but I am a strong female .. i empowered him and scared him , but he was like a giant puppy . Bart - Super cook , exotic , foreign , different , accent .... Brendan - not afraid - passionate , open .. incredibly sexy Chad - outgoing , crazy funforgetting someone ... I am sure ... or maybe not .. Kieran .. treated me like a princess and had the work ethic of a mule ... unbelievable ... amazing experiences , travels , events , together ... could afford and incredible lifestyleadam 2 - connection , chemistry , communicator , so dear to my heart , beautiful smile Jared - a doll , great opening line worked like a charm ... there are a few in betweens that don't count .. not sure if i count jared ... i need a someone with all that to be a Christian .. i need that connection , God wants that . Maybe I am to lead adam 2 to that ??? but he 's MIA and I am not going to stumble again . Take it from me God . Bring me the man you want in my life - until then continue to bless me with peace , contentment , wisdom and happiness . remove the discontent from me . Thank you for all you do for me . Amen . 
2 nd blog day . ok .. so " they say " if you do something 7 times , it will be come a habit . so , here 's the the second time . i think this will become my therapy ... to get out all the crap i hold onto in my head . This am it 's that jack ass adam . i am so mad at myself for re - opening that door . i have never experienced someone so selfish in my life . but i guess when you are capable of being addicted to substances , there really is no rationale .. never having been in that world , and never wanting to be , I have to give that the credit . I don't want to care and I don't want to be angry . I don't ever want to see him again and have no desire to be friends . And i won't be . I ' ll never answer his call again - ha ! not that he ' ll ever make the time or care to - God , please take away my care about him . Take away my anger . Make him as significant as toilet paper to me . ( though at times that stuff is important ) Just take away my emotion for him and the relationship we had . It was a mistake . I faltered . I am human and You know that . Please remove all of that from my heart . I have ' felt ' enough to cover all those sins . I am ready for what You have in store for - here or elsewhere . Thank you for redirecting me to you . Opening my eyes and my heart . I am blessed more than i can ever deserve . Help me to remember how wonderful You are , I am , and that the person who deserves me is . Bring that person to my life . Take away these meaningless worldly concerns . Satan is so powerful and deceiving . Keep me from his evil will . I will be strong with Your help . I will resist with Your help . Thank you for being my best friend . Help me God . Lead me God . Thank You for all You do / have done for lowly me . Remove obstacles from my life . Lead me in Your direction . Thank you . Amen I have to pray alot these days . I don't know how else to remember how great I am and Who is on my team . Adam doesn't deserve someone like me . He 's an ' irregular ' - I am first cut . I can't have him in my life and he 's to selfish to want me in his . So sad and disappointing , but I can handle it . Get through it - with God 's help . Thank you God . To work now . 
two posts in one day . ok , during my workout , i couldn't wait to get back to this ... i suppose a little background on my dating life would be good . from 15 on , i was the serial monogomous dater ... date em till it died ... year and a half here , 6 years there , 3 more years here ... the last 3 year booger brought me to charlotte . Picked him up in Charleston , SC .... and I shoulda stayed there . But I do believe everything happens for a reason , so thanks Adam . Thanks for your help with everything and congrats on your marriage . All my exes are married . I ' ve even thought of taking out an ad or a billboard " Wanna be married within a year ? Date me for 3 months . ( you won't be marrying me - but you ' ll be ready for HER ! " I think it would work . It has over and over and over . Don't know what it is ... maybe i am so tough the first girl with lower expectations looks like an angel ? Or i just lie about my feelings for so long , when someone seems to really care they jump ? Or i am just dating / marriage boot camp ... so they are ready . I ' m a great girlfriend . Loyal , honest , caring , you come first .. I think I am still single now because I won't settle . I don't have unreal expectations = just expect things of my partner that I would expect he ' d want of me ... heavens . train of thought has wrecked as I want peanut butter ... maybe tomorrow .. 
The beginning of something . So , I am beginning my own blog for 2 reasons - one --- I am 32 , single , and none of my friends can be unbiased when it comes to discussions of males and i need an outlet to let out my frustrationa and share my experiences , as i am pretty sure i am definitely ' above average ' when it comes to the female report card - mentally , physically , personality --- dang it , I rock . Charlotte , North Carolina is one of the strangest dating cities I have every lived in . No lack for quantity , as I was once told the male to female ratio here is like 9 to 1 . You ' d think as a single charlottean , I ' d have met the man of my dreams in the near 5 years I ' ve lived here ... that ' d be negatory . two --- there was a segment on Good Morning Sunday ... i fall into the demo of humans that should be doing this ... i do everything TV or anyone else tells me , so here I go . Welcome to my blog . i wonder if anyone will read it ? perhaps it is just an online journal for me and my rantings ... good stuff either way . 
Sunday Sunday ... It 's been a quiet day ... Katherine did sleep well last night but I didn't . I have a lump in my left breast and it HURT . I think it 's a clogged milk duct . I kept a hot pack on it and kept massaging it . It was like rubbing a deep bruise . It was awful . I ended up sleeping on the couch because I just couldnt get comfortable in bed . Katherine got woken up by the thunderstorm this morning , so I nursed her on that side and it felt alot better after . She did sleep through the night again though : ) It appears she 's finally decided that I wasn't trying to torture her after all . She 's also been a lot more clingy during the day lately . It 's the constant " ma ma ma ma ma ma " that gets on my nerves . Every time I leave the room she shreiks for me . I ' ve started making sure that I close the bathroom door because I ' m tired of sharing my business with her . Joe took Elizabeth out again today . They spent the afternoon at RCE yesterday and she seemed so happy . I should say , they BOTH seemed so happy . She insists that she 's building a submarine ( where did she get THAT idea ? ) out of pieces of cars that Joe has in " Daddy 's garage " . It 's really only " Daddy 's Half Garage " , but it doesn't matter to her . Katherine is napping peacefully and I ' m surfing while I watch TV . Not what I need to do , but I feel it to be fair given that I can't go out while Katherine 's asleep . 
Three nights in a row ... Three nights in a row , I ' ve slept . Katherine 's slept . Elizabeth has slept . Dare I hope that this is the beginning of the return of sleep to my household ? I hesitate to even speak the words " she slept through the night " because inevitably it has spelled the demise of the surplus of sleep . Today was a lovely , fun day . We started the morning with eggs and toast and we all ate heartily . The being fueled up , we decided to make sure we got out and about today . Joe and Elizabeth headed north to RCE and Katherine and I had some retail therapy at Old Navy . Being the bargain hound I am pays sometimes . Today was one of those I think . I bought 65 + pieces of clothing for $ 130 and change . Clothes for next summer mostly , but a few pieces for the fall and some clothes for the twins . Speaking of the twins - here they are : Very tiny and very cute . I can't wait to get to seeing them again , hopefully next Thursday . Katherine 's ready for bed , so I ' m off to facilitate her sleep . Bridget . 
" I ' m never giving that kid a bath again ... " . That 's pretty much the earful I got when I got home from grocery shopping last night . Yea sure I took extra time . Yea sure I bought more than I needed to . I really didn't want to be home . I don't know why . I left with a " oh , and the kids need a bath ... " . So I guess it 's my own fault for leaving the task to him . It is however the only bath he 's ever given Kay so I don't feel TOO bad about it . I hate bathing her too , but I don't get out of it . Elizabeth is foraging ... again ... 
The last few days ... or " Holy crap it 's noon ... " Wednesday I got the email I was waiting for ! My stepsister 's twin girls were born . I was however disappointed that they were born on Sunday and I was only finding out about it then . They are beautiful , and I feel for Tabitha as it definitely was not a fun ride . Those babies are only as healthy and beautiful as they are because she took such wonderful care of them . Big brother Nathaniel seems very interested in them right now too , so hopefully they will have a nice smooth journey into their new " normal " . Thursday was a " Chicopee Day " again . I feel like I ' ve been out there 100 times but its only been 4 in the last week . Dada had an appointment and we got there a bit late because I decided to go shopping - mostly for my mother , but also for my girls . I ended up finding my mom a cheap mattress pad , so I picked that up and also a neat Simpson 's guide for Joe . I also got Elizabeth a Land 's End tankini and suits for Katherine and the twins . I ' m smitten with those girls already . So , my 10 minute , $ 20 shopping trip ended up taking longer and costing WAY more than it should have . I also got a pleasant suprise in the mail - a check from Monaco Gold Casino for $ 450 !! I had actually won close to $ 800 at one point but was having SO much fun playing , that I ended up putting more back in than I should have . Still , I made sure I cashed out a specific amount so that no matter what I ' d have a nice chunk of winnings . Elizabeth has developed a taste for climbing now . Weve been forced to put gates up , not for her own safety , but for the safety of our food . She will often wake up right after Joe leaves for work and explore the kitchen until she finds food or something forbidden . We ' ve locked all the appliances and the refridgerator door , but to no avail . She will play with / eat anything within her grasp that resembles any sort of food . Butter salt , bread , eggs , cereal , etc... have all been prey to her foraging . Leaving a snack out for her specifically , sort of like bait , also does nothing to deter her . Katherine for some reason has decided to start sleeping . Thank the gods above . I know I ' ll be jinxed now though because I ' ve told a few people about it . I woke up in pain and engorged though , so I guess I would have appreciated some sort of warning from Katherine - but sleep is well worth it and very much appreciated . It 's now post - lunch , or post - apocalypse if you could see my house . I still need to get laundry done but I haven't checked the basement for water damage and I really dont want to . I ' m going to at least get one of the cubbies I ordered from PBK assembled today . Yet another not - so - perfect purchase . I ordered the cubby and base set , and received 2 cubbies and no base . I am sure since the boxes are identical , but now I cant decide if I want to keep the double cubby or return one , since the cubbies give me better storage options . I ' ll assemble one and see ... Elizabeth is bugging ( harassing ) me to go outside , poor child . I guess I ' ll go out with her . 
When it all goes not so well ... Monday we set out to replace the dead DVR at the cable company . The girls were antsy so I didn't anticipate a fun ride . They were ok though and the process was generally painless . We got there at JUST the right time , and were in and out . Kudos to Charter on having good counter staff . On the other hand , when I got home , hooked up the DVR again , guess what ? You know it already don't you ? The DVR part of the receiver said " Not Authorized " when I tried to record a program . Great . So I call them and afer 35 minutes on the phone , the person says , " Well , looks like we need to send someone out . It also looks like you don't have wire insurance so it ' ll cost you if it 's not our equipment . " Whatever . It 's their equipment giving the error , so I decide to take my chances . The tech guy showed up during the scheduled window , but I never received my " Night before call " nor the " Hour before confirmation call " that I was supposed to get . Whatever . It turned out that the serial number didn't match up to their records , so that created the " Not Authorized " problem . It took the tech 2 seconds to fix it , and he informed me they could have fixed it over the phone . Either way , I better not see a bill . It 's hot here . No , not hot . Hellish . I feel like a wuss because I have friends in TX who are used to this type of weather . Not I. There was NO way I was leaving the company of my little A / c today . It is brutal . 91 the last check with at least that high humidity . It was mostly a pleasant afternoon . I got Kay up from a nice nap after pulling her leg free from the crib ( again ) and calming her down , I had to use the bathroom . Something wasn't right . I heard a noise that I usually only hear when water 's running either downstairs or outside . Since I wasn't running it in either place , I got a sick feeling in my stomach . Last time I heard that noise had been last fall when the hose connector burst when it froze . The water hadn't been turned off in the basement . No major damage . Unfortunately , since that connector was broken and not replaced we used a regular cheap hose in it 's place to hook up to the hose box . Some time today it burst . It happened sometime between 1 and 5 when I went to pee . Those were the only times I ' d been in the bathroom or near the kitchen where I would have heard the water . Even worse ... when I discovered the burst I needed to go downstairs and shut off the outside tap . The " splash " I heard when I stepped off the bottom step did not bode well for me . There is water ... everywhere . In places it should not be ... In places the pump cannot help ... I write this sick to my stomach over the amount of water downstairs . I was supposed to be going out tonight too . Dammit . Why tonight ? or at the very least , why now ? It would have been so much nicer if it happened while I was gone . My evening tonight will probably consist of child - minding as usual because I ' d rather do that than deal with the soggy mess downstairs . Katherine is eating me , and I need to prepare a proper dinner . Bridget . 
A Lovely Summer 's Day ... A hot , steamy day - yes , indeed . High 80 's , maybe even 90 , and higher humidity . Unreal how thick the air was today . We had a wonderful breakfast of french toast . Both girls were so anxious to get outside though . Joe set up the pool , and even though the water was chilly , they both immediately climbed in and delighted in splashing and frolicking about . Lunch was also pleasant , and while Kay napped , I got caught up on some housework . Laundry , changing the bed , dishes , etc... all were in motion . I even managed to work for a half hour before I decided to take a treat out to Elizabeth and Joe . We shared ice creams outside and dipped our feet in the pool together . Later on when Katherine woke up the girls were back in the pool and we shared a cool popsicle . It was Katherine 's first one , and it was lime green . Dinner was a Lean Cuisine bag meal . Quick easy and yummy . Lots of veggies but Katherine wasnt interested in them at all . One special moment happened at dinner . Joe and I were playing with Katherine and saying " Thank You " back and forth to each other . She turned to Joe and right out loud and clear said , " Thank you ! " back to Joe . It was absolutely adorable . She repeated it a couple of times more too but it was one of those great " baby " moments . Both girls went right to bed tonight fairly easily . I hope we all sleep well after such a busy summer day . Feelings : I felt happy overall today . Tired when I woke up but that was because despite some Benadryl and Tylenol , I hardly slept . My back kept seizing up on my and I was just miserable . In my desperation , I also tried an ice pack but wouldn't you know it - the only one I had cold had a hole in it . It was one that I ' d lent to my grandfather , so it had been out of the house for probably a year . Oh well . I finally got to sleep a bit , woke up around 7 to feed Katherine , then crawled into bed with Joe and Elizabeth . I ' m tired tonight again so I hope I can get a headstart on sleep and just drift off in peace . What I ' m reading : I read a funny email from someone today . The text is below : Attn : Entrepeneurs Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today s world you need a domain name . It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks . Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following ( legitimate ) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn t give their domain names enough consideration : 1 . A site called Who Represents where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity . Their domain name ... wait for it ... iswww . whorepresents . com 2 . Experts Exchange , a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views atwww . expertsexchange . com 3 . Looking for a pen ? Look no further than Pen Island atwww . penisland . net 4 . Need a therapist ? Try Therapist Finder atwww . therapistfinder . com 5 . Then of course , there s the Italian Power Generator company ... www . powergenitalia . com 6 . And now , we have the Mole Station Native Nursery , based in New South Wales ( that 's in Australia ) : www . molestationnursery . com 7 . If you re looking for computer software , there s alwayswww . ipanywhere . com 8 . Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church . Their website iswww . cummingfirst . com 9 . Then , of course , there s these brainless art designers , and their whacky website : www . speedofart . com 10 . Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ? Try their brochure website atwww . gotahoe . com. 
Friday / Saturday . Let 's see ... what 's up today . Friday was pretty uneventful . Joe didn't work , he was in a golf tournament for work though . It was nice to have him home early on a weekday . Katherine was sleeping and I needed to work , so he took Elizabeth for a ride to RCE . Although I ' m glad they spent some QT together ( quality time ) I also still don't like that their time only seems to be spent working on RC cars , buying things for RC cars , or watching RC cars . Oh wait - there 's also fixing the RC cars when things break . Dinner was pasta with grilled chicken and some alfredo sauce . Yum . Not exactly the healthiest , but fast and tasty . That 's still something I need to work harder on . Today we drove out to Westfield ( wow I almost wrote Chicopee there - hard to believe she 's lived in Westfield a whole year already ) to visit Sue and the girls and bring her a new computer tower . Joe tried desperately to fix her existing one but it just wouldn't be resurrected . We had pizza lunch and Katherine had a blast waddling around the new territory full of stairs . Leaving was quite unpleasant . Both girls were very tired - Elizabeth especially . She was in full - on tears mode and we just had to put her in the seat and go . She whimpered for a good 10 minutes before she finally fell asleep . Katherine was asleep from the time we left the parking lot thankfully . We had missed the Pike on ramp so we hit a gas station for refreshments . Elizabeth fell asleep with 4 chips in her hand and never ate them . The ride home was peaceful . Joe and I swapped driving since he was so tired , not a problem since I really enjoy driving the Sorento . I stopped at Shaw 's for milk and bread , and $ 85 later , came out . I ended up deciding to get enough groceries while Joe was with one sleeping ( Elizabeth ) and one sleepy ( Katherine ) kid . It is SO nice to go shopping alone though . I could probably grocery shop for an entire day . Actually , I wouldn't mind doing ANY kind of shopping for a long time . The girls spent some time outside once Elizabeth woke up and the groceries were put away . It was so cute , I lamented that I didn't have my camera handy . Katherine was especially adorable in just a diaper and diaper cover . Dinner was leftovers for those of us that ate . Joe showered and I nibbled on pizza before showering and leaving the girls at the table with him while they ate . Later on we had some potato skins that we had been craving - another purchase from tonight . Completely delicious and totally bad for me . Oh , and a double Drumstick chaser ... yea , not good for diet AT ALL but good for the soul . On a different note - last night I finished my messenger bag diaper bag creation . I ' ll have to try to get some photos of it before it gets destroyed through daiy use . It did get its first trial today . Oh , and the kicker - I sewed the strap with a twist in it . I ' ll have to fix that . My most interesting subject tonight though is more of a dilemma regarding my sister , her debt , my grandfather , a whole lot of money and me ( of course ) . More on that later ... 
Publishing the Poems You Didn't Want Published . As I read this essay about the book of Elizabeth Bishop drafts , I could not help but personalize the situation . What if I had no control over what was published and someone published the drafts I don't even consider poems ? A small quote from the essay : " I am surprised , each time I read an article about the book or an interview with Ms. Quinn about her efforts , that no one airs serious qualms about a book that exhumes work crossed out entirely by Bishop and drafts on which the poet noted , for example , Tone all wrong . The New Yorker published its share of Edgar Allan Poe & the Juke - Box in precisely the same format it uses for poems about which there can be no question regarding impropriety of publication . A colleague of mine who has flipped through the book tells me that it presents the writing just as a new edition of Bishop s finished , authorized works might appear : the notes are at the end , and the substantial editorial apparatus is kept backstage . In other words , I am told , one might mistake the book for a book of poems Bishop had wanted us to read . " And from a review by Helen Vendler : " Students eagerly wanting to buy the new book by Elizabeth Bishop should be told to go back and buy the old one , where the poet represents herself as she wished to be known .... In the long run , these newly published materials will be relegated to what Robert Lowell called the back stacks , and this imperfect volume will be forgotten , except by scholars . The real poems will outlast these , their maimed and stunted siblings . " Read the whole review here before the link expires . 
My Dance Card Runneth Over . Includes pilates tomorrow night , attending Reb 's ( I mean Gilda 's ) Burlesque Poetry Happy Hour on Monday to hear Sandra and others read , and possibly dinner next Thursday for Girl Tawk . ---- What is the book you are always reading ? For me , it 's Elizabeth Bishop 's Collected . Was it an interview I read today in which someone said that and I thought ' me too ! ' or did I dream that ? Might have been the Reb / Molly interview at the Harper 's blog , yet I don't feel like looking for it now . Please take a moment to post the book you are always reading in the comments . I ' m curious . ---- A few weekends ago , I got motivated to make my own web site . Sandra Beasley 's web site inspired me . Although I kill flowers in real life , I like them on web sites and have some on mine . I shall show you all the site once I get the web hosting set up . 
Celebration , Florida . For years , I ' ve had a severe aversion to Disney World . What , then , led me to the town of Celebration on a recent Wednesday afternoon ? Last week , we flew into Orlando . Going into Orlando is rarely bad . Coming out usually is not good as one must wait in line with tired children ( not yours ) and people carrying large stuffed dolphins and Mickey Mouse dolls that invariably , at some point , clock you in the head . As we checked in at Baltimore to go to Florida , I felt a funny twinge at checking the car seat . What if I didn't see it again ? I should have listened to my intuition ... Once in Orlando , I waited and waited at baggage claim for the two suitcases , playpen and car seat . The car seat did not arrive . Eventually , we found out that Southwest placed it on a later flight ( because we checked in only 43 minutes in advance instead of 45 minutes in advance ) and we had to wait until that flight came in . That next flight was an hour later , so I stood in a dimly lit , dirty area near baggage claim waiting and waiting . Bill went to get the rental car . He returned after 40 minutes and the flight was still nowhere in sight . Eventually , it arrived and we finally got to walk to the rental car and see some Florida sun ! At the rental car , Bill said his bag was lost . He ran back into the airport . The baby , mercifully , fell asleep in the car seat . I read Alice Munro while ducking my head because every car would pass , stop and honk its horn to ask if I was pulling out . It was very hot . Bill came back and had not found the bag in the airport . We visited the rental car place again . A man there confirmed that Bill had worn the bag , so we knew he must have left it in the first car we were rented ( and that Bill decided would not work for us and a tot ) . That car had been rented and was on its way to somewhere . No , they did not have a phone number in Florida for where the people would stay . They kindly left a message at the people 's house . We headed east towards the beaches . After many miles of driving , we got the call from " The Man Who Has Your Bag . " He was in Kissimmee . That meant we had to turn around , go back through Orlando and drive south to Disney World . They were at a TGI Friday 's having lunch and said we could come there and pick up the backpack . At this point , I said I ' d better eat soon before I become verrrrry cranky . Of course , up to this point , I ' d been sweet as a peach . We drove and drove and then drove more and reached the restaurant just as The Man With the Bag was finishing lunch . I ' d seen a Japanese restaurant . Since I usually turn to soothing Japanese food in times of bad health and stress , it was the perfect place . I walked towards it with visions of teriyaki dancing in my head . But it was closed . I said I ' d walk in a certain direction and enter the first place that sold anything edible , and I didn't care what it was . Thank good it was Outback Steakhouse . If you know me , you know I don't do chains except in times of desperation or extreme convenience . Bill doesn't like the Outhouse Steakback because it 's overpriced . Lo and behold , he didn't say anything about the price because ( probably ) he likes being alive . They even had toys for the baby ( who patiently sat in a car seat for hours on end ) to play with in the entry . I ordered everything I could find on the menu . Then , I ordered more . I took a big sand shovel and shoveled it in . ( No , not really . ) As I ' m shoveling the food into my mouth , a smiling man comes up to our table ... and all I can think is ... kidnapper ? ( nah , too happy ) ex - boyfriend ( nope ) murderer ? ( again , too happy ) Who the heck is this smiling guy ? He asks me if I ' m from Maryland . Then he asks me if I ' m from ( name of town ) and did I go to ( name of high school ) . Um , yes and yes . The weirdness of it all . 
Good Job ! Good Job ! I ' ve just come back from Orlando -- and , more importantly , the Orlando airport -- where large stuffed children and dolphins can be found in great supply . ( Okay , not really children but it made me laugh at least . ) At least five times , I heard parents say " good job ! " when their child did some normal task like put back the pole they knocked over or removed that tape between the poles that tell us all where to wait for an hour in a queue . Several months ago , I found myself part of the Good Job Club , and did I ever annoy the hell out of myself . I seemed to say it for everything . Good job that you found a wooden spoon , good job that you spoke a word , good job that you did a good job , good job that you didn't eat the cat vomit . What led me to start saying this all the time ? Was it because I ' d heard it said by parents all over America ? Do we say " good job " so our children will have high self esteem ? What started this habit ? On my search for answers and more questions , I came across " 5 Reasons to Stop Saying Good Job " by Alfie Kohn . Two of them are that we create praise junkies and we steal a child 's pleasure in performing a task . I agree with those two reasons . You can read the article and find out what Kohn says , so I ' ll only add that I think those words are empty . We say them without putting much thought into them the same way we ask " how are you ? " without really expecting an answer . Our child offers us her damp cheerio and we say " good job " because she can hold it and pass it . When a child does something , she does it for herself . She doesn't learn to walk because we want her to and she doesn't learn to talk because we want her to . These tasks are perfectly normal and not to be congratulated . However , I see no problem with * recognizing * someone doing something . When I want to recognize what my daughter has done , I ' ll say : " you said ' light ' " and smile and so on . My husband and I removed ourselves from the Good Job Club . When we slip up , we remind each other by saying something like , " Good job eating that taco ! " or " Good job driving ! " and are reminded of the absurdity of the phrase . And we laugh and remember not to use those empty words . ---- Thank you to Dan Nester for posting this link of Rilke translations by Anne Boutelle . ---- Today , I carried a shoulder bag , a backpack , an 18 - pound baby , and a 20 - pound car seat through two large airports and on and off various shuttles , escalators , and elevators . And I somehow managed to feed myself , entertain the tot , and feed the tot and hold a conversation with a six - year - old , who liked making chicken noises to make Olive laugh . ( He told me he had three brothers and one lived in heaven , because he died in his mommy 's belly . ) I didn't use a cart so I feel like Super Woman . BIG MISTAKE : Do not give baby a toy while waiting in line for an hour at Southwest . She will then drop the toy and force you to squat . It 's easy to get down and not so easy to get up with the additional 40 lbs of weight . The only reason I could do such a thing was pilates . ---- Southwest Airlines Rant : WHY do they force senior citizens and people with children to wait in the verrrrry long line instead of letting us do the express check - in ? When traveling with a lap baby , one has to fill out the " death card " so if the plane crashes , they can account for everyone on board . It would seem better if they could put us both in the system with the " death card " attached to our accounts so we don't have to fill out the same exact form every time we fly . Rant over . 
Is Social Justice the Answer ? Design Kitty said : On topic , we tend to lead a very sheltered life here in the United States which has pretty much left us to this false sense of security and entitlement . You come to really appreciate it , though , when you see first hand a car bomb go off next to a hotel in Israel or a grenade explode in a market square in Congo . Which is why I try not to travel overseas much anymore . Kan said : As a new mother , I struggle between my desire to ignore the horrors that surround us , and the responsibility I have to teach my son about the world as it truly is . My parents made peace with this conflict by instilling a deep sense of social justice in their children . I hope to carry on this legacy . I have a lot of questions and am not sure of the answers . I live my life as close to a natural way as I can so as to conserve on natural resources . We cloth diaper about 80 % of the time , hang clothes out to dry ( we started by accident and now have kept doing it ) , use air conditioning rarely , eat foods that don't come in lots of packaging , use natural cleaners at home , drive less and drive a fuel - efficient car . Those are the small ways I ' m contributing to a better planet and the closest I ' m coming to social justice at the moment . As a new mother , I don't have the physical ability to do more than I ' m doing right now . Years ago , I worked with Positive Force in DC to organize benefit concerts for domestic violence shelters , victims of a Central American bank collapse , and homeless shelters . I also worked the night shift at a homeless shelter -- one of THE most miserable nights of my life -- where I had to stay up nearly 24 hours in a row . I worked as a buddy to a person with AIDS ( and depression ) taking him to fun events and visiting him in the hospital when he had pneumonia . Those are some of the ways I contributed . I was going to say I ' m not doing anything now . However , I supposed by raising a child -- who will hopefully become socially conscious -- that I AM doing something . I hope to show her there 's more than Mc Donald 's , gas - sucking cars , and makeup . I hope to show her how oil rules our lives here and how many of the consumer products are made with oil . And I ' ll have to show her that sometimes we use those products anyway because we need them and we can be responsible about their use . The question I really have is what are any of my family 's efforts doing ? My contribution is so small so as to feel ineffectual to me . Am I being too harsh ? When I start thinking like this , I start to question poetry itself and the writing of it . What good are the poems doing anyone ? Currently , mine are not made with oil . I suppose that 's good . When I see what 's going in Dubai -- the lust for material possessions for one -- I just wonder how my efforts are going to change a thing . 
The Brilliance of 3 AM . Design Kitty 's comment in the post below depressed me . ---- Some poems by Anne Boutelle . I saw her work for the first time in Cimarron Review and am quite taken with it . ---- I cancelled pilates for Monday and we 're taking O to a rock show in DC . Meredith Bragg at Ft . Reno . ---- After a bit of a hiatus , I ' m finishing the Write the Impossible course I created . Then , I ' m going to invent a workshop with a friend -- yay ! ---- We spent hours at the pool today . Since I ' m always hungry , we always bring food . The large size of the falafel sandwich DH brought me kept me quiet for a bit . We had a fabulous time in the pool until someone threw up and everyone had to get out for three hours . Once the pool reopened , we took O back into the water and showed her how fun it is to go underwater and blow bubbles . ---- We ' ve re - hung the clothesline so I can be happy again about hanging clothes out to dry -- for practical reasons ( electricity costs went up 70 % this summer ) and for less practical reasons ( I love hanging clothes and how they feel after being dried by fresh air . ) ---- What to eat ? 
Random Thoughts on Peace and War . I walked into a colleague 's office today and saw footage of a tank . I stopped in my tracks and couldn't tear my eyes away from the war footage . I came home today and DH mentioned the Lebanese - Israeli conflict . Then I thought of Canada and the U.S. and how we live in what seems like peace . I say " what seems like " because America is a violent country -- guns , wars we start , etc. Yet , I can go here and go there and most likely won't be blown up . Most likely , I won't see soliders in fatigues carrying M - 16 s or whatever they carry these days . Most likely , I won't be blown up by a grenade . That 's quite a list of " most likelys " and a lot of people can't say the same for their country . Those people don't know if their house will be bombed and if their arms will be full of glass shards before 1 p.m. They don't know if the father who left for work in the morning will never come home , because he was stopped and shot or blown up . Right now , I ' m feeling sad about this new war possibly starting . At the same time , it 's seeming quiet and peaceful in contrast here even if people get clobbered on the corner down from my house , even if cars get stolen on a regular basis , or trees come crashing down . 
You Can Learn a Lot as an Editor ( My Ramble ) . Since 2003 ( when we started 32 Poems ) I ' ve seen a lot about human nature I wish I had not seen . For the most part , we publish great poems AND nice people . Nice people are ... nice . One poet -- published widely -- wanted to appear in 32 and solicited an invitation to submit . I didn't mind playing that little game . He sent his best poems ( yes , I could tell ) and we accepted one . His work deserved it . Sometimes people will send sloppy work . We won't publish it no matter how big the name or how big I know the name will become ( yes , we can often tell ) because the names don't " sell " the magazine . The overall work sells the magazine . The long - time reputation sells the magazine . Sometimes people send work that doesn't work for us , and I feel really bad about rejecting those poems . We have discussions about these poems . We agonize ; at least I agonize . Yet people have been willing to send more if the first batch doesn't work . One hard - working poet has sent to me at least 10 times . She is good , and I know we ' ll take something at some point . She is patient or a nut , which I say with affection . A good number of subscribers and poets write me with complaints and compliments . Of course , I prefer the compliments . Who wouldn't ! ? At the same time , it 's the complaints that will help us make a better magazine and a better community around the magazine . It was a complaint that helped me establish the rule that people who know me well send to me in DC . That prevents the other editor -- who might not know the person -- from sending a form letter to someone I know . I appreciated it that the poet took the time to let me know she was annoyed by the impersonal rejection she received after I verbally asked her to send poems . I also learned to be more careful when asking in person to make sure that poets know to send to me . It was a complaint that said to do away with the foofy flowers on the inside . Many breathed a sigh of relief to have the graphics changed ( we changed designers ) so that more attention could be spenton the poem . Another person wrote me through a third person with some ideas . I asked her to come out and she did . She wrote up a thoughtful email with some ideas about the magazine , and I employed some of them . She was worried I ' d be mad , yet I have a lot of respect for her for taking the time to help us . She offered the ideas in a good way and I took them in a good way . We are funded primarily by subscriptions now . We ' ve spent time on grants , yet I ' m not sure that 's the best use of our time . I ' d rather continue to expand on what we ' ve done successfully and prove that an artistic venture really CAN support itself . 
Tagged . Polka Dotted Pickles tagged me for this fun one . Enjoy ! You know you 're crazy about flying when ...... you effortlessly wake up at 5:30 a to start your day with a 7 am flight in 32 F degree weather ... you experience a true emergency while flying , your instructor lands the plane safely , you tell him that he " just saved your life , " and you can't wait to get back up in the air again ... a fun event for a Saturday morning includes sitting in your car in an empty parking lot with a radio scanner at the foot of the active runway , keeping track of the planes that come in ... you listen along with air traffic control on your cross - country commercial flights ... you 're spending $ 100 an hour to buzz the neighborhood Want to play along ? Complete the phrase " You know you 're crazy about _____ when ... " with at least 5 answers . 
Gratitude . I ' m thankful for ... that Brigitta is at peaceour fond memories of hersucessfully completing day 1 of my macrobiotic experimenta job offer for Brian M * A * S * H on DVDthat old TV series ' are on DVDthe peace that passes all understandingthe will to do my best on the qualifying exam Queen 's healthfood store where I can find kombu , agar - agar and umeboshi plumsthat online shopping is cheaper sometimesthat Brian got the job at Muhlenberg ( 4 miles from home compared to Bucks ' 50 miles ) taking a CPT Pierce attitude toward the departmentwriting about flyingdinner with Pam and Patrickenjoying their pictures from out westtalking with Brian about his decision to become a Mulefinally moving up to the Lehigh Valley Brian 's choice of gifts for Emily and Ross -- farm books and a cowgirlspending the evening with Grammietaking a good chunk of the afternoon to readtrying out a macrobiotic dessert and realizing ( and accepting ) that it wasn't goodfinding a point on the ground from 2500 feet ( BCCC ) a morning flight with Brianthat Brian said , as we taxi ' d to the runway , " I ' m so impressed that you do this . " taking today offan early morning jogpresents in pretty paperrealizing ( and accepting ) that some family events are just drainingwatching M * A * S * H episodes after an exhausting daya lazy , hot Sundayreading the afternoon awaypeanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunchplaying cards with Briangetting together with college girlfriends and their families M * A * S * H image from Rage Desktopsflight photos taken by Brian . 
Brigitta ( **** - 10 July 2006 ) . Today I took Brigitta to the vet , where I left her . I had no idea that when I set up a " place for the weak and infirm " that I was really setting up a hospice wing . Brigitta had a large mass in her abdomen which may have been an abscess or a tumor . I was able to say good - bye to her and tell her that she was the " coolest chicken " before the veterinarian took her to the operating room to put her to sleep . I surprised myself at how much guilt and sadness I felt over her loss . How long did she suffer ? How painful was it ? Why didn't I take her to the vet a week earlier ? Should I have stayed with her for the injection ? I cried all the way home . 
Gratitude . I ' m thankful for ... not sleeping too late , even though bedtime was 1:30 acleaning up the kitchen before dirtying it againfresh garden lettuce and peassurprising Grammie on her birthdaya backyard firework displaythe founding fathers ' desire to make a free countryour delightful visit with Bausman and the twinsthat two successful women who own an architecture firm in Manhattan don't have cell phonesmacrobioticsthat Brigitta looks like a chicken againthe community library Lehigh 's library -- a place to retreat from the raintuning indoing household chores , one at a time " how - to " books about making soap , jelly , quilts , about knitting and living mindfullyan entire afternoon spent with Mrs. Porambocompleting the items on my index card first thinghow pleasant everyone was at the bank and that I left feeling goodgetting more seeds into the groundstopping by to see Mom and Dennis , their garden and to enjoy some watermelon with thembeing alone in the cockpit and realizing that I ' ve missed itthe sense of freedom that comes with flightthe familiarity of PNEthe friendliness of all ATC that I talked to on my flightdinner and an evening at Grammie ' sa day alone to catch up on choresrealizing that more things get done when I do them one at a time Grammie 's extra fabric pieces , which I plan to use for a very special quiltgrown men who still play like kids ( Andy 's hockey league ) talking to Steph about our familiesan afternoon napscrambled eggs and cinnamon pancakesthat Wegman 's has such varietymacrobiotic cooking . 
Brigitta . For the last few weeks Brigitta hasn't been feeling very well . She 's had a lot of dirt stuck to her hindfeathers so I took her inside and washed her down in the kitchen sink , trimming and scrubbing the dirt away . During her illness , the other chickens pecked at her and would not let her get to the food . She resigned herself to sitting and sleeping most of the day . Here are two pictures from when I returned Brigitta after her cleaning . Notice the red chicken coming closer to her , intending to henpeck . In the next shot , she 's airborne . As I flicked my hand at her , she popped back , startled . Online I came across an excellent guide to chicken care after becoming concerned when I found Brigitta laying in the sun on a particularly hot June afternoon . The first recommendation was to remove her from the other chickens , as they may peck her until she dies . Upon reading this , I immediately went to the coop , took her out and set her free in the yard . Then I set up a place " for the weak and infirm . " I used Mo 's old training crate , a recycle bin and a golf umbrella that I got for free at the AOPA convention the year it was held in Philly . We have two food and water containers , so she got a set in her pen along with a very low setting roost , should she feel so inclined to perch . A blue tarp protected the top and sides from rain and wind . Chickens must be kept warm and dry in order to remain healthy . I think that the severe rains we ' ve had created unfavorable conditions for Brigitta , who may have been sick even before these storms . She isn't laying eggs and possibly is too old , although I have hope that if she re - bounds from this illness she ' ll start producing again . removed from coop : drinking milk : looking better : Meanwhile , we found a big green scary tomato hornworm caterpillar audibly munching in the garden . We decided that this would be a delicacy for the other chickens who regularly eat bugs , worms and grubs . They loved it . It became a game of chase and steal as the caterpillar deflated and what resembled mint jelly spewed around the pen . Eventually the thing became flaccid and uninteresting . 
Gratitude . I ' m thankful for ... taking the afternoon to food shop at Wegman ' sthat Wegman 's is pretty empty at 2 pmhaving a few beers at the VFW with my dad 0900 and 1100 formationshaving lots of food in the house with near - endless dinner optionspicking fresh black raspberries from the backyard patch and having a handful in my cereal for breakfasta wonderful pasta casserole and garden fresh salad for dinnerthat Brian 's mom came to stay for a few daysmy mom and Dennis coming to visitplans to re - side the barn with sheet metal and that Dennis can do the workpicking a medley of vegetables from the garden and steaming them for lunchthe framed picture of Brian 's dad at the Grand Canyon that Patti sent to arrive on his 61 st birthdaya trip to the Farmer 's Market to get fresh strawberries , apricots , blueberries and sweet corn for dinnerfrozen leftoverslooking through slides of Brian 's childhoodspending most of the afternoon and evening weeding the gardenmy flight in a Piper Cub with Adam The Long Goodbye by Patti Davisaudiobooks to enjoy on my i Pod while working in the garden Brigitta 's clean tailfeathershaving a bigger cookout than expected with Scott , Grammie , Andy and Stephfinishing up the weeding in the gardena raspberry patchthat Grammie really likes our homea big breakfast of scrambled eggscaring for Brigitta while she is sickseeing Steve and Pam at Rick 's cookoutspending 12 hours visiting Rick and Yoli and the babycooking tapas and tortilla de patatas at 10 pmbaby 's bathtimeall photos taken by Brian except the image of the Cub . 
Piper Cub . Today Adam called while I was in the midst of weeding the garden to ask if I ' d like to go along with him for a short trip in the Piper Cub out of Kutztown Airport . The Cub is the kind of plane with two seats -- one in front of the other ... and the pilot flies from the back seat . 60 mph is about cruise speed for the Cub which is better as a summer aircraft , since the right side is entirely open . I surprised myself when , at 2500 feet above ground level , I actually felt fear while flying . 
CSHS . Brian and I spent a few days in Eastern Kentucky , railfanning . We took a road trip from our home in eastern Pennsylvania to travel through Western Maryland , taking pictures of the operating locomotives and the rolling stock that accompanied the diesels . We went to the 9 th annual Chessie System Historical Society convention , this year in Paintsville , KY . The agenda included a coal load - out at the Beverly Ann Mine in David , KY , a visit to the Elkhorn City Railroad Museum , conveniently located next to a double set of tracks , and slide presentations of Chessie - era locomotives each evening in the hotel conference room . Brian and I left a day early but stayed long enough for the banquet buffet and guest speaker , Everett Young , who gave a slide show and presentation from his collection of Chessie in Eastern Kentucky . Additional events took place individually , such as stopping by the local rail yards for photographs , and following the freight transports on their regular runs , often discerned by deciphering the radio speak of engineer , yard master and dispatcher over a frequency scanner . Watching the coal load out in David , KY ... At the Elkhorn City Railroad Museum ... Brian sang Cumberland which he wrote for Chessie and which was adopted as the Society 's song ... At Elkhorn City ... A close - up of the rail fans in the above photograph , taking their own shots at the locomotive ... most images taken by Brian . 
Gratitude . I ' m thankful for ... taking the morning off to do some chorescompleting 3 miles in heat and humiditymaking a wonderful dinner out of leftoversreading a few chapters of " Today Is Your Day To Win " lots of rain to water the gardens and new blueberry bushes and the new pin oakthat I can flyhow much fun I had in the patternseeing Dad on his birthdaycleaning up the chicken coop and water / food containersa road trip ! watching for the longest day of the year and NOT missing itrelaxing on Mom 's porch before our tripour beautiful drive out to western Marylandchicken salad sandwiches eaten at a roadside rest stopthe lovely Blue Heron Cottage the gorgeous Stonebow Inn propertya Pennsylvania Dutch buffet Julyen 's breakfast and home - made granolastopping in train towns to see trains and take picturesa safe trip to Kentuckya long walk through town to get some milk for granola in the morningdoing some train chasing on our own Jerry 's diner for the breakfast specialthe Beverly Ann minewatching a coal load - outwireless internet service in hotels M * A * S * H re - runsplaces like the Elkhorn City Railroad Museum which are run - down and overlooked and volunteer operated out of love for the preservationtaking the morning to do a little sightseeing ( downtown Pikeville , antique shops ) hanging out to wait for a traincaboosesa safe drive home -- 10 hours straight through rain and fogthat all the animals were safe and the house was , too , while we were awayhanging out with Mom and Dennis and a Westgate Pizzathat Mo had a good time ( and ate well ) at Mom ' show good it feels to be homefeeling restless and out - of - sorts until I talked to Brian and we figured out that graduate school is causing thisholding my own formations with a biscuit at the flagpolefinishing up a few posts that I feel good aboutmoving my reserve status along in whatever way I can Gord 's Gold II. 
Not Your Usual Traffic Pattern . ... image of Piper Cherokee N 44595 from Ace Pilot Training ... Today I stayed in the pattern . I told Sonia that I d like to practice some more landings before renting the plane on my own , so we deicded to fly around at the airport with the Cherokee to do some touch - and - goes . My previous life in class D airspace taught me that the traffic pattern is generally a pretty predictable place and a good time to practice landings and approaches , all with help from the air traffic control tower in coordinating other incoming and outgoing planes . But when contending with the evenly spaced departures and arrivals of regular commercial traffic in class C airspace , the traffic pattern can be quite unusual . Today , while I enjoyed mixing it up with the 737 s as my friend and fellow private pilot Norman likes to say , every time around was anything but the ordinary traffic pattern . Initially , following take off I was hit with a short approach request by the tower . Cherokee 595 , can you make short approach for this first one ? I ' ve got jet traffic coming in from the north . Sure can . Okay , cleared touch and go . I cut the power abeam the numbers , put in full flaps and trimmed the corners of the rectangle to make my first landing long before the jet traffic arrived . The next time around , on downwind ... " Cherokee 595 , make a 360 to the right for spacing -- I ' ve got a few take offs I ' d like to get out before you come in . " 360 to the right , Cherokee 595 , then , following my rather severe and quick circle , " Cherokee 595 re - established on the downwind . " Okay , Cherokee 595 , extend your downwind , I ' ll call your base ... " After the second touch and go , Cherokee 595 , make right traffic this time . You ' ll be number 3 following a Navajo . " " Looking for the Navajo -- Cherokee 595 has traffic . " Okay Cherokee 595 , follow him in , clear touch and go , make left traffic . " Fourth time around ... " Cherokee 595 , you ' ll be number 3 following the regional jet , traffic is abeam you . Landing traffic on a 1 / 2 mile final . " My usual response , " Cherokee 595 looking for traffic , " and seconds - of - frantic - scanning later , identifying the white speck above the mottled landscape below , " Cherokee 595 has traffic in sight . " The next three traffic patterns followed the usual rectangular shape of crosswind , downwind , base and final all to the left of the runway . Then , less than 300 feet above ground level , Cherokee 595 , fly runway heading and expect right traffic ; I ' ll call your crosswind , along with another 360 on downwind for spacing , with the caution wake turbulence that preceeded my touch and go clearance nearly every time . At last , I requested a full stop , and was told I d be number 3 following the proverbial regional jet ... the extended downwind allowing number 2 enough time to land and me to squeeze between another regional , then caution wake turbulence , cleared to land . On the roll down the runway , I stated my destination on the field with , " Cherokee 595 heading to Hangar 7 ... " to which the tower operator responded , Cherokee 595 , continue on , make a left on runway 1 - 3 , right on alpha to the ramp , stay this frequency . And nice job up there today in the pattern . " . 
Gratitude . I ' m thankful for ... a talk with Brian on the patiostarting some weeding projectsgetting further along in my lab projectssitting down to share data with Shan and getting to know herleftovers from a food - filled weekendmy weekend with Lynsimple meals that are so filling and fun , like tomato soup and cheese crackersthe Dateline special about Special Forces in Afghanistansleeping all the way through the nightthe bus system in Allentown which goes everywheretaking the bus to the VFW and meeting Brian there Chinese Buffetsseeing Dad and knowing he missed uslearning how to stop taking responsibility for other people 's reactionschoosing a new place for the pin oak and holding on to the idea of a caboose in the backyard somedaycoffee with momtwo hours to organize and accomplish errandsbecoming inspired by Beryl Markhamflight instructorsair traffic controlthe big jet pilots who remember what it was like to be smalla fun time figuring out solution concentrations in laban evening with Grammie on her patio , playing Yahtzeea cute new hair - dothat the water was too cold and I was spared having to reveal my ample hips to the family for another four weeksmy nieces and nephew , who help to inspire and discourage me to have childrenseeing Pattia workday in the gardenmeeting Mr. Landis 's granddaughterbeing surprised and somewhat delighted at seeing pictures of myself with childrenmaking a salad with ingredients only from our gardendessert with Mom and Dennisthinking about the future . 
21 years . I spent the weekend with my friend Lyn , whom I have not seen for 21 years . I was 9 years old the last time we met in person at an all - weekend Christian festival in the farmlands of Berks County , PA . The retreat center supported a drug rehabilitation center called Teen Challenge and for one long weekend each summer it doubled as a campground and music festival with guest speakers from the rehab program and evangelicals like David Wilkerson . Lyn , who had ( and still has ) a Christian bookstore , traveled from spring to fall during the " festival season " selling her handpainted tambourines and t - shirts . We met that summer as I admired her art , especially one particular Eeyore , looking dejected and sitting next to his detached tail with the caption " Praise the Lord Anyway " on a tambourine , which Lyn eventually gave to me because I didn't have the $ 18 to buy it . We parted with each other 's address and began writing . I saw her once more the following year after having written to each other at least once a month and that was in 1985 . 
A Bat in the Bedroom . At 1 am last night I woke to scurrying cats and a flapping ruckus , which coupled together in and with my sleepy haze , I postulated to be Lucy Brown and Schoshe dragging a played - with , exhausted mouse along the wooden floors and stairs of our home . I considered turning on a light to find out , but fell back to dreamland instead , when Brian sleepily shook something off his arm . Convinced it was one of the stink bugs that have taken up residence in our house since autumn and which occupy the cats in the wee hours of the night , we turned on a light expecting to see it ; but rather , we were buzzed by a bat flapping madly in circles overhead . It must have been on Brian 's arm , and later he would say that he distinctly felt flapping . Since he is like St. Francis with regard to animals , it isn t unlikely that the bat was drawn to him , that it landed on his sweet arm for comfort , but I think that Schoshe captured the creature and brought it to us , somewhat stunned . Brian , still sleepy and adjusting his eyes to the bedroom light , didn't respond to the circling mammal even while I cowered in the bed pointing and gasping , Bat ! Flying ! Bat ! and finally as I hit the deck and low crawled out of the bedroom , Brian looked up , saw it and flung the bedcovers over his head . The bat flew from the room and remained out of sight for about 15 minutes , so we turned on a night light in the bedroom , and went back to sleep , deciding to monitor bat conditions by the cats activity . After a bit , in which neither of us really fell back to sleep , Schoshe jumped off the bed , whereupon more noise commenced , and the bat circled the bedroom again . We tried to capture it in our bedsheet , a trick Brian learned from a colleague when the librarians experienced a similar occurence on the second floor of the school library , but each time we flung the makeshift trap into the air the bat flew behind the curtains to rest . Eventually , it left the room and again was motionless for a while , so we closed off the bedrooms and the door to the third floor hoping to finally sleep again . By the third appearance , we were on the floor swatting with pillows to fend it off as it swooped down toward us , hoping , I was certain , to become entangled in our hair , and in which case , I had less to worry about than Brian . We crouched in solidarity over capturing and releasing the thing before sleeping again . At first , we tried to use a lidded box but neither of us could muster the courage to actually contain it . Finally , exhausted , our bat landed on the curtains and would not move , allowing us a chance to closely examine it . It must have been 5 inches long , hanging upside down , looking very much like a mouse and me , wishing I had my camera . We closed the door to the room , opened a window and talked about how to shoo it out , although the thought of disrupting it again seemed too frightening . We puzzled over how to trap the bat in the curtain , dismantle the rod from the molding and throw it all out the window allowing the bat to fly freely outside and decided to try something that didn t require the removal of window hardware . Brian got a broom ; I took the lidded box and motioned from a safe distance exactly how I would cover the bat , practicing what I position I would adopt if it escaped , when it took flight again . It brushed the ceiling , then lost sufficient altitude to be flying in circles near the ground . I glanced at Brian armored with the cardboard box lid and , in the mirror , me with a seat cushion . The bat must have detected the window while scouting the room , because it fluttered hesitatingly near to it , then to the opposite side of the room where we huddled as if to gain a running start and back around with increasing momentum out the window . I was exhausted , but I m sure not nearly as much as the bat . 
Treasure Tuesday . The Krocksville Sunday School As I considered aloud what to post as my treasure for this Tuesday , Brian suggested a feature about our next door neighbor , the Krocksville Sunday School . This former schoolhouse had been the spiritual center of Krocksville , which at one time consisted of only the houses on our street . Today , the Sunday School operates with a savings account of fewer than $ 3000 , which remains constant by the profits of seasonal hoagie sales . Much of the past membership of this community church has died , and today there are regularly 8 members including us . Brian rings the bell at 10 am to signal the start of service . Mary plays the organ which belonged to a man who died many years ago , and who once lived in , and raised his children in , our house more than 60 years ago . Mr. Landis , who sold gas from his property next door to ours during the 1950 s , cuts the grass and maintains the building . Once a month the local Lions Club meets in the basement . Each week we follow a regular liturgy including an affirmation of faith , offertory and four hymns spread throughout the hour - long service . We meet every Sunday unless Dave has to work . Since Dave brings his mother , the absence of two people would cut the attendance by one quarter , so we follow Dave 's work schedule at the pharmacy . The members take turns presenting a Sunday School lesson , guided by a teacher 's manual that is purchased quarterly from a Bible bookstore in Allentown . Brian and I have gotten to know the members quite well in our year and a half of participation , and fondly listen to Bausman 's WWII stories , engage in the Pennsylvania Dutch lessons shared by those who grew up speaking the funny form of German , and reminisce about the simpler times through the other members recollections . We have a sentimentality for this " days - gone - by " institution . The 8 of us continue to hold services there , in some ways , simply to preserve the building . It is a reminder of earlier times with the intention of maintaining the close community that Krocksville once was . for Treasure Tuesday information , and to see other people 's treasures , visit Faith . 
Tagged . Kim from Hiraeth tagged me . Enjoy ! Seven things to do before I die : 1 . proliferate 2 . make a quilt 3 . play the Maple Leaf Rag 4 . serve on active duty 5 . write a book of memoirs 6 . ride overnight on a train in a sleeper car 7 . be serene Seven things I cannot do : 1 . ride the bumper cars 2 . the kick - ball - change step 3 . live without animals 4 . pull - ups 5 . yodel 6 . hit the high B - flat on the trumpet 7 . listen to " Radio Times " with Marty Moss - Coane Seven things that attract me to my husband : 1 . his wisdom 2 . his sensitivity 3 . his sweetness 4 . that he enjoys staying home 5 . that he himself is quite attractive 6 . that he 's like St. Francis 7 . his love for trains Seven things I say most often : 1 . " what a hoot " 2 . " cleared to land " ( but I don't say that as often as I ' d like ) 3 . " who 's a good girl ? " ( to Mo ) 4 . " what a riot " 5 . " do you want a kibble ? " ( to Mo ) 6 . I call Brian " Bear " a lot 7 . " Exactly ! " Seven books I love : 1 . Atlas Shrugged 2 . The Fountainhead 3 . The Stillmeadow Road 4 . West with the Night 5 . Bend Sinister 6 . Rosalind Franklin and DNA 7 . The River Seven movies I ' d watch over and over again : 1 . The Great Gatsby ( with Robert Redford ) 2 . Jane Eyre ( with Orson Welles ) 3 . The Sting 4 . The Sound of Music 5 . Gone with the Wind 6 . Clash of the Titans 7 . Star Wars . 
Gratitude . I ' m thankful for ... a morning jog before it got too humidspending the day taking to Grammie around , on a train ride through Lehigh Gorge then to the Bowmanstown Diner where she and Raymond used to gotackling one section of hedges in the morningdiscovering which eggs Gretl laysdiscovering that Marta lays the littlest brownest eggsmaking a sundae at Grammie 's and enjoying it on her patiorising early to readtaking the bus to worksitting outside after it cooled downa cool basement to practice my trumpethaving the intestinal fortitude to continuously jog three miles Nathaniel 's honesty at group A House with Four Rooms by Rumer Goddenpacking snacks for a brief road trip over dinnertimeseeing Ginny , AK , Ma and Charlene , even if it was at a funeralgoing to that place where it hurts and simply experiencing it Junemeeting Stefan 's familythe first harvest from our garden , a radishreading outside until the chickens went to roost Mo 's long , loud whimper - whine upon seeing Bandit , the neighbor 's dogspending the afternoon with Mrs. Penjoying the first fruit salad of the seasonstarting my day with Grammie 's crumb cake recipespending the morning talking to Brianseeing our friends , Chris and Theresedriving through Phillygoalsettingthe Bake Oven Innhearing Bausman 's WWII storiesspending a leisurely Sunday evening in the attic catching up on blog postsimages of Lehigh Gorge , Jill and Grammie on LGSRY , and friends by Brian . 
Treasure Tuesday . This rug is my treasure for today . It arrived last week from overseas . What makes it a treasure is that my friend , Mark , who is serving in Iraq crocheted it out of packaging materials . In between fighting a war , Mark is making rugs ! I met Mark in 2004 at an army school called the basic non - commissioned officer course ( BNCOC ) . We hit it off wonderfully and made the best of the two weeks we spent at Ft . Indiantown Gap , along the Appalachian Mountains in central Pennsylvania . He 's a motor sergeant in the Ohio National Guard , now in Iraq . We ' ve stayed in contact throughout his tour and I hope to see him again someday upon his return . It was such a surprise to receive this rug , handmade by one of my favorite soldiers . It 's an absolute treasure and has a special place in my heart ( and my office ! ) . Visit Faith for Treasure Tuesday information . 
Gratitude . I ' m thankful for ... a block of Wisconsin cheese to use on a pizzafinishing Crunchy Consthat my grades were acceptable for the semesteran ultra - clean bathroom , thanks to Brianour growing gardena day of cleaninghow beautiful our house really is , especially when it 's cleana wonderful meatloaf dinner cooked by Stephfresh rosemarythe company of close friends , Andy and Steph Yoli 's Spanish cookingfinally getting around to having Christmas with Brian 's familya nap in the car during a long drive ( Brian drove ) taking a few hours during the day to do some shoppingstopping by the VFW for happy hour to see my dadgetting my father 's service records with the award statements for his medals ( yes , there are two purple hearts and a CIB ... ) starting to plan a road trip in June to Kentuckyfinding a cottage Bed and Breakfast along the way and reserving the roomfinally beginning my summer readingmaking a new schedule for my summer which includes plenty of free timedinner at the Cascade Lodge to celebrate our 9 th anniversarydessert at Mom and Dennis ' sthe beautiful Bucks County countrysidea quick visit to Grammie 's on my way home from schoolbeginning to understand what it feels like at that place where the tear appears and sharing it with another personthe news that friends are expectingthe Allentown Farmer 's Marketreceiving a gift in the mail from a friend in Iraqhearing that my orders were cut earlier this monththat my chickens are safestarting my day with a jogcoming up with a reasonable time and place to studyplaying a few tunes on my trumpet from the church hymnal -- especially Bausman 's Navy Hymnfeeling like I had a World Class week Humbert 's index card systemvisiting with Memmy , eating ice cream on the patiospring cleaning -- coop , car , homethe first cook - out of the yeara backyard fire with friendscatching a hint of the Durkee spice factory smell in the air with a cool , humid , summer morning breeze and remembering my childhood summers fondlya clean carwarm evenings on Grammie 's patiosmall fluffy lap dogs ( every now and then ) quiet time in the morning . 
Three Generations . Today I spent the afternoon on my mom 's patio enjoying freshly picked strawberries with my mother and Memmy , my mother 's 90 year old mother .. three generations relaxing on a Saturday afternoon . The celebration party for Memmy 's birthday last month spanned 5 generations and included over 100 people whose presence on earth is directly connected to Memmy . Together , Memmy 's 8 children produced 22 grandchildren , even more great - grandchildren , and a flourishing population of great - great grandchildren . And Memmy encourages additional blossoming of the family tree , continually asking me when I ' m going to have " news " for her ( or when our little family is going to grow ) . Then she asks about my brother and his wife . Memmy 's mind is very sharp despite her deteriorating body . She sat outside with us today , lightly complaining about her shingles , a broken arm that won't heal , looking thin and frail , but happily telling stories about her past . In her memoirs she recalled that she and her sister , Flossie , ( with whom Memmy lived until about 7 years ago ) often got mad at each other but never went to bed angry . Memmy now lives with her daughter , my aunt Catherine , and has a room next to the kitchen where she spends much of the day watching birds that come to the feeders outside her window , something she loves doing . This afternoon we sat on the patio watching birds eat loose seed from a stump in Mom 's back yard . Memmy still cries a little every time a story about Pappy comes up , which I find precious . He was her husband of 55 years who died more than 20 years ago . Memmy has two favorite stories about my early school days and asked my mom to tell them again today . In the first story , I stayed on the schoolbus instead of getting off at my bus stop because I was seated between two older girls and too shy to ask one of them to move so that I could get out . I rode around on the bus until there were no more stops and returned to the school with the empty schoolbus . Memmy still remembers my mom telling her that story 25 years ago when it happened and takes as much delight in hearing it again as she did the first time . Memmy also enjoys hearing about my very first day of school . Mom and Andy watched me from the front door as I got onto the bus . As Mom cried watching her baby go off to school , Andy , who was three years old and puzzled by mom 's tears , asked " ain't she never coming back ? " I ' m curious to know if Memmy remembers how rambunctious Andy and I used to be , especially when she babysat us while mom food shopped , sneaking into the bedroom to giggle at Pappy while he slept . Sometimes we misbehaved so badly that Memmy called Aunt Cathy to come down the hill from her house to holler at us . If Memmy remembers those times , she doesn't let on -- she only has good things to say about everyone these days . Memmy , Aunt Cathy , JEM and Momphoto taken by Brian 12 / 2005 . 
Glassware . In 6 th grade I was introduced to the glassware used in laboratories . I met the flasks with the funny names , Erlenmeyer and Florence , along with the beaker , the graduated cylinder and the well - known test tube . At the time I didn't know that my daily round would include these pieces , and I imagined this glassware was unique to school chemistry classrooms , probably outdated and left over from the 1950 s as the basic set up for an instructional lab . I spent today washing the same kinds of laboratory glassware that I learned about nearly 20 years ago ... carefully rinsing the Erlenmeyers I used earlier in the week and which have become commonplace for growing bacteria , emptying salt solutions from the graduated cylinders ... a rack of test tubes numbered with orange labeling tape and used to culture the E . coli that housed my reporter construct were soaked overnight in bleach ... the 20 m L beakers that collected filtrate from a large scale DNA purification of my plasmid , covered with aluminum foil in preparation for the autoclave ... the universal Corning bottles that hold solutions , media , now empty and in need of sterilization before their next use . Most often these bottles and beakers appear as textbook examples of " research , " half - filled with blue and green colored liquids containing cures for diseases or exhaling smoke , suggesting potential explosion upon the addition of microliters of catalyst . These depictions amuse me . Many of the solutions I use are clear -- even DNA is maintained in a buffer solution that resembles only water -- and rarely does anything billow . Years of working with these pieces have allowed me to accumulate an impressive collection of spares . My first bottles came from the Anatomy and Physiology building at the University of Pennsylvania , when the ion channel lab in which I was working expanded . We were asked to clean up the neighboring rooms to prepare for the move , and each day I left with a loaded sack of carefully wrapped bottles and their corresponding glass stoppers , beginning my collection . Similar situations since then have permitted the growth of my glassware medley . Currently I ' m eying a lonely rectangular - shaped bottle , stopper - less , just waiting for confirmation of its suspected abandonment .... a sampling from my collection ... 
Red Fox . It 's 9 pm and too dark to see into the yard from the office window any longer . An hour ago , I was on the phone with Grammie . As she began describing the egregiously gigantic , absurdly heavy hanging flower basket arrangement that Uncle Gene haggled for her at the flea market auction ( " ... do you know what they 're getting for these things there at the Wal - marts ? " ) the fox appeared next to the driveway . Of course , I was expecting him , although I can't say for certain why . I intended to meet him tonight , since I had chosen to have this phone conversation while sitting at the only window in our home that provides a complete view of the yard , the driveway , and Mr. Landis 's field . Viscerally , I knew that I would see him tonight ; I imagined seeing him before he appeared . But even from this control tower perspective , I still shuddered when he rounded the hedgerow , surprised that my imagination materialized . In my mind , I didn't know what he looked like until he appeared . I maintained a conversation about petunias and supplied a story about my mom 's Pennsylvania Dutch husband who cannot resist buying a flat of marigolds , even when a flat contains 50 plants and there is no yard left in which to plant the flowers , simply because the price is too good , all the way down the stairs and out onto the patio , not letting on to Grammie that a predator was considering my chickens . Before he saw me , I noted his shabby , tattered fur with patches missing . He looked homeless and stained , too thin , and I felt sad . But the thought of losing Brigitta or any of the other von Trapps to this predator subconsciously led my body as I snapped my fingers at him , the phone still to my ear , " uh - huh , yeah ... you can get a real steal at those flea markets sometimes ... " He looked at me and ran off into the high grass , his bushy tail flipping behind him . So tonight , a bucket of Mr. Orem 's rusty nails and three heavy river rocks stand guard , securing the wooden flap that provides access into the coop . Eight chickens are huddled closely together , four to a roost , unaware of the carnivorous threat living less than an acre away in Mr. Landis 's field . fox photo taken by Brian 12 / 2005 . 
Thursday Challenge . Passageway Currituck Beach Lighthouse Corolla , North Carolina Outer Banks vacation with Andy and Steph , September 2003 for Thursday Challenge information , visit Spun With Tears . 
Treasure Tuesday . Mail Call Mail call was my favorite part of basic training . Actually , I think it is every new soldier 's favorite part -- if there is a favorite part . Every day for 8 weeks during the summer of 1995 , Brian sent me a written letter or hand - made card . The drill sergeants became so used to my receiving mail that it became a joke if a letter got held up and I didn't receive anything that night . This is the stack of letters that I collected over that summer , and it is my treasure for today . Here is the picture of Brian that I looked at all the time during that summer . He sent it to me with one of his first letters . At the end of those 8 weeks , Brian drove from New Jersey to South Carolina in his newly purchased 1985 Ford Econoline E - 150 cargo van to see me graduate . The drill sergeant who had only seen his initial ( B ) in the return address spot met Brian and then stated to me that a grown man shouldn't wear his hair that long ! ( These glasses were called " birth control " glasses , and perhaps you can guess why . No one looked attractive in these things ! ) In my 10 years as a reservist I have never been ' involuntarily ' deployed , or " called up . " To serve our country in this way is a dream that I have , which I know will come true one day , although I ' m not ready to jump in and volunteer for a stint overseas just yet . I also know that when the call arrives , the timing won't be convenient -- it never is ... I ' ll be in the middle of school or family or work . But regardless of whether or not I believe in this current conflict , or whatever else may happen in the future , I believe in my country and its foundation , especially the inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness . I believe in that oath I took as a young private at 19 and that I took again as a lieutenant at 30 , and I know that there are millions who are on my side . I also know that , when the time comes , I can look forward to filling another old shoebox with letters . Be sure to visit Faith for more treasures ! 
this is where it all begins ... ( again ) . on blogging 101 ... it 's supposed to be nice and easy . sign up , choose a blog name , click on ' create ' and presto ... you have a blog . well , it was ... until three days later when things started to get ' challenging ' . i couldn't post any pics for the last few days . today , i had the equivalent of a blogger 's worst nightmare . i couldn't see my blog . i mean , it was there , but the screen was blank . so for the sake of my sanity , and to save myself more days of re - trying ... i deleted it and started again . ( believe me i tried every single thing i can think of - refresh , restart laptop , logout , then log back in again , googled my problem ) . i moved to wordpress . com for an hour but realised it 's a tad bit more clunky than blogger . so i ' m back here again . so 360 degreesofseparation is back on blogger . com. i wasn't sure how sustainable this was going to be , but i think it 's looking good so far . this week was such a social week for me that it was the perfect time to start a blog on social connections . the 360 degreesofseparation theory is proving to be so very true . this week , i ' ve seen connections come back in full circle . ( but more on that later ) . for now , let 's not forget to thank cindy , the ' blog - namer ' of the year - who came up with the name . i merely extended it and decided to write a blog Ph D on it . so here we go ... ( again ) . let 's get started ... hurry up already ... there 's so much to post about ... 
And , Good Night ! Today was fairly decent - ate great until the two hotdogs with onions and saur kraut I had about an hour ago , lol . Darn the late night computer munchies ! At least the onions , kraut and mustard were fat free , lol . I ' m not sleepy because I took a nap earlier , so I ' m getting ready to watch a downloaded movie . Vongo is awesome , lol . Ttyl ! 
Good Morning ! I have a choice of breakfasts .... Wheaties with milk and toast - or tortilla chips with canned nacho cheese . Hmmmm , decisions , decisions , lol . ; ) Yeah , I ' ll be having the Wheaties , lol . Things are coming up in the garden ! I just snagged some nice yellow squash yesterday , and got some good sized baby carrots when I thinned out the rows . I still can't bring myself to try the beets , lol , but maybe someday , lol . I got a couple pods of sugar snap peas , too . I stuck the squash , baby carrots and pea pods into a can of veggie beef soup , can of water , can of diced tomatoes ( undrained ) and added a can of kidney beans ( drained and rinsed ) . That was SO good ! Of course it was " heaaaaaaaaaalthy " , so I was the only one who ate it , lol . Mike goes back to work tonight : ( . I ' m really starting to feel his absence , and it sucks . Depression does extremes to me , especially with food - either I don't eat at all , or I eat non - stop , until I feel better . This little bout of depression was the no eating kind , so now that I ' m feeling better , I ' m famished , lol . That 's why the chips and nacho cheese ( which shouldn't be in the house at ALL , except Mike thought it would make me feel better , lol ... sweet , but counterproductive , lol ) looked so good this A . M. All sorts of junk looks good when I ' m starving , lol . Today , I ' ll be going through the garden again and doing my little bit of harvesting , and playing with the food processor . I ' m really looking forward to getting a couple zucchini and running it through the food processor for low fat zucchini bread and zucchini soup . My best friend was talking about smoothies the other day , so I think I ' m inspired to do smoothies , as well , which means that I need to make room for the blender on the ol ' counter , too , lol . And water . Water , water , water . 
Home Cooking - Hot n Spicy Sortafried Chicken . Sortafried is my new term for " frying " on a pan with cooking spray instead of oil , lol . Today I took three chicken breasts and cut them into long strips - soaked them in skim milk and Louisiana Hot Sauce , tossed them in a bowl of whole wheat flower , spicy Montreal steak seasoning , salt , pepper , cayenne pepper , chili powder , garlic and onion powder - shook them off and tossed them on a hot pan sprayed with fat free cooking spray . Ohgollymoses , did they turn out GOOD ! I served them with low fat cornbread and a fat free creamy Italian pasta side , with peas and carrots in the pasta . Who says healthy eating has to suck ? LOL ! Yay for motivation ! 
Heyyyyyyyyyy Guess What ?? I dug out my food processer from deep within my cabinets , lol . I got it awhile ago , and haven't used it yet , since it 's got so many gadgets and such , lol . But I tell ya what , ladies ( and possibly gentlemen ) ... food processing is AWESOME ! I took a big chunk of lean ham , celery , onion , dill pickles , green peppers , roma tomatoes , fat free mayo , a dab of horseradish mustard ( fat free ) , and chopped all that up together into this awesome low fat spread ... full of protein , and vitamins and all that great junk , and tastes good , too ! Plus there 's a lot of it , and it is reduced in size from the chopping , so it saves space in the fridge and makes a great grab - n - eat snack , lol . Oh my friends , the possibilities are endless .... these combos are running through my brain right now .... I ' ll be trying them VERY soon ! Spreads without that water - retaining salt or added fats or preservatives or added colors ... wowsa ! All sorts of salsas ! Ok , here 's my ideas , lol .... pinto beans , hot sauce , onion , tomatoesgarbanzo beans , cilantro , lemon juice , oniontomato , onion , green peppers , jalapenosyellow peppers , red peppers , green peppers , onionsturkey breast , celery , onion , mayo , a few green olives ( good fat , good fat , lol ) chicken breast , honey mustard So many ideas , lol . I figure I ' ll have all sorts of neat salsas , spreads and yep , even pastes , soon , lol . Who ' dathunk I ' d find an 80 dollar processer for 4 bucks , never used , at a thrift sale ! And then USE it ! Woo ! 
Through A Mild Haze .... My surgery is done and over with , with barely any recovery time , since it was a pretty run - of - the mill surgery ... the next one is the " biggie " that will take about 8 weeks to recover ... Anyway , I seem to have hit one of those " motivated for 3 days , unmotivated for a week , motivated for 3 days , unmotivated for 2 weeks " deals that I tend to fall into . It happens when I don't put this weight thing as a priority , or ( and this is honesty again , lol ) when I get bored with it . Or , if I become too unmotivated and start climbing the scales again , I ' m too embarrassed to come in here and face everyone . Like no one but me 's ever gone through that , LOL .... I ' m so stupid , lol . I wieghed myself the other day and literally grabbed the wall . Again , I had no idea how much damage I ' d done until that moment . Just like the first time I got super heavy and tried to lose weight , I never looked in mirrors that showed my whole body - all my shorts and t - shirts are oversized ( perfect to " grow into " , sigh ) and all that jazz . What a friggin ' blow to my goals .... again . Don't get me wrong - I ' m not asking for any pity or " awwwww , poor Char ! " , lol . I ' m also not asking to have my ass reamed over this either by people who don't give a rat 's ass about me and just like to harrass random blogs ( i . e . A certain fly - by anonymous poster who can be read in reply form on a few of my entries here ) . I never claimed that I ' d be a perfect dieter , I never claimed that I ' d have no setbacks or that I was supposed to be some sort of diet guru . I ' m just someone trying to lose weight and having a topsy - turvy time of it . Not that I ' m saying anyone thought that of me , in particular , I ' m just writing it because it 's in my head that I ' ve failed people , and I have to let myself know that I haven't failed anyone , except myself , and not let that guilt be another excuse for me to push aside the weight loss and healthy living . That being said , I ' m rededicating myself to this " project " , and have a full fridge and pantry of foods that will keep me well fed in a healthy manner . I have decided to add some light excersize , mainly to overcome this depression I ' m falling into over some other life - related things . Plus , I ' d like to be able to wash my walls without my arms feeling like they 're gonna fall off . So I ' m going with the mantra that another fellow health - blogger once posted in her journal ( not verbatim , but the jist is here ) ... I may have fallen , but I ' m getting back up ... and I ' ll keep getting back up . I ' m not going to quit . 
It Does Get Better , lol . I ' ve been eating better ... things have been so busy , it 's easy to grab crap , but I ' ve been trying to make a huge effort to prepare things ahead of time so that what is easy to grab is also good for me . Lots of pasta salads with ff dressings , boiled chicken breasts in the fridge so I can just grab one and cut it up to add to salad or toss in a quick veggie stir fry ( can't wait til I don't have to rely on bagged or canned veggies ... once my garden comes in , I ' m going to be swimming in fresh fruit and veggies , woo ! ) . Since I hadn't been eating all that great in the last little while , I ' m dealing with the " deprivation cravings " again , which sucks . Such a setback , just mentally , lol . At least , from experience , I know those will go away if I don't give in for awhile , you know ? That 's heartening : ) . My husband put an A / C in the kitchen , so that helps with the desire to cook ... in the summer , without one in there , the heat builds up something terrible and is a real dissuader from actually going in there to prepare anything ... which means a lot of quick stuff , crap - grab stuff , ect ... but with the A / C in there , it keeps the heat bearable , so I have been more wiling to go in there and do the prep and the well - thought - out meals , lol . Yeah , I ' m a baby about heat , lol . I handle it very badly . I overheat really easily ( could it be from the huge layer of fat around my body insulating me ? hmm ? ya think ? LOLOLOL ) , so you know how that goes , lol . Today was a whole lot of fun . We spent the day fishing and actually caught about 40 small perch . Nothing keepable , but it was awesome spending the day outside in the cool wind and bright sun , and we met a family that was as talky as we are , so we all sat together and BSed while all the kids ran around in swimsuits catching frogs and toads , after we ran out of worms , lol . A seagull ( weird , because we 're so far from anything we could call a " sea " , it 's laughable , LOL ) harassed us until we threw buns at him , lol . He was pretty brave , too . Came really close to us until my youngest son started chasing him , LOL ! So today was a good day here - hope everyone had a super one , too ! 
And after a month or so .... I ' m back , lol . Have had my mind on other things , but I ' ve come to terms and things are getting better . So , that being said , I gained some weight ... not a whole lot , but going in the wrong direction makes me want to quit the comfort and mindless eating a whoooole lot , lol . The good thing is that I ' m getting into my gardening , and that is actually more work than one would think , what with all the bending and lifting and bending and lifting and bending and bending and bending and OMG my poor back , LOL ! I ' ve been getting " zings " starting from about where my love handles are all the way up to my neck , lol . It 's worth it though , because in the end , I ' m going to have a whole yard full of low fat , high vitamin , high fiber goodness , eh ? For free , lol . I have surgery coming up on the 22 nd ... just a minor one , not a whole lot of recovery time needed afterwards , but I ' ll be having major surgery sometime after that . Because of some other things going on in my family 's life , I don't think the major surgery will be happening as soon as I was hoping , but it 's not of the type that if I don't get it right now , I ' ll suddenly drop dead , so it 's not going to cause any huge problems by waiting a bit . The first one can't wait though , so that should be an interesting experience , lol . That 's kinda what 's been on my mind the last little while , but like I said , I ' ve had time to come to terms and all is well , at least mentally , in my little neck of the woods , lol . So that 's my long overdue update . Not very entertaining or uplifting , but the point is that I ' m not giving up on this adventure of mine , even if I did have a little crash . It 's about the long term , right ? Right . So no guilt , no shame , no hide my head and give up .... gonna do this , no matter what : ) . Hope everyone 's having a great week ! ((( hugs ))) . 
018 : birthday dinner & sweets pt 3 . birthday dinner with anna , doris , wayne and hubs at Strip House . i was so stuffed by the end of the night that i never wanted to eat another piece of meat in my life . seriously , i was such a glutton that i left ashamed of myself for eating so much ! but darn it was GOOOOOOODlobster bisque 10 oz . filet mignonside dishes of creamed spinach , sauteed wild mushrooms , cream corn with pancetta and potatoe puree . the sides were my favorite part of the meal ! chocolate souffle dessert at sugar nyc . 
017 : birthday dinner date & sweets pt 2 . dinner at tout va bien , a charming , family - run french restaurant in the theater district . maison patemoules marniere * make sure to ask for a splash of pernod ... it really adds to the flavor ! birthday sweets ! chocolate mousse !!! complimentary after - dinner sherry . 
016 : lunch with eileen & meli . i took the day off for my birthday and had lunch with eileen and meli . since we both live in battery park city , we took a stroll to the world financial center and had lumch at southwest where we shared 2 entrees . mushroom and garlic flatbread pizzagrilled achiote chicken sandwich with greens . 
015 : birthday sweets pt 1 . enough with the sandwiches and shrimp already ! time for some birthday cakes ! my co - worker made this amazing cake for me - chocolate and vanilla merengue with homemade strawberry ice cream , topped with fresh raspberries and currants . so creative and different ... not to mention YUMMY !!! 
NYT : Naeng Myun . With the stiffling summer heat , the NY Times Dining Wine article about naeng myun came at the right time . just reading about this popular korean summer dish made the temperature feel like it went down a few degrees . check it out here . 
011 : bbq for lunch and dinner . today was definitely an " i ' m eating whatever i want " day . after dragonboat practice , we chowed down on kalbi , kimchi , jap chae , and kimbap , instead of rushing home . we ordered everything from a restaurant in flushing , but to our credit , we did grill the kalbi ourselves in flushing meadow park . it was just what we needed after an exhausting practice ! so good , in fact , that we hardly spoke a word the whole time we were eating ... or maybe we were just too hot and tired to talk ... now , that was Y - U - M - M - I - E , but why stop there ? next i went to new jersey for a bbq birthday dinner ( my uncle 's belated birthday and mine one week early ) . apparently my aunt had been cooking all day because when we arrived , there were already 11 dishes prepared and saran wrapped waiting to be eaten . no sirey bob ... my family certainly does not joke around when it comes to entertaining . but 11 dishes ? ! when i asked her why she made so much she said ... well , i dont know what people like so i made a little bit of everything . by everything she means - mussels , eggplant , asparagus , cucumber and endive salad , shrimp and apple salad , two cold spicy noodles ( 1 mild , 1 hot ) , grilled tofu wraps , and salted chicken . not pictured here are crabs , sausages , grilled chicken , more kalbi and fruit . to end our meal we had tiramisu birthday cake from sunmerrys bakery in fort lee , nj . it was quite a filling day to say the least ! 
010 : lunch in the park . today was a gorgeous summer day ( 87 degrees and sunny ) , so my co - workers and i decided to grab lunch and sit out in union square park . there is one korean take out restaurant near our office that satisfies our korean food cravings and today was the perfect day for mul naeng myun . it wasn't the best i ' ve had but the cold and tangy beef broth certainly hit the spot . 
Full of Blessing ~ . o X A h A A P Q Q O U i O b O o i } ...... e L ....... P ] b V...... U X A M L ...... L L A | A O U Q O a ...... u Q G h A P ....... P R H P W D P b L | P t i H s i H a b n z s o O q G M p O G b n z A K j I ] L 12:10 ^ n A A O h u @ I I I I I ~ D A P P b ~~~~~ . 
^ o ^ H ~~ . @ O R F ~ Q M | H ~~ ^ o ^ W } ~~~~~ ^^ i M w M X O " When you wish upon a star " ....... > . t F ...... > . The two small piglets are so cute ~~ ^^ They can be either buckled together or separated as two accessories . ^^ I love them ~~ ^^ R F ~~~ h A ~~~~~~ ^ o ^ H H A ] i H A u n A b ....... 
Karen . What can one say about her ? Apparently I ve met her somewhere , because her name is scrawled in red ink in my journal along with her email . Unfortunately , there are no context clues but an entry about laundry .183 / 365 . 
David . thinks his humor is sarcasm , but it comes off like a cliched bumpersticker . In a self - imposed uniform of a buttondown oxford shirt and chinos , he runs the shop . Rush Limbaugh s voice soapboxes as the not - so - subliminal soundtrack .182 / 365 . 
Luis . faked musical talent so he could save face with his classmates , and lost the respect of the girl he liked most . For a day . Then he smiled . He had a past that included horrors beyond school lunch .181 / 365 . 
Shannon . My neighbor s daughter grew up in a household of screams . The family attracted misanthropic cats that shivered under the overhang of porch roof . Shannon sang for them as she shook the Meow Mix : Cat food ! Cat food ! 180 / 365 . 
Kyle . shuffles his feet across the floor and speaks as soft as the whisper of butterfly wings , which contrasts with his sharp drawings of invented creatures , spatial poetry and thrashing music . Someday , those drawings will move across screens .179 / 365 . 
Maggie . rented her home in Pennsylvania for over twenty years and transformed it into a jewelry box . Walls blushed with color , air swirled incense and each nook was filled with art and language . Her home reflected her being .178 / 365 . 
Judi . opened an art supply store in a town that watched a lot of television . Her eyes are determined , with a glint that winks at mischievousness . A friend of a friend , we always talk about our connection Maggie .177 / 365 . 
Joe . takes sporadic detailed demographics of everyone who sets foot in the gallery . Man , woman , age , when they came in , how long they stayed . He checks the traffic on his own webpage too . So what s the point ? 176 / 365 . 
Favorites . Okay , the pigeon picture is a little weird but it 's one my favorites ! These are just a few of the pics from our vacation ! The rainbow was on our way to KEY WESTat about 8 in the morning ! The next pic , is of my Mom and Dad on the fourth .... I absolutely love July 4 th ... it 's one of my favorite Holidays , mainly because I LOVE fireworks ! Seriously , my love for fireworks is a little weird ... ( anyway , it was very dark and i didn't want to use a flash so this was one of my better efforts ) Still looking for a job ... It 's supposed to be really hot here this weekend ...93 ... that 's hot when you don't have air - conditioning ! Anyway , I ' ll post more pics later .. cheers , y ' all ! 
Back from the dead . My deepest apologies for the lack of blogging that has taken place on my part . The past few months have been pretty crazy . I ' m still getting used to the fact that i live in New York , not to mention we haven't been able to get internet yet ( thus explains the absence of my blog and email ) Right now I am sitting in My favorite coffee house in Cooperstown , Stagecoach coffee . It 's great james and i come here often . I am currently looking for a job , and i have several leads . Hopefully by the beginning of next week i will be among the gamefully employed . This past saturday I returned from Florida , where i spent a 7 wonderful days with my family . Aaron and Allison had to leave on Wed . so that was a bummer , but it was a blast while they were there . It was a shame that James couldn't come , but he had to go to Pittsburgh to do a presentation at Fan Fest ( the convention before the All - star game ) . Anyway , we had a so much fun on vacation . Monday we drove to Looe Key where we spent 6 hours out at sea . In the first 15 minutes of our first snorkel , i saw more sharks than I ' ve ever seen before in my life !!! There was one who stuck with us , he kept circling back to see what we were up to . He swam directly under me and was about 5 feet from my abdomen .. I think i actually stopped breathing . it was totally worth it though ... Just seeing those creatures totally reminds me just how amazing God really is . After our brush with death ( the sharks and dualing lobsters ) , we went to Key West and ate dinner at the Hog 's Breath Saloon ... because after all ... " Hog 's Breath is better than no breath at all " We watched the Beautiful sunset and drove back to Ft . Lauderdale . The next few days were filled with nothing but relaxing by the beach , the pool , and flying the kite that Dad bought ... i didn't so much fly it as i did crash it right in the middle of a family ... nonetheless , i had a great time . I forgot much I actually enjoy spendng time with my family ... I love you all very much and miss you terribly ... Now that I ' m back it 's becoming more and more real that we ' ll be here for a few years to come ... it 's going to be scary , hard , and exciting all at the same time ... I know God has me here for a reason ... I dont ' know what ... yet .... but i plan to enjoy the ride .. no matter what comes our way ... love y ' all ... miss y ' all ... cheers ! 
New York State of Mind . No , no .... no clever anecdotes , or anything revolutionary ! Of course , if you 're lookinng to my blog for that .. well .. dont ' . Just an update per usual . also , no pictures yet , our signal isn't strong enough , but I will get the them up as soon as I can . We are moved in ! Almost everything is on the walls , doors , behind the doors , over the windows . etc. I am currently standing in the kitchen window with the computer in order to get an internet signal ... we 're getting a router so we don't have to stand .. but like many other things , it 's going to have to wait . It 's been good thus far ; James just completed his second full week of work , and being the primary un - packer , i have almost managed to get the house in the shape I want it . The dogs are doing great , very clingy though , still needing time to adjust , but then again so are we . I feel the adjustment period will last until next year at this time , seeing as how neither one of us has ever lived through a New England summer , fall , winter ... well you get the picture . James ' friend Mark gave us a 30 % chance of survival . I think that is more James than me . Although , 6 months of snow .... ? just kidding , it ' ll be a change , but a fun adventure for us to grow through together . We ' It rains an awful lot up here ... alot .. alot ! If you looked at the weather channel this morning you might have heard something about " New England flooding " no kidding ! In order to take the dogs out we had to pick them up , set them down and hope they ' went ' where we placed them ... one did , one didnt ' ! That meant we had to wash him because the brown dog was all covered in mud . Things are good though , we ' ve been to church 3 times since we ' ve been here ( we went everytime they met ) It 's small , James and i make 12 , last Sunday we had 17 , hope we can help them grow . I need to go make James and myself some breakfast ... do some laundry ... and enjoy this New York State of minecheers ! 
patience is a virtue . We are , yet again , spending the night in a Holiday Inn . Not the same one we stayed in last night , no , no , no one in Oneonta , Cooperstown , Albany , or anywhere within 50 miles has any vacancy , except Schoharie ( pronounced skuh - harry ) , which is about 20 minutes from Albany ... that 's fine ... we still can't move in .. plumbing problems , not with me , with the barn ... HOUSE ... sorry ! So we shall move in tomorrow morning , without the help of my mom , and my father - in - law ... which , that 's fine too , but just not something we had planned on ... all in all the trip has gone very well ... despite the truck breaking down in the parking lot , the pipes at the house busting , us not having much help moving in , not being able to move in until 5 days after we thought we were ... things went really well . ( despite my tendency to be cynical , the last sentence was not written with any sarcasm ) We got to Cooperstown without any problems , the truck broke down HERE , not 800 hundred miles from here , and James and I are young , so moving by ourselves should be no problem ! The dogs have been amazing , I really couldn't believe how well - behaved they were in the car . We 're here , i can't believe it ! It was kind of hard yesterday when Mom left because it became more real that we 're staying ! It 's beautiful here , and we got here at a good time of year ( so we have time to adjust before the evil of winter comes to lay his hand on us ) Our landlord said the four seasons in New York are " almost winter , winter , still winter and Construction . " GREAT !!!! No seriously , I am very much looking forward to getting involved with the church up here , we will probably lower the average age by 40 years ! the black dog is licking my toes , i think he 's hungry .... Keep praying for us .... we 're praying for y ' all ( i refuse to wipe that word from my vocabulary ) I had a lot of water .... basketball is on .... so i ' m gonna go .. more later .... cheers ! 
on the road again . FIRST .... I ' M GONNA BE AN AUNT !!!!!!!!!!!!!! My brother is pregnant ... no wait .. my brother 's wife Allison is pregnant !! Congratulations to them ... I love you guys so much !! She 's due around Christmas , so keep them in your prayers ! As for James and I we are in our 4 th day of our Journey towards Cooperstown , N . Y . Saying goodbye to our dear friends was so hard , but as I have said before , Abilene , for most people , is a merely a stop on the way to better things . So most of them will be leaving soon anyway ! As of 8:30 Eastern time ( our new time zone ) last night we landed in Anderson , Indiana . James ' cousin , we ' ll call him Allen , lives there with his wife Kenny . ( Their real names will not be used as to protect the innocent ) . Staying here allows us to catch up with them , and save money on hotels . We can't move in until Friday now , so we are going to take our time getting there . It 's been great so far , the dogs have behaved , somewhat better than James ' and his dad have ... just kidding ... and we haven't had any problems thus far . We did run into some really bad construction yesterday for about an hour , but other than that it 's been really great . I ' m not on my computer so i can't post any pics , but as soon as we get settled in I ' ll be able to show you what the town looks like . I ' m getting more excited the closer we get , and also a little more scared about the winter . Right now , it 's about 50 degrees and raining , and this is the middle May . It 's only going to get worse ! But i am a strong woman ( some people would use other words ) , so I can totally handle whatever comes my way . No really , it 's beautiful up here and nothing like i ' ve ever experienced , so I am ready for the challenge ! Thanks again , to all of you for your love , prayers , and help with our move ! We couldn't have done it without you ! I need to take a shower ... drink some water ... and go talk to the family ... more later ... 
boston common . Today might have been one of the most important days in James ' professional life , and he was amazing . We got up this morning around 6 in order to meet his panel by 7:15a.m. I had the most expensive bowl of strawberries and blueberries that I ' ve ever had in my life in the restaurant of the Sheraton Hotel . Had I known it was going to be that bad , i would have stopped at Starbuck 's on my way . Anyway , James ' session " Podcasting in Museums " started at 9 and there were probably 250 there , filling the Grand Ballroom , at lest 3 / 4 full . He had numerous people come up to him afterward to compliment him . One guy told him that he was " an innovative speaker ... in a good way . " I ' m not sure how that could be bad ... but maybe being funny is considered innovative in a museum setting ... who know ! After that we went to have coffee with James ' advisor from O . U . and then we went to meet some people from Cooperstown for lunch . After going back to the hotel to change and catch a cat nap , we headed to the Boston Commons and the Freedom Trail . There was a beautiful park there and we had dinner at the pub in the picture ... so good !! We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow , so we came back early ... Gonna see my new house tomorrow ~ !!!! Having a great time here , but i miss my puppies ! love ya .... more later ... 
traveler 's rest . Today i got to sleep in ... james didn't , he had a meeting at 9 .. which if you count the " d @ $ ^ it " time you have to allow , that means he left here at 730a.m. ( " d @ $ ^ it time is the time you have to alot for getting to the place where you think you 're going , getting off the subway , turning around and realizing that you 're not where you thought you were ! ) speaking of , i have mastered the subway , it only took me about 12 hours ? is that bad ? Today was colder than yesterday ... the guy at the subway station said it was uncharacteristically cold for the end of April .. no kidding ! James was at the conference until three today , then after that we came back changed to go to dinner ... We went to the North End ... man that place is awesome ... there was a homeless lady who after we gave her a dollar , gave a pamphlet .. on the back it said " your ticket to Heaven ! " I should have given her a dollar a long time ago !!!! tonight 's dinner was much more romantic than the loud pizza parlor last night .. We ate at 5 North Square ... that 's the name not the address ... it was a quaint little restaurant owned and operated by a single family .... aunts , uncles , cousins , and sister - in - laws were the waitresses , bartenders and cooks , it was awesome ... not to mention the food was incredible .. After that we just walked around and found several historical landmarks , Paul Revere 's house , Old North church , and the Union Oyster House ( the oldest restaurant in Boston ) Tomorrow we go to Haaaavard , i still can't understand half of what people are saying , and i ' m sure that goes both ways ... James need to do some work .... i need to put on different clothes ... the North East is weird ... but i kinda like it ... see you tomorrow .. 
killing in good faith . title pinched from this article in the international herald tribune , after wrongful death charges against two london police officers for shooting and killing a brazilian man on a train because they presumed he was a terrorist , although " killing in good faith " is more or less the rationale given for every war being fought on the planet right now , or ever , i imagine . no images for this post . found a photograph of an iraqi six year old with his head blown in , not out , and figured that description would suffice . 
Kisa Gotami had an only son , and he died . In her grief she carried the dead child to all her neighbors , asking them for medicine , and the people said : " She has lost her senses . The boy is dead . " At length Kisa Gotami met a man who replied to her request : " I cannot give you medicine for your child , but I know a physician who can . " The girl said : " Pray tell me , sir ; who is it ? " And the man replied : " Go to Sakyamuni , the Buddha . " Kisa Gotami repaired to the Buddha and cried : " Lord and Master , give me the medicine that will cure my boy . " The Buddha answered : " I want a handful of mustard - seed . " And when the girl in her joy promised to procure it , the Buddha added : " The mustard - seed must be taken from a house where no one has lost a child , husband , parent , or friend . " Poor Kisa Gotami now went from house to house , and the people pitied her and said : " Here is mustard - seed ; take it ! " But when she asked , " Did a son or daughter , a father or mother , die in your family ? " they answered her : " Alas the living are few , but the dead are many . Do not remind us of our deepest grief . " And there was no house but some beloved one had died in it . Kisa Gotami became weary and hopeless , and sat down at the wayside , watching the lights of the city , as they flickered up and were extinguished again . At last the darkness of the night reigned everywhere . And she considered the fate of men , that their lives flicker up and are extinguished . And she thought to herself : " How selfish am I in my grief ! Death is common to all ; yet in this valley of desolation there is a path that leads him to immortality who has surrendered all selfishness . " Putting away the selfishness of her affection for her child , Kisa Gotami had the dead body buried in the forest . Returning to the Buddha , she took refuge in him and found comfort in the Dharma , which is a balm that will soothe all the pains of our troubled hearts . The Buddha said : " The life of mortals in this world is troubled and brief and combined with pain . For there is not any means by which those that have been born can avoid dying ; after reaching old age there is death ; of such a nature are living beings . As ripe fruits are early in danger of falling , so mortals when born are always in danger of death . As all earthen vessels made by the potter end in being broken , so is the life of mortals . Both young and adult , both those who are fools and those who are wise , all fall into the power of death ; all are subject to death . " Of those who , overcome by death , depart from life , a father cannot save his son , nor kinsmen their relations . While relatives are looking on and lamenting deeply , one by one mortals are carried off , like an ox that is led to the slaughter . So the world is afflicted with death and decay , therefore the wise do not grieve , knowing the terms of the world . In whatever manner people think a thing will come to pass , it is often different when it happens , and great is the disappointment ; see , such are the terms of the world . " Not from weeping nor from grieving will any one obtain peace of mind ; on the contrary , his pain will be the greater and his body will suffer . He will make himself sick and pale , yet the dead are not saved by his lamentation . People pass away , and their fate after death will be according to their deeds . If a man live a hundred years , or even more , he will at last be separated from the company of his relatives , and leave the life of this world . He who seeks peace should draw out the arrow of lamentation , and complaint , and grief . He who has drawn out the arrow and has become composed will obtain peace of mind ; he who has overcome all sorrow will become free from sorrow , and be blessed . " . 
no such thing as natural beauty . yesterday , a picture of eva longoria without makeup surfaced . joel , who works at vanity fair , knows all about airbrushing , and tells me , every month , what the cover looked like before photoshop . it 's not that i didn't believe him . it 's that seeing is believing . so he showed me some more . i feel so much better about my pores . 
for joel , and not because i am hemming his pants . Of all the boys I ' ve known and I ' ve known some Until I first met you I was lonesome And when you came in sight , dear , my heart grew lightand this old world seemed new to me You 're really swell I have to admit , youdeserve expressions that really fit you And so I ' ve racked my brain hoping to explainall the things that you do to me Bei mir bist du sch n , please let me explain Bei mir bist du sch n means that you 're grand Bei mir bist du sch n , again I ' ll explainit means you 're the fairest in the land I could say bello , bello , even say wunderbar , each language only helps me tell you how grand you are I ' ve tried to explain , bei mir bist du sch nso kiss me and say you understand . 
winken , blinken , and nod . i want a mess of hamsa hands above my baby 's bed , whenever that is . and , even though i am not a jew officially , joel is , and i want mezuzot on my doorposts . these look a little bit like the ones i had another life ago , but not exactly . i ' m whomped , and ought to go to bed , but i am strangely happy this evening , and i want to stay awake and enjoy it a minute more . 
it 's either haunted , or meant to be mine , or both . this is a little house on the wrong side of the river that joel first showed me over a year ago . on a lark , i wanted to see if it was still on the market , and it is . i don't know what that means , exactly , but i ' ve begun having fantasies about it again . it isn't at all my style , and i ' ve always made fun of gingerbread trim , but this seems such a happy house . it looks like a little duck . it has three bedrooms , a bath and a half -- one of those cold WCs off the kitchen , and i knew i really loved joel when we were talking about having the trots after a round with some bad tandoori chicken , and we each offered , simultaneously , to use the cold toilet -- and a fireplace . there are no interior shots of the house , but i ' d bet a hundred bucks that any floor plan i might draw up would be the right one . i found an email dated 23 may 2005 ( you know joel and annabel and jonas . jonathan is joel 's best friend , alex is our maine coon ) : so many beautiful , beautiful , beatiful places to carry groceries inwith you . already fantasized cozy , prosaic things , among which are : a ) you , cussing at the furnace while i take a basket of laundry downthe basement stairs , and i see you , being an asshole , and amnevertheless moved to damp by your stubborness and your helplessnesswith the pesky pilot light , and i came over , and kneel down besideyou , and you don't want to be bothered , but i bother you anyway , and ikiss you , and you relent , and kiss me back , and then we fuck on thewashing machine . b ) this one involves groceries , and it 's snowing outside , and slick , and i ' ve got two plastic bags on one arm , and a baby in the other , andthere are still a dozen bags in the driveway , and another four in yourarms , but you put them down and tell me to wait before i go up thestairs , so you can kick all the ice off of them before i ascend themwith the baby , so we ' ll all be safe . c ) inviting all of your friends and all of my friends for a big fatcountry weekend for our anniversary , and running from neighbor toneighbor before they all arrive , borrowing inflatable mattresses andextra pillows , and turning the living room into a a makeshift seragliowith beds everywhere . we get drunk in the backyard . jonathan getsdrunk and vomits in the bushes and falls in love with annabel . annabeldoesn't get drunk and falls in love with jonathan . jonas and jake fallin love with each other and are herded around the house by alex . andwe don't sleep in our bed , but in the living room with everyone else , and we wake up hungover and happy and merry , and there 's a big machoflapjack turning contest for breakfast , and we take the food out onthe porch and we 're all silly and nostalgic and wellfed . you like ? but i ' ve made up more . lots more . i ' ve made fast friends over the past couple of weeks , and they figure in to the fantasies of the house now , too . here is my favourite : there is a photograph thatdoesn't exist yet , but will , featuring me , bess , annabel , lara and cynthia ( don't worry selma ; you 're there , too , but you 're taking the picture ) seated at the dining room table looking a little bit like herringbone . heads cupped in hands leaning rightward from the waist up , and legs crossed below . i tried to sketch it , but it 's much cuter in my head . there is also a fantasy wherein allison 's been made a junior editor somehwere , but she 's calls me , sick of the city and exasperated , and i tell her to get her ass on a train , and i go and fetch her at the hudson station and bring her home , where we watch jack black movies , which she never realised she liked , until she had her jack black with braised chicken and rosemary dumplings . i ' m no stranger to merry domestic dissipation . i love it . in every stripe . but there 's something about this particular house that makes me dream , and really , even if it 's got a rotten furnace , what more could you ask of a house ? 
the finger lakes . this is my friend stevie t , the darlingest man in spafford ( population : 6 ) , and perhaps all of christendom , whom i would have married , if joel hadn't beaten him to the punch , and a trout , which he likes to fill with ramps he 's picked up in the woods . stevie wants me to come home and have a drink at morris 's , and i will , but not now . labor day , maybe . embouchure ! embouchure ! 
I Need a Vacation ! For reasons that don't really matter , I ran across my passport yesterday ( terrible photo and all ) . I thumbed through , looking at the various stamps in it , and wanted to cry ( no , I ' m not PMS - ing , I ' m just drowning in my own life ! ) . I haven't been anywhere deserving of a stamp in my passport since being re - admitted to the US ( oh what a mistake they made there , LOL ) in late Feb 2002 . That 's 4 years !!! I ' m gutted . I need to start saving for a trip ( all I do these days is save -- for one thing or another ) . Just a week , or a weekend even -- I ' d even settle for somewhere I ' d been before . I just need to breathe a bit of musty city air , go to a museum or a play , order room service , meet strangers I end up becoming friends with , and complain about public transportation . Ya know ? Anyone want to split a trip to Dublin , London , New York , or Paris ? If I ' d started saving a few months ago I could have done a spiffy turn at festival month in Edinburgh -- but I ' m an idiot . Maybe a week in Canada ( is Montreal cool this time of year ? ) , or better yet .. Argentina ( it 's winter down there !!! ) . BTW , how pathetic am I ? LOL . 
Stuff and Nonsense . It 's been hot ( but not as bad as it could have been ) so I ' ve been avoiding the non - air - conditioned room that the computer is in , and I ' ve been simultaneously busy and lazy ( a hard combination to pull off , but I ' m uniquely talented in that way ) . I wish I had something terribly interesting to report , or something mind - blowingly pithy to say . But , alas , I do not . My biggest activities of the past several days have been , watching too much TV ( including a fascinating PBS thingy How Art Made The World -- of which I have now caught episodes 2 , 3 , and 5 ) , and dying my hair RED . Yes , I said red ( don't ask my why -- I guess I was just bored with the dark - brown / black I ' ve had for all these many moons ) . I ' ve come to the conclusion that pale people should probably never dye their hair black ( unless they really want to look like they need a trip to the blood bank ) . Being naturally pale , naturally freckled , and descending from natural red - heads ( despite my naturally brown locks ) I am pulling off the rojo thing with tremendous elan ( as if you could have doubted that , LOL ) . I still have not taken my mom over to the DMV to get her renewal taken care of ( things just keep coming up , not important things , but things ! ) So that 's on the agenda for bright and early tomorrow morning . BTW , I hate " bright and early " . Oh , one new thing I ' ve discovered about myself . If I sleep more than 5 hours in a row , or less than 3 hours in a row I ' m like a zombie the next day -- but hovering around 4 seems to be perfect for me . Is that possible ? I mean , can that be healthy ? I hope so , ' cuz I feel great !! 
I ' m Melting ...... Well , I got the cake home alright so my mom 's b - day wasn't a total disaster after all . And I got the second a / c unit installed , so we 're not going to spontaneously combust any time soon ( I hope ) , but it sure is hot out here at the computer . I think it 's something like 87 with 48 % humidity outside , so it 's not horrible , but it isn't very nice . Needless to say -- I will not be online much for awhile . Tomorrow I have to take my mom over to the DMV so she can get her license renewed ( not that she drives anymore anyway ) . Not looking forward to it , but it 's gotta be done . 
. And now the office is empty . Lunch was had , wine was drunk , salamat were said , presents were given . More than one joke was told . More than once we thought we heard sirens warning of missiles falling . More than one of the jokes was about the missiles falling . And now , the office is empty . Tomorrow I will travel to Tel Aviv and feel a world apart from this world , and still a world apart from that which I will arrive in Friday evening when I touch down at Logan airport and see the lights of South Boston . Tomorrow again I will lie on the beach to soak up some final rays of Mediterranean sun and see an Apache helicopter fly low with its deadly weaponry over the sunbathing masses . Tomorrow I will try to convince everyone , including myself , that I am coming back soon . It 's a strange period of not feeling , of absorbing . I listened to Nasrallah 's speech last night and marvelled at what a perfect platform Israel 's aggressive strategy has given him . " We will reach not only what is after Haifa , but what is after , after Haifa " he warned . We joked today that people in Gaza would soon have to be afraid of Katyushas reaching them . I learned today from Aida , one of many members of the communist party whom I have had the pleasure to be friends with , that the name for the missiles comes from WWII . According to her , there was a Russian soldier fighting the Nazi forces whose girlfriend Katyusha ( this is a diminutive of the Russian name Katherine ) would write him letters encouraging him and telling him to be brave in the face of death . When he was killed ( there was a difference of opinion as to whether he was an artillery man or was killed by artillery ) , her letters were found on his corpse and the Russians began calling their fallen after her , and eventually the name was used for the missiles themselves . Wikipedia says , " Red Army troops applied the nickname from a popular wartime song , " Katyusha , " about a girl longing for her absent beloved , away performing military service . Katyusha ( Russian ) is an endearing diminutive of the name Yekaterina ( Katherine ) Katya Katyusha . " I hope no one ever names a form of lethal weaponry Mimi . Times like this of uncertainty , bombardments not just of missiles but of opinions and demands and opportunities , remind me how important real friends are and how hard they are to leave . I refused to say goodbye to anyone , preferring " Until we meet again . " . 
joke . Two men are sitting in a barber shop in Nazareth . One asks the other , " Hey , what 's the forecast for today ? " " I heard 26 in Carmiel , 30 in Haifa , 29 in Tiberias and 23 in Safed . " " So I guess I don't need to bring a jacket to work today , huh ? " " Who 's talking about the weather ? " Not amused ? Tell me about it . 
to flee or not to flee . A family in Hertzeliyya asked me if I knew any family from the north who wanted to escape the constant bombardment of the Galilee and stay with them for an indefinite period of time . So I mentioned the offer at work . Everyone laughed and said , " We Palestinians don't do that sort of thing . " When I asked for an explanation , they replied : We have family everywhere , and would not go live with strangers . If anything happens , we need to be in our homes . If we leave our homes , we cannot be sure they will be there when we go back . We have been through this before . We would rather die than be refugees . And this last was said with varying degrees of conviction . 
radio shems . For the latest updates on the situation in Israel , Gaza and the West Bank ( and often Lebanon ) in Arabic , go to www . ashams . com and choose the upper right hand corner ' ala al - hawa option . 
" civilianity " . In his excellent blog on the Middle East , Juan Cole discusses comments made by Alan Dershowitz about an issue the Lebanese women I quoted addressed as well , the extent to which war is a process of dehumanization . " Dershowitz and Grades of Human Beings Alan " Torture is OK " Dershowitz is annoyed that the Israelis have been accused of killing innocent civilians . He is now arguing that there are degrees of " civilianity . " He wonders how many innocent civilians killed by Israel in Lebanon would still be innocent if we could make finer distinctions . ( He should read the Lebanese newspapers and he would get the answer . One third of those killed by the Israelis are children . I ' d guess they are all civilian all the time . And then there are the families , like the Canadian women , children and men blown up at Aitaroun . I suppose they are really civilians . Etc . ) But I don't know why Dershowitz stops there . Let me reformulate his argument for him . Shouldn't we recognize degrees of humanness ? After all , isn't that the real problem ? That the enemy is considered a full human being in the law of war ? That horrible Supreme Court judgment that Hamdan had to be given a trial of some sort was based on the misunderstanding that he is a human being . " You can read the rest of the article at http : // www . juancole . com / . Incidentally , Cole also lays out the rationale for defining Hezballah 's missile firings as war crimes in a previous entry . 
There are no sirens in Nazareth ... ... but there are in Natzeret Illit , the Jewish town next door . So here is the kind of conversation we have in the office : Did you hear something ? Yeah , I did . Was that a siren ? I think it was music from one of our computers . Really ? I thought it came from outside . Oh . Maybe it was a drill . It kind of sounded like a drill . What does a siren sound like , anyways ? ( phone rings ) It 's my mom on the phone . She lives on the border with Natzeret Illit , and she says there was a siren . Should we go hide , or something ? No , let 's go to the balcony and see if we can see anything falling ( said with much sarcasm ) Really ? Is that safe ? ( said by me with no sarcasm whatsoever ) ( General laughter at my expense ) End scene . 
return to life . I came back to Nazareth yesterday , which I will paradoxically write about tomorrow . Today , I am busy actually working . I got to the office at 8:30 , early for me . I shouldn't have been up , given how little I was able to sleep with planes flying overhead every ten minutes . But I was awoken nastily at 5:30 by the realization that my bedroom was populated by tiny mites crawling on everything , including me . I know , gross . So dawn was spent in a cleaning and laundering frenzy ; I may yet have to wash every single item of clothing I own for fear of importing these little creatures into my family home . At 8:30 the office was locked , which it usually never is . I let myself in and opened the shades , turned on lights . At 9 a coworker called and told me that Nazareth was under a medium alarm , meaning people were asked to stay at home if it wasn't absolutely necessary that they work . She invited me to come work at her house , which has a safe room . But then the accountant came , and we had coffee . And slowly , my friends / coworkers began dribbling in , sharing stories of sirens and katyushas from the various places that they live . We traded impressions of the demonstration in Tel Aviv ( one woman had eggs thrown at her , all were impressed at the turnout and at the percentage of young people who cared to show up ) and badmouthed Dan Halutz , who gets more bombastic every day . They offered mite remedies and we all ate our usual lunch of whole wheat pita , hummous , and vegetables . By email , from friends and friends of friends , I am getting a picture of what life is like in Beirut . Lana Asfour quotes Lebanese PM Fuad Siniora , who asks the international community bluntly , " Is the value of human life in Lebanon less than that of the citizens of other countries ? " More specifically , does a country have the " right " to value the lives of its own citizens over those of the country it is fighting ? Rasha Salti notes that the Israeli army refrained from heavily bombarding Beirut while citizens of the G - 8 countries were being evacuated ; her description of this period is haunting : " With this relative calm , the sense of impending doom becomes almost palpable , time , space , light and movement are subsumed in an eerie stillness . It feels vaporous and fills the air . As it wafts from room to room , from apartment to apartment , as it turns a corner and moves to another neighborhood , every gesture , every act is a little delayed , slowed , surreptitiously lethargic , every thought lingers too long in the unfinished ... Objects seem both familiar and unfamiliar . They are familiar in that they were there the day before and seem not to have moved from their place . They are unfamiliar because they seem to belong to another time , another life . There was another life , I had another life that seems distant and foreign now ... We are in a differentgeography of time , of agency , we are besieged , captive , hostage . " Another friend simply expresses her extreme disbelief and grief at what is happening to her country as she looks on from across the Atlantic . The planes , the shelling , the mites crawling around my apartment ( or hopefully lying belly - up by now ) all seem to be telling me , " get out ! " And indeed , my flight is on Friday ( the end of July marks the end of my ten - month fellowship . ) But I feel very ambivalent about this upcoming leavetaking , shy of my own world , wonder what I will discover I ' ve become . 
i am safe . nazareth was just hit . i am safe , and will leave safely as soon as i can for further south . And it is a fact that there are few to no shelters or sirens in most Arab towns and villages . BUT NO ONE IS SORTING ANY FUCKING LENTILS HERE , so someone should do something about that . 
masa u ' matan . Israeli media is reporting that Israel has agreed to begin negotiations ; in Hebrew , masa u ' matan , or " give and take . " Ironically it feels like a more sinister version of give and take has been going on for days now . Hopefully this will mean a stop to attacks on Lebanon and Northern Israel , which seem to have intensified overnight and this morning ... I didn't listen to the news from 6 pm yesterday to 10 am today . And it seemed that everything was fine . This morning , Nazareth is one of the few places in the north to have electricity . No one seems to understand how a Katyusha managed to disrupt electrical service , as Channel 10 is claiming . They say it has something to do with Ashdod and Yavneh . When I said that perhaps a Kassam from Gaza hit Ashdod , the office cracked up . " Habibti , a Kassam is this big ! " said my boss , holding her hands together in a shape the size of an orange . " We joke that the Kassams never have a big impact because they juice them first ! " But just today a foreign worker was injured by one of several that fell in the Negev , along with a Katyusha from Gaza . Apparently someone is behind on his lemon squeezing duties . There are also apparently people wounded in Afula , which is half an hour south of here and the site of the infamous bra - and - visa excursion documented herein . And high alert for a suicide bombing in the area north of Tel Aviv ( just what we need ) . I still feel very safe in Nazareth ; in fact , many families from the north and west are taking refuge here for the time being with relatives . Al - Jazeera today published a full report on something that has disgusted the media around the world , namely Israel 's unwarranted arrest ( for five hours ) of Walid al - ' Amari of Al - Jazeera on the charges that he and his crew were aiding Hezbollah by broadcasting pictures of sites targeted by missiles that were aiding the Islamic organization in aiming . There was no proof of this , and Walid was let go after much pressure from international and Israeli media voices was applied to the IDF apparatus . Full story in Arabic at http : // www . aljazeera . net / NR / exeres / F 6 C 9 C 80 E - EB 87 - 40 CC - A 520 - C 3 F 2 DE 854583 . htm A new website called fromisraeltolebanon . org uses images to compare the bombing of Lebanon to the Nazi bombardment of London . The end of the message calls the Israeli attacks a " genocide . " This is a clear misuse of the term , which can be applied to conflicts like that currently going on in nearby Sudan . Additionally , I am distrustful of un - nuanced historical equations in general and particularly do not agree with the many ramifications of this one . However , the terror the citizens of both cities feel and the devastation the places themselves suffer is similar . Most distressing are pictures showing children from Kiryat Shmona who were allegedly invited to a military base to " write messages " on missiles being used in Lebanon . There is also an image of a Lebanese man with a Bin Laden mask and a shirt that says " Israeli terror . " It took me a second to realize that he wasn't supporting Bin Laden ; rather , he was comparing Israel to him . 
palestinian opinion according to the Israeli press . Usually the Palestinian citizens of Israel do not prominently feature in the Israeli press . But because many of the endangered areas in the north are populated by Palestinians , today there is an article by Lili Galili in Haaretz titled , " What , he doesn't realize how many Arabs live here ? " Referring , of course , to Nasrallah . The article begins poorly , noting that Palestinians selling goods in Fardis were happy to watch the Al - Jazeera broadcast of the crisis until their area became within range of the Katyushas . " They chose a station as per their identification as Arabs ; when the danger increased to include their own homes , they became Israelis glued to the Israeli broadcast . " I believe that the switch of stations indicates no national consciousness and merely a desire to get the most up - to - date information . I , like many others here , assume that the more local the broadcast , the more accurate it will be . My coworker Reem scoffs at this . " Al - Jazeera and Al - Manar are far more accurate than the Israeli stations , who won't tell you where and when anything is happening [ ostensibly for security reasons ] " , she said . Galili interviews several people , all men , who are obviously very mindful that their viewpoints and words are being read by many angry Israelis . Islamic Movement MK Abbas Zakur refrains from completely condemning Nasrallah or identifying with him ; he notes how " everyone in our building [ some Palestinians and many Jews ] is pulling together . " Many note that Palestinian Israelis are victims from every angle ; everyone , that is , except sociologist Dr. Adel Mana ' a who notes that the real victims we should be focusing on are the civilians in Lebanon . What the article does manage to convey is the extreme confusion of Palestinian Israelis who are not highly politicized and who are struggling to explain to frightened children and relatives who they should be afraid of and angry at . On the other side of the Green Line , reports Danny Rubenstein also for Haaretz , Nasrallah has become a hero , a way for Palestinians under occupation who have been suffering from Israeli incursions and attacks to feel vindicated . Nasrallah 's demand for release of prisoners sits well with the families of those who have been administrative detainees and political prisoners for years . " The clear impression that one gets from the mood in the street is that Nasrallah is now the unchallenged hero of the Palestinians ... There 's no doubt that Palestinian public opinion tilts almost exclusively toward the camp of struggle . The 10,000 Palestinian security prisoners have hundreds of thousands of relatives waiting for the release of their dear ones . That is not all . The violence of the past few weeks - especially the Israeli bombings in Gaza , the siege and the large - scale collective punishment meted out - have given rise to rage and calls for vengeance . From the perspective of the Palestinian street , the camp of compromise is rotten , corrupt and subject to the control and manipulation of America . " And now for a word on martyrdom . In Nazareth , Palestinian Israelis who die as a result of a Hezbollah Katyusha are termed shuhada ' ( the plural of shahid ) . So are Palestinians on both sides of the Green Line killed by the IDF . Suicide bombers are often referred to as shuhada ' by the Arabic press here and sometimes just termed " someone who committed a suicide operation " ; in the PA they always are shuhada ' . Druze men who by law have to serve in the IDF and are killed by Hezbollah are definitively not . According to my coworker , who was tickled at my attempt to iron out this disparity , " you have to be Arab to be a shahid , but if you are serving in the Israeli army that negates it . " Even this small nuance in terminology belies the minefield of paradoxes these people pick through daily . 
Israelis demonstrate against the war . My friends Yuval and Linsey Ben Ami attended a demonstration against Israel 's extremely aggressive attacks on Lebanon . The march took place in the north of Tel Aviv and 1000 people turned out , mostly Jewish Israelis . Yuval notes this is a large response given the high alert situation in Israel . Slogans included the following : " Stop the killing of civilians in Haifa , Beirut and Gaza " " Bush and Olmert have decided - war and occupation " " Feminists againt bombs " " War in Lebanon - a disaster " Chants included : " War crimes " " Olmert and Peretz are a failure , we will not return to Lebanon " " War - no ! Peace - Yes ! Air bombardments - No ! Negotiations - Yes. " I was up in Nazareth , an area which was also targeted for the first time since the Katyushas began falling . More on that soon . 
so they can reach haifa . A few long - range missiles have now landed in neighborhoods in Haifa and the Israeli media is buzzing with one question : is this a war ? I got a lovely phonecall from a professor of mine who is here visiting family and bar mitzvah - ing her son . We talked about how both the escalation in Gaza and on the Lebanese border began with the kidnapping of soldiers and the simultaneous killing of soldiers , but it was the kidnappings that really provoked the IDF beast . She sees it as damage to the masculine Israeli ego , an insult that had to be paid for dearly . I see it in the psychosocial context of a militarized state where everyone is a soldier . When there is a soldier whose life is in jeaopardy but who could still be saved , I told her , it seems that everyone ( besides the far left ) looks towards the government and the military and asks , " How are you going to protect me ? How are you going to save me ? " because they can see themselves in the place of that soldier . The IDF actions can be therefore understood not only as an attempt to put pressure on Lebanon to clamp down on Hezballah ( and target Hezballah directly ) but also as part of a larger nation - building Zionist enterprise . Now , if the consequences of such actions actually cause more deaths than they prevent , we have a Catch - 22 . I am really looking forward to taking a break from the news and social issues and just teaching hip hop for four days next week as part of Sadaqa - Reut 's annual summer camp . But " taking a break " seems like a selfish desire . Blockade , bombing in Beirut , soldiers being called up from reserve duty as of today in Israel ... this is a war . For the second time today a squadron of fighter planes passed over Nazareth ; we sometimes hear them once a week or so practicing . Now we know where they are headed and for what . Everyone is shaken up , including me . And what we are feeling is nothing compared to Lebanese and Gazan civilians who are being targeted by one of the world 's best air forces . " Disproportionate " doesn't begin to describe it . But I ' m safe , and will be taking precautions to stay that way . Keeping it real . 
wtf continued . I hear shouting from the accountant 's room across the office . Missiles fell in the middle of Majd al - Krum , her hometown , a Palestinian area in the north near Naharia . Surprise , worry , we search for a TV station but no one is carrying the news yet , it is too new . She just rushed out of the office , us telling her to be careful , be aware while she is driving , they can come out of nowhere . Safed , Hatzor , Carmiel , they 're falling . All on the northern border , at least 30 minutes from Nazareth . While Hezbollah has threatened to strike Haifa if Beirut is targeted again , there is no proof that they have a missile that long - range . Israel has penetrated Lebanon far further , bombing targets deep into the country . Citizens are heading north , while Israelis are heading south . Here , people are scared . But they find Israel at fault for the Hezbollah missles and aren't angry at Hezbollah or the Lebanese . It is so clear how once the cycle of hit and retalliate begins it will continue on its own inertia , regardless of who started it , and to the stronger the spoils . 
tunnel , light at the end of the . If you don't believe in polarization , if you ' d like to see for yourself what a small and strong sector of Israeli society is doing for and in cooperation with the Palestinians inside and outside the country , subscribe to Act Left @ yahoogroups . com. A comprehensive listing of demonstrations , lectures , work camps etc. against the occupation . 
wtf . This is what has happened . I slept fitfully . I had a long dream that seemed to last the whole night , in which I and the Palestinian women I work with were in a big wooden house that was being attacked with missiles . There was a shelter in the basement and we were trying to head down there , but there were things we kept forgetting and I had to go back and get them . The whole sequence was pervaded with a sense of danger coming . This morning at 7:45 an SMS on my cell phone woke me up . It was Tova . " We are leaving the north . Very scary . Katushas falling all around us . " Tova was with a friend at Israel 's northern border , which is now a scene of serious shelling from both sides . A woman in Nahariyya was killed , others wounded . 30 are dead in Lebanon as Israel shells the Beirut airport and a TV station , ostensibly to urge the Lebanese government to take action against Hezbollah , which is responsible for the missile attacks on northern towns and the one which killed 7 Israeli soldiers . More are kidnapped . Israel blew up the Foreign Ministry in Gaza . Nazareth remains quiet in the midst of escalation . A new intern in the area called this morning , disturbed that at her workplace coworkers seemed " satisfied " that Israel was finally feeling a bit of what Gaza has been feeling . My workplace is filled with criticism ; criticism of a call to participate in a demonstration against honor crimes which implies a connection between Islam and the killings , criticism of the Israeli media which has failed to report on the 30 dead in Lebanon . It might be time to remember how to pray again . 
fredericks of bollywood . I , who am not easily embarrassed , was amused to the point of tears at the lingerie store " Aphrodite " in Afula where I went to buy a bra . After picking out three to try on , I was escorted by a very made - up saleswoman to one of several curtained changing booths . I had barely done up the fastening of the first specimen when the curtain was unceremoniously whipped back and " they call me Gali " was standing , looking at me with an appraising stare . " Very nice , very nice " she said as I struggled to make myself a bit less naked . She tugged and straigtened and tucked as I stood there in shock , sure that anyone walking around the store could see me . " You know , I am wearing the same bra , " she said , tugging down her tank top so I could see . " Only I take one strap and fasten it up and over so I can wear backless shirts . " I thanked her for the advice , however unsolicited , closed the curtain , and began changing into the second bra . This time I had managed to have donned it fully before Gali swept in . " Wow , mami ! " she said . " This looks so perfect on you ! " It was the most expensive item . But she was right , it fit ; and Gali made sure by repeatedly grabbing the cups , with me inside them , and squeezing . " Try it on with a shirt to makes sure , " she advised . The third bra I thought fit well ; obviously , I was wrong . " No no no " was Gali 's response as she quickly went to work tightening the straps until the circulation to my shoulders was cut off . " We have to lift , lift the breasts ! " she exclaimed . The fact that the slang word for breasts in Hebrew is " tzitzis , " undoubtably derived from the venerable English term " titties , " would have made me laugh but for fear of insulting the saleswoman , whose own " tzitzis " were yanked up so high you could rest a wineglass on them . I left , manhandled and poorer , and only on the way home did I realize how silly , and appropriate , is the brand name Triumph for a brassiere . 
spinning . Visualization comes easy to mepumped up as I am on oxygen I sip theair like spring water and let the sweat drip dripin rivulets down my nose onto the floorsee my quadriceps , they incandescing and blue andstriated with green shoots that dance the peripheryat each contraction . I squeeze my eyes tighter This is how five minutes pass in a blur and then " two minutes left " when my lungs turn to pinkand now purple with air filling , ebbing now outof them , orangely circling through the corpuscles I fish - eye each in turn , trusting not one of them , searching compulsively for imperfectiona node or a growth in my mind 's MRIdire warning of shadows that lurk in a bodylike black widow webs hung in corners ( two minutes are over ) Behind my closed eyelids , the colorsdance , and dissolve . I take a deep breath . 
bureaucracy , misogyny , don't you make me cry . Offices of the governmental kind bring out the most vulnerable side of me . This morning I burst out crying when the woman at the Ministry of the Interior , whom I had spent hours trying to catch by phone to make an appointment , informed me that my name was not listed and that I would have to wait in line , and possibly come back the next day . All to renew my visa for 22 days , a technicality many friends told me to ignore . It turned out I was at the wrong office door , and no worries about being late because the woman I was supposed to see was an hour behind . On the way back from Afula , cheap and not - so - cheap shoe and clothing capital of Israel and sister city of Hartford , CT ( the extent to which the pairing is appropriate is hard to exaggerate ) , I shared a cab with a couple from Um Al - Fahm . They were going to visit an ENT specialist in Nazareth . When they heard I work for Women Against Violence , the man said , " You know , there are women who are asking to be killed . " " What ? " I asked , sure I had misunderstood . His wife clarified . " There are women who want to be killed . " She used the word " zabah , " which also means to be sacrificed or slaughtered . The man said , " Do you think it 's right for a woman to leave the house without telling her husband where she is going ? Some women today have no sense of limits . They have no sense of respect . " We had arrived at the clinic and they got out . I was a bit unsettled at the end to what had been a pleasant conversation up the winding roads to Nazareth . Then the taxi driver continued , " I want to tell you something . I am a taxi driver , and that couple is right . I know what I am talking about . I take women , married women , in my taxi to a hotel in Afula where I know they are meeting with other men who aren't their husband . And my neighbor , his wife goes out all the time all dressed up without telling him where she is going . One time , he hit her . And she called the police . They gave him 4 years in prison ! Do you think that is right ? " " Do you have a wife ? " I asked , hoping to turn the question around to bite him . But this tactic backfired . " Now my wife , she is wonderful . " He kissed his hand and put it on his heart . " I ' ve been married for a long time . I used to go out with other women when I was first married . I used to be a filanderer . And I ' d come home , and my wife would yell at me , and I ' d hit her , and that was it . Now , it 's like honey . I haven't hit her in 15 years . Because respect , that lies in the woman and the girl . A man , he can go out , whatever , it doesn't matter . Our women , when they become mothers ? That is where respect , where honor must lie . " I got out of the cab as quickly as I could , thinking how long a fight the women I work with have ahead of them . 
" Italia , allahu akbar ! " . This cry rang out all up and down my street last night at 11:30 pm , after Italy won the Mondial in penalties . Young men in cars and on bicycles drove up and down the town , beeping and waving huge flags . I ' d caught a couple of the bikers practicing in the afternoon ; the wind can take the flag and make the sport almost aerial if you 're not careful . Scandal : the French captaine Zinedine Zidane , who hails from Algeria , earned himself a red card for unnecessarily head - butting the Italian player Marco Materazzi . This precipitated the Italian victory ... with recent demonstrations and increased anti - immigrant sentiment in France , I wonder how this will be spun by the media and understood back in France . My take is that Zidane is such a national hero French solidarity will win over . Also in my mailbox today : Press Release , 6 July - 2006 The Freedom Theatre wishes to express its condolences to the Nagnagiyya family for the death of their son Eid ( 16 ) , who was murdered yesterday , 6 July , by the Israeli army in Jenin refugee camp . The Nagnagiyya family contributed their old house to The Freedom Theatre to host a computer centre . The family offered to renovate the house as a contribution to the children of Jenin . Eid 's brother was also killed during the Battle on Jenin in 2002 . The Freedom Theatre also wishes to express its condolences to the El Hannoun family for the death of their son Ammar ( 16 ) , who was murdered in the same incident , yesterday , 6 July , by the Israeli army in Jenin refugee camp . The attack of the Israeli army took place at a memorial tent where many people were expressing their condolences to the Qandil family for the death of their son Fida ( 22 ) , who was killed by the Israeli army on Tuesday 4 July . Among the people in the tent was Zacharia Zubaidi , the leader of the Al - Aqsa Brigades . According to the army the force was intending to arrest him . The special forces acted in a crowded place , injuring 30 people and killing two children . Zacharia Zubaidi managed to flee the attempted assassination . ( The Freedom Theater is a newly established theater and community center in Jenin , the northernmost city in the West Bank . ) . 
addendum to another woman 's words . Today Ibrahim Barzak reports for the AP on Israel 's entering the abandoned settlements in northern Gaza to create a " buffer zone " and prevent shelling in southern central Israel . " A buffer zone could be the only way to keep Israeli population centers out of rocket range . But such a zone brings back bitter memories of a similar tactic Israel used in southern Lebanon , when its forces held onto a security zone for 18 years in an attempt to prevent Hezbollah guerrillas from firing rockets at Israel . " The guerrillas still fired rockets , and the zone became a deadly battlefield . Pressure from Israelis opposed to the occupation finally forced Israel to withdraw in May 2000 . " Barzak 's analysis is an eerie echo of Samieh 's disturbing memories of the Israeli occupation of Lebanon . It is a major tenet of Jewish historiography to " remember " and " never forget " what was done to the Jews as a people during various periods of persecution and war . Hopefully the Jewish heads of state and military will " remember " the consequences of Israel 's occupation of Lebanon and not make the same mistakes again . 
mondial . It was a grand time watching the semifinal Italy vs . Germany with Salwa last night . On the way to her house I stopped to pick up nuts at the mahmas , which was packed with men buying enormous quantities of sunflower seeds , almonds , cashews , peanuts and pistachios to last them and their friends through what turned out to be a 2 - hour game . Salwa was too shy to go to the cinemateque , where they project the game onto a big screen in the courtyard : " I would be embarrassed to shout , " she told me . " Besides , my food is better . " She had made the best baba ganoush ( grilled mashed eggplant with tehina ) I ' ve ever had , which we ate with vegetables and bread . Since I ' m trying to be supportive of her weight loss goals , I brought something healthier than chocolate : bita . These are a variety of peaches that look like donuts , have a very small , round pit , and are absolutely heavenly . Salwa heaped curses on the heads of the Germans and every time the Italians would go on the offensive , would say ismallah aleik min al ein to the player , " May Allah protect you from the evil eye . " This was far more poetic than the shouts and yells I am used to from baseball and football games . And far more effective , apparently , when Italy scored twice in the final minutes of the second and final overtime . Immediately , we heard shouts and fireworks outside . For the next hour , Nazareth 's main street was packed with cars flying the Italian flag and beeping ; I can only imagine what the streets of Italy must have been like . 
another woman 's words . Today I am translating a short personal article from English to Arabic for the International Women 's Commission . The author , Samia Bamieh , currently lives in the West Bank but lived in Lebanon as a Palestinian refugee during the Israeli invasion and occupation of that country . She talks about what it is like in recent days to imagine what her counterparts in Gaza are going through . Here is an excerpt : " I will try to go to sleep , and I know that I am going to wake up once more , suffocating , to discover I am in Ramallah and not Beirut and that my daugther is a young woman now and not the 6 th month old baby I carried arround the apartment and the building trying to protect her from air strikes or shelling coming from the sea during the seige . How many mothers in Gaza today are not sleeping , worrying about the lives of their children ? " I wish I could only cry , I cannot bear any more memories or reality ... " I once believed that armed struggle is our only way to freedom . I converted since , years ago , to a negotiated settlement for a two - state solution . Between the settlements , the wall , the convergence plan , our land is vanishing and with it the dream of an independent Palestinian state . Where to now ? What other options are left ? " . 
Coney Island Redux . A whole bunch of wee little jellies Insert Jaws theme here I prefer them in a roll with a bit of avocado and cucumber Color coordinated Love This man is awesome . He was salsa dancing with anyone who would have him on the boardwalk accompanied by a band and his hair . Old Skool . 
Raw Chicken and Fishes . We spent Sunday at the NY Aquarium ogling various underwater species at length . My favorites were the jellyfish . If I were ever to be in the water with one I would certainly swallow my tongue , but at a safe distance they are the most amazingly enticing and sensuous creatures . We watched the smaller ones for some time as what seemed like saran wrap inflated with water and hundreds of tiny cilia like legs propelled it up and up to the top of the tank and back down . The aquarium had this creepy blue light and ambient alien music playing in the hall of jellies , and I was lulled into a stupor before baby screams and OPC ( other people 's children ) bumping into our knees sent us packing . Pictured above is the West Coast Sea Nettle , or the Chrysaora Fuscescens . The caption read , " It 's sting hurts , but Sea Turtles and Ocean Sun Fish eat them . " Once we left the Aquarium we walked the boardwalk for a time to discover a plethora of raw chicken breasts in their telltale yellow packaging littering the boardwalk . What are people using raw chicken for ? Turns out that crabbers ( those who aim to catch crabs for dinner ) use this as bait in a wire mesh baskets tossed out into the Atlantic . That 's wild . What would draw crabs to an animal that has feathers ? Here 's what one crabber claims works for him , " raw chicken necks or raw fish heads . Most local grocery stores carry chicken parts you can use for crabbing . Some crabbers swear by bull lips . Others use salted eel . Bait shops and dockside fish markets will also sell you leftover fish heads . " MMMMMMmmmmmmm ....... fish heads . 
Ice Cream Run and Bocce Ball . As the rains had us locked indoors most of the day watching movies , we decided to head out for a walk to Uncle Louie G 's in the slope to get our chocolate fix on around 10 pm . The husband got a thick chocolate shake , and I got my favorite ice with the chocolate bits in it . On our approach to Union from 6 th we noticed a crowd of 20 - 30 somethings clustered outside of Union Hall Bar . I had read a bit on the various blogs about this newcomer that opened July 9 th , but was astounded by the number of people filling the insides and spilling out to the outdoor garden area . According to Brooklyn Vegan , the place is over 6000 square feet with two bocce ball courts , food , and a downstairs 100 - capacity music / entertainment room set up by the folks from Magnetic Field . The owners like them some Bocce Ball , as they are also co - owners of Floyd Bar on Atlantic Avenue , home to a year round Bocce Tournament . Perhaps we ' ll stop by on a weeknight for a quiet drink to snap some indoor pics and more reporting on the scene . It had a real gentlemans / cigar club look through the window with floor to ceiling stocked bookshelves , jewel toned couches , and portraiture . I wonder if the decor will affect ale choices , or if the reigning beer will be PBR . Image via Brooklyn Vegan 2006 UNION HALL SCHEDULE SO FAR ( ripped from BVegan ) august 4 - PAGE FRANCE + guestsaugust 5 - OPPENHEIMER + THE METRIC MILEaugust 6 - EUGENE MIRMAN + friends ( every Sunday ! ) august 7 - SILVERSUN PICKUPS + DAYLIGHT ' S FOR THE BIRDSaugust 18 - THE MUGSaugust 25 - THE ROSEWOOD THIEVESseptember 14 - FINIAN Mc KEAN + MOORE N SONSseptember 21 - FREEDY JOHNSTON + CHRIS MILLS . 
To Do This Weekend . Animation Block Party The Party will kick off this weekend at three locations , click the links for times and directions : Automotive High School , BAM , and Galapagos artspace . This year features indie shorts , professional studio works , exclusive world premieres , and the best international student films . Galapagos features a panel of animators talking about the genesis of the NYC animation experience . Via Violenta Free Concert & Video Shoot w / free beer A fun fellow who founded an underground performance art troupe called Deep Dish Cabaret , sent along an email about a free concert he is sponsoring in a Brooklyn backyard . Saturday July 22 nd . RSVP to info @ ghentmag . com for directions and time . The band Via Violenta cites Tom Waits , Blonde Redhead , ATDI , Charles Mingus , Notorious BIG , British Sea Power , Ricky Gervais , Funk Brothers , Dylan , Fugazi , Skip James , Sparklehorse , Minus the Bear , we 're not the Beach Boys , Libertines ( The ) , TV on the Radio , Talking Heads , Lennon , Arcade Fire , Gang of Four , The Fall , Django , Sly Stone , Dostoevsky , Blur , Police and Thieves , Interpol , Can , ( enter obligatory Pixies reference here ) , Nick Cave , Nick Drake as influences ... Food for ... A Feast for the Eyes The Brooklyn Waterfront Artists Coalition ( BWAC ) will hold its 28 th annual Summer Art Show this year at a Civil War - era warehouse in Red Hook from July 22 to August 20 . The year 's theme is Food in honor of the new Fairway . Opening day festivities include a Meet the Artists Reception and a jazz performance by the Broken Reed Saxophone Quartet . Park Slope 's First Indie Designer Market Designcollective will be showcasing Brooklyn 's design stars with a sale at The Old Stone House Saturday the 22 nd from 10 - 6 . The indoor , air - conditioned , market offers the public the first glimpse of the forerunners of fashion in apparel , handbags , jewelry , children 's clothing , accessories , and paper and lifestyle goods . 
Frank Gehry can do Small . We on the footprint of the Atlantic Yards know that Gehry can do gargantuan wonky matchstick buildings : But did you know Gehry does small ? Frank Gehry Designs His Smallest Project Daily Olive . 
110 Livingston Street Unveiled . We , who are counted among a select ( read large ) group of Very Important Persons ( read one of many to sign up online ) , made our way to 110 Livingston for the Grand presentation by a man who 's system was clearly trying to metabolize an extraordinary amount of caffeine . He apologized if he sounded robotic , claiming that he has been putting in 17 hour days and running on loopy . Our first stop in the model was a moment to ponder the hinges on the door to the closet . Per our salesman hinges are important - and he noted they were not fake brass - for he would walk right out the door if he were looking at a place that had fake brass hinges because they indicate shoddy construction on the rest of the building . While the above mentioned man babbled Bosch , Viking , Washer Dryer ... I eyeballed the space Superman style building floorplans and specs in my head . Everything seemed shiny and new with West Elm , and DWR furnishings . Here are pics of some of the interior furnishings in the model apartment . For the full experience , picture sitting on the couch across from a flat panel TV . Ambient electronic music plays as images of the building and lifestyle flash onscreen . The bathroom seemed a bit small , they separated the shower and bath which ate up some sq footage . Our friendly salesmen did have many floorplans to show us ( from a very large prospectus book ) ranging from small living rooms and larger bedrooms , to large 2 bedroom 2 bath spaces with nice sized living rooms for around 800 K depending on the floor . For an 1100 sq ft space this seems mighty reasonable for the Brooklyn Heights area . One catch , the tax abatement doesn't kick in until year 2 , which has you looking at a $ 1500 monthly nut on top of your mortgage . There 's the clincher friends . And so its not for us . But for some the NY Times " Playing the Sex Card " article has me wondering about if those sexy hinges will move anyone ... Fun Fact : The entry to the current sales office will be the entrance for a theatre ( plays ) attached to the building . How 's that for panache ? Two Trees Management has recently completed the wireless project in Brooklyn Bridge Park , and now they are dabbling in thespian interests .... 
For Whom the Bell Tolls . Scene : Pacific Avenue N / R train - Coney Island Bound 2 wilted women and 4 children crowd the stairs as we are about step onto the platform . One of the women asks with a deeply southern inflected voice : " Do y ' all know how to get to Whitehall Street or the Statue of Liberty ? " " I ' m afraid you missed it . " " But it should be around here , they said it was the last stop in Manhattan on the R . " " Well , actually this is Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn . " " Oh Hell 's Bells . We 're in Brooklyn ? " " Yes Ma ' am . Welcome to Brooklyn ! " . 
In a Clinch . Image from Tom Fletcher Each day I check my 3 bikini mail and reply to anyone who says hey . Much to my surprise , after my post on the Atlantic Yards Affordable Housing coverage , I found two emails written by representatives from FCRC and DDDB . They looked so innocent nested one atop the next - seemingly satisfied to live as neighbors in my inbox . A very likeable and enthusiastic Mr. Francis Morrone , NYU professor , author , and member of DDDB made a bid for my support for DDDB in an email . Francis writes : " I was one of those DDDB presenters who failed to persuade you , or I guess to get our point across as clearly as we had hoped . By that I mean that no one among us opposes dense development of the Vanderbilt Yards . It is something we have been praying for for years for just the reasons you cite . Unfortunately , the yards themselves represent only a small fraction of the proposed Atlantic Yards site .... It 's not a choice between Atlantic Yards and the status quo . It 's a choice between responsible and irresponsible development . " Francis we are on the same page . I do not agree with the scale of the project as it stands , but hope to see some good come from development . The next email in my box was from Jim Stuckey , Executive Vice President and President of Atlantic Yards Development Group . Wow . An EVP from the big baddie is contacting Moi ? Jim Writes : " I read your write up on our affordable housing information center the other night , and appreciate your open - mindedness . I would be happy to tell you and your neighbors more about our development , the potential impacts and benefits , and answer questions that you may have . If this is of interest , please let me know . Thanks . " I do appreciate Mr. Stuckey reaching out as it seems he 's willing to answer questions and of course he commended my open - mindedness which makes my liberal art college educated bleeding heart swell . My goal is to try to remain neutral and make decisions based on information from both sides to determine what is in the best interest of my building , family , and the community . So let 's keep the lines open Jim and Francis ! Make the big baddie less big and bad . 
Runway 's Back . My heart leapt out of my chest when the rain turned Project Runway into scattered Direc TV pixels just as the judges were deciding who would be sent home . The first challenge was to use everything in their Atlas apartment to express who they were as designers . Running with scissors !! The contestants scrambled from the roof where they were sipping champagne with Heidi to their rooms where they tore the walls , floors beds , and bathrooms to shreds as fodder for their designs . There are three NY designers in the bunch , one of whom is from our very own Brooklyn . Allison , a one woman show who designs , styles , and models the clothes for her shoots created a pixie capped sleeve rouched number from curtains . Malan is representing for LIC Queens , but he is quite the cosmopolitan sophisticate born in Taiwan with an accent from .. well ... I ' m not sure really . Laura is a coiffed red - headed upper east side lookin ' architect and mother of five . She kind of reminds me of Cruella Deville and she created a jacket from a fur rug that I can definitely see Cruella wearing . Except the rug would be puppies . The finals came down to Robert or Keith , both used Duvet covers to swathe their models in cute modern preppy chic . ( although Keith credits a Carole Burnett episode and Robert Westside story as inspirations ) Robert 's garment Keith 's garment This was made from coffee filters . I am absolutely impressed . Bring on the Wed night fix . 
Ratnerville affordable housing Roundup . A co - worker attended the Ratner affordable housing meeting yesterday and came away with some good information . First : she will not qualify on her income , which means they are actually making an effort to hold the properties for families in need . Second , the project will not begin until 2008 , giving us a breather here on Dean Street for at least a little while . And third , there will be both rentals and units for sale in the plan , which I hadn't realized . We had a meeting in our building the other day with speakers from DDDB going on about how the scope and depth of the project is outrageous and there have not been any accommodations made for traffic on subways or roads , schools , waste and electricity management etc.... I am on the fence about the project . While I think that my area will become congested and don't agree with the displacement of hundreds under the auspices of eminent domain , I do think some good may come of developing the railyards into something for the community . No matter what the opponents say , Pacific Street is sketchy , and not in a good old fashioned " character " kinda way that the daily heights crew longs for , but in a harassing women at night drug addled garbage filled shady loiterers kinda way . Atlantic Yards Report and No Land Grab have some good coverage of the affordable Housing meeting : Stuckey , Lewis face restive , skeptical crowd at AY housing session AY Affordable Housing Session Coverage . 
Spotlight : Dumbo Development . I thought I ' d pop over to check in on the progress of the projects in Dumbo and Vinegar hill this weekend . Everything seems to be moving , with new spots cleared for next big thing . Despite the changing face of the neighborhood , the park was full of people enjoying the sun , especially the guy banging away at his bongos wearing the leopard print fez . Despite the impending doom of skyscrapers multiplying like rabbits , the creative spirit is still alive and well . Neighborhood artists covered the construction sites with paint and installation art.99 Gold Are we back in Miami again ? Nope , this is 99 Gold , a Developer 's Group project that the husband thinks looks like a luxury cruise ship docked in cement . The greeny bluey windows and angled balconies make it a bit much for our taste . But its sure come a long way . The Vista What 's this ? Another Corcoran number in Vinegar Hill / Dumbo area ? Yes. No pictures yet as they have not broken ground , but I ' d love to see it as the 640 / sq ft sounds suprisingly affordable for the area . Methinks it may have to do with location . They seem to be in phase 1 of the releases as there are only 7 apartments listed , perhaps prices will rise ? JCondo JCondo is old news . But look how she rises ! A sign of the times to come in my neighborhood , JCondo and the Beacon are supa tall . It gives us a real sense of what will happen once Brooklyn goes Manhattan . 85 Adams / The Beacon The Beacon should be cool , but its not . It looks like it was lifted out of a 3 - d rendering program . The windows are little slivers and the cement block above the entry make it look like a cubist jail . Fulton Landing Condos Fulton Ferry Condos are my favorites of the bunch . Not that I could afford them . The location isn't perfect overlooking the trash area of the River Cafe - but the proximity to Brooklyn 's best pizza and ice cream sell me . It looks like the Developers are really trying to maintain the character of the building , even with the silly shutters . I bet they are fantastic inside . Related Links : Postcard from Dumbo : Three Developments Brooklyn 's New " Gold Coast " Condo Conversion Launch Party Dumbo adding pachyderm - sized projects A Trip to the J Condo . 
Back to Brooklyn . This Baptist church on Dean was built in 1862 . It 's in the middle of intense renovation , and I pass it every day on the way to and from work . The latest additions are a brick arched fence topped with lanterns , and glass to fill the damaged window . Let the light shine in . 
Culture Clash . While I considered living in Florida for a nanosecond , the last visit put me in the just can't do it camp . While there are plenty of things that make Florida attractive , there is something missing . Or rather something that can't be taken away . Like the tackiness factor . Strip malls and lemon haired ladies wearing Guccipradalicious . Diamante studded denim , tweaked noses and fake boobies on leather faced highball carrying seniors . Florida is like Los Angeles after too many cigarettes and long weekends in Vegas . My saving grace after pastel overload was a store called Base that housed dolls by Camille Rose Garcia . Garcia creates gothic cartoonish cupie dolls . A good counterpoint to the plastic outside ... Another great surprise was found lining the floors of Base . These leaf photos were converted to lino tiles and looked perfect in the doll 's house . I would love to see how these would look in a funky homeowner 's kitchen or bath . 
Staring Contest Change of Venue ? Last night I was on the part of my walk home that includes my daily round of Staring Contest . About a block and half before the corner where the battle of wills rages is my favourite house on the street , a beautiful pale Italian Palazzo style house I always fantasize about buying when I finally win the lottery / write a runaway bestseller / am found by the executor of the estate of my late long lost super wealth aunt . Beside the Palazzo is a halfway house . The usual bunch of guys hangs out on the porch of the halfway house everyday . Yesterday there was a new guy . Staring guy . And he wasn t on the porch . He was on the driveway slightly in front of the porch , leaning on the house while sitting back in his lawn chair . Looking equally as comfortable there as he does on the stoop of the very chi chi building where I normally see him . ( Oh and yes , despite the new arena , he stared , I ignored , we called it a draw . ) Does he live in the halfway house ? Does he work at the halfway house ? Does he have anything to do with the chi chi building besides sitting on its front step ? Stay tuned , my inadvertent investigation will continue . 
Corprocabulary . Rather than spend the last meeting I attended trying to get fired by rolling my eyes at every stupid thing I heard , I decided to compile a list and spread my pain . All of the following crap was uttered out loud ( I ' ve included definitions where I could work out what they were ) : Aided Awarnes - we no longer adverstise , we engage in aided awareness of our products Alignment Strategy - ? Brand Ambassadors apparently we re meant to spend the time we re not being paid talking about all the crap we make to everyone who will listen Brand Communication I thought this was Aided Awareness or possibly our volunteer ambassadorships Brand Development v. Brand Building one means making more crap to sell ; the other means selling more crap . I m not sure which is which . Change Catalysts and Champions uh , do new stuff ? Consumer Cross Functionality no idea Create Meaningful Experiences we no longer make things , we create meaningful experiences Game or Rule Paradigm I think this is redundant , but who knows anymore Learnings we no longer learn lessons , we accumulate learnings Leaveraging skills can t we just get people to do what they re good at ? New growth platforms no idea Value growth uh . I also noticed some newly fashionable phrases being tossed about : 360 Support Aha Moment Walking the Talk Sharitude All swiped from someone s meaningful experience listening to an overpaid motivational speaker , I m sure . This last one is just a grammatical error and personal pet peeve of mine . Every time I hear it , I think the illiterate bonehead is trying to sound smarter by using bigger words . Incorrect use of the reflexive . Reflexive pronouns : myself , yourself , him / herself etc. , have a specific purpose . They accompany an action that X does to X. I can read to myself ; talk to myself ; berate myself or spill something on myself . I am doing it to me . Bob is doing it to Bob . You are doing it to you . I can read to you , talk to you , berate you or spill something on you . I CANNOT read to yourself , talk to yourself or berate yourself . You can contact me ; read to me or kick the ball to me . NOT You can contact myself ; kick the ball to myself or read to myself . Please feel free to send me any other language abuses that make you want to laugh or cry . 
A Well Deserved Slap on the Wrist . I had intended to spend the weekend getting some work done on all my publishy thingy projects . Didn t happen . I spent the entire weekend lounging about in a state of laziness so profound that even the thought of going to the market , one of my favourite Saturday morning activities , just seemed like too much work . What I did instead was read . In my pyjamas for two straight days . I finished this month s book club book , I Am Charlotte Simmons , and then , in what was the only concentrated effort of any kind in 48 hours , headed for some science . I didn t realize how much I d missed it . I had some inkling how out of touch I d become when I idiotically posted a comment on Dot Dot Dot s site about the MMR / Autism debate and rightly got slapped back by the guy I d antagonized . I was totally embarrassed . I couldn t back up my arguments with any confidence because I hadn t read the goods first hand . It s not that I haven t been keeping up with the debate , it s that my version of keeping up had become completely superficial . A few blogs , a few newspaper articles , a bit of opinion from sources who , though I trust , are no substitute for reading source materials . They are no substitute for doing the actual work of research . So I started looking through my old Physical Anthropology texts books and started to reacquaint myself with some fundamental human evolution stuff in response to seeing a cool looking article in the New York Times . It describes a joint effort between the Max Plaank Institute of Evolutionary Anthropology and a DNA sequencing firm in Connecticut to sequence the genome of the Neanderthal and compare it to our own . In a later , and better researched post I ll tell you all about it . 
Big Fat Pig Report - July 2006 . Last month 's stats are here . Weight : 176 Measurements : Upper arm : 15 1 / 2 " Bust : 38 1 / 4 Ribs : 35 1 / 2 Waist 35 Hips : 45 Ass : 44 1 / 2 Thigh : 26 Knee : 17 Calf : 17 Ankle : 9 Total of 4 1 / 2 " down . Not bad . Especially after last weekend 's eat - o - thon . 
Rant Rant Ranty Rant . I have a special little hate - on brewing for the obnoxious assholes who send computer viruses / worms / parasitic dialer programs ( that cause your computer call overseas and rack up your phone bills - yes we still have dial - up ) out in to the cyber world . Seriously . Cut it the fuck out . Get a date . A less destructive hobby . Smoke Pot . I don t care . No sooner did W and I get through installing the new hard drive than we picked up one of those mimic dialer bastards . Can t wait to find out how much we spent unwittingly dialing Sweden . I wish I could believe in an afterlife , so I could believe there was a hell . A special place in hell for these little geek assholes ( not as bad as one for paedophiles , but still really bad ) . If I could believe in it , I would hope it involved being poked in the genitals with sharp things . Maybe not in the genitals , you virus prats probably don t use them much anyway since , clearly , if you were getting laid regularly you wouldn t have the kind of time on your hands it takes to write this kind of software . Maybe a computerless little luddite corner of hell . Off there will all of you . 
Weigh In - Week 4 . Last week : 174.5 This week : 176 Change : + 1.5 Total : - 4 Crap !! I was painting at my mother 's all weekend . Beer . Pizza . Hot Dogs . Cupcakes . Friday . Saturday . Sunday . No. Self . Control . Grrrrr . This of course precipitated ' Oh , I ' ll just get back on track tomorrow ' behaviour on Monday . And Tuesday . At least by yesterday I was sick of feeling like a bloated capon and was back in control ( and finally writing down the food points ) . And in a coincidental turn of events , or perhaps a self fulfilling prophecy , I didn't make it to Lush last week to pick up my gorgeous little piece of soap . So , I ' ll hold off getting it until I ' ve regained , or in this case , relost my ground . Stupid size of my ass. 
Lottery Exits . I have a friend at my office , Office Friend if you will , who feels the same way about this place that I do . Namely that she d also rather be almost anywhere else . In fact it s worse for her , she reports to NMB . Some days we re so soul - withered that we feel our only option is to go out and buy a lottery ticket and hope that this week we ll be the ones to smile for the camera while trying to balance the giant novelty cheque . Obviously at the top of the list of things to do with the staggering millions is to quit . But because we are both quite mathy and know that we ve basically set fire to $ 2 , we accept that what we ve really bought is an afternoon s fantasizing about how the quitting will take place . These are my top two Lottery Exit fantasies : Asshole game . Office Friend and I are generally considered pleasant and agreeable people . We want to know how badly we would have to behave and for how long in order to get ourselves fired . The game part comes in from betting on the date and time we d be escorted off the premises . Another variant has us assholishly competing to be fired as close to 3 pm as possible on the Wednesday of the week following the big win . Meeting exit . We wait for the next meeting , the monthly departmental kind where we update each other on what s going on and the known windbags get to waste 45 minutes of everyone s time drowning us in totally content free corprocabulary * laden hot air . To Play : as soon as the first info - lite sentence is out of their mouths , start hammering them with questions to clarify , or get them to repeat themselves and say things like I don t actually think you ve said anything there . Keep going until everyone else in the room is utterly uncomfortable and then look at them all as though they are crazy . You do realize he / she s just wasted the last half hour saying nothing , don t you ? Incredulously look around . No ? Seriously ? More imploring looks from face to face . I can t take this , you re all killing me . And walk out , never to be heard from again . * like that ? I made it up . Corporcabulary : a jargon or sociolect used by people who wish to cover the fact that they are not really that smart by making up words or phrases , or stealing them from other disciplines , like science and economics . These phrases are packed full of syllables and light on content . For example added value ; touching base ; I m empowering you ; we ll meet offline ( meaning informally ) after the meeting . 
Unscheduled Staring Contest Round Goes to Staring Guy . My daily staring contest opponent has changed the rules . Not only was he not on the stoop in front of his building , he engaged me in this battle of wits seems too strong wills at the wrong time of day ! And a fine round of Staring Contest it was . He bumped the time up to this morning instead of the ' appointed afternoon time . He was walking toward me on the shady side of the street across from his building and stoop . Same placid smile , same relentless gaze , same unhurried air about him . And I have to admit , it threw me . I was forced to look to my feet like a scolded child as I passed him on the side walk and admit defeat for this round . 
Vacation ! Son # 1 and Dear Hubby spent a week in June at Boy Scout Camp two states away . Son # 2 spent a week at a sleep away camp also in June ( different week , though ) . Now it 's my turn . This seems to be the Summer of Separate Vacations . I ' m going to visit my mom just for a few days - shopping , cocktails , dining out ( not in that order ) and no picking up after anyone but myself ! I ' ll be back blogging by early next week . Check back then ! Cheers ! 
Happy Blogger - versary ! It was one year ago today that I started blogging . In that time , my readership has increased from 3 to 8 . But enough of that ... Today , I took My Three Sons ( anyone remember that show ? I ' ve got the theme music running through my mind ) plus two of their guy buddies to Chuck E . Cheese . I sort of wondered whether Son # 1 and his friend might be too old for it - they 're 11 - but I was worried for nothing . We ended up with a lot of pizza left over , which I brought home . Let 's face it , though . Who really goes for the food , anyway ? We lingered for a couple of hours before coming back to our house so the kids could play . Son # 1 's friend had to go home , so we 're down to four . Son # 1 doesn't have a wide social circle , but this kid has been a school friend since first grade . I really should make the effort to get them together more often . Friend of Son # 1 is a great kid . Son # 2 is very outgoing and has more friends . Many of whom I find annoying . Oh well . They 're only 8 and 9 years old so ' annoying ' is part of their job description . ; - ) . 
A Lazy Weekend ... This is the first weekend in a long time that there 's nothing that we * HAVE * to do . So , yesterday we made the hour or so drive to the outlet mall mostly to look for shoes for Dear Hubby and the two older boys , as well as school uniform for Sons # 1 - ) He even rejected my argument that he should buy it now and set it aside for later . He said he ' ll look for it when he 's running low on the other stuff . But it won't be there then , I pointed out . Then it just wasn't meant to be , he countered . Sheesh . Well , there was a cute little leather accessory ( overpriced , of course ) at the Coach outlet and they only had one left . It apparently was ' meant to be ' so I bought it . It was kismet . Just waiting for me to come along . ( See , Dear Hubby , that 's how it 's supposed to work . ) I would ' ve liked to have spent more time in the Banana Republic Outlet but the kids and I were getting hungry so we left . We ate a late lunch at a place called Logan 's Roadhouse . The kids liked the food , but even better , they were allowed - no , encouraged - to throw their peanut shells on the floor . From there , it was on to Academy Sporting Goods where we loaded on up on school shoes ( Sons # 1 & 2 ) , church shoes ( Son # 1 ) , and work shoes ( Dear Hubby ) , plus adjustable waist khaki shorts . I know my mom has been picking up navy polo shirts so we 're probably set for the school year , clothing - wise . This morning we attended Mass , but it 's shaping up to be a rainy afternoon . Nothing to do but hang out and listen to the kids bicker . 
A Little Sexist Humor . But before I get to the joke , I ' d like to thank Flip Flop Mamma for inspiring yesterday 's Random Musings post . She has a " 100 Things About the Flip Flop Mamma " on her blog . I read it awhile ago and when I sat down to do my own shortened version ( I could only come up w / 50 ) , I forgot where I initially saw it . Check hers out - it 's great . On to the silly joke . Uncle Harold emailed it to me and since I ' ve run off the one or two guys who ever checked out my blog ( perhaps it was the birth stories ) , I don't have to worry about offending their sensibilities . ; - ) The Subject : Apples & Wine " Women are like apples on trees . The best ones are at the top of the tree . Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt . Instead , they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good , but easy . The apples atthe top think something is wrong with them , when in reality , they 're amazing . They just have to wait for the right man to come along , the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree . Now Men .... Men are like a fine wine . They begin as grapes , andit 's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with . " . 
Fun at the lake . We just got back from a much needed vacation to Kingsland , Tx . Jeremy 's grandparents live on Lake LBJ and we really enjoyed ourselves for a few days . They have a boat and two jet skies . We had so much fun . The very first night we were there everyone went out in the boat . We had to find a life jacket for Cassidee so she could come . Luckily a neighbor of theirs had one . She wasn't sure she liked what we were putting on her , at first , but it must have been cozy because she conked out a few minutes later . She spent her very first boat ride laying in the seat with her life jacket on and daddy 's hat on her head , covering it from the sun . I wish that I could figure out why it won't put a picture on here .... she really looked cute ...... 
Cassidee 's First Rodeo . This baby LOVES horses ! We took Cassidee to her very first rodeo . My sister Kayla 's boyfriend is a bull rider so we wanted to go see Camron in action !!! ( He did great , by the way ) I wasn't really sure how Cassidee would do . It was rather warm outside and we were going to have to sit a while since bull riding is the very last event . The girl was mesmerized the entire time . She loved the rodeo . Every time a horse would walk by her eyes would follow it wherever it would go . It cracked me up . She was perfect the entire time . When the rodeo was over we walked up and talked to one of the pick - up men . We asked him to take a picture with Cassidee up on his horse , if he didn't mind , but he did even better than that . He took her for a ride around the arena . She loved it . When Jeremy got her back they stood at the fence and she just stared at the horse and tried to reach out and touch it . She really needs a horse of her own .... please Grandaddy !!!! 
4 th of July . I ' ve gotten behind .... I don't know when people have time to do this , but I ' m determined to keep up .... I keep trying to put pictures on here .... I may have to tell the stories without them . On the 4 th of July we had lots of fun . Our day began with a parade in Coppell . Pretty much anyone who shows up can be in the parade it seems . It lasted FOREVER , and we were sitting at the end of it . So , the parade that started at 10:00 didn't get to us until 10:30 . By that time we were already ready to go home . We had a good lunch at Fuddruckers , Jeremy 's favorite , and then went home to nap before the fireworks that night . We went back to Coppell for the fireworks show . It had rained off and on all day , and I wasn't sure if the show was going to be cancelled . None the less we marched ourselves out in the middle of the park , sat under a tent with the other firemen and their families , and we enjoyed a great fireworks show . Cassidee napped right up until they started and then she even sat and watched them . Our first 4 th with her was great !! 
Swim Time . Cassidee had a very busy day yesterday . Not only was it the first time she rolled over , but it was also her very first time to go swimming in a pool . We went over to the Bortnem 's house , put her suit on her , and slathered her up with SPF 55 ! She was a little unsure when we first got in the water . She never cried , but I know she was wondering why I was in the " bath tub " with her . She eventually figured out how to kick her legs . She splashed with her hands one time , but the water got on her face . She looked at me like I had done it to her ! She had more fun just watching Cade splash around . He really knows what he is doing in the water . ( I wish I had gotten a picture of him as well ) We stayed in the water about 20 minutes before she got a little bored . Overall I think she loved the experience and I can't wait to get her in the pool again ! 
We 're on a roll .... Jeremy thinks it is more of a flop , but Cassidee actually rolled over for the first time yesterday ! ( tummy to back ) As mentioned , she is not a big fan of laying on her tummy . I put her in her crib and put a mirror in front of her . She actually cracks up for a while and tries to grab the mirror . I think in the middle of one of her grabs was when she lost her balance and rolled over . She had a completely shocked look on her face , but when I put her up on her tummy again she rolled over again . Jeremy thought it was just a flop because she would land on her side and just lay there . Then he saw how she could keep turning and end up on her back . I guess by the time she is rolling from back to tummy I will really need to do something about my floors . Yesterday I walked by a quarter and a penny sitting on the floor by the couch . I didn't think anything of it .... we ' ll go get them next time we need change ! But I guess I ' ll have to be more aware with a baby rolling around . Hopefully I ' ll have a month or so to get my act together !!! 
This is my first time to do this sort of thing . Some people who don't get to see baby Cassidee very often thought I should create a blog and post some pictures of her for them to see . They must not realize how time consuming this is ..... and please , like I can figure out how to put a picture on this thing ...... Anyway , if I do figure out the picture thing then there will be a picture of Cassidee on her tummy . She does not like to be on her tummy so she tends to " talk " rather loudly at me . We are working on the rolling over thing . She almost has it .... any day now .... 
Countdown : 12 Weeks . Wed . 7 / 26 : Haven't been able to do much , too much going on and our youngest has been getting up at night alot , leaving me exhausted the next morning . Day M 7 / 24 T 7 / 25 W 7 / 26 Th 7 / 27 F 7 / 28 S 7 / 29 Su 7 / 30 What my trainer wants me to do Rest 4 mi 30 min . moderate crosstraining 5 mi 45 min . easy crosstraining 12 mi 7 mi Did I do it ? YNNTM / WTime Abs Workout TM stands for treadmill and W for walking outside . The time is the time it took me to walk the miles . 
Countdown : 13 Weeks . Sun . 7 / 23 : See Saturdays post . Sat . 7 / 22 : Was supposed to walk 11 miles today . Didn't do it . Had other more pressing obligations this weekend that , because we had the time , had to get done instead . All comes with being a parent and a homeowner . : ) Fri . 7 / 21 : Went to Adventure Island again today with the kids for about 4 hours . Treaded water for 16 minutes in the wave pool ( 8 minutes with waves / 8 minutes without ) and didn't wear a life jacket . After that went back to my brothers house and the kids and I swam and played games in his pool for 2 more hours . So , with all that , I got my 45 minutes of crosstraining in . Thurs . 7 / 20 : Walked 5 miles today . I ' m finding I have a hard time getting over that 3 mile hump . I ' ll hit the 3 miles and then say to myself " Ok , that should be enough for today , you did 3 miles , that 's better then nothing " . But I kept on going until I walked all 5 . It 's more of a time thing for me then anything else . I know I can walk 3 miles in about 50 minutes . But when it gets further , as I ' m walking I ' m thinking of how long it 's going to take and countless other things I could be doing . I ' m supposed to walk 11 miles on Sat . Guess I ' ll be talking to myself alot . LOL I had a stomach bug yesterday so today haven't been feeling great but they 're not going to postpone the 3 day walk if I ' m not feeling 100 % in Oct . so I figured I ' d better get used to walking and not feeling well . Wed . 7 / 19 : I did some weight training / toning today . We have an incline bench , and some free weights I use . I got a kind of program from Net Fit for upper and lower body . I also found some more songs that are great to workout to . Some are from Napster 's playlists you can get . I got 3 workout ones that are quite good . Tues . 7 / 18 : Beat my own personal time again today for 3 miles on the treadmill . Ok ... so I have been jogging a bit . I find as I walk faster - I have a need to jog . Funny because I ' ve never been a runner so to speak . Need to learn some breathing techniques . I know we won't be running during the 3 day walk but it can't hurt my training for it . I also wore one of my pedometers today while walking on the treadmill just to see how far off it is either way . I walked 3 miles it said I walked 2.859 so it 's a bit off . Next time I ' ll try the other one I have . They 're both cheapies from Walmart but I guess better then nothing right ? From now on though I ' m clocking the outdoor walks with my car first . Day M 7 / 17 T 7 / 18 W 7 / 19 Th 7 / 20 F 7 / 21 S 7 / 22 Su 7 / 23 What my trainer wants me to do Rest 3 mi 30 min . moderate crosstraining 5 mi 45 min . easy crosstraining 11 mi 5 mi Did I do it ? YYY - weights / toning YY - Water park / pool N NTM / WTMTMTime 50:311:27:15 Abs Workout NNY - 30 on incline bench ; 48 bicycle NTM stands for treadmill and W for walking outside . The time is the time it took me to walk the miles . 
Countdown : 14 Weeks . Sun . 7 / 16 : Finally got on the treadmill , tried on my new sneakers and socks I had gotten a few weeks back at the Running Center and LOVE the new sneakers AND the socks . I think I might be set now footwise . I also beat my personal best time walking 3 miles today . Today I walked it in 51 minutes 30 seconds . I didn't walk the 6 like I was supposed to ; I figured I need to give myself at least a week to start getting into training again before pushing myself too far . I also found 3 more great songs to train to : Killin ' Time by Clint Black ; What You Need by INXS ; and Blonde Over Blue by Billy Joel . Good beats to walk to . Wed . 7 / 12 : I didn't walk 5 miles but I went to Adventure Island today with my 3 kids - got there around 10 am and left there at 3 so I got some exercise . Mon . 7 / 10 : Was supposed to rest today but went to Busch Gardens again with 4 kids around 11 am and left there around 7:30 . Stood in a line that did not move for an hour and half ( due to a thunder storm the rides were shut down for a while and no I did not sit ) so I ' d say I did not rest today . Day M 7 / 10 T 7 / 11 W 7 / 12 Th 7 / 13 F 7 / 14 S 7 / 15 Su 7 / 16 What my trainer wants me to do Rest 3 mi 30 min . moderate crosstraining 5 mi 30 min . easy crosstraining 10 mi 6 mi Did I do it ? NNNNNN N - did 3 TM / WTM Time 51:30 Abs Workout TM stands for treadmill and W for walking outside . The time is the time it took me to walk the miles . 
Countdown : 15 Weeks . Sun . 7 / 9 : Went to the beach today and swam / treaded water for almost 3 hours in the Gulf . Now I know THAT counts for something . ; ) Sat . 7 / 8 : Didn't walk the 10 miles but went to Busch Gardens for the day with 4 kids - does that count for anything ? : ) Day M 7 / 3 T 7 / 4 W 7 / 5 Th 7 / 6 F 7 / 7 S 7 / 8 Su 7 / 9 What my trainer wants me to do Rest 3 mi 15 min . moderate crosstraining 5 mi 30 min . easy crosstraining 10 mi 6 mi Did I do it ? YNNNNN NTM / WTime Abs Workout TM stands for treadmill and W for walking outside . The time is the time it took me to walk the miles . 
Countdown : 16 Weeks . Sun . 7 / 2 : It 's been a bad week for training and I don't forsee it getting any better for at least a week . A good friend of mine is coming on Thurs . from NJ with her daughter and staying til the middle of next week . We haven't seen each other in a while so training sadly won't be a top priority for me . I did go back to The Running Center and got a new pair of sneakers . They are SO nice and helpful there . This time I got the Asics GT - 2110 in the White / Peri Blue / Quicksilver color . Still need to try them out on the treadmill . I also got another pair of socks to try out . Day M 6 / 26 T 6 / 27 W 6 / 28 Th 6 / 29 F 6 / 30 S 7 / 1 Su 7 / 2 What my trainer wants me to do Rest 3 mi 15 min . moderate crosstraining 5 mi 30 min . easy crosstraining 8 mi 6 mi Did I do it ? YNNNNNNTM / WTime Abs Workout TM stands for treadmill and W for walking outside . The time is the time it took me to walk the miles . 
Countdown : 17 Weeks . Sun . 6 / 25 : Went to The Running Center of Tampa Bay today and got sized and fitted for walking sneakers . I got home and walked 3 miles in them on the treadmill and got a blister . So , the guy said as long as I walk on them on the treadmill and don't scuff the bottoms I can take them back and get a different pair . The people there are awesome . They watch how you walk , tell you what 's up with your feet and then suggest which sneakers to wear . They even give you 10 % off because you 're walking in the 3 Day . Fri . 6 / 23 : Not sure where my motivation has gone . The kids and I have been REALLY busy this week so that could be it . A good kind of busy = beaches , Busch Gardens , playdates , pools busy . Day M 6 / 19 T 6 / 20 W 6 / 21 Th 6 / 22 F 6 / 23 S 6 / 24 Su 6 / 25 What my trainer wants me to do Rest 3 mi 15 min . moderate crosstraining 5 mi 30 min . easy crosstraining 4 mi 3 mi Did I do it ? N - walked 2.5 miles at Busch Gardens NNNNNYTM / WTMTime 53:00 Abs Workout TM stands for treadmill and W for walking outside . The time is the time it took me to walk the miles . 
Countdown : 18 Weeks . Sun . 6 / 18 : I ' m having a really hard time finding the time to walk lately . Luckily last night Syndi was over so we walked together for 3 miles around our block . Don't like walking in the dark alone so glad she was here . Thurs . 6 / 15 : No training today , off to the beach with the kids for a much needed day out of FUN !!!!! : PTues . 6 / 13 : I ' m back in the training zone . For a couple of weeks there I was a slacker , trying to get into a routine with all 3 kids being home for summer break , but I ' m now back . I just walked 3 miles on the treadmill and felt such a rush . The last 1 / 4 of a mile I did start feeling lightheaded and dizzy ( could be because I haven't eaten all day - I know , I know , breakfast is the most important meal of the day but it is my least favorite meal . I hate eating breakfast , I always feel nauseous if I eat before noon . Maybe I just haven't found the right breakfast foods for me yet , any suggestions ? ) I did find an awesome song to walk to . Called Speak by Lindsay Lohan . No , I ' m normally not a fan of her singing but this is an awesome song to walk to , has a good beat to it . Mon . 6 / 12 : Added a new daily activity to my list - abs work . It 's at the bottom of the chart now instead of calories . Day M 6 / 12 T 6 / 13 W 6 / 14 Th 6 / 15 F 6 / 16 S 6 / 17 Su 6 / 18 What my trainer wants me to do Rest 3 mi 15 min . moderate crosstraining 5 mi 30 min . easy crosstraining 7 mi 6 mi Did I do it ? YYY - Winsor Pilates 20 Min . workout N - Off to the beach NN Y - but only walked 3 TM / WTMTime 54:00 Didn't time it Abs Workout Y - The Firm 5 Day Abs - Day 5 Y - The Firm 5 Day Abs - Day 1 Y - The Firm 5 Day Abs - Day 2 TM stands for treadmill and W for walking outside . The time is the time it took me to walk the 3 miles . 
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Gambling Your Family Away . by Ann Jordan Today I came across a blog post that I thought was worth posting . It talks about someone 's addiction to gambling and what it does to those around you . If you 're addicted to something that 's ruining your family , please seek help for yourself . It 's not worth loosing everything . Porkrind 's Grind : From Poker to Slots . : The Personal Costs of Poker and Gambling . 
Gaming , is it Good , Bad or Ugly ? by Ann Jordan Since the creation of this 3 D Software & Gaming Downloads blog several months ago , I have continually added new things related to 3 D software , games and other related topics . Now it 's up to you to give me your reviews on anything you ' ve tried at my site so I can keep the good , eliminate the bad and ditch the ugly . Use the comment sections under any post and give your feedback . Here 's some simple questions to get you started : Do you like the look of this blog ? What would you change ? Have you downloaded anything from this site ? If so , what ? Good , bad or ugly ? Do you visit this blog regularly ? Would you like me to start a mailing list for updates and would you join ? Would you or have you told your friends about this site ? What would you like to see added to this site ? Thank you for your participation ! I look forward to reading your comments . 
Wild Games Coupon Codes . Save $ 5 on EVERY GAME . Use Coupon Code : AF 5 SAVE by Wild Tangent , Inc. Test drive the best and most popular downloadable Wild Games on the Internet today ! Play Mystery Case Files Today ! | Snowboard Super Jam ! | Blackhawk Striker 2 | Final Drive : Nitro | Bounce Symphony | Overball | Crystal Maze | Super Granny | Blasterball 2 : Remix | Blasterball 2 : Revolution | Tradewinds | Polar Golfer | Polar Bowler . 
Kidz Online Tech Training . Have you ever wanted to learn 2 D and 3 D animation ? Would you like to learn web page design or Microsoft Power Point ? Well here 's a site that will help you get started . They have tons of technical teaching videos for you to view right online ! Choose from these categories at Kidz Online - Tech Training : 2 D Animation Media Translation 3 D Animation Net Basics Digital Audio Online Collaboration Digital Imaging Security and Ethics Digital Video Utilizing the Internet Microsoft Power Point Webpage Creation Online tutorials are more popular than ever and help you keep up - to - date with the latest technology . Enjoy learning ! 
3 D Computer Graphics and Wallpaper . by Ann Jordan Today I ' ll take you to a site that best describes what 3 D Computer Graphics actually are and how it works . You ' ll also get some insite as to which are the best programs for beginners and which are not . My first experience with 3 D graphics was from a book I purchased at a resale shop which included a CD for practice . I can't remember the name of it but it had Virtual Reality in the title . It showed me much of what is described on the link below and , of course , I was hooked after that : 3 D computer graphics software Check out Light Wave while you 're here . I think you ' ll like it . Although I ' m still learning about this facinating environment of 3 D and virtual space , I enjoy viewing the works of others who have mastered the art of these programs . Here 's some crazy 3 D wallpaper you can download for your PC desktop . 
Copying a Video Game . by Ann Jordan You can legally copy a video game for your own personal use using a CD or DVD burner . This is great , especially if you play your games to death and need a backup disk . If you ' d like to learn how to do this , order this unique package that shows you exactly how to copy your video games . 
A Sweet Poem . 	 SLOW DANCEBy David L . Weatherford Have you ever watched kids On a merry - go - round ? Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground ? Ever followed a butterfly 's erratic flight ? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night ? You better slow down . Don't dance so fast . Time is short . The music won't last . Do you run through each day On the fly ? When you ask , " How are you ? " Do you hear the reply ? When the day is done Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head ? You ' d better slow down Don't dance so fast . Time is short . The music won't last . Ever told your child , We ' ll do it tomorrow ? And in your haste , Not see his sorrow ? Ever lost touch , Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say " Hi " ? You ' d better slow down . Don't dance so fast . Time is short . The music won't last . When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there . When you worry and hurry through your day , It is like an unopened gift .... Thrown away . Life is not a race . Do take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over . 
Smile . 	 I am thankful for laughter , except when milk comes out of my nose . ~ Woody Allen Angel has a habit of talking to herself . One morning , she posed some silly questions and attempted to provide some silly answers at the same time . Don t bother about me . I m talking to a ghost . She mused . What if the ghost answers you ? I replied unexpectedly . There s a sudden lapsed of silence . Looking around her nervously , Angel huddled close to me with her mouth tightly shut . ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * This happened to my friend , who is determining to lose some weight . After a few days when she could felt that most of her efforts were paying off , she asked her beloved son if he had noticed her slimming down . After some scrutinizes , he offered his most honest opinion , Mama , your top looks smaller . But your tummy looks fatter . And your thighs are VERY fat ! Now she knows where she s losing weight . ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * My sister - in - law is determining to lose some weight . ( Tell me someone who is not ! ) After popping a mini chocolate Conetto , she kept chanting , Sinful Sinful Mervin , on popping his second mini cone , replied , Oh yes ! It s definitely XING FU ( mandarin for blessed ) ! I nearly had vanilla ice - cream dribbling out of my nose . ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * On our way to the bus stop , I asked the kids if any of them needed to top - up his or her Ez - link card . I don t think so . I still have around $ 5 in my card , replied Rachel straight away . I think I have around that amount in my card too , Mervin hesitated . Angel remained silent . Angel , how much do you have left in your card ? I pursued . I don t know . You see yourself lor ! Angel opened her wallet and pushed her Ez - link card into my face matter - of - factly . ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ THEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE END ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * . 
I am Blank . 	 One day , someone showed me a glass of water that was half full . And he said , " Is it half full or half empty ? " So I drank the water . No more problem . ~ Alexander Jodorowsky I went to the school and had a talk to Mervin s Chinese teacher . I am extremely thankful that she is a kind and understanding soul . Thus , there weren t any hard feelings . However , I couldn t get rid of the bitter taste in my mouth . I am emotionally and physically drained from this short episode . I m supposed to continue with the shoveling of my mess - clad rooms today . But I am drifting into a comatose state again . Mind and soul emptying in progress 20 % ...40 % ...80 % ...100 % . D . N . D . 
Wiped Out . 	 I try to take one day at a time , but sometimes several days attack me at once . ~ Jennifer Yane My weekend was spent re - organizing the girls room and my room . No matter how much junks I had tried to remove , there still seemed to be a considerable amount of junk left which couldn t be disposed of . I had initially assigned one day to each room . But by the end of today , the girls room was fifty per cent completed , while mine was eighty per cent . What went wrong ? Well , I supposed it s the time we spent on ogling on stuffs we recovered from the mess . Maybe it s the time I had spent sitting and staring into space , trying to picture the ideal placement of the furniture . Or perhaps it s the occasional breaks I thought I deserved from the few minutes of labour every hour . Anyway , there s always tomorrow to complete the chore . Oh wait Tomorrow aka Monday , I ll be having parent volunteering for the whole day . I doubt I ll have enough energy left for the mind - breaking and body - wrecking undertaking . Or is it mind - wrecking and body - breaking ? For the moment , I m just mind - blanking and body - limping Calling for the day . 
You would think this was my baby ... ... from the amount of pictures I ' m taking of this little guy - LOL ! Here are a few more " Z Baby " pics . Hmmm , I ' m not sure I know what to think about this whole " outside the womb " thing . The " baby paparazzi " just won't leave me alone . I ' m really getting tired of that dumb flash in my face all the time ! Snug as a bug .... " Z baby " chillin ' after a big meal : - ) Yes , those are the most kissable cheeks ever ! " Mom , I think this paci thing is bigger than my whole face ! " Zion with one of his favorite Aunties ; - ) . 
If you NEED more Zion pics .... Check out his personal blog ! * Yes , this one day old has his own blog already ! OK , OK .... his mommy and daddy are posting on his behalf right now . He 's a little worn out from all the breastfeeding to do much posting right now - LOL ! http : // thezionfile . blogspot . com. 
I ' m an Auntie again ! Little Zion Michael pulled a fast one on us and decided to arrive a few days ahead of his scheduled c - section date . I called Tricia around 9:00 a.m. today and she said she thought she was having contractions .... but she wasn't sure ???? I asked her where she was feeling them and she said " That 's the thing ... I ' m only feeling them in my back ! " To which I said " you are going into labor , Sis ! " . I think it took her a few minutes for that to register because she was still planning on having this little guy on Thursday .... not TODAY ! So , Tricia didn't get to have her day of relaxation like she thought she was going to get , but she did get something pretty special ..... ************************************************************************************* Mommy and Daddy getting their first good look at little Zion . ************************************************************************************* The Stats : Weight : 7 lbs 14 oz Length : 19 inches Hair : Dark , dark brown / Black & LOTS of it ! Cheeks : Extra round and super kissable ! * Praise GOD ! Zion was born completely healthy ! All of the fluid was gone from his lungs and he didn't have to spend any time in the NICU . All of his tests came back completely clear !! ************************************************************************************* Congrats Tricia and Jeremy ! I ' m beyond excited for you guys ! Zion , your Auntie Amber loves you SOOOO much !!! * Stay tuned for more Zion pictures soon : - ) . 
More Gallery Show Pics ... What 's in the bag ? Hmm , is this a dress or a shirt ? All I know is I could NEVER afford it ! My favorite color of roses . _____________________________________________________________________________________ * THIS has been my long time favorite piece of Jeremy 's . So , Jeremy , if that buyer doesn't come through .... let 's talk - LOL ! My dining room has been saving a space on that GIANT empty wall for a piece like this : - ) ! It 's beautiful ! Psst - It 's $ 3200 for anyone who really is interested . I ' m going to be so jealous of the real buyer one of these days . _____________________________________________________________________________________ " Mommy Tricia " ... after a loooong night ! We are Earle girls - therefore we SWELL ! _____________________________________________________________________________________ SOLD ! 
Jeremy 's Gallery Show . Some of you may know that my Brother - In - Law is quite a talented artist . Those of you that didn't know ... do now ! Jeremy had his first gallery show this past Friday . It was at " Pidgeon " in downtown KC . I ' m really proud of him ! He was part of the " First Friday 's " event downtown , where all the local art galleries and shops display local artists work . Just a few of the pieces . It was hard to get a clear shot because the place was packed ! The middle piece was one of my favorites ! _____________________________________________________________________________________ I like this one too . Wish I would have turned my flash off .... Me and Tricia . Trish and Jer ! 
Fun to the 4 th ! The " 3 Little Whites " on the 4 th ! * Yes , this was the best out of the 150 poses we took ... sad but true . Man , I love our digital camera ! _____________________________________________________________________________________ Anna and Maya . _____________________________________________________________________________________ Mc Kenna having a GREAT time in the back of " Unkie D 's " car ! _____________________________________________________________________________________ My first try at taking pictures of fireworks . Not the easiest thing I ' ve ever done . There is at least 30,959,285,978 weird / funky shots of the fireworks ( some of which I rather enjoy ) , but not too many really clear ones . Must . Read . Camera Manual . _____________________________________________________________________________________ * I love this time of year ! * Thanks Tom and Karen ! We had a wonderful time celebrating the 4 th with you guys ! 
... and this is now ! Chandler just celebrated his THIRD birthday on the 26 th of June ! I still can't believe my " little " guy ( who is actually not so small anymore ) is already 3 ! I ' m still trying to learn how to " treasure the little moments " , because I know there will always be more " little " moments in raising my children than big ones . _____________________________________________________________________________________ Channy is my constant reminder of God 's deep love for me . I don't think I would have learned how to rely on God 's grace and provision in my life so readily had it not been for the miracle of this little boy . God knew that I needed a " Chandler " in my life to teach me some lessons that have be hard to learn on my own . _____________________________________________________________________________________ One of the most precious things I have had the privilege of experiencing while raising my little brood has been the " mother / son " relationship . It 's different than raising the girls . I ' m not even sure I know how to put it into words , but it 's something special . I will always treasure my little guy because he has , and always will , own a special place in my heart ! 
Nearly missed . Click . To twist a barrel . Loading of air rifle . Click . The gun is prepared . Another click and the gun is released . Finger on a trigger . Time for training . Click . Shot is hitting a target . The shooter is shaking his head . It s just 9 . He missed , though only nearly . *** Loading of a revolver . Click . The gun is prepared . Another click and the gun is released . Finger on a trigger . Don t think twice . Click . Shot is hitting a man . The shooter is crying with relief . Strike home . She nearly missed . 
Is Simplicity Best Or Simply The Easiest ? Such a philosophical question ! Just to make it clear from the very beginning , this is not my idea . You can find this and many more thoughts in the lyrics of my favourite band . So now I have to mention Mr Martin Gore who is the creator of this statement . It really would not be honest to publish this as my remark as I am not the real author . But there are no obstacles , I suppose , why I could not bring it to perfection or , at least , let us say longer version . To resolve this question I must return to it , at first . So , is simplicity best or simply the easiest ... Hmmm ... This is not easy at all . It is obvious that I am not finding an answer today . Nobody can . Not today , not tomorrow , never . No certain answer . But what would life be like , if we did not try ? I will try ... to give my opinion . At first , i have to ask myself ... what is simplicity ? What does it concern ? Simplicity of the thoughts , words , deeds ? If this all was simple , if all the creatures were doing these things in a simple way , would then all the world be simple ? Well , it sounds quite reasonable . And would this be best or just the easiest ? At the first look , it can seem that at least the second part of the question should have its answer . And it would be yes . Is it not logical ? Simplicity in life leads to easier life . Really ? And what if there were not any thoughts and actions made by people ? Just the easiest ones . Imagine ... No , our lives would definitely be more difficult , not so convenient and comfortable ... Simply worse . At this point , it can look like the ultimate and definitive reason . And still , is it not better sometimes not to make things difficult ? To clean our minds from anything complicated , whether reflections or feelings , as well as to stop doing stuffs that are not necessary and natural to us . Just for a while . This kind of simplicity could bring us better human relations and less personal problems . It is naive to believe , though , that it would be a no - problem - living . By giving this on the paper I have done nothing . I have just summed this mess up and it brang nothing new . It was not my intention , however . What was my intention then ? I do not know myself . Perhaps it is too difficult that I find it hard to tell . Perhaps it is so simple that I cannot understand it . Perhaps this whole question is absurd and makes no sense . Perhaps I am fool when I am pondering about such things . But I cannot help myself . I like it . 
Live from Futuresonic 2006 . Futuristic Film Freakery at the Futuresonic 2006 festival Join Real Fresh TV s zany presenters Matt Panesh and Chi - chi Ekweozor as they meet another eclectic selection of Manchester s finest new bands in Episode # 5 of the 3 Minute Gig . We give you the delightful Gillan Edgar , exceptional bleep specialist The Black Paths , lo - fi wonderkids The Search Map , Led - Zep tinged rock from the fabulously named Aristocrash and some rather excellent 21 st century pop from Manchester s finest up - and - comers , Dear Eskiimo . There s even futuristic film freakery courtesy of VJ extraordinaire , Chair TV . com ! Recorded as part of the Futuresonic festival , Europe s leading electronic and media arts festival . Want more than 3 minutes ? Check out the 30 minute shows on our broadband TV channel at www . realfresh . tv . Go ! 
Live from Manchester 's Roadhouse . What an amazing night ! Join Real Fresh TV at Manchester 's renowned Roadhouse as we meet four fantastic Manchester bands : cool hip swingers The Shmatte Kid , fantastic singer songwriter Jenny Mc Cormick , the outrageously smooth Pierre Hall and the Lead Balloons and Manchester 's answer to Beck , The Star Fighter Pilot in episode # 4 of the 3 Minute Gig . Our spectacular presenters Gabby Sanderson and Cara Doyle are joined by surprise guest presenter , Dave Haslam , Manchester music legend and Hacienda DJ and XFM presenter , in what will go down as the infamous ' Bank Holiday Monday Mash Up ' . There 's much much more to see in the 30 minute shows at www . realfresh . tv . Enjoy ! 
Manchester 's Star And Garter Live . This is the rock show : episode # 3 of Real Fresh TV 's 3 Minute Gig . Live from Manchester 's Star and Garter , we bring you two critically acclaimed American bands on their first European tour : Riddle Of Steel ( St. Louis , Missouri , US ) and Roma 79 ( San Fransisco , California , US ) . We also have some melodic hardcore from France courtesy of Daitro ( Lyon , France ) . Last but not least , we give you Jack Ruby , a fantastic instrumental two - piece from Manchester . There 's more live music and exclusive interviews on Real Fresh TV but in this liddle excerpt join presenters Matt Wibley and Gabby Sanderson as they serve up a slice of fresh rock from Manchester , the UK 's capital of cool . 
Live from Manchester 's Night N Day Cafe . Welcome to Episode No. 2 of Real Fresh TV 's 3 Minute Gig ! Recorded live at the Night and Day Cafe , one of Manchester UK 's finest live music venues , with fantastic new presenters Gerard Mc Laughlin and Cara Doyle at the helm , we bring you the freshest sounds of the UK 's most musical city ( tm ) ! Prepare to be enthralled by the calculated cool of Josephine Oniyama 's new century folk , the expressive grandeur of The Boy Lacks Patience ( think Ben Folds meets Tori Amos ) , the fast - fingered funk of Mike Rapheal , crowned Prince of acoustic funk and soul and the amazing new uber - folk experience that is the The Green Tree Riot ( formerly known as The Urban Folk Collective ) . Then be tickled by the vivacious banter between our sassy presenters ! This is Real , this is Fresh and this is the bees knees in portable TV ! In the words of presenter Gerard Mc Laughlin " Let 's have some poddertainment ! " . 
The 3 Minute Gig Video Podcast . Real Fresh TV brings you the latest must - have in portable entertainment : the 3 Minute Gig ! Recorded live at Manchester UK 's uber - cool live music venue , the Late Room and presented by uber - cool presenters Matt Panesh and Emma Brotherton , this is just what the doctor ordered : one dose of brand new British independent music , injected into the upper brain via this awesome new video podcast ! Meet the big boy rockers of 52 teenagers , the irrepressible Gideon Conn , the multi - faceted talent that is This is Chichi , the rad , indie cool of Groucho and the ever - so - hypnotic Peter Haley . Fresh independent music from the heart of Manchester , the UK 's capital of cool . 
You know you 're a bad parent when ... When your poor 5 year old comes into the bathroom , tears welling up in her eyes , and says that " Hilde [ the name of our tooth fairy ] didn't come last night ! " Ugh . Fast thinking on my part .... " Well , the tooth was really loose in Ohio . Maybe Hilde thought she ' d check in again last night and checked there instead of here . I bet she ' ll come here tonight since she realized she ' d forgotten what date you were coming back home . Hilde is probably a pretty new tooth fairy and hasn't figured it all out yet . We ought to be easy on her . We 're all learning . " So instead of being sad , W had compassion for poor Hilde who can't keep track of all her charges . 
Misc . We 're back from Ohio , and I ' m pooped ! The girls were super on the plane . I knew W would be , but E was the one I contemplated having sedated . She slept on both the long ( 3 + hours ) flights , coming and going . This always happens . I thought giving up the binky would be hell , but it wasn't , as a recent example . They 're both much more accomodating than I give them credit for -- I think I just like to be prepared for worst case scenarios . Ohio is beautiful - as are most places that have humidity above 40 % on a regular basis . As we were flying back yesterday I was reminded of Lewis and Clark , and the Mormon pioneers . These poor people had spent their lives in green , in hills . All the sudden you hit that flat land , the dry -- the shock was overwhelming , I ' m sure . I loved seeing the Grand Canyon , Lake Powell , Bryce from way up high . But anyway , Ohio was gorgeous . My brother 's house was gorgeous , and spacious which was especially nice for having 12 people in it . We went swimming every day and both my girls really improved their water skills so they 're excited to show their swim teacher next week . The kids all got along fabulously . My sister was , well , her usual self , but my SIL didn't say anything to her , which was an improvement . W seemed to have a hard time sharing Grandma and Papa with her cousins , but that only lasted a couple days . We went to King 's Island , and had a great time , but not at first . We took W on a roller coaster , rated 3 out of 5 in terms of intensity . She was tall enough so I thought she ' d be okay . She seemed to like it , but sort of freaked out afterwards , and when we got to the second ride , ( and had to stand in line a lonnng time , plenty of time for her to get scared ) she had a bit of a melt down . I cajoled , I logic ' ed , I shamed , I sympathized with her . It wasn't until we were on the ride and she started crying in earnest and that made the little boy sitting in front of her start crying that I told her I was sorry and that I would call Daddy and ask him to come pick her up - that I didn't want to torture her if she truly was scared . Well , that straightened her right up . Not one more tear , and she rode rides the rest of the day without complaint . ( Daddy doesn't like roller coasters so he volunteered to stay home with E and my nephew . ) W is almost as tall has her cousin who is 9 , and a full head taller than her cousin who is 6 , so they forget that she is so much younger . 9 year old watches shows I don't let W watch . I explained to her that W is 5 , that she just finished kindergarten . How often do you play with kids in kindergarten , and if you did , what would you play with them ? -- when she heard it that way , she was more understanding . I ' m so sad they live so far away . The next position that comes up in the West they will try to get , but even still , that could be LA , or San Antonio -- it 's still going to be more than a day 's drive away . Just a little comment about the picture thing -- Carrot has been listing people / locations that have been visiting her site . I got curious and got myself a sitemeter . Then , there was someone viewing my site from my town , and it wasn't me . I ' ve wanted to keep some level of anonymity , so the day I saw that I took the pic off . So , I ' ll post pics again if that was a random thing . I have some photos I ' d like to share , from our trip , my short hair , etc. 
Near , far , in a motor car . Well , we 're off tomorrow AM for our family reunion . While I look forward to getting there , I do not look forward to traveling with my three year old . ( 5 year old travels great . ) I ' m not going to benadryl her , even though I ' ve considered it . A NP I work with suggested phenergen w / codeine ( ! ? ! ) until I reminded her my daughter only weighs about 27 lbs . So , we ' ve got movies on the ipod , new movies for the laptop ( DH picked out Chitty Chitty Bang Bang , and Harold and the Purple Crayon ) , new coloring books , cds , treats , and if all else fails , a geegee the Binky Fairy truly did not find -- ah , Divine Providence ! Maybe I should ' ve posted earlier for suggestions on traveling with children who abhor restraints . In any case , hugs and kisses to all in case I don't get around to checking on your blogs while we 're away . 
Hair cut . I haven't had hair long enough to fit into a ponytail since college . And , it 's been pretty short for about 10 years ( short enough that if I don't wear sunscreen I do become a ' redneck ' ) . But tomorrow I am thinking about going really short , 19 year old missionary short . The only haircut I would be really happy with is a marine buzz cut -- I couldn't mess that look up . When it 's long , it 's flat and I hate getting perms every three months . I ' ve been perm free for at least 6 years ( finally kissed the 80 s goodbye ) . I have thin , fine hair , and on the sides above my ears , instead of lying flat , the hair grows sort of out so I have cowlicky things . So the cut will have to be long enough that that won't happen . But the real problem is that I am hairstyling - challenged . It doesn't matter who cuts it ; I just can't style it . Well , I could do big hair , which is why it took me so long to say goodbye to the perms . But I think that just ages me . " See that poor woman who is still partying like it 's 1999 ? ! " The other thing I worry about with super short hair is that it will enhance my pear shape . That I ' ll look like I have a pinhead on a Reubens body . This pic was taken about Christmas - time -- It 's longer than that now , more bobbed . But I think I want to go shorter than that pic , do something with the bangs . It 's so hard to be a girl . My husband started losing his hair in high school , so the only hair he gets to experiment with is his beard , or choosing between clippers number 1 or 2 . I ' m jealous . 
All alone . My sweet husband is in NY for a week for a conference , ( and very excited to go see the Hopper exhibit at the Whitney because he ' ll have a few hours tomorrow to get away ) so I ' m here with my children . I don't mind when he 's gone until about 5:30 pm , the witching hour , and then I miss him like crazy until the children get their blood sugar ( or whatever ) back on track and they return to their normal reasonable selves . I ' m okay until it 's late and then I can't go to sleep because I hear every little creak , bump , squeak , etc. So I stay up til all hours ( it 's about 1 am and I just finished watching Cat on a Hot Tin Roof , something I ' ve never seen fully and was fantastic !! ) , and now I ' m posting about it . I start laundry or run the dishwasher each night b / c that white noise drowns out other sounds . He left Monday at 6 am and won't be back til Saturday at almost midnight . Dr. Pepper may be my friend tomorrow about 1 pm . 
I am a true friend . My best friend from BYU who lives in Seattle was driving with her three kids to Utah , and since I ' m on her route , I drove the second half with her on Saturday , and then flew back Sunday afternoon . When we were talking about the drive for the next day , somehow it came up that her car does not have air conditioning . I don't know why I didn't think about this before . Now I know that many Northwesterners do not have A / C because of environmental reasons or just the insane belief that it doesn't get hot enough there to warrant it ( they are confused because it does indeed get hot enough there ) . So , at midnight Friday night I had to decide what kind of friend I truly am . I decided I was a true friend . We 're driving through Idaho , it 's hot , but not as hot as I thought it would be , mainly because I was laughing so hard the entire time to not really notice . Unfortunately due to all the laughing we both missed the cut - off that heads southward down to Utah , so we went on to Pocatello which probably added about 1.5 hours to the drive . We were mortified -- my husband , my dad , and her brother made all kinds of jokes about it -- we ' ll never live it down . Unrelated , Utah is getting sooo crowded . I can't believe it ! My sister just bought a house in a suburb called Riverton ( some of you Utah readers know where this is ? ) . When I left Utah , Thanksgiving Point was being talked about , maybe ground had been broken -- it was out in the sticks ! No more . And my friend 's brother lives in Highland , towards Alpine . I can't believe those homes . It used to be all country - ish . AF was hickville -- and it still sort of is because they were having something like Steel Days ? I don't know -- what I do know is there is a place called JW 's ( I think there were three initials ) that make milkshakes the size of Mt . Vesuvius . Which is fine b / c my friend and I have a relationship built on fine milkshakes . Some people swill wine and spit -- that 's how we are with milkshakes . So our ISP is still down and driving me crazy - work is my chance to check email . DH is in NY for the week so he took the laptop that has wireless access so we can filch internet from unsuspecting neighbors . I ' m so disconnected . My girls are loving swim lessons . 3 year old jumped off the diving board for the first time yesterday . She 's starting to be less chicken . I love baby bottoms in swimsuits . They 're soo cute . Especially when they have " woo - jies " . Mommy ! I have a woooojie !! 
Swim lessons , and binky fairies ! Today was the start of swim lessons . The girls ' classes are back to back , so each has to wait 30 minutes for the other , so that isn't too bad . It 's just at a neighbor 's pool . The teacher posted all these rules and went through them , for the parents ' sake , really . I ' m always amazed when parents hear rules and then flagrantly allow their children to disobey them . I ' m pretty rule - bound , not because I ' m uptight as much as I just don't like getting in trouble . W is very good at following rules , so she was fine . But I was very worried about E because she is an impulsive , busy little almost three year old ( her bday is the 4 th - tomorrow ) . And , I found out that she is afraid of water , a little bit ! We ' ve been going to the water park a few minutes from our house , and she is such a baby . She doesn't want to go down the baby slides , etc. We are all dumbfounded by this because she is such a monkey . So E gets into the pool , and stays on her bum -- it 's gotta be the fear keeping her still . ( This is a first timers class so they 're just working on blowing bubbles , etc. ) And , she was so good for the teacher . She tried everything the teacher asked her to , stuff I haven't been able to get her to try . Another little boy had to sit out in time out because he was being dangerous . If I ' d had to bet $ 100 I would ' ve bet it would ' ve been my child . Overall , today was a huge success . Now , the thing that may be a huge crisis . The binky fairy is coming to our house tonight . Margaret has been attached to her gee - gee ( g as is Grover ) for a very long time . We ' ve been cutting her down to nap time and bed time , but Shazzy thinks the time has come for her to let it go . She has this thing which I think she is even more attached to than the actual sucking , which is she touches / strokes the plastic ring that goes around the geegee that holds a strap to clip it onto her clothes . I ' m imagining that when the geegee goes , she ' ll continue to stroke her upper lip , or where her mustache will be 70 years from now . For me , it 's just the very last vestige of baby - ness , and I ' m so sad . It 's not as hard as the nursing was , if only because there are no hormones involved . But still .... I will be completely baby - free . On the other hand , W still can't say her R 's , so I suppose they are still little , that these milestones of their individuating will continue for the rest of my life . 
Perspective . When my older daughter was born , she was three weeks early and stayed in NICU the first week because she had some weird blood sugar thing that thankfully resolved ( the drs said it will either resolve , or it will be this really rare , dangerous thing - luckily it was the former condition ) . When my second daughter was 6 weeks old she went into the hospital for 10 days with what turned out to be pertussis , but they didn't figure that out until day 9 . My older daughter and I also got it , and our house was a noisy place for three months . When the girls were 1 and 4 I spent 9 days in the hospital with pancreatitis / gall bladder stuff ( I don't really remember any of it b / c I was so hopped up on morphine . ) Two years later , I had this ovarian tumor . In a more chronic vein , my older daughter has severe asthma / eczema / allergies so she 's had a couple trips to the ER in her short life , and we 're going to start her on allergy shots in the hopes that if we can build her tolerance she ' ll need less drugs , etc. I joke that I just need to plan on forever being debt to St. Luke 's hospital . Oh , and I woke up Wed with a raging UTI -- I know this is wayy too much info , but bear with me . The point is that all of these things have been ultimately resolve - able , not truly life - threatening . On Monday I got a call from the RS president saying that one of the women I visit teach 's son is in the hospital . He is 10 and he had this weird cough . His dr thought he might have pneumonia , so he sent him to have a lung x - ray . Come to find out he has these weird - looking growths on his ribs . The drs said that since it was soo rare , it is some benign growth . On Monday they did the surgery to look at the rib . They took out two of this little guy 's ribs . But , when they saw the lung tissue , it was like looking at a lung that had been sprinkled heavily with pepper . The pathology report comes back the end of the week , and the drs are very " concerned " . So that is all my friend knows . She 's beside herself , irrational , a mess . And I would be , too . I can all too vividly imagine what she must be going through . I couldn't sleep for worrying for their family , and imagining if it were our family going through this . There are three families in my stake in which young ( under 40 ) men have brain tumors -- I ' m starting to wonder about the water ! So , I don't know what to do for my friend . I ' ve taken dinner over , and other people are bringing meals . There are people helping manage their property / animals ( they have a ranch ) . A friend and I were talking about maybe going in to clean the house at some point in the future , depending on what the news is . I don't know . I feel helpless . And , I feel grateful for the truly good health we have . It 's times like this mortality just hits me hard on the forehead and reminds me how tenuous life is , and reminds me to be more grateful than I typically am . 
The Munchkin Crew , plus one . This was one of the pics my sister and I had taken while she was visiting . Clockwise from the little red - head it is my son E ( 5 ) , then my son N ( 11 ) , my nephew B ( 9 ) , and my son C ( 3 ) . I think this first one is the best of the four pictures , even though E has a funny expression ( his poor face and eyes were all puffy from allergies , and he kept making silly faces . ) And look at the sandal marks tanned onto C 's feet ! 
Free to good home . Well , free to any of my internet friends and lurkers anyhow . I have 2 Anne Geddes prints , and one Rebecca Barker Quiltscape - all just crying out for a little girl 's room . I have three boys , all of whom would rather have sharp objects poked under their fingernails than to be forced to look at girly prints hanging on their walls . I have held onto them in hopes of someday .... Well , it 's time for them to find a home , where they can hang on the wall rather than grow dust bunnies in my closet . ( Talk about go forth and multiply - you should see these dust bunnies ! ) If there are no takers I will put them in the garage sale Saturday . They are free , I will ship them . the butterfly print is claimed now the quiltscape has found a home . 
More of the usual . E woke up with a swollen face , hives , wheezing , and a nasty eczema outbreak that has been gradually getting worse over the last few days . Not to mention red watery eyes , a constant cough , that oh - so - lovely snurfling sound kids make when trying to suck snot back up ( I know - gross - but hey , such is life with a kid sometimes ) , and a never - ending headache . So off to the allergist we went this afternoon . Todd , one of the super NPs in the allergist 's office , wasn't too pleased with the wheezing and the fact that E has needed albuterol every day but one in the last two weeks . So changing up some meds . Nixing the pulmicort and going for the big gun - Advair . E is thrilled with this change - he hates the neb and loves the inhalers . Added back Nasonex . He used to use this two years ago , but after a few weeks would start having nose bleeds . But his allergies are so out of control we have to try something , so will take it slowly and back off if he starts having nose bleeds again . The sinus x - rays showed some swelling , but not at the point of infection yet ( whew . ) However , he is on antibiotics because of the staph infection on his finger from the eczema . Hopefully all of these changes will get him back under control before the really bad season starts - ragweed . Todd also wants E to have some lung function test . I told him to wait and see what they do at NIH - not sure if that will be part of the testing or not . Less than two weeks to go until we leave for NIH ! 
Birthday Reflections . I ' m sitting here tonight , listening to my new Enya CD ( Amarantine ) that I bought myself for my birthday . The lingering scent of my new Peach Sweet Berries candle from the boys wafts through the house . I just finished eating four ( yes , four ) pieces of the cinnamon crescent roll cheesecake I baked myself in lieu of a birthday cake . I did not need this on top of the huge meal I ate at On the Border - that would be the lunch I took myself out to since I didn't feel like cooking . All of this was an attempt to shake this funk I ' m in today . None of it really worked . Has nothing to do with being a year older . It 's giving up a dream , more than anything . The health stuff is on my mind too . Lingering in the back of my mind is the years I spent helping care for my Grandma . The prescriptions , the needles I filled - four a day , every day . The complications - diabetic retinopathy , glaucoma , neuropathy , nephropathy , heart disease , strokes , foot problems . Toward the end , the endless paranoia and dementia that was so heartbreaking to witness . The hallucinations in the hospital . She lived alone for 30 + years . My grandfather died young , and Grandma was adamant about staying in her house to the very end . My Dad visited every day without fail . I came several times a week . I try to imagine being alone for that long . I should have been there more often . I signed on tonight and saw your wonderful birthday greetings . Can't tell you how much I needed that boost . Thank you for that . And a million thanks to Kate who gave me a shoulder to cry on this morning . 
The park that bit back . Since the heat finally broke today ( high of 88 as opposed to 108 ) decided to take the boys ( and my sister and nephew ) to the park to run off some energy . All went well for ummmm , maybe 10 minutes . First N came running off the water area with blood streaming from his nose / mouth area . Got the nosebleed stopped and found a small cut on his lip from his braces - he will live , so back to playing he goes . Next thing I know E is crying and limping . Mr Drama King only has a tiny cut on the top of his toe . Of course it took 20 minutes to get said tiny cut to stop bleeding thanks to his bleeding disorder . Normally small cuts clot pretty quickly for him , but not today . So while carrying E to a bench and holding pressure on the cut , I look around for C and see him dangling 6 foot in the air from the monkey bars - by one hand ! This of course brings back memories of my nephew who broke his arm falling from the monkey bars . Thankfully my sister reached him right as he started to fall . Decided that was enough drama for the day at that point and went home . Here are a few pics before injuries and heart attacks ... Oh yeah - and Happy Birthday To Me . I ' m officially old in the fertiliworld . I can just feel my ovaries aging . Not that it matters anymore . : ( . 
Happy Birthday Dad ! Happy Birthday Dad . I never imagined coming so close to losing you . Cancer turned your world upside down . Mine too . But you are strong , and not even having two different cancers will defeat you . We are going to celebrate many more birthdays together . I love you Dad . 
Not the news I wanted . Fasting glucose went up , not down , despite over 6 months of eating pretty darn good ( okay , yes , I indulge in dessert a bit more than I should , but really , have made a good effort at eating healthy this year . ) I ' m now at 115 , so creeping ever closer to the precipice that marks the fall between pre - diabetic and oh - shit - now - I - can't - deny - it - anymore diabetic . Cholesterol - Up . Way up . Last year 180 ( had been stable at 180 ish for years . ) This year 214 . Not good . Wonder how much this has to do with trying to follow my doctor 's recommended diet for the blood sugar . Hmmm .... lets see .... eat fewer carbs , more protein . So what happens ? Everything gets worse . At this point I feel like telling my doctor to go to hell . Every time I go in I get lectured on diet , and I tell him over and over , I have increased my intake of protein ( and I ' m not generally a big meat eater ) , and made a huge increase in veggie intake . For a snack instead of the fudgesicle I really want most nights I go slice a green pepper or something equally bland . Quit harping on my damn diet will ya doc ? ! My Mom has high cholesterol . My Mom is diabetic . My Dad has high cholesterol . My Dad is diabetic . 3 of four grandparents were diabetic , 2 of whom had high cholesterol . Every one of my parents siblings are diabetic . Every . Single . One . I think I could live on salad greens with no dressing and water and I would still end up diabetic . At best maybe I can stave off the onset a few more years . Quite a set of genetics I have bequeathed my kids , eh ? I think it is finally time I find a new owner for those three vials . ( Not just for this reason ..... this has been rolling around in the old brain for a while . ) . 
Visitors . My sister , my nephew , and my Aunt C are all coming today from Ohio . It will be a short visit , since my nephew starts football camp on Monday . They should be here any time . Wish it weren't so hot for their visit ! Should be an interesting two days . My sister and I get along okay for short times . Much more than a day or so and things start falling apart . We just don't have much in common . You might think , given that we are only 17 mo apart in age , both single Moms raising boys , that we would have a great deal in common , but it just isn't so . Wait - I hear the doorbell . Sounds like they are here ! 
I ' m here ! And alive ! : ) Thank you to all of you for supporting me during my meds - not - working - so - good periods . I knew y ' all would pump me up . I ' m feeling better . Still wouldn't mind sleeping all day but at least my heart 's not pounding out of my chest at the thought of NOT doing that . It 's a start . My family is back from Michigan . So much for a quiet house . It was nice while it lasted but I ' m glad to have them back . I kinda missed picking up the house every 2 hours ! hahaha Have TOOOOOOOOONS of pictures to sort through . 440 to be exact . I ' let ' Peter take the XT with him on the condition that it be watched more closely than the children ( hahah okay . I ' m kidding there - well sorta kidding anyway ) I guess he took me seriously because I hear he was more than semi - nazi - ish about where it was the entire trip . Good Peter . He did good taking pictures too . I ' m impressed . It doesn't come naturally to him so I was kinda surprised he got SO MANY GREAT shots . It kinda makes up for not being there . speaking of not being there , yeah , that 's the L . A . S . T . T . I. M. E I make that mistake . I hated not being with everyone and hanging with my family . I was able to spend the day with my sister - in - law , Nancy . That was a BLAST ! She 's super cool . So that made up for not going a little bit . : ) Then she and her hubby took me and Peter 's Aunt ( got all that ? ) out of dinner . We went to Morton 's ( is that right ? ) wow ! Fancy schmancy !!! Somehow an 8 dollar baker tastes better . go figure ! : ) Thanks you guys , that meal was AWESOME . and it was a blast hangin with ya ! So , I ' ll have pictures soon . I have massive work to do so bear with me . There are some good ones . It should be worth the wait : ) And thanks again for cheering me up and putting up with my drama . You are good friends ! m . 
feeling ... anxious , lonely . and weak . icky is a good word . Not that y ' all want to hear me complain , but I will . Feel free to move on to a funnier , happier blog today . For now I need to be sad . My medication must be off a bit cuz I ' m feeling ... ugh . Okay , well , that 's not completely true . It 's true I ' m ' off ' again but it 's really because I pretty much forgot to take my meds every day . That ' ll mess you up . Did you know ? So I ' m on them again but they don't take immediate effect so I still can't breathe , or think or start anything ( much less finish anything ) . It 's such horrible way to live ... feeling like your heart is going to jump out of your body and that you can't really take a good . deep . breath . I don't know how people do it , live with anxiety . At least I know that in a couple days , or weeks tops , I ' ll be back on my game . Sent Peter , Noah and Sarah off to Michigan today for a family reunion . Not sure why I thought it was a good idea Kate and I stay home . $ 650 airfare ( yes each ) had something to do with it . Work deadlines and 2 classes did too . But right now it 's sounding like the stupidest damn idea I ever had . I ' m alone till Sunday . Well Kate 's here . And she 's funny . and cute . and I love her . To top off my evening ( of kitting two of the 8 projects I have to kit before friday night ) I watched this video that was linked on ali 's blog Yeah , if you 're even remotely sad , don't go there . I bawled like a little baby . It definetely didn't make me feel stronger . Made me feel like " thank GOD for that dad . THANK GOD there are strong people in this world because there 's no way I could handle that " I ' ll have to go back when I ' m not feeling so weak and check it out . I ' m sure that isn't the effect they were going for . In the mean time , think about me please . I ' m bummin . 
What does that say ? So I have to make the teaser boards to show off my class for Scrapbooks Etc . We 're supposed to change them every 4 months . So mine 's due and I come up with this idea . I like it . It 's clean and bright . Only one problem though . Can you see ? 
about a month ago ... ... I took this picture . My dad was here and I decided I ' d to get a couple shots off all 3 kids in one place and the same time . This is no small feat . I took advantage of daddy being here ( thanks daddy ! ) and we went to " the big grass . " It 's not the best picture and it 's really not exactly what I was looking for . None the less , I like it . Not sure how to scrap it . I could do the typical looking forward type of thing , but I ' m just not feeling that . I ' ll take suggestions * hint hint * LOL . 
remember that page challenge ? Well I ' ve taken that same set of papers and did two more pages with it . It was just too cute a set to stuff it away in my " used " stack . So here they are . Can I tell you how much I love scrapbooking ? ! ? ! ? AGGHH !! it just makes me happy : ) Journaling reads : " what is it about you ? i really don't knowi don't know what it isor where you got it . but i do know for sure , there 's something super cool about u " this one says : " remember this You are beautiful You are beautiful You are beautiful " . 
it only takes a second . okay well maybe 2 . But this is what happens in my house when there is ANY silence . I pretty much have two choices .1 . ) I can run around , endlessly , after my kids making sure they are ' in ' to anything .2 . ) Or I can take a break to sit down ( or use the freegin bathroom ) and have blue faces to clean up . Sometimes I choose the latter . 
The image thing is working now . go figure . Here are some pictures from my weekend . Here are the sunflowers Peter got me . The are super cool in real life , in this picture ? not so much . I need to work on my still lifes . This is the ' new ' rug in the family room . And this is the big one for the living room - simply love these !!! And finally the kids all at the counter . We moved Kate from the high chair to this cute little booster seat to keep her away from the new rugs LOL An unexpected bonus on how damn cute they look all lined up like that . : ) Oh hell , this one is too cute not to post . Ignore the flower growing out of Noah 's head . I completely messed that one up . 
starting day . So the beginning of the rest of my life . I have been overweight , no obesse for quite some time now . I am about 5 ' 3 " and weigh this morning 220 lbs . I have tried lots of things to loose weight , with some success I seem to sabotage myself . The most recent example is this morning . I woke up early , 6 am and decided to just stay up . Instead of taking the dog for a walk I decide to watch TV . I eat a good breakfast , rasain bran and toast . Then my evil side comes out and I eat 2 nutty bars . I put in the calculations at Weightwatchers . com and realise that I have 3 points left for the day and it is 7 am . I am usually not even up this early and I have 3 points left . shit . I have to take WT to school and then we are going to the water park with my really skinny friend . great , binge eating and then putting on a swimsuit , yeah sounds like fun . I need to stop doing this to myself . I need to get it under control . The goal for today ... To eat healthy whole foods . 
Depeche Mode live . Yesterday I saw Depeche Mode live .. it was a great show , very spectacular stage with giant screens and very nice scenography ( inspired by space ships ) . The concert started with a positive energy , the opening band was Franz Ferdinand , and I have to say that they positively surprised me because I didn't expect they could shake the crowd up as they did ... The DM concert was powerful .. I appreciated the line - up even though I dislike the last album and they didn't play some songs I like from Ultra .. these are the songs they played : * INTROSPECTRE * A PAIN THAT I ' M USED TO * A QUESTION OF TIME * SUFFER WELL * PRECIOUS * WALKING IN MY SHOES * STRIPPED * HOME * IT DOESN ' T MATTER TWO * IN YOUR ROOM * NOTHING ' S IMPOSSIBLE * I FEEL YOU * JOHN THE REVELATOR * BEHIND THE WHEEL * WORLD IN MY EYES * PERSONAL JESUS * ENJOY THE SILENCE [ PAUSE ] * SHAKE THE DISEASE * PHOTOGRAPHIC * NEVER LET ME DOWNThe end of the concert was very bad , I think the band was not very happy about the chorus that the people were singing ... ( popopo .. Seven Nation Army from The White Stripes ... the chorus that symbolize the victory of the Italian football team ) and I was really pissed off too by the stupidity of those who sang .. I ' m right to hate italians sometimes , they 're really not sensible .. I ' m sad because it could end in such a spectacular way .. instead of seeing Dave and the others waving the hand and disappear in the backstage as if they were coming back , and then seeing the light of the stadium turning on .. [ awful ! ] .. but despite everything on the notes of their songs they made me remember lots of memories , it was a really emotional show .. 
Pearl the Pig . One thing I did well as a mother was reading aloud to Matt and Lizzie . I may have been a sketchy parent in some areas but I was a consistent and happy reader of good children 's literature . The Read Aloud Handbook was my reference . And one of our favorite books was The Amazing Bone by R . L . Stein . It is deliciously dark and scary in some sections ( which I always thought was weird in a children 's book ) and the kids loved Stein 's stuff . In The Amazing Bone we meet Pearl the Pig , contentedly walking through the woods . She notices all the details of her surroundings and sighs , " I love the world " . She goes on to have adventures ( don't worry -- the amazing bone and her own ingenuity get her out of trouble ) but I have never forgotten Pearl 's peaceful delight in her surroundings . I had a ' Pearl - walk ' myself recently . Near our home in Portland there is a beautiful old park with extensive rose gardens and a large fountain . The walk to the park takes me through old streets and gardens ... nothing spectacular , just simple yards with happy flowers and shrubbery . Near sunset , the Golden Hour , the light is exquisite . I , too , sighed and said , " I love the world . " . 
Mirth Makers Unite ! On my list of 101 goals in 1001 days ( see right ) I have the goal of writing a Mirthmakers Handbook . It 's a project I ' ve been thinking about for a number of years . Here 's the introduction I wrote recently : I met my best friend Janet 23 years ago when our boys were in the aerobic day - care together . Our three - year - olds liked each other so we began hanging around with them . After aerobics class we d take the boys to Winchell s for donuts and Janet would enjoy a post - workout Merit cigarette . We had many things in common , including the fact that we wanted to be taken seriously . We d both pulled excellent grades and had academic experiences of being the smartie in the classroom . Janet had been to Berkeley , dammit and we were both well - read . We were intelligent wasn t it obvious ? But we weren t taken seriously . Instead we were well - liked . Friends would comment on the talents of our husbands ; ' He is sooo smart ! and ' He is soooo creative and talented . Compliments to us were along the lines of You re so fun ! As if we never had a deep thought or serious emotion . Janet , especially , had the knack of attracting NBFs ( new best friends ) . You re so fun let s have coffee ! Somehow , she was not perceived as the intelligent and discerning person that she has always been . Janet and I are both in our 50 s now . We still attract NBFs and people still tell us how fun we are . The difference is that we now appreciate the compliment . You see , over the years we ve realized that to be called fun is a compliment of the highest order . Our own children think we re fun like a party and aspire to the same joie de vivre . [ photo by my talented daughter , Lizzie ] In the ensuing decades since Janet and I met , we ve come to appreciate the need for levity and spending time in community . Some years ago we developed a term for our ability . We called it Mirth Making . We liked the slightly arcane sound of the word because it harkens back to a time when families and communities made mirth as a regular part of their life . The word ' mirth ' comes from a time when people still believed in magic . What is it ? Mirth Making is shared merriment . It is , fundamentally , a collective experience we make mirth together . A dictionary defines mirth this way : gladness or gaiety as shown by or accompanied with laughter . A thesaurus is even better : a mood characterized by high spirits and amusement and often accompanied by laughter . Mirth is the essence of my favorite experiences . From time to time I ' m going to be writing about mirth making and celebrating it . If you are a mirthmaker ( and you know who you are ! ) please send me your thoughts ! 
Stunning Oregon . Over the last week I ' ve had the opportunity to travel around Oregon a fair bit . Dear friends from Toronto came to visit and we spent a few days on the Oregon coast with them . We stayed at the Astoria Inn for a few days and , of course , went up to the Astoria Column where we got a 360 - degree view of the area . We then drove to Yachats and the excellent Shamrock Lodgettes . We ate good seafood all along the way and enjoyed spectacular weather . I was amazed , again , at the beauty of Oregon . In the middle of the trip I popped back to Portland to meet up with Janet , Lee and Beth to visit the Oregon Country Fair . This has long been on my list and I FINALLY got there . The Country Fair has a juicy reputation but I think it 's calmed down a lot over its 36 year history . Alcohol is no longer allowed and most of us were clad in Northwest Suburban attire ... not half - naked . Still there were the occasional painted breasts ( lovely ) and loincloths ( generally a mistake ) . And we often enjoyed the sweet smell of cannabis as we wandered . Best of all , the Fair retains a spirit of gentle goodwill and happiness . It 's a cross between sustainability and self - expression . I felt like I was with my people . Most charming were all the natural structures tucked into the woods . The setting is truly magical and I felt like I ' d visted another time and place . I can't wait to go back next year ... with , perhaps some temporary henna tattoos from Sweet Annie , um , on my back . 
Big and Little Things . Since January Susan and I have been dealing with a Very Big Thing . She was diagnosed with indolent Non - Hodkins lymphoma . Since it is indolent ( can't you just personify that ? ! ) one option for treatment was inaction . But Susan is young and strong and she qualified for a clinical trial . She finished chemotherapy four weeks ago and at the end of July she ' ll receive bexxar which will irradiate any remaining cancer cells . Her prognosis is excellent and she will , likely , be in remission the rest of her life ( link to her blog below ) . Still , it 's been a long and tiring journey . Our lives have become increasingly smaller and simpler because it is an emotional journey as well as a physical ordeal . I feel depleted and Susan is exhausted . She 's ready to get back to normal and I can't blame her . The last couple of weeks have been particularly tiring for some reason but yesterday I got a little therapy from Mother Nature . I spent most of the day in the kitchen chopping and preparing beautiful , fresh food . The other night we had roast chicken and I pulled the chicken for a chicken curry salad and made a stock for soup . Amazing how a few simple ingredients ( onions , celery , carrots and broth ) can be so tasty and nourishing . Later I combined rhubarb and strawberries in a tasty crisp . ' Yhum ! ' as Linda would have said . I also cleaned the produce from our front yard vegetable garden . Front yard garden ? Yes , we have a little vegetable garden in our parking strip courtesy of the Backyard Farmers . They create the bed , manage the plants and harvest the produce ( they don't want amateurs mucking about in it too much ) . All we do is water and eat . For a fee we have a garden of organic produce right outside our door and we didn't have to learn how to garden . It 's wacky but it fulfills , in a small way , Susan 's dream of having a farm . So , today I am appreciating little things . I didn't change the world in a big way . But I made tasty , organic food and , in doing so , took care of myself . My time in the kitchen was tangible and rewarding . Chopping and seasoning were activities that I could manage . It was a good day . And today I feel better for having spent time and attention on this Little Thing as we manage the Big Thing . 
The Three GRs . Last Sunday was Father s Day and I ve spent a lot of time thinking about my dear sweet Dad . He died in May of 2003 but his example continues to provide me with life lessons . Dad was a remarkable man . At times was challenging to live up to his standards . But as I grew older I came to appreciate Dad 's consistency and how he lived by his values . I know that his grandchildren greatly admire Opa s character and see him as a strong role model . Since he died , I have a new question that I ask myself in difficult situations : " What would Arnold do ? " Dad lived by the three GRs : Grit , Grace and Gratitude . He had temendous loss in his life . To lose three wives to cancer is nearly unbelievable . To lose his youngest daughter so suddenly and needlessly was more than any parent should have to bear . Yet , each time he said to me " Margaret , we have to go on . " And he did . He went on -- without regrets , without complaint and with his faith intact . He had his formative years during the German occupation of Northern Netherlands and he and his siblings are tough people . Grit . He might have become bitter over his hard life but he never did . With each loss he became softer , more loving and more considerate . The most common descriptor people use when talking about Dad is the word gentleman . He lived with modesty and Grace . Above all he was Grateful . He always felt that he was a very lucky man . He thanked us for each phone call , for each attention . He was a completely generous man and appreciated the kindness of others . As I age I try to live by the The GRs . Most of the time I lapse into the Three Ws : Wimpy , Wasteful and Whiny . But when I remember Dad , I remember to be my better self . Here s to Arnold I was lucky to call him Dad . 
Happy Days . " The happiest days are when babies come . " - Melanie , Gone With the Wind These are happy days for my family . On Tuesday , June 13 th , my beautiful niece , Kelly and her husband , James , became the proud parents of a baby boy . He came in at a sensible 7 pounds 15 ounces and , unlike most Smit / Kolkena babies , he has a nice head of dark hair . I wish I could visit them tonight but they live in Tokyo , Japan . On the SAME day , on the other side of the world in Portland , Oregon , my beautiful cousin , Collette , and her husband , Steven , became the happy parents of Isaac Grant Luttmer . He looks like his Opa ( Dutch for ' Grandpa ) and weighed 9 pounds 5 ounces . Big boy ! It is really wonderful to be part of such a large family . My mother came from a family of eleven children and they all had three to eight children . That 's a LOT of first cousins for me !! And I ' m so happy that Collette and I live in the same town . Susan and I are at the top of the babytending list . We can hardly wait . And , my oh my , but it was good to hold a baby . Here I am with Isaac in my arms . It 's been a very long time since I held a newborn . My dear Lizzie is going to be 24 next month !! But let us , for a moment , ponder the miracle of life . Babies can remind us of what is truly important . Let us honor these happy parents and wish them everything well . Welcome Lucas . Welcome Isaac . 
50 / 50 . On April 15 th I turned the respectable age of 50 years old . Of course , as any American citizen over age 50 knows , it is now my opportunity to join the ranks of AARP . A week before my big day this envelope arrived in the mail . So what does this signify ? Am I retired ? Hardly . Yet , I ' m invited to join the American Association for Retired Persons . Is it a nefarious political movement ? Perhaps . If I were 25 years old I ' d worry about the legislation that AARP supports because it probably means that you ' ll be supporting us more fully as we move into our sunset years . Do I get discounts ? Bingo ! That 's a reason to join AARP . The Regal Cinemas won't be giving me the movie discount for a few more years but my AARP membership will get me a discount on long - term care insurance and other things that older persons think about . SIgh . I ' m an older person . But all month - long friends have been telling me that 50 is the new 30 ! How can I be a member of AARP ? ! I think I ' ll tuck this in the very back corner of my purse . 
First Vial of Truth . So here we are . Blogging . Something I swore I would never do . And that 's because I thought , and still do to a large degree , that blogging is a somewhat narcissistic waste of time , since a lot of people blogging out there are just wasting space talking about what they ate for breakfast or quoting song lyrics to share with all the rest of us the even more compelling experience of their little heart breaking over some boy or girl or what have you . Not only that , but it pisses me off that so many people seem to think their life is so important they need to advertise and discuss it on the " information super highway " ( dorky ) , so everyone can know all about them . Plus , blogging is just way too trendy for me . I ' m not that hip . I don't like sushi , I don't do Photoshop , I don't own a digital camera , and I don't send people endless streams of photos of myself and my other cool friends , drunk as hell at some random bar . Either way , here I am . Call me a fuckin hypocrit , that 's ok . But really , this blog is motivated by a desire to not necessarily have anything particularly important to say , and yet at the same time , address some certain topics that are in fact pretty important . Like ... the lost concept of 3 rd wave feminism . And also to rant and bitch about things that I think a lot of people can relate to . No mundane details about my life , no stories about Rice Krispies or ex - boyfriends . Just straight up top - of - the - head truth serum . A perfect reflection of my super dorky , contradictory , and brutally honest personality . Enjoy . 
Jack Johnson Pav . Atl ntico , 13 Mar o 06 . Numa Palavra : BRUTAL Jack Johnson - Constellations The light was leaving in west it was blue The children 's laughter sang Skipping just like the stones they threw Their voices echoed across the waves It 's getting late It was just another night With a sunset and a moonrise not so far behind To give us just enough light To lay down underneath the stars We listened to Papa 's translations Of the stories across the sky We drew our own constellations The west winds often last too long And when they calm down Nothing ever feels the same Sheltered under the Kamani tree Waiting for the passing rain Clouds keep moving to uncover the sea Of stars above us chasing the day away A way to find the stories that we sometimes need Listen close enough all else fades Fades away It was just another night With a sunset and a moonrise Not so far behind To give us just enough light To lay down underneath the stars Listen to all translations Of the stories across the sky We drew our own constellations . 
Os olhos s o o espelho da alma ... ? You scored as Believer . You are a Believer . Whether it be religious or just your ethics and morals . You believe that heart breaks and injuries are just another part of life . Everything can be overcome if you believe in yourself and in your life . What does your soul say about your eyes ? ... um resultado complexo ... 
You Are A : Pony ! Who doesn't love a pony ? You are one of these miniature horses , renown for your beauty and desired by many . Full of grace , you are a beautiful and very special animal , full of strength and majesty . You were almost a : Duckling or a Puppy You are least like a : Turtle or a Groundhog The Cute Animals Quiz . 
is this how its MEANT to be ? is this how its meant to be ? life full of pain , anger , misery ? are we meant to let horrible people close ? close enough to damage ourselves ? close enough to effect us ? is this how its meant to be ? such a struggle and triumphant climbto the top when all we are stiving for is to fall ? how is it ok to treat people with such lack of respect ? have them walk in and take what was never thiers ? its no ok ! it never will be dealing with these people is just frustrating and exaustingsomething people dont know about me from a blog or just by looking at me is i write lyrics . WORDS WORDS WORDS ! the keys to my my soul ! i reason i live the reason i cope ? so how can i allow someone to use my beautiful words against me using them to be demeaning and hurtful ? im sooo tired from fighting this fight i didnt choose this life yet i live it ... dont get me wrong my life isnt half as hard or horrible as others but i have never lived the life of another so when i have a problem even if not as big it effects me just as bad .... yeah i deal with it i move on ! but im over just getting my head above water then someone coming and pushing me back under ! metaphorically of course but none the less still suffocating ! why are people brought into our life ? lately thats the biggest question on my life some of them i would love to dispose of and fade out of my mind life heart ! but i cant they are stuck perminantly ripping every shread from me and my family ripping every shread from what happiness we have left causing problems where there is no need ?? causing problems just for fun ? Your step mum is awful ... SHES NOT MY STEP MUM SHE WILL NEVER BE APART OF MY FAMILY !!! never not while im here ! not while i still have a voice she is a terrible person why have i been cursed with her for 8 years ?? 8 years of my 19 year old lifetime ?? she can try but she wont succeed our hearts and minds and bond is stronger then her ! WE WILL STAND UP WE WILL RISE ABOVE ! WE WILL DEFEAT ! that day will come soon enough .... soon enough : ) . 
Want ! Hmmm It seems when your looking you cant find what you need ?? but when you finally give up you find exactly what you lost / misplaced ? why is this ?? is it a law that we have been cursed to obey ? Hmmm unexpected is sometimes nice but now im actually facing something that scares the daylights out of me .... its something i wanted so much .. but did i want it that bad ?? Its like yeah sure great in theory .. put it to reality is it REALLY what i want need / want ? Well I have divided and narrowed this overwelming fear i face ...1 . Will it all fall down and become nothing ? 2 . is it real or am i making it more ? 3 . Will all go to plan then i realise this isnt what i want and discard it ? 4 . worst of all people may be hurt in the process of this discovery ... will i be one of them ? so with all my thought and effort im now left with 4 questions 4 more puzzles 4 ideas 4 mistakes maybe ? adding another question to the heap ??? i desperately hope this all turns in favour of me !! its something i deserve for once let it go in favour of myself ! 
I ' m NOT ok . I ' m not ok ... is there ever an ok time to say this ? I ' m not ok ... im not coping ! theres something unbalanced in my life ! im sick and tired literally ... of feeling this awful about myself and my life .... When will it stop ? when will my life turn upside down and fix itself ? ....... 
OK thats enough now . Hmmm sometimes you have moments ... moments in life you pray will never end ! but in the back of your mind you KNOW they will , this can be upsetting and you sit there trying to make a mental memory so it will linger with you longer .... then one day you want to Forget all of this but you cant because its printed on your brain ... on your memory ! so it brings me to wonder .... are we meant to pass by some things and its not meant to last forever no even in our memories ! ? Hmmm I dont know yet i do wonder because at the end of the day all you get left with are your past times sometimes haunting yourself , beating yourself up on regrets just remembering these regrets ! does it make it harder to forgive ? would you rather have a 3 second memory ? or is it good to feel pain from the past sometimes to know your alive ?? i just dont know anymore .... 
Tired . Hmm Did you know the definition of being fit , isnt how far you can run , swim or ride a bike or your endurance . its simply whether you can get through your daily tasks without feeling tired ... this bringing me to my point of .. I must be soo out of shape lately the fatigue is setting in and i just dont want to leave my bed ! " its the weather " they say but honestly is that just the excuse we use to keep us from getting out there and actually doing something about this horrible tiring feeling ? every winter is the same coop up inside cause its so cold well thats it im taking a stand ! im not gonna let it beat me ! time to go for a jog ! brb in 45 mins ! get my beanie , track pants massive jumper and off i go .... sounds good in text doesnt it ? but whers my motivation i have NONE ! someone help me what am i to do with this lazy body i have been cursed with .... 
Invisible . Do you ever feel invisible ? especially to one person in particular , the worst fate i could ever imagine is living my life with out certain people in it ... but what happens when things change , people change but you stay the same ? when people move on from you but you cant let go ? i have so many questions and not enough answers ? Why is it the person you yearn most for attention from you never recieve anything , possibly scraps to keep you in hope but not sufficient amount to feel at ease and comfy . When is enough enough ? When do we finally say im sick of feeling horrible , i love me more then anyone else why keep hurting myself , causing my own heart to ache . its uselessshall i forget this person ..... or shall i hold on a little longer ? 
Does my ass look fat in this ? For as long as I can remember , I have had insecurities ! Being a girl they are mainly based on my looks ! I feel confident as a person , as a human . But not as a whole . Am I feeling this way because I m told to feel this way ? Am I simply conforming to society by feeling like shit everyday ? And whose to say maybe a rock hard stomach isn t the key to being a fantastic person ... here s a question ? Why do we reward beauty , embrace the people of this world who are blessed with this Gift ? Which that s all it is isn t it ? A Gift ! You can t work towards beauty , you can t strive to achieve it or make it a career goal , and you can t defy all odds and finally grasp it in your hands ... Why do we care so much about exterior ? I mean people are getting surgery to better themselves , When do they wake up and look in the mirror and ask " where have I gone ? Who is staring back at me ? " We are morphing ourselves our bodies to early graves which at the end of the day will be hard to decide whose name to apply to the tombstone , " well she has jesse 's nose , Chloes boobs and J . los ass ? " who the fuck are we burying ? so it will be left untitled ! .. would u like to take your plstic parts with you or lend them to someone more hidious to you ? it just screams wrong ! There are people being forgotten !! .... How about people who leave their lives , their comfy happy blessed lives and go and feed orphans or teach people about AIDS in third world countries ? Sure we send them a kudos or two . But where s the real praise being sent ? These beautiful creatures are snapped up with freebies thrown at them money clothes people want to sponsor them for Christ sake I mean what have they ACTUALLY done ? Or achieved ? Being born , having good genes ! I mean come on guys its time to look beyond someone s outside stare into their soul instead of there chest , stomach and thighs ! All this said I still get up everyday watch what I eat and go gym , maybe I ' m just as big of a hypocrite then the next person ... but it gives you something to think about ?? .... 
Lets get started . Hello to all readers , ( if this ever gets read ? ) This is my first entry ! The reason i have started a blog is because i feel sometimes i wish i could speak my mind and have others bounce back and maybe answer some of the very questions i ask and visa versa ! Well For starters the name ... 3 second memory ! the reason i chose this name was because sometimes i wish i only had a 3 second memory , so i could forget and switch off .... dumb idea i know ! coz it would also suck considering i wouldnt have any idea what was going on around me ! i couldnt even finish this blog entry !!! hahaanyways its not that late but im tired soo im talking crazy talk !!! im going to post this go to bed and hope someone looked at it by some time tomorrow Much Love F . 
Rafa dan Safa 5 bulan . Alhamdulillah ... Rafa dan Safa sudah 5 bulan , pasnya kemarin Sabtu , 8 Juli 2006 . 2 hari kemudian , the twin , belajar maem . Sama BS dicobain Nestle - Bubur Susu . Ya ampyuuun , ... they get mad waktu disuapin . Juntrungan sesuappun gak ada yang masuk . Tanggal 11 Juli 2006 , serombongan ke RS Mitra Int ' l , Rafa - Safa pilek , dsa Jahja lagi ke Kanada , jadi gantinya dsa Sampurno . Tapi twin dapet imunisasi , bingung juga . Tapi dsa - nya bilang ok aja , gak papa di imunisasi . Safa dapet DPT - Polio 3 dan Rafa HIB 2 . Siangnya mereka dicoba maem pisang - kerok . Rafa lahap tapi Safa masih nolak . Hihi ... lucu deh ngebayangin gaya nolaknya Safa . 
Highchair and Baby Booster . Reported : Sunday , 2 July 2006 Last week , me and my hubby with Ziva going to hunt highchair for the twins . The idea is easy to feed their 1 st food and this highchair will use longer time , means that ones they get older , it could used as toddler seat . Get going straight to ITC Mangga Dua . Looking around for some baby store , try to get the best product and price . Finally , we decide buy baby booster and highchair . we get from 2 stores . The 1 st store , we buy the Carters baby booster . The picture show that the product also can be folded , so easy for travelling . The 2 nd store , we buy the Care baby festival highchairs . This product as shown orange one , can be use as table - chair for toddler . Satisfied as end up at the end of the day , because my hubby 's wallet looked like has been stolen . Well .. another homework that must been done wth that .... ## % # @@ ^ * ## . 
Belated Happy Birthday ... Memo from 27 th June 2006 Two days had past at that time ( 25 th June ) , but my friends at the office still asked me what or something that could be as marked to celebrate my 32 nd birthday . Well ... at last I bought 4 dozen J . Co donuts to give away to them , I bought from Plaza Semanggi with Silvy , GM Secretary had helped me to choose the variaty . Half dozen I brought to home . Hmmm ... laugh and thanks from them made me relief at the end of the day .... 
pyuh ... what a stunning week ! pyuh ... what a stunning week ! tanggal 14 juni kemarin , my beloved oldest daughter , Ziva , ultah ke - 3 . Padahal 1 minggu itu , aku ada training dari kantor di Panataran . Tidak banyak persiapan . Pulang training , buy one black forest with some cherry on it . Sampai rumah decorated with 3 candles . Dan Ziva , aku dandanin as a butterfly angle lengkap dengan hadiah yang sudah aku bungkus dari pagi . Sepatu oshkosh dan 2 buah kaos pooh , kesukaan Ziva . Siap 2 handycame ... and walah ... jadilah ' paket ultah singkat - padat ' . Sabtunya we invite some neighbour - kids and family . Dengan chocolate - java with pooh friends decorated , Ziva tiup lilin lagi untuk ke - 2 kalinya . heheh .. 
My Picture . ok heres the deal folks . changed my blog addy cuz i dont want steve to find me . we are talkin now . if he put a search on my name it might of showed my blog . my friend cat said if some body does a search it might show my blog . dont want that so had to change the blog addy . dont want steve to find me cuz i like to flirt wit guys . put my picture on cuz now my blog addy doesnt say lilyrose anymore . maybe he wont look for me but maybe he will . he dont trust me . i like men and i aint gonna quit flirtin till steve marries me . then the flirting will stop . im still wit steve but im single he aint had sex wit me for a minute so im single . he only talks to me and no sex cuz of that fuckin hickey thing . 
No DSL Niggas . This blog is lonely . My fuckin DSL got shut off so i have to go to a friends house to get online . sucky ass life i have . need a rich guy to support me . steve talked to me the other day finally . shit its been more than a minute since that jerk even spoke two fuckin words to me . dont have many comments on here dipshits . guess im not good . dont blame me for not having my picture on here . i ask a friend to do it for me but she never did and i dont know how . i am on her computer right now at her house . she has tons of good shit on this thing . she has good things in her room too . ya she has good movies the kind i like to watch . maybe i will get into porn i love sex so much . i guess i need to visit more blog people to get more friends on this shit ass thing cause all you fart heads are not commenting me so go fuck yourselves i will look for other friends . im outta here niggas . 
Sucky Monday . This so fuckin sucks , raining here in ohio and bored as hell , need a good fuck to make my day complete . aint heard from steve at all since the hicky . aint workin at the club tonite so gonna rent some movies and invite friends over . a slumber party sounds good if only guys come . cant do it i work tomorrow . need to find me a new guy . so much for moving in wit steve and being happy ever after . give me some ideas for a good movie dipshits . im outta here . 
Holiday Blast . Had a blast this past holiday . went kayaking . hiking . god i love the outdoors . nothing like a breath of fresh air . poluted air . gotta bad cough . back to work again . dont have to work at the club tonite . chillin for now . the rent is paid so no sweatin it for a while . steve is still mad at me . never came over . never contacted me . fuckin asshole . the hicky faded . got some bruises on my legs from the weekend . no clue how i got em . rough time i suppose . yea im hyper . non stop in more ways than a few . need sex aint got any in a while . should of made out wit one of my friends over the weekend . oh well . great friends are hard to find especially the ones that can fuck good wit out a commitment , shit dont play . im up for a good time wit a friend why the hell not . oh yea want to tell all the dipshits that comment on here . thank you for the attention its badly needed . keep it comin will ya . okay im outta here . 
Got a hicky . fighting with asshole steve again . was giving a lap dance to some pervert tonight the fucking son of a bitch reached out and sucked my neck giving me a damn hicky . went out side after the club to meet steve . he saw the hicky before me . would of covered it with makeup if I noticed it before he did . he wont talk to me now stupid dipshit . gonna take a shower and hit the sack got some plans with some friends tomorrow . 
Working More Hours . Alright folks heres the scoop . I am working more hours at the club now cause i have too many bills . how they fucking got behind is unknown to me . steve is not helping at all and will be history soon if he dont shape up * sticking my middle finger up at his picture * . what the hell is a boyfriend good for besides sex and money . screw the damn comfort who the fuck needs comfort . i know it aint me . i can tell you i may be a gold digger but im worth it . if this shit keeps up i may have to result to women instead of men . sex is sex and money is money who ever has it im single and available . i gots to go to bed now waking up at eight to face the ugly people that come into the bank to deposit their riches . what i should do is start to flirt with the old bastards that have lots of loot . shit dont play , living off an ole fart is fine by me . give me the money and make me fly . im going to bed now . Peace Out Lily . 
The Call Of Nature . Lily Rose here reporting to blogsville . walked in the door a few minutes ago from work . need to take a shower and pack my shit . heading out with a bunch of friends to go camping for the weekend im leaving at 7 am a few hours from now gonna try to get at least an hour sleep . looking forward to sleeping in that musky ole tent with a group of the craziest folks i know . gonna miss two of my best girls being there with me . have to go without em . one is getting married and acts like she has some thing stuck up her ass and the other is across seas being mentally evaluated , god am i the only sane one left ? considering who i am going camping with crazy seems to be a minor description of the group . ok folks im outta here . 
What yeast doesn't like , cont . This was originally intended to be a part of the previous post . However Blogger has not been cooperating in the picture department for the past 24 hours , so you get it split into two parts . Anyhoo , continuing on . When I initially envisioned this diet , I pictured myself shopping at places like this , and coming home laden with beautiful , healthy produce to whip up delicious dinners like thisand lunches like this . Alas , it was not to be . Without any recipes and only a list of unusual and very limited ingredients , I wound up with soup made of water I boiled chicken in , the chicken , kale , tomatoes , eggplant , zucchini , spinach and a TON of garlic . Also some tarragon . That was the most edible thing we ' ve had so far . And how interesting to have nice , hot soup ( and only soup -- NO crackers ) when it was a chilly 100 degrees in the shade here . The next night we had spaghetti squash , which I had never had , and which I had hoped to fool people into thinking was actual noodles . Again , no . Although 80 % of us did eat it , and Tim and I even thought it was pretty good when you consider we ate it completely buried in our regular homemade spaghetti sauce . Two nights ago I found a recipe for smothered cabbage which only used approved ingredients . It took much longer to cook than expected , so we ate 2 hours late . And after all that it was not as popular . So we have lots of " purple dinner " left over . But last night was my masterpiece . We had the all - purple - and - green dinner . How often can people say that ? It consisted of leftover red cabbage ( did you know red cabbage turns blue in the fridge ? Neither did I ! ) , fresh steamed zucchini with a butter / red onion / ginger sauce from my new book , and boiled chicken with spaghetti squash and pesto ( which turned the whole dish green ) . Verdict : the cabbage was okay , the zucchini was scrumptious , and the chicken / squash / pesto mixture was yucky . Funny , but the people who seem to be suffering the most are not Charlotte , who has to eat rolled up lunchmeat and raw vegetables for lunch every day , but Nate , who is a complete vegetable - phobe , and Tim and I. We didn't think we ate that many sweets , but now that it 's been a week or more with little or nothing for dessert , after the kids are in bed we ' ve been reduced to pawing through the pantry for forgotten Halloween or Christmas candy that might have fallen down behind the shelves . So what step of the recovery program is that ? Beautiful photos of lush meals found here . Scary shots of weird - looking dinner items are my own . 
What yeast doesn't like . Yeast Free cookbook Originally uploaded by 3 to get ready . Something momentous happened to me today . My order from Amazon finally arrived . It might not seem like much , but I was incredibly excited to get it . For the last week our family has been on a ( mostly ) yeast - free diet . Because Charlotte has some kind of " bad yeast " in her digestive system we have to starve it out by not including anything that " yeast likes " in her diet . This would include 1 ) yeast and 2 ) sugar . When the doctor told us about this diet , I thought it would be perfect . I ' d been wanting to try out a more healthful , natural diet anyway , and with Hattie being diabetic , I thought we could definitely stand going without sugar . I had no idea what I was getting into . Not having yeast is one thing , but as it turns out the first , most restrictive phase of this diet excludes all grains of any kind . No oats , no whole - grain anything , not even barley or spelt . Also obviously no starches like pasta , but also no rice and no potatoes . Also no milk and no milk products ( except plain yogurt ) , like , oh , CHEESE . And no fruit or nuts . You can just forget about dessert . Try feeding a family of 5 with 3 small kids on THAT menu . 
Home from camp and quilt tops . Nate and Charlotte came home from Grandma and Grandpa 's today , where they had been staying for a whole week , all by themselves . Nate went to aquarium camp and Charlotte played with Grandma and Grandpa . Among the many fun things they did : playing on a playground , going out for tea with Grandma , and playing in the pool . We all went up to drop Nate and Charlotte off last weekend , and I came home with two quilt tops made by my great aunts in rural Illinois , probably sometime in the 1930 's . These pictures are unfortunately horrible ( as a color reference , that carpet is salmon ) ( I know -- it came with the house ) , but I am thrilled to have such wonderful examples of family handiwork . It would have been great to learn from these ladies , since they were obviously very accomplished quilters . This first one looks like it was made with whatever scraps they happened to have , although I didn't notice that there was a pattern in the middle until I looked at it through a camera . This wedding ring one was obviously the result of a lot of effort on someone 's part -- every piece is very carefully selected , and the same fabrics recur throughout . And a close - up . I love these vintage fabrics ! Did I mention that all the blocks in the first one ( although not the seams ) , and the entire second quilt are all hand - sewn ? Amazing . So sad to think that this much effort hasn't been out of a box or drawer in more than 50 years . They really deserve to be finished properly . I would love to do it myself , but since I ' m not a quilter , I may have to practice first on something else to make sure I wouldn't mess them up . 
Dinner anyone ? 2 nd angle Originally uploaded by 3 to get ready . Last night while I was fixing our dinner , Hattie kept herself busy in the other room , also fixing dinner , all by herself . For quite a crowd , apparently . 
Friday work not in progress yet . Even with swim practice over , we ' ve been very busy . Hattie and Charlotte hung out in their " houseboat , " and yesterday we went to meet Tim at the office and go out for lunch . Which leaves us with with my work in progress for today : laundryand we have just a little straightening to do in the playroom . I have to say that I contributed the ironing board that isn't put away . If I get a chance , I ' ll take some shots of some actual sewing work in progress for today . Wish me luck . 
Just what I needed . Well , I ' m sure what I needed to be doing was spending MORE time in front of my PC ! Tim will just die when I tell him that now I ' ve discovered Library Thing via Juju loves polka dots . For the last 18 months I have been saying how much I wanted to catalog all our books . Seriously catalog , like make a database and arrange the books on the shelves as you might find them in an actual library , but using the Dewey Decimal system instead of Library of Congress as I am a WIMP and would like to take the elementary school library approach as opposed to the college library approach that never seemed intuitive to me . Tim and I each had a ton of books when we got married , and since then our library has probably doubled again , at least . We have two huge bookcases in our bedroom ( again with the stuff in the bedroom ! ) , two good - sized bookcases of children 's books in the playroom , built - in shelves downstairs in what used to be the living room ( now the LI - brey when I want to be pretentious ) in addition to two floor - to - ceiling bookcases that are also in there . ( That would be in the LI - brey , where all the books go , of course ! ) ( Oh yes , and the piano so it can also be a music room . I told you I was pretentious . ) I had actually started a database last summer , but it was slow going , since many of our books are old and / or out of print since we get them at the Goodwill sales , in attics , and things like that . Many don't have ISBNs or really much else past title , author , and publication date . It was also slow going since I have so many other demands on my time during quiet periods of the day when I can sit down and type things out . I think I had gotten to maybe two dozen books in the last year using this method . HOWEVER , this wonderful Library Thing website allows you to enter a title and it will pull up all the pertinent info on a book in its many manifestations . You just click on the one you want and BINGO , it adds it to your personal catalog . I will say that I have had to make some concessions and select a book in paperback when we have it in hardcover , but I think that is a small price to pay . I can go back and edit it anytime I want . So far I ' ve put in 70 of our books , in just the last hour . Problem is , you only get 200 with the free account , as I ' m sure some marketing genius realized that if you are geeky enough to want to catalog your books , no doubt you have WELL OVER 200 of them . Brilliant . 
Scenes from a holiday weekend . So nice to have a long weekend ! And even nicer that we actually got something accomplished other than catching up on our sleep ( a luxury not to be underestimated ) . On Friday Nate and Charlotte went to Tim 's folks ' house to have dinner , spend the night , and play with their cousins who were in town and also staying with Grandma and Grandpa . Since Hattie couldn't go , I told her we could do whatever she wanted for dinner , in or out . Her choice was to " have a picnic in the camper van . " So after Tim got home from work , we packed up dinner for three , headed out to a local park , and ate our dinner , pirate napkins and all . The next night the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra was playing a free concert in Piedmont Park , so we all trooped out there with a bucket of chicken for yet another picnic dinner . We pack all the kids , blankets , and various other items in the wagon , which Tim pulls , and I pull the cooler on wheels . You can see the wagon ( and the bucket from KFC ) just over my left shoulder . On Sunday I wiped down , sanded , wiped down again , and spray painted two filing cabinets I got when my sister 's art gallery closed down last week . Spray painting was quick , but not nearly as easy as I had hoped . Getting the paint on evenly was really tricky . And it took 6 cans of paint ! But they needed cleaning up and since these will be going in our bedroom ( yes , yes , I know -- don't tell the feng shui people ) I thought I ' d paint them a color that would blend . The tricky part now is going to be getting them up the stairs . Please excuse the lovely photo styling in our garage , as I am incapable of moving these without Tim , and even then it 's a major effort . Then yesterday for the 4 th we had a great time at my sister 's in - laws ' horse farm where they throw a big annual get - together . I took turkey / cream cheese rolls as an appetizer . I even had the forethought to make an extra roll - up which I ate for lunch today ! Why can't I think like that all the time ? Here are Tim and Charlotte enjoying the pool , which I have to say was wonderful , since it was a very typical July day -- very hot and very sunny , just like you ' d want it to be . I should have taken more pictures , but I was having so much fun that it was over before I knew it . Hope everyone had a Happy Independence Day ! 
A visit to the new aquarium . Whale shark tank 2 Originally uploaded by 3 to get ready . Went to the Georgia Aquarium today with Grandma and Grandpa and our cousins . What an incredible place ! The whale shark tank alone was worth the trip . But of course we saw many other fascinating things . Even better , we timed it so that we missed the majority of the crowds . By the time we left at about noon , it was really starting to get packed . I ' ve got a few other shots of our visit over on flickr . 
Power to the people ! Erin , over at A Dress A Day has a great post today about the retail clothing industry . Her thought is to print up business cards that say " You ' d be looking at a credit card instead of this card if your store carried anything in my size . " What an incredible idea ! Her beef is that the clothing industry has established a set sizing spectrum that excludes entirely too many women who may fall on one end or the other , or who may be hard to fit . I would also add that far too often this same clothing industry has decided that every woman is either 17 or over the age of 65 . I hate having to choose between the spandex baby tees and the lavender knit pantsuits when I go shopping ! Where the heck is the reasonably priced clothing for women in their 30 's and 40 's who don't want to look like a sleazebag or their grandma ? I might cross out " in my size " and write in " for someone within a decade of my age . " . 
Seems Like I ' m a Millionaire . Dear nicobambi has been researching Triple Tee ... it was funny what he found ... Didn't know I owned that much : p Meat Shop : http : // www . tripleteesmeatshop . com / Screen Alarm : http : // www . soft 32 . com / download _ 14196 . html Software Company : http : // www . tripletee . com / about _ us . htm And I thought Triple Tee was a rarely found name ... geez ... I guess anything could be found in the internet now adays ... 
My First Attempt In Making Pizza !! It was just one day that the house was empty and I felt bored ... that I decided to try my cooking skills .... even after watching my stepmum cook many times and learning a lot from her ( she 's a fab cook ! : p ) ... I guess I still had my own style ... which I was praised for , for my first attempt : p This was quite a tiring job ... but the outcome was much better than I imagined ... I left the kitchen proud : p : p ! Lol ... Ofcourse I followed a beginner 's book ... I guess the most difficult was making the dough ... for the rest it was pretty easy and enjoyable ... well for whoever knows how to do the dough ... the topings I put was just random ... added whatever I felt would make it good ... finally this is what came out of the oven ... I tried some and gave the rest to the others who were quite happy to have it ... hmmmm I guess I ' ll visit the kitchen more often : p . 
Not A Day In My Book . Today was not exactly the best of days to go through ... Too many bad news and rarely a way to express myself ... so I decided to write them down here ... There are a number of things that seem to upset me regarding where I am .... where my friend is ... what I ' ve missed and what I feel I ' m going to miss . To cut down the riddles I ' m now at the farm ... trying to avoid what 's going on around me since I ' m not a farm girl nor am I fond of farms at all ... yet I am forced to come here in my holiday which had been almost 3 times a week so far ... so that 's causing me to lose my nerves gradually . According to that I ' m also not able to join my friend in Muscat after promising her I ' d accompany her to her cousin 's wedding . Now I ' m frustrated about that . On another notice ... regarding the phrase " where my friend is " ... I just figured today afternoon that one of my close friends is trapped in Lebanon where the bombings took place ... and she 's got no way out now ... I really pray that she ' ll be safe ... Lastly , what I feel I ' m going to miss or lose more likely ... is something I ' ve waited for to happen for long ... and now I feel it 's just too long that I started having doubts it 's ever gonna happen . After noticing some signs that it 's probably not gonna work or what I thought was not true ... I lost hope ... and perhaps am beginning to decide that waiting will bring me nothing and all that I ' ve done for the sake of it has all been done in vain . Though I just don't want to believe that 's the way it is as disappointed as I am ... by time I think I ' ll just have to accept and move on . Cuz after all ... the outcome 's never in my hands alone . oh ... to add to the misery ... the scanner in the farm ain't working ... so the drawing I was dying to upload here can't be scanned ... lol Plus ... TV programmes seem to suck now adays . Wow ... I hope a day like this would never come to pass again ... 
What Are You Looking At ?? Today we ' ve gone to 7 awasna to get some 9 awaree ' 7 ( rockets : p ) ... a name given to huge shawarmas . We basically decided to eat them in the car ... we didn't go through a few minutes before we realized all those around us were actually watching !!! Every passer by turned his head to look . It 's the first time I experienced something like this being shown so openly . And it didn't seem awkward to them to watch people eating . One of them Indians even pointed at us while talking to his friends ... Finally we decided this was too much to be watched and went to park somewhere quiet ... when we realized we were followed by an Omani guy who parked right before us in order to watch . Now that was an ultimate shock to me !! Yet my friends said this was nothing ... if I go to university here I ' ll experience many things of this sort coming from guys over here . There my usual thoughts mapassed my mind . Have they nothing better to do ? Or is watching girls eating that interesting to them ? ... I seriously thought how shallow could a mind get ? ... Maybe I ' m beginning to know ... cuz honestly ... I ' ve never seen anything like this before ... interesting . 
Spoiled ? I ' ve had the same Nokia phone for around 3 years . Even though it was old I never had the guts to ask for a new one . Until one day the phone kept closing and losing its charge pretty quickly . And I kept using it still , charging it more often when finally its time came and it wouldn't work properly any more . By then my parents kept trying to call me and the phone would close on their faces . Getting wind that my phone wasn't working properly my dad promised to get me a new one as soon as possible . So I waited . When he finally got a new one ... he took it for himself and gave me his old phone . There I somehow was a bit disappointed and took it without a word . Until later my dad was somehow told I wasn't too happy about it and he came to me saying that once he gets a newer one he ' ll give it to me . Last Night my brother arrived from England ... he also confessed that he has lost his phone and sim some time ago during Uni . So as soon as my father got a new phone he gave it to me and gave the old phone he gave me to my brother . There I realized something . My brother was happy ... he said ... " wow ... I lost a phone and now I get a new one " There I sat and thought ... He appreciated what he got ... and I insisted on getting what I was promised ... am I spoiled ? : S . 
Driven to Hell . Yes I ' ve been taking driving lessons and yes I ' m going through hell just to get a manual license for goodness sake . Everyone keeps asking me why not automatic and I just got tired of explaining . I want manual , that 's it , buster !! lol ... Warning : Long Story Well , so far my cursed driving experience has gone alright except for a few errors and cheating here and there . Cheating from the driving teacher 's side that is . Apparently me being kind to her triggered a plan in her head . So she told me on my first driving lesson that she doesn't want me to tell her boss she gave me the lesson . Saying she doesn't have her salary yet and that she needs the money for gas . ( I was literally disgusted she had the guts to ask me that unaware that I am not the angel she thinks I am ) ... so I asked her what I was going to say instead and how will this exactly work ? .. she 's going to give me lessons and I ' m gonna say that she didn't ? She said tell him I gave it to you on Sunday ... which is today . So far I ' ve taken six lessons with her .. that 's 6 hours which costs 30 riyals . And I somehow agreed I wouldn't tell on her as long as I get my lessons and allowance to proceed with the tests . Yes , I have a problem with refusing requests or saying no to someone who asks me a favour . But I certainly didn't like what was going on and wondered why the hell can't I just take my driving lessons in peace without having to keep up with other people 's problems . Still continuing those lessons , yesterday , her car wouldn't work properly and she asked me if I had money to pay for the gas . Obviously I was in a fix I somehow had to consent ... and THAT was her biggest mistake . Her mistake to meddle with my fake kind appearance , cuz after all , triggering my anger can easily switch me ... and her guts of expecting me to accept her bullshit has reached its rim . Pondering to teach her a lesson ... still I waited to see what would happen next , and I ' ve done nothing about it ... until today morning . Her Boss called me when I was asleep ... and he said he ' d call me after I ' m awake . Obviously I knew what his call was for and wondered whether I should tell him about her or not . I went looking for my parents to ask them but they weren't around . And the rest of the people in my house are too dumb to give me the right advice anyway . So I decided to follow my instincts ... and I told him . Yes she 's given me the lessons and I paid her 30 riyals ... which obviously from the tone of his voice he didn't receive . He then asked me to give him a missed call every time I get a lesson and not to tell her that I told him anything until he finds me another teacher . I blew it for her ... now I ' m sure she 's in trouble . And as much as anyone would accuse me of being mean . Feel free , cuz YES I am mean to those I believe deserve it . Therefore , my advice would be not to try me . It 's funny how people try to cheat their companies ... and to be honest , that was the dumbest way of stealing I ' ve ever seen . Sincerely yours , Tee . 
Shabab ( New Omani Singers ) . Hectic days have passed and now it 's hectic that they ' ve passed . A few days ago during the exams I felt more relaxed than I do now . I ' m somehow not looking forward to a long holiday . I ' ll leave it at that however , let the days surprise me . Shabab I ' m usually not a great fan of Arabic songs because they all usually have the same continuous beats and the same style in repeating words that makes them sound worse than nursery rhymes . But recently my friend introduced some Omani singers to me who ' ve created a few albums and I realized they 're getting better . I actually liked quite a few songs they had and realized how what they said was so true about Oman : p ... and of course I was proud they were Omanies after all . What I see sometimes from many around ... is if they hear a few songs that don't impress them , they suddenly conclude all songs that belong to that language ( I say language because gender is a different issue ) isn't all that . And I do understand since I was like that myself . However , after listening to a few Arabic songs my friends labelled as their favs . I saw it was a shallow way to judge that such songs are and will always be crap . I decided to give them a chance . And I did turn out to like them after all . I used to hate such songs ... cuz the Arabs really did the worst songs some time ago ... now they 're finally improving ... so I hope the improvement goes on : ) I ' ve a lot to say , but I guess it 's better I update gradually ... after all I ' ve got all the time in the world now . 
Day 5 cereal - 2 peach - 1 chips - 1 tootsie - 1 carrots - 0 veggies / dressing - 1 pudding - 1 ritz - 2 so i weighed in today at 129.5 but i haven't stoppped tu , but i had 2 glasses wine and 1 serving frosted flakes , so i ' m not sure what it 's gonna be like to eat healthy , but i need to start , i get so close at the end of the day but the i do soemthiign stupid liek yesterday i ate 3 pb cookies and milk . i was gonna go over to jenn 's house today , but not anymore which is a good thing so i can eat helathy and go for a jog , maybe even get my hw started . ok new rule , not eating infront of tv . 
WEEK 1 - DAY 1 . So i noticed how many different posts i had and they 're all infifshne dones about dietting . I ' d just liek to make it through one period of time where i actually finish something . Satrting today , I wnat ot do my checklist , points , exercise and blog . So here ; s what i ate so far - cereal - 2 plum - 1 tootsie - 1 . 
Well , I am outtie ... From this morning ( it is now 3:25 am thursday ) around 10 , until Sunday around dinner time ( 6 pm ) or so , I will be out of town . I have an unexpected trip that has come up . Will be back . I am just trying to arrange things as I had other things I was doing that have to be either rearranged , or cancelled . JJ is up . Gotta go . Still packing . Yikes ! 
My birthday gifts . On top of the three disc trilogy , of Lord Of The Rings , I also spent my gift card from Sunshine and her mom . I know the last thing you thought you would see in my blog is underwear , but tada .. Here they are ... hahaha . Well .. at least I am not modelling them . LMAOThis is a first for me ... I love it . Bit hard to deal with all the clasps , but so cute once it is on . I love this cut . Hides my problem areas , but how cute !!!! this is my freebie . It was thrown in with the others , and I was not chagred for it . Yeah for me . May have to go back and get the bra now . tehe . I am part of a message board named the Lady Divas , its a womans board , of a more adult nature . I just had to buy the diva one when I saw it . I bought these in Chilliwack .. you know .. um shopping for camping stuff ... Didn't get side tracked at all .... 
Camping : PART 2 . In the morning , I had a bit of time to just soak it all in . The place is gorgeous . Me , reading a book swinging in the hammock . It was so awesome to just have some real ME time . Geoff is awesome . few people could I feel comfortable just chilling with . He loves a good book as much as I do , and we both just chilled in the morning and it was nice to just listen to the sounds of natures sweet symphony . Me on th rocky beach . There are sandy areas too . yup its a me fest . lol I was alone .. and natures symphony is one hting , a few hours to myself ... okay .. I got bored . Random leaf floating . Love the fact there is a space to just wade in the river without a current around . I dipped .. for a minute , then got the heck outta there . OMG it is cold ! ~ * ~ The end * ~ * . 
Camping ... PART 1 . Just going to add all the pics . I know there are a crap load . These are all from Saturday . The way things went , we went shopping and ran some errands . Rather than leaving at 10:30 , Jason was running late , so we were out the door around noon . Dropped off Kait , etc , didn't get out to the camp site til umm ... hmm around dinner time ish . My aunt Roni , and 4 of her 5 kids plus Chris GF Chantel and Ronis BF Tony , my cousin Ben , Geoff , Chrys , and me all came for the afternoon / evening . It was alot of fun ! Drank alot too . hehehehe Tish and Timmy ~ She is so going to kick my ass for having a pic of her eating . Geoff Chantel , my cousin Christophers girlfriend . She just found out she is pregnant . My cousin Ben . Tish Timmy hiding Geoff , Roni , Tish and Chrys ... Oh dear , she is eating again . I hope she doesn't see these . LOLTish , Chantel , and Timmy . Roni , me and Chrys . I was showing them the outfit I had just bought .. you know , ... shopping for all that camping stuff . hehehe Geoff . 
Mc Ds . Well when I unloaded my camera for my camping trip , I found these few of Aidens B - day on it . This is at Mc . Donalds . Geoff has more , I am waiting for . Not the greatest pics . lol I was a bit frazzled with so many kids around and so much going on . 
The day the car went kablooey .... Hmm not too sure if I wrote about this , so I will Copy and Paste my post . lol Sorry if its a rerun , but I have a few pics to share too . Did you know antifreeze gives off a sweet smell ? Thread Started on Jul 15 , 2006 , 12:50 pm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah , it does . Chrystal and me went to take Aiden and Kaitlyn to the vancouver aquarium , in Stanley Park , and while being stuck in a bit of traffic hell near the port mann bridge , the car started overheatiing . We made it into Van , but had to stop at an A & Ws and when she popped the overflow , it was bone dry . Her and Tish had filled it that morning . ? So ... three hours later , and Geoff being a savior and replacing some heater hoses and we are back on the road ... But no , its the heater core itself and I look down at the floorboards and see antifreeze running down the car mats . By the time we get to Terrys ( Geoffs brothers ) Chrystals mat has a puddle of the stuff . So ... another few hours and Geoff fixes it up . All better . So much for the aquarium , but we did see some cows . lol . Car is running beautifully now . Anyhoo had to share . Kaitlyn and Aiden in A & Ws . Aiden is wearing the new outfit my cousin Tim and best friend Tammy bought him for his b - day . Amazingly , still white after this day of oil , grease , and ketchup : ) . 
UPDATE : My b ~ day !!! So far , aside from minor melt downs from the boys , mostly AA , I have been having a great day . I got up at 9 to my friend calling from Alberta , then Sunshine at 9:30 . The kids were good about letting me sleep in , JJ even slept in later than I did . I made a big birthday breakfast of ham steaks with this new yummy BBQ sauce I just bought . Some eggs , with gooey cheddar cheese , and green onion mixed in , and toast with pb & j . Then we got dressed , and I caught up on all the birthday wishes from my internet friends on the boards . Wonderful to get wishes from around the world . Then Sunshine came and brought me two b - day gifts . One , from her mommy , was a la senza gift card , and she bought me the three disc LOTR collection . I was soo happy since Jason had mine , the first one , and then the third , which I had not even opened from my bday two yrs ago that Geoff bought . It had been stolen out of his truck when he was going to return it to me . Ugh . So now I have all three . I still have a special boxed set of the two towers , from Jason at christmas three years ago . I have read all of tolkiens books , and am so happy I have it all now . Wooohooo ! She watches the kids and I get to have a shower . Ahhhhh luxury , a shower in the morning , instead of at midnight . Anyhoo , so ... we pack up the munchkins , and head for the mall to spend my giftcard and get some lil swimmers . Sunshine took the boys to the giggle park in the mall , so I got to shop all by my self . I bought this cute set . A two pieceset with the corset looking top and the thong with garter straps , all lacy with a rose embroidered on each piece . Then they were having a huge sale , so I bought three pairs of panties . So cute , and ended up with four somehow - hey I am not complaining . All very girlie and cute ! It was lunch time , so we went to the food court and had new york fries - i had the works , and the boys n Sunshine had some pizza . Then it was off to walmart , which had sold out of lil swimmers over the weekend , and down to london drugs , which thankfully had them . Oh , at walmart , I got a book for Nick all about raising reptiles . Since he found an alligator lizard camping out at the river , and was responsible enough to make sure it was released safely , and atakes such good care of his japalera lizard , Ring , and turtle , Shell , that it was a very useful resource for him to have . Newton wave pool was not too busy . The boys love the water slides . They have a little one too on the side of the kid pool , and they had no prob going down it and jumping into our arms . JJ is a total water baby . He is so going to be an early swimmer . He was relaxed in the water , had no problem putting his head under . He could have played all day . Aiden is a bit more stiff in the water , but also loves it . He loved sitting on the mats and riding the waves in the big pool . It was an awesome time . So , now I am home . Sunshine left , and Tammy may be coming over soon , hopefully , and the kids who have not napped are going to be sleeping by 8 probably . Just a great day to be me : ) . 
Aiden turns 3 . I have been pretty mild with buying the kids toys and clothes . So , night before Aidens b - day , all that changed . I wnt on a huge spending spree for the boys . Now , first off , not all the toys you see are Aidens . Thomas tracks - Aiden got the medium , JJ the beginner . Little People , Aiden got the train , and catle addition thigy , JJ got the barn . The reason , I was not able at the time of JJs first birthday to get him anything . It sucks being a single mom sometimes . Now I realize they are little , so it should not matter , but when the responsiblity of all the holidays and stuff falls on you , it can be really hard to watch others able to do stuff , and barely be able to do much more than make a nice dinner . Anyways , I did spoil them , but it is not like it will be an all the time thing . For Aidens day , I took everyone to Mc D 's , and then to see the movie Cars . Aiden and JJs first cinematic experience . Aiden sat the whole time , rivetted to the screen . JJ made it half way through , then aunty Sunshine took him for a walk out of the theatre where he apparently screamed for her the rest of the movie . Yikes . I felt bad , but she said she knew I didnt get to see movies often and she did . Such a sweet friend . Anyhoo , I spent the whole night getting the livingroom ready for him to wake up to . They already had the Little People zoo , and vet center , and the smaller barn . Thomas toy box / bench . It is very heavy , solid , and bright . Chrys helped me put it together , butgot the ends wrong , so after she left I went to finfish it , got ready to put the bench lid on , and it didnt work , so I had to take it all apart , then redo it again . Took about an hour and a half . Egads ! But ... its cute and they love it . Aunt Chrystal bought him this musical / talking thomas book - huge huge hit ! Aiden wakes up just after JJ. JJ actually came , checked it out , then went and got him up . LOL ! He walks into the center , squats down , and goes , " Mommy , its thomas mommy , thomas ! " Now that was the best , most priceless moment . Seeing his eyes all lit up and the huge grin on his face . Worth the fact that I didnt catch any sleep all night . Plastered with excitement ! I also bought them a dvd player for the living room , with popeye dvd , and movies - thomas tenth annniversary , diego the great dinosaur rescue , and little people fun at the zoo . I went clothes shopping prior to the movie , and bought them some pants , and Aiden a shirt , thomas caps , and bike helmets for all four of us . I had also bought other stuff at toys r us , including a bike trailer / joggins stroller combo . I took it out for a walk to the store after the movie , and am taking it back for a new one as it popped my knee out . The front wheel is not strong enough . The kids love it though . Maybe if I didnt have to go up and down the stairs . Anyhoo . My knee is still out , over a week later , and I am not sure when it will be back in . Sucks bc I am stuck back on crutches again . It would not be that big of a deal , but I have not had it go out and not had help before . Jsason was always there when it went out if I needed help . Now it is frustrating . I can't just go to the store , or mail box . Luckily a friend Sunshine came to take the garbage out for meand help me with the house . There was ice cream melted in a puddle on the floor and I couldn't stay down to clean it . I hope this pops in and the swelling goes down soon , bc I can't just decide to sit on my ass. My kids need me to run this house and keep them healthy . So frustrating ! The kids have had sandwiches or pizza almost every day for lunch and supper . I am trying to stay off it as much as possible . I did bu two new pairs of cute sandals too . One that is easy to wear with crutches . I better not have to be on these things all summer . It is just not an option ! 
Papa came . Before I start this post I want to share a pic of JJ napping . LMAO , the kid can sleep anywhere . Papa came to get the three older kids for summer break . He brought a tonne of toys . My three kids got three huge boxes . Christmas and birthdays combined and all at once for all three of them . He is only Nicks papa , by blood , but he treats all the kids the same . All the kids got one of these , but a different breed of dog . They are combo gumball machines / banks . The house was a bit of a mad house while the gifts were handed out and put together . Mind the mucky chairs . OMG the kids have trashed them . Papa took awhile putting JJs ball toy together . It is pretty funky , plays songs and lights up and has a winding path that leasds to four holles it can come out of . A bit of Nicks toys . He also got this remote car / plane thing that is cool . Oh the madness had no end . Still trying to put it together . Poor Papa . lol Aiden tests it out after it finally gets together . Mind the mucky children it had been a long day . lol . 
electronic ditionary & shocking eye sight . I ordered an electronic dictionary yesterday . I had it before . But last one was I fell off from a table in the restaurant . And it was totally broke up . I didn't know it could understand what I said . I told and thought " I want to have a new one . " by myself whenever I saw new electronic dictionaries . And this dictionary just fall off right after I thought the think twice . What a coincidence ! There was something was happened today . I was really scared and shocked . I took a nap about an hour because I was a bit tired . And when I woke up I couldn't see everything well . Everything was blury . And especially my right eye was blured . I thought my right eye was really dead : ( I was so scared so I went to eye hospital . At that time my right eye was almost returned to normal eye sight . Doctor checked my eye sight . And she said she can't find anything wrong . And if something wrong my visual nerve might have a problem . Doctor said I have to come over here again if it 's happen again . Is it because my stress ? I don't know .. I feel fine after I found out it 's not serious yet . On the way home I bought new glasses . 
I miss Busan . It 's photo of Guang - an beach which just besides my Busan 's house . I ' d like to have coffee in this starbucks without any worries with my friend . I ' m now miss this beach . I remember when I moved to Busan first time . I felt happy only soak my feet with waves in summer . But after I grew up whenever I see the sea I want to move to somewhere . My friend Hyun - ju is keep wrote message on my cyworld that why I don't visit Busan such a long time . I guess she misses me . She was the one that talkinb about sadness and happiness comfortably . She sent me some sad text messages about her job . I can't do anything for her ... It 's sad . There is always something can't tell or can't do even though they 're close . 
I thought I had dream about something . But I can't remember what it was . I went to bed well . I think I thought a lot while I sleep . But I don't know what it was . I visited someone 's blog . I made this blog . Because I thought this bloger 's photos are cool . So I wanted take pictures some style as like he did . Now he doesn't uploade his photo anymore . It 's sad . I did like musics he picked . He wrote he bought worry dolls . I considered to buy it before when I saw it at Kyobo book store . But I didn't buy it . I don't like to be disappointed with my stupid hope my worries will be gone . Suddently I want to watch Wang Karwei 's movies . I addicted to his movies . I should do something and enjoy everything everyday ....... 
It 's scary boiling water ! I bought a timer because I forget boiling water so many times . But it 's ringing sound is so quiet . Today I forgot that I was boiling water again . I decided to buy a electronic pot .. I ' m just sorry to my roommate . She strongly warned me that she scared about this problem . Well it won't be happen again if I buy an electronic pot . It ' ll be turn of automatically if water is boiling . I had a bug dream again . : ( I hate this kind of dream .. It 's really strange . I had same kind of dream since I ' m a high school student . Bugs sometimes big and just one . But sometimes bunch of bugs flies . It 's really gross ! 
Irony . spending money more but poorer and poorer Buying more and more but there is less happiness Learned how to earn money But forgot how to live Had lived longer than before But meaning of life is lost . 
keep going and never stop . I don't know what to write in this blog . Because as you know about me . I had some bad experiences about my job . I wanted to show it became better and better . But it 's same .. So I don't want to talk about it anymore . I guess you guys might be tired I keep talking about bad news . I ' m tired of say bad news and feel sad about it . Because of my bad situation some people I thought ' friends ' left me . Especially my friend from Busan , I thought she was a good friend . But relationship really finished . Recently there was not a big argument . We just kept talking about bad side . so we 're just tired of each other to hear about it . 
128 . Porter . 	 A true gentlemen . He liked dining alone . I believe he would pretend his beloved - wife was once again sitting across from him . Longing to be with her again and now he is . I am left tearing up straining manhattans into chilled glasses . 
127 . Ferme . 	 Leaving family and country to create a better life . 4 years away from wife and children can cause loneliness . Believing hard - work erases any indiscretions human desires lead to . Does absence make the heart grow fonder ? Or is it outta sight , outta mind ? 
126 . Lori . 	 Her heart would stop if she did . Always moving , busy . First impressions might cause one to surmise the lights are on but ( you know the rest ) The opposite is truth . She knows something few others do . Happiness doesn t require a degree , though she possesses one . 
125 . One who deals gasoline , cigarettes and conjecture . 	 Creating sad lives for strangers as they fuel - up with gasoline and coffee . She must be terribly unhappy with herself to so freely offer her dark - assumptions free of charge to the next in line . Then I wonder Am I really any different ? 
124 . Jillian . 	 Surprisingly , scrawny anorexic looking people can be tough too . They can also over power the not so scrawny anorexic looking people . A lesson I learned thoroughly in the fifth grade . Jillian was the ever willing teacher . I was the reluctant student . 
123 . Sean . 	 Sean is the kind of person that draws sympathy out of the most cynical of souls without effort . He always appears so unhappy . The average observer would think it must be a tremendous amount of work to find fault in everything . Sorry for my absence . I am currently not online at home . I will try to keep up on borrowed computers with borrowed time ! ; - ) . 
122 . Alice . 	 All of your parents hugs , kisses and involvement doesn t prevent your need to attract attention . How sad to witness such low self - esteem in youth . Confusing is that you use others acts of rebellion to illustrate your personal significance , never your own . 
121 . Carol but you can call her Kate . 	 She walks in and all heads turn . Is it the Oilskin - Outback Coat ? Cowboy hat ? Or the athletically - fit body concealing a 47 year - old ? Friendly , bubbly , outspoken . Everyone likes her whether they agree with her or not . Trades her opinions for beers and cigarettes . 
120 . Dan . 	 The scene plays the same every time . Starts with a hug . Jamesons on the rocks . Two swigs from his drink . Asks , What s up with the Yankees ? Ends with the decision that the world s conflicts could be solved on a baseball diamond . 
119 . Future Ex - Husband # 12 . 	 Quiet , friendly , attractive , single . A gentleman . Bares some resemblance to Matthew Mc Conaughey ( Future ex - husband # 3 ) . He is rarely in town , which I find very attractive in a man . Listens intently when I talk . Remembers our conversations . I suspect he is gay . 
118 . Antonella . 	 Laughed , cried and got fired with me ! Thank God we were able to explain eating the Boss imported digestives . I always felt the love when she was around . Screwing up American sayings at every opportunity . My favorite Italian Jerk - Ass . Ciao Bella . 
117 . Mary . 	 Her father died when she was 10 . My step - father became hers shortly after . I fear for her future . Trying to live up to his unrealistic expectations can destroy a soul . I know because I barely got out with my own intact . 
116 . Tom . 	 Attractive man . Talented chef . Nice guy . Funny . Single . All the things I look for in a Future Ex - Husband . Never pursued him . Enjoyed our friendship . Knew I couldn t , in good conscience , drain every last bit of life from him by dating him . 
115 . Metro Brian . 	 No meal presented is ever good enough . Promised to return for drinks . Vowed to never order food again . His next visit was complete with Filet - Mignon . I often wondered if he dines alone because he is equally as critical of his lovers ? 
114 . Mom . 	 Listening to your labored breathing , reliving every memory of you . Listening to your last breath , fearing I might forget even one memory of you . Knowing then I would never again celebrate Mother s Day . Fearing then I would never again want to . * No writer , however talented or inspired , could ever put into words what my mom and I had together . I will not even try . * . 
113 . Michael Arthur aka Emotional Suicide . 	 You are every love song never written . Every dream never fulfilled . You are every unanswered prayer . Then I met you and it all made sense . You are my salvation . You showed me how to love without you . You never really existed . 
112 . Jacob Micheal . 	 My skateboarder in the kitchen , my never turns lights off , my loser of inanimate objects , my eats everything in the house , my gambler , my greatest fear , my protector , my great debater , my favorite comedian , my favorite back massager , my gigantic heart , my sensitive soul , my baby , my love , my son . No words could truly describe what you are to me ! * I have upgraded my number of words today . In honor of my son 's birthday I have combined our ages . For 19 years we have been incredibly connected . Happy Birthday , Jake ! I love you ! * . 
111 . Dawn from Long Island . 	 " Turn the music off so I can see this ? you said while I checked if I peed myself after listening to your stories . What made them funny made them heart - breaking . Had I ever known you sober , we could have been friends . 
110 . Bob and Pat . 	 Irreconcilable differences . It s like we re getting divorced . The fact is I am just moving out after years of renting from you . The house is falling apart . Nothing is getting fixed . Still , you have been the nicest landlords I have ever had . 
109 . Tracy the stripper . 	 You came to my house full of pride about your annual income . After a debate about morals and self - respect with a 12 year old , you left . Still proud of the money you make . Maybe not - so - quick to tell kids how you make it . 
108 . The Cookoos Nest Bartender . 	 Didn t even look old enough to buy cigarettes but listened intently to our conversation about physically abusive lovers , terrible lovers , past lovers and future lovers . Chuckled when we confessed how happy we both are with our current status of individual singledom . 
107 . Margie . 	 The kindest , friendliest , just darn nicest person I never met . Exchanging notes as to why my eye - soar of a car sat lifeless in her driveway for days , I m reminded God puts angles on earth . I keep running into them , or not . 
106 . Al . 	 It was magic for a while . Emotionally , needs outside the bed scared me . * POOF * I vanished . My infamous magic trick . Physically , we ruled the universe . I would ve loved you forever if we both weren t searching for the same thing . A mother . 
105 . Bill N . 	 My first love and it wasn t you . One kiss I can no longer remember if we wanted or actually exchanged . High school chums destined to lose site of each other soon after . You were the first time I thought about leaving . 
104 . Bekka . 	 Always dressed in black . Yet a brilliant rainbow inside . I love spending time listening to her . A fireball of endless possibility . The passion of youth thrown into a tornado of choices . I pray she uses the wind to catapult her forward . 
103 . Patty . 	 Talk of school budgets , spiritual beliefs and suicide made us realize how similar we are . You the teacher , me the flunky . I suppose suicide doesn t require a decent education . Just loved ones left alive to sweep up the chards of glass . 
102 . Jesse . 	 Jesse s girlfriend looks 15 years older but they are similar in age . He played guitar and sang for me for the first time recently . You can t always get what you want took on a new meaning . But you get what you need ! 
101 . " J " . 	 29 year old hard body . Single because scheduling doesn t allow for true romance . Can t figure out why he wants me to fill the void when he is in town . Is he attracted to me OR does he believe I m a desperate ex - housewife ? 
100 . Mary Jane . 	 Mom s older sister . Regular visitor to our house . Until she displayed inappropriate behavior one night . Years later questioned why mom had such issue with her . Couldn t understand that some things are not forgettable . I hope , by now , she found her peace . 
99 . Two writers sitting in a bar . 	 Sound like a joke ? Two novelists came to Vermont for a quiet place to write . Instead they got a comedy - show free - for - all in a local bar . They will definitely be back . What material they were given over a couple pints of ale . 
98 . Beat Shit . 	 Often wondered reasoning for the nickname . Last night I learned you always got the bajeebas beat out of you . I discovered why after carrying your almost comatose body to the car . You are the one offering the beatings . Alcohol can bruise . 
97 . Mr. Bloom . 	 This was our second " chance " meeting . Pulitzer Prize nominee , writer , brain surgeon , musician . You told the most interesting stories about the world we live in and what you have done with your 80 years . Thank you for playing your viola for me . 
96 . Pecor . 	 Talented guitar player . Reminds me of Eyore of Winnie the Pooh fame . I often wondered what he would be like if he really got excited or if he could . One of my favorites of my kids friends . Just a sweet guy . 
95 . Kayla . 	 Always has the volume on high . A kaleidoscope , colorful and ever changing . A wonderful young woman exploring the universe . I imagine , in time , she will slow down enough to let the blur form an intricate painting . She does give good hair . 
94 . Geno . 	 What d ya mean ya don t drink alcohol ? You realize you hang out in a bar ? My bar ! Tonight you drink ! Barkeep , get this girl a shot ! Thank God the bartender knew to pour me a shot of ginger - ale . Shoot , slam , aahh . 
93 . Tony . 	 He , the cook and I , the waitress . Worked together for years . Played together after - hours . Always platonically . He once asked if he could do something he had always wanted to do . It never happened again . That kiss changed nothing , except my memory . 
92 . Red Cross Nurse # 2 . 	 Is being a blood - sucking - vampire a prerequisite to obtaining employment with the American Red Cross ? The sweetest lady but always the first to slap my veins every time I met my mom for lunch . I had no choice but to donate faithfully . * My mom worked there we didn t meet there for lunch . ** We were NOT the blood - sucking - vampires * . 
91 . Sheba . 	 Protector , confidant , play - mate , best - friend . One who knew when I needed hugs and how to give them . Cried with me when my mom died . Slept with me for 16 years . Understood me like no other , still loved me . My 90 lb , three - legged , lap - warmer . * I don't care what anyone says she was a " real " person ! * . 
90 . Wayne . 	 As your friend s mom , I can see the good kid inside . Thank you for respect I received after the fight broke out and I proved , in your defense , I have a Louisville - Slugger and know how to use it ! Wood or aluminum ? 
89 . My " favorite " Matt . 	 The first thing you said to me was , Can I jump off your roof on my snowboard ? Of course I said yes . My daughter s boyfriend - Matt hated that I always called you ( his friend ) my favorite Matt . It wasn t a lie . COWBUNGA ! 
88 . Dr. Robert Wuagneux . 	 No - one wants to hear upbeat music anymore . Everything sounds depressing . If that s the way the world is why aren t more throwing themselves from rooftops ? Damn kids today ! Then he finished his beer and left some of his happy cds for review . 
87 . Diane . 	 Waited tables for lifetimes in one restaurant . We worked and played together . She bartended someplace else . Someplace that taught me never drink tequila and every woman can be an island gardenia . Restaurant people are a very different species from everyone else . 
86 . Tina and Patty . 	 Sisters to Frank . Patty was older with a baby . Tina idolized Patty . The laws that were broken . How can you do that without feeling bad ? I guess they weren t privy to my good Lutheran upbringing . The life s lessons I learned then . 
85 . Brother George . 	 Charismatic , Evangelical , sinner turned saint . You were an expert at flame - sparking in your congregation . Singing , dancing and cheering for Christ . First church I was in with drums behind the podium . I still hear you singing That Rugged Cross with the angels . 
84 . Pastor Mattae . 	 For years we met every Easter morning at some God forsaken hour . Using powerful and enlightening words you boasted of the resurrection of Christ . I learned so much more watching the way you lived your life then listening to your sermons . 
83 . Lydia . 	 Looney , zany , all around crazy . Not afraid to speak her mind or moon the band from the crowded dance floor . Laughing , creating energy . Then a glimpse into her deep telling eyes , I realize she feels the same pain we all do . 
82 . Dana . 	 Your drink spilt . Your pants off . The bar flies didn t need to know you never wore underwear . Inside the chaos is a caring , compassionate woman who I admire . You re the one who cares enough to tell me I need a Mount - n - Dew - Man. 
81 . Glen . 	 I loved you for years . Just never had the guts to tell you . You were everything I could have dreamed but you weren t mine . Then I moved away and changed schools . The first week in 3 rd - grade sucked . Then I met Victor . 
80 . Jason . 	 Colleagues and jokesters . He was Drew Carey , I was Mimi . Never hid the fact we actually liked each other as humans . One night , dressed as Santa and his elf , we crashed a Champagne Tasting ringing bells and handing out stolen candy . 
79 . Oxygen . 	 When asked what she was on , the only reply was Oxygen . Beautiful , talented and gullible , giving people the impression she is a ditz . Maybe she is but it looks good on her . The baked Mac - n - Cheese is always ready when she visits . 
77 . Tammy . 	 We met accidentally . We have been meeting accidentally ever since . Trying to avoid accidents at every turn . We will never be friends . We have no use for each other . What good actresses we ve become . We both have something the other wants . 
76 . Kim B . 	 Dear G , The wildest thing happened . Was at lunch yesterday , noticed a familiar woman . We graduated together 23 years ago in another state . Hadn t spoken since . What great memories we reminded each other of . It was so way cool ! Love ya , B . 
75 . Dawn Z . 	 Junior high neighbor with a schnauzer named Fritz . Choreographing dances to the soundtrack of Saturday Night Live in our basements was a blast , but we weren t ever really that close . I chose more adventurous friends . I ll bet you graduated with honors . 
74 . Art . 	 Husband to MJ . Expert Fly - Tier and talented writer . Stepped in to be the husband - father they needed . Superman package in a Clark Kent wrapper . All this AND a great sense of humor too ! Who else would give me two plastic pink flamingoes ? 
73 . MJ . 	 Paper - pushers extraordinaire ! We met on the smoking deck at work . The wonderful friendship we formed filling up on nicotine and gossip . We both moved on , yet still exchange our ever - perfect views of the world . It is hard being so damned F . E . ! 
72 . Gramma ( Alice ) . 	 What do you mean you are Polish by injection ? my sister asked . Don t you remember the polkas playing in the kitchen ? You really ARE Polish ! I remember ! Along with BB - Noodle soup , motorized horses and that picture of Jesus on the wall . 
71 . Grammy . 	 The manger under the Christmas tree , the walks to the co - op , shopping at Remy s , eating cake . What fabulous memories visiting you in Pemaquid Harbor . More beautiful are those of you playing with my kids years later as you did with me . 
70 . Gene , my " real " father . 	 We tried to make it work . For us , it didn t . Not that way . I wished it could have , but then I wouldn t be able to forgive you for ending it . Suicide is NEVER acceptable . You re the one who taught me forgiveness . 
69 . Tooley ( first name - Dave ) . 	 He says , I have a first name ya know ? His rough exterior conceals a sweetheart interior that is often caught hibernating . He likes to push people s buttons as if they are his personal video games . For whatever reason , I like him . 
68 . Brittany . 	 A superball of wonder , color and energy in a beautiful wrapper . I enjoy her passion in everything . I just wish she could see into my crystalball and learn life s lessons that can only be learned by experiencing their pain first hand . 
67 . Rick ( The " OTHER " Bartender ) . 	 What can I getcha ? were the first words you spoke to me , not the last . Talking computers , Kill Bill movies , NY Yankees for years . You almost do a good job hiding that you care . Is there REALLY rum in that drink ? 
66 . Sara . 	 It matters to Sara that everyone experiences happiness . Even at the expense of her own . One who apologizes for apologizing . A great friend . I am glad she is mine . So many treasures found sipping from wine glasses at my kitchen table . 
65 . Red Cross Nurse # 1 . 	 She said , Sometimes you have to tell someone it s alright . Otherwise , they hang on until they feel secure knowing you will survive . I kept that information to myself for months . My mom passed away 4 - hours after I shared it with her . 
64 . The love of my life for now . 	 When his well meaning father introduced the middle aged , attractive doctor to me I fell in love . Too bad I will never see him again . What a glorious feeling , falling in love is . Who will I fall in love with today ? 
63 . Eric . 	 Anything to be the center of attention . When you were unhappy you called and visited often . Each time bringing friends or an anorexic , even a stripper with you for credibility . I know you are truly happy now because you haven t visited . 
62 . Stephen . 	 One date . One kiss . We knew we could have been more but chose not to . Knowing friendship offered far more rewards . We kept in touch until I returned to your hometown . Were you afraid we were looking for different rewards then ? 
60 . Moose . 	 You hated being neighbors . Never told us why . You just screamed at kids and called the police . I still have the headline that reads Local Dog Sentenced to Obedience School . You learned later you blamed the wrong dog for the barking . 
59 . Ron . 	 An Elflike and beyond quirky Red Sox Fan . Ron believes everything is a danger . His heart of gold is hard to see through his mountain man facade . He knows everything he knows is fact . He is obsessed with Carla Fay Tucker . 
58 . Kip . 	 Kip and I trade collectibles . He gives me lunch boxes . I give him unique bottles and books about bottles . He once told me I remind him of his sister , a plain and simple looking woman . I took it as a compliment . 
57 . Janet Church . 	 I was honored you asked me to sit - in on the meeting with the surgeon because you were too distraught . I cannot express the pain watching you decide which of your daughter s organs you were willing to give . A mother s true hell . 
56 . Victoria . 	 The tallest person I know , though her height conceals it . Strong in conviction . Of high moral content . One flaw , too self - analytical . One of few who would not bail me out of jail because she would be sitting in lock - up beside me ! 
55 . Lesley . 	 A shorter , rounder version of Martha Stewart . Can make any dinner party spectacular . After a couple glasses of wine or beer has a voice that causes pain in the deafest of ears . Tries to be a friend , just doesn t know how . 
54 . My sister Christine . 	 On paper you never color outside the lines . In real life you always do . Your creativity and energy is unmatched . The older sister I always wanted . The friend I always needed . One who loves me anyway . Being the family freak is a GREAT thing ! Today I am " upgrading " from my 41 words to 44 in honor of Christine 's 44 th birthday . Even with the extra words I have found this post to be the hardest to limit . Happy Birthday C ! 
53 . Lou . 	 You make the best Manhattan outside of New York City , Lou told me on different occasions . She appeared to be so optimistic . How could she survive so many years and then decide to end it on purpose ? Appearances can be deceiving . 
52 . Lisa B . 	 Young , attractive , single , woman living in Vermont . Should be in some metropolis enjoying all the excitement that dense populations offer . Falls in love with every man who pays her attention . Lowest self esteem of anyone I know . Sex is not love . 
51 . Darren a . k . a . Sparky . 	 Sparky gets all the funny looks from the grown - ups in town . Assumptions are often made about him that are far from truth . Great imagination , creativity and energy lie under the hood where people only see pierced eyebrows , lips and black eyeliner . 
50 . Barbie . 	 Thirty - two years up and down the stairs we affectionately call the thigh master . Carrying people s desires and hopes on a tray . All the time throwing cigarette butts in the fireplace when no one is looking . Don t forget to 86 mashed potatoes . 
49 . Aunt Jaye . 	 The youngest of four sisters . The clown with a big smile and gargantuan heart . Her sisters ineffective peacekeeper . Her mother s gopher . Her daughters fixer . Her son s disciplinarian . She had the good toys . We had fun but somehow she always seemed sad . 
48 . Lou Ann . 	 Holding my hand while alternating chants , Breath , Push , Breath , Push . She moved from hand holding to her forearm under my breasts literally helping to push my baby out . A wonderful nurse . Whether she knew it or not , she found her calling . 
47 . Theresa B . 	 She had the exciting life and great hair . Scouted talent for a famous rock band . Managed new bands in spare time . She shared that excitement with me . I never understood why she spent her days selling hope in a convenience store ? 
46 . Kenny B . 	 Kenny beat me up every day after school . Cannot remember if there was a reason . One day he saw my German Shepard from a distance . He never beat me again . I wonder if he still pushes people s faces in the snow . 
45 . Frank # 2 . 	 Educated , articulate and too literal . Fun to debate with . Speaks only facts as I speak only emotion . He hates when anyone uses the word but . Reads the New York Times at the bar , sipping his Manhattan , BUT light on the vermouth . 
44 . Mary Ellen . 	 I pocketed the knife I was opening computer boxes with . I realized she was paranoid , delusional . My stalker was born . I shouldn t have left the knife at the door as I exited . A couple months later she escaped from the hospital . 
43 . Greg . 	 Surrounded by pessimists and atheists , Greg was refreshing . A very competitive salesman and truly dedicated Mormon which seemed an impossible combination . He pulled it off with amazing grace . We met first in a hotel room . That was part of my job . 
42 . The Princess . 	 Good times , bad times , we are there for each other . Holding each other s sanity in the midst of motherhood . Me always chanting Just wait until your kids get here . A beautiful person with one bad habit . PLEASE MAKE THE WHINING STOP !!! 
41 . Mrs. B . 	 Come on you can get those knees all the way to the ground ! Harder ! Try harder ! She made us do all the hard exercises during acrobatics lessons . She seemed so mean . I could have learned a lot but switched to gymnastics . 
40 . Sandy . 	 Sandy never judges my actions but tells me her thoughts . There are times I would have never survived without her . Like the day I took 2 nd place in the children s competition of the ceramics show . I was 29 . We were proud ! 
39 . The Cowboy . 	 Sneaking into hotel rooms unnoticed . Ours was a fling of the flesh . Though the friendship was justified by hours and hours of talks about life and living Superheroes . We never mixed sex with friendship . He will always be my favorite mistake ! 
37 . Mike C . # 1 . 	 In junior high I thought Mike and I would get married someday . But I remained the little sister . I was so proud when he drove me to the Danbury Fair the day we all skipped school . I wonder if he remembers . 
36 . Big Roger . 	 My father in law since 1980 even though I didn t marry until 1983 . He always treated me like his daughter . We were best at disagreeing and I learned , after serious bruising , never to sit next to him when we watched boxing . 
35 . Danno . 	 Danno is a Connecticut boy everyone mistakes for a woodchuck and my husband . We drove to Burlington the other day so I could drive a van back for him . As long as I didn t look in the back I was safe ! 
34 . Big Al Eastman . 	 Al was a very intimidating Vice Principal as he walked the halls . Our first meeting he asked You do drugs ? my answer Not anymore . Liked my honesty , was always fair . He was the reason I graduated . Is your homework really done ? 
33 . Scott . 	 A master falconer , great sense of humor , Scott forged a letter from a restaurant asking that I not return to their establishment . I made him bow before his boss in humble submission . A true friend . Tonight we will dine together again . 
32 . Sue . 	 Restaurant manager with a heart of butter . Soft , meltable and spreadable . Throws herself into the line of fire to protect those around her . Truly cares about family and friends . One of the few genuine people I have met in my life . 
31 . Talmadge . 	 Sport jackets and collared shirts are part of the reason some people have the perception of him he hates . Talmadge spends much time analyzing others , not enough on himself . Great deep conversationalist with unique ideas . But I m not the crazy one . 
30 . Irene . 	 As I became a teenager Irene seemed like a dingbat . In my youngest years she was a sweet old lady who lived above my grandmother . She wore big glasses and walked slow but made the best cookies I have ever had . 
29 . Melinda . 	 Distraught over not being allowed to chaperone her son s class trip , Melinda read what the permission slip said , Chaperones welcome , but no siblings please . I defined siblings , she was relieved . Then she innocently asked , do you boil or bake canned tuna ? . 
28 . Gary . 	 Sitting around a basement table , just like on That Seventies Show , we discussed what we wanted to be when we grew up . Gary wanted to be an alcoholic . He is the only one who accomplished his goal . Should he be proud ? 
27 . Mike Z . 	 The waitress removed our half eaten breakfasts . It was printed in black and white on the place mat . Among 30 + other proverbs we both the saw same one at the same time . It changed our lives forever . Happiness is a choice . 
26 . Carrie . 	 As a kid I envied Carrie . Even felt inferior . She deliberately caused those feelings . She had horrible taste in fashion and husbands . Now she feels trapped , unhappy and envies me . We did have a lot fun on all those camping trips . 
25 . Dawn . 	 My best friend in high school . Met our sweethearts the same day . Married right out of school . Kids , careers and divorces later we drifted apart . I know one phone call and she would be right there . So why haven t I called ? 
24 . Miss Gerbasi . 	 One teacher that made me feel smart , even when I wasn t . She was young , pretty and made even social studies interesting . She invited some of us special ones to her apartment for pizza . But why punish those not in the play ? 
23 . Aunt Anna . 	 We scared her by jumping out from behind things when she babysat us . I couldn t figure why she would return for more horrors . Later on I realized we weren t good at hiding . She was a funny old lady her whole life . 
22 . Kevin . 	 High school sweetheart . My first everything . Together 20 years yielding two beautiful kids and the best three legged dog . All the love couldn t save us from each other . A wonderful fairy tale with a horror story ending . Where is Memory Motel ? 
21 . Craig . 	 Craig was always smiling . We shared our optimisms like kids traded baseball cards . My daughter called crying . He was gone . I grieved alone . I knew we would never open that bowling alley together . He once dated a girl named Charlie Brown . 
20 . Grumps . 	 Your name never fit . You hid the quarters under the plates for me when I cleared the table . You loved me like your own . I loved you like my own . When you said Take five all the cartwheels had to stop . 
19 . Lisa Close . 	 The writing on the wall was loud and clear . Why didn t I see it earlier . 13 year olds can be blind too . We had fun in Vermont though . Too bad I got caught and punished . Why didn t my mom like you ? 
18 . Special Ed . 	 My Knight of Cups . Two glorious nights together years apart . Remained friends all the other nights . The one I made love to with my eyes wide open . A cardboard cutout in my life . Champagne and Tequila is a great combination . 
17 . Brian . 	 Discussing the meaning of life across the bar drinking Sam Adams , then we moved to my kitchen table . How great to find a friend who gets it . Someday I may get it too . Maybe you get it for both of us . 
16 . Muriel . 	 I loved to watch Gidget with you in the afternoon . Choosing favorites among your grandkids . Never ever disagree or you will no longer be a welcome member of the family . Exiled forever . Alcoholism can only be hidden in a coffee mug . 
15 . The " other " T . 	 Have you ever kissed someone with the same name as yours ? A unique experience . He once said that he was addicted to me like I was some mind altering hallucinogenic . The first one s free . All the cool kids are doing it ! 
14 . Tammy Higgins . 	 A true follower . Would do anything I wanted to . She thinks I taught her about life . If I taught her anything it was how to go through life without living . She never knew that it was I who was the follower . 
13 . Stella . 	 Her real name is Sheila . Always worries what others think . Doubts herself too much . She is very intelligent , competent and has the most enormous heart of anyone I have ever met . She once ate a plaster flower thinking it was candy . 
12 . Joyce . 	 The day I met Joyce she had her daughter stick her head into a gas oven to dry her newly styled hair . Brenda s hair smelled of gas all night . That was a great prom though ! Joyce healed people s ailments with rocks . 
11 . PJ ( Flip ) . 	 That Datsun had more primer then paint . Blue lights yelled . My head hit the windshield . That didn t hurt as bad as that night at the mall when the door fell off ! We played air Guitar in the basement to the Stones . 
10 . Billy . 	 The day we met I borrowed $ 5 . By some technicality never paid it back . All the jokes over all the years . My Best Friend . Should have been a comedian . He became Navy Intelligence . I almost killed him with a meatloaf once . 
9 . Terry aka Dad . 	 Super powers galore . I always thought you were integrity . I never imagined you would disrespect me . Then one day , in a cold hospital room , I realized you were a human and not that indestructible cartoon I made up in my head . 
8 . Frank . 	 Yours was the first naked body I touched . You never pushed me . Her name was the same as mine . My heart hurt as much as a 14 year olds can . I realized years later you really cared because you didn t push . 
7 . Mary E . 	 A true tomboy . I often wondered if you were gay . When I left that grungy city for good you vanished off the face of the earth . Or did I ? Building houses from blocks was one of my favorite things to do . 
5 . G . 	 Our communication has become less and less , he is the one I love to talk when it counts . So levelheaded and nonjudgmental . Today we will meet in Albany . I will not blow that off to go to Arizona ! I Love OTS ! 
4 . Wild Bill . 	 To you I will always be Bev . If the divorce were final I would have said yes . You touched my leg . I got in trouble with him for that , you didn t . You are my what if . I really do love you . 
2 . Mrs. Y ... 	 Ain t No Mountain High Enough playing in the background . Me playing with faceless barbies on your floor . You always made me feel secure and loved . You taught me never to pretend I was blind . I can no longer see your face . 
1 . Lori Tianny . 	 It was at K . T . Murphy School . She was my best friend . I have pictures of her at my birthday party . She moved away and I never saw or heard from her again . I missed her a lot . I still miss her . 
Curious ... " What 's your sign ? design : Astro and decor . The American television channel HGTV ( Home & Garden Television ) launches a new television programme concept around the theme of decoration : What s your sign ? design . A coach assisted by an astrologer , revamps your home sweet home according to your astrological sign ! One discovers that Taurus appreciates a rather classical style whereas Aries appreciates boldness and simplicity ... One can discover the beginnings of this " astro decor " on the website which also proposes daily horoscopes . " MAG Online # 15 MAISON & OBJET PARIS . 
Fly Me to the Moon ! Fa ! A verdade que aqui estou , morrendo de vontade de compartilhar esta dan a com voc !!! " Fly me to the moon Let me sing among those stars Let me see what spring is like On Jupiter and Mars In other words , hold my hand In other words , baby kiss me Fill my heart with song Let me sing for ever more You are all I long for All I worship and adore In other words , please be true In other words , I love you " . 
177 / 365 A Third George . A Russian kept alive by the Germans to translate between guards and prisoners , he came to the states a refugee and started over at a Pennsylvania college . Having lost his academic credentials , he began as janitor and student , but soon became a beloved professor . 
176 / 365 Another George . A photographer with a heart of gold , his interiors diners , barbershops , sugarhouses , pool halls call up something archetypal . . . for North Americans , at least . He s patient with those of us who aren t sure a good portrait can be had . There s no question he ll get one . 
175 / 365 George . He s the husband of a foreign service officer who s been assigned to Dakar , Beirut , Cairo , and Riyadh . This was a twist I couldn t have predicted for the guy living the three - bachelors , one - apartment lifestyle near Baltimore , but it s one completely in keeping with his intellect . 
174 / 365 Kraig . The theme for Craig s birthday party was Bad Art . Kraig pasted Art s face onto Michael Jackson s body on the Bad album . Hands down , the most creative gift . When I think of Kraig , though , I see him that September day , waiting in Geneva for Ingrid . 
173 / 365 Ingrid . Though he d left BFW four years before , Tim got the news almost immediately that former colleague Ingrid had been on Swiss Air 111 . She d moved on too , to UNICEF , and that night had been heading to a meeting in Geneva . Anyone who d known her mourned . 
172 / 365 Claire the Clown . demonstrates the canjo , picking out songs on the single string . She s all big shoes and greasepaint , but pretty , and she talks with us , nonclownlike . The circus plays a new town every day . Paul buys her a Sprite . After the show , he kisses her goodbye . 
171 / 365 Another Paul . He s all about the presentation , the way the food looks on the plate , serving up meals garnished with edible flowers from his yard . It isn t officially summer until I ve had that gin and tonic with him on some perfect porch , ice clinking , glass sweating . 
170 / 365 Vi . Was it you ? Was it me ? Was it mommiedearest ? All I wanted was a decent haircut . The shag you gave me looked nothing like Leyla s . I wanted it to grow out , but you hacked it back every time . Even the Fresca couldn t placate me . 
169 / 365 Jean . We sent Jeanie a genie puppet for her birthday . He emerges from his lamp via a Velcro - fastened lid . Her mother reports Jeanie loves it . Her first three wishes are : ( 1 ) a pony ( 2 ) a playground ( 3 ) a new family This four - year - old sounds freakishly normal . 
168 / 365 Jay . At the twentieth , he claimed he didn t remember me . Seven years , same bus , same homeroom . At the twenty - fifth , I didn t seek him out , not looking to be not remembered . But leaving at the end of the night , he calls out , Goodnight , Indigo What the ? 
167 / 365 A Third Martha . Sometime circa 1974 , afternoons after school , Martha and I would play at the house next door , the new house , the one under construction . We d check out the progress , run from basement to second floor , neither trespass nor danger a blip on our youthful radars . 
166 / 365 Teresa . If there s a lull , advised the children s entertainer , say the word underpants . Brings on hysterics , guaranteed . When Teresa utters the word herself , it happens . I say it to her , and it happens again . Wouldn t a good aunt honor successive birthdays with a thematic gift ? 
165 / 365 Another Martha . Her birth was surrounded by celebrity : her namesake godmother the dancer , her father the actor ( there s even an action figure ) . When I first heard her poems , I wondered when I could buy a book of them . Our friendship began when I asked her that . 
164 / 365 Another Joe . Breaker of my best friend s heart , I know that youth did you both in bad timing but what if it had lasted ? I can t imagine a world without her daughters , of course , but way back then , it was such a big love . Wasn t it ? 
163 / 365 Lorayne . I ve seen my cousin only a handful of times . Five years older , beautiful , talented . She could draw cartoon characters , like Momma , from memory . The summer of 1975 , the Moody Blues was her band of choice . Just what the truth is , I can t say anymore . 
162 / 365 Louise . It s the photo she shows her therapist : Mom at the center , looking for the way out ; Dad happy and clueless ; brother too cool for them ; sister s head thrown back , impatient ; and little Louise , peacemaker , daring lens and anyone to check out her new purse . 
161 / 365 A Fourth John . Below the museum s eaves , our office was retreat and refuge from well , everyone . Sweat and banter got the quarterly out ; now that cocoon of ours is history . The crinkle of cellophane reminds me of him : What are you eating ? he d demand , as would I. 
160 / 365 M. A damn good square dancer . Really knew how to swing a gal . Upstanding citizen and family man . Started sending notes to my school postbox and offering me rides home . The night he leaned over from the driver s seat , I remonstrated , You ve done this before . . 
159 / 365 Jokes Exchanged with the Tackleshop Owner in a Pub by the Spey in 1997 . His : Why s a woman like a hurricane ? She comes in wet and wild , and when she leaves , she takes the house and the car . Mine : What s the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish sheepherder ? The sheepherder says , Hey Mc Cloud , get offa my ewe ! 
158 / 365 Stan. Freshman year , mailbox , I open a pornographic Xmas card . Stan has the box next to mine . Notices . Wants one . I send Alison his address , he gets an annual card too . Four years and it s the only thing that ties us together . So to speak . 
157 / 365 Jamie . I was riding the train , minding my own business , when it was held up by bandits . We were stopped on the tracks ; I was taken hostage . The one called Jamie threw me over his shoulder and ran off . Fantasyland had its dangerous dark side . 
156 / 365 NPD . What I learned from all that : Never let someone take advantage of your caretaker instincts . Question any such instinct you detect in yourself . Narcissists , although charming , are capable of changing just one thing : the characters surrounding them as they search for the perfect reflection . 
155 / 365 Brad . Consummate host , his dark side and humor draw me . One perfect dinner party : the grand dining room , boy artists ( his partner , mine ) huddled at one end , all light and form ; faintly macabre gals ( Brad , Craig , me ) spiraling ever higher with every sip and bite . 
154 / 365 Jane . She fills the elementary school with music , donating violins and cellos . She s been both lawyer and sailor . She s painter , sculptor , writer , musician , dog lover , supporter of education for all . She s a faithful member of the figure - drawing group and plays violin with Cacophony . She s 87 . * Cacophony : A play - together - for - fun group featuring Jane ( violin ) , Lizzie ( cello ) , Tim ( recorder ) , and Rebecca ( flute / recorder ) . 
153 / 365 Richard . One hazard of wealth is the greater chance of being hit by a Hummer when biking in your neighborhood . When the boy s father calls to insist his son s a good driver , Richard has to agree . After all , at sixteen , kid s only hit one person . 
152 / 365 Gene . We took a road trip to a wedding , and in Flint , he introduced me to Vernors . He freaked my parents out because he was 23 and I was 18 . He freaked me out because it was the most physically innocent relationship I d ever had . 
151 / 365 Deb . We were sister - outlaws . On vacation , we rigged an aluminum canoe to be a Viking ship using rope , markers , twigs , and discarded boxes . We stealthily paddled it to Little Osgood Pond , where the unsuspecting menfolk were fishing . Our intent to rape and pillage was clear . 
150 / 365 yh . Before I left DC , we had a chix weekend on Assateague , biking and beaching one brisk May weekend . We were at a bar when the Kentucky Derby came on . She was eating clams casino . I was drinking a microbrew . Everything goes by so fast . 
149 / 365 Roger . He s the only guy in the 60 - plus crowd with whom I ve bonded over the genius of South Park . His 365 is complete : Every day for a year , he produced a drawing of someone in whom he ( that very day ) glimpsed the face of Christ . 
148 / 365 Dawn . We met at camp . When I finally got to visit , I learned two things : First , hematomas are scary - looking . Second , those starchy vegetables may look like potatoes , and this initial impression may result in the taking of a large helping , but turnips taste totally different . 
Good Audition . I didn't see John Monday night due to a charity event , Tuesday night because he was too tired , and now tonight he 's working late . Thank goodness I ' m not in love with this guy otherwise I ' d be heartbroken . I had an amazing audition today ... Arlen review , contract from October to January in Florida . The guy had me sing 3 songs !! I walked out of there shocked and hopeful to finally book something , but I bet they are going to hire elsewhere because I think he would have called by now . Well , at least I got to sing a while for someone other than myself . It would be nice to be in Florida in January though . Kirsten and I went out with some of the legal assistants last night . Honestly , it was kinda dull . You know me .... I ' m not going out just to drink especially if there are no hot guys involved . Yeah , I ' m a super snob . Plus that , I don't like to go to places where I have to yell . Whatever , at least I caught the train with no wait , and was home in 35 minutes . 
Sicko . I ' m sorry I haven't posted since last week , but I was sick . Can you believe it ? I got home from work and a drink with Sam and his parents on Thursday night and I had a fever . An actual fever . I had to stay home from work on Friday .... bizarre ! John made me dinner Saturday night . He made bison , yes folks , bison - not one of my choices , but I hadn't had a Saturday night with him since he came back from Spain . I knew night would turn into Sunday morning and I was hoping for a little Sunday morning cuddle time . Well , Saturday night was eventful , despite the bison , but Sunday morning , John was out of bed and having oatmeal by 8:30 AM . I can't complain , he asked what I was doing for dinner that night and I offered to make something yummy . Boy did I deliver .... I even surprised myself : salmon with fettucine , raddichio , spinach , arugula , and shitake mushrooms . I should cook more often ; it was the first time I saw him actually eat - he even had more pasta . This was the highlight of my Sunday . I awoke by myself and then had to watch the Tour de France all morning followed by a facial at Mario Badescu that made me cry . That 's right . I cried in the middle of my facial because she was hurting me so much . Then , I went shopping for the ingredients and almost got attacked by a bird . Thirdly , I cut myself chopping shallots . By the time I got back to his apartment , I was pale faced and pissed off . Dinner had to go well or I would have slit my wrists . After dinner , we watched a movie ( well , he watched , I fell asleep ) and then went to bed . He tells me , " I don't think the sheets made it . What do you do ? " " Well , I wash them in cold water and then either use bleach , or deal with it . Just throw them away . " " They 're nice sheets , but I don't think they can be saved , I mean , it 's all over the place ... okay , I ' ll just shut up now . " After two weeks of being idle , he checked his Match . com account this morning . 
Wonderful Wednesday . I ' m sitting here today on the 34 th floor wanting to stab my eyes out . I honestly don't understand how people can function all day on the practice floors . I ' ve been completely alone since 8:30 AM and run out of pages to surf on the internet . Literally , 5 minutes ago , a page came up saying , " You ' ve reached the end of the internet . Thanks for surfing . " Okay maybe that really didn't happen . I should be spending my time researching songs / monologues or how to further my career , but I can't even begin to think how to do it . Learning was a bit easier with a library . Now if I want to learn something new , I practically have to buy the music . John left the office last night at 8 and the 2 of us went to Town for a drink . I ' ve been dying to go to this bar for a while , but as usual , never had the budget , or the guest to go with . New York magazine voted Town the best place to go , " while on an expense account . " Half way through my martini the two of us finally relaxed a little and could talk about regular topics . I ' m finally getting him to warm up to me ; it 's taking a while because I think the two of us are still nervous around each other . We picked up Thai food , opened a bottle of wine at his place , and talked . Of course I can't remember anything we talked about but I know I wasn't drunk . Okay , well I was all smiles , but not drunk . I ' ve come to the conclusion that he 's really not as formal as he appears to be . He ' ll swear . He ' ll admit he 's looking down my dress . Last night was the first time in two weeks that I didn't leave visible DNA on his sheets . Score one for the Shanbo ! Even though I had to wake up early to go to work , I spent the night . His bed is way more fun than mine . Now if I could just get him to take me to dinner ... 
Weekend Review . Saturday I went to Connecticut to visit some family . I encountered the best method of birth control our country has today ..... screaming children . Now , I ' ve become quite lenient regarding my NO KIDS policy , but I ' m not sure how parents handle the daily grind of child rearing . It may perhaps , suck out all the life you want to lead . I watched as my cousins did nothing but sit on the couch and absent mindedly talk to each other about daily life . No one really knew what was going on in the world , or contained any glimmer of personality . After reading New York Magazine 's article about the Urban Mother , I would like to take myself to the nearest Duane Reade for a mass supply of condoms . I joke with my friends about marrying rich to pay off my student loans . The first husband is for the doorman , the second is for love . Doesn't it make sense ? Marry the investment banker so you can stay home , take care of the kids , and buy yourself a Gucci bag every three months . You can shop at Whole Foods , buy supplies at Williams Sonoma , and take them back to your homey two bedroom apartment off of 71 st and Columbus . No one seems to tell you that this routine gets old fast in the city that has no routine . Speaking of investment bankers , Mr. NN called on Saturday night . He was having drinks with friends and wanted to know if we could meet up afterwards . Having not heard from John , I told Mr. NN that we could meet on Sunday night once I got back into the city . At this point , I was shocked - I had seen NN less than a month ago !! Of course , John calls on Sunday and wants to know if we can get together ; I pushed NN off until Monday and headed over to John 's for dinner . And dessert . And it happened again , all over his sheets . What the hell is wrong with me ?? !!! I was finished on Friday - Sunday should have been clear !!! By this time I am so mad because John and I haven't slept together all that often , and I ' ve bled on him 3 times now !!!! Monday night I met up with Mr. NN . He opened his apartment door and kissed me with a glazed over smile : he was drunk . The two of us went next to the bar next door and ordered vodka - the conversation rolled from there , highlights on his side included " So how am I in bed ? ... yeah , I would have a threesome with another man and a woman ... don't take this the wrong way , but you 're like sleeping with a mistress ... have you ever faked it ? " We went back to his place , hopped in the shower to take off some of the sticky city grime , and had a ball in his bedroom . Nothing makes a Monday better than having fraudulent sex . 
Biting my tongue . After explaining the reasons why I love Manhattan much more than Queens , I think I might move out to Hoboken . Jersey . Oh my God . Trying to move into the city has been a tough task . There 's nothing in my price range and everything is too small . I can't help but think that maybe I should stay at my place in Queens just so I can afford paying a huge chunk of money on my loans and still be near the city . I ' m not in love with the area , but it has its charms . I can deal . I can deal with the fact that my window leaks . I can deal with the fact that my bathroom floor probably contains more mold than old blue cheese . I can deal with it because my rent is low and I have $ 80 million bucks of student loans I have to pay . Until the end of time . Why didn't I go to business / law / anything but music school ? In other news , I called John today at 1:47 PM . He 's been having some long days at work and is having guests over for the weekend ( a lesbian couple from Seattle , which doesn't matter to me because he remembered that I ' m in Connecticut this weekend ) in town for the Madonna concert . Well obviously they are not just staying for the weekend because she 's at the Garden 7 / 18 and 7 / 19 of next week . That 's not even why I ' m mad ..... I ' m mad because I spoke with him for a total of like 4 minutes when I said , " Perhaps I can see you on Sunday night , are your friends still in town then ? " He says , " I don't know . Lemme find out what 's going on with them and I ' ll call you back . " It 's 10:56 PM and no phone call . If I don't hear from him by Sunday at 3 PM I ' m deleting him from my phone . What happened ? Last Saturday night , he was apologizing to me for having to cancel dinner and this week I can't even get him to call me back . Whatever . John 's anorexic . I can't date a man who doesn't eat . 
In my own defense .... After reading Robert 's blog about the anonymous friend who doesn't know where anything is in Astoria , ( not that I ' m the anonymous friend , but just in case he 's referring to the random conversation that I had with Hilary about the pool ) I thought I would list some of the many reasons why I like Manhattan better than Astoria .1 . The blocks are shorter 2 . Walking from one corner to the next will completely change the ethnicity and vibe of any given neighborhood .3 . Manicures never cost more than $ 94 . Doormen say hello when you walk by 5 . Pedestrians rule over drivers 6 . Deli coffee and buttered roll for $ 17 . Trader Joes !!!! 8 . I can buy Prada , porn and a pedicure within a 6 block radius anywhere below 96 th st . on the east or west side 9 . Manhattan is the only place where people will comment on how cute your dog is before even noticing your child 10 . The energy and electricity of the skyscrapers is enough to keep you going for weeks without rest I live in Manhattan and sleep in Queens . Why ? Because my bedroom costs a third less over the East River . 
Pussy ( Cat ) Envy . I am so jealous of Jessica 's cat . Now , ya ' ll know I am not a huge fan of house pets , but I would love to have a small , sassy , cat ... like Samson . Samson was Brendan 's cat who I began to know very personally while dating B Italiano . Samson used to wake me up in the morning by climbing on my legs , and run to the door when I came in at night . He used to get mad when I pet him , and hit me when I laughed . But the one thing I miss about Samson was how he sat on me when I was sick , and looked at me like , " Shannon , what 's up ? What 's wrong with you ? " I ' m also jealous because I love it when pets have old man names like : Arthur , Walter , Hank , Wilson . Two auditions today plus a voice lesson . I ' m finally starting to really understand how my voice teacher wants me to speak through my songs rather than sing them . We all have the capability to do this , but it 's a hard change to make . My muscles still want to open up and put glorious vibrato and depth to every note . Sometimes I have to remember not to sing , but to place the notes in my " little girl voice " . I didn't talk to John at all yesterday . He hasn't called yet today - it 's 9:45 PM . 
Nada Mucho . I really don't have too much to say today . I know I haven't blogged since Monday , but nothing has happened . Monday night , I spent the night at John 's - no sex - and then Tuesday I went about my day as normal . Monday was quite uneventful ... I went over to his place where upon he proceeded to fold laundry . How did we get to be an old married couple ? I ' m going away to Connecticut this weekend ; perhaps I ' ll ask him out for a hot date on Sunday night . 
Enough talk ! So apparently I don't talk enough because after teaching ( and talking ) all morning , my throat is definitely sore . It didn't help that I woke up this morning with a sore throat ( well , I have all this week , but this morning was worse ) . Also , apparently I can also add in my head better than other people ( although I don't understand how 1800 + 600 can be hard to add ) . In other news , I ' ve become obsessed with the Veronica Mars soundtrack . It has a lot of names I recognize from other soundtracks and mixes I ' ve seen recently , and also some new names for me to look into . I think I shall have to aquire some new music for all the car time I ' m going to be spending with my brother shortly . And coming soon : what I will be doing in less than a week ! 
Good times , great oldies . I love TCM Scene It . Part of me is disguisted at myself when Chris and I play it ( and Patrick was definintely disguisted ) , but it 's the same with any specialized trivia game like Star Wars or Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit , so I guess it 's nothing new . Plus there are occasionally clips of movies that I haven't seen . So it 's educational , too . 
Cowabunga ! Apparently there 's a new TMNT movie in the works . Now , I know there are many of you out there who , like me , lived for Leo , Donny , Mikey , and Raph when we were younger . I ' m not going to deny it ; I definately did my fair share of jumping off the jungle - gym doing kicks and yelling , " hi - ya ! " to my heart 's content . So while I ' m not getting my hopes up due to the abusurdly lame movies that have come out recently , I still am going to hide a little bit of excitement from the now jaded 22 year old that I have became . So while the excited 5 year old and the sceptical 22 year old in me battle it out , I think I ' ll take another look at the trailer . Because it just looks cool . 
Exodus . So this past weeked marked an Exodus from Bakersfield . Rachel started off with her journey over seas - spending a day in Frankfurt and then going on to bigger and better places . Then , Chris and I both decided to go down and visit people in the LA area ( seperately ) . Friday night I got down here and Rob and I decided that we felt like pizza ( this turns out to be a bad idea ) . To go with the pizza , Rob made a pitcher of margaritas . Then we played some GS and opened a bottle of wine that I had from last summer ( Laura 's white zin - yum ! ) . Pretty soon , Natalie joined us , having just finished work . So the three of us goofed off and had a very enjoyable evening . Now , the reason the previously mentioned pizza was bad is that it somehow managed to give us food posioning . So Saturday was not a really fun day , although we did manage to make a trip to Dreamplay and Robert showed me all the various ways he gets payed to play . Then we came back and oozed while watching some Veronica Mars episodes ( which I am now hooked on ) . Luckily I ' m feeling much better today and will ( hopefully ) be able to make it home without any problems . 
Pop Watch . So lately I ' ve been hooked on ew . com 's daily Pop Watch blog . A lot of the posts aren't interesting to me , but the guys that write it are funny , and there 's usually about three interesting posts per day on there . So anyways , I think I ' m going to try to post daily about the more interesting stories and links that I find there . Here are a couple from recently . Shock the man - I ' m still not sure how I feel about this , but I was definately laughing when I first found the site . Of all the ways to make money ... Oh dear Lord ! - Just watch and you ' ll know exactly what I ' m talking about . Pretty pretty please ! - I ' ll copy what the Pop Watch writer had to say about this link : Arrested Development : The Movie ? There 's still money in that banana stand : Maebe says there ' ll be an Arrested Development movie . Maybe . Alia Shawkat ( who played the ambiguously - monikered , super - jaded , movie - producing , cousin - kissing teen on the short - lived but much - beloved and altogether over - hyphenated Fox comedy ) has the following to say about a possible AD leap to the big screen : " Mitch actually recently told us that there is a good possibility for a movie , and that he 's talking to Ron Howard about it . " Well , they did end the show with a movie pitch to series producer / narrator Ron Howard . If they pulled it off , wouldn't that , like , totally be the metaness to end all metanesses ? No , that would be an Arrested Development movie about the Arrested Development movie , told from the perspective of the guy who 's programming Arrested Development : The Movie : The Videogame . ( " Play as GOB . Play as Michael . Play as The Loose Seal . " ) In any case , my head will happily explode , and when it does , I promise to You Tube it for your enjoyment . 
Network Neutrality . Lately I ' ve been seeing some links online regarding this issue called " Net Neutrality . " In an effort to make sure that all of my readers are informed ( and since it involves all of us who use the internet ) I thought I ' d point it out to people if they haven't heard of it already . Now , I ' m not sure if I really understand the issue , but here 's what I ' ve gathers of the gist of it . Basically , non - neutrality would entail that the ISP could decide who and what gets the best and most bandwidth . They could choose to give certain sites better quality , while pushing others to the backburner . Neutrality would basically leave things as they are . A couple pros and cons that I can see right off : Pro - neutrality pros - The flexibility and freedom of the internet is protected . Sites like You Tube , blogger , myspace , and P 2 P servers are protected . Pro - neutrality cons - If bandwidth gets tight , people could " hog " all the bandwidth with streaming and P 2 P programs . You could also have to start paying per bandwidth amount , rather than per month . Consumer prices will increase because of the increase demand of bandwidth . Anti - neutrality pros - ISPs can better allow for certain streaming of voice and video files , giving you a better experience . There would be tiered pricing by ISPs , allowing you to only pay for what you want . Anti - neutrality con - Obviously , the reason that certain ISPs would allow premium bandwidth to certain companies and site would be because they would pay the ISPs . Since in the conceivable future everything will be coming to us through the internet ( cable , phone line , etc ) this could mean that you can only use certain service providers , creating geographic monopolies , which are bad for consumers . Also , sites that focus on freedom and sharing of information are going to be at a disadvantage ( sites like You Tube , especially ) . For more information , go here and try to figure it out for yourself . And if I ' ve figured this wrong , please let me know . This seems to be a pretty important issue , potentially changing the future of the internet , which is going to get even more important than it already is , I think . If that 's possible . Anyways , here are the websites for the various sides For Neutrality and Non - neutrality . 
Pacific Shores . We love our resort . We have had timeshare ownership here for about 2 years now and love it . We started coming here about 4 years ago and have come at least twice a year since . We actually conceived N here : ) We have always had good vacations here . There are a couple pools and an awesome playground . Tonight we went to our favorite fish and chip restaurant , Fishtales , for supper . The kids loved it . They have this amazing homemade tartar sauce with lot of fresh dill in it . Tomorrow we will head to Coombs and go to the store with the goats on the roof and grab some fresh local produce . We also want to look into some local wineries and then the Qualicum cheese shop . I love vacation . We went for two swims today and now the kids are totally exhausted . I am too . More tomorrow . 
IKEA . Last night Tahnee and I went to IKEA . She gets possession of her condo on August 1 and wanted to pick up a few little things . Tahnee 's apartment in Manhattan was 200 sqft . It was a character and mouse filled New York city walk up with marble stairs leading up all three flights and great hardwood floors inside her apartment . We would actually have wine bottle races on her floor since they were just a little bit sloped . When D and I would go visit her she would have 2 Aerobeds on the floor and there would be no exposed floor space to walk on . I saw a lot of amazing things in that apartment . A couple mice , a really incredible game of twistersome kick ass Kareoke and just a little bit of puke . We drank many glasses of wine in that apartment in our special wine glasses . Tahnee moved back here in May but had to wait until now to get herself a great apartment . Anyway , that leads us to our outing last night . Tahnee was craving meatballs so we had dinner at IKEA . We get to the beverage area and discover they have beer and wine . Who knew ? We discussed sharing a bottle but then decided to get our own bottle of wine . We thought that it would maybe be 1 - 1 1 / 2 glasses of wine , to our surprise it was 2 1 / 2 glasses . We ate our meatballs and drank our wine and discovered that after that little bottle we were a little tipsy . We managed to get ourselves down the stairs and then maneuvered our way around the bottom level of IKEA . It was the greatest trip to IKEA ever . I think we ' ll have to go back soon . Tonight I need to get packed up for our trip tomorrow . I can't wait to sit on the beach all day . We bought E and M a snorkel and fins set today . They are both like little fish in the water and are looking forward to learning the skill of snorkelling . D and I did some snorkelling in St Thomas and St Martin and would love to take the kids to the Caribbean someday so we can share an experience like that with them . For now the east coast of Vancouver Island will have to do . 
No comment . I have noticed that over the last couple days no one has commented on my blog . Is it not interesting anymore ? I do my best to keep you all on the edge of your seat but sadly life over the last few days has been pretty laid back . Yesterday was the church picnic . It was great . Really low key which is exactly what I needed . The kids were well behaved and I got to chill with fellow bloggers in the sunshine . There were hamburgers and hot dogs and suckers for the kids . D had to work so it was just me and the kids . We went to check out our house today only to be extremely discouraged . It looks like we will be homeless longer than we thought . The builder said at least two weeks longer but maybe more . I want a home . I want my stuff . I just want to feel settled . Two more sleeps until Pacific Shores , Can't wait ! 
Cooling off . I am in the middle of packing up the van so we can move to my MIL 's for the next few days . The house that we are in is about 20 degrees hotter inside than out . I don't mind the heat . I actually kind of like it , however N is not doing so well . She was up 3 times last night crying and then wanting to snuggle . Snuggling is no fun in 30 degree weather . Waking up 3 times in the middle of the night is no fun either . Each time she woke up she wanted her water bottle and would drink half of it . She was always drenched with sweat . Poor thing . Anyway , D 's mom 's house only has windows on one side and is on greenbelt so it always stays quite cool . Hopefully that will help N . She and M played in the bath tub this morning for a while in an attempt to beat the heat . This afternoon we have a church picnic which should be fun . It 's at a park that is quite shady so hopefully that will bring the temperature down a little . D has to work . He worked yesterday too so he hasn't had anytime off this weekend . He ' ll appreciate vacation even more . 
Observations . Today was a very good day . We went to our old house and picked up D 's bikes from our neighbor 's . We got to meet the people that bought our house since they were having a garage sale . They were so nice . We talked and she invited N to go see her old room . It was really good for N . We talked about how it was Tatiana 's room now and we saw her clothes and toys and books in it . Not N 's . Then N got really excited and she wanted to see her room , so we drove past our new house and pointed out which window would be hers . A very successful event . N is dealing with the transition much better now . I also got to play a crucial role in a surprise party tonight . I had to be the one that kept the guest of honor away from the house until the time was right . That involved a trip to the Dairy Queen and ice cream for all of us . It also involved a brief explanation to a couple church folk that seemed surprised that I was out with another man without my husband and without his wife : ) He was soooooo surprised when we got to his house and everyone popped out of his kitchen . Great fun ! My favorite observation of the day came at church tonight . A few weeks ago I mentioned that we had gone to a wedding . Sam and Melody 's . Anyway , they were at church tonight and they were sitting right in front of me . I was thinking to myself " didn't they go to Mexico for their honeymoon ? They aren't even tanned " I thought about it for a second and then realized that no tan after a Mexican honeymoon is the sign of a REALLY good honeymoon . 
Licorice . I have a new obsession . It 's Darrell Lea Licorice . They had it at Costco a couple weeks ago so I tried it . Oh my gosh ! I don't normally like candy but the mango flavor is amazing . I went to Costco earlier this week to see if they still had it but they didn't . I googled Darrell Lea and found out they sell it at London Drugs . I bought a few bags tonight , and they were even on sale . Just a few more days in the bengay house . I really shouldn't say bad things about this place . We have been here for almost 3 weeks now and have been saving a ton of money without having a mortgage to pay . The couple that live here were very thoughtful in letting us stay here while they went away , but there are just so many old people things in the house . Lots of throw rugs on carpet and plastic runners screwed into the floor in high traffic areas . They buy a big thing of dishwasher soap and put a smaller portion of it into a coffee can and then put an even smaller portion from the coffee can into a tomato sauce can with a coffee scoop in it so we don't use too much soap . Funny things like that . We head to Vancouver Island on Wednesday which will be so nice . We have a timeshare in Nanoose Bay , so we are spending 3 nights there and then heading to Victoria for 2 nights . I am just looking forward to vacation . 
Childhood . I remember as a child feeling like the odd one out . My brother was an athlete and I was into music and theatre . My mom was into watching sports so my brothers commitments took priority . I vividly remember times where our schedules would conflict and of course my brothers game or practice won out . It got to the point where I wouldn't even tell my parents when I had a concert or show so I wouldn't be disappointed when they couldn't make it . I also remember growing up and reaching adulthood and wondering if it was all in my head . Did my mom really play favorites or was is just the hormones of adolescences making me think no one supported me , or that my brother was loved more . Now that I have children I know it was not all in my head . I know this because my mother is doing the same thing to my son . She makes plans with him all the time . Only him . This week she took him out to buy him a baseball glove , bat , and helmet and tonight they are at a Vancouver Canadians game . She will have him over to her house just so they can watch a hockey or baseball game together while the girls stay home with me . At N 's birthday , my mom spent part of the time in the house because a hockey game was on while I entertained 40 people in my front yard . I grew up feeling like sports on TV and what my brother did was more important than anything I could do , and now M is beginning to see it too . What do I do ? Do I tell my mom that she takes all the kids or no kids ? She doesn't see it . She doesn't see how she favors E and ignores M and N . I guess I just can't relate to making TV or sports more important than real live people . It is a real struggle for me . It 's lke looking the gift horse in the mouth . She can be very generous with her time but tonight M spent an hour in tears crying about how Nana doesn't do special things with her . What can I say to her except " you 're right " ? Is there are way to get my mom to see what she 's doing ? Should I just accept that this is how my mom is ? 
In Search of the Answer ... I feel so confused ... I thought I was making so much progress towards moving on in my life until a combination of reality and dreams rocked everything I thought I knew . Today while in the middle of cleaning house I looked at my computer to view an IM . I figured it was from my bud Mel , but upon careful examination realized it was J ! I haven't heard from him in such a long time so was shocked , especially after I blew him off during our last conversation . Just last night I dreamed about him contacting me , and to my complete disbelief , the conversation that took place mimicked my dream exactly ! He said he missed me so much and could no longer bear living without me in his life . He reminded me that he has done everything I asked him to and addressed all my concerns regarding a relationship with him . He came to see me even though we didn't have a chance to meet , broke off his relationship with his ex , and switched from an extremely dangerous career to a safe one where he won't be moved or transferred . He said he has been holding back his feelings in anger and frustration for the last 6 years because he thought he could move on and possibly find happiness with someone else . I of course tried to be cold and blunt , but couldn't hold in my feelings anymore . I told him I missed him too and didn't understand why we never ended up together as we always dreamed . He told me he was coming to see me ... no and , ifs , or buts about it . He told me he was going to my cousin 's wedding and would stop in my city on his way home , some time next week ! In light of all my introspection lately , I decided I must stop running from the " what if 's " in my life and face them head on . I decided I am going to meet J and get this over with once and for all . I think seeing him will help me finally decide if I can move on with or without him . I think I have to do this for my sanity . Next week seems too soon ... I don't know what I can possibly do to prepare myself for something I have dreamed about for the last 6 years . 
Think Happy Thoughts .... ? I feel the temptation slowly creeping in AGAIN ! I don't believe in divorce , thus despite my current relational problems I must try to make the best with what I have . I know I ' ve been warned in the past to stop thinking outside the box ( per say about my marriage ) . I can't change anyone but myself and need to accept those around me for who they are ( ie . G ) . By the way , he did fix my tire yesterday . I need to focus on the good instead of dwelling on the negative and past . Even though I may not have been of a sane persona when I decided to marry G at the spur of a moment , I think I need to live with my mistake and make the best with what I have . The problem arises , because I am SELFISH , and only looking out for my own selfish desires , not the greater good of humanity . I believe I can choose to work with God 's plan or against it , and in the end his plan will reign anyways with or without me . Why in the hell must I have such a strong subconscious ? I know my life would be so different if I didn't . Maybe I would be extremely happy or more miserable than I already am ? I don't ' want to believe one damn thing I just wrote ! G is pretending that nothing is wrong and nothing happened with our relationship earlier this week . He doesn't take me seriously and has no idea how close I actually was to leaving his sorry ass. This absolutely inferiorates me ! Things I " think " I really want : a chance to know if J and I could ever have a healthy relationshipa divorcemy master 's degreea childto live in San Diego and afford to liveto do what ever the hell I want without fearing the repercussions of my actionsto go to heaven . 
Shocking Revelation ! As much as I would love to be pregnant , I had a shocking revelation last night while laying in bed . I felt an extreme sense of dread when I pondered the thought of actually being pregnant with G 's child . I still can't see myself bringing a child into the world with such an irresponsible and immature person . Problem : my clock is ticking and I don't see myself leaving G any time soon . What is more selfish , not wanting to create new life in an unstable situation or wanting to create new life in an unstable situation ? 
Tire saga Continued ... Tire issues continued ... Yesterday I found out I would have to wait 3.5 hours for my tires to get changed , plus a 1.5 hour commute , so I decided to wait until today to go to the tire shop . I went to the gym yesterday and fumed about G 's treatment and realized he was making any and all attempts to manipulate and belittle me as he did when we first wed . To his dismay , I did not buy into his scheming tactics . I was so furious I couldn't even talk to him . He kept asking me what was wrong and what was my problem . Finally , I told him and it didn't come out nicely , to say the least . I can't remember the last time I really yelled at him , but I did yesterday . Normally I would be quite shaken by him screaming at me , but for some reason it didn't phase me . I think I am emotionally disconnected from him , and much stronger mentally than I was a few years ago . I am much more dependent now , and do not rely on him for anything , as I was so nicely reminded yesterday . He had the audacity to tell me my job didn't matter , he didn't care about my job , and he expected me to take time off work to do anything involving us , because my job isn't important . I couldn't believe it ! He also said the car is mine , thus my responsibility if anything goes wrong . Yet , he uses the car whenever convenient for him , and considers it his too , unless something goes wrong , and I ' m sure he would want the car if we were to divorce ( which I told him ) . So , last night after our argument G told me he would take the damaged tire and rim and get it replaced today so I wouldn't have to take off work . I thanked him for his gesture , BUT ... I talked to him at 5 pm today and he told me he wasn't going to get around to it today since he was too busy . Figures ! He also told me I shouldn't be driving on the spare at all ... yet he takes the tire I planned to fix today ? Sounds like more manipulation and control tactics to me . Unfortunately for him , I won't buy into his crap ! I frankly don't care what happens with the damn tire right now ! I also expect we won't discuss our argument last night to actually resolve the issue since we are both stubborn . Neither of us think we did anything wrong . Arguments without resolution destroy relationships , which I ' ve tried to tell G on numerous occasions ; yet he refuses to sit down and attempt to resolve anything with me . I guess it would seem fairly suiting that I would dream about J last night . In my dream I was at a restaurant with G , yet J was there . I don't remember the minute details , but know I wanted to leave with J . I know J merely represents my hope for a better relationship , and not the true actuality of how our relationship would be if actualized . Despite my knowledge of my subconscious thoughts regarding J , I still dream about being happy with him , and think about him all the time . I don't know if I can ever escape my dreams of " what could have been if " , especially during downward spirals in my current relationship . 
Breaking Point . Today I think I ' ve finally reached the breaking point with G . I am so infuriated I feel like leaving and staying in a hotel for a week or more without telling G anything . It isn't that G won't clean up his messes or that he expects me to be his live - in maid ... today my tolerance ran out ! He usually drives my car on weekends and returns it with an empty gas tank ... a big deal when I have to use my personal vehicle for my job since I see clients in their homes . Today I have 6 appointments and NEED my car . Well yesterday at church our tire was completely flat . We drove home and I asked G to fix the tire or put the spare on . He aired it up so we could go to the store . I asked him to borrow our neighbor 's air compressor so he could air it up before he went to work this morning , but he refused and said he didn't need to because it would be fine . Well , he wakes me up at 6:30 am to tell me the tire is completely flat and I will have to figure something out . Yeah ... what the hell am I supposed to do when he takes his truck and leaves me with a completely flat tire that I can not change . I tried to contact my neighbors and none were available , so I just drove 5 miles to the gas station like G told me to do . Well , the air was out of order , so I had to drive to an auto shop to get air . The worker told me my tire would not last more than 30 minutes because of the excessive air loss from driving on it , and mentioned I would have to go somewhere else to get it patched . Given I have to be to work in 10 minutes now , I take the car to a shop that can fix the tire . Thirty minutes later the guy tells me my tire is shot and I must get it replaced somewhere else . I called G and asked him to call around to see where I could get a new tire and he gets all pissed off ! What the hell am I supposed to do without my computer or a phone book ? I call him back 20 minutes later after canceling two appointments and he said " oh , yeah I just called them , I want you to replace all the tires and mentions I have to go to a certain place " and then hangs up . He wants to replace 4 tires when we already have a service plan for the other three perfectly good tires ? I don't get it . So , I go home after the shop puts my " donut " on and call around to find a location that can replace ALL tires with road hazard that also has a location in our home state ( which equates to only 2 tire places in the entire state ! ) . I call G and tell him the quotes and the difference to replace just the one tire with the exact same model . His quote was 50 % more than the other places I called . He gets all pissed again and said he can't talk to me anymore and hangs up . I can't believe he can be such an inconsiderate jack ass ! He has been bitching to me for the last 2 weeks that he does absolutely nothing at work , but he can't even take 5 minutes to fix the tire for me when I have to see my clients today . He expects me to do ALL the house cleaning , errands , pay all the bills , go grocery shopping , and anything else and he can't even to the so called " man " things I don't know how to do . Uggh ... I am so angry ! So tonight instead of going to my aerobics class only offered 2 x a week I will have to take the car in to get new tires while G sits on his ass playing internet poker ! I could just scream ! Oh did I mention my gas tank was also empty this morning . 
Awkward Stares ... Last night G and I went to Roy 's ( Hawaiian Fusion Cuisine ) ... all I can say is yum ! It seems like everyone vacations to Vegas , Hawaii , or California , so I HIGHLY recommend trying this restaurant . My favorites include the Hawaiian Martini , the Alaskan halibut with Bourshin tortellini , and the melting hot chocolate souffle . Order the Prix Five if on a budget to get an appetizer , main dish , and the amazing hot chocolate souffle for one low price . For the quality of cuisine , the prices are very reasonable ... especially when compared to G 's favorite restaurant - Mastro 's ( plan to drop your mortgage payment ) . I guess the steak is unbeatable though ... I can't say since I usually go for sea food . Ok , enough about food or I might have to go eat some more . Now , the real reason I ' m writing a post ... After dinner , while chatting in the lobby , G asked me why I was staring at him so awkwardly . I was actually zoning out and trying to look at G from an outsider 's perspective . I think when with someone for so long I become desensitized to the qualities I first loved about that person ie . G 's appearance . I remember how sexy I thought he was when we first met , yet seem to have lost the spark and appeal for his appearance somewhere in between . Usually if I see a guy half as attractive as G , I think to myself ... " oh , he 's cute ( or whatever ) " . After explaining my awkward staring to G , he agreed with me and said a study was done on the topic . I guess it takes 3 years ( on average ) to loose physical attraction or to become desensitized to someone 's appearance . After my revelation I completely wanted G . Unfortunately we were both too tired and full from dinner . From an " sensitized " perspective , I think G is definitely one of the most attractive guys I ' ve ever seen . I guess I need to take advantage of my new viewpoint , which may ignite the spark we seem to have lost somewhere along the way . 
Hope for a Miracle . I will apologize in advance to any males who may be reading this and the last entry about menstruation ( who feel uncomfortable about female physiology ) . I feel my recent freedom from pain completely warrants attention . I must say , after I wrote a post about a week ago about the severity of my ailments , I feel much better . I was literally at the bottom , and felt I could no longer tolerate living such a miserable existence . Since then I ' ve continued to feel much better . My allergy symptoms have diminished immensely and my period has been amazing . I ' ve never felt this good during menstruation in my entire life !!!!!!!! I actually went to my total body conditioning class and was able to fully participate , I worked and didn't have to cancel any appointments , and I shampooed all the carpets in my house . I am in complete disbelief ... I should be in bed with debilitating pain , so pumped with pain killers I can't think or walk straight . No matter how much pain medication I consumed , it never even took the edge off the pain . I ' m sure the physical pain I feel now would bring others to their knees , but it is such a relief from what I normally experience . I keep praying for a miracle , and hope to God I have finally been healed . Even if I haven't , a one month break from over 12 years of excruciating pain provides a wonderful refreshment . 
Wacky Tuesday ! Well , if today hasn't been fairly interesting ... First I wake up dizzy and groggy in a puddle of blood . I must have lost at least 1 / 2 - 1 cup , which is a lot for me . All I could say was " hmm , this isn't normal " . The greatest thing is that I wasn't in pain this morning . My period was about 2 weeks late , and I wasn't expecting it for at least another week since I usually suffer in extreme pain for 1 - 2 weeks prior to starting . Then , I definitely know when I am starting because I have at least 2 hours of debilitating pain , yet I had none this morning ! This is the first time in my life I haven't been in excruciating pain and I feel so wonderful ! I ' m asking myself what could be wrong with me because I can move . I ' ve only taken about 1500 mg of IB profin today ( half of normal ) and I have half the pain . I am so elated . I hope this is actually my period . So after I took a shower and decided to make a hearty breakfast to combat my unusually large blood loss , my corn starch literally exploded in my kitchen . My kitchen is about 15 x 12 or so and it spread to the furthest corner , sticking 5 ft high on the walls . I was covered , my puppies , all the appliance , my food in the walk in pantry ... everything ! I could not believe it . G just watched and said he was going to stay away from me today since so many oddities have been occurring . Anyways , 30 minutes later the kitchen and I were somewhat clean . The floor is still covered in the fine dust . I almost forgot . I also had an extremely odd dream that G and I decided to sleep with other people . I don't remember with whom , but know we both did and I watched him . I found myself feeling saddened by my dream this morning . I guess I ' m glad I can't remember any details . Despite my odd and what would normally be bad morning I had faith my day would turn out good , and it has thus far . I only have 3 appointments today so I am basically free from work . I finally found a few items I could not find such as denim cropped pants ( I ' ve been looking for over 6 months for the perfect pair ) and some of my favorite ice cream , plus a new nightgown ( another item that must be perfect ) . I think I am on a high because I should be in excrutiating pain and I only have about half of normal . Yeah ! I hope the pain level stays bearable . 
Top 10 Summer Picks . Here is my list of my favorites for summer . I love summer ! Dove Irresistible Raspberry Ice cream ... absolutely orgasmic ! Online savings account from HSBC with 5.05 % APR , plus $ 25 gift card from Best Buy ( compare to 0.5 at most banks ) Ben Jerry 's Mint Cookie ice cream - contains entire cookies , not the flimsy flakes found in most cookie ice cream . Cash back credit cards . Citi has one that offers 5 % back on ALL gas , grocery , and drugstore purchases , plus 1 % on everything else , plus a $ 100 sign - on bonus . Pay off the balance each month for some easy fast cash , plus Microsoft Money will automatically import your card statement for easy budgeting . I buy EVERYTHING with a credit card and pay my bills too . Credit cards are awesome , they even provide protection guarantees for every purchase if the merchant fails to return an item . Steam Vacuums : I ' m trying to find the best one to clean up my doggie stains . I love to vacuum ! Double chaise lounge with dual adjustment - oh so comfy ! Friendly neighbors . I love my neighbors . We have a community get together almost every weekend with 6 or houses . Although , I have one set of neighbors in their late 20 's who should live in the retirement community , because they call the police at exactly 10 pm ( I mean come on ! ) . Too bad the police here are awesome and end up partying with us . Inground Spas with a floating lounge - great way to cool off during the summer heat or heat up during the cool nights . 
51 Interesting Tidbits about ME . I obtained this idea from a fellow blogger and thought it would be interesting to actually write oddities down , but found the process very difficult . I switched majors 3 times in college , yet still managed to graduate with my Bachelor 's in 3 years with straight A 's . I shot my first buck ( male deer with horns ) at the age of 12 from 500 yards away . It fell so fast I thought I missed . I grew up on a farm and had to lift hay bales twice my size . I am an avid outdoor woman . I can save money extremely well . I have been on NBC , MTV , E ! , and in several movies . I made more per hour than my parents in high school and paid cash for my first car . I met all 8 of my great grandparents . All my grandparents are still living . My mom almost died of cancer at the age of 30 , and I fear I may have the same cancer , especially since my last doctor referred me to a cancer specialist . I haven't been to a doctor since . If I don't ' know how to do something , I figure it out . I am 5 ' 3 " and weigh 100 lbs , yet still think I look pudgy in the mirror sometimes . G an d I make 6 figures and I still shop at second hand shops and use coupons at the grocery store . I just can't stand to waste money . I am a perfectionist . I know others don't expect me to be perfect , but fear they won't accept me if they read my journal and learn who I really am . I want my life goal to be a mother . I don't think I deserve a miracle . I won my state 's Miss Teen USA Pageant ... it was my first and only pageant . I was a cheerleader and nominated for prom queen . I didn't have pre - marital sex . I didn't obtain my first hang over until 2 years ago . My parents were alcoholics . I was the first on my dad 's side of the family to attend college . I owned my first house at the age of 22 ; worth more than G my parents ' houses and land combined . I ' ve butchered more animals than I can even count ... for food . My parents raised or hunted all of our meat including buffalo , pork , beef , chicken , elk , antelope , and deer . I still haven't purchased beef hamburger to this day . I was a model in high school . I taught myself how to sew , cook , faux paint , refinish furniture , stucco , tile , make perfect espresso , cut hair , and more . I sew custom draperies , window treatments , bedding , and dog clothes part time . I fear the unknown . I love Italian food , although I was never exposed to it until 6 years ago . My neighbors think I am a " tweeker " because I vacuum at 2 a.m. sometimes . I didn't have a full time job until I was 23 . I attended a Catholic school until 8 th grade , and was actually a good " Catholic school girl " . Most of my aunts and uncles drive me crazy . I am addicted to sugar and very possessive of MY ice cream . At the age of 9 doctors told me I would never live a normal life due to chronic illness . I almost died several times as a child and missed half of a school year because I was so ill . I always drive at least 10 mph over the speed limit . I was thinking of someone else when walking down the aisle to marry G . I wanted to be a doctor or astronaut as a child . I would spare no expense if one of my puppies were ill , yet won't even spend my copay to go to the doctor for myself . I am happy and content most of the time . Most people think I am the nicest and sweetest person they know . I used to have panic attacks . Tried to purge after meals in high school , but couldn't , so I settled for eating little to nothing . Thankfully I still have a fast metabolism and usually eat whatever I want . My favorite restaurant is Roy 's . Sometimes my neighbors and I go swimming in another neighbor 's pool without them knowing , even though I have a huge inground spa . I only slept for 2 hours last night and I ' m still not tired . I stopped eating steak for 6 years because I ate it almost daily as a child . I am allergic to milk , eggs , soy , wheat , and oat products , but still eat them anyway . I have 13 / 13 vision . I will have to think about more things to write ... 
Unbearable Symptoms . Lately my allergy symptoms have become unbearable . Although I take allergy medication 24 hours a day for 365 days out of the year I can no longer manage my allergies . My eyes are constantly running and on fire , my nose won't stop running , and I can't even breathe out of my nose . In addition , I feel incredibly drowsy . I ' ve tried every prescription and over the counter allergy medication to no avail . I just don't know what to do anymore . I feel as if the physical suffering never ends . It seems that brushing and bathing my puppies exacerbates my symptoms . I ' ve asked G on numerous occasions to help with these tasks , yet he refuses . I would be heartbroken if I had to give up my precious puppies due to allergies . He told me yesterday he won't ever give them up , yet expects me to still groom them daily and suffer with my severe symptoms . He can be such an inconsiderate ass ! He usually asks me how I am feeling every day and then asks what he can do to make me feel better , yet wont ' do anything I ask him . Another example entails something as simple as changing our air filters , yet he waits until they are so dirty air can't even pass through . I would change them myself , but can't reach and the dust makes me sick for a day . I feel like he almost does it to rub in the fact that I feel terrible . I am so fed up with feeling terrible ! In addition , I finally accepted the fact that my blood pressure is unusually LOW ! I always wondered why the doctors checked my BP 2 - 3 times , yet they never seemed concerned . Well the nurse who took my vitals for life insurance check up seemed alarmed that on two tries my BP was still only 86 / 58 . Anything under 120 / 90 is considered low ! Thus I performed some research and discovered it can either be a sign of good health or a major health concern that can lead to organ failure . I wonder if it has something to do with the reason I am always cold and always get migraines headaches . Sometimes I feel like I just can't get enough air , even though my lungs feel fine . I feel as if I am being so ungrateful because I am alive , yet my body is failing me at the age of 24 . I probably can't have children due to numerous reproductive problems , have chronic asthma , deal with extremely painful cramps for 2 weeks of each month , have Raynaud 's syndrome , in addition to allergies . I wonder why I have to suffer with all these ailments when people such as G are completely healthy ? I pray that I will be healed or at least have the strength to continue through the journey of life . 
Damn Crazy Dreams Freak Me Out ! Last weekend I read my entire journal and realized it was almost one year since I told G the truth about J . I convinced myself there was no way G could have possibly dreamed the dreams he did one year ago because everything he said was exactly what I wrote in my journal and more . I wrote a few posts , which I won't post now , with an attempt to finally force G to reveal he has been reading my journal . I felt infuriated that he could continue lying to me when I told him the truth about J . After heated conversations and me revealing small pieces about my anger , G finally told me he found my journal , but only read a small portion . He said he didn't want to read it without me present and without my permission . He said in his dreams he watched someone create a file on our computer " named for what it was " ? We were both confused at the time , but he told me he found the hidden file on our computer named " Hurts ! " several months ago ( yeah ... he didn't tell me ! ) . I never created the file , but low and behold , it contained about 15 documents I created , yet deleted a long time ago ! It also contained some photos of J I never saved and journal entries from my journal that I did not create . I freaked out when I saw the files were all created on 7 / 1 / 05 in the morning less than one minute apart , yet the edit dates ranged from 2001 - 2005 when I first created some of the documents . My journal entries were edited on the day and time of creation . I couldn't believe the coincidence , because the entire folder was supposedly created when G was actually dreaming about it . I was so shocked and confused when G opened the file I asked if he was going to read the contents , and he said he didn't care . I told him to delete the file then and he did , even emptied the trash can . Then I decided I wanted to read the files I did not ever create , but our attempts to retrieve the files even after downloading various recovery programs proved futile . I am still shocked . G thought the folder was my journal , and was surprised when I told him I never saved my journal on our computer . I guess he really didn't know about my " blog " and supposedly still doesn't . I know he could find it if he really wanted to , but insists he doesn't want to read it without me . So once again , I can relax and pray that our marriage will not return to a point where we can't communicate . 
Oblivious to the Obvious . I can't believe how naive I am . Last night I read my entire journal and realized G only pretended to have dreams outlining my relationship with J , while using my faith and self discovery against me in the process . In reality I know without a doubt that he read my journal and denied he did on numerous occasions . I should have read it over a year ago , because I didn't even remember what I wrote half the time . Every single detail G knew that I thought I didn't write in my journal is written plain as day . What an F - ing liar ! I am so angry . I see myself staying with G but need to devise a way to force him to finally tell the truth . After careful scheming and thinking I ' ve devised a plan to use my blog against him . Two can play the game ! Thus , this post won't be published until my plan has succeeded . Since I don't write very often any more I don't know how frequently G reads my journal , so my plan will take several weeks to go into effect . 
Like Clock Work ! So , a few days ago , just as I realized I ' ve been taking advantage of all the blessings in my life and pondering over how much I love my life ; G shatters my reality ... again ( see previous post ) ! He tells me he found an awesome job that is sure to pan out in our home state . He wants to apply and risk loosing his upcoming raise and promotion . In addition , we agreed we would live in our current home for at least 2 years before moving . Thus , we have yet another argument over the issue . I don't want to move home yet ! I am the happiest I ' ve ever been with G and he wants to risk everything we have over his own selfish desires . He wants to move to our college town where I spent the most depressive years of my life . I spent a huge portion of life consumed by thoughts and attempts at suicide . I feel I could easily move backwards into the same mentality , thus I fear moving to the horrid place . Yet , I feel G could care less about my feelings on the issue . So now , we are at a stand still . He is preparing his resume while I dig in my feet to stay where I am . I told him I didn't want him to bring up the issue of moving and a new job unless he is absolutely serious . I don't want to go through the same turmoil as I did the last time around . So now it seems he may be flaking out again ... Pretending to be serious , yet in all actuality probably won't even apply . I am so frustrated ! 
" If your wildest dream came true , would I be in it ? " . I sure miss writing for me . I spend numerous hours each week writing for work so I loose my passion to focus on my own life dilemmas . Thus , I feel my bubble slowly moving to the bursting point because I haven't been allowing the steam to escape . I ' ve been keeping all my inner turmoil , trials , triumphs , and pain locked inside . Looking at my life from a distance , I should be overwhelmingly content and happy . I have a great husband , two precious puppies , an amazing house , no financial concerns , a great church , an unbelievable job , and wonderful friends and family . So why do I still feel as if something is missing from my life ? In retrospect so many things could potentially fill the missing pieces , but would I still be left with a feeling of emptiness ? I don't feel depressed but may be repressing my true feelings and pain . I am so devastated I may never be able to experience the joy of being a biological mother . I keep hoping and praying a miracle will happen without medical intervention . I am so afraid of going to another doctor only to be told I must see another " specialist " because my case is too difficult . I can't bear hearing more devastating news and think it would be better to just not know than to face the reality of the truth . Ever since my parents visited in May I have felt like a cow ! I don't know how my self image could change so drastically without any change in my weight . I used to be content with my weight , but now I feel huge . My clothes fit the same ... I think or maybe they are stretched out ? I don't know , but I hate feeling obsessed with controlling my weight again . I suffered from eating disorders in high school and haven't had a problem for so long . I of course eat a ton of food , mostly junk , but have been trying so hard to change my diet . I am so proud ... I went to the gym two days in a row and worked out . I am not even very sore . G and I are planning to go at least 4 times a week , so I hope I can stay on the bandwagon . Oh , and then there is the neverending saga involving J ! Why can't I get him out of my head ! I feel like I am going crazy , but for some reason just can't stop thinking about him ... all of the time . I dream about him , I think about him throughout the day and even at night when I am trying to go to SLEEP . I try to repress the thoughts , but oh , what do I know ... they just keep coming like the incessant sound of a relentless fly buzzing around . In the midst of the relentless thoughts , I must ask myself why ? I only wish I knew , but fear I may never know . I wonder what it would be like to just get the dang thing over with by going to see him and let whatever happen . I watched the premier of " Windfall " last night and feel like the the two people married to other people , while they are still in love with each other . The best statement of the entire show was " If your wildest dream came true , would I be in it ? " I honestly don't know if it would be G or J or someone else . I love G so much , but can't seem to get J out of my head . uugh ! 
Suffering .... Why ? Why does pain exist ? What type of pain ultimately becomes more unbearable ? Is it the excruciating physical pain that brings one to his / her knees and takes life 's very breath away ... or the emotional pain of the devastation , destruction , and loss of life from the aftermath of the physical pain ? One may never know unless truly experiencing life from second to second when hope becomes the decision to take one more breath , or the feat of getting through another tireless day . To all those who have an amazing family and true friends , don't forget to thank them for making the unbearable bearable . Thank you ... 
Lack of Determination . For some reason I haven't felt compelled to write lately . Maybe I have been too busy since G and I have spent every weekend for the last several months in a mad attempt to finish our yard , which still isn't completed . I went on a mini vacation and spent an entire week with my parents and sister , which was great . Although , this morning I felt ready for them to leave , yet now feel so alone . It is 3 pm and I am not even out of my PJ 's yet ... I don't know what is wrong with me . I don't feel driven to do anything . I don't remember the last time I cried , but I feel like doing so today , but I can't . The entire time my parents were here , G irritated the heck out of me . Every time I asked him to help me with something he said no or ignored me . He went to bed every night at 8 - 9 pm , even when he didn't have to work , when he " supposedly " likes my family . I again felt myself feeling so disconnected from him . Maybe I was stressed having a full house ? So yesterday , while enjoying the great outdoors , G and I had a chance to talk . I told him I missed the " spark " in our marriage and wanted to find it again . He suggested moving so we could possibly have more time together . I suggested selling everything we own and moving to the Caribbean ( if one of us could find a job ) . The allure of running away from problems seems so appealing , yet I know it won't solve anything in the end . If we can't work on our marriage in our current situation , changing our residence will not resolve our issues . I guess I feel somewhat discouraged , because I don't know how I can do anything to make our relationship better or being together more bearable . I am in search of contentment , which seems so illusive in my life . On the topic of running away ... My cousin is getting married this summer during a time when I was already planning to visit my family . My family already made reservations and said G and I could drive with them to her wedding . She was a bridesmaid in my wedding and I really want to go to her wedding , yet as I am faced with purchasing plane tickets I find myself avoiding the dates around her wedding . I have been struggling with what to do for several months now because I believe there is a chance J could attend her wedding since she actually introduced us and is good friends with J . As much as I would love to see J , I feel it would be detrimental to my marriage and could possible derail all the steps I ' ve taken to remove him from my life . However , I don't even know if he will actually attend . In a way I am running away from facing my issues with J in this situation and in exchange will be missing out on something important to me . Why do I see running away from problems as wrong in one situation , yet the right choice in another ? It seems so contradictory ! Do I just face J once and for all and risk hurting my marriage , or do I continue to pretend and hide from my problems ? I also noticed something about G during the last week that makes me wonder how he really feels about our relationship . I met my parents in Vegas for 4 days and every night I was gone G stayed up until 11 pm to 1:30 am . He also stays up just as late when he leaves on business trips , yet whenever we are together he goes to bed at 8 or 9 pm . I am a night person and usually don't go to bed until midnight or later , so we don't get to spend a lot of time together . I am wondering what it is about being with me that makes him want to go to bed so early ... is life with me that unbearable he has to sleep to get away , or do I drain all of his energy ???? I wish I knew the answers . 
Awake from the Past ... Yesterday I while sitting at my computer working I received an instant message ... from J ! I haven't talked to him in such a long time and don't even have him on my contact list anymore , so I felt shocked . The first thing he said was " hello beautiful " . I told him he must have contacted the wrong person because we don't talk anymore . He wanted to know how I was doing and told me the new events that occurred in his life . He told me he was single again and I told him I was sorry to hear about his situation , but just wanted him to be happy . He mentioned he can't seem to find an equal again ( alluding I was the only one ) . He of course asked how my marriage was going and I said fine , but mentioned it is awkward to talk to him because I am married now and not available . The conversation was quite brief and I felt nothing towards J during the conversation . I wanted to tell G , but decided not to since it would more than likely upset him . In hindsight I don't know why I didn't mention it to G since it wasn't a big deal ... at least I thought . During the past month or so I truly thought I moved past J and could let him go , but last night I found myself laying in bed for hours tossing and turning because I couldn't get thoughts of J out of my head . I want to forget him , but I just can't . Talking to him only exemplifies my confusion . As much as I like to know how he is doing , I wish he wouldn't have contacted me . I know he was secretly hoping G and I weren't happy and that he possibly stood a chance with me again . I feel so terrible trying to lie to myself and him again about my true feelings , but I have no other choice . Discussing my true feelings only complicated my marriage in the past and proved a major set back for J and his future with someone else whom he could possibly spend his life with . As much as I would like to be that person I can't be . I think the saying " I made my bed and now I must lay in it " seems so true in my situation . I made a commitment to God and G I will not break , although I feel I completely rushed into marriage and should have considered the ramifications before hand . After talking to J I felt terrible , like a cold , hearted B ! I didn't ask if he was ok or any of the things I would typically ask a friend . I avoided most of his questions and didn't really comment on any of his statements . I hate pretending to be someone I am not , especially to someone who I still care about . Today I thought about contacting him to make sure he is ok , but I know it would only further complicate the situation . So , I sit here writing about my frustration with tears streaming down my face , because I wish I could allow myself to act selfishly for once . If I didn't hold my values and morals in such high esteem I would give J another chance . If weakness is a wound That no one wants to speak of Then ' cool ' is just how far we have to fall I am not immune I only want to be loved But I feel safe behind the firewall Can I lose my need to impress ? If you want the truth , I need to confess I ' m not alright I ' m broken inside , broken inside And all I go through It leads me to you , it leads me to you Burn away the pride Bring me to my weakness Until everything I hide behind is gone And when I ' m open wide With nothing left to cling to Only you are there to lead me on Cause honestly , I ' m not that strong I ' m not alright I ' m broken inside , broken inside And all I go through It leads me to you , it leads me to you And I move , and I move , and I move ... closer to you And I move , and I move , and I move ... closer to you And I move , and I move , and I move ... closer to you And I move , and I move , and I move ... I ' m not alright I ' m broken inside , broken insidebroken inside , broken inside And all I go through Leads me to you , leads me to you I ' m not alright , I ' m not alright , I ' m not alright ... that 's why I need you I ' m not Alright - Sanctus Real . 
Plan B . Lately I have been feeling content with my life . I resolved the issue with my faith and see improvement in most areas of my life . In church a few weeks ago I realized my super responsible personality negatively impacted my marriage . With every aspect of my life I always felt compelled to have a plan B , C , and D , but realized the lack of commitment to my marriage didn't create the best foundation . My " alternate " plans in my marriage included J and divorce , which I pondered from the time I said " I do " . I now know in order to have a completely fulfilling marriage I must throw away the keys to my alternate plans and focus on building a committed / dedicated life with G . Since this realization , my feelings towards G have been intensifying despite our busy schedules . J was my past and G is my future . I still feel compelled to look at J 's webpage very frequently , but feel my thoughts of " what could have been ? " slowly dissipating . In a way I pity J because he has been unable to truly move forward with his life since we parted . He became engaged to an old standby at least 3 years ago , yet never set a date , and never lived in the same town as her . They recently separated and I can't help but feel somewhat responsible given she felt extreme jealousy towards me because J always compared her to me . If I can't have a future with J I want him to have a future with someone else and find happiness . I guess I can only pray he will be able to let the past go so he can create a new future for himself . 
Recollections of the Past . A few days ago I was reminded of how many times I " almost " secretly met with J with the intention of determining whether or not to end my marriage . The primary reason letting J go from my life was so difficult involved all the " ironic " events that brought us together and occurred while we were together . I believe divine intervention also occurred to keep us apart on several occasions when we planned to meet . I can remember at least 3 examples : 1 . While in college he planned to drive through my town on his way home from school . We talked the night before and had everything planned , then the next day he didn't call . I didn't hear from him for over 1.5 months ! I came to find out his orders were switched as he was leaving which placed him in a remote location for the 1.5 months , and he never did get to go home .2 . Again , on another trip home he planned to take a 4 hour detour to see me . The morning he left he instant messenged me stating he was leaving and wanted me to call him so we could meet since I recently changed my phone number . As I literally walked to my computer to read the message my computer crashed . I didn't even find out until after he arrived home ( 4 hours away ) that he was less than 5 miles from my house .3 . G and I planned a trip to CA and in my head I thought about ways to meet J while there . When we seriously considered making plans for a trip G had a series of dreams highlighting everything ( in more detail than I ever told anyone ) that occurred between J and I in almost a one year span including the thoughts in my head to meet with J and what would happen during that meeting . How freaky ! Thus , J and I never did meet . I think the last time I saw him was about 4 years ago . I think I have clear indications that I am not supposed to be with J . 
The craziness in My Mind ! I have been really struggling with my purpose in life lately . I don't know why I am here or even what to believe anymore . A recent bible study rocked the foundation I thought I stood on in regard to my faith . I have so many unanswered questions , and can't seem to find answers I can believe . I hate feeling lost and confused about something as important as my faith . I feel like I am such a failure that I can't even breathe without sinning and becoming more of an abomination to God , thus I wonder ... what is the point of even trying to be something I wasn't created to be as a human ? It seems the bible is ridden with hypocrisy ... so what am I to believe . I hope I live long enough to discover the TRUTH . On the other hand , I dreamed about J again this morning ... a few moments before my alarm went off an hour early . All day I pondered as to depicting my dream with words so it can remain in my mind , or merely letting it fade into the facade it more than likely was . Although I don't want to remember the dream , I think I can only let it go buy writing it down . So here goes : All day I watched J with friends in a whirlwind of events on the 4 th of July ( yet there was snow ? ) . I was supposed to get ready for an evening with G and friends , but ran out of time , so I thought I looked horrible . While eating desert inscribed with " sweet nothings " with G and some friends , J happened to sit right in between us . I felt calm , intrigued , yet amiss as to why he was there and G wasn't throwing a fit . Before I knew it , J followed me into the Ladies ' Room . We met in a stall and gazed at each other , then embraced . We began to flirt and I could tell he remembered all the good times from the past , and still adored me . With him looking so adorable our eyes locked and we kissed . It did not feel like a dream to any extent . The butterflies in my stomach were a whirlwind . He quickly pulled away because he felt the same as I. We both knew this moment would only make being apart more difficult . Despite our reservations we kissed again , which was more amazing than the first time ... then the alarm went off ! I did feel full of energy from such an invigorating , yet guilty dream . I don't know why I dreamed it , because I know the person I used to see in J only exists in my fading memories . It was JUST A DREAM . I think I am lacking any romantic connection in my marriage , which makes this aspect of my life more difficult . 
As Time Passes By ... Lately , I haven't really been feeling at all , I guess not to any extreme . Maybe I am stable for once ? I guess I have been feeling a bit pensive , yet missing my drive for life . G and I were supposed to go on a mini vacation last weekend , but I cancelled because the weather was supposed to be bad . We may reschedule again sometime ? G and I haven't been intimate for over 2 weeks now ... I am guessing it may have something to do with comments in my last post . I guess it is his problem if he isn't man enough to talk to me about his issues . At least I am trying to be honest with myself . It seems like my relationship with G is so superficial . I ask him how he is doing and I get a one word answer . He doesn't talk to me about how HE is feeling about anything . I am starting to wonder what the point is of even attempting to converse with him . I get a better response from talking to my dogs . Our backyard is finally coming together , yet we still have about 4 or more weekends left to complete our projects ( I hope ) . A few weeks ago , J and his " fiance " broke up . I haven't talked to him , but it is obvious from her myspace account . At first I felt happy , but now , I don't know . I am slowly letting my thoughts of ever being with him go , which is huge for me , considering I feel like my marriage is stagnant . As mentioned previously , I don't feel like I have a purpose for living ... a zest for life ... joy ... passion ... 
Incomplacency . I wrote this comment last , but decided it should be first because I realized why I feel so disconnected and nonchalant right now . I feel so tempted to contact J right now , but I know I can't . I shouldn't be thinking about him or pining over what could have been , so in order to prevent myself from actually following through with my thoughts I must disconnect myself from my feelings and become numb to the world ( how sad ) . I dreamed about J last night and couldn't help thinking about him while making love to G yesterday . I think the hardest part of letting go involves seeing them move on to someone new . I did very well in separating myself from J for a few years until he called to tell me he was engaged , which sparked me almost leaving G several times . I think I went into a deep depression after I found out even though I wanted to be so happy for him . At least he is waiting to make the final commitment until he feels like he can completely commit to her . It has been 2.5 years and they still haven't even set a wedding date . I just want to know what it is like to spend one day with him without any concern for our current situations and relationships . In hindsight I imagine I would regret my decision , because it would end up hurting everyone even more in the end . I feel so sad and miss him so much . I guess I miss the person I used to know , and I doubt I will ever have a chance to know the person he may still be or has become . I am sitting at my computer , bored ... I should be working or go to bed , but just feel like sitting here . I haven't felt motivated to write lately ... not sure why ? I am guessing we won't be moving any time soon . G seemed so gung - ho on accepting the job in our home state , yet he hasn't even followed up with the company . I don't really have thoughts about the situation , other than , I wish he would do what he says he is going to do for once . My birthday was last week and I spent the entire day in bed sick . I was sick for an entire week and hardly slept at all . I ' ve had 3 nights of continuous and restful sleep the last few days and I feel so great . I can't believe how much of an impact no sleep has on my life . We spent the entire weekend working on our yard ... hauling a whopping 10 tons of rock by hand ... wow ! Thank God for our amazing and wonderful friends ! We could not have done anything without them . Unfortunately , we still have at least two more weekends of work before the flagstone is completely installed . In two weeks G and I are going away for the weekend . I am excited to actually spend time with G without having to worry about our never ending house projects . We really don't do anything because we work on our house every weekend and evening we are home . I just want to enjoy our backyard for once instead of it constantly being a thorn in our sides . On myspace . com I added a tracking system to my page so I can see the exact location of each person who views my page . So far in the last week I think J has viewed my page several times , his fiance once , and G 's ex ( if G and I didn't wed , he would still be with her ) also viewed several times . My initial motivation for adding the system was to determine if J was viewing my page ... I didn't realize what I would or could do with the information , but guess I wanted to see if he still thought or wondered about me . I guess knowing makes moving forward with my life more difficult , because I know he still thinks about me like I think about him . I am glad he doesn't have a tracker on his page , because he would see that I view his page at least once per day . I guess I am a little obsessive , but it is like a sick addiction ... I just have to . 
Why do I Journal ? Lately , I ' ve been pondering over the ideology of blogging . Everyone seems to have their own specific agenda in regard to writing online ... I initially began journaling online as a venue to release stress . In the past I ' ve kept a journal , but didn't write frequently ... just during very difficult times in my life . I always found solace looking back over my journal realizing how much I learned from my mistakes as I sorted through a recent trial . Writing provides a venue for me to mentally and physically sort out my life . In my journal I shared my deepest thoughts and secrets , yet always feared someone , G specifically , would find my journal and use it against me . One day I mishappenly stumbled upon a blog and found the idea quite intriguing ... an online journal that doesn't have to be hidden , yet can be shared with others anonymously . I think the same day I began my own journal with an intent to focus and uncover my true intentions in regard to J . At the time I seriously did not know if I was supposed to be with J , G , or someone else . I felt extremely lost and alone , as I still do on occasion . As I began to receive comments from individuals offering advice , encouragement , and / or insight , I began to write with a motive to receive attention and recognition . I wanted to hear other peoples ' thoughts and opinions . I still love to receive comments , but now primarily blog just for me . Thus , I don't blog every day , but when convenient ( I still wish I had more time to write at least 2 - 3 times per week ) . Although , realizing my regard for teaching and clarity , I must make my thoughts clear so that stray viewers don't feel lost and confused when reading for the first time or trying to catch up . I still read a few journals when I have a chance , but almost feel overwhelmed when I miss reading a journal for two weeks and have to read 10 posts just to catch up . Someday I may find the courage to share my journal with G or even J ? I still suspect G knows already , but I can live with it . I won't change who I am or change my writing because I ' ve been discovered ... It only means I am no longer the one harboring a secret . 
Contentment . For once I feel content with my life . My new job is going very well ; I can't fathom a better job ( although I make less than half of what G makes ) . This week for the first time , I felt like I was truly making a difference in the lives of my clients . I also started new sewing projects with my new serger and can't believe I own such incredible technology ( I love sewing , it is so relaxing ) . I am making luxurious bedding and window treatments to match my antique European bedroom set . For the first time I can finally see an end to completing our backyard ! We have been working on it for an entire year and it still isn't functional . We signed a contract on an inground spa on Saturday . I am so excited . We also finished our outdoor dining and seating areas . G still has to complete the fireplace and flagstone , and I the landscaping . We have a " plan " to finish by the first week of April and have been on track so far . My family is coming to visit at the end of April . unfortunately , G 's family is coming at the beginning of April . They ' ve never stayed with us before , so it should be interesting ( his parents are seriously insane ) ! G told a story about his mom shortly after we wed and our friends asked us if we were joking ... I couldn't believe it . I have been feeling well lately , aside from bi - weekly migraines . G and I are still trying to have a baby . I think the chances of conception without a miscarriage are slim , yet feel hopeful God has a plan for my life ( I hope it involves children ) . On the other hand I am still hesitant about having a child with G , because he is so lazy . I think him not helping care for a child would push our relationship over the edge . I ' ve been doing well at staying in touch with my family and friends . I am not very motivated when it comes to contacting people , although I love to hear from friends and family . I don't get it , but am trying my best to stay " connected " . In some ways I am still obsessed with J , which is contributing to some discontentment . I wish I could get him out of my head and loose any interest in his life . I still wish we could just be friends , but know our feelings would more than likely get in the way . 
World Views ... Laying in bed last night after going to a wonderful restaurant with various breeds of snotty people I had to ask myself , why do wealthy people think their life is more important than the rest of society ? And , why does society perceive the wealthy as more valuable ? For example , I always hear wealth come into play when it comes to medical research or organ transplants . For some " reason " the doctors / hospitals just can't seem to find a matching organ for the poor , but what do you know ... they can have one in a week for that multi - millionaire ... hmmm ? I even do it myself ; I tend to subconsciously judge people by their wealth . I don't know why , but I certainly need to make a contentious effort to stop judging people based on materialism . I feel so sad that the majority of society and world base their lives around obtaining more wealth . I even get caught up in materialism and wanting more , but I need to stop and seriously focus on people for who they are as a person , not for their material worth . 
Resolutions for NOW ... In no specific order ; my resolutions for now ... Learn HTML by DECEMBERKeep in FREQUENT contact with family and friends ie : a minimum of weekly w / mom brother . Read the bible DAILYImprove my diet DAILY by : taking daily multi - vitamin , eating at least 2 meals per day , and one serving of fruit and vegetables . Complete our yard projects by APRIL - will definitely require a miracle ! Learn how to proficiently utilize all functions on my new serger Go on a date at least ONE TIME PER MONTHHave my house cleaned and in order by APRIL , when both of our families come to visit . Refrain from contacting J and pondering over the past ONE DAY AT A TIMELive each day to the fullest with a positive attitude Consider enrolling in a Master 's program for SPRING 2007 ; preferably online or in the evenings Begin exercising ( yeah , a classic ! ) at least ONCE per WEEK starting when I get the chance ( revision of resolution required to determine starting date ) . Say " NO " when I don't have the time or energy Consult with another specialist regarding my health problems and persist until issues are resolved starting MAY - AUGUST . I ' ve been thinking about this post for some time now . I have numerous " great " resolutions , yet don't feel compelled to start any of them now . I keep thinking , " hmmm , maybe I will start doing that some day ? " I need to realize the time is NOW , not LATER . I must not overwhelm myself though with too many new tasks all at once . Yeah ... I need to slowly integrate them over the duration of the year .15 . Reassess progress on resolutions MONTHLY ... so I don't forget what I " want " to be working on or towards . 
Bewilderment in the Night ... I feel so bewildered about a dream I had last night . I know dreams don't necessarily foretell the past or present , but I still can't shake the disturbing feelings arising from my dream . My dream arose from somewhere within my subconscious , thus I can't determine why ? I haven't been thinking of J at all lately . I dreamed that J and I were supposed to be getting married to different people , but somehow ended up at the same wedding . I was standing before him at the altar completely bewildered , but somewhat hopeful . We then began whispering to each other about our lives and the different paths we took since the last time we met . His face was all tattooed and evidently he was participating in tagging ( defacement of public property ) and gang activity . He said he cheated on me the entire time we were together and said he wanted to talk to me alone . I was horrified , shocked and completely bewildered . Several hours later I still don't know what to think ? Maybe subconsciously I need to make him out to be a monster so I can move on without looking back or ahead to a future that won't or shouldn't exist ? I don't know ? I can't recall the rest of the dream , which I know was much less disturbing . I think we are both at a point in our lives where we want to move forward with other people , and leave our connection in the past . 
Update ... Floating or Sinking ? Excuse : I haven't posted for quite some time . For some reason I don't feel inspired to write about anything lately . I ' ve been reading some blogs , which have such crazy , unbelievable stories . I think , " gosh , my life seems quite boring at the moment , what could I possibly write about ? " Job : I started seeing clients at my new job lately , and so far everything is wonderful ! I love my new job , especially having most if not all of Thursdays and Fridays off ! I can set my own schedule so I can go on vacation without even taking unpaid time off work . New Year : I have been pondering over changes I would like to make during the new year , but don't want my thoughts written , because then I will feel internal pressure to actually work towards my " resolutions " . I don't think I am ready to commit to a resolution , because knowing myself , I will undoubtedly fail . I may post my " resolutions " at a date yet to be determined . Puppies : Oh , how I love my precious little puppies . They bring so much joy to my life ! Marriage / My ( unfortunately ) Legal Spouse : I am not feeling too fond of G lately ; rather infuriated by his continual laziness . I don't know if I am OCD or what , but I can't stand a messy house . I don't mean a few random , scattered items either . I am talking about mounds of crap , everywhere . My laundry room , kitchen bar area , living room , and foyer aren't even functional rooms because of G 's messes . Then G proceeds to invite people over . He doesn't care if others view our pig sty , but I sure in the hell do ! I am possibly planning to begin an interior design / sewing business on the side and really need to make a good impression on those who view my home . Unfortunately , he won't get off his LAZY ASS ! I might resolve to just kick his dirty , messy ass to the curb . I feel like I am going to hyperventilate when I think about his laziness and messiness . I can't believe how inconsiderate he is to me . He knows how much his messes drive me insane , but he continues to make more and more . J : I haven't talked to J , but thought about it ... as always . At the current time I am feeling emotionally disconnected from him and the situation . I almost feel lost , not having someone or something to fall back on if I choose to leave G . Thoughts of J always helped me get through emotionally trying times in my life . I have yet to find some sort of replacement . 
Souda Bay . Souda Bay , Greece Chad sent me this picture from when they were in Greece in May . I wanted to share it since it was so beautiful . *** you can click on any of the pictures in my blog and see them bigger . 
3 Schools . Vance applied to the same school that Myshel goes to , The school of International Studies at Meadowbrook . That 's quite a title , huh . It 's a lot like a magnet school . It concentrates on international and military studies . It 's much smaller than all of the other public middle schools out here and we ' ve loved having Myshel there . It 's acceptance is on a lottery system . They basically take all the qualified applicants and " draw " 100 names and they 're the lucky ones that get to go there . We ' ve been hoping and praying that Vance would be one of those names " drawn " . Unfortunately , he wasn't . We found out this week that he won't be going to Meadowbrook with Myshel . We 're very disappointed . The school he ' ll be going to isn't a bad school , I just wanted something a little better for him . I also didn't want to have 3 kids in 3 different schools . That means , 3 different PTA 's , 3 different activities that fall on the same nights , 3 different start times . Yep , that 's right , schools have staggered start times out here , so Myshel will start school at 7:30 AM , Vance will start school at 8:15 AM and Mc Kaylie will start at 9 AM . That could prove to be interesting . Vance 's school is also the furthest away , which I also don't like . There are some benefits to him going there . In many ways it could prove to be great ; so , I guess we ' ll try and concentrate on the positive things . 
Summer quilts . As a kind of summer project , the kids and I decided to make quilts for their beds . Each one gets to pick out their own material and Myshel and Vance got to " design " the look of theirs . Myshel and Vance are getting better at sewing , so with a little help they ' ll be able to make their quilts pretty much on their own . They both even know how to tie a quilt ! Obviously , this is Mc Kaylie 's quilt . She was the lucky one to get hers done first . I did most of the work on this one , but Mc Kaylie was sure to supervise every chance she got . I really like the way it turned out and so does Mc Kaylie . We even had enough material left over to make a matching pillowcase . ( We actually have lots of homemade pillowcases at our house , because that was the first thing that Myshel and Vance learned to sew ! ) The kids are having fun designing and sewing the quilts and they 're not only learning about sewing and quilting , but they 're learning some math skills , too ! Sneaky , aren't I ? ! 
Virginia Aquarium . Last night we went to the Virginia Aquarium . Our housing had it reserved for just it 's residents . ( Whoever said that privately owned military housing was a bad idea is nuts , Lincoln Housing has been awesome for us so far !! ) Again , they had all kinds of crafts and fun things for the kids to do , in addition to seeing the aquarium for free ! We could have even seen an IMAX movie free , but it wouldn't have left us much time to see the aquarium , so we decided to skip that part . We all had a good time seeing the all the exhibits and the sharks , sea turtles , fish , crabs ................. the list goes on and on . The kids got to be silly at times and they love that . And , of course , we got to touch the sting rays . The only part we didn't get to see was the trail outside and the south part of the museum with the river otters . I guess we ' ll catch them another time . It was fun to be there at night and to be there when it wasn't so crowded . OH NO !!! SHARK ATTACK !!!!!! Some of these victims don't look all that worried ! ? ! ? It must have already swallowed the two little ones ! 
Touching the Rays .............. My kid 's favorite part of the Virginia Aquarium is the Ray Tank . They love touching / petting the sting rays . Last night when we went to see the rays , the first time , we were the only ones in the room . It was really neat to be seeing them swim and touching them without out all the noise and commotion of other people around . They seemed to really like Myshel . They would swim over to where she was and swim high enough in the water so that she could touch them . I think this is probably my favorite part of the aquarium , too . You can't see it too well in this picture , but Vance is actually touching a ray here . Myshel showing off her magical " touch " Mc Kaylie and Noah watching the rays underwater through a little window in the side of the tank . Me and Mc Kaylie trying to get them to come and see us . ( In truth , Mc Kaylie wouldn't touch them even if they did come by her ) . 
I feel so sheepish ................ I embarrassed myself the other day , but I ' ll share it here because I was told that it was a blog worthy story . I went to the commissary on Monday . I got all the way there and parked on the left side of the parking lot by the exit . Before I went in I realized that I didn't have my ID and had to drive all the way home to get it . As I was driving back I decided to go to the exchange , too . ( It 's right next to the commissary ) So , I parked on the far right side of the parking lot at the commissary . I finished all my shopping and was walking out to the parking lot with the guy who was carrying out my groceries . I led him to the left side of the parking lot , where I parked the first time . I got about half way to where my car had been parked and remember that I ' d parked on the other side . Oooops ! So , being very embarrassed , I tried to explain to the carry - out that we needed to walk to the other side of the parking lot and why . I still got that " yeah , sure lady , whatever " look and the " I can't believe she doesn't even know where she parked " look so I just stopped talking , walked straight across the parking lot to my car , gave him his tip and laughed at myself on the way home . 
Grrrrrr . I have had so much trouble posting pictures lately ! It 's making me very grumpy ! I did finally get some to post this morning , though ! It had me completely frustrated , though , and what a waste of time ! 
Go - go - go . The kids just want to go - go - go . I just want to stay - stay - stay ! I hate Virginia summers ! They are just not for me ! Too hot , too humid , too yucky ! Yesterday all I heard about all day was lets go to the BBQ . ( The housing had a community cookout ) They had spent the entire morning and part of the afternoon out in the pool and still just wanted to go some more ! So we went . The food was fair and there wasn't much of it . They did have some neat carnival games , but none of my kids would play them . They even had a small mechanical bull for the kids to ride and I couldn't get any of them on it . So we sat out in the hot sun while the two little ones played at the playground . We could have done that at the house ! I wondered why we even went . I had the camera with me , so I got some good pictures , though . We were there with Miss Candy and her daughter Erin . Today we went to the park . There 's one that 's right by the zoo and that 's the one they chose to go to . It was fine , hot , but fine , at least there was shade for me to sit in . We ' d been there all of about 5 minutes when Mc Kaylie announces that she has to use the bathroom ! Right now ! Well , there 's no bathrooms at that playground , so we loaded everybody up , and went to the zoo . The kids played in the fountains for awhile , after she used the bathroom , of course . Then we went to see the monkeys , but you have to walk throught the reptile house to get to the monkeys . We also saw the praire dogs . They really are cute , even though I know my in - laws and parents would just laugh at that ....................... I know they 're a menace out west , but here in the east they 're a cute zoo attraction ! We also walked around a little at the zoo while we drank a soda , which Noah was chugging , literally ! So now that we 're very hot and sweaty ( you have to mention sweaty or you don't get the full effect ) the kids want to go back to the playground that we started at . So off we go ..................... this time we were there about 15 minutes and Noah decides that he doesn't like it there , which was all I needed to say , " let 's go , guys " ! There was a lot of grumbling in the back seat , and then some snoring . So we 're good ! Noah I also convinced Noah to let me cut his hair this morning . This is a real chore , the convincing him , not the actual haircut ! For whatever reason he is very attached to his hair and doesn't part with it easily . I had only planned on giving him a trim , but he was being so good that I decided to just cut it all short and that way I wouldn't have to worry about it for that much longer . It 's not a perfect cut , but it never is . It 's not hanging in his eyes or over his ears , so I ' m happy with that . While I was cutting his hair I told him he has hair like his dad 's and he said , " yeah , just like dad 's " . Noah loves - loves - loves his daddy ! Then I asked him if he was going to be my buddy when daddy came home and he said , " I ' m daddy 's buddy ! " I whimpered and cried , " but who will be my buddy ? " , so he decided to throw me a bone , " ok , I ' ll be your buddy , too " . There 's just no justice to that , there 's not ! 
90 Degrees + High Humidity = Uuuuggggggg ! It has been HOT and HUMID and it 's making me nuts . This morning while I was driving to church I read the weather bill board . It was 8:45 AM and 80 degrees with 90 % humidty . It 's just intolerable . I hate it . The day hadn't even started yet , really . But I have been verturing out in it here and there . Yesterday I think I hit my breaking point , though . I started my day with my walk . Since it was Saturday there isn't as much traffic so I decided to go a different way and since it was Saturday and Myshel didn't have to leave for JU , I decided to walk a little longer . By the time I was done , I wasn't too sure those were such great choices . It was extremebly hot at 6:30 AM , but it was very very humid , so for the first hour it wasn't too bad , but the last 45 minutes the sun was out and it got hot and miserable . I came home , face super red and dripping sweat ( you can ask anyone who knows me , I do not like to sweat like that at all , I think it 's nasty ) The first thing I did was take a shower , I couldn't think of anything else , yuck , yuck yuck . My day was going to get worse though . The kids and I did our usual Saturday cleaning , which was actually nice , because we were inside . The housing was having a festival for all their residents after lunch and the kids all wanted to go , so they were doing a good job cleaning . I , on the other hand , knew that it was going to be unbelievably hot and miserable there and was dragging my feet . I finally decided that I owed it to the kids and we went . We had to park about 3 - 4 blocks away and by the time we got there , the kids were thinking twice about it . It was an amazing festival , though . They had tons and tons of crafts for the kids to do , free popcorn , snowcones , lemonade , cotton candy and water . There was a bungee thing for the kids , a train to ride , a climbing wall , music , dancers and free giveaways and the list goes on and on . All the crafts were under a tent , so we decided to stick with the shade for awhile . My kids did spin art , made candles , sand art , colored tote bags , made wax hands , mined for jewels , got their faces painted and ate tons of snowcones . Aside from the miserable heat , it was fun . They had a great time and if it hadn't been so hot , we probably would have stayed even longer , but the heat just sucked the energy right out of us . We were there for about 2 hours . Noah 's hair was completely wet from sweating and everyone 's clothes were just sticking to them . I looked around at one point and there wasn't a person around that didn't have sweat marks on their clothes or red faces . It was unbelievable . I ' ve never seen so many sweaty people in one place in my life . So we left and we decided that if we hurried we could run home , change , grab some snacks at the store and make it to the dollar movie at 4 . We made , just barely . When we got to the theatre there was a line to get in . So we waited .......... outside . It was nice to get inside though with the AC , kick back and watch the movie . We saw Over the Hedge . It was very cute . Noah fell asleep in his seat , poor guy . The theme for the day seemed to be hot and uncomfortable , but it was worth going out in . We had a good day and now we ' ll have something to look back on and laugh . I guess . 
That would be Miss Fix - it , that you very much ! I always joke around with Chad that I fix more things in our house than he does , but it 's only half joking really ..................... My kids broke the arm on our sectional . They climb on it and jump over / on it and in the process broke it . It was really loose and the cushions wouldn't fit very well and I was very upset about it . It made me even more angry because we ' ve only have the sectional for about a year and a half . For several weeks , I ' d look at it and try and decide how I was going to fix it , but I just wasn't sure if I could do it and have it turn out ok , so I kept putting it off . I thought of people I could call to come and help me , but being the stubborn independent person that I am ( those are Chad 's words , not mine ) I decided that I ' d at least try and fix it myself . So , I finally got the drill and screws and went in to look at it some more and see what I could do . As I was looking at it , the whole arm came off ! I turned around and looked at my kids and they all ran upstairs before I could say anything to them . Those guilty little cowards ! It 's just as well , I didn't have anything nice to say to them anyway ! So , I set to work trying to figure out how to fix it and make it sturdy , thinking in the back of my head how stupid it was that I was having to do this instead of my husband ! But , after a lot of grumping and growling and a few almost curse words ( see how I said almost ???? ) I fixed it ! And , if I do say so myself , I did a good job ! ( it will probably fall off again tomorrow now that I said that ) It 's sturdy and looks good and I did it myself ! And , my children have been sufficiently threatened ! All in a days work , right ? ................... 
Half Way Around the World . Chad just told me that he is now 13 hours ahead of us time wise . That puts his ship somewhere around Hong Kong , which is where I knew they were headed . When he told me that , it made me a little uneasy though . Chad is literally half way around the world from us . If you took a globe and found Virginia and Hong Kong they are almost exactly opposite of each other . You would think that it wouldn't make a difference where he 's at when he 's gone . I mean , if he 's not here with me , does it really matter if he 's in California , the Mediteranean , or Hong Kong ? It shouldn't , should it ? But it does , at least a little . It bothers me to think he 's so far away right now . I didn't think it would really matter to me where he went while he was gone , but it kind of does . 
Anchors Away ........... Last year , Vance talked his Grandpa into building him a sailboat . Being the wonderful grandpa that he is , he built one for each of the kids . This morning I found they were out sailing in the pool and they had passengers ! There was little people and little animals . When one fell out they ' d yell , " man overboard " and rescue him . Apparently , Noah was the navigator . There was also some celebrities onboard the cruise today , Winnie the Pooh , Tigger , and Blue from Blues Clues , to name just a few ! The kids have loved having this little pool in the backyard , even more than I ever thought they would . 
Click it or Casket ? So many times while out and about , I see countless children with their parents in cars , trucks , and SUVs not wearing a seat belt . I truly don't understand this . A stickler for wearing a seat belt every time I get in a vehicle , I just can't fathom having my niece and nephew or anybody else 's children in my car and not buckled up . I used to be so scared for my cousin 's children when they had free reins on the car , because she would not enforce the rule of wearing seat belts . I would make them " click it " . I didn't care if I was riding with them or not . I just could not KNOW they were riding without a seat belt . They wear them now , and I ' m truly proud of their mom for that . She had a sister stressing everytime she got in a vehicle , and she 's not exactly a great driver in my opinion . That goes for adults as well . My signature statement is , " We abide by all safety rules around these here parts . Go ahead and make your seat belts click ! " If you have a problem with it , you got to get the hell out of my ride . It 's as simple as that . Children WILL wear them . No questions asked , as well as adults . I have been known to knock a nucca upside the head a time or two for not trying to wearing one . I may step on some toes here , but I don't care . I just don't understand how a parent can allow his / her child to just rove throughout a moving vehicle like it 's a playground . It rattles my nerves just thinking about it . I know plenty will give the excuse , " I ' m a great driver . " That may be true , but who 's to say everyone else is ? You can't trust other motorists with the life of your child . It 's sad to me , because some mothers take care of their furniture better than they do their children . Don't believe me ? Prime example : Everyone knows moving is a task . The most exhausting element of it is packing . We make sure we pack up all of the things we 're taking and we take extra precautions for the valuables we have . If we have crystal glasses , china etc. , what do we do with them ? We wrap them up tightly in newspaper and whatever type of box we put them into , we make sure to write Fragile : Handle With Care , or Breakable Items on the outside of the box . We will even goes as far as putting those boxes in areas we can keep an eye on them while driving to our destination , or simply have them in our care instead of someone else 's . We don't usually trust others with our valuables . See where I ' m going with this ? We ' ll go through all of that trouble for things that can easily be replaced , but choose not to do so with our kids ? Accidents happen everyday . I know we don't wish for anything to happen to thm , but we don't always think clearly when it comes to our safety . We often think , " I ' m only going to the store . I don't have to buckle him up . " " It will only take a minute . " Anything can happen and that one minute can mean the death of you or your child , or even someone else 's child , mother , sister , brother , etc. Next time when you 're making that short trip to the store or anywhere else , please , take the time to buckle up . You 're carrying precious cargo , so act like it . 
3 The Hard Way . 3 screen names I have : 1 . kaylah 4192 . kayla 4193 . babsis 78 Name 3 Physical things I like about myself : 1 . Ass 2 . Lips 3 . Waist 3 Physical things I don't like about myself : 1 . Bags under the Eyes 2 . N / A 3 . N / A 3 parts of my heritage : 1 . African American 2 . Cherokee Indian 3 . Caucasian 3 of my everyday essentials : 1 . Glasses 2 . Check Card 3 . Cell 3 of my favorite musicians 1 . Donny Hathaway 2 . Aretha Franklin 3 . Betty Wright 3 of my favorite songs 1 . Giving Up - Donny Hathaway 2 . Aint No Way - Aretha Franklin 3 . Tonight Is The Night - Betty Wright 3 of my hobbies right now 1 . Web Design 2 . Open Mic 3 . Surfing the net 3 things I want in a relationship 1 . Trust 2 . Compromise 3 . Patience 3 things I want to do really badly now : 1 . Have Sex 2 . Sex 3 . And more Sex 3 Careers I ' ve considered doing : 1 . Administrative Assistant 2 . Computer Analyst 3 . Lawyer 3 places I would like to go on vaction to : 1 . Italy 2 . St. Thomas 3 . Vegas 3 kids Names I like : 1 . Dominic 2 . Zakia 2 . Yacha 3 Ways I ' m a stereotypical girl 1 . I ' m emotional .2 . I love shoes .3 . I ' m fickle . Three things that make a person 1 . Their Word 2 . Their Heart 3 . Trustworthiness Three things that can destroy a person 1 . Lying about who you are ... just lying period 2 . Living beyond your means 3 . Pride 3 people I would like to see take this quiz ! 1 . Tiki 2 . Princess 3 . Dee . 
Stuff on my mind . I ' m getting rather thick . Most people will ask , " Where ? " I said thick , I didn't say fat . I ' m the only one who sees my body everyday , so I ' m sure I ' m a better judge than anyone else . You think ? Everyone knows I love to eat . This is no secret . However , I think I ' ve been eating too much . Some of my clothes are a bit too snug for my taste and I ' ve noticed some weight gain , though I work out . Some say it 's muscle , I say that 's bull ' ish ! What is up with that ? I ' m thinking I need to eat in smaller portions . If someone can text you on your cell phone , that means they can call you , right ? I mean , unless you 're at work , why are you texting me when you can dial my number and talk ? Don't get me wrong , I have sent text messages before , but not full conversations ( unless you don't have any minutes left , in which case you may need to think about upgrading your plan ) . I can send messages on the computer . I TALK on the telephone . You feel me ? Why do people , women in particular act like celibacy is just crazy . Some act like it 's a felony or something . " Girl , I don't know how you do that . I couldn't last a two weeks . " Let me do me and you do you . Okay ? You don't hear me saying , " Dayum girl , how many nuccas have you been with this week again ? " Did everybody see Fantasia and Jamie 's kiss on the BET Awards ? That was some ' ish right there ! Me and my boy was going off watching that joint ! That was some serious lip action . From what Jamie says , it was only supposed to be a peck . I guess they got caught up in the moment . hmm Why did the girls in my berthing ( sleeping quarters ) ask who the naked chested man was in my rack ( bed ) . Now they had to have been all up in my rack to see that picture , because it 's taped to the ceiling of my rack . " Is that your man ? " Nosey broads .. Okay . I ' m talking to three men right now who are interested in me . They are all cool , but time won't permit anything serious with any of them . They are for the most part from different areas . Does that make me a pimp , since they are in different area codes ? LOL .. I crack myself up ... Lyfe Jennings new joint S . E . X. is hoyt !!! It so reminds me of a poem I wrote when I was about fifteen . I ' ll have to dig it up and share it with you . This song gave me chills the first time I heard it . It was like de ' ja ' vu .... speaking of .. Do you like that new joint by Beyonce ? And did you see Jay - Z smack her azz at the BET Awards ? That 's the most action they ' ve done in public since they ' ve been together . I guess we ' ll have to wait another three years to see them kiss each other . Not that I really care .. I ' m just saying ... My new superior is a real prick ( sp ? ) . I think he has something against me . I don't even know this kat . I don't know what it is , but he always seems to have something to say to me thats not particularly good . I can be quiet about some things , but I may have to nip this one in the bud and say something . Why have I been paired up and married off and I ' m not even remotely close to doing either . Wishful thinking on someone 's part . My 10 year high school reunion is this year and I can't wait ! We 're having brunch , a picnic and party , and a masquerade ball . It 's going to be on ! I ' m looking to forward to seeing everybody . At least , those I remember . LOLWell , that 's enough for today . What 's up with you ? What 's on your mind ? Care to share ? 
Successful Indeed . About four years ago , I gave myself permission to be successful . What I mean by that is , I made the choice to go after the things I wanted in life , to make my dreams a reality instead of waiting for them to happen . There was one thing holding me back from achieving this though ; failure . Fear of failure had always been my downfall . I think this is the case for most people . The mind can play serious tricks on your emotional state . When we think of stepping out or doing something to make our situation better , we often come up with imaginable scenarios that have elaborate and unfavorable outcomes . Of course , the real outcome is never as dramatic as we think , but that doesn't stop that fear from overpowering us . What I had to realize is mistakes does not constitute as failures . They are just the result of choices we ' ve made , and there is nothing wrong with making mistakes . We use them to figure out what not to do the next time . I read somewhere that most people will not achieve a fraction of what they are capable of doing , because they are afraid they will fail . That was definitely the case for myself . I had these dreams of what I wanted and I could literally see myself succeeding , but I was too scared to act on them for fear of falling on my face and embarrassing myself . I no longer wanted to feel that way . I was limiting myself , and I knew I could do so much more than what I was doing . I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way . If I got knocked down , I was going to get back up and try it again . Once I made the decision to conquer my fear of failure , everything fell into place . It wasn't anything grand . I just decided that if I wanted to be happy , I needed a plan . Once I came up with that plan , I took action . I didn't consult anyone but the One above . After I saw progress and was headed in the direction I wanted , I let my family know my plans . However , I didn't tell them the whole plan , just enough for them to understand I meant business , and my life was about to change for the better . I will never go back to that kind of life again . I wasn't happy , and I was living a limited life . I wanted a life of endless possibilities , and today , I have that . I ' m successful in MY eyes , because I know how hard I ' ve worked to get to where I am today . I ' ve overcome so much , and I ' ve achieve more than I could have imagined within such a short time . And I ' m not done yet . I live a blessed and grand life , and I want that for all I love and know . If you want more out of life , overcome your fears and stop putting things off until tomorrow . Don't get caught up . Learn how to conquer the things that are holding you back from being successful . Give yourself permission to be successful . Go after what you want . I did . 
Feeling Good . I ' m off to a good start for my new assignment , and I ' ve had a great week , so I ' m feeling good about that . I ' ve made concrete goals for myself ; they are no longer on my mind , but on paper , so I ' m feeling good . I have to revamp my plans because of my new work schedule , but other than that , it 's not much of an inconvenience . I ' m in desperate need of a rub down , so I think I ' ll hit up the spa this weekend for a full body massage , manicure and pedi . It surely is much deserved ! I found out about a new spot that isn't too expensive in Norfolk . It isn't exactly new , but it 's new to me . The place is very elegant and I ' ve heard great things , so we ' ll see how they do . I ' m looking forward to my all day trip to King 's Dominion next week . I ' m so hyped about that . I love amusement parks ; roller coasters , the bigger the better , water rides , the food , games , etc. It 's going to be on ! I invited a gentelman friend to tag along who enjoys them as much as I do , so I know I ' ll have a great time . I was thinking about taking the kids , but decided against it . I ' ll take them to Busch Gardens instead next month and make a trip to KD with them later in the summer . Okay . Who 's ready for the 4 th of July ? I know I am . I ' m sure my family will be disappointed I won't be home if they decided to do anything . It 's cool , though . A sista needs a break , and with what I have planned , nothing besides work can keep me away . ; - ) I ' m long overdue for some play time . All I ' ve been doing lately is working . You know what they say about all work and no play . I ' m hardly dull or boring , so I can't have that . LOLJay asked me to come see him that weekend if I come to the area in which he lives . I haven't made up my mind about that yet . I told him okay , but I ' m leaning towards just doing my thing and not seeing him . While I ' ve accepted things for what they are , I don't think it 's wise to go see him . Maybe I should one last time ? I WILL be in the area . I don't know . We ' ll see . He 's been corresponding with a sister . I don't initiate any of it , so it makes me wonder what his angle is . Anyway , like I said before , I ' ve had a great week and I hope you can say the same . If I don't post anymore this week , I hope you enjoy your weekend . Toodles ! 
Be Careful What You Pray For . The title of this post is definately a known fact , and not just a cliche . We often pray for the things we want , but once we get them , it 's a different story . We don't always relish that in which we wanted in the first place . I have to say , this temporary assignment is definately proof of that for me . I ' ve thought this thing through for the past few days , and with the passing of each day , I ' m feeling better about it . I ' ve looked at the pros of this assignment , and they will definately work for me on both a professional and personal level . The things I can do while on this assignment are things I ' m sure would be challenging if I was working with my department , since the work I do is so demanding . I also know everything happens for a reason , but the hurt I felt wasn't allowing me to understand that before . I ' m also aware I ' m not to question things that are beyond my control , and I should just accept them . Knowing this and getting it through my head before was like beating my head up against a wall . It wasn't going through . But I ' ve had some time to think . And I ' ve had some guidance from above and those who have my best interest at heart . Just thinking about the things I want to do has me a bit excited . I ' m looking forward to the rewards they will bring . I ' ll feel a whole lot better after accomplishing the goals I ' ve set for myself in the coming months . After they have been met and I return to my department , I expect to stand out amongst those I work with as I did when I first got here . I ' m looking forward to it . I ' m not going to sit up here and say everything has changed within a couple of days . I still feel a bit slighted and hurt , but I know I ' ll get over it . I think I have every right to feel the way I do . I ' m going into new territory , and frankly that scares the crap out of me ; always has . I know I ' ll survive , though . I always do . Reading my words from the other day left me feeling disappointed in my behavior , but mostly my language . Jeez . A lady should not talk like that , and the fact I actually typed that shows how upset I was . That 's not an excuse , though . I will definately work on that . Until next time ... Take care and God bless ! 
Friday already ? I just want to say thanks to all my pals who have expressed sympathies , both publicly and privately , regarding my grandfather . And also to say that I have been dancing a fine line between grief and depression . On the one hand , I know we need to move on through the stages of grief , on the other , when I allow myself the luxury of " feeling " that , I am bombarded by what I clearly believe is an attack of depressive thoughts . God is showing me lately that I am responsible for being active in my thought processes , rather than a passive thinker ... letting my mind wander willy - nilly down any ole road it sees . There is a verse in the Bible that says we are to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ . And when you think about it , taking captives is an act of aggression ... YOU ! There ! Fleeting bit of Self - pity ~ yeah , I ' m talking to you ! Get over here ! You don't belong in this new territory . I ' m claiming it for higher purposes now ... into the shackles you go ! You can't take captives , if you aren't soldiering on in the war , ya know ? And here 's another thing God is showing me lately : that the more I soldier on in these battles for my mind , the more he equips me for that very purpose . I ' m letting my mind be renewed , so that I no longer conform to what has always been " status quo " for me . I ' ve got my uniform , my weapons , my marching orders . There are times when I am shell - shocked at the sheer amount of thoughts I have to discipline ... But I promise you , I ' m soldiering on . 
Black Tuesday , reprise . Backstory . This past Tuesday , July 11 , my 91 year old grandfather , Chalmers went home to be with the Lord and his wife of 68 years ( I had the amount of years they were married wrong in the backstory post ) . I hadn't mentioned much of his steady decline , in part because I believed it was inevitable after my grandmother 's passing , and in part because I was trying to deny how a little bit of me just died after every visit with him ... after every realization that it may have been my last . I hated those visits . HATED THEM . My Gpa was a strong , healthy , competent man in his healthier days . A God - fearing , old - school provider / protector sort . His favorite thing to do was hunt or fish . He taught me how to bait a hook , and then would bait my hooks for me because it squicked me out . He taught me how to load shells that he would then use to shoot skeet . He gardened better than anyone I knew ... both for food and beauty . He was a capable woodworker and would build furniture out of scrap wood ( thrifty ! ) . I have a few of his pieces , still . He was instrumental in my attending church as a child . That was the man I want to remember -- not the frail , weak , disoriented shell of a man who was in hospice . The man who had lost all will to live since Granny 's death . A little man , lost . Monday after work , I felt compelled to see him . I ' d been " busying " myself all weekend though I knew I should get over there . When I got to his room , he was calling out my grandmother 's name . He did not know me , at first . After I told him who I was " Betty 's daughter , Jenny " I asked him if he knew I loved him . He nodded , but just barely because he was so weak . He passed peacefully , with my mom and step - dad present , very early Tuesday morning .91 years . That 's a life worth celebrating . Knowing where he is now , that is worth celebrating . Knowing that he knows I love him , knowing that he loves me and my family , knowing that the sorrow and sickness of his later years has ended .... all worth celebrating . But despite my celebrations ... I think I ' ll take this time , early in the morning , in the quiet of a not - yet - awake Tiny House and have my good cry . * edited to correct the date ... 
I ' ll have a hissy fit , plain , with ketchup . Does this look like the face of a kid on the verge of a temper tantrum ? It doesn't , does it . No , of course not . But , this child ... my fourth ... has done the impossible . She has learned how to manipulate me with a good old fashioned , kicking and screaming and banging her head and feet on the floor , temper tantrum . Yesterday 's was done in the middle of Sheetz . And that was the first time , in four kids , that I ever really considered walking out of a public place with one child less than I had when I entered . I might be too old to handle a toddler . Is that possible ? Yikes . 
Thursday summary : . Miles covered by car : 340 + Miles covered by foot : 18 billion . % of foot miles covered in squishy tennis shoes : 75 Hours of rainfall : 2 Hours of wet clothes : 12 ( including drive home ) Bravest rider : Megan ( who rode this , with the boyfriend ) Biggest ripoff : tied -- $ 45 for Chick - Fil - A lunch / $ 5 per poncho Days required for full recovery : 3 Biggest hurdle on Friday : Moving 6.5 tons of sand about 20 feet and leveling it off . OUCH . 
I love this look . So , this is the back of Lorelai 's head . Now , I am sure everyone understands why every time I gaze upon such lovely lovely curls ( So warm in color ! So perfect in form ! ) that I cannot resist the impulse to stick my fingers through the bouncy - tubey goodness ? I sometimes go so far as to pull the curl straight ( her hair reaches to below her collar ) and watch it bounce back . Lore used to tolerate this near constant messing with her head quite well . Then , she found her temper and developed quite a left hook . Needless to say , I am admiring from afar now . In other news : our " quick set pool " setup is in it 's second day ( " Ready to swim in 15 minutes " my BIG BACKSIDE ! ) . Level yardage in our neck of the woods is just not happening . So we are going to have to build a big sandbox ( basically ) in order to have a level surface upon which to set the pool . I have full confidence that eventually , our yard too will be marred with the ugly blue tarps and red clay messes that have sprung up all over the tri - county area . Today 's crisis ( hauling 16 ft long pcs of lumber ) resolved ! Now I have to go charge the camera battery so that I can fully document tomorrow 's efforts . Power tools are involved , people . Be Praying for US ALL . 
Questions . Is it really a vacation if you stay in your home zip code ? Does it really count if you sleep less , and work harder that week you are home than if you ' d gone to your employer ? What if you must cook your own meals ? And finally , AM I going to be brave enough to wear the swimsuit I purchased today when we make the roadtrip later this week to the semi - local water / amusement park ? I know you are all dying to know . 
Funny conversation over MSN . Princess says : we all need a little naughty in us D . is all smiles today says : for sure .. come get naughty with me Princess says : i can get aggressive Princess says : me : " what the hell is wrong with you ? ! .. why are you friggin ' wearing that ? " Princess says : you : " wearing what ? " Princess says : me : " clothes ! " Princess says : * sigh * D . is all smiles today says : u are too much Princess says : with not enough . 
I am all smiles . The sudden lift , feeling of content , overjoyed happiness and for what ... For just a glimpse of him , for the short hour and a half .. What ... what is it about him , that gets my insides twisted .. ? What ... what is it about him , that gets my blood flowing faster ? What ... What is it about him , that puts a smile on my face ? 
Life sentence ? The vacation was certainly .. hmmmmmmmm interesting to say the least .. Of course the smile on her face is overwhelming and makes everything around me all alright , but travelling with him , got irritating . I really start thinking again , gosh ... Can I continue to handle him ? After she goes off to study and leaves us , I will be " stuck " alone with him ... could I handle it ? The last 4 days on the trip , it was like I was gasping for air .. felt suffocated ... but isn't marriage for a lifetime .. So I ask , is this a life sentence ? 
My present thoughts .. It 's been months And for some reason I just ( can't get over us ) And I ' m stronger than this ( enough is enough ) No more walkin round With my head down I ' m so over being blue Cryin over you And I ' m so sick of love songs So tired of tears So done with wishing you were still here Said I ' m so sick of love songs so sad and slow So why can't I turn off the radio ? 
Addiction ? God , does this how it feels to get over an addiction ? an obsession ? I held myself tightly and then let go , and realized that I did it only because I read one of my old entries about him . The urge to go and curl up into a corner , or knocking my head against the wall just to get thoughts of him out of my mind . I would never really do that , but the feeling is close enough . 
Is this " game " over ?? I cant even come in terms with my own feelings about what I want , if indeed I want anything different at all . About a year and a half now since I started playing this " game " , maybe I am throwing in the towel and want to concentrate on my own family , but the urges are still there and the funny thing is , its not for anyone new or for that unexpected explosion that I seeked for a while back . Maybe the game is indeed over .. I think I played it well , unfortunately not always safe but the end results are fine . I enjoyed my share of experiences , interest but I made a few mistakes here and there , which I will carry with myself for a while . ** shrug ** but I will move on and carry on . I have to .. So I ask myself the question , is this " game " indeed over ? Am I back to reality ? I like to say that it is 100 % over , but I cant .. I cant get myself to admit it is .. Am I waiting for one more time ? for someone particular ? I dont know . But I do know that I have tried going back to the room and sleeping with him once in a while . 
The Oral Caress . The Oral Caress by Robert W . Birch Cradled Between your tender thighs I lift you to my mouth . The abundance of your wetness greets me and my mouth overflows with your warm essence . Your sweet taste is on my tongue and your fragrance delights my senses . No gentle lick this visit . No bashful cautious approach For I wish to consume you . Push against my hungry mouth As the tip of my tongue slides up the slippery furrowthat welcomes me between rows of delicate pink petals . Thrust against my generous tongue . Show me the power of your desire for my oral caress . My exploring tongue lifts the hood and finds your smooth firm pearl . You squeal in that unique way , signaling that I have found your special spot . I harden in response . My jaws protests what my open mouth provides but I am unrelenting in my gift , intent only on your fulfillment . I feel your body tense , and you are quiet now ... Concentrating ... bearing down . Soon now my love , ecstasy approaches . You push hard and fast against my tongue , shameless in using me and I so willingly comply until you cry out ... and in your satisfaction , I will find mine , But mine will be the greater . 
Disney Cruise ... Talk about being spontaneous . I have about 4 days off next week and its also his 36 th birthday so I was playing with the idea of going away , maybe New York , Nassau whatever .. somewhere close .. Was browsing the booking system at work and noticed Disney Cruise . Called them up , Abby told me that there is an industry rate available for a veranda room .. So guess what , I booked and paid for it in full , got the air thru aeroplan . Did all that without confirming with him , but called him after and said that We are going somewhere nice , he will like it and so will the little monkey .. Whoooooo hoooooooo Disney Cruise , Nassau and beach , here we come .. 
Why women are crabby . We started to " bud " in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender , blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears . So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs . Next , we get our periods in our early to mid - teens ( or sooner ) . Along with those budding boobs , we bloated , we cramped , we got the hormone crankies , had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular , packedcotton rods in places we didn't even know we had . Our next little rite of passage ( premarital or not ) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils ( IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse ) , leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about . Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John . Of course , amazing creatures that we are ( and we are ) , we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary 's Baby . Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee ' d our pants every time we sneezed . When the big moment arrived , the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle , with our big cartoon feet , moaning in pain all the way to the ER . Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says , " Please stop screaming , Mrs. Hearmeroar . Calm down and push . Just one more good push ( more like 10 ) , " warranting a strong , well - deserved impulse to punch the % * # ! * ( and hubby ) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling , mushroom - headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole . After that , it was time to raise those angels only to find that when allthat " cute " wears off , the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking , jabbering , wet , gooey , snot - blowing , life - sucking little poop machines . Then come their " Teen Years . " Need I say more ? When the kids are almost grown , we women hit our voracious sexual prime inour early 40 's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18 th birthday . So we progress into the grand finale : " The Menopause , " the Grandmother of all womanhood . It 's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned " buds " or the aforementioned Nether Regions , or , sweat like a hog in July , wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything thatmoves . Now , you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men , when men get off so easy , INCLUDING the icing on life 's cake : Being able to pee in the woodswithout soaking their socks ... So , while I love being a woman , " Womanhood " would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby . Women are the " weaker sex " ? Yeah right . 
Introduction . Well , I decided to start writing my blogs again well only because it is in demand ... LOL but no seriously , writing is certainly a great way to relieve stress and an amazing way to express yourself . I have always kept a journal , writing my thoughts , regrets , happiness . I even remember one time when my mom found it and discovered that I was indeed dating someone , a muslim guy ( my first love ) and was not happy about it . I am sure she learned that I was not a virgin even through my journal . Of course I was not happy when I learned that she has invaded my privacy but I guess a mother will be a mother . I wonder sometimes if I would do the same thing with my daughter if I want to learn what is going on with her . I know a better way by just asking but we all know that children especially teenagers keep secrets . I would encourage her to keep a journal . Write everything and anything if she feels that she cant come to me and talk about it . Sometimes , things become clearer on paper , or in the case of 2000 s , on the monitor infront of you . I started writing my blogs online using Desi Planet . A more public live journal and it was certainly interesting reading back the comments , remarks and suggestions by the viewers . Some did help me , some encouraged and of course there were some comments that made me grinch . That site has become too bothersome . It is filled with children and the forums are just mainly about sex and sex and more sex . Of course , I will be the first one to admit that no body ever wants to dismiss the topic on sex , but there is more to life than that , especially among young children .. and I mean children .. LOL 18 year old is still considered a child to me .. : PAnyways , stay and enjoy the blog . P . S . For the DP members , you might see some old entries from my blog on DP , here . 
Sunday Spat . Ever notice how the Devil tries very hard to mess up Sundays ? I mean maybe it 's just me but it feels like Gus and I have most of our spats on Sundays .... before and after church . Let 's take today for an example ... we fought over a hair brush that was under a chair ... yeah ... you read that right .... a hair brush under a chair .... oh it was his favorite brush and he thought it had fallen into the abyss that is somewhere in the house that only the kids know the location of and I had some flipant response that lead into a little spat about our attitudes ... whew ... I thought it was a gonner .... the day that is . Well ... here 's how our spatting goes : I get mad , he gets mad ( I ' m NO picnic to deal with ) , and it always comes down to this problem : COMMUNICATION ... I tend to get touchy and deffensive and my tone is always something less than soft .... why ? Why ? Why ? I tend to take what Gus is saying and add meaning to it that isn't there . Oh the inteligence of that spesky Serpant .... he knew I was hormonal ( sorry I had to say it ) and he knew I was crabby ( because of the afore mentioned issue that I promise never to bring up again ) so he tried to get us into a huge fight and ruin what we might glean out of church .... OOOOOOO ! That makes me more mad than a brush under a chair !!!! Church , however , remained in tact and the Word of God was spoken without earplugs in because Gus and I resolved the issue before leaving . ( This too is amazing because we had about 10 minutes to go before we had to leave ... ; ) At church we are going verse by verse through the book of Acts and we finished the last part of chapter 4 and went into the first part of chapter 5 ... Ananais and Saphera ... and here in lies the reason why the Devil wanted us off our game today . Pastor James used this passage to discuss the issue of giving .... and really focussed on the " heart " of giving . So often in the span of what seems to be very hard times in the life of the Spaulding Family I forget that " it " 's not mine anyway .... Whatever the " it " is .... " it " 's God 's , not because He needs " it " so badly that life would cease if I did surrender " it " , but becuase that 's the point of living and being a part of a church family ... to give freely , cheerfully , honestly because the best rewards are eternal . After church we played with the kids on their swing set before lunch ( it 's a BEAUTIFUL day today ) and much to Satan 's chagrin the spat of the morning did not keep us from hearing from the Lord today ! 
Grumpy Day . I am SO grumpy today and yesterday , I must confess . I even took a nap with the kids yesterday which is a rarity for me . I think I burst my bubble a bit by renaming my position the " CEO of Domestic Affairs " ; I woke up and felt so overwhelmed by the tasks and then later felt guilty for not doing the tasks !!!! Good thing my hubby can't fire me !!!! Oh .. my hubby .... he asked me when I was going to post next and I said I wasn't sure what to write about and he promptly told me I could write about him . So here is a little insight to the man , the myth , the legend ... Gus ... Gus who ? ( well he 's all those things to me . ) When I met Gus I was working at La Roe 's Restaurant . He was an " unhappy camper " shall we say ... a nonchristian and one of those who intended me to crash and burn one day and have a big laugh ..... as time past I really had to try to remain chipper ( those days it actually seemed easier ) and put on a good front . One night Gus asked me " Why are you so happy anyway ? " and I replied that it was because I had Jesus and He gives me joy that nobody can take away ( not even the cooks who were trying so hard to get me to swear ) . I casually said that if he wanted to know more he could get my number off the employee list in the back of the kitchen and call me sometime . He called ! So a friendship began . Gus asked all kinds of questions ..... mostly I would do my best to answer them and when I didn't know the answer I would tell him . He didn't like it when I wanted to show him things in the Bible ... because .... you guessed it ... he didn't understand them . Time went by and we became very good friends ..... began to date and then it happened ..... My dad had told me that I needed to break up with Gus if he wasn't going to take me to church and I told Gus that dad had had this conversation with me and that I knew my Dad was right . I couldn't let the relationship go any further until Gus decided what he was going to do with Jesus . A couple weeks later Gus went to Calvary Chapel Church with me in Waterville and he stood up after the prayer to let everyone know he had committed his life to the Lord during the pastor 's invitaion . It was really cool !!!! Suddenly the Bible had a whole new meaning to Gus and of course so did our relationship . In February of 2000 Gustin proposed to me in a very unique , all day event that was totally special . We went to several of our hang outs and he had a card for me at each location .. the last location was the church where he propsed to me before God ( and the pastor hiding out in his office : )) . It was a perfect way to show his love for me and his new found love for the Lord . We were married on November 25 , 2000 and it will be 6 years this year !!! Wow . Gus will tell you I ' ve grown more serious over the last couple of years and he 's probably right . I little bit of my shine has worn off ... you know .. motherhood ... failures ..... watching my parents ' health crash .... hard times , I mean really hard times .... will all do that to a person I guess ! Still he misses the more carefree Sarah and I trying to relocate her ... ( I think she might be buried in the toy box ? ) Gus and I have had some amazing times , though , and I think on them often enough . When we got married Gus already knew he was ready to be a dad .... by our first anniversary I was puking up my lovely dinner that we had out to celebrate !!! Gus was right .... he was ready to be a dad ... he is a great one . I am so thankful that my husband puts his family first ... not his friends , his hang outs , his toys , his anything ... he 's a family man all the way !!!! So there you have it ... another entirely too long post , but definately worth the time to remind Gus that he 's the one and only love of my life and I am proud to say it ... I love you Gus . 
Answers to the Q 's From the First Post . I know ... exciting title ! 1 . How are the folks ? Mom and Dad are doing ... well ... what they would want me to write is that they are perfectly fine ... but I am not a secret keeper ( and they still love me ... thanks mom and dad ) ..... so really Dad is fighting a tough combination of diseases , congestive heart failure and pulminary hypertension ... that is ... his lungs and his heart are not getting along like they should ! Dad really does what he can and takes everyday like a trooper . I am seriously impressed with his life and the way he leads it . Mom has had a serious chain of events that is leading her and her doctors to what she believes will be an official diagnosis of MS soon . ( A while back I took her to hte hospital for stroke like symptoms and the res is history . ) Mom is still working and she too lives a life that sets an example for me ... she 's a tough woman and a hard worker ! I am also comforted by the fact that mom and dad are believers and they know in whom they believe and know He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more for them than they could even imagine . For the sake of their privacy I won't go into detail ... but anyone who reads this if you would pray for them as you 're reading it would be greatly appreciated ! 2 . So ... you 're a what ? Yes.. I have finally turned into a Housewife !!! I have been a mother for 4 years and working never took that away from me ... it was the being a " Housewife " that really scared me . When I was a teacher I worked part - time and it really was a perfect job time - wise . I quit to be a Housewife and then the restaurant thing came up and then I worked at Olive Garden and then I accepted the position as Housewife as so offered by my husband , Gus . Now , those of you who know me best know that I love my kids and take pride in motherhood .... it seriously is the best thing I have ever done , but I have never felt that motherhood should take away from who God made me to be as a human . Don't get me wrong ... I am devoted to my toddlers and will scratch the eyes out of anyone who tries to hurt them .... but really what is our purpose as their parents ? To raise them to be self - sufficient people who are to leave home and have their own lives . So often I think mothers get so caught up in giving EVERYTHING they have to their kids that by the time it 's time for them to leave she doesn't know who she is . While the transition into Houswifery hasn't been easy .... I mean who really likes doing laundry , dishes , dusting , vacuuming , and all that stuff ? ( On a side note Gus just put up a laundry line for me so I can lug all our heavy , wet laundry out to hang on the line ..... Yippeeeeeee ! No really , I will use it ! ) Notice in that list I didn't mention anything about the kids ... they are never a drudgery , I enjoy them almost most of the time . So I would like to rename my psotion to be called the CEO of Domestic Affairs .... I know .... sounds great ... I might make a hat or t - shirt or something ! In the end all that stuff about not forgetting who I am is important but , I understand that the kids will grow up FAST and then there will be time for me to pursue what God has for me outside of motherhood and Domestic Affairs ( because the house will stay cleaner , longer .... right ? ) !!!! 3 . Are you still teaching ? See Question 2 ! Now that we have all that covered ... please feel free to click on the " comments " at the end of the post and drop me a line !!!! ( Thank You Jenn for doing this already ! ) . 
July 11 , 2006 . Hello to everyone who stops in for a visit . I was inspired by Jennifer B . and her attempt at blogging and thought I could give it a try , too . ( You have a great site Jenn ... your vacation photos are beautiful ! ) Have you ever heard of David Phelps ? Well he was in the Gaither Vocal Band and then branched off into a solo act . I know , Iknow ... it sounds old foagie , but you can thank my dad for a healthy appreciation for Southern Gospel and the Gaithers . Anyway , I like his music and he has a song out entitled Life is a Church . Neat song about what I call the " stuff of life " . So , with this blogg I intend to reconnect with old friends , stay connected to new ones and keep friends and family updated on my church ..... life .... and boy are there some stories to tell ! Welcome to all and away we go ...... For starters , Gus and I have been married now for 51 / 2 years and have two wonderful children , Samuel ( turned 4 on June 8 ) and Natalie ( turned 3 on July 4 ) . They are good kids , fun loving and keep me very busy . Pictures coming soon ... I need Gus to help me with that . Coming soon .... Questions asnswered ... ( with bated breath you wait .... ) Weren't you opening a restaurant ? Are you still teaching ? How 's the folks ? So .... you 're a what ? And much more !!! 
The Video is Available from the Interview . Head over to Destructoid . com and check out the interview on me on Attack of the Show ! Click Here to See it Its was so awesome . I ' ll post details here later tomorrow . 
Time to Redesign this Place . I ' m looking for someone who 's really good at website designs or graphics to make me another template for this site . With all the web traffic I ' ve been getting lately - Almost 5000 hits in 2 days - I figured maybe I should have a better looking site . See I know basic coding but nothing that will make my site look good . So if anyone is interested in throwing me together a new template or even just some cool graphics to work with my girl gamer theme , that would be sweet . Just something done in your free time . No rush . I would appreciate all the help everyone can give me . Message me or comment . My email address is in my profile . Thanks ! NOTE : I can't afford to pay to have this done . Sorry for that . 
My 15 Minutes of Fame ? Since yesterday I ' ve been on a huge ass high , and its all because of a list that I thought was too crap to even finish in the first place . What a weird world ! A while ago I created a webpoll for gamers to nominate and then vote on their favorite hottie video game guys and there was a bit of tension from some of the readers . I almost gave up on it , but I figured its my site , and screw anyone who can't have a little fun with it . So I did the list and got a minor response for the actually nominations , but a big response for the votes . So with over 500 votes , I got the list , but not the amount of industry guys to go on it that I was hoping for . Not happy with the list , I only posted about it on my own site , and my space blog . I even decided to mention it to Brian at Kotaku . com , which is what I think started the whole thing . Yesterday I got an email from S . Johnson , the guy who does the Feed blog on G 4 . com and he wrote the following : Hey , faith . Your blog post made the email rounds at G 4 , and we posted Kevin P s response on our blog . Thought you might want to check it out : http : // www . g 4 tv . com / thefeed / blog / The Feed / post / 621686 / G 4 s _ Hosts _ Are _ Super Sexy . html Your blog is awesome . I check it out and screamed for an hour afterwards . It was so cool ! I was hoping that the article would be on the actual show , but S . told me no , that he only did the blog stuff . It was still cool . I check on my site meter , and discovered more then G 4 tv . com picked up the piece . www . kotaku . comhttp : // www . gamegirladvance . com / http : // community . livejournal . com / girl _ gamers / http : // blogs . ign . com / Cookie - IGN - She made her own listwww . errormacro . com And somehow I got linked by the employee boards at www . neversoft . com , the forums at G 4 tv . com and the forums at IGN . com. Finally I got this message from Kevin Pereira this morning : So after a phone call and a trip to Future Shop , I will be on Attack of the Show tomorrow for a phone in interview . Please watch G 4 's Attack of the Show at 7 pm Live EST / PST for my coming out party ... You ' ll get to see me and hear my real name finally . Scary , isn't it ? 
Evil Dead with Music ... WICKED ! ' Evil Dead ' Rises Again , Now Off Broadway The trend for Broadway shows to be based on popular films continues unabated but this twist reported in Variety today is actually kinda cool . The production team of George Reinblatt , Christopher Bond and Frank Cipolla will be opening Off Broadway Evil Dead : The Musical based on the 1981 cult classic horror flick by Sam Raimi . It ' ll be directed by Bond and Hinton Battle , who also choreographed the show . Tying in with the Midnight Movie plot of a group of friends visiting a wooded cabin and unleashing untold evil , they ' ll be offering performances starting at 11 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays . Also if you 're really into the guts and gore aspect of hack ' em up horror , be sure to ask to sit in the first few rows identified as the " Splatter Zone . " No news yet whether the evil book will get a tap dance solo . Previews begin October 1 with the opening November 1 at New World Stages . Note : This musical was actually in Toronto for a while , and I should have gone then , but I didn't . I ' m an idiot ! 
The Evil EB Games is finally giving better prices on trade ins ! I wanted to trade in 6 of my old games , but my local guy has been closed a lot lately , so I finally caved and went to the evil EB games ( Gamestop in US ) . To my surprise , they actually gave me a good deal on my games for once . Apparently the Big Wigs at Head Office actually realised they were giving shite on trades in and decided to give them a better value . And they had a deal going on that the more you traded in , the more money you got all together . Nice to see the Evil EB Games finally listening to their customers . So today I traded in : Metal Gear Solid 2 : Substance - Got $ 11 - Regular value $ 7 Kingdom Hearts 2 - $ 34 ( $ 30 ) Star Wars : KOTOR 2 - $ 13 ( $ 9 ) X - Men Legends - $ 15 ( $ 11 ) I originally paid $ 10 used . Sweet ! Dragon Quest 8 - $ 11 ( $ 7 ) Not the best price here . Shadow of Rome - $ 7 ( $ 3 ) Bought with Credits : Conker : Live and Reload - $ 25.19 with discount card % 10 off Oddworld : Munch 's Oddysee - $ 10 - 2 / $ 20 deal Prince of Persia : Warrior Within - $ 10 - 2 / $ 20 deal Lego Star Wars - $ 24.99 Prince of Persia - $ 13.49 with discount card . ( Included in 2 / $ 20 , but I couldn't find another good game ) Pretty good trade in - 6 games gone / 5 games in ! 
Cracks Appearing in Some DS Lites . Word is spreading of a possible design flaw . By Li C . Kuo | July 18 , 2006 A number of forum posters and websites across the Internet are beginning to report stories of the hinges of DS Lite handhelds cracking . According to some unhappy DS Lite owners , a small crack is appearing on the hinge above the shoulder buttons of their systems . A handful of online posters have also posted pictures of these cracks . Apparently , these cracks tend to be small , and do not affect the playability or performance of the DS Lite . It seems that this is mostly a cosmetic issue , although a couple of posters have claimed that the crack has resulted in some " looseness " when opening and closing the device . There are a number of theories as to what 's causing the crack , but nothing concrete has developed yet . Some gamers are attributing the crack to a design flaw in the mechanism that holds the DS Lite open . We sent a query about this to Nintendo , but haven't heard a reply yet . DS Lite owners are reporting that Nintendo is charging $ 40 to $ 50 to repair the crack . While the number of blogs and forum posters may make this seem like a widespread problem , remember that 600,000 DS Lites were sold in the US in June alone . We checked all the DS Lites in the Game Spy offices and are happy to report that no cracks were found on any of them . SOURCE : www . Gamespy . com. 
The Results of the Webpoll . These were the final votes as they stood on Wednesday July 19 , 2006 : Tommy Tallarico - 57 Dan " Shoe " Hsu - 49 Cliffy B - 47 Tomonobu Itagaki - 44 Victor Lucas - 40 Kevin Pereira - 33 Tetsuya Nomura - 29 Hideo Kojima - 27 Yuri Naka - 24 Jeremy Smith - 21 Stew - 20 Gackt Camui - 19 Tim Schafer - 13 Adrian Smith - 12 Peter Moore - 10 Matt Casamassina - 9 Reggie Fils - Aime - 8 Michel Ancel - 7 Shigeru Miyamoto - 4 Nolan Bushnell - 2 Ralph Baer - 2 Russel Wark - 2 Nobuo Uematsu - 1 Peter Molyneux - 1 That 's how everyone did . 
In Need of Support . I know all already stated this a couple times before , but I need to know your reading my new sites . A month ago I got picked up as an editor / writer for a site called Sugar Joy . com. Sugar Joy is a news site that covers the topic of sex in video games . I post anything from online games , to upcoming games , to videos and more . Check out Sugarjoy . com and leave me a comment on the posts you like . Or even send me an email if you find something I can post about on there . Send stuff to faithnaked @ yahoo . ca I ' m also an editor now on Destructoid . com , which is a hardcore gamer news site . You ' ll find everything to do with video games and more . Please check out the site and feel free to comment on the stories . They ' ll have an interview with me on the site probably by Monday . I have two articles already on there : Sex or Video Games ? List of Gaming Truths Finally I helping the guys over at www . redassedbaboon . com relaunch the site within the next two months . I ' m already writing a column over there called A Girl Next Door . Check out it out and leave a message in the shoutbox . Just ignore the spambots that live there , cause well hell we do . Please head over to the sites and leave me some comments . 
THE BIG EASY ROLLER GIRLS . Thanks , Schroeder , for this post . I ' ve been meaning to look for info on the Big Easy Roller - girls . As I said on Schroeder 's post , I watched the roller derby on TV back in the ' 70 's and loved the rough and tumble action . It was fun to watch women kicking a ** , something you just didn't see back then ! Those were some tough chicks ! Here 's a link to the roller derby history on the BERG website . First game is Sept. 16 at Mardi Gras World . Let 's support our women 's sports , NOLA ! 
NOFD SNUBBED AGAIN . " I never doubted that equal rights was the right direction . Most reforms , most problems are complicated . But to me there is nothing complicated about ordinary equality . " ~~~~ Alice Paul What is he thinking ? Or is he thinking ? C . Ray announces his intention to institute a 10 % raise for Police , a 33 % raise for * rookie * Firefighters and zip for EMS workers . There will actually be brand - spanking - new Firefighters making more than veterans . Once again , the veteran Firefighters are screwed . Three times under this administration Firefighters were excluded from city raises . In effect , this is the fourth . In a local news clip C . Ray stated he 's " not getting into " the process / decision of how the money was divied up . So ....... he thinks he owes no one an explanation ? I say we DEMAND an explanation . I wanna C . Ray explain this decision ! Here 's what I say . The City Council must approve the proposed pay raises . I say we all email or call our representatives and urge a resounding " NO " to this " proposal " . ALL first responders in this city deserve a raise , particularly the veterans that sweated blood during and after Katrina . Each and every man and woman in the NOPD , NOFD and EMS who stayed and manned the city deserve a raise . Might we also suggest cancelling the " celebration " and applying that money to the first responders paychecks ? !! It would certainly be a more appropriate observance of August 29 . Contact information for the City Council members may be found here . Tags : Katrina We Are Not OK NOLA New Orleans Hurricane Katrina Think New Orleans Louisiana . 
MOON MUSINGS . Selina Fenech 2005 A new moon rises tonight at 11:31 CST . Allowing for the time differences , this moon will rise over Iraq Afghanistan Lebanon India and . Nola . The moon cares not for the wars , trials and tribulations of men on earth . She is a part of a larger picture . She has existed for millennia and will exist long after the destruction of man is but a long forgotten bit of floating dust in the cosmic memory . She rises over all people on this earth we all see the same moon and the same stars . Those who pause a few minutes in the night to gaze heaven - ward are connected by this one act . The home - sick U.S. soldier in Iraq on night patrol , The destitute farmer in Afghanistan standing on infertile bomb - scarred earth , The terrified villager in Lebanon cowering in his darkened home , The grieving mother in India weeping into her pillow , and The homeless and struggling people of Nola waiting for their just due . All of these people have two things in common : They all live , love , cry and struggle under the same moon and , in effect , none have control over their own lives . This is not a political statement . It is a human statement . Peace be with you . TM . 
SUDOKU HITS NOLA . Finally . Sudoku is here ! If you like puzzles , games and numbers you will love Sudoku . Beginning today it will be in the Living section of the Times - Picayune . Click this link for a synopsis of the game : http : // www . nola . com / living / t - p / index . ssf ? / base / living - 6 / 1153719013193370 . xml coll = 1 HAVE FUN ! 
*** NOLA NEWS *** . The Living section of the TP today has a story of hope , strength and renewal . It profiles six young people who have made a committment to live and build their futures in Nola . Please take a minute to read this inspiring story . What we have in Nola right now , at this point in history , is an opportunity for all --- young , old , middle - aged ( yeah , that 's me ! ) , white , black , Asian , Hispanic , men , women and children --- to stand together and work really hard to make this city whole again . A model for the rest of the country to see what can be done by people who love their city . I cannot think of any time in my memory that a city of this size has sustained this amount of destruction that has a population of such determined , committed residents . I could link and link and link to show everyone outside what I mean but , instead , I will link here to the New Orleans Wikki and to here the Rising Tide Conference . The N . O . Wikki is the baby of Alan Gutierrez who is another young person committed to Nola . A more civic minded person you ' ll never find ! On the N . O . Wikki you can see what each neighborhood within the city is doing to rebuild . And I ' m talking about a grassroots effort by the residents of these neighborhoods , not an " outside " planning commision . Also you will find articles about life in Nola , info on civic organizations , local media , education issues and other reconstruction efforts . The Rising Tide Conference information is within the Wikki . It , too , is a grassroots effort by several of the Nola bloggers . Here is an overview of the mission of the conference : " August 25 - 27 , 2006 , there will be a convention for all people who care about New Orleans . The Rising Tide Conference will be a gathering for all who wish tolearn more and do more to assist New Orleans ' recovery from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina ( and Rita ) . We will come together to dispel myths , promotefacts , share personal testimonies , highlight progress and regress , discussrecovery ideas , and promote sound policies at all levels . We aim to be a " reallife " demonstration of internet activism as the nation prepares to mark the oneyear anniversary of a massive natural disaster followed by governmental failureson a similar scale . " Absoutely anyone who is interested in New Orleans is invited to attend . This event is all - inclusive and we strongly encourage your support and attendance . You ' ll find it not only educational but fun as well ! I especially want to extend an invitation to readers , past and present , of the Nola blogs in light of the issues that arose in the comment sections of my July 19 post " A Bloggers Question " and the July 18 post " Being Anonymous Sucks " on da po ' blog . I believe I can speak for all when I say the intent of most of the bloggers here in Nola is to spotlight the issues we continue to face . To try and effect change . To let those outside know we ARE helping ourselves . To let those in power know we WILL hold them accountable . And to ask for your support - those of you who read and those of you who blog . There is no GOB club . Come to the conference and meet us . We WANT to change your minds ! On another subject , check out this story of the wonderful success of the pet tagging effort this week - end . NOLA loves her four - legged friends ! Tags : Katrina We Are Not OK NOLA New Orleans Hurricane Katrina Think New Orleans Louisianavolunteers . 
ART AND MUSIC SUNDAY . The best thing about the blogosphere is finding a blog or site that makes you smile . I can't remember how I found the Nola blog Roamin ' and Ruminatin ' , but it surely makes me smile when I read it . It has a link to the blogger 's flicker site where I became totally entranced one week - end afternoon , browsing through photographs of the bloggers ' recent trip to India . I ooo ' d and ahhhh ' d my way thru his photos and immediately made plans to share this treasure trove with my readers . Here are only a few examples of many truly beautiful and fascinating pix . See the sidebar to listen to a relaxing selection of the sitar . How did I live before blogs and You Tube ? Off to India we go , kiddies ! Enjoy ! The archetecture , color and intracacies of this structure are incredible . Archetecture as art. I love the vividness of the women 's clothing against the grey stone . These women give a new dimension to the word " beautiful " . I must find out about this stone carving . Amazing . I really like the symmetry and movement of this photo . How fabulous would it be to have your honey give you a boatload of flowers !! 
I wasn't going to post today but I came across this ........ A woman 's car breaks down on the Interstate , so the driver eases over onto the shoulder . She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk . Out jump two men in trench coats , who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers . Not surprisingly , one of the worst pileups occurs . It 's not very long before a police car shows up . The cop , clearly enraged , runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling , " What the hell is going on here ? " " My car broke down , " says the lady , calmly . " Well , what are these perverts doing here by the road ? " screams the cop . " These are my emergency flashers ! " replied the blonde ! Have a great week - end !! 
NOLA PET NEWS . " Oh , shame on the mothers of mortals Who have not stopped to teach Of the sorrow that lies in dear , dumb eyes , The sorrow that has no speech . The same Power formed the sparrow That fashioned man - the king ; The God of the wholegave a living soul To furred and feathered thing . And I am my brother 's keeper , And I will fight his fight ; And speak the word for beast and bird Till the world shall set things right . " ~~~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox Support the Nola SPCA and homeless animals by fulfilling a wish ! Protect your pets with microchips . The LA SPCA and Belladonna are sponsering Microchip Week - end this Saturday and Sunday at 3209 Tchoupitoulas for a nominal $ 10.00 fee . ( Believe me , that 's a steal - I have microchipped my pets for much more . ) Remember your pets during hurricane season ! Animals pictured here are the Mermaid 's menagerie . Tags : Katrina We Are Not OK NOLA New Orleans Hurricane Katrina Think New Orleans Louisiana volunteers . 
" THE NOTEBOOK " . 	 I had a very fulfilled birthday Monday , July 24 th . It started out with a five mile bike trip with husband , son in law and daughter . We then headed to lunch which is when our son also joined in on the fun . Afterwards we said goodbye to the son in law who had to go to work and the four of us spent the rest of the day together doing various " fun things " in Rochester . Being with family never gets old and yesterday was no exception . We had dinner at one of my favorite restaurants " Cracker Barrel " and during dinner we were discussing movies worthy of watching when " The Notebook " hit the table . Now if you ' ve seen " The Notebook " you will know exactly why my daughter and I insisted that the guys needed to watch this movie . Now normally this would have been a difficult task since neither are really into chick flicks and would rather be watching the Atlanta Braves baseball game . However , it was my birthday and so I was given the gift of deciding the social calendar for the evening . They didn't whine too much as we were started the movie , in fact , they even tried to show some interest which is what loving men do : ) I don't know of a movie that portrays deep , genuine , unthwarted love and devotion between a man and wife as well as this movie portrayed . I also don't know of a woman alive who wouldn't want to find herself in a marriage with this kind of love . And yet as moved as I was by the love they possessed for each other , a love that , humanly speaking , doesn't get any deeper , was bittersweet at best . I realized that we can experience the greatest love possible from another human and it is still lacking apart from the love of God . Let me quickly add that these loves are not in opposition to one another , so we don't have to fear choosing between them . What it does mean is that when we marry " in Christ " we are together as man and wife desiring to share the greatest pleasure that can be known , loving God . Therefore , our love for each other is enjoyed in complete fullness , without it , we are only loving selfishly at best . Let me encourage you if you are married and truly love your husband , to pursue your love for God more and more . I promise you , the overflow of love towards your husband will be unlike you ' ve never known and far sweeter ! If you want to see a movie that captures a kind of love that is rarely seen today , watch " The Notebook " . Let 's strive , however , to never be satisfied with our knowledge of God whose love is all satisfying ! For your joy , Phyllis . 
DEATH IS THE ANSWER ....... 	 This is what a good friend of mine would give as the solution to her parents declining health that prevented them from accomplishing the simplest of tasks . It seemed easier to accept the passing of her parents than to feel the pain of losing them in every way but physically . Eventually she was left with no choice but to place her parents in a nursing home due to not being able to leave them alone for fear of what may happen . It wasn't long before she received word of her father 's passing , and on the trip home from her father 's funeral she got a call from the nursing home to inform her of her mother 's death . Over the years I have loved using the phrase ( for those who know me ) " Death is the answer " , I have found it applicable in many ways . But my main motive for its use has been - death to self - the way of salvation is by a faith resulting in death . Jesus called us to follow him in this way : " Truly , truly , I say unto you , unless a grain of wheat falls intothe earth and dies , it remains by itself alone ; but if it dies , itbears much fruit . He who loves his life loses it ; and he who hates his life in this world shall keep it to life eternal . If anyoneserves Me , let him follow Me ; and where I am , there shall My servant also be ; if anyone serves Me , the Father will honor him . " John 12:24~26 These words demand very serious conditions of following Christ , one of which is death . This is a reality that sobers me daily as I feel the lusts of the flesh within me , thus , I find myself saying again and again " death is the answer " . I believe that when Christ said we must die he was not giving us an option and he was saying death to self is possible through his grace . I trust that if you have professed faith in Christ that you don't dismiss the lusts that you fight each day as insignificant and something that passes with time , but rather let the lusts that surface in our heart compel us to obey the command to die to self , by God 's grace , for His Glory . Death is the answer . For your joy , Phyllis . 
OBLIGATE OVULATORS PART 2 ........ 	 I have some sad news for you today .... on Monday , July 17 th , my husband was disheartened to witness our little kitty get hit by a car : ( She was leaving our property for home , which is across the street , never looked either way ( don't know if that 's a symptom of her condition ) darted out into the street and was hit . The woman who hit her stopped and tried to find the cat as it had gotten up and crawled through the fence to her property . Not being able to find the cat , the woman went to the front door to tell the owner what had happened . We don't know for sure if the cat died , but my husband is convinced that there is no way it could have survived . We left for Pennsylvania shortly after the accident but will be sure to find out when we return . My first thought when my husband told me about the accident was " well , there 's no obligation any longer to ovulate " . This brings me to my thoughts on how God became relevant to me in the life of this little kitty . Let me take the symptoms I listed for you and shed a little insight on how these surfaced an awareness of God ; Obligate Ovulator - just like this little kitty who was in bondage to her flesh , we too , are in bondage to our flesh . Being born sinners , we have no power to change our disposition and are , therefore , in bondage to it . This in turn leads to ......... Whiny , desperate , no control over bodily cravings and miserable . All of these symptoms are recognizable at certain times in our life and just like our little kitty it can be a daily event . Our depravity is a reality we dismiss and in it 's place we choose to believe that when we become whiny , desperate , miserable it 's because our cravings have not been met by the " right " thing . So we head out in search of what that " right " thing with money being the most obvious to us . Some of us find our souls at rest with money and begin to hoard it , others , however , want the benefits of money and begin snatching up all those things that buries our whining , desperation and miserable life the best . This is just a couple of ways we try to find rest from our bondage . " You have made us , O Lord , for yourself , and our heart is restless until it rests in you " . St. Augustine wisely saw the heart that seeks it 's own and denys the only solution to its restless soul . Just as this little kitty knew it 's bondage and the only rest it could find was to mate , we need to know our bondage / depravity and believe that the only rest we will find is in God himself . Are you finding God relevant in all of your life ? Find your rest in him alone , it is a sweet , sweet rest . For your joy , Phyllis . 
OBLIGATE OVULATORS .......... 	 Let me explain ........ You see I have a cat that has been sitting at my back door for nearly a week now just crying up a storm . She rubs and rubs on our back door as though she 's begging for us to let her in , I wish it were that simple . Now one thing became clear to me as I have observed this cat and that is ... cats do not act this way , in fact , this atypical behavior is what sparked my desire to understand what this poor kitty was suffering from . Of course I had an idea that she was in heat and after I did my research it became very clear to me that this is the official diagnosis . So , I have a cat in heat on my back doorstep that simply refuses to leave . Here 's the thing ..... my desire in creating this blog is to encourage all of us to make God relevant to every aspect of our lives . So I ' m going to give you ladies a complete list of symptoms that I have observed in this cat and my challenge for you is to make God relevant in this situation in any way you choose , it 's totally up to you . Oh yes , obligate ovulators , this is significant in understanding the dilemma this little kitty is in . You see unlike dogs who have regular heat cycles , cats are obligate ovulators which means essentially that they stay in heat until they are bred or spayed . I may see a decrease in the yowling for a few days but the cat authority assures me that it will begin again ........ oh brother !! So I can't think of a better way to start the list than with ; 1 . Obligate Ovulator - desire only quenched upon consumation 2 . whiny 3 . desperate 4 . no control over bodily cravings 5 . miserable There you have it , five observations I have made of my cat companion . May your meditation on the symptoms of this cat , the truth of God and our everyday life help to train our minds in making God relevant even in the seemingly silly or unimportant areas of life . Oh yes , and if anyone has any suggestions on how to convince this cat that she 's not going to find a lion in this house , by all means , speak up !!! For your joy , Phyllis . 
A HUMBLE INVITATION . 	 Hello Ladies , Welcome !! I am so happy to be launching this blog in order that we may interact with one another from our homes without the necessity of an organized meeting . We are all running in different directions and find our lives inundated with " stuff " that , let 's admit , leaves us lacking in the most important and the only area needful in life ........ knowing God . What amazes me again and again today - anddefines my life and ministry - is that when I look into contemporary Americancultural life the most awesome , stunning , frightening reality is thethoroughgoing insignificance of God . And when I look into the New Testament themost awesome , stunning , frightening thing is that God is everything . ~ John Piper I want to help you to live in the reality of truth and not the world . My desire is to encourage you daily to know him more , to work out your salvation , to walk in a manner worthy of your calling ....... and I could go on . My desire is that we strive to look at all the issues of life whether they be marriage , children , work , recreation etc. and see that all is sacred . Let us not compartmentalize our lives but see that God is our life and that in diligently seeking him , there is reward . I pray that God is foremost in our thoughts , attitude , desires , and speech to the praise of his glory as we begin our blog relationship . So , let me humbly invite you to join me as we become workers together for our joy !! Phyllis . 
BOOKS : Me Like Books Good . Book Buried in Irish Bog Is Called a Major Find : Ireland 's National Museum said on Wednesday that a 1,200 - year - old Book of Psalms found last week by a construction worker in a bog was so archaeologically significant that it could be called an " Irish equivalent to the Dead Sea Scrolls . " The museum said in a news release that " in discovery terms this Irish equivalent to the Dead Sea Scrolls is being hailed by the museum 's experts as the greatest find ever from a European bog . " I wish I were smart enough to appreciate this in properly reverential academic terms , rather than in Onion magazine terms -- the latter precipitated largely by the word " bog . " . 
MOVIES : Bad Doggy . These are the only circumstances under which it is acceptable to admit that you ' ve watched the " romantic " " comedy " Must Love Dogs : Your partner has gone on a rare and deserved men 's night out . You neglected to procure video entertainment for yourself before he left , and now are unable to do so because of the sleeping baby in your care . You have ( temporarily ) exhausted the charms of the internet , and besides , your laptop is making your lap sweat , something you DON ' T need in addition to this bloody heatwave . ( Speaking of which ... hello , weather ? Satan called . He 's sorry you two fought , but he really wants to patch things up , so you should RETURN TO HELL IMMEDIATELY . ) And your book ( whose name I don't want to give away , but let 's just say it rhymes with " Grapes of Math " ) is a bit of a downer , so you need to take a break . I have asked this question of many a movie , and I ' ll ask it again now : Who greenlights this dreck ? If you haven't seen Must Love Dogs , here 's what you must do to approximate the experience : Go find a carpenter 's level . Place the level on a table . Bolster the table 's legs with sugar packets , old handbills , matchbooks , and grains of sand until the level indicates that the table is precisely even . This will help give you an appreciation of the utter flatness of Must Love Dogs . Scientists could calibrate their instruments on this movie . It 's not just that the performances were wooden ... or that I was forced to watch John Cusack once again dredge up his wounded " Lloyd Dobler ten / fifteen / twenty years later " schtick ... or that even the DOGS weren't convincing in their roles ... or that the fabulous Stockard Channing is relegated to a dead - end role in which her secondary character arrives at a moment of semi - crisis , WHICH IS NEVER RESOLVED ... or that I ' m expected to believe that the original Actor of Wood , Dermot Mulroney , has a freakin ' Ph D in history ... or that the requisite pair of gay friends ' only function in the movie is to take Diane Lane out for , I shit you not , a midnight manicure ... or that the entire movie is built around the irritating premise that the main characters must pair up as quickly as possible or else they ' ve failed as humans ... and for the love of all that 's holy , CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER , WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE ? Or maybe it is those things after all . Must love dogs . If you like this movie , you ' d have to . 
BOOKS : The Chamber Plot Thickens . So , on June 8 th of this year , I wrote an entry entitled " What 's in Your Loo - brary ? " in which I itemized the various books I keep in my bathroom . Fast - forward to yesterday , when I happened across a piece in The New York Times Sunday Book Review . Entitled " Chamber Plots , " it 's an essay by Henry Alford that 's all about , you guessed it , bathroom reading . Coincidence ? No sour grapes here , though . One man 's copycatting is another woman 's homage . Alford 's piece makes for an interesting read , as he chronicles the history of powder - room literature ( going as far back as the ancient Romans ) , and speculates as to why we like to read in the bathroom ( to distract us from the urge to hurl our poo around , apparently ) . He also visits the bathrooms of nine willing interviewees , in order to find out what they keep on the back of the loo , and why . But the highlight of Alford 's piece , for me , was when he discovered one of his own books " retired " in someone 's can . Yowch . 
BOOKS : D - I - Y for N - E - R - D - S . What do you do with those books that you can't sell , give away , or otherwise get rid of ? If you 're anything like me , the thought of chucking books in the garbage makes your pacemaker act up like crazy . And if you 're anything like me , this means you have a fair number of literary albatrosses taking up precious real estate on your shelves . So how about a plan for taking those books and using them to create MORE SHELF SPACE ? Is that not the most brilliant idea you ' ve ever seen ? The genius behind it is crafty Craftster member Mc Julie - O , who suffered from exactly the dilemma described above . Not one to complain ( unlike , say , me ) , Mc Julie - O designed and built her own custom solution . She provides instructions piecemeal on the Craftster discussion boards , but for your ease of use , I ' ve compiled her directions here in ( hopefully ) easy - to - follow steps . Well , you start with books that have nice covers but no future , and you 're going to want to " gut " them ( except for the two end books , which need to have pages showing on the end to verify that they are real books ) . Use a band saw to cut the pages and then a craft knife to separate them from the spine . [ The shelf is ] attached to the wall by a pair of picture hangers placed stud distance apart , so the anchoring screws can be attached to studs behind the sheetrock . The books cut into supports on the bottom are mostly decorative although they might prevent the shelf from torquing or twisting off the wall . If you 're more of a visual person , then the step - by - step photos that Mc Julie - O provides here may be more useful . Even I get how it all goes together . The hard part is going to be convincing Rusty that he wants to make it for me . And then buying a cottage to put it in . ( Thanks to Kat for the link ! ) . 
WORDS : When Good Lyrics Go Bad . " What 's that you 're humming ? " " That song from Donnie Darko . You know , it goes ' I find it kind of funny , I find it kind of sad , the dreams I have of flying are the best I ' ve ever had . ' I love that song . " " I think you ' ve got it wrong . " " What do you mean ? " " It goes ' The dreams I have of dying are the best I ' ve ever had . ' " " Oh . Well . That 's much worse . " . 
BOOKS : Are You a Wounded Cynic or a Happy Doofus ? What differentiates human beings from other animals is that we 're able to hold two diametrically opposed opinions without having our brains explode . This must be the reason why I like Dorothy Parker and A . A . Milne , Ms. Parker 's literary contemporary and mortal enemy , and list them both among my favourite short story writers . If you ' ve ever read any of Parker 's literary criticism , you know I ' m not exaggerating . She loathed Milne and his pantheon of characters , leading with Winnie - the - Pooh . In a shifting , sliding world , it is something to know that Mr. A . A . " Whimsy - the - Pooh " Milne stands steady . He may , tease that he is , delude us into thinking for a while that he has changed ; that we are all grown up now , and so he may be delicately bitter and even a little pleasurably weary , in front of us ; and then , suddenly as the roguish sun darting from the cloud , or the little crocus popping into bloom , or the ton of coal clattering down the chute , he is our own Christopher Robin again , and everything is hippity - hoppity as of old . Ouch . If you didn't feel the sting in that , take this excerpt from her review of The House on Pooh Corner : It " seemed to [ Pooh ] a Good Hum , such as is Hummed Hopefully to Others . " In fact , so Good a Hum did it seem that he and Piglet started right out through the snow to Hum It Hopefully to Eeyore . Oh , darn -- there I ' ve gone and given away the plot . Oh , I could bite my tongue out . The thing is , I can sort of see what Parker is talking about . It 's like when you find out that someone whose opinion you respect feels complete abhorrance for a book or movie you love . You 're sort of shocked at first , but then when they explain themselves you can see why it is they hate it , without suffering any change of sentiment yourself . I mean , I ' ve read " Eeyore Has a Birthday " enough times to wonder how the hell it is that Pooh manages to forget that the pot of honey he 's carrying is a birthday present , and then he conveniently remembers the minute after he 's eaten all the honey . As a person of about average common sense , these actions trouble me . I can only imagine how someone of Parker 's heightened sensitivity must feel . In some ways , Parker is a sort of Eeyore herself , the wounded cynic who frequently has the clearest insights and gets the funniest one - liners , and who also bumps up the wrong way against happy doofuses like Pooh Bear . And much as the other denizens of the Hundred Acre Wood often find themselves intimidated by Eeyore , to the extent that they occasionally give him a wide berth , Parker writes humorously of her own occasional pariah status at parties : It has lately been drawn to your correspondant 's attention that , at social gatherings , she is not the human magnet she would be . Indeed , it turns out that as a source of entertainment , conviviality , and good fun , she ranks somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice - skate . If that isn't an Eeyore - ish sentiment , I don't know what is . Don't believe me ? Compare it to the following : " Why , what 's the matter ? " " Nothing , Pooh Bear , nothing . We can't all , and some of us don't . That 's all there is to it . " " Can't all what ? " said Pooh , rubbing his nose . " Gaiety . Song - and - dance . Here we go round the mulberry bush . " " Oh ! " said Pooh . He thought for a long time and then asked , " What mulberry bush is that ? " " Bon - hommy , " went on Eeyore gloomily . " French word meaning bonhommy , " he explained . " I ' m not complaining , but There It Is . " Awww . I love Eeyore so . And that 's probably why I ' m able to like Parker and Milne simultaneously . 
One Bad Blogger . I ' ve been trying to figure out why lately I just don't feel that spark in my keyboard that I usually feel when I write . Is it that I haven't read any books to blog about ? No , I ' m actually reading tonnes these days . Is it that I ' m tired ? Dude , I ' m always tired . It rarely slows me down . Is it that life is busy , blah blah blah ? That may have been the reason up until last week , but things are pretty smooth this week , so strike that one . No , I think the problem is that I ' m ( temporarily , I hope ) sick of my own words . Has this ever happened to you ? You ' ve spent all night chatting it up at a party , or all day presenting a workshop or lecturing to a group of people , and you get home and realize you 're sick to death of the sound of your own voice ? And worse , when you replay your mental tapes , you become increasingly convinced that everyone else must be sick of it , too . And then , in order to overcome the crippling delayed embarrassment that this realization has triggered , you resolve to change your ways and become ... well , still yourself , but the best , quietest , most subdued version of yourself . Do any of you know this phenomenon of which I speak ? I ' m not the only one , am I ? ( This is where you smile kindly and sympathetically and pretend to commiserate . ) While I ' m sadly accustomed to experiencing word - shame due to my , er , verbal loquaciousness , this is the first time I ' ve felt this way because of my writing . Between all the reports and presentation notes and other work - related writing AND the blogging , I just wish I ' d shut up already . And by now you 're wishing the same thing . This whingefest -- and not - so - thinly veiled cry for help -- has been brought to you by the letter Y and the number 0 . And now back to your regularly scheduled internet . 
ETC : Overheard in Vancouver . Soccer Slut # 1 : I can't believe I came out to celebrate the World Cup final and I forgot to wear a slutty top . Soccer Slut # 2 : No problem . Just unzip your hoodie so that your bra is fully exposed for everyone to see , then use body paint to draw an Italian flag on your cleavage . SS # 1 : You are a genius . SS # 2 : Thank you . Okay , I didn't actually hear that , but something has to explain the sartorial issues I witnessed yesterday . And for the record , I ' m using the word " slut " in the non - pejorative sense . I love sluts . Sluts rock . Sometimes they make poor fashion choices , is all . 
BOOKS : It 's Short . It 's Sweet . It 's Summer . I don't know about the rest of you , but I my very own self am getting the hell out of Dodge for the weekend . Some of my fellow Bored Housewives and I are packing up our boys and men and heading for the wilds of Whistler . But before I take off , I wanted to leave you with a little Rx for a summer reading weekend . A Boy of Good Breedingby Miriam Toews ( # 22 ) I considered Toews 's novel A Complicated Kindness one of the best books I read in 2005 , which makes me unsure why it took so long for me to look up her earlier books . But we all know how the tortoise fared in that infamous race , and thus it was with me . I win ! If you 're like me , you like the idea of fun , goofy , Tom Robbins - esque stories , while the actuality of his novels bugs the living shit out of you . So imagine a Tom Robbins novel , minus the laboured , fey , irritating , Tom Robbins - y element , and you ' ve pretty much got A Boy of Good Breeding . It isn't as heavy as Kindness ( which is an amazing book that you should read if you haven't already ) , but that 's A - OK , because it 's summer , dude . You can save the heavy lifting for October . The story follows the overlapping narratives of two characters . Knute has just returned to her hometown of Algren , Manitoba , with her four - year - old daughter , Summer Feelin ' , to figure out what to do with the rest of her life . She gets a job as secretary for Algren 's mayor , Hosea Funk , who , for reasons that become apparent , is obsessed with keeping the town 's population at an even 1500 . Hijinx ensue . I already hate myself for the adjectives I ' m about to use to describe this novel : Funny . Quirky . Charming . Heartwarming . Urgh . Well , read it anyway , and I ' ll promise to buy a better thesaurus . And I ' m out of here . Catch you on Monday , comrades . 
Dewey Donation Draw . If you 're looking for a way to combine two of your favourite things -- shopping for books and being an awesome person -- might I suggest that you donate a book to the Hurricane Katrina - beleagured Harrison County library system ? The Dewey Donation System makes it oh - so - easy , and Glark has created extra incentives with draws and prizes through Glarkware and TWo P . I ' m also sweetening the pot in my own small way . If you make a donation to Dewey ( or if you already have ) , just post about it in the comments section of this entry . After the Dewey Drive is over , I ' ll do a draw of all the comments and I ' ll give each of ten random commenters a fine mystery offering from the boxes of books that still clutter my front hallway . Give a book , get a book . That 's a pretty sweet deal , if I say so myself . So ... ready , set ... well , you know . 
BOOKS : When Will I Get My Book Robot ? WHEN ? I was really excited when I first saw this gadget . But then I realized that it 's not , in fact , a robotic device that not only holds your book but also turns the pages for you . It just holds your book open for you . Damn . On the flip side ( ha ! flip ... geddit ? ) , this clever little notebook and pencil combo just about made my list - lovin ' day . First , of course , it satisfies my nerd passion for listmaking , but then it goes one further by using GRAPH PAPER . Oh my stars . I think I ' ve stumbled into some kind of anal retentive fantasy . The clever little pencil insert is almost overkill . Almost . Of course , paper can't go everywhere , and you never know when you ' ll suddenly be seized by the compulsion to make a list of , oh , say , your favourite 1980 s rock anthems featuring women on lead vocals . * Or a grocery list . I understand that some people like to write those , too . That 's where this handy - dandy shower tablet comes in handy . And since I ' m having one of those kinds of days , I ' m cranking the Random - O - Meter up to full just to show you this Stagger shelf by Brave Space . Soooo pretty . Mama likes . * Pat Benetar , " Love Is a Battlefield " Joan Jett , " I Love Rock ' n ' Roll " Annie Lennox , " Sweet Dreams " Bonnie Tyler , " Total Eclipse of the Heart " Heart , " What About Love " Feel free to suggest more . My list would ' ve been longer , but I didn't have a damned NOTEBOOK IN THE SHOWER . 
BOOKS : I ' m Not High Right Now , I Swear . I can't remember how I stumbled across this photo group on Flickr , but it 's so neat I thought I ' d pass it along . Called the Bookshelf Project , it 's a collection of photos of book collections that the 900 members of the group have uploaded . ( Congratulations ! If you clicked on the link above before reading further , you have arrived . You are a true book nerd . Your membership card and secret decoder ring will be arriving in the mail in 4 - 6 weeks . ) One thing I noticed after scanning through a few pages of thumbnails : when you look at photos of books en masse , it 's not unlike flipping through a pornographic magazine really quickly . Your senses are flooded by a tidal wave of a single colour palette ( though books tend to fall into the grey - blue area of the spectrum , while porn tends to be more on the , er , " peachy " side ) , and there 's a strange rush coupled with a kind of Zen peace that comes from being inundated by an almost kaleidoscopic barrage of repeating images . No , I ' m not high right now . I swear . Speaking of which , I haven't even begun to view all 1500 + pictures , but of the ones I ' ve seen so far , this ( uploaded by a member called etara ) is definitely my favourite : Whoa , dude . I think somebody spiked the punch . I don't know where this picture was taken , and there 's no information on the page . When I tried to do a search , the keywords " big - ass spiral tower thingy of books " didn't yield results , strangely enough . If anyone could enlighten me before this drives me NUTS , I ' d appreciate it . 
ETC : Day 2 , The Cleansening . Mood : Moderately chipper Hunger level : Satiated Number of cleanse - related complaints : None Reason for above : Beverage - induced cheating , in the form of one glass of wine ( last night ) and one mocha ( this morning ) Outlook : Itchily optimistic . 
BOOKS : If This Site Were a Car , It ' d Be an Old - School Volvo . At some point in the past day or so , the odometer on this site clicked past a magical milestone : 200,000 visits . Well , technically , we probably passed that marker a while back , but I didn't start tracking visits till just over a year ago . Either way , exciting ! If this site were a car , I ' d probably have to think about trading it in . On the other hand , if this site were a car , it would probably be an old - school Volvo , so at 200,000 clicks it ' d just be hitting its stride . But I digress . And given that Blogger doesn't seem to be allowing some folks to comment these days , perhaps my Volvo analogy shouldn't be scrutinized too closely . Let 's move along . For a while now , I ' ve been looking for an opportunity -- not that I should really need one -- to say a few things . I want to tell you all how flattered I am that you come here , and how enormously honoured I am every time I learn that someone has added me to their blogroll or otherwise linked to 50 Books . I want to tell you how much I appreciate everyone who takes a few seconds or minutes to post , whether it 's a comment on a book or just a note telling me you ' ve dropped by . I read every single comment you leave , and I wish I had enough time to respond personally to each one . This site means a lot to me . It 's the first time I ' ve ever tried to order my thoughts around the books I read , and this is a ( no doubt narcissistic ) exercise I ' ve come to really enjoy . Plus , I can finally remember the plots of books I ' ve read a whole six months ago ! Unprecedented ! Most importantly -- and unexpectedly -- I ' ve found an amazing community of likeminded readers . When I started this blog almost a year and a half ago , thinking it would just be a list of the books I ' d read , I hesitated over whether to allow comments . My first thought was , Who the heck 's even going to find my site , much less post on it ? And my second thought was , What if people do find my site , and they 're crazy ? My misgivings were unfounded . If any of you are crazy , you 're the best kind of crazy . I ' ve been around this ol ' internet for a long time , and my throat closes up when I think about how proud and moved I am that one of the nicest , smartest groups of people I ' ve ever encountered online is a bunch of characters I met right here on my own site . As much as I love writing my posts for you to read , I love even more reading your funny , intelligent , thoughtful replies . There ' ve been times -- especially during the long , dark , wet winter when I was confined to the house all day with young Master Sam and duelling head colds -- when you all saved me from me from certain insanity . You may not realize that you did , but you did . I consider you all friends , lurkers and non - lurkers alike . May the Great Librarian give you all the books you ' ve ever desired , and all the time in the world in which to read them . 
BOOKS : Wanted - One Good Book without an Emotionally Crippling Plot . Wh - wh - wh - what happened ? Is today Tuesday ? I think I blacked out , dude . I blame the aliens . Or possibly , the aliens in conjunction with the saucer people and the reverse vampires . I ' d check for signs of probing , but I ' m afraid to look . Okay , what actually happened ( because I ' m sensing you don't believe my blackout story ) was that Tara , AKA The Artist Formerly Known as Wing Chun , and her lovely assistant Glark were in town , and between our whirlwind tour of eastside massage parlours and the crippling bout of flatulence induced by the delicious ( if I say so myself ) black - bean - and - quinoa burgers I whipped up for us using a recipe from this fabulous cookbook , blogging fell off my list of things to do . But not only am I back , I ' m back with a 50 Books first : a reader 's request for book recommendations ! Jennifer is the mom of a two - year - old AND a three - year - old ( she doesn't recommend this to just everyone ) and she 's finally at a point where she has time to read again . She 's looking for " something really good and possibly funny and / or trashy to read this summer . " The last book Jennifer really enjoyed was by Jeffrey Steingarten ( I haven't heard of him myself , so I ' m a bit stumped here ) , and she 's been reading a lot of Nora Roberts ( also drawing a blank , I ' m embarrassed to admit ) because her mom has copies everywhere . Her favourite book in college was Possession , and her favourite in high school was The Scarlet Letter . One last note from Jenn : " I got a recommendation for The Secret Lives of Bees but I really can't take emotionally crippling plots . If it 's just a good book without the super - crying factor , let me know . " I ' ve been giving Jenn 's request some thought for a couple of days . Because I haven't read any of Steingarten 's or Roberts 's books , I can't work from that . I have read Possession , which I liked , so from there I might suggest some of Byatt 's other books . I ' ve always liked her short stories , so perhaps Sugar and Other Stories or The Matisse Stories . And for fun summer reads ... well , you may recall how much I ' ve been enjoying Alexander Mc Call Smith 's novels lately . And for a funny read , I also really liked Winner of the National Book Award . So there are my 1.5 cents . Any other suggestions for Jennifer ? Fire away . 
ETC : Speaking of Getting the Last Word ... The Dewey Donation System is a mere 258 donations away from hitting the 1000 mark ! And in just six days ! I ' m going to check out the wishlists again to see if there are any new titles I can send . It would be wonderful to crack 1000 within the first week . 
BOOKS : Books Always Get the Last Word . Don't ever make the mistake of thinking you can anticipate and control your reading experience . Books will always get the last word . So to speak . Elizabeth and Afterby Matt Cohen ( # 19 ) For starters , you should know that I ' ve been hiding from Russell Banks 's novel The Darling for a few months now . I want to read it , I really do , because I heart Banks big time , but after the psychic bruising administered by Affliction , the last book of his I read ( which you should also read , because it 's really , really good ) , I ' ve been steeling myself . I ' m not quite there yet . But then I got shanghaied by Elizabeth and After , which , while not quite on the same wrenching level as Affliction , definitely gave me a minor drubbing . Also , if you read my thoughts on a couple of Cohen 's short story collections a while back , you may recall that my biggest criticism of his writing is that , while it 's definitely artful and subtle and nuanced and all that , his characters themselves seem basically unlikeable , so much so that I don't even think Cohen himself likes them . I should clarify my terms : when I think about likeability , I ' m not thinking about people who are paragons of virtue , because duh , those would be the least likeable people of all . I like flaws . Plenty of flaws . Deep flaws . Even mortal flaws . You get my drift . But I think that a writer 's art lies in being honest about their characters ' moral shortcomings while still representing their total humanity . This is where Cohen 's short stories fell short , and I was expecting the same from Elizabeth and After . But then when Marianne posted in the comments section that she 's been saving this novel to read , I thought I should give it a chance . I ' m glad I did . The novel form finally allows Cohen enough space to give his characters the humanity they need to be sympathetic . The characters in Elizabeth and After have issues , big issues : alcoholism , violence , infidelity , and a maddening inability to make good decisions . All this coupled with some wincingly bad luck . But throughout the novel I found myself rooting for them , hoping that THIS time maybe they ' d make the right choice , THIS time fate wouldn't kick them in the guts . And to me that is the hallmark of a fine story : when you care about the characters . When you want them SO BADLY to come out on top . When , despite the ominous rumbling of foreshadowing , you find yourself in denial about the inevitable course of events . This is suspension of disbelief , my friends , and Cohen nails it in this novel . I even forgive him for making me feel badly about my former assessment of his abilities . 
BOOKS : Just Give ' er ... Some Books . I ' m beat and young Master Sam decided to breeze past his morning nap without consulting me first . Urg . He 's finally down for his afternoon snooze , and I ' m off to ( try to ) do the same . I ' m an even worse napper than Sam , so wish me luck . Rather than not post at all today , I thought I ' d give a Dewey Donation System update , since I ' m addicted to checking the site several times a day for progress reports . As of a few minutes ago , 560 books have been donated by 204 people just like you ! In under a week ! That is twelve different flavours of awesome . If you haven't had a chance to make your contribution yet , because you ' ve been busy or the wishlists have been almost empty , I think the wishlists have all been recently topped up , so there should be lots of choices available . And if circumstances won't allow you to help out right now , don't feel bad ! We ' ve all been there . But your heart 's in the right place , and you ' ll have many , many opportunities in the future . 
ETC : I Am Trying to Have a Positive Attitude toward the World Cup . I am trying to have a positive attitude toward the World Cup . I am trying to have a positive attitude toward the World Cup . I am trying to have a positive attitude toward the World Cup . I am trying to have a positive attitude toward the World Cup . I am trying to have a positive attitude toward the World Cup . I am trying to have a positive attitude toward the World Cup . I am trying to have a positive attitude toward the World Cup . I am trying to have a positive attitude toward the World Cup . I am trying to have a positive attitude toward the World Cup . I am trying to have a positive attitude toward the World Cup . Reasons for : Only happens every four years . Soccer is actually a pretty cool sport . Global cameraderie , world coming together in sport , good fellowship among men , etc. Reasons against : Lasts too goddamned long . Large groups of men gathered together = not a good idea due to collective loss of IQ points . Tendency of people who live in other parts of city to congregate in my neighbourhood because they want to become ( temporarily ) ethnic by osmosis . Tendency of same people to forget that not everyone shares their love of egregious noisemaking at all hours , and to ignore the fact that they ' d never tolerate this level of hullaballoo in their own posher neighbourhoods . Tendency of same to gather in my favourite coffee shop and park themselves right in front of the bar , thereby preventing me from ordering my much - needed mocha . Ironically , my need for said coffee is precipitated by having been woken up at 6:00 am by soccer revellers such as themselves . ( Admittedly , Sam was probably going to wake me up at 6:15 , but it 's the PRINCIPLE , people . ) Brazilian drum band , clearly amateur in origin , that has set up impromptu shop outdoors just three houses from mine . ( I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that the people who brought us ass - waxing also brought us really terrible drumming . Note to wannabe drummers : The reason why drums are popular at raves and UNpopular everywhere else is because Ecstasy makes it hard for you to hate things with the venom they rightfully deserve . ) Guy with airhorn in front of my house , who seemed surprised when I went outside and told him to stop because he ' d woken up my baby . And let 's not forget the most powerful reason of all : don't really give a crap who wins . 
BOOKS : Shelve That Idea . Bookshelves . Plain old pieces of wood placed horizontally so that they intersect with equally mundane vertical pieces of wood ? BOR - ing . Oh , sure , those were fine for pioneers and whatnot , but we 're living in the 21 st century , people ... the age of rocketpacks ! And miniature pet elephants ! I think we can do a bit better . First up , if all you German people want to ditch your reputation for being sensible and pragmatic , then stop coming up with such genius practical ideas , okay ? Our Teutonic friends bring us these foldable shelves , which are brilliant , especially if you 're one of those nomadic types who still likes to heft your books along with you when you move . If the Mongol hordes had had shelves like these , they probably would have been a lot better read and perhaps a bit less heavyhanded with the roving and pillaging . Another variation on the invisible floating bookshelf concept is the Sticklebook , " the world 's first invisible shelving system that creates the illusion of a line of books hanging unsupported on the wall . " For the life of me , I cannot figure out how this thing works , and a close - up photo of the device , below , does very little to help me . I welcome your theories . These Dryade shelves just make me happy . She looks like she 's really enjoying that magazine . Much as I like this unit , though , it ' d require reconfiguring our space , changing our colour scheme , and probably reprogramming our DNA to make it work . Try as I might , I just can't picture this comfortably ensconsed in our current " Victorian Modernist " aesthetic . But YM , as they say , MV . 
BOOKS : Dewey Makes Me Dewy . ( Yes , That WAS a Bad Pun . ) . If you ' ve got that givin ' feeling and you don't know where to point it without getting into trouble , Pamie ( of Pamie ) and Glark ( of Glark ) have teamed up to launch the Dewey Donation System , in support of Mississippi 's Harrison County Library System , which was devastated by Hurricane Katrina . Dewey makes it easy to donate . You can choose to order and send books from individual libraries ' wishlists , or you can make a cash donation to a specific library . Cash donations will be used in rebuilding efforts or to fund existing library operations . Want some inspiration ? Go to Dewey 's blog to read comments from people who ' ve already donated . At the time of writing this post , 73 lovely souls have already given a grand total of 155 books and $ 1000 . This doesn't include yours truly ... yet . I ' m off right now to check out the wishlists and make my own contribution . I hope to see you there . Give books ! All the same glowy feel - good potential as giving blood , but with less jabbing ! On the library tip , I ' ve been thinking lately about how much I ' ve always felt instinctively at home in them . When I was seven and my parents split up and we kids moved with our mom away from the family farm , one of the perks of being right in town was that we were just a few blocks away from the tiny public library . I ' d never been in a library before , and I was almost overwhelmed by the glamour . So many books ! So many kinds ! And practically all just for me because , let 's face it , this was a semi - rural library in a community that wasn't exactly a hotbed of the arts. I used to spend hours in there at least once a week and never see a soul other than the librarian , a lovely older woman named Mrs. Campbell . I got to know Mrs. Campbell pretty well . I ' d tell her what I thought about the books I ' d just read , and she ' d tell me about her grandchildren and how she lived with diabetes . As the years passed , Mrs. Campbell relaxed her five - book limit and let me take out as many books as I liked , and later , when I ' d exhausted the children 's and young adults ' sections , she allowed me to borrow books from the grown - ups ' section , with her approval of the specific titles , even though I was technically too young . The library probably did have other patrons , and I may have even seen some of them , though I don't remember them if I did , but I never lost my decadent feeling that all these books -- and Mrs. Campbell -- had been gathered in this place solely for my delectation . This library is where I discovered everything from The Waterbabies and Peter Pan to the Little House on the Prairie series and Seventeen magazine . Since then , I ' ve been in much bigger libraries , much better libraries , and much more beautiful libraries , but if you were to ask me what mental picture I come up with when I hear the word " library , " I ' d tell you that it 's a one - room , windowless cinderblock building with flourescent overhead lighting and cheap wooden shelving lining the walls . In other words , the most amazing , magical place of my youth . So , if and when you 're thinking of contributing to the Harrison County Library System , remember the libraries of your childhood and remember everything they gave you and anticipate the innumerable gifts that you , by donating , will be giving to countless kids just like you . 
BOOKS : Booky Booky , Clicky Clicky . There are a few things I probably could have done , but didn't , when our neighbour 's broken burglar alarm woke us up at 4:40 am today and proceeded to go off every ten minutes till almost 7:00 : Get some work done . Fold laundry . Give myself a much - needed pedicure . ( Sandal season is going to come to the Pacific northwest eventually , right ? ) Read . Deal with my email backlog . Write a meaningful , well thought out post for today . Instead , I hauled my tired old carcass to the gym and did a zombie - like workout on the elliptical trainer . Ever since realizing that speed - reading isn't a cardio activity , and that my ass -- which seems to have gone MIA since I lost the weight I gained during pregnancy -- isn't going to find its way back home on its own , I ' ve been putting in my grudging five workouts a week . So at least that 's out of the way . Instead of giving you my own thought - provoking ideas , I ' m going to plunder a few bookish blogs I like and give you some other people 's thought - provoking ideas . Arrr , matey ! I ' m a blog pirate adrift on the high seas of the internet ! Or something like that . Mike has posted a section of a story he 's been working on , and if you ' ve been looking for confirmation that he 's going to be a literary star one of these days and you want to be able to say you read him when , you should go read it . Exxie is in a reading slump . I had one of those a couple of months ago and man , it sucks worrying that you 're never going to find a book that fires up your brain and soul again . Give her some reading suggestions or encouraging words . Or you could send her money . I know that always makes me feel better . Carrie has an excellent review in the current issue of Bookslut , and she challenges you to find it . I did , and I could tell you where it is , but that would just ruin the fun . Karen has posted a link from her site to a lovely essay written by Michael Chabon on his site about , as she puts it , " the fleeting nature of the " memory - making " time we spend with our kids . " Speaking of children , I ' ve really been enjoying Neal Pollack 's site ever since he came over to the dark side and accepted that posts about your kids are the funnest things to write . Pollack took a lot of flak a while back for publicizing his struggles with his " spirited " toddler Elijah on Salon , but anyone who reads his hilarious entries about his adventures with his son can see that he 's a caring , hands - on dad . But , you know , the public always needs a whipping boy so they can unleash all the secret resentment they still harbour toward their own parents . Last year it was Pollack . This month it 's Britney . Next it could be you . Watch out ! That 's all from me till Monday . And boy howdy , if you think posting about other people 's sites is a lazy cheater 's way to blog , then you ' ve never done it . Over and out . 
BOOKS : What 's in Your Loo - brary ? When I was a little kid , my grandmother , who was also a book fiend , had a joke book she kept in her bathroom . Entitled Jokes for the John , this book was , in my considered opinion , the finest collection of humour writing of all time . Not only the jokes , but also the concept that there could be a book especially designed for reading while on the toilet ... well , it cracked my nine - year - old shit up . These days , I no longer find the idea of books in bathrooms laugh - out - loud funny , and my toilet is home to a precarious stack of books and magazines that threatens to spill over and scare the bejeebus out of anyone who jostles it disrespectfully during a nocturnal visit to the can . With the idea that you can tell a lot about people not just by looking at their shelves where they keep books neatly arranged for public digestion , but by assessing the more intimate collections they keep in places like their bedside table or their car or , of course , their bathroom , I offer my loo - brary for your inspection : Beyond the Far Side I know that Far Side comics are probably pass and all you youngfolk out there are saying to yourselves , " Gary who ? " but every bathroom needs to have at least one collection of dated comics , and this is mine . So there . Visual Power : Sex Every bathroom also needs to have one book that 's full of just plain weird , freaky - deaky arty words and pictures that you don't quite understand . I find this Eurotrashy collection of faux - philosophical writing paired with disturbing semi - pornographic imagery both compelling and repellent , depending which page I ' m on . I can't tell if the publishers are poseurs or parodists , which is probably a sign of brilliance . This book fulfills the requirement of any decent loo - brary to house at least one book that makes you go , " What the fuck ? " Just Give ' r : A Handguide by Terry & Dean Every toilet worth its salt houses at least one book you wouldn't be caught reading outside the bathroom . In our house , this shame read is Terry and Dean 's ( of Fubar fame ) illustrated guide to givin ' ' er , a surprisingly handy little manual with instructions on everything from having sex in a canoe ( " one of the hardest things a man can do " ) to giving presentations in school ( " you 're allowed to suck if you go first " ) to surviving a sandstorm ( " try and locate a camel " ) . If you haven't seen Fubar ( yet , because you 're going to rent it tonight ) , you can still enjoy this book , but it won't be the same . Found A hallmark of any premiere bathroom literature is its ability to yield new riches with each perusal , no matter how many months or years it has graced its porcelain shelf . This is what separates the timeless classics from the passing fads . This is Found : The Best Lost , Tossed , and Forgotten Items from around the World . Based on the website and zine of the same name , this collection is the best of the best of Found 's ... er ... findings . We ' ve had it for a year and a half , and just when I think I ' ve exhausted its possibilities , it shows me something new . It 's a bathroom miracle . The Onion : Ad Nauseum See above re : Found . You just can't go wrong with an Onion anthology , though for my money a better bet is Our Dumb Century . We don't own that one , so I have to go to Rizzo and the Baco - Vegetarian 's bathroom to enjoy it . That 's okay . It gets me out of the house . So there you have it . My most private ( or ... are they ? Bwahaha ! ) reading habits . You were expecting the collected letters of John Cheever , perhaps ? Now ' fess up . What 's in your loo - brary ? 
Ummm , yeah ... I ' m not the type of girl to judge a guy by his looks . Or by the type of car he drives . Or by his occupation . If there 's chemistry there , it 's there . But my Tuesday night will never have the chance to figure that out . I walked into Keegan 's and saw a guy with a knock - out smile and I was excited to get to know him . An hour later I walked out of the bar wondering what on Earth he was thinking when he looked at me and said , " Let 's just get this out there : girls like you don't date guys like me . " WTF ? ! I was willing to let the " high - maintenance girl " comment slide by , but the self - deprecation was too much for me to take . Too bad for you Mr. Tuesday . You 're missing out . Luckily for me , I ' ve figured out what kind of guys would date girls like me ... --- Random thoughts of the evening : - Panna Cotta is really just Italian for " Goat Cheese Flan " - Shoop , Shoop -- there comes a point when you will exhale . 
Too Much . I ' ve refrained from getting too wrapped up in the events taking place overseas these days , but after reading a friend 's blog I find myself reeling . I have apparently been so wrapped up in my own drama that I never even heard about the kidnapping of David Bright - Fishbein from a town in the West Bank . Unfortunately , kidnappings and terrorist attacks in that part of the world aren't all that uncommon these days . What makes this one slightly more disturbing for me is the fact that Bright - Fishbein sat in class with my friend while they studied together at Hebrew U . Bright was released 12 hours after his abduction , apparently after his captors figured out that he was a US citizen and they ' d be in some serious shit if they didn't return him unharmed . So , all 's well that ends well ... But it still has me thinking . I spend my days drinking Tazo iced teas at Starbucks and shopping ( well , at least for the next week until I start my fabulous new job ) . My counterparts in Israel are spending their days attempting to keep their borders secure . I guess it makes me feel as though my silly quest for 50 dates this summer is just that : silly . Makes me wonder if I should cancel tonight 's ? ... 
What the Drs . Ordered . prn : Road Trip ! Malisa and I headed down to Rochester on Friday after I finished my last day at Agency . Highlights from our 26 - hour adventure include : - Rocking out as we rocked out of town . ( She 's a morphorotic dream from a magazine ... ) . - Crawdads and White Trash ( ok , Muliti - colored Trash ) in Chatfield : Going up to the hot guy across the bar who had been staring at Malisa from the moment our group walked in . Whispering in his ear that he " could stare at her all night or [ he ] could buy her a drink . " He bought her a drink . He 's a soon - to - be - nurse at Mayo . For those of you not in the know , Tony is a Murse . Which is almost as bad as being the Chatfield townie I thought he was ... - Ditching Extraneous Girl - Along - For - The - Ride : Indian Guy ( how is it that I manage to find myself an Indian Guy in whichever city I happen to be in ? ! ) met up with us in Rochester before we left for Chatfield . His date was ... well , let 's just say unfortunate . She 's straight from the Eighties and while she 's a really nice gal , she 's just not ... I won't finish that . Needless to say , we came up with a plan to send her home safely ( physically and psychologically -- no ego - bruises here ) . On the drive back from Chatfield , I made a big fuss about being really tired . We said we were going home ... Indian Guy dropped Extraneous Girl off at her car . We ( me , Malisa and Dr. Ph D ) made plans to meet up with him shortly . - Paging Dr. P - Love : Dr. Ph D thought it would be brilliant for Malisa to meet one of his friends . Unfortunately , Dr. P - Love spent Friday night on call . Rather than letting Dr. P - Love 's on - call status put a cramp in the matchmaking session , Dr. Ph D decided to make a pit - stop at the hospital . We parked in the dr . 's only space . We walked through the hospital in our Friday - night - finest ( that is to say , I had on my Franco boots that were louder than morter fire ... not exactly footwear conducive to sneaking through hospitals in the middle of the night ) . We got dirty looks from the nurses . We met up with Dr. P - Love after Dr. Ph D paged him to some random waiting room . Poor Dr. P - Love was not having as much as we were ... Hopefully our pit - stop trip * made * his never - ending night ... - Dancing at the Westfire : Drinking , talking , and dancing never felt sooooo good . And boy , can those Mayo boys shake it ! But what made the moment even better was feeling like we were the only girls in the universe . The guys were nothing but flattering ( and not in a fake way , a la Dodi ... Malisa even got complimented on her armpits ) and the women were extremely nice ( such a refreshing change from the bitchy girls in Town ) . And really , there 's nothing more surreal than watching a bald Indian guy shake his groove - thang to Madonna ... - 3:30 am Trip to the Grocery Store : I can't say I remember much , other than the lady with the six Hungry Man dinners right behind us . - Going to the Mall with Dr. Ph D and Dr. P - Love : I ' ve never had a hangover that was so much fun . - Driving Back to Town with Malisa : The type of drive that commercials are made of . Best friends , driving back to good music , too tired to speak much , eating ice cream bars and drinking Diet Coke . My prognosis ? Things are starting to look very , very good . 
Strike a Pose . On my second - to - last day at Agency , I realized my true calling : I ' m going to be a supermodel . Ok , maybe not a supermodel . But you may just happen to see my face grace a few billboards around town . In true Agency fashion , we had a very intensive photo shoot today -- guerilla style . To make a long story short , the client approved the budget at the last minute and then decided that they ' d like their sales materials to be finished by the time the Uptown Art Fair happens -- in two weeks ! It takes at least a week to schedule a go - see ... so instead of using " real " models , Creative Director decided to use Agency staff . The outfit I chose today made me look the part , so I was assigned a 2:30 call time to Figlio . I showed up and my modeling career took off ... There 's something really fun about being photographed in the middle of town . In my trendy hat and shades ( purchased only minutes before at Urban Outfitters ) , I really started to feel the part . It didn't hurt that people were staring as they walked by me striking a pose while my very young , very hip photographer snapped away from behind his very impressive camera with a very large lens . I grooved out to " music " ( headphone cord tucked into empty pocket ) , I " read " on a bench , and I ate Chinese food ( ok , it was Tibetan ) . I also posed on some random bike that we saw -- the owner came out of the salon only to see the enterouge standing right next to her bike and was a little surprised / confused but ended up being really cool about it when we promised to send her a picture or two and gave her the bouquet of sunflowers that I had in my hands . Despite the heat , it ended up being a ton of fun . I can see why models do what they do . Hopefully there 's a shot or two that looks good . I guess I ' ll know in three weeks ... 
Happy Birthday ! This is just a quick happy birthday wish to Valeri ! ( Please pardon the red eye , I haven't had time to play with my PS elements yet ) She is in Cozumel or somewhere fabulous enjoying her day . Have a great day !!! 
I ' m too lazy . To do a real post . So I am going to copy and paste this from Kami and then go to bed . Got a lot of crap to do tomorrow .1 . Have you ever been searched by the cops ? No 2 . Do you close your eyes on roller coasters ? No way ! I love every thrill seeking minute of it . Kind of like the time I sky dived .3 . When 's the last time you ' ve been sledding ? Never 4 . Would you rather sleep with someone else , or alone ? Shhh , don't tell the hubs , but alone .5 . Do you believe in ghosts ? Kind of .6 . Do you consider yourself creative ? No 7 . Do you think O . J . killed his wife ? Yes 8 . Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie ? Jen 9 . Do you stay friends with your exes ? Not really 10 . Do you know how to play poker ? Kind of . I usually need a short refresher course . But I can kick your ass at 42 ! ( Waiting to see how many non - Aggies actually know what this is ) 11 . Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight ? Yeah . Somehow my sister and I pulled an ALL - WEEKENDER drinking and getting into trouble . Must post about her nap at IHOP .12 . What 's your favorite commercial ? I never see them anymore thanks to dvr .13 . What are you allergic to ? Stupid people 14 . If you 're driving in the middle of the night , and no one is around do you run red lights ? No way . You never know who else is doing that .15 . Do you have a secret that no one knows but you ? No. I ' m way to much of a blabber mouth . Maybe me and one other person .16 . Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees ? Who cares ? 17 . Have you ever been Ice Skating ? Yes 18 . How often do you remember your dreams ? A lot 19 . When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried ? I ' m so sad that I can't remember ! 20 . Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles ? Nope .21 . What 's the one thing on your mind now ? Do I have enough food and alcohol for this party ? 22 . Do you know who Ghetto - ass barbie is ? No , but I wish I did .23 . Do you always wear your seat belt ? Yes.24 . What cell service do you use ? Verizon .25 . Do you like sushi ? Yes.26 . Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident ? Yes.27 . What do you wear to bed ? Pj 's 28 . Been caught stealing ? Nope .29 . What shoe size do you have ? It depends . The feet have changed since having the kid . Somewhere between a 7 and 8.30 . Do you truly hate anyone ? Yes.31 . Classic Rock or Rap ? Rap . But what is classic rock these days ? Stuff from the eighties ? If so , then both .32 . If you could sleep with one famous person , who would it be ? Matthew Mc Conaughey , or Brad Pitt , or any of those hot hollywood guys .33 . Favorite Song ? Ever ? Hmmm . I ' m not sure . I like so many .34 . Have you ever sang in front of the mirror ? Yes 35 . What food do you find disgusting ? Anything with nuts .36 . Do you sing in the shower ? Yes.37 . Did you ever play , " I ' ll show you mine , if you show me yours " ? Yes 38 . Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back ? Not seriously .39 . Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew ? I would like to think so but nothing comes to mind .40 . Have you ever been punched in the face ? No ! 
Man 's best friend . Can I just say that I have the best dog ever ? Not only does he tolerate my kid constantly messing with him and never giving him a moments rest , but he had his yearly check up today and he did so good ! Always just so happy to get his shots and get checked out . AND to have a huge , long stick stuck up his butt to test for worms . I don't think I would be that patient . I really like the new vet 's office . They are so good to him and us and always remember who he is . I was worried about him because he has only been to one vet in his whole life and he loved her . I do miss that office . We were VIP customers because he is so high maintenance . I ' m getting the house ready for our housewarming party this weekend . Let 's see . These are the things that I don't have done that I wish I did : Curtains on all windows instead of just blinds Tablerunners and some sort of centerpiece on the kitchen and DR tables Some sort of pretty picture or something on the wall behind my bed My kid 's room decorated New frames on the shelves in the gameroom A wine / liquor cabinet Anything in the gameroom to make it more attractive But if I ' m going to have a party we have to do it before the hubs goes back to school and football gets to crazy , so we are having it now . Please keep your fingers crossed that the weather says it is going to do what they say it will and cool off on Saturday ! Oh yeah . Kami told me she is coming with her BAMF to take pics for her " events " section of her website and that I have to make it " pretty " . Crap . Now I ' m all nervous that it won't be good enough and I won't make the cut . Add that to my list ... 
Plague in the prairie land . What a long 24 hours . After I finished my last post I had to go give the kid some meds for his mouth . He has 3 molars coming in at the same time . They have all broken the skin , so hopefully we are on the downhill side of this . He has never been a kid that likes to be rocked and held until he goes to sleep . But last night he let me rock and hold him forever . If I didn't have so much to do I would have held him all night . But I finally put him back in bed and he was good to go for the rest of the night . When I got home yesterday afternoon from the movie the hubs wasn't feeling so hot . I didn't think much of it and went on about my business . I decided to sleep elsewhere so he could be more comfortable in the bed . And so that I wouldn't catch his germs . I guess I was too late . At 4:50 am I thought I was going to die . Let me spare you the gory details and just tell you it wasn't pretty . I get up this morning and find out that Kami 's son and another kid that we saw on Saturday were sick too . And someone 's sister that was there . Hmmm . Guess we all shared some kind of virus or something . I ' m pretty sure I ' ll freak right out if my kid starts throwing up . We ' ve had some bad diapers but luckily no throwing up . At least the diapers are mostly contained . Thanks to the hubs for cleaning up that mess in his bed this morning . I just wasn't up for it . I guess the good news is that I got caught up on some stuff I had recorded and our house is now properly sanitized . And the cleaning people are coming tomorrow so they should get anything that we might have missed . So I guess I go back to the real world tomorrow . I really did like sleeping until lunch and then spending the afternoon laying on the couch watching tv and napping . Will someone pay me to do that ? 
To peep or not to peep ? Thanks for all your well wishes about my brother . He is doing better but still has a long road ahead of him . So , I went shopping on Friday with Kami . There were so many things that I could have spent all my money on ! I really had no business being there anyway . But I got the kid a few shirts and I got myself two pairs of shoes . One for work and one for fun . Somehow Kami ended up with a pair of my shoes , so I ' ve only got one pair to show you . But I need your opinion . I need to know if it is ok to wear peep toe shoes in the winter . Tammy isn't allowed to answer , she already told me her opinion . It 's about as much as she likes the Uggs Kami bought : ) Here they are : There isn't much of a peep toe . You can hardly see my toe . I think the heel may be too short though . I need to try them on with my pants and find out . I ' m used to wearing a much higher heel . But I just fell in love with them , so they came home with me . Also , here is something that Kami gave me for my housewarming gift : I love this pic of my kid and she had it blown up into a 16 x 20 and framed . Thanks again Kami ! Today my sister and I went to see The Devil wears Prada . It was so cute ! But it made me want to quit eating and go do some serious shopping . I however continued to stuff my face full of popcorn and m m 's anyway . We did go to Kohl 's later and my sister got a lot of stuff for her boys . I guess that will have to be my shopping for now . Unfortunately I have another busy week ahead of me . And for some reason my kid is in there screaming instead of sleeping . Let 's hope it 's not a long night ... 
Just for Memphis . I got a call today from Memphis telling me to hurry up and update my blog because she needed something to read . Only for her ... I have just been really busy this week . I ' ve been getting my work stuff all organized so that I can be a good employee . Well , that and the fact that I had to work with my manager on Wed and Thurs . It does make my job more fun and easier when I have all my crap together , you know ? Some of you read my sister 's blog and know that my brother was in a bad motorcycle accident on Sunday . He is basically lucky to be alive . I could literally go on for days about our relationship . But instead I ' ll give you the Cliff 's notes version . My brother , sister and I used to be inseparable . We hung out all weekend and the kids played ( their kids , mine wasn't here yet ) . We spent every holiday together . We even had siblings night out where the three of us would ditch our spouses and go have dinner and drinks . And it was FUN . So much fun . Then one day , my brother just quit being our brother . We ' ve both tried to get an explanation out of him but we get nothing . It 's just the weirdest thing . We have our ideas and theories , but we don't know why . So we went from hanging out all the time to talking on the phone every couple of months . He came to see me when I had my son . That was the last time I saw him in person . 18 months ago . I had not even talked to him on the phone since January . So I told my husband and Kami that I was done . I was done worrying and trying and I was just going to have to move on . It 's like he has a sixth sense or something because I get an email from my brother the next day asking me to go to lunch . I was shocked . So I agreed . We met for lunch last Thursday . It was kind of strange . There were awkward silences . I even tried one more time to find out what happened . I got nothing . He had his accident on Sunday . One of my friends said she doesn't believe in coincidences and that we had lunch that day for a reason . I don't know . This has been a weird week for me . I don't want to let my guard down . I ' m not usually the type to cry right away when something bad happens . I think it just takes me a little while to process it . But as the week goes on this is getting harder for me . I know that I ' m probably going to lose it soon and sit in a corner and cry for a few hours . I probably should . Thankfully my sister in law has been really good about keeping us updated on his progress . I truly appreciate it . I think I ' m just scared . Scared of losing my brother . Scared of caring and getting hurt again . But like my sister said , at least I will not have any regrets later . * Sigh * I just can't even imagine what my sister - in - law is going through . I just can't . She is mentally and physically exhausted . If you are the praying type please keep them in your prayers . Oh yeah , and keep Memphis in your prayers too . Her mom is coming in for a 4 day visit . She 's freaking out . They have an interesting relationship . Kind of like me and my mom . Good luck Memphis ! I love you ! Be nice to your Mom : ) . 
Have a good weekend ! I ' ve got to make this quick because I have a TON of stuff to get done tonight . Today my baby turned 18 months old ! I just can't believe it . Everyone tells you how fast it goes by but you are never ready . I can't believe he 's a full fledged toddler . Today when he was leaving school he turned around and waved and said " Bye babies ! " The ever so talented Kami took his 18 month pics yesterday . Here are a few : Thanks again Kami for doing such a great job and putting up with my non - cooperative kid ! Have a great weekend everyone ! P . S . For the record the lady below in the FUG pic WAS NOT pregnant . It just looks like that when she is sitting that way . Trust me , I wouldn't have posted that pic if she was ! 
An apt book quote for today ( well , yesterday really ) . Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore ? Henry Ward Beecher ( 1813 - 1887 ) This was definitely applicable to me yesterday . I went on my weekly expedition to the charity shop and came across two shelves of green - and - white Penguins . For those unfamiliar with this species , they are the classical cover for cheap editions of crime novels published by Penguin . I managed to leave out everything I knew I could get at the library , such as a four Raymond Chandlers and several Agatha Christies . I still came home with 12 books by Freeman Willis Croft , Ellery Queen , Earle Stanley Gardner , Michael Innes and other classical mystery authors . 
The dreaded book diet : Progress report . The TBR stack keeps growing , mostly because I haven't been reading much lately , or rather , I have been reading library books . I have cut down my visits to the second - hand bookshop to once a week , and have been able to stick to the book - buying quota ( max . 2 per visit ) , so in theory I should be reading them faster than I buy them , but this is not the case . I do have a good excuse : I finished the rough translation of the book I was working on and am now halfway through reading the translation and the original side by side to look for errors and missed sentences . This is much slower than reading two books , as I am also editing as I go . I have the third round left the final polish where I remove all traces of foreign sentence structure , grammar and wording from the text and make it read like it 's originally Icelandic . In - between I read translation theory . Either I have been very lucky , or translation scholars as a rule have a knack of writing academic texts that are not dry , and in fact quit readable . Anyway , enough about that . Here 's a sight to gladden the heart of a reader : a couple of shelves full of TBR books . Double stacked . 
Spam comments . I never ceases to amaze me that people still try to put spam in the comments to my posts even when they are moderated . It 's as if they think I ' m stupid enough not to recognise spam from legitimate comments . Just to clarify : I consider every attempt to advertize something - even books - that must be paid for as spam , and likewise do I consider invitations to visit free porn sites or receive free samples of herbal Viagra and such as spam . Why ? Because I didn't ask for them , that 's why . If you have a novel and want to have it reviewed , it must either be available for free as an e - book or a blog , or you can send me a free copy to review . If it 's not for free and you don't want to give me a copy , don't bother to post a comment because I will not publish it . 
Translators : The invisible profession ? Translators are , in a way , invisible . The modern attitude is that literary translations should be as target language oriented as possible , not quite localised , but enough so that they read like they were written in the target language . Some publishers allow a little foreign flavour , the occasional expression left untranslated , as in , for example Pierre Magnan 's The Murdered House that I reviewed some time ago . This emphasis on the invisibility of the translators has , inevitably , led to the profession being not only underappreciated , but underpaid as well . The above link leads to an article that investigates this phenomenon . 
Physical books vs e - books . I recently conducted informal surveys about e - books on two readers ' forums , and realised that while there is a generation of readers out there who grew up with computers and feel perfectly at ease around them , even they still prefer to read a physical book rather than an e - book . Various reasons were cited : you can take a book anywhere , books are cheap , it hurts the eyes and causes headaches to read off a computer screen , etc. etc. When I looked at the responses in - depth and asked a couple of more pointed questions , what became apparent was that the real reason for preferring physical books to e - books was that books are personal and computers are not . These readers preferred books because they loved all the different textures , smells , paper , typefaces and bindings and the sensation of turning the pages . You can never get as close to a laptop , PDA or e - book reader as you can to a book because the computers render each book identically and require you to push buttons to turn a page , and they don't give off the heady scent of ink , paper and glue ( and sometimes age ) that physical books do . While I do read e - books ( I even sometimes take my laptop to bed with me to read ) I tend to agree with these opinions . There is something infinitely more exciting about opening a new book than opening a new computer document . For starters , computers have no discernible odour , except when they overheat , and a smell of newness which quickly disappears . I love the scent of books , and while ( as I said ) I do read e - books , I only do it if it 's impossible for me to get the book in physical form . Which do you prefer ? 
Mystery author # 22 : Stuart M. Kaminsky . Title : Murder on the Yellow Brick Road Series detective : Toby Peters No. in series : 2 Year of publication : 1978 Type of mystery : Murder Type of investigator : Private detective Setting & time : Hollywood , 1940 s Number of murders : 3 Some themes : Fame , film - making , dwarfs Story : Tough Los Angeles P . I. Toby Peters gets a frantic call from Judy Garland , who has received a mysterious phone - call that directed her to the Wizard of Oz set where she found a murdered dwarf in a Munchkin costume . It 's been a year since the movie was made , but the set is still being used for publicity shots , and the dead Munchkin was one of the actors who sometimes posed for shots with visitors to the studio . M. G . M. wants the murder kept quiet , and Toby is hired to do some investigating , which leads him into the world of the little people and from there in some rather unexpected directions before he finally solves the mystery . None other than Raymond Chandler assists him in the investigation . Review : This is the first hard - boiled mystery I read for the challenge . While some of the tales I have read have been pretty dark , none has had that special narrative style that marks the hard - boiled story . Although it is undoubtedly hard - boiled , it is not one of those seriously tough , humourless stories , but a light - hearted and at time wryly humorous one with a protagonist who doesn't take himself too seriously , and who is surrounded by quirky characters of all sorts . Kaminsky has a talent for drawing up interesting characters , and there are several in this book , including characters my research tells me are regulars in the series . I think I wrote about my unease when reading fiction about real people in an essay on the original 52 Books blog , ages ago . Well , this book features a bunch of them ( Judy Garland , Louis B . Mayer , Clark Gable , Raymond Chandler , Mickey Rooney ) but fortunately Kaminsky has not made them behave in any kind of unexpected way ( from what I know of them ) , so it didn't bother me at all . Rating : Loved it . Want more . 4 + stars . Author review once I ' ve read some more . 
Fantasy mystery - looking for recommendations . I ' ve been on the lookout for fantasy mysteries for my challenge but haven't really had much luck so far . I have already read all of Terry Pratchett 's Watch books , so I can't use them in the challenge . There 's something quite appealing about mixed genres , unless the author has gone overboard and the result looks like an Indian masala movie visually great but too long and narratively incomprehensible . Pratchett has managed to avoid that , and I ' m looking for another author who has managed to do the same and I would appreciate recommendations . It doesn't have to be in the Pratchett style . Here are a couple of fantasy mysteries by two authors I hold in high regard : Terry Pratchett : Theatre of Cruelty Neil Gaiman : The Case of the Four and Twenty Blackbirds . 
Reading while travelling . Someone on a travel forum that I visit often asked if people read while travelling and whether reading all the time didn't make them miss out on the experience of travelling . It gave me the idea for this little piece : I read when I ' m travelling Some might say that I was missing out on something , seeing new things or meeting new people , but if you think about it , travelling actually gives you a lot of chances to read without missing out on anything really good , and smooths away much boredom . The trick is to know when to read and when not to read . I read when there 's no - one of sense to talk with : on flights and aboard night buses , when the landscape passing me by is all of a sameness ( ever driven through North Dakota ? Flat as a pancake and nothing but fields interspersed with farmhouses and dull - dusty small towns as far as the eye can see . Gets boring after a while ) , when it 's too hot / cold / wet to be out and about , when the bus breaks down in the middle of nowhere , when I ' m stuck in transit for hours ( I hate airports ) , when I ' m stuck in no - man 's land for hours or waiting for a border to open , in the evenings before I go to sleep , at breakfast before I go out . Also when I don't want to talk to anyone because : I ' m homesick , I just don't feel like it , some idiot is bothering me ( headphones with no music help as well ) , I ' m ill or indisposed and confined to my hotel room ( everyone avoids you anyway in such a situation ) , or I ' m overloaded with travel experiences and need a day of quiet and rest . I don't read : When there 's interesting conversation to make up for the dullness of a situation or place , and when there 's something more interesting to see or do . Reading can enhance a travel experience , just as travelling can enhance a reading experience . For example , it can be wonderful to be somewhere and reading about the place you 're in . Reading about the Raj when I was in India enabled me to imagine the country as it was then , much better than reading about it at home , and reading stories set in London when I was there gave me ideas about places to visit that the guidebooks ignore . Chronic Nose - in - bookitis is a different story . It often points to boredom or lack of interest in one 's surroundings , which is enough to make anyone reach for a book . However , occasionally you come across travellers who have booked their trip so they can relax in new or exotic surroundings and choose to do so by reading . I know I would do it if I had already explored all the places I wanted to see . Just imagine sitting under a palm tree in Barbados , drinking a pina colada and reading a juicy pirate novel or lounging in a hammock in a private garden in Italy on a warm , sunny day , with a glass of wine and Enchanted April to read . Maybe when I ' m old and the travel bug no longer makes me itch but merely tickles me now and then . 
Bibliophile reviews Lovely in her bones ( mystery ) by Sharyn Mc Crumb . Series detective : Elizabeth Mac Pherson No. in series : 2 Year of publication : 1985 Type of mystery : Murder Type of investigator : Amateur Setting & time : North Carolina , USA , 1980 's Number of murders : 2 ( + 1 ) Some themes : Story : Elizabeth Mac Pherson and Milo , her brother 's room - mate who is a physical anthropologist , are getting interested in each other and he agrees to let her participate in an archaeological dig in the Appalachians . The dig aims to prove the tribal status of the Cullowees , an ethnic group that has lived in the area for generations , but which is now about to lose its land to a mining company unless they can prove they are Indians and have the area declared a tribal land . Trouble begins brewing even before the dig begins , since it is obvious that one of the students is head over heels in love with the professor leading the dig , and one of the assistants is distinctly unpleasant and unlikeable . Then a murder is committed and suspicion falls on several of the expedition members , plus some of the inhabitants who feel they will be better off if the mining company gets the land . Review : This is the second Elizabeth Mac Pherson mystery , and the first I have read in the series that actually fits that label . While someone who has an analytical mind and / or knows mystery story traditions will figure out the killer and motives early on , it is still interesting to see the mystery unravel . Elizabeth has a new obsession in every book , and this time around it 's herbal medicine that she is fascinated with , along with a developing interest in archaeology driven by her interest in Milo ( which will eventually lead her to study physical anthropology ) . There is more plot than in the previous book in the series , but the characters are not as entertaining and there is less humour . Rating : A mildly entertaining southern gothic mystery . 2 + stars . 
Bibliophile reviews Payback ( thriller ) by Fern Michaels . Year published : 2004 Genre : Thriller Sub - genre ( s ) : Fantasy ( not Fantasy fantasy , just unrealistic enough to be called one ) The Story : Seven women with something to avenge have formed a Sisterhood of revenge , aided by a former MI 6 operative . In this second book in the series , Dr. Julia Webster , the wife of a senator who is about to be announced as the running mate to the next Democrat presidential candidate , serves up her revenge cold . The philandering husband has infected her with HIV and isn't even aware he has it . She also wants to punish the owners of an HMO who have been avoiding paying their subscribers ' claims , resulting in the deaths of many who would have lived had they got the proper treatment . The party where the candidate will announce his running mate is the perfect place to grab the bad guys and start the punishment . But there is one snag : the former boyfriend of one of the women thinks they were involved in the disappearance of a woman who murdered her daughter 's killer , and he will not rest until he sees them behind bars for obstructing justice . Technique and plot : When I picked up this book and read the blurb , I thought it sounded interesting enough to pay 50 kronur ( original price : 1300 kr . ) for it and read it . I had recently read a rather funny Icelandic revenge tale about jilted girlfriends who got together and punished the dogs who treated them badly , and thought it would be interesting to see Michaels ' take on the subject . Guess what ? I can not believe this person has written more than 70 books , some of them best - sellers . Need I say more ? She has fans , so I guess I should substantiate this . The storytelling is simply not polished enough for such an experienced author . In fact , the book reads like a first book , with typical firstbookitis symptoms that a good editor would have corrected , and one is tempted to think the writing has been farmed out ( in the best tradition of Barbara Cartland ) , simply because it 's hard to believe that such an experienced author would make such basic mistakes as this novel is full of . An example would be the constant repetition of Charles being Myra 's one true love . Do we really need to be told more than once ? Apparently the author thinks it needs to be hammered home , which I think shows a deplorable lack of faith in her reader 's ability to remember things and likewise a regrettable lack of good editing . There are numerous errors of logic in the story , and while I am quite ready to believe that intelligence agencies the world over work together on covert operations , I refuse to accept that Interpol is involved . But then the book is probably written for an audience that doesn't care about small details , like the stupidity of using one 's own truck to carry out a kidnapping , or that the sudden financial magnanimity of hitherto ungenerous people followed by their disappearance along with that of a US senator would not cause a stir and start an investigation , or that people can be hypnotised into permanently forgetting who they are . But then this is a fantasy , and should make happy all those who enjoy reading about vigilante justice and can look past the bad writing . Ah , yes . The writing ? A high - school student could have written this text . There is an interesting story in there somewhere but it gets bogged down in bad writing and has a very childish fantasy ending . Rating : Badly written , badly edited , with a semi - interesting story that a better writer could have done justice . 1 star for the story . 
Bibliophile reviews Sick of Shadows ( mystery ) by Sharyn Mc Crumb . Series detective : Elizabeth Mac Pherson ( here aided by brother Bill ) No. in series : 1 Year of publication : 1984 Type of mystery : Murder Type of investigator : Amateurs , police Setting & time : Georgia , USA , 1980 's Number of murders : 1 ( 2 ) Some themes : Insanity , eccentricity , alcoholism Story : Elizabeth Mac Pherson , recently graduated from college and searching for a future career , is invited to act as bridesmaid to her cousin Eileen . The first thing Elizabeth notices when she arrives at the family mansion to take up her role in the wedding party is a replica of Neuschwanstein castle on the lawn , built on a smaller scale than the original but still big enough to live in . This is the home of her cousin Alban and a taste of things to come . Her other cousins , Geoffrey and Charles , make Alban look only slightly eccentric by comparison and Eileen is on the mend after a long stay in a psychiatric hospital and is nervous and insecure , which is no surprise to Elizabeth once she meets the girl 's mother . The wedding preparations are disrupted when a murder is committed and the police begin an investigation . With the help of her brother Bill , Elizabeth finds clues that may just help prevent another murder , but will she be in time ? Review : This is the first book in a series about Elizabeth Mac Pherson and like some of the other books by Mc Crumb I have reviewed , it has a weak mystery . The story is very much character driven and is really more about people and their interactions with each other and the results of those interactions than it is about the murder , which has an obvious solution . Although the story is billed as the first Elizabeth Mac Pherson mystery and we would therefore expect her to be the sleuth , she is not the one who does the detecting in the book . In the end , it is a message from her brother Bill , who has figured everything out through her letters and a phone call ( he is not present during much of the story ) that breaks the case open . Mc Crumb writes with wry humour about the eccentricities of the family , thus creating a good contrast with the pathetic , tragic figure of Eileen , who is the one person in the story who obviously has a real mental problem . ( I say obviously because there is someone else who is insane , but it doesn't become obvious until the final pages ) . All of this makes for a darkly humorous southern gothic story , which , while neither a good mystery nor as funny as some of Mc Crumb 's other books , is a good introduction to Elizabeth Mac Pherson and her family that will come in handy when reading future books in the series . Rating : A southern gothic tale of murder among eccentrics , and the beginning of a successful mystery series . 2 + stars . 
Mystery author # 21 : Kate Ellis . Title : The Merchant 's House Series detective : Wesley Peterson No. in series : 1 Year of publication : 1999 Type of mystery : Police procedural : murder , theft , missing persons Type of investigator : Police Setting & time : Devon , UK , 1990 's Number of murders : 2 Some themes : Infertility , obsession , infidelity , archaeology Story : DS Wesley Peterson transfers from the London Met to the police force in a small seaside resort town in Devon . On his first day of work the body of a brutally murdered young woman is found and he is plunged into an investigation . Meanwhile , another officer is becoming increasingly upset over a case involving a child 's disappearance , and a team of archaeologists dig up two skeletons in the ruins of a 17 th century merchant 's house , one of them clearly a murder victim . Each chapter begins with a passage from the diary of the man who owned the house , slowly uncovering the story of the murder that was committed in the house . Review : Here 's a well - written and beautifully constructed first novel . The story has several strands that are gradually brought together with a sure hand . The writing is polished and the characters are interesting . The sexist and racist attitudes encountered by Peterson ( who is black ) and a female DC Rachel Tracey are never overdone and their reactions are realistic . ( One has hopes that DC Carstairs will get a comeuppance in a future book , or at least see the error of his ways ) . I want to read more of Ellis ' books before I write an author review , but judgning from this one I am fairly certain that I am going to enjoy her other books . Rating : An interesting and cleverly woven tale of crimes new and old . 4 stars . 
One - of - a - kind books , part II : Journals . While I like the idea of scrapbooks as one - of - a - kind legacies for coming generations , my very favourite one - of a kind book is the journal or diary . My grandmother has a weather journal my great - grandfather wrote over a period of several years , and my parents have been keeping their own weather journal for the past 7 years . No doubt both may he useful for future research by meteorologists . While these journals , much like scrapbooks , are meant to be seen and read by others than their creators , other journals are never read by anoyne except the person who kept them . There are exceptions of course I am pretty certain that some people , especially famous ones , keep diaries that are ostensibly private but in reality meant for publication or at least for use by the writers ' biographers . I do not keep a daily journal myself , because I tend to write about events rather than thoughts and feelings , and my daily life is pretty much in a routine which would make the journal rather monotonous after a while . However , when I break the routine to travel , that 's when I dust off my journal and start writing . While most of my travel journals have been private , I did keep one that was meant to be read the report of my four - month overland journey across Europe and SW - Asia to India and then around India and Nepal . It was a long journey and I knew my parents would want to know about it and although I do like to talk about my travels , it is sometimes more convenient to be able to hand someone a written account they can peruse at their leisure . I think the process of keeping a journal for others is not unlike that of writing a novel . You tend to think much more about what you say and how you say it when you know other eyes will peruse what you have written . People who have shown little interest in hearing about my journey have shown great interest in that journal and expressed a pleasure of having read it that they certainly would not have felt had I simply told them about the journey . While it may feel like snooping when you read someone 's diary , old diaries can and have given historians and biographers an insight into daily life , social mores and historical events of a given era , and they are valued by them as such . While I don't think my journals will ever reach the fame of Pepys ' diary , I do think they may in the future give historians an insight into the mores and attitudes of my generation . 
One - of - a - kind books , part I : Memory albums . I have only been able to snatch a chapter of two of reading for the last two days because I am putting together a memory scrapbook for a friend who is getting married . Three of us have already put in two nights of work and will finish it tonight , in time for the bridal ... I can't call it a shower , although we will certainly give her some presents , but mostly it 's a chance to have some fun together before she ties the knot . Let 's call it a ' bride - to - be 's day out ' . We have scanned and printed , cut and glued , and had only just started writing and embellishing at around 1 a.m. last night . All of this got me thinking about one - of - a - kind books . There 's something very appealing about owning a copy of a book no - one else has , even if it only has personal and not monetary value . This one is mostly pictorial , telling her story from the time we first knew her at elementary school and ending with her fiance and their two children . We have been careful not to put anything too embarassing into the book it will be perfectly safe , for example , for her future husband to read it . We do hope the album will become a treasured item to her and a lasting reminder of our friendship . Scrapbooking is a huge phenomenon and there is no doubt that the scrapbooks of today will be a boon to the historians of the future , as well as treasured family heirlooms . Scrapbooks / memory albums are a good idea if you have regular photo albums that are overflowing and no - one ever looks at . Taking a selection of photographs and designing a setting for them and writing some text to explain what 's happening in the photos can turn anonymous photographs into heirlooms . The designs can be just as elaborate or simple as you like , and while there are plenty of pre - made settings available , you don't have to use them but can design settings of your own . There are plenty of embellishments available , ranging from glitter - glue , labels , stickers and stencils , to pockets , eyelets , tea - bag folding patterns , quilling , spirelli , and even jewelry . Personally , I prefer simplicity , but I have seen some pretty good - looking highly - embellished memory albums . What most appeals to me about memory albums is being able to tell a story in both pictures and writing , that may be read by future generations . By using archival - quality materials , you can create a memory album that will last decades , even centuries , and keep your memory alive long after you are gone , giving you a kind of immortality . It 's comforting thought . 
Blurb ' translations ' . As most habitual readers know , you should never trust the blurb on a book because a ) it may give away the ending of a mystery ; b ) it does give away the ending of any romance novel ; c ) you can't trust the review quotes because they are so creatively edited that they often seem to say exactly the opposite of what the reviewer meant to say ( i . e . that the book is not worth reading ) ; d ) you can't trust recommendation by celebrities , even famous authors , because : ( i ) they may be under contract by the publisher to help push unsellable books ; ( ii ) they may be personal friends doing the poor author a favour ; ( iii ) they may be sleeping with the author ; e ) who gives a monkey 's if the book was short - listed for some award ? ; f ) they 're all a load of tosh anyway . Here 's someone who has enough experience with blurbs to attempt to decipher their meaning : What that blurb really means . 
Things found in books . Besides marking and underlining text and writing and making doodles in the margins of books , people stick all sorts of things into them as place - markers and then forget about them . As a lifelong library patron and buyer of used books I have had the opportunity to study this phenomenon up close . The most common item I find , perhaps not surprisingly , is sales and library receipts , followed by libray bookmarks , advertising bookmarks from bookshops and publishers and sticky notes ( especially inside academic books ) . But I have also found postcards , both blank and written , art bookmarks , boarding passes , money , stamps , dried flowers , assorted scraps of paper ( with and without writing ) , and a number of photographs . Also included is one fast - food menu and a beer label that had been carefully peeled off the bottle and stuck inside the cover of a book . The saddest find was a child 's drawing . It made me wonder if a parent had not cared what happened to the picture , or whether was it so precious to them that they used it as a bookmark so they could look at it every time they opened the book . The most disgusting find ( apart from various mystery stains and squashed bugs ) was a used hormone patch . I myself have stuck things inside books and then forgotten about them . The only really important thing I have lost in a book was my I. D . card . I was about 12 when I absentmindedly stuck it into a Desmond Bagely thriller to mark my place . I then stopped reading the book for some reason and put it back on the shelf where it remained unread for several years . I couldn't for the life of me remember what I had done with the I. D . card . Not that I needed it much . By the time the old one was rediscovered I had both a driver 's licence and a passport and didn't need it any more . But this did teach me never to use anything as a bookmark that I didn't want to lose . A recent discovery I made was inside a dictionary I haven't used much since I left middle - school . It was a lock of my own hair that I suddenly remembered putting in there shortly after I got the book , that showed unmistakably that while I am now a brunette , in my childhood and into my teens my hair was dark blonde . I think I will remove it , as I now know that the oils in hair are not kind to paper , but I need to find a place to keep it where it will not be lost , perhaps a memory box . I have usually stuck the more personal items I find , like photos of people and written postcards , back in the book I found them in , but I have kept the unwritten postcards , bookmarks , stamps and money ( mind you , if it was a large denomination note in a library book , I would check at the library if anyone had reported it missing , but I have never found high value money ) . Now , however , I think maybe I will follow the lead of the editors of Found Magazine and keep all of them . They may make an interesting art project some day . 
Bibliophile reviews These Old Shades . Author : Georgette Heyer Year published : 1926 Genre : Historical novel Sub - genre ( s ) : Romance The Story : The devilish , rakish Duke of Avon rescues L onie , a young woman disguised as a boy , from the streets of Paris , thus winning her everlasting love and adoration . His reasons are at first purely selfish , as he recognises in her the tell - tale family appearance of his worst enemy , and he believes he can use her to exact revenge . But before long , he begins to really care for her , and his mission of revenge begins to revolve around getting justice for L onie , who has been wronged by her family . Review : I really hate it when people dismiss Georgette Heyer as a mere writer of romance novels ( their wording , not mine ) . Sure , she did write some that were pure romance ( and very good they are too , Venetia for example ) , but mostly they tended to be humorous historicals about adventures and mishaps where people also happened to fall in love ( often apparently as an afterthought by Heyer ) , while in a pure romance novel it is the story of how the couple fell in love , with descriptions of their feelings of love ( and lust ) for each other that is the focus of the story . I have read several of Heyer 's historicals , and up to now The Nonesuch has been my favourite . Now , however , I have found a new one . This is the best Heyer I have read so far . It manages to be both plot - and character driven , there is not too much happening as in some of her other novels , nor is there too much silliness as in some , there is no secondary love story to distract the reader , and contrary to The Masqueraders where I was never quite ready to believe in the success of the protagonists ' cross - dressing , here it somehow manages to be perfectly believable . As well as being written with Heyer 's usual humour and historical detail that never bogs down the story , it has very well drawn characters , even the supporting cast being allowed to be realistic ( something Heyer has occasionally failed to do ) . I think I have found a new perennial read . Rating : A perfect historical adventure and love story . 5 + stars . Now if someone could please tell be why it is titled These Old Shades ? I don't remember coming across the phrase in the book , and I ' m wondering if it 's a reference . P . S . New term added to the glossary . 
Bibliophile 's reading report for June . I thought if I would organise the translation work ( see previus reading report ) during my fortnight 's holiday like a regular working day , starting at 8:00 and clocking off at 16:00 , it would give me time to read for fun . Instead I have been so heartily sick and tired of the written word that I read only two books from start to finish during those two weeks . Now I have found a renewed interest in an old hobby : rock painting , which means my creative juices are really flowing , which in turn means the ( mild ) depression I have been suffering from is clearing away ( it seems to be stress related ) . I haven't felt like painting rocks for the last two years , but now I am spending a lot of my free time away from the computer , selecting , base coating and painting rocks , everything from strawberries to cats . The time spent not reading gives me a chance to mull over the translation and the dissertation and gives me a clarity of perspective that recreational reading tends to obscure . I have not included any of the translation tomes I have been reading , because I haven't read any of them from start to finish . I have actually read my usual number of pages ( and then some ) in June , but it is not reflected in the following list : Reviewed : A really cute corpse : Joan Hess Death and the pregnant virgin : ST Haymon Death on the high C 's : Robert Barnard Kleifarvatn : Arnaldur Indri ason Unreviewed : The American Gun Mystery : Ellery Queen ( will be reviewed as one of the 52 once I finish reading a couple more books ) Graffiti 5 : Nigel Rees Jacobson 's Organ and the remarkable nature of smell : Lyall Watson The Masqueraders : Georgette Heyer Never ! Fascinating facts about Ireland : Nigel Smith Rereads : ( unreviewed ) Mort : Terry Pratchett My family and other animals : Gerald Durrell Reaper Man : Terry Pratchett Total books read : 12 . 
Bibliophile reviews Kleifarvatn ( mystery ) by Arnaldur Indri ason . I have read all of Arnaldur 's previous 5 books about Erlendur and co. , but I have only reviewed one . I think maybe I should review the rest , at least the ones that have been translated into other languages . Here 's my review of the first book in the series : Sons of Earth German title : K ltezone English title will be posted as soon as it is announced . Author : ( alt . spelling ) Arnaldur Indridason Series detective : Erlendur Sveinsson and co. No. in series : 6 Year of publication : 2004 Type of mystery : Murder Type of investigator : Police Setting Leipzig , East - Germany , 1950 's Number of deaths : 2 Some themes : Espionage , missing persons , socialism Story : A scientist checking the water levels of lake Kleifarvatn discovers a human skeleton in a dried - up section of the lake bottom . This marks the beginning of a murder investigation that attempts to connect one of 5 missing men to the Russian - made radio transmitter that was dumped in the lake with the body . As the investigation rolls on , Erlendur , the officer leading the investigation , deals with personal problems while somewhere in Reykjav k a man remembers his stay as a student in East - Germany in the fifties and the tragedy that led to the death of the man in the lake . Here 's what the lake looked like around the time the story happens . It has since filled up again . Review : This book is nearly as good as the previous two or three by Arnaldur . It is not as dark , but still just as starkly realistic . There 's nothing cosy about about it , but neither is it hardboiled . He manages to make the long investigation believable , something which is quite a task since most of Iceland 's real murders have been simple affairs that have been solved quickly . The scenes from East - Germany are quite realistic as well and draw up an image of the squalor of life there in the fifties and the socialist ( and anti - socialist ) fervour of the students . While I am not particularly fond of police stories that include too much of the protagonists ' personal problems , I will say that Arnaldur does make them somewhat interesting , and even manages to tie some of Erlendur 's personal life into the crime story . What I do not like is the reiteration of events from previous books that has nothing to do with the investigation , gets longer and clumsier with each book , and slows down the action . The people themselves , especially the repeat characters , Erlendur and his team , are realistic and interesting characters , but it is possible to overdo the personal interest factor . The story is organised in a way similar to a couple of other of Arnaldur 's books , including Silence of the Grave , with alternating modern chapters about the police , their work and personal lives , and flashback chapters where the story of the events that lead up to the crime is told . The flashback chapters where a character reminisces about Leipzig are short ( ish ) and take up not quite every other chapter , and while we know he is somehow involved , we don't get to know how or who died until near the end of the story , although of course there are suspicions . The final paragraph of this review contains a spoiler , which is why I have moved it to the bottom of the review , where you can read it if you don't mind spoilers . Rating : A good , solid , realistic murder mystery . 3 + stars , would have been 4 + except for reasons that are stated above and in the spoiler ( see below ) .... A little lower ................. almost there ................. here we go : SPOILER : Lastly , I would like to mention that there is a suicide ending . It becomes pretty obvious by the middle of the story that the character involved has little or nothing to live for , and in fact Arnaldur manages to make it seem that the suicide is something the character has been thinking about for a long time . I ' m not saying it excuses the clich , but it is in character for the person , which goes a long way towards excusing the ending ( but not quite ) . 
Reading challenges . I ve been thinking about reading challenges . Not just possible future 52 Books challenges for myself , but reading challenges in general . A reading challenge is a good way to get some focus into your reading if you feel you don't know what to read next , you want to expand your reading horizons , become an expert on a given subject , or break out of a bad reader 's block . Hunting down the books can be half the fun if you assign yourself a specific set of books and they turn out to be out of print or otherwise hard to find . Different challenges suit different people . Some may do a modest book - a - week challenge for one year or plan to read all of a specific author s books , while others may be more ambitious and embark on a lifetime reading plan of every book mentioned in Harold Bloom s The Western Canon . Some may want to cover every number in the Dewey catalogue . Including the fractions would be a bit too much for most , but by taking whole numbers only you would get 999 books and many years of targeted reading . Here is a list of more possible reading challenges : * All the books that have won a specific literary award , for example the Pulitzer , the Nobel , the Booker , the Golden Dagger , etc. Here 's a listof some literary awards . * The 100 best novels or non - fiction books of the 20 th century . * An A - Z challenge : read , in alphabetical order , books whose author s last ( or first ) name begins with a given letter of the alphabet , or read books with ABC titles . * One book from or about every country in the world , a chosen continent , or the states of the USA . * Arctic and Antarctic expeditions . * Books about setting world records . * Books that have been banned or challenged . * The books that formed the foundations of a specific genre , for example science fiction or mystery . * Every book in a given series , for example Star Trek , The Cat Who ... or Discworld . * One book from each year of the 20 th century . * The top best - sellers from a given period of time . * Or you can do an unfocused challenge , like I did in my first 52 books challenge . The only rules were that I could not read the same author twice , rereads were only allowed if I had forgotten what the book was about , each book had to belong to a different sub - genre than the last , and I would try to read as many new genres as possible . Edit : Readers , if you have suggestions for interesting reading challenges , I would like to see them . Post ideas or links in comments . I have received one suggestion so far - read the comments to see what Tim had to say . 
Bibliophile reviews A Really Cute Corpse . Author : Joan Hess Series detective : Claire Malloy No. in series : 4 Year of publication : 1988 Type of mystery : Murder Type of investigator : Amateur Setting & time : Arkansas , USA , 1980 s Number of corpses : 2 Some themes : Beauty pageants , politics ( and politicians ) , the American Dream Picture pending Story : When Claire Malloy s friend is hurt while showing a bunch of beauty pageant contestants their moves , she ropes Claire into helping her to get the pageant going . Someone seems to be trying to injure and / or scare the reigning Miss Thurberfest , who is in town to crown her successor . Some suspect the girl is just trying to attract attention , but when she is found dead in her dressing room no - one is sure what is going on any more . A local politician and his assistant may be involved and the owner of the theatre where the pageant is to take place has been behaving suspiciously . But Claire s biggest worry is that her friend seems to be harbouring a secret she is unwilling to share . Review : I first became acquainted with Joan Hess writings when I picked up a copy of one of her Arly Hanks mysteries , Misery Loves Maggody . Having lived in a small town for half my life , I was able to appreciate her very funny descriptions of small town people and small town thinking and even found one or two people I could have sworn came from the town I grew up in . This is my first Claire Malloy mystery , and while it didn t quite have the depth of the previous book I read by the author ( which handled a very disturbing subject , much more disturbing than murder , in a way that really made one think about it ) , I found it just as entertaining . Claire is a person I quite like , even if she does , out of pure contrariness , have a couple of TSTL moments , but , as we mystery readers know , sometimes a mystery just wouldn t be as good without the protagonist doing something stupid . At least she admits to having qualms before plunging in . Hess doesn t hesitate to allow her protagonist to be ridiculous at times , which is quite endearing . There are few things in mysteries I hate as much as perfect protagonists , and Claire certainly has her flaws . I love the way Hess draws a convincing parallel between the training and grooming of beauty queens and politicians . When one thinks about it , they are really in the same trade : that of making others like them enough to vote for them , and the way she draws the parallels , there really is not that much difference between the ways they are trained . I am now reading another Hess book ( a Maggody tale ) and have another Mrs. Malloy book on my night table , ready to be read once I finish the other one . I may write an author review based on those books . Rating : An entertaining mystery to while away an afternoon with . 3 + stars . 
Mystery author # 20 : S . T . Haymon . Title : Death and the Pregnant Virgin Series detective : Ben Jurnet No. in series : 1 Year of publication : 1980 Type of mystery : Murder Type of investigator : Police Setting & time : Rural village in England , 1980 s Number of corpses : 4 Some themes : Religion , greed , relationships Picture pending . Story : Five years before the beginning of the story , a dog digging in a badger run on the outskirts of the village of Mauthern Barbary unearthed a madonna statue thought to have been destroyed in the time of Henry VIII. The madonna , which looks more like an African fertility goddess than the usual demure Mary , is thought to give the gift of fertility to women who have been unable to conceive . On the fifth anniversary of the unearthing , thousands of couples flock to the village to pray to the madonna for her blessing . A young woman , Rachel Cass , works at the shrine and is loved and respected by all , some even claiming she is a saint . When the shrine is opened to the worshippers on the morning of the anniversary , Rachel is found inside with her head bashed in . Detective Inspector Ben Jurnet of the Norwich police happens to be there , and is given the task of leading the investigation . An autopsy reveals that Rachel was four months pregnant , but also that she was a virgin , which leads some people to speculate about a thwarted second coming . Three more deaths will ensue before a sentence in an old book and information gleaned from an old account book will finally lead Jurnet towards the truth . I am therefore counting this as a bibliomystery . Review : This is a marvellous first book : well - plotted and well - written , with an interesting setting and believable characters . The setting is so beautifully dawn that you want it to be real , and the characters are rounded and human , which is for example seen in their different reactions to the madonna which range from ecstatic worship to repulsion . The central theme of the story is religion and religiosity . The shrine and the village church are not just parts of the background , but play a part in the story , especially their respective guardians , the vicar and the finder of the statue . Neither is completely acceptable , the vicar being a repulsive character and the shrine guardian being slightly kooky , but the cult comes off as the better religion through being more benevolent and open than the rigid Christianity of the Church of England . Judaism is slightly involved as well , but you will have to read the book to discover in what way . Ben Jurnet is a likeable character , and I wouldn t mind reading more books about him , as he seemed about to make a momentous decision at the end of this book ( which of course is a skilfully used classic hook ) . Jurnet , at least in this book , is a mixture of the deductive detective and the intuitive detective , meaning that while there is reasoning based on clues behind much of his detection , it is an intuitive flash that , supported by logic , finally allows him to solve the case . Since the reader is allowed to see all the clues and the intuitive flash , the story still plays by the rules , giving the reader an equal opportunity to solve the case . There is a clever twist near the end that is teasingly foreshadowed several times in the course of the narrative , but in such a way as to make it very difficult to deduce the meaning of the clues . There is , therefore , a lovely a - ha ! moment at one point which alone would make the story worth reading , even if the setting and the characters were not as enjoyable as they are . All in all , I liked this book and will be on the lookout for more of Haymon s work . There will not be an author review until I have read at least one more Haymon book to compare with this one . Rating : A suspenseful look at religion , murder , and greed . 4 stars . 
My TBR stack just keeps getting bigger ... ... and bigger , and bigger . I think I will have to go on a stricter book diet , because this one isn't working . Cancelling the library card has made me read more of my own books , but I am accumulating them faster than I can read them . Tuesday I went to the charity shop and bought 9 books . Today , Friday , I went back there and was about to leave with one book , when they told me they were giving away books for the day . Back in I went and left with 19 books . That 's more than I read last month . This , of course means that there will be dozens , if not hundreds of new books there on Monday . Bbbbwwwwaaaaaahhhhhaaaaa ! 
Bad book - covers revisited . An irregular feature of the original 52 Books blog was Bad Book - covers , where I would pick an ugly , inappropriate or badly designed book - cover and criticise it to pieces . I think I will make this a feature of this blog as well , although it can not be a regular one as sometimes I don't come across a noteworthy bad book - cover for weeks on end . Mostly they just tend to be dull and uninspired , which makes it hard to say anything catty about them , but occasionally I come across a real doozy , which is when I start sharpening my claws ... As a life - long reader I feel that I and other readers deserve books with good covers . The cover is one of the selling points of a book , and is one of four features I consider when making an uninformed book - buying decision ( to use marketing jargon ) . The title is another one , the back - cover introductory blurb a third , and a sample read is the fourth and final feature I consider ( I only consider authors as a selling point if I ' m familiar with them ) . If the cover is dull , bland , cheesy , salacious , garish or just plain ugly when it shouldn't be , I will think twice about buying the book . Sometimes , of course , I don't discover that the cover is bad until after I have finished reading the book . This is when it first becomes apparent whether a cover is appropriate or not . Today 's cover is a mixture of " already thought it was bad " and " didn't think it was that bad " . This is the cover for Sister Carol Anne O ' Marie 's first Sister Mary Helen mystery . As it describes sinister goings - on , the dark , broody background with its bad - weather colours and swirling dark clouds is quite appropriate , as is the ornate , manuscript - like lettering of the title . The woman on the cover , however , also looks decidedly sinister , with her red suit and that " I ' m - going - to - hurt - you " expression combined with those almost diabolical eyes . She looks , in fact , like a psychotic Jessica Fletcher . This would be fine if the villain of the story were a nun , a fake nun or a psychotic religious type ( or indeed a woman ) , which is what I thought when I first looked at the picture . But this is supposed to be Sister Mary Helen herself , which brings me to the " didn't think it was that bad " aspect of the picture . What makes it so bad , in the " inappropriate " sense , is that she is wearing a wine - red suit . First of all , who ever heard of a nun wearing red ? Secondly , Sister Mary Helen wears a navy - blue suit . It is mentioned a couple of times in this book , and in the other book I have read in the series as well . Obviously the cover artist either didn't read the book and didn't get very accurate information to go on , or they decided to take an artist 's licence with the colour of the suit because navy - blue would have made the cover too gloomy and the nun nearly invisible . Whatever the reason , this cover gets a thumbs - down from me . 
Bibliophile reviews Murder Makes a Pilgrimage . I have a bit of a problem with the two Robert Barnard books I read for the challenge . The endings of both were not to my liking for a reason a regular reader of this blog will be able to guess , and I want to read a third and maybe fourth Barnard to reassure myself it was an unlucky coincidence and not something that happens in all of his books . I may even slip someone into the challenge ahead of him . But here is a review of a book by an author already included in the challenge : Author : Sister Carol Anne O Marie Series detective : Sister Mary Helen , w / Sister Eileen No. in series : 5 Year of publication : 1993 Type of mystery : Murder Type of investigator : Amateurs , police Setting and three married couples . From the start , none of the men is able to keep their eyes off the beautiful young woman , and jealousies already begin to erupt on the long flight to Spain . On the first morning in Compostela , Sister Mary Helen finds the young beauty murdered by the shrine of St. James in the cathedral . The police begin their investigation , and the nuns , experienced amateur sleuths by now , can t help doing a bit of snooping of their own . Before long their police friends in San Francisco are dragged in as well , because the Spanish police need background information about the tourists . Someone makes an attempt on Sister Mary Helen s life , and then a robbery attempt , and then a final , spectacular assassination attempt before the pieces of the puzzle start to come together and the investigators find out that the murdered girl had a previous connection with one of the group Review : This is a fine but somewhat overlong mystery . I can t help thinking that if it had been cut by about 50 pages , it would have been better . The slightly neurotic new mother - cum - cop trying to decide whether to go back to being a cop or to take extended leave and become a stay - at - home mom really belongs in a different kind of story . As an editor I would have cut most of those scenes to shorten and streamline the story . In fact , I would have left out all the San Francisco scenes altogether , except the opening scenes where Sister Mary Helen gets the news of her prize and prepares to leave . Apart from that , the mystery itself is good , and the story is a blend of seriousness , humour and mystery , with a pinch of action thrown in . Although the nuns do much sleuthing , they don't really solve the case . It is information from the San Francisco police that finally breaks the case open and a little help from the nuns that makes the killer confess . Rating : Proof that the incongruity of sleuthing nuns is not just a one - off novelty . 3 stars . 
Bibliophile 's reading report for May . I have now finished a quarter of the book I ' m translating , by working for an hour most mornings before going to work and 2 hours after work . Since I no longer have a TV ( long story ) , this leaves the evenings for me to read . I managed to read 17 books in May , and expect there will be more in June , because I am taking two weeks of my summer vacation this month . The plan is to finish the rough translation of the book by the end of next week , then finish some of the the documenting and write the first draft of my thesis . I will then have until August to polish the translation and finish the thesis . I am giving myself a full 8 - hour work - day for the academic work , and will use the rest of each day to relax , read , take walks , go swimming and generally enjoy being on holiday . Here are the books I read this month : Reviewed : Death in a cold climate : Robert Barnard ( mystery ) ( in progress ) Death of a mystery writer : Robert Barnard ( mystery ) ( in progress ) Death on demand : Carolyn G . Hart ( mystery ) The Englishwoman in America : Isabella Lucy Bird ( travel ) Going Postal : Terry Pratchett ( fantasy ; reread ) Man of two tribes : Arthur W . Upfield ( mystery ) Murder makes a pilgrimage : Sister Carol Anne O ' Marie ( mystery ) ( in progress ) Something wicked : Carolyn G . Hart ( mystery ) The Thin Woman : Dorothy Cannell ( mystery ) The Winter Queen : Boris Akunin ( mystery ) Unreviewed : Black sheep : Georgette Heyer ( historical romance ) The Devil Earl : Deborah Simmons ( historical romance ) Kitty : Marion Chesney ( historical romance ) Murder must wait : Arthur W . Upfield ( mystery ) Naked : David Sedaris ( memoir ) Venetia : Georgette Heyer ( historical romance ) What next , Doctor ? : Dr. Robert Clifford ( memoir ) . 
Bibliophile reviews Man of Two Tribes . Author : Arthur Upfield Series detective : Inspector Napoleon Bonaparte No. in series : 20 Year of publication : 1956 Type of mystery : Murder , missing person Type of investigator : Police Setting & time : Nullarbor Plain , Australia , 1950 s Number of deaths : 1 Some themes : Kidnapping , fame - seeking , sexual power and it s misuse , justice Story : Bony is sent to try to find a murderess who was recently acquitted of the murder of her husband because she managed to win over the jury . She was last seen on a train going through the Nullarbor Plain , an arid , desolate area on the edge of the Australian desert , and then she disappeared mysteriously in the middle of nowhere . There is evidence that she may be involved in espionage and therefore Bony disguises himself and sets out into the Plain , ostensibly to check on some dingo traps , but really to look around for signs of the missing woman and to try to locate a mysterious helicopter known to have been in the area that night . What he discovers is something he didn t expect at all . When he finds himself captive among a colony of convicted murderers he has to use all of his wits and survival skills to stay alive and get out of there . Review : This has to be one of the strangest mysteries I have read . As well as being a nested - doll story , it is a hybrid between a country house - type mystery ( the set - up in the middle part of the book is classic country house : a small stage with a small number of suspects , all of whom have motives for the murder ) , a survival thriller and a prison - break story . The storytelling goes some way towards compensating for the strange genre - crossing , but even all of Upfield s subtle , black humour and the evocative descriptions of Australian nature and animals and the menace they present to the inexperienced only take it so far . Still , for some reason , I mostly liked it . Upfield gets a point for playing fair with the reader , unlike the previous two books I reviewed by him . The clues to the murder are all laid out for the reader to puzzle together . Rating : Not the best I have read by Upfield , but has its good points . 3 stars . 
Cover images and links updated . I have added cover images for some of the books I have reviewed , and am working on adding more . The plan is in the future to include cover images for all the books I review . I am also in the process of adding masses of links to the sidebar . This should be finished by the end of the week , but I urge my readers to let me know of useful and interesting biblio - websites . Just leave the URL in a comment under this post . 
The 52 Books archive is online . I ' ve finally put all my old reviews online in one accessible place : Bibliophile 's Review and Essay Archive All that 's missing is the essays and other non - reviews . I decided not to include any of the comments , simply because it was too much work . Please post comments here if you find any broken links . ( I am aware of the symbols that pop up in the text here and there . Geo Cities doesn't like apostrophes . ) Once the reviews in Another 52 books start to drop off the page , I will add them as well . ( They will still be accessible in the month by month archives here on Blogger ) . 
Mystery author # 16 : Boris Akunin . Title : The Winter Queen Original Russian title : Azazel Translator : Andrew Bromfield Series detective : Erast Petrovich Fandorin No. in series : 1 Year of publication : 1998 Type of mystery : Conspiracy , murder , thriller Type of investigator : Police Setting 1876 Some themes : Obsession , love , social improvement Story : Young Erast Fandorin , a lowly police clerk of good family but small means , is sent to investigate a mysterious suicide in Moscow . This leads him to a beautiful and mysterious woman who is not all what she seems . Events lead him to London where he discovers that she is involved in some kind of conspiracy . From then on , his life is in constant danger . Review : I didn t really know what to expect when I picked up this book , and after reading the first couple of chapters I wasn t sure whether I was reading a mystery or the parody of one , so parodic , almost satirical at times , is the style . Akunin has a way of making subtle fun of his characters , especially Fandorin , who is callow and vain and makes a series of mistakes that would have left an unlucky person dead many times over . But Fandorin is very lucky and quite resourceful and good at extricating himself from trouble . Although his luck is phenomenal , coincidence is fortunately not a big feature in this story , because Fandorin is also clever , and uses his brain to solve the case , rather than fumbling around until the solution falls in his lap like so many other fictional detectives . The story starts out like a mystery and you expect that it will be about finding out how the apparent suicide really was a murder , but it quickly changes direction and becomes a thriller and continues to change direction throughout the book while Fandorin unravels a far - reaching conspiracy . As it changes from mystery to thriller , the light , funny parodic style fades away and the story keeps getting darker until the extremely unpleasant ending . Although this is a rollercoaster read , with something dangerous happening in nearly every chapter , I found myself unable to concentrate on it for more then three chapters at a time . I have not been able to put my finger on just what it was that made the book so difficult to concentrate on - it was certainly not a heavy read and is quite well translated ( in the sense that it reads almost like it was written in English , with the exception of a number of rather annoying footnotes whenever someone uses French or German phrases ) . But there was something , possibly just me being stressed waiting for my grades . Anyway , I m not letting it affect my rating of the book , and I will definitely be on the lookout for more of Akunin s books . Rating : A thrilling conspiracy mystery , a genuine rollercoaster of a book . Recommend it to both mystery and thriller fans . 4 stars . Read an excerpt from The Winter Queen . 
Bibliophile s reading report for April . In spite of having loads of school work ( did I mention that I m about to finish my graduate studies ? ) I still managed to read 18 books in April . They would have been much fewer if it had not been for Easter . It s amazing what a determined person can do over several days uninterrupted by work or classes , so I managed to finish an amazing amount of school work and read a book or two per day besides . Reviewed : The Barbie chronicles : a living doll turns forty : Yona Zeldis Mc Donough ( social history ) The Case is closed : Patricia Wentworth ( murder mystery ) Every boy 's got one : Meg Cabot ( romance ) Grey Mask : Patricia Wentworth ( mystery ) Latter End : Patricia Wentworth ( murder mystery ) Maigret has scruples : Georges Simenon ( murder mystery ) Maigret in exile : Georges Simenon ( murder mystery ) The Murdered House : Pierre Magnan ( murder mystery ) Unreviewed : Belle of the Ball : Pam Mc Cutcheon ( historical romance ) The Daughter of Time : Josephine Tey ( murder mystery , historical ) Desert divers : Sven Lindqvist ( travel , biography ) Gulliver 's Travels : Jonathan Swift ( satire ) In search of Genghis Khan : Tim Severin ( travel ) Jonathan Swift : a portrait : Victoria Glendinning ( biography The Loves of Lord Granton : Marion Chesney ( historical romance ) Mali blues : Traveling to an African beat : Lieve Joris ( travel ) Thud ! : Terry Pratchett ( fantasy ) When lightning strikes : Jenny Carroll ( teen lit . supernatural adventure ) I am saving up some reviews to post in June to keep the blog going while I slave away at the first draft of my master 's thesis . Look for reviews of some of these books then . 
Other reading challenges . When I started my original challenge , I knew of 2 other bloggers with 52 book challenges ( under that title ) . Now there are a lot more . Here is what some of them are reading . I have tried to stick to blogs that are mostly about a book - a - week challenge , or reading blogs similar to this one that include such a challenge . ( Links will open in a new window ) . Keris Stainton has already read several books I m interested in . Largehearted boy s challenge is now in its third year . Check out the previous years archives at the bottom of the page . Ryan Pilling is reading one business book per week . Exxie of Exxie s Book Lounge is on her second round . Marisa is striving to reach the goal . Here is her Book Project . Heliologue s challenge : A Modest Construct People on 43 Things who have the goal of reading a book a week . - and the ones who are reading 52 book in 52 weeks . Scott made a new year s resolution to read 52 books in 2006 . He seems to be doing well so far . Other reading challenges : felynbelarra is doing a 75 book challenge . The Library Girl is reading four books a week : . She also discusses other book and library related subjects . One of my regular stops . If there is a reading challenge blog you want me to know about and include in this list , leave the URL in a comment and I ll take a look at it . 
Breaking the addiction . It is a known fact that I am biblioholic , a raving book addict . I make no secret of that . But I am also addicted to libraries . Going to the library does for me what shopping does for shopaholics and eating for food addicts . Well , I m going on a diet , aimed at reducing my TBR stack . I have allowed one of my library cards to expire , the one for the city library where I get most of my casual reading material . It s not that I have taken a sudden dislike to the library or anything , but I have approximately 300 books at home waiting to be read and I can t see myself doing that when I keep going to the library to get one book and then bring back 20 . The aim is for at least 80 % of the books I read every month to be mine ( the rest I will get from the National Library ) . If this works and I manage to reduce my TBR stack by at least 50 % by the end of September ( when the other card expires ) , I will reward myself by renewing the city library card . The card expired on April 28 , and I still have some books on loan , but I am already feeling withdrawal symptoms . Wish me luck ! 
Mystery writer # 15 : Pierre Magnan . Title : The Murdered House Original French title : La Maison assassin e Translator : Patricia Clancy Year of publication : Translation : 1999 ; Original : 1984 ( I think ) Type of mystery : Murder Type of investigator : Amateur Setting & time : Rural France , 1910 s Some themes : Love , hate , murder , revenge Story : In 1896 three week old S raphin Monge is the only member of his family left alive after a bloody mass murder takes place in the family house in Upper Provence . In 1919 the angelic - looking S raphin returns to his birthplace to work as a road mender and lays eyes on his legacy : the murder house , which has , like murder houses often do , stood empty and unsellable because people believe it 's haunted . In an attempt to eradicate the dreams and visions that begin to haunt him after he is told the story of what happened there , he begins to tear down the house , making everyone think he is mad . He is befriended by another war veteran , who is as scarred on the outside as S raphin is on the inside , and three different women begin to show more than a little interest in him . When he finds something in one of the walls it causes him to suspect that three respectable citizens of the town were involved in the murders , and he begins to plot a blood revenge , stalking his intended victims in order to detect their weaknesses . But whenever he thinks he is ready to act , another hand acts for him , killing the people in gruesome and ingenious ways . Review : Here is a really good , well written and intense mystery of the kind often referred to as literary because of the non - mystery themes it tackles and the high quality of the writing . Although some things about the mystery are obvious to an experienced mystery reader , there are still a couple of twists that really take you by surprise , unless you are a very , very careful analytical reader ( the kind who writes down possible clues ) , because Magnan plays by the basic rule of mystery writing and gives the reader an opportunity to solve the crime through reasoning . He goes even further and gives the readers an edge over the characters by allowing them to see the events leading up to the murder of the Monge family . There are several important clues that don t look like clues hidden in that chapter . But this book is not just about a murder investigation . It is just as much about love , family and the lack thereof , revenge and healing , among other things . The translation is very good and the translator has allowed some local flavour to remain , I guess to remind the reader that this is a translation , by letting some French and Provencal dialect words stand untranslated in the text with parenthetical and in a couple of cases , footnote , explanations that don t detract from the enjoyment of reading . I am already planning to try to get my hands on the sequel , Beyond the Grave and would in fact like to read even more of Magnan s books . They are being translated into English one by one , but what I would really like to do is upgrade my French so I can read them in the original language ( plus of course I could really savour Simenon s writings ) . There is a movie version as well , but I have little hope of seeing it unless I buy it on DVD . Rating : A juicy literary murder mystery with a touch of the supernatural to sink one s teeth into . 4 + stars . Coming up : Boris Akunin ( hopefully ) . 
The dustcover dilemma . I have a problem with dustcovers on books . On one hand they prevent the real cover from fading and dirt and books usually have a higher resell value with an intact dustcover , but on the other hand they are usually not as attractive as the real cover . I have books bound in fake leather with gilded lettering that look quite beautiful naked on the shelves , but with dustcovers they are not as attractive , but admittedly less prone to fading . All this makes me waver between using the dustcovers and not using them . Some of my books look much better without dustcovers , while others look better with the dustcovers on , usually because the bindings are an ugly colour or one that clashes with the rest of the books on the shelf . I have many books that need to be together on the shelves because they share a subject . Some have such ugly bindings that the dustcover is a blessing , but sitting side by side with naked books they look like clothed visitors in a nudist colony . Fortunately my library is not of the kind that is used for decoration purposes , so I usually just keep the dustcovers on them for protection . But the technicolour view of my bookshelves sometimes hurts the eye , especially when the mind is aware that under some particularly gaudy cover there lurks a beautiful book . 
Bibliophile reviews Every Boy s Got One ( romance ) . Author : Meg Cabot Year published : 2005 Genre : Romance Setting : Italy , 21 st century The Story : Cartoonist Jane and foreign reporter Cal agree to accompany their eloping friends Holly and Mark to Italy to be their bridesmaid and best man . They take a violent dislike to each other at first sight and when Jane discovers that Cal doesn t believe in marriage and intends to try to talk his friend out of marrying Holly , she likes him even less . But when a bout of food poisoning almost ruins the wedding plans and Jane and Cal have to rush to Rome to get some papers for the bridal couple , they get to know and understand each other better on the way . Technique and plot : Like all the other Meg Cabot novels I ve read , this is an epistolatory story . Jane writes in her diary , Cal writes on his PDA , and they both email back and forth with friends and family . The epistolatory form is Cabot s specialty and she does it well . Managing to convey different personalities through a few lines of e - mail is no easy task , but she accomplishes it so well that once all the characters have been introduced , you hardly have to read the from line to know who is speaking . I do have to nag just a little : I though it was stretching things a bit too far when Jane was transcribing her arguments with Cal as they were happening . I know I would find it rather difficult to keep up a sensible conversation , let alone a heated argument , while doing so ( plus who writes that fast ? ) , and so would most people . One thing that I don t get is the titles of Cabot s adult novels : Every Boy s Got One , The Boy Next Door , Boy Meets Girl . Not only are they bland in the extreme , they just scream teen - lit , and while older teen girls would certainly enjoy reading them ( once they get tired of The Princess Diaries ) , they are in fact written for an older audience . As is Cabot s wont , the story is funny , verging on slapstick at times , but still manages to be totally believable ( except perhaps for the Nazi housekeeper ) . The story is shorter , faster and snappier than The Boy Next Door and Boy Meets Girl , the other two books where she chronicles the love lives of the staff of the New York Journal . While the storyline is hardy original , it doesn t matter because it s entertaining and very funny . Rating : A fast and funny romance for the e - mail generation . 3 + stars . 
I love second - hand books . There is something slightly mysterious about some of them , especially when they contain inscriptions , margin notes and annotations . Others I just love because they are cheap . If I bought every book I m interested in at full price , I would have gone bankrupt a long time ago . Instead , I am saved from financial insolvency by second - hand bookshops and libraries . I get most of my casual reading copies from those sources , through Title Trader ( incidentally , if you join TT through this link , I get a free trading point ; - ) or from a shop run by the local recycling company and various charities . The books at the charity shop are cheap , some are even free . I can get 18 + second - hand paperbacks there for the price of one new one , or 6 - 8 for the price of a second hand book from a bookstore . Of course , it is entirely up to chance whether I find anything that s on my want to read list , but I usually find something that interests me . Once a book has been on the shelves of the charity shop for a certain amount of time , it goes in the free stuff section , where I have picked up many books . Often , these unsaleable books include classics that no - one wants to buy because the ( hard ) covers are dirty and the books smell musty or smoky . Other books just don t look tempting : they are old , the cover is missing or they are warped and water damaged . Still others just don t seem to meet with the approval of the person who shelves the donated books and go straight to the free stuff section . Often these are paperback romances , thrillers or horror stories that have never reached the bestseller lists , and thus are unlikely to be of interest to many people . I have occasionally found some pretty good reads among these books that I would never have bought but took home with me because they were being given away . The most recent " treasure " I found in the free stuff area was a paperback copy of John Kennedy Toole 's Confederacy of Dunces , in a " like new " condition . My very favourite find was a beautifully faded hardcover cloth copy of four novels by Christopher Morley , including Parnassus on Wheels and The Haunted Bookshop , both of which I had recently read and enjoyed . 
Bibliophile reviews Volga , Volga : A voyage down the great river ( travel ) . Author : Lesley Chamberlain Year published : 1996 Genre : Travelogue Chamberlain , a former reporter , returns to post - Communist Russia to travel down the Volga . She writes of her journey , people she meets and places she visits , and enriches the travelogue with history , literature and legends connected with the river . Review : The author obviously has a rather uneasy relationship with Russia and her people . Even though she speaks the language , she finds it hard to understand them : their thinking processes are alien to her and she finds their behaviour contradictory , but she loves the country and its literature and searches for understanding through literary texts , history , legends and the landscape . Trying to understand and analyse the Russian soul proves to be harder than she expected , and she ends up alienated and suffering from culture shock . The writing is straightforward , journalistic and matter of fact , with an occasional poetic burst . Rating : An uneasy voyage down one of the world s famous rivers , among people who haven t quite come to terms with the end of Communism . 3 + stars . 
Bibliophile reviews The Barbie Chronicles : A living doll turns forty . Editor : Yona Zeldis Mc Donough Year published : 1999 Pages : 240 Genre : social history Like millions of other girls across the world , I had a Barbie when I was little . I think she was a Superstar . She came in a hot pink gown with spaghetti straps , had rigid bent arms with a scary hole through one hand for a huge ring that quickly got lost , and similar huge earrings , the removal of which left gaping holes that obliterated her earlobes . Before long , one arm was broken off at the elbow I don t remember how it happened , but I may well have been trying to unbend her unnaturally angled arm . After my brother broke the pin that attached her head to her torso by hitting her hard with his He - Man action figure , she was never the same , and one day she was gone . I never missed her . I certainly never felt I was expected to become a Barbie Superstar . I never even wanted to be blonde , let alone have DD breasts . As an adult I discovered that the pretty doll with the vacant stare and impossibly thick hair I had had as a child was a controversial figure . This collection of essays covers some of that controversy , but it also has essays by Barbie s fans and people who see her as an interesting social phenomenon rather than as a dangerous role model or positive image for girls . There is even some poetry . The essays will give everyone , both fans and enemies , something to think about . Rating : A collection of essays about the doll everyone seems to have an opinion about . Not rated . 
Reader s block . Ever pick up one book after another , read a chapter , then put it down and start on another , over and over ? Ever want to read something , but none of your own books will do and there s nothing interesting at the library ? Ever pick up a book and then decide to watch TV , vacuum the floors , do laundry or go for a walk instead ? In short : Have you ever had reader s block ? That s me right now . Reviewing will resume once I feel like reading again . Edit : Until then , here are some of my old reviews , including the original 52 Books reading project ( so far only the fiction - I ' m working on the rest ) . 
Bibliophile reviews Vanity and Vexation ( a kind of romance ) . Author : Kate Fenton Previously published as : Lions and Liquorice Year published : 1995 . American publication : 2005 Pages : 276 Genre : Romance ( sort of ) The Story : A film outfit arrives in a tiny Yorkshire village to film Pride and Prejudice . Local writer Llew Bevan looks on the proceedings with a jaundiced eye as the film s star sweeps his widowed brother - in - law off his feet , and he himself can not help being attracted to not one , but two of the outsiders : haughty director Mary Dance , and a young woman who has a serious quarrel with Mary . Technique and plot : Ring any bells ? No ? Think Pride and Prejudice in a modern setting with older players and reversed gender roles . I have avoided reading any of the sequels that have been written to Jane Austen s novels , as I know no - one can do the characters as well as she did . But a modern spin - off is another matter . I read about this book several years ago while browsing the The Republic of Pemberley fansite . Everyone said it was hilarious and I thought it was an interesting idea . But finding it was a different matter . Lions and Liquorice , as it was originally titled , had been out of print for some time . It never came up in Ebay auctions and I was beginning to think I would never be able to read it , when I discovered it had been republished under a new title . I didn t want to buy the expensive hardcover , so I patiently waited for the paperback and ordered it as soon as it was available . It was with anticipation that I opened the book to read it . I can t say I found much funny in the story . There are a few things worthy of a chuckle , but for the most part this is an ordinary novel about love and misunderstandings . It is well written but nothing more than that . It doesn t sparkle , and it is not the kind of book I want to re - read . Not exactly a dud , but didn t live up to expectations . Rating : A decent read that will keep Austen fans guessing who s who and whether Elizabeth will end up with Wickham this time around . Other readers will simply enjoy it for the story . 3 stars . 
Bibliophile reviews Flight of a Witch ( mystery ) . Author : Ellis Peters No. in series : 3 Series detective : George Felse Year published : 1964 Pages : 247 Type of mystery : Murder Type of detective : Police and amateurs Setting and time : Wales , 1960 s Some themes : Murder , robbery , obsession The Story : A young man sees Annet , the daughter of his landlord , walking up a mountain . She returns five days later but maintains that she has been away only 2 hours , counting on being believed because of stories of such things having happened before on the mountain . However , she looks like the young woman seen standing near a jewellery store where an old man was murdered and robbed , and the police suspect that her male companion is guilty of the crime . But Annet refuses to talk , and Felse has a hard time solving the mystery and finding her lover . Review : I have read a couple of Ellis Peter s Brother Cadfael mysteries and one non - series book , and therefore could not include her in the challenge . But this is my first acquaintance with Inspector Felse . The story is not only a mystery , it is also a twisted love story . Finding the man in the case is of prime importance because Felse thinks he may try to kill the only person who knows who he is , Annet . She , on the other hand , obviously loves him so much that she would rather die than see him hang for the murder ( the story happens while the death penalty was still in force in Britain ) . So far so good . The characters are variously drawn , some very well , some not so . Unfortunately Felse is one of the less well drawn . He hardly seems to have a personality , but I will forgive that as he s a series character and may either have been described better in a previous book or will develop through the following books . Here he is hardly anything more than a thinking machine . The young woman , Annet , is well drawn but rather unbelievable . She is so bewitchingly lovely that all men either fall in love with her or want to protect her , and she just gets to be massively annoying before the end , with her hysteria and obsession . I couldn t summon up any sympathy for her at all . As to her lover , it is rather unbelievable that she would have fallen for such a man , but of course we know that love is irrational . I guess what I want to say is that the feelings of the characters are rather too passionate for my taste , and the ending too highly dramatic . SPOILER ahead Since Peters has sympathy with the killer , she allows him a way out of being judged and hung , something which has really started to annoy me in stories written about time periods and places where the death penalty is in force , because the alternatives are so few that all have been used ad nauseam by soft hearted authors . These alternatives are flight , incarceration in an institute for the criminally insane , a milder sentence due to extenuating circumstances , and death : by suicide , accident or getting killed by pursuers while trying to escape . I have read so many books that use these devices that I am really beginning to hate them . If a writer can not lead the criminal to her or his logical end or find an original way of rescuing them from the gallows , they should stick to other kinds of mysteries . Rating : A tale of murder , obsession and doomed love . 2 + stars . 
Bibliophile reviews The Athenian Murders ( mystery ) . Author : Jos Carlos Somoza Year published : 2000 Pages : 314 Type of mystery : Murder Type of detective : A decipherer of enigmas Setting & time : Athens , ancient Greece Some themes : Murder , philosophy , obsession , translation The Story : It is the time of Plato . A beautiful young man is found murdered on the outskirts of Athens , and his teacher , the philosopher Diagoras , hires Heracles Pontor , Decipherer of Enigmas , to investigate the death . In footnotes we see the comments of the translator who is translating the ancient manuscript that tells the story , into a modern language . As the investigation progresses , the translator gets more and more involved in the story , even begins to think he is in it , and traces , for the benefit of the reader , some clues that are scattered throughout the text and seem to refer to the 12 labours of Hercules . The translator thinks they are the key to a secret meaning hidden in the text ( and the reader scents an ancient secret about to be revealed ) . Someone seems to be stalking the translator , and he gets more and more paranoid as the translation progresses and more clues are revealed in the translation text . But the story is not all is seems , and once the reader thinks she has been very clever and solved both mysteries , an unexpected twist appears , one that , while not unhinted at , will take most readers by total surprise . Review : The story begins as a straightforward mystery , but quickly becomes a mystery within a mystery when the translator begins to tell his story in the footnotes . But that s not all , there are several more layers or frames to the story that only become visible as it progresses . It is not necessary to have a good grounding in philosophy to enjoy the story , but those familiar with Plato s theory of the Idea and the metaphor of the cave will perhaps have a deeper understanding of the philosophical discussions . The twists are numerous in both stories , and can be a bit confusing . The ending unravels the mystery and brings it to a conclusion , but some readers may feel unfulfilled by it and annoyed at the author for tricking them , while others will feel it is the only logical ending to the story . For me , as a translator , there is an added dimension to the story . I don t know if Somoza has worked as a translator , but some of the translator s comments can be seen as descriptions , real and metaphorical , of problems translators come across in their work . Rating : A twisty mystery to make you think . 3 + stars . 
Bibliophile reviews Embers ( literature ) . Author : S ndor M rai Original title : A gyerty k csonkig egn k ( Hungarian ) Translated into English by : Carol Brown Janeway Published : 1942 ( original ) , 2003 ( translation ) Genre : Literature Excerpt from Embers Story : It s 1941 and an old general is living alone with his servants in a castle in the Carpathian forest . One day an old friend of his announces his arrival , and old memories bubble to the surface . The friend listens while the general talks about their childhood friendship and the events that led to the friend s departure 41 years before . Review : This novel is a bit unusual in its set - up in that nearly two - thirds of the story is a monologue by one of the main characters . The interjections by the other main character are so few and short that it can t really be called a dialogue . The first third of the story is scene setting , descriptions of people , places and situations , told in a conventional style . The story is slow , almost painfully so at times . The language is flowing , almost sensuous , and makes up for the slowness of the story . The translation , while I can not judge how accurate it is , is beautifully rendered and it is only in a few places that you can see it is a translation . From the start , the general makes it clear that he is intent to be revenged on his friend for something he did , but for readers who expect blood or fury , this story will be a disappointment . The general s monologue , besides being reminiscences of past events , is also a philosophical discourse about love and hate , the nature of friendship , of otherness , of revenge and forgiveness . Rating : Read it for the language or for the cultural insights , but if you expect action , you will be sorely disappointed , because while there is plenty of emotion , there is no action to speak of . 3 stars . 
Mystery writer # 11 : Amanda Cross . Title : In the last analysis No. in series : 1 Year of publication : 1964 Type of mystery : murder , whodunnit Type of investigator : amateurs Setting & time : New York , 1960 s Some themes : Psychoanalysis , murder , literature , university life Story : New York literature Professor Kate Fansler is shocked when a former student of hers is murdered on the couch of the psychoanalyst Kate recommended to her . What s worse , the psychoanalyst , an old friend of Kate s , is the police s favourite suspect . Not trusting in the intelligence and experience of the police , Kate begins an investigation of her own , assisted by her nephew - in - law to - be who does the sleuthing , and a friend who is an assistant district attorney and has access to inside information about the investigation . Kate herself mostly does the thinking and the mental arithmetic involved in putting together the clues and finding a likely suspect and motive . This she does and arrives at a theory . Unfortunately she is , at first , unable to prove it , as the evidence is all circumstantial , but her ADA friend helps her to get hold of the one available piece of evidence the police need to turn their attentions to the real killer . Review : Amanda Cross ( pseudonym ) , in real life a professor of literature herself , has been described as a literary feminist mystery writer , but I didn t find much feminism in this book . Maybe it surfaces later in the series . Literature I did find , quotations in fact , and an accurate description of academic life , academic thinking processes and academic arrogance . Having experienced all these things as a student , it was interesting to see it from the point of view of a teacher . As to characterisation , Kate is not a likeable character . She is arrogant , automatically assumes the police don t know how to do their job , and barely hesitates to use her ADA friend to get access to classified information . She puts together her splendidly unlikely murder theory from some very tenuous threads that require a rather large jump to reach the conclusion . The storytelling is ok , up until the point where Kate s ADA friend breaks the law to get her the evidence she needs to prove the theory . In real life this would have meant that the evidence was inadmissible in court , but of course it doesn t matter to the story , as she was simply trying to prove her friend didn t commit the murder . Whether the killer gets away with it because of the lawless way in which the evidence was obtained is beside the point . Cross books came highly recommended to me , but I must say this one is a disappointment . I plan to do a bit of research and try to find her most highly regarded mystery , to see if she deserved the praise . Rating : A lusterless , undistinguished mystery . 2 + stars . 
Bibliophile reviews Are you there God ? It s me , Margaret . Author : Judy Blume Year published : 1970 The Story : 12 year old Margaret Simon has conversations with God , but doesn t belong to any religion , because her mother is Christian and her father Jewish and they want her to choose her religious orientation for herself . When she is given an assignment where she has to keep a journal about some self - chosen subject for the whole winter , she decides to investigate religion . She and her friends are getting to the age when boys are becoming exiting , and they are all looking forward to the moment they will start to menstruate . Basically , religion and budding sexuality are the main themes of the book , along with friendship and prejudice . Technique and plot : I decided to read this story mostly because it is among the most banned or challenged books in the USA and has been since it was first published . It seems to have been challenged mostly for it s portrayal of budding sexuality , but probably also for the controversial religious content Margaret believes in God , but can t decide which religion she wants to belong to . So we can blame both prudes and religious fanatics for trying to ban it . This is clearly a story for adolescent girls . It is obviously meant to educate as well as to entertain , and to make them think , especially about religion and about prejudice , religious and otherwise . It is very open about those subjects and about sexuality , about belonging and friendship , and the cruelty as well as the joys of growing up . It doesn t dumb things down , although obviously the vocabulary is appropriate to the age group , and it doesn t make the heroine an angel - Margaret has her faults like everyone , and she is more real for it . I found the story so innocent in comparison to some of the books I read as a child and teenager that it s just funny . It makes me wonder how those clamouring for it to be banned would have reacted to Comrade Jesus by Sven Wernstr m , where Jesus is portrayed as a Communist type rebel and Mary Magdalene as his girlfriend . But then I grew up ( and still live ) in Europe , where things are more liberal than in the USA . ( That s not to say books haven t been banned here in the past but they had to be a lot more explicit than this ) . Rating : A well plotted and well written , very honest look at adolescence and its problems . Recommended for girls aged 8 - 14 . P . S . I read the old version of the book . When preparing the book for reading by a new generation , Blume updated it , so that girls who have never seen or heard of a menstrual belt whose mothers may not even be familiar with them would not be stumped when it came to those passages in the book . The belts were replaced with modern stick - on sanitary pads , which makes sense to me , but seems to have put a bee in the bonnet of some who read and loved the original version as girls . 
Mystery writer # 9 : Sister Carol Anne O Marie . Title : A Novena for Murder No. in series : 1 Year published : 1984 Availability : In print Pages : 183 . Setting & time : San Francisco mostly Mount St. Francis College for Women , 1980 s ( but has a somewhat timeless feel ) Type of mystery : Murder Type of investigator : Amateurs and police detectives Some themes : Immigration , cultism , love , blackmail Summary : 75 year old Sister Mary Helen has been dodging retirement for several years , but now the church has decided that she deserves her rest and she has been sent to Mount St. Francis College for Women to spend her retirement at what they call the Sister s Residence , but she knows is nothing but a convent . The former teacher expects it to be boring , but a few days after her arrival , a Professor Villanueva is found murdered in his office and suspicion falls on Leonel , the assistant cook , whose fingerprints are found on the murder weapon . Sister Mary Helen is convinced of his innocence , and starts an investigation of her own . When she finds the body of Joanna , Villanueva s secretary s sister , in the college chapel , she is convinced the murders are in some way connected to the Portuguese immigrants Villanueva has been helping , since both victims and the prime suspect are Portuguese . The disappearance of Joanna s M. A . thesis , which was about that subject , convinces the police that Mary Helen s theory is correct , and since she has shown herself capable of ferreting out information the police couldn t find , they allow her to assist in the investigation . Review : Reviews of this novel and others by the author often mention G . K . Chesterton s Father Brown , possibly because the sleuths are both Catholics in service of the church , but I find they have little else in common . Mary Helen does not seem to have Father Brown s almost supernatural ability to notice tiny details her forte is curiosity - and there is none of the dark fantasy element in this story that one finds in Chesterton . For a first book it is very well written , suspenseful and funny , and fortunately Sister Carol has avoided making the story overly religious while still including details about nun s lives that are all the more interesting for knowing she is writing from experience . Sister Mary Helen does not take a particularly religious approach to her sleuthing , which is good . I venture to say she has more in common with Miss Marple and other educator sleuths than she has with Father Brown , whose approach to crime solving is often spiritual . Rating : A funny and entertaining story about a sleuthing nun . Will definitely be looking for more . 4 stars . About the author . 
Bibliophile reviews Undead and Unwed ( paranormal ) . Author : Mary Janice Davidson Year published : 2004 Pages : 255 First in a series . The Story : Elizabeth Betsy Taylor is a talkative , shallow shoe - addict with an attitude that comes her in good steed but also causes problems when she is struck by a car and rises two days later as a vampire ( read the book to find out why ) . The discovery that her stepmother has stolen all her designer shoes and intended to bury her wearing a pink suit ( a colour she hates ) and cheap shoes initially upsets her more than being dead . Everything indicates that she is the new Queen of the vampires : she can enter churches , touch crosses and say God without any discomfort ; instead of burning her , holy water only makes her sneeze ; daylight just makes her sleepy ; and dogs and people are attracted to her like iron filings to a magnet . Not to mention that men get horny just looking at her , something she has never experienced before . She soon discovers that there are two vampire clans in the city : Nostradamus s clan , who want her to become Nostro s ( as she calls him ) minion , and Sinclair s clan , who believe her to be the prophesied vampire Queen . Betsy just wants to be left alone to live her death as she pleases , but she has no clue about how to survive as a vampire , and reluctantly accepts Sinclair s help . When she decides to join the war against Nostro , his people kidnap her and that s when the real trouble starts Technique and plot : The story is well written and funny , but with serious moments as well . The main characters are well drawn : Betsy is saved from being a totally intolerable ditz by her fierce independence and her warm protective feelings for her friends and family ; and Sinclair is saved from being a typical sexy vampire king by actually having a personality . Nostro , unfortunately is a stereotypical villain . The story is told by Betsy herself , in a tone that made me think of Cher in the movie Clueless . This book is classified by the publisher as a paranormal romance , which is a misnomer . There is very little love in the sense of romance in the story , and certainly no falling in love . Falling in lust , yes , but not in love . The story is partly a parody of the vampire genre , while still being very much part of it . Betsy is an atypical vamp who will do anything to protect her friends and family from being hurt . This makes her a sympathetic character , a difficult feat when telling the story of a member of a parasitical race that preys on humans . Rating : A funny vampire story , Carmilla lite , that makes an entertaining afternoon s read . A relief after the intensity of the Anita Blake books . 3 stars . 
Bibliophile s booklists . I am a maniac when it comes to making lists , and book lists are no exception . I currently have the following set up : Books Read list . I keep a handwritten reading journal where I write down information about the book ( author , title , publication year , pages , rating , rereads , etc. ) , summarize the plot and write my review . The BR list is an Excel file which contains everything the journal does except the summary and review , and which allows me to gather statistics about my reading habits . The Library list . This is twofold : a master list of all the books I want to read that are available at the various branches of the Reykjav k City Library and the National Library , and a series of smaller lists , broken down by the location of the books . These I print out small and keep in a Filofax that resides in my handbag . The Wanted list . An auxiliary to the library list that lists books I want to read but not badly enough to buy , which are not available from the library . This list I check about once a month in the hope the books have been added to the collection , and sometimes they have been , especially if they are new . I occasionally put in requests for one or two of these books to be bought , but it takes months before such requests are processed . The Shopping list . Books to buy when I have money to spend . These are mostly books I have already read , but want to read again and own , or replacement copies for books I own but have lost or want hardcover copies of . Author list , otherwise known as the Glom List . Divided up into smaller lists by author . When I find an author I really like , I want to keep track of which of their books I own , which I have already read , which I can get from the library , and which I will have to buy . These lists are mostly to do with series that I want to read in order , and books I own but have yet to read and therefore don t remember the titles of . This list I also keep in the aforementioned Filofax ( I have had that thing for 15 years , and I finally found a use for it ) . The Owned list . I started making an Access list of all my books several years ago , but am sadly behind schedule . I really should finish it , if only for insurance purposes , but I haven t got the time . The TBR list ( To Be Read ) . This is a master list put together from the Wanted list , the Library list , and a list of books in English I own but have not read yet . I keep it online at Bibliophil . org , along with copies of the Shopping list and a list of books I ve read in English . Their tagging option is great for organising lists . Finally , I have two other lists online : my Amazon wishlist , and my Title Trader wishlist . You would think I should be well organised with all those lists , right ? Think again . The only ones I regularly consult are the Author and Library lists and the two online wishlists . The rest are there , should I need them , but I don t use them very often . 
Bibliophile reviews The Bloody Chamber ( short stories ) . Angela Carter was a brilliant short story writer and often used mythological or folk tale themes in her stories . Years ago I read another collection of her stories , Fireworks : Nine profane pieces , as part of a course on modern British literature , and was captivated by her use of language and the interweaving of folk tale elements and feminist themes into a rich web full of mystery and magic realism . The stories in this collection are all variations on folk tales , with the exception of one story which owes more to modern vampire mythology . As the title suggests , there is a take on the Bluebeard story . Other folk tales readers may recognise are Beauty and the Beast , Puss - in - Boots , " Snow White " and Little Red Riding Hood . Carter reworks these stories into tales about strong , smart and , for the most part , resourceful women who know how to turn men s desires to their advantage ( for the most part : the protagonist of The Bloody Chamber doesn t have a clue ) . Most of the stories feature sexually knowing but virginal heroines who encounter predatory males whom they conquer through their sexuality . There is one inversion of this theme , where it s the male who is the innocent and the female who is the predator . Carter takes the folk tales and writes her own sensuous , twisted interpretations , sometimes moving them from the realm of far away and long ago into the era of cars and electricity , but always retaining the fantasy element . These are definitely not stories for children . Sexuality , of which many original folk tales are so full and which is always so carefully edited out of folk tale collections for children , is very much in evidence here , and there are weirdly erotic scenes in some of the tales . The language itself often oozes rich sensuality , but she is also capable of writing bawdy , of which Puss in Boots is a good example that put me in mind of Chaucer s pilgrims at their most vulgar . Rating : Fine fairy tales for grown - ups . 4 stars . 
Bibliophile reviews Road Fever ( travel ) . The other fast travel book I read last week was Tim Cahill s Road Fever : A high speed travelogue , which had been languishing in my TBR pile for over two years . This is the account of how adventure travel writer Cahill and Gerry Sowerby , a professional adventure driver , drove from Ushuaia , the southernmost town in Argentina , to Prudhoe Bay in Alaska , the northernmost place they could reach by road , in under 24 days , a world record . Other reviewers have complained that nearly half the book is taken up with the planning and financing of the trip , but I found it refreshing to be allowed to see some of the intricate planning that goes into this kind of journey . So many adventure travel books make it look like the adventurers just decided to set off without any planning at all , which of course is a gross deception ( in most cases ) . I m not exactly sure what I expected when I started reading it , probably something macho , but I was pleasantly surprised . Cahill is a skilful writer and manages to make even the planning part of the story sound interesting , by interjecting humour into the situations they encountered , even managing to be funny about Sowerby s brush with death on a previous adventure in Africa . While the " whys " of this journey are just as much beyond me as those of the previous book I reviewed , I also enjoyed it , but in a different way . In spite of the speed of the journey and the fact that they spent most of their time either driving or sleeping , Cahill seems to have kept his eyes remarkably well open . He describes the people and situations they met with on the road with understanding and humour , throwing in historical snippets to spice things up , and even manages to make some of the places they passed through sound interesting to visitors . This was an interesting read because I had previously read Michael Palin s book Full Circle which covers some of the same territory . The last leg of his Pacific rim journey took in much the same area as Cahill and Sowerby s trip , only going ( mostly ) by public transport and thus much slower . I had also read about Argentina in books by Gerald Durrell , who ran into similar customs problems in Buenos Aires as Cahill and Sowerby did in another country on the route . So I was also covering familiar territory in this book , and as always when I do this , it was interesting to see the different perspectives . Humour is never far away , and Cahill s internal monologues and fantasy scenarios when he is annoyed with Sowerby for criticising his driving abilities are hilarious and should be familiar to anyone who has driven with a back - seat driver but wanted to keep the peace . While Cahill himself is the butt of some of the humour , he also deftly describes funny situations and adjusts the humour to the situation , it becoming quite dark when he is describing the traffic problems on the Mountain of Death , turning to slapstick in other situations and being subtle where it is required . Rating : Wouldn t mind reading more of Cahill . 3 + stars . 
Bibliophile reviews Border Crossing ( travel ) . I have always been of the opinion that in order to enjoy travel , you have to do it slowly . By slowly I mean taking your time to explore , to talk to people and enjoy being there , even if you had to fly to get there . But that is not to say that I don t enjoy reading about fast travel . I just don t see the point of it . I read two such books last week , and enjoyed them in different ways . The first was Rosie Thomas s Border Crossing : On the road from Peking to Paris . ( I will review the other tomorrow ) . In 1997 , Thomas , a middle - aged author of women s literature , and Phil Bowen , a thirtyish adventurer whom she had met while on a hiking holiday in Nepal , joined a rally from Beijing to Paris , which was being held to commemorate the 90 th anniversary of the first ( and then only ) such race . The book describes the 45 day race to the finish line , across 13 countries , covering 16 thousand kilometres , complete with friendships , strife , a serious health problem , breakdowns , and road accidents . Rosie herself comes across as neurotic and clinging , while Phil is alternatively seen as emotionally closed and vulnerable , or calculating and controlling . Thomas analogy of their relationship as a kind of ( sexless ) marriage isn t far off track , starting with the courtship when Phil charms Rosie into financing the journey , to the final breakdown when he can not bring himself to reciprocate her compliments to him in a TV interview , and the divorce , the parting of ways when she gives him the car and they each head off to their respective lives . Rosie s comments on the event planners are scathing , and it is clear she thought the whole thing was badly planned , but then she had reason to : no - one in the organising committee bothered to warn her that stating in her visa application that she was a writer would in all likelihood cause her to be denied a visa to China . In the end it seems to have been because of the intervention of a British politician that she got her visa , not because the rally organisers did anything to help . I would have been pissed off too in her situation , especially if I d had to pay 1000 pounds extra for the privilege . First off : I think the rally was reprehensible , as it was conducted mostly on roads in full use by other traffic , causing dangers to both rally drivers and other road users . The drivers had to stay within given time limits for each stretch if they wanted to earn medals , which meant they were often driving at unbelievable speeds ( even for a country like Pakistan where the locals don't exactly drive slowly or carefully ) . Continuing it after a worker and two participants died in accidents was unbelievable , but perhaps inevitable , considering the kind of morality and money that was involved . That said , I think the story was an interesting study in psychology and the generation gap , and it was interesting to see how Rosie saw the places she travelled through that I had also been to . The difference was the biggest in rural Pakistan , where the rally cars were met with hostile stares and thrown rocks , an area where I met mostly friendly and curious people only a year earlier . Rating : Interesting mostly for the writing and the people . Don t expect travel tips , unless you re planning to participate in the next Beijing to Paris rally . 3 stars . 
Bibliophile reviews If ever I return , pretty Peggy - O . Author : Sharyn Mc Crumb Year published : 1990 Setting & time : Tennessee , 1980 's Genre : Mystery Type of investigator : police Where got : Book Crossing The Story : When folksinger Peggy Muryan moves to the small Tennessee town of Hamelin , she expects to have complete peace and quiet while she writes new songs that will hopefully relaunch her career ( this time as a country singer ) . Then she receives a postcard with a message that could only be threatening to someone who knows the next line in the folk song it quotes . Sheriff Spencer Arrowood thinks it s a prank until someone butchers Peggy s dog , leaving hints that suggest the killer could be a Vietnam veteran . From there on the suspense builds until Peggy finally stands face to face with her stalker . Review : I first discovered Mc Crumb when I came across her satirical novel Zombies of the Gene Pool . I then went on to read the previous book of that duology , Bimbos of the Death Sun and one of her comic Elizabeth Mac Pherson stories , Missing Susan . I enjoyed all three books for the deft characterisations and the humour , but as mysteries they are nothing special . In fact , Missing Susan isn t even a mystery , just a very , very funny book about a sympathetic would - be murderer trying repeatedly to off his annoying would - be victim . This book is so different from the three I had already read , that had I read it without knowing who the author was , I never would have guessed . The characters are , as is Mc Crumb s wont , well drawn and real , and so are the descriptions of their surroundings . Although it is obvious that she is preparing the soil for a sequel by doing some of the necessary introductions of characters and environment , it is done in such a way as not to bog down the story , but rather serves to create atmosphere . The backdrop of the story is the Appalachian mountains and the small town , complete with town eccentric and other colourful characters . You quickly realise that the killer definitely has more than a few screws loose , and Mc Crumb gives you four possible suspects to choose from , at least three of whom are equally plausible . I figured him out simply because I didn t want the others to be guilty , but was still kept in considerable doubt throughout the story . The ending has a twist in the tail that took me completely by surprise . Rating : A classy , thrilling mystery . Looking forward to reading more in the series . 4 stars . 
Bibliophile reviews Prince Joe . I like reading thrillers and I like reading romances , so when I had Suzanne Brockmann s books , which combine both genres , heartily recommended to me some time ago , I decided they sounded like something I might like reading . Add to this that the books in this series ( Tall , dark and dangerous ) have raked in awards and consistently get good reviews on the All About Romance website where I have discovered some of my favourite romance authors , I took the chance and requested this one , the first in the series , through Title Trader . Summary : If you don t like SPOILERS , skip this part . Navy SEAL Joe Catalanotto has a strong resemblance to Prince Tedric , a visiting dignitary trying to get American aid to develop the oil industry in his country . The resemblance is strong enough that when an attempt is made on the prince s life , Joe is called in to double for him . The prince s PR woman , Veronica St. John , gets the job of teaching Joe to play the prince to perfection . It is a case of instant dislike and Joe gets immense pleasure out of annoying the prim and highly strung Veronica . But in the end they reach an understanding and it turns out Joe really didn t need much help to play the prince . As the press tour continues , Joe and Ronnie become more and more attracted to each other , which is a problem because she can not imagine being with a man whose life is always on the line , and he is worried that the high class lady may just be slumming . It takes a near - death experience before Ronnie will admit to herself that she loves Joe too much to let his profession get in the way of their happiness . Review : I have to say that after the anticipation that had been built up by my online reading buddies and the All About Romance reviews of Brockmann s books , this book was a let down . Perhaps it is the subject an American Navy SEAL , a hero of the first Gulf War , being hero worshipped by the author and I simply picked the wrong time to read it , what with the situation in Iraq and all the barbarism shown by the U.S. military there . I will say that although Joe and co. are heroic and brave , Brockmann is careful not to be either supportive or critical of US military policies , and the prince is from an imaginary country while the terrorist s nationality is never mentioned , so there is no - one to offend . Her SEALS are fantasy heroes who don t seem to have any bad habits or faults , which is not surprising considering this is romance and they each get a book of their own . But the story ? Between the build - up and the climax , the story is a series of slightly altering scenes of Joe and Veronica hardly being able to keep their eyes ( and hands ) off each other in public , and her being more and more afraid with Joe s every public appearance , interspersed with monotonous sex scenes that I soon started skimming over . Even the build up , the instant dislike angle , is not played out to its fullest comic potential , except for one funny scene where Joe fools not only Veronica , but even people close to Tedric into thinking he is the prince . The best passages are the action sequences that describe the SEALs in action , and even then Brockmann lets Joe have a stupid moment when he stops to kiss Veronica in the middle of a gunfight . I think I will try to get my hands on the second and third books in the series , as the setting for those is much less of a fantasy one , and they have interesting storylines . Rating : I am inclined to think if Brockmann ever decides to write pure thrillers , she could do it very well , but unfortunately I can not give this romance - thriller hybrid more than 2 stars . 
Mystery author # 7 : Arthur Upfield . Titles : The Battling Prophet & Bony and the Mouse ( American title : Journey to the Hangman ) . No. in series : 19 & 24 Published : 1956 & 1959 Setting & time : Australia , 1950 's ( but has a timeless feel ) Availability : Both seem to be out of print , but are readily available second hand Type of mystery : Murder Type of investigator : Police detective This time I read two books by the chosen author . Both books come from the same series , about Detective - Inspector Napoleon Bony Bonaparte , an Australian half - aborigine , half - white police detective who uses his instincts as much as he does his police training and his clever mind to solve crimes , usually cold murders that other policemen have failed to solve . In fact , he specialises in cold cases . Bony , as he is known , is popular and there have been at least two television series , one based on the books , the other on the name and occupation . Upfield writes with dry humour and is capable of letting the reader see the funny side of quite serious situations like murder . His character descriptions are rounded and realistic and human nature plays a big part in both books . The two books are totally different in set - up , but Bony s work methods are similar in both : he quietly and unobtrusively becomes acquainted with the people around him , forms ideas and follows his instincts . In The Battling Prophet , Bony is on holiday and goes to investigate the death of a man famous for his infallible weather predictions , at the behest of the man s best friend . The friend claims that the man was murdered , while everyone else believes he died of alcohol poisoning . As the body has been cremated , there seems to be no way of proving it was murder , but the friend convinces Bony , who sets out to look for the murderer . There are plenty of suspects . Heirs , relatives , foreign agents and Australian secret service men are on the prowl , trying to locate the dead man s notebook where he wrote down his weather prediction formulas . Any of them could have done the deed , and it all comes together in an interesting dance , sometimes funny , sometimes macabre . The solution is so obvious when Bony finally reveals it that you think of course ! Why didn t I think of that ? . But you don t , because Upfield breaks one of the cardinal rules of detective fiction he keeps information that is known to the detective from the reader . Upfield does the same thing in the other book , Bony and the Mouse . In that one , Bony goes undercover as a drifter to try to solve a series of murders in a small town . In that one , it is well - nigh impossible to guess who the killer is , although the motive can easily be guessed . The siege at the end of the book is a brilliant piece of psychological warfare , orchestrated by Bony , who is as much a psychologist as he is a policeman . I suppose Upfield keeps these clues secret because Bony works intuitively , but it is still a bit annoying and suggests that he can't quite explain how Bony arrives at his conclusions . Rating : Each book gets 3 stars and so does the author . Would have been 3 + and 4 but for the author giving the detective an unfair advantage over the reader . Am on the lookout for more , especially the beginning books in the series . 
Bibliophile recommends Perfume : the story of a murderer by Patrick S skind . I recently re - read this brilliant story for the umpteenth time , and I have to say that I still love it however often I read it . Synopsis : In pre - revolutionary 18 th century France , Grenouille , pathetic and decidedly unpleasant , is born with a handicap : his body has no smell of it s own ; and a genius : he has a perfect sense of smell . These two remarkable characteristics combine to make him an outcast from human society . Consequently , he grows up a sociopath with no respect for human life . His genius opens him up to exploitation by those who recognise the possibilities of such a brilliant sense of smell , and he becomes a perfumer s assistant , making the perfumes while his master takes the credit for them . Finally , when he has learned all he can about the perfumer s art and experimented with the different methods of extracting smell from all kinds of things , living and dead , he sets out to produce the most perfect and delectable smell of all : the scent that produces love , and which he will kill to obtain . Review : This is a great novel , definitely one of the 10 best historical novels I have read , and I have read many . The writing is brilliant , and S skind draws up an image of France that seems realistic to the point where you can imagine the smells , the dirt and the brutality of life in that era . And even though Grenouille is thoroughly unpleasant and totally without conscience , you still can t help rooting for him because of the way other people treat him . That is , right up to the point when the murders begin The story revels in descriptions of the world of smells , ranging from the delightful scent of freshly opened roses to the grossness of a plague graveyard , and it is one of the rare books that I have read where it really is quite alright for the author to turn away from the story and go into in - depth descriptions . In this case , although those passages do not move the story onwards , they do make Grenouille and the time in which he lived come all the more alive . My only complaint about the story is that Grenouille s execution ( and I use that word for good reason ) of his final project , which he has spent most of the story preparing for , is described in haste that is surprising considering how slowly and lovingly his other activities are described , and the ending , while grotesquely in synch with Grenouille s life up to then , is too abrupt to be satisfying . Rating : Brilliantly told story about a genius whose talent leads him to crime . Slightly flawed , but good none the less . 5 stars . Here is an excerpt from the opening passages of the book . 
Travel literature , part 2 . Honourable mentions : I reviewed several of these book on the original 52 Books blog . Unfortunately t Blog seems to have disabled the static links , so I can not link directly to the reviews . I m working on a solution to this problem . Polly Evans : It 's Not About the Tapas . Around Spain on a bicycle . Previously reviewed . Christopher Sale Wren : The cat who covered the world : the adventures of Henrietta and her foreign correspondent . The biography of Henrietta , who lived with her owners in such diverse places as Russia , Egypt and South - Africa . An unusual and beautifully told story which qualifies as travel because of all the different countries they lived in . Rita Golden Gelman : Tales of a female nomad : living at large in the world . A story about two journeys : of self - discovery and of seeing the world . After her divorce , middle - aged children s book author Gelman set off to travel the world and stay in different places to get to know the people and cultures intimately . Talia Zapatos : A Journey of one s own . Part travel story collection , mostly travel guide and therefore not eligible for the main list . Bill Bryson : Down Under . Bryson in Australia . I didn t much care for the other Bryson books I ve read , but I liked this one . Chris England : Balham to Bollywood . Memoir of filming the epic , Oscar - winning movie Lagaan , where the author played one of the bad guys . Would not have enjoyed it half as much had I not seen the movie , and would have enjoyed it more if I knew anything about cricket . Bad Trips ( alternative title : Worst Journeys ) . A collection of essays by professional writers about their worst travel experiences . Most have some humour in them , but a couple of them are really harrowing . Traveller s Tales from Heaven and Hell and More Traveller s Tales from Heaven and Hell . Two collections of short travel stories by various travellers from all over the world who participated in a competition on this subject . William Dalrymple : The Road to Xanadu . Tracing the route supposedly taken by Marco Polo on his epic journey to China . I am currently reading Bill Holm s Eccentric Islands , which I will probably not finish , finding Holm a bit too preachy ; and Laurens van der Post s First catch your eland , which is about my two favourite non - fiction subjects : food and travel . TBR * Rosie Thomas : Border crossing : on the road from Peking to Paris . * Rosemary Mahoney : The Early Arrival of Dreams : A Year in China . * Theresa Maggio : The Stone Boudoir : In Search of the Hidden Villages of Sicily . * Eric Newby : A Short Walk in the Hindu Kush . * Thomas Stevens : Around the World on a Penny - farthing * Peter Matthiassen : African Silences . I am treating this one for cigarette smoke poisoning and will read it when I no longer need to put on a gas mask to open it . * Mark Twain s travel books ( and those of a couple of modern followers in his footsteps ) . * Robert Lois Stevenson s classic Travels with a donkey in the C vennes * Isabella Bird s books . * Alexandra David - Neel s My Journey to Lhasa . * Marco Polo s " Travels " . The Most Wanted list : * Anne Mustoe : Lone Traveller : One Woman , Two Wheels and the World * Mary Morris : Nothing to Declare * Books by Freya Stark , Dervla Murphy , Jan Morris , Polly Evans . 
Bibliophile reviews Kathy Reichs ' Death du Jour . No. in series : 2 Year of publication : 1999 Availability : In print Pages : 379 ( hardcover ) Settings and time : Montreal , Canada , Carolina , USA , winter of 1998 . Type of mystery : Murder , thriller Type of investigator : Forensic anthropologist / amateur detective , police Some themes : Murder , religion , cults OK , I know said in a comment that I was going to wait a month , but I couldn t resist this when I spotted it at the library . It s the middle of winter and Tempe Brennan is called in to help identify the burnt remains of people found on the site of an arson . Soon , more bodies begin stacking up . Tempe returns to her hometown in Carolina where she is teaching physical anthropology at a university . While visiting an island nature reserve with her daughter she finds more bodies . Clues suggest that the deaths in both Canada and the USA may be connected to the same cult , and Tempe s sister may be in danger . Review : I had been told that the Tempe Brennan books get better as the series continues , but if this book is anything to go by , I am not sure I agree . Reichs has - annoyingly - joined the had I but known school of mystery writers . The writing style has improved somewhat from the first book , although she is still prone to redundancies , like telling the reader what day it is today when she has already told them a few paragraphs ago what day it was yesterday , and inserting comments or quips that have absolutely nothing to do with the story or character interaction . She also sometimes inserts dramatic statements into the story , like this example : What he told be next sent an icy wind rocketing through my soul ( p . 272 ) . While I appreciate the effort to avoid the clich " my blood ran cold " , this is over the top . Tempe is not as recklessly stupid as before , which is an improvement , but the story , although thrilling , is highly unlikely and so fraught with coincidence that it soon stops being even remotely realistic . The side story would have been more interesting if I had not been able to guess right away what the twist would be . Rating : The writing style has improved while the story is not on par with the previous one . 3 stars . 
Mystery author # 6 : Kathy Reichs . Title : D j Dead No. in series : 1 Year of publication : 1997 Availability : In print Pages : 544 Setting and time : Montreal , Canada , summer of 1996 or 1997 Type of mystery : Murder , thriller Type of investigator : Forensic anthropologist / amateur detective Some themes : Serial murder , friendship , stalking . Dr. Temperance Brennan , forensic anthropologist for the Laboratoire de Medecine Legale in Montreal , handles mostly cases where bodies need to be identified by means of forensic examination or the cause of death needs to be established for remains that are too decomposed or otherwise messed up for a regular autopsy . When she notices suspicious similarities between the dismembered remains of women found in various places around the city , she begins to suspect that there is a serial killer on the loose . Working on that suspicion , Tempe ( as she is called ) begins an amateur investigation of her own , and unearths yet another body , thus catching the attention of the killer . She has difficulties convincing the police there really is a serial killer in the city until an expert from the FBI backs her up and a full - fledged investigation is set in motion . But Tempe is not willing to sit on the sidelines and just provide forensic evidence she wants to be in the thick of things . But the killer wants to silence her , and her best friend , frightened witless by a stalker , has disappeared . Review : This is a mystery that could not by any stretch be called a cosy like my previous reads . It is visceral , bloody and dark . I used to enjoy reading Patricia Cornwell s stories about Dr. Kay Scarpetta ( until they started going downhill ) and am a regular watcher of CSI , so this is a subject I enjoy and know something about . The story is good , quite thrilling in parts , and the red herring is well done . Reichs writes from first hand knowledge about forensic anthropology ( her profession ) and about the city of Montreal ( where she works ) , and it shows in the writing . While other reviewers have complained about the autopsies and examinations of bodies being too long and too graphic , I have no such complaints . The style of the story is uneven , and for such an intelligent woman , the heroine is surprisingly stupid at times . I admit that her going out alone in the dark and rain to search for clues on the site of an abandoned monastery was a heart - thumping device worthy of a gothic thriller ( which I guess this is , to a point ) , but is anyone that stupid except innocent heroines in gothic romances ? And her handling of her friend didn t make sense at all I mean , if you had someone staying in your spare bedroom and had not seen them for days , wouldn t you take a look to see if they were still there ? And if you suspected that you were being stalked , wouldn t you be a bit more careful ? I guess Reichs is trying to show Tempe as being a very careful person when it comes to her job but a bit reckless outside it , but all she manages to show is that Tempe is liable to lapse into gross stupidity . Apart from these inconsistencies and a further touch of firstbookitis in the writing style ( repetitious wording and long descriptive passages about things that don t matter to the story ) , this is a thrilling mystery . I should know it is over 500 pages long and I had planned to read it over three days , but instead I finished it in one sitting . I have been told the books get better as the series advances , so I will definitely be reading more of them . Rating : Needs a little bit of work on the writing style , but the story is good . Looking forward to reading the next one . 3 + stars . Here is a link to Reich s website and an excerpt from the book . Also excerpts from her other books and information about her . 
Bibliophile reviews Geisha ( memoir , anthropology ) . There are books I like to gobble up like candy , and then there are books I like to savour , like a long - drawn out meal where the food is so delicious you don t want to stop eating . This is one of the latter type of book . It has taken me nearly a whole month to read , and I have therefore had ample time to digest it . Author : Liza Crihfield Dalby Year published : 1983 Genre : Anthropology , memoir In the 1970 s , anthropology student Liza Crihfield went to Japan to conduct a study of geisha for her Ph . D . thesis . The book is part anthropological study , part memoir , of Crihfield s year among the geisha , who invited her to join their ranks , which she did , working as a geisha for about six months . She discusses geisha culture and historical fluctuations and changes in their fortunes , their private lives and their education , dress , social status and standards of conduct . It is a fascinating subject , and written in a very readable style , often with sly humour coming through . One of the things Dalby tries to do in the book is to debunk the western myth that geisha are nothing but prostitutes and slaves to men s whims and fancies . Neither myth is entirely true , but because westerners rarely see beneath the surface , things are interpreted in this way . Dalby takes care to stress that geisha are artists whose job is to entertain at parties with singing , music , dance and conversation , and because Japanese women rarely attend parties with their husbands and ( at that time , don t know what it s like now ) women were generally not among the high - ups in companies who would entertain clients , the geisha s customers are mostly men . A geisha make take on a patron i . e . become a mistress - but the relationship will , these days , be built more on the need for intimacy and companionship rather than money . Some individual geishas are prostitutes as well , but the group as whole is not . As to being anti - feminist these was a time when the only way a Japanese woman could be financially independent and not have to marry was to become a courtesan , a prostitute or a geisha . Geisha were socially acceptable , while the other two were not , and so geisha were possibly the most independent women in Japan . In modern Japan this is no longer true as more opportunities have opened up , but even now if a woman wants to pursue a career in the traditional arts of singing , music or dancing , her best choice may be to become a geisha , because she can support herself financially while practicing her gei ( art ) . Much of the charm of the book is the author s obvious love for the subject and her writing style . When academics write for laypersons i . e . the public rather than for other academics , they sometimes fail miserably because they are used to writing in a factual , impersonal style that tends towards dryness and which the public find boring , or because they make the mistake of dumbing the subject down too much . Not so Liza Crihfield Dalby . Her writing style is simple , flowing and personal and she allows her obvious love of and respect for the subject to shine through . She explains things in clear , beautiful prose without speaking down to the readers , and draws up an image of the flower and willow world of Japan that may not be accurate today , 30 years after she did her study , but which stands as a snapshot of the geisha culture as it was then . Rating : Highly recommended , good reading , especially if you are interested in the subject . 5 stars . 
More bookmarks online : printables . Printables for everyone : Free Printable Bookmarks . Cute bookmarks with motivational sayings . Includes some for Mother s Day . More free printable bookmarks . Designed by children s book author and illustrator Jan Brett . All bookmarks include her name ( OK , I know I said I tried to avoid promotional stuff , but these are really lovely ) . Free bookmarks from Graphic Garden . Really cute bookmarks , some in horizontal ( landscape ) format . Printables for kids : Bookmarks from abcteach . Loads of bookmarks , mostly with educational themes . DLTK 's Crafts for Kids . Create personalised bookmarks online . Design a personalised bookmark online . Choose from several designs . I think I ' m going overboard with this bookmark mania . Now I ' ve bought a laminating machine ... 
Bookmarks online . After I wrote the bookmark post , I though it would be fun to see what the web has to offer in the way of bookmarks . I googled bookmarks combined with all the methods I could think of for making them and found oodles of websites offering either printable bookmarks or instructions on how to make them from various materials . I found so many that I decided to make a separate post with just links . I even found sewn , crocheted and knitted bookmarks . While I think such bookmarks are beautiful to look at , they do tend to be a bit too thick and slippery to stay inside a book that s being carried around , so they are best reserved for books that will stay in one place , and should not be left in for long , as they could leave marks . The printable bookmarks should be printed on heavy paper , cardstock or photo paper , and laminated for durability and to protext the books from possible stains or chemicals from the printer ink . I have tried to avoid advertising bookmarks as much as possible . First the crafty stuff : A collection of links to crocheted bookmarks . In order to make crochet and knit bookmarks as thin as possible , use the finest thread and smallest hook / needles you can handle . Four lovely knitted bookmarks Melissa 's Knit Bookmarks . Another collection of knitted bookmarks . Make your own patchwork bookmark . The method can also be use to make gift tags or cards , in which case you use double - sided iron on adhesive and iron the design onto cardstock . Heather 's Friendship Bracelets . This is a huge collection of instructions on how to make friendship bracelets . So why is it in a collection of bookmark links ? Well , if you can crochet , knit and sew bookmarks , why not knot / weave them ? You can also use the instructions to make lovely cords for your bookmarks . Printable origami bookmarks . Printable folded bookmark . Cut - and - fold paper bookmarks Seminole Patchwork Bookmark . This is actually made from paper , but looks like Seminole patchwork . Magnetic Bookmarks . On a website for kids , but handy for anyone on the go with books . Creativity portal . Instructions and ideas on how to make your own bookmarks , plus several links to bookmark sites . If you want to make a cord and tassel for your bookmark , twist , knot or braid the cord , and add a tassel . Here s how to make it . This is getting a bit long . I ll continue next time with more links . 
How to make a simple origami bookmark . Here are some instructions on how to make a simple origami ( paper folding ) bookmark : Take a square of paper . It can be patterned origami paper , gift paper or even office paper , just as long as it s easy to fold . The square should not be much bigger than 10 cm / 4 inches across , unless you intend to use the mark for a big book . The images show what the paper should look like after you follow each step of the instructions . The two sides of the paper are shown in different colours to make things easier , and the edges and fold lines are shown as black lines . Fold the paper in half diagonally ( corner to corner ) , and then unfold . Repeat with the other two corners . This is to find the middle and to make the rest of the folding easier . If the paper is thick or stiff it can help to reverse the folds . Fold three of the corners in so that they meet in the middle . You now have a piece of paper resembling an open envelope . For the next two steps , ignore the flap . Fold the square diagonally in two . You now have a folded triangle with a triangular flap coming out of it . Fold the triangle in half again across the middle . You now have a smaller folded triangle with a flap . Look at the end the flap is on . You will see two pockets inside the triangle . Tuck the flap into the one farther away and slide it in all the way . Crease to secure . You now have a book - corner protector or a corner bookmark . Just slide onto the corners of pages . The bookmark is thick and a bit heavy , and will hold better if you stick the corners of several pages into it rather than just one . Apologies if the design is copyrighted - I was taught it by a friend and have no idea where she learned it . 
Bookmarks . After the book came along , the bookmark was an inevitable invention , and is probably as or almost as old as bound books . I don t know how the ancients who wrote on scrolls remembered their place , but surely they had some equivalent of the bookmark . Many older , bound books , and some new quality editions have a built - in bookmark , a fabric ribbon that is sewn or glued into the binding . Very handy and not likely to get lost even if it falls out between the pages . Like bookplates , bookmarks are a collector s item , and while some collectors use their bookmarks , others just collect them . You can get them in most bookshops and many souvenir shops . Some are plastic or laminated and will last for ages , while others are made from thick paper and will age along with your books . For some , the joy is in making and owning or giving one - of - a - kind bookmarks , for others , it s having as many different ones as possible . Some prefer to use impromptu bookmarks . I have found several such improvised bookmarks ( along with bookmarks designed for the purpose ) inside second - hand books . The most common ones I have found in this way are receipts and airplane boarding passes , but I have also found banknotes , stamps , postcards and post - its , and numerous pieces of paper , often with notes or drawings on them . I lost my I. D . card in a book when I was about 13 and didn t find it again for several years . I prefer made - for - the - purpose bookmarks , but will use whatever comes handy if I haven t got a bookmark . I have a couple of durable plastic ones , one of which is my favourite a picture from Saint Exup ry s classic The Little Prince . I also have some extra long ones I made out of an old calendar , and one made of papyrus , a souvenir my aunt brought me from Egypt . Most of my bookmarks , however , are promotional ones from bookshops or libraries . Both the National Library and the Reykjav k City Library regularly change their bookmarks , and while a good number of them are promotional , some of them contain artwork as well . I have a few National Library bookmarks that commemorate exhibitions at the library or the birthday of a famous author , and from the City Library I have a series of bookmarks depicting the Icelandic Yule lads , and another series where a picture was divided into four parts and you got one quarter of the picture per month until you had the whole thing . I have a couple of very nice ones from both libraries commemorating the anniversary of H . C . Andersen that I want to laminate for durability . Next post : Learn to make an origami bookmark . Questions for my guests : Do you have a favourite bookmark ? What interesting or unusual bookmarks ( or other items ) have you found inside second - hand books ? 
Ex libris . I love books . Anyone who visits this blog can see that . But this is not about books . Rather , I would like to discuss book paraphernalia , namely two items that were created for the ease of book owners and readers : ex libris and bookmarks . Today it s ex libris . Ex libris is a Latin phrase meaning , literally from books , but over time it has become a fancy name for bookplates or book labels because it is a common inscription on bookplates , there used to mean from the library / books of .... When books were rare and expensive commodities , their owners would declare their ownership by pasting an ex libris on the inside of the cover . These early bookplates would be specially designed for that owner alone . Typically , the bookplate would include the owner s name , plus a crest or even a full coat of arms and a motto , and sometimes an admonition to potential thieves , books being precious and valued property . Bookplates developed over time and heraldic content became rarer and was often replaced by symbolic designs . Death s heads are common on old bookplates , denoting the brevity of life and the inevitability of death , owls appear as symbols of wisdom and education , and so on . Sometimes the symbols would be personal and sometimes they would simply be small works of art with no special symbolic meaning . Some book owners would own several different designs of bookplates , perhaps changing the design periodically or using different designs for different genres of books . Over time , ex libris design became quite an art form , and many famous artists and illustrators have designed bookplates , usually commissioned by book and art lovers . In this age of cheap paperbacks , book plates have fallen out of fashion . It feels rather ridiculous to put a fancy label in a book that is not going to last long , and so the number of bookplate users is today only a small fraction of what it was when most books were hard - bound and long lasting . Many have come to see them as snobbish as they are now mostly used by people who buy and collect hardcovers , or as pretentious relics of another age . They are , however , avidly collected . I think many ex libris are beautiful works of art and would not mind having them in my books , but I have also seen some that were not so beautiful , usually because they contained sexist , racist or just generally hateful designs . I would like to have bookplates in my hardcovers , but I still have not found a design I like . I will probably end up designing one myself , something simple that I will not easily grow tired of . Here are some links to websites that feature bookplates : American Society of Bookplate Collectors & Designers . Has some short articles , links and samples of bookplates . The Art of the Ex Libris . Has many examples of bookplates . Some printable bookplates , courtesy of Nick Bantock . Many bookplates for kids and teenagers , and a short article . More bookplates for kids , plus a couple of links to even more . 
The Bibliophile s reading report for 2005 . I finally found time to sit down and finish my reading report . In addition to the books reported here , I started but did not finish several books , and read chapters and parts of about 15 school and academic books ( required reading and research for assignments ) . Off we go : Total books read in 2005 : 282 Fiction : 202 , or 71,6 % Non - fiction : 80 , or 28,4 % Total no . of pages : 60355 Re - reads : 15 Library and loan books : 156 E - books : 50 Audio books : 8 Translated books : 14 Average number of stars per book ( out of a possible 5 ) : 3,6 Languages : Danish ( 2 ) , English ( 265 ) , Icelandic ( 14 ) Breakdown by genre : Crime , mystery and action : 86 , or 30,5 % Romance and chick - lit : 29 , or 10,3 % Fantasy and sci - fi , supernatural horror included : 28 , or 9,9 % Teen and children s literature : 22 , or 7,8 % Novels that defy genre classification ( also known as literature ) : 16 , or 5,7 % Books about books and reading : 12 , or 4,2 % Biographies , autobiographies and memoirs : 12 , or 4,2 % Travel : 11 , or 3,9 % Other : 66 , or 23,4 % I will publish a list of my most read authors of 2005 later this week . 
Just a quickie to let you know I ' m not dead ... I know I haven't blogged much lately , but I have been working on my yearly reading report . I also have several reviews in the works , including two about mystery authors . Until then , if you 're interested in the woes of being a graduate student , check out my other blog : Not about books . 
Bibliophile s reading resolution for 2006 . I m not much for making new year s resolutions in general ( hence the try to ) , but here are my reading resolutions for 2006:1 . I will try to read more of my own books and fewer library books .2 . I will try not to buy any more books until I have cleared some space in my TBR bookcase .3 . I will try to read more Icelandic books this year .4 . I will get rid of books I do not intend to read again , ASAP . 
Book to movie review : Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire . ( I only review movies that are based on books , and I do not review them as independent works , but as inter - semiotic translations , interpretations or adaptations of books . Therefore a perfectly good movie ( when seen independently of the book ) may get a negative review for not being a good adaptation . Note that a good translation / interpretation / adaptation does not necessarily mean scrupulously exact . The two genres are to a certain extent incompatible and therefore a movie adaptation can never be completely true to the book . ) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is a visually great movie , full of action , and the young actors have come a long way from the first movie . The previous three Harry Potter movies could be watched and enjoyed by people who had not read the books , but this movie zooms along at such a great speed that an audience member who has not read the book has a hard time figuring it all out ( this has been confirmed by several people ) , so fast does it flick from one scene to another , almost like a two and a half hour trailer for a longer movie . Having seen the other movies but not read the books would help a bit , especially with the back - story , specifically the pre - existing relationships between the characters , which are so sketchily shown in this installation in the series that the depth of reference is lost unless you have knowledge of the prequels , and no - one who has neither read the third book nor seen the movie would be able to figure out the business with Sirius Black , which shows that the film - makers know that they already have an audience that knows the stories , and made this movie for them and not for new audiences . It has been necessary to cut out large chunks of the book , simply in order to make the movie an acceptable length . This keeps those members of the audience who have read the book filling in the gaps and supplying missing scenes in their minds as they watch . For the most part the film - makers have made good decisions as to what to keep and what to discard , and in spite of the missing chunks of story , the movie does manage to preserve the spirit of the book , always a good thing when having to please readers . As a pair , I think book and movie complement each other , the book filling in the exposition and missing scenes in the movie and the movie helping readers to visualise the scenes from the book . If you plan to see the movie , be sure you have at least seen the last movie and preferably read the book . You will be doing yourself a favour . 
Bibliophile and audio books . I have long held a prejudice against certain audio books . Not for the common reason that listening to books is cheating I grew up listening to the daily reading of books on Icelandic Channel 1 radio , and loved it . No , it s because so many of them are abridged , or worse , retold . Imagine taking Jane Austen s famous opening line of Pride and Prejudice ( one of the most recognised in English literature ) : It is a truth universally acknowledged , that a single man in possession of a good fortune , must be in want of a wife , and changing it to something like : It is a well known fact that a single , rich man needs a wife . I can t remember the exact wording of the mangling , but this invented example is quite as bad as the one I met with on starting to listen to what turned out to be a retelling of P & P ( nowhere did it say so on the packaging ) . Needless to say , I returned the tapes to the library without bothering to listen to any more . In spite of my aversion to abridged books , I can listen to abridged audio versions of stories I know well and that are well abridged ( i . e . no obvious gaps in the story and missing characters or characters that suddenly pop up without explanation ) , because I can supply the missing parts in my mind , but with books I have not read before , I want an unabridged , unedited , unmangled version . And some books are just not easy to abridge well . When I do come across an unabridged audio book in the library , of a book I like or want to read , I jump at the chance to listen to it . I love to sit or lie cuddled up in by bed and read a book , but I also love to listen while I do the housekeeping or work at my craft projects . I sometimes put a DVD in the player or a video in the VCR and listen to my favourite movies while I wash the floors or cook a meal , but an audio book is even better . There are no visual cues to worry about it is all there in the reading , provided it is unabridged . I am currently listening to an unabridged audio version of The Lord of the Rings that I got at the library . It is a massive audio book : The Fe